Work Text:
The writing session ends early by 3RACHA standards, and Chan is proudly clapping Changbin and Jisung’s backs as they tidy their things off the coffee table by 3:45am. He tells them, good job, let's call it a night.
Changbin stands, stretching out the soreness from his neck after being hunched over typing verses. Jisung presses the heel of his palm to his eyes, dry and a bit red from staring too long at the screen. Chan is faring similarly, feeling the physical toll from their long session. His brain, however, was still running high on that flow state adrenaline. He wrangled the other two into the living room to work after dinner. They quickly followed his stride, churning out lyric after lyric in a state of zealous frenzy—the kind that comes about when the trio feeds off each others’ genius and energy. Eventually, Chan, ever the considerate leader, noticed when they were starting to lose steam and made the executive decision to let them rest before they crashed.
As they clear the table, Hyunjin appears at the doorway of his room. He’s wrapped snug in his comforter with his hair up in a pink hairband. There’s a faint Christmas tune coming from behind him.
“All done?” Hyunjin asks, procuring a bag of chips from the folds of his comforter and reaching in for a piece.
Two out of 3RACHA respond in weary gestures and grunts, except Jisung, who somehow perks up instantaneously.
“Honey! We got so much done, this next album’s gonna go so hard!” Jisung beams, slapping the cover of his closed laptop in excitement. Everyone laughs at his antics.
“Tell me all about it?” Hyunjin gestures back to his room. His smile is even, but the implication is there. It’s an invitation that sends Jisung scrambling to his feet, haphazardly picking up his laptop.
“Oh man, the concept is wild. The lyrics? Spicy. 3RACHA? Done it again. You and the rest of the team are going to love it,” Jisung punctuates the end of his declaration with a chef’s kiss.
Hyunjin giggles and offers a chip to Jisung, who eats it off his fingers. He slings an arm over Jisung’s shoulder, ushering him into the bedroom. Jisung chatters away about the details, but Hyunjin peeks over to the two left behind.
“Good night, hyungs,” he says with a nod.
“G’night, Hyunjin,” Chan replies for both himself and Changbin, who’s caught up in a big yawn.
The lock to Hyunjin’s room clicks. Chan and Changbin share a knowing glance and a cheeky grin at each other.
“Thank god Jisung’s room is between us in case they get loud.” Changbin waggles his brows suggestively.
Chan could only pinch the bridge of his nose and laugh.
“Anyway, I’m turning in. What about you, hyung?” Changbin eyes Chan’s still open laptop.
“Hmm, still have a couple of things I want to work on. I’ll stay up a bit longer,” Chan muses.
He’s used to it but Changbin still can’t help but show his concern. “Alright,” he says. “Just don’t push yourself too much, you might get a nosebleed.” He adds with a friendly punch to Chan’s shoulder.
When Changbin leaves, the living room is significantly quieter. Only the sound of his keyboard, the gentle hum of the heater, and the occasional noise from Hyunjin’s room accompanies Chan as he powers through some finishing touches to the lyrics he’s writing.
The time reads 5:10am. when Chan feels like he’s done enough. He puts his things away and washes up in the bathroom before flopping down on his bed. The room is dark, the only light source coming from the cityscape trickling in from the gaps in the blinds. Chan looks around hoping to find himself back in the familiar space he used to share with Changbin and Felix despite knowing he’ll only be met by his closet door, a neat desk, and bare walls. Still, his mind is wide awake, a million thoughts circling and circling but he keeps coming back to one.
Chan remembers the times he used to stumble into the old room around the same time as now, worn down from hours at the studio.
“Hi hyung,” a soft voice, pleasantly sleepy this early would say. “Long day?”
Felix, Chan suspects, has the uncanny ability to know just when Chan could use a little pick-me-up.
His guard lowered by his sheer exhaustion coupled with his yearning for a comforting presence, Chan would allow himself to be a little selfish. Either crawling into the warmth of Felix’s bed or inviting him over on his bunk.
“Looooong, long day, ‘Lix,” Chan’d say with his head buried in the crook of Felix’s neck.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Some days he did, others he didn’t. But no matter what, Felix would stay by Chan’s side until they’d both fall asleep.
There’s a pang of regret in Chan’s chest as thoughts form in his head. He shouldn’t have taken those moments for granted. Well, he didn’t, but he still feels like he should’ve cherished them more. Should’ve been more present. Now Felix is another apartment away and Chan will come home to an empty room every night and do his best to doze off on his own. It settles heavily on his chest.
