Chapter Text
Device: Racer’s iPhone
File: APpsychFALLINLOOOOOVEE(pt1).mp3
Duration: 05:45:88
Date: 12/06/2021
START AUDIO
[00:00.00] Racetrack Higgins: Okay, it’s all ready to go- [unintelligible]
[00:04.10] RH: It’s fine! I got it. Shit wait, is it cracked?
[00:07.48] RH: No! Nope! It’s all good.
[00:09.63] Sean Conlon: Maybe I should hold it.
[00:10.49] RH: No, it’s my phone, I got it.
[00:12.63] SC: Sure, we could just fail this project too.
[00:14.74] RH: Fine, ‘ya wanna have this on your phone so your weirdo creepy friends could listen to it when you’re not looking?
[00:20.78] RH: Hm. That’s what I thought.
[00:22.52] SC: Can we just get this on with?
[00:23.84] RH: Yeah, fine, lemme just- [unintelligible]
[00:26.29] SC: For Christ’s sake, I’ll get the questions out. You just do the intro part.
[00:29.32] RH: Alright, whatever you say, sweetie.
[00:31.12] SC: Don’t call me that.
[00:32.14] RH: Why not? We’re apparently going to fall in love, anyway.
[00:34.57] SC: Supposedly.
[00:35.92] RH: Why did you opt to do this experiment, then? If you don’t wanna find true love?
[00:39.92] SC: First of all, don’t sing-song “true love”-
[00:41.45] RH: -On the contrary, everything should be “sing-songy”, as you so eloquently put it-
[00:45.63] SC: And second of all, I did this because it’s extra credit.
[00:48.60] RH: Aw, now, that can’t be it. You always get first place on the Kahoots-
[00:51.33] SC: -I look at my notes-
[00:52.28] RH: -What’s the real reason?
[00:55.93] SC: [unintelligible]
[00:57.49] RH: What was that?
[00:58.28] SC: [louder] I want to show that this is a load of horseshit.
[01:00.95] RH: Well, when you put it like that-
[01:02.81] SC: -Just get on with it.
[01:24.28] RH: Jeez. Alright, alright.
[01:05.96] [rustling]
[01:07.44] RH: I am Antonio Higgins. Me and my randomly selected partner, Sean Conlon, are doing the extra credit assignment for AP Psychology, second period, Ms. Larkin. In this assignment, we will complete “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings”, otherwise known as the “36 Questions” experiment. This is a “practical methodology presented for creating closeness in an experimental context.” We must answer all questions fully and truthfully in order to receive credit. In other words, we’re gonna fall in love!
[01:36.62] SC: We will not.
[01:38.06] RH: Well there’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?
[01:40.14] SC: [sigh]
[01:42.12] RH: I choose odd questions. So, I ask you the odd questions first, and then you ask the even ones-
[01:46.33] SC: I read the directions.
[01:47.27] RH: Fine, snappy.
[01:49.39] RH: Number one - “given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want to have as a dinner guest?”
[01:54.07] [tapping noises]
[01:56.48] RH: Hurry up.
[01:57.29] SC: Shut up, I’m thinking.
[01:58.10] RH: You think too much.
[01:58.89] SC: Sucks for you.
[01:59.84] RH: HA! That’s what she said.
[02:01.26] SC: Oh my god.
[02:02.29] RH: Hey, there’s only two ways to shut me up. One, ravishing me to the point of my brain going completely blank. Two, answering the question-
[02:07.98] SC: My mom.
[02:09.56] RH: Interesting. Why?
[02:10.83] SC: That wasn’t the question.
[02:12.54] RH: Fine, keep your secrets. Now you have to ask me the question.
[02:15.94] SC: [sigh] “Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want to have as a dinner guest?”
[02:21.79] RH: Easy. Cher.
[02:23.36] SC: Like the singer?
[02:24.40] RH: No, dummy, like the character from Clueless. We have so much in common. We’re both popular, gorgeous, have good fashion sense, and look! We even both chew the same bubblegum!
[02:33.18] SC: Put that back in your mouth or I swear to god-
[02:34.86] RH: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!
[02:38.36] [silence] [giggling]
[02:38.60] SC: I thought we were only supposed to do real life people.
[02:40.97] RH: Cher is real in my heart.
[02:43.75] SC: Whatever. Question two - “would you like to be famous? In what way?”
[02:47.79] RH: Oh my god yes I would love to be famous.
[02:49.89] SC: In what way.
[02:50.56] RH: Dancing!
[02:52.04] SC: You dance?
