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Ranpo woke up to the distant gurgle of a coffee machine and a tiny pitter-patter across his bedroom floor. Groggily blinking his eyes, he sat up and glanced to the side of his bed to find Karl nibbling on some chips he must have stolen from the trash can on the other side of the room. A loud yawn escaped his mouth as Ranpo trudged into the kitchen to see what Poe had made him for breakfast that day.
“Good morning, Dear. Did you sleep well?” Poe greeted him. The older man set a plate of crepes on the dining room table, alongside two mugs - one filled with coffee, the other with hot cocoa.
“I would have if you weren’t being so loud! Really, I don’t understand why you even drink coffee. It’s a chore to make and way too bitter…” Ranpo rambled on about the shortcomings of coffee as he ate. Poe simply smiled back at him, used to the man’s bluntness.
“Sorry for waking you. Though, it’s already 11, so it was about time you got up.” Ranpo gave him a sour look and finished the rest of his breakfast in silence. It was peaceful. The couple liked moments like these; the agency was always so chaotic, so it was nice to just enjoy each other's presence sometimes. Ranpo made an odd face as he took a sip of his cocoa, but Poe didn’t pay him any mind. He didn’t want to disturb the quiet that had washed over the room. The cicadas humming outside, the scraping of forks against plates, and Karl - who was still eating his trash chips - were the only sounds in the apartment.
Or they were, until Ranpo slammed his head onto the table and groaned dramatically, “I’m gonna die, Ed!”
“Is everything ok?” Poe asked, concerned despite already knowing the answer he’d receive.
“No! Obviously not! I feel like I might throw up…” The detective replied, dragging his body off of the chair and onto the floor. He laid there for a few minutes, hearing Poe hurry into the kitchen, presumably to find some kind of medicine. His stomach hurt and his throat felt tight. His head had been aching since he woke up, but he assumed that was because of the noisy coffee machine.
“Cmon,” Poe returned from the kitchen and pulled Ranpo up by his armpits to carry him to the couch.”You must have caught a cold - here, take this,” He handed Ranpo a small medicine cup filled with nighttime Mucinex, knowing that he refused to take pills because "they look too much like candy, so I’ll probably chew it." After Ranpo said that, Poe made sure to keep all of the pill bottles in their apartment too high for him to reach without help.
“No.”
“Ranpo, don’t you want to feel better?”
“But this medicine tastes so gross! If I don’t throw up from being sick, then I’ll definitely hurl from that disgusting stuff”
“Then I suppose we won’t be able to go to that new bakery tomorrow. What a shame, their tiramisu looked so good…“ Poe turned away, covering his mouth to hide the smirk that spread across his face. Of course, Ranpo knew Poe was bribing him, but the thought of missing out on such delectable pastries was terrifying enough to convince him to take the medicine.
“BLEH!” Ranpo made as big of a scene as he could. If Poe was allowed to mess with him, then who’s to say he can’t give him a taste of his own medicine? - no pun intended. “Why would you do that to me, Ed?! You’re terrible, tricking me!” Ranpo wailed as he slammed the now empty medicine cup onto the end table next to the couch. Poe simply hummed, not wanting to indulge in Ranpo’s tantrum, and took the medicine cup to the kitchen sink to rinse it out.
Thoroughly frustrated at not being able to annoy Poe, Ranpo got up from the couch to make his way to the bedroom. His eyelids felt like lead and just trying to put one foot in front of the other was becoming more difficult by the second. He must have given me nighttime medicine, Ranpo deduced, but didn’t he say I needed to be awake during breakfast?!
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Karl, who was attempting to steal a lollipop from the stash Ranpo kept in his bedside drawer, skittered to the floor and onto Poe’s side of the bed as Ranpo entered the room. He flopped onto the bed, and probably would have fallen asleep right that moment if the window wasn’t wide open, sun shining straight into the detective’s eyes.
“Ranpo?” Poe asked as he opened the door, “Ah, there you are. Are you tired?”
