Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

*A/N*(starts with the mentioned lore stream but adapts to fit the story)

Tommy was shaking now, fear dripping off his bones.
As he turned toward the nether portal, it was broken.
Blocks pulled out of the shell and the purple shadow shattered.

Green.

Green in his eyes. Green in his bones. Green in his mind

Dream was back

Suspended in fear, Tommy felt his head pound and vision begin to blur. His breathing heightened but was held, as if he was trying to fade from existence.
If Tommy held his breath maybe Dream wouldn't notice him... maybe he'd survive... emotionally he was a ghost, like his brother Will was all that time ago when he first came here.

"Tommy"

Echoing through him, Dream began to mutter. Playing with his words and each dripping with enough venom Tommy could feel Dreams pure fury.
Snapped out of his head, Dream questioned "you looking for something?" with enough innocence anyone else would never know the abuse he had been through caused by that normal sounding man.
"You came ... came to get your stuff?"

Shield up, sword in hand - Tommy was gripping both so tightly that if he held it any tighter his hands would bleed.
He began backing away slowly enough Dream wouldn't notice.

"I came to get the axe-" Tommy began

"Hey welcome back to exile!" Dream gleefully introduced, as if the hollow empty shell of Logstedshire was a tropical paradise.

"Welcome back! ...Welcome!"

Dream stated again and again as if it were a place tommy could be happy.

He knew he could not be happy here.
He knew that.
He knew that?

"You're back at...

home."

Tommy exhaled slowly, trying to block out the warm feelings the word home used to bring. He thought of family, of Wilbur, Of Phil, of maybe techno he wasn't too sure. He thought of his family in another life. In another world where dream didn't exist, they could have been a happy family.

But instead he had his older brother Wilbur- a terrorist who -Tommy assumed- only cared about power these days, but at least he still spoke to Tommy.

Technoblade who -Tommy assumed- was sick of his antics and saw him as Theseus the soldier, who would die without complaint.

Philza who -Tommy assumed- did not care for them anymore. Phil was the most distant from family. Never daring to reach for tommy and take his hand and pull him out of this madness.

Tommy was Wilbur and Techno's little brother. He was Phil's son. But now he's just Dreams pet. His family chose to survive on their own Having no emotional ties is safer for us all apparently, but Gods did Tommy miss the warm safe feeling of what he once called family.

Tommy pushed that thought far from his mind. They weren't family anymore, they corrected him every time he called them such. They made point of not caring for Tommy anymore ,so he had to forget them whether he wanted to or not.

"I came for the axe" he repeated. He could stay strong, he wasn't going to let his strong facade fail him and give in now.

He was telling Dream the truth, it was all he came for but apparently that did not translate well when he explained that to Dream.
He continued to explain that he was a good person, who did the right thing, just like his friends had once reassured

"I DO GOOD THINGS" Tommy yells

"Doesn't make you a good person" Dream said slyly.

"I DID IT FOR WHATS RIGHT" Tommy argues.

"What you think is right" Dream slowly replies

"NO FOR WHATS MORALLY RIGHT" Tommy doesn't back down.

"Tommy come on now..." Dream trails.

Dream revealed a weapon, shining purple netherite, which sent tommy into a spiral of what used to be.
He backed away quickly this time so Dream would know that this isn't a joke. " Stand back, stand back, get away bitch"

"I'm not gonna hurt you" Dream paused "yet...".

This tore Tommy apart, it confirmed what Tommy already suspected. Dream hadn't changed, he'd never change and he will always be the villain in his tradgedy.

As if on queue, "It's so good to be free Tommy, I think you were beginning to underestimate me. I'm still a God, I can control everything and everyone. That's why I like you. You're most fun to play with. Toy around with. Control. Because it's easy, l can revive you and then kill you again and revive you and kill you again and revive you and kill you again" Dreams eyes widened maniacally.

Dream dug a whole, no shovel just his blood red stained hands and asked with a grace of innocence "You wanna throw your items in the hole?"

"NO! WE DONT DO THAT ANYMORE DREAM, ALRIGHT? WE DONT DO THAT ANYMORE. I *CANT* DO THAT ANYMORE"

"and why's that tommy?"

A silence.

Tommy didn't know how to respond, how do you tell the most powerful person who could choke you in an instant that you're practically done with it all? That you've Got no purpose and ready to leave the smp and never see it's sunrise again?

"Ah. You see Tommy, it's just you and me here. You and me. No one but you and me. No one else will find you, no one will care. Who's gonna care huh? You're nothing but to me you're so much fun!" 

Tommy was stuttering, his words jumbled in his brain and Dream had them all wrapped tightly in his fist.

"What are your friends even doing? Living lives without you? Just stay with me. Im your friend Tommy. I can bring people back to life, you're immortal with me! I think i'll kill you and revive you again not for long just to remind you what i'm capable of" Dream said, the idea striking him.

And in that moment Tommy's fight or flight kicked in and he began to run.

His feet pounded along the grassy terrain, as he headed in the only direction he could think of.

Chapter Text

His feet trembled in the thin layer of snow that coated Logstedshire.

It never really snowed much in Logstedshire, it never really did much of anything in Logstedshire. The sun rose and set, then rose and set again. Tommy used to watch it but after a while it made him feel trapped, some sick metaphor of his exile. He was stuck there in an infinite loop, even if Tubbo decided one day he was worth saving, Tommy felt as though he would forever be trapped back then.

His footprints marked the snow so there was no way Dream would magically lose his trail. Dream was cackling behind him, Tommy couldnt tell how far away Dream was but his laughter was frightening. It was evil. It was comedic. It was almost as if Dream was enjoying tommy's attempt to escape, belittling him. He felt small in Dreams cage.

"Tommyyyyy you can run but you can't hideeee" he yelled

"Im gonna get ya!" he yelled again

"Tommy come onnn we were just getting started" he yelled again and again

"Tommy where are you going" still yelling

"Tommyyyyy" he yells 

"Tommy" he screams

"Waittttt" he calls 

"Tommyyyy" still not sick of yelling

"Come backkk!" he yells

Dream kept yelling after him and he kept going. He couldn't quite remember the way because last time he had escaped was a fluke. He had blocked the memories of exile deep down and didn't want to uncover them. It would bring such painful emotions that he didn't want to think about. The things Dream caused that he never wanted to think about again. Even if Dream was doing everything he could now to make them happen again.

He stumbled into a village and climbed to the roof of the nearest house, it was small and sturdy so Tommy felt safer. Dream could easily catch him from there though and Tommy didn't know what he was thinking leading himself into a spot where he could easily be caught. But Dream was tiptoeing around slowly, looking into windows, picking up little nick nacks and trinkets from the previous residents of the abandoned alleyways. Dream was just wandering through the village as if Tommy wasn't even there. He was muttering and mumbling in a mysterious way that made Tommy feel powerless and in the dark.
Yet Tommy was stuttering and stumbling on the top of the roof. Feet balanced together, hands clutching shield, helmet over his eyes like a little kid.

"Tommy get down"

Tommy did absolutely nothing in that moment.

" Tommy i could easily have gotten you by now"

"I'm just playing with you, I don't know why you're so determined to escape! I have so much power i could seek you out from a million blocks away"

Dream was so consumed by his greed for power Tommy didn't even think he cared about their so called 'friendship'. He just liked the feeling of entitlement the power granted him. The things he was capable of.
It had warped him into more of a monster than Tommy thought humanly possible. He probably wasn't even fully human any more.

Tommy jumped down, his knees dipping as they supported his weight, he was quite thin and frail these days: ridden with bruises from Dreams torment. He didn't let Dream get near him but he felt much safer on the ground.

He began to back away slowly whilst Dream continued to approach, they were dancing around each other like chess pieces on the black and white board. Dream in his dark green cloak and twinkling enchanted purple axe reminded Tommy of many a villain from the tall tales Techno used to tell him as a child. Greek gods with divine power and greedy people who didn't deserve such riches. Tommy thought a lot about those stories in exile, how Techno must have been lying to scare him because Dream still had such unlimited power and yet was so cruel. It even made him wonder if he really was the victim.

He felt his shoe fall into water, then hit wood. A small pond encased in wood dug into the ground was below Tommy, Dream was clueless as to what it was but Tommy knew it was a sign. It was clear as day that it was Phil's handiwork and craftsmanship, one he had keenly watched Phil plan on scraps of paper a long time ago and he apparently got round to doing. That meant he was back on the path towards Phil and Technos.

Tommy searched through his many things in his weathered, torn-apart rucksack. Golden apples, handy but not it. Arrows, useless without his bow.

Dream was still watching him but struck with a glimmer in his eye that Tommy could only call wonder.

Blue powder that stained his fingertips, comforting but still not it. Aha! Tommy's trident at the bottom of the rucksack. He pulled it out in an instant, threw some of ghostburs blue to the floor which created a cloud of smoke - a magicians trick- and tommy used his trident to get away.

He didn't quite land in the next wooden pond that would have softened the blow but by a tree, right near Phil's house. He turned around and Dream locked eyes with him. Dream knew he couldn't get to Tommy before Tommy got to Phil so they were locked in a paralyzing stalemate. Dream glared at Tommy and then gave him a look as if it to say 'do something then ,mighty Theseus, if you think youre so brave' and Tommy decided 'fuck it' and ran.

Brushing past Phil's narrow gate and past their polar bears- who quite frankly scared tommy a little, which was considering he'd just escaped Dream- and began loudly falling through the doors of Technos house. A house with many layers he could easily hide in because apparently Dream was right and Phil didn't care, because he would have helped him by now.

Down the first ladder past more animals, man they owned so many.

Down the next staircase which Tommy used to hide with cobblestone, but this time was open to the air. He jumped to the floor clambered to the corner of the room and put his head to his knees. He blocked everything out and didn't even look around the room he just hugged his knees back and forth.

"Tommy?" a voice trembled 

Chapter Text

Someone said his name...

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorr

y Dream you're right they don't care they're not here, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have ran, please don't attack me please. Spare me please im sorry i'll give you my items! I'll go back to Logstedshire I'll stay in exile! just...please don't hurt me! The limbo is horrific Dream! It's like dying thousands of times all over again, I can't take it! That's why I ran! I just can't die again Dream I'm so scared Dream. Please spare me" tommy rushed and rambled.
His mouth dry and having to take many sharp breaths between words whilst trying to recover from his travels to get to Technos. Tommy was unreadable, his face a mixture of cold distance and fear hidden behind dull colour less eyes. His cheeks were incredibly red from the harsh bone chilling frost of the artic and they were softened by abrupt lines where many tears had been streaming down his face.

"shhh shhh calm down. Im not Dream, okay? It's me Wilbur. You're safe. Ive got you" Wilbur whispered into his ear, Tommy becoming aware of the comforting arm snaked around him.

Wait... Wilbur?

Why was wilbur there?

Wilbur was holding tommy in a tight embrace, his knees had fallen to the floor right in front of tommy as soon as tommy had begun to speak. Wilbur was distraught by the sight, his savior Dream seemingly the cause of his little bro- of his best friends torment. It tore him apart. He pulled Tommy closer and held Tommy to his chest, resting his chin on Tommy's dull blonde hair.
" Shhhh Tommy im here, it's going to be alright now, you don't have to say anything but are you okay sat like this?" Wilbur questioned, concerned the boy was so fragile he'd break.
The slightest movement of tommy's head confirmed that wilbur could keep him close like this.
"Alright Tommy shall i call for techno and phil to help?"
Tommy remained silent but pushed Wilbur further against the wall, pulling himself closer to Will and holding him tighter. Making it clear that he didn't want to be left alone.
Wilbur put a hand over tommy ear with tommy's other ear pressed against wilbur's chest.

" Tommy im gonna yell okay? it might hurt your ears but you don't want me to leave" Wilbur assured, clearly amused.

"PHILLLLLLLLL HELLLPPPPPP"

"TECHNOOOO HELLPPP MEEEE" Wilbur cried,  until his voice was hoarse from screaming out for them.

He didn't know what to do. Tommy was his strong right hand man, laughing along all of the time. Tommy was the center of all his prying jokes and comments. Tearing his ego apart was an easy joke wilbur tended to make because, well, Tommy was tough enough to handle it. Tommy could be dragged through wars and come back with just a scratch.

The same tommy he had crying in his arms. Wilbur didn't even notice tommy's bruises and the smiles etched into his arms.

The first to fall down the ladder and rush toward Wilbur was Phil.

"Will! Will! I heard you screaming bloody murder! Are you alrigh- hey tommy mate"

Tommy raised a hand as if to wave but then used it to rub his sore, red eyes and dig his head further under the arms of wilburs warm, yellow sweater.

"So, Will, what's the problem mate? Hold Tommy any tighter and he'll break" Phil laughed, amused by his own joke- he'd be the only one.

Wilbur- still trying to hold it together for Tommy- gave Phil an obviously fake sarcastic smile.

"Phil, I think something's wrong. I was scouting out the escape tunnels at the bottom of Technos house when Tommy fell down the ladder and began to violently sob. I was gonna ask what was wrong but before i could he scrambled to his knees and began to beg." Wilbur rambled 

"Beg for what?" Phil questioned.

"It was like he was pleading, for his life Phil. Pleading to Dream not to hurt him, to let him live if he went back to exile Phil. But Tommy hasn't been to exile since Dream was put in prison? And he was happy there right?" Wilbur continued.

Phil was silent. Maybe because he didn't know anything about Tommy. Maybe because Wilbur knew even less and felt guilty for him.

"Hullo" Techno spoke up, neither Will, Phil or Tommy had noticed his appearance 'till then. "What's going on here guys? I mean, I'm pretty sure last time i checked this was MY house" Techno sarcastically remarked.

"Ha Ha Techno. Real funny" Wilbur replied not amused by Techno's comment.

"Seriously though, what's happening?" Techno questioned, almost concerned.

"Wilbur, despite his over the top praise of Dreams's glory and his upmost grace after his revival, seems to think he's the man responsible for the distraught Tommy in the corner. And based on the scars of smiles all the way up Tommy's arms, im starting to think he could be right" said Phil

"Scars.. What scars?" Wilbur asked before looking at the vulnerable boy in his arms and gasping in horror

"As much as im sure tommy would love us all standing here gawking and gossiping about him, he is literally right there. Don't you think we should ask him what he wants?" Techno filled the silence.

"Right yeah. Tommy, mate, what do YOU want?" Phil gently spoke.

"It's pretty late, would it be alright if i slept here?" Tommy muttered still clinging to Wilbur's sweater.

"What'd he say?" Phil said

"Wants to sleep, it's late and shit" Wilbur replied, jumping to his feet and reaching a hand down to Tommy. He pulled Tommy up by the arms and with an arm around Tommy's shoulder ,to support his weight, lead him to the bed in techno's first basement.

Wilbur went alone with Tommy leading him to his bed and reassuring him it was safe and he'd protect him from Dream if he came back. Despite Tommys initial protest, he agreed and curled up on Wilbur's makeshift bed.

Wilbur walked across the decks, toward Phil's house. 

