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It takes Dean a grand total of fifty-five seconds for him to gain his bearings before he realizes the nightmare fucked him up a lot more than he thought it did. The blankets on the bed are soaked and mussed up despite the fact that he had fallen asleep on top of them. Dean felt his stomach churn, his mouth filling up with saliva.
Dean finds himself running to the bathroom, thankful that the last time he had used the bathroom he’d left the toilet lid open. He kneels down, bruising his knees as his shitty McDonalds burger is tasted for the second time.
He wants Cas. Maybe that’s selfish to say. He’d gotten used to having Cas's company, after Sam had jumped into the Cage, Dean had been distraught. Cas in an attempt to soothe his charge had told Dean they could hunt together. Hunting had given Cas this gateway into Dean’s well-kept secret: his regression.
Before Sam had passed, Cas had seen Dean regress once before, unconsciously after he’d seen his parents in the past. Cas had assumed it was a side effect of time travel and hadn’t thought much of it. Until it happened once more after their third hunt as a duo. Cas, ever the overachiever, had poured into research on age-regression. Finding out everything he could about it that way he could support Dean. It was a day later when Cas had asked Dean if he could be Dean’s caregiver.
Dean had accepted it begrudgingly. When he was little he was happy to have Cas, and truly Cas was a great caregiver. However, when he was big and he was stuck with the memories of what happened, the memories of being so vulnerable and babyish, it made him nauseous.
When Sam had come back, Dean had pushed Cas away, saying he didn’t need him with him constantly anymore. Cas had looked almost hurt when he’d said it and Dean felt awful after saying it, but he’d missed Sam. And he couldn’t risk Sam finding out.
But then Sam had to ruin it by letting Dean be turned into a vampire and ditching him for their estranged grandfather. Shit. Dean didn't even call to tell Cas about that. But now, here he is, throwing up and he’s slipping. Fast.
When he’s finally done with his current... activity, Dean has to take a quick breath to fully gain control of his emotions. He wants Cas. ‘ But Cas is in Heaven ’ a small voice tells him. But he can’t regress on his own (it’s written in the rules.) Dean knows it’s unavoidable to slip, so he swallows his pride. “I pray to thee Castiel,” he starts, mostly as a joke, but also because the last time he prayed to Cas, he responded to it, “I need your help. Can you come to the Budget Host off of…” Dean racks his sleep sick brain, trying to remember which exit it was “Fuck. 256 I think. I don’t know. I'm in Loveland, Ohio. Uh. Oh! I’m in room 14. Amen?”
There’s silence for a couple seconds, Dean isn’t sure if it worked. After all, it was a really chaotic prayer. He rests his head against the toilet bowl, realizing that his legs were itchy and chapped, and his skin feels too tight for his body. He’s about to start squirming, but then he hears the telltale flap of wings and Cas's heavy steps into the bathroom.
Dean looks up, giving Cas a weak smile. “Dean.” Cas's voice takes on the tone he gets when he’s disappointed. When it lowers, and he uses this intonation that makes him squirm in shame. “Why didn't you call me sooner?”
“I’ve been kinda busy,” he snarks. Cas raises one eyebrow, causing Dean to lower his eyes sheepishly. He kneels at Dean’s side, taking in Dean’s appearance.
“Don’t be a brat,” Cas admonishes. Dean shrugs. Now that Cas is present, he feels the haze of littlespace taking over. “Dean, you didn’t even change out of your jeans. Where’s Sam?”
“He left.” Cas gets up, wetting a washcloth and wiping the cloth over Dean’s forehead. “He’ll come back, he just needed a break.” Dean doesn't mention the nightmare he had about the whole ‘he let me be turned into a vampire’ thing.
“You’re burning up. Have you been taking care of yourself?” He can’t bring himself to lie and say yes, so instead he nods. Cas gives him a doubtful look.
“Tomorrow’s supposed to be a research day, I was going to look some things up, maybe talk to a witness or two.”