“Mmf” Ranpo grumbled in response.
Poe made his way over to the window to close it after seeing Ranpo’s eyes squeezed shut at the light. He then moved over to the bed and sat on his side, reaching out to place a hand on the younger man’s head. Ranpo leaned into his touch as he began gently combing through his hair. A content sigh escaped his lips as the detective drifted off to sleep.
A few hours later, Ranpo woke up to find Karl snuggled up in his hair and no Poe in sight. After attempting to get out of bed to look for the writer and nearly falling face first into the ground, Ranpo figured it would be best to stay in bed with Karl for a bit and wait for Poe to come back.
As much as he loved the raccoon, Ranpo wasn’t ecstatic at spending who-knows-how-long with him until. Karl was cute and sweet and always there when he was needed, but only for Poe. To anyone else he met, Karl would usually hiss and nip at their ankles. Ranpo supposes the critter thinks it's protecting Poe by doing this, but in reality it’s just a pain in the butt for all of his friends.
Well, maybe I can use this time to get closer to Karl! Ranpo reached into his hair and petted the raccoon, occasionally scratching his head or belly. It was going well until Ranpo apparently petted him too much, causing Karl to pull his hair and jump off the bed.
“What was that for?! You little brat…” The last part was mumbled to himself, scared that Karl might actually understand the insult and want to take revenge.
Karl nudged the bedroom door open and left, leaving Ranpo alone and sick and with nothing to do and utterly miserable. He thought about playing a game - he had just bought Final Fantasy VII Remake and was already loving it - when he remembered that all of his consoles were in the living room, save for his 3DS which was in Poe’s office. He could also read one of Poe’s manuscripts that he left on his bedside table, but the idea of reading only worsened his headache.
So, he settled on laying in bed, wallowing in his own misery while awaiting Poe’s return from wherever the hell he went. This sucks. How am I supposed to solve cases if I can’t even get out of bed? And I can’t play video games or read Poe’s stories, and my throat hurts too bad to eat any candy! Ranpo’s mind continued listing all the things he couldn’t do while sick. He became so invested in making himself depressed, that he didn’t notice the bedroom door opening as a tall, curly-haired writer walked in carrying a tray with something on it.
A hand placed itself on the detective’s arm, jolting him out of his thoughts. At the same time, Karl returned to snuggle into his lap, having seemingly gotten over how overly affectionate Ranpo could be.
“I’m sorry for startling you, but are you feeling better?” Poe questioned, setting the tray onto the bedside table and placing a chaste kiss on Ranpo’s forehead
“You better be! And no, not really - I’m bored.”
“That’s… not exactly what I meant - Anyways, you need to take another dose of medicine.”
“Does that mean I’m gonna pass out again?”
Poe snorted, “No, Dear, this is daytime medicine.” He must really be out of it if he’s asking such obvious questions as that.
“Oh. Well then, what am I supposed to do aside from sleep?”
“I made you some soup,” Poe gestured towards the tray he had sat on the bedside table, holding a bowl, spoon, and cup of tea. “So you should try to eat some. Then we can watch a show, if you’d like?”
Ranpo mumbled something - probably a complaint knowing him - but agreed. Poe sat on the side of the bed, moving the tray to Ranpo’s lap, and picked up the spoon.
“I can feed myself!”
“Love, you couldn’t even stand up. I don’t want you making a mess, so I think it’d be best if I fed you this time.”
“I can stand up, watch,” Ranpo moved to get up before Poe pushed him back down.
“Don’t, the tray is in your lap Ranpo!”
“Oh yeah…”
“See? Please don’t make this more difficult than it has to be.”
Ranpo sighed and let Poe bring a spoonful of soup to his mouth. He decided that it would be too tiring to keep arguing (and definitely did not think Poe had a point).
