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"Lan Zhan! Lan Zh---oh."
Wei Ying stopped in the living room doorway, holding his breath, but Lan Zhan didn't move, didn't so much as stir. Not even a flutter of his eyelashes. It was the middle of the afternoon and Lan Zhan had fallen asleep on the sofa, tipped sideways with a book still loosely held in his hand. His features were soft and relaxed, the lines of stress that had formed around his eyes over the last few days erased.
Wei Ying's stomach did the slow roll thing it always did when he saw Lan Zhan in an unguarded moment. It wasn't new, this warm swoopy feeling, but after all these years it was still powerful. He swallowed and tiptoed into the room. Whatever had brought him rushing to find Lan Zhan floated away, unimportant.
Lan Zhan never napped during the day. Unlike Wei Ying, he had a regular sleep habit that he never deviated from, and it didn't include naps. They'd been housemates for years, since Wei Ying moved back to town after his masters degree, and he'd never seen Lan Zhan napping during the day. He'd rarely even seen Lan Zhan asleep on the couch in the evening--only on the nights when he bullied Lan Zhan into staying up to watch movies long past Lan Zhan's bedtime.
In sleep, Lan Zhan looked younger, almost the teenager Wei Ying had first met at science camp. They'd spent weeks in an unspoken competition to be the best before being assigned as partners for their final project. That final week had been the most fun of the entire camp: they'd worked so well together, against all odds, and Wei Ying hadn't been able to resist throwing himself at Lan Zhan for a hug when their rocket blasted a hundred feet into the air. Lan Zhan had hugged him back and they'd been best friends ever since. Even when they went to college on opposite sides of the country, even after Wei Ying disappeared into a black hole of depression and family drama for a year, Lan Zhan was the rock he could always anchor himself to.
Wei Ying smiled down at Lan Zhan, letting himself look without worrying that Lan Zhan would notice, would see too much in his face.
Lan Zhan was beautiful. Wei Ying loved him more than he'd ever be able to express.
Lan Zhan was his person. It didn't matter that Lan Zhan didn't love him in quite the same way: Wei Ying had decided years ago that what they had wasn't second best or something he was settling for. This was all he needed, really. He could get sex anywhere and he had an extensive toy collection if he didn't want company for an orgasm. He didn't need romance when he had Lan Zhan bringing him thoughtful treats or reminding him to wear a hat on cold days. Everything he really needed was right here.
Lying on the couch at an awkward angle that would probably give him a neck ache when he woke up.
Wei Ying frowned. That wasn't right. He couldn't just let Lan Zhan end up in pain from a well-deserved nap. Lan Zhan had been working so hard over the last few days, getting his latest research paper ready to submit on a deadline at the same time as his students had finals and his orchestra had a concert. He wasn't used to the deadline death march coinciding with all his other commitments. He should nap comfortably! Until supper, at least!
Wei Ying considered waking and steering Lan Zhan to his bedroom, but that wouldn't work. Lan Zhan would be awake, which meant he'd stubbornly refuse to nap because he wasn't a daytime napper, Wei Ying, he wasn't.
Sadly, Wei Ying's phone was still on his desk in his own bedroom, so he couldn't take a photo as proof that Lan Zhan actually was a daytime napper. He allowed himself a moment of regret before setting it aside. There were more important concerns at hand.
Holding his breath, Wei Ying crept forward until he could put a finger on the book in Lan Zhan's hand. He waited. Not a flicker of movement. Slowly, he eased the book away.
No reaction.
Wei Ying let out his breath in a gusty sigh and winced when Lan Zhan's eyelashes fluttered slightly. After a long, nervous moment, he convinced himself that Lan Zhan was still asleep. Phew! A bookmark was on the sofa cushion next to Lan Zhan: Wei Ying marked the page and put the book safely aside on the coffee table.
Stage one complete. Now for the trickier part: get Lan Zhan into an actually comfortable sleep position without waking him.
