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“Have you tried that new game yet?” Jimin’s voice rang out, more static than voice, through Taehyung’s headphones as he pressed his mouse rapidly, shots firing out through his gun, biting down on his lip as he concentrated.
“TaeTae?” Jimin’s high pitched, squeaky voice rang out through the static.
Taehyung was too busy trying to kill the mob of zombies surrounding the both of them.
“Jiminie to your right!” Taehyung shouted, finger slamming down on the mouse at high speed.
But the zombies overpowered them, crawling all over their pixelated characters until they were completely covered. A huge bloodied, dripping sign dramatically popped up on their screens that read GAME OVER.
Taehyung sighed, frustrated, so close to finishing the level.
“We lost.” Taehyung said through gritted teeth, jaw locked, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed harshly.
“It’s fine, we can play it again later,” Jimin tried to console him.
Taehyung sighed, not wanting to let anger get the best of him, especially with his boyfriend.
Their relationship was different - unconventional, a little out of the box and definitely not one that they had ever heard of before in their 15 years of life. There was a connection here, and both of them knew it. They started off in the chatbox online. They had each other’s back before knowing anything other than they were a part of the same team. They addressed each other by nickname, somehow knew the next move before the other person could even think it. They were symbiotic. Unbeatable. Made the perfect team.
They started off as less than strangers and more like a friend and all they knew about each other was what the other’s character looked like and what their display name of their character was. They moved to chatting online outside of the game. Introduced themselves as Tae and Chimmy.
Giddiness filled their system as they waited for school to end just so they could go home and update each other. One week turned two, turned three, turned to moving from a chatbox to voicecall. Squeaky giggles and breaks in their voice as they talked for hours on end. Voice calls moved to exchanging phone numbers moved to talking to each other every single second of every single day.
And then they bought webcams. WIth a shaky finger and a slight anxiety of whether their best friend would like their face, they pressed the call button. A few minutes go by of them just taking the other person in, pinning the voice to the face, recreating memories of calls just so they could imagine it was them rather than just a phone they were talking to.
“Jimin,” Taehyung breathed as he smiled, eyes softening as he spoke.
“Hi, Tae,” Jimin said back, melting into his chair, picking up the conversation like it was the most natural thing to them.
Friendship turned to tiny crushes turned to a like that only haboured in their hearts little by little, day by day, growing more and more with every alphabet typed, every game played, every text sent, every giggle heard over static lines of cheap headphones, every smile in pixelated 144p of their webcams. And that crush turned to whispered confessions into dimly lit rooms behind locked doors, too late into the night as they nervously spoke words that they had only ever dreamed about saying.
“I like you.” Taehyung said first, pink blush rising on his cheeks as he bit down on his lip and turned away from the computer in fear of getting rejected.
Instead he was met with a soft giddy giggle and a shaky, “I like you too, Tae.”
Which brought them to the now - boyfriends of 5 months, going onto 6, the words GAME OVER in bright red on their computer screens.
“What were you saying?” Taehyung asked, leaning back in his chair, trying to shake off the loss of the game.
“The new game,” Jimin said, leaning forward, pulling his chair closer to the desk, fiddling with the webcam before he found the perfect position. “Call of Duty! It’s the first person shooting game I was telling you about yesterday! Jae Hwan spent all day talking about it! Do you want to play with us?”
“When?” Taehyung asked.
“Friday?” Jimin asked.
“Babe, you know I can’t,” Taehyung sighed, “We’re moving on Friday and I probably won’t even have internet till Monday.”
“Oh, right,” Jimin said, visibly deflating, “Yeah, no. It’s fine…it’s okay.”
“What’s wrong, Chim?” Taehyung asked, leaning forward.
Jimin just shook his head.
“Come on. Tell me what’s wrong,” Taehyung coaxed, and then teased, “Don’t make me use the pinky card on you.”
Jimin couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face at Taehyung’s words.
The pinky card - something they came up with when they had just started talking over the phone. The first time they called, they talked from the time the Moon was at its highest peak in the sky, to the time the Sun had just begun to rise, the blue drawing back to make way for bright pinks and orange hues to fill the morning sky. They had walked around school, zombie like, but with the biggest smiles on their face, knowing that this wasn’t a normal friendship. No. This was a cosmic connection that you get once in your life, and for Taehyung, it was Jimin. For Jimin, it was Taehyung. And that was how the pinky card came about. By invoking this card, the other person couldn’t lie. Because the string tied around their pinkies was a promise to always be together, always be honest. This connection wasn’t going anywhere and the string could never be cut.
“You have ten seconds before I call for the pinky card,” Taehyung warned in a sing song voice.
“Fine, fine,” Jimin said, taking a deep breath before he just came out and said it, “I’m scared.”
“Scared about what, baby?” Taehyung asked, looking at Jimin’s pixelated image on his screen.
“That when you move, you won’t have time for me anymore,” Jimin confessed, “You’re going to a new place, gonna make new friends and spend time with them and then…and then I’ll be nothing more than that long distance internet boyfriend that never worked out.”
“Chim…” Taehyung said, wanting nothing more than to reach inside the computer and pull him in for a hug, to wipe the frown off his face and place a kiss to where his dimples should be, “Chimmy, you know that will never happen, don’t you? Yeah, I’m moving but that doesn’t mean I won’t ever speak to you again. Nothing’s ever going to change, I promise. It’s always going to be you and me. All that’s going to change is the background where I’m talking to you from. Nothing else.”
“Pinky promise?” Jimin asked with a pout, holding out his pinky to the webcam.
Taehyung held his pinky to the webcam, curling it just a little bit, imagining that it was Jimin’s warm, small pinky he was intertwining his finger with, “Pinky promise.”
But the thing about promises is that they were made to be broken.
Daily calls were missed, daily texts never replied to. Daily turned to weekends only, turned to once a week, turned to a few texts here and there, spare and never replied to, game id never logged onto, webcams collecting dust, contact never touched.
Until once what was, never became again. Until fears were proven right and the both of them were just another secret to keep, chaulked up to nothing more than an experience for teenage years. Until, they forgot what each other sounded like. Until giggles turned to a memory, petnames ceased to exist and a friendship was lost in the middle of the hustle and bustle of life, becoming a fleeting thought once or twice in a year - just as fast as it came, it disappeared.
“Hyung!” Jungkook screamed from across the cafe, waving his hand as soon as Taehyung walked in.
Taehyung simply laughed and waved back, tucking in his phone into his pocket as he made his way to Jungkook’s table, “Hey Kookie.”
“Hi, hyungie!” Jungkook greeted with a bright smile, books strewn all over the table as he put his pen and highlighters away into a pencil box. “How was class? Did the professor finally teach today?”
Taehyung sighed as he leaned against the wooden back of the chair, letting his bag slip from his shoulder as he deflated, “I’m convinced this man is a fraud and doesn’t actually have a degree in Law, or any experience whatsoever.”
Jungkook chuckled as he put his books in his bag, listening to Taehyung talk.
“I watched a three minute youtube video last night about money laundering for dummies and learnt more about the Anti Money Laundering Act more than I did from this douchebag!” Taehyung complained, slamming his hand down on the table, hissing in pain and cradling it to his chest right after.
“You’re going to break your hand,” Jungkook warned.
“The only way I’ll break it is on his face,” Taehyung grumbled.
“That’s assault,” Jungkook said.