"Asleep?" Phil asked

"Yup, so what are we going to do?" Will asked.

"What do you mean mate? What else can we do other than what we're doing now- letting him stay the night?" said Phil

"We have a traumatized kid in the basement who's beaten black and blue, ridden with scars, arrives crying and begging not to be hurt and you don't seem to think we should be doing something more to help him other than the bare minimum?" Wilbur snapped back

" Well of course he knows something's not right with the poor kid" Techno defended. "It's just not really our problem though is it"

That was Wilbur's last straw.

He was in disbelief about how self-absorbed they were. Techno was the center of his rage, his little brother was clearly not coping in the big scary world on his own and Techno only cared about when he'd get out of his house.

"Look, Tommy's a child, he's barely hit seventeen and he's on his own. I get that you have this warped sense of reality where you think you'll be safer alone and not claim any family, but where has that gotten you huh? You're telling me that you're able to watch your own brother run to you sobbing for help and think it's not your problem?! You're a monster Techno! He needs someone's help! He's clearly not coping on his own and we're just gonna stand there and watch? Wait till he tumbles and falls? Wait till he arrives dead on our doorstep?!" Wilbur yelled, in a rage of pure anger towards his so called brother

"He was only a foster sibling Will! So were you! We all were! Phil just raised us and let us go, no strings attatched!"

"HES STILL FAMILY! DID WE REALLY MEAN THAT LITTLE TO YOU TECH? He's hurting and came to you! He needed YOU!"

"Well you found him didn't you? Hardly sounds like it's to do with me"

"HE WAS IN YOUR HOUSE! YOU REALLY THINK HE'D COME TO YOUR HOUSE IF HE WASN'T SOMEWHAT HOPING HE'D FIND YOU HERE?!"

"Will calm down mate" Phil butted in

"Phil as if you're innocent here either! You're just as willing to see him get out of here, you're one step away from giving him an enderpearl and pushing him out the door!" Wilbur protested

Wilbur gave both a mean glare - neither making eye contact and admiring the floor in shame instead- before swearing at them both, slamming Phil's door and marching out into the snow. Cigarettes pulled out his pocket and he fumbled with a lighter whilst walking.

He decided on hiding in Phil's attic whilst he smoked. He was still on the verge of tears after seeing his poor brother but instead let the ash fill his lungs and cloud his mind. The smoking was rotting away at him but it was a good distraction.

"It's a bad habit you know" said Tommy as he walked up the final stair into Techno's cramped little attic.

"You should be asleep" Wilbur replied, suprised to see Tommy

" Yeah well you and Techno arguing isn't exactly my favourite lullaby" sarcasm prominent.

"Oh. Heard that did you?" Wilbur said quietly, ashamed.

"Hard not to" Tommy muttered.

"Tommy, tell me to fuck off by all means but, I thought you and Dream were friends in exile? I thought you were happy there"

"No"

"No? So why keep him around?"

"Will I didn't stay with him out of choice. I couldn't leave. It was exile for a reason I had to learn my lesson. Did your ghost counterpart not remember a thing?"

"I've not even checked my memories for it Tommy, I just have ignored that he even existed. But why did you not tell Dream to go? If he was bothering you , tell him to leave you alone?"

" What and risk the punishment for talking back? hahah no thanks"

"Punishment?" Wilbur said mortified

"Ive said too much about it. I- If Dream knew-" Tommy got to his feet. "Look i shouldn't have come here, I'm not worth the bother it's causing any of you. There's more important things than me acting like a baby so I'll be gone in the morning and i'll see you around, yeah?" He went down a stair but Wilbur had grabbed his shirt.

He flinched.

"Sorry I- Don't go okay? I promise you're not worthless okay? You matter to me and I'm not letting you leave because you feel unwanted okay? Your feelings are completely normal okay you're not acting like a baby" 

Tommy hesitantly nodded.

"Promise me"

Tommy Innit(Watson) did not make promises. Why? He couldn't keep them. Have you met him? He's the loud obnoxious kid who runs around messing things up and meddling in business that don't concern him. Everyone knows he's unreliable and untrustworthy so no one asks anything of importance of him. In return he never makes promises, the sense of loyalty all too similar to what Dream would torment him with in exile. Dream knew Tommy was not loyal to him and he reprimanded him for it. Promises meant being loyal to a high degree to people. Tommy didn't make any promises to Dream. Tommy did not make any promises. Ever. No exceptions.

" I said promise me Toms, that you'll stick around for a day or two. I'm worried about you" Wilbur asked of him.

He was tired. Tired of it all. Maybe staying around would just be the easier choice.

"I promise"

The exception to the rule.

" It's gonna be okay Toms you know that right?"

" Will it though? Im just so exhausted Wilbur and I don't know how much longer I want to deal with it. Maybe i'd make a cool ghost"

"Tommy-"

"I'll stay one more day Will. If it means that much to you. Im a big man you know, got places to be"

"You mean on the run from Dream?"

"Tomato. Tomahhhhhto" Tommy exaggerated as if there were no difference. "See you in the morning big man"

Tommy disappeared before Wilbur could reply.

It killed Wilbur not being able to remember anything his stupid ghost had done. Apparently get a pet sheep. Colour him stoked(!) He wished he could remember what his counterpart had seen of Tommy's exile. He was really worried for Tommy. He had been dead all that time and couldn't do a thing to help Tommy. He had missed so much and only a year had passed- obviously a lot longer has passed for him, it felt so long ago, Wilbur just felt so out of place.

He was really wondering now, was he really that ignorant that he hadn't noticed his best friend's suffering? Tommy had been on the verge of shattering the whole time Wilbur had been revived and all he talked about was himself. He'd decided he would help Tommy if it was the last thing he'd do. With or without Techno and Phil.

Chapter Text

Techno and Phil endure a long silence after Wilbur left.

"Hey Phil, do you think Will was right?"

"He was just trying to get into your head mate don't worry about it. He was just picking a fight to find someone to be mad at"

" I know I know. But you've gotta admit Phil he has a point"

"About?"

"Tommy being traumatized or something or other"

" You're right. The kids so young and been through shit it's not surprising"

" Wait you knew how traumatized he was and did nothing?"

" I didn't know the extent of it but it's a therapist's problem not mine."

" Will seems to think we should help"

" That's what Will thinks, not what Tommy thinks and certainly not what I think"

" So what do you think?"

" I personally think that we should help Tommy if he asks. So far, he's not said a word to us (expect wilbur) since he arrived. There's not a lot I can do for him if he doesn't ask"

" That's quite a closed mindset Phil"

" I'm sorry?" Phil replied, tones of confusion sugarcoating his words.

" It's a bit to quote Wilbur 'self-absorbed' for us to just wait for him to come to us. No kid that traumatized would think to come back to the family that abandoned him for help"

" No offense here Tech but it's not like you've done much to help either at this point"

"Wow Phil"

"Well it's true isnt it?"

" I helped the kid get his petty little revenge and get back into the country! I thought that's what he wanted!"

"Seems neither of us know him well enough then"

"Apparently not"

They soaked that conversation in for a while.

Tommy used to be family, emphasis on used to be. Theseus was the kid techno would throw an axe for no questions asked. Secretly, Techno missed Theseus. Theseus was Tommy's nickname Techno had for him. Some story behind it that represents his character all too well. He misses Tommy running around declaring his name is Theseus, and he could stab shit whenever he pleased. The Tommy that has come stumbling into his house, ridden with scars and a dark stare. He was a sad version of Tommy, anxious and lonely. Techno felt partially to blame, but he did what he thought was right. Techno thinks he'll call this Tommy, Icarus.

Tommy was still Phil's kid, but he had to admit Tech was right. It felt safer to cut off all ties. So why didn't he feel like that now? He felt like it was all for nothing, everything he'd done selflessly for his family just for nothing. But after having to kill Wilbur, he just couldn't. Killing Wilbur was a memory he still hasn't shaken away. He's lived many, many years and it was still the hardest thing he's ever done. His own family slaughtered, then turns to him for comfort in the form of a ghost. A ghost that can't remember most of the times they had shared, Phil was almost a stranger to his ghost. He sees the sword in his dreams and echoes of Wilbur's scream when he sees Tommy. He just can't go through it again. So the cold, stone-faced front remains.

" Do we start trying now?"

"No."

"No?"

"No. Im still going to do nothing until he asks for help, Kid's so closed off and quiet it's not like him at all. He's usually so loud and irritable so i know he's capable of forming a sentence, when he asks i'll help"

" I think you're unbelievably wrong"

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You know what, I do. The kids crying in my basement, so it may seem like not your problem but we still have responsibilities here! Your theory is ridiculous, he's gone through presumably a lot of trauma from all the wars that Wilbur dragged him along for, that alone has not had a good impact, i don't know what Dream did but i won't stand by and watch it happen again. I think it's real shitty of you to do"

" Okay, mate. What are you going to do?"

" I don't know"

" You don't know?"

" No"

" So you just rambled on about how i should do more, but you don't even know what you're going to do?"

"Not yet. I think I'll keep an eye on the kid, make sure he's not followed or kidnapped"

"Good luck with that mate, Im not helping."

" What do you have against Tommy?"

" Nothing! I swear! It's just last time i came to help a kid i drove a sword through his chest! Do you know what that's like? What's worse is I had to make company with his ghost who couldn't remember any of the memories of us! So sorry if i don't wanna relive something like that again by 'helping' my kid"

Techno was silent, he had broken down Phil's walls and didn't know what to do. He hadn't realized that Phil might have had a reason not to want to be involved he just assumed Phil was trying to stay out of it.

He gets it now, Phil's reluctance to help was out of love for his family and mourning of time lost with his other son.

"Im sorry Phil, it's not my place to snap at you for helping when i've done nothing thus far. Getting at each other's throats will do nothing so i'm sorry mkay?"

" It's forgotten mate"

" Let's just take our own approaches to it, but we've always got each other's backs before anything else?"

"Of course mate"

Phil and Techno continued to chatter late into the night, more lighthearted matters though. Such as, who's turn it was to feed the polar bears and horses and what they had found from spying on ranboo every now and again when he'd dissapear. There was an air of domesticity in it that both found comforting after the other half of the family had come crashing back into the house disrupting a peaceful repetitive routine the pair had grown comfortable in.

Phil was laying out the food for the ravage polar bears, but his mind was miles away. He was thinking about Ghostbur. How scared he always was, the empty inner shell of Will. He reminds him of Tommy now. Scared and vulnerable, maybe if his wife- Goddess of Death Kirsten- threw a sign his way, it would give him the sign he's searching for. A light to the right path, whether he's doing the right thing.

Techno was clearing away the mugs and coasters in Phil's house. He didn't really want to help Tommy he just deemed it a 'social responsibility', a sort of duty of care for the people less fortunate than him. He didn't like to class Tommy in such a way, but the way he came clattering into his house- bruised and crying- he had no other option. Techno had decided he'd maybe keep an eye on Tommy, see what the kid gets up to. When he raises any level of concern, he'd make his move.

Techno was just too unaware, that the concerning things were happening right under his nose- inside the house.

Chapter Text

Tommy wakes up the next morning stressed. Immediately laced with concern, he springs to his feet and scans the room. He picks up a netherite axe he left by his bed and tiptoes upstairs, it was Technos house. How did he get here? He tries to think back. He remembers the prison sirens. He remembers exile. Cold, cold exile.

Dream.

Tommy physically shudders. He remembers fear. He remembers running.

Wilbur.

His big brother.

That doesn't feel right

. His....uh.... best friend! That was it. More of a role model figure than a best friend he thinks but sticks with best friend. Wilbur was here? What did he need this time?

And his bed was, a matress. He must have crashed for the night. He could escape now, ignore the harsh yelling from his ex family and flee somewhere.

Home?

His house. Yes his house! He could go there.
Tommy checked he had the necessities in his rucksack and quietly leaves the spruce, wooden steps outside Technos house. The snow was probably his downfall, the crunching sound the thick layer of the artic climate was leaving with each step.

"Tommy?"

His big brother... His friend was yelling for him. He just didn't want to hear the yelling, his head hurt and he didn't like people seeing him flinch at arguments and loud noises like TNT. It makes Tommy feel vulnerable.

Wilbur loves TNT, therefore Tommy could not stay. The sizzling sounds of it echoing through his head, brought him immediately back to Logstedshire.
Out of nowhere he hears an echo "Hey Tommy, why don't you drop your items in the hole and we can carry on yeah?"

Tommy turned around at Dreams voice.Dream couldn't be back. Dream. He wasn't safe. Fear was an instant motivator for Tommy and Dream brought a hell of a lot of it.

Dream wasn't there though, it was still Wilbur staring at him, he must have been stood there frozen in thought for a while.

" Tommy you promised!" Wilbur yelled to him, sadness coated his words with another emotion underlying it, what seemed like concern and hurt but Tommy couldn't relate those to the Wilbur he knew- who was reckless and always occupied by consuming thoughts such as power and country etc. It's not that he didn't have time for Tommy- he just was always occupied. Think of the bigger picture Wilbur used to say.

Tommy just shrugged off the concern he heard and focused on the sadness. Tommy didn't make many promises, he kept to himself and didn't really trust anyone so clearly he most have felt pretty desperate when he had crashed here yesterday.

But what did he promise? He honest to the gods couldn't remember. He tried to rack his brains, his head was pounding maybe from the cold, maybe from not being able to remember what happened yesterday. His knees. His knees? He was kneeling on the floor, that's why they suddenly felt cold. When did he fall to the floor? Not important. What did he promise?

He was here yesterday, so was Wilbur. D-dad? Yeah Phil was here too. But he mostly remembers Wilbur. Smoke. Fire? No, not that. Cigarettes! Wilbur smoking in the attic. He must have promised something then. Smoking is bad for you, he remembers saying that. The thought of the smoke was overwhelming Tommy yesterday, whether it was memories of blown up countries, Dream or just the thought itself of Wilbur losing himself to the fumes it was sending him into overdrive. 

Tommy didn't like to talk much anymore, that's mainly where his reluctance to go talk to Wilbur had emerged from. His reputation for being loud and annoying exceeds him and the constant noise of being reprimanded for his volume further proved Dreams abusive speech to be true. That no one cared for him. He was working so hard on pushing all of the things Dream had done away from him that the constant reminder whenever he'd speak to people - that he wasnt wanted- hurt. So he kept quiet. But it was too overwhelming yesterday apparently.

So he had nagged at Will for his smoking. What else? The sand in the hourglass was slipping through his fingers, Tommy curled in on himself, feeing overwhelming panic from the hourglass as time slipped away faster and faster. He was starting to panic, his breath heightening and each breath sharp to his lungs. He couldn't remember. Why couldn't he remember? What did he need to remember?! What could he have said, he needed to find out. He didn't want to be punished, he knew Wilbur wasn't Dream but Tommy knew from exile that bad deeds needs to be punished and he is a bad person. He didn't know what Wilbur would do to him, Wilbur's never really payed attention to him before. Would he leave him out here in the snow? Would he freeze? His knees were so so cold. He felt tears glide down his cheeks and he realized he was crying. Weak. Could Wilbur see him? He furiously rubbed his eyes until they were sore, he couldn't be caught crying. He was just trying to remember. Oh gods, he really wished he could remember.

