Chapter Text
“And we’re on!”
A voice came through after a moment’s pause, one that was accompanied by a triumphant shout. A second voice spoke shortly after.
“Nice! Is the camera working yet?” This voice was softer and had an accent, as did the voice that answered its question. The third voice was an unusual one. It was both light as air and deep as the bottomless sea. It was accompanied by both an airy echo and a low, droning hum.
The third voice muttered something before responding. “Hang on, one moment…there! I think that turned it on.”
The screen flared to life. Instead of the previous blank darkness, the camera now revealed a luxuriously decorated room filled with expensive looking furniture and thick, heavy red drapings. A carpet sprawled out over the floor, and a fireplace could be seen directly behind the two boys standing in the center frame. Both of them were teenagers around the ages of sixteen or seventeen, and both were hybrids. Specifically, one was a tall, lanky enderian with gangly limbs, red-green eyes, a smartly fitted suit and a bright, glistening crown. The other was a much shorter goat hybrid with chestnut colored fur and hair from which two gray horns sprouted.
The goat hybrid into the camera with a wide, friendly grin. He waved. “Hello Twitch!”
The stream had only just started, so there wasn’t much activity in chat. A few people typed some friendly “hellos” and began talking among themselves about nothing in particular. A few questioned the extravagance of what seemed to be the living room they were being shown.
Yo why it fancy in there
Is this some red room shit or like-
Hello!
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
^-^ hi
heno
Fancy. Faaaaancy boys. Henlo fancy boys.
HI HI HI HI HI HI
The taller boy laughed, his mismatched eyes reading over the messages as they showed up on a monitor set up to his left. He smiled at the camera while rubbing his clawed, black and white hands together in a nervous bit of fidgeting.
“So how’s everybody doing tonight? We doin’ good?” He looked down at his companion, who had pulled up two crimson armchairs and taken his seat. He followed and sat down as well with his legs crossed and hands folded on one knee. “Do you wanna do the talking, Tubs?”
The chat perked up at that.
Tubs? Like Tubbo? Ex-president Tubbo? Ex-president Tubbo Underscore and his T A L L goth husband? On my twitch page? It’s more likely than you think!
Hold up
I KNEW HE LOOKED FAMILIAR. Haha imma fuckgn genous
Mr. president whya re yu on the twitch.
HE hello?
Yall they deadass live in snowchester how can you not recognize them? Are ya people dumb? Cuz this is what dumb looks like.
hoi owO
…who the fuck is Tubbo? What happened. Did i miss a thing?
Tubbo and Ranboo both laughed at the chat. They knew that most of the server’s population had never met them personally. Most people living on the Dream SMP probably only knew them from their politician days, either as starry-eyed revolutionaries or hard working government figureheads that may have messed it all up once or twice. That didn’t even account for people from other servers, who had probably only heard of the SMP on the late night news or through cheap tourist brochures.
Tubbo wasn’t sure how he felt about that, exactly. On one hand, it was nice that he wasn’t a world famous, historical figure that was known for his few triumphs and multitude of failures, but on the other hand, he couldn’t help but feel a bit…small. Small and maybe a bit insignificant in face of a world that hardly noticed everything that had happened in the place he called his home these past years, if it even noticed at all. People typically didn’t care much for the going-ons of servers outside their own, fewer still those that were dark, bloody and overall greatly unpleasant. Tubbo certainly didn’t care for it, and he was a part of most of the SMP’s greatest horrors. He couldn’t fault a whole world for not knowing his life’s story of trauma and abuse.
A world that didn’t know about it, about the wars and the pain and the suffering…
But it was fine. All of that was over now. Everything was going to be okay. He was going to be okay. Without realizing it, he slid his hand over towards Ranboo, who took it into his own and gave his platonic partner an affirmative squeeze.
The chat carried on while Ranboo rubbed a claw over their wedding rings and smiled softly to himself. Tubbo cleared his throat and quickly regained his composure as he looked into the camera.
“Hehe, yup! It’s me, Tubbo, from Snowchester. Ranboo’s here too, obviously.”
That got him a sharp glance and another, slightly less loving squeeze. Tubbo laughed while shaking his head slightly. “He’s being his lovely self, as per usual. Anyway! Chat! Hi! Welcome to our first stream! Are you guys excited?”
