Chapter Text
Eddie watched with mild amusement as his best friend took off across the parking lot, with far too much energy than should be deemed acceptable at such an early hour in the morning. It was barely 7 am and all he wanted to do was wrap his hands around his second cup of coffee of the day and allow the warmth to seep into his fingers.
It had been a long time since Eddie had stepped into the station’s parking lot, with the purpose of going to work with the rest of his team instead of clearing his locker and collecting a few of the things he’d left lying about and had forgotten to pick up on his last shift.
And now here he was, a different person. A person who was learning that just maybe therapy wasn’t the worst thing in the entire world. And maybe just maybe everyone was right when they told him it was okay to ask for help every once in a while.
But that being said different person Eddie Diaz wasn’t the reason he was back. The reason he was back was the same reason why he left; Christopher.
A few months earlier during one of their weekly Buckley-Diaz movie nights as Buck liked to call them, the name which made Christopher giggle and Eddie roll his eyes, he made an offhanded comment about how he missed showing off to his friends at school that his dad is a firefighter. His dad saves people from burning buildings for a living and his dad could save people in the back of an ambulance.
Eddie had simply laughed and ruffled Christopher’s hair because what was he meant to say when his child said something like that? From his peripheral view, he could see Buck smiling sadly at the television screen however when he looked at Christopher he wasn't finding the situation funny in the slightest and was wearing a serious look on his face.
Later that same evening when Eddie was finishing up with Christopher’s usual bedtime routine (with Buck hovering behind him in that way that seemed like he still wasn’t completely sure about his place in their lives) and hugging him goodnight, Christopher clung to him just a bit tighter than usual, murmuring into Eddie’s sweater that he wanted him to be happy again in the job he loved.
Again Eddie didn’t say anything in response and crept out of his room, allowing for Buck to also say his goodnight.
But the words never stopped circling his head for the following month. Whenever someone asked what he worked as the words firefighter were on the tip of his tongue, daring to leave his mouth if they were ever given the chance.
He tried his best to ignore them. He really did. The prospect of rejoining the 118 didn’t come to him till the accident.
The accident was very much as it sounded - an accident.
Eddie and Christopher were on their way home from Bobby and Athena’s birthday BBQ and a car had missed a red light barrelling straight into the side of Eddie's truck. Miraculously neither of them suffered any life-threatening injuries but the other driver wasn’t so lucky and something about that stuck with Eddie. That even when he wasn’t directly putting himself in danger and was completing ordinary tasks his safety could never be guaranteed.
So a week later, with Christopher’s consent, of course, Eddie was on the phone with Bobby about reintroducing himself back into the 118 if there was space on the team. He knew sometimes it would be impossible but he requested to take a step back from the front lines meaning he wouldn't always be able to be Buck's partner. That was fine he reminded himself because it wasn't like any of the possible partners he could be matched with were unbearable to work with they just weren’t Buck.
“Come on, we are going to be late,” Buck yelled, waving manically for Eddie to hurry up and join him by his side.
And that was another thing that had changed. Buck was happy again. Wide smiles and info-dumping at every opportunity.
And because it was Buck - and Eddie was very much in love with the other man - he quickened his pace to join him by his side, barely able to keep the bashful look off his face.
They made it to the station in plenty of time, in fact, it was far earlier than Eddie usually turned up for his morning shifts. He fished his phone out of his back pocket and checked once more to see if he misread anything but Bobby’s email was clear as anything. This was the time he needed to arrive.
Inside the station, the lights were dimmed and it was quiet. Eerily quiet and Eddie had a growing suspicion that something was about to happen. He looked to his left and saw Buck standing there perfectly composed as if was normal for the usually lively station to be half-dead at seven in the morning.
“Buck what’s going on?” Eddie asked taking a tentative step forward. “You know I don’t like surprises.”
This was true. The last time someone pulled a surprise on Eddie he had managed to elbow Athena in the face who had looked the opposite of pleased to see him and Eddie had made it his job to steer clear of her for the following month. The lights flicked on above them and he had barely enough time to process what was happening before everyone was jumping out from their hiding places that were dotted all over the station.
“Welcome back!”
Eddie jumped about three feet in the air at the outburst, his hand flying to his chest in an attempt to control his breathing which was coming out at a rapid pace.
Chimney, Hen and Ravi were standing at the front and centre of the group holding a welcome back banner between them and a metre or so to their left Bobby was standing watching them with his all too familiar fatherly smile and Eddie felt his eyes prick with tears. Just as he felt a lone tear roll down his cheek (he did not like this overly emotional side of him that had been released from the shadows) they all swarmed towards him and consumed him into a group hug.
