Work Text:
“Where’s Eda? Is she feeling okay?” Luz had been in her room for the last hour, and finally decided to come downstairs and ask King this question. Just to be safe. Eda said she wasn’t feeling great earlier that morning, and tried to reassure Luz and say that it was just something she ate and it was nothing contagious, but it still worried the girl regardless.
“Oh, she’s in her room. She told me she felt like she was gonna throw up or something…”
Luz froze in place. She knew she couldn’t be in the same house as Eda right now, but where was she gonna go? All of her friends had plans, so she couldn’t crash at their place. And besides, she didn’t wanna worry them with her ridiculous phobia. She knew they wouldn’t understand.
But who would?...
Lilith.
Of course. Eda had told Luz once before about Lilith having this same problem at her age, maybe she could help. Lilith had been at the library since this morning, so it was somewhere else besides the house.
Luz slowly headed towards the front door.
“…I’m gonna take a walk.”
—
Luz walked cautiously through the woods on the path to the library, gripping onto the rim of her hoodie. She thought about what King had said earlier, and even though it was probably something Eda ate like she said, it still freaked her out. Luz wished that she could just reach into her brain and pull any thoughts of vomit out like an ingrown hair, but sadly, it wasn’t that simple. It showed the images in her mind like a movie no matter how hard she tried to push them back. That’s just how her brain worked, and she hated it.
Before she knew it, Luz arrived at the grand doors of the library. She tried to swallow, feeling the dryness in her throat. Her palms were sweating and rapidly shaking as she reached to open the doors. She stopped, took a deep breath, and walked in.
Now to find Lilith.
She would be easy to spot, Luz thought. Anyone could find that long, dark blue hair in any crowd. She clutched her arms around her torso in a protective manner, roaming down every aisle, every hall, and every room she could until finally, there was Lilith. She sat alone at a table, adjusting her big, round glasses while swiftly grazing her finger along the pages of one of the many books laid out in front of her. She wore a dark green turtleneck accompanied by a long brown skirt that reached her ankles, a simple gold necklace, and her soft freckles that danced along the bridge of her nose. She looked so peaceful, Luz thought as she slowly made her way over, gripping onto her hoodie once more. She had to say something. Anything.
“Hey…”
It was a small greeting. Very short and timid. Lilith looked up and saw Luz, her face lighting up with surprise, but then falling once she noticed how anxious the girl looked.
“Luz, is everything okay?”
Luz shook her head, running her trembling fingers through her short hair.
“...Eda’s sick.”
That’s when it clicked. Lilith nodded in understanding.
“Hey, if you want a distraction, I have a mission for you... I’m looking for a book on different beasts throughout history. Do you think you could find one for me?” Lilith asked as Luz nodded hesitantly.
“I… can try.”
Lilith smiled.
“You know where to find me if you need help, okay?”
Luz nodded once more, and she was off. Trying to talk to herself under her breath, she walked around in different sections of the vast library.
‘Beasts, beasts, maybe they’re in the non-fiction section?… Okay, let’s look through the B’s… no, no, nothing here… okay, that’s fine, let’s try and find a historical section? Those exist, right? I can’t remember right now. I hope I don’t throw up like Eda, I don’t wanna throw up… oh god, throwing up- no, stop! Don’t think about that! You need… to find…’
Luz couldn’t do this. It was all too much for her. She had to leave, but Lilith would probably wonder where she was. And not to mention, she hated being alone when she was panicking like this. She needed help. Now. Luz speed-walked back over to where the older witch was sitting, clenching her fists for pressure.
“I-I’m sorry, I couldn’t… find anything... I’m sorry-”
“Hey, hey, Luz, it’s okay. Here, take my hand, let's get you some fresh air, okay?…”
Luz placed her clammy and sweaty hand in Lilith's smooth and slender one, leading them both towards the massive library doors. The girl’s legs seemed to be on autopilot mode, taking her wherever Lilith led her. Even though her fingers felt tingly and numb like they always did in one of her panic attacks, she could still feel Lilith’s cold hand in her sweaty one, her slender thumb gently grazing the girl’s knuckles. Even though Lilith’s hand felt cold, it wasn’t the bad kind of cold that made you more afraid of someone. It was the kind of cold that told a story. The kind that prompted you to warm that coldness up. It was a cold that was familiar to Luz, and she never wanted it to go away.
