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"Alright, I think it's time we call it a night." You stretch and turn to Paimon who nods in agreement.
"Paimon is SUPER tired after a battle like that one." She yawns and leans back against nothing, eyes drooping. Your jaw drops in amazement.
"How can you be tired? You didn't even do anything!" You scoff at her, but you can't help chuckling at the audacity of it all. This is so classic Paimon that what really surprises you is the fact that you're even surprised at her statement in the first place.
"Yeah, but it was exhausting just to watch! Paimon doesn't know how you do it. You sure are incredible, you know!" You put your hand on your hip, dropping your chin to give Paimon a discerning smirk. Flattery will get you nowhere, Paimon. She just smiles smugly, pleased with herself.
You laugh and shake your head, "Come on, let's camp outside tonight." The Sereniteapot had been a welcome change of pace during your adventures, but it couldn't quite replicate the experience of sleeping under the stars. Besides, you had left it in the care of Verr Goldet with the expectation you would be back from your bounty mission well before dark. If Miss Goldet could handle taking care of Xiao, she could certainly be trusted with a teapot, even one made from adeptal magic. Alas, the sun was now low in the sky, and would be long gone by the time it would take you to get back to Wangshu Inn. Thankfully, as dear Bennett would say frequently regardless of his skill in following it, "A good adventurer is always prepared!" Finding a dry, flat space with a wide open view of the sky, you set up camp a little ways off the beaten path you'd been following out of the forest.
Once the tent and bedrolls are laid out, you check Paimon's progress with the campfire you'd left her in charge of. To your satisfaction, it was now a healthy blaze and Paimon floated above and to the side of it warming her hands.
"You're getting better at that! Nice job!" You praise her.
"Hehe, this is nothing for the amazing Paimon!" She puts her hands on her hips triumphantly. Though she acts as though it means nothing, you know that inside she is delighted that you praised her.
Placing a cooking pot over the well made campfire, you prepare dinner for you and your floating companion.
***
After eating your fill and relaxing by the fire a while, you realize it's now completely dark. Looking up you see a myriad of glittering stars, filling the navy and black sky so that it practically overflows with starlight. You give a heavy sigh…..as you can't help but think of your sibling each time you gaze at that starry abyss.
Why do I have to think of that now. Can't I just stargaze in peace? You scold yourself, trying to push the heart wrenching loneliness brought on by your twin's absence deep down to where you can't feel it anymore. It only sort of works.
"Paimon, I'm going to bed." You tell your companion who is sprawled out on the ground in front of the fire, stuffed from her dinner and content to continue lying there all night.
"Okay," she says dreamily, her eyes drooping. You giggle at Paimon's silliness.
"Here, at least use a blanket if you're going to sleep there. You'll catch a cold!" You lecture, draping a blanket over her and handing her a pillow. Once Paimon is all tucked in by the fire, you walk a few meters to your tent, making sure that you can still see her from the entrance. It's a simple tent, basically a few branches and a tarp. It wouldn't keep you warm on Dragonspine or anything, being open in the front and back, but it'll keep the rain off you and your supplies.
Settling into your own bedroll, you drift asleep, trying not to think of a certain missing person.
***
It's dark. Endless void stretches out around you. You call out, but your voice is quickly swallowed by the darkness. You spin around, searching for an exit, for any sign at all of where you are and what you're doing here.
Suddenly, a bright light appears. Small at first, but growing steadily as you instinctively head towards it. Eventually, it becomes as big as you are and in the center of the light is the silhouette of a person. They are facing away from you, and they appear so dark against the bright light that you can't make out who it is from the back. They're like a shadow, a dark human shape against the light.
"Hello?" You ask, but again the dark swallows your words. Deciding that speech will likely be ineffective here on out, you approach the figure, reaching out your hand to touch them on the shoulder when you stop cold. A shiver runs down your spine, as your twin turns to look at you over their shoulder.
Before you can muster the will to try speaking again, they turn once more away from you and begin walking in the direction of the light. You follow them and though you were only a few feet away from each other moments before, you are falling fast behind.
You break out into a sprint, chasing them into the void. Yet still they get further and further away. As they get smaller and smaller in your vision, the light too gets smaller. You know that soon you'll be left in the dark. Alone.
You call out their name over and over, hoping to get them to stop. To wait for you. But nothing reaches them. You yell your sibling's name once more into the void. Your voice comes out a sob and you drop to your knees in defeat. Leaning forward onto your hands, your tears fall from your face where they too are swallowed by the void.
Then the scenery changes. Bricks appear underneath your hands, as a dungeon room forms around you. But you aren't alone this time. You are startled from your grief by an otherworldly chanting. You look up to find that you are surrounded on all sides by Abyss Heralds. They begin to close in on you, and in a panic you call out for someone to save you.
Your words are swallowed once more.
***
".....ey……up" You hear a voice calling out to you, but you can't quite make out the words. You struggle in your mind to find the voice and follow it to consciousness.