Things were finally starting to go back to normal the way they should be and the way Eddie liked them to be.
When they broke apart Eddie looked to his left where Buck was still idly standing, choosing not to take part in that particular hug for some reason and when he saw Eddie looking he sent him a soft smile. Eddie smiled back because how could he not? And Buck took that as a signal to finally step in and he threw his arms around Eddie’s shoulder, pulling him closer till there was no space between them.
Buck lowered his voice to a whisper so that nobody could possibly overhear him, “You have no idea how much I have missed having you by my side.”
*
One of Eddie’s least favourite things alongside technology was change.
In the grand schemes of things change wasn’t an uncommon fear and he was well aware of that but he was certain he was more afraid of it than the average person. One of his fears about rejoining the 118 was that it would have changed. The colours of the walls, the seats people sat at and the smaller friend groups within. However, when everyone had finished exchanging their welcome back small talk and given him a clap on the back they all split off to do their chores within the same coloured walls, in the same smaller friend groups and then when they were done they sat down in their usual seats. It was as if he’d never left.
The only difference was Chimney had returned and Buck was happy again although Eddie didn’t class these as changes. These were fixings wrongs and making them right.
Buck was at his side more often than not, talking his ear off with new facts he’d learnt from his latest research binges and Eddie happily listened along to the sound of Buck’s voice even when he didn’t understand half of the words that were coming out his mouth. He was strongly considering purchasing Buck one of those 100 crazy facts books that kept mysteriously disappearing off Christopher’s bookshelf and then reappearing days later for his birthday this year.
Eddie was also taking advantage of Buck’s ongoing presence by his side. It was as if he had employed his very own personal bodyguard who stopped anyone from approaching and asking him anything too personal about his six-month absence. And if they did try they would receive a glare from said bodyguard while Eddie tried to stifle his laughter into whatever he was doing.
It was the small moments like these, not the big showy moments, just the everyday laughs and conversations that made Eddie realise how much he loved his best friend. Loved him more than a best friend should and Buck was oblivious to it all.
When Buck finally left his spot on the couch to go and raid the fridge for a pre-lunch snack Chimney took the opportunity to approach Eddie sitting down in the seat that Buck had just vacated but unlike Buck, Chimney understood the concept of personal space.
He was all calm and collected and not shifty at all. It was certainly not shifty that he chose the exact moment Buck was across the room to ambush Eddie.
“So Eddie, how's your first day back?”
Eddie didn’t bother to look up from his phone where he had been scrolling through the latest newsletter from Christopher’s school. “Mhm, it’s been ok.”
It wasn’t a lie. Today was going as good as he expected it to, better even. But at the same time, he wasn’t about to bear his heart and soul to Chimney who he was the least close with out of everyone in the close-knit group they had created.
“That's all you got to say.”
Eddie finally switched his phone off and dropped it face down on his lap so he was able to give Chimney his full attention. “Is there something you want to say?”
“Well, I can’t say anything when he.” He gestured across the room to where Buck was now sorting through the contents of the fridge. “Won’t stop watching your back like a hawk.”
Eddie rolled his eyes, “You’re exaggerating. He’s not that bad.”
“It is and you know it! If it was anyone else you would have told them to fuck off by now.” Chimney threw his hands up in exasperation because it seemed Eddie was far too enamoured to care with Buck crossed the line.
“Harsh.” Eddie paused for a moment. “But true.”
Chimney raised his eyebrows at the admittance because this was a new thing - admitting others were right about his feelings was not what Eddie Diaz usually did - but Chimney moved on quickly. “Anyway, that’s not what I'm here to talk about.”
Eddie stayed silent as he waited for his impending doom to leave Chimney’s mouth. Whenever he was cornered in a situation like this, no matter the person, it never ended well for him.
“It’s been a year since you broke up with Ana.”
Something about the mention of his ex's name for the first time in forever made his stomach twist in a not-so-pleasant way. If Eddie tried hard enough he could pretend their disaster of a relationship never existed. The way it should have been.
“And?” He asked cautiously, afraid of what else was to come.
“Do you think you are ever going to try again?”
Eddie made an involuntary sound (of horror) in the back of his throat, “Me and Ana are long over.”
The last he’d heard of her was from a friend of a friend of a friend about how she was excelling at her job. Of course, that wasn’t a surprise it was clear she adored her job just from the way she spoke about it. That was one of the things Eddie liked about her (past tense) it gave them something in common. But Eddie preferred to keep the past in the past and Ana was the past.
