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beomgyu had always liked soobin's hands.
and no, he had never wished that his hands were as big as the leader's, thank you very much. he was perfectly content with his own.
they were large and perfectly warm, always engulfing beomgyu’s smaller hands in his own like it was the easiest thing to do in the world.
and while beomgyu may like to simply play with his beloved leader’s hands, he also liked to watch the way soobin used his hands throughout the day.
yes, beomgyu admits that he has a small fascination with soobin’s hands. he loved to watch the way soobin would carefully hold a pen and notebook, scribbling lyrics that were patiently waiting to be shared with the world. soobin’s hands would gently caress yeonjun’s hair after a particularly bad day, always reminding the eldest that he was so much more than the nasty words that they would leave about him in their comment sections. soobin would intertwine his fingers with taehyun’s smaller fingers, giving him the support he needed as they talked to each other about the things that worried them the most. out of the blue, soobin would pat huening kai, praising the youngest for the smallest things just to make him smile.
admittedly, beomgyu receives this type of treatment as well, the leader careful to not ignore any of his members. soobin was always so loving, his hands giving them nothing but gentle touches as if he were careful to hurt them, as if they were made of porcelain.
it should’ve been enough, beomgyu knows it. but really, was it so wrong for him to want something more with soobin?
soobin, who had been nothing but patient when beomgyu cried his eyes out in the middle of the night, desperately holding onto the leader as if he were his lifeline.
soobin, who laughed at his stupid jokes, even if they weren’t the slightest bit funny.
soobin, who never failed to make him feel loved and cared for, who knew just how to make him smile with a few simple words.
at first, beomgyu thinks yes. god, it was wrong on so many levels.
beomgyu had not only decided to fall in love with one of his bandmates, but the leader. maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if he had fallen for someone else, but with the leader? it seemed too likely that the others would end up saying that soobin favored beomgyu over everyone else.
well. beomgyu’s getting ahead of himself. he and soobin weren’t even together.
and they probably never would be, but beomgyu’s been harboring feelings for the man with the sweet dimpled smile for a while now. beomgyu bravely decided that he would simply confess to the leader, and he would need to keep himself together when soobin rejected him.
because of course soobin would reject him. he would most likely gently let him down, no doubt, but he would go on and on about how they couldn’t, that it was against the rules.
so. beomgyu takes a deep breath, and slowly makes his way to soobin’s room, the nerves fully setting in now. once beomgyu has reached his room, he quietly stands in front of the door.
“okay, beomgyu. best to confess now and work on getting over him, right?” beomgyu murmured to himself.
with that, beomgyu knocked on the door, kind of hoping that soobin was fast asleep or listening to music loudly enough that he would miss the knock. much to his dismay (or luck, beomgyu quite hasn’t decided yet), soobin opens the door. his hair is sticking out wildly, clothes slightly rumpled, lips settled into a pout that beomgyu adored a little bit too much.
“i’m sorry, did i wake you up?” beomgyu asked, heart clenching at the cute sight. “i’ll get going if you were, i know you need your rest. you’ve been working much harder than everyone else so-”
“beomgyu.” soobin softly said, stopping the younger from his rant. “i was just playing with odi. what’s got you looking so worried?”
gently grabbing beomgyu’s wrist, soobin pulled the smaller man into his room, quietly gesturing for him to take a seat on his bed. beomgyu quietly did so, watching as odi shuffled around in his pen, occasionally stopping to simply do a flip, as if showing his owner and companion that he was in fact a very talented pet.
soobin settled down beside him, gazing at him as he patiently waited for beomgyu to start talking.
taking a shaky breath, beomgyu took soobin’s hands into his own, quietly wishing that it wouldn’t be the last time he could freely do so.
“i’m not expecting anything here,” beomgyu started. “and i definitely don’t want anything to change between us, so if you’re uncomfortable with what i’m about to tell you, just ignore it.”
beomgyu fell quiet again, not quite knowing how he wanted to express his feelings to soobin. but well, beomgyu decided that now wasn’t the time to try to speak poetically. he had all the time in the world to do that later when he would write a song about getting his heart broken.
“i’ve liked you for a while now.” beomgyu simply said, noticing the way soobin took a sharp inhale. “i know you don’t feel the same way, but i just had to tell you. i can’t keep looking at you wishing i could do something i shouldn’t do and just not have you know how i feel.”
with that, beomgyu quickly stood up, willing himself to not begin crying at the lack of a response from soobin. “well, i’ll be heading out now, hyung. good night.”
he walked towards the door, hand already wrapping around the door knob when a soft giggle stopped him from yanking open the door and sprinting out of soobin’s room.
soft steps padded towards him, and before beomgyu knows what’s going on, he feels a pair of arms wrap around his waist, warm breath gently fanning against the back of his neck.
“why were you so quick to assume that i didn’t feel the same way, hm?” soobin questioned, turning beomgyu around as he guided the two back to his bed.
“w-what?” beomgyu choked out, tears freely falling now.
“i mean, i’m pretty surprised that you haven’t noticed that i’ve been pining over you ever since debut.” soobin laughed as he pulled beomgyu onto his lap, wiping the tears off his cheeks. once he was done, beomgyu did his best to not begin crying again at the undeniably fond look that soobin was giving him.
“you like me?”