“No, actually, it’s battery,” Taehyung corrected, reciting the definition from memory, “People get the two mixed up a lot. Assault is when you’re intentionally or recklessly causing another person to apprehend immediate and unlawful violence and battery is committed when a defendant intentionally or recklessly inflicts unlawful force.”
“I think I understood like three words from that sentence,” Jungkook said, blinking owlishly.
“Assault basically means that you put the fear of hitting someone into them, but battery is the actual hitting,” Taehyung said as he stretched, groaning when he felt his muscles burn from the exertion of effort truly showing him how unfit he’s become in university, “People just put the two together because it’s easy to prove one if you prove the other, or if you can’t prove battery the least you can do is prove assault. No one can tell you what your mental state is except for you anyway. Just say you were scared and boom, you get damages and can live off that money for a while.”
“I think I found a solution for your professor problem,” Jungkook said.
Taehyung just hummed as he leaned back against the chair, lack of sleep catching up to him.
“Annoy your professor so much that they have no choice but to punch you! Then you can get money, and get them fired! Boom!” Jungkook said, grin on his face, proud of himself.
“That is actually brilliant!” Taehyung said, thinking out loud, “But how will I annoy him to the point of punching me?”
“Just talk to him,” Jungkook works, “That’s more than enough.”
“Listen here you little shie-” Taehyung said, with no real malice in his voice.
“Oh! Minnie hyung is here!” Jungkook said, glancing at the door, before calling out, “Minnie hyung! Hyung!”
Taehyung was too lazy to actually turn around, and waited for Jungkook to introduce this infamous Minnie Hyung that he had been hearing a lot about. He shut his eyes in the chair, choosing these few seconds to attempt to recharge for a social interaction after the disaster that was his two hour class that seemed to drain all the life out of him.
“Hyung!” Jungkook called out again, softer now.
“Hey Kook,” A soft, almost familiar voice replied. One that made Taehyung think of late nights shrouded by nothing but the bright light of the monitor and the sliver of pale moonlight through the drawn curtains.
“Join us for lunch, hyung! We were just about to order,” Jungkook said, his voice louder as he walked to the table, “My other hyung is here too! You can meet him! He’s really nice! I think you two will get along!”
Excitement coursed through Jungkook’s veins, smiling and grinning at his best friends finally meeting. He walked back to the table where Taehyung was sat with a hat over his face, messy curly hair falling all over the back of the chair.
“Hyung!” Jungkook said, shaking his shoulder, “Wake up! Come meet Minnie hyung.”
Taehyung took his hat off his face, wearing it backwards as he stood up, blinking himself awake before turning around.
“Hi, I’m-” Jimin started to say, hand extended, ready to shake, before he stopped in his tracks.
“Jimin.” Taehyung breathed out, mouth agape as he stared at him.
“Taehyung…” Jimin whispered out, hand falling limp to his side.
“Oh?" Jungkook said, tilting his head slightly as he looked between them, “You two know each other?”
Intense stares were exchanged in the middle of the cafe. Just like old times, it was as if nobody else in the world existed except for both of them and this very moment. Their eyes raked from each other’s hair, thinking about how much longer it’s become, how the colour has changed, how it was styled so effortlessly. Raked down to their eyes, how it still held the same emotions that it did when it was pixelated on screens. Back then, all they had to go on were voices, were blurry images on screen and text messages. In this moment right here, right now, it’s both the closest they’ve ever been, and the furthest they’ve ever been.
Their eyes moved down to each other’s lips - how many times have they talked about kissing each other? About being each other’s firsts? About how a single kiss from them would take all the pain, all the stress, all the bad in the world and make everything okay again.
Broken promises and empty words were all that were left of this relationship now.
“Do you know each other?” Jungkook asked again, slower now, softer now, like he was aware he was intruding on a moment.
“I used to think I did.” Jimin answered in a whisper, yet all Taehyung heard was a shout.
Lunch was a quiet affair with Jungkook doing most of the talking, even with a big bite of sandwich in his mouth, he kept rambling on and on which Jimin always teased him for; always told him that he never let anyone else get a word in whenever he was passionately rambling about something. But right now, pushing his food around on the plate, too tense, too consumed by the hurt of 15 year old Jimin, he was grateful that Jungkook was carrying this conversation, too absorbed in his own world of design to notice the obvious, palpable tension between him and Taehyung.
“But Yoongi hyung said that he would tutor me personally on the European style of interior decorating,” Jungkook said, stopping for a few seconds to chew before he swallowed his food, only to reach down and take another spoonful and shovel it into his mouth, “He said something about the Scandinavian style being far more superior than the German minimalistic style of interior decorating. And he kept going on and on and on and I just didn’t even have the heart to tell him that I don’t even know where Scandinavia is? Alaska? Antarctica? Norway?”
Taehyung stifled a giggle at that, making Jimin’s head snap up to look at him with a blank expression. As fast as his smile graced his face, it fell, as both of them looked at each other, years of silence catching up to them.
“Oh?” Jungkook said, looking down at his buzzing phone, “Oh shit! I’m gonna be late to class!”
“Wait Jung-” Jimin tried to say, but Jungkook didn’t listen.
He grabbed his spoon and started spooning bite after bite after bite, practically inhaling whatever food he could as he grabbed his bag, wallet and phone, mumbled something with his mouth full and ran out of the cafe.
Jimin sat across the table from Taehyung, the only buffer they had gone. They played with their food, neither of them talking, just sitting there next to each other with nothing but a table separating them.
Taehyung had so many questions to ask him - How are you? Did you pursue dance the way you always wanted to? Are you still gaming? What have you been upto? When did you start looking at me like a stranger?
Jimin opened and closed his mouth so many times, a million questions resting on the tip of his tongue, ready to be spoken, but never gaining the courage to turn them from thoughts to words. His tongue was heavy in his mouth, burned, stinging with the hurt from the past - How was the move? Did you move after that? Are you happy? Are you studying what you’ve always wanted to? Why did you stop talking to me? Was it something that I did?
Taehyung cleared his throat as he pushed around a piece of cut up chicken on the plate, “Your hair looks nice. Peach really suits you.”
Jimin reached up on instinct, almost forgetting that he ever coloured his hair in the first place, “Oh, umm, yeah. Thanks. It was, umm, it was pink before but I guess it’s fading off into peach.”
“It’s pretty,” Taehyung said with a polite smile and an understanding nod.
Polite conversation and small talk were all they were reduced to now. The awkwardness of the history that they shared and the obvious tension was palpable as it filled the space between them, filling up the table, shrouding them in it, almost suffocating and drowning them in its waves, crashing against them over and over again.
Taehyung was trying to come to terms with the fact that the person in front of him was indeed the his first love. His only love.
Sure, he’s had plenty of relationships in the span of the years they’ve been apart. He was 15 when he dated Jimin online, and he was 22 years now. But he’s never had the deep, intense, true connection with everyone the way that he did with Jimin. On instinct, he looked down at his pinky, almost as if he could see the red string that they always said connected them. He looked at his pinky, and then at Jimin’s.
“Stop,” Jimin said weakly, like he knew exactly what Taehyung was doing. His heart clenched in his chest as he watched Taehyung’s eyes roam over his finger.
“What?” Taehyung asked, blinking owlishly as he looked back up, heart thumping in his chest from being caught.
A part of him still can’t come to terms with the fact that Jimin was right in front of him, that he wasn’t on a screen anymore; wasn’t pixelated. The Jimin in front of him could see what he was up to, could see his eyes wander, could reach out just a little, and touch him.
