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Natasha wasn't one to get caught. But she did. Was it a mistake? Did she know what would happen once she set her eyes on him? The red room sent her, he thought it was someone else; it was evident in the vibe he was setting off towards her. He would have been terrified. Who wouldn't be? An organization that steals little girls and kills them and turns them into murders. He knew she was an assassin that much she could tell. But what she didn't know is not only was he partially blind but he could sense her motives even if she tried to convince herself that she was on the other team's side.
But before they had their very first encounter she was told off by Madame. This was one of her first missions. She's had many others of course, but this one was real and raw. It felt more real than the others. They were nagging on her more. Like this was the most important mission she's ever had to do. He was dangerous. They told her that he needed to be put down. She never knew what was right from wrong anymore. But killing helped ease her mind, something that she would soon find that the person she was going to kill felt the same way.
Her first few missions were not that bad. She maimed, she killed. She felt no remorse. Or so she thought she didn't. She was raised to hide her feelings, to create a barrier around herself. The only person who could get past that barrier was James. But he was long gone, and she'd probably never see him again. After a while, the pain went away. It's been years. And now she's been given another mission. Probably to kill again. She doesn't care. It helps take away the pain. She's so angry. She doesn't love him anymore. Or so she convinced herself to think. But it's been years now she's better and this mission will prove just that.
She's walking across the streets of Russia wearing a blonde wig. She now sits on a plane heading to New york. All she can think about is shooting a bullet in this guy's brain. And it calms her down so well from how alone she feels. They told her that this mission would be harder, so she has as much time as she needs to kill. They trust her, but she isn't sure that she quite trusts them anymore. Or ever did.
After numerous hours she walks out of the airport, it's now dark out. She breathes in the cool air, she always had a liking for new york. She walks to hell's kitchen. Her pre-mission is simple, capture a guy or girl whichever she sees first. And torture them which will cause chaos and get this guy's attention. And then when he comes confused she'll kill him and feel more relaxed than ever.
She changed into her black widow suit with her red hair dancing through the wind. And she spots a guy who's bothering a girl. She doesn't know why that strikes her as bad and dangerous when they've been taught that girls always need to be controlled. But it strikes Natasha in the wrong way.
She walks over to them. “Hey fellas.” And with that, She sends widow bites to his groin and he collapses. Priceless. Natasha smiles which felt more good than killing has ever felt for her. The girl runs and Natasha smiles for a bit but shakes it off. That's when she grabs her baton and tasers him. He screams so loud it's like music to her ears.
—
Matt is sitting at his desk preparing for his second year at college. Foggy and he had this dream of becoming lawyers. They would do everything in their power to make that come true. He loved Foggy so so much, at first, he thought he had a crush on him. But he realized that Foggy truly cherished their friendship more than anything. So he felt stupid and awful for lying to him. About his blindness and his abilities. But he couldn't hurt him, it's too late now. They've known each other for a year now, he can't exactly say, “ oh by the way I have known when you've been lying to me and I fight crime too. Yeah, your blind friend. Me.” It would most likely ruin them, and he can't do that since they only have each other.
It's a day like any other. He sits out on the roof and waits to hear if anyone needs help. He doesn't know why he does this. He never seemed like the hero type. Maybe it was an excuse to beat the shit out of people for his anger. But why would a catholic guy like him ever hurt someone? She's the devil. And it's clawing its way out. When He puts on that black cover-up it's like He’s a different person. If Foggy knows what he does, what He's done It'll ruin the one good thing in his life and most likely go on a rampage He’ll never forget.
That's when he hears it, a scream. From one person. Maybe a robbery? Is it a man's scream? That's new. But it sounds painful. He's being tortured. That's his cue. He runs. He runs across the building's roofs. His mind is spinning in circles, he needs to focus on the sound. He's new to this, but he's not new to the fighting scheme. It gets harder for him to concentrate. He's hearing all these noises. It's not unbearable he's heard them all of his life, but it's hard when his mind is spinning. He hears loud echoes of laughing or sirens or shouts between partners. When he climbs down the stairs from the roof he sidesteps to get a look at what the fuck was going on. He hears a voice, “this is just until he comes and rescues you, be as loud as you fucking please.” Then he hears a tazer of shorts going against a skull. She just tasered his head. What was she meaning until he comes?