" Tommy you promised you'd stay"

Oh.

"Look, Will, I'm sorry it slipped my mind you have to believe me" No reply. " I'll stay okay?"

" K" Wilbur replied, clearly unhappy by Tommy not keeping his promise. Tommy knew promises were a bad idea, he could never rely on anyone. They'd just get annoyed by him.

Wilbur trudged back into Technos house, Tommy silently following. Without the occasional crunch of the snow, you wouldn't even know he was there.

Wilbur took his usual seat at the table, phil had placed an orange juice and a half burnt plate of toast lay haphazardly in front of him. It made Tommy feel almost sad, a mirror image of his childhood taunting him.

It made him very sad actually.

"Toms you gonna sit down?"

" You made me food?"

" Of course mate, Why wouldn't I? sit down kiddo" Phil said lightheartedly

Tommy hadn't earned any rewards like food yet. But, eating food was better than starving i suppose.

Techno sat opposite him as he sat down beside Wilbur. Phil pouring him juice as he reassured him he could pour it himself, Phil thinking that needn't be necessary.

" So Tommy, you wanna talk about yesterday?" Phil said warmly.

They all watched as Tommy's face dropped, going immediately pale.

The dreaded question, did he ever want to open up about Dream? Could he ever really trust anyone the way he had put his trust in Dream and had him stab him in the back

" Don't worry you don't have to answer if you don't want to Toms, you just looked very shaken up yesterday is all" Wilbur butted in

Phew.

" i- uh- i might stick around the day and explore a bit. Then i'll just get out your hair" Tommy mumbled

" Not staying longer?" Techno looked up.

" Nah. Im a big man got shit to do. Don't want to disturb" Tommy deflected.

" Okay Mate" Phil said brushing the crumbs off his hands and leaving his plate by the sink.

Tommy looked over to Wilbur who was staring right back at him, sadness drooping off his face. He hated seeing his brother sad. When he was younger, he was restless. He could never sit still and Will was his idol, anytime Will was even remotely upset Tommy would put on a show to amuse him. Whether it was stealing technos plastic crown and parading around the room with it or getting his crow plushie and saying it was Phil's spy. He loved cheering Wilbur up. It killed him to look bingo Wills eyes and see despair and do absolutely nothing about it.

He abruptly got up from the table, it was only him and Wilbur sat there and the silence was suffocating. 

He fled to his makeshift bed and pulled all his items together into his scrawny rucksack. It has patches roughly sewn to keep it from falling apart and a campaign pin badge for when he and Will ran for president. He missed those times so much it hurt, he used to sob after Ghostbur left in exile because ghostbur was the closest he had left to his big brother figure.

All his things piled up and he headed out the door, not taking a second glance at Will.

He headed toward the spruce trees about two hundred blocks out and started to chop away at the dark wood. 

Chapter Text

His iron axe was near broken, not much durability left but enough to knock down a couple more spruce.
He had about a stack of spruce logs, thinking it'd be nice to revamp his house with or maybe move into a new home.

Tommy planned to go to his house packs up his valuables and head somewhere new. Somewhere far away, maybe even set up a nether portal if he wanted some friends to visit. More like he wanted to visit them.

Great. His axe broke. He had just under a stack and deemed it good enough. He headed towards the nether portal that Phil has made a convenient trident path to.

He headed through to the fiery realm and began to walk towards the hub. Before stopping to peer over the edge in his usual spot. The bubbling lava was fiery and ashy, so nothing new. Tommy looked down at the lava a lot, it distracted him every time he passed it. Wondering what it would be like to jump but then deciding against it because there were people relying on him. Who was relying on him now? He left his family behind, had some kind of last supper and fled. A coward move but Tommy deemed it as the right move none the less. Tubbo felt a million miles away, Tommy didn't blame him for Dream manipulating him even if tubbo was the one to put him in exile in the first place. He just missed his best friend who never came to visit. But tubbo had a whole family now, one that Tommy would only put in danger like he did his own and abandon him for safety reasons. Would sam nook miss him? Yes. Had he spoke to Sam Nook in the last couple months? No. He felt bad about it, but Sam Nook was just an npc. Not that it made Tommy feel any less guilty mind. 

How long would the lava put him through pain for before he goes back to that insufferable lingo? Would he cry? Would they recover his corpse? Would anyone even know that's what he did? Would they just think he abandoned them all and ran away? The chat message. They'd know. He still ponders it though. Now sitting on the edge of the path with his feet dangling over the edge. Would anyone miss him if he just 'accidentally' fell now? Could he? Could the wind just sweep him in? There wasn't any wind but in that moment it felt as though if anything pushed him he'd accept it. He'd still be unbearably sad and in pain in his final moments. Maybe he'd come back as a ghost, like Will did. Tommy missed Ghostbur so much, maybe dying would be worth it.

Ghostbur felt like a lulling force into the lava. He craved ghostburs company even in Wilbur's  presence. Ghostbur was his older brother and Wilbur was his best friend. Ghostbur cared about him and acted like he did when they were kids, all happy and free. He was still sad though, but just like old times Tommy would do anything to cheer him up. That's why it hurts him so to accompany Wilbur. Because Wilbur's not the same anymore. 

He could see Ghostbur if he fell forward right now. His woes solved, and he'd find peace at last. He felt that he deserved some peace, a slice of heaven. He had been so alone. He had been so afraid. He had been so tormented. Nothing but pain and suffering had warped Tommy's mind, he had almost began to think he deserved it but instead he just became so possessed by the idea of dying.

There seemed something so tranquil about not being able to feel anything again, he'd never feel pain again. He was constantly hurting physically and emotionally, but emotionally didn't count to Tommy. He was just constantly hurting and aching. The idea of eternal sleep meant he could block out the pain. The insufferable pain. That seemed to be all he felt at the moment. 

If he died, he could see his mother.

Phil never spoke of Kirsten, none of his sibling had met her and neither had he. She was never in their lives but she was always there. Kirsten Rosales-Watson to everyone else is known as the goddess of death. His mother was the goddess of death. It felt bittersweet, he had lived through so much yet he could never stay dead. People always brought him back. The first time he died he was brought back after a month, never meeting his mother. He had seen pictures of her in human form, her and Phil midway through a waltz in a classical ballroom. Kirsten hidden under a large droopy black hat and a head of dark brown hair. She looked undeniably happy, staring at Phil in his green and White atire. He needed his mother, no one else in his family recognized him or cared for him the way they used to. But she would, she occasionally sends him little signs - or so Tommy likes to think- that reminds Tommy that she's still there with him. Little withered skeleton skulls. Like skeletons but withered by the realm of death, facing him. He could do with one of those right now.

He really needed family right now.

Tommy had no one else.

Tommy wanted no one else, Tommy wanted his family.

Maybe he would just peer over the edge. 

He looked down, his eyes illuminated by the glow. The heat was rising and he was beginning to feel it on his face. It was a beautiful, gleaming orange colour. The warm hues could feel like a tight hug if he squeezed his eyes shut. He thought of warm happy emotions to keep his mind trapped in a suffocating hug. He thought of young will walking into his room with a guitar, he thought of music. He though of sweet melodies that Wilbur would gently strum, imperfections riddled but adding a charismatic charm. He thought of the patterns engraved into the dark wood of the guitar. Hand carved music notes trailing up the side of it. He thought of Will's smile. He thought of younger Phil. His similar to his own blonde hair sticking out of a little bun at the top of his head. He thought of plucking the hat off Phil's head and running around the house with it. Phil's laughter echoing down the halls. He thought of fishing with Phil. Peacefully sitting by the waters edge. He thought of falling asleep by Phil's side. He thought of young Tech and his plastic crown.  A little golden thing with red and pink gems. He used to parade around in it . He remembers handing Techno his red dressing gown and the rod from his wardrobe. Techno would dress up and pretend to rule the world. He would point to Tommy with his metal pole and order him around. Give him royal orders. He would laugh and laugh.

The lava was so mortifying and dangerous but it was so comforting. Like a sirens call to fishermen, Tommy felt himself drawn to get closer. To feel its wrath. To embrace it.

He leaned forward, ready to fall off the path and let himself go.

He had squeezed his eyes shut. Scared of the fall but welcoming the drop. He didn't feel like he was flying. He could feel the warmth surrounding him. 

After a little longer, he opened his eyes.

He was dangling over the edge, suspended in the air being held up by an arm. Technos arm.

Techno was holding him by his rucksack and chestplate, a firm grip on his back. Tommy looked into Technos eyes. He hasn't done that for a long time. He was met with a look of despair, concern and anger. One that made his own eyes well up with tears.

Techno had been following Tommy since he went through the portal, he watched Tommy sit by the edge of the lava for about half an hour, curious to see what he was going to do there. He was hidden behind a bed of netherack so Tommy didn't know he was there. His plan was to follow Tommy home, making sure he got there safe and didn't come across Dream. For his own peace of mind. It wasn't until he saw Tommy's arms let go of the netherack and close his eyes before he lept up and grabbed onto him. It was mortifying. He was holding Tommy in the air over the lava with one hand. His life yet again in Technos hands. Tommy remained still for about a minute before meeting his eyes. Tommy eyes were dull, so little emotion behind them Tech was struggling to read him. He could tell Tommy had intended to die then and there, he had let himself fall into the lava for gods sake. He pulled Tommy close to him and wrapped him into a suffocating hug, whilst walking towards the portal. Once they were through the portal, he loosened his grip.

Tommy cried into Technos shoulder as he dragged Tommy away from the edge and pulled him to safety. Once Tech had loosened his grip, Tommy fell to the floor. He brought his knees close to his chest and hugged them tightly, digging his face down so Techno could look at him. He had failed to die, he was stuck here still. He had let down Techno. 

" Tommy, I know that you tried to fall into the lava back there. Im not gonna grill you about it right now, but are you injured?" Techno questioned

Tommy weakly shook his head

" Gods i should have listened to Will." Techno mumbled thinking Tommy couldn't hear him. " Shall I call Will?" Techno asked, because he didn't know how to help the kid.

Tommy shrugged and nodded.

You whisper to WilburSoot: bro you gotta come to the community house portal. ASAP. It's Tommy

WilburSoot whispers to you: On my way don't move.

"He's on his way Toms, Im thinking you can talk to him and then we'll walk you back to your house, yeah? Protect you if Dream really is out to get you"

Tommy was in disbelief that Techno still didn't believe him that Dream was abusing and chasing him. He was still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Unbelievable. Even after he tried to kill himself. He still wouldn't pick his side.

Wilbur was now kneeling in front of Tommy. Deeply concerned and checking Tommy for injuries and scars. Wilbur was starting to look puzzled when he found no new injuries. He slowly rose to his feet and Techno pulled him a couple of blocks away and whispered to him. Tommy assumed he was telling Wilbur what he had just tried to do. Why he was on the floor. Where they were going to go afterwards. Wilbur have him a firm nod before heading back over to him. 

" Toms can you get up for me?"

So Tommy did.

Wilbur put his arm around Tommy like he was an injured soldier and began leading him back home. Before stopping at a bench and making the three of them sit down at it.

Tommy would not look Will in the eyes anymore, the guilt of Ghostburs death was now all too consuming. Thinking of Ghostburs pleading, his scream and the fear he had gone through. How Tommy would have gone through the same if he had fallen forwards. It would have been worth it however, but for Ghostbur it certainly wasnt. Ghostbur must have been in that limbo on his own for so, so long now.

" Tommy? Earth to Tommy?"

" Sorry yep hello I-Im here big man"

" Tommy look at me" 

Tommy still wouldn't look at Will.

" Tommy i can tell you've been avoiding my eyes. Just look at me"

Tommy suddenly found the oak planks of the prime path entrancing.

" Tommy please"

" Tommy why won't you look at me"

He hesitated. He thought about telling Wilbur the plague upon him and the utter guilt he felt every single minute. He had so much weight on his shoulders, so many things to be guilty and accountable for. Would Wilbur be mad at him? For replacing him with a ghost? Would he think Tommy didn't appreciate him? Would be hate him? Would he hurt him? Would be cry?

" Because you're  not him"

" Who" Techno spoke up.

Tommy stood up, turned to them and said " Ghostbur" and began to head home.

He didn't want to look back at them.

Chapter Text

Storming away, muttering to himself Tommy huffed. He couldn't believe he had done that to Will. When he wanted to rid himself of guilt of Ghostbur he didn't think that meant feeling guilty for Will. He was sure Will, and probably techno too, would be mad at him. That's why Tommy did not look back, not even once. Instead he stormed up the large stairs that lead to the alley where his house was.
He climbed over the obsidian and yellow walls, which were the original l'manberg design. A sick echo of the past that somewhere deep inside Tommy's mind made him feel safe. Whether it was the memories of Wilbur and they're fun, simpler times or simply the durability of the obsidian that he had once clawed against in prison- he felt safe. He didn't care how obnoxious it was to look at - and apparently how much of a beacon it was for Dream.
He was heading towards his house, he felt comforted that he could block himself into his house and barracked himself away from his problems. He could sit against the floor, with his pet spider, and let the tears flow. He carried on walking towards his house until he saw a sign in the middle of his house.
He couldn't read it from where he was stood so he moved closer towards it.
He stand in his house and reads it aloud:

Did you miss me? :)

Before Tommy could even think, the ground disappeared beneath him. The hand placed cobble that he adored was no longer beneath him. He was falling, he was falling fast. He couldn't breathe, the fear paralyzing. This was Dream. Dream again. The smile made him sure, as well as the signature green colour. It was him again. Happiness never does last long for Tommy. He scrambled through his inventory to find anything to soften his fall. Quickly, come on Tommy.

He hit the ground with an mlg bucket. And made several quick sharp turns to get a grip on his surroundings. He immediately puts his shield up after he's had long enough for his mind to catch up to his body. Still spinning, looking for Dream, he stops to see the sign infront of him that said 

Watch your back

:)

He was absolutely terrified. Was Dream here? Was this it? He was in a bottomless pit dug underneath his house. What psychopath does that?   

Underneath the sign, was a chest. Tommy hesitantly pulled it open to find a single broken music disc. 
He was still jittery and constantly scanning the room for traps, or even Dream himself. His breaths were rushed, short bursts of fear encapsulated in his breath. 

He held the music disc in his hands with a firm grip, spinning it with his fingers. It was broken, but still playable. The top was scratched white and busy looking and the label was a dark cloudy grey. It was thin and fragile, Tommy was careful not to drop it but held it with an air of anger that it was even in his hands in the first place.

" Is he here??" Tommy asked himself aloud.

"HELLO??!!" He was so sure Dream would be behind this, hidden in the walls or some shit, watching him fall into his sick little trap.

He reluctantly put the music disc into the record player. Being careful not to scratch it.

An eerie song he had never heard before began to play, he could here church-like bells and sad piano chords. The church bells had a nostalgic effect on Tommy of simpler times. However he could apparently never stray from the bitter, twisted path.

