Work Text:
Jinx thought that what happened at the bridge would be helpful.
It wasn't. The explosion (too close, too close, Silco says to not set them off so close) made her ears ring ring ring until all she could hear was her own agony under Singed and the voices in her head wouldn't stop-
So she’d screamed , screamed wordless and nameless, because if she is loud then she can drown out everything else, because if she is all she can hear then that means she wins. She had thrown bomb after bomb after bomb until she'd depleted everything but half of her emergency supply because boom boom boom makes the voices and screeching and reminders go away , forces them down and down until she can think , until she can stand over them and say no, I'm here, I'm okay, I'm Jinx jinx jinx- until she can remember Jinx is a choice, Jinx is her choice just like Silco always says, Jinx is shattering the glass before anyone else can see the cracks-
But the bombs had run out and she hadn't had anymore breath to shout with and she hadn’t been in control of herself, hadn’t been able to control anything just like always, and now she’s here, now it’s family dinner -
She is Jinx and jinx and jinxes jinxes jinxes and Vi is wheezing through bloody breaths and shaking against the chair she’s tied to. From far away, Jinx recognizes the pain when her gun slams into her thigh when she drops it. Jinx jinxes just like always, just like Vander Claggor Mylo everyone she has ever cared about. Just like Vi.
“N-no,” someone says quietly. She only registers it as her own voice when it keeps going, when it keeps going no no no nO NO NO N O N O until her voice rasps in her throat, aches from the screams.
Three bullet holes, right in her chest. Jinx is a good shot. She’s always been a good shot, and pure blind desperate panic cannot eliminate that. Two inches to the left of her heart. Two inches below. Dead center. There’s not even enough air left in her lungs to get any final words out. The last things she says are reminders of monsters who have been haunting Jinx for years. She doesn’t know. Does she? Does she? She must. She must, because the words hurt Jinx so much, and she’s not good at hiding that, so Vi must have seen. And Vi had always said, when they were little, she’d never hurt her, never hurt her not ever. But she had. She had hit her and left and left and left, and she is saying these things now.
So mom and dad and mylo claggor vander me powder powder powder powder powder is a knife digging deep into soft flesh, twisting and turning until she is mangled beyond all recognition, and Vi must know that, right?
Vi is dead.
Dying, maybe. She won’t last more than another few seconds. She can’t speak.
Jinx jinxed her, just like always.
An odd sound, distantly. Hysterical giggle, choked on heaving sobs, breath panting. Is that one her, too?
“It was- it was a mistake.”
M. I. S. T. A. K. E.
Vi’s dead.
Vi’s dead, and she left her a decade ago and never came back until she needed that stupid orb, only ever came back with the enemy, with who they spent every second of their life hating before that, all soft looks and nicknames. Vi wouldn’t hurt the enforcer, when Jinx asked. Even if Jinx wasn’t really serious (was she? Was she was she was she?) Vi hadn’t hurt her, hadn’t even considered it.
Silco would burn whoever she requested with no questions asked. He would.
“I didn’t mean to, I didn’t, I’m- I’m-”
mistake mistake mistake mistake mistake mistake mistake-
She’s her sister. Jinx hadn’t wanted to hurt her. She hadn’t. Maybe she wouldn’t have wanted to go back to how they were, because they couldn’t, Jinx knows that, doesn’t want to give up everything she’s done, gained, the past years. But she hadn’t wanted to kill her. She doesn’t think she wanted to.
Hands.
There are hands gripping hers tight, and the only reason she doesn’t immediately shoot holes through them is because the hold on her is too tight to pull away from when she tries.
Vi is dead dead dead dead, so who is-
There is blood under her nails and her arms are trembling and Silco is crouched in front of her and not letting go.
“What have we said about hurting yourself?” he murmurs, voice low and quiet. He is relentless as he stares into her eyes, forces her to focus, gives her no other choice until she can be aware of something, anything.
“Not to,” Jinx chokes out on autopilot, and doesn’t even realize until it resets her too quick too short too shallow breathing.
Silco nods in approval. He slowly, carefully retrieves his hands from her own, lets go only when she makes no moves to pull away. He tugs the strap digging into her shoulder away, sets the gun to the side, just out of her arm’s reach. Her only other one is still on the table in front of his now-empty seat.
“I killed her,” she says.
“Yes,” Silco says.
Her gaze drifts behind Silco, to the still form of what was formerly her sister. She had… She had just been hurting her. She had been hurting her, and Jinx is supposed to get rid of what hurts her, she’s supposed to make them go away-
But that’s only things that aren’t real, right? Vi was real. Vi was real, she was just… Jinx just got confused. It was a mistake.
It was a mistake.
Silco tilts her head back to him, and he gives a brief look over the scratch marks burning against her throat. He doesn’t say anything, so Jinx assumes they’re not bad enough to worry about. “Listen to me, Jinx,” he says calmly, evenly. Collected and sure, just like always. Always able to pull her back in when nothing and no one else can. He guides her back down to ground, now, too. “It’s alright.”
“But I killed her.”
“You did the right thing.”
“...I killed her.”
“Yes.” A thumb wipes away a tear she wasn’t aware had escaped. “Just as I killed Vander. You did the right thing.”
“But Vander-” left you. Abandoned you. Hurt you. But Vi did all of those things too, didn’t she? Vi had hit her after i’ll never hurt you, i promise, powder and then had left for years and then had come back but not for her. Had left again, abandoned her on the bridge to fight and then again after her bomb went off, Silco had said. She had hurt her, now. With words alone.
Jinx is so weak to words. She can take hits and burns and threats and explosions and and and, but words, real or not, from the family of her past and she collapses under the strain.
Silco just nods, like he could follow everything Jinx just thought. “I’m proud of you,” he tells her quietly, firmly. Jinx takes in a breath.
Shatter the glass. Throw it against a wall, strip it of any weak spots and get rid of the cracks to exploit by destroying it beyond all repair. Powder is dead dead dead, because Vi had always been the only thing keeping her alive, and Vi is dead now too, isn’t she?
Just Jinx.