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"Hm?"
Miku looked up from her coffee cup when she heard the sound of the bell at the door.
It wasn't uncommon for the members of Vivid Bad SQUAD to visit them during the day, far from it, but she was curious as to why An was the only one standing there, looking nervous.
Meiko chuckled from the other side of the table, gesturing for An to come sit as she stood up and went to make her a cup of coffee. Miku could hear Rin and Len arguing loudly from outside, and sighed, wondering why Meiko had thought it would be a good idea to have Kaito supervise them for the day when the guy could barely supervise himself.
She brought her attention back to An, who was now sitting where Meiko once did, and refused to meet her eyes. Her face looked a far cry from her usual cheerful demeanor, her smile replaced with a grimace and her brows furrowed. Miku simply sipped at her coffee, waiting for the girl to tell her what the issue was. An wasn't the type to keep things to herself for too long.
"Miku, can I ask you a question?" the girl eventually asked, in a tense tone of voice.
"Sure, what is it?" Miku replied.
"Well…" An started fidgeting and to Miku's surprise, a light red began spreading across her cheeks. "Um, do you know, how to ask someone out?"
Miku stared blankly for a second, as An's blush became furiously crimson and she buried her face in her hands. Then, Miku couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape her.
"I-It's not funny!" An looked at her with wide eyes full of embarrassment. "I'm really struggling here!"
"Sorry, sorry, you're right," Miku said, clearing her throat. "I was just expecting something worse. You looked like the world was ending when you came in."
"Aah, it does kinda feel that way though!" An put her head down on the table, a sigh of despair escaping her mouth. "I really like them, and I want to tell them, but I'm scared they won't like me back…"
"Hmm," Miku hummed, taking a sip. "That's just how it goes when you fall in love. If there was no risk, it just wouldn't be the same."
"So, do you have any advice for me?" An looked up at Miku hopefully. Miku smiled mischievously at her.
"There's no secret for stuff like this. You should just be honest with them!”
An grimaced. “So what you’re saying is you won’t help me!”
“Haha, I guess that’s not very helpful advice, huh?” Miku took another sip of her coffee. “Sorry, An, I may not be the best person to ask about love troubles. You should try with Meiko, maybe?”
“I thought about it!” An pouted at her. “But, as much as I respect Meiko… I don’t trust her for this.”
Miku raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Oh? And why would that be?”
Before An could answer, a loud sound came from the door. Miku turned her head to see what was going on, and saw Rin and Len, bickering as usual, with Kaito nervously looking at them, arms up as if trying to break the fight, but not doing anything with them. A pretty normal sight, really.
“I already told you, I didn’t break your headphones, Rin! Geez, do you really think so little of me? I’d never be so careless with your stuff!” Len shouted at Rin, stomping inside the cafe.
“Oh really? Then explain why they haven’t worked properly since you used them yesterday! I haven’t lent them to anyone else!” Rin yelled back, shaking her broken headphones around.
“Guys, come on, it’s not a big deal-” Kaito said weakly.
“Not a big deal?!” both twins exclaimed, turning their anger to Kaito.
Just then, Meiko stepped from behind the counter, where she’d been making An’s cup of coffee, frowning at the three troublemakers.
“Will you guys pipe down? An is having a conversation with Miku over there.”
Len and Rin looked over at the two girls, looking surprised, then apologetic. Kaito just smiled awkwardly, and began to make his way to their table, but was stopped by Meiko.
“And where do you think you’re going? Shouldn’t you be apologizing to Rin?” She told him, staring him down.
Kaito gave her a scandalized look. “Wha-! Meiko, you were supposed to keep it a secret!”
“Kaito?”
Everyone in the cafe turned to Rin, who was sporting an expression of complete and absolute betrayal. Next to her, Len was looking furiously at Kaito.
“It was you all along? And you were just letting Rin accuse me?!”
“Kaito, why did you even use my headphones without permission?”
The two of them, no longer fighting, were now focusing all their anger towards a mortified Kaito. Meiko put a hand to her face, sighing, before going to help Kaito out of the mess he’d put himself in.
An cleared her throat, turning back to Miku. “So, like I said…”
Meiko scolded Kaito in the background, despite a fond smile making its way on her face.
