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CW- light mentions of angst, anxiety and therapy. Swearing and implied sexual content mentions.
Slight spoilers for The Last Hours series
Some time in 2012- 3 weeks into living at Cirenworth
‘I don't know why it hurts so bad mom! It feels like he's taken half my heart and fed it to the wild wolves on the hills and left me with a broken and bleeding wound, ' Kit lamented, flopping over the couch beside his adoptive mother as dramatically as possible.
Tessa hid a smile.
‘Because you're a Herondale, and Herondales love but once,’ Jem said, stepping across the threshold and into the lounge. ‘Lucky for you though, we've dealt with a fair few moping and heartbroken Herondales in our time!’
‘Oh indeed and you certainly aren't the worst I've seen, my love.’ Tessa stroked a hand through his hair.
‘I resent that!’ a ghostly figure appeared by the fireplace suddenly and rolled his eyes.
‘Yall’s know a short kinda guy with messy black hair at all?’ Kit asked his parents.
‘Will?’ Jem and Tessa said in unison, an odd look crossing each of their faces as they followed Kit’s eyeline.
‘Hey mate, Kit isn't it? Firstly, I'm average height and secondly say hi to them for me?’ a weird order for priorities but hey ghosts always were a bit weird.
‘He says hi’ Kit smiled slightly, confused but gratefully distracted from his inner turmoil.
—--------------------------------------------
2012- 5 months into living at Cirenworth
‘You should write to him’ Tessa said one day out of the blue while rocking Mina on her lap.
‘I- I can’t, at least not yet,’
‘Okay, but why not?’ she probed as mothers did, or at least as Kit assumed they did.
‘I just can't, it hurts too much mom!’
‘Hmmm the Heron-pout, you're moping aren't you? Well, come back to me when you're ready and we can work on the letter together!’
‘Okay thank you’ he softened, glad she hadn't pushed him like he was sure his father would have.
2013- 1 year at Cirenworth
‘Why don't you start a journal or something, it might help?’ the girl said from her position beside him on his bed.
‘Mari, I dont think that’s a good idea’ he hesitated.
‘Why not?’ she rebuked
‘I don't want to start some girly diary!’ a lie, and a bad one.
She paused for a moment ‘nuh uh, real reason! We’ll address the toxic masculinity later’ she punched his arm lightly.
He thought about burying his head in his bright red blanket to escape ‘If I write it down it makes it real and I have to feel it all over again’
She held his eyes with hers, a look of pity flashed for a second before her snarky sass returned ‘Mmm this is true, but it also means you can cathart in a healthy way and maybe start to feel better. Also we can set it on fire after you're finished with it if you want?!’ she smiled deviously.
‘What was that about healthy coping mechanisms again?’ he joked back, hiding how touched he really was for fear of scaring off the only person, other than his family, that cared for him anymore.
‘Oh shut up’ she rolled her eyes again.
2014- 2.5 years at Cirenworth
‘Yeah so he and I met when he accosted me in my own basement and held a knife to my throat while his family were trying to hunt my father upstairs’ Kit swung back and forth on the swing seat at the bottom of the garden while Will hovered beside him.
‘And you took a long time to get over that but still fell for him anyway?’ Will said almost hopefully, a beautiful Welsh lilt to even his most sarcastic comments.
‘Nope,’ Kit replied, popping the p ‘I fell for him right then and there!’
‘When he had a knife at your throat’ more of a statement than a question, but not lacking in disbelief.
‘Yup’
‘Can’t one - one- of my ancestors fall in love with someone in a normal way?!’ he paused for a second ‘At least, I suppose, he is alive and not tethered to an all powerful being of mal-intent!’
Kit stopped swinging and pitched forward ‘Okay, I'm going to need you to expand on that right now!’
2015- 3 years at Cirenworth
‘Have you got everything?’ Tessa asked, looking from Kit to Jem and little Mina.
Everyone replied back with a mix of nods and agreements and Mina bounced up and down in excitement.
Tessa made no reply, but instead moved into the open space in front of her and held her hands out, letting tendrils of magic swirl out in front of her to create their portal. She stood back and gestured for her family to file through. Mina was in Jem's arms, squirming about a little and making a point about how she was too old to be carried now, as Kit had learnt toddlers tended to do. Kit was therefore left to take his and Jem’s bags, leaving Tessa to take hers and Mina’s and follow up behind to close said portal. Slowly, Kit stepped through the whirlpool with a deep breath and let the world spin around him for a moment in rushes of grey, gold and purple before it steadied and dropped him out at his destination.