Lan Zhan had tilted sideways when he dropped off, his head bent towards his shoulder, but his feet were still neatly planted on the floor. If Wei Ying could get his feet up on the sofa, Lan Zhan might do the rest of the work for him. It was worth a try, anyway. When they bought the couch a couple of years ago, they'd tried multiple options in a dozen different stores until they found one that was long enough for a tall man to lie full-length and deep enough for Wei Ying to curl up like a pretzel without precariously balancing on the edge. It was an amazing couch for napping. Wei Ying had lost count of the number of times he'd laid down to read and woken up three hours later covered with the soft blanket they kept on the back for exactly that purpose. Lan Zhan should experience the full joy of a nap on their fantastic couch.
Wei Ying weighed up the problem, assessing his options. Calculating odds. Working towards the ideal solution. Surely it couldn't be that difficult? He solved complex mathematical equations for a living! He could definitely make one (stubborn, heart-stoppingly beautiful) man put his feet up on the couch without waking up. Couldn't he?
Thoughtfully, Wei Ying sat down at the other end of the couch. It was his spot, the one he always curled up on when they were relaxing after supper. On the side table next to him there was a small stack of journals, ready to be picked up if Lan Zhan put a documentary on that Wei Ying couldn't summon up any interest in. It didn't happen often: Lan Zhan was great at picking documentaries they'd both enjoy. Wei Ying's contribution to their TV habits was picking dramas Lan Zhan pretended to read through, but he never turned a page and he always had strong opinions on the plots, characters, and sets. It was hilarious. Adorable. The best part of most days. Wei Ying never wanted TV nights with Lan Zhan to end.
Lan Zhan was still sleeping and from Wei Ying's new angle, he looked even more uncomfortable. Wei Ying's neck ached in sympathy.
Moving slowly, he reached down and wrapped his hands gently around Lan Zhan's ankles. He paused there, watching for a reaction, but Lan Zhan didn't move. Not so much as a twitch. Wei Ying hardly dared to breathe as he gently lifted, pulling Lan Zhan's legs up and up, until he could set Lan Zhan's feet down across his thighs.
Lan Zhan slept on.
Wei Ying let out a shaky breath. Half the problem was solved.
Lan Zhan frowned.
Wei Ying froze, stomach suddenly knotted. Fuck. What if he'd ruined Lan Zhan's nap? What if--
Lan Zhan shifted on the couch, sliding sideways a little more until...yes. Success! Lan Zhan wriggled slightly and then he was lying down, head pillowed on a cushion, the frown melting away as he sank deeper into sleep. Excellent. Perfect. No more terrible neck aches in Lan Zhan's future. Wei Ying patted himself metaphorically on the back and picked up a journal.
He read one article, making mental notes on all the things wrong with it that he would probably forget in a few minutes. Several times, he had to bite his lip to keep himself from blurting out his thoughts for Lan Zhan to make encouraging or outraged sounds at. He glanced at Lan Zhan as he turned to the next article. Lan Zhan had shifted slightly in his sleep, shoulders hunching and arms tucked to his chest closer as though he was cold.
He probably was. The room was comfortable enough for sitting down with a book and a cup of tea, but Wei Ying always found that napping lowered his body temperature enough to feel chilled if he woke up without the soft blanket draped over him. Huh. He could solve the problem easily enough: the blanket was right there. Ready. He could do what Lan Zhan usually did for him. It was practically his duty to return the kindness Lan Zhan so often showed him.
He didn't know where the blanket came from. It was simply covering him when he woke up from a nap one day, a few weeks after he moved in, and Lan Zhan had only shrugged when Wei Ying asked. It was the softest blanket Wei Ying had ever felt, warm without being heavy, woven in shades of blue with threads of dark red peeking through. They often draped it across their laps on winter evenings. Sometimes Lan Zhan brought it out to the garden if they were stargazing on a chilly night.