“... I don’t think I can trust Meiko’s judgment on romantic matters.”
Looking at Meiko and Kaito, Miku couldn’t help but chuckle, nod, and down the rest of her coffee. An groaned. It seemed she’d have to find a solution to her problem somewhere else.
///
“Kohaneee~ Help me!”
An almost threw herself at her partner, arms gripping the tiny girl’s shoulders.
“U-Uwaah, An-chan, you scared me!”
The two had agreed to meet up for some singing practice, but as An waited for Kohane to show up, she’d realized they probably wouldn’t get anything done when she still had her little issue on her mind. After that altercation, An took Kohane to a nearby vending machine, and they both sat down on a bench next to it, soda cans in hand.
“Kohane, I need you to tell me your secret,” An said, eyes shining with determination as she looked at Kohane.
“M-My secret? Secret on what?” Kohane just looked flushed and confused..
“How did you get not one, but two girlfriends? And how can that happen to me, too?”
Kohane’s face grew impossibly red at the mention of her girlfriends, and she began to fidget with her can.
“I didn’t do anything special…” she murmured. “I just, was nice to them, and spent time with them, and eventually it just… happened, I guess.”
An looked absolutely crestfallen at her answer.
“But I already do all of that with Mizuki!” She exclaimed, despair in her voice.
“With Mizuki?” Kohane gave her a confused look. “Is that your friend from the culture festival? What do they have to do with this?”
It was An’s turn to blush. “W-Well! I sorta have a big crush on them, so, I was hoping you could help me figure out the best way to tell them, without getting rejected! I tried to ask Miku, but she didn’t have much to say… I don’t think romance is her thing?”
“Hmm… Well, what about Meiko? She and Kaito are dating, so maybe she could give you some insight?”
“Ugh, no way! I can’t take advice from someone who’s willingly dating Kaito… That’s like going out with a dog! A very stupid, clueless dog.”
“Aah, hahaha…” Kohane laughed awkwardly. “Kaito isn’t that bad… but I guess I see your point.”
“And also…” An suddenly lowered her voice, frowning. “Mizuki has struggled with making friends a lot in the past… I don’t want them to feel like I won’t be friends with them anymore if they reject me. I’d feel terrible if I ruined this for them just because of a stupid crush…”
It was Kohane’s turn to frown. “It’s not stupid, An-chan. Your feelings matter, too.”
She took An’s hand in her own and squeezed reassuringly.
“I understand how scary it can be to confess to someone. I didn’t really have to do it myself, since Minori-chan beat Shiho-chan and I to the punch, but I could see just how nervous she was. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there, and risk changing the relationship you have with someone.”
“Y-Yeah…” An looked down at her feet. “I’m not sure if I’m capable of it.”
“Well, I can tell you that I know you are,” said Kohane. “I see you everyday working so hard towards your dreams without fear… If there’s anyone in the world who can tell that you have it in you to confess, it’s me. Because we’re partners.”
Kohane smiled and squeezed her hand again. An couldn’t help but smile back, even if it was a bit strained.
Kohane was right. There was no reason why this specific thing should scare her, when she’d already done much more daunting things in her pursuit of her dreams.
Still, though… It wasn’t just herself at stake, this time around. She had to think about Mizuki as well.
She and Kohane parted ways, An’s mind still clouded with nervousness, but her heart feeling just a bit lighter. If her partner believed in her, then, surely, she’ll be able to do it.
///
“Confessing to Akiyama?”
Toya looked at An quizzically, as if he’d misheard her. An pouted.
“Why do you look so surprised?” she asked.
“Ah… Well, it’s just…” Toya smiled sheepishly. “I thought you and Kohane were dating. My bad for assuming.”
“H-Huh? No way! Kohane already has two girlfriends, what would she need a third one for? She only has two hands!” An felt her face grow warm. “In any case, Mizuki is the one like!”
“Right, sorry. So, you need my help, because..?” Toya was still looking confused as to why An had singled him out during today’s lunch period.
“Because!” An repeated loudly. “You and Akito somehow got together, despite neither of you having the spine to confess for the longest time! How did you do it?”