Cas sighs, “You can do that on Sunday, tomorrow you’re recuperating,” Cas gently grasps Dean’s jaw and makes Dean look at him. Dean’s eyes begin to water, the touch bringing up memories of their months together. Dean sniffles fighting back the tears, this causes Cas to soften. “You’re regressing, aren't you?”
Despite the voice in his head telling him he shouldn't, telling him that regressing is pathetic. He’s thirty-two years old, he shouldn’t need the comfort of Cas to help him get over a stupid nightmare. Dean nods.
Cas doesn't seem mad, Dean takes that as a win. Instead, Cas ruffles Dean’s hair softly. “Alright, before you regress, can you answer some questions?” Dean nods once again. “Do you have your little bag up here?”
“Didn't think I’d need it,” Dean admits. “It’s in Baby, under the driver's seat so Sam wouldn’t see it.” Cas nods. Dean had missed having Cas's touch, he’d gotten so used to it when Sam was in the Cage. Cas asks Dean if he thinks he could stay Big for two more minutes, and Dean wants to say no, wants to beg Cas to stay and hold him tight. But the stupid niggling feeling, his years of John coming back to remind him that he doesn't need this. It’s something that he’s ashamed to admit still plagues his thoughts.
Cas gives him a kiss on the hair, it nearly makes Dean drop right there but the John sounding voice keeps that from happening. Cas walks as fast he can, just short of running, and Dean hears the door close behind him.
His heart clenches as he realizes he’s now going to be Cas-less for a couple minutes. He wants Cas now. And he knows it’s selfish.
But for fucks sake, maybe he should be allowed to be selfish.
Since Dean was a kid, he’s always been selfless. He’s always had his priorities set on other people. It’s always been Sam or his dad, and it’s never been Dean. Sam always got the last bowl of cereal. Dad needs help with a hunt. Sam needs a permission slip signed. Dad is drunk and needs help getting up the stairs of the motel. Beating after beating, bruise after bruise, trauma after endless trauma. And all Dean was taught was that he was an ungrateful brat for being annoyed.
God forbid Dean get upset after getting punched for hustling a three-hundred-pound guy at pool. Or it was Dean’s fault for getting roofied in a seedy bar that he shouldn’t be allowed in for another seven years. And when Dean got arrested, arrested for stealing bread and peanut butter for Sam after John didn’t give them enough money. He was left to rot for two months. He was lucky Sonny had been a good guy, it could’ve been a lot worse.
That being said, he doesn’t regret taking care of Sam. He loves his brother, his kid . Except that’s the problem, Sam’s practically his kid. Dean recognizes that as unfair, he knows he shouldn't have been the one to raise Sam. He knows he should've had someone taking care of him. And now he does. That’s not selfish is it? Having Cas take care of him. No, it’s just some sick version of divine retribution.
Dean’s ripped out his thoughts by the sound of the door slamming, and then Cas is padding into the bathroom. “Hello, Dean.” Dean hums in response. He feels himself begin to age down, and he’s pretty sure Cas can see it in his eyes. “What were you thinking about?” Cas asks. This time, Dean hears the tap of the sink start again, and he fills it with water.
“Nothing,” Dean replies, his voice is a lot smaller. He’s still not fully in littlespace, but he wants to be so badly. He just needs that little (no pun intended) push.
Cas holds the shitty motel glass up to his lips, “Swish and spit.” Dean obeys, taking a sip of the water and using it to get rid of the vile taste in his mouth and then spitting into the toilet. “You’re still on the floor,” Cas remarks. Dean nods in response, Cas reaches up over Dean, first he shuts the lid on the toilet and flushes it. Dean scrunches his nose at the noise, Cas thinks it’s pretty freaking cute.
“Yeah,” Dean confirms.
“What happened to make you react like this?” Cas seems to genuinely care. Still, Dean doesn't want to tell him. Dean doesn’t want to admit his weakness.
