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Chapter Text

Alex was a monster, that’s what she kept telling herself in her head. Even if she felt it was the right thing to do, it still didn’t help. The look of heart break that was in Kara’s face will be forever grained into her memory, but she knew she did the right thing.

“I’m in love with you, Alex.” Kara had confessed.

“We can’t do this, I’m sorry.” Alex had rejected.

Alex had seen many faces of Kara in the time she had known her, she had seen her happy, angry, defeated, and sad, but this…this was something else. She had seen Kara heartbroken before, but to see her completely shattered like the way she had seen tonight was something that would haunt her for all the days to come.

Alex tried to comfort her, to help her, but Kara had simply told her to leave. It was a quiet request, but Alex respected Kara’s wish and left her apartment. Some Christmas Eve this was turning out to be, Eliza had been snowed in in Colorado where she was attending a conference, which meant that it was just Alex and Kara this year. Their friends would join them later Christmas the next day, but this evening was just for them. Then Kara poured her heart out to Alex and it all went downhill from there.

So here she was, nursing a glass of scotch in her hand, alone in her apartment on Christmas Eve, ho ho ho.

“Ho ho ho indeed!!!” She heard a voice shout behind her. She reached for her spare Glock under the kitchen counter and aimed it at the intruder “Merry Christmas to you too Alex!” her intruder cheered.

“Mxy?” Her home had been invaded by none other than Mxyzptlk himself, Kara’s former stalker from the fifth dimension, who for some reason was now in her living room.

“Always a pleasure to see your smiling face Alex. Is that scotch?” Mxy asked as he walked to the counter and poured himself of a glass of what Alex was drinking.

“What are you doing here?” Alex asked, very confused.

“What? I can’t visit a friend on the holidays?” Mxy asked as he took a sip, Alex gave him a side eye “All right, you caught me, I’m here for two reasons. One being to do this.” Without warning, Mxy slapped Alex really hard upside her head.

“Ow!” Alex exclaimed as she rubbed the sore spot on the back of her head “What the hell was that for?!”

“That was for breaking Kara’s heart, you idiot!” Mxy yelled right back, Alex was stunned to hear this.

“How do you know about that?” Alex demanded.

“I have my ways, not the point.” He countered, but Alex didn’t feel like getting into it with him.

“What the hell does it matter to you?”

“Because you just hurt the single most amazing person that has ever lived, and for what? For loving you?!”

“It was the right thing to do!” Alex argued back, Mxy just looked dumbfounded.

“Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?” Alex was getting angry.

“All right you listen to me you little-”

“No! You will listen to me!” he said with a fury that actually managed to intimidate Alex a bit. So she sat at the counter stool and decided to listen to what the Imp had to say “Kara Zor-El is one of the most amazing people that is sad pathetic universe has ever created. She would do anything for you. She would move mountains for you, she would fly to hell and back willingly for you, and this is how you repay her?”

“Why do you care? Why does it matter to you?” Alex truly had no idea what his game was.

“Because Kara saved me!” Mxy announced “She saved me from myself, she made me realize the kind of person that I could be, that I could be better than I was. I owe her my life, and I will be damned if I let anyone hurt her the way you have, Alex.” Mxy began to let his aura of power surround Alex in a way that made her fear for her life for a moment. It was a sobering thought, remembering just how powerful this man was, and pissing him off may not have been the best idea “Luckily for you, the second thing I came here for is to tell you that I’m gonna help you fix this mess you’ve created.” This caught Alex by surprise.

“How?” Alex asked. Mxy crossed his arms and looked Alex in the eye.

“Well my first plan was to send you back in time and let you fix this on your own, but I don’t feel like you’re smart enough to work it out yourself.” Alex looked offended “So, I called in some reinforcements.”

“Reinforcements?” Alex looked confused, but Mxy only nodded his head.

“Tonight, you will be haunted…..by three spirits.” His voice dropped much lower and the outside window began to crackle with thunder and lighting.

“I’m sorry what?” He had to be joking.

“Expect the first, when the bell tolls one.” Alex thought this was getting ridiculous “Expect the second upon the next hour and the third upon the next!”

“Wait a second, I thought it was supposed to be over three nights?” Alex would be lying if she said she hadn’t read that book more than once in her life.

“Oh just roll with it.” Mxy replied with his normal voice, Alex rolled her eyes in response “Good luck Alex, you will need it to succeed tonight.” And with a snap of his fingers, the overdramatic weather change had stopped and Alex was once again alone in her apartment. Alex grabbed her glass and threw back another shot of scotch. She had a feeling this was gonna be a very long night.

