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Jeffrey’s smile never faltered. It was easy, since it was fake. A smile that was void of any emotion, yet seemed so friendly. It was devious, Jeffrey knew, yet like armor the fake smile protected him.
“Thank you for your time”, the man sitting across from him said, his voice tense, and then stood up and, with quick steps, took his leave.
Jeffrey didn’t bother saying anything in response, and neither did he turn around to watch the retreating figure. The man’s business card lay next to Jeffrey’s hand, and he made no attempts to pocket it as he placed the money, which included the man’s share, down on the table. The amount was undoubtedly much more than what their bill would have come out to be, but Jeffrey didn’t wait to collect the change. The waitstaff bid him goodbye as he exited the restaurant, and Jeffrey raised a hand in a wave, giving them his most charming smile. He heard someone huff, and he had to force himself not to scowl as he turned to the offended person, not quite in the mood to deal with anyone.
“That has to be the most depressing attempt at a smile I’ve seen! From you, at least.”
Jeffrey blinked, the annoyance disappearing almost immediately at the sound of the familiar voice. The grinning face that greeted him had him break out into a smile of his own, a smile that caused his eyes to light up and dimples to appear on his cheeks, a real smile.
“Chim!”, he exclaimed happily , jogging the short distance to his boyfriend. He pulled him into an embrace, and gave him a quick, but loving, kiss. He heard Joachim giggle as he pulled away, and his eyes shone with glee as he took in Joachim’s joyful expression.
“I almost thought I wouldn’t get to see you this time!”, Joachim said, his tone, though teasing, doing nothing to hide his happiness.
“Sorry, I know I’ve been busy ever since I arrived”, Jeffrey mumbled, nuzzled into Joachim’s neck, paying no mind to the fact that they were on a busy sidewalk. He couldn’t care at that moment, Joachim’s presence was healing and he needed something to distract him.
“Meeting didn’t go as well as you were hoping?”, Joachim asked.
“It went completely off the rails”, Jeffrey responded with a scoff. “No, it wasn’t even on the rails to start with!”
“Aww, my poor Jeffy!”, Joachim exclaimed, gently stroking Jeffrey’s hair as a way to comfort him. Though his words were playful, Joachim’s eyes as he gazed upon Jeffrey were sincere.
“What are you doing here anyway?”, Jeffrey asked, making no moves to pull away from Joachim even when he saw someone taking a picture, probably the paparazzi. It didn’t matter. His relationship with Joachim was hardly a secret at that point, and he had the power to ensure Joachim’s face didn’t get printed. So long as Joachim didn’t face any sort of harassment, and the Claremont name was in no way defaced, Jeffrey couldn’t care less about what new story the media concocted.
“I was shopping nearby”, Joachim explained. “Lucky for me, I passed by just as you were coming out with that pouty face of yours!”
“… Was it really so obvious that I’m upset?”
“Hmm… maybe not obvious . But I could still tell.”
Joachim smirked, as handsome and charming as ever, and Jeffrey found himself wishing they were in a more private location. He wouldn’t have had to hold himself back if they were. “So you’re free right now?”, he asked instead.
“I do still have shopping to do.”
“Mind if I tag along?”
“Oh? No meetings to get to?”
“I had one more after this, but it got pushed to tomorrow. So I’m free for the rest of the day.”
“Wasn’t your schedule for tomorrow completely packed already?”
“… I’m gonna work overtime. Again.”
“Oh no, my poor little Jeffy!”, Joachim cooed and linked his arm with Jeffrey’s, eyes twinkling as he grinned. “We better make sure that you use this time to rest then. Do you want to head back to your hotel? We can relax there.”
“Didn’t you say you had more shopping to do?”
“Oh, pssh!” Joachim waved a hand dismissively. “I can do that later!” He then placed both his hands on his waist and grinned. “Being able to spend time with the busiest person I know is much more of a luxury! And I don’t want you to ruin your health, so I’d honestly much rather you get the chance to relax. I can drag you around with me some other time.”
“So you still intend to drag me around, then?”
“But of course! We can worry about that later, though. Let’s focus on you for now, shall we? So, what do you want to do? Head back? Or do something else?”