The grand entry hall of the New York institute opened out in front of him in its scoping arches and white lit candelabras. Oddly enough, it was becoming more and more of a comforting place to Kit, and perhaps even another kind of home. For someone who never really had a home for a good 10 years it was odd to think he had two now, one with Tessa, Jem and Mina -his new family- and one here with Jace and the rest of the institute gang. He had started visiting the institute around 7 months into his stay at Cirenworth, after Jace and Clary came to visit the family for some help with a mission. Jace claimed it was because of how terribly behind Kit had been in his training but Kit thought it was more to do with him wanting to bond with Kit… after all there weren't that many Herondales left.
‘Teresa, James… my dears how are you?’ a voice called across the entryway, followed by a streak of bright purple velvet in the form of one Magnus Lightwood-Bane.
‘Magnus’ Tessa smiled and ran over to meet him.
Magnus leaned into the hug and whispered something to Tessa that Kit couldn't quite make out, but that was rewarded with a giggle and light smack to his arm.
‘Agnessss!’ Mina squealed, jumping out of Jem’s arms and running over to cuddle him.
‘Hi Agnes!’ Kit added
Magnus rolled his eyes in good nature ‘Okay, anyway, lunch will be in an hour so feel free to go and unpack and freshen up or punch stuff or whatever it is you people like to do. The whole institute is free roaming as usual except for the sanctuary which is being set up for tomorrow by my sister in law with an iron first’
‘I'd love to help if she would like some,’ Tessa smiled kindly.
‘I don't think you would but youre welcome to offer’ Magnus said with an edge of experienced fear.
—------------------------
After the conversation with Magnus and a very detailed story about Izzy, himself, a missing table runner and his poor blue button down, Kit had decided to go and unpack in his room before heading down to find lunch. Kit knew where he was going and located his usual room in moments- which thankfully hadn’t been claimed by any other guests yet- flopping down on his bed.
Kit couldn't help but wonder if the Blackthorns were here yet, if Ty was here yet. He wasn't going to pretend he hadn't thought about them in 3 years, hadn't thought about what had happened to Ty at the Scholomance, or what Tavvy looked like all grown up now and how Julian and Emma were doing. Sure, he text Dru every so often, but they never really talked about anyone past glancing since that one time where Dru had mentioned Ty and Kit had shut her down. He knew Dru was doing well at the academy and that Cristina and Mark had moved to a little cottage and he had seen Julian and Emma a couple of times when they had been in England last. As it seemed, in that case, it was only really Ty he didn't know that much about. And wasn't that interesting indeed…
The hour before lunch passed quickly with the help of his favourite classic rock playlist and his disorganisation when it came to unpacking. Phone in hand, he made his way down the stairs and around the grand gothic halls until he reached the main dining room. From the doorway he could see Clary and Jace at one end of the table with Magnus and both of his children, a good portion of the New York downworld- some more familiar than others- and the Blackthorn clan along with a few other slightly more unfamiliar faces filling up the rest of the room alongside Izzy and Simon.
‘He's not here yet,’ someone spoke over his shoulder.
‘I wasn't looking!’ he snarked back, able to recognize Dru’s voice in seconds.
‘Hmm okay sure bud,’ Dru moved to walk past him, linking arms and pulling him along ‘now come on, come sit with us and tell me all about England!’
—----------------------------------------
‘So can you really go to London just like whenever you want? Do you know how many awesome horror films were set around London?!’ Dru’s blue eyes shone with excitement.
Though Kit had facetimed her a few times and called her double as many, it was different seeing her in person. She was still quite short but now seemed so much more confident and bubbly in herself and had seemed to embrace her curves in the way she dressed and carried herself. Kit was proud of her.
‘I guess, I mean we portal there whenever a meeting is called or if anything important is happening, but to get there by car or train takes over 6 hours so we tend to stick to slightly closer cool film destinations like Sherlock’s Hounds Tor’
‘That's so cool! You have to invite me next time and I can show you where Omen was filmed and Dorian Gray and Creep!’ Dru was practically bouncing in her chair.
‘You took almost none of that in did you?’
‘Hmm? Anyway, I heard you have a girlfriend…’ Dru waggled her brows.
‘Had’ it was true, Kit had dated Mari for a while.
‘Oh’
‘Yeah, we decided we were better off as friends in the end’ Kit looked down at his plate, inspecting the pattern intently.