He races down and he can hear her heartbeat. It's thrilling not that she's scared, no she's having the time of her life. He kicks her in the head. But she moves quickly. “ Oh enough of that screaming, he's here.”
His breath hitches, she was doing this to get his attention. She speaks again, “my mission is to kill you so let's just get this over with yeah?” He hears her licking her lips. He responds with, “Fine if it's a fight you want, let's rodeo, but you need to let him go.”
“Sure sure all I need is you anyway.”
Matt hears the guy running away from the stomps of the ground that vibrate to his ears.
Natasha doesn't like this man. She knows it'll be hard. Not impossible but hard. She just wants to kill him and go home. So she lunges in but he spins high and misses the hit. She grabs her gun and shoots right for the head but he then grabs a pole on the ground and flings the bullets away.
Matt hears a difference between her heartbeat and her blood pressure. Is she tired? She's a trained assassin. But then in an instant, everything changes it all back he can hear tiny laughter. And he gets hit in the head.
“Stop just stop”, Matt pleads. “What is your problem? What do you want?” He's now standing up and he can feel her close. She answers after what feels like forever, “To kill you.” But there was a hiccup in her voice and a pause like she was unsure that that's what she truly wanted. And with that barrier down and gone she breathes deeply. And he knows what she's truly thinking. Her heartbeat is all over the place, telling him that she's tired and scared and just wants to leave to end everything.
He hears her click something and it tasers him. But he’s strong and shakes it off. She brings out her gun again but not to shoot but to knock out. She’s sick of seeing there are eyes when she kills her targets. But luckily he already covered his eyes for her.
But what she didn’t expect is that he was just as good as her. She was better, but not by much. She didn’t have a conscience, that made her better. She was quiet and quick and so was he. That's what made her question killing him. She faltered. Natalia Romanov never faltered.
Matt tried his best not to hurt her. He tried to reason with her as to why he was here to kill her. “Listen your heart is all over the place what is going on here.”
Natasha sighed, “just quit moving and let this be finished.”
Matt bit his lip, “ why huh, what is it so important about me that you need to kill me. Let’s talk it out.”
Natasha breathed a slow deep breath, he knew what she was thinking it was obvious from her blood pressure and her heartbeat and her movements. She didn’t want to do this. She knew that now. Her barrier was coming down and this guy who’s never met took it down. When only one other person has done it. James.
No. She shakes her head. Thinking of that now when it’s been years she has to let it go. He’s gone, it’s not that she’s in love with him. She’s just scared for him. Scared that he’s doing things that will haunt him forever.
She snaps back to reality to her target. To this man that has a black cloth covering his eyes. She snaps her wrists up and releases widow bites towards him. And a few get him. She smiles. Finally, Although she doesn't know if she wants to go back. Not yet.
Matt falls. But he’s been through worse and taken more beatings than any average human.
Natasha smirks, “you don’t give up do you?”
Matt leans in towards her and sounds out each word like it’s venom in his mouth, “what do you want from me?” He can tell that she took a deep breath that’s she’s about to talk, but he doesn’t let her, he punches her and he hears her body thud against the ground.
Natasha gets up just as easily as he did when he was shot down. But she feels furious because usually, her targets aren’t this resilient.
She takes one more look at him, points her gun, and shoots him. He senses it but he’s distracted, she seems different from all the other people that he’s fought. And the bullet hit him on his shoulder. Matt groans in pain. But he is still upright.
Natasha walks over to him, gun pointed to his head. Questioning everything going on in her head. Matt notices that her heart rate is different than it has been before. Irregular like she’s confused and it’s beating so fast how could it be beating so fast when she’s about to kill him?