Wei Ying pressed it to his face for a moment before mentally slapping himself and getting back to the practical matter at hand. It was easy to spread the blanket across Lan Zhan's legs and partially over his own lap, but he had to shift and lean over to tug it up around Lan Zhan's shoulders. Wei Ying moved as carefully as he could, trying not to jostle Lan Zhan, and smoothed the soft folds into place. He was congratulating himself on a successful mission when Lan Zhan shifted, mumbling something under his breath. Wei Ying froze, awkwardly poised over Lan Zhan with one foot braced against the sofa arm.
Lan Zhan sighed deeply and his hand snaked out from under the blanket, fastening around Wei Ying's wrist faster than any sleeping human had a right to move. Wei Ying tugged gently; Lan Zhan held on tight.
Fuck.
Wei Ying grimaced. He was going to get a back ache if he stayed like this for long, but he couldn't see any way of freeing himself without waking Lan Zhan. That was the last thing he wanted. He was still considering the problem when Lan Zhan made another sleepy sound and pulled on his wrist.
Wei Ying didn't quite crash down on top of Lan Zhan, he managed to turn it into a controlled descent, but he definitely didn't land lightly. He was sprawled against Lan Zhan's side, wrist still held firmly, one foot still on the floor. It was uncomfortable. He didn't want to leave.
Lan Zhan sighed again, pulled Wei Ying's arm more firmly against his chest, and appeared to sink back into sleep. Wei Ying held himself tense for a long moment, until he was absolutely sure that Lan Zhan wasn't going to move again, and then he allowed himself to relax slightly. He slowly drew his leg up from the floor until he could stretch more comfortably along the couch. He was pressed against the whole length of Lan Zhan's back, practically spooning him. It was the best-worst moment of his life.
His journal was lying on the coffee table. His phone was in his bedroom. Wei Ying mentally shrugged and resigned himself to lying on the couch without a single thing to do until Lan Zhan woke up. He was far too awake to sleep, too conscious of everywhere their bodies were touching. It was clearly impossible, he definitely was not going to nap. Nu-uh, no way.
Between one thought and the next, sleep stole over him and carried him away.
***
Wei Ying woke slowly, surfacing from the depths of a deep sleep. Warm relaxation weighed down every limb. For a while he drifted in the drowsy limbo between waking and dreaming, enjoying the lazy contentment of an excellent nap. As consciousness gently intruded, he became more aware of his body. The formless void retreated and he could feel the warm surface under him, the way his head was rising and falling slightly. Almost as though the couch under him was breathing--
Wei Ying froze.
Memory flooded back. He wasn't napping on the couch alone: he was stretched out next to Lan Zhan. Really more on Lan Zhan than beside him. He'd been spooning Lan Zhan when he went to sleep. Somehow in their sleep, Lan Zhan had rolled onto his back and Wei Ying was now sprawled half across him, one knee hitched over Lan Zhan's thigh, his head on Lan Zhan's chest. Fuck.
More awareness filtered through. Lan Zhan's hand wasn't wrapped around his wrist any more. Instead, their fingers were laced together, hands palm to palm, tucked up near Wei Ying's cheek. There was an arm around his waist, a large hand on his hip, holding him in place with just enough pressure that Wei Ying knew it was deliberate.
Slowly, Wei Ying forced himself to relax, muscle by muscle. There was no way Lan Zhan had missed the sudden tension, but maybe he could style it out if he pretended to be very relaxed and casual about accidentally snuggling with his best friend. It wasn't really his fault, after all. Lan Zhan had initiated it and trapped him. Wei Ying was just being a considerate and courteous best friend, sacrificing his own comfort and mental well-being to the cause of Lan Zhan getting a good nap. Looked at that way, the snuggling was really all on Lan Zhan, and if he got weird about it then Wei Ying would just have to tease him until Lan Zhan saw sense.
There, problem solved. Wei Ying felt the last bits of tension dissolve from his shoulders.