The only person outside of Eddie and Ana’s relationship who knew exactly what went down between them was Buck.
And Eddie didn’t even mean for that to happen.
The original plan he’d come up with in his head was to tell everyone their relationship ended in amicable terms and they’d sat down at the dining table and realised they weren’t compatible together and that was a half-truth he supposed. There was no fight just it didn't happen in the dining room.
But that plan went out the window late one night when they were both tipsy and loose-lipped, exchanging stories from their past that they wouldn't dare share sober and it just slipped out. Eddie was unsure about how much Buck remembered from it but if he were to place a bet he would say he remembered it all. He felt a stupid rush of relief run through his body at the knowledge that Buck hadn’t gone blabbing to everyone about Eddie’s mess of a life. But at the same time, this was Buck. He wasn’t just somebody.
His therapist also knew what happened but Eddie didn’t really count that as another person because of their rule of client confidentiality and all that. Sometimes he could trick his mind into thinking they were a robot and sharing his feelings with a robot was much easier than an oxygen-breathing human being.
So all everyone else knew was the original plan. The amicable break-up at the dining room table.
“No, I mean just dating in general.” Chimney sighed.
“I’m done with dating. Forever.” Eddie replied, adding the word forever to emphasise the point that no blind date or random person walking into his life was going to change his attitude. He looked back down at his phone again which was now just a blank screen having switched itself off because of inactivity.
“Ok.” Chimney shifted in his seat as if he was about to leave, but he didn’t. Instead, he moved a bit closer to Eddie. “What’s your type?” He finally asked after a moment of silence.
“I’m done with dating,” Eddie repeated because it seemed even with the added word Chimney hadn’t got the point.
Chimney let out a drawn-out sigh clearly fed up with Eddie’s stubbornness and they had barely reached a proper conversation yet. “Hypothetically if you were to date again who is your ideal partner?”
Eddie sucked in a breath knowing Chimney wasn’t going to drop this easily and he didn’t have the strength to put up a fight especially with the likes of Chimney who would simply enlist Hen to help win this battle.
“My type is someone who…”
He wracked his mind for some sort of description that wouldn't reveal too much but being put on the spot caused his mind to draw a blank and all he could think of was the name Buck which he was certainly not saying aloud.
Finally, he settled on something simple and something everyone knew. “Someone who loves Chris.”
Chimney raised an eyebrow as if prompting Eddie to continue.
He huffed in annoyance, “Someone who I don’t have to pretend with and someone who understands me on another level to everyone else.”
He bit down on his lip as the last word left his mouth to stop himself from revealing too much information. Involuntarily his gaze shifted across the room to where Hen and Buck were bickering over something in the kitchen and then back to Chimney who was looking at him with a knowing look.
“So Buck,” Chimney said carefully gauging Eddie’s reaction.
Something about the hesitance in the way he said it reminded Eddie of Ana. The last part of their relationship was like walking on eggshells, Ana not wanting to say something that would cause Eddie to close off to her and everyone else in the world.
“No idea what you’re talking about.”
“For someone so solemn and stoic you are not subtle in the slightest. Everyone knows.” Chimney gestured with his hand at the entire station as if to prove his point.
And well this was news to Eddie because the first person he had thought to pick up on his feelings was Buck. After all, he could read Eddie like an open book when no one else could. Chimney and the rest of the 118 on the other hand... well they didn't understand him the way Buck did. So for them to know meant... he shook his head trying to stop that train of thought.
“Well, he clearly doesn’t know.”
“He doesn’t know what?” Eddie jolted in surprise at the sound of the cheery voice behind him and leant his head back on the couch so he was looking up at Buck’s looming figure.
He hadn’t noticed nor heard him walk over too engrossed in his conversation with Chimney about his non-existent-and-totally-not-happening-love-life. If he had spoken a second later Buck could have discovered his not-so-secret feelings for him and then his life would definitely be over and he'd barely gotten it back on track.
But before Eddie could start overthinking the possibilities of Buck overhearing a future conversation Buck was rounding the couch and squashing himself into the far too small gap between Eddie and Chimney - whose face was scrunched up in disgust at being in such close proximity to his future brother in law.
“Nothing,” Eddie replied far too quickly for it to be believable. On the other side of Buck, he could see Chimney was trying his best to repress a laugh but he did his best to ignore him.
Buck who was unaware of the fact that they had just been talking about him moved his kitchen discussion with Hen to the sitting area.
“Should celery be eaten alone or with a dip like hummus? Pick carefully.”
