Archive of Our Own

Sasha paced the length of her bedroom. Back and forth, back and forth.

For some inexplicable reason, Sasha couldn’t get a certain girl out of her mind.

No, there was an explanation. There was always an explanation. Sasha just simply had a crush on her best friend. 

No again, that was crazy talk. She did not have feelings for her best friend! Why in the world would she? Sure, Marcy was great, and amazing, and everytime they were together Sasha felt like she might explode because Marcy was just so cute ! But no, she did not have a crush on Marcy.

Sasha groaned, throwing herself down on her bed as she passed it. This little problem had been eating away at her for hours. The clock read 10:32. Four hours wasted with her little problem.

Sasha threw her arm over her face, groaning again. Her stomach made a noise of protest. She hadn’t eaten since lunch. 

“Fine, I’ll eat,” she grumbled to herself. She got up and opened her bedroom door, peeking out into the hall. It was dark. She didn’t know where her parents were. She took the stairs two at a time, down to the kitchen. She opened the fridge, pulling out a leftover container of mac and cheese and chucking it into the microwave.

“I have got to start eating better,” Sasha said as she took the now warm macaroni out of the microwave and grabbed a spoon from the drawer under it. It was hard when her parents ever went shopping, preferring to eat out and leave her to fend for herself. She walked into the living room, beelining for the couch, plopping down and beginning to eat. She stared at the blank TV mindlessly.

She just couldn’t stop thinking about Marcy. Her smile lit up rooms, her dedication to everything she did was incredible, her hair was so soft… Sasha shook her head. It was weird to think about what her best friend’s hair felt like.

Sasha's mind started wandering again.

The way Marcy felt at ease with Sasha, the way she let her guard down and the urge Sasha felt to protect her and take care of her. She was always worrying about something, and Sasha was one of the only people who could calm her down. Marcy had complete and total trust in Sasha. For some reason, this thought made Sasha feel weird. She felt like she had power over Marcy. Sasha three years ago might have loathed in that fact, but Sasha now hated it. No matter how much she worked on herself though, a small part of her somewhere liked it when Marcy was vulnerable with her, a part of her liked taking care of and comforting Marcy.

Sasha got up and set her spoon and empty container in the sink, deciding to call it a night early and head to bed. She changed into pajamas, having already showered earlier that night in an attempt to calm her racing mind. It hadn’t helped. Sasha turned her lamp off and crawled into bed.

Sasha fell asleep and dreamed of Marcy. She dreamed of going on a date to the park downtown with her. They had mint chocolate chip ice cream in their hands and were idly chatting about something to do with one of Marcy’s favorite video games. Their free hands were intertwined as they walked down a path through the wooded part of the park, just enjoying the summer afternoon.

Sasha was awoken from her lovely dream by a knock at her door.

She groaned, rubbing at her eyes and looking towards her old, beat-up clock. It was just past midnight. Who could be banging on her door at midnight? Maybe it was her dad, drunk and having forgotten his keys. Sasha blinked. No, she was at her mom’s. For a minute she thought she had imagined it, but then it sounded again.

Knock, knock, knock.

That was the same knocking pattern Marcy always announced her presence with. She was meticulous in the way she carried herself, down to how she knocked. The way the knocks were softer at first but then became harder and more desperate. Sasha had seen and heard it a million times. She crawled out of bed, hoping she was wrong and it was nothing and she could go back to bed. A part of her didn’t want to look Marcy in the eyes, a part of her needed to.

She walked down the stairs and made her way to the door. When she pulled it open, she was greeted by a disheveled Marcy standing on her doorstep. Her hair was down and messy, her shoes were haphazardly tied, and there were tear stains on her face.

“Marcy? What are you doing here at twelve in the morning?” she asked. She gently ushered Marcy inside. When she put her hand on the smaller girl’s shoulder she could feel her shaking.

“My parents were fighting. Needed to get out.” Marcy looked up at her with tears in her eyes, begging for comfort. Sasha didn’t need any other direction, wrapping her arms around Marcy and holding her close.

“It’s okay Mar Mar. I know you don’t like it when they fight, but you’re safe here. It’s just you and me. I’ve got you.” Sasha easily slipped into the role of protector. This had happened many, many times before. Marcy buried her face into Sasha’s chest and started to bawl as they stood in the small entryway of the house. Sasha pet her hair and held her, trying to comfort her the best she could.

Sasha looked down at the crying girl in her arms. She needed a distraction. Sasha took a deep breath. “Can I tell you a secret?” she asked. Marcy looked up, doe eyes shining with tears. 

“What is it?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed. Sasha was already blushing. 

“I had a dream. About you. And I think… I need to tell you this. I’m in love with you.” Sasha’s eyes widened as the words slipped past her lips. Well, she could have phrased it more delicately than that… Marcy froze. She looked up at Sasha with wide eyes.

“You-you have feelings for me?” Marcy asked, the words barely above a whisper.

Sasha gulped as a blush spread across her face.

“Ye-yeah. I guess I do.” Sasha rubbed a hand up and down Marcy's back, trying to keep her calm. Marcy’s eyes began to water. “No, Marce, please. Don’t cry, I’m sorry!”

Marcy cut her off. “I-I’m so happy to hear you say that! I’ve been trying to lie to myself about my feelings for weeks now…” Marcy leaned forward, resting her head against Sasha’s chest. Sasha smiled, nuzzling the top of her head. Marcy giggled, then yawned. 

“Do you want to go lay down?”

Marcy nodded and Sasha took a step back, grabbing her hands and leading her up the stairs. They laid down and Marcy rolled over into Sasha’s embrace.

“Does this mean we’re a thing now?” Marcy asked. Sasha hummed.

“If you want us to be, then I guess it does.” Sasha tightened her grip on her new girlfriend. 

“I do.” 

Sasha smiled. She leaned over and kissed Marcy’s forehead. 

“Then it’s settled. Girlfriends?” 

“Girlfriends.”