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His moves were graceful and gentle.
Jay couldn’t move his gaze from his hands, eyes, and hair. It was like an explosion of beauty, of talent. He could watch him dance for hours.
He analyzed all his movements meticulously. The music of the performance was melody to his ears.
It was pure perfection.
The man paused for a moment; the suspense was building up.
He couldn't stop now; Jay wanted more; he needed more.
Then, their eyes met; Jay could see all of his stubbornness, his confidence. It was a great addition to the show.
The audience stood up to cheer for the dancer and his troupe, but Jay didn’t want to leave his chair; he wanted to watch this again and again and again like an eternal dance, an eternal loop.
Because that was what he loved: dance and emotions; goosebumps and thrills. What was more exciting than feeling this?
The only moment when he felt alive was when he danced.
He was a tormented artist that couldn’t breathe without his daily adrenaline, his dose of art which was his guilty pleasure.
But, just today, he learned that he wasn’t the only one feeling that way.
The dancer was hardly out of breath as he nailed his dance impeccably, staring at his audience. His gaze seemed so professional but so passionate.
Their eyes met again, and Jay completely lost it.
The unknown dancer raised his eyebrows, surprised that only Jay stayed in his place, static and immobile.
What if he thinks I didn’t like it?
He stood up in a flash and joined the crowd to applaud; the dancer smiled back and bowed as a thank-you.
Finally, a woman (that Jay understood to be the teacher) came on stage and took his hand in hers.
“That was Yang Jungwon’s solo everyone, thank you all for coming here and supporting him.”
He bowed a second time, but Jay was too preoccupied to notice it. He tried to memorize his name, making it play on his tongue.
“Yang Jungwon,” he whispered slowly.
He received flowers from his teacher and fellow dancers.
“Yang Jungwon,” he whispered again.
He greeted the crowd for the last time and finally left the scene.
“Yang Jungwon” he screamed to call him back.
Nonetheless the scene went pitch black, he left the crowd, and he left him.
Silence.
Nothing.
“Yang Jungwon”
But it was too late.
#
“You didn’t sleep well last night either, did you ?” Sunghoon roared over the noise of the college lunchroom.
As an answer, Jay grumbled. These past weeks, it was difficult for him to relax, and the nights were agitated.
Jay’s mind was constantly stuck on the show, he tried so hard to stop thinking about it, but it was more complicated than he thought.
It was like an obsession; he fought to focus on his lectures or to pay more attention to his friends.
“He is still thinking about his mysterious dancer,” Jake joked
He knew it was a bad idea to talk about it; he succumbed one week after the show when Sunghoon and Jake surrounded him and begged him to speak because he was “so gloomy and depressed.”
Bullshit.
“I’m fine, don't worry, I’m all good. I don’t want you to worry about me.”
“I find this situation funny. My little Jay has a new crush. Time flies so fast, and you make me feel old, dude!” Heeseung said, faking some tears.
“Please shut up, and for the 1000th time, it’s not a fucking crush. I just love his dancing abilities. That’s it.”
Sunghoon, Jake, and Heeseung looked at each other, holding their laughs.
“Yes, I didn’t know that his “beautiful cat-eyes” were important in his dance.”
“Nor his “dark hair.”
“Or his ‘tiny waist’ ‘”
“Okay, okay, I get it, stop,” Jay said, jumping off his chair, the blushing on his cheek becoming more and more visible. “Right, maybe I have a tiny, little, simple crush on him.”
“Finally, you admit it!” Heeseung roared
“But,” he said, pointing his finger at them, “I just want you to stop talking about it, I will get over it like I usually do, and everything will be fine.”
Jay was what we could call a romantic; he had many crushes, more or less temporary, that interfered too much in his daily life. It was better to forget that night and Jungwon before it was too late.
“Why do you have to get over it? I used to think that way when I admitted I had a crush on Sunghoon, but here we are now! Happy and in love.”
To prove a point, Jake kissed his boyfriend, and Heeseung pouted.
“People are eating; you are disgusting.”
“Fuck you!”
If only things could be that easy, Jay was never lucky with love. Maybe he didn’t deserve to be happy.
Fortunately, dance pleased him enough to forget about his terrible love life.
That was why he loved to express his feelings throughout his passion; it was a way out of the mess he was.
It was not that shocking to know he was a b-boy: this dancing style took all of his energy, and it helped him overcome his stress and anxiety.
