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“Do you think that’s too much tinsel?”
“No.” Sirius paused. “Also I think we should get another tree. For the entryway.”
Remus looked at the tree in their living room, and the tree in their dining room. “You’re right, Pads. I’ll get another one ordered ASAP and some more decorations.”
“I’ve already ordered another mattress. Lucy wrote to me, she is adamant she is not sharing a bed again. Apparently she and Molly are too old for that.”
“They’re growing up.”
“Yes, it’s horrible.” Sirius wrapped the final string of tinsel around the stairway before moving to stand beside Remus and take his hand. Their house, as it always was in the final weeks of the year, was fully decorated with a barrage of Christmas decorations. Some were bought new, others over the years, but the ones that sat with the highest honour were those that had been handmade and gifted to them by their family.
They shared a quick kiss before grabbing their wands, as excited as they had been on their first Christmas together back in ‘78 (the house had been smaller back then and the decorations mainly consisted of records on the floor, a few Christmas lights and some paraphernalia best kept a secret from the younger grandbabies), and turned on the lights strung up around the house. “It’s perfect.”
“It will be,” Sirius agreed, “with another tree and cookies on the table. I should start on those soon.”
“When are they arriving?”
“Well, Teddy’s already back. Harry, Ginny and their brood are coming tomorrow. Ron, Hermonie and their lot are coming the day after. The rest of the Weaselys are coming Christmas Eve morning to stay. Percy, Oliver and the girls will be arriving later because they’re seeing Audrey first.”
Remus laughed lightly, “so we have three days to get the house ready for them? Good Merlin.”
“Probably be harder to get done than the war was, yes.” The two of them giggled together as if they weren’t in their 60s. They never felt like that, of course. Still filled with youthful energy whenever they were around each other. Other than on a cold winter morning, but that’s to be expected. “I think that’s why you have children.”
They looked at each other, grinned, and simultaneously called for their son to come down the stairs. Teddy emerged looking rumpled and annoyed. His hair changed from it’s blue to a festive red and green look. “What?”
“Go up into the attic and bring down our stuff. Mattresses, blankets, pillows. All of it.”
“Why can’t you?” Teddy asked, leaning over the top of the railing. Perhaps a normal parent would scold the attitude or the recklessness of his actions. Sirius and Remus were not normal parents. They simply raised an eyebrow and shoed him away with their hands. “It’s because you two are so old now.”
“And in our old age,” Remus agreed, “we have learnt that delegation is an important and necessary part of life and -”
Teddy threw his head back groaning. “Don’t talk about the war!”
“I was going to talk about pranks at school but fine. Off you go.”
“Speaking off,” Sirius said before Teddy could. “We got your report back. Well done. Good grades, reckless behaviour. I believe the phrase Minnie used was ‘a replica of a Black, Potter, Lupin and a Weasley rolled into one. A horror show for the teachers’.”
“We’re very proud.”
Teddy winked down at them, “of course you are. I’ll go get the stuff, but first dibs on any cookies baked. I’ll fight James and Dominique if I have to. You know I will.”
“As will I,” Sirius agreed.
“Go. We’ve got lots to do before the family gets here.”
He sauntered off, leaving the two of them alone again. Still holding each other they headed into the kitchen to make sure everything was there. The dining room table had been enlarged and extra seating bought in. More chairs in the living room, along with some bean bags for the kids. Upstairs the extra bedrooms had all been cleaned and prepared. One room for each adult couple, Fred having his own room and Charlie having a room in the converted shed out in the garden - he liked to bring a dragon or two. All the boys in Teddy’s room and all the girls in another. It wasn’t luck that let the Lupins host family events, but sheer determination to buy a house that fit their entire extended family.
“Cinnamon or cranberry cookies?”
“Chocolate?”
“I repeat.Cinnamon or cranberry cookies?”
“I repeat-”
Sirius rolled his eyes, “yes. Moony, no fear. Chocolate cookies will appear.”
“You’re so lame.”
“Okay Professor.” Sirius mocked. Remus threw a wrapped mint from the bowl at the end of the counter at his husband with impeccable aim and relatively good strength. “Ow. It’s like you hate me or something. Which is crazy, because no one hates me. I’m too good looking to be hated.”
Remus shook his head, “you’re grey and have wrinkles. Hardly the apex of attractiveness.”