Jimin curled his fingers into a fist, hiding his hands in his lap, looking away from Taehyung as he bit down on his bottom lip.
“You don’t get to do that anymore, TaeTae-” Jimin sighed but quickly corrected himself, “Taehyung. Not TaeTae…. It’s a force of habit although I thought I grew out of it already.”
His name never sounded so wrong before. He didn’t want to be Taehyung. Not to Jimin. His name was said like a strangers, like someone he was meeting for the first time. His name wasn’t said the way it used to be - with giddiness, happiness, a love that no one else but them would ever understand.
“Chim-” Taehyung started but Jimin was quick to correct him.
“Jimin.” He said, firm, the name spearing his already aching chest with a javelin, sharp, pointed, made to hurt.
Taehyung had to take a sharp inhale of breath, swallowing harshly, food all forgotten about.
Jimin let out a laugh, an empty one, one full of mirth, full of hurt that he tried to push down but was still showing, “I never thought I would see the day where I hated the way you said my name. But then again, I never thought that you and I would ever be strangers, so what do I know.”
Taehyung set his fork down. Guilt wrecked him as he tried to calm his beating his heart down. He wasn’t the 15 year old boy who used to sit at home and play games all day. This Taehyung matured, grew out of the mentality that the entire world revolved around him and that he was the most important person in the world. But sitting here in front of Jimin, seeing the hurt in his eyes, Taehyung felt like he was 15 all over again.
“You left.” Jimin said as he swallowed harshly, food cold on the table as they talked, the entire world around them melting away, sounds of conversations muted.
There was a wall, a thick wall consisting of bricks laid out one by one, painstakingly, surrounding Jimin. Taehyung could feel himself trying to get through, trying to jump over the ledge just to get a glimpse. But all his efforts were futile. What was the point? He was the reason the wall was built, why would he be let through?
“You promised nothing would ever happen to us when you left,” Jimin whispered out, pinky tucked into his hands on his lap, too scared to let them out for fear of seeing a tiny red string still wrapped around it. “You held out your pinky and promised that we would be okay; that nothing would change. And then you left…”
“Jimin, I was young. We got busy-” Taehyung tried to say, but Jimin cut him off.
“No!” He practically yelled out, chest heaving with the sheer emotions in his voice, mumbling under his breath, “Fuck this is so stupid! I was 15 and it really shouldn’t matter that an online relationship didn’t work out. But shit, Taehyung, for years it bothered me! Hurt me! I always wondered what it was that went wrong. How did we go from talking every single day, sharing bits and pieces about our life, sharing the big stuff, the little things, the things in between to just….not existing in the same space anymore.”
Taehyung felt the blood in his veins run ice cold, felt the hole in his heart grow just a little bit bigger. His 15 year old self was cowering, crumbling just a little bit more as he watched Jimin, his Jimin- no. Not his Jimin. Not anymore. He did that. He made sure that Jimin wasn’t his.
“You knew I was afraid that it would happen, that we would go from everything, to something, to nothing, and you promised me that it wouldn’t….and you broke it.” Jimin said, voice barely over a whisper, something so soft, so broken and fragile that it made Taehyung want to reach out, want to cup his cheek and hold him and whisper love letters into his skin.
“Jimin,” He said, breathing out his sorrows, his regrets, his mistakes from the past that he never thought would come back to haunt him, his consequences that he never thought about, always being too selfish, always thinking that the entire world revolved around 15 year old him.
“You were the one person I thought would never hurt me,” Jimin confessed, a single tear rolling down his cheek, “In the end, you were the one who broke my heart the most.”
“I never wanted to hurt you,” Taehyung said in a voice barely over a whisper, yet it echoed throughout their little bubble that they were in, “Please believe me. I loved you….I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But you did.” Jimin replied, trying to remain stoic, trying to pretend like he wasn’t still picking up the pieces from his teenage heartbreak, “You did and I….”
“You what?” Taehyung asked, leaning in closer, vision blurring from the tears that were pricking the back of his eyes.
“For some reason, I still can’t find it in me to hate you.”
Taehyung’s breath hitched in his throat, wanting to reach out and hold Jimin’s hand the way he had always dreamed of doing. He still remembered conversations where they would talk about when they would meet, how they would meet, what they would do when they were together and all Taehyung wanted to do now was reach out, just a little bit, and take Jimin’s hand in his and intertwine their fingers together.
“I can’t change the past,” Taehyung said, “As much as I want to go back and do things differently, Jimin, I can’t. I can only apologise for the hurt I caused you, for the pain that I was responsible for. I’m not going to excuse my actions. I was 15, I was new to town and trying to fit in; trying to make friends, trying to assimilate into life while learning a whole new side of me. I became busier and busier….and in that I lost sense of what was important to me. I lost you. I didn’t make time for you and because of that we drifted apart. All I can do is say sorry and hope that you’ll forgive me.”
Jimin nodded, looking away for a second to pretend like he wasn’t crying, like tears weren’t tracking down his cheeks.
And just like that it was like the hatred he was holding onto so close to his heart, the hurt and the pain that flowed from the wound that never fully healed, the fault line that spanned across his his heart, fractured, leaking out memory after memory into his bloodstream, never letting him forget….Just like that, all of it, every single second that he was hurting, vanished, into thin air. Dissipated. 15 year old Jimin was at peace, his heart felt lighter, his shoulders perked up, like it wasn’t holding onto a burden that he had been carrying for years and years and years now.
“Jimin?” Taehyung said softly, said gently, his fingers twitching, aching to hold Jimin’s hand, aching to take some of the pain that he caused away, needing to touch him, to hold him the way he always promised over video call all those years ago.
But he couldn’t.
He lost that right the day he decided to stop trying, the day he stopped answering calls, choosing to be with his friends from school instead. He lost that right the day he stopped making Jimin a priority, caught up with the glitter of shiny new friends, wanting so desperately to impress them, to seem cool.
It was a teenage mistake he would always regret.
“I didn’t know how much I needed that,” Jimin whispered as he sniffled, a smile making its way on his face, the first one that Taehyung saw all day, “All this time, I’ve tried to hate you, I’ve held onto this anger, this resentment and hurt. I hated the fact that I would never be able to talk to you, to ask you why you broke my heart all those years ago…but…but now that I finally could, now that we finally talked and I got my closure it just…”
Jimin sniffled again, smiling, relieved.
“I’m sorry,” Taehyung apologised again. Because he needed to. Because he hated the fact that he caused Jimin all this hurt.
Jimin shook his head, “You weren’t the only one to blame for the breakdown of our relationship. I gave up too easily. I let you go as easily as you did me. We were teenagers, we were bound to make mistakes…I just…Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through because I didn’t just lose my boyfriend; I lost my best friend too.”
“I’m here now,” Taehyung whispered over the hustle and bustle of the coffee shop, yet his words were as loud, as clear, as bold as the impact the three words were.
“Tae..”
“Let’s fix what 15 year old us broke, Jimin,” Taehyung said, leaning forward on the chair, “Let’s be friends again.”
Jimin bit down on his lip, chewing it, gnawing on the fleshy, slightly chapped part of it, contemplating it. He was scared, terrified of getting hurt again. There was a part of him that was still clinging onto the memory of 15 year old him texting and calling Taehyung late at night when he needed him the most, only to get his dialtone, only to get no response, only to get radio silence.
