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PT. 1: THE FIRST SIGHTING
It’s almost comical how one second, they’re all beside him, then Soobin looks down to catch a large piece of confetti stuck to his foot, and the next second they’re gone. He stops walking – someone bumping into him from behind as he awkwardly tries to do a 360 and try to find his group. If being 6’2 has any perks, this should be one of them, but it’s like they’ve just vanished into thin air.
The four of them had been trying to get off stage and exit through the back of the stadium, unlike the rest of the groups, who were being escorted towards the exits at the sides of the building. The reason Soobin and his bandmates are exiting out a different way is because they’re on a time crunch to get to the airport. Because, yeah, scheduling a flight right after MAMA was a really good call from their company.
The amount of stress Soobin has been under in the past two weeks isn’t cutting it for the minimal enjoyability he's had this evening. And losing his three bandmates isn’t improving the situation by any means.
Soobin pulls out his phone as the jostling of the crowd continues, acutely aware he's getting guided farther and farther away from where he should be going. He sends Yeonjun a quick hyung???? where did you guys go??? and slips his phone in his back pocket, adjusting his suit jacket. ETERNALLY is going for a velvet look this evening, and Soobin would love nothing more than to rip off the thick jacket he has spent all night sweating in. The hour where they’d changed into their stage outfits to perform had been a blessing.
He feels his phone vibrate and scrambles to pull it out as a girl group with obscenely long feathers attached to their dresses tries to cut in front of him. A new message from Yeonjun flashes on his screen: We went under the stage! We’re in room S01-6 now, pls hurry! Another notification pings in, Let me know if you want a staff member to come get you. Soobin scoffs; he can take care of himself. He just has to get out of his absolute clusterfuck of groups teetering at the edge of the stage. He smiles as another text comes in, Hueningie and Junghee are worried :( :( come fast!! Soobin replies he’s still on stage and will get there are quick as possible. He checks the time; they’re supposed to be leaving the venue in half an hour. He’s still got a little time.
He needs to get backstage somehow, which means he needs to escape the steady stream of idols making their way to the other exits. Soobin’s height comes in handy this time as he scans all the possible escape routes. Not everyone is making their way off stage, lots of groups are still waving to fans or talking amongst each other. Soobin wishes they had more time to do that. It’s only their second time at MAMA, and everything is still so shiny and new to him.
Soobin makes a split-second decision and awkwardly sidesteps to the left, finally breaking out of the crowd. The stage splits into a diamond shape, with the middle carved out, so he tries to orient himself on the best route to take.
A new song starts up from the speakers, and the dwindling crowd lets out a few screams. Hyper aware he’s probably being filmed right now, Soobin realizes he should be waving and interacting with fans as he makes his way to the back of the stage. Up ahead is a 12-person girl group making their way towards him, jumping up and down excitedly to the music. They won a lot of awards tonight, Soobin remembers. He bows and gives them all a small smile as they pass by, making sure everyone gets acknowledged.
Soobin can’t imagine being in a group that big. Having Yeonjun, Kai, and Junghee by his side is sometimes still a little too much. He gets frazzled leading just three people, so he can’t even fathom how much work goes into taking charge of groups with 10+ people. He still admires everyone in a larger group, though, and it must be nice to have so many close friends.
Soobin shakes his head and continues on, waving in the general direction he just heard a “Soobin-oppa!” come from. He laughs a little, wondering what everyone is thinking, the rest of ETERNALLY nowhere to be seen, and Soobin hurrying along the edge of the stage. He finally spots the stairs that lead to the underbelly of the stage and makes a beeline for it. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees another group also making their way towards the stairs. Soobin sighs.
It’s Blue Hour, a 10-person boy group that debuted around the same time as ETERNALLY. They also beat them in two award categories tonight. Soobin’s trying not to feel petty about it.
A few of them are his age, and so it’s almost expected at this point that he should be friends with some of the members, but the fans’ responses to the two groups have led things astray. Yeonjun is friends with their leader, Wooyoung, and talks about him often enough that Soobin thinks he’s a pretty good guy. He brought Yeonjun home once after he got too drunk, so he’s seen Soobin in his pyjamas. That was only a slightly mortifying experience.
“Soobin-ssi!” Wooyoung calls out, waving an arm. It’s honestly a bit terrifying, 10 people walking towards him in matching outfits. They’ve gone for a darker concept this time, so there are a lot of sheer shirts and leather pants approaching him.
Soobin stops cold and bows, smiling the best he can at Wooyoung. He greets everyone as they come closer, eyes flicking over everyone’s face. He recognizes a few people, namely the members of the same age as him: Seungjae, Kei, and Jongho, along with a few people he’s heard others talk about. He doesn’t know everyone in the group, but a few faces stand out. A few others he knows by name – Taehyun, Yeosang, Dongmoon, and oh, there’s Choi Beomgyu.
