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Lumine stared at the Mora sitting perfectly on the ground. Its surface reflected the warm light spilling into the room.
She really should be paying attention to the conversation around her, the Acting Grandmaster did not summon her for no reason. But she couldn’t.
In the words of someone she once called brother, She fixated on the weirdest shit.
“Hello!!! Teyvat to Lumine!!!”
Paimon’s large eyes obscured Lumine’s vision of the coin.
“Honorary Knight, are you alright?” Jean dropped her tone from Acting Grandmaster to a friend. Lumine was once able to do such a thing.
“There’s Mora in the corner,” Lumine pointed at the object. Her tone was as grim as if she was pointing out a murderer. “It fell out of your pocket when you opened the door.”
Jean’s face scrunched up into a look of confusion.
Lumine refused to take her eyes off of the coin.
“Thank you, Traveler.” Jean bent down and scooped up the coin. She held it perfectly in the center of her palm and offered it to Lumine. “Did you… want it?”
Lumine shook her head. “Mora is worthless when you know how to use other means to manipulate others.”
A heavy silence blanketed the room.
Stupid, stupid! Why in Celestia’s name do you say weird shit like that?
Because I don’t have you here to stop me.
“…she took a break?” Jean was speaking again, but not to her.
A high-pitched voice responded. “Now that Paimon thinks of it, it has been a while since we took a break. When she gets tired, she usually runs off to the tree at Windrise or the wilds of Liyue.”
The damned coin was on the desk now. Why the fuck did Lumine not grab it when she had the chance? If she had held it in her hands, she could have crushed it. Its presence would no longer plague her thoughts.
Jean tapped her shoulder. A gentle and kind gesture. “I think you should go home and rest.”
My home was with him. He’s gone. Has anyone in this world ever had their home leave them?
“A vendor in Liyue once compared my eyes to that of Mora. If I ripped my eyes out, would anyone be able to tell the difference?”
~~~~~~~
“I am honored that you decided to join me today, Traveler.”
When was the last time anyone said her name? Was it that hard to remember? She was more than a traveler. He had told her that names hold meaning. That they were the summary of a person. If their names were forgotten, then they would be too.
Maybe that’s why only three people on Teyvat knew her true name. The nickname she has used during introductions was from a language from a far away, distant world.
“I feel honored to have been invited,” Lumine responded, a practiced smile on her face. “Besides, even though I am all over the place, I do enjoy simple things like a chat over tea.”
The teapot that she was using was probably more expensive than anything Lumine owned.
“How have you been?” Lumine set down her biscuit and eyed the woman across from her. The question was a simple one; an easy way to start a conversation when one did not know how to.
Lumine has never been simple.
“I became a terrorist in Inazuma.”
The Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing gave a small smile. “Rumors are something that will always be present, regardless of who started them and who is involved. But I would prefer to hear the tale from your mouth.”
Lumine nodded. Ningguang was someone she liked. The woman was honest with her needs, desires, and goals. She was easy to manage.
“I didn’t like the way things were run. I saved a friend from the Shogun’s punishment and became a criminal. I helped encourage a civil war or revolution or whatever they’re called now.”
Ningguang raised an eyebrow. “And that makes you a terrorist?”
“Terrorist- a person who uses unlawful violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims. I killed over there. I encouraged people to their deaths. I threatened those who annoyed me and continued to cause tensions to rise to meet the end goal of what I wanted.”
“What were your goals?”
Lumine shrugged. She didn’t have an answer, and lying wouldn’t do any good. She just didn’t like what the Shogun had been doing.
“While I was over there, people often talked about sacrifice. How they would sacrifice their happiness, well-being, or lives to make their friends, family, and Shogun happy. To help create an eternity that they would be proud of.”
Ningguang looked out the window, staring at something only she could see. “Trying to understand why people sacrifice is a pointless task. The reason for it is not a logical one.”
Is that why he left her behind? Is that why he couldn’t explain why he would continue his war on destiny, even if it killed her? Is that why he treated her like a stranger after years of separation?