But Jimin’s here now. He was older; braver, stronger, willing to take another chance.
So he smiled, reached across the table and held out his pinky, “Friends.”
Taehyung’s heart beat faster as he reached across the table the same way he used to do on his computer. Except this time, instead of the cold, static screen, he felt warmth. He felt the static electricity flowing through the touch of skin. He felt a smile spread across his face, felt the jolt of static right in his heart.
He felt Jimin.
Things were different, but Jimin couldn’t imagine a way where anything would be the same. This wasn’t 15 year old them anymore. This was them who had experience beyond just school assembly’s, classes and lunch breaks. This was them years later. This was a whole different person.
They weren’t the same anymore and even though Jimin naively dreamt that they would fall right in place, logically, he knew that they wouldn’t.
They were polite smiles and fake laughs. They were acquaintances in the same room as their friends who assimilated quicker than them until their friend group was so intertwined that neither of them could get away with not hanging out because they were together all the time. They had group chats, and weekly dinners scheduled.
“So, how did you and Jimin know each other?” was a question they had managed to dodge time and time again until the rest of them got the hint and just stopped asking all together.
For now, they were acquaintances, waiting to become friends, guard still up, but not all the way yet. Just enough so that they could protect their own hearts. Too scared of getting it broken again, the glue just about drying as it held together from the first time they saw each other in the cafe, the tape ripping off the edges, dried up tears staining the back of it, the thread that once held it all together fraying in the middle, threatening to break with one wrong move, one jagged word aimed straight to the chest. But their walls were strong, were big and looped all the way around so that their hearts were secure.
They were afraid, petrified, terrified, and awkward. So, so awkward. They didn’t know if anyone else realised the tension between them. But they stayed far away from each other as to not be left alone together, but still close enough that it didn’t bring any awkwardness to the group.
They were fine for now.
For now.
“Are you kidding me?!” Taehyung all but screamed in the tiny apartment, on the floor, near the couch, beer in hand as he ignored Hoseok and Jin giggling in the corner.
“I said what I said,” Jungkook gulped at his beer, words just about starting to slur.
“I’m going to blame this on the drinks,” Taehyung scoffed, angrily taking another gulp of beer, almost crushing the can in his hand.
Jimin was pink in the cheeks, hand over his mouth as he stifled his giggles, leaning against Yoongi on the couch who had a fond look on his face as he looked down at the younger two fighting it out.
“Take. It Back.” Taehyung all but growled out as he narrowed his eyes at Jungkook.
“No.” Jungkook said, slamming his half empty beer can on the table as he glared at Taehyung, “I’m not wrong! Plants vs Zombies is the best zombie game there is!”
“You clearly have never played Zombieland before!” Taehyung scoffed, his can of beer now empty, a hiccup working its way up his throat, cheeks tinged a dusty pink as he talked, “Here’s a list of reasons why you’re wrong-”
“Oh here we go,” Namjoon sighed, chugging down the little bit of the amber drink that he had left.
“Let’s start with the storyline,” Taehyung said, getting comfortable on the floor as he held eye contact with Jungkook, hand itching to grab another beer can on the table, but he was too heated to actually reach over and take it, “Plants vs Zombies barely has one. All you have to do is put the plants in the yard and let them beat the zombies. You’re not doing anything except grinding to get more money to get more plants while you watch the zombies eat them. But in Zombieland, you wake up in the middle of an abandoned hospital and all you have on you is a pistol that you found on the floor. The entire world has changed and you have no idea what’s happening! You figure it out with the character.”
Yoongi reached over the table and cracked open a can of beer, passing it to Taehyung who nods in acknowledgement, too deep into the rant to stop now. He gulped the beer like it was water and continued on.
“Don’t even get me started on the arsenal of weapons available to you once you clear the first wave of zombies-” Taehyung started to say but then changed his mind, “Actually, I will start! So you have the-”
Jimin giggled into his sweater paw, his beer finished, but heart so full, glimpses of the 15 year old boy ranting away in the middle of the night while Jimin listened fondly, nodding along to words he could barely understand, but falling deeper and deeper in love with him. He rested his chin on his hand as he leaned forward to listen to Taehyung speak so passionate, his eyes always getting this twinkle, this sparkle, this fire in them that just burned brighter and brighter. It was always Jimin’s favourite thing about Taehyung - his passion that was driven by love.
“And holy shit the multiplayer option that gets so seamlessly added into the gameplay and the storyline if you choose it!” Taehyung said, finishing his third beer, slamming the empty can down, a burp making its way up his stomach, dying in his throat, forced down by a hiccup, “Minnie and I would play all the time! We made the best team! We never died even once! Isn’t that right, Minnie?”
Jimin nodded with a big dopey grin on his face, not even registering that Taehyung had called him by their old nickname, too happy, too entrance by Taehyung and his conviction, his passion, his words. All Jimin wanted to do was make sure that he won this argument, just so he could see the victorious smile on his face - scrunched eyes, wide boxy grin and flushed cheeks.
“Zombieland was one of the first games to introduce online gaming,” Jimin said, excited, his pink hair falling over his eyes, words slurred as he talked freely, “TaeTae and I were unstoppable when we played together! The zombies didn’t stand a chance and neither did anyone else.”
Taehyung turned to Jimin, “Do you remember when we played the tournament online and there were like what? 4 teams? 5 maybe?”
“They had us surrounded and we barely had any ammo left!” Jimin continued, laughing at the memory, “We thought we were going to die! We were first in the tourney too and everyone realised at the second round that we were just too good and they wanted to eliminate us first.”
The rest of the boys were quiet as they watched the natural, almost familiar repertoire that Jimin and Taehyung had. There was history there, they all knew that. There was a painful, almost unmentionable history between them that the rest of them couldn’t quite understand. All they knew was that the hurt ran so deep that neither Taehyung nor Jimin could be left alone with the other. They tried their hardest to make sure that they were all hanging out together so at least there was a buffer.
But right now, watching them laugh at memories that they were sure was never going to come up, watching them reminisce fondly, they wondered what went wrong. How such a beautiful friendship dissipated just like that. They could see their smiles, could see the electricity that was sparking between them, could feel warmth radiating from the bond that never really broke at all. They could see the way they looked at each other, could tell that neither Taehyung nor Jimin ever gave up on this friendship of theirs.
Their nicknames were spoken so softly, so fondly. It was uttered into the palms of their hands just so the words had a safe space to land, had a resting ground for a minute, just a minute. The nickname was given to the other, watching as it was handed over from one palm to another until it was resting against their chest so that the word had a place to live in their heart, alongside other memories.
“We still won, didn’t we, TaeTae?” Jimin giggled.
“I told you, didn’t I, babe? When it’s you and me, we can never lose,” Taehyung said with a wide, boxy grin.
Their laughs moulded together like a melodious practiced song that never seemed to go out of style as they leaned closer to each other.
The rest of the boys looked on and smiled, knowing that their history went so much deeper than just friendship, so much deeper than just love. This was more. So, so much more.
Things changed after that night. It was palpable.
The air around Jimin and Taehyung was lighter now, airy. Although they were still never left alone, by choice, always leaving when another one of their friends did, or coming to each other’s house with someone else - things were vastly different.
