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“What did you do this time?”
Lily looked up in surprise as she came through the portrait hole. “It’s late,” she said dumbly, by way of reply.
“Very late,” James agreed as he got up from the couch closest to the fire. “Marauder-level late.”
She glanced at the clock and realised it was well past the witching hour. "Oh. Oops."
"Alright, Evans?"
“We lost track of time.” Lily waved the arm that wasn’t foisted around Marlene’s shoulders, holding the other girl a bit more upright, in front of both their faces. “And found a bit more firewhiskey than we’d realised.”
“You should have sent word.” James shook his head. “We expected you both back hours ago.”
Lily looked around the common room. Given the late hour, well, mind it was more of an early hour at this rate, the fire burnt low in the grate. The Christmas tree lights blinked festively in the corner and the decorations placed around the room added more holiday cheer. House elves had clearly already swept through the normally untidy space, righting cushions and rugs, collecting cups and plates and returning books and lost items of uniform to their rightful owner’s dormitories.
It was also completely empty.
“We?” she echoed, arching an eyebrow pointedly.
She watched in fascination as James flushed, the colour creeping up above his collar and spreading along his neck. “Pad-, er Sirius and I. You know what he’s like, the fussy old mother hen.”
“Sirius. Sirius Black?” Lily could barely keep the laughter out of her voice. “Apologies, no, I’ve never confused Sirius Black with any mothering vibes before. He’s definitely much more the cool dad of you lot.”
“Excuse me, I’m clearly the -”
“Thank you, Evans, not only am I glad to see that you’ve returned, but that you brought your excellent taste with you,” Sirius interrupted James’ affronted reply as he appeared on the stairs leading from the boys’ dormitories.
“I’m never without it.” She flicked her hair back over her shoulder, an impressive feat given she was still half holding Marlene, who was now suspiciously quiet. She nudged her friend's side with her hip. “Oi, you better not be falling asleep standing up.”
Marlene grumbled, turning her head further into Lily’s shoulder. “You said I could when I got here.”
Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes. “That was more of a bribe though, wasn’t it? I had to keep you walking back up to the castle somehow. And anyway, we’ve still got to get up the stairs.” She looked back up to where Sirius now stood next to James, and both boys were watching her. “Honestly, she acts like it was easy dragging her butt through three k’s of wintry landscapes, when all I wanted to do was make snow angels myself.”
“Why didn’t you just levitate her?” James asked, a frown on his face. “Would have been much faster.”
She was shaking her head before he’d even finished. “Couldn’t. Didn’t have the concentration. Might have dropped her or run her into a tree.”
"You seem fine now," he observed. "Hardly even tipsy."
Lily grimaced. "Had to douse myself in sobering charms to get into the castle, didn't I? Couldn't risk Filch catching me after such a good night. What a waste of some good whiskey though." She added this last part a bit mournfully.
Sirius snorted. “My, my, Head Girl. Having too much fun down at the Sticks, are we?”
“Well, it is Christmas, Sirius. We’ve all got to let our hair down sometime.” Lily grinned, completely unfazed at his teasing. “But some of us had a bit more fun than others.” She hip checked Marlene again, who mumbled something about decking the halls. “Speaking of, care to give me a hand?”
“Of course.” Sirius moved forward, and Lily watched, surprised as always at the care and gentleness the normally rough and boisterous man showed when he reached out to shift Marlene’s weight from Lily to him. He used both arms, looping them around her to pull Lily’s best friend into his chest, Marlene’s nose ending up burying into his neck. “Fuck, ah, shit, Marlene. Your nose is freezing.”
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, trying to pull back. But Sirius only sighed and moved his hand to her head, pushing it back down.
“It’s fine.” His fingers started to weave through her windswept locks, stroking and easing out the tangles as he went. “You’ll warm up.”
Lily felt her stomach swooping, feeling ever the voyeur as Sirius and Marlene continued to murmur quiet words and bury so far into each other it was hard to tell where Sirius ended and Marlene began. Sirius looked down at the girl in his arms with such an adoring expression, Lily couldn't help but feel a bit jealous.
But the butterflies quickly stopped mid-flight, falling to the pit of her gut when she caught James looking at her, an odd expression on his face. She stared back, unsure and off guard, the firewhiskey they’d consumed prior to leaving the pub, ‘for warmth’ Marlene had said, still coursing through her veins in a decidedly unhelpful way.
“Right.” Sirius pulled Lily’s attention back to him before she could give James a questioning look or ask what he was thinking. “I’m going to get this one to bed.”
“No.” Marlene tried to pull away from him. “No, no, I promise, I’m fine.”
“I’ll believe you more when you can stand unsupported,” Sirius told her dryly.
She wasn’t deterred. “No, you don’t have to look after me. Lil will get me to bed, right Lil?”
“Evans gave you to me. She wants me to look after you. Right, Evans?” Sirius didn’t even look at Lily as he countered.
The Lil/Evans in question flicked her eyes between Marlene and Sirius. “Uh, I think Sirius has you, Mar. Maybe just go with it?”
