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Allyria was looking for an old photo album when she finds a slim brown box shoved in the back of the attic. It doesn’t look familiar to her. It’s also dusty; an unusual characteristic in this house. She picks it up and something rumbles around inside, but, when she goes to open it, she notices the box is sealed with tape, though not the kind that would separate under her nail easily.
She turns it this way and that eventually finding a label on the underside that says, “Star and Ornament- Christmas” in her mother’s hand. She frowns. This isn’t the regular box of decorations. Even before their parents passed and Aron married and had kids and Shella started to host, their parents always trotted out the other, large, infinitely more familiar box. She doesn’t remember this box at all.
For some reason, Mother hadn’t put this with that one and neither did Aron. And now she can’t ask either of them or Shella who Aron would have told. It’s just her and Edric now. Well, there was Beric but Beric was her fiancé. He wouldn’t know more about her family’s Christmas decorations that she did.
Resolving to get the photo album later, she takes the box downstairs to get a scissor.
Edric asks, “Did you find the photo album, Aunty?”
She replies, “No. I didn’t I found this instead. It says ‘Star and Ornament– Christmas’. Did your father ever tell you what’s in it?”
Edric shrugs. “No.”
Even he’s confused. Even he knew her parents and Aron had kept all the Christmas decorations in that one box. Why was this one separate?
She takes a shaky breath. Because she cannot ask them, there is only one way to find out and she takes a scissor to the tape.
Inside the slim box there were only two things: a sturdy looking gold and purple star and a beautiful looking purple ornament with silver stars.
She lifts the star and when she holds it upside down, she sees an inscription scrawled, “Made by Arthur”. On the underside of the ornament, she sees a slightly less neat: “By Ashara”.
She puts the star and ornament down back into the box, wishing she hadn’t found the box at all.
Arthur and Ashara must have made these when they were kids.
Her throat goes tight.
Such pretty things tied to such ugly memories.
She was a kid when it all went wrong, younger than Edric was now, but, over the years she learned some things. Her parents never wanted to talk about what Arthur and Ashara had done. Aron rarely broached either subject but had told her that after Arthur deserted, he’d gotten into the wrong end of a firefight with the military police and Ashara had taken herself out of the equation of their family in an equally complete way.
She knew they got the bodies back but, her parents never spoke to her about Arthur or Ashara unless they had to and that was very rare. Aron, when it came to Arthur, said only that he’d never forget the sight of their parents, or his sister, being questioned by military police about Arthur's whereabouts or how Ashara had despaired. After that, Ashara took her own life. Aron did not relish telling her the details, and she did not make demands. Even though she didn’t quite understand, she knew it was not something one wants to talk about. Ugly business and even uglier feelings that festered.
By the time she Aron had a child old enough to celebrate Christmas, Arthur and Ashara had been dead for many years.
While she can’t ask her parents or Aron why they kept the items, it explains why the box was kept hidden away since they weren’t shunted into oblivion like the rest of her two siblings’ things. They were symbols of painful memories, but, they were things of their departed that could be kept though they had not been kept in the light.
She can’t even ask Aron if he’d ever forgiven Arthur or Ashara about that because he and Shella passed away in an accident leaving her to raise her nephew.
Edric comes closer to look. “What is it, Aunty?”
Her voice is thick with emotion she does not want to name. Somehow, she manages to push the words out. “It’s a tree topper and an ornament.”
Edric takes the star out of the box and holds it up and then does the same with the ornament. They seem sort of dull to her, but, then, maybe she’s just projecting.
Allyria stares at both again trying to think if she remembers seeing them. She can’t, she thinks, blinking away the tears. She was a kid when her two siblings died and hurt the rest of their family.
Edric turns to her. “Can we put them up on our tree?”
Not that dull, then. Or, at least, maybe they shined enough for him.
Part of her wants to say no because she suspects Aron hadn’t quite forgiven Arthur or Ashara for putting their parents through that. Some part of her would never forgive them either. Though she doesn’t quite remember what they did, she was the one who had to live with the ghosts. What she does know is that there were pieces of their family missing and for the most part it was self-inflicted.
But there is a part of her that remembers Arthur was her brother just like Aron was and how Ashara was her sister and that when she was a kid, she wanted to grow up to be just like Ashara. While she knows what happened, she also remembers Arthur used to carry her on his shoulders and how Ashara used to sing to her. She remembers that at one point they used to be happy together. She just doesn’t remember it that well.
When she finds Edric looking at her, she realizes that he’s still waiting for her to answer his question.
It’s a jolt to remember that it was her call. Aron wasn’t around to make any. Gods, she wishes he was. Though she is reluctant, she looks at the star and the ornament again.
She’d lived for years without knowing about them. Aron had kept the box in the attic hidden away for a reason, but, he wasn’t here and Edric was looking to her. She’s the last of them and she only remembers her eldest brother well. Aron been such a great brother to her to the point where she almost hadn’t missed Arthur or Ashara but she remembered they existed and how they ceased to.
Edric knew what happened though he did not live it; not the way she did and definitely not the way his father had.
This was her decision. But, it wasn’t, not really. It was up to her to decide what was best for Edric since she was the last one left to do it.
A few days later, she drags her eyes towards the tree Edric stands besides proudly. He’d done most of the work.
Arthur’s star was perched at the top and Ashara’s ornament directly below it. But, the rest of the tree was littered with the with other ornaments their parents kept and Aron added to.
Edric had his own questions and she told him what she knew. Admittedly, it wasn’t much. She was the last one and she owed her nephew to tell him what little she did know. Dark history was history; and their family history was his, even if there would always be some missing pieces between them.
Edric looks to her. “Aunty, what do you think?”
She thinks, he could have left Arthur’s star and Ashara’s ornament off and it would have looked just as wonderful as the tree had in years past. But, her nephew was looking to her.
“It’s perfect,” she says.
He smiles brightly at her and that’s what really matters, doesn’t it?