Someone had scratched over the disc, Tommy took pride in his extensive knowledge of the discs, considering the amounts of battles he had gone through fighting for discs- he would know what this disc sounded like and this was new.

"Tommy wanna drop your items in the hole?"

Dream.

Tommy began frantically looking about, his mind in a daze. Dreams voice alone sending him into a spiraling state of panic. Maybe he did need therapy. His eyes were moving quickly and his pupils wide in fear. His bottom lip trembling and his grip on his shied tightening. The shield was raised high above his torso and at enough of an angle he could quickly shield his face. Tommy was thin and agile so beating Dream depended on how far away he could run. Tommy wouldn't say he was scared of anything in particular but claustrophobia was clawing away at him. The small space making him feel trapped and not able to run. He was starting to panic a lot now.

Tommy began quickly running about the room in search of him. A hidden stair that he could spy through, a red stone trap, anything that told him he was in Dream's grasp once again. He began using his diamond pickaxe to mine out chunks of the wall at the back, where he thought Dream would hide. Nothing still.

The music disc was still spinning around the box, dreams laugh echoing over the melodic notes. Tommy wanted to cry. He was on the verdge of a panic attack, as his breaths began to heighten. He needed to get out, he needed to get away. His head was consumed by the music disc, struggling to break a connection.

He needed to find someone.

He had no voice but he needed to shout, it may be the last thing he does before he passes out but he has to try.

He coughs to clear his throat, painful and tickly and enough to make him want to die then and there. He gulped and braced himself, trying to slow his breathing to no avail.

 "PHILLLLLL"

coughs

Why phil? Where did Phil come from? What was he going to do? Phil had disowned him? Where in the depths of his tedious brain told him to seek Phil right now?

Could he yell again?

" WILLLLLLL"

a spluttering cough that made him fall the the ground, there was little to no air down here so he'd either pass out from the panic or the air. There was no question about that.

His breaths still sharp and painful, he couldn't even focus on any of the breathing exercises he had once been taught by Ghostbur in exile. His mind spiraling with questions and problems. Fear running away with them all.

He needed to get out.

"TECHHHHHH"

The final paralyzing blow, as Tommy's head fell to the floor, his eyes fluttered shut. Tommy had done everything he could, maybe his family would have heard his dying calls and get him to the surface. This sick trap Dream had made to lure him into a state of panic setting off some alarm bells in their heads at long last. 

For a moment, Tommy saw his mothers face. The presence of death herself illuminating the void he was currently in. She was breathtaking, not a moment older than her picture on the wall. 

"My sweet little lamb,  I know you're oh so ready, however it is not your time yet" His mother softly spoke.

" It never is" Tommy sighed upset but with no  anger there as he was finally reunited with his mother.

" Can i stay here mumza?" Tommy softly asked.

" Oh Toms, I think your family are against that"

" Wh-What do you mean?"

"Theyre trying to wake you right now"

" Oh."

They were? They had heard him? They came! They might see what Dream had done to him once and for all, it doesn't mean they'd start to care, but perhaps they'd do something about his abuser that they set free.

" Can you hug me?" 

" Of course my baby boy"

Mumza embraced him and he finally felt at home, he didn't want to leave. This was nothing like the first time he was dead, he was in bliss. Surrounded by his mothers arms, wrapped in an incite power in this realm. He would miss her so, even if it hurt everyone around him he would try to visit more often. He was just an echo of how lonely she must be.

" So mumza huh? That's what my amazing title has been reduced to" She gasped in fake horror

"It's a nickname, Will probably invented it, matches Philza minecraft aka Dadza" Tommy enthused.

"Oh my child i have missed you"

Tommy looked up at her and gave a toothless grin.

"Come on Toms, you've been out cold for half an hour, they're losing hope. You've got to go back to them now hun."

" Okay"

" Just close your eyes and drift away"

" Goodbye Mumza"

" Goodbye Theseus"

Tommy was barely awake but tuned into their voices, gripping onto them like a lighthouse.

" Tech what happens if he doesn't wake up?"

" He will." Techno said sternly.

" What if?" Wilbur pleaded, searching his face for an answer

" We'll call Phil, fix whatever this creepy hole Tommy had trapped himself in and make goodbyes. Maybe hunt Dream down and kill him for what's he clearly done to Toms"

Wilbur choked a sob.

" But Will, it won't happen mkay? He'll make it."he assured

As if coincidental, Tommy fluttered his eyes open slowly.

Techno shook Wilbur's arm to alert him, and he began grabbing tommy's arm and back and helping him to sit up.

The pair of boys were kneeling in front of Tommy, clearly they had been leaning over him and checking him for signs of life. Tommy felt enormously guilty.

" Toms are you okay?"

"Yeah. Has the sun always been that bright?"

They both laughed at that, Tommy flashed a grin but he was being deadly serious. It was so dark in his mothers realm, so lifeless - her lively soul didn't belong there.

" So Tommy, uh, why do you have a bottomless pit in your house?"

"I- uh- uh- Dream" Tommy took a while to splurt out. He really struggled to even say Dreams name these days, the thought overwhelming.

"Dream did this?" anger spiking in his tone.

"Y-yeah. Did you not hear the music disc?" Tommy asked, vaguely recalling the moments before he had fallen to the floor.

Wilbur and Techno gave each other a confused but concerned look.

Techno decided something in his mind and then immediately moved to jump down the pit again, to retrieve the disc and record player. He came flying back up with trident in hand.

Wilbur looked at him as if to put it down and play it, curiosity filling his mind. 

Techno made the move to place it before Tommy raised his hand.

"Please. Don't. I don't wanna hear that again. I don't need another panic attack" Tommy sarcastically remarked, but only sadness filled their faces rather than their usual laughter. 
Yet again reminding him things would never be the same as they once were

" Will c-"

Tommy paused and gave up, not wanting to be turned away again.

"What Toms?"

"Can i stay with you again?" Tommy asked, vulnerable.

" Of course Toms let's get you home"

Chapter Text

Tommy sits in the attic of Technos house.
Tommy, to tell the truth was hiding, looked out of the window at the view.
The new spruce trees crowded in the distance.
Tommy arrived back home with Techno and Will, they went to talk to Phil, he went inside Technos house alone and crawled up to the attic.
He assumed they didn't know he was up there, getting some free time for a while.
He was fiddling with the broken hem of his shirt, twining it around his fingers repetitively, a nervous habit of fidgeting he supposes.
Apparently this hiding spot ran through their family tree, because out of the corner of his eyes he could see a crumpled cigarette box stuffed behind the chest he was sat next to. Not only that, but he saw a stash of green polaroids behind the bookshelves, the one one top of the pile vaguely resembling Phil and his Wife. Plus it was Technos house after all, this did seem like a tiny nook that the blood god would crawl into and relax in.

Tommy wonders what cigarettes feel like.
Whether he could feel them eat away at his lungs, whether the smoke would itch his nose, would the firey smell send fear through his bones. He hated Wilbur's life destroying habit.

Tommy didn't like to admit to being a caring person, it made him vulnerable- as so many people had taught him. Either stand proudly as a family or don't stand with one at all. This server had a toxic sense of love, protection and destruction and revenge were an apparent form of caring to the people here.
It made Tommy feel out of place, he didn't agree with these whack morals. He thought that caring about someone meant being there for them through the dark times. Maybe it's all he knew how to do. Maybe it's just because that's what he wanted. He felt alone in these destructive acts of love.

If he was admitting things, Tommy missed it here the first time he was around. He just couldn't let it show, his mind still in defense mode. It would be a momentary advantage to the people around him.

He really did care about them.

He was watching Techno out the window pace around in the snow. Watching his footprints overlap many times and his hands flail about as he argued with himself. Tommy found a sort of humour in it, watching him talk and reason with himself- pulling faces. He was suppressing a giggle.

" What's so funny?" a voice approached.

"Technos making funny little faces when he talks to himself" Tommy replied, his head not even turning to look at the person

" I call that one there his 'disgruntled penguin' he's stood like a penguin can you see" Phil said between giggles.

Tommy had looked up to see Phil sadly smiling down at him and tommy had ,without thinking, flashed a toothy grin back. Phil climbed the final steps of the ladder and sat across from Tommy, joining him looking out the window at the trees and blissful snow.

"Tech told me about your brush with death kid, he's not overly convinced Dream's behind it but i wanted to know more" He opened up to Tommy.

Tommy was hurt that his brother still didn't believe him but maybe Phil would, maybe he'd tell Phil everything just this once. It might be kinda neat to have one person in his corner he supposes.

"Yeah Okay Phil.. ask away" Tommy replied after a while.

"Oh wow okay... wasn't really expecting you to agree without a fight kid"

"Yeah well i guess that's changed" Tommy looked down and said. It wasn't Phil's fault that he didn't get to raise Tommy. He was robbed of that and Tommy did not want to make him feel guilty. Tommy feels bad for Phil really. I mean, he killed Wilbur and let him die in his arms. He was then plagued by the ghost of Will who didn't share half of their memories and was just another guy on the street to him. Then lost Techno to the prison, when they arrested him on liability of what he was capable of, over any real crime. Techno had pushed the family out back in pogtopia. The canyon was dark and dismal, Tommy can see why Techno did it to protect them for what could have only gotten worse from there. But god it must have cut deep, sympathy definitely went to Phil.

"So.. uh Toms, can you start off with exile? I know it was a long time ago and it might hurt but i need to understand"

"Okay uh, after being banned from the country. Me and ghostbur stayed together in exile. We named it Logstedshire. And as good as that was, it didn't last. After a while, Ghostbur stopped visiting, I think because of Dreams threats. Dream would visit daily. Tubbo never visited. He said a lot of manipulative physco shit but that was okay i suppose. It was mainly just him digging holes and demanding i throw stuff in it. He would beat me up if i didn't, tried my luck a couple times. I never held onto anything longer than a couple hours. That's why i'm kinda lackin in the armour department He told me a lot about everyone on the server. You'd all moved on or whatever. I held a beach party too! No one came but Ghostbur handed out invitations so people must have just forgotten or not bothered. Kinda expected a low turnout, but not even Tubbo? It really stung, he just forgot i existed or something. I almost died about three times? My own doing though, not Dream. I just got a bit sick of staying there after a while. Couldn't handle it or something. Dream didn't want to kill me, he just wanted to toy with me. Just taunt me with my own items, reward me for doing exactly what he says. Probably why he went straight for me when he got out. He just came straight back to exile. Told me he wanted to 'kill me and then revive me again and then kill me and then revive again' kinda sick if you ask me. Didn't think i was gonna mention that, but uh here i am. Guess i'm sick of running and hiding, might be nice for someone to back me for a change admittedly. Oh and uh, if we're mentioning things- it's not just that im worried for Wills health- but TNT has become a massive trigger for me. If that's the right word for it, after Wilbur and then exile it just makes the anxiety skyrocket yanno? Anyway that's pretty much it, he just manipulated me into thinking i'm worthless blah blah blah and robbed me of everything i've ever owned daily by blowing it up you get the picture" Tommy explained, adding quite a few more details after and breathed out.

He had apparently said it all in one go and forgot to breathe. He began fiddling with the hem of his shirt again, his eyes flicking between it, the window and Phil's face.

"I- Im at a loss for words. Tommy you do know what you went through is actual trauma right?"

"eh"

"No toms, im serious. What he did to you is like- prison worthy or something? You need therapy or something"

"Like there's an abundance of that on the server" he sarcastically remarked.

"Tommy Im so sorry, I should have been there, it was unfair to you I-"

"Phil why are *you* sorry? Im the one who should be sorry" Tommy interrupted Phil's word babble.

"Why?"

"Because i abandoned you for some shitty war? You lost Wilbur and Techno cut you off, you literally lost two of three of your children. And I just never came back, we never saw each other. You never got the opportunity to be my dad and that's all the both of us really wanted. I should have come back for you, not left you to suffer all your sons abandoning you"

" Tommy you did what you could in a shitty situationship, you always do. And Im sorry i've not helped you, every time you've cried out for me and Ive never been there. I missed the chance to be a father figure to you and never even attempted to reconcile with you. Im gonna make up for it Tommy"

Tommys never heard that one before.

"Look at me Tommy"

His head snapped up.

"Im gonna help you fix things, okay?"

"Yeah okay, s'pose that won't be the worst thing ever"

Tommys eyes began to well up and Phil pulled him into his arms, lying atop of Phil's legs and his head leaning on Phil's chest.

They sat there for a while, Phil's shirt a little damp from Tommy silently weeping and Phil's hand placed gently on Tommy's arm.

"Hey uh Phil, I miss her too"

" Who kid?"

"Mumza"

"Oh right.. me too.. What's brought that up?"

" I met her"

"What?"

" Yeah when i had my uh 'brush with death'" Tommy quoted with his fingers. "We talked"

Phil's face went pale, he looked much more sad than before and taken aback. Tommy hadn't meant to upset him if anything he just wanted to make him happy by talking about the love of his life.

" I-uh-I- um how is she?"

"Shes good yeah, still happy and the exact same as the photograph of you and her on the wall. She was nooooottt happy to see me" Tommy laughed.

Phil laughed too.

" What do you meeean? Why was she not happy to see you" Phil said between laughter.

" Apparently I was too early or something or other? First time i've been early in my life" which only made Phil laugh harder.

" I wanted to stay with her, she wouldn't let me but that didn't mean I didn't god damn try. Apparently it's not my time? Bloody Crazy if you ask me. But she was still lovely. I was only out so long because we were sat in a warm hug for a long time. I didn't want to leave her behind Phil. She's got such soul and it's so dark there" Tommy trailed off sadly.

" It's why she's limited me to one life"

" You've been limited?"

" Yeah I'm on hardcore. When I die, that's it. We'll be reunited once more,  together at last. But she did it so I'd still live without her. Not die instantly. Live a full life. Raise you fuckers. Do all of that. It's been worth it, but i miss her a ton kid." Phil said a bit more sad than before.

Tommy have Phil a sad smile and pulled himself closer to Phil. They sat in a tighter hug and stayed close for a while.

Chapter Text

Philza began the next day, planning what to do to help Tommy.

Something in particular stuck out to him however. A certain character kept appearing in Tommy's sad speech.

He decided to go and visit them, give them a reality check and in his old fishing terms- shake the boat.

He headed through the nether portal and took a long walk past the prison to a certain new country.

"Hey Phil, it's been a while" 

"It has you're right"

"I'm assuming you're not here for tea, biscuits and gossip Phil, you don't seem the type"

Phil gasped in fake horror, " How dare you?! But sadly, no. Im here on a personal mission, but it has less to do with me"

" We'll that's not confusing at all(!) Please explain old guy"

"Watch it."  Phil let out a small giggle.    "I'm here on your actions from your uh.. short lived presidency"

"Phil it was a dark time, i was seventeen and thrown into power. I made mistakes. I take accountability for most of my actions"

"Most?"

"Not everything is my fault Phil. I can't always be at the end of the pointed finger"

"I know, I know"

"So what are you here for?"

