Archive of Our Own

Ren was still holding on to his glove.

It’d become something of a memento for him, tucked neatly in his pockets for yearning purposes, especially now that he wasn’t as free to leave his home as he used to be. It’d been a couple months since Akechi threw it at him, but a mere few days since they took down Shido. The world felt as though it’d slowed down, a blanket of anxious calm laid out over Tokyo as the impact of his change of heart rippled throughout the city. Ren wasn’t sure what he could do besides wander aimlessly and feel hollow, working late nights at the bar in Shinjuku, hanging out with the people he could and heading into Mementos for the upteenth time. Each layer caused him to feel more and more uneasy, and the last one they visited felt like he needed to constantly stay on edge.

And the world moved on.

Akechi had… disappeared. All he had left was his glove. There hadn’t been a single trace of his body, no one reported it anywhere after the palace collapsed. New posters were put up, new celebrities were talked about.

No one even mentioned him anymore. 

He hadn’t heard from him, or from anyone about him, not even Sae. All he could do was wallow in self reflection. Ren didn’t know when he started holding onto his glove as a source of comfort, nor did he understand what could have caused his intense attachment to an item, but he was always something of a creature of habit. 

As he walked up the stairs to his room, he realized that the glove was gone. 

Instantly his brain went to Shinjuku, the last place he’d been that day. He must’ve left it at the bar somewhere, or it must’ve fallen out somewhere at the train station… Morgana jumped onto one of the chairs by the bar, watching him quickly pull the hooded sweatshirt over his head before tilting his head in confusion. “Where are we going?” 

Ren froze. He’d almost forgotten Morgana was there from how absorbed he’d been in his backtracking. His shoulders drooped a little, and the bespectacled teen looked at the cat blankly, uncertain how to respond. “I… lost something.” Ren mumbled, pushing his glasses up as the dull ache in his chest spread further. Morgana didn’t know, and he didn’t need to know. He really needed to keep his emotions in check– If not for himself, then for the team.

But it was rough, when it was something that meant so much to him. 

“Where did you last see it?” The cat– Or, not-cat, asked, jumping onto the counter and walking closer to him. “Can’t you look for it tomorrow?” “No.” Ren responded almost immediately, bag on his shoulder, already prepared to leave. “It’s important.” 

“To the mission?” Morgana’s tail swished from side to side, “You remember we finished the palace, right?” 

Ren paused. “To me.”

The cat stopped moving. “ Oh. Okay.” Morgana seemed to realize what this meant, jumping off the counter and landing behind him. “Want me to look for whatever it is on the ground? You know I’m amazing at finding things,” He preened, pressing his head into his leg. Ren couldn’t help but smile, leaning down to pet him fondly while Morgana leaned into his touch, purring. “Sure. Just keep an eye out for a glove.” “Got it!”

They set out to the train slowly, looking around the area but finding nothing. He really didn’t expect to find it on the train– If it’d fallen out while he was on it…  Well, that was the worst case scenario. Switching to the Chuuou Line at Center Street, Ren sighed as he settled onto an open seat. Not letting his mind wander, Ren quickly scanned through some of the things in his bag for something to busy himself with, not wanting to let his mind wander with negative thoughts. He finally settled on a magazine he hadn’t flipped through yet.

He’d just barely opened the first page before he saw a familiar sly smile on the page next to an article, the headline something cheesy and predictable for pre-Medjed Akechi fame.

Ren froze, staring at the page for a beat before he immediately closed the magazine. He truly did not think he could handle reading that right now. He closed his eyes, leaned back, and exhaled, exhausted.

Instead, he reminisced. 

He thought about walking down the street with Akechi after offering to walk him home, causing him to chuckle and nudge at Ren’s shoulder lightly, eyes hooded with a knowing, teasing smile. 