“I’m sure that’s not true. For example, you sacrificed the Jade Chamber, your pride and joy, to protect the people of Liyue. You weighed your options and picked the most logical one.” Lumine traced her teacup with her pinky. If she did not find something else to focus on, she would say something stupid.
Ningguang scoffed. “My pride and joy is Liyue Harbor. Although I have worked for the Jade Chamber by myself, the Harbor was built by the hands of everyone. My heart will always be in the Harbor, regardless of other investments I may have.”
Lumine bit back a grimace. Leading a place like Liyue had to be a thankless task. After everything Ningguang has been through, there is no way in Celestia that she would be naive enough to believe that having a home would be sufficient.
It had been enough for her once.
“It’s not fair. You lost something so important-”
“Liyue will always be more important. I believe sacrificing my Chamber for Liyue was well worth it. What is the worth of gold if there is no one to share it with, to spend it with?”
Lumine folded her hands in her lap with dignified grace. “Fine. But as your friend, allow me to make it up to you.”
The Tianquan’s eyes glittered like rubies. “How, pray tell, do you intend to do that?”
“Celestia gives power away to those it considers worthy in the form of Visions. People on Teyvat consider this to be the greatest honor, at least, those who are blessed to be without Visions. Those items of acknowledgment are usually given during times of struggle to the chosen.”
The alien closed her eyes and remembered her feelings of horror upon finding out about the fate of the civilizations of those who Celestia considered too worthy. Khaenri'ah, Sal Vindagnyr and so, so many others.
The alien opened her eyes again and smiled a smile that should not have fit upon her face. “I will tear down Celestia with my bare hands, and offer up its power to you, O humans.”
~~~~~~~~
Lumine narrowed her eyes in the direction of her ‘friend’.
“Maybe if you just did your job quickly, you wouldn’t be so fucked up,” she sneered.
Childe held up a hand. “How the hell was I supposed to know that you would summon a gods damned earthquake while I was still doing negotiations? You could’ve at least waited until I figured out where the hell they buried their tax returns. Besides, aren’t you supposed to be in Inazuma right now?”
She looked at the Treasure Hoarders’ camp- or what remained. Her earthquake had trashed it; cooking pots, fabric, bags, books, and lanterns were scattered through the plain. It was hard to tell if any Treasure Hoarders were alive. They all laid sprawled out on the grass.
Paimon floated closer to her, concern clear on the fairy’s face. Lumine knew she was worrying her friend, and she hated it. She hated being a burden. She hated it when those she trusted looked at her the way he did.
“Paimon didn’t think you would kill them… Are you sure you’re ok, Traveler? Some Ruin Guards are wandering around west of Dunyu Ruins…”
“I didn’t plan to, but the fucker said some shit and it pissed me off.” Lumine snapped, crossing her arms.
“Aww look at you. The fearsome Traveler threw a temper tantrum because some wittle guy said something mean.” Childe cooed, fitting of his codename, as usual.
In a flash, Lumine’s sword was back in her hand and against Childe’s throat. “Keep testing me, asshole, and they’ll have to ship your body back to Snezhnaya in little pieces.”
The smile dropped off Childe’s face almost immediately. “Tsaritsa’s tits, are you okay?”
“Maybe she would be if you stopped antagonizing her!” Paimon barked.
Lumine tuned out the following argument and tried to focus on something. She had never pulled a sword on someone for something so trivial before, at least, not on Teyvat. It seems like the longer she spent here, the worse she got. It’s pathetic how fucked up she is when she wasn’t by his side.
Lumine snatched up some qingxin and began busying herself by breaking off the fragrant, fragile petals.
“How does it feel when you kill?”
The arguing, which had devolved into a screaming match, stopped. Childe raised an eyebrow, “It’s not something I would go out of my way to do, but if it’s what my goddess desires, so be it.”
The girl scoffed. “That’s not what I asked. If you want an answer to your question, then answer mine.”
Childe muttered something in Snezhnayan before striding to Lumine and taking a seat next to her. “I turn myself off when it happens. It’s easier that way. Sometimes it feels good-no, satisfying when the person I’m facing has pissed me off.”