“Ah, while I would certainly love to head back to the hotel with you, I’ve not had lunch yet.”
“… You just came out of a restaurant. And what’s wrong with the hotel room service?”
“I only had a drink. Also, I’ve been having far too much of the hotel food these days. Pretty sure I’ve tried everything on the menu!”
“How come you didn’t eat during the meeting?”
They began walking and Jeffrey shrugged, looking annoyed again. “I could tell from pretty early on that we wouldn’t be seeing eye to eye. If I’d ordered food for myself, I might’ve been stuck finishing it even when everything went south.”
“And the person you were meeting with?”
“Probably had the same idea. He only stuck to snacks and drinks.”
Joachim simply hmmed in response, but the look in his eyes told Jeffrey his curiosity had yet to be satisfied.
“Okay, out with it!”, Jeffrey said. “You clearly want to ask something.”
A smile made its way onto Joachim’s face, and he let out a short laugh. “You know me too well, Jeffy!”, he said, and his smile then became somber. “Would it be an NDA violation for me to ask about the meeting?”
“Depends on what exactly you want to know about.”
“It’s not like you to get that mad. You have enough experience dealing with, well, uncooperative people.”
Jeffrey assumed Joachim was talking about what had happened during the time their relationship was still in its infancy: once when he had been pushed into the pool, and again when he had been asked to sabotage Joachim. Calling the involved people “uncooperative” was likely being too nice.
“Even I have a point beyond which I get annoyed, you know.”
“And I’m curious to know what that point is! Come on, Jeffy, out with it!”
Jeffrey laughed, the sound normally associated with joy was emotionless and hollow, a cold, bitter sound. “He had a “business strategy that could potentially double our earnings”, as per his words”, he began, and he was a bit surprised at how calm his words sounded even when he was internally seething. “I decided to hear him out. After all, it was to the benefit of the company! Or so I thought…”
He trailed off, but it was enough for Joachim to pick up on the situation.
“I’m assuming it was more than just a hard to implement strategy.”
“Heh, it would’ve been easy to carry out! Only thing we’d have to do is lie to people, while not quite being legally incorrect, and there we have it! Legally extorted money lining our pockets!” He scoffed, and he wondered if Joachim’s concerned expression was any indication of how much distaste he was openly showing on his face. “I’m done taking advantage of others for money.”
He didn’t need to elaborate any further, he could tell Joachim knew what he was referring to. Joachim tugged on his arm, pulling him away from the busy sidewalk and towards a nearby park, and Jeffrey allowed himself to be led. The park was mostly empty, a family here, a couple there, but mostly quiet, peaceful, and Jeffrey felt the tension in his shoulders fade away as the noise and bustle of the city faded into the background.
“Sorry, we’ll go have lunch right after this”, Joachim said as he led Jeffrey to a bench and gestured to him to sit down.
“Sure, but what’s this about, Chim?” Jeffrey sat, and Joachim stood in front of him. Jeffrey looked up into Joachim’s eyes, as confusion clouded his. “Chim? What—”
Jeffrey’s words were cut off as Joachim’s arms wrapped around him. He found his face pressed against Joachim’s chest as Joachim held him tightly.
“You’re still beating yourself up about what happened with Ricky, aren’t you?”
Jeffrey was a little proud of how well he’d been able to hold himself together, refusing to allow the mess of emotions that wanted to rise up from within him take over, right up until that point. But Joachim’s words unraveled something inside him, and a jumble of thoughts Jeffrey could barely make sense of at first made its way out of the murky darkness in his mind.
“… I hurt him, Chim!”, Jeffrey hissed out, and he was glad Joachim couldn’t see his face. He knew Joachim would worry if he saw how close to tears he was. “I thought… I was doing it for Harry. But I was wrong. All I did was hurt Ricky for no reason.”
“He’s not mad at you, Jeffy. Not anymore.”
“But will he forget the pain I caused him?” Jeffrey only heard silence, and he let out a humorless chuckle. “Thought so”, he whispered.
“He wasn’t the only one who was hurt”, Joachim said. “You were hurt too, and so was Henry.”
