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“This feels like a terrible idea,” Lily said as she held the bad idea in question out in front of her by the laces. “Someone is definitely going to get hurt. And it will probably be me.”
“It’s just ice skating,” James said from where he sat, tying up his own skates. “Even you’re not that clumsy.”
“You always underestimate me,” Lily responded petulantly.
It was that strange week outside of time — those odd and lazy days between Christmas and New Year’s where the world felt a little less winter wonderland and a little more cold and slushy mess — and Lily, James, and a handful of other sixth formers were gathered at their local ice rink in an effort to reclaim the holiday magic that had slipped away just days ago. Lily wasn’t sure that they were succeeding — her holidays certainly never smelled like frozen sweat and dirty locker rooms — but the rest of the group seemed happy at least.
Mary, Peter, Remus, and Anthony were just coming back the bar, their arms filled with snacks for the group; Sirius, Beth, and James were sitting on a bench beside Lily, lacing up; and Lily was starting to regret coming at all. Lily looked around at her classmates and tried to remind herself that this was supposed to be fun. It wasn’t their fault she was in a sour mood, it wasn’t their faults that she would rather be anywhere else, it wasn’t their fault that she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about James and every time she’s near him she’s sent into a flurry of the most confusing emotions she’s ever experienced—
“I think you always underestimate you,” James said, breaking Lily out of her thoughts as he turned to face her — a few inches taller than normal due to the skates — and put his hands on her shoulders. “It will be fine. I’ll help you if you need it.”
Lily opened her mouth to argue some more, but the words, as they so often did these days, got caught in her mouth as James’ hazel eyes bored into hers. “Okay,” she said instead, her voice quiet enough to make her blush at how pathetically lovesick she sounded. She cleared her throat and sat down, taking off her shoes and swapping them for the rented skates.
“You’ll help me too, won’t you James?” Beth asked as she stepped closer to James, placing a hand on his arm and smiling at him in a way that Lily thought was utterly transparent.
“Of course,” James said, apparently not noticing Beth’s ulterior motives. Over Beth’s shoulder, Mary shot Lily a look — Beth and Lily didn’t really talk that much, but according to Mary Beth has had her eyes set on James for a few weeks now. James doesn’t seemed to have noticed, but it was still annoying to see her throwing herself at him.
“No one’s going to get hurt,” Sirius said as he stood and threw an arm around James. “We’ve got an instructor with us, after all.”
“I’m off the clock,” James said.
“And he teaches five-year-olds,” Lily added.
“Yes, but don’t worry Red, I’m sure he’ll be able to dumb his lessons down a little for you.”
Lily threw her shoe at him.
Everyone else was on the ice by the time Lily had her skates on, and James was lingering by the door, apparently taking his offer quite seriously and waiting to help her out. She stood and shoved her hands into her pockets, knowing that if James saw that she’d forgotten her gloves then he’d try and offer her his.
“Ready?” he asked. Lily nodded weakly and stepped out onto the ice. She felt wobbly for only a second before she managed to successfully stand, although she was slowly drifting off to the side despite trying to remain still. James skated over to Lily’s side.
“So now that you’ve found your balance, we can start moving. It’s easy, just like walking. Here,” he said, extending his arm toward her. Lily hesitated, then took his hand.
“Where are your gloves?” James asked, frowning down at their joined hands.
“I forgot them.”
James sighed. “I would give you mine but I already gave them to Beth.”
Lily looked over at Beth and sure enough, she was wearing James’ gloves. Suddenly Lily wished she had gone to James first thing and asked to borrow them instead. After all, the only reason she didn’t want his gloves were so that his hands wouldn’t be cold, not so that Beth could have them. Then she felt James’ thumb brush against the back of her hand and she thought that maybe Beth could keep the gloves after all.
“Just like walking, huh?” Lily asked, pulling her thoughts back to the task at hand.
“Yes. Well, closer to roller skating I guess. I know you’ve done that.”
“I have.”
“So you just push back with one foot while you put your weight on the other.” James demonstrated quickly before circling back to Lily and retaking her hand. “And you just do that over and over. You’ll want to keep your movements slow and fluid, otherwise you might throw yourself off balance. Oh, and if you start to fall the best thing you can do is get down low so that you end up sliding onto your knees rather than outright falling. If you swing your arms around to try and stop it you’ll just end up overcorrecting and falling even harder in the other direction.”
“Got it,” Lily said with a nod.