“But he’s not my boyfriend,” Marlene whispered to Lily dramatically. “He’s just my, well, you know, my-" She stopped trying to find the right word to explain the last few months of canoodling. "I don’t feel like having sex tonight, I just want to go to sleep.” Marlene turned her face back towards the man holding her. "I don't feel like sex, you'll have to sort yourself out."
It was all Lily could do to not laugh out loud.
Sirius let his head drop to Marlene’s ear, and he spoke quietly, yet the silence in the normally busy, bustling room meant Lily heard him anyway. “I don’t want sex either, Mars. I just want to hold you. So, let me take you to bed, alright?”
Honestly, how was a girl not meant to melt at that? And melt Marlene did. Her head tilted up and down as she nodded, and Sirius didn’t wait around. Moving swiftly, yet still with that elegant grace that Lily had always envied, he moved his arm to catch under Marlene’s legs, tipping her up and into his arms. Marlene let out a small screech that turned into a giggle halfway through, curling her hands around Sirius’ neck and into his hair to hold on.
“Night, you two.” Sirius’ lips quirked as he regarded the two Head students watching the couple with similar expressions of amusement. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“That doesn’t leave much out,” Lily said pointedly.
“Very true, Evans. Very true. Night Prongs.”
“Night Pads.”
As the couple disappeared up the stairs towards the boy’s room, Lily moved back toward the fire, dropping down on the couch that James had vacated when they’d come home. “They are the worst friends with benefits in existence,” she declared, her eyes closing as she leant her head back.
“Truly.” The cushions shifted as she felt James sit down next to her.
“Do you think they’ll ever actually work it out and get together properly?”
“Yes.” James spoke so confidently that Lily couldn’t help but open her eyes and turn her head to regard him. He was staring into the fire, but she could see the tension in his jaw.
“You sound pretty sure.” She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, which was frustrating, because over this year Lily had gotten much better at being able to read him, understand him. It was why she’d found it so hard to keep ignoring the good man he was becoming.
And the attraction she felt that just would not go away.
“I’m sure. I think people who are meant to be together always find a way, in the end.” His words were romantic, soft even, whimsical. But his tone was so harsh, so at odds with his speech that Lily felt like she was missing something.
“I guess.” She cast about for something to say, head turning about the room for ideas when her eyes fell on the coffee table. And the large piece of parchment, currently blank, that was spread across it. “What were you doing with the map?”
He’d told her about their absolute feat of magic, exploring and marauding, when they’d first become Head Boy and Girl, and therefore had to patrol together. While she’d been in complete awe and complete shock to start with, Lily had quickly become adept at using the tool to both spend most of their rounds in the kitchens, but also to her own advantage when she needed to get around the castle quickly and quietly… like when she wanted to start the Christmas holidays with an evening trip to Hogsmeade with her best friend.
James’ breath caught, his shoulders tightening. “I was, we were, watching, while we waited.” He still didn’t turn away from the fire, still leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He cracked his knuckles in front of him, a nervous habit he’d picked up when Lily had banned him from playing with his hair at the start of the year.
She wondered what he was nervous about now.
“Watching?” She asked instead. “But you weren’t on patrol tonight.”
James gritted his teeth, she could see just enough of his profile to make it out in the dying firelight. “No.”
“Then what were you watching for?” Lily shifted forward to look at the map, but given it was blank, it provided no clues as to James’ intentions.
“You.”
It was her turn for air to trap in her lungs as Lily felt herself freeze. “Me? Why?”
“Because you were out late. And we knew you’d both been drinking.”
“We were only coming from Hogsmeade. What do you think could have happened? We’d fall in the lake? We couldn’t, it’s frozen over at the moment.”
He didn’t smile like she’d expected him to. “It’s getting dangerous out there.”
“It’s Hogsmeade.” The bustling, cheery village had been lit up with Christmas lights and joyous carols, even at the late hour they’d left the pub at. She knew she was being a bit naive, but it hadn’t felt like anything bad could happen to them. “It’s Hogsmeade at Christmas.”
“The world is changing. You can’t just go about like it’s not. No one can, but especially not-”
“-not Muggleborns, I know,” Lily sighed. “I get it, I really do. I just wanted to have a nice night for once. Without looking over my shoulder. Without worrying about who might be watching, waiting. I just didn’t want to worry.”
“I worry about you.” James was so quiet, Lily was worried she didn’t hear him right.
“You worry about me? Why?” She scrunched her nose. “I can take care of myself, James.”
The momentary curve of his lips was the only indication that he clocked the use of his given name. She remembered when she’d first started using it, only weeks ago, it had been enough to draw him up short, distract him entirely from their conversation. No such luck this time, apparently.
“It’s not about that. I know you can take out anyone, most days of the week blindfolded,” he insisted. “But everyone is fallible, Evans. Even you.”
“So, what?” Lily tried not to huff. He was speaking in circles, not saying what he meant, she could tell. She wished he’d just spit it out. “You’re just going to worry and watch and act like a guard dog?”
For some reason that made his mouth twitch again. “Not a guard dog, no. Sirius would make a much better one of those, I’m sure.”
“What, then?”