“We’re gonna be doing two lies and a truth! We thought it’d be better than two truths. Makes it a bit harder and a lot more fun!” Ranboo sat up and adjusted his position.
Chat swelled with anticipation. XD chuckled and began scanning through as they monitored for any unwanted spam or uncomfortable messages. They were sitting behind the camera on the velvet sofa, surrounded by the fluffy blankets and soft cushions that allowed them to prop themself up in a comfortable position laying on their side. The laptop resting on the table in front of them allowed them to monitor the status of the stream and chat.
A few messages wizzed pass.
Oooooo fun!
Yea!
0 o 0
Gonna use this as a way to probe you guys for state secrets that I’ll sell on the black market. Just…just a heads up. Y’know. For legal reasons.
!!! fun!
Is that tommyinnit guy there? Just askin cuz u guys are friends or something idk we read about it in class and i was asleep through most of it.
That last one stuck out to Tubbo, who felt his chest warm at the sight of his soulmate’s name. It was difficult not to show just how platonically lovestruck he was at the moment, but he managed well enough.
He looked into the camera and waved a hand at the door behind it. “Tommy’s here! He’s just in the kitchen with our son, Michael. I think he said he’d join us in a bit. So there’s something to look forward to!”
Chat eagerly agreed. He and Ranboo spent a few more minutes talking before they readied themselves for the game. XD continued monitoring as they both sat up straight and pulled out the lists they’d made earlier before starting the stream. Maybe it would be a bit more fun to make things up as they went along, but this was their first ever stream, and they wanted it to be a good one.
And calm. Slightly, relatively calm.
Ranboo began to explain the basic rules of the game. “So the way this is gonna work is that Bo and I will read off three facts on our lists here, and you guys need to guess which one is the truth and which ones are the lies. Sound good?”
“Yeah!” Both Tubbo and the chat answered happily. XD’s halo tensed slightly as more people joined and forced them to up their focus. The god tapped away at the keyboard while shaking their head.
Tubbo offered them a small, sympathetic smile. They answered it with a weak shrug of their four, angelic wings as Ranboo fiddled with the paper and readied it in front of him.
“O- kay , I’ll start.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “Here’s the first set. One: I know four languages. Two: I’m good with plants. Three: I do most of the cooking in my household. Leave your guesses now!” He set the paper down in his lap and folded it over down the middle. Tubbo watched chat go by at surprising speed.
First ones are lies.
2 is truth
1 is lie
Is gardening dangerous for enderians? Cuz yknow…water
Actually no! My partner is part ender and is very good with plants! She just needs gloves and boots to keep her from getting wet. So I think 2 is truth!
Oh. neat! :D
1
2 3 are lies
Idk
Dunno 3 ig. For truth
Man’s be starting off basic the hell
Basic
basicboo
U a basic bitch.
Wait that was kinda rude im sorry /gen
Wait what are we doing. I went to go get a snack what’s up
1 true.
Ranboo chuckled. He raised his voice in fake offense while the messages mocked him. “Hey! I’m not. I just didn’t wanna give you guys anything too difficult to start off, that’s it. You people just don’t appreciate my brilliant question thingy writing skills are. You’re all the real basic ones here. How about that?”
Tubbo gave a small thumbs up. “Yeeaaah, you go, bay- beeeey ! Go off!”
“Shut up…” Ranboo rolled his eyes and leaned with his hand tucked against his cheek. One of his ears twitched in his huband’s general direction.
“You know you love me.” Sing-songed the goat boy as he grinned at the taller, bi-colored teen sitting beside him.
“Hardly.” Ranboo spat back without a hint of genuine venom lacing his playful words. “Honestly, I can barely tolerate you half the time. And that’s on a good day.”
Tubbo clutched his chest and gasped, affronted by his beloved’s cold, sharp cruelty. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, his voice thick with the slimy icor of harsh, brutal betrayal. “Unbe- fucking -lievable. I did some much in this household, and this is how you repay me? Ugh!”