Soobin does a double-take on him, at the end and to the back of the group. Soobin holds his gaze for a moment.
They have a semi-complicated history.
Soobin’s never met Beomgyu before, it’s a relationship that has been entirely fabricated and expanded on by fans, but that doesn’t stop him from averting Beomgyu’s eyes once he lifts an eyebrow and cocks his head at Soobin. There have been rumours that Soobin doesn’t like Beomgyu. That they have some sort of rivalry, being the two main vocalists of their respective groups. And based off an unruly comment Beomgyu made during a V Live last month, Soobin’s under the impression he doesn’t like him either. An article was released just last week, exposing how Soobin was caught “side-eyeing” Beomgyu at another award’s show, and that had basically sealed the deal for the fans. The two of them simply must not be able to stand one another.
Soobin shudders at the thought of a member of Blue Hour bringing it up to him and naturally sweeps his eyes back to meet Wooyoung’s. Soobin smiles.
“It’s nice to see all of you, congratulations on your awards tonight,” Soobin says as politely as possible, now uncomfortably aware that Beomgyu seems to be staring daggers at him.
“Ah, thank you Soobin-ssi! Is Yeonjun around?” Wooyoung asks, craning his neck to look behind Soobin. Soobin shakes his head and explains he’s actually heading over to find him now. A brief look of confusion passes on Wooyoung’s face, but he says nothing and instead motions for Soobin to go in front of them.
Soobin bows again and wishes everyone a good night, catching Beomgyu’s eye once again. He knows he must’ve imagined it, but at the last second, he swears Beomgyu gives him a wink.
PT. 2: UNSTABLE CONTACT
Ten minutes later, Soobin is hopelessly lost. Flustered from the meeting with Blue Hour, he’d randomly turned down one of the hallways under the stage and is now seriously fucked. Plus, he isn’t getting any cellphone reception from being so deep under the floor, so he can’t text Yeonjun an SOS message.
There are a few MAMA staff members around, but they’re all either furiously typing into their phones or talking into their headsets, walking far too quickly for Soobin to be able to catch their eye. After dodging some lighting equipment and hurrying past someone’s manager complaining about the vans getting switched for their group members, he finds himself at a dead end.
Soobin stares at the bland beige walls, taking a moment to breathe. All he has to do is retrace his steps. And if he can’t do that, he can just follow someone, which will eventually lead him to some sort of exit. He knows that the room Yeonjun texted him means they’re in basement level one, but Soobin doesn’t even know if that’s the one he’s on now. He’s aware there are several underground floors, but he doesn’t know how to get to the other ones.
It’s a mess. It’s a mess, but he starts walking back, keeping his ear out for any sort of chatter about the exit or where to go to find the green rooms. So, it’s a silly little moment when he rounds a corner and sees, walking towards him with an upbeat gait and a pleased sort of look on his face, Choi Beomgyu.
Both of them stop immediately, and Soobin suddenly feels his hands start to get clammy, eyes darting down to look at the floor. This is bad. This whole situation has just gone from bad to worse.
He hears a muffled laugh and looks up to see Beomgyu, a hand over his mouth, giggling amicably at him.
“Soobin-ssi, it’s very nice to see you again,” he says, smiling wide.
Soobin blanks, then his eyes narrow in suspicion. What’s he playing at? Soobin thought they didn’t like each other; he thought Beomgyu made that abundantly clear during his V Live rant.
“Beomgyu,” Soobin says plainly. They stare at each other for a few more seconds. Soobin wonders how he can get out of this conversation as quickly as possible.
“What are you doing down here?” Beomgyu asks. He sounds genuinely curious, but Soobin’s not letting his guard down. “Hm?” Beomgyu continues, tipping his chin forward before taking a few more steps and coming up much too close to Soobin.
Soobin looks down at him, eyes still narrowed.
“What’s it to you?” Soobin asks.
“I know for a fact you shouldn’t be down here. This level isn’t for artists, it’s for crew members.”
Soobin frowns. Okay, so he’s been caught. He twists his mouth into a pout, he needs to somehow get the upper hand here. He’s older than Beomgyu, only by three months (not that Soobin’s looked up Beomgyu’s birthday!), but still, he should be the intimidating one here.
“So then why are you here?” Soobin shoots back.
“I needed a break. We’re changing into different outfits for the ride home, and they didn’t give us a big enough dressing room, so I’m wandering the halls waiting for my turn.”