“With hummus,” Hen yelled from across the station, having definitely anticipated that Buck would go and ask more people to find at least someone who agreed with him.
“With hummus,” Eddie answered just to be met with a glare from his best friend and a cheer from Hen who was waiting to hear the verdict from the others.
“Traitor,” Buck grumbled as he stared at his pot of plain celery in his hand.
“With hummus.” Chimney agreed, nodding his head very seriously because this was a very serious topic.
“You don’t even like hummus!” Buck protested, throwing his hands up in the air causing his celery to fly everywhere.
*
At the end of his first shift back, Eddie collected his things from his locker and slung his bag over his shoulder, wincing when his locker slammed shut with a bang. As he walked over to do the door he shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets, feeling around for his car keys but for the life of him he couldn’t find them. A moment of panic passed through him as he continued to walk, patting down the rest of his pockets in case he misplaced them, but not wanting to alert anyone around him to his inner turmoil.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Eddie halted in his tracks and looked up to find Buck leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed across his chest and a questioning expression on his face. It was as if he was waiting for something. Someone.
Eddie gestured vaguely in the direction of the car park. “Where do you think? Home.”
Buck nodded slowly and Eddie could see he was trying his best to keep a smile off his face “With a car that is parked on your drive at home.”
Realisation dawned over Eddie as the morning’s events came rushing back to him. Buck dropping by his house before work and then Eddie managing to wangle a lift because he was tired and promising to buy drinks the next time they went out.
“Fuck.” He ran a hand through his hair. “This morning - it’s been so long since…”
“Eddie, I'm playing with you.” Buck laughed, pulling him by the elbow towards the door and out into the cool night air.
Buck’s car was parked in its usual spot in the far corner where it was slightly sheltered from the sun and falling leaves. After Buck unlocked the car with his car keys, which he was purposely jangling very loudly all the way over, Eddie climbed into the passenger seat while Buck joined him in the driver’s seat. For some reason for the first five minutes of their journey neither spoke just listened to the car’s engine and enjoyed being in the other’s presence. Now that life had returned to some sort of normalcy they could finally relax.
It wasn’t long till Eddie was leaning forward, fiddling with the radio changing it from station to station only stopping when he reached a random classical music station and leant back in his chair happily.
Beside him, Buck tutted, “You’re such an old man.”
“You love it.”
Buck didn’t turn his gaze away from the road but a small smile appeared on his face. “Yeah, I really do.”
*
For the next week, Eddie could feel a new pair of eyes following him around the station whenever he was near Buck. If it was cleaning the truck, sitting on the sofa together or just walking side by side. But whenever he looked over his shoulder in an attempt to beat them at their own game those eyes would be looking at anything but him. When Eddie turned around for the hundredth time Buck made a joke about how he was definitely seeing ghosts and used it as further evidence to prove the existence of ghosts.
Eddie also knew it was only a matter of time till Chimney approached him yet again to talk about the matter that won’t be named but luckily Buck was still stuck to his side for the majority of their shifts together. Yes, Chimney could be pushy if he wanted to but he wouldn’t blurt something that big out.
When he opened Eddie locker one morning, having just arrived at the station, there was a sticky note stuck to the inside of the door. Luckily Buck was standing a couple of metres side shucking off his hoodie pulling on his uniform and not paying him an ounce of attention.
Since Eddie left Buck had ‘moved out’ of Eddie’s locker and back into his old one across the room that’d been sitting empty for ages because according to Buck "It felt wrong opening a locker with half of its memories missing." But now that he was back, Eddie knew it would only be a matter of time until he’d find a random hoodie belonging to Buck in his locker and his own socks would disappear and then reappear in Buck’s. It would keep happening till either Buck or Eddie gave up with the idea of separate lockers and just shoved everything in together. They were just predictable like that.
But for now, separate lockers meant he could receive secret notes from Chimney without Buck finding out. Subtly he picked the note off and read it behind his locker door.
You should tell him. xoxo
“What’s that?” Buck asked coming up behind the door and moving it so he could see it too.
“Oh just a note to myself to put the bins out tonight.” Eddie lied, scrunching it up in a fist and stuffing it into his pocket to deposit of when he left, “Nothing important.”
Buck raised a disbelieving eyebrow, opening his mouth as if he was about to question further but before he could the alarm started blaring and they were running out to the change into their turnout coats and climbing into the truck for the first call of their shift. When they arrived at the scene Eddie caught Chimney's eye for the first time that day, having ridden in different vehicles to the accident and Chimney sent him a smirk before turning to the victim he was looking after.