“I’m going to ignore that because I know that you’re lying.”
“I am.”
“And I know you find me hot.”
“I do.”
“As do I. Find you hot, I mean. We’re both hot, old men.”
That caused Remus to break, almost doubling over with laughter at the pose and facial expression Sirius decided to pull as he spoke. In turn, Sirius was also set off. And the two of them both had to grip the counter as their laughter fueled each other’s laughter in a cycle that didn’t seem to end. This moment, and moments like it, both men had come to realise over their many decades, were the ones that truly mattered - and the ones that people lived for.
Once they had finally righted themselves and were behaving sensibly once more, Sirius got out the ingredients for baking. He’d found a love for it once the war was over and they had time on their hands. Remus would read, Sirius would bake. They’d go for walks and see their family. They’d make dinner together and write letters to their friends and family. They’d sit in peaceful silence or go places where they were the oldest by a decade. Once free, they’d relished in their freedoms and had learnt that they could do whatever they wanted. And, for Sirius, that meant a lot of cookies.
“Maybe if we get another tree we can let Teddy, James, Cedric and Lily decorate it. We’ll make it the kids' tree.”
Remus hummed, “that’s sweet. Lily will take charge of course. As would her namesake.”
“They named her well. I think James and Lily senior would be very happy with all of this, all of them.”
“Oh yes. They’d be over the moon that we all found happiness. Not that the moon contributes much to my happiness.”
They had a little chuckle before Sirius continued. “I’m just glad we get to see this phase of Harry’s life. If we couldn’t have seen the first part.”
Remus lent over and kissed his husband. “We’ve had more time with him than apart. We’ve had more time with each other than we spent apart. We’re doing good.”
“Of course. And now we also have a child and however many grandkids.
“12. Who would have thought we’d be able to say that! A gay couple, with that many children.”
“The 70s could never.”
“I resent Roxie for teaching you the slang of their generation. I truly do.”
“You’re just jelly that you don’t know it.”
Remus huffed, “even I know that ‘jelly’ is outdated, Pads. Perhaps you’re becoming old.”
“Hush. Pass me the eggs.”
Doing so, Remus laughed. “Anyway. We’ll go into town tomorrow before Harry and Co arrive to get some supplies. And if we head into Diagon Alley I want to stop and get some more pain potions, that moon was rough on Teddy and I worry.”
“We will do that then. I was worried about the next moon anyway. Also, Lucy and Louie said we didn’t have enough ravenclaw decorations up last year, so I thought we could get some.”
“Is that why you got the blue tinsel for the deck?”
“Mmm, yes. I think it looks nice with the gold and red actually. Although Teddy went and ruined it with his yellow.” Rolling his eyes dramatically, Sirius flipped the dough out of the bowl to knead. “But I will admit the black looks good with the red.”
“We should decorate a cookie for each kid, in their colours.”
Sirius laughed, “to show that we actually are welcoming to other houses?”
“I’d hope you were!” Teddy interrupted, walking into the kitchen. “Mattresses in the rooms, blankets and pillows in a large pile I don’t want to deal with and I think there's a niffler up there that tried to bite my toes.”
“I’ll have a look later,” Remus replied. “Thanks for your pile, we’ll deal with it. And we are very loving to other houses. We love you and you’re a hufflepuff.”
“Best house there is. Go the badger!”
“How embarrassing.”
Teddy rolled his eyes, “paps, you suck and so does Gryffin-sore.”
“Are you 9, what is this?” Sirius threw a piece of dough at Teddy. All three laughed when he easily caught it in his mouth. “Go and be useful, helpful Hufflepuff, we’ve got guests coming.”
“I know. And I am being helpful. Just by being here I lighten up the space. Bring a sense of youth and fun to a stale and deprecated house occupied with stale and old men.”
“We should have left you in the dumpster we found you in.”
Sirius got another mint thrown at him before Teddy actually considered what he had said. “I could be a raccoon king.”
Sirius nodded seemingly not bothered by the mint, “that’d be a sweet gig. They could make you a little trash crown with their little hands.”
“You could wear that eye mask that robbers wear, to fit in.”
Teddy seemed to actually think it over, nodding slightly. “Yes. This works well. Why was I adopted into this loving, rich, werewolf-adoring, rich, large family when I could have been left in a dumpster to become royalty.”
