Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The start of the walk to Riverclan is always unnerving.

Graystripe looked around, giving himself whiplash, smelling the air. There was no Riverclan scent, and he couldn’t hear any patrol. With that in mind he settles in the same spot he goes to on the other side of the river. Sure enough, he sees the cat he was waiting for cross the river to meet him. Graystripe purrs as soon as he sees her.

“Graystripe!” Silverstream beams, touching noses with him. Graystripe feels himself purr even louder, a smile gracing his face, and butterflies swarming in his stomach. Even just seeing Silverstream made heat flush in his face.

It has not been a long time since they met, but he was certain that Silverstream would be the mother in his future family, and he knows that she’s sure of it too. 

There was nothing about her that he didn’t love. The stars could not compare to her sleek, silver fur, reflecting his love in it if you look long enough. Her eyes the color of the river, flowing just the same with the stars in her eyes. Her angelic voice pulls him into a state of bliss whenever he’s with her. It’s like his brain completely scatters when he sees her. She was too perfect to handle, and how she loved a loser like him, he would never know.

“I missed you,” Graystripe whines, nuzzling at the side of her muzzle. 

Silverstream only giggles, “We saw each other yesterday!”

Great Starclan, her sweet giggle. It makes Graystripe want to nuzzle further until it’s just them in their own world, always together. 

But that will never happen. 

Thoughts like these always ruin his mood, but he couldn’t help but shake the fact that he’s not supposed to be here right now. He should be training his apprentice, Brackenpaw. He should be laughing with his friends, staying close to his family. He didn’t think about it before, saying that it didn’t matter, that he was not unloyal for being in love. 

But when Fireheart caught them, it had changed. When he had first caught them, they were in shock. The tom was telling them that they were breaking the warrior code, and they got into a fight. What happened after that? Well, let’s just say they haven’t been on good terms since. Fireheart has yet to apologize, Starclan's sake, he probably doesn’t even feel bad!

“Graystripe!” A voice drags him out of his thoughts. Huh, that's weird. Suddenly Silverstream's voice became deep and raspy, and she didn’t even open her mouth. Instead, her face is distorted in shock, looking at something. Graystripe turns around and follows her gaze.

Tigerclaw was walking straight to them with his claws unsheathed.

“Tigerclaw! I-It's not what it looks like!” Silverstream started to move away, but she didn’t leave. Who knows what Tigerclaw would have done if she did. Run after her, maybe. Tigerclaw snarls in their faces, looking about ready to pounce. 

“Really? Enlighten me then,” Tigerclaw scoffs, “Because what it looks like is you’re a traitor with a Riverclan mate.”

This cannot be happening right now. Graystripe looks at Silverstream, who can only look back with a worried look on her face. He wishes he could kiss it off until he can hear her giggle and squirm away again. But he can’t. Because she has no ideas and the gray tom doesn’t either. Tigerclaw obviously saw him nuzzle her, so he can’t say their friends, or that he was sizing her up as a ‘true Thunderclan warrior’. 

So he goes for the third best thing.

“I~ was here for advice!” Graystripe gives a wry grin that he knows isn’t fooling Tigerclaw.

“Advice on what? How to break the warrior code? Because then I would say the lessons are going great!” Tigerclaw shoves his face into the toms, making him flinch and give a dry laugh.

“Actually, I was here for dating advice!”

Tigerclaw pulls back in confusion, and Silverstreams face is unreadable, but Graystripe guesses it’s not a good reaction. 

Okay, maybe the 103rd best thing.

Tigerclaw quickly bounces back and laughs his boisterous, raspy laugh into his face.

“And you expect me to believe THAT?” He spits, “Alright, fine. If you’re telling the truth, then why didn’t you just go to any other cat in Thunderclan?” Tigerclaw tilts his head, a fake innocence feigning his face.

 “I guess the thought of it was just embarrassing, and you know how fast word gets around! If they found out I was trying to figure out how to confess, I would never show my face again!” he says, laughing dryly. The mock innocence distorts into a wry, killer-like grin as he asks the next question.

“Tell me, dear Graystripe.”

Graystripe audibly gulps, “Y-Yes, sir?”

“Who is it you’re trying to confess to?”

Graystripe didn’t think about that part.

Graystripe chuckles, stalling time as his brain racks for Thunderclan bachelorettes that would play along. A certain name comes up at the front of his mind and he says it without thinking.

“Fireheart.”

He watches Silverstream stare at him, wide-eyed with disgust, while Tigerclaw looks at him, jaw agape, but still somehow in that evil grin he had on. 

Ookay. Perhaps the 1,103rd best thing.

Chapter Text

He can only watch as Tigerclaw topples in a fit of laughter, his eyes squeezed shut and his eyebrows furrowed while his mouth is wide open. Graystripe turns to look at Silverstream, who has probably pierced holes in the side of his head. He fights the urge to stay still, and not to comfort Silverstream and the glare she’s giving him. All he can do is mouth apologies before Tigerclaw can see.

“Oh man,” Tigerclaw regains his balance and breath, “I should have guessed it would be Fireheart!” Graystripe could only frown. What did he mean by that?

