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Things become different when life doesn’t feel like it’s conspiring with death. It was a change of heart you’d only ever experienced once. The memory was distant and most likely foreign, but, some days, it was all you had left.
Holding on to what was there was easier than accepting what was here. There resided lots to believe in. And here, the only word for belief was death, because you had to be dead to believe in something.
You were brought back to life once, only to die all over again.
The night sky was a swirl of lilac, navy and peach clouds. The constellations only just peeked through, winking and twilking as they bragged about their place in the world. You remember wishing you had the same luxury of belongingness.
“You’re so slow,” Jungkook grumbled over his shoulder with an unholy smirk.
You shoved him, but quickened your pace to match his. “Shut up.”
He chuckled as you finally reached the edge of the ship together. You rested your hands on the railing, letting the salty scent of the pinkish lavender sea claim your senses. It always made you sick, but it was better than the twisting, turning nerves that fought in your gut when you indulged in him instead.
You tugged on your extremely oversized red jacket, wrapping it tightly around your frame. You felt his eyes on you, and knew better than to look over. Yet, still, you did.
The twisting, turning of nerves, that you always mistook for love, returned. His soft eyes, an unnatural bright brown, swam with regret and pity. You swallowed thickly, redirecting your attention to his lips that were constantly in a permanent pout. To have one more kiss was a twisted desire you still craved.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
You tore yourself away from him and back to the depressingly beautiful ocean. You knew he meant those words, but you didn’t need them. You remembered those lost moments where he used to practically beg you to let him love you. You guessed that’s what happened when obsession was mistaken for love.
“I truly wanted,” he started with a tired sigh, “I want to believe that the stars shined for me. Now, I realize, they were made for you.”
He always spoke in riddles. It was part of his charm. It was only now that you realized how much you hated it.
Before you can reply, the ship reached the Busan pier and he left your side, muttering yet another apology you were just expected to accept.