“Ah, I’d love to have your level of confidence to wear something like this, Beomgyu-ssi,” Soobin mocks, pulling his hand up to thumb at Beomgyu’s collar. It’s a horrendous shirt, and both of them know it. Blue Hour’s stylists somehow thought corduroy and leather would go together. It sort of hurts Soobin’s eyes to look at.
“Ooo, ouch.”
“Sorry,” Soobin pauses, “I know backhanded compliments are your thing.”
Something flashes over Beomgyu’s face, a look of genuine anger, but it’s quickly replaced with shock. Soobin wonders how brutally Yeonjun would murder him if he became the first idol to have a physical fight scandal at MAMA. He’s got a few centimetres on Beomgyu. Soobin could take him, easy.
“Soobin-ah, it’s not nice to say rude things to people you’ve just met,” Beomgyu chastises, but he’s grinning. So, it seems this is all just a game to him.
“Soobin-hyung. I’m your hyung.” Soobin steps back and crosses his arms, and a real look of confusion flashes on Beomgyu’s face. Soobin realizes just a second too late what he’s revealed.
“You know how old I am? Wah, have you looked me up? Searched when my birthday is?” Beomgyu asks, absolutely elated. Soobin can feel his ears turning red and admits defeat by bowing his head and casting his eyes to the ground. He has indeed dug himself into this hole, and now he has to lie in it.
Soobin stutters out an explanation that Yeonjun mentioned it one time, but he can tell Beomgyu’s not buying it. Yes, of course, Soobin looked Beomgyu up. After the V Live incident, he wanted to know exactly who he was dealing with. Choi Beomgyu, born March 13th, 2001, standing at 180cm and the main vocalist and visual of Blue Hour was apparently who Soobin had some sort of one-sided beef with. It was incredibly childish, but Soobin couldn’t just let someone younger than him talk shit about him like that. Even more, when that someone was in the same group as another person Yeonjun was very publicly close to.
Soobin looks back up and sees Beomgyu is still staring him down, but his expression shifts and his face becomes softer.
“I didn’t mean what I said. During my live,” Beomgyu mumbles. He goes to rub his face but stops, remembering he has makeup on. Up close, Soobin can see how much concealer he has caked on under his eyes. He wonders why Beomgyu had to “take a break” and come down here in the first place.
“Was there any other way I should’ve interpreted it? Other than a dig at my live locals and stage presence?” Soobin shoots back. If Beomgyu’s going to be bitchy, he’ll give him bitchy right back. It’s only fair.
“You know the clip was edited,” Beomgyu all but whines. He blows his bangs out of his face, and Soobin suddenly remembers Yeonjun mentioned something about Beomgyu messaging him and thanking him for giving him the confidence to grow his hair out longer. And, unfortunately, he does look quite nice with the wolf shag.
“What was edited?” Soobin asks dumbly, snapping himself back to the present.
“The clip that went viral on Twitter. They cut the sound off and switched the part around where I was talking about your vocals. If you had watched the whole video, you would see that’s not what I said at all.”
Oh. Well. Now Soobin feels bad. He feels really bad. Because, okay, no, he wasn’t purposefully throwing Beomgyu bad looks these last couple weeks, nor was he purposefully manifesting they’d beat Blue Hour in several award categories tonight, but he was hoping for some moment of vindication against Beomgyu. And now that shouldn’t exist. Because Beomgyu’s done nothing wrong.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. You shouldn’t believe everything you see on Twitter, hyung.”
Soobin laughs, and he sees a small smile appear on Beomgyu’s face. Soobin hardly has any options left at this point. He’s already embarrassed as it is and simply wants to call a truce. He can hear Yeonjun’s nagging voice in his head, reminding him to be the bigger person. Although technically, in this situation, that might be Beomgyu.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve checked out the whole video before assuming what you said was in direct correlation to me. And I shouldn’t have been mean last week, that...was a really dick move,” Soobin apologizes. He’s trying to be sincere – and he is; he just hopes Beomgyu can feel it.
Beomgyu smiles, satisfied, and holds a hand out. Soobin shakes it, embarrassed. Beomgyu giggles at him and, before Soobin knows what’s happening, pulls him in by the hand, so they’re only a few millimetres apart.
“Do you still need help getting back to your room?” Beomgyu asks, his voice sickly sweet.
Soobin grimaces, then nods, pulling back. Beomgyu lets go of Soobin’s hand and spring forwards on the soles of his feet, clasping his hands behind his back. Watching Beomgyu rock back and forth excitedly, Soobin has to roll his eyes. Beomgyu laughs again and playfully smacks Soobin’s bicep.
Aghast, Soobin stares at him, which only makes Beomgyu laugh harder.