The maiden stopped her flower picking as a fairy floated next to her. “Paimon thinks that feeling good about murder isn’t the best thing, but you have to do what you need to survive.”
Paimon didn’t disapprove and Childe was in absolutely no position to judge. Lumine had felt nothing about ending the lives of those men. She had done it countless times before, in countless different ways, on countless different worlds. And yet…
“I’m not okay. I’m going insane. The longer I stay here, the worse I get. If someone doesn’t stop me soon, kill me soon, I’m going to do something I’ll regret.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Her companion cocked his head to the side, “I mean if I had to choose, I would pick freezing rather than burning.”
The brown-haired kid blanched, “Are you kidding?! Burning is quick and you pass out within a minute.”
The silver-haired boy next to him chuckled, “He has a point, freezing to death sounds lonelier.”
A red-headed girl sitting between the two cackled. “Leave it to this weirdo to make everything emotional and crap.” She shoved a chip in her mouth, “I would choose to burn to death. It’s quick, possibly painless, and all the art we see of people burning at the stake looks pretty.”
Silver Hair made a face, “So you can be dramatic about your death but I can’t be about mine?”
“Exactly.” Everyone chorused before erupting into giggles.
When was the last time she got a full night’s rest? Maybe that was what was driving her insane.
Lumine stared up at the ceiling of her room. She would be forever grateful that the adepti had given her the Serenitea Pot. Sleeping under the stars every once in a while is nice, but having an actual bed is nice too.
Memories were worse than nightmares, in Lumine’s opinion. Nightmares could be waved away with facts and logic. A little bit of thinking could stop any fear or panic from seeping in. Nothing could stop memories. Thinking only made memories worse as each minute detail became clearer and clearer the longer it was reflected upon.
Tonight’s memory came from when the twins were able to freely travel as stars; when the two wielded powers that were beyond any mortal’s imagination. The twins had been visiting some friends on an island. The friends had only two wishes: to be together forever and visit the land beyond the sea. They had been so jealous of the twins’ ability to travel beyond the stars.
Lumine had sighed. “It’s not all it's cracked up to be. We don’t have a permanent home.”
He had thrown his arm around her shoulders. “What are you talking about? Home is wherever we are together.”
Lumine wanted to break something. She needed to do something. The rage that coursed through her veins was not healthy.
“…I need some gods damned chocolate.”
That’s how Lumine found herself going through her chocolate stash from Fontaine at two in the morning.
The familiar jingle and appearance of constellations announced her friend's presence. “Why aren’t you sleeping? Paimon talked to Dr. Baizhu to see how Paimon could help you feel better, and he said you need to sleep at least 8 hours every night.”
Lumine looked up at her companion from the floor. She probably looked like shit. “I appreciate your help, but unless you can knock me out every night and guarantee that I won’t have to experience pointless memories, there’s nothing you can do.”
“Hmph! Paimon will keep trying to help even if you give up!”
“Why?”
Her voice came out more choked and broken than intended.
“Why do you keep being nice to me? I can’t offer much in return other than food, I’m a shitty friend and person, and anyone who stays near me is bound to be cursed. Most people don’t even know my real name. Most people don’t know me.”
The guardian gave a sad smile and floated down next to the fallen star.
“You’re Paimon’s best friend, Lumine. Of course Paimon cares. Paimon’s only wish is for you to be safe. Paimon hates seeing you so sad.”
Paimon looks at the chocolate smeared over Lumine’s fingers. “We should get you some water and fruit. Paimon found these really sweet apples yesterday in Mondstadt!”
~~~~~~~~~~
Lumine roared.
It was supposed to be a simple commission. Four quick things to help out the Adventurer’s Guild and earn some rewards for herself. It was never supposed to be like this.
For one, there was fire. So much of it. Lumine had cleared out the camp quickly, but she had been confused as to why the commission description had stated the enemies were Cryo when the whole damn camp was filled with Pyro.
Secondly, she had been dealing with a horrendous migraine for the past week. Mundane tasks like eating, cleaning, and talking had been an absolute nightmare.
