Chapter Text
Red .
Splattered across Buck’s face.
Red .
Pooling on the asphalt beneath him.
Red. Red. Red.
If he could just reach him…maybe he would be ok.
Pain .
Shooting through his shoulder.
Pain .
Is Buck hurt too?
Pain. Pain. Pain.
“We’re so close, I just…I need you to hang on.”
***
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Eddie opens his eyes. Machines. An IV in his hand. And Ana.
He feels…disappointed. This…this isn’t right. But why?
Eddie drifts back to sleep.
Beep. Beep. Beep .
Eddie opens his eyes.
“Hey. There you are. I’ll get the nurse.”
“I need…,” he croaks.
“Oh let me get you some water.”
He sips some water through a straw, feeling a bit of relief in his throat.
“Chris? Buck?”
“Buck is staying with Christopher, taking care of him.”
“He’s…not hurt?”
“Oh, no, no. He’s fine.”
Fine? But he was…covered in red. How?
“I’ll call him,” Ana says.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Buck is running down the hallway. Then he’s there. No more red, just a blinding smile.
Relief .
“Hey, Buck.”
Relief .
“You don’t have anything to worry about. Buck and I have it under control.”
Relief. Relief. Relief.
“You were there for him when I couldn’t be. That’s what matters.”
Grief .
“I think it might have been better for him if I was the one who got shot.”
Grief .
Buck was hurt too. He was sure of it.
Grief. Grief. Grief.
Christopher almost lost two more parents.
Hope .
Buck needs to know that he is valued.
Hope .
“It’s in my will, if I die, you become Christopher’s legal guardian.”
Hope. Hope. Hope.
“This is what I want for him.” This is what I want for us.
***
Panic .
“What does mom think?”
Panic .
Curly hair. White shirt. He sees red. Buck’s hurt too.
Panic. Panic. Panic .
“You could be dead next year!”
***
Red .
Shannon lying in the street.
Red .
Covering Buck’s face.
Red. Red. Red.
Covering his hands. All around him.
Eddie wakes with a start, gasping for air. He throws himself out of bed, paces his room for a minute then goes to the kitchen to get a drink of water.
He’s home. He’s safe.
Eddie sits on the couch. He doesn’t know how long.
Click .
The front door opens.
“Eddie?”
Eddie shakes his head, his eyes finally focus on Buck. “Buck, what…what are you doing here?”
“I broke up with Taylor tonight, and I didn’t want to be alone.”
“Oh, ok.”
“Eddie, what’s going on? Why aren’t you in bed asleep?”
“I, uh, I can’t. I’ve been…um, having a hard time….with sleep.”
“I can understand that. Are you ok?” Buck crouches down in front of Eddie.
Eddie looks down at him, finally meeting his eyes. “No, I don’t think I am,” he chokes out.
Buck pulls Eddie into a hug. “I’ve got you, Eddie. I’ve got you.”
Buck just holds him while Eddie sobs into his shoulder.
A few minutes later Eddie says, “You said that. When you saved me, you said that.”
Eddie feels Buck’s tears falling on his shoulder. “I’m here Eddie. I’m sorry…I should have been here more to help you. I just…”
“This isn’t your fault Buck. I’m not ok. I’m broken and terrified. I don’t know what to do. I keep trying to move on, just put one foot in front of the other, but I can’t breathe. I can’t…I’m so fucked up, and I need to be ok for Chris, but I’m not.”
“You don’t have to do this alone anymore. I’m here now. I’ll do anything for you and Chris. I’ll take care of you both.”
“I can’t ask you to do that, Buck.”
“Eddie you already did. You made me Chris’s guardian in case of emergency. And even if you hadn’t, I would still want to be here. I would still want to help you.”
“I think…maybe I need that. I need help, Buck.”
“Do you want to talk about it? I haven’t brought it up because I thought you didn’t want me to.”
“I didn’t, but I think we need to. Because you were there. You saved me Buck. And then you came here and you took care of my son. And I can’t…”
“Eddie, you are my best friend. I don’t…don’t know what I would do without you. I was terrified that you were going to die. Let me help you now too, Eddie.”
“Ok,” Eddie replies. “I’m so tired, Buck.”
“Do you want to try to sleep? You can just lay down right here.”
“Is that…are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
Eddie lays down with his head on a pillow on Buck’s lap. Buck cards his finds through Eddie’s hair and whispers, “It’s ok. Go to sleep. I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re not alone in this any more.”
Tears fall down Eddie’s face, but he closes his eyes and falls asleep with a hand clutching Buck’s knee.