He was having far too much fun with this.
*
“Stir fry sound good?” Bobby asked no one in particular as he pulled out a frying pan from one of the overhead cupboards.
He received a murmur of agreement from the surrounding group (consisting of Buck, Eddie and Ravi) and Buck who was always the over-eager culinary student jumped up from where he was sitting and pulled on the apron Bobby had gifted him for Christmas. At this point, he didn’t even wait to be asked by Bobby to help it was just given that he would drop everything he was doing and join him.
You see Eddie would offer his cooking expertise but he had been banned for some unknown reasons from cooking so now his help was simply listening to Buck’s rambling, singing along (very in tune mind you) to whatever song was playing on the radio or giving out cooking tips that were never well-received by either chef.
Bobby passed Buck an assortment of vegetables and a chopping board and he got to work, working swiftly with the knife, the only sound in the close proximity to be heard was the knife hitting the chopping board. Eddie watched on as Buck continued at the scarily fast pace not daring to interrupt in case he cut one of his fingers off.
By the third vegetable, Eddie couldn’t keep quiet any longer the impending injury too close.
“If you don’t slow down and cut your finger off I’m not taking you to the hospital.”
At the sound of his voice, Buck stopped immediately placing his knife down gently on the chopping board as if he hadn't been hitting it viciously moments before.
“Well, it is good we have paramedics on site then.” He picked up the knife again pointing it at Eddie. “I know you would be the first by my side. My knight in shining armour.”
Bobby turned away from where he’d been lighting the stove and looked between the two of them with an expression displaying his disproval but he kept his mouth shut.
Then Buck was back to fiercely chopping his pepper.
Eddie swallowed against the lump in his throat. There were many things he wanted to say in response but none of them seemed suitable nor did he want to embarrass himself in front of the rest of his team.
“So, you’re the damsel in distress.” He asked, trying his best to sound nonchalant.
Buck paused yet again to tilt his head to the side as he considered what Eddie suggested and Eddie suddenly felt a wave of anxiousness wash over him as he awaited Buck’s response wondering if maybe he’d overstepped the invisible line of their friendship.
After what felt like forever but could have easily been only a few seconds Buck replied. “Exactly and you can save me from my tower and take me to a far off land where we live happily ever after.”
Eddie knew these words meant nothing; it was just good-natured teasing but just the prospect of them sharing a non-platonic future made him feel dizzy in the head.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you about this folktale I was researching the other day called the Lover’s Ghost.” Buck continued changing the topic with an ease Eddie could never achieve, “It began with these two lovers called Judith and John and they were about to get married but then a war broke out which put a stop to these wedding plans. John got called away to help fight in the war leaving behind Judith. He made a promise to her that he would be back in three years and they’d get married and she promised she’d wait for him.”
Eddie watched Buck’s face carefully wondering if this was somehow linked to Abby and Buck’s promise of waiting for her, even though their relationship was long over. Luckily Buck was far too engrossed in his story that he didn’t seem to make the connection between the two.
"After two years the war ended and Judith was so happy because she would finally see her lover again. Every day she would go out to the road which he would travel down to get home but he never appeared."
“Then after three years, she started to become impatient waiting for him to come home every day so she went to visit her grandmother who was a witch. Her grandmother told her to get a human skull from the gravedigger at the graveyard, which she did. When the girl got home, she followed the instructions her grandmother gave her and put the skull and some millet into a large pot. When it started to boil a big bubble appeared and then immediately popped making the sound of a musket firing. The skull started to speak and told her ‘He has started.’ Then the pot made two more firing noises and the skull spoke again saying ‘He is halfway there.’ After three firing noises there stood her lover standing in the yard wearing all white.
“Well, this is not your usual kind of story. Bit dark isn't it?” Eddie commented and Buck sent him a displeased look for interrupting when he clearly just reached the climax of the story.
“I haven’t finished. There's a happy ending which is quite uncommon for these types of stories.”
Eddie held up his hands in surrender but didn't say anything further allowing Buck to finish his story.
What Buck had finished though was chopping his vegetables and he was onto his next task set by Bobby.
“He asked her to travel with him to the country which he was currently living in and she agreed. She mounted the saddle of his horse and he told her the journey wouldn’t take too long even if it was a great distance away from where they were. Throughout the ride, he kept asking if she was afraid and every time, she gave him the same answer which was she wasn’t afraid when she could see him in front of her.