“I just have to get over it, that's all,” he finally replied, “I don’t even know him personally, the only thing I know for sure is that he is a wonderful dancer and a student since our university organized the show for Christmas.”
Heeseung heaved a sigh and gazed at Jay, a spark of frustration dancing through his eyes.
“Listen Jongseong”
“You are in deep shit, man,” Sunghoon hushed
Heeseung finally let go of what was on his mind:“You have the right not to want to go out with him or do this kind of thing but stop being selfish, we are here to push you over your limits, to help you with your confidence problems, but you keep giving up on yourself over and over. I know you, we all do, and we also know that you take a lot of time to move on, and the fastest way is to talk to him. So, you either talk to him about your crush or your dance or whatever the fuck you want for God sake.”
Heeseung had known Jay since kindergarten; they were more than just friends; they were brothers.
Thus, he knew that Jay needed this kind of interaction to get out of his head; Heeseung was the constant little boost his life needed.
“Okay. I think I can try to talk to Jungwon; I have nothing to lose.”
Sunghoon and Jake jumped out of excitement, but Jay stopped them quickly.
“I’m not saying I’ll ask him out. First I want to talk about his performance. Now, I just need to approach him somehow.”
“It’s my time to shine,” Jake said, looking for his cellphone in his pocket. “I know someone who can find your man’s whereabouts.”
He searched for a number and called it before Jay could stop him, then he heard someone picking up while Jake put his interlocutor on speakerphone.
“Hi!! Jake, it’s you? What do you want?”
“Hi Sunoo, I need you to help me find someone!”
Among all the people in the world, Jake had to choose Kim Sunoo (alias the biggest gossiper in the whole college). It was fucked up.
“Give me more details, I know I’m good, but I’m not a magician.”
So, Jake explained the situation (without talking about the crush part, it was not something Jay wanted to share, even less with Sunoo.)
“If I understand, you want me to contact Yang Jungwon and ask him if he wants to talk about his performance with Jay?” Sunoo asked after Jake’s speech.
“Indeed, but take all the time you want to find him.”
“I already found him.” Sunoo answered smugly.
Jay looked at Sunghoon and Heeseung out of the corner of his eye to check their reactions.
They seemed as shocked as him.
Even Jake seemed perplexed by his answer.
“I mean, he is my best friend after all.” Sunoo finally added
Oh.
“You knew it, didn't you? That’s why you called him!” Jay shouted to Jake, who answered negatively.
“No, I promise, I knew that his best friend’s name was Yang Jungwon, but I didn’t know it was your Yang Jungwon!”
“Seriously??? How many people are named Yang Jungwon??”
They heard Sunoo’s laugh during their little fight, and Jay wanted to bury himself away, away from this whole situation, from his promise to talk to Jungwon because what the hell was he supposed to say?
He hated his stupid reactions about the most simple things; it was only a crush. Why was it so hard?
“I can send you his phone number; I know Jungwon loves to talk about dancing or anything related to it, it is his passion after all.”
“Thank you, Sunoo! I owe you one!”
“Don’t worry, Jake, it was a pleasure, and good luck with your little discussion Jay!”
After saying that, Sunoo hung up the phone, and Jay looked at Jake with murdering eyes.
He wanted to fucking die.
#
Jay was shaking, and sweat covered his forehead while waiting to meet him at the restaurant.
It was all his friends’ fault, Jake set up the trap and Sunoo locked it up .
A few days ago (six exactly, Jay counted them every night when he couldn’t sleep), when Sunoo gave him Jungwon’s number, he spent the whole night thinking about what he should send to him.
His friends insisted on helping him, and that was how he sent “hello, I loved your performance, and I need to talk to you because I can’t stop thinking about it” at 3 am.
It was their fault; he hated them, now he was waiting for this meeting to change his life negatively or positively: he didn’t even know.
He prepared some sentences, a speech about how he felt during the performance and some other things to say, but Jay knew he would completely freak out.
The day Jungwon answered his first text at 6:30 am Jay wanted to die. the text read: “oh hello jay (I suppose it’s you from what Sunoo told me), or should I name you as the guy who screamed at the end of the show? ^.^”
Top 1 of the worst moment of his life.
He wanted to leave even before seeing him so things wouldn’t get messy.
Because what the fuck would they talk about? Dance? And then what? Even if he was the most passionate dancer, Jay could not talk about it for hours, or at least not when two beautiful and astonishing eyes would be looking at him analyzing all of his movements.
Yang Jungwon was driving him crazy.