“You sit around all day watching your cheesy sit-coms while I go mining so we can afford to keep the lights on. Tommy and XD do most of the stuff with Michael. If I’m really lucky, I sometimes find you passed out in your lab instead of on the sofa. You’re my little gold digger who’s got me wrapped around your finger, and that’s honestly your greatest contribution and accomplishment in our relationship to date. Good job, baby .” Ranboo smirked as Tubbo’s horror grew tenfold. The goat hybrid sank deep into the vermillion cushions, seeking to hide himself from the vicious assault of his husband’s sass. He curled in and hugged his knees against his hoodie-clad chest while the list crinkled in his grasp.
“ Cruel .” He whispered with a faint yet great quiver. “You are cruel . You are a cruel and unloving partner. No more! Never again! I will accept no more abuse from the likes of you! It is time for the divorce -”
“I’m gonna take you and Tommy to a café over in Kinoko Kingdom. They have bee-shaped cookies and honey tea.” Ranboo absentmindedly picked at the chair’s armrest without looking up from his slim, ivory fingers. A few were adorned with some bedazzled rings covered in round pearls and silvery opals.
Tubbo dropped back in an instant and clapped his hands together in front of his chest. “All is forgiven, my dearest beloved, whom I do so love, cherish, worship and adore each and every single day. Have I ever told you just how much you mean to me? Have I ever taken the time to regale you with a heartfelt poem filled with pretty words and flowery verse, each written with the sole purpose of letting you know just how much I love you?”
“The other day you nearby pushed me down the stairs so you could hug Tommy first.”
“It was an accident and I said I was sorry.”
“You tried to bite my fingers when it was my turn to say hey.”
“Again, very sorry for that. Did you do something new with your hair?”
“You locked yourself alone in the bedroom with Tommy for five hours. XD had to tear you off of him. They had to dunk you under some water just so you’d stop growling and hissing like some kind of feral, crackhead lizard-cat. You ruined the curtains trying to climb them. The bed was in shambles and I think you traumatized the mattress, somehow.”
“Look, are we here to play two truths and a lie or whatever the fuck in front of three hundred people, or are you giving me a full on hazing in front of a live Twitch audience? Which one is it, Mr. Beloved? Which. One. Is. It?”
Ranboo sighed. He shook his head and looked back at his list. A thin, tired grin formed on his lean and gentle features.
“Three was the truth, everybody! I do most of the cooking for everybody in the house. XD, whose modding right now, helps me whenever they come over with Tommy. It’s great. Alright, now it’s Tubbo’s turn!”
Chat was, to put it plainly, losing its gods damned mind over what just occurred. Most people were so busy reeling about their little bit of banter that they hardly paid any mind to what Ranboo just said. He and Tubbo both giggled along with XD as the messages came in great, rapid abundance.
FJHIKGHIJHU WAHT THE HELJ
YOOOOOOOO DIVORCE ARC
a are we interrupting something, sirs? i feel like i’m interrupting something right now and i am SO. SO SORRY
What the fuuuuuuuuuuuck
Losing my shit rn brb yall
LMAO
haha
lol!
*points at butterfly* is this a domestic dispute?
The chaos continued with no sign of stopping. Tubbo chuckled and looked down at the page. Much like Ranboo, he decided that the first set of questions would be simple. Well…simple by his standards, though that didn’t mean they were as basic as his beloved. No, quite the contrary.
“Alright, my go!” He held the paper up a bit and read off the words scribbled on top in neat, orderly print. “So the two lies and one truth are these. One: I invented the first thermonuclear bomb to ever exist in the northern servers. Two: I wear glasses sometimes when I read. And three: I like apple cinnamon tea.”
3 true
2 true
LMAO THE FIRST ONE
1 lie. Oh wow so quirky UwU
3
2
3 for truth. You’d look very good in glasses if ya did have em.
Glasses. 2
You look like someone who has invited a nuke. So 1.
1
2
2 because who the h*ck likes apple cinnamon anything?
I do!
You disgust me
:(
>:)
“One. One’s the truth.” Tubbo felt a malicious sense of joy in how panicked the chat reacted. There were doubters, of course, because really, who in their right mind would genuinely believe that a seventeen year old with a history of politics and war could ever crack the secrets of nuclear fission? But Tubbo knew, and he prided himself in such an accomplishment, even if it was a scientific breakthrough spurred on by intense paranoia brought about by a lifetime of warfare, abuse and having his home(and himself) blown to bits by a crazy pig guy that treated him like a fucking punching bag.