With this distraction, he stands up and side-kicks her. She steps back before he can touch her. Her demeanor is different like the blood is washing from her face. Like she’s tired and scared and just wants it all to end. Matt knows she never wanted to do this.
He drops the pole, for some reason he trusts her. He takes off the black shirt that was covering his eyes. “It's obvious you don't want to kill me.”
“I'm sorry”, she says. It was a whisper but Matt no doubt heard it. He could hear a baby crying from miles away.
Natasha feels the trust towards him as well and rushes over to him and hugs him. It is a soft hug, he holds her head and she’s hugging his waist. He hasn't even looked clearly at her yet but he knows she's a mess. And luckily for Matt, he just loves those.
—
That was their first encounter. He took her home. She told him everything, she trusted him so easily. He trusted her as well. Things were different. He was blind, yes but he was so attracted to this woman. To someone that just tried to kill him.
Days passed and they got to know each other and laughed and got along. He soon came to love her heartbeat. He could hear it when she was about to go into a room and it made him smile so big.
But before Matt and Natasha fell for each other. The assassin falls for her target. They were good friends for months. She was even introduced to foggy and their future jobs of law. She could get used to this. But she knew she couldn’t. She was good at lying and not being scared which caused Matt not to question anything.
It was the day of their finals and foggy, Matt and Natasha were out for drinks celebrating becoming one step closer to being lawyers when they heard something. Matt heard it. Natasha knew when he heard something. They spent so much time together that she knew by just one movement what he was thinking and what he was going to do.
They both gave each other a look and excused themselves. They heard Foggy say, “You little love birds.” Natasha rolled her eyes never she thought.
When Mat and Natasha went to the alley they already had their suits on. She with her black widow outfit and him with his black cloth. He made her feel unashamed for wearing it. She felt proud saving people instead of taking lives with her black widow suit.
“Where is he?”, she questioned. When they hugged each other after their fight, she had many questions. And with their trust radiating off each other, he trusted her and told her everything. It took longer for Natasha to get there. But she knows what he can hear and she knows when he hears something, they know each other that well.
“He's up around the corner.”
She nods and says, “Let's do this.”
First, they let the mugger have a free pass to let the girl free but he laughs at their stupid costumes. Oh, how he will regret that.
Matt goes first grabbing a pole on the ground and hitting him so he falls on the ground. Natasha knows he has that covered so she goes over to the girl and tells her to run. She does, but before she does she hugs Natasha. And it strikes something different in here, her heart fluttering with so much emotion and weirdness.
Matt heard this and it confused him where the mugger saw this as his advantage and stabbed him.
Natasha screamed. It was ear-piercing even the mugger ran away from the painful noise. She ran over to Mat and was fine. But she could smell the blood, he wasn't fine. He has gotten worse beatings than this, but Natasha always ends up like this when he gets even a little scratch.
“Can you hear me”, she stuttered trying to gain her voice from seeing someone she cared about hurt. He cupped her face, “Natasha I am fine, it was just a little scratch.” She picks up his shirt to where he was stabbed and holds down the wound. He can hear a sniffle. She's crying over him. “Natasha stops it there's no need to cry over this I'm not dying.”
She gives him a sharp look, “Just hold on I'll be right back.” He nods, confused. Where would she be going? She seemed so concerned over him. But he knows now, her heart beats like it's more determined than when she was sent to kill him. It seems angry. She wants revenge. “Natasha, No!”, Matt screams.
But it's too late. Natasha finds the mugger and shoves him against the wall. “I can't let you get away with hurting people.” The mugger smiles, “like you can do anything. You don't even fight.”
Oh, how wrong he was. She picks up her gun and shoots him square in the shoulder. He screams in pain. Matt can hear it and sighs. What did he expect? She's so damn overprotective with him.
He senses that Natasha is near him now. “Are you serious?”, he remarks.
