Chapter Text
It begins with dreams. Multiple repeating dreams.
At first, it was Spider-man in Berlin with Tony. Then fight in London where Misterio played the hero. He remembers the need to protect the kid because he... Kid? Where did this thought come from? The weird amalgamation of pictures and faces blurs before his eyes all night.
Every morning, Happy wakes up with a sense of confusion.
Then his thoughts always travel to May with a sense of dreadful grief. It feels deeper than expected as if he lost a whole family. Probably because of Tony. It is a peculiar feeling- as if he forgot about something important. Something that May would want him to do.
The pain doesn't seem to go away. She was too good to get caught in all this mess the way she did. And in his apartment. And with Spider-man.
What was he doing there? Happy had worked with him, yes- he helped him in Europe and whenever Tony demanded that of him. Iron-man liked Spider-man. But they weren’t that close. So why then Spidey had brought the dangerous guys to his apartment? And why May was with him. She helped him. She always loved Spider-man and he endangered her.
It was reckless. Spider-man always was like that. May trusted him and the hero was good. Happy knows him, he is aware that whatever happened with May wasn’t done on purpose. She would always do anything in her power to help him and Happy will continue doing just that, but he needs to talk to the guy. He wants to know more.
How did he usually contact him? He always seemed to know where the Spidey would be.
Stark tech must have helped him. But why can't he remember specifically?
He always had an immaculate memory.
Well, that would have to wait. He is sure one day he will come across Spidey again. And he will get his answers.
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Happy visits Mays grave every day and often finds new flowers there.
White lilies. Her favourite.
They seem to be brought by that boy. Peter. He introduced himself once.
The kid must have had a closer relationship with May than Happy originally expected as he seems to come to the graveyard as frequently as Happy. Maybe he was once homeless, with no family and home. May being May could have helped him through F.E.A.S.T.
He met the teenager a couple of times, but it didn’t seem to be his place to ask about specifics. The kid also never wanted to share anything.
There always was this weird sense of familiarity around this guy.
Happy usually is a very distrustful person, but when it comes to Peter, he never had any suspicions regarding his intentions. It's easy to trust him. It's obvious he misses May dearly, and this fact alone makes him trustworthy. They obviously had some meaningful history together.
Happy even tried to invite the young adult to some cafe to talk more about it. He would love to share his memory of his loved one with someone who also cares about her.
The kid always refused. Happy didn't question it. He probably is busy and had other people waiting for him.
But there is also the Spider-man issue. Peter said he knew May through the hero. How did someone like him know the Web-swinger? Maybe it could be the easiest way to reach out to the hero and ask him about the last moment of Mays life?
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He decides to talk about it the next time he stumbles upon Peter in the graveyard. They don’t meet often, so it would eventually happen within a couple of weeks.
Meanwhile, his dreams more regularly come back to Spider-man. May ends up mixed in there too. Even a couple of times Peter's face appears as well. It is all a mess. He needs to find him. His subconscious is obviously set on talking about Spider-man and May.
Days are passing by and Peter never comes to the cemetery at the same time as Happy.
The head of security is getting impatient. His dreams seem to spiral and repeat themselves mixing Peter, Spider-man and May together.
It is as if the boy actively avoids him. Why did he actually trust him in the first place and never looked him up? Maybe just finding him at work or school would be easier.
Peter. There is something about that name. About that face, actually.
He really liked him from the very first time he saw him. Happy usually isn’t like that.
And the familiarity. It's like seeing the boy used to be a part of his routine. Like he knew him for a long time. But no. He always remembers every face he ever saw. There is no way he would have forgotten. No. But it is weird.
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After some time the dreams change.
May is crying, she is bleeding and Spider-man is there and then in his place, there is Peter. Crying. On a plane.
It is like remembering a face. Like memories.
But he never met the kid before. Peter. Peter. He can’t get him out of his mind. Why? So frustrating. He really has to find him and talk to him. The obsession starts to haunt him when he is awake. He decides to find him.