Chapter Text

Alex tried calling Kara, but she wouldn’t answer, she texted her multiple times telling her about Mxy, but didn’t get a single response. She thought about trying to get some sleep, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink, so she sat on the couch, watching the clock, wondering to herself just what the hell she had gotten herself into. When the clock on her fireplace mantle began ringing, she saw that it was one o’clock in the morning, right when Mxy said the first spirit would appear.

As if on cue, Alex’s fireplace suddenly came to life as a flame formed inside of it, surprising the DEO director. Suddenly, she felt a wind begin to blow throughout her apartment, which was odd given that her windows and balcony door were all shut, then the flames in the fireplace began to move on their own, slithering out of Alex’s fireplace and onto the floor in front of it.

Slowly the flames began to swirl, growing taller as they swirled, as the spinning grew faster, the ball of light began to form the shape of a person. When the shape seemed to be complete, the flames dissipated completely, leaving a man in their place.

“Ah, hello.” He said with a kind voice, Alex just stared at him wide eyed.

He wasn’t very tall, he couldn’t have been more than 5’6, he had gray frizzled hair with a matching beard, a pair of round wire framed glasses, and wore a tweed three piece suit. He reminded Alex of a stereotypical geeky professor of some sorts, especially with the bow tie that he also sported.

“Are um…you’re the spirit, right? The one Mxy told me about?” Alex asked very awkwardly.

“Indeed” the spirit replied “I am the ghost of Christmas Past.” He introduced himself.

“Wait” Alex stopped “You’re actually called that?” she asked, the spirit nodded.

“I am” he replied.

“So what, everything in the book is actually real? Or did Mxy create you?”

“It’s all a tad bit complicated, and not exactly the point at the moment.” He looked at Alex’s kitchen counter “Is that scotch?” He walked over and began pouring himself a glass.

“Sure, help yourself.” Alex was wondering if everyone would be raiding her liquor cabinet tonight.

“Look Alex, my origins are of no concern to you. What is important is what I have to show you.” The ghost explained as he sipped his scotch “Mm, lovely vintage, you have good taste.”

“Glad you approve, what do you have to show me?” The spirit put down the glass and looked at Alex.

“This”

A flash of light surrounded Alex, when it dissipated, Alex saw that she was no longer in her apartment, but she was standing outside her old house in Midvale, something was different though, she could feel it.

“What the-” Suddenly the spirit was standing right next to her.

“Welcome to your past.” Alex began to look a tad panicked.

“Past?”

“Yes indeed, Christmas morning, 2003, to be exact.” Alex remembered that Christmas, it was the first Christmas Kara had spent with them “Shall we?” Suddenly, they were in the house.

“Oh my god.” Alex walked through her old home and the memories just came flooding back in. She followed the sound of voices coming from the kitchen and looked to see both of her parents cooking breakfast “Mom? Dad?”

“They can’t hear you, Alex.” The ghost explained “They’re shadows of the past, they can’t see or hear either one of us.”

“Oh….” replied Alex, feeling somewhat disappointed. So what if she missed her Mom during the season? So what if she wanted to speak to her Dad again? She was only human.

“So, the girls actually spoke to each other last night. That’s progress, right?” Eliza asked her husband.

“I think so.” Jeremiah replied as he flipped a pancake in the pan.

“Good…we did wrap all the presents, right?” Eliza asked, her nerves beginning to show.

“Yes, honey, we did.” Jeremiah assured her.

“Ok good….are you sure the tree looks good enough? I mean it never hurts to-”

“Eliza” Jeremiah cut off his wife, he then walked over to where she was sitting and held her by her shoulders “Everything is fine, the tree looks great, the presents are all ready, I guarantee you, it’s all ready to go.” Eliza let out a giant sigh.

“God, listen to me. I haven’t been this paranoid over Christmas since Alex was little.” Jeremiah wrapped his arms around his wife and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

“Don’t worry, she’ll love it.”

“You think?”

“I know” It wasn’t a hard guess for Alex to know who they were talking about “Girls, breakfast is ready!” Jeremiah called upstairs. After a moment, two pairs of feet were heard entering the kitchen. In came The younger versions of Alex and Kara. Alex felt like she had officially entered the twilight zone at this point. She had seen many bizarre things in her life, but this was definitely pushing it.

“Ok this…this is too weird.” Alex said, walking out of the kitchen.

“It may be, but it’s necessary.” The spirit replied, following her.

“Necessary for what, exactly?” Alex demanded, turning back to face him.

“To help you remember.” Suddenly they were in the living room, watching the younger Danvers family opening presents.

“Ok, this one is for Alex” Eliza said picking up a small present “from Kara!” She said excitedly. Any chance of those two getting along was always a good thing in her book.

