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“I hoped you would at least try to run, Helvar. Would have been a lot more fun,” the demjin spoke from behind him and Matthias turned around. Brekker was just a few steps away, his cane nowhere in sight (Matthias had yet to learn that did not mean the demon actually did not have it with him), favoring his good leg just a tad. His arms were crossed and there was a proud smirk on his face.
Matthias rolled his eyes - Kaz could definitely use a good beating by one of his patient mentors and that smugness would be wiped right off his pale face. However, he could not help but notice the faint pang of concern - even as a cripple, Kaz was quiet enough to sneak right up to him without Matthias even noticing until he spoke. He had a hunch who was the Dregs’ best spider before a leg was broken and the Wraith showed up.
“Mute now, too? Come on, speak or get back inside. It’s impossible to sleep when the ground shakes under you from the steps of the mighty Fjerdan.”
Matthias considered actually talking to Kaz, but realized very quickly how stupid that would be - the demjin did not care, did not want him to talk. He just wanted to rile him up, to make him feel even worse. So without thinking about it, he just lunged.
His forearm hit Brekker right in the chest and they plummeted to the ground together, Kaz rolling from underneath him in the last second. Matthias threw a punch at him, which was easily dodged and returned. For a cripple, Kaz was surprisingly fast and light on his feet. They rolled and scrambled in the snow for a few more minutes, when there was suddenly a cane pressed into Matthias’ chest and he found himself on his back on the cold ground, Brekker leisurely leaning against the cane and smirking above him. He realized how he never actually hit Kaz at all, how he never received a punch either. That bastard was just playing with him. He had all the control, as always, and Matthias had simply given into it. “Demjin,” he spat with all the hate he could muster, which was a lot.
Brekker just laughed, what a strange, unhappy sound it was. “Your superstitious little brain might have trouble processing it, but my blood is purely human.”
The pressure lifted off his chest, and Matthias found he could breathe normally again, despite never noticing he was having difficulties in the first place. If they were friends, Kaz would give him a hand and help him stand up. They were barely just able to work together, so Brekker pulled away and Matthias stood up by himself, never letting him out of sight.
“You would have to have been born to human parents for that. I doubt that could be true, though,” he grumbled.
“You are right about that. I crawled out of the harbor, born out of greed and kruge,” Kaz said, and Matthias thought he heard sarcasm in his voice, but he could not be sure.
“Do not joke about this, Brekker. You might be an ungrateful bastard who discarded his family like an ill-fitting coat, but some of us were robbed off what you so easily gave up.” Family. That was a big part of the reason why he was outside, pacing a path into the ice instead of sleeping the day off like everybody else. When Nina accused him of many terrible things, but nothing could change the fact that his mom, his dad, his baby sister had burned just like the Grisha they discovered. Thinking about it, it might just have been a ruse by the Shu to distract them, or maybe some hateful soul had really burned the three unlucky beings just out of the faith that it was the right thing to do. His family, however, was not a simple mistake, caught in the crossfire, as Nina would have put it. They burnt because the malicious Inferni set fire to the village, because to them, the Fjerdans were just as bad as the Fjerdans were to the Grisha. And Matthias would have given anything in the world just to bring his family back. He had another family, the drüskelle, his brothers, commander Brum.
He had lost them both. Maybe Kaz Brekker did not care about the woman who gave birth to him. He probably did not know a thing about the man who conceived him. But Matthias would not let him disregard his own pain and suffering, hell, anyone’s pain and suffering of a lost family just because he was not thankful for his own.
“It might be even more surprising, but I am not a bastard. The title serves well, but it is untrue,” Kaz said, and he actually seemed more honest than ever before, but Matthias was not about to believe him immediately.
“So you are saying you have your family stashed somewhere safe? Providing for your poor parents hidden safely away?”
“If by hidden safely away you mean buried six feet under, then yes,” Matthias could feel his eyes bulge from his skull in surprise. Kaz laughed meanly. “What, did you think you were the only one who could have a dead family? Be nice, Helvar, share your toys. Childhood trauma is not only yours to have. Anybody in this crew could tell you that much.”
And Matthias knew he should hide his emotions, that he should not be surprised, because really, could a boy with a limp really be a demon? But it was so unexpected, so strange to think of Kaz as a boy who might have had a family once. Did he laugh like Matthias did when his dad tickled his belly? Did Kaz’s mother always sneak him the sweetest hot chocolate before bed? Did he have a sibling to play with? Matthias did not want to think about it because admitting that it might be true would mean admitting that Kaz could also feel the pain of his loss as Matthias did. It would mean admitting that there was something undeniably human, that Kaz was, after all, just a boy like himself.
“Stop sulking and go straight to bed. No murdering Nina on the way,” for some reason, the sound of her name on Brekker’s sinful tongue brought another wave of rage.
“Do not speak her name, you have no right to,” he hissed. Brekker just raised his eyebrows and took a step back to his tent. “You made her earn a living in such a way… How could you?”
Kaz, to his surprise, bristled. The steel in his eyes melted away, replaced by something much more dangerous. “It is not my story to tell how the Heartrender I must not call by name made a living, but I would have thought you were intelligent enough to guess it wasn't on her back. And you are offending Inej if you think she would have let Nina do such a thing.”
“Nina told me where you took Inej from. Do you really think I believe it was just to hire her as a spider? You are a man after all, Brekker,” Matthias growled, angry with Kaz and with Nina and with himself, too. For what, he did not know.
Kaz turned his back to him and made his way to his tent. There was something tense in his tone when he spoke. “I do not need to explain myself to you. But if you are really throwing all men into one heap, maybe it is you that Inej and Nina should be afraid of.”
Matthias stood there for long minutes after the demjin left and just stared. Brekker did not rape that girl, he realized. He smiled grimly. For all that he tried to hide it, the Suli girl crawled her way into Kaz’s heart and he clearly had no idea what to do about it. Another human piece of Kaz Brekker, a person Matthias was nor sure he wanted to discover. Well, at least he had a better chance with Nina than the demon would ever have with Inej. Matthias was still winning, at what, he did not know.