Jeffrey felt Joachim’s hand on his head, fingers brushing through his hair. He closed his eyes and recalled his childhood days, when his mother would stroke his head the same way to comfort him whenever he’d have a bad dream, and he’d repeat the action to comfort Richard who always came to him . He recalled the innocence of the child who looked up to him, and the heartbroken expression of the young man he betrayed. He bit his lip hard enough that it hurt, yet somehow didn’t draw any blood. Was this a subconscious sense of self-preservation, one that wouldn’t allow him to harm himself despite how much he had hurt his precious brother?
“Ricky was hurt far more than either of us”, Jeffrey hoarsely said.
“Maybe so, but that doesn’t change the fact that all three of you were in pain.” Joachim’s voice was calm, soothing, and Jeffrey was relieved he was there, keeping him from being alone with his thoughts.
“Ricky lost the only life he has ever known because of me, while I went around smiling.”
“Even though you were smiling, I know you weren’t happy.”
Of course he did, Joachim had seen the Jeffrey of that time. And he noticed these things, he always did, even when Jeffrey tried to hide it. He didn’t feel a need to hide much from Joachim though. “You're right”, he said, “I was miserable. I hated myself for what I did to Ricky. But no matter how miserable I was, I’d still always be able to fake a smile.” Another hollow laugh. “Disgusting.”
Jeffrey felt Joachim’s touch disappear, and momentary panic took over him. It went away just as quickly, however, when Joachim sat down next to him, taking his hand.
“What’s so disgusting?”, Joachim asked, resting his head on Jeffrey’s shoulder. “You only ever tried your best for your family. You threw around those fake smiles in the Claremont family’s name. Everything you did was for your family, for the people you care about so deeply.”
“How could I claim to care about a person I willingly betrayed?”
“Everyone makes mistakes, Jeffy. Sure, some mistakes might be bigger than others, but think about it this way—if you hadn’t interfered, perhaps Ricky would never have been sent down the path that allowed him to meet Iggy.”
It wasn’t a very good argument, who knows how life would have played out for Richard after all, and Joachim definitely knew that as he gave Jeffrey a lopsided grin, and this time, Jeffrey let out a heartfelt laugh, throwing his head back and covering his eyes with an arm in a poor attempt to soak up the tears that had begun to stream down his face. He felt Joachim press against his side, their hands still clasped together.
“You know that gemstone you wear? The one that changes its colour based on the lighting?”
“What about it?”
“I think it’s a bit like you.”
“… Hah?”
Joachim leaned against the backrest, making himself comfortable, as he thought for a moment, likely trying to figure out how to string his words together into an explanation.
“Iggy once mentioned that the stone changes colour based on the lighting”, he finally said, and Jeffrey nodded. He knew that, of course. “Like the stone, you also change based on your surroundings”, Joachim went on, his eyes trained on a gap between the trees through which the busy road was visible. “When you’re in a situation where you must smile, the only side you allow others to see if yourself is that of the confident and hardworking businessman. But there are also situations where you let your vulnerable side slip through, like right now. Both of these sides are part of the real you, so even though your smile might be fake, the you who is always trying his best to smile even when things are hard is in no way disgusting.”
“… I’ve mostly heard people who are like that be described as chameleons though. A gemstone is a new one.”
“So you’d prefer to be compared to a chameleon? Well, if that’s what you want, who am I to complain?”
“Wait, no, that’s not what I— No, no, a gemstone is perfectly fine!”
Joachim grinned at him, and that was when Jeffrey realized his tears had stopped. He let out an amused huff as a gentle breeze blew past, ruffling both their hair, looking at Joachim lovingly. “Thanks, Chim”, Jeffrey said, and Joachim squeezed his hand.
“I’m here for you, Jeffy, whenever you need me.”
“I love you, Chim.”
“Mm-hm, I know. I love you too, Jeffy… regardless of if you’re a gemstone or a chameleon.”
“What—? Chim! Way to ruin the moment!”
Joachim laughed, blocking the weak punches Jeffrey threw at him, and Jeffrey found himself laughing along.
The park didn’t feel quite as silent anymore.