“Uh, thanks Kara.” Alex said awkwardly to the smiling Kryptonian. She took off the wrapping and reveled a small box, after taking off the lid she found a very beautiful silver looking bracelet with the house of El crest engraved on it.

“Do you like it?” young Kara asked with a combination of nervousness and hopefulness in her voice.

“Kara…” young Alex replied “It’s beautiful” young Kara looked elated.

“Really?”

“Yes, where’d you get it?” Young Alex slipping it onto her wrist.

“I….I made it.” Young Alex looked shocked by this.

“You made this?” Young Kara nodded her head. Young Alex was completely flabbergasted.

“Thank you, Kara.” Young Alex said, moving across to hug the young Kryptonian “I love it.” Alex and the ghost watched the exchange.

“Christmas spirit really is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?” The ghost asked Alex.

“Yea…I guess it can be.” She still remembered this Christmas vividly, it was the brief period of time when they began to finally get along, before her father’s “death”. Alex couldn’t deny however that she didn’t understand why they were here of all memories “Look, this is a great memory, but why are you showing me this?” The ghost turned to face her.

“Because this was the first moment when you realized it.”

“Realized what?” Alex asked confused.

“It was the moment when you realized you felt something for Kara, and I don’t mean as a sister.” Alex looked at the ghost wide eyed and scoffed.

“You’re crazy.” Alex rebutted.

“Possibly, doesn’t mean I’m wrong.” The ghost insisted.

“Why the hell would I develop feelings for Kara here? If I developed them at all.” Alex asked.

“She gave you a Kryptonian bonding bracelet and you not only accepted it, but gladly as well, and you really don’t think that means something?” Alex stood with her mouth opening and closing “Oh come on Alex, don’t look at me that way. Even back then you knew exactly what that bracelet was, even if you didn’t wanna admit it.  And yet you still accepted it without hesitation. If you say it’s not because of your feelings for Kara, then what?” The ghost asked, cornering Alex.

“It was our first Christmas together!” She yelled “What was I supposed to do? Throw it back in her face? Yea we didn’t get along that well but I wasn’t gonna ruin her first Christmas.”

“Oh is that all?” The ghost asked, sarcastically.

“Yes, it is.” Alex replied standing her ground.

“Then explain this.”

Another bright light shined again and suddenly they were in Kara’s apartment. No, not Kara’s apartment. It took Alex a second to realize that this was Kara’s apartment before Alex had given it to her. She suddenly heard the door open behind her and in came a very drunk Alex being held by Kara.

“What is this?” Alex asked the ghost.

“Christmas Eve, 2011, exactly five months before you were recruited to the DEO if I’m not mistaken.” Alex slightly remembered that night, a group of classmates invited Alex out an open all night club to celebrate and she had invited Kara as well. She remembered going out, doing a lot of drinking, and then waking up Christmas morning with a massive hangover and spending the day with Kara.

“Oh my god, you are an amazing dancer.” The other Alex slurred as Kara helped her inside.

“No, you definitely are imagining things.” Kara said as she sat Alex down on the couch “Wait right here, please.” Kara went to the fridge to get Alex a bottle of water and turned to find Alex removing her dress in the middle of the living room.

The real Alex was completely stunned, she didn’t remember any of this, but what stunned her more was how Kara was looking at her past self. Her cheeks flushed with both embarrassment and what also appeared to be arousal as well, but she quickly stepped in and stopped Alex as she began to reach for her bra clasp.

“Ok party girl, I think that’s far enough, maybe we should get you into bed.” Kara said as she began leading Alex to the bedroom.

“Don’t think I didn’t see you catching a peek.” Alex drunkenly teased “Though it’s ok, I’d rather you look at me like that than the rest of those guys.” Kara became even more flustered.

“Come on Alex.” Kara’s frustration began to show itself a little as she made Alex sit down on her bed “Drink this.” Kara nearly force fed Alex the bottle, but thankfully the drunken Danvers complied and began taking sips, suddenly her demeanor changed.

“I’m sorry, you deserve a better Christmas Eve than this.” Alex said sadly, which made Kara cool her frustration down a bit.

“It’s ok, hey, we still had a good time.” Alex smiled.

“Yes we did, there’s no one on this planet I’d rather spend Christmas Eve at a club with than you, absolutely nobody.” Without warning, Alex suddenly leaned forward and placed a kiss on Kara’s lips. It only lasted a few seconds, but as soon as it was over, Alex passed right out, and Kara stood frozen in place, matching the real Alex who couldn’t believe what she just saw.

“No” Alex began panicking “No this isn’t true, this never happened.” She began pacing through the living room.