" When you exiled Tommy and ignored him Tubbo"

"Oh."

An uncomfortable silence as Tubbo looked miserably at the floor.

" Look Phil, I did what I was advised was right. Should I have done it differently? Yes. Can I change that now? No"

" Actually you probably could"

"Phil what on earth do you mean?"

" I mean Dreams just got out, Tommy almost killed himself last time because of the abuse Dream put on him. He ran to our house in escape and feels alone. Dream left a trap in his house. He was dead at the bottom of it for about half an hour, and I worry for him. When he told me about everything he'd been through, he mentioned you quite a few times in that. That you never came back for him. Im sure there were reasons there. But, I feel like you reconciling with him will do the kid a world of good."

"Oh. Well Strictly speaking, that's not entirely true. It did take me a good while to get around to visiting him, but when i got through the portal- it was too late. There was a tower straight to the skies, I assumed he had taken steps to end his life and it broke my heart. I was in pieces, Phil, I couldn't live with myself for a while. It really hurt, when he was alive and came back to go after me it stung. But, I do miss him Phil. I'll consider it. I have a lot going on right now Phil, and as much as Tommy needs my help I'm a recent widow. My husband is dead, my child is missing, I'm on my own in this big country. Im trying to pick up the pieces, little by little, bit by bit. So, when i can I'll fix it okay?"

" Im sorry Tubbo, I had no idea. Maybe, now you'd be better to have Tommy than have nobody. A friend in these dark times you're living through."

" I suppose Phil. I think I'd just rather be alone for now."

"Understandable, just disappointing."

" Im sorry I don't live to your standards Phil. Im just tired of answering to everyone else"

"Sure" Phil said an unnatural condescending tone layering his words.

Tubbo sat staring at everything and nothing all at once, not quite in the room but conscious enough to be moved by Phil's words. They were upsetting to say the least. He supposes he could blame it on the five stages of grief that he's enduring, childless widow and all. But, sometimes it's easier just to take accountability for being emotional and overly sensitive in his heightened loneliness.

He wished to be alone, let his thoughts wash over him like the strong, icy waves of Snowchester's seas.

"Phil, I think you should leave my nation. Effective Immediately." Tubbo said with an air of sadness.

Phil swiftly nodded and left, not even attempting to argue it.

He left Tubbo alone yet again, in this big country with not a single soul. All he did anymore was wander around and think, so that's what he did.

He began his usual circuit of the border of the country, but when he stopped in front of the exit out of his country- it made him wonder.

Wonder about what Phil said, if he really should go find Tommy. He was so alone, maybe Tommy would be a good place to start piecing his life back together. He still wasn't too sure.

He let his feet take him to where he should have, all that time ago. He wandered the plains, breathing in the warm air that wasn't Snowchester, it was so cold back home. He hadn't left Snowchester in a long time.

He braced himself, then briskly walked  through the nether. He did not want to see  any piglins, anything that would remind him of his lost child. He arrived at another nether portal and pulled himself back through to the overworld. 

Logstedshire really was a dismal place.

Tubbo observed the freshly dug holes that he recognized all too well from their confrontation with Dream. He must have been back for Tommy.

Tommys base was blown up, stripped logs scattered across the remains- the bare bones of what was once here.

"What are you doing here?" a voice behind him.

Tubbo slowly turns, to see a concerned Wilbur. His trench coat was adorned with everlasting smoke, cigarette ash and patches where he had been injured or just fun trips with his once fairytale family, if he even had one.

It was clear as day that he had been smoking, to combat stress Tubbo assumed, that and the cigarette dwindling between his fingertips.

"Could ask you the same" the third voice emerged from behind them, the mysterious voice echoed loudly. Shivers of fear crawling further down Tubbo's back. This feeling was all too familiar, an unpleasant déja vu.

Wilbur, on the other hand, seemed more uncomfortable than before. Strangely, his confidant stance was unwavered. Like he was suspicious but dismissive of Dream, the threats he posed and the psychological torment he was moments away from corrupting their minds with were just threats, he was totally unphased.

"Last time I checked, I was the one who resided here. You two abandoned Tommy here, the phrase better late than never doesn't exactly apply- he's not here anymore" Dream said slowly. His words unwilling to jump to speech, a soft tone feeling oddly out of place accompanying them. Repeating the word 'here' as if he was angry a certain blond haired kid wasn't.

" I just came out of wonder, a sort of sadness that I left Tommy here brought me back to see the miserable conditions of this exile" Tubbo said poetically. He figured it better to seem ambiguous and poetic than reveal his true intentions right off the bat to Dream.

Wilbur chimed in next, " I came looking for you Dream."

" Did you Wilbur? My revived angel come to adorn me with more praise? Im afraid I can't accept more of your admiration, it would be too vain of me to consume" Dream said, clearly full of himself since his escape.

"Mmm no" replied Wilbur, flatly.

"No? In that case, what can I do for you?" a little shocked.

" I've come seeking answers".

" Wilbur, my student, simply sip from the fountain of knowledge that is my mind. I'm more powerful than you can comprehend, your simplistic questions are nothing to me. Ask, ask away" Dream said, losing himself to an overly philosophical speech about his own authority.

" I want answers about Ghostbur" anger was beginning to rise in his mind, but with no real motive as of yet.

" Oh. Okay"

"Talk to me about him"

" Well he was just like you, but less. More vulnerable, more weaknesses. An emotional shell of a man. Nothing compared to you, your potential. He was here when Tommy was exiled, but left after a while. Too much for him probably. Pathetic if you ask me, to leave Tommy behind to protect himself and a pet sheep. Ghostbur simply did not care"

There was a part of Wilbur that felt like fire, a storm brewing deep. It did not feel like him, it felt like another being. A strong anger as Dreams words trailed on and on. Whispering ss of this amber flying up like smoke, 'lies'. 

'lies'

'Tommy'

'love'

These smokey voices began getting stronger.

Tubbo could see it in Wilbur's eyes, that whatever was to happen now- was not good. He slowly crawled backwards, seemingly unnoticed by Dream.

"Wilbur, buddy" Dream paused his continuous ramble about Ghostbur and how horrible he was to Tommy.

" are you uh alright?" the words didn't seem fitting to his voice, like he had strained to say them.

"Yeah I'm fine, don't even worry about it, so Ghostbur was a dickhead?" saying it sent shivers down his arms, like his subconscious was telling him he was a repulsive liar.

" Yeah, he did NOTHING. He was WORTHLESS. Left to hand out some beach party fliers for Tommy, never came back. The fliers never got out, must've found something more important to do. He DIDNT CARE. He was SPITEFUL. He was not you Wilbur"

The voices were getting too strong for Wilbur to overcome, their sounds began to turn into cries and painful sobs. It racked Wilbur with a sudden sadness as well, even if he wasn't sure why. 

"No" Wilbur stated abruptly, his hand flying to cover his mouth afterwards. He did not say that, that wasn't him. He did not wish to do that, it must have been the voice echoing in the back of his head. The longer he faught with the voice, the worse the headache got, it was physical agony for Wilbur to stay present in his mind.

"Wilbur?"

Wilbur let go, falling and falling.

His eyes flickered a fluorescent blue. Vividly light and emitting colour, his eyes beginning to tear up. He snapped his fingers and a circle of fire trapped him and Dream in a ring of blue flames. 

"Will?"

"No. You compulsive Liar. How dare you?! You MURDERED me and still are talking shit about me? Not cool Dream. Now I'm thinking this could get a lot worse than flames if you don't respectfully stay the fuck away from Tommy"

" G-Ghostbur?"

"Yep" ghostbur popped his p.

" Why do you even care? You're dead"

" Well clearly I came back to warn you, because I am not going to stand by again and watch you torment my little brother"

"brother?" a shock of surprise was absolute on Dream's face. It was clear he genuinely did not know that.

" Yeah, so now I have this powerful body of Wilbur's, I have the power not to stand by. I love that kid, I shan't let harm come upon him. Stay. Away. From. Tommy"

Dream looked for the first time since Tubbo had known him, genuinely nervous.

A clearing emerged behind Dream in the blue flames, an exit for Dream to run and never return. He took it and ran without looking back, clearly not feeling as powerful as he did walking to Logstedshire.

Wilbur fell to his knees and his eyes flickered brown once more. He reached his fingertips to his cheek gently, and wiped away his tears- they were stained a glowing light blue. Similar to the 'blue' he had seen Tommy cradle to his chest.

He looked over to Tubbo who was further away than he remembered, Tubbo was stiff in fear. He looked like he had a million questions and not a single ounce of motivation to ask them.

"Tubs, w-what happened?"

"Ghostbur" Tubbo said quietly.

"That fucker? That's the voice I've been hearing in the back of my head?"

"Youve been hearing him?"

" Well yeah, I just assumed it was like my subconscious or something i don't know"

"Oh my god"

"What did Ghostbur do?"

"You genuinely don't remember, huh, your eyes flickered this like fucking bright blue. A circle of flames- blue, nether ones- trapped you and Dream in a ring. You told Dream to leave your little brother alone. Im assuming that's Tommy, not that i ever knew you guys were family. He looked mortified. A clearing appeared after he had said his piece, Dream fucking legged it"

" Oh"

"Yeah 'oh'"

" I think I should uh go talk to Phil and Techno then, they might know why my ghost wants to take my body back or whatever the fuck it wants"

" No that's about right, wants to protect Tommy from Dream"

"Ugh stupid fucker" he got shivers again, all the way from his fingertips to his elbows, he supposed it served him right" See you around Tubso"

Tubbo stood in shock, gave Will a small wave as he turned and walked away untill Tubbo was alone.

Chapter Text

Tommy woke up in the Blood God's house alone.

Tommy wasnt all too scared, he had been here many a time now, knew the ins and outs.

Another quick glance around confirmed it, he was alone.

Tommy trudged over to the angel of Death's house.

Bizarrely, it was empty. Tommy was still not too scared, he could handle being on his own for a bit right?

He felt dazed, so he walked towards Phil's fridge- mostly unaware of his surroundings, and accidentally walking into a chair. He poured himself an orange juice, droplets of the fiery, orange liquid splashing back at him. He haphazardly rushed to take a sip and leaned against Phil's countertop. It was overly sweet and took him back at first. It was so unfamiliar, compared to the watered down shit they could save in exile. Tommy held the glass in a firm grip, and pondered it. It was odd that none of them were here, no note at all. Tommy never resorted to extremes such as they were dead, but he was beginning to think that such a possibility could be true.

Tommy began to panic, only mildly. He was sure Wilbur would come back for him at the least. They wouldn't just leave him randomly with no warning right?

As he walked around, Phil's netherite armour was pulled off the armour stand, looking naked next to Techno's also empty armour stand. Their prized possessions and best protection had disappeared. He couldn't see the contents of their ended chests but he assumed they had taken a toll too. Tommy was struggling to think of any likely conclusions of a sane mind. He could not comprehend what they could have all needed to do to have gone so quickly without a trace. Tommy immediately jumped to the conclusion they had been robbed and kidnapped.

Maybe a sick play from Dream, hurting those he loved. Abducting them and using them a s a chess piece in their wickedly manipulative game. But Dream didn't even know they were family, right? Did he go after them just based off he was staying with them alone?

Tommy went back for the orange juice, in need of something cold and sweet. A soothing supplement for his head, which was absorbed with worry. He slowly drank the cup until it was a measly half full. It was way too strong for Tommy's taste, but delicious none the less. He let his eyes zone out on the floor, his mind resuming his worry about Techno, Phil and Wilbur.

He felt the glass shatter against his worn, broken shoes. Millions of shards of glass, surrounding him wherever he took a step. He slowly crouched down to pick up some of the larger pieces. He would get punished for this mess, breaking the glass, the stained orange liquid all over the floor and the small pieces of glass everywhere. The panic came back, that's for sure. Tommy picked up some of the larger pieces. He noticed the large cuts in his light brown trousers where the glass had pierced skin. Six or seven marks where blood was trickling down from his leg. Tommy rushed to stand back up, feeling uncomfortable but used to the blood. He placed the glass on the side, he'd clean the rest later. He took a large step over the glass, narrowly avoiding a small piece by his heel. He took a few steps away and scanned Phil's kitchen for a broom or something he could quickly use to scoop up the glass. He couldn't see anything of particular usefulness.

He was beginning to feel small in this big, empty house, all on his own. Feeling really small and caged by his promise.

Maybe it was that the house felt smaller than before? Tommy thought. Did he think that? Really? Yes. He was fairly uncertain though, but he could not shake the feeling that the walls were closing in on him. The off-white concrete walls, dusty in the corners and only a couple photo frames. They seemed homely, but barely used. As if Phil was always coming and going, he had never stopped to breathe in the air inside.

They felt , to Tommy, that they were drawing in on him. Inching ever closer. Stealing the oxygen from the air, pulling him into the small, compressed space.

He was beginning to notice his breathing, it was sharp- almost painful. He assumed it was the panic, these happened before. Tommy barely knew what they were, just whenever he was in danger, his body decided to fail him and leave him in the dirt. Tommy pulled his knees towards the ground. He had pulled himself out of these extreme states before, in emergencies. Tommy was sure he could do it again. 

Tommy felt the cold air violently swarm his nose, he immediately felt colder. His nose already sniffling and his eyes feeling damp, he began to pick at his fingertips. An anxious habit, not one he liked to consume, but distracting none the less. He began to focus his eyes on just his hands, trying to block out the small walls. They were even smaller than before, Tommy was sure of it. He looked and they were almost in arms reach, he could feel the pressure. He looked back down to his hands, he pulled them into fists. Tight fists that he could push all his emotions into physical pain. He'd be left with crescent moons indented into his palms, they reminded him of the moon in Logstedshire- one of his only constants. It was a relaxing idea for Tommy. He liked the moon and the stars, they were so distant but so familiar. They put his life into the bigger picture, small and insignificant. Tommy preferred to feel like this,  it made him feel better when he was getting punished. That it would all be worth it, in the end. It wasn't exactly a promise of a happy ending, but it was a sliver of hope. Hope carried him forwards, when his legs didn't.

He could feel the blood from his hands on his fingers, digging his nails into his hands too deep. He needed to stop, why couldn't he stop? His hands ached from the fist motion but he couldn't tear himself away. The walls were getting even smaller, if he didn't get out soon he feared he would die. It took him a long time, too long in his mind, but he pulled himself out and onto the landing away from the house.

Tears streaked his face, his hands faintly red and his entire body shaking. He looked a mess. He looked vulnerable. Dream took advantage of him if he was vulnerable.

He stayed sat on the steps by the snow, his body shaking and Tommy violently pulling his face to rid himself of tears and his flushed face. He looked sad and no one could see him like this, he needed his stronger persona. The version of him that only Dream and Phil knew the surface problems of, everyone else just saw the annoying little kid running around swearing and messing things up. 

He was pretty out of it, his mind vaguely focused on a clump of snow sticking out from the rest. Ironic.