“W-Why are you assuming I’m the one who confessed?” Toya looked embarrased, which was quite the rare expression on his face. An barely felt the satisfaction at all through her own desperate need for an answer.
“Oh, come on, it’s Akito we’re talking about here. He’d rather die than talk about his own feelings.” She rolled her eyes. “Which brings me to what’s important here: how did you manage to confess and start dating without him getting scared, or angry, or whatever else Akito thinks is a good alternative to admitting you care about someone?”
“Ah…” Toya looked down at his feet, his expression turning just a bit sad, as if remembering a painful memory. “It did kind of happen that way, I guess… I tried to confess, but afterwards, he avoided me for a few days. I felt like I’d destroyed our friendship, and I didn’t want to make him any more uncomfortable, so I sort of… started avoiding him as well?”
He looked up at An, who was grimacing at him.
“That… is pretty much what I expected,” she sighed. “I don’t know why I even asked… Now I just feel more scared to confess.”
“Well, on the bright side, eventually Akito had enough of it and he just came up to me and kissed me, so, in a way, it still worked?” Toya didn’t sound sure of what he was saying, and An grimaced even more. Really, Akito was a complete moron, sometimes…
“I don’t think Mizuki would do that… I think they’d just stop talking to me forever and blame themself for it, even though it would be my fault for confessing in the first place. Ugh! I hate this!” An waved her fist in the air, as if cursing whatever god had put her in this situation, making Toya chuckle sympathetically.
“I wish you luck,” he told her. “I’m sure things will be alright. I bet Akiyama likes you back, too. They always speak so highly of you.”
An gaped at Toya, mouth falling open in surprise. Then, the bell rang.
“Ah!” Toya exclaimed, getting up from where they were sitting. “I have to hurry, my classroom is on the other side of the building. See you later, Shiraishi!”
“Hey, wait! What did Mizuki say about me? Toya!” An screamed, but he was already gone.
///
An was lying in bed, staring pensively at the ceiling. Thinking over and over again about what Toya had told her earlier that day.
They always speak so highly of you.
That didn’t mean anything, right? You could say that about anyone who liked you as a person… But Toya seemed to take it as an indication that Mizuki liked An back, so it had to be something more, right?
An turned the sentence around over and over in her head, repeating it until it barely meant anything anymore, trying to find a hidden meaning behind every word. If only that stupid bell hadn’t interrupted their conversation!
She looked at her phone. It was getting late, but she couldn’t fall asleep. She thought about calling Kohane to ask for more advice, but felt like she wouldn’t have anything more to say to her. Kohane had already provided her all her support, An couldn’t ask more out of her than that. She went through her contacts, looking for someone, anyone, who might be able to help, when she finally found it.
She pressed dial, and the phone rang twice before being picked up.
“An?” said Haruka’s voice on the other side of the phone.
“Hey, Haruka,” replied An, suddenly feeling guilty. Haruka sounded a bit tired, and she remembered that she spent a lot of time practicing and doing livestreams with her idol group. She’d probably already been in bed when An had called…
“Um…” An hesitated. Well, it would probably be worse if she just told Haruka that nothing was wrong, and made the whole call pointless. “I was wondering if I could ask you for advice on something.”
“Of course,” Haruka told her kindly. “What’s wrong?”
An sighed. Haruka had always been too nice to her.
“I have feelings for a friend of mine, and, uh, I want to confess, but it’s scary? I asked a bunch of people already, and they all told me to go for it, which is, like, my whole thing, you know? Not worrying about consequences, and just doing what I think is best in the moment. But,” she swallowed, realizing that she was starting to ramble, her brain going too fast with all the thoughts and what-ifs swirling around inside of it, “I can’t afford to mess this up, at all. Their friendship is very precious to me, and I know how much it means to them, too. So, uh, any ideas?”
Haruka hummed, taking all the information in, as An catched her breath. With how much she’d been feeling anxious lately, she was starting to gain a whole new respect for Kohane, who went through this every single day of her life. How do people with anxiety even function?
“I… actually don’t have much experience confessing to people myself,” Haruka began, sounding carefully composed. “But, I do have experience in the field of… rejection.”