He opened his eyes. Rose-gold light filled the room, the soft light that only came with a perfect sunset. Long shadows stretched across the floor, dust motes glittered in the air. It was late afternoon, virtually evening: they'd napped for at least a couple of hours. Wei Ying hadn't been particularly tired before, but he felt better for it. Maybe he'd been tired without even realising.
The surface under his cheek lifted higher as Lan Zhan drew in a deeper breath. A moment later, Lan Zhan's voice rumbled against his ear.
"Wei Ying."
He lifted his head slowly, biting the inside of his lip to suppress a wince. It was one thing to reason out that none of this was his fault: it was a different thing to meet Lan Zhan's eyes.
The light from the setting sun burnished Lan Zhan's skin, warming it from his usual jade-pale tone to a warmer, golden shade tinged with pink. One ear poked through his hair, pinker than the rest of his skin. Wei Ying's heart thumped in his chest and for a moment, the air in his throat stuck as though it had turned solid. He swallowed hard until he could breathe again.
"Hi," he said softly.
The corner of Lan Zhan's mouth twitched. "Hello."
"So, I guess you were tired," Wei Ying said, trying to sound very casual and not at all like he'd accidentally sprawled all over Lan Zhan in their joint nap. "Are you feeling better?"
Lan Zhan looked like he was considering the question carefully. His pink ear darkened slightly. Clearly, he was embarrassed about this, but Wei Ying was sure there was still a way they could get through this with their dignity and his unrequited long-term crush intact.
"I am," Lan Zhan said slowly. "Thank you."
Wei Ying felt his face heat. "What for? I didn't do anything."
There was a look in Lan Zhan's eyes he couldn't interpret. It made Wei Ying's stomach feel squirmy and odd, his face feel warm. Wei Ying moistened his lips, trying to find some words that would dispel the unexpected tension in the air.
Lan Zhan's gaze flickered, dropping for a moment before darting up again. If they'd been any further apart, Wei Ying might have missed it. He still wasn't sure he hadn't imagined the movement. Had Lan Zhan glanced at his mouth? Really?
He bit his lip. The hand on his hip tightened convulsively, just for a second, before relaxing again.
Oh. Oh.
Wei Ying couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Indecision paralised him. Maybe he was dreaming. Or if he wasn't, maybe it didn't mean anything. Lan Zhan was his best friend, his person, the other half of his soul. He didn't need anything other than what they had, he really didn't, not if trying to have more undid everything they were already.
Lan Zhan lifted his head slightly.
Wei Ying stretched towards him.
There was another pause before their lips met. Wei Ying held himself completely still, gaze locked with Lan Zhan's, waiting for a signal. Warm air gusted over his skin as Lan Zhan exhaled, as if Lan Zhan was preparing himself for something. As if Lan Zhan was as nervous as Wei Ying felt at this moment, afraid that crossing this line was going to change everything.
It would change everything. How could it not?
That thought, the signs that Lan Zhan was as afraid as he felt, settled Wei Ying in his decision. The fear melted away, replaced by certainty: it would be okay, whatever happened next. He closed the fraction of an inch between them and kissed Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan's lips were soft and warm. For a moment, that was all Wei Ying could take in: warmth and softness, because Lan Zhan was the type of man who used chapstick and never ended up with cracked lips in the winter. Wei Ying felt a little embarrassed that he was probably a disappointment, with his unmoisturised lips and cold nose pressed against Lan Zhan's face.
Then Lan Zhan's lips parted slightly against his and Wei Ying lost himself in the kiss. It was perfect. A first kiss that felt so natural, so right, that it was hard to believe they'd never done this before. Wei Ying's eyes closed without conscious command, his heart racing. The kiss was slow and wonderful, a careful tasting as he learned the shape of Lan Zhan's mouth. Then less careful, as Lan Zhan's tongue swept into his and he sucked eagerly, greedily, turning the kiss deeper as heat curled low in his belly.