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Two hours later, the couple was curled up on their bed, Poe’s head resting atop Ranpo’s shoulder, a laptop sitting on their legs playing an episode of Pokemon Sun & Moon - one of Ranpo’s favorite shows to rewatch, despite the boring plot. Poe only put up with it because he found the Pokemon cute. He took a particular liking to Zizagoon, saying it reminded him of Karl.
Poe felt his body become heavier and heavier as the episode continued, and knew he would soon succumb to sleep. Ranpo still seemed wide awake, though he had slept most of the day, so it only made sense that he wouldn’t be tired.
Poe was startled from his almost-slumber by a song sounding from somewhere next to the bed. It sounded like something from a kids show, and Poe thought he recognized it as the theme song to some show Ranpo had told him was his favorite when he was younger.
The detective leaned to the side, grabbing something and causing Poe to fall over onto his lap. For a moment, the older man was confused, until he heard Ranpo speaking.
“Hello? Yeah, this is Ranpo.”
A muffled voice.
“Seriously? It’s my day off, plus I’m sick. Can’t you find someone else to take care of it?
A slightly more annoyed muffled voice. It sounded familiar but Poe couldn’t place his finger on where he’d heard it before.
“Fine, fine. You guys really are helpless without me, huh? Well, I’ll be there soon.”
Ranpo put his phone down on the bed, banging his head against the headboard and groaning.
“The agency needs you?”
“Yup, and Kunikida is making me come in even though I’m dying.”
“Hm, I suppose there’s nothing you can do about it if even Kunikida insists you go…”
Ranpo sat up to put on something work-appropriate since he had been wearing his PJs all day. He searched through the closet until he found his usual messenger-boy-esque uniform and slipped it on, then moved to the bathroom to fix his hair.
Poe had stayed on the bed the entire time, hoping to come up with a solution. He could call the agency and explain the situation, but he doubts Kunikida would change his mind. Plus, he’d really rather not have to make a phone call - they’re far too awkward for him to handle. Of course, there was another possible solution, though he was worried about what Ranpo might say if he suggested it.
“Quit thinking so loud!” Ranpo yelled at Poe from the bathroom.
“Ah, apologies Ranpo-”
“Don’t apologize, it’s fine,” the younger man murmured. Despite him being in the other room, Poe knew there was a slight blush creeping up Ranpo’s face. So stubborn…
A moment later, Ranpo continued, “That’ll never work, Ed. You may be smart, but the agency called for me for a reason; they need the best detective they can get for this case!”
Poe was almost surprised at Ranpo practically reading his mind, then he remembered that this is Ranpo, so of course he knew what the other man was thinking.
Poe was going to suggest he go in Ranpo’s place, but as much as he hated to admit it, Ranpo was probably right. Kunikida insisted that he come into the office to help, despite being sick, so it must be an extremely difficult case - one that Poe would have trouble solving on his own.
Wait.
On his own! Of course!
“Took you long enough!” Ranpo grinned at Poe, having returned to the bedroom after finishing getting ready. He extended his right arm, holding out Poe’s cape.
“My mind must be a bit foggy from nearly falling asleep earlier.” Poe chuckled.
“Yeah, yeah, I don’t care why you took so long to figure it out. Just hurry up and get ready, we need to go!”
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20 minutes later, the couple stood at the door of the Armed Detective Agency. Ranpo threw the door open and skipped to his desk, where Kunikida was standing, tapping his foot and glancing around the room. In his hand was a thick stack of files.
“Hellooo Kunikida!” Ranpo drawled.
“Ah, Ranpo, I’m glad you could make it. And...Poe?”
For a moment, Poe was worried he was unwelcome in the agency. Kunikida seemed unsure addressing him. Ranpo was right, I probably won’t be of any help with this case. I should have just stayed home. Ranpo can deal with this himself; he’s capable. I’m sure he’s had to come in sick before. This was so stupid I-
“Poe,” Ranpo grasped his hand and gave him a stern, but caring, look,”we should look over the case file before we leave, c’mon.”
