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I was bored.
There’s no better way to put it.
Rocky was bored.
I was bored.
My head was so empty I couldn’t think straight. I wanted to move around but there was nowhere to move to. But if I thought about that too long then I began to feel dizzy.
Like when you’re in a car, headed home after a long trip, except your house, aka planet, is either on fire or thriving.
That’s me. Except I wasn’t actually going home.
Rocky was going home, and by golly he was excited. I was excited for him, and very excited to see an alien planet and all that. I mean, what kind of biologist would I be if I didn’t nerd out about something as crazy as this? A bad one, I’d be a pretty bad scientist. But right now? After all this time? Well… it kind of felt like I was just about to find out what my friend’s house was like. You remember, that was always the mystery of a grade schooler friendship. To see what your friends lived like and where. That was, again, me but on a much, much larger scale.
I had been anticipating our arrival on Erid since I learned THAT'S where I was headed for real, but for the past few days, or at least that’s how long I think this has been going on, it has sort of felt like… hmm. The rhythm was present, but the sound was gone. The things that made my one way road trip very stressful and time consuming have been solved to the best of Rocky and I’s capacity but now it’s just time to wait. It’s as if a crazy sounding song was replaced with a single metronome.
Sure there were things to do, but in order to keep myself sane on the universe's deadliest, longest and most deadly road trip ever, I decided it’d be a bright idea to stretch out the work over the course of a few years.
Study the other gunk in the Taumoeba sample in the next week or so, research and study the stars we left, find out what I can about Adrian, and pass the time with Rocky as I explain earth’s every mystery through the eyes of a teacher and scientist.
Great fun really.
But not at the moment.
I was literally spread on the floor; I stared up at the dorm ceiling, legs propped on the xenonite wall. In the same place for the past day and a half, same clothes, same walls, same noises, same-
I sighed, there wasn’t much I could do to change any of this. I had taken to learning some more Russian a few days ago. I thought ‘might as well, just so I can say I’m trilingual’ (yes, I may not be able to speak it properly but I’d say I’m proficient with Eridianese by now).
Before that I decided it’d be neat to learn about some geology, more so than my one college level class I took a good while ago. I thought it’d be interesting to see any similarities with Earth rocks compared to Erid ones. Maybe I’ll be that guy with a rock collection, who knows.
Regardless. There was no plot, nothing. Just that transition period that would be skipped over if my life was a book.
Just some dudes stuck in a tin can for an ungodly amount of time, going at some crazy speeds.
Too bad warp drives weren’t a thing when I ‘left’. Maybe they were a thing now. Who knows.
“Grace, get up.” I heard a tap, followed by two more, “Lazy.” Rocky tsked. Funny, that’s what I was trying to be, I thought, I’m trying to be lazy.
Even though I had clearly heard him, and he knew that I heard him, I didn’t want to bother responding in any way; I barely moved my head from the floor,
“When’d you get here?” I asked.
He tensed his shoulders up and down quickly in his version of what I read to be an eye-roll,
“You are unproductive and I think you should be productive.”
I squinted up at the ceiling; his sass had no effect on me, I kept it silent for drama, then answered with an underwhelming:
“Nah.”
It made sense, Rocky had something to do every minute he was alone on his ship. It was no wonder he wanted to keep himself busy, and he naturally thought if he had kept himself busy, I should too, but in all honesty, I had no energy to do much of anything… Well actually I had lots of energy that couldn’t be spent in any way that would be useful for me in the future. Anything I did now would mean more boredom in the future…So I thought I could at least try to ‘take a day off’.
“Why not?”
“It’s ok to be unproductive…” I began in my teacher voice, “...sometimes anyway. We can take days off,” I stretched my wrists above my head, “and it’s not like we don’t have time.” I let my arms fall back to my sides with an audible thump.
“Four years is still a long time for human, best to keep busy.”
“Nah.” I persisted as I spread out more on the floor in rebellion. “You’re not wrong though, four years is a long time.”
“I know.” He deadpanned.
“Then why are you being sassy?”
“Because you are being lazy.”
“Why does that affect you? We have nothing that is pressed for time to do. We’ve done our job, and I don’t feel like working.” Actually I would have loved to have something to do, but now I wanted to stay bored out of spite.
He paused and crossed his ‘front’ limbs for lack of response. I could care less so I just shut my eyes.
This could be a long trip if he kept this up. I honestly thought that if I did do something at the moment I would end up getting annoyed, then I wouldn’t be able to focus, which was arguably worse than not having tried to do something at all. So my options were either let the annoyed, frustrated, ‘give up’ cycle run its course… or skip to the ‘give up’ without having tried anything to make me frustrated and want to give up to begin with to save myself some useless effort.
But Rocky seemed intent on adding the annoying part into the mix even without me having done anything but lie there.
“Lazy.” He persisted, “stop lazy.”
“We are literally doing nothing because there is nothing to do that can’t be done in our extensive amount of time we have before us. Taking a day off won’t do any harm, and I need to re-learn how to relax.”