Time lost meaning. Wei Ying revelled in the taste of Lan Zhan's mouth, the way Lan Zhan tugged at his lower lip with his teeth, the tiny sounds Lan Zhan made. Little hitches and gasps that thrilled Wei Ying because they matched his own, told him that Lan Zhan was as into this kiss as he was.
It was everything he'd never dared to dream of. It was the best kiss of his life. He was kissing Lan Zhan and Lan Zhan was kissing him. Nothing would ever be better than this.
The golden sunlight had faded when Wei Ying finally surfaced from the kiss, gasping for air and feeling slightly overwhelmed from how good it had been. When he opened his eyes, Lan Zhan was staring up at him with wonder in his wide-eyed gaze. The light from the streetlamp outside cast Lan Zhan's face in planes and deep shadows, but Wei Ying knew his face so well. Better than his own, probably. He could read the hope and joy creasing the corners of Lan Zhan's eyes and softening his jaw.
Wei Ying didn't try to hide what he was feeling: he let it all show, even the yearning he'd always taken so much care to hide.
Lan Zhan smiled. It was breathtaking.
Wei Ying felt his own smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He had to look a mess, hair rumpled from his nap and mouth pink from kissing. There was probably a crease on his cheek from Lan Zhan's shirt. None of that mattered, only the way Lan Zhan was looking at him: as if he was the most amazing thing Lan Zhan had ever seen.
"I love you," Wei Ying said on a sigh, unable to keep the words inside.
"Wei Ying."
Lan Zhan's voice cracked in the middle.
Wei Ying's eyes felt hot and damp, but he didn't have a free hand to swipe at them. Lan Zhan still had possession of one hand and his other arm was all that kept him from collapsing back onto Lan Zhan's chest. If he did that, he wouldn't be able to see Lan Zhan's face.
"I'm in love with you." Wei Ying discovered it was surprisingly easy to say, so he decided to do it again. "Lan Zhan, I'm in love with you. Have been for...oh, most of my life probably."
Lan Zhan's smile widened.
"I love you," Wei Ying said. "You're the best person I know. You're my...everything. I don't know how to not love you. It's like a natural law. The world spins, the universe exists, and I love you."
Lan Zhan kissed him again, fierce and determined. Wei Ying was helpless not to respond: he fell into it gladly, hungry for everything Lan Zhan wanted to give him.
This time when they parted for air, the wonder in Lan Zhan's eyes had been replaced with something darker, more intimate, sending shivers down Wei Ying's spine. He shifted slightly, shoving away any embarrassment about his own rapidly hardening dick when his hip brushed over the heavy length of Lan Zhan's. The hand on his hip tightened again, holding him in place, and this time he wasn't released.
Wei Ying drew in a shaky breath. "Lan Zhan, please say something."
Lan Zhan's voice was deeper than he'd ever heard it before. "Of course I love you."
"Oh." Wei Ying tilted his head, frowning. "Of course? Really? Really? Are you sure?"
"Wei Ying." There was just a hint of laughter in Lan Zhan's voice. "I thought you knew. I've loved you since we met."
"You have?" Wei Ying felt himself gaping and snapped his jaw shut, trying to turn his smile into a frown. "Lan Zhan! You never told me. Was I supposed to just guess?"
"I assumed you knew and were uninterested." Lan Zhan's face did something complicated that was hidden in too many shadows for Wei Ying to interpret. "You don't date. You have never shown interest in dating. You frequently talk about how wonderful it is to share your life with your best friend so you don't need to look for a romantic or sexual partner. I thought you were perhaps asexual."
"I--" Wei Ying cut himself off, mentally replaying a few of their conversations over the years. "Oh. Huh. I guess...I can see where you'd get that impression."
"Mn."
"It's not that I never date," Wei Ying said. "It's just that it's been a while. Not since...uh...college."
"You didn't tell me."