All the A.I.s were taken by the government, and Google can't find anyone named Peter without even a picture of his face. Peter. Is there anything specific that would make him easier to find out? Peter. The blue winter jacket. He always liked blue. Wait, what? Where did this thought come from? Peter. There is something about him.
Maybe the thing he had forgotten had something to do with him? He knew May pretty close. She would have told him if she knew someone close enough to miss her so dearly.
Peter. What is his surname? Peter. Peter and May. May Parker. Parker. Suddenly he sees a memory of Tony screaming about Parker being reckless again. But May wasn’t like that. Even when she died. She was escaping the villains, close to the exit. He saw her body. He knew she was cautious.
Spider-man wasn’t.
He remembers that night. The sirens, the electricity, the guns. The shooting.
He called Peter to ask him about... What? Did he call Peter? Why would he call Peter? Peter. Peter Parker. The gun. The blood. The tears.
And suddenly it is as if the glass in his mind, the invisible barrier that was between him and what he was looking for, shattered.
He remembers.
He remembers everything. He remembers Peter.
Peter Parker.
How could he ever forget about Peter? How could anyone forget him?
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Jesus. Peter. The poor kid.
He must be shuttered.
He lost everyone. Parents. Uncle Ben. May. Tony. Damn it. Peter. What happened? Why did he pretend that he didn’t know Happy?
Why didn’t Happy remember him? Peter. Something must have happened. Didn’t Peter play around with Strange and his stupid magic? They must have done something. Something wrong.
He has to find the kid. He shouldn’t be alone.
Neither Tony nor May would want him to be this lonely. What happened? Happy failed him. He was supposed to be there. To protect him. That’s what they both would have wanted. Peter.
Okay. He will find him. Google knows how to find someone using their name and surname. He is no tech genius but he can find him.
Easy. He will find him now.
He opens his laptop. Opens the browser and google and types in.
Nothing.
There are many Peter Parkers, but not the one he was looking for. Okay.
There is still Midtown High. He remembers Peter's schedule. He can simply pick him up after school.
Thinking about the kid is still somehow hard. Stupid magic. But he will find him.
Even if it was the last thing he did.
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He stops near the entrance of Midtown High just 5 minutes before the end of the classes. Watches as the kids storm out of the building.
But he can't see Peter.
Maybe something stopped him. Happy leaves his car and goes towards the building.
The security guard stops him.
“I’m here to pick up Peter Parker.” Happy says dismissively. He did it many times.
“There is no Peter Parker in the system”
The answer surprises him. “I’m sorry? What? Peter Parker goes to this school. I pick him up often.”
“Sir, I double-checked the system, if you won’t leave the premises we will use force.”
Happy is stunned. Okay. So perhaps his school also forgot about him. Fucking magic.
Change of plans. What was the name of Peter's friend?
Ned. Ned Leeds.
How come it was so hard to remember Peter, but the name of his friend pops out in his mind immediately. Never mind.
He knows where Ned Leeds lives. He could drive there and ask him about Peter's whereabouts.
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It is a short enough ride and finally, something goes right, but he still feels the dread. What if the kid doesn't remember Peter as well?
Ned opens the door with a polite smile.
“What do you want?”
“Do you remember me?” Happy looks carefully. There is something different about Leeds.
“Aren’t you Happy Hogan? The head of security for Stark Industries? You work with Spider-man.”
Well, that's close enough.
“Yes. I’m actually looking for him right now.”
Ned laughs.
“And how would I know where Spider-man is right now?”
Happy feels dread.
“I’m actually looking for Peter.”
Ned's face is indifferent.
“Peter who? You need to be more specific.”
Fuck. Not good. Happy tries again.
“Peter Parker- your best friend from childhood.”
“I don’t know any Peter Parker. You’re weird. Maybe Spider-man hit you in the head or something?”
Happy is getting frantic now. Does anybody remember the kid?
“No, no- you remember Peter. You must. Your best friend. You two always build your Star Wars lego together- you helped him...”
There is another voice. Ned’s grandma.