He hangs his head in shame. Cas lifts Dean’s chin up with his pointer finger making Dean look at him. “It’s stupid,” Dean says. Cas keeps a hard look on him, a look of concern bleeding into his eyes. “I had a nightmare.”
Cas nods, “Do you want to talk about it?” Dean shakes his head. Cas doesn't react. “Okay, then we don’t have to talk about it. Do you want to regress?” He redirects Dean’s thoughts instead, watching as Dean nods and opens his arms to Cas.
“Can I?” The two words make Cas melt and he smiles softly, he leans forwards letting Dean wrap his arms around Cas's neck.
“Of course, Dee.” The nickname is crucial. When they first started Dean needed to make a clear distinction between him when he was little and when he was Big. Cas called him all sorts of nicknames when Dean was regressed, but Dee was a clear change. Cas takes a breath and then sighs before asking the million-dollar question, “How old are you today?”
It’s always a hit or miss question with Dean. Sometimes Dean didn’t want to answer. Other times, Dean would grin and hold up how old he was in fingers with pride. It’s not that Cas couldn’t gauge Dean’s age, he very easily could. Dean had tells: the way he spoke, how clingy he was, what toys he wanted to play with. To Cas, who’d been Dean’s caregiver for just over a year now, it was obvious. But asking gave Dean some clear control. Dean held all the control in the relationship, Cas wouldn’t do anything without his consent, still, with the help of
asking Dean the question, he got clear boundaries.
Dean was always young, he’d told Cas that when they first started. He’d never gone over the age of four because that’s when the trauma really started. It’s when his mom died and when he was parentified. When their relationship first started Dean hovered in the two and a half to three years range. A couple times he had ventured into the four-years-old category. Cas didn’t mind, this was to help Dean not to help Cas. Even though having someone to care for did indeed help Cas too. Once they’d gotten comfortable, Dean started going younger, his young now being just under twelve months and his oldest being just below four years (even if it's incredibly rare that he goes over three.) So Cas went from dealing with a very young kid to a baby. It meant Dean was comfortable with him, and they both recognized it as helpful.
Dean pulls away from the hug, blushing a bright red as he holds up two fingers. “Two,” he says softly. Dean then promptly puts those two fingers in his mouth. Cas gives him another kiss on the head, something Dean had grown to love after months of being with Cas.
“Such a big boy, aren’t you?” Dean nods excitedly, Cas takes in his appearance once more. Dean’s face is now clean thanks to Cas's earlier wiping of it, but he still looks rumpled due to the nightmare and the subsequent kneeling. “I think we should get you in the bath, hm?”
“Nuh-uh. No bath.” Dean’s t and h blended together to make a slurred sound. Cas had noticed that earlier on, Dean lost a good amount of vocabulary when he was little. He also struggled with pronunciation of certain words, and other words defaulted to mini-slang (for lack of a better word) that actual human children would use. So Cas had had to make a Dee-tionary to be able to understand him.
Cas stands up, picking up Dean and placing him on the toilet. “Yes, you need a bath. You’re all sweaty,” Cas reasons. Dean crinkles his nose, almost as if he just realized he was uncomfortable.
He did in fact just realize he was uncomfortable, “Icky.”
Cas nods, “Yes… Icky ,” he repeats. It sounds foreign in Cas's deep rumbly voice and it makes Dean giggle. “Bath time now, honeybee. You can even have a couple of toys and some bubbles.” Dean grins widely, a big difference from the ill man Cas had walked in on the floor only a couple minutes ago.
Caa has to admit he’s grateful for Angel Mojo. Dean’s little bag is just a normal duffel bag that has all of Dean’s supplies in it. The bag has some Mojo working in it that allows it to be much larger on the inside. It’s the same magic that’s applied to Cas's coat allowing him to store things in the inside pockets.
He grabs Dean his three favorite bath time toys, a purple haired Barbie mermaid that he once sheepishly asked for when they were in the supermarket, her matching sparkly pet dolphin and a plastic green boat. In addition to that, Cas grabs Dean’s favorite bubble bath, Dean deserves to be spoiled, Cas would stand by that.