“Yah! Beomgyu-ah! What was that?” Soobin splutters.
“I can’t believe I get to help you, Taehyun-ie isn’t going to believe this,” Beomgyu says happily. He spins on his heels and starts half dancing, half walking down the hallway, wiggling his body to an imaginary beat.
Soobin is disgusted at how completely endeared he is at the whole situation.
“Hyung, c’mon! It’s almost time for me to get back, and I can’t be stuck leading the likes of you around. Wooyoung-hyung would never let me live it down,” Beomgyu says.
Soobin shakes his head but complies, speeding up to get to Beomgyu. He has to admit, Beomgyu does seem to know where he’s going, leading Soobin to a stairwell he didn’t even know existed. They go down one flight of stairs, but right as Beomgyu reaches for the door handle to enter into the hallway, he twirls around, leaning against the door, the doorknob by his hip.
Soobin stops just a little too late, and again, here they are, entirely too close for two people who met not an hour ago. Something lurches in Soobin’s chest, and he lets out an exhale of air as he steps backwards, laughing nervously.
“What are you doing after this?” Beomgyu asks.
Soobin regretfully explains the whole Japan situation. As he goes further into the explanation, Beomgyu’s eyes get wider and wider. By the end, Beomgyu’s standing there with his mouth open, slumped against the door.
“You’re going to Japan?” he asks, “Now?!”
Soobin nods.
“What the fuck is wrong with your management?”
Soobin barks out a laugh, a little stunned. He wasn’t going to be the first to say it, but yeah, what the fuck is wrong with his management? Hearing his schedule out loud makes him realize just how insane it is. He knew he’d be overworked as an idol, but this really is too much. It’s not like flights to Japan are infrequent either, but he knows they have a shoot the same day they land, which is why they have to leave tonight. Squeeze in as much as possible into the trip, that’s what their manager had said.
“God, that’s just awful. Well, I shouldn’t keep you too long then,” Beomgyu says. And it’s at that moment that Soobin realizes what he’s doing. Beomgyu’s trying to prolong the time the two of them spend together. He’s purposefully trapping Soobin in this stairwell. Soobin suppresses a smile.
“No, no, it’s alright. I still have some time,” he lets out a long sigh, “And truthfully, I’d rather be in here than in a cramped changing room.”
Beomgyu scoffs. “There’s only four of you. You have absolutely no right to complain.”
Soobin looks him up and down before asking.
“Is that why you needed to take a break? Cause they get a bit much sometimes?” Soobin asks softly.
He doesn’t mean to pry, and he certainly doesn’t mean to take a dig at Blue Hour, but he gets it. Sometimes it’s all so suffocating. He can’t imagine what it would be like to have that many people around him all the time.
So, Soobin almost lets out a breath of relief when Beomgyu looks up and nods at him. Beomgyu looks relieved too, in a desperate sort of way, like he’s finally happy someone else has acknowledged what he’s going through.
“Yeah…” Beomgyu says, numbly, “I feel like my chest is going to cave in at some moments. Like one day, my lungs are going to just stop working. Like I’m going to crumple into a pile and not exist anymore.”
His words ring loud in the empty staircase. Soobin doesn’t know what to say. This is a lot to just throw on him, backstage at MAMA. But in Beomgyu’s defence, Soobin did ask. And it’s normal what Beomgyu’s describing. Well, it’s not normal, but it’s normalized in their industry. Anxiety is almost a pre-packaged deal. Leaning on your members for support is a great way for Soobin to become less anxious; he’s learned that over the past few months.
“Hey,” Soobin says, his voice softer now, “It’s okay, I get it. I get you.” There’s a tender pause. “Can you talk to Wooyoung about this?” Soobin asks.
Beomgyu nods immediately. “Oh, he’s already completely filled in. I’m just-” Beomgyu awkwardly grins at him, “Completely oversharing to someone who I just met for the first time tonight.”
Soobin laughs at that and nods, understanding. Even though he’s only just met Beomgyu, he begrudgingly must admit that they seem to get each other in a way.
Beomgyu nods back at him, then spins on his heels and opens the door. Beomgyu takes one step out into the hallway before letting out a cackle. Soobin steps out to see what the commotion is all about and is met with Beomgyu running, arms outstretched, towards a fed-up-looking Kang Taehyun. Eyes narrowed, hands on hips, he is not smiling back at Beomgyu.
Instead, his eyes flick over to Soobin, who waves sheepishly. They’re the only three in the hallway at the moment, and Taehyun’s only about ten steps away from them, so Beomgyu collides with him momentarily while Soobin waits awkwardly to the side.
“Hyung,” he hears Taehyun whine, “What took you so long?”