Thirdly, there was a gods damned Lawachurl that had wandered into the area. As if a Pyro and Electro Abyss Mage weren’t enough, a Thunderhelm Lawachurl decided to rear its ugly head.
She could handle these problems. It’s all in a day’s work for the Traveler, an enigmatic being who would never belong. No, the thing that caused her to snap, the action that caused Lumine to lose her sense of self was Paimon.
The monsters had slapped Paimon and sent her flying.
Lumine could stand harm. Lumine could stand being seen as a monster. But she could not stand Paimon being hurt.
So the monster roared. She screamed. She cried. She slaughtered everything in her way.
No one would talk about the incident, not even the monster and her guide.
~~~~~~~~~~
Only three people knew her name.
Her guide, the Bough Keeper, and the Abyss Prince.
Two of the aforementioned characters were practically untouchable. As good as dead.
In their presence, in that room, Lumine had felt so open and raw. Two people who were on par with her in every way tore down every barrier she had. She had turned into a bumbling mess upon seeing him again. He looked exactly as she had remembered and yet…
His eyes and voice were so cold and broken. He had barely acknowledged her; he had been more concerned with the Bough Keeper.
Lumine had almost forgotten what he sounded and looked like, but his appearance threw every memory shared between the two into question.
Has he always been this cruel? Was he capable of successfully leading a war with destiny? When (not if, she could not stand an if) they met again, would Lumine even recognize him?
“I think this is my favorite place on Dragonspine.” A quiet voice murmured.
Albedo was not a talker. It was a gift and a curse in its own right. He was able to have the blunt conversations that Lumine desperately needed, but he was not able to pick up when Lumine needed to be pulled out of her thoughts.
If Albedo had noticed her spiraling, he was learning.
“Why’s that?”
“Because you helped cultivate it. Raising the Skyfrost Nail was by no means an easy task.”
Lumine burrowed herself deeper into her coat. The peak of Dragonspine was gorgeous, but she would never admit it out loud. This mountain would not gain a victory over her. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. It took me months to figure out all the mechanisms on the damn thing… Wait, you knew I was trying to raise it?”
Albedo shrugged. “I did. However, I felt like it would have been better for you to discover the secrets on your own.”
Paimon popped out of wherever she hid when she blinked out of reality. “Are you kidding?! Paimon and the Traveler almost froze to death at least ten times, and you didn’t even attempt to help us?!”
“Calm down,” Albedo whispered. “You’ll cause an avalanche.”
Lumine rolled her eyes, “Why couldn’t you, O Chief Alchemist, have helped us? We discovered a lot while running all over this mountain. Surely it would have helped out your research.”
Aquamarine eyes locked onto gold. “Whatever you explored was not unknown to me. I have been investigating the ruins before you arrived on Teyvat. I may have nudged in the right direction from time to time, but your solo work has been of great use to me.”
There it was. The blunt truth. There was no dancing around it with the alchemist. Albedo had used Lumine’s influence to bring light to hidden mysteries.
A chuckle, “Mother used to say honesty is the best policy.”
“Does it bother you? To not be completely human, I mean.”
Albedo broke eye contact with her. “Not truly. I know my place. I know my mission. Tell me, Traveler, does it bother you?”
Seeing him gave her the illusion of what it was like to be human. If Lumine had been human, that would have been her happy ending. She could have reasoned with him, and they would have gone home. He would’ve realized that he didn’t need to continue his war against destiny if they had each other.
But Lumine was never human.
She would never be human.
She was an alien, a god, a monster. Beings like her didn’t get happy endings.
Teyvat would be where the stars fell. It would be their end.
“It hasn’t before, but it’s been bothering me now.” Lumine raised her eyes to stare at the Skyfrost Nail, a testament to Celestia’s authority and indifference.
Albedo hummed, “Is it about your lifespan? Your power? Your very being?
“Is it about him?”
Lumine stiffened. Panic crept into her veins faster than Sheer Cold. She hadn’t told Albedo about him. There was no way he could know.
“You visited me soon after you came from the excursion, I believe. You spent the evening with me. You asked me why I seemed more distant than usual. At the time, I couldn’t answer. At the time, I had no idea why I felt such terror when you returned to my camp. Now I know.
