Chapter Text
December 1st, 2024
Dear MJ,
It's been almost a month since you've been gone. It still doesn't feel real. I see you and I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you and say hey, it's me, it's Peter, you know me and if you could just try to think really hard, if you could just really try and remember
But I can't. And you won't. And I miss you.
I miss Ned, I miss May, I miss Happy. I miss everyone. I even miss Flash. Do you remember in chemistry when he drew a penis on my forehead when I was asleep and everyone called me "Penis Parker" for the rest of sophomore year? It still isn't funny. But I miss it. Haha, miss doesn't feel like a word anymore. It's funny how, at that time, I was so eager to drop out of school and become a hero. I guess I got what I wanted.
Trying to find the motivation to get this stupid GED is impossible, but working on it in you and Ned's company at the shop helps. I wish I was braver, I wish I'd come to see you guys sooner. I spent so long alone at my apartment preparing for the moment I'd see you again, and I forgot that time was still passing outside my 500 square feet. I spent Thanksgiving night on patrol. And maybe an hour or two in the rain outside your dining room window. I know, it's bad. I might be going crazy. I actually tried therapy for a day last week, but, y'know. Everything I need to talk about, I can't. Plus, my job at Delmar's certainly wasn't going to pay for it. I think I'll come to the shop every day from now on. That's the best I can do.
"'Sup, fellow Engineer." Peter turns to look behind him. Ned's come in again. He sets his coat down a few seats away from Peter and takes a seat. Peter closes his notebook and suppresses a smile.
MJ rolls her eyes. "You can stop calling me that, you know. I don't think you've actually used my name since last week." She leans on the counter beside him, then pretends to wipe it off so her coworker doesn't complain about her again.
"Never. It feels too good. Hey, what are you asking for for Christmas?"
"Money. You?"
"Dude. That's so lame. I'm asking for the new Lego Superheroes set. It just came out Friday, it's got all the big guys, and it's, like, five thousand pieces."
"5,103." They both turn to look at Peter. They speak at the same time.
"Not you too—"
"—No way!! Dude, who's your favorite?"
Peter pretends to think about it. "Spider-Man."
"ME TOO! Yo, we should totally build it together when I get it."
Peter smiles. "For sure."
"Are you two gonna order anything or did you just come here to be intense losers?" MJ interrupts.
"Just the loser thing." replies Ned.
"I'll have a coffee, actually," supplies Peter.
She sighs and turns to pour the cup, and the light catches her necklace. A black dahlia pendant, with all but two glass petals missing. His mind races. She still has it. She still has it and she might remember. She still has it and she might remember and it really couldn't hurt to ask—
She sets the small paper cup down in front of him, and the noise startles him out of his thoughts. "Your necklace," he says abruptly, "Um. It's pretty. Where’d you get it from?"
"Hm?" She looks down and holds the pendant. "This? Thanks. It was a gift, I actually..." She trails off, and for a moment, he lets himself hope. "I don't remember from who, I guess it was a while ago."
He looks at his lap. "Oh."
"It's, uh, broken, but it's my favorite flower. A black dahlia, like-"
"Like the murders." He finishes for her absentmindedly.
"...Yeah". Her tone makes him look up at her again, and she's squinting at him, and his heart stops and he's worried he's said too much.
"Uh-"
"You're kinda cool, Peter," She smiles.
He smiles. 'Kinda cool'. He could work with 'kinda cool'.
Watching Ned and MJ together for the past week, usually poking fun at each other and complaining about calculus, he's been reminded that they haven't changed. They may not be friends of his yet, but they're still his friends. While the thought of how much he's lost makes him sick to his stomach, and the thought of starting over makes him want to give up before he begins, he still has them. As long as he has them, he can start from scratch.