“I made a new friend,” Beomgyu replies. Taehyun’s eyebrows raise up for only a moment before angling himself more towards Soobin and detaching Beomgyu from the side hug he’s giving him and bows at Soobin.
“Soobin-ssi, it’s nice to meet you,” Taehyun says, giving him a tight smile. Soobin doesn’t doubt Beomgyu didn’t hold back on informing his members of their stupid fan wars and now, completely fake, rivalry.
Soobin greets him back, and it looks like Taehyun’s ready to whisk Beomgyu away when Soobin puts his hands out to stop them. He can't let Beomgyu disappear just yet, because reminder(!), he’s still very lost and in need of finding room S01-6. So, it’s funny in a way, as he looks at Beomgyu exasperatedly, that a voice coming from the opposite direction calls to them.
“Yah! Choi Soobin!”
Soobin whirls around and lets out the biggest sigh of relief upon seeing a makeup-less and clearly ready-for-the-airport Yeonjun speed walking towards him. The first thing Yeonjun does is envelope him in a big hug, then he smacks him hard against the back of his head and stares pointedly at Soobin.
“Where have you been? I’ve been texting you for the past ten minutes now,” Yeonjun scolds.
“Hyung,” Soobin pouts, “I got lost.”
Yeonjun coos, pinching his cheeks with fake sympathy. He pats Soobin on the back, ready to lead him away when he realizes Taehyun and Beomgyu are staring at the two of them. Soobin laughs at the fact that he can literally see the dots connecting in Yeonjun’s brain once he figures out what’s going on here.
Yeonjun grins sheepishly at the two members of Blue Hour and introduces himself, although there’s no doubt he’s been over to their dorms many times already. Taehyun responds just a little too enthusiastically for it to be a completely genuine greeting, and Soobin doesn’t miss the pinch Beomgyu gives him in his side.
“Soobin-ah, c’mon, we really do have to go soon. And you haven’t even started taking off your outfit,” Yeonjun explains. Soobin nods but doesn’t make any effort to move. He can’t just leave like this. He still feels like he needs something from Beomgyu. They can’t just part ways like this, without so much of a second glance.
But they do.
Soobin turns back to give Beomgyu a little wave, and Beomgyu opens his mouth as if he wants to say something but closes it again. Yeonjun gives a weird look, and Soobin tries to get the words out of his mouth, but it’s like his jaw is snapped shut.
“Bye hyung,” Beomgyu waves, and just like that, Yeonjun’s pulling him away, a tight grip on his wrist.
The second they’re out of earshot, Yeonjun looks over at Soobin, a sharp expression on his face. “Hyung? Hyung?? Soobin-ah, what happened?”
Soobin smiles, not meeting Yeonjun’s eyes. The elder gapes at him, waiting for an explanation, but Soobin can’t. He just shakes his head, still beat up about the fact that their first meeting ended just like that.
“It’s a long story.”
Yeonjun nods and Soobin wishes he could have been braver.
PT. 3: A RE-CONNECTION
Soobin changes into a matching sweat set and manages to get most of the product out of his hair before he starts to feel totally exhausted. The return to the dressing room had been a triumphant one. Kai and Junghee had enveloped him into a hug that lasted entirely too long for only being separated from them for half an hour, but Soobin appreciated the gesture nonetheless.
Soobin had triple-checked he had his passport and all of his things before giving his outfit back to his stylist and starting with removing his makeup. Just as Soobin’s sitting down, deciding if he should watch a YouTube video while washing up or catching Kai for a quick conversation, their manager comes bursting into the room.
“The flight’s been delayed, and we’ve found a better route to the airport, so you’ve got an extra 45 minutes here,” he explains grimly. Yeonjun immediately perks up from where he’s lying on the couch, shoving at a sleeping Junghee and informing him what’s going on. Soobin stares at himself in the mirror, not really knowing how to react. 45 minutes doesn’t buy them that much time to do anything of substance. He can eat a proper meal now and maybe sneak in a quick nap, but other than that, it’s not much of a difference. It’s still a flight straight to another country right after an awards show.
Once Soobin is clean-faced and washed up, he sits at the mirror, back facing the couch Yeonjun's perched himself on. In the reflection he can see Yeonjun staring at him, eyebrows slightly raised.
“Do you have your phone?” Yeonjun asks.
“Do I have my phone? No, actually, I left it back at the dorms,” Soobin responds, face blank. Yeonjun punches him in the shoulder.
Soobin pulls his device out of his back pocket and unlocks it, looking up at Yeonjun expectantly. Yeonjun pulls out his own phone and types something up in his Notes app before showing Soobin.
“You’re going to text him.”
“Text who?” Soobin asks dumbly.
