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I have a weird question.
Don't laugh at me okay?
Is it wrong to fall in love with your best friend? This question has plagued Bucky’s mind for as long as he’s known Steve. He’d always looked out for his best friend since the day they met. Scrawny, defenseless and awkward Steve was way too headstrong and reckless for his own good, yet Bucky found himself magnetized to his determination. Even the smallest of Steve’s actions were of a great deal of importance to Bucky. He remembered the first gift he’s ever received from Steve, a ring from the antique store when they were both teenagers. Over the years, it seemed as though the roles had themselves reversed as they grew up together. Bucky eventually found that the Steve from his past was no longer, at least in his appearance since he now towered over Bucky this time. The moment he realized this was when Bucky suddenly found himself getting picked on by someone else one day and Steve had been the one to defend him instead. He always felt like a soldier with Steve as his plucky sidekick and so he never expected to be the one having Steve’s arm around his shoulder, it's always been the other way around. Not that he disliked how things were now. Steve was always warm. He wasn’t an overwhelming flame that was suffocating, instead he was comforting like gentle sunshine.
Do your lungs feel funny too?
Do the butterflies turn your breaths into staccatos?
“What do you look for in a partner?” Bucky asks Steve one evening.
He tries his best to be subtle about his interest in Steve, the last thing he wants is to push away his best friend but he needs more. Steve’s blue eyes stare at him with a hint of curiosity before he spoke.
“Hmm. I’m not really sure now that I think about it. Call me cheesy but, I never thought I needed anyone else to be a partner since having you as my best friend already fills that part in my life.”
Goddamn it! Bucky painfully hides any disappointment that may have shown on his face as to not give away his feelings but he didn’t expect to be sidelined this quickly. Maybe Bucky was being too subtle with his intentions. Does Steve really only love Bucky as his best friend and nothing more?
Now I think I know why.
Bucky needs to step it up. Screw the art of being subtle, he’s going all out right now if it kills him.
“I really love the idea of having someone like you to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve always admired you Steve, I hope you’ll always feel the same way about me.”
That should do the trick! No way would Steve not notice his true intentions in his words. Now all Bucky had to do is wait for Steve’s reciprocation. This was easier than he thought it would be.
“Aw, I like you too Bucky. It’s always so nice to have someone special to talk about this kind of stuff with isn’t it? I’m glad we’re still best friends after all these years.”
There was a brief silence stemming from Bucky’s disbelief in that moment. He had to hold back the urge to yell out in frustration. If Steve didn’t look so endearing with his beautiful eyes glowing in wonder he’d have done so for sure. He just smiles charmingly at Bucky’s half-grinning expression. Making Steve realize he wants more out of their friendship was suddenly going to be much more difficult than Bucky had anticipated.
Do you like the feeling too?
I think I do.
Bucky’s birthday was one week later. An entire week since his failed confession to Steve. A whole week of planning how to do it successfully this time. There was no better time to do so than on his twenty-third birthday, it would just be the two of them celebrating that day so all Bucky has to do is snipe the perfect opportunity to express his feelings again. This time, he’ll make sure everything falls into place.
An over the top rendition of “Happy Birthday” made Bucky’s heart flutter suddenly. Steve never have the best singing voice, not by a longshot but he was never afraid to sing for Bucky whenever he had the chance to do so. To rub more salt in the wound, Bucky remembered all the sappy love songs Steve would always sing for him when they’d have karaoke nights together. His song choices always caught Bucky off guard when he heard Steve sing them for the first time. He put in so much effort into each one as if he really felt the message of each song he was singing. It was just another one of the reasons he was so drawn to Steve.
“Are you down for another karaoke night?” Bucky asks.
Steve immediately lit up at his offer, making the brunette smile at his eagerness.
“You don’t have to ask me that. Just assume I’ll always be ready for karaoke night with you. But you need to blow out your candles and make a wish first!”
I'm trying so hard.
You told me I was always a fighter remember?
But so are you.
Much more than I ever was.
Despite Steve having such a large, muscular build and tall stature, he was never intimidating or unapproachable. In Bucky’s eyes, he was still the same scrawny and overeager individual with the most comforting baby blue eyes he’d ever seen but, Steve would always take a jab at Bucky being the shorter one of the two ever since he outgrew him. It was Steve’s personality that never changed with his appearance. He was always effortlessly charming and gentle, another trait that Bucky would always treasure about his boyfriend.
Oh wait a minute.
Best friend.
Now back to his birthday wish.
Do I ask for your reciprocation right now?
It's not too soon right?
Blowing out his candles, Bucky felt a sudden rush of warmth as he found Steve’s arms around his back in an embrace. He hopes Steve didn’t realize how hard he was blushing right now.
“So what’d you wish for? I know you’re not supposed to tell anyone what you wish for on your birthday but you can make an exception for your best friend right?”
Best friend.
There it was again.
“You’ll find out when it comes true.” Replied Bucky with a longing smile.
Being overly hopeful was the only thing keeping him from giving up on Steve at this point. He just couldn’t bring himself to let go of him. It was like Steve was an overly affectionate golden retriever trapped in a human body. That birthday wish superstition suddenly held a lot of power in Bucky’s life now more than ever. They spend the rest of his birthday singing classic love songs and laughing together like they always did way back then, eventually ending with Steve falling asleep on Bucky’s couch but Bucky wakes up the blonde and insists he sleep on his bed tonight. He'd deal with cleaning up their mess by himself.
Write a story with me.
We can be the prelude and the ending.
