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Valen stepped into the warm water. At the other side of the pool two men soaked and chatted; their voices too soft for Valen to hear. When the water began to move as he sat down, they glanced at him. He could feel their eyes not moving away. He knew why. In his arms, Mateo cooed.
There was a time when he was looked upon with lust, and he suspected those days were not over. But... they were irrelevant now. He had not shared pleasure with another man since he was seven months pregnant. Still sore was his womb and always occupied was his time. He would not be surprised if Silas were the next to touch him, and knowing when he might return was hard to guess upon.
He set Mateo on the most shallow step between his legs, allowing for his thighs to support his son upright. Mateo was almost a year old and sat up well enough on his own, but he was also prone to wiggling. It was best to keep hold of him in the water. As expected, he flailed his chubby arms and chirped with joy as he splashed.
Cupping his hands full of water, Valen let it run over Mateo's head. Massaging his tight curls. It had never occurred to Valen before Mateo was born that a texture of hair so different from his own might need a different type of maintenance. He would need to ask Silas. Or another soldier with similar hair. There was a good number of them, but it seemed a personal question and... he was ashamed to admit his ignorance on such a basic subject. Especially to a man he did not know well. Especially about the care of his own son! Maybe the men at the market who sold soaps would have good advice. This compromise pleased him, and he made the decision to act on it at a later time. For now the same soap he used for himself would have to do. Even if it left Mateo's hair never having quite the same texture it had before.
Only when he was satisfied with Mateo's washing did he care for himself.
Carefully standing and moving around Mateo to the deeper water. He placed a gentle hand on Mateo's side so he might know how the boy was balancing when he could not see. Then he submerged entirely. With his red hair entirely undone it floated around his head in a dark maroon cloud and stuck to his face when he surfaced.
Mateo squawked with delight.
"You think that is funny, hm?"
Valen hid beneath the water again, then surfaced. "Boo."
The babe laughed like a tiny imitation of a grown man who had heard the best joke of his life.
Grinning from ear to ear Valen 'disappeared' and 'returned' once more. This time closer. "Hullo."
Mateo jumped slightly and laughed all the harder for it.
"You are a silly thing today." Valen reached for the soap again, pressing a damp kiss to Mateo's chubby cheek as he did so. "Ama's sweet boy."
Valen proceeded to wash himself, spending extra time on his more hirsute body parts before then moving on to his head. Every time he had washed in private at the physician's guild he observed the state of the scar over his womb, how it remained raised and dark even as it otherwise improved. But now he could feel eyes on him again and he could not ignore the other changes: the shallow white marks on his midsection like tears in old fabric, the muscle of his abdomen no longer so visible, the softness of his breasts that are less productive than they had been in the few months surrounding Mateo's delivery. They were not offensive to him... but they did not belong to the version of himself he had known before. It made his skin crawl if he thought about it too long. Instead he renamed them, reclaimed them. Just more battle scars. A battle that earned him the most precious reward of all.
He ducked beneath the small waves to rinse his hair thoroughly. A hazy memory of humidity and an impression of fire, beside him and inside him. Effort and futility. He resurfaced and drew in a cooling breath.
Again Mateo giggled. But with slightly less mirth. It was nearly time for a feeding and a nap, anyway.
Finished bathing, he pulled Mateo close. The babe's small hand going to Valen's breast. "Are you hungry?"
A charming smile and a gentle pinch.
"I suppose you can eat here."
Valen maneuvered Mateo in his arms, no sooner than they had found the proper position did Mateo latch on. The sensation of his milk letting down and suckling calmed Valen. A bone deep contentment runs through his body, and Valen finds that he no longer cares if other bathers observe him.