“Don't just don't. No one hurts you okay.”, her voice shakes. He hugs her, but he feels something else. Love. Some Things he's been hiding for a while now. This act of love changed everything for him. He truly does love her so much.
He grabs her face and kisses her. She deepens it. He knows it's what she wants. Her heart has never been slower. She feels safe. The kiss tastes like honey and roses. He never wants to stop, nor does she. But they break apart and rest their foreheads against each other to gain their breath back.
“We should probably go back to Foggy and tell him he was right”, she laughs. Matt smirks and they walk back to the bar to tell their friend the good news.
Then other days he would fight without her and it made her so mad. They would fight. Throwing harmful words at each other. One time it went like this.
Matt had just walked in through the dorm, Foggy wasn’t there. Probably in a class. Natasha was lying on his bed reading a book trying to strengthen her English.
“Hey Matt”, Natasha purred ready to do whatever her body willed to him. She looked up at him and gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.
He was beaten so badly with scratches and blood all over his body. He smiled his little toothy smile that always gets her.
Nonetheless, she runs over to him and leads him to the bed. “What happened Matt? Why didn’t you get me?”
“I couldn’t Nat”, he only uses that nickname when he’s serious. Natasha gulped she couldn’t do this anymore. But she grabbed the first aid kit.
Matt looks up at her when she’s bandaged him up and grabs her face, “ I can hear your heartbeat Natasha it’s fine I’m fine.”
She huffed, “yeah okay I can’t go on like this Matt I love you you know that but you're dangerous. You love the pain don’t you.”
He doesn't say anything. Of course, she’s correct. She knows him all too well. Then anger consumes her; she doesn't know what gets over her. When they are both standing up facing each other seething with anger.
He knows what she’s about to do; he senses it but he doesn’t stop it.
She slaps him, and it’s so loud you can hear the sound vibrating in the room.
“You like that don’t you. You’re the devil Matt.”
He smiles and touches her hair bringing his mouth to hers. “We’re both the devil, Natasha, that's why we get along so well.”
And with that, he tugs her to the bed and climbs on top of her like she’s the most solid thing in the world.
It goes on like this for ages, and it’s a hidden agreement that the reason they’re like this, the reason they love fighting crime so much is that they get to hurt people. They thrive off of it.
They could have been perfect if only they both weren’t the devil.
—
Months passed on. Yes, Months. It had crossed her mind that the red room might go to her, but they said she had all the time in the world. Since the mugging incident, she's moved in with him to the dorm. She's lived there since she was sent to kill him. But now they sleep in the same bed.
They have fought together every single time, not keeping secrets. Well, except for her. Ones that's been bothering her for a while.
They kiss so much like it’s a drug they both need. They are both addicted. But every time he kisses her he can hear her heartbreaking. And today was the day he would ask why.
Natasha has just walked through the door to their dorm. Foggy set up a curtain as if it was two rooms instead of one. She has adjusted to a life well. She's a bartender. Listening to people's life stories to numb her own.
“Hey, Natasha.” She smiles when she sees that those words come from Matt and goes over to kiss him. But when they are kissing he hears her heartbreaking.
He backs away from the kiss, “what is going on there’s something you're not telling me.”
“Are you serious Matt, I have told you everything. I told you I trusted you and you know that.”
“See that’s the thing”, he says, caging her in on the door. “You're lying, I can hear it.” She goes out under his arms and crosses her arms at him. “I don’t have to tell you everything.”
“I can hear your heartbreaking Natasha.”
She stops, she’s scared. He knows. But he’s not sorry he needs to know. She just says sorry and they both climb into bed together. And it’s like this every time they kiss he ignores it at first but every once in a while he breaks and demands he tells her why she’s sad every time they kiss.
She rolls over to him, with her head on his chest and his arms protecting her like if he lets go she won't ever come back. He knows. She knows he knows. She knows all his emotions. She should tell him, but she can't. So when he's sleeping she slips out. She leaves all she owns, they won't do her any use in the red room.