[02:53.39] RH: Yeah, ballet. Actually, I did tap for a while when I was younger, but my mom took the shoes away ‘cuz they were too noisy.
[02:59.69] SC: Yeah, I can imagine.
[03:01.04] RH: Hey, we had carpet in the living room. It was impressive how noisy I could be!
[03:04.98] SC: [unintelligible]
[03:05.93] RH: Did you just say, “that’s what she said”?
[03:08.05] SC: Maybe.
[03:08.84] RH: I’m so proud!
[03:10.07] SC: Shut up.
[03:11.29] RH: “Okay, would you like to be famous? And in what way?”
[03:15.46] SC: No.
[03:16.63] RH: Why not?
[03:17.97] SC: That wasn’t the question.
[03:22.59] RH: Hey, this time it had a “in what way”, so I think this constitutes a follow up.
[03:25.30] SC: Fine. I don’t want to be hounded by paparazzi.
[03:29.41] RH: But then you could take funny photos! Like the one where Joe Jonas and his wife are flipping them off!
[03:30.66] SC: Yeah, not for me.
[03:32.53] RH: Fine, to each his own.
[03:40.77] RH: [rustling] Okay, question three! “Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?” Wow, “telephone”; these are old.
[03:43.32] SC: I don’t really call people that often.
[03:45.84] RH: Well when you do, do you rehearse it?
[03:48.99] SC: Well I guess… yeah. Yes, I do.
[03:51.30] RH: Awwwww, do you practice in front of the mirror-
[03:56.23] SC: -I rehearse it because I only ever call for specific reasons, so I make sure to have the reason ready.
[04:02.12] RH: Okay, old man. Do you not FaceTime people for fun? Or like, I don’t know, just calling for whatever?
[04:04.29] SC: I prefer to talk in person.
[04:06.52] RH: Do your murder friends not know how to use technology?
[04:10.22] SC: They know how to- wait what? What do you mean “murder friends”?
[04:12.10] RH: I mean your friends look like murderers.
[04:12.59] SC: What does that even mean.
[04:13.42] RH: It means they’re really scary! Hot Shot looks like she can totally laser beam anyone down with a single glance, and Sniper is well… his nickname is “Sniper”, okay?
[04:21.65] [silence]
[04:23.78] SC: I see your point.
[04:24.94] RH: Duh. Do you all just sit in stoic silence staring at each other?
[04:29.77] SC: We do not-
[04:29.28] RH: -“Oh, yes, we are all big and scary and murderers”-
[04:31.20] SC: -Stop that-
[04:31.67] RH: “Oh no! I laser beamed someone!” “Oh, that’s okay, we’ve murdered people before, we know how to cover it up”-
[04:36.29] SC: Would you quit it?
[04:37.56] RH: I told you, there’s only two ways to shut me up-
[04:39.15] SC: “Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?”
[04:43.68] RH: Ah, there it is.
[04:45.92] SC: Well? Do you?
[04:47.88] RH: I was waiting for the first way of shutting me up.
[04:50.22] SC: Not happening.
[04:51.21] RH: We’ll see.
[04:52.74] SC: Are you gonna answer the question?
[04:54.64] RH: No, I never rehearse what I’m going to say. I have no brain to mouth filter.
[04:58.37] SC: I can see that.
[04:59.58] RH: What’s that supposed to mean?
[05:00.96] SC: Nothing.
[05:01.82] RH: Fine.
[05:02.75] [silence]
[05:04.90] SC: Question four - “What would constitute a perfect day for you?”
[05:07.94] RH: Oh! Wait, no.
[05:10.42] SC: What were you gonna say?
[05:11.57] RH: Nothing. I’m thinking.
[05:12.93] SC: No, you’re changing your answer. I can tell.
[05:14.40] RH: Am not!
[05:15.61] SC: You’re the one who said we have to answer everything truthfully.
[05:18.20] RH: Yeah, well I’m thinking.
[05:19.85] SC: Weren’t you just saying that I was being slow?
[05:21.71] RH: Ugh, fine.
[05:22.85] [silence]
[05:25.48] SC: I’m waiting.
[05:28.94] RH: The perfect day for me already happened because it was when I got my top surgery.
[05:31.25] [silence]
[05:33.51] SC: Oh.
[05:34.84] RH: Oh?
[05:36.14] SC: No I didn’t-
[05:37.20] [ringing]
[05:38.21] SC: Shit, it’s the end of the period. I gotta go. You have my number, right?
[05:39.13] RH: Yeah.
[05:39.60] SC: Okay, we can finish this up later.
[05:43.22] [door slam]
[05:44.78] RH: Bye, I guess.
STOP AUDIO