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“Alright, the next song should be an easy one to guess!”
Ayame spoke into the microphone, preparing the music track for the karaoke that she was currently doing. She had taken a break from streaming after she had gotten sick and it had been a long time since she had done something like that. Her fans were excited when she announced on her schedule that she would start the week with a karaoke.
She was currently an hour into the stream and she had sung around 6 songs without much trouble and the fans loved the song choices that she had picked.
The familiar tunes of ‘Blue Bird’ started seeping in and Ayame started singing with all the passion that she held. Being able to perform for her viewers was amazing and getting the chance to let out her voice felt like a relief to her.
She was in the middle of the second verse and it was as if she was on a roll: she was doing great and her fans were cheering for her.
“Kono mado o kette tobita-“ It was in that moment that a coughing fit interrupted her wonderful singing, the background song playing anyway as she struggled with her breath. The people in the chat all stopped cheering for her singing as they all looked quite worried, asking the Oni if she was doing ok and to take a break.
When Ayame managed to get a grip on her fit, she immediately reassured her viewers “I-it’s okay now! I just got a bit of a cough…” The demon girl tried to shook away the worries of her fans and her own, concentrating once again on the song as she finished it at the best of her abilities. She didn’t know why she suddenly started coughing but now her mood had kind of shifted from happy to frustrated.
Even if her fans were reassuring her that it was fine and that she was doing great, it didn’t feel to her like she was actually performing as well as she’d like to.
After Blue Bird was finished, Ayame took a sip of water and pondered on what she should do: continue the karaoke or call it a day and get some rest. She didn’t really want to pick the first option, but then again she was no longer feeling like singing. “Sorry guys, I just received a message from my manager about a meeting and I have to go. I will sing another day again, I promise!” The lie wasn’t picked up by the fans and, while they were sad that the karaoke was over, they were happy that Ayame had decided to sing for them.
“Bye byeee! See you next time!” With the final goodbye, the stream ended and the Oni found herself with her back against the chair, head looking up at the ceiling as she thought about the stream.
‘I never had many problems with singing… maybe I should call the doctor?’ Her mind was already thinking of possible solutions to her problem, but unfortunately she hadn’t realized that the problem wasn’t her throat.
With a sigh and a lot of time to spare Ayame decided to dedicate the rest of her day to watch some Youtube videos. She was tempted of texting Subaru (her lovely girlfriend) and see if she was doing anything in that moment, but decided against it when she remembered that Subaru was busy with a collab stream together with Luna.
The demon girl lazily scrolled through the various videos that popped up in her recommended, picking the ones that she was more interested and watching them. Her focus was slowly drifting away from the karaoke stream and onto happier thoughts when her eyes caught sight of something.
Okayu’s new cover release.
Ever since she had gone on a break she had missed out on a lot of things: she barely touched her social medias and she only checked discord once a day. Whenever one of the hololive girls would release a project, the others would be the first to find out but it was as the demon girl had lived under a rock. Seeing the new release from her friend made her curious.
She clicked the video: a cover titled ‘Animal’. The Oni knew how talented Okayu really was and she didn’t really need to have high expectations since they were founded anyways, but it was still a shock hearing how much Okayu had improved over time. It was as if her friend had managed to become a professional in the span of just a year.
“This is amazing…” Ayame found herself muttering a series of compliments, amazed by the raw talent that had been polished with time. There was a tinge of frustration in her tone though while the melody kept playing in her headphones.
She couldn’t help but compare her own singing to Okayu’s.
From the switching in the tones to the way the cat girl managed to nail every single note with ease, Ayame was completely sure that she didn’t even have half the talent that Okayu had. As the song reached its end, the demon girl couldn’t help but feel awful about herself and ended up closing the video. Now, even more frustrated than before, the Oni thought that she should step up her game.
The karaoke had ended up on a sour note for her that day and hearing someone as talented as Okayu made her wish to grow better at singing. “I should try and find new songs if I want to keep up with the others.” The demon girl started looking for new songs to try out with a newfound motivation fueled by her own feelings about her lack of prowess.
Plans of releasing new covers started filling her mind and she felt like if she tried hard enough she would be able to at least match her friends and feel like a true idol.
