Work Text:
Taehyun has a secret.
Well, a lot of them actually.
The most important one is how he perceives and gives love, his love language.
Living with four other people after recognizing all of them have physical touch as one of their love languages turned out to be quite a weird experience, if he's being honest.
It's not bad, it's just weird.
Adding up with the fact that he is, a lot of times, misunderstood as a cold guy because of this. Taehyun is not good at showing his love in a physical way, he's clingy sometimes, yes. He also loves to cuddle and still is in need of head pats or kisses on the cheek but that's different from being able to show how grateful he's to be around the members. Like, for an exemple, fans are catching the fact that he cooks in his free time to have more time to be with them, just so he can spend time together more than working or living under the same roof.
That's quality time.
He also loves to gift them, Beomgyu more often than the others. He just thinks the younger Choi looks good when being complimented for using some things he bought thinking exactly about him. Yeonjun too, maybe because their friendship means much more than what he can show, years knowing each other and him being the first to make kid Taehyun open his heart while on trainee times, he couldn't be more thankful for debuting with such a loving friend.
He uses the gifts as an excuse to be lovely, is rare, kind of, but the thought of making them happy with new things and some compliments here and there makes the Kang warm inside.
That statement by itself can mean both gifts and words of affirmation. It matches them.
With Soobin it can be quite simple, he likes to be reliable, to hear and help when his hyung is in need even if he is the second youngest. Listen to him when he is struggling and feeling stressed by the amount of work? Encouraging him when he feels like he can't do something? Going his way to make little things just so he can get a dimpled smile in return? Yes, all of it.
But also, Taehyun loves to link arms and maybe uses a bit more affection than what he's used to. In any case, it's acts of service. (Touch if he admits it minutes before going to bed.)
That leaves us with Taehyun's other secret; his feelings towards Hueningkai.
It's… all too recent, the life changing moment when you realize you're in love with one of your closest friends came just a few weeks before and since then he is having the worst life crisis he'd ever experienced. If anyone noticed, no one's getting on the way.
Sharing a room with the one you called soulmate and shortly after realizing how your heart earns to love them in the purest ways he was taught is suffocating, really. Taehyun tries not to let it show that he is having some time to think although it is obvious when he starts going to the gym at any moment they're alone in the dorm and getting home late from walking just so he can sleep without feeling the guilt creep behind his ear every time he sees the younger and his heart just screams love.
Hueningkai is the only one he doesn't have a way to show love to. Because if he does, he wants it all.
It's not that he never shows love to him, God, no. They are besties and did a lot of things in the time being friends, the mutual agreement to hold the other when nervous, comforting words when Kai is not feeling his best, some stuffed toys he bought to see him smile, doing everything he could to have him happy or just being on the same space when tired after a long practice day. They did everything. And Taehyun guesses it has always been like that, he just wasn't aware so now it feels like something is wrong simply by having their shoulders touching on the sofa while watching a movie.
And he misses Kai so much. He wants to hold the younger one and tell everything that is building up, he knows he wouldn't be judged, everyone had the talk before and feelings can't be ignored even if it seems harmless.
But maybe the right time hasn't come yet?
If there's a right time, that is.
It's very late on Christmas night, they had recently released a song and made a fun live for the fans. Taehyun is happy, even when he was caught fondly staring a few times, it can be blamed on the alcohol he consumed throughout the day but damn, who cares?
Everyone is already in their rooms -probably sleeping- when he decides that he has had enough of watching the snow falling on their big window, he'd thrown some on Yeonjun while he was showering and gave some to Soobin as well, fun times.
His eyes are starting to feel a little too heavy so he makes his way to his room and this time he doesn't let the voice on his head get to him, instead goes to Kai's bed and quietly enters in the blanket, hugging him and closing his eyes for a bit.
When Taehyun opens them again, he realized he must have fallen asleep without noticing and that now they are more huddled together than before, Hueningkai has his face resting in the other's direction, cheek cutely smashed on his pillow and all, making Taehyun's heart do the things again.
Seeing the younger upclose is always an experience, he has so many beauty marks and when he sleeps is always with a relaxed expression, like he couldn't be in a better time in life. The group used to say that no one can be as pure as the boy sleeping next to him,
Taehyun agrees till this day, it is hard not to fall in love with someone like him, from all the little things that most people don't care to the most obvious ones, everything made him be this smitten… Now, thinking about the whole circumstances is easier because again, it's his best friend, there is no reason to be hard on himself by having feelings.
He decides that his brain might be overworking when all he can feel is this urge to let the things finally get everything out, so he just moves a bit to let gentle kisses on each spot that sits on Hueningkai's face. Personally, he likes the one next to his lips, eyes and the one sitting at the tip of his nose, so he takes his time pressing on them for more seconds than the other ones.
"I think it's funny to say this when I am having trouble knowing how to act but hey, if you're hearing this…" A breath. "I have been in love with you for quite some time, Kai. Feelings are hard to feel, show and maybe we are too young to think about this but I'm super sure about what I have here in my heart and that is not going away so soon." Everything was whispered in such a way that if it wasn't for the close distance it could be considered a loud thought. "Even if I would be happy to have you reciprocate this, I just want to be honest with not only me, but you also need to know."
With a rapidly racing heart, Taehyun decided to go back to sleep as he finally let it out, then felt arms wrapping firmer on his waist. Ah, was that really the right time?
"I'm glad you decided to say what was on your mind this whole time, hyung." The voice oh so gently said before a kiss on his forehead. "I also think you need to know that I'm very much in love with you as well but I can smell the alcohol in you and maybe we should talk about this later?" Huening's free hand made its way to his now purple hair and started caressing there. "Goodnight hyung."
Some things could wait till the morning to be discussed, for the time being, they settled with cuddles and some loving words to calm each other down.
And secrets sometimes are made to find their reality, Taehyun noted. He is not alone after all.