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“God damn” Joseph said, sinking into the living room couch. “I could really go for some frozen-“
“NO” Caesar yelled, slapping Joseph and accidentally spilling some of his bubble soap all over the man because he keeps it in his gloves like an idiot. “I’ve had it up to here with Frozen. I didn’t say anything when you bought that dumb life-sized Olaf plush. I didn’t say anything when you forced me to dress up as Elsa and reenact the ‘Let it Go’ scene. But THIS? This is the final straw.” His head feathers shot up in rage.
Joseph tilted his head. “No man, frozen yogurt. I just wanted some frozen yogurt.” He began to tear up, weeping openly into his fingerless gloves. “Plus you looked hot as fuck in that dress” he whispered inaudibly.
Caesar gasped, “Oh, JoJo, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have-“, wrapping his arms around the crying man and shooshing him. Joseph continued to sob.
“Okay, okay, we can go get some frozen yogurt,” sighed Caesar, feeling bad about snapping like that.
Joseph perked up immediately. “NICEU~”
—
“Fuck yeah, frozen yogurt, hell yeah, alright, hell fuckin’ yeah, love me some froyo, hell yeah~” Joseph sang, if off-tune yelling was considered singing. Caesar grimaced, hands gripping the steering wheel. He would rather be gripping Joseph’s neck and telling him to shut up.
“Put on your seatbelt, JoJo, car safety is important”, said the Caesar Salad.
Suddenly Kars appeared out of nowhere, spreading his dumb bird wings and making bird noises.
“Did someone say… KARS?”
Joseph opened the sunroof and swatted at Kars. “No, Kars-kun, we were talking about actual cars.”
“I am the actual Kars,” he cried, his huge bara body perched on top of the vehicle like a sexy pinup girl in one of those calendars.
“Hey look, the Red Stone of Aja,” Caesar said, pointing in the distance.
“Where!?” Kars yelled and flew off. Goodbye Kars.
There was a moment of silence.
Joseph coughed.
“…Anyways, where was I?”
He continued singing his frozen yogurt song until they reached the chilled cow product establishment.
—
They pulled into the parking lot and Caesar opened the door for Joseph, since his side had a child lock on it due to… previous incidents.
Joseph approached the door, accidentally swinging it open so hard that it ricocheted off the wall and hit Caesar in the forehead.
Joseph was so busy grabbing a cup for his FroYo that he didn’t notice. Caesar followed, about to pick up his own cup, when Joseph quickly handed him one, smiling.
Caesar filled up his cup with plain vanilla flavor and added a topping of fresh strawberries. The entire time he complained that he’d rather be having gelato and muttered some light profanities in Italian.
Joseph, on the other hand, went fucking nuts, sampling every flavor until the clerk got tired of handing Joseph new sample cups and eventually told him to either actually buy something or get out.
He complied, settling on a mix of Rocky Road and Peanut Butter with hot fudge and Oreo bits. “Hmm, not enough,” he thought, piling on more and more frozen yogurt until it stood twice the height of the cup. Caesar scooted over to him and whispered, “You know they charge you based on weight, right? That behemoth is going to cost more than a night with the prettiest signorina in all of Italy. And I’m not maxing out our credit card on junk food AGAIN.”
Joseph waved his hand. “Relax, I have a plan.”
He inhaled, hamon flowing through his fingertips and into the yogurt. He administered just enough so that the yogurt was hovering slightly above the bottom of the cup, floating with the power of hamon. “Now it won’t weigh anything on the scale, see?” He grinned.
—
The pair walked out with their scandalously cheap frozen yogurt, and they sat outdoors. Joseph brandished his plastic spoon.
“DELICIOUS FROZEN OVERDRIVE!” he yelled, consuming it all in one fell swoop.
Caesar looked at his boyfriend fondly. Although JoJo might be an idiot sometimes, or maybe most of the time, it was really quite endearing. He picked at his food in comfortable silence, watching Joseph attempt to lick every last drop of his frozen yogurt from the cup. Caesar leaned over and gave Joseph a quick peck on the cheek. “Next time, you have to be Elsa.”