“I have a busy schedule ahead of me!” She spoke out loud to no one, simply giving herself the encouragement that she needed to get started with her project.
----------------------
Two weeks had passed since she had her comeback stream.
Between normal streams, Ayame found the time to practice her singing and managed to plan a new cover release in just 13 days. She had worked hard to make sure that everything was polished and hoped that her fans would enjoy the video.
She glanced at the prechat that waited for the cover release at the hololive offices since that day she was supposed to have a meeting. There was some sadness about not being able to watch her fans react to the cover live, but she couldn’t do much about it so she decided to focus on the meeting first.
As she waited for her manager to arrive in the room, her phone buzzed and Ayame glanced at it. She saw a message from Subaru.
“Hey, want to come over at my place later? I will be streaming for a little when you arrive but we can watch a movie or something after.” Was what the message read. The Oni couldn’t contain the smile forming on her face at the prospect of getting to hang out with her favorite person in the world and hurried to type out her answer.
“Sure! Do you want me to grab something to eat on the way there?” she asked and, in a matter of seconds, she received a reply.
“Oh that would be great! Pick whatever you prefer, I don’t mind :D” the demon girl found herself giggling at Subaru’s use of emoticons and simply typed an ‘Okay, see you later’. By the time Subaru typed a ‘Later’ and she put away her phone, her manager had entered the room and it was officially the time to start the meeting.
Their talk ended up lasting a little longer than she had expected and, during that whole time, the cover had premiered and many fans left appreciative comments under the video. The views were rolling in but Ayame was unaware of how good she had done yet.
“-That’s it for today, we might have another meeting by the end of the month about the new outfit plan but for now just keep doing your best!” Her manager spoke in a kind and warm voice. “Thank you, mana-chan! Good work today as well.” The demon girl grabbed her things and waved goodbye to her manager one last time before exiting the building.
“Ok first! Get food…” Ayame was now focused on grabbing what she had promised to Subaru. Thinking about her girlfriend made her feel all giddy inside and always helped her ease her mind. On her way to Subaru’s place she found a KFC and decided that getting some chicken for dinner would be great since both girls loved the food there.
After ordering the food and paying, the Oni was once again on her way towards her girlfriend’s apartment.
It didn’t take her too long since luckily Subaru didn’t live too far from the hololive offices and when she caught sight of the familiar place she couldn’t help but accelerate in her footsteps. After walking through two set of staircases, she reached the door to Subaru’s apartment and, without needing to knock, unlocked it very gently to avoid making too much noise.
Subaru was streaming and she didn’t want the fans to realize she was here and cause problems to her girlfriend. While putting the food on the table, she managed to hear Subaru sing from the other room: she didn’t know that she was going to do a karaoke stream and, intrigued by the sounds, she decided to walk towards the closed door of Subaru’s room.
Her ear was leaned against the wall and there wasn’t much audible sound because of the soundproofed wall inside, but she managed to hear good enough.
Subaru always liked singing and Ayame knew that. Though her girlfriend didn’t have much time to actually sing, there was always a smile on her face when she would get the chance to perform for her viewers (especially during live concerts). Ayame was mesmerized by the way her girlfriend was showing off her skills, putting on one of the best performances that the Oni had ever heard for a karaoke stream.
“Wow…” Ayame was slowly losing herself to the wonderful song even if she couldn’t hear the music. A pang struck her heart once more however, realizing that Subaru was also leagues above her in terms of musical talent. She was happy for her girlfriend since she had worked harder than anyone to reach the point that she had, but the Oni hoped that she herself could grow more in her career.
She shook those bad thoughts away: it was not the time to think about that and she had other things to think about. She removed herself from the wall and headed back to the kitchen, putting the food into plates and bringing those plates on the living room’s table. By the time she was settled on the couch, Subaru finally emerged from her streaming room with a tired yet satisfied smile.
“I heard you come in, I hope you didn’t have to wait long for me.” Subaru spoke while leaning towards Ayame to plant a soft and loving kiss on her girlfriend’s face, soon planting more.