"….Hey! Wake up!" You sit bolt upright, sucking the night air into your lungs with desperation. You gasp for air, still in such a panic that you don't notice the hand on your shoulder. The same one that had shaken you awake and pulled you from your nightmare.
"Hey. Calm down." A voice calls you back, and the hand on your shoulder grips tighter, anchoring you in reality. Another hand grabs your chin and forces you to look directly at them. The eyes that meet yours are the golden eyes of Liyue's sworn protector.
"Xiao," you breathe, eyes widened in surprise. The Vigilant Yaksha kneels before you, silent and concerned. What is he doing here? Your mouth opens and closes as if to ask this, but you can't seem to formulate the words. Instead you remain frozen in Xiao's stern gaze, feeling your breathing gradually steadying, heartbeat slowing to a reasonable pace. When you've calmed, Xiao gives a slow nod and releases you from his grip, satisfied that you've regained your composure.
"You called me," He explains, "is it such a surprise that I answered that call?" You look at him confused, you're clearly not in trouble or in battle as you would expect to be if you ever called him. You begin to voice this.
"But I…." And then it dawns on you. You feel your face flush red, and you quickly avert your eyes down away from Xiao's gaze, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. I called his name in my sleep. You bring your hand to your cheek in an attempt to hide your sudden bashfulness, which is when you finally notice that your face is wet. You wipe under your eye and stare in mild disbelief at your hand, which has come away wet with tears. You've been crying…...but you can't remember why.
Whatever the reason, it's clear to you that Xiao has been summoned here for nothing. You just had a nightmare, that hardly calls for summoning a yaksha. Simultaneous feelings of embarrassment and guilt wash over you.
"I..um…." you shift awkwardly under Xiao's expectant gaze. You look everywhere, avoiding his eyes. Outside your tent the fire has been reduced to a few glowing red embers, and you can see the lump that is Paimon laying beside it, still slumbering undisturbed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to call you. As you can see, I'm not in any danger, hehe." You try to laugh to break the tension, but it dies on your lips. Xiao sighs and looks at you with what can only be disappointment. Oh no, I'm sure he's angry now. You fidget waiting for him to give you a gruff response, probably relating to your lack of respect for the adepti, and then disappear in a shroud of black smoke. When he doesn't do this, you decide to break the silence. "I'm so sor…."
"I'll admit," he tersely cuts you off, "I was…...surprised at first." He looks away from you, his face scrunched in concentration….or is it frustration? He shifts to sit cross-legged on the ground in front of you, leaning in so that his face is level with yours. "I had expected a battle," Xiao meets your eyes, and there is a gentleness in the Yaksha's gaze that you've never seen before, "though it seems the demons you fight with cannot be felled with a spear." He stares into you as you sit there in stunned silence.
You know Xiao has a softness in him that he keeps well covered by harsh words and judgments. He had been slowly opening up to you over the course of your interactions, and before you knew it you had come to care for him, deeply and unquestionably. But this was the first and most direct sign he'd given that he may care for you in return. He had made clear his will to protect you, certainly, and you never doubted that promise. Contracts seldom held as much weight as they did in Liyue, after all. This feels different though….Beyond the terms of any "contract," and definitely beyond Xiao's usual pretense of apathy.
“Now tell me,” Xiao’s voice pulls you back to reality once more, “what did you dream of?” His demeanor is calm and patient, as you search your mind for an answer to his question.
“I..I don’t…” You stammer, not truly processing any of this. What was I dreaming about? You search your memory for what could have been so horrible that you felt the need to call for your protector, but come up empty. Suddenly your vision blurs, and without warning or apparent cause, tears begin to silently overflow from your eyes. You look down, avoiding Xiao’s gaze, not wanting him to see you like this. Your hands wipe desperately at your eyes, willing the tears to stop, but to no avail. Why am I crying? I can’t even remember the nightmare, why won’t it stop? That all too familiar sense of loneliness creeps up under the surface, accelerating the tears. Stop it. Stop it! I’ll drown! You continue pawing at your eyes until someone stops you.
Xiao grabs both your wrists, forcing your hands away from your face, letting the tears fall down your cheeks and onto your blankets. You snap your head up to look at him with the same wide-eyed look of bewilderment your face has been in since he arrived, your shock momentarily pausing the tears. To add to your confusion, he pulls at your wrists, toppling you off balance. You fall towards Xiao, who catches you in his waiting embrace and pulls you close.
“You need not force yourself to remember,” Your chin rests on Xiao’s shoulder, arms outstretched at his waist, still in shock. “It may in fact be a blessing that you do not.” His voice is gentle and his embrace warm. Strong arms wrap around you, securing you in a hug that simultaneously grounds you in reality and feels unreal, your brain unable to reconcile the fact that it’s Xiao doing the hugging. “You need not hold back your tears either,” he continues, “not on my account. While I dislike it when others cry for me, I cannot fault those who cry for themselves.” Hearing this, your body relaxes, letting go of something you didn’t realize you were holding back. The tears resume their flow in full force.