“You never lazy, why start now, question?”
“I just said it’s ok to not do anything sometimes! Like I literally,” I sighed loudly, “ugh, nevermind.”
“Do something.”
Alright, so this is how this is going to go then.
“Ok.” I pulled myself off the floor and stretched my legs then arms.
After I got up, he clearly expected me to comply and go do something, but instead I turned away, dug through a drawer, and found what I had wanted to search for.
Earplugs.
With a petty sigh of relief, I turned to face him and then popped them in my ears. He began to talk, or at least I’m pretty sure he was, all I could tell was that he moved his hands up and down and gestured to get my attention once he figured out I couldn’t hear him. I closed my eyes and returned to where I had been spread out before, though this time I put care into crossing my arms under my head.
I felt the vibration of Rocky as he moved around and tried to tap to get my attention. Since there were no flashing lights I figured there was no emergency and I could ignore him for at least an hour.
Rocky, unfortunately, did not want to let this slide.
The ear plugs did a good job, for the most part. I still heard him move around a bit. He continued to tap the wall, then stomped a bit. I heard a loud noise from him, which was his version of an aggravated huff. Though my eyes were closed, I could picture his frustrated ‘expression’.
“GRACE,” Rocky shouted ,“I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME AT THIS VOLUME.”
He’s not wrong. But I just took my hands out from behind my head and covered my ears.
So according to him the only time I can be lazy is when I sleep? That’s no way to live, especially on a road trip like this.
I could still feel some gaps between my ear canal and the earplug, so I pushed the earplugs in further and then I successfully laid in a very slightly muffled silence.
I peeked in Rocky’s direction, and he was still there, unmoving and ‘staring’ at me with his front limbs still crossed and another tapped on the floor.
I waved at him and then went back to doing nothing with a grin on my face. He did the Eridian version of an eye roll and continued to ‘stare’ at me.
I let him wait for a few minutes, just to see if he would eventually let up, but as the minutes turned into nearly an hour I started to feel bad.
He probably didn’t understand that humans were sometimes just like this. Like any predator on earth, we often just lay around doing nothing for a bit.
“Rocky,” I unplugged one of my earplugs, and sat up by a fraction, “we can work tomorrow just let me be lazy today.”
“But why, question?”
“Because humans need to be lazy once in a while.” I waved my hand in a circle above me while I spoke. I really needed to be lazy once in a while.
“Doubt.”
“It’s healthy!” I insisted.
“Doubt.”
“Ok listen.” I sat up, “we can rest without exerting ourselves physically for long periods, or rest even if we aren’t tired. It’s a way to let the mind catch up and take a break from new things by means of doing no new things.”
“Conscious sleep then, question?”
I sat thoughtfully for a moment.
“A bit yeah. We’re still aware of the things around us, and we aren’t actually asleep, our brains are just taking a break, so to speak.”
“Which leads to the body being unproductive .”
“Exactly. Sometimes our days are unproductive, and that’s ok. Some days are for being productive, others are for having a mental and physical break.”
He sat still for a moment, he tried to mimic my posture.
“So then why haven’t you done this before, question? Why did you want to work so badly when you were hurt, but now you don’t want to work when you’re fully capable, question?”
Huh. That’s a good question.
“Because, I’m an idiot.”
“What, question? No. Humans are just weird.”
I rolled my eyes, but an idea came to mind.
“Ok then, how about you try it?”
“Try what, question?” He tilted his carapace in what I read as exasperation.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing, question?”
“Yes. Nothing. Just sit there,” he tapped the ground and I gave a thumbs up, “yes there, and I’ll sit here,” I did a little scoot closer to the barrier.
“Now what, question ?” He asked, I sighed.
“Nothing. We sit here, comfortably, and just do nothing.”
He seemed to want to let me have this one, just this once. When I spread out on the floor he copied me, when I sighed he made a similar noise. Since apparently being unproductive was a culture shock to my friend, I assumed that he believed my every move to be some sort of ritual, the great human process of being lazy.
It was interesting though, to just be still. This had to be the first time I’ve actually taken a real break in a while. I closed my eyes again and tried to visualize that the harsh white light above me was the sun over a sandy beach, and maybe the noise of the engine was the sound a boat along a shoreline would make.
It was stupid really, how much I missed home, even if I’m the luckiest biologist ever, even if I had a literal alien next to me, I’m still human, and with that I still wish I could be relaxing on a beach rather than in a cramped spaceship.
But hey, it was hardly terrible once we got the not dying part for me to go away. Even if I have to eat Taumoeba for the next four-ish years.
If I had known I wouldn’t be dying, I would’ve rationed my actual meals, but I’m a dingus and didn’t think to.
My foot started to move on its own, a testament to my restless energy.
“You’re surprisingly good at doing nothing.” I said sarcastically, which broke the silence.
“It is no work.” He deadpanned, despite restlessly tapping, “But you are still moving despite insisting on nothing.” which was funny he said that considering he was doing the exact thing.