“Ready?” James asked, and Lily nodded before gently pushing back with one foot. James stayed beside her as she kept what she was sure was an agonizingly slow pace for him, holding her hand as they circled the rink. Lily was spending a considerable amount of energy on not thinking about James’ hand (was she holding it too tightly? Too loosely? Oh god, was her hand sweaty?) and instead tried to focus on her feet. Every once in a while, James would remind her to look forward rather than staring at her skates, but other than that he didn’t offer many corrections. Lily took that as a good sign.
“I think you’ve got the hang of this,” James eventually said, pulling his hand from hers.
“I can stay upright at least,” Lily said with a laugh, trying not to look disappointed that James clearly wanted to leave her. “You should probably get back to Sirius before he manages to set the ice on fire or something.”
“If anyone could do it, it would be him,” James aid with a grin, and then he skated over to his friends. Lily continued on as she had been, and eventually heard Mary as she approached Lily from behind.
“That was entirely too romantic for a place that smells like this,” she said as she moved to match Lily’s pace.
Lily rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t romantic, he was helping me.”
“If you say so,” Mary said in a tone that conveyed how entirely unconvinced she was about that. “I doubt he holds anyone else’s hands when he helps them.”
Lily looked over at where James was skating and frowned. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” she said.
On the other side of the rink, Beth had an arm around James’ shoulders while Jams had his around her waist. She seemed to be making an exaggerated show of helplessness — despite the fact that she seemed to be doing just fine with the others until now — as she clung to James. Lily watched as James laughed with Beth, sliding an arm around her waist and pulling her in closer—
In her distraction, Lily lost the rhythm she’d been maintaining with her feet and suddenly felt them slip out from under her. Frantically, she tried to remain upright by throwing her weight forward, and as she did a distant warning rang through the back of her mind in a voice that sounded an awful lot like James’, but she was too busy hurling face first into the ice to head it.
“Oh shit,” Lily heard Mary say as she crouched down beside her, sounding like she was holding back a laugh. Lily appreciated the effort, at least. “Well, it looks like you protected your nose, I don’t see any blood.”
“Lucky me,” Lily groaned.
“Lily?” she heard James say, and soon there was a second person crouched at her side.
“I see what you mean about overcorrecting,” she mumbled from where she was sprawled out.
“Can you get up?” he asked.
“No, I’m fine here, thanks.”
“I’m sure solid ice is very comfortable, however I’d rather not see you get run over by a pack of viscous eight year old with over sharpened skates.”
Lily turned her head to look up at James. “Over sharpened?”
“They make Tonya Harding look like a team player,” James said as he grabbed Lily’s arm and helped her to her feet. They made their way off the ice and onto a bench, then he pulled her hat up and looked at her forehead more closely than Lily would have liked.
“What?” Lily asked, yanking the brim of her hat back down.
“I don’t see any bumps or bruises, that hat must have cushioned your fall.” His eyes darted down to her lap, and he sighed as he grabbed her wrists and brought her hands up into view. “Now if only you’d had something for these,” he said of her red and battered palms.
Lily yanked her hands back and bent over to unlace her skates. “Yes, yes — I promise when I finally get on the ice again in ten years I’ll remember my gloves.”
James laughed. “Sit tight,” he said, and then he left Lily to her skates.
Once she got the skates off Lily looked out at her friends and suddenly felt like an idiot. There was no reason she shouldn’t be having a good time — aside from the pain in her knees and ankles. She was only miserable because she couldn’t get out of her own damn head and stop pitying herself over a stupid, unrequited crush. She was a victim of her own self-fulfilling prophecy.
“Here we are,” James said seconds before Lily felt a blanket being draped over her shoulders. She turned to James and found him holding out a Styrofoam cup toward her.
“Hot chocolate?” she asked as she took it.
“I even got them to add the little marshmallows for you,” he said, sitting beside her.
“My hero,” Lily deadpanned as she held the cup with both of her frozen hands. Lily took a drink and sighed. “I told you this was a terrible idea.”
James bumped Lily’s shoulder with his. “You were having fun before you fell.”
Well, not just before I fell, Lily thought as Beth skated past, waving at James as she did.
“Can’t a girl wallow in peace?” she asked instead.
“Absolutely not. This is a No Wallow Zone.”
“I don’t see a sign anywhere,” Lily said, looking around to prove her point.
“They don’t have a sign, they just have me go up to anyone who looks like they’re wallowing and give them hot chocolate and a blanket.”
“Oh, so you do this for everyone? I don’t even warrant special treatment?”
“I got you marshmallows!” James said, pointing at the cup in her hands. Lily couldn’t help but laugh at the indignation on his face.
“I appreciate the marshmallows,” Lily acquiesced. “I feel very special.”
