Chapter Text
Evan and Eddie were in a happy, loving relationship and had been for a few months. Christopher loved Buck more than most, and Buck returned the feelings all the same for the little boy. He loved Christopher like a son. The three of them were a happy little family, and had been even before Evan and Eddie were official. Evan had a secret though- a few at that, that he had been keeping from the team. H
First off, he’s trans. Female to male. He had gotten top surgery- keyhole, hence the invisible scars, and had been on testosterone for half a decade. The next step for him was getting his tubes tied or getting a hysterectomy. But he knew he needed to tell Eddie first
at least
, and tell his team. They deserved to know that part about him, and Buck was tired of hiding his shame over his gender identity. He wanted to stand proud. And he had faith that the team wouldnt see him any differently- they would just see it as a new ‘fun fact’ Buck had given them.
Secondly, was something Evan was far more ashamed of. His years as a Navy SEAL. He was the first trans man to get accepted, and one of the youngest accepted ontop of that. From practically the time he got out of highschool till the time he came to the firestation- he was a SEAL, or he was in training to be one. The government had helped him transition- and it not only helped Buck but he had a feeling they thought it was another step to making him more of a weapon. He excelled in the physical and education aspects of the tests, and the results only rose after Testosterone. After his last mission- his first family, all his team, dying only feet away from him as he hid behind the sandy rocks- he retired from the SEALs and became a firefighter shortly after.
He wanted to help people- he didnt think he was helping people anymore by being enlisted. He felt like machinery- a weapon the goverment wanted to use to their advantage. And it still showed sometimes as he struggled to adjust to civilian life. He was surprised Eddie hadnt noticed, being military aswell. He was far from proud of the things he did, and the only people that knew of his status were the government and the higherups in the FD that had allowed him to move past training and just take the test.
Eddie didnt even know about his past- and luckily the team never really asked about it. They knew Buck moved away from home to get away form his abusive, toxic parents but they didnt know where to. Evan morphed his stories to shape a different reality, one he wasnt as ashamed of. But all truths would come up eventually, and he just hoped that the crew wouldnt hate him or treat him differently for his service.
Eddie woke up with a fright as Buck yelled and pulled at his hair- midst of a night-terror-meets-ptsd-attack. Evans voice was coarse, broken and scared like the day of the tsunami as he called for Christopher. Thats what Eddie thought these nightmares were sometimes- leftovers from the horrific event that his boyfriend (not at the time) and son had gone through. But he wasnt calling out for Chris- he was calling out random names that Eddie swore he recognized, but he couldn't put a finger on it.
“Buck, Bucky.
Evan
.” He stressed, voice soft as he cooed in Evans ear, gripping his wrists tight enough to get him to release his curls but gentle enough as to not hurt the man.
“Im sorry- im- im so
sorry
-” He choked on his sobs, face wet with tears and snot as Buck broke down in his lovers arms.
“Shh. Youre okay. Youre safe. Christopher is safe, Im safe. The team is safe. Youre okay.” He rambled off, voice soothing to Bucks ringing ears. “The team is safe.” He repeated again, he didnt know why. He thought it might help- the names being from an old firehouse of his? But it didnt do much good if not to only make things worse.
“They’re dead…” He sniffled, letting out a small squeak and a sob. “They’re all dead…” Eddies heart broke at that, and he forced away tears himself.
"Who is, honey?" He asked hesitantly, rubbing Evans bare back gently, scratching at the base of his scalp when his hand reached high enough.
"My team ," He stresses, another sob leaving his lips. "SEAL team 1." He finally admitted, and Eddies eyes went wide.
"You were… You were a SEAL…" His voice was shaky. He wasnt scared of him, more so in shock that he hadnt realized sooner. "Based in Coronado" , as he had answered to ‘where did you live?’ was just where the SEAL Team 1 HQ was. Buck lived all over the world. Every look he gave to Eddie as he scanned a scene they pulled up on- looking for exits, entries, possible threats, then the man he loves. As if- If something bad were to happen, the last memory he would have wold be of his loves face. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Those trances Buck went into the times they encountered gunshots on a scene- how Buck was out of it for the rest of the day. Everyone else, Bobby included, marked it off as just a thing he had with the loud, sharp noise. But Eddie realized now. He was the best of the best- he had seen the worst of the worst. For years. Eddie's heart sank and the realization. Evans team. They mustve died in duty- this whole fiasco unfolding because of Evans dream about that night. The night that they died.
"I'm so sorry …" He choked out, and Eddie hushed him before he could apologize further.
"Dont be, dont be. Youre okay, baby. I'm not mad, im not scared of you. I wont push where you dont want me to." He reassured, and Buck turned to hide his face in Eddies chest.
“
Im
sorry.” Eddie whispered. He was brought back to his thoughts again as he glided his fingers through Evans ginger curls, thinking back to every ‘space out’, every ‘off day’, every time Buck would lash out with uncontrollable emotion- God, Evan had been struggling with severe PTSD the whole time and Eddie never realized. The tears pooled in his eyes and he sniffled, rocking the two of them together to hopefully lull Evan back to sleep.
“Youre okay, Ev. Ive got you. Youre safe.” He whispered, slowly laying back down with Buck halfway ontop of him, leg thrown over Eddies hips and arm hugging his waist as his face hid comfortably in Eddies pectoral muscles.