“The stench of the Abyss was all over you.”
Fuck.
“Traveler! Do you need to go inside? You’re shaking really bad.” Paimon pinched her friend’s cheeks.
Lumine shook her head quickly, tearing her eyes from the Skyfrost Nail. “I’m fine. I just didn’t realize that being around them would cause me to have the aura of the Abyss. Sorry Albedo, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
What the fuck was that? How the hell could Albedo sense that? Was it because he’s a creation from Khaenri’ah? Could other people sense the aura surrounding her? Was it permanent? If she immersed herself with their presence, would she become tainted like him? Would she lose sight of those who truly cared for her too?
Lumine felt a touch on her shoulder as her body began to feel weightless.
Suddenly, the three of them were at the Teleport Waypoint near Albedo’s campsite.
“…apologies. It was never my intention to cause the Traveler any emotional distress. I was trying to determine why such a powerful thing held such a tight grip on her.”
Lumine’s arm was thrown over Albedo’s shoulder. “It’s fine. Paimon hasn’t been able to reach her either these last couple of days. A break is what she needs.”
Even as Lumine was pushed into a plush chair and a warm blanket was thrown over her, she still felt so cold.
So what does Lumine do when everything’s going wrong? When she can’t focus on anything at all and everything is too much?
“Why don’t you feel rage when you think about what Rhinedottir has done to you? She gave you life and abandoned you with an impossible task laid at your feet.” She babbled.
“I rather enjoy the way things are now. I have the freedom to choose my fate. No one is forcing me to find the truth of this world. It is my decision.”
“Will it be your decision when Celestia completely and utterly destroys you when you finally complete your life’s work? Can you be content as the home of gods that are not your own, cut you down for nothing other than being too great?”
~~~~~~~~~~~
The Grand Narukami Shrine was probably Lumine’s favorite place in Inazuma.
The different colors danced with one another, and the moonlight bathed everything in an ethereal glow.
The Grand Narukami Shrine was probably Lumine’s favorite place in Inazuma.
The Sakura Blooms that flowed throughout Narukami Island always came from one place. Regardless of how far away the blooms were from their home, the connections between each petal were still there. It was still strong.
The Grand Narukami Shrine was probably Lumine’s favorite place in Inazuma.
“Ugh, great misfortune again? Why is it that whenever we use the shrine, we never get a great fortune?” Paimon whined.
Lumine finished tying their fortune to the Fortune Slip Hangar. She huffed a laugh, “Maybe because I pissed off the goddess that we’re supposed to be praying to?”
“Hmph! If she doesn’t start being nice to us, Paimon will have to give her an ugly nickname!” The fairy gasped, “Do you think Paimon will be able to find a meaner nickname than Tone-Deaf Bard?”
Oh, Lumine could practically hear Venti’s cry of indignation. “I’m sure you could, but we’ll have to play nice to get anywhere around here.”
In the back of Lumine’s mind, there were things that she could be doing. Domains always needed to be explored. She had barely scratched the surface of Inazuma’s complex puzzles and islands. The people of Inazuma wanted the help only a Traveler from beyond the stars could provide.
However, today was her day. Today was their day. She was taking a much-needed break at her friends’ requests. She was enjoying good food and good company.
Today was the first time in a long time that she felt human. Today was the first day in a long time that she felt peace.
As the two began to leave the shrine, Paimon began to fidget, floating back and forth in a hurry. “Is something wrong, Paimon?”
Paimon hesitated. “Um, Traveler? Can I tell you something?”
Lumine nodded to Riku, who dutifully stood at the entrance of the shrine. “Of course, I’m all ears.”
“Paimon knows you don’t like being called your real name in public, but Paimon doesn’t want to call you Traveler anymore.”
Lumine glanced at her, “Are you going to call me an ugly nickname too?”
Paimon shook her head furiously. “No! Paimon would never! You’re Paimon’s best friend! Paimon just noticed how much you miss your brother and…”
Lumine stared at her friend expectantly. Lumine trusted Paimon. Her guide would never say anything to make her intentionally upset.