And Tommy…oh, that motherfucker and that fucking Pit -
Something curled inside of him, wrapping and coiling in on itself as his heart began to ache and his skin started to burn. Fire filled his veins. A darkness swelled inside his mind, fierce and ancient and great all in one. It was large and covered in heavy, metallic scales. It had crooked curved claws, and sharp, jagged fangs that sat in an enormous, hungry mouth. A tail lashed behind as a roar built inside its chest.
He was going to explode. He was going to scream and rage and burn and destroy anything and everything that got between him and his treasure. He was going to tear this mansion down and burn the wood to ash, burn the ash to ashes, and then burn those ashes to ashes. Then he’d burn it all again, one last time to make sure it was all gone and everyone that hurt them were gone, dead and destroyed. This whole world was a box of matchsticks, and he was a gods damned flamethrower-
No.
No, no, he wasn’t. He was sitting in his living room with his husband and their divine, flamboyant, eccentric father figure. He was fine. Everything was fine. He was cool, cool like ice, like a big, chilly ice cube and not an angry, endless blaze. Where the fuck did all that even come from? The hell?
He took a deep breath. Held it. Counted down from ten, and let it out slowly as he let the anger go at its own, edding pace. It went after a few more seconds, and his heart returned to a calm, even thump inside his chest. He sighed.
Chat didn’t notice. Ranboo and XD did, but they’d wait until after the stream to talk. For now, they would continue as they were, and Tubbo would have fun with those he loved. Chilly, crisp, cool fun. No fire. Never again.
“My turn again!” Ranboo perked up and unfolded his paper.
The shenanigans carried on for about twenty or so minutes with little else to note. Tubbo and Ranboo went back and forth between questions. Chat chimed in, and XD spoke up occasionally whenever the mood struck them. Chat seemed very entertained by the god’s echoey voice. XD found that to be amusing, while Tubbo and Ranboo jumped down the throats of anyone who dared insult their beloved father/mother/head motherfucker in charge for something outside of their control…well… possibly out of their control.
XD didn’t seem to mind either way.
After about half an hour of general light banter between the couple and soft spoken god, another pair of voices could be heard just outside the living room door. Both were quiet, speaking in a hush whisper that made it difficult to tell the two apart.
But for Tubbo, all it took was a twitch of the ear to distinguish the difference. And oh, how his heart melted at what he heard.
“Gotta be quiet, Mummy!” Said Michael, who was clearly up to no good.
Tommy spoke back with a soft, gentle tone. He was probably carrying the boy in his arms judging by the angle their voices came from. “Why’s that, sweetheart?”
Michael answered matter-of-factly. “Because we’re gonna spook ‘em, duh! Gotta be sneak-sneaks .”
“Aaah, I see.” Tommy hummed in understanding of the toddler’s explanation. Tubbo was already smiling before, but now he was full on beaming. Be still, his beating heart. “And why’s that, exactly?”
“Why’s what, Mummy?”
“Why do we gotta spook them? Any reason in particular, or do you just feel like scarin’ your dear old dads and grandpa on this fine, wintery night?”
A pause.
“Uh…” A quiet, thoughtful sniffle. Then a snort. “Just ‘cause!”
Tommy’s laugh was music, pure and simple. “Haha, okay. Let’s go in and cause some trouble, alright? On three. One…two…”
The door burst open with a bang. Both XD and Ranboo jumped a bit as chat started silently screaming at the intruders, but Tubbo just smiled.
“THREE! SPOOKED YOU!” Michael cried out victoriously and squirmed his way out of Tommy’s grasp. Tommy chuckled as he carefully lowered the baby piglin down and set him gently on the floor, allowing Michael free range to do as he pleased.
And right now, running over and jumping up into his Dada’s lap pleased Michael Underscore Beloved just fine.
“Woah!” Ranboo yelped as his son appeared in his lap, then laughed as he quickly hugged the boy close. Michael giggled and snuggled into the enderian’s chest while gripping onto his suit jacket with tiny, hooved hands. “Naaaw. Hi, Mikey. Hey, Tommy.”