“ The Ren Amamiya wants to walk me home?” Ren had been, admittedly, embarrassed, but he would never admit to it. He’d steeled himself, immediately following the others chuckle and affixing him with a deadpan stare. “Only because it’s you.” Unashamed, straightforward, deadpan. Akechi’s eyes had widened and he’d looked taken aback, smile no longer teasing but rigid, uncertain. He’d adjusted his tie, teasing smile smoothening out into something more formal as he walked past him. Ren’s heart had dropped. 

“Maybe some other day. Thank you anyways.” 

Ren had felt his chest tightening— Had he been too direct for him to shut him down? They’d been skirting and flirting– At least, he’d thought they were flirting– For ages, but had never… Actually tried anything. Akechi had stopped walking, still looking forward. “You can walk me to the train. You live in Yongen-Jaya, right? We have to take different lines.” 

Oh. That made more sense. Ren’s face did not change, but his shoulders sagged in relief. 

He’d walked him to his stop, held his hand fondly, remembering even the material of the glove he wore. Or maybe, now that he was overly familiar with the touch of his glove, he could simply attribute its texture better.

“...en… Ren!” A hard nudge from his bag brought him back to the real world, a hurried voice echoing from his bag. “We’re at our stop! Hurry !” Instantly Ren stood up, bolting out of the closing door at the last second. The fear that had clutched his chest disappeared, and Ren brought his finger to his temple, a wasted attempt at soothing the pain. 

While Ren walked out of the station, Morgana popped his head out of his bag, worried. “Are you okay? You’ve been getting lost in your head a lot lately. What’s up?” Ren was quiet this time, eyes fixated on the street, hands balled up at his side as he attempted to get a grip.

Not. Right. Now.

“Morgana, can you do me a favor?” Morgana peeks up at him as he opens the bag a bit more, letting the cat jump out and turn to him. “Could you look around the main area for me? I can check out the other side.”

“Sure! You can count on me, Joker!”

This left him to go to the bar and the darts place.

The air was cold yet humid as he walked the streets late at night, and when he finally arrived, he felt his heart drop.

It was closed. 

Not closed down, thankfully, just… closed . He’d never seen it closed at night before. It was fairly late, honestly, but even knowing that, it’s opening hours were always late at night. Maybe they closed early or something… They were getting closer and closer to the holidays. He just… wasn’t used to it. 

He was extremely tempted to break in, but he didn’t want to get kicked out of his closest connection with Akechi or further incriminated for something he didn’t do, except– Well, in this context, he’d have finally done something worth getting arrested for. And besides– He could just pop in the next day, ask the jazz club manager if Akechi had left his glove or something, and everything would be fine.

Peering through the entrance window caused his chest to squeeze tighter. He missed going to the bar with him, sitting across from him, enjoying the live music as he watched Akechi speak the entire time. His sharp deductions and silver tongued quips, his light demeanor paired with his own sarcasm. And when Ren would tease him, he’d be able to see Akechi’s ears glow red from embarrassment. 

He closed his eyes, measuring his breaths and letting the feeling of defeat seep out of his body. There was still one more place left for him to check. 

He wouldn’t give up hope just yet.

Ren hurried to Penguin Sniper, practically leaping up the steps as he hurried into the establishment. It was empty, but there was an attendant at the side. “I think I left something the last time I came, could I look around for it?” Please please please please pleasepleaseplease–

“Just be quick, we’re closing soon.” “...Alright.”

His mind went blank as he shuffled around the area, hands shaking uncontrollably as he grew more and more rushed. Maybe it was under the billiards table, or had it fallen out by the darts machine? What if it was by the chairs, or on the other side, or maybe he just hadn’t looked hard enough the first time. He double, no, triple checked the area. 

The man behind the counter seemed a little concerned at this point. “Did you lose your wallet or something?” He asked him, leaning forward. “...Have you seen a. Well. A glove?” “A glove ?” Now he looked even more befuddled. “A glove has you looking like a man crazed ? ” “Just answer the question,” He said firmly, causing the man to sigh and shake his head. “I’d remember finding something like that here. We don’t have that big of a lost and found. Sorry.”

Ren felt his chest compress in an instant. 