He wasn't all too aware of the hands now checking all his injuries. The hands becoming increasingly frantic as they saw his ankles and his palms. Tommy was still shaking, unable to stop. The hands then put a coat? around him, something warm. It made Tommy feel better. The frantic person was worriedly mumbling, their voice only just catching Tommy's ears. The cloak around Tommys shoulders was warming him up already and helping him calm his nerves. The person was holding their head in their hands pacing. They must have been stressed, Tommy could gather. The person suddenly decided to approach Tommy, to which, Tommy flinched. From what Tommy could tell, they were not happy from this reaction. They still approached Tommy, but in a slower nature this time, cautious. They sounded like they were asking for permission, unsure and weary of what they were doing and if they were allowed to do it. Tommy was unresponsive, too zoned out to be aware of what the character is saying. They began to pick tommy up in their arms and carry them into the house on the left, and place them onto a small stool shoved in front of a campfire. They were frantically rushing about the house searching for more firewood, and making sure Tommy was comfortable. 

Tommy leaned against the wall, and despite the cries of the person in the room begging him to what he assumed stay awake, slipped into sleep. A final state of relaxation.

Technoblade: Hey Im out, collecting more firewood and materials, where r u?

Philza: Oh I'm by Snowchester, was speaking to Tubbo, Will are you back home?

WilburSoot: No Im in Logstedshire, Tubbos here and uh so's Dream.

Philza: Shit. Dreams back and Tommy's alone? Fuck

Technoblade: Shit I'll head back, was probably going to anyway.

Philza: Wilbur shall I come to you????

Wilbursoot: Nah, Dreams uh going now? But I think we need to talk :)

Philza: Okay mate :)

Chapter Text

Tommy woke up in Technoblades bed, wrapped in his cloak and a blanket draped over him.

Tommy tried to recall the events that led to his hands wrapped in bandages and him desperately craving the warmth of the bed.

It felt like that's all Tommy did anymore, bad things happened to him and he would wake up and have to pick up the pieces. He was just so tired.

Like a beautiful birdsong to Tommy's poor ears , Techno -out of character- chimed in. "Hey kid, how are ya feeling?"

"Shit."

"That's expected."

"Could you uh.. tel me what happened?"

" You dont remember?" Tommy looked down sadly " All of us were out when we realized we had left you on your own, so we decided I would come back and check on you. You were violently shaking on the steps, you were bleeding out in multiple places and wouldn't stop mumbling. I wrapped my cloak around you and carried you here, thought it best to let you sleep it off or something" Techno briefly summed up.

"Oh."

"yeah kid, i was seriously worried about you, are you alright?"

"pfft no" tommy replied as if it were obvious, Techno's frown deepened.

"Sorry. Humour. 'defense mechanism' or something" Tommy air quoted.

"Nah it's cool. Im gonna make breakfast, join me if you want" Techno said unsure.

"Kk" Tommy dismissed.

Would he really be welcome there? He caused Techno all these problems and wasted his time. He's been having to look after Tommy, what will be the cost? Surely he would not do this for 'free'. Nothing on this gods forsaken server is for free. He was so exhausted, he didn't think he could cope if Techno asked him something in return. 

Laying in this bed felt like dying. Maybe he was dying. What would be the harm in it? A fun ghost would appear. The ghost could love. The ghost could care. The ghost could even have emotions far beyond Tommy's current capabilities. Maybe it would be better. It's not exactly what Tommy wants but maybe the break is what he needs. In his head he decided he was going to die. He had dammed himself to a cursed fate, to die would be such a sweet sorrow. 

Like the stars, Tommy had once believed in fate. A modern day Romeo in all aspects but one, love. Tommy felt so unloved, he wished he was up with the stars. To admire a star burning up close, embraced by its bright flames would be more admirable than anything in this life. If Tommy truely decided to become a ghost again, this time it wouldn't be for the people above, it would be for the peace. The escapism of everyone and everything around him.

"Hey kid, you coming? I've been shouting you, but i am not losing my voice for you right now"

"Oh sorry" Tommy mumbled, and pulled himself up. His mind still not fully with it, but following Technoblades movements into the kitchen.

He scanned the room to see toast and eggs, lots of egg shells piled by the door and pans by the water tap.

"No bacon?" Tommy joked

"HEHH?" Techno blade responded, salty. Exaggeratedly pointing to himself and his whole persona.

"Kidding big T" Tommy giggled. It felt relieving to laugh and let loose, even if it was with Technoblade of all people.

Tommy put a price of toast and a small egg in his plate, with a pinch of salt sprinkled atop.

He sat opposite Techno and kept his head down. His mind resuming to his prior thoughts of death and beyond. A bit deep for breakfast but hey, it could be Tommy's last. He felt like domestic bliss couldn't get much better than this. Laughing and just existing together, no pressure. A last supper if you will, making sure that people who had helped him in his final moments knew that he appreciated them, before they asked anything of him in return.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Technoblade piped up, out of character.

"Oh just.. uhh... the stars.. yep.. saw some stars yesterday big man" Tommy badly lied

"Oh yeah, they're beautiful from here. Do you know their names?" Techno not noticing the lie, or if he did he must have decided to just go with it and let Tommy blatantly lie to him.

"They have names?"

"Yeah!! They all have names" Technoblade continued as he watched Tommy smile brighten " Like some of the literature we read as kids... what would be one you'd remember? uhhh... Harry Potter? We read that right? Yeah Sirius is a star, so's Regulus, Draco, Lupin-uh Lupus? I think and Bellatrix. The stars all have lots of names, all ones you've probably heard of before. Constellations are groups of stars and they have names too."

"You have lots of knowledge on stars, Tech, actually you have lots of knowledge on minutiae now that i think about it"

"I think I'll take that as a compliment kid"

"No no it is! It so is! You used to love what was it.. greek? mythology when i was younger. I thought you were the coolest" Tommy quietly admitted.

Techno blade blushed a little, "Oh uh thanks"

"Yeah you used to call me..."

"Theseus." Technoblade interrupted.

"Yeah"

"I've been thinking of a new name, everyone I know has a greek tradgedy namesake. I've been thinking Icarus for you."

"Icarus? Who's he?"

"The story's irrelevant thus far, but I promise you I will tell you that story when it matters"

"You uh.. promise? THE techno blade promises?"

"Yeah and I don't do it a lot"

Tommy smiled but it was a weak sort of sad smile, Technoblade was confused by it.

"I'll hold you to it"

Techno just gave a small smile and watched as Tommy put his plate by the water tap and headed back to his room.

Tommy say by the edge of his bed, watching his fingers interlock in various ways. A dull, repetitive movement that in the strangest of ways soothed Tommy. When his mind often whirled like a storm at hundreds of miles an hour and he couldn't think straight, he needed the sense of familiarity to pull him out of that state. He began thinking about him and Techno as children, they were particularly close- well close for Technoblade. He read lots of books to Tommy, not always greek mythology but he made sure Tommy knew the classics.

Tommy had never been one for literature, but when it came to Techno he would listen for hours. He had heard Romeo and Juliet's tragic story in pieces before, but decided he would read it today, even if it were the last thing he did .

He slowly wandered back into the room, looking down at his hands and mumbled.

" Sorry, I, uh, can't hear you" replied Techno.

"Do you have a book for me? Im uh looking for a book to read" Tommy said loudly. Techno's face brightened immediately and Tommy hadn't seen him this happy since they were kids. 

"Really, you? You wanna read a book?"

"Yeah, the Shakes-something  guy?"

"You, Tommy im the biggest man ever and books are stupid and pointless innit, wants to read Shakespeare?"

"No, never mind" Tommy turned to walk away before Techno feebly put his hand on Tommy's shoulder. A slightly too abrupt flinch for Technos liking, but he overlooked it for now. "Come with me"

Techno lead him to the bottom basement that he had once stowed away in. He picked up a crafting table, pressed a hidden button and unlocked the secret door. It was thousands upon thousands of books. Techno wandered through as if it were nothing, but Tommy stood stuck to the spot gawking at it. The library was five times the size of the rest of the house, hidden underground and he never knew!

"Heh heh yeah welcome to my library, you could say i like reading" Techno sarcastically remarked.

Tommy pulled himself together and followed Techno into the center. Techno gestures to go look for himself so he did, with Techno sort of following behind- keeping his distance. 

Tommy pulled the ladder across to the 'S' section and scanned for the book. Techno stood below, looking genuinely curious as to what book Tommy wants.

Tommy picked up Romeo and Juliet and brushed the dust off, it hadn't been touched in years. Signed inside the inside cover

Record:

Technoblade

Wilbur Soot

Wilbur Soot

Wilbur Soot

Wilbur Soot

Wilbur Soot

Philza

Tommyinnit

WilburSoot

Wilbur Soot

"Wow, Will sure likes this book huh?"

"Yeah, I didn't let people in here so he used to nag me to go get it for him"

"When did I take it out?"

"Oh uh anytime we were kids and I took out a book to read to you, I'd put your name in it, to uh keep track of which ones we had read"

"Awww softnoblade"

"Ah. No. That's it. Scram"

He quickly jumped down the ladder giggling, Technoblade swiped the book out his hands and walked away. 

"But-"

Technoblade got a feather quill dipping it gently in ink he printed 'Tommyinnit' in the front cover. Tommy smiled at him and took the book. He smiled back at Tommy and then wandered off in the library to look for a book of his own.

Tommy exited the library, went upstairs and collected his things. He was going out today 

Wilbur was sat on top of a chest, it was weathered down and rotting, but still somewhere to sit nonetheless. Trying to wrap his head around what had just happened was confusing. Ghostbur had taken over, it was like he had been pushed out of his own mind- he was a visitor in his own head. The ghost being there was one thing, but the blue flames? Who did this fucker think he was? A God? He was more powerful than Wilbur and it was Wilbur's body for the Gods' sake, it was a little unnerving to say the least. How would he tell Phil this? Phil would most certainly laugh at him. He hadn't taken him much seriously since he was revived, the whole ghost attached to a sheep image brought his reputation down. Phil just always felt sorry for him. It was insufferable. The best way to not get laughed at would probably be to just shove the proof right infront of him, and unless he's actually a fucking idiot, Phil could piece it together.

The only question is- how does he get Ghostbur to surface again? There must be some failsafe way to get him to appear. Why did he turn up the first time? It wasn't the same as when Wilbur was in limbo, he used to be able to hear people when they talked about him. But no one had brought up Ghostbur's name. Wilbur had never even given him a second thought since he was revived, there must have been something that caught his attention. Dream was there, he was talking about escaping prison. Gleeful piece of shit. He was bragging. He was talking about finding Tommy. He was taunting Tubbo. 

Maybe it was Tommy? Was Tommy the key? It was the only thing in the conversation Wilbur had emotional attachment to and his ghost counterpart only remembered his happy memories. He and Tommy sure had a lot of those. No he couldn't get sentimental he had to think. Concentrate. If Tommy was the key how could he use that? When he said something about Tommy, the hair on his arms stood up on end. He was being not fair on Tommy, maybe that was it.

He had just cracked it as he saw Phil's name tag emerge and his voice render quietly from the distance.

"Will!" Phil yelled across the plains after just emerging from the portal " What's up??"

"Dream was here??" Phil immediately gasped. "Why didn't you tell me sooner??" a slight undertone of anger that unnerved Wilbur.

"We had it covered."

"We?"

"Me and Tubbo"

" I was just with him this morning, said he was busy grieving and didn't have time to see Tommy but then came here? I won't understand that kid"

"Probably not"

" It sounds like there's more than just Dream that you wanted to tell me about, Will"

"It's uh.. complicated"

"Right"

"Oh! I knows way i could um show you " Phil could practically see the light bulb click above Wilbur's head "Start shit talking Tommy"

"What???? Why would I do that??"

"Please." "Just trust me"

"Ummm okay kid, what do i even say?"

"Just like call him useless or something, but don't stop"

"Um okay?"

Phil paused and thought about it for a while, this was such a word request from Wilbur particularly after they've just been reconciling with Tommy really well.

"Fine. agh. Tommy's really irritating, he doesn't help himself. He's miserable all the time." Phil continued as Will's eyes began to violently shake which extremely scared Phil.

"Will.. should i stop? You're scaring me"

"No CARRY ON QUICKLY"

"Agh fine," Phil paused for a little while, unsure if Wilbur truely meant it, then resumed "He's really annoying.. umm he cut off all contact with us? He only comes back if he needs something most of the time"

Wilbur could feel the lulling force pulling him backwards. It was not as strong as the first time, Phil's not as fear-inducing as Dream can be. He felt himself slipping away from control, falling back into his mind. It was a horrible, gut wrenching feeling. But he let himself fall victim to it and be pulled backwards. Ghostbur was in control now. He could only watch from afar.

Wilburs eyes and arms were shaking, before his eyes suddenly flickered to the back of his head and to Phil's surprise his eyes flickered back neon blue. Blue light radiating from his pupils.

"PHILZA YOU ARE A BOLD OUTRAGEOUS LIAR- HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR SON?" yelled Ghostbur.

"Wait- is that?"

"ITS ME GHOSTBUR. IM SCARED PHIL ITS DARK HERE BUT I CAN HEAR THEM"

"Who, Ghostbur?"

"EVERYONE. ANYONE. NO ONE. WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT TOMMY. LIKE HE WAS WORTHLESS. HE WAS MY LITTLE BROTHER. I LOVED HIM. AND I COULDNT PROTECT HIM. BUT WILBUR CAN. HE IS STRONG ENOUGH TO PROTECT HIM. I MUST PROTECT HIM"

"I'll help you Ghostbur, okay? I love you. We'll protect him. I didn't mean what i said! Search your memories!!"

Ghostbur looked at him unreluctantly.

"Please, Ghostbur" Phil pleaded

Ghostbur's eyes flickered as if he could see the memories themselves, and Phil could see the realisation. 

"SORRY PHIL, ALL I CAN DO IS PROTECT TOMMY. I DONT KNOW HOW IT HAPPENS. I HEAR ANYONE ANYWHERE EVERYWHERE WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT HIM. I CAN JUST TAKE OVER THIS BODY. I MUST PROTECT HIM PHIL. ITS WHY I TAKE OVER. I CANT LET DREAM ABUSE HIM AGAIN"

Phil paused shocked. Was he really abused?

"SORRY PHILZA, IM SLIPPING AWAY."

"It's okay Ghostbur. You're going to be alright. We'll take care of him"

Ghostbur feebly nods then his eyes slip backwards and Wilbur's chocolate brown eyes resume.

"So.."

"Will, I was not expecting that"

"I didn't really know how to go about telling you that. I didn't even know I could do that."

"Can you hear him? When he's um controlling you?"

"Yeah, it's almost like he's in the front seat of what I could only compare to a boat? It's almost like I'm pushed to the backseat, not in control, but still aware"

"Ah right, so you heard us talking"

"Yeah, thanks for calming him down Phil"

"What else could I have done?"

"I meant what I said Will. To him and to you. I do love you. I know we'll never be on the same grounds or at the same level but I've always been your dad, Im just sorry for not being there for you"

Will pulls Phil into a tight hug and silently weeps into his shoulder. He was crying about love lost. Crying about Ghostbur. Crying about Tommy. Crying about Dream. 

