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It was late. Well after the only other resident of Caleb’s tower, Caleb himself, had found his way to bed. Essek was in the library engaged in his recently acquired hobby.
Not long after he had joined Caleb in his home in the empire, they had both realized that the safest place for him to reside was within the magical tower. Within its walls, no visitor could pass save for the Nein. While there, they had no need to worry about outside attacks or scrying. Even if attackers came looking, Caleb always hid the doorway.
With long hours of free time each night and sometimes even during the day while Caleb taught, Essek had quickly become enamored with the contents of Caleb’s library. It housed nearly as many books as his own within his towers in Rosohna, but with the added advantage of nearly all of these being new to Essek. They called to him as all knowledge did. To his mind, there was a problem, though. The rest of the Nein didn’t seem to really understand the situation in the way that he did. They thought of the library as just another fanciful addition. They treated it like any set of real physical bookshelves. What they didn’t seem to grasp was that every book in the tower was pulled whole-cloth directly from Caleb’s mind.
During the course of their travels, Essek had seen Beau flip through a book of history and later fall asleep and drool on it. He had seen Jester pull down one of the more salacious titles and doodle in the pages for a while before tucking it under her arm and taking it up to her room. It felt like such a thing should be a violation, an offense against the incredible mind that was able to produce such feats in the first place. At the very least, it felt like they shouldn’t be treating the books with such a lack of care. But Caleb had never given any indication at being less than pleased that his companions were treating the books as they would real ones (that is to say, poorly). Essek still couldn’t bear the terrible intimacy of opening a book from the library in front of the man.
Thus he had begun utilizing the library primarily at night after anyone else present had gone to bed. What started as a perusal to satisfy his need to understand the mechanism behind the books’ creation had expanded into a complete read-through of every text available. Over the weeks he had determined that not all of the books were complete. Some were missing chapters where Caleb had skipped over bits he deemed unuseful or dull while reading in a hurry. In such cases there would be a summary of the missing chapters. Others stopped at a point, but had many blank pages thereafter, as though he knew the books to be a certain length, but had been prevented from reading the remainder. It made for a curious sort of collection.
Essek’s nightly scan of the familiar titles gave him some insight into the sort of day Caleb had had. There were a few tomes which he read sections of during his work days, and they had gained new chapters. There were fewer blank pages than before. Although Essek’s memory was nowhere near as perfect as Caleb’s, he had accumulated a knowledge of which books were available and how they were arranged. He was therefore very surprised to find, hidden amongst the collection, a single slim volume which possessed no title on its spine at all. In every other case, Caleb had helpfully provided a title there whether the original had included it or not.
With a quick glance around to ensure he was alone, Essek slid the book out from between its fellows on the shelf. Once he began flipping through, the puzzling nature of the book took over. This book was unlike the others in more ways than just the absence of a title. There was none of the usual publishing information that the more common books had. It was neither printed nor did it have the hallmarks of a scribe-copied text. In fact, the more he looked at the precise, copperplate writing within, the more familiar it seemed. He was uncertain because so much of it was in Zemnian and he wasn’t yet prepared to cast a spell to understand it. When he noticed the way that an errant drop of ink had been drawn out into the shape of a lounging cat, he became sure. It was written in Caleb’s own hand.
He shoved the book back on the shelf and returned to his rooms with the air of one who had just accidentally witnessed a private moment of one of their neighbors through an open window.
He tried to lock away his suddenly brimming curiosity.
…
The next evening, he returned to the library with a purpose. He had had time to think it over. The countless details that Caleb put into the tower got there because he chose to put them there. If he specifically did not wish to share whatever was in the book, then he would have been more careful. If it had been added unintentionally on the last casting of the tower then this casting, its presence should be remedied and there would be no need for Essek to worry about it further.
He approached the shelf where the little red leather bound book had been. It wasn’t there.
He sighed in mingled relief and disappointment. He might never know what it contained, but at least Caleb had the awareness to keep private things hidden.
He turned to the shelf of magic tomes he had been working his way through prior to the discovery of the odd book. In between two larger books halfway along the shelf he noticed a gap. He reached in to see what it held. His hand met worn red leather. He stared at the book.
The library usually only changed in minute ways as Caleb read more and new books were added or old books grew in contents. Things stayed in roughly the same organization (even if it was not strictly according to the formal sort of system favored by the Marble Tomes). But now this book had moved. What did it mean?