“Yes it did, Alex. You may have repressed this memory so far down that you actually forgot it, but it did happen.”

“If it did, then how come Kara never told me about it?”

“Why would she? For all she knew, it was just a drunken mistake, when you woke up the next day you acted like it never happened, like you you didn’t remember. So why would she bother discussing it?” Alex hated that he made a good point “But what she didn’t know was that you did remember. You just convinced yourself it was a dream or some sort of drunken fantasy and that you wouldn’t actually admit the truth, to Kara or to yourself.” Alex was beginning to show signs of anger.

“What truth?”

“That you were in love with Kara, that you’re still in love with her.” Alex didn’t wanna listen “You loved her the moment she gave you that bracelet and you knew that she loved you too.”

“Stop”

“Even after Jeremiah’s death you still loved her, but you were scared, so you repressed your feelings, and you made yourself think you hated her just so you wouldn’t have to face them.”

“I said stop.”

“Even after you reconciled, you never fully recovered from your repression. If J’onn hadn’t found you, you would’ve spiraled until it was too late. All because you were scared of the fact that you’re in love with Kara.”

“I SAID STOP!!!!!!” Alex screamed and took a swing at the spirit, but when she swung, she swung at air. He was gone and she was back in her apartment.

Chapter Text

She triple checked all over her apartment, there wasn’t a sign that the ghost had even been there. Alex couldn’t deny that she was shaken up, a lot. She sat on her couch and decided to take a few deep breaths. After a moment she grabbed her phone and checked to see if Kara had replied, which she hadn’t, frustrating the director. She called her again, even if she knew it was a futile effort at this point, sure enough, there was no answer. After putting her phone down, she buried her face in her hands and massaged her temple. Suddenly, the sound of the clock chiming got her attention, dreading what she knew was going to be following it.

Sure enough, she noticed a sparkling light emitting from the kitchen. She turned to see her apartment changing right before her eyes, her kitchen became full of decorations and lights throughout, he walls became lined with holly and a brightly decorated Christmas tree appeared in the center of the apartment. Food lined up the kitchen, turkey, cookies, cakes, fruit, drinks, the whole place looked like it was ready for the greatest Christmas party ever celebrated.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!” She heard a voice shouting from right behind her. She turned quickly, grabbed the intruder by the collar, and punched him right in the nose.

“Who are you?!” She demanded very loudly, the person shook off her punch.

“Well I figured that part was obvious.” She looked his clothing, a very bright red and green  outfit that, quite frankly, looked a lot like a mall elf costume. And his over happy attitude matched his outfit perfectly. Alex let out a large sigh and let go of his collar.

“You’re the next spirit, aren’t you?” Alex asked annoyed, but the ghost was not detoured by this.

“You betcha!” He replied, very cheerfully “I am the ghost of Christmas Present!” Alex was definitely not looking forward to this.

“Look, not that I don’t appreciate all that you guys and Mxy are trying to do, but is this really necessary?” Alex asked hopefully “I know, I hurt Kara, and believe me, I will do whatever it takes to make amends, but I just really don’t think this is all necessary.” The spirit started laughing.

“Oh humans, so naive, thinking they can fix everything all on their own.” Alex thought that was unnecessary “Look you can try and fix it, but trust me, without our help, you really don’t stand that much of a chance, I know what I’m talking about.” Alex didn’t even know why she bothered, there was no way out of this and she knew it.

“All right then, let’s go.” The spirit beamed as another bright light surrounded them, finding themselves in Kara’s apartment. Alex heard crying as and she followed the sound to the living room couch where Kara sat, wearing a T-shirt and pajama pants while shrouded in a blanket and staring at a picture of herself and Alex that she had framed.

“Wow, she really seems to be in a damper mood for Christmas.” The ghost commented.

“Don’t you mean Christmas Eve?” Alex corrected.

“Nope, this is Christmas Day.” The ghost insisted. Alex looked at the clock and saw that it was almost seven at night.

“But it can’t be, where is everyone? Kara’s party should’ve started by now.” Alex asked confused.

“She canceled it, she sent out a huge group text and told everyone not to come over and not to ask about it.” Alex couldn’t believe what she was hearing, she knew she hurt Kara, but she never thought it would make her cancel her Christmas party.

“And what? Everyone just agreed not to come?” She didn’t think her friends would give up that easily.

“Well of course not.” The ghost replied with a somewhat snarky attitude “They’ve been coming over all day to try and get her to talk, but she told them all to go away.” If Alex felt guilty before, she had no idea what to call this feeling now. Kara’s party was her absolute favorite time of the year, she never thought there was anything that would make her cancel it, but here she was, living proof that it was possible.