“If you’ve been sneaking out for so long for this, then you should surely be ready to confess to him, no?” 

Graystripe could feel his heartbeat stop. But Tigerclaw only continues.

“Don’t you think he’s ready?” He turns to Silverstream with a smile.

Silverstream grits her teeth and smiles insincerely, “Of course! We were only practicing to encourage him.” Graystripe lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“How kind of you,” Tigerclaw smiles, showing his teeth. “But I'm sure he’s been encouraged enough.”

…Just what does he mean by that?

“Let’s go, Graystripe,” He snarls, walking away quickly. Graystripe pads after him, but not before turning around and mouthing more apologies to Silverstreams annoyance.

Just as they get to the camp entrance, Tigerclaw draws back.

“Don’t start thinking that I believe you. If I catch you with that fishface again… I will not hesitate.” He snarls in his ear, making the gray tom almost shudder. Heh, fishface.

They walk into camp as if nothing happened, but Graystripe's face probably gave it away. The tom quickly scans the clearing, seeing cats doing normal cat things and not getting caught by Tigerclaw with Silverstream. He tries to look for the bright orange in the midst of the earthy-colored furs, but Fireheart was nowhere to be seen. He watches Tigerclaw walk to Bluestar and Whitestorm, who are eating near her den. Now that Graystripe is left alone…

What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened. 

Okay, great. So Graystripe just got caught with Silverstream and to get Tigerclaw off his back he basically said he wants to confess to Fireheart. Graystripe knows for a fact that Tigerclaw won't forget this easily, and will dangle this over his head. So the only way for Tigerclaw to move on is if Graystripe convinces him that he’s telling the truth. And the only way to do that is if he… confesses to Fireheart.

Oh, okay.

What.

The reality of what he just got himself into hits him like a monster. 

Graystripe fights the urge not to curl onto himself in the middle of the clearing. Graystripe needs to find Fireheart before Tigerclaw does, and he needs to find him quickly.

Graystripe takes a peek into the warriors den, not realizing that he’s much too late. 

“Graystripe,” Tigerclaw’s voice in his ear almost makes him fall, gripping onto the den for dear life. 

“Let’s see what you learned during class time with Missus Riverclan.” Graystripe blinks, still shocked from the spit in his ears.

“Wait… Huh?” 

“Fireheart is training your apprentice at Sandy Hollow. I’ll take your apprentice back and you can finally confess.”

“I don't… understand? How do you know…?”

“Bluestar and Whitestorm. They know about your little crush.” Graystripe's eyes widen and dart to where they are sitting, smiling cheekily and waving. They start to laugh when they see the face Graystripe is making. Seriously, why can't Tigerclaw keep his muzzle shut?! 

“B-But I’m not ready!”

“The molly said you were.”

“She’s not me!” Graystripe is so overcome with shock and anxiousness that he doesn’t notice that Bluestar and Whitestorm have left where they were peacefully sitting to being on either side of him.

Whitestorm puts his paw on his shoulder. “There’s no need to be nervous, son! I’m sure he feels the same. Wouldn’t you agree, Bluestar?”

Bluestar gives a sly, knowing smile. “Oh, yeah. Now stop spreading your fear scent in the clearing. Everyone's staring, and you look like you’re about to be exiled.” Whitestorm laughs and ruffles the top of the gray tom's head. 

“Don’t do that, he has to look good for Fireheart!” Bluestar gasps, fixing his fur.

“Are we going or not?” Tigerclaw eyerolls. Graystripe looks around to all the cats muttering in the clearing. He knew he was going to have to do this, but he wasn’t expecting Tigerclaw to plan it for him! He might just die of embarrassment if he comes back to people gawking at them with knowing looks.

As much as he wanted to wait to confess for as long as possible and get back to seeing Silverstream, he had no choice anymore. Graystripe sighs.

“Okay. But don’t talk about it!” Bluestar and Whitestorm smile, giving him words of encouragement and ‘good luck’ as he walks to Tigerclaw, who is already making his way to Sandy Hollow. 

Graystripe walks alongside Tigerclaw, trying to calm himself down and not let the silence drown him in his thoughts. What if Fireheart says no? That would completely ruin… Like, everything! What if he refuses to talk to me after? I mean, there's a fairly good chance that we’ll never be friends again!

“Can you shut up?” Tigerclaw turns to him, deadpanned.

Graystripe jumps, “What… Did I say that out loud?!”

“Get your shit together, mousebrain!” Tigerclaw cuffs his ear, “We’re only a few steps away, so take a damn breath.”

The tom inhales and exhales heavily multiple times. And before he knows it, Fireheart and Brackenpaw are giving him a look of confusion. 

“I’m taking Brackenpaw. Bluestar and I have assigned him to a… special mission.” Tigerclaw speaks up first.

Brackenpaws face lights up immediately. “A special mission?! Me?!” Tigerclaw only snorts and walks off, Brackenpaw rushing after him.

The first minute is excruciating. They can only stare at each other, too stubborn to talk first. 