“Choi Beomgyu.”
Soobin gapes at him. Yeonjun splutters out a laugh and snatches Soobin’s phone before he can protest. One second, Soobin’s ready to full-on throttle Yeonjun by the throat, and the next, Yeonjun’s handing him back his phone, a sweet smile on his face, and a brand-new contact made for a Choi Beomgyu ♡. Soobin erases the heart and Yeonjun rolls his eyes
“What am I even going to say?” Soobin wonders aloud.
Yeonjun shrugs. “Say he looked hot in his leather pants.”
Now it’s Yeonjun’s time to get punched in the shoulder. As Yeonjun feebly reprimands Soobin, Kai walks in and collapses beside the still sleeping Junghee, curled up on the couch.
“Who’s looking hot in leather pants?”
“Choi Beomgyu. Soobin-ie’s got a crush,” Yeonjun singsongs. A second punch comes moments later.
“I don’t have a crush. We met briefly and talked out our…stuff,” Soobin explains weakly. Kai doesn’t look so convinced.
“So, he doesn’t actually hate you, and now you’re madly in love with him…?” Kai guesses, swiping through his phone.
“Exactly,” Yeonjun responds enthusiastically. Soobin rolls his eyes. He can’t understand how Yeonjun, from the thirty seconds he was in front of Soobin and Beomgyu, could catch onto the idea that Soobin has feelings for Beomgyu. Because he absolutely doesn’t. Right? Right. They’ve only just met. Soobin couldn’t catch feelings for someone that fast.
Except, so maybe he doesn’t have feelings for Beomgyu, but he does feel something for Beomgyu. Because they’ve only just met and Soobin can’t get him out of his head. It could just be a friend thing. Like, he just really, really, really wants to be friends with Beomgyu.
Soobin’s face pales, and he buries his head in his hand. He has a crush on Choi Beomgyu. This is terrible. He feels a gentle hand start to rub circle onto his back, and when he sits up, he sees Kai standing behind him, smiling reassuringly. He hands Soobin his phone and doesn’t say anything else. At least he’s a lot less annoying than Yeonjun.
Soobin stares down at his phone as Kai returns to the couch, and soon after, Yeonjun joins them too, draping himself over the two younger boys. Soobin watches the blinking line in KKT disappear and reappear, waiting for him to type something out. He can just be casual. Completely casual about the fact that he’s texting Beomgyu completely out of the blue, not even 20 minutes after they said goodbye to each other.
Finally, after staring at his screen for what feels like hours, Soobin types out a completely regular and mundane hello, informing Beomgyu that he got his number from Yeonjun. He doesn’t want to sound as desperate as he feels. Which isn’t actually that desperate, he just believes like he and Beomgyu didn’t get the proper goodbye they deserved. And now Soobin’s off to Japan, so they won’t be able to meet up during any other award shows, and after that, who knows what Blue Hour will be up to.
Soobin lets out a groan and turns towards Yeonjun, who motions for him to join them on the couch, a sympathetic frown on his face.
“Boys are stupid,” Soobin mumbles, crawling into Yeonjun’s open arms.
“Agreed,” comes Kai’s voice, muffled by his jacket.
A ding emits from Soobin’s phone. He bolts up, staring at his screen. “Never mind.”
Yeonjun bursts out laughing as Soobin stares down at the text. He feels like he’s going to throw up. He may actually throw up. Soobin shakes his head, there’s no way he’s going to throw up over Choi Beomgyu. That would be a new low.
“I…I have to go,” Soobin says suddenly, standing up. Yeonjun lets out a yell and bolts upright, trying to look over at Soobin’s at his phone, but he quickly angles it away from him. Yeonjun starts protesting, making a big fuss about how since he’s the eldest, he needs to be aware of whatever Soobin’s doing. All Kai does is hold out a fist and Soobin bumps it, smiling.
“He wants to meet back in the stairwell. I’ll be back before we have to leave, don’t worry,” Soobin says. He feels like his legs are about to collapse on him. Yeonjun grumbles something under his breath but nods, promising to make up some sort of excuse if their manager asks about him. Soobin doubts that’ll happen though, the most the four of them ever do when leaving their dressing rooms is to get a snack from the vending machine.
Soobin’s boots slap against the silent floor of the corridor as he makes his way back to the stairwell. Most groups have definitely left by now or aren’t on this level. Soobin’s looking down at his phone so much, anxious Beomgyu’s going to message him again that once he looks up, he realizes he has no idea where he is.
He lets out a sigh, doing a full spin, trying to orient himself. He thought he had just been walking straight ahead, but it seems it did turn around a corner at some point. He’s about to type out an apologetic message to Beomgyu when he hears a slight cough coming from behind him.