Of course. Obviously Ranpo would know Poe was overthinking. For once, the writer was thankful that the other could practically read his mind. Poe let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and smiled down at Ranpo, hoping that would convey his thankfulness for him cutting off his anxious thoughts.
Poe followed him to his desk as Ranpo sat cross-legged in his chair. The detective pulled out a bag of chips from a drawer in his desk, handing a chip to Poe and popping a handful in his mouth.
“Well,” Kunikida set the stack of files he was holding on Ranpo’s desk, “I’ll leave these to you two to look over. There was a murder in a warehouse on the other side of Yokohama, We sent Atsushi and Junichiro to investigate, but they couldn’t find a thing. We would have called Dazai, but the bastard won’t pick up his phone.”
Ranpo sifted through the files and sniffled. “Ugh, I’m guessing we’ll have to go to the warehouse and do all the work, then?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Fine, then we should get going, right, Poe?”
“Ah- yes. Hopefully this won’t take too long.”
Without another word, Ranpo jumped up from his seat, took Poe’s hand, and ran out the agency door, waving back at Kunikida. Poe stumbled a bit being dragged down the stairs to the café below the agency.
“Poe!” A strong voice exclaimed, “Why didn’t you tell me you’d be here today?!”
The man turned his head towards the counter to see Lucy, a young girl from the Guild who he’d somehow managed to befriend despite her bold personality.
“Lucy, I’m sorry, I didn’t expect to be visiting today. I wish we could talk, but I need to go help Ranpo with a case! Perhaps we could catch up soon, though?”
Poe heard Ranpo mumble something about not needing the writer’s help, but he chose to ignore that comment.
Lucy glanced down at their intertwined hands - Ranpo hadn’t let go since he dragged Poe out of the agency - and scoffed.
“Whatever, go be all lovey-dovey at a crime scene without me. Weirdos…” The last part was said under her breath since she was slightly afraid of what the detective might do if he heard her insulting him. Poe wasn’t offended; he knew Lucy well enough to know she didn’t mean what she said. He also knew her well enough to know she was slightly jealous of the couple. She had had a crush on the Guild’s tactician, Louisa, for a year now and still hadn’t managed to make any progress in their relationship.
Poe felt a bit bad, but more than anything he was sick of her pining. Being friends with both Louisa and Lucy meant having to hear both of them rant about their ‘unrequited love’. He had tried telling them time and time again that they should make a move, that surely it wouldn’t go too badly, but neither of them seemed to be able to get it through their heads that the other really did return their feelings.
“Are you two done?” Ranpo interrupted Poe’s thoughts.
“Yes, sorry for the distraction Ranpo. I’ll see you later Lucy.”
“You should call me!” She called out to them as Ranpo pulled Poe out the door.
“You know I won’t!”
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Almost an hour later, the couple arrived at the scene of the crime. Kunikida had been right; upon first glance there was no evidence to what had happened there at all. But Ranpo and Poe, being the geniuses they were, could tell what had happened within a minute of looking over the scene.
“Seriously? This wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it’d be.” Ranpo huffed, placing his hands behind his head and leaning against a wall of the warehouse.
“Yes, I have to agree, this case really didn’t prove to be much of a challenge.”
“I mean, it’s pretty obvious the father was killed by his daughter using a kitchen knife. There’s a ton of blood and it’s all over the place, so it was probably a pretty dull blade. Plus, the necklace buried right here,” Ranpo motioned at the ground near one of the larger blood splatters, “must have been matching with her dad’s. It’s like she was asking to be caught.”
Poe nodded in response, pulling out his phone to check the time. It was around 6 pm, meaning Ranpo would need to take some more medicine soon.
As if on queue, the detective started violently coughing, hunched over with tears beginning to form in his eyes. Poe ran to his side and placed a hand on his back for support. A couple minutes later, the coughing had mostly subsided, leaving Ranpo out of breath and with a stronger headache than he had had to begin with.
“Better?”