“yeah.” soobin said, as if it was the most obvious thing ever. “what ever made your pretty head think i wasn’t head over heels for you?”
beomgyu flushed at the question, mind now suddenly acutely aware of the fact that soobin’s hands were comfortably resting on his hips, thumbs rubbing circles in an attempt to soothe him. was it working? maybe. the warmth was calming him down, but their position gave beomgyu a painful reminder of how many times he wished soobin would run his hands all over his body.
beomgyu shrugged as he pressed his face into soobin’s shoulder. “i guess it would be easier for me to get over you if i convinced myself that you didn’t like me.”
soobin let out a dramatic gasp. “now why would you want to get over me when i want you so much?”
“hyung,” beomgyu whined, causing soobin to laugh. “i was so sure i was going to get my heart broken and then you come and say you want me? stop playing with my poor heart like this.”
“i think you know better than most people that i wouldn’t play with anyone’s feelings, much less the feelings of the person i actually like.” soobin said seriously, arms once again wrapping around beomgyu’s waist.
the two fell quiet, the only sounds in the room their soft breathing and odi waddling around in his cage.
“where do you want to go from here, beomgyu?” asked soobin, gently pulling the younger away from his body so that he could gauge his reactions. “if you just wanted to get your confession out of your system and go on your merry way, or if you want to try to make this work, or whatever else you want to do, i’ll be okay with whatever you choose.”
“why are you putting all the pressure on me?” complained beomgyu as he lightly hit soobin’s chest.
“i’m not going to try to pressure you into getting into a relationship with me.” soobin gave beomgyu a sweet smile, dimples appearing. “sure, i’ll be hurt and everything, but if it isn’t something that you want then i’ll just live with it.”
beomgyu simply blinked. letting out a long sigh, he slumped against soobin. “stop being so easy to love, dang it. you’re making me fall for you all over again.”
“i think you’re the one that’s easy to love, but i’ll keep the reasons why to myself.” soobin paused, realizing that beomgyu was truly thinking about how the two should proceed. “don’t give me an answer now without thinking everything through, gyu. make the choice that seems best to you.”
beomgyu nodded, continuing to ponder over the choices. suddenly, he pulled away from soobin, cheeks flooded with a pink color. “would it be weird if i asked you to kiss me right now?” beomgyu breathed out, eyes glimmering prettily even in the dim light of soobin’s room.
soobin let out a soft sigh, a smile appearing on his face. “thought you’d never ask.”
it seemed so easy for soobin to press his lips against beomgyu’s.
there were no fireworks or sparks or anything, except the feeling that this was right, that beomgyu belonged there in soobin’s arms.
a few moments passed before the two pulled away, pressing their foreheads against each other.
“unfortunately for you, beomgyu, you have just made it extremely hard for me to let you go after kissing you,” soobin said. “would it be weird if i asked for us to do a bit more than kissing?”
beomgyu smiled at the implied meaning, nodding. “thought you’d never ask.”
⸻ ♡ ⸻
later that night, beomgyu got his wish of having soobin run his hands all over his body. it was a thrilling experience, but at the same time, it was terrifying. terrifying, because of the way soobin lovingly touched the younger, pressing feather light kisses all over his body as if he were the most precious thing in the world, and it was in that moment he knew that he was ruined for anyone else, even when they hadn’t gone all the way yet.
and once they did, beomgyu cried again that night, desperately holding onto soobin’s broad shoulders for dear life. sure, the slight pain that he felt was a contributing factor, but he finally felt what it was like to be loved by someone, someone who wanted him just as much as he wanted them. the tears fell even faster when soobin softly moaned an “i love you” in his ear, his relentless (but somehow gentle?) pace never once faltering.
once they had finally stopped, beomgyu found himself in soobin’s arms once again under the soft covers, cheek pressed against soobin’s bare chest.
“you’re so mean, hyung.” beomgyu said as he rolled away a bit to look soobin in the eyes.
“what? why?”
“how are we going to do that and expect me to not choose to have you as my boyfriend?”
at his words, a small smile creeped up on soobin’s face. “you want me to be your boyfriend?” he asked softly, wanting the younger to confirm his statement.
beomgyu rolled his eyes, an exasperated but fond grin forming on his face. “yes, you idiot. i wouldn’t have let you do that if i didn’t want to date you.”
and at that, a beautiful smile bloomed on soobin’s face, eyes sparkling with so much love and adoration that beomgyu wondered what he did in his past life in order to have this wonderful person all to himself. the sweet laughter that escaped from soobin’s lips almost made the pain in his lower back worth it.
almost.
“you’re going to have to take care of me well since you decided to break my back,” beomgyu huffed, internally grinning at the flush that spread across soobin’s face.
taking beomgyu’s hand into his own, soobin pressed a soft kiss on his hand, and pressed more on each knuckle, looking directly at the younger while he did so. “i promise i’ll take care of you. and for the record, i like your hands, too.”
“what?!” beomgyu screeched, ears heating up.
soobin laughed at his response, simply pulling beomgyu back into his chest. “you haven’t been exactly subtle with your staring, beommie. i think at one point i just started moving my hands around wildly and all you did was keep staring at my hands.”
beomgyu let out a loud whine at that, causing soobin to laugh more. beomgyu bit on soobin’s shoulder the slightest bit, making soobin yelp in surprise. “well, now that you know, don’t be surprised when i start kissing your hands.”