“Hey, man, I know it’s none of my business, but I’d just cut my losses and buy a new pair or something. No glove is worth all that effort.”

He felt anger seep into his veins as he hastily thanked the man for his unsolicited advice, wanting to slam the door of the establishment behind him. He walked down the stairs, hands numb. Ren wasn’t sure if it was due to the blistering cold outside, or if he’d simply felt numb all over.

When he reached the bottom, he looked to the side, staring at the place Akechi used to stand waiting for him. He balled his hand into a fist again, walking away. There were no other places he’d have left it at, of this he was sure. 

Ren pushed his glasses up and pressed his palms into his eyes to prevent himself from crying. 

Not that it amounted to much. He was thankful the streets were empty– All he could do to stop himself from full out sobbing was to  remember him more as he felt himself go through the seven stages of grief through simply staring at his spot on the side of Penguin Sniper. 

He remembered standing by him as they played darts together, Akechi lifting his dart and aiming, boney hands lithe and lovely, wearing the same gloves as always. Ren had watched the detective prince glance at him from the corner of his eye while he concentrated on the board, nearly missing his shot when Akechi realized Ren had been watching him the whole time. 

Ren had held his gaze long enough to make Akechi look away, huffing and rolling his eyes before he’d looked back at the dart board, focused. He’d almost seemed as though he was preening under his gaze, having readjusted his wrist and landed his dart slightly off center from the bullseye. He’d looked satisfied, a quiet smile on his face as he adjusted his tie. “What are you even looking at?” Akechi had asked, dusting his coat off lightly as he stepped away from the front. Ren had walked up to him, having leaned in extremely close to the other, eying him up and down before chuckling.

“You finally missed.” He pointed out with a smirk, reaching over the detective for one of the darts from behind him before pulling away. Akechi had looked unimpressed with his observation, arms crossing and finding the dartboard much more interesting than Ren’s face. The tips of his ears blossomed pink this time, and Ren distinctly remembered just how cute he’d found his dumbfounded expression when he’d landed a bullseye after him.

It hurt to remember that, now. 

So he finally let himself mourn. 

He mourned the twinkle in his eyes, his sly smirk, his calculated chuckle. 

He hadn’t realized it, but for some reason he was now sitting on the damp floor of Kichijoji, still numb. Was this finally it? Was this when he let himself accept that he was gone, when he had no more to remember him by? Ren thought of Akechi and felt his chest squeeze with indignant anger. 

Why hadn’t he let him help him? 

Why had he implied it was him vs them so long ago, when they were working toward the same goal, when they had all wanted the same thing ? He wanted to cry, to scream, to yell in his face– It wasn’t fair . Why had Akechi left them behind? He’d given him so many opportunities to join them before it all went down. If they’d just had a little more time together, they could’ve avoided it all. If only they’d tried harder to befriend him before Sae’s palace. 

If only… he’d tried harder in Mementos.

Deep in his heart, he knew everything he was thinking was bullshit. Akechi was too stubborn a person to ever admit he needed help until it was too late. But the hopeful part of him denied this.

He wished he could go back. He wished he could see him as he knew him, having fun in the arcade, befuddled after Ren fluffed his hair and put his glasses on him, secretive after their not-date at the aquarium. 

He let himself mourn, despite knowing nothing would come of it. So he sat and he suffered, sad, wet, and alone. He only moved when Morgana returned, nudging his arm and fussing over him. “C’mon, let’s try again tomorrow. Let’s get you home, Ren… You’re a mess!”

And when Ren arrived home, pushing the door to the cafe open, having wrung out all the emotions he felt in his body to the point he felt hollow, he saw something familiar on the cafe’s table top, a note tucked under it. 

Looked familiar. 

Figured it was important. — Sojiro

Ren lifted the glove, examining it. His chest felt lighter, and the anger he had felt faded into something more akin to relief. It had to have fallen out while he cleaned the place up, and Sojiro must’ve seen it while he was working and held onto it.

Ren would never truly lose hope that he was alive.

The fact that he was still holding on to his glove, despite it all, was proof enough.