He comes back, and Dean had clearly been watching him from the bathroom, almost as if he was worried that Cas would disappear. Dean seems to relax when Cas comes back in, he sits back against the toilet. Cas runs his fingers through Dean’s hair. Cas gently tugs the two digits that were in the little’s mouth out of their cage. “Hold your toys for me,” Cas requests. Dean takes the three toys happily, already going to play with his doll's hair. Cas doesn’t remember her name, Little Dean changed it every time he played with her.
Cas would like to say that by now he is a pro at starting bubble baths. He pours out two capfuls of the soap and lets it sit at the bottom before starting the water. After that he figures out how to start the tap and waits for it to turn to the correct temperature before plugging up the drain and letting it run. He takes Dean’s toys and places them on the side of the tub, Dean gives Cas a harsh pout. Immediately Dean places his thumb in his mouth. He helps Dean stand up, he’s still shorter than Dean but he feels so small next to the angel. “Arms up, honeyDee,” He has to remove his fingers from his mouth but Dean still finds himself giggling at the variation of his favorite nickname.
Cas is glad that Dean had removed his flannel before going to bed, it’s one thing that would probably be annoying to get off of him. Cas grabs the hem of Dean’s shirt and pulls it over Dean’s head. Dean squirms as he’s stripped, he lets out a shrill whine, a clear sign he’s overtired and a tantrum is coming. When Cas gets a clear sight of Dean’s face he gives him a pointed look. Dean has the gall to look sheepish. Cas then kneels, undoing Dean’s button and zipper and hooking his fingers around edges of Dean’s pants and underwear pulling them both down in one swoop.
Dean covers his face with his hands, cheeks flushing red with embarrassment. “Papa!” Cas has to admit, he gets a rush of pleasure at the name. It took Dean a while to trust him enough to call him that and now Cas relishes in it.
“I know,” Cas hums, voice comforting the young little, “almost done and then it’s bath time.” He can’t lie and say he understands Dean’s hangups with nudity. He knows it’s probably because Cas is an angel and nudity and genitals aren't something to be judged by celestial beings. Maybe it’s something to do with Dean’s past? There’s a lot Cas hasn’t covered in thinly veiled talks with a half-regressed Dean. “Right leg up.” Dean obeys. Cas moves the pant leg, “left leg up.” Dean obeys. Cas moves the pant leg. “Good boy.”
Dean beams at the praise, something he didn’t get a lot as a child and something he’s now more than grateful that Cas gives an abundance of. Cas removes the pants fully, then gestures for Dean to bring his legs up again to discard Dean’s socks.
When Dean is all ready for the bath Cas goes to get up, he blows a raspberry on Dean’s tummy. It unleashes another giggle from his lips. Cas guides Dean to the tub, letting him sit in the bath and get comfortable before handing Dean his toys. Cas grabs one of the scratchy motel room washcloths and the other glass. He makes a mental note to ask Dean to buy ones that would be kinder to his skin.
Cas starts with Dean’s hair, taking one of the small bottles of shampoo and squirting the soap into his hand. Dean begins playing with his toys, telling Cas a hazy story about how the princess and her pet dolphin are saving the ship from sinking. Or at least that’s what Cas thinks it’s about. It’s a lot of Dean making assorted noises and moving his doll around. Dean’s also muffled by his fingers, which have found their home in his mouth, he’s currently sucking on his index and middle finger but sometimes he’ll switch to the thumb. He runs his hands through Dean's hair, lathering it up in shampoo, he fills the glass up with water from the tap. “Fingers out of your mouth and lean your head back for me.”
“But Pa-”
“I know, little one, I know, I’m interrupting your story, I’m so evil,” Cas feels bad about cutting Dean off, but he needs to keep the bath short and sweet. Obviously, Dean is pretty upset at being cut off too as he pouts at Cas. “Don’t give me that look. Think of it as a break between chapters,” Dean seems satiated, he lets Cas gently tip his head back and cover his eyes. He pours the water over Dean’s head refilling and pouring until his head is void of bubbles. “We should get you some proper bath materials,” Cas says absent-mindedly, he carefully combs through Dean’s hair, “you can’t keep using complimentary motel items.”
