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"Fuuuuuuuck," Semi whispered as he held his hands over his mouth in the prayer position. "Are you seeing this?"
"Stop staring," Shirabu whispered back, even though he was doing that very thing.
"I'm going to take a picture," Goshiki wheezed. "For the spank bank."
"That's gay," Tendou offered helpfully and they all glared at him.
"It's a bit bisexual," Semi defended while gesturing to the object of their horny desires. Ushijima was lying on his back with his legs up against the gym wall, allowing his legs to fall open in a modified split that stretched out the inner leg muscles and also offered his teammates a lusty view of the shorts gripping his upper thighs and clinging to his crotch.
"What are you morons doing over there?!" Coach Washijou yelled in annoyance. "Get over here and let's get these physical exams over with!"
The collective groan went up, but no one dared to move slowly while fulfilling their coach's command. They didn't want to add extra laps or suicide sprints to the already grueling exam. The wiser underclassmen and benchwarmers had already filled up the other testing stations, so the regulars lined up at the rope climb with dread in their guts.
"I'm not going up that thing," Semi stated with a grimace.
"It's part of your grade," Goshiki whined. "We have to."
"Wanna bet?" he challenged, with arms crossed over his chest. "I am not climbing that damned thing!"
"What's going on here?" assistant coach Saitou asked as he stepped over with a clipboard. Washijou could be heard in the background terrorizing the first years for not having proper form during their pushups.
"I'm not climbing that damned thing," Semi stated boldly, tall enough to be eye-to-eye with the coach.
"Oh great, not this again," the poor man groaned.
"I'll go!" Tendou shouted as he ran and jumped up as high as he could on the worn piece of rope.
The whole thing began to swing and shake as he clung on for dear life, and the more effort he put into trying to move upwards, the more he and the rope began to swing and wobble.
"Get him off of that thing!!!" Coach Washijou screamed with the closest thing to panic the First Years had ever heard. "And get some damned mats under him!!!!!"
"I came in like a wreeeeeeeecking balllllll~" Tendou valiantly sang as his teammates and coaches tried to save him.
"Is he chanting to the gods?!" Goshiki whispered in fear as he watched his upperclassman.
"Learn some fucking English," Shirabu mumbled in annoyance.
Ushijima walked up to the chaotic scene, having finished his stretches, and glanced up with his usual calm expression. "You can let go, Tendou. I'll catch you."
All the starters and coaches gawked in shock at the audacious statement.
"Okay!" Tendou replied before promptly letting go of the rope.
The shrieks of the shocked high school boys could be heard a good distance from the gymnasium, but in true fashion Ushijima was just as reliable as ever. He took a pointy elbow to the face, but still managed to catch his flailing friend and saved him from a repeat of their First Year which involved the nurses office and copious amounts of blood.
"ARE YOU AN IDIOT?!!!!!"
As Coach Washijou got onto Tendou's case and Ushijima casually made his way to the nurse's office with blood pouring out of his nose, the assistant coach tried to wrangle the rest of the team back into order. "Come on, guys, let's just get this done quickly. Please."
"I'm not getting on that!" Semi declared even more emphatically and Goshiki was inclined to agree.
"Fine," the man muttered in defeat. "You'll score a zero, okay?"
"But I'll be alive."
He sighed again. "Goshiki, please climb up the damn thing."
"But I-"
"Do you want me to get Washijou?"
"Eep!" With that, the young man was clambering at the rope as best as he could. Most of these others were Third Years and had no repercussions for not listening, but he still had two more years ahead of him with the Demon Coach, and he was not about to make that a living hell for himself. "Why is this so hard?!" he huffed as he tried to drag his body up any higher than the measly two feet he managed. "My feet aren't helping at all!"
"You're doing it wrong," Semi pointed out and Reon laughed.
"Dude, you won't even try..."
"Those who can, do, and those who can't, teach," Semi replied sagely to another round of laughter from his best friend.