There’s no real remedy to how he’s feeling. It is what it is, so he opens up his phone and starts typing a vague message to fire off into bubble, something under the guise of missing Stays (which is true but let’s be real here, Chan can’t resist the urge to pick Felix over Stay. Felix over anyone, really).
Before he can hit send, a notification pops up on his phone.
Felix posted on bubble.
Thumbing the notification open, Chan reads the message:
211215 [💭] 5:54am KST
i’m cold, wish u were in my arms
miss u stay ㅠㅠ
Chan blinks at the light of his phone screen and rereads the message again. Huh.
He switches apps.
Chan: why are u up lixie lol
Felix: oh i just woke up
Chan: ah i was about to say damn go to bed looool
Felix: /YOU/ go to bed channie hyung
Chan: im in bed dw just cant sleep :^(
Felix: insomnia again?
Chan: yeah
and i miss u
Felix: 😳
i miss u too… actually i woke up and that was my first thought
Chan: o
Felix: 👀
Chan: wanna come over
Felix: yes
From across the apartment, an agonized yelp from Jisung rings out followed by a loud thud that makes Chan almost drop his phone on his face.
“Hyunjin what the fuck?!” Jisung yells. “That hurt! Why’d you bite my ass?”
Laughter and a muffled voice (definitely Hyunjin) responds with something along the lines of “well you shouldn’t shake that juicy thing in front of me and expect me to not take a bite.”
A smack and another yelp from Jisung.
“For the love of— SHUT UP, I’m trying to sleep!” Changbin whines from his room and Chan hears a pillow being thrown against the wall.
He considers the circumstances briefly before firing off a text to Felix.
Chan: wait wait wait nvm i’ll come over to your place
Felix: ???? ok? lol
No more than a couple of minutes later, Chan manages to find himself out in the hallway clad in a hastily put-on black hoodie. It’s around 6am now and he figured he’d have to explain himself if anyone from the group or one of their neighbors caught him out there topless in only his sleep shorts and not even slippers on. Chan busies himself with his phone, waiting.
The door opens soon enough and Felix’s blonde head pops out, scanning their surroundings and wordlessly pulling Chan into the apartment.
“Seungmin’s awake,” Felix explains in a hushed voice, gesturing for Chan to stay silent as he guides him to his room. “He’s in the bathroom,” adds Felix.
Chan nods and doesn’t say anything until they’re both in Felix’s room with the lock safely clicked in place.
“Sorry for barging in like this. Literally everyone in the other apartment is still awake. Changbin’s probably sleeping any time now… but Hyunjin and Jisung… you know how they are and how they’ll get if they catch us.” Chan sheepishly apologizes.
Felix rolls his eyes but there’s humor in the way the corner of his lips curl up into a smile. “As if they aren’t fooling around themselves,” he says, stepping forward to close the gap between him and Chan. He fiddles with the drawstrings on Chan’s hoodie, largely avoiding eye contact. “But yeah, you’ll never hear the end of it, they’ll roast you more than they already do.”
“Just me? What about you?” Chan asks, laughter in his voice.
“They love me, I’m their baby. Besides, you’re always more fun to tease.” Felix tugs at the strings, pulling Chan closer so they’re almost nose-to-nose, a mere breath away from each other.
“Fair enough.” Chan surrenders before drawing their bodies flush against each other. He lets his head fall wearily on Felix’s shoulder. “You’re warm.”
“Alright, let’s get you to bed, hyung.”
They settle into Felix’s covers with familiar ease and Chan immediately feels himself less wound up than earlier. Still, he doesn’t feel like he’s anywhere near drowsiness, eager instead to make true on his promise to himself to cherish whatever time he can get with Felix. Chan traces the features of Felix’s face with deft fingers, tucking his bangs back for a clearer view. He navigates the freckles on his cheeks and on the bridge of his nose like a space explorer, wide-eyed in wonder at the marvels of the universe before him.
“How are you not tired?” Felix asks after several moments of silence. His eyelids droop and he struggles with stifling a yawn.
“I am… just lots on my mind, I guess.”
Felix frowns. “Worried?”
Chan shakes his head.
“Not entirely.” His thumb and gaze settle on Felix’s bottom lip. “I had a good writing session with Changbin and Jisung earlier. Got me pumped up and all.”
“But…?”
“But I guess I am also worried about some things, as usual. Just the normal stuff that comes with a new project. Like, are we improving? Evolving? And if we are, are we going in a direction that’ll get us to the top or am I dragging us back down to square one.” Chan vents, rambling off the previously unvoiced concerns taking up space in his head.