Dean doesn’t respond, Cas knows he was talking to himself. He lets Dean go back to playing and immediately he makes a noise of a dying plane and dives his mermaid into the water. Then Dean’s fingers find their way back to their home in his mouth. Pleasant… Cas hurries the rest of the bath up, Dean continues waving around his toys and pointing to things. Cas doesn’t really know what’s going on in the story anymore, but Dean still enjoys telling him things about it. He makes Dean take another chapter break when he washes the conditioner out of his hair. Then he wets the washcloth and carefully scrubs down each part of Dean’s body.
Dean tenses a little, Cas knows exactly why that is. He goes slowly, eyes on Dean the entire time as he travels down Dean’s body. The water is beginning to get cold, and Cas needs to finish. He’s still thorough, glad Dean wasn’t splashing him the entire time like he normally is. When he’s done he raches next to Dean and pulls the plug of the tub. “All done, we should get you ready for bed, shouldn't we?”
Cas takes one of the towels and helps Dean stand up. He takes Dean’s toys leaving them in the sink to drain the water. He covers Dean with the towel, and Dean gets out of the bath. It takes Cas only a couple seconds to get Dean dry. Cas is thankful that Dean left his toiletries in the bathroom that way Cas doesn’t have to leave his charge alone. He takes Dean's brush and brushes out the tangles, Dean’s nose is scrunched up in anger the entire time. Cas turns Dean towards him and boops his nose eliciting an adorable laugh from Dean.
Dean does end up being left alone, but only for a couple seconds as Cas grabs what he needs to get Dean dressed. “Dinosaurs or bees, Dee?” Cas calls, there’s silence as Dean is making his dire choice. Cas takes the miniature break to pull out a sippy cup for him.
“Dinosaur!” Dean finally answers, he elongates the second half of the word and the ‘o’ comes out more as an ‘a’. It’s truly an endearing Cas checks the bag to make sure they have a matching sippy cup. They do. He leaves the empty sippy cup and a half-filled spice bottle of cinnamon on the bed side table to be filled with milk after.
Cas re-enters the bathroom, Dean has sat on the toilet and he looks very bored. His fingers are in his mouth again, he seems to be chewing on his index finger while also sucking his thumb. “Come on, little one, up. You need to get ready for bed.” It normally is a hassle getting Dean ready, but today it hasn’t seemed that bad.
Until Cas pulls out Little Dean’s “protection” (so to speak), “No!” Dean cries once he sees Cas remove the cursed item from behind his back. “‘M a big boy.”
Cas lets out a sigh, “Yeah, Dee. You are.” It’s an age-old argument between the two of them. Despite the fact that Dean knows that he needs it, and usually is less antagonistic about wearing one after having many, many accidents when little during the beginning of their relationship. Cas feared Dean might act out like this, and he was right as Dean’s eyes started to water and fat, crocodile tears threatened to leave them. “Shh, don’t cry. I understand you're upset.”
Dean hits the wretched thing (even the word makes him want to gag, he refuses to say it aloud) out of Cas's hands. “Don' need it!” The tears Dean had been very close to since he woke up from his nightmare began to fall. “No!”
“Dee,” Cas says it in the same tone of voice he uses on Big Dean when he’s disappointed, it only makes Dean cry harder. Cas just shakes his head good-naturedly and lets Dean cry, every once in a while Cas will hum a soft, “You’re okay.” or “I know.” to give Dean a welcome comfort.
He takes the seconds that his charge is distracted to a couple of squirts the lotion has and runs his hands over Dean’s legs. He then massages the lotion into his arms, he tugs Dean's hands out of his mouth to cover them with lotion and then moves to his back, and finally onto Dean’s tummy, there's a thin layer pudge over his muscles, something Cas was particularly glad about because it meant that Dean was feeding himself properly. The repetition of the circles on his tummy gave Dean something else to focus on besides his tears.