They were soft smiles and boisterous laughs. They were stolen glances from across the room, private smiles when they recalled something they knew they weren’t meant to. They were inside jokes that no one but them understood. They were telepathic conversations with a single stare that barely lasted more than 5 seconds. They were growing from a relationship that lasted months, to a friendship that could last for the rest of time.
They were happy when they thought that they would never be again. They were synchronised beating hearts that never stopped its steady rhythm ever since it found its dancing partner at 14 years old.
They were Taehyung and Jimin, one name never spoken without the other, creating a space for them that would span galaxies. They were Jimin and Taehyung, fated to come back to one another, the string around their pinkies never fraying, never breaking, never losing its soft golden glow, blessed by the guiding force of the moonlight, and the happy yellow brightness of the sun.
“Hyung?” Taehyung said as he looked up from his textbook, too deep in his thoughts to even remember what subject he was meant to be studying for right now.
Yoongi hummed an affirmation, his finger tapping along to the beat on his headphones, not bothering to look up from the screen of his computer.
“Hyung, I have a question,” Taehyung said.
“What?” Yoongi asked, grabbing onto the mouse, loud clicks sounding out his room.
“Do you think it’s possible to fall back in love when you fell out of love before?” Taehyung asked meekly, trying to look everywhere that wasn’t Yoongi for fear that he would know exactly what he was talking about.
Yoongi paused and hummed in thought. He turned his chair around from the study table by the window and leaned back in it as he looked at Taehyung who was laying on the bed, textbook all forgotten about, closed, next to him. Taehyung sat up and leaned back against his palm.
“You know what I think?” Yoongi said.
“What?”
“I think that love is a continual thing,” Yoongi said, “I think that once you fall in love, once you take that journey with your heart, you never stop. Falling in love isn’t a bad a thing, sure it may be a little scary, because you’re going through this tunnel, walking by yourself with nothing but your heart and even some hope with you. You don’t know how the other person feels, hell, maybe you don’t even know that you’re falling yet, but it’s a journey you’ll never forget. The smiles, the laughs, the intimacy and closeness, the constant wondering of how the other person is doing, what they’re eating, if they’re thinking about you the same way that you’re thinking about them…”
All Taehyung could think about was Jimin - Jimin with his glasses at 15, leaning too close to the camera, braces shining, glimmering underneath the fluorescent lights and the glare of the computer screen, static and bright. All Taehyung could think about was the endless waiting in school, his leg bouncing up and down in class as he tried his hardest to pay attention, already gathering things he wanted to tell Jimin about like a memory squirrel, storing information to be used later. All Taehyung could think about was the giggles on the phone, was the secret I love you’s underneath the covers with his parents down the hall, was the planning and talks of their future with the kind of house they wanted to build with the computer room and the movie theatre room and the swimming pool out back. All Taehyung could think of was how in love he was as a teen.
Yoongi smiled to himself, “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Love? Once we’re in, we’re in deep. We love every single thing that they do, look forward to being with them, look forward to seeing them next, to hearing their voice, to making new memories and visiting old ones…Once you’re in love, you’re always going to love them. Sure that love may change over time - maybe it only deepens, the kind of love that’s comforting, that’s nurturing and only grows and ages like fine wine. Or maybe the love changes because you do. Maybe instead of being in love romantically, your relationship with them changes to something more platonic. But regardless of what it is, Taehyung-ah…Love never stops. It just evolves.”
Pink flooded his mind immediately, soft strands falling on forehead, into scrunched up eyes filled with happiness. Melodious giggles sounding like his favourite song. The warmth of Jimin’s body as he throws himself while laughing onto the couch, onto him, onto anyone who’s beside him. Taehyung thinks of a bright toothy smile that has the power to rival the glow of the sun, the shimmer of every star in the galaxy, the shine of the moonlight on its brightest day.
Taehyung’s mind is flooded with Jimin, Jimin, Jimin.
Maybe Yoongi is right. Maybe Taehyung never truly fell out of love. Maybe his heart was waiting for the day it got to see Jimin again before it started to beat.
“Tae?” Yoongi said with a knowing smile.
“Yeah, hyung?”
“You never fell out of love, did you?”
“No,” Taehyung said as he thinks about Jimin, “I guess I never did.”
Jungkook snapped his fingers in front of Jimin’s face, “Hyung! Jimin hyung!”
“Wh-What?” Jimin said, blinking his eyes, shaking his head as he tried to come back to reality from a deep thought.
“You were spacing out for like five minutes. Where did you go in that tiny little head of yours, hyung?” Jungkook said, sipping on his iced coffee.
“First of all, you little shit, my head is not tiny!” Jimin said, lightly hitting Jungkook’s arm, making him laugh as he put the plastic cup down onto the grass, leaning back against the tree they were currently under having lunch, “Second of all….well, I was just thinking.”
“Thinking about what?” Jungkook asked.
“Grown up stuff,” Jimin teased, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”
Jungkook frowned nudging Jimin’s side, “Hyung!” He whined, eyes big and doe brown, coupled with a pout that he knew Jimin could never say no to.
“Brat,” Jimin said while rolling his eyes, “I guess I was just thinking about…how different everything is, you know? How things don’t ever stay the same. But also how even when you think someone’s changed completely, you still know them from the old them. Am I making any sense or am I just rambling?”
“You’re kind of making sense,” Jungkook said. “People change, that much is true. Maybe they mature over time, or just have experiences that change them as a person, but that doesn’t mean that the essence of them changes. Hearts are always going to be the same - kind, caring, intelligent and loving. It’s just the responses to situations that change over time.”
Jimin sighed as he leaned against the trunk of the tree, “I guess you’re right. Hearts don’t change, but personalities and people do.”
“Is that such a bad thing, hyung?” Jungkook asked, “We’re moulded by the experiences in our life, shaped by the way we handle them now and learn for the future. But the love we have in our hearts for the people around us never changes. You don’t fall out of love once you’ve fallen in love.”
“You believe that?” Jimin asked genuinely, “That we never fall out of love?”
“How can you?” Jungkook asked, “When you’re in love, you know the person inside and out. When you’re in love, you know them for them, not for the facade that they portray to the world. How do you fall out of love when you’re so deep that you’ve already accepted the person, cracks, flaws, bad days, good days, failures, successes and all? How do you go through all of that and decide to stop loving?”
”The heart’s just a muscle, isn’t it, Jungkook?” Jimin said, “What if the love is just muscle memory and nothing else?”
“That would make sense only if the love is coming from the heart though, hyung,” Jungkook smiled as he responded, “But when we’re in love, I’m talking the true, deep, love. The kind that you feel all over. The kind that brings you to your knees, but also comforts you on days where it feels like the entire world is against you. When you’re in that kind of love, you love with every single part of yourself - from your head, to your soul, to your emotions, and then with your heart.”
Jimin couldn’t help but think about Taehyung. How could he not think of him? Taehyung’s been the only one Jimin’s ever fallen in love with. Sure, he’d had crushes here and there, had kisses that weren’t from Taehyung, but he compared them to him. He never had more. Never had late night talks that spanned hours where he laid his heart out in pieces and let them examine it, let them hold it in their hand and look at how jagged it was, look at how much more work needed to be put in to make it whole again. He’d never opened himself up, let them look around at the crevices, at the cracks, at the dark corners of him that he kept well hidden from society, from the world.
No. No one was ever allowed to do that. No one but Taehyung.
He was Jimin’s first love, and Jimin knew that Taehyung would be his last love too.
“Hyung,” Jungkook called out softly, called out gently as he placed his hand on Jimin’s thigh.