“Well yes…again…re-learning how to relax… but humans actually feel the need to do nothing sometimes, it takes a lot more self awareness to recognize when you want to or can do nothing. It’s a level of peace and contentment I’d like to reach…but…”
“You want to do something. You’re bored, not lazy. And you don’t want to be bored later so you’d rather be bored now, question?”
“You got the inflection right but still said ‘question’.” I interjected.
“Feels weird. Prefer using my grammar.” He didn’t move anymore, instead, he seemed to relax more. “You’re an odd being, Grace. Try to teach me how to be lazy though you seem to be bad at it. Funny.”
He’s not wrong. But I don’t like that he’s right. This repetition would drive anyone up the wall, same goes for the lights, the blank colors, the void outside, the starkness of everything. It had started to hurt.
“Listen, I’ve gotta put my attention somewhere.” I gestured to the ceiling, “These walls are making me dizzy. There’s nothing here to do but wait. Like you said, if I do anything I’ll be bored later, better to be bored now than later right? I want to go through all the research possible, but then it’ll be just like the food. I didn’t ration the food because I didn’t think I’d make it this far and if now I know I’ll make it this far then I won’t have anything to do later and I’m annoyed by that. So now since I’m annoyed I wouldn’t be able to focus anyway and since that’s the case-” I stopped talking and took a breath.
Rocky tilted a bit in concern but seemed content enough to let me sort myself out.
“You stress. I know you, Grace. I feel it too. The desire to keep going and do everything. Your way to handle it was to try and do nothing for a while, while mine was to keep trying to do anything. Even just annoying you.”
I scooted closer to the wall to feel the warmth.
“Nah it’s ok, I didn’t really mind.” He gave me a doubtful ‘look’ which I shrugged off, “if it makes you feel any better you’re entirely right. I’d love to have something to do, but if I did…”
“You would’ve broken something by now.”
“Probably.” I admitted with a shrug.
“I don’t like that you are feeling unwell from your ship. You have mentioned humans need sunlight and nature before. I didn’t realize being on a ship like this would affect you so greatly, even though it was designed by humans.” It was concerning that he was concerned.
“A ship designed with the belief that the crew would die before this would become a problem,” that made him cringe, “but I’ll be fine, it’s just like a really dull winter up here, I’ll get through it.”
“Well is there anything that could help you now, question?”
“A hot day with some water. We humans like beaches a lot for that.” The barrier against my back felt almost like a hot, sandy, California beach if I thought hard enough, “we’ve evolved to live with our environment, as I’ve mentioned.” I knew he wouldn’t judge me for my weird evolution, but it still felt wrong to complain about such a little problem like ‘I miss the outdoors’ to an alien that has been in space for most of my lifetime and more. “It’s…difficult to live without it. Difficult for me, but also for humans in general. We need sunlight, water, and plants. Beaches are good places for that.”
“Is there a way we could simulate that place, question? ”
I’m past being embarrassed about any weird emotional human stuff by now. He’s treating my issue like any problem we’ve faced. A problem with a solution. Might as well go along with it.
“Let’s see, maybe we have some audios.” I pulled myself up to my feet and wobbled over to the desk. Rocky scuttled closer, obviously eager to do something but ready to help too.
I scrolled through the archive under the search of ‘nature sounds’ and came to find that even this was alphabetized. “Let’s see if my monkey brain will appreciate this.”
When I hit play Rocky jumped a bit. A seagull screech started the audio off with a bang, and the sheer volume of the waves crashing into the shore was incredible.
“I’ve listened to some animals in your nature movies, but is this really what earth sounds like, question?”
“By the ocean, yes. Earth has some really neat ecosystems,” I listened to the waves with an ache of nostalgia and awe, “and the sounds are something that has inspired all sorts of art and writing.” I turned around and headed back to the warm barrier with my bed’s blanket in hand which I spread out on the floor. Rocky gave me a curious tilt, “Oh, since humans have pretty thin skin, it gets irritated easily by things like sand, so when we’re at the beach we spread out towels to lay on, or get chairs.”
“So you’re spreading a blanket on the floor to try and repeat that experience, question?” Wow, I really was losing it.
“Pretty much yeah.” I said with a laugh.
“Ok.”
The warmth from the hex did remind me a bit of a summer day, but just listening to the audio actually made me relax. The human mind is a weird hodgepodge of traits and programming that was definitely not equipped for modern day, let alone for space, but it did comfort me to know I had this little mental trick up my sleeve. For the next time I felt the restless energy of this leveled up seasonal depression.
“Thanks for being patient with me.”
“You had a problem, I wanted to help fix it. Or at least, help you feel better in this moment.” The sounds of the ocean made me homesick, yet, I felt a little better.
“Well, that’s enough.”
-
“It’s too quiet, say something.”
“Ok?”
“Hey see? You got the inflection right!” I tapped the glass for a fist bump which he returned slowly, “You’re getting really good with tone too, I can decipher more now, hang on I’m going to go add this to my notes and,” I was about to get up when I realized he had started to laugh. “What?”