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“The sunflower is mine, in a way”
- Van Gogh
“Jake?”
“Mm?”
Jake leans back against Heeseung who immediately wraps his arms around the younger, hands lazily going to play with the string of his sweatpants.
“Can I ask you something?”
Jake hums as a response, indicating Heeseung to continue.
“Why do you like sunflowers so much?”
To say Jake liked sunflowers was an understatement. His room had at least twenty copies of Van Gogh’s ‘Sunflowers’ plastered all over the walls, and in every corner there were multiple vases full of the flowers themselves. Every Valentine’s Day he would give Heeseung a sunflower instead of the typical rose, blushing when he was asked why, looking away and mumbling something like they’re pretty, like you. And every birthday he’d receive a sunflower from Heeseung, who’d tell him something like they make me happy. And you make me happy. And by the way, you’re prettier.
Jake bites his lip, a habit he’d picked up along the years. He turned around so he could properly face the older, smiling shyly at him before intertwining their hands.
“Don’t laugh, okay?”
Heeseung raises an eyebrow, and there’s a teasing smile playing on his lips.
“Seriously! Don’t laugh, I know it’ll sound stupid,” Jake whines, burying his face in the other’s chest.
Heeseung laughs and hugs him tight, kissing the top of his forehead.
“I won’t laugh, baby. I promise.”
The younger mumbles something that Heeseung doesn’t quite catch.
“Jakey, I can’t hear you,” he whispers, a smile evident in his voice.
Jake sighs dramatically, detaching himself from being glued to the other before starting again, “I kind of… think of myself as one.”
He squints at Heeseung suspiciously, as if waiting for him to crack a joke. He doesn’t, instead taking to run his fingers through Jake’s hair, smiling fondly at him. It makes Jake break into a smile as well, shaking his head as he wonders how he got so lucky.
“They’re just really bright and warm and happy. And not to say I’m like that- don’t interrupt me!” Jake cries out as soon as Heeseung opens his mouth to disagree with him, causing the elder to laugh lightly. “I know you will say I’m like that, and I guess that’s kind of the point? Like.. you know me better than anyone else, and you think I’m all of those things. So I guess I must be, right?”
Heeseung beams, gaze tender and loving. He stops stroking Jake’s hair, only to cup the other’s cheek instead, pulling his face closer to his own.
“That’s right. You’re my sunflower.” Jake groans at the older’s cheesy attempt in flirting, but his neck betrays him when it flushes red from Heeseung’s words.
Heeseung notices, because of course he does, and starts leaving a trail of kisses down his throat. It doesn’t take long for the kisses to go lower, and lower, becoming more fervent by the minute, till they both start losing themselves in each other.
❀
“I’m sick.”
Heeseung looks up, eyebrows furrowed at the other’s words.
“That’s okay, I’ll take you home.”
Jake’s eyes start to water, and he claps his fists so tightly that the fingers digging into his palms start to leave marks. Heeseung places his hands over them, gently forcing them open.
“No, Heeseung. I’m sick, I’m- ” Jake’s voice falters, and Heeseung is next to him in an instant. He holds him close and whispers words of comfort to him, and lets Jake cry on his shoulder. His shirt gets wet but he doesn’t mind, not when Jake looks at him later with eyes still tearing up, but full of trust, and love.
And later in the night when Jake tells him what he’s been hiding for so long, in fear of hurting the person he loves most, Heeseung holds him close once again.
And Heeseung tells him everything he’s ever wanted to since the day they met. He tells Jake how beautiful he is, how he made Heeseung’s own life seem beautiful too. He tells him how much he loves him, and how much he likes him as well. He tells Jake how he means everything to him. He tells him that the only reason he was able to become the person he is now, was because of him.
And Jake thanks him quietly, for loving him, for cherishing him.
For letting himself be loved back.
❀
Jake dies on a thursday afternoon.
Heeseung is at his side, holding tightly onto the younger’s hand. There’s a soft kiss placed on Jake’s forehead, and a spilt tear that rolls down his cheek.
Heeseung wipes it away.
❀
Jake’s funeral takes place the next thursday, and Heeseung thinks it’s a bit too cruel.
Jake hated thursdays, it being the day he had to get up exceptionally early for classes. Getting up early for Jake meant that his boyfriend would be asleep when he went out the door, which meant no morning kisses, no morning sex, and no breakfast cooked by Heeseung.
Of course, he could do without the breakfast. But not having the other two? Needless to say, every thursday morning was spent miserably by the both of them. That is, till Jake came back home later in the afternoon, and was greeted by enough kisses and touches to make up for the earlier hours of the day.
Enough I missed yous and You look good todays and I made you something to eats to make up for every moment spent apart. Jake’s favourite by far though, was when Heeseung would hug him close, press his lips against his own, and whisper I love you. I love you.
❀
A month later, Heeseung is packing his bags to move to a place in the countryside. He’s picked out a small cabin that he and Jake had stayed at a few years back, next to a field of flowers.
He doesn’t pack much. Some clothes, money, identification, and a picture of Jake. Many, many pictures of Jake.
A few weeks after he’s moved and settled in, Heeseung starts painting.
He only paints pictures of sunflowers.
❀
One morning, when even the sun has barely woken up, Heeseung sees a little boy running around the field. It looks like he’s trying to catch what Heeseung thinks is a butterfly. He lets out a fond laugh, thinking the scene as adorable.
The boy hears him, and turns around to give him a wide grin. He hops over to where Heeseung is setting up his easel and canvas, and tries to take a peek at his paints.
Heeseung lets out a louder laugh at his, and takes out a smaller canvas, giving it to the boy.
“Do you want to paint with me?”
The younger boy - Jungwon, Heeseung learns, nods eagerly.
❀
“Heeseung hyung?”
“Mm?”
“Can I ask you something?”
The amusement is apparent in Heeseung’s voice when he replies, “I suspect you’re going to.”
Jungwon pays no attention to his tone, absentmindedly playing with a new toy he’d been given recently. It makes the older chuckle, and shake his head softly.
“Why do you only paint sunflowers?”
Heeseung tenses up, swallowing harshly.
“There are so many types of flowers, like roses or oh! Daisies! Daisies are my favourite. But you only paint sunflowers - why is that?” Jungwon questions, and turns towards the other, waiting for an answer.
Heeseung looks visibly pained for a moment, before taking a deep breath and smiling ruefully at the younger. Jungwon thinks he sees Heeseung’s eyes start to water before he says,
“The sunflower is mine, in a way.”