“Because we didn’t find you in a dumpster?”
“Could have put me in one.”
Remus shook his head, “no. We decided to bring you home instead but here -” he quickly and easily transfigured a Christmas ornament to a crown and a piece of rubbish to a black eye mask. “Trash King Teddy.”
“You’re making fun but I’m going to wear this the entire holiday and you can’t stop me.”
“You’re also a metamorphmagus, love, you can just be a racoon.”
“Shit, dad, you’re right.”
Remus hummed, “I often am. Go and clean your room, okay? You’ll have James and Cedric in with you tomorrow night.”
Taking the crown and mask, Teddy saluted the both of them before leaving the room.
“Merlin, he’s strange.”
“He’s all you, Pads.” The smile Remus got back was blinding.
~
The issue Remus and Sirius faced the following morning was not a lack of beds, cups and plates, space for family or the like. Instead, they were faced with the issue of too many decorations and too much food. Perhaps they did go overboard on occasions. It wasn’t that often. Sirius had already toyed with the idea of going through what they bought and donating the rest to the local food bank (while keeping enough to make sure every grandchild was stuffed).
“I’m going to give this-” Remus held up one plastic bag, “to Teds. He can decorate his room and with this-” he held up another, “I’m going to decorate the girls room. May as well.”
“Good idea. I’m going to make some more cookies, but I’ll probably take a batch next door to Maisey and Emma.”
They were about to split up to tackle each job when the floo activated. Teddy was upstairs, and they weren’t expecting anyone yet. Cautiously they entered the living room, relaxing at the sight of Harry, James and Cedric standing there with Ginny and Lily coming through the green light. All five of them carrying a bag on their back and a box in their hands. Even though they were roughly five hours early, none of them looked ashamed, embarrassed or sorry. Not that surprising, of course. The Lupin household was not known for a locked door or strict arrival times.
“Kids were bored, wanted to see you guys.”
“Say no more,” Sirius interrupted his godson. Not a moment later the three kids were wrapped up in their grand-god-fathers. Teddy was also on the move, coming down the stairs to meet them. “I’m thrilled you’re here. How is everyone?”
The kids started talking at the same time, and it was only that Remus and Sirius were who they were that they were able to keep up with three streams of dialogue. Living as a Marauder had prepared them for this. James had been named captain of the Gryffindor team earlier in the year, and was currently leading them to victory, and needed some ideas that his namesake would have. Cedric had started his fourth year in Hogwarts with a girlfriend, and was currently going steady with her, and was very excited to meet her family especially now he was on track to be top Slytherin academic performer. Lily had created and was running Hogwarts’ debate team, and was asking Remus for advice on writing and running while asking Sirius advice for dramatic flair she could implement.
It was a lot. Sirius and Remus loved it. Eventually, they were able to peel away from the kids, after they ran outside with Teddy to see their frogs in the pond. More hugs went around before the four adults found themselves sitting in the living room. “We were just talking about how we are not quite ready for you lot,” Remus said.
Sirius magically made up a tray of tea. “Lots to do. Our house is hardly presentable.”
“It’s amazing. You should see our tree,” Ginny laughed. “I think the kids hate us for the lacklustre attitude we have.”
“Yes, I did receive a picture of said tree. Very sad.”
Remus laughed, “luckily it’s not about the tree but the-”
“Presents under it?” Harry cut in.
“Carry on with that and there'll be no presents with Harry on them.” All four of them laughed at Remus’ empty threat. It was known that the two of them bought presents throughout the year and enjoyed gift giving far too much to ever withhold even the smallest of gifts. Remus sipped his tea as the laughter died down, continuing. “We’ll finish up soon. Nothing that can’t wait for us to have coffee with kids.”
“I’m hardly a kid.”
Sirius and Remus looked at each other, back at Harry then at each other. “You’re very young for a non-kid.”
“For old geysers like us,” Remus continued for Sirius. “Anyone under 55 is a child.”
“You hardly just turned 60,” Ginny pointed out.
“And I don’t look a day over 30, I know.”
“That’s exactly where I was going with that. You read my mind.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “I’ve felt 60 for thirty years. I’m just glad I look old enough to act this way.”
“And dress that way,” Teddy helpfully inputted as he and the others walked back inside. “I see you kept the frogs alive.”