Wei Ying winced. "It felt weird to tell you I was dating people when I was in love with you. What was I supposed to do?"
"Talk to me," Lan Zhan said.
"I talk a lot," Wei Ying said. "It's what I do."
Lan Zhan made a sceptical sound.
"Okay, in the interests of full disclosure--" Wei Ying took a deep breath "I have an extensive toy collection that satisfies most of my needs and I live with a best friend who provides all the affection and partnership a man could ask for. That's why I don't date. What would I get out of dating anyone else when everything I want is right here?"
"Most of your needs?"
"You're focusing on the wrong bit," Wei Ying said.
Lan Zhan made a funny sound. "It seemed important. You should have all your needs satisfied."
"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying said helplessly. "What am I supposed to do with you?"
Lan Zhan surged up and kissed him again, as if that was a reasonable answer to a coherent question. Maybe, in context, it was. Wei Ying kissed him back, letting Lan Zhan feel how much he wanted this, hear how much Lan Zhan affected him.
"Oh," Wei Ying said when Lan Zhan released his mouth to trail kisses to the edge of his jaw. "I guess...yeah, that's probably something I could do with you."
"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan said against his skin. "I love you."
Wei Ying nodded frantically. "Yeah, I'm starting to get that. But are you sure? What if--"
He broke off as Lan Zhan bit him, just a light nip at the skin high on his neck, but it sent shivery heat racing through his body. He couldn't have stopped his hips moving if he'd tried. That was not a sensation he could experience once and have any hope of going back to being purely platonic best friends.
"I guess you're sure, then," he said breathlessly.
His skin was slightly damp and tingling when Lan Zhan pulled back from his neck, looking up at him with a gleam in his eyes that had nothing to with the streetlamp outside. "I'm sure. Are you?"
Wei Ying swallowed, looking down at him. Lan Zhan. The centre of his world, the gravity well his existence orbited around.
"Yeah, I'm sure," he said.
He dipped down to kiss Lan Zhan, a soft press of lips together, before tucking his head against Lan Zhan's shoulder and closing his eyes. He lay there for a while, breathing in Lan Zhan's familiar scent, basking in the simmering arousal he knew he wasn't alone in.
The hand on Wei Ying's hip tightened. Lan Zhan shifted slightly.
"Wei Ying?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you...?" There was an odd note in Lan Zhan's voice. "Is something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Wei Ying said. "I'm just taking a minute."
"Hm." A pause. "Why?"
"We've waited a long time. Why rush?"
A longer pause. "It's been a very long wait."
Wei Ying chuckled. He kissed the shirt-covered shoulder under him before settling again. "So we're very good at not rushing."
Lan Zhan didn't say anything, but his deep sigh fluttered against Wei Ying's temple.
"Just five minutes," Wei Ying said. "I'm savouring the moment."
"Okay."
Lan Zhan loved him. Lan Zhan loved him. In all the ways Wei Ying had told himself he couldn't have, for so very long, Lan Zhan loved him. They were standing on the edge of a new thing, hand in hand, ready to jump off. Wei Ying needed a few minutes to let it become real, for the world to reorient into one where he didn't need to convince himself that what he had was enough.
"Your place or mine?" he said eventually.
"You mentioned toys," Lan Zhan said immediately.
Wei Ying lifted his head, raising his eyebrows. "It's like that, is it?"
Lan Zhan gazed back at him, warm and open. "Mn."
"Okay." Wei Ying grinned. "Your room has a bigger bed, though."
Lan Zhan appeared to consider the problem for a moment. "My place, your toys."
"Guess that'll work." Wei Ying leaned down and kissed him, tugging at Lan Zhan's lower lip with his teeth as he pulled back. "Ready?"
Lan Zhan nodded. "Very."
"Good."
Wei Ying kissed him again and the world shifted, becoming a reality where Lan Zhan loved him and he got to have everything he'd ever wanted. Better than any dream.