“Hyung, there’s no way you got lost again, right?”
Soobin turns slowly, already embarrassed for the inevitable barrage of teasing that’s about to come.
“These hallways all look the same,” Soobin complains. He tries to put on his best frowny face as he looks at Beomgyu, who's leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed, a completely unimpressed look on his face.
“What happened to your flight?” Beomgyu asks.
“It got delayed, and management realized we had more time than we had planned, so…” Soobin trails off awkwardly.
“So, you’d thought you’d fit me into your oh-so-busy and ever-changing schedule?” Beomgyu bats his eyelashes, and Soobin snorts.
Soobin stares at Beomgyu for a moment and realizes he suddenly wants to kiss him. He wonders if that’s allowed. Is kissing allowed at MAMA? He’s heard whispers of the hook-up stories in the Inkigayo or MuBank bathrooms, but they’re not going to a bathroom (thankfully, that would be gross); they’re going to a stairwell. Same difference.
Soobin just laughs and shrugs, unable to come up with a proper explanation as to why he texted Beomgyu. He doesn’t want to be too pathetic. Insinuating they were clearly rivalling each other when they were clearly not has given him enough embarrassment for the rest of the year.
“Well, come on then, hyung. Let’s make your last 15 minutes here count.” Beomgyu beckons him closer with a wink, and Soobin’s stomach lurches. He really does hope something good comes out of this.
PT. 4: FINAL CONTACT
As soon as Soobin takes a final step into the stairwell, Beomgyu quickly makes sure the door is closed all of the way and takes a look up the winding stairs, making sure no one else is in the vicinity. Soobin leans back against the cement wall, crossing his arms, a little too pleased with himself about how jittery Beomgyu seems. Like he’s nervous about this. Nervous about spending time with Soobin. How silly. Soobin feels like his heart is seconds away from bursting out of his chest, so Beomgyu has nothing to worry about.
The second Beomgyu makes sure the coast is clear, he steps gingerly down the stairs and comes all the way up to Soobin, not afraid about crowding into his space. They’re not touching, Beomgyu’s just hovering, but Soobin wishes they were.
They stare at each other for a longer than normal moment. Soobin takes in Beomgyu’s now makeup-free face. He still has a smudge of eyeshadow by his left eye, and Soobin almost wants to make a comment about it. Soobin realizes he’s now makeup-less too and feels a little shy suddenly, wanting to duck his head down and fold into himself. But Beomgyu’s gaze is persistent, and his mouth quirks up into a small smile.
“Can I kiss you now?” Beomgyu asks, as if he’s been waiting ages to ask. Soobin’s heart skips a beat.
He nods.
Beomgyu’s lips are soft, and Soobin instantly melts into his touch. Beomgyu has reached up and cupped the back of Soobin’s neck gingerly, tugging him down ever so slightly. Beomgyu’s fingers are surprisingly warm, and Soobin hums into his mouth, happy. When they separate, Soobin cannot keep the completely infatuated smile off his face. Beomgyu seems to be doing a much better job at keeping a straight face and just blinks up at Soobin, pursing his lips.
“What?” Soobin whispers. He nudges at Beomgyu’s cheek with his nose and kisses him again near the corner of his mouth.
Beomgyu stutters out a laugh and looks down. Soobin slowly begins to panic, wondering if that was actually a horrible experience for Beomgyu, and he wants to escape this situation immediately.
“I…” Beomgyu starts, looking back up at Soobin. His eyes seem to be glimmering; even in with the weird staircase lighting, he’s shining. “I-This is too embarrassing to say out loud,” he laughs.
Soobin places his hand on Beomgyu’s shoulder, pressing his thumb gently into Beomgyu’s skin, encouraging him to keep going. Beomgyu sighs and leans back to shake his bangs out of his eyes. Soobin waits patiently.
“I can’t believe you let me do this…because now I never want to stop,” Beomgyu mumbles, grabbing both of Soobin’s cheeks. His left pointer finger skims over Soobin’s skin, and he can feel himself blush.
“You have dimples, right?” Beomgyu asks, quieter this time, and Soobin can’t help but laugh. But his giggling is cut short at the realization that Beomgyu had become aware of his dimples sometime before right now, to the point that he feels the need to ask Soobin about it. Soobin feels his gut clench.
“Mmhm, why?” he asks back, moving into Beomgyu’s touch.
“Show me.”
Soobin does, pushing his lips together and the edges of his mouth out. Beomgyu breaks into a smile, absolutely gleeful. Soobin resists the urge to crumble into a pile on the floor and start ranting about how insanely charming Beomgyu is and manages to holds his position as Beomgyu gets on his tippy toes to place a kisses on each dimple.