“Kara!” a voice suddenly came from outside the door along with a loud knocking “Kara, open up this door, right now!” Alex finally recognized the voice, it was Lena.

“Go away, Lena.” Kara requested, but Lena wasn’t having it.

“Kara I will literally stand outside this door and knock until my knuckles bleed until you open up, and you know I’ll do it. So unless you want your neighbors to make a noise complaint, I suggest you open this door.” Kara let out a deep sigh and finally gave in after turning everyone away earlier. She walked sluggishly over to her door, undid the chain lock, and unlocked the door, opening it.

“What?” Kara asked with almost no visible energy.

“What is going on?” Lena asked worriedly. Kara let out a frustrated groan.

“I don’t wanna have the party this year, can’t you guys just accept that?” Kara hoped she would drop it, but had no such luck.

“Kara, what happened?” Lena asked softly, Kara dropped her head and beckoned her friend inside. After a minute of collecting herself, she finally spoke.

“I told Alex about how I felt.” Lena’s eyes went wide.

“What happened?” Instead of answering, Kara just broke down sobbing, Lena quickly wrapped her arms around the Kryptonian as Kara came completely undone.

Alex had no choice but to watch Kara’s breakdown. She hated it, she hated seeing Kara hurt, she hated knowing that she was the cause of Kara’s pain, and she definitely hated seeing someone else being there for Kara. That was Alex’s job, Alex was supposed to be the one who was there for Kara, to hold her, to comfort her, to tell her it would be all right, definitely not the woman who almost killed her and tried to mind controlled the entire planet.

“You know the vein in your neck bulges when you get jealous, has anyone ever told you that?” The spirit asked Alex.

“Shut up” after watching Kara’s breakdown, they watched as Lena led Kara to the couch, running her hand down her back, trying to sooth her.

“It’s ok, it’s ok.” Lena tried reassuring her, but Kara wasn’t having it.

“I was so stupid to think she would feel the same way.” Kara sobbed “I thought….I just thought that maybe….” Lena took Kara’s cheek in her hand and led her gaze to her eyes.

“Kara, you are not stupid, Alex is the stupid one.” Alex didn’t appreciate that comment “You are the most amazing person I have ever met, you are smart, you are beautiful, and you deserve every ounce of love that this world has to offer. The one thing I can tell you now for a fact, if Alex doesn’t feel the same way, then it’s her loss. She’s lost the chance to be with the most perfect woman who’s ever lived.” Kara couldn’t help the blush that formed.

“That’s not true.” Kara tried to argue.

“Yes it is.” Lena argued back “And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, ok?” Kara hesitantly nodded her head in agreement “Now you, Ms. Danvers are coming with me.”

“No, Lena”

“I am not gonna let you spend Christmas alone in this apartment. Now come on, there’s a pizza place in my neighborhood that’s open tonight. We’re gonna stop there, pick up at least five pizzas, and we’re going to watch Christmas movies on my very large tv until we drop, ok?” Kara cracked the first smile of the day.

“All right, it’s a date then.”

Alex wanted to hit something, she wanted to hit something hard. No, she wanted to hit someone really hard. Who the hell does Lena Luthor think she is? She nearly murdered Kara just a few months ago and tried to mind control the entire planet. And now that Crisis erased it all, all was forgiven? She can just come in and swoop Kara off her feet, all willy nilly now? Alex hadn’t felt so angry in a very long time.

“They do make a cute couple, don’t they?” The spirit asked, earning a very ugly glare from Alex “What? You broke her heart, you told her you could never be together, what did you think was gonna happen? That she would just be a lonely crone for the rest of her life?”

“She deserves better than Lena, a lot better.” Alex said, grinding her teeth, watching Lena helping Kara pack an overnight bag. Seeing the way Lena looked at Kara made Alex’s blood boil.

“Why?” Asked the ghost “She screwed up, but she made amends, you all welcomed her back, Kara forgave her, why the jealous rage all of a sudden?”

“Because it’s supposed to be me! Not Lena! I’m the one Kara should be spending Christmas with, I’ve done nothing but be there for her for almost twenty years! And just like that, Lena thinks she can just come in and take away everything we built?! After everything she’s done, she just gets a free pass and I don’t?! I would be ten times the romantic partner than Lena Luthor ever c-” Alex stopped herself mid rant after realizing what she had just said.

“Well, the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that there is a problem.” The spirit said, Alex just looked sheepish.

“Can we just…can we just go home? I think I’ve seen enough.” Alex asked.

“Nope, we’re not done just yet.” Suddenly another light flashed and they were in a bar. It’s not a bar that Alex recognized, but she looked and saw herself at the bar, throwing down a shot of something.

