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“so what’s it like watching your lover fall in love with someone else?”
it starts slow. it starts small.
it starts with the way childe spends upwards of five minutes gushing about the tea that zhongli made for him the other day, and how tasty it was. how it was nothing like any other tea he had consumed. you were happy he had found a friend here in liyue, given his status in the fatui.
it continues with him spending twenty minutes trying to find the perfect tea leaves to give to him as thanks for being such a good friend. you question why he’s spending so much time on it, it’s just tea leaves, right? it’s not like that time you spent two hours in your snezhnayan village, perusing the stalls of your local market trying to find the perfect birthday present for childe. what’s so special about these tea leaves?
“do you think he’d like these madame? i know he resonates with his vision a lot, and these seem to have an earthy undertone, will not being too overpowering. zhongli xiansheng would like that right?”
since when did he learn so much about tea leaves?
•••••
it proceeds with denial. it proceeds with questioning.
it proceeds with him spending more mornings having breakfast with him instead of you. that’s okay though, right? just because you guys are in love doesn’t mean you have to spend every waking moment with each other. sure, you wish he would at least let you know when he was going out to eat with him instead of you, but hey, he doesn’t have to tell you where he is at all times, right?
i mean it’s not like there’s anything to be concerned about. it’s just breakfast with a friend. and you’re happy he has a friend he feels comfortable enough with to go out and actually spend time with outside of work.
it only becomes disheartening when you go out one morning in search of him. you guys were supposed to go grab breakfast before he had to go to work, but when you woke up he was nowhere to be found. it isn’t until you come across one of the local eateries that you two frequent on a weekly basis that you find him.
he’s leaning back in his chair, laughing loud enough to catch the attention of passerby. his face is cracked into a wide smile, eyes shining with delight as he listens to one of zhongli’s stories that you will most likely hear later from childe. his hand is on zhongli’s knee, head finally tipping forward to add onto his story.
when he sees you across the square, he quickly removes his hand from zhongli’s knee, leaning back into his seat. his smile dims, and your stomach twists as his expression reverts into dimmed enthusiasm.
“hey! so sorry about breakfast this morning, i forgot i promised zhongli the other day that i’d go grab food with him today. can we reschedule?”
since when did he start forgetting about your promises to fulfill another’s?
•••••
it ends with the realization. it ends with pure, heart wrenching pain.
it ends with coming home to him in your bed, with zhongli’s cock stuffed down to his throat. neither of them see you when you walk in, and neither of them see you when you walk out. you think it’s better that way, because at least they can’t see the silent tears that run down your face.
you can’t even be angry. you had your suspicions, you only ignored them. you loved childe. you still do, right? and as long as he’s happy, that’s all that matters, right?
so why does it hurt so bad? why does it feel like every breath you take is like razor blades dragging down the length of your esophagus? why does it feel like there’s a twelve ton boulder crushing your chest until you can’t breathe?
if you love him, it shouldn’t hurt. but it does. it does hurt. it hurts when you can’t go to your own home that night, and have to crash at a local inn. it hurts when you have to pack and take all of your stuff out of your shared apartment while he’s at work, because god forbid you run into him, you may just fall apart completely. it hurts when you don’t even see him until a week later, trying to handle an ornate gold and black pair of chopsticks that he obviously got from zhongli.
“hey! where have you been? and where’s all your stuff by the way? i meant to ask earlier!”
doesn’t he know? how can he not know?
“do you know what it’s like to watch your lover fall in love with someone else?”
his face drops, skin paling as you croak out your one and only question for him. he shakes his head furiously, excuse after apology after excuse tumbling out in a frenzy of words. he can barely keep up with his own words, and when you put your hand out for him to stop talking, his lips seal immediately. your grateful for that at least.
“it’s like holding onto a burning rope, knowing that the fire will eventually burn through it, but praying to every archon out there that some miracle will allow it to stay intact. you can feel the fire scorching your skin, climbing up your hand, twisting and blazing around your arm, and incinerating your heart. you watch as your body is decimated and covered in scars and burns that are irreparable beyond belief. it’s painful, but you hope that your prayers are answered because how could you let go of this rope that you care about so much? but miracles don’t exist, and since when have the archons ever listened to the lowly pleads of a commoner?”
you think that the look on his face is akin to that of grief and sympathy, but you know better than to let yourself think too much into it. you don’t bother waiting for a response as you step to the side and slide past him. you don’t even see zhongli standing a few feet behind you.
that’s what it’s like watching your lover fall in love with someone else.