Soobin throws his head back and laughs, completely fascinated by everything Beomgyu encompasses. The younger boy frowns and pulls Soobin back down towards him, continuing to kiss all around his face. Soobin’s breath hitches, and he realizes how serious Beomgyu was about his previous comment. He really isn’t going to stop, and Soobin’s not sure he wants him to.
Soobin doesn’t feel trapped under Beomgyu’s hold; he feels safe. He wants this moment to last forever, but he knows there’s a voice screaming in his head that not only does he have to go back to ETERNALLY’s dressing room, but he has a flight to catch. And absolutely no idea how he should leave things with Beomgyu.
He finally ducks away from Beomgyu after a while, both of them licking their lips and still sneaking glances at each other. Soobin desperately needs his heart rate to slow down. He suddenly wonders how Yeonjun became friends with Wooyoung, how they steadily became a more permanent part of each other’s lives. He wonders if Beomgyu would want that with him.
But, they’re young, both of them are just near the beginning of their careers, and they’re at the fucking MAMAs, they’re allowed to fool around. Soobin’s allowed to not care and do shit he might regret, so he presses one more kiss to Beomgyu’s lips before announcing he should be getting back soon.
Beomgyu pouts, but he nods, sliding his hand all the way down Soobin’s arm before finally detaching himself from him. Soobin hides his smile behind his hand.
“Well,” Soobin says slowly, “This was nice.” There’s a beat, and an admission of vulnerability slips out of Soobin, “You’re so nice, Beomgyu-ah.”
Beomgyu looks taken aback for an instant before he smiles, looking absolutely smitten. Soobin shakes his head, shouldn’t have said that. He doesn’t want to inflate Beomgyu’s ego too much.
Beomgyu slowly takes Soobin’s hand, looking at him the whole time. Soobin nods and Beomgyu breaks eye contact, turning to open the stairwell door and pull Soobin out into the hallway. They walk hand in hand, in silence, revelling in each other’s presence. Soobin’s trying to figure how exactly their goodbyes are going to go and doesn’t notice when Beomgyu stops walking.
“Are you going to tell anyone about this?” Beomgyu asks.
“Do you not want me to?”
Beomgyu shrugs, and Soobin narrows his eyes.
“It’s fine, seriously. If you don’t want me to mention it, that’s totally okay. But Yeonjun-hyung will definitely be hounding me for details after this,” Soobin explains, cracking a smile. Beomgyu nods and doesn’t dismiss the idea. Something warms blooms in Soobin’s chest.
“I’m going to text you later, hyung. Is that okay?”
Soobin understands what Beomgyu's really asking him here. He wants to know if this was okay, if Soobin still wants to hear from him after this, or if they should cut off communication from each other forever. But of course Soobin wants to hear from him again! By the fact that Soobin’s heart is still racing, he would rather hear from Beomgyu than not.
So Soobin tells him that. Beomgyu grins, nervous and a little awkward, but Soobin feels good about it. He explains he can find the rest of the way to the dressing room on his own and congratulates Blue Hour once again on their wins.
“Admit it, you’re jealous we got Best OST,” Beomgyu says, gloating. Soobin shoves at him good-naturedly.
“I’m just glad you didn’t tell thousands of people that my live vocals were shit. I wasn’t prepared to have such a big rival this early on in my career,” Soobin responds.
“We can maybe drum up some Twitter scandal in the next few years if you’re still interested,” Beomgyu laughs.
Soobin smiles.
“Okay, we can do that, but then I’ll just tell everyone how bad you want to kiss me.”
Soobin does not dodge the kick that comes to his shins. He cackles out a laugh and skirts down the hallway, waving to Beomgyu once he reaches a turn in the hallway.
“It was really nice to meet you,” Soobin calls, putting his hands up to mouth like a megaphone. Beomgyu sends him a thumbs up and laughs loudly.
“It was really nice to meet you too, hyung!”
Soobin returns to their dressing room just as their manager is opening it, ushering the other boys out. Yeonjun gives him a look, but Soobin doesn’t bite, just gives him a placid smile. He grabs his bag and thanks the staff and crew members that are still milling around but aren’t going to Japan with them.
They do a headcount, and Soobin links arms with Kai as they make their way to the back parking lot.
Kai’s smirking at him but not saying anything, and Soobin’s genuinely grateful for his silence. His exhaustion settles back into him, all the events of the day and what the next week will look like finally catching up to him. At least he’ll be able to sleep on the plane.
Soobin twists his neck around to take one more look at the concert arena, smiling to himself.
“All good, hyung?” Kai asks as they step up into the van.
Soobin nods.
“All good.”