“Ned sweetie, do you have any problem?”
“No, grandma.” Ned looks at Happy.
“As it was nice to see you, Mr Hogan. I can’t help you. Bye now.”
The door closes. Right in front of his face. Teenagers.
Happy takes a while to compose himself. It looks like Peter is truly alone. Damn it.
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He drives aimlessly around the city.
The kid is a ghost. He can’t be found on the Internet. His school, his best friend doesn’t remember him. Damn it.
Maybe after all it would be easier to find Spider-man than Peter Parker.
Resigned, he decides to go to the cemetery.
Getting closer to May’s grave, he notices a familiar silhouette. His heart clenches.
“Peter.”
The boy doesn’t turn around, still looking ahead.
“Hello, Mr Hogan. It’s nice to see you. I’m gonna leave you now with May.”
Mr Hogan. That was how he at first introduced himself to the kid in the graveyard. Christ.
“Peter Benjamin Parker. What happened to calling me Happy? I thought after all we’ve been through you wouldn’t talk to me like some stranger.”
Well, THAT earns him a reaction.
Peter turns his head around so quickly that Happy almost gets a whiplash.
Then silence ensued. Peter looks at him like a hawk. Distrustful. The kid looks older than he should. Tired with life. But who could blame him?
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is, it seems like everybody forgot you. I forgot you. What happened? Peter! And after May. Kid, I’m so sorry, I can’t even...”
A cold voice interrupts him. “Prove it.”
Happy’s heart breaks. “Prove what? That I’m me or that I remember?”
Peter for the first time looks unsure.
“Both I guess.”
“Okay, sure. I know that you know that I took Tony’s tech for you to be able to scan and build things in my apartment- these big cartons? Yeah, so that proves it’s me. And we met on the flight to Berlin. You went to your rave there. Kid.”
Happy is getting desperate.
“I drove you after school to Tony twice a week, I took care of you when you got hurt, I found you in the Netherlands, I was there with your aunt when they...”
“That’s enough. It’s you. I get it.” Peter’s voice shakes. His eyes glisten. He looks down.
“How did you remember? I thought that everybody... That I was alone.”
Happy can’t take it any longer and goes to hug the teen. Peter being the creature of comfort that he is, hugs him back.
“How could I ever forget? How could the world? I knew there was something I was missing. And it kept bugging me. You know that I have almost a perfect memory when it comes to people. It took me a while, but I figured it out. The real question is, why didn’t you remind me? Why didn’t you remind your friends”
Peter hugs him closer. His voice starts rising. “Because they are safer this way, Happy. They are better off without me. Okay? You shouldn’t talk to me either. It’s better that way.”
He sobs, “I can’t have everything. I can’t be both Peter Parker and Spider-man. I thought that I could and May died and I can’t, I can’t let it happen to anyone else. I can’t. I just. I’m done. I’m Spider-man, that's all. That’s all that matters. I don’t want to put people in danger.”
Happy closes his eyes. “Kid, May wasn’t your...”
“Don’t call me a kid! I’m not a kid! Not anymore! Okay? I’m better off this way. The world is better off this way! I have work, I have exams, I have Spider-man. Don’t call me a kid.”
“Of course, I just meant...”
“I know what you meant. And just don’t. Please. I can’t. And don’t talk to me. You’ve worked your whole life for Mr Stark and then you were there for me. It's time you thought about yourself for once. I’m okay.” His voice shakes. “I’m fine.”
“You’re alone Peter. Completely alone. And you don’t deserve that.”
The kids' hands shake.
“It’s just better this way.”
“Not for you and honestly not for me. Let me decide what I do with my time. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night thinking about you struggling alone in some shithole. Tony and May would both haunt me if I let that happen.”
Peter steps back and looks at Happy’s face. He is openly crying. Seems to be at a loss for words.
“And I care about you, Peter. I care about Spider-man, and everybody deserves to have somebody in their corner. Especially you.”
“You don’t have to do this alone, kid. I’ve got you.”