The family dissolved into chaos again. Every person talking without regard for the other voices in the room. Sirius made more tea, the kids helped themselves to the hot chocolate and to the baked goods. Teddy and James dared each other to jump off the stairs into a pile of cushions (Teddy, helpfully 18, was able to transfigure them). If another sub-family of the larger Weasley-Potter-Lupin family was there (mainly Percy, Hermonie or Molly) they might have been discouraged. Remus bet against his son, Ginny against her own. Sirius dared Harry, who dared his wife and then that became its own form of chaos. Remus and Sirius, with all their love of mischief and dares, sat out of that particular one.
Eventually, they found themselves in the kitchen with Harry. Ginny had ushered Lily upstairs to get a head start decorating the girl's room while the boys ran off with Teddy leading the way. The three of them were making up some sandwiches and fruit for lunch, nothing fancy but still nice. “I think I’m going to go back to work soon.”
“So soon?” Sirius asked.
“You took time off for a good reason, Harry, rushing back in will undo all of it.”
“Ron’s back in.”
“Ron has a different job to you. We’ve been over this,” Sirius replied. “I just want to make sure it’s what you want to do, not what you think you need to do. Your mental health means a lot to me.”
Harry smiled at both of them. “I’ve obviously talked to Ginny but I wanted to hear what you had to say before I went and talked to Ron and Hermonie. Just to see.”
“If it’s going to work for you, and isn’t going to hurt you then I say do what you want. But I can’t let you do something that you don’t want to do without a fight.”
Remus hummed, “what do you want to do?”
“I’ve been in contact with Minivera. I know you two teach those day courses for her, and I asked if there was one I could do. Just a few. I did enjoy my time in the DA.”
“They are fun, and I would always recommend doing that,” Remus said.
“You’re a natural teacher. You’d enjoy it.”
“And we’d help you in any way you needed. I think I have some books that would help if you did decide to go down the DA route.”
Sirius laughed. “Be prepared for heckling from a certain group.”
“All Gryffindors plus anyone related to you.”
“Talk to Gin, talk to Minnie, talk to Ron and Hermonie,” Remus instructed. “And talk to us, whenever you want. If that’s what you want, or if going back to being an Auror is what you want, we’re behind you. And so’s your mom and dad.”
Harry nodded, silently chopping some apples as he pondered. It was a highlight for both Sirius and Remus to be considered as advice-givers. Neither had the best upbringing or early adulthood. But no one could say they hadn’t seen some things = and they were always happy to use those experiences to share what they thought with their young family members. Both considered it an honour to be asked. And they meant it, they’d always and forever back their family.
“I’ll write to Minerva. Do you guys shave any chocolate oranges?”
“Pronglest,” Sirius fake gasped. “We have so many chocolate oranges. So long as Teddy hasn’t eaten them all.”
“He seems happy. Last time I saw him he told me he had no idea what he was going to do after this year ended. And that you two were withholding dessert.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “He wanted you to buy him ice cream.”
“And I did.”
“Of course you did. He doesn't know what he’s going to do. World’s a better place for us but it’s still limited. We’re not putting any pressure on him. He’ll figure it out at his own pace.”
Sirius finished plating up the sandwiches. “He’s leaning towards journalism or something like that.”
“We always need better ones.”
“Yes. When Hermonie told me about the bug in the jar I was pleasantly amused. I remember that story when I’m sad.”
“You’re terrible, Pads. Absolutely ghastly.”
“It’s a great story though,” Harry argured.
Remus shrugged. “I never said it wasn’t a great one.” He winked before walking to the door leading to the hallway. “Lunch is ready! First come first serve!”
The loud bangs and crashes were almost instant. James was heard the loudest, Teddy a close second. The three in the kitchen watched as the three coming down the stairs roughed each other up as they pushed and shoved. They got to the bottom, Ginny and Lily walking through them as if they weren’t even there. Everyone got a plate and they headed to the dinning room to eat.
“Did you get the decorations up?”
“Yup,” Teddy nodded. “And we put James’ mattress on the roof. He can’t get it down.”
“I’m sleeping on yours.”
Sirius laughed, “we once magically moved all the Slytherin - no offence Cedric - beds to the great hall. Took them until midnight to figure out how to reverse the spell. Simple thing, really. Luckily we had the cloak so we could watch from the corner. Great times.”