He remembered the moment he asked him out; it was another embarrassing moment as if since encountering Jungwon, his awkwardness in relationships grew enormously.
(Jay: So are you free Friday night or not?
Jungwon: Is it how you ask someone out, Park Jongseong?
Jay: It’s only to talk about your performance, you know, then we can go to the college’s dance studio. I want to show you some moves, and we can even try to dance together.
Jungwon: Okay, why not. You are lucky I’m free this Friday.)
Jay wasn’t sure how to feel about Jungwon; he was as cold as ice; he always answered his messages briefly as if Jay wasn’t worthy of his time.
On the contrary, Jay was effusive and warm; he wanted to make Jungwon comfortable because this situation was pretty out of the ordinary.
He still thought about that night, that performance, a myriad of memories came to his mind; he remembered his grace, his arabesques.
Breathe, Jongseong.
Jay was so lost in thoughts that he didn’t hear the steps that came in his direction nor the sound of the chair that had been moved.
Someone took place in front of him, without talking, they were calm and quiet and…
Their eyes met again.
Holy shit
Yang Jungwon was right there in front of him: real and beautiful. Jay looked at him and into his cat-eyes; he didn’t know how to start the conversation.
“So, did you lose your voice at my performance?” Jungwon asked, smirking
This man will be the death of him; he was so calm and resolute about everything.
“You seem to remember it well.” Jay answered awkwardly.
To which Jungwon replied confidently “I do”.
They were silent for a few minutes, Jay could hear his heavy breathing, and he was sure that Jungwon could hear it too.
“Did you invite me so we could stare intensively at each other or what?”
He was bold (maybe a little too much), but Jay took it as a challenge, and God knew how much he loved them.
“I invited you to speak frankly; it’s better in real life than by messages. I talk more in person.”
“Oh, so you can talk more? Interesting.”
“Do you mean I talk too much?”
Jungwon giggled, and it was the most beautiful sound Jay had ever heard.
“Don’t worry, it’s not really a problem; I love talkative people; you know Sunoo is my best friend after all.”
“Indeed, he is.”
Bit by bit, Jay gained confidence, the conversation went smoothly; it was like they always knew each other. They talked about their passion (because it was the main reason for their meeting after all); Jay loved the way Jungwon smiled while talking about his dances; he loved how his dimples were brought out each time he mentioned how much he loved to perform.
During their meeting, Jay learned a lot of things about Yang Jungwon:
First, he loved to talk about himself (Jay was shocked to see that), or at least he loved to talk about his dancing abilities. He knew he was good, so he liked to bring it up.
Next, he learned that Jungwon was even more impressive in person than on scene; his eyes were his asset, and Jay knew he saw the effect he had on him because who looked at someone with that insistent look.
And to finish, Jay finally understood that this man would have a much more significant impact on his life than he initially thought.
“So, are you finally going to show me some of your moves, Mister B-boy ?” Jungwon genuinely asked while sipping his iced tea.
“I don’t think you are ready.” Jay tried to be smug but he was still shaken by Jungwon’s presence.
“We will see.” Jungwon stared intently at Jay.
#
So, they left the restaurant to go to the dance room; this man just increased Jay’s competitiveness. He wanted to show how strong he could be; Dance was Jay’s gift on Earth, so he hoped that Jungwon would be as fascinated as he was with him.
Nothing was more beautiful than a shared passion.
His feet touched the cold ground of the dance room as Jungwon just purposely sat down; Jay cast a look over him, raising his eyebrows.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m watching you,” Jungwon answered as if it was apparent “you watched me, so I have the right to do the same, let me enjoy the show.”
Jay chuckled and connected his phone to the speakers; he carefully choose the right music to suit his style the best.
He took a deep breath and looked again at Jungwon; his eyes were analyzing him.
Suddenly, Jay started his show. He let himself be carried away by the melody; his movements were dense and energetic, he stayed focused on his dance to show his best side.
He continued his performance for some time while Jungwon stayed silent, focusing on him.
It was like the man was analyzing him as he did at his own show; Jay liked how his eyes focused on every inch of his body, how he smiled while looking at his moves.
Maybe he was actually, really good.
The music stopped, Jay looked at him and was about to ask, “And now what do we do?” but Jungwon didn’t let him time to start. He stood up, changed the music, and walked in his direction.
“Put your hands on my waist,” Jungwon asked when he arrived at his sides.
“What? Why do you w—”
“Just do it and go with the flow.”