You will yourself to return Xiao’s gesture, coming down from the shock of the initial embrace. Slowly your arms slide over Xiao’s back and wrap him in a hug of your own. You squeeze him tightly, as if afraid of being torn away, clinging to the Yaksha like a rock in an ocean storm. At first you are afraid of holding him too tightly, but when Xiao makes no move to loosen your hold on him, you abandon any semblance of restraint and bury your tear-soaked face in his neck. He holds you as you cry.
“But…,” eventually your crying slows down enough for you to formulate a thought, “I don’t even…*sob*….know….*sob*….why I’m crying,” you sob into Xiao’s shoulder. You feel so stupid and helpless. I must look so foolish, sobbing over nothing. You feel Xiao take a deep breath before reaching one hand up to the back of your head. The gesture is small and quick, but it reminds you of a similar one he made while rescuing you after your battle with the Overlord of the Vortex, an early sign of the adepti’s gentleness. Xiao closes his eyes and begins to stroke your hair as he speaks.
“There was a time when I was forced to consume the dreams of others,” you inhale in surprise. Xiao doesn’t normally like to speak of his period of enslavement. Before he met and was rescued by Rex Lapis. Before he was Xiao…. “As such, I have bore witness to many nightmares, not all of which were sensical.” You relax in his arms, oddly comforted by the idea that nightmares don’t have to make sense to be nightmares. “Be it dream or nightmare that I consumed, I cannot forget a single one. Even now, I can still see those twisted visions that once tortured my victims in their sleep. I am thankful that you do not have to live with similar memories.” The self doubt and foolishness you felt at not being able to remember the reason for your tears evaporates in the night air. More than that, you’re filled with a resounding warmth for the man holding you. The man who pulled you from the nightmares, who’s thankful you can’t remember why you’re crying, who cares about something as trivial as you having bad dreams, who cares about you. You smile in spite of yourself. Xiao cares about you.
“Thank you, Xiao.” You whisper back. Though there are still tears falling from your eyes, that empty, lonely feeling that threatened to swallow you whole is almost completely gone.
Xiao loosens his hold on you and pulls back to look you in the face, your own arms returning to your sides. Now that you’re face to face, you finally notice that your earlier fall into Xiao’s arms also left you sitting in his lap. After a brief flare of embarrassment at that realization, you return his gaze, utterly enamored. You feel almost afraid to move, or even breathe, lest the moment between you two shatter and return to quiet distance.
Xiao’s golden eyes are filled with concern and sadness as he reaches up to brush the remaining tears from under one of your eyes with his thumb, cradling your face in his hand, his other arm still wrapped around your back. Not wanting to let go of you, not even for a moment, rather than use the hand that now holds your face to wipe the tears under your other eye, he instead pulls you closer and presses his lips just above your cheekbone. Xiao kisses your tears away. Your face goes red and for the umpteenth time this evening, your eyes widened in surprise. Xiao pulls back to look at you again, his expression serious, one hand still cupping your face.
“While I don’t wish to return to those times, know this…” Xiao leans in again and kisses you gently on your forehead, before closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to yours. You watch him as he removes his hand from your face with one last brush of his thumb along your cheek, and reaches down to take one of your hands. “If I could, I would eat away your nightmares.” Your tears begin anew, now for a completely different reason, and you intertwine your fingers with his. You smile, closing your eyes and savoring the moment. The “Conqueror of Demons” wants to protect you from bad dreams. It’s the silliest, most wonderful thing you’ve ever heard. And it makes you so happy, you cry.
When Xiao opens his eyes again, he is startled by your tears, pulling back to examine your face. You can’t help but laugh at his confused expression, which is quickly replaced with frustration at your outburst of laughter.
“No, no, Xiao,” you explain, gesturing for him to stay calm, “it’s okay! I’m happy.” You giggle, “I’m crying because I’m happy.” You smile and reach up to place your hands on either side of his face. You pull him back, pressing your forehead to his again. You close your eyes and sigh contentedly, “I’m happy.”
“Humans cry when they are happy as well as sad?” Xiao asks frustratedly. “Incomprehensible.” You release him to throw your head back and laugh, loud and hearty. It’s just such a “Xiao” thing to say, you can’t help it.
“Yeah,” you laugh, “incomprehensible.” When your laughter subsides, you look back at Xiao’s frustrated expression and decide to do one more incomprehensible thing. You lean in and kiss Xiao on the lips. This time, it’s Xiao’s turn to widen his eyes in surprise.
After a moment of hesitation, Xiao gives into the kiss, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around you once more. He pulls you close and holds you tight. You run your hands up his chest to wrap your arms around his neck in return. The sweetness of the kiss mixes with the salt taste of happy tears.
Afterwards, you have only sweet dreams.