“I just want to make sure you’re alright,” James bit out, and Lily was surprised to hear the frustration in his tone. “Is that so bad?”
“No.” She moved her hand to cover his, wrapping her fingers across his palm and squeezing it. “No, it’s not a bad thing at all. We’re friends. I know you look out for all your friends -”
“It’s more than that,” he broke in. “I need you to be okay. I need you to be safe.” His voice had lowered to a husk and Lily felt those butterflies start to take flight again. James flipped his hand within hers and intertwined their fingers, his thumb rubbing up and down in a soothing motion.
All the touches they’d shared, the friendly half hugs of greeting during their more casual weekend hangouts, the nudges and elbows when Sirius and Marlene did something particularly coupley, his arm around her shoulders when they walked along, her hand on his arm to steady herself, the clasp of a wrist to pull the other through a crowd. All the touches, and he’d never, ever done that.
Those butterflies were the size of hippogriffs right now.
“Why me?” Lily asked softly.
“You know why,” he answered, focusing on their hands until she added gentle pressure to her grip, bringing his eyes to hers. And what she saw made her feel like she was turning into just as much of a puddle as Marlene had for Sirius.
James’ eyes were bright, despite the shadows cast about the room from the limited torches still lit around them. The golds and greens burnt Lily with their heat. It was impossible to look away from the intense emotions she could see in them, emotions she realised either he'd been hiding or she'd been blind to, for all her claims of being able to read him so well.
He cared. Actually, that was quite a lie. James more than cared. Lily could see the depth of his feelings, his feelings for her, in every facet of his expression. The edge of his jaw, still hard with the concern and anxiety he'd clearly felt when she and Marlene had taken longer than anticipated to return to the castle. The slope of his lips, fighting the smile he always managed to summon in her presence, particularly when he knew she needed it. James' smile was like the sun and Lily knew he knew that she relaxed more when he aimed it at her. It would have been embarrassing if she'd not been too busy basking in it. That smile matched his eyes in that moment, those hazel eyes that radiated his own affection for her, just as Sirius' had for Marlene.
Lily nodded slowly, hardly daring to blink, lest the look in James’ eyes disappear. "I have an idea."
He laughed then, though it didn't hold all its usual humour. "I don't think you have any idea." He looked down, and she felt the loss acutely. James played with their hands, turning them to and fro, tracing the tops of her fingernails, pressing lightly into her knuckles with his fingertips, as if playing piano keys. "I don't know how you could have."
She took a deep breath, trying to calm the butterflies into more of an obedient waltz than the tango they insisted on, as she willed every inch of her Gryffindor courage to be brave. "Well, I think I have the same idea. So it's not really that much of a leap."
Their hands stilled, and James’ grip on her became really, really firm. Just short of painful. "I'm sorry, what?"
Lily felt her own grin start as he looked back at her. James didn't look concerned, or disgusted. A bit shocked, sure, but mostly he just looked hopeful. "I think I have the same idea. About you. About us. About how I feel."
"And how's that?" His voice was gravel, like his throat had gone dry and tight, tripping the words out of his mouth. The sound made goosebumps erupt along the back of her neck. "How do you feel?"
"I-" Lily forced herself to take a deep breath, filling her lungs with air and trying to relax her shoulders on the exhale. James added his other hand to their pile, caressing and soothing her at the same time. Helping her find the words.
"I worry about you too. More than a friend. More than I should. I worry about you not being there, when I've gotten really used to you being by my side. I worry that you'll go out and do something heroic, and you won't come home. But I also worry if I don't say something soon, it won't be me you’re coming home too. That you'll move on, though maybe you have already." She knew she was starting to babble, but she couldn't help it. "I don't know. I can't tell. Sometimes I think we have the same idea, but then sometimes I think we are just friends, on your end anyway. But I have to try and I have to tell you and maybe I should have kept some of that firewhiskey on hand because this is by far going to be most embarr-"
As far as interruptions went, it was pretty good.
James' mouth landed on Lily's, stealing her breath as assuredly as he'd stolen the rest of her words. But she couldn't be mad about it. Not when the warm pressure gave way to heated friction, and the feel of their mouths together was nothing short of nirvana.
Her free hand found its way to James' hair and she realised quite quickly the sacrifice he'd made for her when he stopped ruffling it all the time. No wonder he'd been so keen on the gesture, his hair was so soft, so positively divine under her fingers. James gave a low growl as her nails scraped his scalp, sending a shiver down Lily's spine.
The kiss deepened when it should have ended, but who needed oxygen when James tasted better than the very best Honeydukes had to offer? The taste of butterbeer and chocolate, clearly evening snacks as the boys had kept watch for them filled Lily's taste buds, just as his clean, grassy, lemony scent filled her nose.
She might have whimpered when James finally broke the kiss and pulled back from her, but luckily he was too much of a gentleman to point it out. Instead, he untangled their fingers to push an errant lock of hair back behind her ear. He studied her for long moments as their breathing slowed and, at least for Lily, hearts stopped thumping so dramatically.
"Yeah," he finally said, dropping another kiss to her lips. "Yeah, I think you might have some idea."