Was it important that the book had appeared in the section from which he had been reading most heavily? Caleb wasn’t supposed to know that he was reading the books at all. He had taken care to read only the books he had brought with him when around the man up to this point.
If it wasn’t that, perhaps this was another sign that the book’s presence was unintentional. Caleb wasn’t imagining the book in place on a shelf, he was imagining all the books he knew on the shelves and this one just happened to sneak in, too?
Perhaps Essek should warn him of the phenomenon. Right now it was just the two of them in the tower. Essek knew how to be discrete, but who knew what the rest of the Nein would do if they encountered the book. He nodded to himself. He would tell Caleb. But that would require him admitting to reading books from the tower. Maybe he shouldn’t?
But Caleb was trusting him with the tower and its contents. Failing to notify him if he was in danger of embarrassing himself or putting himself in danger would be a poor way to repay that. So he should tell Caleb… If it turned out to be something that needed hiding. But there was only one way to find out whether it was.
He cast Comprehend Languages and began reading the book.
It seemed to be a journal of some sort. At first it held only small notes, coded markings of days and towns and what sort of treatment he got from the people there. Then after numerous pages the style changed. It took the form of letters detailing his experiences. There was a page for when he had met Nott, dozens about their travels. Essek began to think that perhaps he should read in the privacy of his room, just in case. All thoughts of his initial reasons for opening the book were forgotten. He ducked into his room and settled by the hearth there to read.
Eventually he came to the point where Caleb met the Nein. It was astonishing how quickly the tone of the entries changed. It was as though laughter found its way back into Caleb’s heart as he began to see the world in relation to the others. Essek hadn’t realized, in his quick reading, how much he had been identifying with this other, earlier Caleb. The one with a goal to solve a problem no matter the cost.
Then Mollymauk died. The gap in time that followed felt important. The absence of entries held a strange weight.
It picked up with clipped descriptions of festivals, then tales of adventure on the sea. Eventually the group in the tale arrived in Xhorhas. If stories of the Nein’s travels through the empire had been interesting, then hearing how Caleb had perceived his own country upon first sight was positively comical.
So many things Essek had taken for granted seemed absurd through the eyes of an outsider. Especially one as clever as Caleb. The man’s cheer upon his gambit in the throne room working was palpable. He even described the little collection of cat figurines he had accrued.
As the Nein spent more time in the Dynasty, however, there were more and more instances of Caleb describing interactions between he and Essek. While they were not highly detailed from a magical perspective, he was surprised by how warmly he was treated in them. Essek had long supposed that many of their early conversations were more than half manipulation. Essek himself had tried to keep it that way. The playful flirtation was a game he was well schooled in. They each knew they were playing it, even if they were doing so kindly.
These entries, however, painted a picture of Caleb, desperate for information, but equally interested in the man who held it.
“ I have been wrong about powerful mages in the past. Truth be told, I was hesitant to trust Essek in the beginning too. It was hard not to be with the twin influences of my past experience and the notions I was exposed to while growing up. But the latter have fallen woefully short as a means of describing our neighbors across the border, and both my friends and everything I have lived through since leaving the asylum have taken pains to show me that my experience of people was the exception, not the rule. ” And a few pages further on, “ I begin to wonder if Essek does not mean to collect on our debts at all. He seems quite willing to help us in spite of our group’s more irritating tendencies. Perhaps he might even help me in my goals of his own accord, were I to ask. ”
Caleb was quite right. Essek had never intended to use the debt the Nein had racked up unless he found it necessary to buy their silence, and by the time it became necessary, he found that their silence didn’t need to be bought. As he reflected on that, he realized that somewhere in the next few pages, Caleb was going to discover his treachery.
Having lived through it once, he couldn’t bring himself to continue reading. Visions of it still appeared in his trance some nights. He would hear Caleb saying something behind him, but the sound of his voice was overshadowed by the sound of a pair of cuffs clanking shut around his wrists. He shivered.
It was late anyway. He should get some rest. He had determined that there was nothing in the book which the rest of the Nein shouldn’t know about. They had been there for most of it. Knowing that the book would disappear and probably be somewhere else in the library when Caleb cast the tower tomorrow, he didn’t risk leaving his room to put it away. Instead he slid it into the empty drawer in his bedside table and settled in to trance.
…
“It is like– are you familiar with Otiluke’s theory of the preservation of energy as altered by magical vortices?” Caleb asked.
They had been discussing a new spell and were having a little trouble agreeing on which sigils would be most appropriate due to their differing backgrounds. Essek thought for a moment.