The Oni giggled, feeling ticklish from the kisses all around her before gently grabbing Subaru’s face and kissing her on the lips. They separated after a couple of seconds and Subaru sat down next to Ayame with a tired sigh.
“Oh, you bought KFC!”
Ayame chuckled when all of her girlfriend’s fatigue washed away at the mention of food and nodded “I thought you would really like it, you need your energies!” the demon girl muttered, handing a plate full of chicken to her girlfriend.
“Oh yeah, how did the meeting go?” Subaru asked and, before they could even realize, they started chatting about their day while enjoying a warm meal together.
Ayame loved spending time like this with Subaru: just the two of them talking without anything bothering them, listening to every little detail that would transpire from the conversation. Ayame mentioned the chance of her getting a new outfit while Subaru talked about the karaoke and the preparations for the Mario kart tournament that Towa had planned.
“Oh, I haven’t trained much in Mario kart. I have been busy recently…” Ayame muttered, putting away the now empty plate of food on the table.
“How come? Did you spend too much time playing other games?” Subaru teased, earning a playful shove from Ayame as she giggled.
“I didn’t! For your information, I was actually working.”
“Well I can see that, you look tired.” Subaru pointed out and this caused the demon girl to stop talking for a moment. Did she really look like that? She hadn’t really looked at herself in the mirror, but she did feel tired.
Between working to improve her singing and her normal streaming schedule, her throat had been aching for days. She had tried taking care of it at the best she could by drinking some tea with honey, but she had not found a solution to her problem that didn’t involve taking another break from streaming. “I am not that tired, I’m more drained by the walk from the office to your place!” Ayame lied, not wanting to admit the truth.
Subaru seemed to notice that the Oni was not saying everything but decided to move on from that topic of conversation.
“Oh! I forgot to watch your cover release, it came out while I was streaming but I couldn’t listen to it while singing but now I can…” In that moment, Ayame remembered that she had released her cover that very same day. She almost wanted to slap herself for forgetting about it but instead she blamed her busy schedule and her excitement over seeing her girlfriend.
“Wanna watch it together?” Subaru asked, causing the Oni to turn to look at her girlfriend as she was holding her smartphone in her hand with the video of the cover ready to be played. Ayame blushed and simply nodded, feeling the embarrassment creep up her face into a red shade that painted her cheeks.
The two girls ended up snuggling against eachother as Subaru played the video. While the dark-haired girl’s focus was on the video (as she also casually bopped her head to the rhythm) the demon girl couldn’t help but cringe at her singing. ‘Why does it sound different from the first time I listened to it?’ She thought, unable to contain the harmful thoughts that surged from her insecurities.
‘My voice sounds so hoarse…’ She wondered how she had not noticed these problems back when she had finished the recording, her anxiety only growing.
‘I bet the fans hated it. God, I should’ve done another take!’ Ayame could feel frustrated tears threaten to spill out of her eyes, but she was doing her best to avoid it. Subaru at first didn’t notice how Ayame was reacting to her own singing as she was enthralled by the mesmerizing performance. By the time the video was reaching its end, Subaru turned her head to the side to look at her girlfriend and slightly widened her eyes.
“Hey… what’s up?” Subaru asked softly, about to reach with her hand to pat her girlfriend’s head. Hearing those words, Ayame crumbled to pieces in front of Subaru and tears started leaking from her eyes and down her face.
Almost immediately Subaru’s hands reached to grab Ayame and the two girls ended up hugging on the couch with the Oni’s face buried into her girlfriend’s shoulder as she sobbed. Subaru didn’t know what was making the girl in her arms sad but she knew that she needed to calm her down.
She ran her hand up and down the smaller girl’s back, rubbing soothing circles as she felt the girl let out wretched sobs.
Ayame’s throat felt on fire now that she was crying and she turned her head to the side to cough harshly, clutching her chest lightly at the pain. “Hey, hey- deep breaths.” Subaru grew worried when she heard the terrible cough, encouraging her girlfriend to take it easy and calm her breathing to avoid coughing too hard. It took about 5 minutes for the Oni to calm down and regain her breath and it took 5 more minutes for Ayame to stop crying.