An’s eyes widened. Well, it wasn’t surprising that, as an idol, Haruka would have rejected many fans’ advances in the past, but from the way she talked about it, it sounded more… personal?
“There was someone, once, when I was still part of ASRUN, who confessed to me. I cared very deeply for them, but it wasn’t romantic, so I had to reject them.” Haruka’s breath sounded weird in An’s ear, as if she was doing her best to keep her emotions in check. “It was… extremely hard, for the both us. I felt terrible, breaking their heart like that… But I’m sure it was even worse for them. Baring their feelings to me like this, and not getting anything in return… It must have been very painful.”
An blinked slowly, imagining herself and Mizuki in place of Haruka and her friend, and felt her chest tighten. The idea was like a nightmare. One that Haruka experienced herself.
“But…” Haruka let out a slow exhale. “I think it was a good thing, ultimately. Because if they’d kept it to themself, they would have just suffered instead of being able to move on, and I wouldn’t have noticed until it was too late. So, maybe it was awful in the moment, but I don’t think either of us regret the decision they made to confess.”
An didn’t say anything.
“... Does that help?” Haruka asked, her voice uncharacteristically timid and uncertain.
“I… Yeah, it does, I think. Thanks, Haruka. Sorry to make you remember all this stuff.” An winced at her own words.
“It’s alright. I’m always happy to help you. I hope things work out between you and your friend, and if they don’t, I’m here, okay?”
An felt herself smiling. “Same here. I’ll let you sleep now. Bye, Haruka.”
“Bye. Sleep well.”
An hung up, and took a deep breath.
Somehow, hearing Haruka talk about what it was like to reject someone helped An more than she would have expected. Now she knew what it would be like for Mizuki to hear her confess. And how it would be like for Mizuki to reject her.
An gulped. She couldn’t say she was looking forward to it, but Haruka’s words gave her strength. It was just a bad moment to go through, like ripping off a bandaid. Nothing to be done about it afterwards.
She fell asleep, telling herself that tomorrow would be the day.
///
When she woke up the next morning, An felt like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She dragged her feet to the bathroom, dressed herself slowly, and had to force herself to eat her breakfast. She was so focused on forcing herself to swallow a mouthful of rice that she didn’t notice her father looking pensively at her until he spoke.
“What’s got you so nervous this morning? Do you have an exam I don’t know about?”
An coughed in surprise, and quickly reached for her glass to get the rice down her throat once and for all, before answering.
“No, no, nothing like that! I just, um…” she trailed off.
Her dad simply stared, raising an eyebrow questioningly.
Oh, hell, no reason to hide this from her own father.
“I’m confessing to the person I like after school today… So yeah, kinda nerve-wracking.”
Her dad nodded in understanding. “Good luck, kid.”
“Haha, thanks, dad,” An smiled.
Her dad was always the more pragmatic sort when it came to feelings. In a way, it was reassuring. An could always count on him to be honest with her.
This short conversation gave her the energy she needed to finish her breakfast. She quickly got up, put her plates in the sink and headed for the door, bag on her shoulder.
“I’ll tell you how it went when I get home!” she yelled out as she opened the door.
“I know you’ll do great,” replied her dad, as he finished his own breakfast.
Yeah, An thought. I’ll definitely do great.
///
Okay, maybe great was an over-estimation on her and her dad’s part.
She’d planned it all out. Send Mizuki a text asking to meet up after school, walk around for a bit, maybe do some shopping, waiting for the perfect moment to confess that would make Mizuki the most comfortable. It couldn’t be somewhere too public, because An didn’t think she could take that big of a humiliation if she got rejected, but it also couldn’t be somewhere too private, or else Mizuki might feel cornered.
In the end, An had thought that the park was the best place to confess, benches being far apart enough that other people wouldn’t hear, and Mizuki could easily get up and leave if they felt like they needed to do so.
Really, it was perfect. The one thing An hadn’t accounted for was her brain suddenly becoming incapable of working under pressure and making her blurt out whatever was on her mind.
“Hey An!” Mizuki had called out for her when they saw her walking out of the school building. “Long time no see!”
“Hah, yeah!” An had then answered cheerfully, but not too cheerfully, because that would be weird. But still cheerfully. Because she was happy to see Mizuki. Of course.