She has to go back. She's scared. For the first time, Natasha Romanoff is scared.
Matt wasn't asleep, he knew something was up, he knew her heartbeat so well now. He followed her. And he spots her walking slowly but quickly.
She knows someone is following her and turns around. It's him, he smiles at her. But it's weak. She closes her eyes. He goes up to her and touches her cheek. “Don't leave”.
“I have to.”
And with that, she runs. He's shocked after all they've been through she's leaving like this? He throws his stick and runs to her. He kicks her and she falls to the ground. “What the fuck Matt.”
“This is bull shit you can't leave.”
“I can and that is what I'm doing.” It hurts her but it must be done.
“God you're such a coward, you know I can protect you. You'll be safe, we can live our life here. You, me, and foggy.”
She closes her eyes and releases a shaky breath, “that was just a fantasy, Matt.”
“So what, you said those things and never meant them?”
“No, you told them I just went along.”
His heart is breaking, “He can't lose her, but he knows it's about the red room she’s scared he can sense it.”
“They will come for me soon Matt and I could put you and Foggy in danger. “
He nods. He understands but he doesn't want to let her go. He never thought their goodbye would be this hard.
She decides to tell him. She told him everything but she always kept this to herself. “Matt, remember the night we met?”
He ruffles his hair, “ of course I remember how I could forget. You struck something in me that night that I’ll never forget.”
She smiles. “Well, you let a bad man lose because he was harassing a girl.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”, asks Matt.
She looks towards him for the first time since he chased her, “I wanted to tell you everything before I left. And now you know absolutely everything about me.”
“When will I see you again?” He has to see her soon; he can barely survive one hour without her. Without her Russian thick accent. With the way, she plays wingman for foggy. And her little laugh.
“Soon, very soon.” She can't leave like this so she rushes in for a kiss. It's sloppy and sad, his hands holding her face, “I'll be waiting for you darling.”
She nods, “Matt I never told you, but I love you. I do. I was just always too scared to say it out loud.”
And without hearing his response she runs off leaving Matt in a broken mess.
—
When she left he had to explain to Foggy a lie. That she just left him because she couldn't be with him anymore and that was partly true. The first person he told about her was Claire since she was the first person to know about his identity and he had to tell someone. Then when Foggy found out he told him the truth about her.
Now years later, many years later after a blip took half of the population and the avengers brought them back. He knew she got free from the red room. He knew she was an avenger. She was free. But she never came back to him. She was in New york. Maybe she did too many missions. Maybe she simply forgot him.
But the whole world knew what the avengers did to save the world. What Natasha had to do. She was dead. When he first heard it on the tv at Josie's he and foggy stared at each other stunned. Foggy tried to walk over to him to hug him but Matt couldn't think properly. He didn't care if people could hear him; he let out a scream that ripped his soul in half.
She never kept his promise. She never came back and now she never will.
Weeks, after he found out about her death the archer from the avengers, came to visit his law firm. Clint. “Hey Matt”, Clint says.
“Are you here about Natasha?”
“Yeah. She gave me something to give to you. She didn't know she was going to die but she had a note that she wanted to send you.”
Matt nods. His heart can't take this; her death is still so raw with him. Clint hands him the note and when he's about to leave, he says, “she talked about you a lot. She loved you.” Matt nods and opens the note.
With no one in the room, he reads over the note.
Dearest Matt,
I always meant to keep my promise. I just never got the time, for that I apologize.
Matt holds a cry. She shouldn't be apologizing for saving the world. He reads on.
I was always saving the world and never got the time to go back to hell's kitchen, I miss it. It was a mess, but it was our mess. I'm so happy here, I have a best friend. No offense to Foggy but we all know he preferred you more. He saved me as you did.
When I went back to the red room I assured them you were dead and they trusted me. So they gave me another mission to go to Budapest and that's where Clint was. He took me into the shield. I would have asked you to join but you like doing things in the shadows.