"I find that I cannot teach what I can't do," Ushijima added as he walked up to the group, this time with tissues shoved up both nostrils. "It's not broken," he assured the anxious assistant coach.
"O-okay. Well, hop on up."
Goshiki dropped from the rope and slumped his way over to the rest of the team only to blink in surprise as Ushijima struggled to get off the ground at all.
"What the heck!" Goshiki exclaimed. "If Ushijima can't do it, how can I be expected to?! We're aces!"
"That has...nothing to do with it?" Kawanishi laughed.
"Besides, he's got about 200% more muscle mass than you," Shirabu grumbled. "It's harder to haul up that much muscle, you twink."
"Ohh~" Tendou interrupted as he jumped over. "Those were fighting words, Goshiki! Get 'em!"
The young ace sputtered in shock and embarrassment. "Y-you're a twink!" he shot back feebly.
"Come on, that comeback sucked!" Semi chided. "You've got to hit him where it hurts!"
"But Shirabu never gets hurt!" Goshiki cried, feeling like he was doomed from the start.
"Well, I'm up," Reon excused himself as he traded places with Ushijima, offering a high five.
"What are we discussing?" Ushijima asked curiously.
"Goshiki's just being a little bitch," Shirbu huffed as he tilted his head up to look at his reliable ace.
"I am not!"
"Definitely a little bitch," Semi added shamelessly before offering a cruel grin. "Takes one to know one, Shirabu."
"That means you're one too!" Shirabu growled in annoyance.
"We're all little bitches!!!!" Tendou yelled loudly, garnering many shocked and amused glances. "Except Ushiwaka of course! He's a nice big bitch!"
Ushijima just blinked at his teammates, wondering where they had all gone wrong.
"Can someone acknowledge that I'm almost at the top?!" Reon yelled as he locked is legs in place to try to catch his breath.
"Good job, Reon!" Semi cheered. "Show us that you're the biggest, baddest bitch of us all!"
"Please stop," the assistant coach begged.
Reon couldn't make the last foot to the bell at the top of the rope, but he still got a rowdy applause when he came down. Kawanishi made his attempt next, faring about as well as Goshiki had.
"Hurry it up over there!" Coach Washijou yelled as he gathered the next group to go through the climbing test.
"Hey, no fair! Shirabu hasn't gone up yet!" Semi complained.
"Dude, you didn't even do it yourself!" Tendou laughed hysterically.
"You all are ridiculous," Shirabu sighed as he stepped up to the rope. "Except you, Ushijima."
"Thank you."
"No playing favorites!" Kawanishi complained.
"He's literally everyone's favorite!" Tendou laughed.
"I-I'm someone's favorite!" Goshiki protested.
"Some days I regret my decision to come here," Shirabu grumbled as he hopped up and proceeded to climb up the rope with no problem. The indignant squawks and yelps from below brought a sharp grin to his lips. "But today is not one of those. Suck on that, fuckers."
"I know you're insulting us up there, you little prick!" Semi threatened as he balled up a fist.
"Good job, Shirabu!" Ushijima congratulated as the bell was tapped by slender fingers.
The team's starting setter slid down the rope in a single controlled motion and then hopped on the mat deftly before strutting up to them with his taunting lips still cut into a grin. "And that's how you do it." He slapped the back of Goshiki's head for good measure.
"Ow!"
"Don't get too cocky," Semi challenged as they all moved forward to the next station for their fitness exam. "Your skinny ass might be able to climb up that death trap, but there's no way you're outdoing us in pushups."
Shirabu grinned more widely, loving to take up a challenge. "Finger pushups? You're on."
Tendou leaned over to whisper to his best friend. "Hey, Ushijima, shouldn't you put a stop to your boyfriends?"
"Hmm?" Ushijima looked down at the red-head in confusion. "I fully intend on winning. I am excellent at pushups."
The sounds of Tendou's screeching giggles was enough to cause another casualty at the rope, and Washijou began cussing up a storm again, adding laps to the whole lot of them.