Ranpo looked up and gave him an exhausted expression. “I guess… but I still feel sick. Didn’t you give me medicine earlier”
“Yes, but by now the medicine has worn off. We should get home soon so I can give you another dosage.”
“M’kay. I’ll just text Kunikida the culprit of this case on the way home.”
“Is-is that okay?” Surely the man wouldn’t be content with a text message, right? Poe didn’t know him too well, but from his few conversations with Kunikida, he knew just how strict he could be. It doesn’t take a genius detective to figure out that, no, a text message definitely would not be okay.
“It’ll be fine! This isn’t some big case or anything.” It was big enough they had to call for you, Poe thought.
Knowing he wouldn’t be able to convince Ranpo to go back to the agency to deliver his conclusion in person, Poe sighed. He took the shorter man’s hand and began walking to the entrance of the warehouse where their ride was waiting to take them back.
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Ranpo opened the door to their apartment and collapsed in the entryway. Poe gave him a sympathetic look and stepped around him. Karl, who had been sulking on the couch, waiting for the couple to return, scrambled across the room and into Poe’s arms. The writer scratched the raccoon’s head for a moment before moving him to his shoulder.
“I’ll be back in a moment with some medicine, so stay put.” Poe said as he walked through the living room and into the kitchen.
“It’s not like I could move even if I wanted to!”
Drama queen, he was perfectly fine when we were at the warehouse. How much worse could he have gotten in only an hour?
As it turns out, a lot. Poe took Ranpo’s temperature, only to find it had gone up to 101℉. After briefly panicking since he was convinced this was the end for his detective boyfriend, (‘Poe, you tried to kill me, so why are you so concerned about some silly cold? Do you really think something like that could do me in when even you couldn’t?’) Poe carried Ranpo to their bed and gave him another dose of medicine. At first, Ranpo complained, saying he would have nothing to do and would yet again be plagued by endless boredom. He only shut up after Poe left the room, coming back with a bowl of ice cream.
“I looked for cough drops, but it appears we’re all out. I’ll have to run to the store to get some more. Anyways, hopefully this will soothe your throat a bit.”
Ranpo didn’t care if the ice cream would set his throat on fire, he had been deprived of sweets since this morning and was willing to do just about anything to get some. His throat hadn’t actually been hurting that badly, but he knew they were out of cough drops, and knew that Poe would give him ice cream as a replacement, so he devised the perfect plan to convince Poe he needed something to soothe his poor, poor throat. A plan that consisted of whining until he got on Poe’s nerves enough that the man went looking for cough drops.
“Mission Success,” Ranpo whispered.
“What was that?”
“Nothing, nothing!”
Poe wasn’t an idiot, he knew what Ranpo was doing, but it had been a long day, and frankly, Poe was too exhausted to argue with the younger man any more. So instead, he laid down on his side of the bed and let Karl curl up in his lap.
After he finished his ice cream, Ranpo licked the spoon clean and set the empty bowl on his bedside table.
“Hey Ed?” Ranpo yawned.
Poe nodded at Ranpo to indicate he was listening.
“I’m tired…”
“Really? It’s only 8 p.m.”
Karl crawled out of Poe’s lap and sat in Ranpo’s, looking up at him with puppy eyes and pointing at the ice cream bowl next to the bed. Ranpo swatted his hand and turned back to Poe.
“I had to go to work while sick, of course I’m tired!”
“I suppose you’re right.”
Poe left the room for a moment to get pajamas for the two of them and to wash his face. When he returned, Ranpo was scratching Karl’s head lazily, eyes glossy and puffy. Poe tossed the clothes to Ranpo and the couple changed before turning off the light and getting into bed.
Ranpo tucked his head against Poe’s chest and the older man wrapped his arms around his waist.
“Hey Ed?”
“Go to sleep, Dear.”
“I will, I will. But can we go to that bakery tomorrow?”
“If you’re feeling better, then of course.”
Poe pressed his lips to the top of Ranpo’s head as he smiled.
“Goodnight.”
“G’night.”