“That’s all I wanted,” James said with a grin. Lily’s stomach flipped uncomfortably at the sight, and something must have shown on her face because James’ expression dropped into one of concern instead.
“I should go,” Lily blurted out before James could ask what was wrong. “I’m too sore to go back out there, and everyone else is having fun so I don’t want to sit here and be a wet blanket. Plus this is a No Wallow Zone, so I should go home so I can wallow properly and—”
“Lil,” James interrupted. “You don’t need a list of reasons in order to leave. I don’t think you’re being a wet blanket and I’m sure the others would love it if you stayed, but if you’re not having a good time then you don’t have to stay.”
“I…okay, yeah. I’m going to go home.”
“Okay, give me a second to tell the others and we can drop your skates off on the way.”
Lily was standing and gathering her things before what he said registered. “Wait, we?”
“Yeah, I’ll walk you home.”
“Oh, you don’t need—” but James had already waved her off and walked away. After a brief conversation with Sirius he returned and grabbed her skates, bringing them back to the rental counter before she had a chance to argue that he should stay. Lily thought this was probably on purpose — after all the years they’ve been classmates he’s become something of an expert in dodging her arguments. Knowing that there was no changing his mind once he’d made it up, Lily followed him to the exit where he was holding open a door for her with a smile that made it seem like she hadn’t just ruined his entire day by being moody.
As they started off in the direction of Lily’s house, James told Lily about the first times he got Remus and Peter onto the ice, which admittedly did a pretty good job of cheering Lily up. Lily was just about to launch into a story about the time Petunia got caught in the middle of a snowball fight while walking home from school years ago when James shivered.
“Where’s your jacket?” Lily asked.
James looked down, eyes widening slightly as if he just noticed that he wasn’t wearing one. “I…left it at the rink.”
“Aren’t you cold?”
“Maybe a little,” James shrugged.
Lily chuckled and draped one end of the blanket around his shoulders. He stepped in closer to her so they could both be covered, but this caused their elbows to bump together awkwardly as they walked.
“Here,” he said, shifting so that he could wrap his arm around Lily’s waist. “Is this okay?”
Lily nodded, looking away quickly to hide the fact that she had started to blush at the contact. James’ body was very warm against hers, and Lily’s thoughts were veering into dangerous territory. They were just about to start walking on the wooded path that led directly to Lily’s neighborhood when she tried to argue one last time.
“You don’t have to walk me all the way, you know. We’re almost there, you could turn back and still have some time with the others.”
“Call me crazy, but I like knowing that my friends made it home safe and didn’t collapse and die from an undiagnosed head injury along the way.”
“You said there’s not even a bruise.”
“Yes, on the outside.”
“James, I’m fine.”
James chuckled. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“No, I just don’t want to keep you from having a good time with everyone else.”
“Lily, walking with you was my decision. You didn’t drag me along.”
“I know that, but you looked like you were having a good time with Beth, so….”
James quirked an eyebrow at her. “With Beth?”
“Yes,” Lily said, avoiding eye contact.
“I was teaching her how to skate. Just like I taught you how to skate.”
“No. I mean, yes, but you….”
“I what?” James asked when Lily didn’t elaborate.
“You know,” Lily shrugged, aiming for casual. “You looked cozy.”
“Cozy?”
“You had your arm around her.”
“Ah,” James said, shooting Lily a puzzled look that she wasn’t entirely comfortable with. “She was really unsteady on the ice, I was trying to keep her from falling.”
Lily didn’t say anything, sure that she had just revealed entirely too much, and was thinking of ways to play this entire conversation off as a joke when James spoke up again, more hesitantly this time.
“Besides, if you want to know if I’m interested in a girl, there’s a better way to tell.”
“There is?”
James nodded, but didn’t say more.
“For example?” Lily prompted.
“For example,” James said slowly, looking resolutely ahead, “a good indicator would be if I put my arm around her when we’re off the ice.”
The hand on Lily’s hip seemed to burn white-hot as his words sunk in.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
They both fell silent, and James seemed to be actively avoiding looking at Lily. Lily wasn’t sure exactly what that meant — was he nervous? If he was, then that probably meant that she hadn’t misunderstood, that he had just admitted that his feelings toward her were more than simply friendly. Lily couldn’t think of a single way to respond, all she could think is how silly it was that she was rendered mute by his confession when that was all she’d wanted to hear from him for the past year. The silence between them had grown into something nearly tangible when Lily’s foot caught a root and she tripped, stumbling forward as James quickly reached out to steady her. They were facing eachother when she straightened up, the hand that wasn’t on Lily’s waist now holding on to her forearm.