The two girls stepped outside of the library doors, and onto the cold stone steps. Lilith began rubbing gentle circles in Luz’s back as the girl rubbed her hands up and down her shaky legs. Why was she breathing so heavily? Why did she feel so dizzy? Why did this always have to happen? It was exhausting.
“Do you feel like talking about it?” Lilith asked. Luz shut her eyes tight and shook her head.
“I don’t… I don’t wanna throw up, Lilith…” Luz whimpered between heaving breaths. She kept moving her hands all over her body, running them through her hair, rubbing her arms and legs, and covering her face, all while rocking back and forth. The cycle continued and Lilith could only do so much. She tried to reassure the girl, trying to get her to come back.
“Sweetheart, I promise you won’t throw up. You just need to breathe, okay?...” Luz’s mind was frantic, telling her to ignore the words Lilith spoke to her. She felt like she was too beyond repair for breathing. But at the same time, she was desperate for any help available, and took in those words like they were the last she would ever hear. Luz attempted a shaky inhale, and let out a shaky exhale. Lilith practiced with her a few times, talking her through it.
“That’s it, you’re doing so good. Just keep breathing, okay? In… and out… just like that, hon…” Lilith tried to put herself back in time to being her anxious teenage self with red poofy hair and big round glasses, similar to the ones she currently wore. She tried to channel the anxious teenager that struggled for months on end to eat more than a few small bites of food without going into a full blown panic attack that resulted in exhausted sobs once it was all over. What would that little girl want from someone in a moment like this? Would she even want someone to talk to her? Eda always used distractions when they were growing up, and it always helped every time. Sometimes with grounding, sometimes it was just random questions like ‘have you made any paintings recently?’ Or ‘what are your plans for this weekend?’ It was silly, but it helped every single time. And even now, it still does. Maybe the same thing would work for Luz?
It was worth a shot.
“You know… I hear you and Amity talking about that ‘Good Witch Azura’ series a lot. Do you think you could tell me what it’s about?…” Lilith tried to get Luz to think about something comforting to her. The girl looked straight ahead, bringing her shaky hands up to her head for what felt like the billionth time in the last few minutes.
“Um… Book 1… takes place in… The Great Land of Nowhere… that’s on a different planet…” Luz spoke in between her heavy breaths. Lilith nodded along.
“Remember to breathe, love. Breathe… ”
Lilith spoke so softly to Luz that it hurt. It was a voice that actually knew how she felt all the time. Those bright turquoise-gray eyes seemed to look right through her into her mind and say ‘me too’ .
Luz loved that maternal voice so much, along with the gentle circles being rubbed on her back. Another few deep breaths were attempted as the young witch continued to explain the plot of her favorite series.
“…and then Persephone tells Azura… about her real parents… and that they’re actually alive…” Lilith’s eyes widen with genuine interest.
“Really?”
“Yeah, it shocked me too…” Luz chuckled nervously. “I got too excited one time and… spoiled that part for Amity…” The two girls shared a small laugh. It warmed Lilith’s heart to see Luz smiling. She didn’t seem as shaky as before, but definitely tired.
“I felt so bad… but she kept telling me it was okay and not to worry about it…” Lilith smiled and nodded.
“She’s a good sport sometimes, huh?” Luz scoffed at that.
“Keyword is ‘sometimes’... other times are when she’s playing anything competitive…” Lilith could definitely agree with that. Amity had always had a hunger for great achievement, which could be seen as a good quality. But sometimes it would become a distraction from other important things in her life. It reminded the older witch of how she was at her age. It was almost ridiculous how similar they were when it came to competitiveness.
“You feeling better now, hon?” Lilith asked as Luz nodded with a shrug.
“…still really shaky.”
“Yeah, that’s very normal to feel after a panic attack that big. Those shivers will go away in a few minutes or so…” Lilith reassured. The two girls sat on the cold steps for quite a while before anything else was said.
“Would you like to go back into the library? I know you probably don’t wanna go home just yet. Maybe we could take a short walk down to the lake nearby if you’re up for it?…” Lilith asked as Luz thought for a moment, looking down at her trembling hands. She knew it would take a while for this shakiness to dissipate, and she wasn’t too excited to come home to Eda, who was probably still sick. The lake did sound very nice, that way she wouldn’t have to worry about being so anxious in front of other people.
“…can we go down to the lake?” Luz looked at Lilith, who gave a warm smile in agreement.
“Of course.”
The two witches got up and walked down the path to the lake, and the world was quiet once again.