He had dated Mari, a local girl, for just over 4 months at some point last year, but she had called it off claiming he wasn't ready for her yet, that he wasn't over Ty. She had actually ended up helping him with the whole thing, but they had decided that they were better off as friends all things said and done.
‘Oh, so that means you and my bro-’
A loud clanging of metal on glass saved Kit from the conversation Dru was about to try and have with him, and he couldn't have been more thankful. He followed the noise to see Jace and Clary now stood up at the head of the table arm in arm.
‘Good afternoon everyone and welcome to the New York institute, thank you so much for coming,’ Jace started, captivating everyone in the room in the way he and his baby blues did. He really was a natural born leader and Herondale
‘We’re super excited to have you all here for our special day, now let's get this party started!’ Clary shouted the last part.
‘What my dear fianceé means is that we're so glad and so grateful that each and every one of you, our closest friends and family, could join us here for our wedding. We have worked so hard to be where we are and each and every one of you has helped us in one way or another, whether it was a kind word of advice or a place to stay-’
‘-or stabbing a Drevak that was trying to kill me that one time’ Clary interrupted, making eye contact with Isabelle and winking.
‘-yes or that. Anyway, thank you all so much for coming. Please feel free to make yourselves at home and use any of the facilities. We will be having a rehearsal dinner this evening for the wedding party but then dinner will be back here at 8:30. Now, as my gorgeous wife-to-be said: let's party!’ Jace smiled at Clary with such love in his eyes and Kit’s heart clenched a little.
A cheer went up and glasses were all toasted before desserts and drinks began to flow. Kit sat with Dru and made polite but pointedly generic conversation for a while. Though, as the crowds began to thin out and people took their leave, Kit declared that they too should find somewhere a darn sight comfier than the stiff wooden dining chairs to chill in.
‘Library?’ Dru asked.
‘How about somewhere even better?’ Kit winked and stood, excusing himself from the rest of the Blackthorns, before leading Dru to their destination.
5 minutes and a few too many sets of stairs later, they arrived.
‘Holy shit! Like I mean damn!’ Dru gasped out.
‘Cool right? Clary dragged me up here once when I was in one of my pouty moods, said she likes to sketch up here.’ Kit said honestly, he always felt like he could be honest with her.
Kit moved through the dancing coloured petals and curtains of vine until he found his favourite spot. Dru settled next to him silently and stared up out of the glass roof at the star speckled sky, eyes wide and sparkling bright ocean blue. Kit revelled in the beauty of the moment, surprising himself in how calm he was feeling considering how anxious he had been only a few hours ago. It seemed Tessa, Jem and a little help from his friends in Devon had made the world of difference for his confidence.
‘So Kit… I know you said you didn't want to talk,’ Dru started and Kit relocated the anxiety he thought had gone earlier ‘but I need to know what happened.’
‘Dru, I-’
‘No, Kit you don't understand,’ Dru looked at Kit softly. ‘I still don't know what happened, it was just that one day you were this orphan kid staying with us and then suddenly just as I got comfortable having you around, you left without a word and Ty was distraught all the time … I actually think that might be why he left to the Scholomance!’
Kit daren’t say a word, it seemed this had been a long time coming, and though seemingly out of nowhere, it was beyond overdue.
‘It was a fucking dick move man, a really dick move. I lost my sister, then one of my only friends, then my brother, and then I had nobody to talk to for so damned long cause Julian was away with Emma and Helen was too busy looking after Tavvy and the institute. And all the time all I could see was Livvy's ghost!’
Kit tried not to flinch at her hopefully unintentional word choice.
‘Every time I walked to my room I went past her door. Then, when you were gone too, Ty wouldn't even go into his room -because it was opposite hers- for all of the couple months he stayed. It was awful Kit, and while it wasnt all your fault I cant help but think you were a big fucking factor’
Kit took a deep breath ‘you’re right Dru. There's no excuse, no words I can find to make it better. I'm sorry we treated you like a child and I'm sorry I left you there to deal with the fallout.’
Dru was fiddling with a fig leaf that was hanging next to her, spinning it between her fingers absentmindedly. She was considering something, it seemed ‘yeah, okay fine I guess I forgive you, but you better teach me more mundane crime tricks to make up for it all.’ she smiled and shuffled so she was facing him and her face softened ‘You were in love with my brother, weren't you?’
‘Oh yeah, absolutely! Told him as much and everything’ Kit said casually, he’d learnt to own it now.
