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Luz always got quiet at the dinner table. She tried to eat at least a few bites, she really tried, but whenever her throat closed up for even a split second, that’s when she stopped. That’s when the fear came creeping back into her mind like a big fat spider crawling into the depths of her brain. She couldn’t just pull it out and get rid of it whenever she wanted to. It was there, and it was there to stay.
Luz never dared to eat any more than she needed to. One wrong move and her greatest fear would come true. It was the worst feeling in the world knowing that the thing she was scared of the most could happen so easily. It could happen at any given time without warning, and Luz hated the thought of it. She wanted the crushing fear to go away forever. She wanted it to stop, and most of all, she wanted to eat normally again without that icky feeling in her stomach.
“You feeling okay, kiddo?” Eda pitched in after a long and painful silence had fallen over the dinner table. Luz looked up from her plate, her hands folded in her lap and one of her legs bouncing up and down in her chair.
“Um… yeah, I’m good, I’m just… not that hungry right now…” Luz shrugged nervously. She wanted to leave. She needed to be alone, but she didn’t want everyone in the house to think that she was starving herself. Luz was just scared of what might happen after eating something. Anything.
“Hey, it’s okay, kid. If you wanna head up to your room, I can take care of everything.” Eda offered. Luz wasted no time, quickly getting up from her chair, thanking Eda, and making her way for the stairs up to her room. And sure enough, she was already feeling better.
As Eda watched Luz leave the kitchen, she sighed and turned to Lilith, who was listening in on the short conversation while picking away at her dinner like a bird. She placed her fork down and looked up at Eda.
“I’m worried about her, Edalyn. She’s been avoiding dinner for a couple of weeks now…” Eda shook her head and furrowed her eyebrows in concerned agreement.
“I’m worried too…” Eda got up from her chair, picking up Luz’s untouched empty plate and just staring at it.
“I really think you should talk to her,” Lilith mentioned as she just finished her dinner, getting up and taking her dishes with her. Eda nodded slightly.
“Yeah… I just don’t wanna pry information out of the kid, y’know?… this kind of stuff is risky.” Lilith agreed silently, picking up King’s empty dish and heading for the sink.
“Luz trusts you, Edalyn. I’ve seen it. She knows you’re just looking out for her, and I’m sure the words will just come right out of you.”
Eda leaned her back against the sink. She still held Luz’s plate in her hands with a strong grip that softened when she felt Lilith gently take the plate from her with a reassuring look in her eyes.
“Hey, I’ll take care of these, you can go talk to her, okay? She needs someone she trusts right now more than ever.”
Eda nodded, making her way towards Luz’s room. It felt like the longest walk of her life, but once she made it to the door, she gently knocked, resulting in a soft voice from inside the room.
“Yeah?…”
“Hey, kid, it’s Eda… mind if I come in?…” Luz thought for a moment before replying.
“Sure.” Eda was almost relieved as she opened the door to find Luz laying down on her sleeping bag, fiddling with one of her tangly fidget toys as she looked over at Eda, who sat down comfortably next to Luz.
“You, um… you feeling alright lately, kiddo?… you haven’t been eating much, and… you just overall seem more anxious. I’m worried about you…” Eda wasn’t sure what else to say. She had never been great with these types of conversations, and it was hard for her to outwardly express what she was feeling. Luz held her tangle fidget in her hands as she sighed. How was she going to explain this?
“I just… I don’t know, I’m just… I’m anxious about… you know, um…” Luz felt her voice start to shake. Why was she so shaky? She felt Eda gently grab her arm in support as she took a deep breath.
“I’m… deathly terrified of throwing up. Like really bad, and it’s causing me to… not eat as much. I-I mean, it’s not like I want to starve myself, I would love to be able to eat normally again, I just… my brain goes to the idea of throwing up, and then it’s over.” Luz explained as Eda nodded in understanding. She was relieved that the kid wasn’t starving herself on purpose, but this was also just as concerning.
“So it’s like emetophobia?” Eda asked. Luz’s eyes lit up as she nodded. She was so happy that Eda knew the right term for what she was dealing with.
“Yeah, I’m all too familiar with that term…” Eda looked to the side and chuckled.
“What do you mean? Do you have it too?”
“Well, no, but Lilith struggled with it pretty bad when she was around your age. Poor girl wouldn’t eat anything but crackers and water for a solid month, she had panic attacks almost every day for a while… whew, it was rough… and it sucked cause I couldn’t do much of anything about it…” Eda trailed off, looking back over at Luz, who was looking down at her tangle fidget and moving it around in her hands.
“I’m sorry…” Luz muttered. Eda moved the girl’s hair away from her face and chuckled.
“Hey, don’t be sorry for that, kiddo. You can’t help what you feel, and I know how hard it was on Lilith. I just want you to know I’m here for you, okay? Whatever you need.” Eda smiled as Luz nodded, taking the older woman’s cold and slender hand into her short and warm one.
“Thank you, Eda… really, that means a lot.” There was a bit of silence as Eda continued to hold Luz’s hand, rubbing her thumb across the back. Luz decided that now was the time to vent since it was all out in the open.
“It’s just… I wish I had my normal life back, you know? I wanna be able to eat and live regularly like I used to, and it was all just… taken from me… I hate feeling this way, Eda. I hate it so much…”
Luz’s voice began to shake again as tears started to form. Eda’s heart shattered for the poor girl. She must have felt so horrible, and she wished with everything she had that she could just poof Luz’s problems away. But even with magic, she couldn’t do that.
“I don’t wanna live this way anymore… I’m tired, Eda… I’m so tired.” Luz’s tears started to fall as Eda reached out to comfort her.
“Hey, hey, come here…” Eda encouraged as Luz lazily wrapped her arms around the older woman. She had no energy to cry, the tears just fell as Eda stroked her short hair with her fingers.
“I know it’s hard, kiddo, but you’ve got me, alright? I’m gonna do what I can to help.” Eda continued to comfort Luz. The girl just nodded, closing her eyes as she nuzzled into Eda’s chest.
“I just need to hear your heartbeat,” Luz muttered. The older woman smiled and nodded as she continued to hold Luz, kissing the top of her head.
“Whatever you need.”