"They arrived at an old burial ground which John called his house when in fact it was the opposite of a house and just an open coffin. He told Judith to get in the empty coffin. Instead of getting in, she turned the question around and asked her lover to get in first. As soon as John got in the coffin she ran away as fast as she could and found herself at an old mansion a few miles away. When John noticed she had disappeared he chased after her but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t catch up with her.
“In the mansion, all the doors were locked except for one which housed yet another coffin. The only difference to the other one was that this one wasn’t empty. There was a man’s corpse in it. When John reached the door, he told the corpse to open the door and let him in. Of course, the corpse followed these instructions.”
The pitch of Buck’s voice became higher as he started to reach the resolution of the story and Eddie found it oddly endearing. He knew he was wearing a dopey smile on his face as he listened to Buck’s story but he didn’t have it in him to care. If anyone questioned it he would simply blame the story saying it was sweet (it was not in the slightest).
“Together the corpse and John agreed to tear Judith to pieces. But before they could, a cockerel began to crow and it was sunrise. The two ghosts disappeared at the first signs of light. Then a man appeared from one of the locked rooms in the mansion and revealed himself to be the owner of the mansion. He thanked Judith profoundly and told her the corpse she saw in the coffin was his brother who kept rising from the dead every time he was buried. Because she had stopped this happening, he announced they were to get married. So, with her permission, they got married. The end.” Buck finished.
Eddie blinked, startled at the abrupt ending, even though he had no idea where the story was going he thought the ending would be different to that. “That’s...nice? You planning on asking someone out like that?”
The moment the words left his mouth Eddie wanted to take them back and slap his hand across his mouth or even better just evaporate on the spot. What sort of stupid question was that to ask his best friend? He prayed that Bobby was too distracted by his task to hear Eddie’s admission. Usually, Bobby tuned out halfway through Buck’s rambles if he knew Eddie was also listening and he hoped this time was one of those times.
Buck shook his head before pulling a face. “Of course not. Just thought it was cool.”
“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, trying his best to sound in control when his brain was yelling at him to run away to another country and erase his entire identity to the point where no one could recognise him.
Buck went back to his cooking without another word and Eddie went back to his quiet watching as if nothing had even been said. It didn’t take long till everything was ready and everyone was crowding around the table and throwing out praise to the chef and the sous chef.
Throughout dinner, Eddie was stuck in his head as he tried his best to convince himself he was a normal functioning human being who could be around his best friend without fucking things up but for some reason, his mind wouldn’t stop replaying in a loop everything he said and the way Buck looked at him like he had grown another head. Now that one person had the confirmation of his very non-platonic feelings for his best friend it was becoming much harder to keep them under wraps because whenever he looked Chimney's way it was like he could read every one of Eddie's thoughts and wasn't that terrifying to think about.
“Eddie? Eddie?” He looked up at Hen who was watching him, eyebrows scrunched up in concern.
“Uh sorry, what.” He asked apologetically, having missed the entire conversation at the table.
“I was saying since some of us don’t have a shift on Saturday night I wondered if you were free to get dinner and some drinks with us.”
“Can’t I’m meeting Janice then and afterwards I’ll probably head home for an early night,” Eddie replied scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.
He adverted his eyes away from Hen and stared at his plate as if it had become the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen in his life. It was better than answering the inevitable questions that would for sure follow and the various thoughts circling around his head.
The mention of a new name caught the rest of the table's attention and he could feel all their eyes on him, except Buck who didn't stop devouring his food any slower than when he prepared it. It didn’t help the way Eddie could practically see the cogs working in Chimney’s head as he figured (or tried to figure out) what was going on. He felt Buck’s foot nudge against his under the table as a non-verbal way of comforting him and Eddie nudged his back in a silent thank you.
“You’re blushing,” Ravi told him helpfully from across the table.
And because of that comment, Eddie felt his face heat up, even more, his blush travelling from his cheeks and down his neck. To everyone else, it must have seemed like he was blushing at the revelation of meeting an unheard of woman on a Saturday night and not the secret nudge he received from his best friend.
“Janice? Whose Janice.” Chimney was the first to ask, jumping up and pointing an accusatory finger at Eddie and Hen who was sitting beside him had to pull him back down so he didn’t knock the water jug over with all his enthusiasm.
Eddie opened his mouth, debating about whether or not to lie to his group of closest friends but it seemed the Gods were pitying him for the first time today as the alarm cut him off and the conversation was forgotten just like that, as they all jumped up abandoning their half-eaten meals lying on the table.
And by the time they got back to the station to finish their plates, no one even brought up her name.
Eddie was safe. Or so he (foolishly) thought.