He looks down at Cas with watery eyes, “Papa,” he murmurs. Cas wads up a small amount of toilet paper, wetting it before he dabs under Dean’s eyes, the skin there is so sensitive anyway.
“You’re very upset, aren't you?” Dean nods, “That’s okay, honeybee. I know. Do you feel any better now that you’ve cried?” Dean nods again. Cas presses a kiss to his belly. “Now, when you’re Big and go on hunts, do you bring all the big boy weapons?”
“Uh-huh,” Dean replies. He chews on his lip.
“And why’s that?” At the same time the two respond, “For protection.” Although, Dean’s sounds more like ‘Fa p‘tection,’ Cas nods, making Dean smile. “Right, so little boys,” Dean goes to protest but Cas shakes his head. He points at Dean’s chest for effect. “ little boys need a different kind of protection, and that’s okay, Dee. Understood?”
“Yeah…” Dean trails off, but he lets Cas do what’s necessary and diaper him, the word still makes him feel nauseous but at least he has Cas there to help. His cheeks are bright red by the time it’s done, but it’s over soon.
Cas then has Dean step into his footy pajamas and place his arms through the sleeves. Cas then starts at the bottom and drags the zipper all the way up. It's a cream onesie covered with multi-colored dinosaurs all over. Dean’s hands once again find their way to his mouth, Cas really needs to give him something cleaner to occupy his lips.
He decides he can leave the mess in the bathroom until Dean falls asleep and instead he picks Dean up and places him on his hip. Angel strength strikes again, Dean rests his head on Cas's shoulder, one arm around Cas's neck.
Cas uses his grace to clean the bedsheets and make the bed. Thn he deposits Dean on the bed but Dean goes to reach uo to stay attached to Cas. “Just a couple minutes, honeybee, I’m making you a sippy cup,” Dean looks suspicious but lets it go.
He slides the bag of little supplies over to Dean, Dean immediately starts rooting through it. Cas grabs the sippy cup and cinnamon off the bedside table. He sits back frustrated when he can’t find what he wants. “Papa!” Dean calls. “Need Zeppie and Tally!”
Zeppie, short for Led Zeppelin, is Dean's stuffed bee that he treasures like gold because it was the first stuffed animal that Cas gave him. He sleeps with it every time he’s little because it smells like Cas and he misses Cas even when his caregiver is present. Tally, short for Metallica, is Dean’s blanket that practically never leaves his side when little, it’s almost always in his hands. It was once again something that Cas gifted Dean and it was a pale yellow with satin edging and the embroidery of a bee and the word “ honeybee ” on it in a curly script. It was the first thing Cas gave Dean, even before Zeppie and Dean will never let it go.
“They should be in your little bag!” Cas replies.
“Nuh-uh!” Dean’s eyes fill with tears again. What if he lost them? He sticks his hand in the bag, searching for them once again.
Cas sighs, Dean had gotten milk for himself, lactose-free milk too. He warms up the milk in the microwave for forty-five seconds, then adds two sugar packets and two sprinkings of cinnamon. According to Big Dean, it’s the way Mary would make him milk when he was younger and Cas was all for keeping traditions. He mixes it with one of the motel room spoons and places the spoon in the sink.
Cas places the sippy cup on the bedside table, Dean reaches to grab it. “Ah-ah. That’s too hot for little boys to grab on their own.” There’s silence as Dean and Cas are in some sort of staring match, and then slowly Dean goes to grab it again. As if just because he’s slower Cas can’t see him. “Dee, no.”
Dean looks dejected at the sippy cup, but brightens when Casroots through the little bag and pulls out Zeppie and Tally. Unbeknownst to Dean he also pulls out Dean’s matching pacifier. He hands them both to Dean who hugs them tightly and places the pacifier on the table.“T’ank you, Papa!” Dean holds the fat bee in his hand whilst rubbing his face against Tally.
