Chapter Text
After the vision hunt decree was abolished, Gorou’s duties as a war general had slowly begun to cease.
Initially, between attending peace negotiations with the Tenryou Commission and dealing with the remaining Fatui forces amongst other things, he was kept very busy. He remembers clearly the late nights spent guarding Lady Kokomi as she drafted treaties, settling the early tensions between the peoples of Watatsumi and Narukami, and tending to and providing resolution for the many families ill-affected by the war.
But that had been years ago now. With time, those duties became infrequent – lost to the steady rhythm of everyday life.
An era of peace had finally begun within Inazuma, and Gorou was more than ready to enjoy it. He had since moved to Narukami Island and devoted more of his time to Yae Publishing House. And although he was no longer impassioning troops on the battlefield, nobody could speak anything less of him for it. He took great pride in working on his column for “That’s Life” magazine - bettering his readers’ lives with his motivational efforts and no-nonsense attitude.
Speaking of his column, he had come to discover that Yae Miko had been disguising his responses under the guise of “Ms. Hina”. Although he had initially been quite angered by the sly woman’s trickery, he now found a sort of escape in the persona. As a general, he had spent most of his life consistently under the pressure of a spotlight – accountable for the well-being of hundreds and at times even thousands. For the time being, he was more than happy to simply live life upon his own terms.
Unbeknownst to him, however, it was this reprieve, and in fact the very letter he was reviewing, which would result in his life’s next big crisis.
“Dear Ms. Hina,
My Gran is always houndin’ me about findin’ love, settlin’ down, ya know? That kinda stuff. Anyways, long story short. I messed up. I just wanted her to stop, so I lied n’ told her that I had a girlfriend (And don’t get me wrong - it’s not like someone as dashingly handsome as myself has trouble with the ladies! I’m just a very busy man, that’s all!). The problem is, now Gran wants to meet her next week! Archons, she’s so excited n’ I can’t bring myself to tell her the truth! Please tell me how I can get a date before then Ms. Hina! You're my only hope!
Arataki-the-kinda-desperate-but-oni-a-little-bit-Itto”
Gorou had become more than well-acquainted with the name of Arataki Itto. Not only by the troublesome mischief he caused around Narukami, but also by the barely legible scribble he sent to Ms. Hina on a regular basis. Although he committed a variety of mildly annoying deviancies – defiling billboards, getting into the occasional fistfight, he was mostly harmless, and as a result, Gorou had done his best to tolerate him and his rowdy gang of hooligans.
But this…
Gorou very much liked to think of himself as a rational person, but he could feel his ears beginning to twitch. He couldn’t help but picture his own Gramma, ever ready with a cup of tea and warm smile whenever he needed somebody to spill his troubles to.
This was going too far! There is nothing more precious than a grandmother’s happiness! And to think that the stupid Oni would do anything to jeopardize that brought pain to his heart!
Unfortunately, Gorou didn't even have a clue about what advice to give the Oni! If he was being perfectly honest, Gorou always struggled when it came to matters of the heart - but there was one person he knew that always understood exactly how to pull on others’ heartstrings.
His hand crumpled the letter, and with a huff, he made possibly the most stupid decision of his life.
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Such is how Gorou ended up in the office of the devil-woman herself.
Yae Miko sighed, taking a sip of fresh-brewed tea.
“It is a rather unfortunate situation, but I highly doubt anything could resolve the issue. I’ve seen that Oni around and he’s a bit…uh, boorish to put it gently. Even I don’t have advice to give you.”
The dog general stood up with a force so sudden that Yae almost spit out her next sip of tea.
“Yae Miko, I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation.”
Yae Miko most certainly didn’t, but that didn’t stop her from savouring it. She had heard tales of the dog general’s stubbornness - and at times impulsivity, in the heat of battle, but she never would have thought such a reaction would arise from a situation like this.
...It was truly fascinating!
The kitsune paused for a moment, feigning thoughtful deliberation.
“Well…if you ask me…there’s nothing you can do, personally…”
She suddenly gasped, eyes alight as if she had just come up with some revolutionary plan.
“Ms. Hina on the other hand…well, you are the spitting image of her, and that Oni is one of her biggest fans. I’m certain he wouldn’t refuse Ms. Hina if she offered to help personally, no?”
Gorou was no idiot. With her beguiling tone and sly smile, he understood exactly what the woman was insinuating.
He could also tell that the woman was hiding something – what exactly that was, was a mystery. But Gorou’s options were limited, and if he truly did want to resolve this issue, he was not left with much choice but to play into the woman’s hands. Plus, if the Oni was half as boorish as Yae Miko had described, he would not feel comfortable letting anybody else take upon this burden anyways.
Through gritted teeth, Gorou begrudgingly made a deal with the devil.
“Tell me, where can I find a kimono?”
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A shrine maiden approached Yae, the concerning letter Gorou had brought earlier in-hand.