Tommy nodded. “Ayup.” He turned and shut the door quietly behind him. “You guys doin’ the stream thing now?”
Tubbo nodded as the long, gold haired avian made his way over to the couch and took a seat by XD. The god looked up from their screen, smiled and silently offered him a place tucked beneath their wings. He declined with a small shake of his head, and they nodded as they went back to work monitoring the chat. A much needed duty, considering the state of it after all that commotion.
BABY!
LITTLE BABYYYY, LITTLE BABY MAAAAAN!!
!!!!a boy! He smol! Lookit H E
omg he’s so tiny holy shit holy fugnking shit i am gonna cry
Ok crying now
HELLO! HELLO TINY FELLA! WHO ARE YOUST AND WHYS ARE YOU SMOL??!! a
Who’s the other guy also lol little baby pig guy cool
Toomy immediate? That he?
h e
“I’m Michael!” Michael answered the chat’s most burning question after a bit of prompting from Ranboo. He beamed and waved into the camera, which caused chat to burst into another frenzy.
“And Tommy’s here too!” Tubbo added while gesturing towards the couch.
Tommy was now laying back on some pillows. There was a tired look in his eyes, one that let Tubbo know right away that he likely wouldn’t be joining them for the stream much. And that was perfectly alright. “He’s just gonna chill, I think. Do you wanna say hi to Twitch, Toms?”
“Yeah, sure Tubs…” Tommy’s voice was already heavy with sleep as he lifted his head enough to be heard. “Heyo, Twitch. It’s me, Tommyinnit. I’m here…just chillin’, like Tubbo said. Are you guys still doing that two truths and a lie thing?”
“Two lies and a truth, actually!” Tubbo grabbed his list and held it up for Tommy to see. “We’re gonna be done in a bit. Might stay on for a while after and just vibe.”
“Why’re there two lies?” Tommy flopped back onto the pillows and hugged one against his chest. “Isn’t it supposed to be just the one? Why’d you change it?”
“Because it’s more interesting that way!” Ranboo answered while he gave Michael an affectionate nuzzle on the side of the face. The boy squealed and kicked his hooves out while a mass amount of “awes” flooded the chat.
“You can join in and help, if you want.” He chirped after giving his son a kiss on the head.
Tommy shook his head into the soft plush on which it lay. “Nah. Tired. Wanna watch you guys and chill. ‘Sides, I’m not exactly photogenic enough for Twitch.”
The same ancient, great something from earlier was back. This time it was quiet, soft, and nowhere near the screeching inferno it had been earlier. Large claws twitched as a puff of smoke came from nostrils coated in yellowish sulfur.
Tubbo did not like hearing Tommy speak of himself that way. Neither did the something, if he was reading all those weird, rumbly feelings correctly. What even was a rumbly feeling? How could a feeling be rumbly? What the hell? He pushed the questions aside and focused his full attention on his sweet, sleepy soulmate, whose eyes were on the verge of fluttering shut any second. His breath was slow and easy.
He was calm. That was good. The something liked when Tommy was calm. So did Tubbo, funnily enough
“Tommy, sweetheart, don’t say that. You’re very, very beautiful.” Tubbo practically sang the gentle words as Tommy groaned.
“ Tuuub . Not on stream…” Tommy hid his face beneath one of his gold-tinted wings, trying in vain to hide the red creeping into his cheeks.
“He’s right, though.” Ranboo backed Tubbo up while glancing at the chat. People were too focused on Michael to say much about the trio at the moment. “You are very beautiful, Tommy. And I’m sure you would look very good on camera if you ever felt like joining us on stream.”
Tommy shut the conversation down with a mumbled curse. He made his way over to the other side of the couch while grumbling some more. He laid down next to XD and kept up the grumbles as they smiled and wrapped an arm around his torso to keep him from falling off, and he carried on grumbling even when covered by one of their wings.
More grumbling came from beneath the blanket of angelic white. It showed no signs of stopping.
Tubbo snickered, secretly hoping that his angel would join them next time they went live as he readied himself for the next round.