‘Wait what! When did this happen?’
‘Calm down, I'll get there, just give me a second and slow down,’ he rebuffed.
‘I mean I wasn't really expecting to get this far to be honest. You usually shut down at the mention of Ty.’
‘Oh I know, I learnt a lot at Cirenworth and even went to therapy for a bit and it really helped.’
‘Kit that's great,’ she spoke sincerely.
‘Anyway so yeah story time I guess.’ Kit turned so he was facing her too ‘On the night before the battle with the cohort, Ty and I- we did something, we uh-’
‘-you resurrected Livvy’ Dru said in a way that implied she not only knew this information to be true but had known as such for a while now.
‘- yes, when we raised Livvy. I tried to stop Ty that night, I tried to stop him and I couldn't. I told him then , right in the middle of it all, and I know now it was the worst timing in the world but back then it was all I could think of to stop the resurrection. I only wish I hadn’t bothered now since he clearly doesn't care about me in the same way.’
‘Wow, so that's why you left, isn't it?’ Dru took in the information remarkably well, he'd have to dig deeper about how she knew some things a little later on.
—------------------------------------
A day later, 2015- New York institute
The wedding had been absolutely beautiful and Kit would happily admit he had cried almost the whole way through. Within an hour of the vows, the reception was in full swing and colours span around the room in ripples, searching to permeate each and any dark leeched corner. The music echoed around the high vaulted ceilings of the sanctuary and people swung each other about on the dance floor. It was magical. He made a mental note to tell Isabelle as much later on.
Kit was stood on the edge of the dancefloor, awkwardly picking at the label on the bottle he was fretting between his palms. Dru was next to him as was Livvy, though nobody but he could see the latter girl but him, both of them trying to get him to dance. He was pointedly avoiding dancing however as it was sure to be some kind of natural disaster scale trainwreck. Jace and Clary were in the center of it all, flame and ice wrapped in gold and ivory, love saturating each step they danced through. Magnus and Alec were swinging their boys between them and Jem was dancing with Mina in a way that melted Kit's heart just a little more. That was, until he noticed who was on the other side of the dance floor.
‘Oh no, he's hot!’
‘What, who, where?!’ Dru shouted eagerly, pitching forward to try and see who Kit was looking at.
‘I said that out loud didn't I?’ Kit replied with settling realisation.
‘Mhmm, now where are we looking?’ Dru peered around frantically ‘oh dude, that's my brother what the heck!’
‘I didn't exactly mean to say it out loud now did I Drusilla?!’ Kit rolled his eyes but smiled.
‘Okay well I've heard it now I guess, too late or whatever! So, let's come up with a plan to get Ty to like totally fall in love with you so I don't have to deal with your moping ass for any longer.’
‘Hey!’
‘Oh shut up and turn around!’ Dru grabbed his arm and span them away from where they'd seen Ty, pulling him into a slight crouched huddle ‘I’m thinking we get you on the dancefloor looking all sad and pathetic and you can trip into him and-’
‘Kit?’ the familiarity of something so soft and aching.
He turned, ‘Ty?’ those same steel grey eyes held him frozen in place.
Kit had caught a glimpse of Ty at the actual wedding through his dramatic waterworks but hadn't had a chance to properly see just what he looked like now. Ty, it seemed, had gotten taller and ever more muscular, now towering just slightly over Kit in a way that had the boy considering all kinds of inappropriate-for-a-wedding thoughts. His hair was still that deep, inky black but now a lot longer and more scraggly, strands curling at the ends and framing his soft chiselled jawline. He couldn't help but look, after all he’d accepted his feelings for Ty not gotten over them… definitely not gotten over them.
‘Can we talk, maybe outside?’ Ty asked, as Kit had expected he might.
‘I think it's best,’ Kit nodded and began to push past the crowds and towards the main doors, assuming Ty would follow as he always had before.
—-----------------------------------
Kit had taken the both of them to the library, thinking it would be a sort of familiar safe space for the other boy considering how unsettled he was sure they’d both become in mere moments. They both sat towards the back of the room on the floor, under the shadows of the grand bookshelves, backs to opposite shelves and feet almost touching in the space between them. Kit had his legs curled up against his chest and was tapping one of his feet against the carpet. Ty was fiddling with the string on his sweater sleeve and nodding his head to what Kit assumed was some sort of classical music coming through his headphones.
