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The sky was a swirl of lilac clouds, the setting sun peeking through as its peachy light glittered over the blue sea. You sharply inhaled the salty air as your eyes trailed down to the rusted railing the two of you were leaning against. His large hand rested near yours. A part of you wanted to interlock your fingers, forever holding onto each other, but the rational part of you talked you out of it.
“Things seem so dark sometimes,” he suddenly muttered over the engine of the ferry.
You looked up to face him, his gaze locked with the contrasting colours of the world before you. “What do you mean?”
He sighed, finally meeting your gaze. His wild, tiger-like eyes seemed tamer this evening, a whirlwind of doubt and pain drowning in them. They slowly glassed over, causing yours to do the same. “Sometimes I just feel trapped.” His voice was quiet, forcing you to lean in closer to hear him over the roaring waves. “My heart just…” He trailed off, curling one of his hands into a fist as he tried to find the words.
“Feels like it’s crushing into itself?” you finished.
You knew that feeling all too well. The twisting, squeezing feeling of your heart collapsing into itself, trapped in anger, hurt, and regret. “Like all hope is dying with each breath you take?”
He swallowed, blinking back a tear and slowly nodded. “Sometimes I just feel like whatever I do, I can never get rid of that feeling.”
You were not sure where this confession was coming from. In all the years you’ve known Taehyung, he always had a smile on his face. Whenever you were sad, or feeling insecure, he had always been there, with that wide, boxy smile, reassuring you that everything would be okay. Not even a minute ago, you were both laughing, clutching your guts from joyous pain.
You timidly stepped closer, your bodies half an inch apart now, and looked up at him. His little freckles were so clear now, and you resisted the urge to kiss the one by his lip. Ignoring the thought of kissing his pain away, you asked, “What’s making you feel this way?”
He shrugged, avoiding your gaze. You tried to lean around to meet his eyeline, but he remained distant. You took his chin between your fingers and forced him to look into your eyes as I asked again, “Why are you feeling this way?”
“People have been telling me I’m odd,” he finally confessed, his eyes watering once again. “That I’m weird and that my hair is ugly.”
Who the hell has been feeding him lies?
My eyes flicker to the black hat and grey hood he had been wearing all day. It suddenly made sense. You let go of his soft face and pushed back his hood. You took his hat off and stared at it for a moment. Your eyes flickered between it and the sea, then returned to Taehyung’s sad ones. Before you could think twice about it, I threw it overboard.
“Hey!” He shouted, watching it shrink from view as it floated. He turned to you with a confused look and a little smile playing on his lips. “What the hell did you do that for?” He asked, glancing back at the wet hat.
“Because you don’t need to hide your hair,” I laughed, fixing the little mullet on the nape of his neck. You brushed it out with your fingers, ignoring how soft it felt.
He stared at you for a moment before mumbling, “I’m thinking about cutting it off.”
You paused mid-stroke. “I will never talk to you again if you do,” you replied, moving your hand from his neck to his forehead. “And for the record, you’re not odd,” you added, straightening his bangs.
He rolled his eyes, those lips forming a cute, little pout. You cursed yourself for sneaking a peek at them. After all these years, you should have known how dangerous those lips can be.
“You’re just saying that,” he sighed.
Does he really believe those idiots?
You returned your hands to your sides as your brows knit together. “Tae, do you seriously not see how amazing you are?”
He scoffed, turning his body back to the sea, and leaning against the railing once more.
You literally felt your heart break.
Taehyung was a living prince, incredibly handsome and graceful in every aspect of his life. His kind soul never failed to surprise you and his soft heart never failed to steal yours away. He was always willing to help, even strangers he’d never met. Yes, he had a big personality, one that may seem animated, but it was one that was pure.
It dawned on you that the only way to make him see that was to use what he already believed against him.
“You are odd.”
He snapped his head to you, a tear falling from his left eye.
You cleared your throat and blinked back your own tears as you continued, “It’s odd that you stopped on the side of a road for a stranger at four in the morning. It’s odd that you tried your best to fix that blown tire, and when you finally realized you couldn’t and you called the tow truck, it was odd that you stayed until it showed up.” You cursed your voice for cracking at the end and the tears that were freely falling. “It was odd when you offered that stranger a ride home, and then came over the next day with a cup of coffee, even though you hate it, just to make sure they were okay.”
He stood straighter, watching you through his own blurred vision as his own tears stained his rosy cheeks.
“You’re odd, Taehyung,” You shrugged, using the back of your sleeve to wipe your nose. “But in the best way.”
He cupped your face, wiping away your tears before pressing his forehead against yours. You swallowed, as your eyes flickered from his gaze to his lips. Your noses brushed, and he hesitated, watching you carefully. You began to think that he must’ve changed his mind, but he surprised you once again, muttering, “I came the next day because something told me I’d be an idiot to let someone as beautiful as you get away.”
Before you could even open your mouth to reply, he pressed his lips on yours. It wasn’t as soft and sweet as you always imagined it, but instead rather needy and a bit desperate, like the only air left was trapped between your mouths.
Your lips were swollen when you parted, faces still slick with salty tears. Neither one of you cared enough to pull away, your foreheads still pressed together.
As the silent crashing of the waves and droning hum of the engine surrounded you, you could feel that twisting anger, hurt, and regret in your heart slowly drift away. And the look in his eyes told you that his heart must be freed from it as well.
Together, on this crappy, slightly smelly ferry, you let the world melt away, for the only proof of your darkness was an abandoned black hat lost at sea.