Jay hesitated for a moment, but Jungwon forced the touch by taking his hands in his.
“You wanted to dance with me, right?” he asked when Jay finally did it. “So we will do it, just follow the song and move your body.”
And so they started their duo. In the beginning, Jay was a little intimated by Jungwon and his abilities, he let him dance a lot and just stayed aside, but Jungwon didn't let him slip away.
He took his hand and danced with him, then he turned around him and grabbed his waist. Every touch unsettled Jay, and Jungwon seemed to feel it because he took a perverse pleasure in doing it.
Jay didn’t know how much time had just passed but they danced for a long time. His Spotify playlist was on a loop. Thus they tried different styles, different dances, and different moves.
He really enjoyed this day, maybe a little too much. But God, it felt so good.
In the end, when they stopped, sweat dripping from their skins, they looked at each other for minutes.
Jay didn’t know when he could talk again; he didn’t want to break their little world. He wanted to stay here forever because who could understand him better than Yang Jungwon, a splendid and talented dancer?
Jungwon smiled and pressed his chest on his.
Then he finally broke the heavy silence.
“We need to do it again, Jongseong. I really enjoyed this moment with you.”
And Jay felt his heart beating so fast he could explode.
#
After the first meeting, things got a little bit foggy. They talked every day by text; it was harder for Jay to focus during his lectures.
They decided to meet every week to dance together again, sometimes Jungwon invited him to eat some ice cream or study together. Sometimes Jay took the initiative and made excuses to see him.
His friends saw the power Jungwon had on him, how much he changed him.
Jay didn’t know a crush could last that long.
“Maybe because it’s not a crush anymore,”Sunghoon once said during one of their daily discussions about Yang Jungwon.
‘Yes’, Jay thought, maybe Sunghoon was right.
#
Jay was in love with Yang Jungwon, and he knew it was mutual.
He caught Jungwon looking too much on his lips when they practised together; he heard some discussions he had with Sunoo when he waited for him in front of his classroom.
He knew Jungwon made a lot of effort to be nice with him, he often asked about his opinion on things before doing them, he was softer than the first day they met.
One day Jay asked him why he changed so brutally and his answer just confirmed his certainty.
“I think you turned me into a better person.”
Not to be that kind of person (because he certainly was) but at this moment Jay could kiss him until they die.
And he promised that the next time he would see him, he would do it.
#
During one of their many meetings, Jungwon intertwined their fingers together, they were warm and soft, and Jay knew he would never forget this moment.
“Do you-” He marked a pause, his cheeks turning red suddenly. “Do you want to dance with me in the future?”
“Like a duo?” Jay asked, lost in his eyes.
“Yeah, a duo. Our styles are so different, but they work in harmony as if meant to be together.”
“As if we were meant to be,” Jay wanted to add, to scream, but he didn’t want to brusque him.
“I would love to. But for how long exactly ?”
And Jungwon pressed his forehead against his, closing his eyes.
“Until you get tired of me.”
His voice was weak like a child ready to cry.
Jay let go of him, which surprised Jungwon, forcing him to open his eyes. He let his hands brush his shoulders.
“Jungwon, I-”
He couldn’t even finish his sentence; the words were stuck in his throat. He wanted to tell him how much he admired him, how much his skills were phenomenal.
He wanted to tell the whole world about his talent, how his moves were harmonious, pleasant, and sophisticated.
Everybody deserved to know about Yang Jungwon.
“Jungwon, I will never be tired of you.”
And to mark his words, he wiped away Jungwon’s stray tear.
It was like a whisper, a promise to Jungwon; he would never leave his side; Jay was too comfortable with him to do so.
He remembered Sunghoon’s words about love “it’s like meeting someone who completely changes your vision of life and your future.”
And it was precisely the case.
There was a long and ponderous silence while Jay looked at Jungwon’s lips.
Pink, sweet and kissable.
“Kiss me please!” he could read in Jungwon’s eyes.
And so he did.
It was the softest and most romantic kiss he ever had, like an explosion of what he tried to hide for too long.
Dance was his first love, hobby, and passion, which consumed him in his everyday life, but Jungwon was on another level.
He was like falling in love each time he met his eyes, each time he saw him; he was his new priority.
They stopped the kiss and looked at each other.
“So I suppose that you accept my proposition.” Jungwon chuckled
“Of course, I want to be your life partner.”
And they tenderly kissed again.
Maybe, attending college’s Christmas show was the best decision of his life after all.