Thanos snapped, I'm the one in charge of the avengers. I'm honestly too scared to see if you blipped too.
We were beyond toxic Matt, I was scared that if I went back we would never let each other go. But I have always thought of you. I hope you and Foggy did become lawyers. “Avocados at laws” like you stupid geeks used to say
Yours,
Natasha
Matt looks up and cries. He kneels on the ground and weeps. He misses her so much. He hears Karen and Foggy come in. “Hey man it's okay, we're here”, Foggy says.
He stands up and leans on the wall, “I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I feel so alone.”
Karen rushes over to him and hugs him, “you are anything but alone. You have us.”
He feels both Karen and Foggy wrap him into a hug.
“I just miss her so much”, Matt says, his voice cracking.
—
Karen never knew Natasha but she knew how much she meant to Foggy and Matt. All three of them decided to go to her grave.
They were in a car driving to her grave. Karen was driving, she was afraid Foggy would be too emotional to drive. It’s been quiet for minutes, everyone mourning and thinking of Natasha.
Karen speaks up first, “so Matty tells us about her. I know Foggy knew her but you know her more right?”
Matt doesn't want to, just thinking of her hurts. That she’s not in this world anymore. But he does anyway. “Okay okay yeah. So Funny enough she was sent to kill me.” Karen squeaks, “what?”
Foggy laughs, “yep I didn’t find out until recently.”
Karen smiles, “okay go on what else.”
Matt continues, “I knew she needed out, she was terrified. She knew I wouldn’t be able to protect her, now that she's gone I’m sure it doesn't matter. She was an assassin for the red room and was sent to kill me but you know I can sense things and she hugged Me. I took her in and we fought so many bad people together. It was like our thing.” He smiles remembering how fun it was.
Karen reaches out and holds his hand. Matt speaks again, “ the first time we kissed was when this guy stabbed me and she got so overprotective. It was so sweet. She even shot the guy.” All three of them laugh.
“But she left to protect us. She promised she’d come back. But she was too busy saving the world.”
“Well”, Foggy says, “ I didn’t know her like that but you guys were so toxic. Matt turns to face him, giving him a mean look. “We lived in the same room you guys fought all the time. She trusted you but was scared to let you go. I know I heard you guys.”
With that said all three of them stopped talking and no one spoke until they arrived at where her tombstone was. No one could get her body. She wasn’t even there. Clint told him that. And that pained him so much. If Thanos was still alive He’d beat him into a pulp.
He was the devil, and it was coming out. Pain always brought the devil out.
——
All three of them walked over to where the tombstone was. Matt couldn't exactly see it since he saw the world on fire. So out of a force of habit Foggy tells him, “Natasha Romanoff, sister, Avenger, and it has a black widow symbol.”
Matt doesn't acknowledge what he says and touches her tombstone and whispers, “It always had to be you huh?”
He stands back up and begins to walk away when Foggy's voice reaches him, “wait I want to say a few words Matt, I loved her like a sister even if you guys were very toxic.”
Foggy does the same thing that Matt did not let anyone hear the words he wants to say to a corpse's tomb. He kneels and touches the tomb, but Matt could hear him. Foggy always forget that. Foggy's words to Natasha are as numbing as his words were to her.
“I miss you so much Nat, remember when Matt would be studying and we would get drinks and you set me up with Marci. She loves you too, you know. She never meant to be such a bitch to you, you were just so hot. We all miss you so much. You would have liked Karen too. You could have even helped us with all the fisk stuff. But you had bigger things to worry about. You saved us and you saved the world. We'll never forget you.” And with that Foggy stands up touching her stone one last time.
Matt winces at the words that just left his best friend's mouth, and all three of them walk back to the car with Karen in the middle hugging them both.
Matt sits in the back seat now, thinking of how even if Natasha was here they wouldn't have been together but they would have fixed their problems to be friends.
But now they'll never get the chance.