“Gimme another” Alex could tell just by the way she spoke that her other self was absolutely plastered, even more so than what she saw in the past.

“Sorry hon, but I’m officially cuttin you off for the night.” The bartender replied. The other Alex pouted.

“Come on, it’s Christmas, how else am I supposed get any cheer?” she asked in a sad voice.

“I don’t know, but it ain’t gonna be here.” The bartender gave her another look over “Wait here, I’ll call you a cab.” Alex looked at herself and just couldn’t believe it. She knew full well what a wreck she could be, how she used to be, but it was another thing to see it from the outside.

“What is this?” Alex asked.

“Well that’s you.” The spirit pointed out like it was obvious.

“I know that, but I mean what is this? Why are we here?” Alex asked.

“Oh! Well I feel it’s something that’ll help you as well as Kara. Just a little extra convincing.” Alex was so confused at this point, that she almost didn’t notice her other self getting up from the bar, taking her cellphone and dialed someone who didn’t answer.

“Kara?” She slurred into the phone “Kara…please talk to me.” Alex watched, embarrassed as her other self stumbled out of the bar. She followed her outside, but became more concerned the more she watched “Kara…I’m sorry…I…I didn’t mean to hurt you…..” she suddenly bumped into someone on the sidewalk, causing her to lose her balance and fall down “Hey…watch where you’re going!” Alex watched as the drunken Alex tried to get back up, but when she did, she stumbled all over the place, worrying Alex.

“What’s going on?” Alex asked the spirit, tensely.

“Something that you need to see.” He replied sincerely. The drunken Alex no longer seemed to know where she even was and ended up stumbling right into the street.

“No…no! Get out of the street!” Alex screamed at her other self, even thought she knew it was pointless. To her horror, she saw a Car heading right for her “GET OUT OF THERE!!!!!!” Alex screamed at the top of her lungs, but it was too late as she watched the car sped right towards Alex, almost as if the world turned slow, she saw as the car tried to break and came within a centimeter of ramming right into her but she turned her head, not being able to watch the collision.

After a moment, she noticed that all was quiet, and turned back around to once again find that she was alone in her apartment, everything was back to normal. All the decorations and food were gone, and just like last time, there wasn’t a single sign that the ghost had even been there.

Chapter Text

Alex ran straight to the bathroom and towards her toilet, vomiting violently into the bowl. She didn’t stop until every single bit of content that had resided in her stomach ended up in the toilet. After a few minutes, her body finally gave up and she flushed the contents down. She got back up and walked to the sink, after washing her mouth out, she looked at herself in the mirror. She had become considerably paler and she felt weaker, physically and emotionally. As if on cue, the alarm on her clock began to chime. She immediately burst into tears, unable to hold herself back.

“Mxy please!” She called out “I don’t wanna do this anymore! Please make it stop!” She begged for the Imp to hear her, to put an end to this. She didn’t know how much more she could take. But she received no answer, so she instead cleaned her face as best as she could.

Before she could walk back out, she heard a weird clicking sound, like the sound of an iPhone keyboard being typed on. Alex cracked her door to see where the sound was coming from. Somehow, what she was saw was probably one of the strangest, yet least strangest things she had seen all night. It was a teenage girl, no older than sixteen or seventeen, sitting on one of her counter stools, typing on an iPhone. Her style in clothing put Alex’s punk rock phase to shame. She was dressed completely in all black, wearing a black short dress with a belt around her waist, black fishnet leggings, and a pair if black combat boots. Her hair flowed straight down her shoulders, her skin was very pale, and she wore black lipstick with black eyeshadow. Alex walked towards her timidly.

“Hi?” Alex asked, but the girl just continued to type on her phone, not saying a word to her…not saying a word…Alex let out a sigh and lowered her head. “The ghost of Christmas Yet To Come, I presume?” Alex asked, still no answer “So what? You don’t actually talk?” Alex asked, the ghost once again, didn’t say anything, Alex sighed once again “Let’s just get this over with.”

The ghost, while still looking at her phone, moved one of her hands and pointed behind Alex, Alex turned to find that she was now in the tower. She saw that around a table sat Nia, Brainy, Lena, Winn, and J’onn. They all looked very sad to say the least, Nia had tears running down her cheeks, Winn had his face in his hands, and Brainy just looked stoic.

“Has anyone heard from Alex?” Nia asked.

“Who cares?” Lena rebuffed.

“Lena…please” Nia quietly begged.

“What? We’re all thinking it, I’m just the only one willing to say it. It’s her fault, and we know it!” Alex had to admit, she had never seen Lena come so undone before.