They had begun to walk away from school, side by side, and An could feel herself sweating. God, what if she started smelling of sweat and Mizuki thought that was disgusting? Then there was no way Mizuki would accept her confession!
“So, why’d you ask to see me? Not that I’m not happy about it, but that was a bit out of the blue, even for you! What’s going on?” Mizuki had asked, tilting their head in interrogation.
“Ah, well, I wanted to see you so I could tell you I’m in love with you.”
There it was.
At that exact moment, An wished with all of her heart that the ground would open up under her feet and swallow her up, throwing her directly into the scorching center of the Earth where she could burn in shame for all eternity.
Everything. She’d planned everything.
Stupid, stupid brain!
And that was the situation she was currently in. Panicking internally, definitely sweaty by now, terrified to even look at Mizuki’s face for an answer.
“Oh,” Mizuki said. “Okay??”
An forced herself to look.
Mizuki was wearing a confused expression, and An didn’t know whether to feel relieved that it wasn’t worse or depressed that it wasn’t a smile or any indication that Mizuki liked her back.
“Um,” she said with great difficulty. “So, do you, also like me? Or not? It’s fine if you don’t. Totally fine. I definitely won’t be mad. Actually you don’t even have to answer! I’ll just leave. Bye Mizuki!”
An turned around, ready to make a mad dash to her dad’s cafe so she could have him lecture her about running away from your mistakes, when Mizuki grabbed her wrist, preventing her escape.
“Hey, wait, this wasn’t a joke?”
An turned around once again, a baffled expression on her face. Mizuki looked equally shocked, and An couldn’t help but bristle a bit.
“Yes, obviously? Um, I wouldn’t say this as a joke… I totally mean it! It just, kinda slipped out. I didn’t mean to say it so casually.”
Mizuki looked at her in disbelief for a second. And then, they started to laugh hysterically.
“Oh my god! That’s-That’s hilarious! Did you have a whole plan ready?”
An blushed angrily, puffing her cheeks, which only made Mizuki laugh harder.
“You did! And you just said it right out of the gate! Oh, man, this is- it’s just so you, An, haha! Sorry, sorry, I need to catch my breath, hold on…!”
An frowned. “It’s really not that funny.”
“It so is!”
“Hmpf,” she grumbled.
“Wow, my stomach hurts. That was amazing!” Mizuki wiped a tear from their eye, and An crossed her arms, embarrassed.
“It’s just,” Mizuki continued, “it was so out of nowhere! I couldn’t believe it for a second! You said it like you were talking about the weather!”
“Stop iiiit!!” An was completely red by now, hiding her face behind her hands. There was no way in hell she’d tell her dad anything about this, or else she’d be hearing about it for the next twenty years at least.
“Anyways, how about you answer, huh?!” she shouted, desperate to redirect the conversation away from her blunder. “Do you like me or not?”
Mizuki suddenly stopped laughing, their face freezing in place, and the earlier jolly mood disappeared in an instant.
“Aah, well, um,” Mizuki said, playing with the bottom of their shirt with their hands, “I-I do like you, too, I guess. So, I guess we’re dating now?”
An stared, and then it was her turn to laugh.
“So you’re gonna judge me for messing up my confession when you can’t even accept it without stuttering like a shoujo protagonist? Haha!”
“Wha- Hey! I’m not the ridiculous one here, so stop laughing! This is a normal reaction when the girl you like confesses to you!”
“Oh my god, you like me,” An suddenly realized.
“Yeah, I do, even though you’re an idiot sometimes.” Mizuki smiled fondly. “I guess that just makes you my idiot.”
“That’s so cheesy,” An answered. Mizuki rolled their eyes.
“Shut up, you love it.”
“Hehe,” An chuckled happily, “I really do.”
Then, using the confidence she had left, which shouldn’t had been that much considering how much she’d failed to follow her plan, she took hold of Mizuki’s hands, dragging them towards a nearby clothing store. Mizuki laughed, squeezed An’s hand, and followed her.
Maybe An didn’t need all that advice and prepping in the end. She’d always been the spontaneous type, after all.
Impulsivity all the way.