“All right?” James asked. Lily opened her mouth to answer when she realized just how close his mouth was to hers, and how little effort it would take to close that gap entirely and press their lips together. Then, without realizing what had happened or who had made the initial move, they did just that.
For a second Lily panicked — even though his point had seemed obvious she was suddenly worried that she’d somehow misread, or misunderstood. Then she felt James hand ghost up her forearm to grab hold of her behind her elbow, and his other arm snaked around her waist to pull her in as he took a step closer to her, and Lily’s panic evaporated. After that her only thoughts were on how soft his lips were and how solid his body felt pressed against hers and how his fingers would tighten against her every time her tongue brushed against his lips.
When they finally broke apart Lily wasn’t sure what to say. James was looking at her in a way that made it clear he was looking for something, an answer to an unspoken question perhaps. Lily just looked back, wondering if he’d be able to read it on her face like he always seemed so good at doing. Then, James smiled and Lily knew that he understood, that they understood eachother, and she smiled back. She tore her gaze away, looking down at the root that had initiated all this in the first place, and she noticed that the blanket had fallen from around their shoulders.
“Is your ankle okay?” James asked, following her gaze downward.
“It has taken quite a beating today,” Lily said as she bent down and grabbed the blanket, folding it up neatly and tucking it in her arms. “But I think I can manage to make it home.”
James nodded and wrapped his arm around her waist again as they walked on, and Lily smiled because the gesture meant something else entirely now.
“So,” Lily said after a few moments of silence, “when you’re interested in a girl you’ll put your arm around her?”
“It’s been known to happen.”
“Would you also snog her in the woods?”
“Nope,” James said, popping the p.
“Nope?” Lily repeated incredulously.
James shook his head. “That I only do for my girlfriend.”
Lily bit her lip to keep from smiling too broadly. “Your girlfriend?”
“Yes.”
“Funny, I don’t remember you asking me to be your girlfriend.”
“Did I not?” James asked with a look of mock confusion. Lily shook her head. “Huh, I could have sworn I did. I must be getting ahead of myself again.”
“Is that something you often do?”
“Yes, unfortunately. It’s my biggest and only flaw.”
“It’s not your only—”
“Shh, you’re concussed, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t shush me—”
“Shhhh,” James smirked.
Lily bent down and grabbed a handful of snow and shoved it down the back of James’ shirt before he had a chance to react. He yelped, reaching behind him and tugging his shirt away from his body to let the snow pass through, and Lily ran and ducked behind a tree to set up a defense. James wasted no time in retaliating, lobbing a snowball in her direction that ended up breaking against a tree. They continued their ranged attacks until James was able to break forward and grab ahold of Lily’s arm before she could run again.
“I’m concussed! Injured!” Lily shrieked as she threw her hands up in surrender. “You can’t attack me, it’s against the Geneva Convention.”
“I’m not sure the Geneva Convention applies to snowball fights.”
“Well, maybe it should with how seriously you’re taking this.”
“Well maybe you shouldn't start things you can’t finish, Evans.”
“Okay,” she said, and leaned forward to kiss him again, stepping into his arms as he dropped the snowball. She pulled away with a smile and clasped their frozen hands together as they set back on the path that was about to let out onto Lily’s street.
“So,” James said, pulling Lily aside before they stepped out from the tree line. “Will you? Be my girlfriend?”
“It was my feminine grace and cat-like agility that drew you in, wasn’t it?”
“Something like that,” James said, lips twitching as he cupped her cheek and ran his thumb along the brim of her hat. James stared down at her and Lily was suddenly very aware of the fact that she could kiss him right now if she wanted. There was no reason she couldn’t, she was very nearly his girlfriend after all. She must have been smiling because James smiled back at her before narrowing his eyes playfully. “Just to be sure, this wasn’t all because of the concussion, was it?”
“Of course it was.” Lily said without missing a beat, pulling away from James. “Wait, you didn’t think I actually—”
“Hey!”
“—liked you, did you? How embarrassing for you.”
“Oh, so this is how it’s going to be,” James said, throwing an arm around Lily’s neck and pulling her closer. Lily yelped, then laughed and straightened up, wrapping her arms around James’ neck as she turned into the embrace.
“Okay, I’ll be your girlfriend — but on one condition,” Lily said, suddenly serious.
“Oh?”
“Let Sirius teach Beth to skate next time.”
James laughed. “Staking your claim, Evans?”
Yes, absolutely, one hundred percent, Lily thought, but before she could say anything his lips were on hers again. She felt that she managed to get her message across anyway.