‘I’m sorry’ Kit broke their silence first, unsure if Ty had heard him at first considering the lack of response.
‘Why?’ his voice was near a whisper.
‘I shouldn't have left you without a goodbye,’ Kit sighed and looked up from his knees ‘my therapist says it was a coping mechanism because of all of the emotions I’d faced in that short time, but that doesn’t make it okay and I'm sorry Ty, I truly am’
Ty was silent again ‘I'm sorry too’ he met Kit’s eyes for just a spark of a second ‘I didn’t listen to you and because of that I lost you too and that hurt almost as much as- as the first ones did.’
His parents, his uncle, his sister.
Kit’s heart shattered, of course he hadn't listened, he was 15 at the time and had lost his twin sister by the Angel’s sake. He wished he had realised that before, then he never would have left… hindsight really was a bitch.
‘I know’ because yes he was wrong but so was Ty, Ty should have listened ‘Maybe we can start again? This time with better listening and less necromancy though!’ he tried to lighten the mood.
Ty looked down and dropped the thread he had been playing with ‘I don't want to.’
Kit’s heart crumbled once more, after all he'd done to build it back up, Ty didn’t want to even try being friends again. He might cry.
‘I'd rather finish where we left off… or rather when we were last friends.’
Kit choked back the tears and took a second to process what Ty had said. ‘Yeah, yeah that sounds better actually’ Kit held out his hand across the space and shaking, Ty took it holding on tight like a lifeline.
‘Did you mean what you said to me at Lake Lyn?’ Ty said with more confidence and conviction that he had been using before.
There were two possible options here, two polarising opposite outcomes by the words he chose here. Surely Ty didn’t mean when Kit had told him he loved him, and maybe even if he did, perhaps he thought it brotherly? Maybe Ty meant when Kit said he wished he'd never known him. Kit’s head was well and truly swimming.
‘When you uh-’ clearly Kit had taken too long to respond and Ty had decided to help out with more information ‘-when you said you loved me.’
Kit blinked, holy shit!
‘It’s okay if you didn’t, it's just I’ve been thinking about it for so long and I need to know the answer, I hate not knowing the answer to things’ Ty looked at him dare he say hopefully? Quietly though, he dropped Kit’s and went back to fiddling with the jumper string rhythmically. Kit didn’t mind.
‘Ty, Ty of course I meant it’ Kit took a deep breath, he might as well ‘I still mean it, that is, I still love you. I don't think I ever stopped really, to the stage where my girlfriend broke up with me because even she- someone who has never met you- could sense I was pining over you’
‘Oh’
‘Yeah oh’
Kit and Ty stared at each other for the longest time, Ty focussing somewhere over Kit’s left eyebrow and letting his hands dance beside him. Neither boy dared say anything in the soft and sacred bubble they had created. Neither dared move either.
‘Ty? Ty are you in here?’ someone else had taken to breaking their space for them.
‘Yes Julian, is everything okay?’ there was a soft crackle to Ty’s voice, it was beautiful.
‘Everything’s fine, it's just that they’re doing the fireworks soon and Magnus is making sure they’re silent for you to enjoy too! He’s super excited to see if it helps your sensory input so you can enjoy the experience with us all!’
Ty’s face softened even more if that were possible, ‘okay, I’ll be there in a second’
‘Cool, if you see Kit or Simon can you let them know too?’ and with that Julian’s footsteps echoed back out into the hall.
‘We'd better go’ Kit said, standing up quickly, still ( absolutely) slightly terrified of the elder Blackthorn and of being caught by him doing something with his baby brother.
‘Only if I can kiss you first?’ Ty said, raising a brow and nearly causing Kit to choke.
Kit nodded, not trusting his words in that moment, and that was all Ty needed apparently. Within the space of a breath, he lunged across the space between them pinning Kit against the bookshelf by the lapels of his suit jacket and kissing him, hard.
‘Okay’ Ty said a few heated minutes later ‘let's go see the fireworks’ he brushed his crumpled jacket down and straightened his tie, smiling devilishly at Kit all the while.
‘Fuck me’ was all Kit could say.
‘Maybe later if you're good.’
Kit nearly choked agan ‘what the fuck is happening?’
‘what, it's not like I haven't been thinking about it for a few years,’ Ty said and swept out from between the bookshelves ‘now come on or we'll miss it!’ he turned back and threw a wink at Kit, the only sign of his anxiety being the gentle butterflies at his sides.
This man would most definitely kill him and he was cool with it.