“Hmm?”
“People change, hyung, it’s inevitable,” Jungkook said, “But change isn’t bad. All it is, is growth. Just like how love grows, so does a person.”
It was nearing 1am on a Friday night and everyone was gathered at Taehyung’s house for the weekly dinner. This week Taehyung was in charge of the food and drinks which naturally meant pizza, fried chicken and beers all around. He was feeling extra fancy today and even splurged on a couple of wine bottles just to class up the evening.
Everyone was tipsy, giggling as they bid him farewell with a promise to text when they reached their own homes.
“Oh god, hyung, why did you drink when you know you don’t have any capacity to hold it?” Jungkook grunted as he held onto Hoseok’s waist who was hiccuping, pink in the face from the alcohol.
“Ju-Jungkook-ah-” Hoseok giggled.
“Oof,” Jin said as he held up Hoseok from the other side, “Hobi stop squirming!”
“Hyung! When did you get her-hic-here-” Hoseok said, eyes nearly shut as he hiccuped mid sentence again.
“Next week, make sure someone takes his drink away after two beers,” Jungkook grunted as he walked Hoseok forward.
“Get home safe! Text us if you need help!” Taehyung said, waving to them as they got onto the elevator.
Taehyung closed the door behind him and walked back into the apartment to the sounds of beer cans clinking and plastic rustling.
“Hobi hyung okay?” Jimin asked, glancing at Taehyung and then back at the beer cans laid all over the living room floor.
“Jin hyung and Kookie are taking him home,” Taehyung said, grabbing a garbage bag and putting the empty pizza boxes in them, “You really don’t have to do this, Minnie.”
“I want to,” Jimin said, smiling at Taehyung as he cleaned up.
Taehyung picked up a stray beer can from underneath the table and was just about to throw it into his garbage bag when he smirked, an idea coming to him, “Hey, Minnie!”
Jimin hummed and turned around.
“Catch!” Taehyung said, throwing the beer can towards him.
Jimin barely had any time to react, but he quickly opened up his black garbage bag as wide as it would go and the beer can fell right in.
“Oh hell yes! Point for me!” Taehyung cheered.
Jimin giggled, “My turn!”
Jimin grabbed a small empty box that used to be filled with garlic bread. He made sure it was closed and threw it at Taehyung’s bag.
Taehyung closed it and pulled it away, “Aww. No point for you.”
“You sabotaged me!” Jimin said, grabbing another box and throwing it at Taehyung’s arm directly.
“We’re on the same team, why would I do that?” Taehyung dramatically gasped, “The fact that you could even insinuate-”
Before Taehyung could finish his sentence, an empty box was being flung in his face. As he got over the shock, his mouth agape, he could hear trinkle of giggles coming from Jimin who was bent over, laughing, the plastic garbage bag in his hand being crushed.
“Oh, that’s how you want to play it?” Taehyung said, reaching over to take the crushed up receipt and throwing it at Jimin, the clean up long forgotten about.
“No!” Jimin said quickly, trying to dodge out of the way as he ran around the table, taking whatever he could find to use as ammunition.
The living room was messier than they found it, but they didn’t care, both too caught up in this little game they made up on the spot. Their hearts were racing, not just because of the physical exertion, but because of how happy they were.
Taehyung dreamt about this moment ever since he was 15. He dreamt about living together with Jimin, chasing after their dreams, helping the other out, being there, being a constant in the game of life where everything was ever changing. He dreamt about growing old with him, building a life, decorating a house, getting a dog, maybe even some kids when they were ready for it.
And right here, right now, with Jimin’s giggles filling his tiny apartment, this felt less like a house and more like a home.
They were panting, barely two feet away from each other, chest heaving up and down from the exertion of effort.
“Truce?” Jimin said as he held out his hand.
“Truce.” Taehyung nodded, holding out his pinky instead.
They glanced over at the difference - Jimin holding out his hand for a handshake, and Taehyung waiting with only his pinky outstretched. It was a reflex for Taehyung, something he didn’t even think about anymore. He was so intertwined, so connected with Jimin in more ways than just his heart that he didn’t think about his actions anymore. He just felt it. Felt this deep, soul bond, sensed this trust that ran through him like blood that he didn’t even question it. He just felt, felt, felt.
Jimin smiled and intertwined his pinky with Taehyung, looking at the way Taehyung’s pinky always engulfed his, made him feel safe even here. Even now.
“Come on,” Jimin said, not wanting to let go, needing to feel that electricity course through him, “Let’s clean this up.”
They spent the next few minutes stealing glances at each other as the crinkle of plastic interrupted the welcomed, comfortable silence. Private smiles from across the room, soft sighs into the moonlit night, so intimate that the stars hid behind the clouds, giggling in bursts of shimmers as they closed their eyes as to not see Jimin and Taehyung.
“And, we’re done!” Jimin said as he picked up a scrunched up tissue from the floor, throwing it into the black garbage bag, tying it off at the top.
“Thanks for helping, Jiminie,” Taehyung said, tying his own garbage bag off.
“It’s nothing,” Jimin waved off.
“Here, why don’t you give me this and wash your hands in the bathroom,” Taehyung said, extending his hand to take the garbage bag off of Jimin.
Jimin walked off to the guest bathroom when Taehyung stopped him.
“Oh, Minnie! Use my bathroom! The one in my room! The plumber hasn’t come yet and the flush for the guest bathroom isn’t working,” Taehyung told him as he walked the two filled garbage bags to the kitchen.
Jimin hummed in confirmation and beelined straight to Taehyung’s room. He turned the light on and washed his hands. He wiped them off with the hand towel and just raked his fingers through his hair, making sure that every strand had a place, that his hair was neat, tidy, but also dishevelled in a way that made him look like he wasn’t obviously grooming himself in the bathroom just to look good for Taehyung.
He looked at himself in the mirror for a second, and behind the high of the chase, behind the fondness and affection and the gloss of alcohol, Jimin saw fear. Fear of being in the same position as 15 year old him was - heartbroken, alone, constantly checking his phone hoping that the next notification sound would be from Taehyung.
Jimin was scared. He wasn’t scared to fall, no, he had taken that journey a long time ago. Fell so deep, so fast, knew Taehyung’s heart before he knew the sound of his voice, the way he looked. He had fallen years ago and never fell out of love. But now, now things were different. Now Jimin was older, wiser, his walls were broken down, but the vault his heart was in was still locked shut. No doubt it beat in sync to Taehyung’s heart, but that didn’t mean that Jimin was ready to unlock it, to lay his heart out once again and be vulnerable with love.
Jimin was terrified. What if he made the same mistakes? What if he intertwined his life with Taehyung’s again and wake up one morning just to realise that it had all unravelled overnight. He didn’t think he was ready to spend months of his life trying to piece it all back together again. This time, Jimin wasn’t so sure he would be able to tell the difference between a broken, jagged piece of his life and the piercing shattered piece of his heart.
Jimin took one last look in the mirror and walked out of the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and turned the light off, getting ready to walk out of Taehyung’s bedroom when he spotted something on his bedside table.
It seemed to glint, glimmer and catch the shine of the pale silver moonlight streaming in from the window opposite the bed. Jimin squinted, sure that he was seeing things wrongly because there was no way that the object catching the moonlight was what he was thinking. It couldn’t be….