“Miss Yae, I don’t mean to intrude…but the dog general dropped this, and I just couldn’t help but notice…is this not the message you forged when that Oni spent half of last week asking the shrine maidens on dates and, I quote, ‘halting business?’”
The shrine maiden shifted in place, clearly uncomfortable to be making such an accusation against her boss. “I’m just asking because I was wondering…are you messing with the columnists again?”
Yae giggled with a mischievous grin, finger pressed to her lips “Oh, nonsense! I’m simply trying to make the stars align. You know me, ever the hopeless romantic.”
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The night had started like any other: Itto and his gang attending an Onikabuto brawl within their usual turf – a small bar in the Western end of Inazuma City. Most nights such as these entailed being a little too rowdy and drinking a little too much, and this night was certainly no exception. Supplied by the alcohol and energy of the crowd, Itto cheered as the two insects clashed – loudly bragging upon victory and questioning the credibility of the battle upon defeat.
It was amid this chaos and excitement that Itto felt a faint tap upon his shoulder.
Immediately turning around, the Oni searched for the source of the prod, only to come up empty. It appeared that everybody else was transfixed upon the battle, not making even a slight motion to return eye contact. Itto would have thought the situation merely accidental had it not been for the letter discreetly tucked into his jacket pocket.
"Meet me tomorrow at 1700h by the large sakura tree in Araumi. Come alone.
- H"
After that point, Itto had tried and failed to locate the mysterious sender, but it appeared the stranger had disappeared into the night almost as fast as they had come. Yet, Itto was not disheartened – in fact, he was rather intrigued.
Later that night, Itto presented the letter to the rest of his gang. Most advised him against meeting with this stranger, fearing for his safety due to the rather foreboding tone of the message. Although Itto appreciated the thoughtfulness, he was a man of honour. The Oni adamantly reassured his companions that he would be fine. If it was for a fight, he was always more than prepared. After all, he wasn’t known as Arataki “Burning Passion for Battle” Itto for nothing!
It was under these circumstances that Itto, Stonethresher in hand, ventured to the desolate Araumi ruins. Adrenaline humming with the promise of battle, he found his pace quickening as the promised hour drew nearer and nearer. Descending the remaining stone steps of the ruins, Itto finally reached the specified destination and came face to face with his proposed combatant.
But awaiting him at the bottom of those steps was not some vengeful Kairagi or even a wayward band of Nobushi as Itto had envisioned. Rather, eyes closed, resting peacefully in wait amidst the falling Sakura petals, his combatant was none other than…
…Ms. Hina?
To say that Itto was caught off guard would be an understatement. There was no way this could possibly be true! - I mean, of course he was used to maidens asking him for late-night rendezvous – Shinobu pretty much had to drag the ladies off of him on a daily basis, but this…this was Ms. Hina! His idol. The woman that Itto swore to the abyss and back that he would one day marry. Ms. Hina, in the flesh - with her long copper hair gently swaying in the evening breeze and kimono draped across her slightly sun-kissed shoulders.
Itto made a startled sound, mouth gaping open in disbelief. The woman’s ears twitched, alert to the sound, and her eyes opened to reveal a startling turquoise with an untamed glitter Itto hadn’t quite expected.
Now, Itto would never admit to being anything less than suave and collected, but if anybody else had been privy - which thankfully they were not, they would have told you that Itto had approached the situation with the grace of a hilichurl – considering that hilichurl had drank eight alcoholic beverages at Angel’s Share and passed out in a dumpster.
Quickly smoothing a hand through his hair and flashing an award-winning smile, the Oni awkwardly chuckled to himself. “M-ms. Hina, nice uh…see’in you here – in this place! I…uh, received a letter from somebody ask’in me to uh…meet here – n-not that I’m assum’in that it was y-you, but uh…what a c-coincide-”
“It was me.” Ms. Hina abruptly cut Itto off, gracefully rising from the place she had sat beneath the tree. She crossed her arms across her chest, looking anywhere but in the Oni’s direction.
…Huh? What in the abyss? Was Itto hearing things? Because despite being the most devilishly handsome man in all of Inazuma - and probably the whole world if he was being honest, there was absolutely no way that Ms. Hina was the person who had sent him the letter. This had to be some sort of mistake!
“Arataki Itto!”
While Itto was busy performing mental gymnastics, Ms. Hina had closed the distance between the two. She was smaller in stature than Itto had expected, roughly coming up to chest level. Yet with her shoulders squared and pretty turquoise eyes defiant, she nonetheless emitted a powerful aura. She looked like a heroine from one of Yae Publishing House’s light novels, in fact, the only word the Oni could construct as his brain short-circuited was “cool”.
A hint of a blush flushing across her cheeks, she pointed a finger in Itto’s direction.
“There is nothing worse than breaking a grandmother’s heart! I will not be complicit in such an injustice!”
“So, it is for this reason – and this reason only, that I have decided...!”
Eyes blazing as passionately as the setting sun behind her, Ms. Hina’s next words were almost enough to send the sturdy Oni onwards to the next life.
"...I have decided that I will pretend to be your girlfriend for the next week!”