Felix is quiet for a while, deep in thought. Chan can’t help but appreciate the way Felix takes his time and allows space for carefully considering Chan’s words. Never one to shoot off hollow words or empty platitudes, a huge part of Felix’s charm is his sincerity and sensitivity to the people around him. It’s gotten Chan through a lot the last couple of years and he knows that without Felix, he’d be in a much worse shape.
“I notice something about you,” Felix begins, his eyes still off in a distant place searching for words.
“What’s that?” Chan nuzzles closer.
“When we achieve things, win awards or break records and all that, you always thank the members and Stays,” Felix begins. “Our success is a team effort.”
Chan nods but isn’t quite sure where Felix was heading with this.
“But when we fall short or make mistakes, you put the blame all on yourself. Like, correct me if I’m wrong but… do you feel solely responsible for when things don’t go right?” Felix fixes his gaze firmly on Chan.
“Well, I mean as the leader I gotta take responsibility, y’know?” Chan shrugs. “It’s my job to be on top of things and if shit happens then it’d be because I didn’t put in enough effort or enough preparation.” His tone is casual but Felix recognizes the tinge of sadness behind it all.
“We’re a team, Chris,” he gently reminds him.
“I know, I know. I don’t know why but I can’t avoid thinking like this sometimes.” Chan sighs in resignation.
“I get it.” Felix smiles softly before planting a kiss on Chan’s forehead. “These thoughts come but these thoughts will also go. Let’s not hold on to them as facts, yeah? Because win or lose, we’re a team, no one has to shoulder the blame by themselves. We’re all here to share.”
A warm, tender feeling becomes stronger in Chan’s chest, fed by the sun that is Felix. If he could, he would cling on to him tighter, hold on to him to light his worries away.
“Lixie… I love you, you know that?” Chan says, committing to memory the sensation of having Felix in his arms like this.
“You only tell me like… every single day,” Felix reminds him. “But I’m not opposed to hearing it more either, especially since you live so far away now.” He bumps his nose against Chan’s. “I love you too and so so much.”
“Okay, then I’ll say it again. Felix, I love you,” Chan punctuates by planting a quick kiss on Felix’s lips. “Loveyaloveyaloveya,” he says in quick succession with more kisses in between.
“I take that you’re feeling better now?” Felix asks, fending off another barrage of kisses. “Time for bed, Chris,” he says with a laugh.
“Hmm. Don’t think so. Maybe after a couple more kisses,” Chan playfully says sing-song. “I wanna take as much as I can get for the road.”
“Our apartments are right beside each other, you can come over any time for this,” Felix says with mock exasperation. “Chris.” A kiss. “Please, let’s sleep.” Another kiss.
“Nah, everyone’s gonna catch on that I’m always coming over. I gotta make this count.”
“Then,” Felix suddenly sits up to take his shirt off, haphazardly throwing it aside on the floor somewhere. He shifts to straddle Chan and runs his hand under his hoodie, riding the fabric up. “Let’s do something that’ll really burn into your memory for a long time.”
Chan’s eyes grow wide before enthusiastically letting Felix help him out of his clothes.
“Yes, please.”
The sun is high up in the sky by the time Felix stirs awake. Chan is absolutely knocked out beside him, deep in blissful slumber. Briefly, Felix considers his discarded shirt on the floor but opts to shrug on Chan’s hoodie instead. It was closer and easier to grab in his defense.
It’s a quarter past 1pm on a Saturday and Felix figures the apartment would be deserted given that it’s one of the group’s rare days off. The members are probably out somewhere making the most out of it, maybe even visiting family. Smiling to himself, he plans out how he’ll spend the rest of the day. Make food and surprise Chan with fresh cookies when he wakes up. Probably watch a movie or continue cuddling in bed. Maybe Chan would want a round or two of Uno?
What Felix didn’t expect stepping out of his room and into the kitchen was to see all the members gathered around the dining table. By all members, it includes the residents of the other apartment. Changbin, Hyunjin, and Jisung are there.
“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Seungmin greets him.
“Nice hoodie, could’ve sworn I saw that on Chan hyung last night,” Changbin teases.
“Got busy, huh? We could hear you over breakfast,” Minho adds, gesturing over to Jeongin who, up until being addressed, would not make eye contact with Felix. Poor kid’s ears were red.
Felix groans and buries his face with sweater paws.
“So much for being discreet, huh Chris,” Felix mumbles into his hands as the members burst out in hoots and hollers. Behind him, Chan snores peacefully, sleeping deeply for the first time in a while.