“That’s not fair, Lena.” Winn interjected “You can’t put this all on Alex.”

“The hell I can’t! If Alex had been with us, if she hadn’t just locked herself away and been there for her, if she hadn’t walked into that fucking car in the first place, she would still be here!” Lena shouted.

“She’s right.” Brainy quietly interjected.

“Brainy?” Nia said, shock covering her face.

“It cannot be denied that if Alex had been at her fullest, she would’ve had an increased survival chance of eighty-seven percent.”

“This isn’t about statistics Brainy.” Winn said.

“Yes it is.” Lena argued.

“Look maybe-”

“I’m merely suggesting-”

“It’s not her-”

All four of them had launched into a simultaneous argument that Alex couldn’t keep track of at all. That was until J’onn stood up and slammed his fist into the table.

“ENOUGH!!!!!!” The Martian screamed at the top of his lungs “Now you all listen to me.” He demanded “She’s gone, it doesn’t matter who’s fault it is or isn’t, it doesn’t matter what the statistics are, the only thing that matters is that she’s gone. And we will not sit her and insult her memory by putting the blame on someone else. If any of you disagree, then I suggest you leave.” They all sat in a moment of silence as J’onn collected himself “If we act like this, then she died for nothing, and I won’t stand for that, ever. We have to move forward, we will honor her, no matter the cost.”

“How?” Nia asked timidly, J’onn sighed.

“I don’t know, but I know that I won’t stop trying until I do.” After it appeared they were done talking, Alex, who hadn’t be able to form a thought, let alone a word, looked at the ghost and asked the question she really didn’t want the answer to.

“Who was it? Who are they talking about?”

Again, refusing eye contact, the spirit lifted her hand and pointed behind Alex. They were in a cemetery, and Alex noticed a very distinguished shape, it was the shape of a person in an electric wheelchair. Alex knew full well what she was going to see when she walked up to the person, but she still wasn’t prepared for the sight before her. In the chair sat a very broken Alex Danvers, physically and mentally. She had a breathing tube attached to her neck, she looked as if she couldn’t move a single muscle in her body. In her face though, that’s what frightened Alex the most. Her future self looked down at the tombstone in front of her with a pale face that was a complete blank slate, no emotion in her facial features whatsoever. This future Alex was completely and utterly broken, in every sense of the word.

“Ms. Danvers” a young woman in scrubs appeared behind her “It’s time to go.” Her future self looked at the tombstone and spoke out in a very strained voice.

“….Merry Christmas.”

Her wheelchair began to move and Alex watched on as she and the young woman left. Then, she knew what she had to do. She had to turn around, she had to read the name on the tombstone. She didn’t want to, she didn’t wanna be here, but she decided to that there was no point in delaying the inevitable. So she turned, she looked down, and she read the name on the tombstone;

Kara Danvers

“No…no…” Alex fell to her knees, looking at the tombstone, she couldn’t hold back the violent sobs that wracked her body “No! Please God no!!!” She screamed at the top of her lungs “How did this happen? How?!”

“Thought that was the obvious part.” She heard a monotone voice come from behind her. Alex turned back around and faced the ghost, still typing on her phone.

“What?”

“You weren’t there for her, so she died.” The ghost replied, still looking at her phone. Alex felt a pain in her stomach that she had never experienced before, the guilt she currently felt was astronomical.

“Lena was right, this is my fault. All of this is my fault.” Alex said, feeling utterly defeated.

“Yep” the ghost replied, still typing on her phone. An enraged Alex couldn’t stop herself as she grabbed the spirit’s phone and threw it across the cemetery. The ghost finally looked up at her “That wasn’t cool.” Alex put her face in her hands and began to pace around.

“Look, this…all of this is just the possible future, right? I mean I can change this, I can prevent all this from happening, right?!” Alex asked the spirit, who just shrugged her shoulders.

“Maybe, no future’s set in stone.”

“Then how, how do I fix this?” The spirit shrugged her shoulders again.

“I don’t know.” Alex was becoming frustrated.

“What do you mean you don’t know?!”

“It’s not my future to change.” The spirit’s attitude shifted a bit as she began to look a touch more sympathetic “Alex, all we can do is show you what you need to see. What you do with it, that’s up to you.” Alex turned back to the tombstone and fell to her knees.

“Ok, I can fix this, send me back, send me back now! I swear I’ll change this, I won’t let Kara die! Mxy!” She called out the Imp’s name again “Send me back! I swear I can change this! Just give me a chance! Please Mxy!!!”

Slowly, the sight before her began to slowly morph into something else, as if the cemetery itself began to melt away into something else, the cemetery began to morph into Alex’s apartment.