“Are you okay? Want to talk about it?” Subaru muttered softly, running her hand through the soft white hair of her girlfriend to continue soothing her. It took a moment for Ayame to convince herself on what to say: on one hand she wanted to continue putting up her brave and strong front to avoid bothering her girlfriend. On the other hand she was tired and really needed to vent out her frustrations to someone, even if it meant showing how much of a failure she believed she was.
“Y-You know that I felt sick a while ago right?” Subaru nodded at the question “When I came back from the break I was excited of being back, I couldn’t wait to stream and I-I really wanted to sing. Then my song got interrupted because of a coughing fit and I was frustrated.” As Ayame explained, her girlfriend listened quietly.
“Then I saw Okayu release her cover on the same day and- and I felt awful so I wanted to release my own cover. I worked hard for two weeks to release one and my throat hurts so bad and I hoped that the cover would turn out good but then-“ Ayame stopped talking for a moment, inhaling deeply. “T-then I heard you sing for your karaoke and then my own cover release and it’s just… awful, my singing is awful.”
The Oni’s eyes had been casted downward for a while but when her sentence was over and saw that Subaru was not saying anything, she glanced to her girlfriend’s face.
Subaru sighed softly, simply wrapping Ayame into a tight hug that made the Oni feel so much better. ”Ayame… you shouldn’t have over-worked yourself. What if your vocal chords ended up damaged?” the dark-haired girl stated, causing the smaller girl to look away in shame.
“I just wanted to be as good as you girls…” When she spoke, Subaru gently flicked her forehead. “Ow!” Ayame winced a tiny bit, looking at her girlfriend with a sad look. “You silly, doing this will only do worse. You need to take care of yourself first!” Subaru scolded her as a clear sign that she cared for her well-being and health.
“But how can I become a good singer when I am not able to even match you? Everyone worked hard to get to where they are but no matter how hard I worked, my singing hasn’t improved!” Subaru could understand Ayame’s frustrations as they came with reaching a certain level of notoriety and gently patted the shorter girl’s head.
“You know, I once felt really envious of Mio.”
Ayame’s eyes widened as she heard that statement come from nowhere. “W-what?” She asked in disbelief “Yeah, back when we debuted and we had not dated yet I was envious of Mio’s singing. I always thought that she had that push that drove her farther than me and I wanted to be half as good as her.” The Oni had never heard of this story and was surprised by the revelation.
“I was almost about to give up doing karaokes when Mio told me that I was actually doing great. She told me that as long as I didn’t stop singing, I would reach the best of my abilities… and that’s what I did: I kept studying and improving until I came to the realization that I was carving my own path that was different from the others.” Subaru smiled as she spoke, still hugging Ayame tightly. “That didn’t mean I never asked for help. I think I called Mio 5 times in the span of a day to ask for help with a song.” Ayame chuckled at that.
“What I mean is… Hololive is filled with talented people that are all striving towards greatness no matter what there are aiming for. We are here to help each other and continue to develop our careers and friendships. I know how it feels to compare something you have done to someone else, but that doesn’t mean you are doing worse.” And as she said the last sentence, Subaru handed the phone to Ayame.
The Oni noticed that on the screen was the page of the comments under the cover that she had released: over a thousand comments and almost half a million views in the span of 3 hours of the cover’s publication and everyone seemed stunned by her performance.
“You are doing great even by yourself, but remember that we will always be here for you.” Subaru muttered and pointed to various comments left on the video by none other than hololive members themselves.
Ayame sat there for a while, simply staring at the overwhelming amount of support that she had received: from the fans to Okayu herself who had commented about how ‘cool’ her singing had gotten. The Oni would have probably cried once more but she was caught by surprise when Subaru grabbed the phone from her hands.
“I forgot to leave a comment as well!”
With curious eyes, Ayame watched as Subaru typed but unable to see what words she was actually writing. Soon the phone was turned back towards the Oni and Subaru smiled proudly.
“This cover was a blast, welcome back…” As the demon girl read the comment out loud, she slowly turned her head towards Subaru and, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from her mind, she enveloped the girl in a strong embrace.
“I love you…” Ayame muttered into the other girl’s neck, her hold never faltering.
“I love you too… and welcome back.”