And if Phil silently shed a tear or two, that was just for him and Wilbur to know.

Chapter Text

Tommyinnit was sat on the edge of a high rooftop in the nether, nose in a book. Despite this being the most out of character thing he's done, it had never felt more right in the moment. 

Tommy was at the end of Romeo and Juliet. Both of them having died, and peace restored in the whole town. The two feuding families being forced to reconcile to grieve over their children. It made him really think about himself once more. He already wanted a break, and whether a ghost was the way to do that he would never know for certain. But, could his death really bring everyone on the server to a lulling sense of peace? Theoretically, which in practice Tommy wasn't very good at thinking through, it would unite Dream with the rest of them. It could bring them together.

It wouldn't though. If anything it might make things worse. But, if Tommy had spent his whole life fighting he thought he had deserved to get away.

Travelling, to Tommy, would not suffice. The fear of being followed too paralyzing, he'd end up being batshit crazy. He can never really get away. It's like magnets, he always gets drawn back. Whether it's Tubbo, Dream or even just homesickness- hell never be able to get away for long.

But being dead, it's permanent. Even if Dream decides to bring him back, the weird time shift between this world and the purgatory state of after-death would mean he gets the break he's been longing for.

Dream had always tainted him with death, Tommy used to be so scared. In fact, everyone threatens death. It was the go-to threat. You don't wanna die right? It was practically destiny Tommy would die. He always thought he could escape it, be the main character of his own twisted fairy tale. But he was now becoming his own self-fulfilled prophecy. He was destined to bring it upon himself. It would always happen like this,

Tommy placed the book to his side, he had bookmarked one of the final pages, the page where the couple are found dead and the families are brought together. Maybe, they'll see it as a sign- whoever finds it. Or maybe they'll just see it and think Tommy couldn't be bothered to finish the book, typical him. Always starting something he couldn't finish. 

Tommy feels sadness for whoever has to pick up the pieces, deliver the note and return the book. He had still yet to write the note. 

The note.

Almost like a suicide note, but different in its nature. A suicide note- a letter that apologizes for leaving, detailing their sadness and not to mourn etc etc

Tommyinnit did not care. He had cared for so long, received so little back that caring was not worth his time. He was not going to detail the little things down to who should keep his pin badges and how he's sorry to do this. He wasn't even remotely sorry,  and this didn't feel like the type of letter he should lie on. A letter? He didn't even know who would pick this up. For all his luck, a piglin would chew it and spit it right back out again. 

Tommy would leave a collection of things in the spot he was currently sat in. The note, the book, a collections of pins, his shoes and some blue. The things that were he to come back or a ghost live in his place, said person would need the most. 

The blue he was keeping close to him right until he couldn't anymore. To soak up some sadness, if they really did work. He missed that ghost he terribly so wouldn't question the logic behind the blue in his absence. Instead he would just believe it worked and maybe then it would. His ghost would probably have some sadness, he hoped it wouldn't and would only carry happy memories like Ghostbur did, but in that scenario- Tommy assumed his ghost would need the blue quote dearly.

He left his shoes behind. Arguably the most useless thing for a ghost, but still important none the less. The shoes would be a telltale sign, that Tommyinnit had died. Whoever found them would know he had jumped or fallen from the height. Tommy even keeps his 'Your Tubbo compass' hidden in the soles. It makes them a little awkward to walk in, but it was the best way to hide it from Dream in Logstedshire and he hasn't moved it since. If the ghost could figure out the broken little compass, it would help him a great deal.

Tommy wasn't what you'd call a 'collector' when it came to his pin badges. They just had sentimental value 'or some shit'. First, came his business bay member pin- a group formed with friends he no longer knows. He was born in the Dream SMP but moved for a while to SMPEarth to meet new people. This formed his home- business bay. Secondly, he had a l'manburg flag. The colour still vibrant because it was often worn on the inside of his jacket- hidden. Being tied to L'manburg was once something he would put on proud display, always ready to fight and put his life on the line for it. But now, it wasn't worth dying for the ruins of a country was it? And there were people still out there that would kill him for wearing it probably. Next, was a gold pin with a piglin face engraved. It showed his loyalty and connection to piglinkind, Michael and Technoblade being close to him it was only natural to establish ties. Next, a blue flower pin. It was made from friend's wool. He didn't want to think about Friend though, he did try to keep him alive but when Wilbur came back it was no use. And finally, a small emerald encased in gold. It was the shape of a hardcore heart. It was Technoblade's way to keeping the family together after he disbanded it. Everyone had a piece of emerald jewelry. Tommy a pin badge, Technoblade a clip that fastens his cloak, Philza an earring and Wilbur a ring. Tommy does not remember the last time he saw any of them wear it on display, so neither does he. So, like his l'manburg flag- the colours were distinctly bright from where he wore it inside his jacket.

Tommy gently opened the Shakespearean book to the marked page, then turned it face down on the netherite, open. Whoever found it, could read the right page conveniently.

And at last the note, with a bit of charcoal that Tommy scraped into shape he began to write.

To whomever finds this note,

Im sorry

I regret that I'm telling you this in the form of a letter and not spoken words, but it felt wholly appropriate to write down my last thoughts rather than scream them at this empty canyon of lava I'm staring at.

Tell my family I love them

This note isnt an apology, on the whole I'm happy to die. But, I should hope Michael forgives me for not being there for him and missing out on the moments of his life.

I should hope Tubbo and Ranboo forgive me also. I hope they know I'd be at peace this way, even if they miss me. They probably won't.

I've left a collection of valuables. Nothing worth selling, so don't get any ideas. But have sentimental value: my pin badges, my shoes, some blue, and a book.

I suppose I should explain the open book.

Tommy had to flip over to the other side of the paper, his handwriting being scrawled largely and messily- it consumed the page.

Techno would be proud I even read the Shakespearean book.

Romeo and Juliet's tale feels all too similar. 

Romeo feeling trapped by fate.

Romeo having so much love to give, yet unlike me he had people that cared for him in the same way.

The page I've bookmarked is their families hearing news of their death, and realizing they must reconcile for the greater good and prevention of further death.

Wilbur would say 'that's a lot of big words for you Toms', shut up bitch.

Ive left it in hope that my death, despite being only for the gain of myself, will help influence the rest of you fuckers to stop the wars and shit.

Phil would say that's a bit overdramatic, but fuck you- that's just who I am.

I guess I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy.

So, it is with this, I say goodbye.

-Tommyinnit

(and if anyones wondering what my last words are, Ive not said them yet but they'll be 'I defy the stars' Like Romeo. Not about Women. Bitch)

That was all Tommyinnit had left to say, wars and abuse had worn him down to a shell of who he once was and all he had left was no less than a scrap of paper.

Tommy placed the letter atop of the pile, held down by a rock he'd found near a bastion.

Tommyinnit stood up and very slowly walked to the edge.

Tommy looked around at his surroundings, he was near the paths but no one to be seen. 

Perfect.

Tommyinnit let himself free, let the gravity balance and he fell.

Tommyinnit was flying. He had never felt more free.

His back falling first, he had spun so he would land on his back. His arms raise above him, as if he were ready to grab onto someone's hand and be pulled back up.

He sounds once more, looking upright and facing the lava, he screams to the canyon 

" I DEFY YOU STARS"

His final breaths moments away.

"TOMMY!" A voice screamed,  crying and in pain. Tommy became quickly alert in his final seconds.

He looked over to where the voice had echoed and boomed from. He could only feel sympathy, not sorry. He wasn't sorry, he just felt bad leaving his brother behind. He knew how it felt when it had a happened to him.

"IM SORRY WILBUR"

Tommyinnit hit the lava, he cried in writhing pain. It was the most unbearable experience of his life. And then there was nothingness. He had been released 

And at last,

Tommyinnit tried to swim in lava.

Chapter Text

At first, there was nothingness. Tommy went from immeasurable pain to the elite nothing. He couldn't even pretend it felt nice, because he couldn't feel anything. It was nothingness. It was overwhelming, it was nothing and everything all at once. 

Tommy was free of the mortal realm that once had a strong grip against his shoulders. A ghost would replace him and he would be at peace. If he could even feel peace. His friends would forget him and that would be for the best. He was only a dead weight dragging at their ankles, holding them back. They'd be better off without him. That's something Wilbur would say.

Wilbur.

He hadn't meant for his older brother to watch him die. Not that he didn't deserve to suffer for everything he had done to Tommy, no one deserves to watch someone close to them jump off a canyon to their death. But Wilbur had done him wrong plenty of times. A cosy little chit chat in an attic while he smoked away, wouldn't not fix things.

Same goes to Phil. He's sorry that Phil will have to mourn, somewhat. All he's ever asked of Phil was for him to not hate Tommy. To have Tommy's back when he needed him. To be a Dad. And, as lovely and reassuring as their chat had been- it wasn't enough. He had missed out on so much 'Dad' stuff Tommy wasn't sure he could go as far as call Phil that anymore. And now he would go and see his wife, Tommy's mum, lovely.

And all at once, it happened. 

A piercing scream echoed through the nothingness, slipping further away from Tommy. In half a second, his body pulled itself back together and he found himself in a garden. Tommy was sat atop of the large hill, mist gathering at the bottom where it was clear he couldn't go. He was leaning against a single tree placed at the center of the hill. His scenery was straight out of a childrens story book.

Tommy said the first thing that came to his mind in the moment "Mumza?"

Emerging from behind him, "Hello my sweet boy" she said endearingly.

Tommy barreled towards her and enwarped her in a consuming hug. She was in a human form, just like Tommy. It was her realm after all. 

"How-how am i here? I mean its soooo much nicer don't get me wrong eh, but this didn't happen last time."

"It happens when your ghost is summoned into existence. Ghosts are born when the dead mortal chooses to die. Because it wasn't your fault that you died, you never had a ghost replace you, I knew I would always wind up sending you back. So, I didn't give you ghost nor let you meet me last time"

"Neat! I've got a ghost! That's why Will got one then! Because he asked Phil to kill him. And I pushed myself off the ledge!"

Kristin swatted her hand around his head

"HEY!" Tommy shrieked.

"I'm still mad at you for throwing yourself off that ledge. Without saying any goodbyes or anything. Your poor brother. Poor Phil."

"Hey! Don't you give me that! I left them a fully explained letter, a book, all my pins, my shoes and some of Ghostbur's blue. I thought it through y'know? It wasn't just spur of the moment whirl myself off the edge for funsies. Speaking of, Is Ghostbur here?" Tommy said his head whirling round in each direction to check if he was approaching.

"I can summon him if you want Tommy, but he's not the same"

"The same?"

"As Wilbur, he's just a shell of memories. He's not your older brother he just remembers when he was. Because they were happy memories."

Tommy couldn't help but admit he felt a tinge of sadness, he did come here to see Ghostbur. It may not have been his sole purpose of dying, but it was higher up his list than he had liked. He could see why though, he's not Wilbur. As much as he longed for his older brother that told him stories and tucked him into bed at night.

"Yeah he only remembered happy things I suppose. Will my ghost remember happy things too?"

"Mmm, from what i remember when i designed your ghost, No. Sorry, Toms."

"So what will he remember?"

"I-uh"

"Please"

"Sad memories. Look- I know you won't be happy about it, but say Dream finds your ghost? I know it's not you, but would you let your ghost go through what you went through because he doesn't remember anything about Dream?"

He didn't even want to grant a second thought on that monster, but once again Mumza had a point. His ghost was technically him, in a weird way. And he couldn't go through it again.

"No. I don't wish that on anyone even my stupid ghost"

Kristin just nodded in agreement.

"Will I be revived?"

"Dream can try and it might work but if it means that much to you: I can keep you here"

"Really?!" Tommy said surprised.

"Yes, it's uh sorta in my power to do so y'know? Goddess of Death and all" Mumza joked.

Finally, someone would protect him. Respect what he wanted, help him be safe.

" Is there still that age lag that made Will all old and wrinkly?" Tommy giggled pulling down at the skin under his eyes imitating a wrinkly Wilbur.

"Well, you're young so I decided to speed time up."

"You can do that? Why didn't you do that for Will?"

"He needed a break, he was becoming stone cold crazy. But you're young, you have time to lose so I don't see a need to."

That wasn't the first time people had called pogtopia Wilbur stone cold crazy- Phil did it a lot too, so did Niki, Techno and even Ranboo mentioned it once.

"That's good, I don't wanna miss out on years with Tubbo."

"Of course not, you'll return the same age as Tubbo if you return. You'll also be able to control your ghost at times"

"Really??" Tommy puzzled.

"It's a new skill I've learnt to grant you. There are limitations: only being in your ghosts body for an hour at a time before requiring a break and you aren't able to tell anyone that you're controlling GhostInnit- they'll just think it's the  ghost and won't know it's you."

"Maybe that's for the best."

"Im glad you see it that way".

"Why is it just for me?"

"Well it was something I've only just discovered is possible. If I could have given it to Will, I still probably wouldn't theyve because who knows what he would've done"

"Ah, I suppose you're right. So, what's my ghost up to now?"

"Ive not sent him in yet. Why?"

"Just curious. Why hasn't he gone yet?"

"I wanted to meet my little boy first" She smiled warmly and hugged Tommy. She looked down at him and said "I can send him through now if you'd like"

"Can I- uh watch? Is that a thing? If not- It's okay. Y'know what never mind. It's probably too big an ask, I shouldn't have said- I-"

"Yes you can watch Tommy. Did you want to control him too?" Mumza interrupted.

"Gods no. I'm happy to be away. Im just um- worried."

"For your ghost? I'm sure he'll be fine, he's just like you-"

"For Wilbur" Tommy butted in.

"Wilbur?"

"He wasn't supposed to be, but he was there when I died."

"Oh poor baby" Kristin pulled him in for a hug once again. Almost in disbelief at how hurt by the world her baby was. "Wilbur really did mess you up huh? He never really did what you wanted he just used you for his schemes. And you went along with it because you loved him. He probably loved you too, but you would always care about him. Want him to be safe. Be scared of losing him. He didn't spare you these same thoughts but it never stopped you from caring did it? He yelled when he was angry, smoked, abandoned you, left you out, never told you what was happening untill it was too late. And you still care? After all this time?"

"Look-" Tommy was tearing up. "I know he doesn't care. None of them do really. They cut up the family. To 'keep me safe' but it never was for me. It doesn't stop me from caring. They're my family. Even if they've never acted like it. Never turned up. Never had my back. If I don't have family what have I got? Nothing. It's why I came. I needed a break. I needed you. I needed Will. I needed love."

"I get it. It's hard to be away from Phil. All of you. Separated by death. Which I would never willingly wish upon any of you. Having to stay at the sidelines and watch. But it was for the greater good. But I had to tell myself it was for my family. Even if they don't think about me much, I'm still doing it for them."

"I thought about you all the time. Looked out for signs. Occasionally got a couple."

"Well, it gets boring in here on my own" She giggled.