“Paimon thought that maybe you would want a little sister instead…”
Lumine froze.
What?
What was Paimon offering?
Lumine chewed on her lip as she listened to Paimon scramble over her words.
“Paimon doesn't want to replace him! It’s just, you’ve looked so lonely since that day, and Paimon wants to make you feel better. So Paimon thought maybe having another sibling would make you happy.”
Lumine scooped her sister up into her arms. The joy that coursed through her veins was the greatest feeling ever.
The Grand Narukami Shrine was probably Lumine’s favorite place in Inazuma.
~~~~~~~~~~
Just because Lumine was plagued by memories didn’t mean she couldn’t dream. In her dreams, she saw the Abyss Prince staring at her and taunting her. Darkness surrounded everything until only his golden eyes glared through it. He repeated that damned phrase over and over and over again.
“Home is wherever we are together.”
Sometimes, Aether decided to visit her. He was calm, kind, and warm. He would sit next to her and hug her like they were truly sister and brother. He spoke to Lumine like they had all the time in the world. His voice was exactly as she remembered.
But when he repeated that phrase, Aether sounded like the Abyss Prince.
“Home is wherever we are together.”
Tonight, Lumine stared at her equal. Would he reveal himself to be the doting brother or the terrifying monarch?
“I can’t keep doing this,” she sighed.
“Doing what?” the Abyss Prince demanded.
“Chasing after you. You always say that we have time; that we’ll always be together. But it isn’t true,” Lumine summoned a bouquet of Windwheel Asters. She used the power of Anemo to drift them over to the Prince.
The Prince grabbed a flower and held it delicately between his fingertips. “I see,” he murmured. “What caused this change?”
Lumine has been unraveling. When she first arrived on Teyvat, she had been naive and open-minded. She had explored every nook and cranny of Mondstadt and Liyue. She had taken the time to meet its citizens. She had met the Vision bearers of the nations and enjoyed hearing about their perspectives. After watching the Abyss Prince, Aether, her brother leave, Lumine had snapped. It was like adrenaline had been pumped through her veins. She forced her way through Inazuma, burned out and drained. She was tired of working her ass off and receiving nothing in return. Lumine felt like she needed to save Aether, to bring him back home.
In reality, the only one Lumine needed to save was herself.
“… It’s hard to pinpoint the exact reason. Maybe it’s because I’ve realized that it’s okay to not be okay. Maybe it’s because I have a family now; it’s not just us as strangers in a foreign land anymore. Maybe it’s because we aren’t the same as when we first arrived.”
The Prince spread out his arms, “I suppose that’s my fault.”
Lumine nodded, “It is. The changes were hard to handle at first, but I can live with it. I don’t hold any resentment towards your decision to leave me behind all those years ago.”
The Prince gave a smile.
“I guess if you can forgive me for leaving you, I can’t be mad at you for cutting me off,” Aether hummed.
“I’m not cutting you off. I’m letting you go. There’s a difference.”
The difference between these two distinctions is important. Cutting off made it seem like Lumine was abandoning her brother. She would never do that. However, constantly fighting for an impossible future is fucking draining. Letting go was a goodbye.
Goodbyes were never forever.
“I’ll do what you said. I’ll journey across Teyvat. But I won’t be doing it for you,” Lumine walked closer to Aether. “I’m doing this for myself.” She plucked the flower out of Aether’s hand and pinned it to her chest.
“Big sis!!! Wake up!! Paimon wants to watch the sunrise with you!!!”
Aether looked out across the plane of bright white, “If you go with her, our fate will be sealed. There’s a chance I will have to raise my blade against you.”
“That’s fine by me. You’re still my brother and I will always cherish my time with you. There’s a time in every human’s life when they must branch off to find their new home or family.”
Aether raised an eyebrow, “You consider yourself human now?”
Lumine snorted, “Archons no. But I like to pretend that I am.”
“C’mon!! You’re gonna miss it, big sis!!”
Lumine spun on her heel and walked towards her sister’s voice.
When the sun rose that morning, so did Lumine.