“Slytherins rule,” Cedric replied.
“I don’t believe in arguing over food,” Sirius said with a wink. “And no, I’m not giving you the spell. Do it alone or don’t do it.”
“Perhaps we should give it to Ced,” Remus shrugged. “So he can retribution all these years later.” The three boys started saying their piece. James against, Cedric for, Teddy for on the promise his house would not be targeted. Lily laughed along with them, her Griffndor side not letting her side with anyone but James. “No, no. Sirius is right. We promote hardwork in this house.”
Lily spoke up, “aside from giving us the map. And those beginner pranking spells. And how to get out of detention.”
“Yes. Aside from all that.”
“Oh how silly of me, I forgot that those weren’t included.”
“You’re as sarcastic as your mother,” Sirius nodded. “I look forward to seeing your husband deal with it.”
She laughed, “it’ll be great.”
James scoffed, “as if you’re going to get married. You’re too annoying.”
“Plus you’re always going on about something boring.”
“Or doing your hair!” Both boys examined a quick and loud ‘ow’ and lent down to rub at their shins. James pouted across the table. “You’re mean.”
Cedric nodded, “and rude.”
“And I’m better than both of you.”
Teddy also decided to join, “and you’re just so humble, Lils.”
“I’ll kick you, blood or not.”
“As fun as this all is,” Ginny cut in. “I think we can find a more interesting topic at hand? Who wants to say their highlight of the school year so far?”
As it often did, the chaos set forth onto the table once more.
~
The three of them; Sirius, Remus and Teddy, were standing on the landing, looking down over everyone. They’d randomly collided with each other coming down, and stopped to chat while watching some of the kids play Magic Monopoly in the hallway (Remus would have to remember to get out the stain remover after it ended). Other kids were outside, some adults with them or spread around the house. Everyone had arrived by then, the house was loud.
Teddy’s hair had changed colour again, bright yellow. “James was going on about Gryffindor superiority.”
“Ah. And you just had to -”
“Prove him wrong, yes. What are you two doing up here?”
Sirius shrugged, “last minute stuff. Making sure all the pillows and stuff are right.”
“You wanted to make out without someone gagging.”
“I neither confirm nor deny. What are you doing?”
“Roxie left like half an hour ago and looked sad. Just wanted to check on her.”
Sirius and Remus shared a look. “Such a Hufflepuff,” Sirius said. The clear and unabashed proudness emanated from Sirius easily. Remus felt the same way, they’d truly raised an amazing child. Teddy rolled his eyes but they glinted with the happiness that he felt at the praise. Sirius reached out and rubbed Teddy’s hair, messing it up. All three of them laughed lightly while Teddy fixed it. “Go on downstairs, and maybe referee the game for a moment, so we don’t end up having to evacuate.”
“Will do.” He stepped away from them, stepping down the first step. "Did you guys see Charlie? He bought a little dragon that sits on your head!"
Remus nodded, "I had him on my shoulder."
"He's got one that only likes to sit on werewolves. But he doesn't mind Bill, and kept following him around. It was awesome."
"I'll come and have a look soon. Wonder if he would like Pads?"
"I am a delight."
Teddy laughed, "yeah but you're not a super cool werewolf like me and dad."
"That's true. But I am a dog, on occasion."
"Ten bucks says the dragon doesn't like you."
Sirius grinned at his son. "You're on. Now go and referee those children. They're going crazy."
“Going." He stepped again before stopping and quickly blurting out: "Hey. Dads. I really love coming home.”
“We love having you back, Teds. Always.”
He smiled before running down, already yelling at Hugo for cheating.
Sirius and Remus looked at each other and then fell into step, heading for George and Angelina’s room. Roxie was sitting in the window, looking out over the garden where Harry, Ginny and Ron were flying with James, Rose, Lucy, little Fred and Victoire. She looked up when they came in. Smiling, but it not reaching her eyes. “I know. I’d be kicking their arses right now.”
“Why aren’t you?” Remus asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
She looked up at them both. “I’m lesbian.”
“Aright. I don’t think that stops you playing though,” Sirius said. “But congratulations and welcome to the club.”
“I haven’t told anyone. Not even mum and dad or Fred or Uncle Fred. I only just realised.”