“You didn’t tell me you were seeing someone. I wouldn’t have kept bringing up Buck all the time if I knew”
Eddie didn’t turn around, putting all of his attention into emptying his locker. “That's because I’m not.” He replied simply.
“Then who’s Janice?” Chimney asked, leaning against the locker adjacent to Eddie’s.
It seemed these days Eddie was having a lot of conversations in the locker room and he wasn’t sure if was enjoying it. At least when he was in the loft he could sit down and not feel shaky on his legs.
And well it had been a long day and he was tired so what else was there to lose? The rest of his team were going to find out one way or the other so he might as well get it over with now and not have to worry about bringing it up in the future.
“My therapist.”
Chimney blinked once, then twice, “What happened to Frank?”
“We weren’t clicking so Buck helped me find a therapist I felt comfortable opening up to. See you tomorrow.” And with that, he slammed his locker shut and walked out of the station.
Chimney stood stunned as he watched him leaving, barely able to lift his hand to wave goodbye. “Oh, goodbye then?”
*
Eddie watched as the second hand moved slowly around the clock in a continuous cycle, his free Saturday evening whittling away before his very eyes. It was barely past 10 pm and he felt exhausted not just physically but also mentally. Supposedly when one felt tired they would close their eyes and fall into a peaceful sleep but no matter how hard he tried when he shut his eyes, sleep never came, just darkness.
It didn’t help that Christopher seemed to detect Eddie’s sour mood and decided to be difficult when his bedtime came around, refusing to get up as he demanded they put on another movie. When he finally deemed it the right time to go to sleep he purposely drew out the process doubling the usual time it took to get dressed into his pyjamas.
Eddie looked above the clock where the paintwork was slightly chipped. It was barely noticeable if you didn’t stare at the same wall for half an hour and what kind of person stared at the same piece of wall for that long? He laughed hollowly to himself and didn’t bother to move from his place on the couch even when there was a knock at his front door. If it was anyone important they would have called or at least left a text or two - not that he knew where his phone was or did he care. He was perfectly happy with the company of himself and his silent house, well that was what he kept reminding himself anyway.
The knock came again and Eddie ignored it again.
There was silence for a few moments after that as if the person was giving Eddie some to make his way to the door. When it was clear he wasn't going to answer he heard the sound of a key in the lock followed by a worried voice, “Eddie?”
And then Buck was standing in front of him clutching a six-pack of beers in one hand and a large cardboard box of something else in the other. Eddie wondered if Buck was actually here, he was meant to be at the 118’s favourite karaoke bar with Hen, or if his mind was to blame and he was hallucinating.
“Why are you here?” Eddie grumbled, burying his face into the sofa cushion.
Buck didn’t seem very put off by Eddie’s negative reaction nor did he disappear into a puff of smoke so Eddie took that as a bonus. Instead, he sat down on the only free part of the sofa which wasn’t occupied by Eddie’s leg from where he’d been lying on it in the hopes of getting some sort of nap.
“Thought I would come and cheer you up after your meeting.”
“Yeah?” Eddie sat up feeling it was only polite to give Buck a bit more room. Besides, it seemed like he dropped his fun night out to come and comfort a miserable Eddie. With the new room created, Buck shuffled up the sofa bumping their shoulders.
“Yeah.” He nodded.
He placed what he was holding down on the coffee table so Eddie was able to take a closer look. He had brought over a large box of chocolates and not just any kind. Eddie’s favourite ones. The expensive ones that were usually kept for special occasions and guests only. And this was clearly not a special occasion by any stretch of the imagination.
He was going to voice that thought till he caught the hopeful look on Buck’s face and shut him up immediately opting to say something totally different and much lighter.
“Thought you weren’t eating chocolate this month because of that new diet you found.”
Buck grimaced at the thought, “I’m breaking it just for you.”
And if that didn’t do things to Eddie’s heart. He felt like a lovesick teenager whose crush just offered him a pen because he’d forgotten his own but this wasn’t a pen. No this was Buck offering Eddie a piece of heart that fit perfectly into Eddie's broken one.
Buck ripped off the plastic packaging leaving just the cardboard box remaining and then opened the box with a bit more care before stuffing a chocolate into his mouth.
“Not even going to read the key card.” Eddie teased fishing out the card which described the fillings of each chocolate. From the number of times, he had eaten this chocolate he knew it off by heart but every time he enjoyed reading what each chocolate was. Especially with the price they cost he wasn’t going to waste half of the excitement.