“Would you like a story or TV?” Dean thinks about it for a second.
“Sco’by, Papa! P’ease?” Cas smiles at Dean, he retrieves the remote flicking through the channels until he comes across a new Scooby Do o episode starting. Dean’s immediately engrossed in it and seems to ignore it when Cas goes to Dean’s actual bag and grabs a pair of sweats and t-shirt to change.
Although it’s not Cas's usual attire it’s much more comfortable for his charge to cuddle with him in that rather than Cas's standard suit and coat. After that, pulls back the covers and gestures for Dean to climb under. “Come here, honeybee. You want your sippy cup?” Dean climbs over to Cas, slotting himself in the space next to Cas. His legs tangle with Dean’s, the little’s head on his shoulder. Cas wraps an arm around Dean, fingers threading through his hair. The other holds Dean’s sippy cup for him as both of Dean’s hands are occupied.
Cas leans over and presses another kiss onto Dean’s crown, grateful to have his charge back in his arms. It's been rough since Sam came back, and that’s not to say Cas wasn’t grateful that Sam was back. Dean was never happier than when Sam was around, and Cas might be a bit selfish for wanting Dean to himself.
Greed was part of the seven deadly sins, something he was taught about when the world was being created and he was a young angel. Now he’s several billion years old and has Dean, and Dean is so unbelievably special. The Righteous Man, crafted perfectly in God’s image and Cas thinks it might be okay to be selfish about his time with Dean.
It’s okay to want to be the only one who gets to hold him, the only one who gets to see him at his most vulnerable. Dean was special, his charge, and Cas was going to treat him as such. Dean unconsciously moves closer to Cas, he takes the last couple of sips from the sippy cup, the warm milk taking its effect on Dean. Now Dean was just chewing on the nipple of the cup, so Cas carefully removes the cup and replaces it with the dinosaur pacifier. Dean accepts it immediately. “My little Deanosaur,” Dean giggles at the name and Cas genuinely thinks that every time he gets a laugh from Dean, an angel gains its wings.
“Rawr,” Dean responds, muffled around the pacifier. His eyes begin to droop and Cas thinks he might be falling asleep. “Papa?” He says suddenly. Cas hums waiting for Dean to continue. “Can I tell you about my nightmare?”
Dean’s speech is too advanced for his young little age, but his voice still sounds small. Cas thinks he might be in the in-between stages that way he can talk. “Of course, little one.”
“I thin’ there’s somethin’ wrong with Sammy,” Dean admits, if Cas weren’t a celestial being he wouldn’t have been able to hear it. “We were huntin’ the other ‘eek, v’mpire nest, and one of ‘em got me!” Cas tenses as he realizes where the story might be going. “They turned me, ‘nd Sammy knew! Was there, saw ‘im. Said he couldn’ stop ‘em, ‘nd we had a cure.” Suddenly Dean’s quiet. “If the cure hadn’ worked, would you still care about me?” Cas guesses that’s what the nightmare was about, Dean being turned, Cas ceasing to care about him, Sam leaving.
Cas thinks he might smite Sam Winchester, wherever the hell he is, for hurting Dean like this. However he can’t show it. He feels Dean age down completely again. Cas kisses Dean’s hair, then temple, then cheek. He hugs him tighter making sure Dean knows he’s loved. “Listen to me Dean Winchester, I will never ever stop caring about you. Even if you are a vampire, you changed me, and I will always protect you. I’m not leaving you alone, alright? I’m staying with you after this hunt,” Cas decides. Heaven be damned, Dean comes first.
“No bye-bye?” Dean asks. Cas shakes his head.
“No goodbye,” Cas confirms, “I love you, Dee.”
“L’ve you too, Papa,” he humbles sleepily. He presses a pacifier kiss to Cas's chest, his way of showing love. His eyes shut, his hands clutch tightly around Zeppie and Tally. Cas reaches for the remote and turns off the TV and in the quiet of the night, Cas begins to hum Hey, Jude .