“After all these years there was no way that Taehyung still had it.” Jimin mumbled to himself as he walked towards the bed, sitting down on the mattress, fingers barely ghosting over the cold links of it.
“Jimin? You okay in-” Taehyung walked into the bedroom to see Jimin holding the bracelet so delicately in his palm as if it was so fragile, it would break at any second. All Taehyung could say was, “Oh.”
“You kept it.” Jimin almost whispered into the night as he stared down at the bracelet.
“It was a gift from you,” Taehyung said as he walked closer, “Why wouldn’t I keep it?”
Jimin looked down at the silver linked bracelet, tracing his thumb over the thin gold engraved circle that had the initials JM on it. He remembered buying it the day after Taehyung said that they were boyfriends. Jimin wanted to give him something special, something that would last, something that would remind Taehyung that even if Jimin wasn’t with him in person, he would always be there for him. He remembered going to the jewelry store and spending his savings on the bracelet, not really caring about the fact that it was months of hardwork, months of being frugal and not splurging on himself, months of stinging on every single thing and not even going out with his friends just so he could save up to buy himself a new game. But it was for Taehyung, so none of that mattered anymore. It would be worth it the second Jimin saw him open up his present in front of the webcam, wide boxy smile on his face as he did.
He just didn’t expect Taehyung to still have it with him all this time. It had been years since he mailed out the bracelet and the letter. Years since he watched Taehyung read the letter with a heavy, wet voice, emotions that Jimin were too scared to say out loud, all put down on paper. He poured his heart out onto those few sheets of paper, remembered the way tears streamed down his face as he told Taehyung just how much he meant to him. As he told Taehyung that before being his boyfriends, he was his best friend first.
Taehyung sat next to Jimin on the bed, put his hand on top of Jimin’s that was holding onto the bracelet in the palm of his hand, “You wrote me a letter. And in it, you put the bracelet there. You told me that you’d be with me until the sun burns out and promised to protect me from the dark. It’s why the pendant is gold.”
Jimin looked up at Taehyung, eyes glossy as he clutched onto the bracelet, holding it in his palm, never wanting to let go, “You remembered…”
Taehyung brought his hand up to cup Jimin’s cheek, thumb gently stroking his cheekbones, almost as pink as his hair was. Out of every sight in the entire universe, Taehyung knew that Jimin would always be the most beautiful.
“When it comes to you, Minnie, I never forget,” Taehyung whispered his words as if it were a secret, as if it was only meant for the both of them and no one else, not even the walls were privy to this information.
“Do you remember what you gave me after I gave you the bracelet?” Jimin asked him, unclenching his fist, grabbing onto Taehyung’s big hand in his.
“I mailed you a necklace,” Taehyung answered, looking down at their hands, watching Jimin’s every move, “The chain was gold and the pendant was silver.”
“And on it, were the initials TH,” Jimin said as he clasped the bracelet around Taehyung’s wrist.
Taehyung smiled, “You remembered.”
“When it comes to you, Tae,” Jimin repeated, “I don’t forget.”
“Jimin-ah…” Taehyung said breathily, gripping onto the bedsheet as he dared to lean forward, lips barely an inch away from Jimins, eyes flittering between his lips and his eyes, checking his every miniscule reaction.
Jimin fluttered his eyes shut, waiting, leaning in just as slowly, both of them visibly nervous.
Taehyung’s lips ghosted over Jimin’s, feeling the warmth radiating from him, just about to lean in completely, just about to apply pressure and finally feel Jimin’s soft, plush and plump lips the way he’d been dreaming about ever since he was a teenager.
But Jimin couldn’t. He pulled away, chest heaving up and down like he had just ran a marathon. His heart was thudding in his chest, ice cold fear flooding his every nerve. He had tears welling in his eyes as he bit down on his bottom lip, gnawing at it, feeling the sting and hoping that would bring him back to reality.
“Jimin-” Taehyung tried to say.
Jimin just smiled, played it off like it was nothing when in reality every single fibre of his being was begging him to get out of the apartment and back to safety. All his head was trying to do was protect his heart from getting broken again.
“We’re drunk.” Jimin said, knowing that was the furthest thing from the truth, “I…I think I should go.”
“Jimin please-”
“Thank you for tonight, Taehyung.” Jimin said, ignoring him, his fingers burning from where he touched Taehyung, lips searing from where they had touched but never really kissed, “I had a great time. I’ll…I’ll see you soon, okay?”
And all Taehyung could do was watch Jimin walk away.
Maybe he never stood a chance. Maybe all this was, was an old crush that never really died down.
As much as Taehyung wanted to believe that, he knew it wasn’t true. He knew that downplaying what Jimin and he had wasn’t the antidote to his aching heart. No matter how much he wanted to believe it.
Taehyung was expecting things to be awkward after the Almost Kiss Incident, as he was calling it in his head. He was expecting Jimin to avoid him, to pretend not to see him only to turn the other way every time Taehyung was around.
But Jimin didn’t.
Nothing was different. Everything stayed the same. Taehyung didn’t know if he should be jumping for joy or not.
He tried not to think too hard about it. He tried to focus on the positives - like the fact that Jimin and him were closer than ever. Or the fact that Jimin and him could hang out alone now and there was no awkwardness, no sense of being even the slightest bit uncomfortable. Or the fact that Jimin and him would talk and text everyday without fail.
Taehyung felt 15 again - with the same old crush, the same adrenaline coursing through his veins when he saw Jimin’s face, saw his smile, saw his name pop up on his notification screen, felt his heart soar in his chest.
…which was why it hurt all the more when Jimin came over and told him his big news that he had been teasing Taehyung about all day.
“What?” Taehyung said, not sure if the word even came out of his lips.
He heard a loud crack, and turned around to see if it was thundering, but found the sky to be clear, found the sun setting in beautiful purple and pink hues, the clouds drifting along, like gisant cotton balls, soaking up the very last bit of Sun as the Moon rose higher and higher along the horizon.
“I’m going a date!” Jimin announced excitedly, eyes crinkled by his sides, mouth upturned into a smile as he spoke, “Min Hyuk asked me out after dance practice today and I said yes! He’s coming to pick me up in an hour. Do you think you could help me get ready?”
The sound was Taehyung’s heart breaking all over again. This time, it hurt more. This time, he knew he couldn’t pretend the pain didn’t exist. This time, he couldn’t pass it off as a teenage crush. Because this time was different.
He got to see Jimin up close. He had the chance to hold his hand, to rake his fingers through his soft pink strands. He got to feel Jimin’s warmth. He got the chance to ghost his lips over his. He had the chance to hug him, to hold him in his arms, to eat lunch with him, to watch the sun set with him. Taehyung got to be best friends with him….He fell in love all over again.
And it was because Taehyung loved him, that he brushed the pieces of his broken heart to one side. He ignored the stabbing pain coming from the jagged edges of the pieces lodged in his chest, pushed it down as far as it would go and said,
“Of course, Minnie. Anything to see you happy.”
Taehyung couldn’t help but pace up and down his apartment, nibbling down on his nail as a million different scenarios ran through his mind. He couldn’t help but think over each one, play out every single thing that could happen in that one scenario before moving onto the next, and the next, and the next, and the -
There were holes where he paced, up and down and up and down, wearing out the wood on the floors, the rug burnt through from the sheer overuse and fire coming out from underneath the soles of his feet. Each ping of his phone making him look down at it, hoping, praying, with all of his might that it was Jimin calling to update him, that it was Jimin telling him to come pick him up, or to let him know that he was okay.