Remus smiled softly at her. “I’m glad you feel like you can tell us, Roxie. And I’m very happy you figured it out in your own head. It’s a big step.”
“I’ll make sure we get you a lesbian flag for pride. Moony, write that on our to-do list.”
Roxie laughed, shaking her head at Sirius. “I need to tell everyone else first.”
“And you know they’ll love and support you no matter what. But take your time and-”
She stood up, cutting Remus off. “No. Right now. I’m going to get everyone in the living room.”
“Well, no time like the present I guess.” Sirius nodded. And then they did just that, helping her round up the entire family and get them into the living - a large task - and let her take the floor. She stood in front of them for all of a moment before declaring that she was indeed lesbian, and proud of it. And no, she said before anyone could speak, she would be answering no questions on the subject because, as she put it, every question anyone asked in this family is stupid.
“Merlin, I’m proud of you,” Remus whispered as she hugged them on her trip around the family. Sirius agreed, kissing the top of her head as he hugged her.
Teddy came over to stand beside them. “You’ve got another one. That’s five.”
“We’ll get the others, no fear,” Sirius shrugged.
“I think this is a good time to tell you but I gave all the first, second and third years in this room a spiked drink, with their knowledge and permission, so their pumpkin juice had muggle energy drinks in it. Love you guys!” And with that, he jogged off, pushing himself in between Harry and Ginny. He grinned at his fathers before ducking behind them, whispering something that caused them to laugh.
Remus and Sirius looked at each other. It wasn’t like they could get angry, Teddy was just a Hufflepuff version of their own childhoods. Across the room, Lily and Lucy were holding hands and spinning around in a circle. They looked at each other again, grinning at the chaos.
~
On Christmas Eve, the family had a little tradition that had started years previously. The parents would go for a walk together while the grandparents hosting would stay back with the kids. At first, this had been easy, a baby or two. Then it got hard, with 12 small wizards running around. Then it got easy (as easy as it could be with the group at hand) again now the kids could handle themselves. But they’d kept up the tradition. This meant that Sirius and Remus were sitting with the 12 grandkids and Teddy while their parents, Molly and Authur went out.
They’d been discussing the merits of trying to prank McGonagall (Sirius and Remus strongly advised against, no one argued) before moving on to what they were hoping was under one of the trees. The piles of presents did look very promising.
“A new telescope would be good,” Victorie said. “Mine’s rather old.”
“What? Are you a Ravenclaw?” Roxanne asked, receiving a light kick from Lucy for the hassle.
“I want to be able to see further. Sue me for wanting more education than the rest of my sisters in red.” She and Roxie stuck their tongues out at each other.
“Well I want one of dad’s new prank boxes. He’s not given me one,” Little Fred said. “I think we could take Hogwarts by storm with that. We’d be able to sneak it in, ay Teds?”
“Oh absolutely. Rose or Louise have the best reputation with faculty at present, so they’d be option one. Obviously either Molly or Lucy, as a backup.”
Molly shrugged, “they double checked our bags this year.”
“We used you last year?” James asked, both girls nodded. “Need to keep switching it up.”
“I haven’t been checked in ages,” Hugo imputed.
Sirius and Remus looked at each other with small smiles. They were sitting on one of the love seats, watching the children quietly. It was such a sight to see. Their family, strategically planning how to best smuggle in banned pranking material. Sirius leant over to whisper in his husband's ear, “aren’t we lucky?”
“The luckiest. Hugo, if you haven’t been checked recently then they probably won’t. But want a tip?” They all nodded eagerly. Sirius smiled cheekily, obviously relay knowing which tip Remus was going to share. “One person will be the fall person for the group, someone they’re going to check. Have a few things in there that you don’t mind losing, a detention is worth getting the stuff in so you have to be okay with that. Once one person goes down, they won’t bother checking the rest. This only works every so often, because otherwise they figure it out.”
All of the children started talking over each other again, laughing and poking at one another as they began planning another term of mayhem. Content in the knowledge that their grandfathers would never tell on them to another parent. So long as they got letter updates on how it was all going. Because, no matter how old the pair got, they always enjoyed a long, drawn-out, handwritten retelling from all 13 perspectives on how something went.
They looked at each other again, Sirius filling Remus’ teacup without needing to ask, and smiled at the noise around them. Never would their house need to know silence. Not this Christmas, and not anymore.