“I believe I have read of it. Such things don’t feature heavily in Dunamancy, as we have alternate methods of managing space-time.”
“Hmm. This may take some additional explanation, then.”
Essek waved him off.
“You spend enough time behind a lectern as it is. You don’t need to be teaching me theory during your off hours.”
Caleb scoffed.
“I teach because I like to do so. But, if you would rather learn the principles I am referencing on your own, then I may have something for you.” He rose and walked over the bookshelves and withdrew a book. “Here. The relevant information is in chapter six.” He placed the book in front of Essek, oblivious to the effect that such an action had on the drow.
This was the first time Caleb had offered him a book from the collection outright. He pulled the book toward him delicately, touching it as little as possible.
“Ah, I have read this one, but I found the explanations rather unhelpful. They leave out the possible interactions of multiple fields.” He opened the book and turned to chapter six anyway.
“Ja, they would. It is intended to give a basic grasp of the principles.”
“We are a bit beyond that at this point.” Essek said with a sardonic grin. Caleb returned the look, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
“Oh, well I am sorry to have offended your intelligence with a subpar book recommendation. You must permit me to find a more suitable text.” he said in dramatic tones before snatching another book from the shelf and dropping back into his normal voice. “Have you read this one?”
“Yes.” Essek replied, recognizing the book’s jacket at a glance.
Caleb tilted his head to the side.
“How many of the books in here have you read?”
Essek froze partway through the act of skimming the book in front of him. His cheeks warmed slightly as he realized he was now caught between admitting to his habits and lying outright. With the memory of how he had misled Caleb in the past lingering fresh in his mind, there was only one possible choice.
“Er… most of them. Certainly all of the ones concerning magic.”
Caleb’s eyebrows shot up. Essek thought his ears might be hot enough to melt the decorative metal caps off of their tips. But Caleb just turned to look at the wall of shelves thoughtfully. He murmured as if to himself.
“Well, ja, I suppose the extra four hours per night and the time I spend teaching would allow quite a lot of time. It is strange, though…” His eyes cut sharply to Essek again. “Is there any reason why I have never seen you use the library?”
“I use the library all the time-” he began.
“No, I know you study here often. I mean… the books themselves. You bring in your own, or sometimes the ones Beauregard lets us borrow. Never these.” Caleb waved a hand at the walls.
Essek was quiet for a while, trying to put words to the feeling. Caleb waited patiently, leaning against a desk chair.
“It’s just. These books all feel like they are a part of you, in a way that the rest of the tower is not. Everything else is images you create. It is made by choice. These are like being in your mind.”
“I can generally choose what goes in here, too if I want, but when it’s just us or the Nein, I leave everything I recall here.”
Essek lingered over that thought for a moment, that maybe it wasn’t so surprising that the book kept turning up if every book that he had read was there. It was like a way to empty out his overstuffed mind into a physical space for a while.
“Do you- I mean, are you aware of every book here?”
“If I tried I could probably name them all, but I do not usually consciously think about it.” Caleb looked confused about the turn the conversation had taken. “Is there… a book which is a problem?”
“Not a problem, not for me at least, but I did want you to be aware of it. It’s probably best if I just show you.” With that he began scouring the shelves for what he knew would be there. He found it at last in the gap between a history of Tal’dorei and a book titled “Sailing for Dummies”.
He held the book out to Caleb. The man’s eyes went wide. He took the book, but continued to stare at the red leather cover.
“You… have read this?”
Essek closed his eyes in a wince, his ears flattening to the sides of his head anxiously.
“Not all of it. At first I did not know what it was.”
“How far did you read?” Caleb’s voice was very quiet.
“I stopped just before– before Nicodranas.”
“Oh.”
The silence held for far too long. Finally, Essek could take no more. He opened his eyes and the explanations just began to spill out.
“After I knew what it was, I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t something that could be used against you, and then I started reading and the journeys that you have all been on made for exciting reading. Then I got a bit carried away with the story and next thing I knew–”
“You had caught up to the part where we met and you knew how it went?”
Essek wished it were that simple. He wished that he had just assumed he knew the story, but–
“I couldn’t bear to go on.”
Caleb was still looking at him from a few feet away with a small frown. Essek covered his face with one hand before continuing.
“Knowing that was when everything… came out, knowing how it must have affected you after everything else you wrote, I didn’t think I could handle knowing what it was you thought of me after that. I had no desire to relive those horrible weeks on paper. I can’t imagine how it is that you came to forgive me, to accept me. I decided I was better off not knowing.”