Lying on his couch alone and unable to sleep that night, Bucky found himself staring at the ring Steve gave him all those years ago. It was definitely unlike any ring he’s ever seen in his life, in a rather amusing way. The ring held what looked to be a round shield in blue and red, with a white star in the middle to top it off. According to Steve, it was supposed to be a shield Bucky could use as a means to protect himself which meant it was a laughably tiny shield. Despite the childish circumstances of the gift, Bucky never had it in himself to get rid of the ring. He was wearing it more often than not. It was in this moment in solitude that Bucky realized just how much Steve had been there for him in his life. He'd never asked Bucky for anything in return, always wanting to give Bucky the absolute most even if he has to be creative with how much he wants to give Bucky. Yet another aspect of Steve that Bucky loved about the other man. Ready to jump in and protect anyone without hesitation like his life depends on it. As his eyelids grow heavy, Bucky’s endless thoughts of Steve lull him into a fruitful slumber.
Do you need more time?
Not wanting to wait longer than he needs to, Bucky decides to ask Steve on a date the morning he wakes up.
“Yeah sure Bucky! I’d love to hang out today, where are we heading?”
Okay so he didn’t word it as a date. Bucky was definitely lacking in confidence all of a sudden but he’s not about to let that stop him from whatever’s about to happen today,
Maybe if we exchange hearts you can decide.
“I was thinking we could just take a walk down our favourite path, you know the one.”
Both men followed the trail into the forest near Bucky’s old childhood home and into their path they’ve walked through countless times. The spring air was cool and refreshing in the morning, yet Bucky felt warm when Steve held his hand.
“You still wear the ring I gave you?” Steve spoke up suddenly.
“Yeah I do.” Bucky chuckled. “You told me to keep it as a shield to protect myself, remember? I never could get rid of you so it felt right to do the same with your first gift to me.”
There goes Steve’s comforting smile again.
“Never thought it would be that sentimental to you, but it makes me happy knowing you kept it all these years.
Do me a favour please.
Let me hear the rhythm of your chest.
Why the hell was Bucky blushing now? There’s no way Steve didn’t see his face and the implications of what it means now.
“You okay? You look a little red, are you feeling sick at all?”
Did Bucky have a thing for dumb blondes? As distasteful as that stereotype was, he couldn’t help but question just how oblivious Steve really was. This wasn’t going anywhere!
“I’m fine Steve, don’t worry about me.”
“But you always worried about me when we were younger, it’s my turn to smother you like a mother hen now!”
Stupid Steve and his adorable way of showing he cares. Bucky’s going to make his birthday wish come true one way or another, he just has to find a way to do it as soon as possible now. As they make their way through the forest path, the men stumble across the bridge overlooking a lake below. Bucky tries to listen to Steve going on about all the times they’ve crossed this bridge and how it still felt as high up as it was years ago, but his own thoughts of how he’d fully come clean about his feelings for his best friend cloud his ability to listen properly. Bucky fiddles with the ring in his hand as he prepares himself for what he’s about to tell his best friend, when suddenly he finds himself looking below the bridge in horror.
Is your heartbeat getting faster too?
Steve’s first gift to Bucky had clumsily slipped out of his hands and before Bucky could process anything else, Steve had already jumped into the water below to retrieve it.
“Are you out of your damn mind?!” Bucky yells out.
Immediately fearing for his safety, Bucky sprints through the bridge and down into the trail to the lake where Steve jumped into. To his relief, he found Steve was already out of the water and made his way over to Bucky in the process.
“You dropped this.” Says Steve sheepishly as he hands Bucky back his ring.
“Steve, are you crazy? You could’ve hurt yourself doing that! And just to get back my ring?!”
Bucky didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but there was the overwhelming sense of fear in that moment where he thought he could’ve lost his best friend at any moment.
“How many times have I told you not to be so reckless?! I hated seeing you in any kind of danger when we were younger and that sure as hell isn’t any different now!”
There was no irritation or remorse in Steve’s eyes. They still had that ever so familiar feeling of warmth and understanding in that moment.
Can you help me out please?
“But I know how much it means to you, Bucky. Remember when I said it was a shield you could use to protect yourself? I’m not the Steve that got thrown around like a ragdoll in fights when we were younger, I can protect myself now so you don’t have to. You’ve spent your whole life looking out for me, I told you it’s my turn to do the same for you. I’m your shield now Bucky.”
About that favour I asked of you earlier.
Stunned in silent shock, it was Bucky’s turn to make his move. It was time for his wish to come true and he’s not about to let this opportunity slip his grasp again.
I think it's enough.
Mustering up all the courage in his body, Bucky steps forward.
But you haven't had your turn yet.
Locking into his gaze.
It's only fair for me to share the staccato of butterflies.
And places his lips on Steve’s.
If serendipity could be described in one action, then Bucky was definitely feeling it right now. Any fear of losing the person who mattered to him the most was swept away in an instant, with an overwhelming feeling of relief and content washing over Bucky’s entire being. Cool grey eyes met baby blue when Bucky pulled apart to gaze at Steve in a new light. Steve’s hands cupped Bucky’s face. His touch was as warm as ever. He never recoiled from the cold touch that Bucky always gave back.
“If you’re still wondering what my birthday wish was, I’m here to tell you right now that it just came true.”
I still feel my erratic lungs.
“Then, does this mean I’m what you’re looking for in a partner?” Steve asked with a sly grin.
That got him a well earned punch on the arm from Bucky.
The butterflies are here to stay.