Taehyung didn’t want to tell Jimin that he shouldn’t go. Who was Taehyung to police Jimin’s dating life? Who was Taehyung to tell Jimin that he shouldn’t date anyone else because Taehyung was so utterly in love with him? Irrevocably in love with him, to the point that all Taehyung wanted to do was make Jimin happy, keep the smile on his face, keep him close to his heart and never let him go.
But isn’t that what love is? Heartbreak. Sacrificing your own happiness if it meant that the person you loved was happy.
WIth each dab of foundation, each swipe of eyeshadow on Jimin’s eyelid, Taehyung was breaking more and more on the inside. But the second Jimin saw himself in the mirror, the second he gasped and said that he felt pretty…Taehyung realised that he would endure this pain and so much more if it meant that Jimin kept smiling like that.
Before Taehyung could send himself down another spiral, there was a knock on the door. Followed by another. And another.
He walked over to the door and opened it up without a second thought.
“Minnie?” He said in surprise, looking down at his watch - only an hour had passed since Jimin left. “What are you-Are you okay? Did something happen?”
“What?” Jimin said, as if he didn’t turn up at Taehyung’s apartment midway through his date, hair mussy and messy as if fingers had been run through it over and over again, eyes almost frantic.
“You’re here.” Taehyung said, “Did something happen at the date?”
“Oh, that,” Jimin cleared his throat, and pushed past Taehyung to walk into the living room, “Oh yeah, he just wasn’t my type.”
Taehyung could tell that he was lying, that there was something more than that, but Jimin just wasn’t saying anything.
“He was really nice and all,” Jimin said quickly, adding onto his last statement, “But he…yeah, we’re better off as friends.”
“Oh.” Was all Taehyung could manage.
The confession was lodged in his throat, making it hard for him to swallow, each beat of his heart pushing it further and further and further until it had stopped on his tongue. Right at the tip of his tongue.
Taehyung decided to take a plunge.
“Minnie I need to tell you something,” Taehyung said from the middle of the room, his heart beating against the cage that was his ribs wanting so desperately to escape, to jump out and land perfectly on Jimin’s palm and ask to be taken care of the way Jimin took care of everything else - with love, adoration, and the utmost care.
“What is it Tae?” Jimin asked, sitting on the arm of the couch, looking at Taehyung.
“You’re gonna hate me,” Taehyung whispered softly, fear getting the best of him despite his heart beating strong, knowing that their history was far too vast, spanned over years and years, with the evidence being their broken hearts that were glued back and the bracelet sitting on Taehyung’s wrist.
“That’s never going to happen in any universe,” Jimin whispered, getting off the couch, standing in front of Taehyung as he gently cradled his hands, thumb rubbing soft, soothing circles against the bone. “You can tell me anything, TaeTae. I’m always going to be here.”
Taehyung took a deep breath and swallowed down his fear before he confessed, “Jimin…I-”
“What is it?” Jimin coaxed.
“I didn’t want you to go out on that date tonight.” Taehyung said, “I don’t want you going out with anyone who isn’t me, actually. God, Jimin, I know that we have a past and I know that I’ve hurt you before, but seeing you there that very first day at the cafe, my heart just beat out of my chest. I’ve been in love with you since I was 15 and I haven’t stopped loving you since. I loved the 15 year old you with your hair that you permanently straightened everyday, with those braces of yours and the red cap that you loved to wear because you thought it made you look like Usher. And I love the you now, who still sometimes reminds me of the 15 year old I fell in love with, but so much more mature - with your wisdom and wit and your smile that drives me insane that all I want to do is kiss you, to hold you tight underneath the moonlight, to get to know every little nook and cranny about you….I’m in love with you, Park Jimin.”
Jimin took a second to absorb everything, to let the words hang in the air tangibly so that Jimin could look at them, could see them, could believe them. Could realise that maybe his crush wasn’t as unrequited as he thought that it was.
“You don’t have to feel the same-” Taehyung started to say but Jimin cut him off.
“The reason I left the date…The reason that I’m not with him, is because he isn’t you, Tae,” JImin said, voice barely over a whisper, but god, it felt like he was shouting it from the rooftops, “I ran away from the date for the same reason that I ran away from that kiss the other day, that I wanted so badly. “
“Why?” Taehyung asked, stepping closer to Jimin, his fluffy curly hair falling into his eyes.
“Because I’m scared,” Jimin said, “God, Tae, I am so, so scared. I’ve lost you once and I barely got over that. And just as I did, I got you back. You’re intertwined in every part of my life now, and if something were to happen…if you were to leave, or if…if…you decide that you don’t want me anymore….I don’t think I would survive letting you go. Not again.”
Taehyung cupped his cheek and brought their foreheads together, “I want to say to trust me, but I know I need to earn that trust from you. But Jimin, you’ve been my first and only love ever since I was 15. Leaving you was the biggest regret of my life and something I will never do again. I love you too much to let you go. I’m not the same person that I was when I was 15. I’ve grown, you’ve grown. We’re not the same teenagers who didn’t talk about our problems, who didn’t know how to communicate or tell each other when something’s bothering us. We’re adults now, Chim. We’re us.”
“Us.” Jimin repeated, a smile growing on his face, eyes fluttered shut.
“We’re Jimin and Taehyung, remember? We’re unbeatable.” Taehyung said, his lips ghosting over Jimin’s.
“We have history, Tae,” Jimin said, wanting to close the little gap between their lips.
“And it’s that history that makes us all the more stronger,” Taehyung whispered, each letter forming itself on Jimin’s lips until it turned into a word and then into a beautifully strung sentence, “We learn from our mistakes and know never to make them again.”
Jimin’s resolve melted, every worry that he had, every doubt and fear that was clouding his mind burst into thin air as Taehyung held him close in his arms, the feeling of comfort, of safety, of warmth boiling down in his chest and opening the vault one number at a time.
“I love you,” Taehyung whispered into his lips.
This time Jimin didn’t hold back. He fisted his hands into Taehyung’s shirt and pulled him forward, closing the gap between their lips.
The kiss started out fast, needy, both lips moving urgently over the other as if they would run away at any given point in time. And then it slowed down. They savoured it. Slotted their lips over the others as if they were meant to kiss each other and no one else. They fit like jigsaw puzzles, perfectly moulded, perfectly shaped.
It was familiar. It was sweet; warm and comforting. It was feeling the chains around the vault that held Jimin’s heart melt away with each second that passed, with each soft groan swallowed by Jimin’s mouth. It was feeling the beat of his heart again, the warmth that coursed through his chest as the vault completely disappeared. It was knowing that Jimin’s heart only ever beat for Taehyung, no matter how many walls he built, no matter how scared he was of getting hurt, no matter the situation - Taehyung was Jimin’s as much as Jimin was Taehyung’s.
Taehyung pulled away first, arm around Jimin’s waist and the other still caressing his face.
“Taehyung,” Jimin whispered, breathily, airily.
“What is it, baby?”
“I love you.” Jimin said, looking into his eyes as he placed a soft, gently peck on Taehyung’s lips, “I’ve always loved you, and I’ll continue to love you.”
Jimin’s fingers touched the gold pendant on Taehyung’s bracelet, finger tracing around the engraved JM Initials.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Taehyung promised.
Jimin smiled, knowing in his heart that Taehyung’s words rang true, “I know.”