Finally, he decided on a toffee chew and accepted the beer Buck was offering him, feeling a sense of happiness that he’d been lacking before he’d come over.
“Shouldn’t you be out?” Eddie eventually asked after they had been sitting in silence for far longer than he would have liked.
He knew it was because Buck didn’t want to pressure him into talking when he obviously wasn’t in the right headspace and had done enough talking about his feelings for the day but he really did miss Buck’s silly little rambles which always led from one thing to another and would only end if someone requested for them to.
“Wanted to see if you were okay after your session. Couldn’t really focus when you weren’t answering my texts.”
“Sorry.” Eddie sighed.
He patted around on the couch for his phone knowing he’d left it somewhere between putting Christopher to bed and staring at the clock. He stood up looking at where he was just sitting, checking under the coffee table and behind the cushions. Only when he slid his hand down the side of the couch did he feel something cold and hard that resembled the exterior of a phone. He unlocked his phone and saw the six unanswered text messages from Buck each sounding a bit more worried than the last.
“It’s okay, you know.” Buck moved his hand to Eddie’s knee. “It’s okay not to be happy every single day.”
Eddie nodded silently in response, only half believing Buck’s words. He wanted to believe him, he really did but sometimes it was hard when it felt like his life felt was falling apart and he couldn't do anything to stop it.
His best friend must have noticed that this conversation wasn’t going anywhere, tonight at least and he changed the topic while stuffing another chocolate in his mouth without checking the card again.
He told Eddie about a news article he had been reading that morning about a soccer team. The entire team had banded together to help hundreds of people and Eddie finally felt his eyes fall shut the exhaustion from the past day washing over him.
He knew that he should probably move from the spot where he was currently sat to his bed because falling asleep in an upright position on the couch was the worst idea possible as he knew when he awoke in the morning he would most definitely have cramps running down his back but at the same time, he was tired.
And he was very selfish and very much in love with the man who sat a very small distance from him so he allowed himself to fall asleep. Letting Buck’s voice be the last thing he heard before sleep took over once and for all.
When Eddie awoke the following morning he waited for the feelings of stiff limbs and a crick in his neck to begin. But instead, he felt agony free and found himself lying in his own bed tucked under the duvet cover.
For a moment he wondered if he somehow managed to sleepwalk from the living room all the way to his bedroom but the smell of breakfast wafting through his house answered all his questions.
Buck who had given up his evening out with his friends to look after Eddie.
Buck who had stayed over and allowed Eddie to sleep in while he looked after his son.
Scrubbing the palm of his hand over his eyes he pulled himself out of bed and wandered into the kitchen where Christopher was sitting at the table flipping through the latest superhero comic which had come into his possession.
Buck was to blame for his new interest talking to him about all the old shows he used to watch as a child which lead to Christopher insisting they watch them too. Then he found out about the existence of the comics and well Christopher was spending his pocket money at an alarming rate. A load of luck teaching him the value of money.
When breakfast was over and Buck and Eddie were loading the dishwasher with all their dirty plates and cutlery and Christopher had wandered off to get changed and brush his teeth Eddie threw his arms around his best friend pulling him into a tight hug. Buck froze for a few seconds clearly not expecting the sudden close contact but soon he was clinging back just as tightly.
“Thank you for last night,” Eddie mumbled into Buck’s neck. There were so many things he wanted to say so many things he couldn’t say so a simple thank you had to do.
“You feeling better this morning?” Buck asked when they finally pulled apart and instead maintained eye contact.
Eddie nodded, “Think it was just a bad night.” I love you, you know that? “Couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Sure you could. But I’m always here and you shouldn’t feel like you have to deal with these things alone.”
“Thanks." He paused, "And you know it works the same for you and all.” Buck grinned squeezing Eddie's shoulder.
They went back to clearing up, the radio playing quietly in the background and it was only when Eddie's back was turned that Buck spoke again.
“Oh, and Eddie,” Eddie looked over his shoulder at him at the mention of his name. “Why does Chim keep giving you weird looks?
“Um... what do you mean?” Eddie lied, knowing exactly what looks he was talking about.
He could constantly feel Chimney watching his every move since he’d spilt his guts about his feelings and don’t get him started on the note he found in his locker and Chimney was clearly not being subtle about it because now Buck was noticing it too.
“Maybe I'm just seeing things. Don't worry,” Buck shrugged even though he didn't look like he believed his own words. “Go get changed while I finish up here,” Buck batted him with his tea towel and Eddie obliged, stopping at the door to say one last thing.
“I owe you!”
“Leave now!” Buck yelled back.