Chapter Text

The apartment was her own, everything was her own, the bed, the couch, the tv, the scotch bottle sitting on the counter, and best of all, the time before her was hers to make amends in. She would make this right, no matter what, no more lying, and no more hiding. From her window came the shine of morning sun, contrasting to the nighttime sky that she had dealt with beforehand. She grabbed her phone and checked the time, it was eight o’clock in the morning, Christmas morning. She knew what she had to do, she scrambled around her apartment, getting what she needed and before she knew it, she was on her bike, zooming across the city, possibly breaking a traffic law or two, until she reached Kara’s apartment building. She made her way to Kara’s door and began knocking rapidly on the door.

“Kara! Kara, it’s me! Kara please let me in!” She begged “Kara, please, please let me in!” She continued her frantic knocking until she heard sounds from behind the door “Kara?” She asked with hopefulness. Sure enough, she heard the door being unlocked and it opened to reveal Kara, wearing the exact same pajamas she saw in Christmas Present’s vision.

“Alex? What are you-” Kara didn’t get a chance to finish her question as Alex launched herself into Kara and held her tighter than she ever had in her entire life. To say that Kara was confused would be an understatement, Alex rejected her last night than shows up acting like this, Kara was about to pull her off until she heard Alex’s sobs and felt tears leak through her shirt, suddenly the sadness she felt from last night morphed into concern as Alex cried into shirt.

“Kara I…Kara I…” Kara moved them back into the apartment and shut the door, not wanting to give the neighbors an eyeful. As Alex sobbed, hiccuped, and blubbered, Kara rose her face off of her shoulder and looked her in the eye.

“Alex, what happened? What’s wrong?” All it took were those five words for the floodgates to to open completely.

“I’m sorry!” Alex wailed “I’m so sorry!”

“What do you mean?” Kara knew what she hoped Alex was saying, but she waited to hear it from Alex.

“I lied! I lied about everything! I was so scared, and so I lied, I ruined everything because I was afraid.”

“Alex, what are you saying?” Kara needed to hear the words.

“I love you!” The truth was out, it was out in the open, Kara’s face was frozen in shock, but Alex couldn’t stop herself now “I’ve been in love with you for years! I was so scared of how I felt, because I knew that if it went wrong, that if I screwed it up, it would ruin everything. I told myself that it was the right thing to do, but it wasn’t, I was a coward, I was wrong, I was so wrong! I didn’t mean it, Kara! I didn’t mean it….I…I’m so sorry!” Alex fell forward into Kara’s shoulder again, which seemed to shake Kara out of her shocked state, she was about to say something when she saw something reflecting off of Alex’s wrist. She was shocked to see that it was the bracelet that she had made for Alex during their first Christmas together.

“You still have this?” Kara asked amazed, Alex looked at the bracelet.

“Yes, I do….Kara I know it’s a bonding bracelet, I’ve always known.” Kara’s deer in the headlights look returned “I accept it, with all my heart. I love you, Kara Zor-El. I love you so much.” There was a minute silence between the two of them as Kara tried to figure out what to say.

“Do you mean it Alex?” Kara asked timidly, with Alex nodding her head.

“I do, I swear I do.” Kara was quiet again for a moment.

“You really hurt me, Alex.” Alex nodded her in head in shame.

“I know”

“How do I know you won’t do it again?” It was a genuine concern given what had happened the night before.

“I can’t promise anything.” Alex chose to be truthful “I can’t promise that everything will be ok. The one thing that I can promise is that I love you, and I will spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to prove that to you. All I’m asking for is one chance, only one, let me prove myself that I’m worth it, please?” Kara took a minute, she thought it over, and looked Alex in the eye.

“One chance.” Kara agreed. Alex looked hopeful.

“You mean it?” She asked, Kara nodded.

“This doesn’t mean all is completely forgiven.” Alex understood “But I’ll give you the chance to prove that you deserve it.”

“That’s all I ask for.” Alex assured.

“Good…” they both stood there again in an awkward silence, until something overtook them both. Without warning, without second guessing, and without any doubt from either of them, they lunged into each other, crashing their lips together in a passion that neither one had ever felt in their lives. It was heaven, it was amazing, it was a Christmas miracle.

“Hey” Alex said, breaking the kiss “As much as I want to continue this, I think we have a Christmas party to get ready for.” Kara’s eyes went wide as saucers.

“Oh Rao!!!” But she quickly deflated “Eh, we still have a few hours.” They both giggled and went back to kissing, which Alex didn’t object to. And she had nothing to worry about, the party went off without a hitch, everyone had a good time, and one thing for sure, the future definitely looked bright.