Both of their eyes were wet. They stayed huddled together,  Kristin's arm around Tommy's frail shoulders. In an unspoken, moment of silence. Both needing the comfort of love. Of family. Neither being given it.

And for once in a long time. Tommy felt loved.

Mumza sniffled and gently asked " Do you wanna watch that ghost?"

"Hell yeah."

A small mist appears after a wave of Mumza's hand, displaying a 2d image. A first person view through GhostInnit's eyes.

The image displayed 

  You died

>Respawn<

After a clicking noise was heard, the ghost was stood behind a hunched over, weeping Wilbur. 

Tommy grabbed his mother's hand and held it tightly as the ghost scaredly echoed "Hello?"

Chapter Text

At first, like Tommyinnit, then there was nothing. But then, there was everything. A newborn soul in a withered, veteran body. Memories aplenty and a family to repair. 

Ghostinnit

Ghostinnit, like the ghosts before him was a transparent shell of a genuine real person. Ghosts only added two more personality traits to their alive counterparts. The desire to sustain relationships that matter to their counterparts and the ability to restore those that had broken. 

It may result in the downfall of GhostInnit.

Ghostinnit, much alike Ghostbur, was transparent and almost identical to his counterpart. The only difference being the distinct, nether-like features clearly originating from his cause of death. A permanent magma burn identical to the paths of tears- an almost perfect mimic of Ranboo's fatal flaw. His hands and feet the perfect colour match for the smoky ash of lava, becoming more golden towards his wrists like lava and fading into the pale grey of the rest of his body. His clothes chewed and frayed at the edges, burned by fire. Clearly, the nether had taken him by the shoulders and shook the life out of him.

Ghostinnit found himself in the shallow cobbles of the nether. Fiery and full of despair. Not too far alike from his appearance. He felt almost at ease being somewhere so familiar looking to himself. Almost.

A weeping man was huddled before him. Gripping tightly to his knees and wailing loudly for the entire realm to hear. Many ramblings of distant apologies and regret.

'Why did you leave me here Tommy?'

'Why?'

'Was I not good enough?'

'I'm sorry'

'Please come back'

'I'll be better'

'Whatever you want, Toms, just please'

'Please dont leave me'

The voice was familiar so GhostInnit searched his newly acquired memories. This couldn't be Wilbur Soot, right? Most of the memories containing this deceptive man were vague, a sense of longing and care causing them to be cloudy.  He knew he could only see sad memories, this was fact. Happy memories were hidden out of view. He knew who his friends were, however, a ram called Tubbo was near the top of his list. They were followed by a nephew he was yet to meet called Michael, an enderman called Ranboo and his family. The link to them was unclear. The mixed feelings making them hard to rank, it was clear to see why- Ghostinnit had sad memories after all, it was obvious to see what they had done to make him feel this way. They cut Tommy off, disassociated themselves from him and ended the family. An action that seemingly never affected them but Tommy never recovered from. Particularly, when the man huddled over his makeshift grave pretended no wrong to have occurred and dragged him through hell and back. Well, several wars and a dictatorship of sorts.

"Hello?" a nervous Ghostinnit proceeded with. When Wilbur turned around, he hugged him furiously.

"Gods I thought I saw you die Tommy! Don't you ever fucking do that to me again, okay? Gods are you fucking okay? shit" Wilbur angrily yelled. An undertone of relief almost present, which made what came next that much harder.

Wilbur took a pace back, releasing from the tight hug he had wrapped the ghost in. 

The realization broke upon his face, water from his broken irises fell towards the floor. His eyes immediately returning to their prior glossy state.

"Who are you?"

"I- um- fuck- sorry- are you alright?"

"Just answer the goddamn question" Wilbur snapped.

"I think you know"

"Say it"

Ghostinnit shuffled reluctantly, he was there to repair relationships. Amend Tommy's family. But the silence that hung in the air had never been so loud. It was all about to break down.

"Hi, Im Ghostinnit" said Ghostinnit glumly. He extended a hand out towards Wilbur, shakily.

Wilburs mouth fell open, his eyes flickering rapidly up and down at the ghost. He turned away from Tommy's open arm. 

Randomly, Wilbur turned back and posed him with questions.

"D'you know why he died?" Wilbur said staggered, as if he were struggling to speak.

"Yeah, kinda reflects the ensemble im in, are you sure you wanna know?"

"uhhhhh, not yet, actually, maybe another time" he tried and failed to smile.

"Okay." nodded Ghostinnit, too similarly to the way Tommy would lightheartedly do the same motion proclaiming 'I'm a big man Wilbur' and it pulled on his heart strings.

The two stood in a stalemate, neither knowing what to do without confusing or upsetting the other.

Ghostinnit moved first. He drifted towards Tommy's pile of things. 

Wilbur watched cautiously, looking like the words were at the top of his tongue but something was preventing him from saying it. 

"D-don't.."

GhostInnit whipped his head around quickly.

"Don't touch my brother's things. Please. I want to keep them. Take them to Phil and Techno."

"No." GhostInnit was a sad ghost. A hell of a sad one at that. And he knew as a ghost he had to keep Tommy's friendships. But in this moment, he would like nothing better than to rip Wilbur a new one and build the foundations from the ground.

"No?"

"He's not your brother."

Wilbur choked out another muffled sob.

"Y-yes he is?!" Wilbur cried.

"No. He isn't. You lost your brother a hell of a long time ago. It's only the decent human good in him that carried on as if he weren't hurt. He's broken. A shell of a person. It led him to creating me. You, were the first catalyst. Everything that wore him down afterwards was because of you. You tore apart the family. You disclaimed his as a brother. Dragged him through war. Manipulated him. Forced him into paralyzing danger. Ignored him. Deprived him. And even if he still loved you like a brother, you never held that same courtesy. I only have sad memories, similar to how your counterpart only had happy memories. Yet, I know that he fucking loved you. It's a sad memory for him- loving you. The one-sided smiles and affection wore him down. I don't know how he'll forgive you for everything you've ever done to him. But because you are the world to Tommy, you're gonna have to find someway to amend for the fucked up shit you've done." GhostInnit snapped at the end. The molten on his limbs glowing and crackling. Evident that he began to glow and burn when he was angry.

"I- I'm sorry?" Wilbur said. A muffled sob was heard after GhostInnit looked away.

GhostInnit wakes towards him and grabbed Tommy's boots and slipped them on, fitting perfectly. He stuffed the blue into his pockets. Grabbed the pins into his fists and let them fall into his other pocket. He left the letter and book for Wilbur.

"Look, I'm gonna go tell Phil and Techno. They were family to him once. They won't care much you're right. We abandoned him and he needed us. It's not fair on him. But they deserve to at least know what's gonna tear me apart. Because it will devastate me, There's no doubt about it. But I don't want you. Some pathetic reminder of the brother I lost. I don't want you to come with me."

"Are you gonna risk it?"

"Risk what, you stupid lookalike?"

"I wasn't supposed to tell you so soon, but Tommy can take over."

"Takeover? So I can talk to him? Why didn't you say that before?"

"Theres one drawback"

Wilbur drew silent.

"He cannot tell you when he is in control."

"So, Ive gotta keep some dumb ghost that plagued me with my brothers death every minute of the day, in case he decides he wants to talk to me?"

"Yeah..."

"Just..." Wilbur audibly sighed in frustration. 

"Come with me, Tommy"

"But what if i'm not Tommy?"

" Can't you just let me pretend?" He looked GhostInnit in the eyes for the first time in a long time. Wilbur was crying. Deeply crying. Genuinely hurt by Tommy's death. Tears streaming down his face, his bottom lip trembling.

"I need him back, ghost"

Tommy was hugging Mumza, deeply crying. Mourning his own loss on Wilbur's behalf. He knew Tubbo's reaction would hurt but this was a whole new level he hadn't anticipated.

The thing that hurt Tommy the most, was that his ghost was right.

That is exactly what Wilbur had done to him, next to nothing resembling love could be amounted from the list. 

And that is exactly how Tommy felt, one-sided, unreciprocated love. 

His mother was sat cradling him with one arm, rubbing his shoulder with the other. A constant beam of affection. She was all he had ever been looking for, a figure in his life that represented family. But there was a problem.

She wasn't Wilbur.

Tommy sprang up to his feet instantly after drying his eyes, and turned to face his mother.

"I wanna do it" He stated firmly.

"Hmm? What's up Toms?"

"I wanna take control of the ghost"

"Okay, are you sure?"

"I have to be near him. Wilbur. I didn't realise it would hurt this much."

"Do you still stand by your descision? Coming here?"

Tommy looked at her blankly, not stating a word. He knew his mother understood perfectly he wanted to be here, but it still didn't hold him back from feeling the way he felt.

"Regret."

"What?"

"Regrets what you're feeling Toms. You wish you hadn't done what you did for Wilbur, I know you want to be here. I can't blame you and I'll keep you here. But, it won't stop you from feeling bad for him. You love him."

Tommy looked his mother in the eye, smiled sadly with his bottom lip trembling and nodded.

"C'mon baby, I'll teach you the ropes"

His mother moved her hands and enlarged the mirror to GhostInnit's vision into a doorway.

"Just step through"

"How will I get back out?"

"I'll pull you back through before the time runs out"

Tommy nodded firmly, turned and stepped through the portal.

It took Tommy some adjusting in Ghostinnit's body. Thank god he left himself some blue. He gripped the blue tightly in his pocket, Wilbur wasn't the biggest fan of it.

He was currently drifting behind Wilbur as they walked to the snowy plains of Phil and Technos house. Them, he didn't want to face the music with, watching Techno get the book back. But, he was doing this for Wilbur.

He had left his shoes behind so he wouldn't melt in the snow. He wasn't sure if that was a thing, but Ghostbur wouldn't go near rain so it was just a precaution. He didn't think he'd be the one using it.

There was no obvious sign that it was Tommy hiding out in the shell of his ghost. None at all. The only spark difference would be his knowledge and the way he talks. He would have to restrict what he says to something sad or mopey. 

Wilbur turned behind before they went through the portal to make sure the ghost was still following. Tommy did a small, shy wave at him with a small smile. He needed to act small and naïve. It would be a nice break he supposed from being loud and insufferable.

The two passed through the portal and the first thing he saw when he came out was Phil's wooden pond. The same one he saw when he was escaping Dream. It was a horrible flashback. He decided he would keep a straight face. Not to worry Wilbur. 

"'ts cold" Tommy muttered.

"Yup, sure is" Wilbur popped his p's.

"I'm sure when Tommy..uh.. did what he did, he didn't do it to hurt you. He probably didn't realize it would hurt you"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Uh.. sort of?"

"You might wanna work on your people skills"

"No no! I just meant that it's not your fault and you shouldn't blame yourself"

"Okay"

The two walked slowly in silence together. Tommy not exactly sure what to say to the man, he just wanted to make sure he didn't have a full blown panic attack that he caused Tommy's death.

"Hey, GhostInnit? You have Toms memories right?"

"Duh"

"Could you um explain the book to me? I know I know, I read the letter but I wanna hear it in his words in his voice"

"Oh uh, sure. Did you read the page he left open for you?" Said Tommy feeling unused to referring to himself in the third person 

"Yeah, Romeo and Juliet, but I didn't understand why he did it"

"Why?"

"Yeah, Tommy's never paid attention to anything in his life for longer than five minutes"

"Well, if you want a recap of what happened that day. That morning Techno showed Tommy his hidden library. That was really poggers. He wanted to read Romeo and Juliet, Techno didn't believe he could finish it. So to prove a point he did. But the book made him feel all upset and shit. Because like, he loved people and he wasn't allowed to and he was banished and he wanted to die. All the same things that happened to Romeo. So, whilst he died completely for his own reasons, he hoped that it might make people realize that the conflict is futile and he's tired of it. He wanted his family to come together in mourning, his friends and the whole Smp really against Dream. He, I suppose, thought it would impress Techno that he finished the book. He thought it would impress Phil that he actually could be emotional and not just boast about women. And, uh, he thought it would impress you"

"Me?"

"Well- he always cared about impressing you. You were always so busy and I-he wanted to get your attention by doing something that would impress you. Truth be told, he didn't even know you liked the book until Techno told him. It made him feel all warm and bubbly inside. Not that I know what that feels like."

"He never needed to impress me! I don't get it! Why did Tommy never tell me how he felt, I thought we were close! How could all this be happening under my nose and I couldn't even see it!"

"Ehhhhh, between calling his abuser your saviour and having to keep his abuser alive so he could bring you back, he didn't feel like you were the sort of guy a kid could go to when he felt in trouble or overwhelmed. He didn't have anyone really"

"If he can hear me, Im really really sorry"

"I'm sure he knows anyway"

"I don't care. When I get my hands on that motherfucker Im never gonna let go. He needs to know that I fucking love him and I'm gonna change"

"How is this time any different?"

"I don't know. But I'm actually going to try. Im gonna pull him in real close and tell him that he deserves the world, because he does. And a country that I blew up was not nearly enough for him. He deserves everything I can give"

Tommy wiped his tears quickly, it would be weird if the Ghost was crying.

"So you think you'll see him again?"

"Yeah, when we get him revived"

"You're gonna revive him?"

"Of course!"

"But he asked to die?"

"So did I, but the limbo is not what he wants. I know him. I know he'll wanna be revived."

At that moment, Wilbur could not be more right nor wrong.

He for sure did not know Tommy. He did not want to be revived in the slightest.

But, part of him knows that he wants Wilbur not the limbo. Even if limbo is lovely compared to his train station, he missed Wilbur.

"Umm maybe"

"He will, trust me, he just doesn't know it yet"

The borderline arrogance was beginning to get on Tommy's nerves.

But, like always, he still loved him.

He knew the ghost would never do this, but he had to. "Wilbur, could I-I hug you?"

"What? Why?"

"Never mind, actually."

Wilbur pulled the ghost in for a hug. Being tall enough to rest his chin on his hair. He ruffled the ghosts golden hair before doing so.

"I miss you Tommy"

"He misses you too"

Tommy felt his eyes going blurry. This sensation was different to the burning of tears. It was like everything was falling further and further away. The last thing he saw was one of Phil's cried flying close to Wilbur. 

Them he tumbled backwards into Mumza's arms. A lopsided, goofy grin atop of his face. His eyes glossy.

Chapter Text

Philza and Technoblade were worried. Something that doesnt happen too often.

After a flock of crows swarmed Phil's house, agitated and disturbed. He knew something had happened. But none of the crows had a note. They just found him out of instinct. Chat was clever. But he needed to know what was going on. 

He ran to Technos house, hand atop of his hat so it wouldn't blow away in the wind.

"Techno?!" Phil yelled, gasping as he swung through the door.

Techno jumped, startled, 

-.,-.,-.,-.,-.,-.,-.,-.,-.,-.,-.,-

So uh this is the end of the FIC
IM SORRY
I was going to orphan it to be honest
You can see by my bookmarks Ive moved on, I don’t know if anyone still reads this type of fiction either to be honest
All of the socials have changed and im not sharing them hahah this is it😼😿