He heard Caleb stepping across the space coupled with the rustling of pages. Then a rough-worn, but gentle hand wrapped around his wrist and pulled his hand away from his eyes.
“Read.”
Essek flinched. He glanced warily at Caleb, but his expression gave nothing away. Essek reluctantly cast Comprehend Languages and looked down at the book where Caleb was holding it open.
“ We have done it. I never would have believed it possible. It never would have been possible without Essek’s help. Just when we needed it, he invented a new spell out of thin air. By the grace of his incredible mind, we were given sufficient reprieve to defeat a creature that was half a god. Not only that, but we were able to resurrect Mollymauk. Essek wept when our first attempts failed. I must admit I did too, but I think Essek has changed somehow. Perhaps he, like me, is relearning what it is to care for others.”
He looked up, but Caleb just flipped a few more pages, then held the open book up to him again.
“He said he was scared. I was too. We all were. But he stood his ground and fought alongside us. He found a clever solution to our problem of how to get past Ikithon’s defenses in spite of how easy it would have been to flee instead. I think even Father would have been a little proud.”
Caleb turned another dozen pages.
“Just as I thought he might so long ago, Essek offered to help me of his own free will. He wasn’t willing to do it for himself, but he still offered to help me change the past if it was my goal. With him, I am sure I could have done it, too. But I cannot guarantee that something else would not go wrong. I understand now what he said before about us not being in the plan. My plan would work. It would undo my greatest failing. But I cannot be sure that in doing so I would not harm all of the new friends and family I have made along the way. It is for this reason that this must be goodbye. I know that if I brought you back at the expense of Mollymauk’s life, or Jester’s happiness, or Veth’s family, then I would be shaming your memory just as surely as I did when I followed my old master in the first place. It is quite a revelation. In its wake there is the awareness that I must now choose what to do with my life instead. I believe I will teach. I can protect the children of the empire from being raised as tools while I live. And perhaps, when time comes for Essek to make himself scarce in the Dynasty, I will invite him to join me. It would be good for us both to be together for a time.”
Essek struggled to blink back the stinging sensation in his eyes as he remembered how tentatively Caleb had phrased the offer of space in his home even as the Dynasty became a less and less friendly place to be.
“I hope that serves to allay some of your fears about how I thought of you then.” Caleb closed the book and made an aborted motion toward the empty side of his book holsters before setting the book gently on a side table.
Essek realized all at once that this book must have been a copy of the one which Caleb had worn for so long and then abruptly stopped carrying.
“Where did the original go?”
“It is buried with my parents. The letters were always intended for them.”
Essek digested that thought for a moment.
“I am glad to know that your opinion of me was not irreparably damaged. However, this… does not dissuade me from believing that to read a book from your library is an invasive thing.”
Caleb shrugged a little tensely.
“Books are meant to be read. And even if these books are a part of me, they are a part that I am more than willing to share with you.” He pursed his lips, seeming to hold the rest behind them for a long while. “Just like all the other parts.”
Essek blinked. His mind went strangely quiet even as he struggled to cobble coherent thoughts together. All he could do was stare at the man.
Caleb eventually took his silence for an answer and began to back away to the other side of the study table. Essek had just enough presence of mind to grasp at his arm before the distance could grow any further.
“How long of a time did you have in mind?” It wasn’t the smoothest turn of phrase, but he just needed to convey his message sufficiently that Caleb would know it wasn’t a rejection.
“I am open to negotiation on that point.” Caleb might still be looking at him like he’d bolt if he turned away, but he seemed to have understood. Eventually a smile so small that Essek might have been imagining it grew on his face. “As an opening offer, how does the next few years sound?”
Essek tried to summon a bit more of his courtly persona before replying. He tried to look thoughtful.
“Years are good, to be sure, but when dealing with elves you would be better served to think in terms of decades.”
The smile on Caleb’s face grew. He stepped closer into Essek’s space.
“As you say. I will take that into consideration when planning any further negotiations.”
“You had better. I may not be so lenient in our negotiations in future.” Essek found himself leaning forward to close the space between them slowly as though drawn in by gravity itself.
Caleb seemed to be affected by the same pull. He leaned in until they were barely an inch apart. Suddenly he leaned back.
“Were you really impressed by my Cat’s Ire spell?”
Essek laughed out loud, but didn’t answer. He quickly found that he had better things to do with his lips.