“So, a special mission huh?” Fireheart starts first. Graystripe doesn’t have anything to say to that, a random shyness overcoming him. He’s never been shy? So why now? What is going on with him?!

“If you’re here to be passive-aggressive, just spit it out.” What? Oh.

Oh.

In all of this living nightmare he’s been living through, he managed to forget that Fireheart and him aren’t on the best of terms right now.

“N-No! It’s nothing like that. I just…” Graystripe ducks his head, shuffling his paws. Graystripe likes to think that he’s a pretty charming tom, but now he feels like a kit. He looks up to find that Fireheart isn’t even looking at him, but something rustling behind him. Graystripe exhales. He’s a charming young lad! He can get Fireheart to say yes!

“Your fur looks gorgeous in the sun, you know?” Graystripe gives a soft smile. Firehearts brows raise.

“Weird apology but I forgive you.”

“Right, right! I’m really sorry. I was mad. But I realized something while we weren’t talking…” Firehearts head tilts, waiting for him to keep going. “Uh. Your voice is very soothing.”

Fireheart doesn’t get the hint.

“And um. Your ears are very fluffy.”

Fireheart looks at him, puzzled, then to the bushes, then back to him.

Seriously, he’d rather look at a stupid bush than his handsome face?

“And your face isn’t unbearable.” Fireheart slaps a paw over his muzzle, eyes widening. “You have an easy-to-look-at face. And I like that.”

Fireheart tries to hold his snicker, obviously failing. “Sorry, I don’t know what you’re trying to say?”

That asshole. He knows exactly what he’s trying to say!

This has been going on for way too long and Graystripe needs to get to the point before his self esteem drops to the negatives.

“I like you! I knew I liked you since we stopped talking and I don’t want to ignore you anymore. I like you and I know you probably don’t feel the same but it wouldn’t hurt to ask if you wanted to go out with me?”

The snicker that Fireheart was holding in reveals itself boisterously.

Graystripe's ears droop. He knew there was a big chance he would say no but he had at least hoped that he wouldn’t be laughed at. He tries to reason in his head that he shouldn’t be sad about this anyway. He loves Silverstream. But it didn’t help the sting in his heart. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t be sad. Graystripe looks back at the ginger tom who is only now settling down.

Fireheart looks down. “Sorry, I…” He faces him, something unreadable in his eyes quickly flitting, “Graystripe, are you..?”

Graystripe quickly looks away, ignoring the steps towards him. “Its okay if you don’t-”

“No, no, no! I, uh… like you too.” Graystripe whips around in shock. “I mean-.”

“Finally!” A deep, rumbling voice comes out from the bushes. Oh. so that’s what Fireheart was staring at. 

Tigerclaw emerges into the clearing. “Great Starclan, that was unbearable. Even with lessons from a Riverclan cat, you suck!”

Graystripe only gives a sheepish smile in response. Firehearts brows furrow.

“Lessons from a Riverclan cat?”

“Yeah. Caught him with a molly at the border, and he said he was planning to confess. Guess he stuck to it.” Tigerclaw gives a wry grin. Graystripe looks back to see a distant look on the ginger tom's face.

“Let’s go back to camp, Bluestar and Whitestorm are waiting.”

Chapter Text

Nobody talked as they walked back, a thick air of tension all around. Graystripe could tell he stiffened up at the mention of Silverstream from Tigerclaw. But he couldn’t have forgotten about Silverstream, right? He was the one that laughed at Graystripe's confession!

Clearly lost in his thoughts, he fails to realize that Tigerclaw and Fireheart had stopped walking and bumps into Tigerclaw. He immediately jumps back, looking around to see where he was. Ah, they made it back to camp already. And. Oh! Bluestar and Whitestorm were waiting for them by the fresh kill pile. 

They were looking at them weirdly. With concern. Nobody had ever looked at both Graystripe and Fireheart with concern. Not until recently.

They used to be the bestest of friends. You would never see Graypaw without Firepaw, and you would never see Firepaw without Graypaw. Hell, they were glued to the hip! Graypaw knew they would be good friends when they met, but it had felt like he found a part of him. People would call them cute, others would make fun of him for talking to a kittypet. (Cough cough, Darkstripe, cough cough!)

But it had never mattered to Graypaw because Firepaw meant more to him than any insult thrown at them. He would do anything to get Firepaw to laugh the soft, quiet giggle that always made him happier. He relished in the way the ginger's face lit up when he took his first bite into a rat. He’d share a nest with him whenever he had nightmares or was too cold.

But, of course, he had to ruin it, didn't he? Long gone were the looks of mirth as the worried glares lingered.

Bluestar turns back to him once they all sit, thinking of what she’s going to say. It's quite obvious by their faces that it didn't go as they expected.

But Fireheart, ever the adapter, scoots closer to the gray tom and curls his tail with his. Graystripe's face flushes immediately. Graystripe mentally slaps himself. Get yourself together! You’ve done this before, so stop acting like a bashful mousebrain!

Bluestar and Whitestorms' faces visibly light up.

“He said yes?!” Bluestar squeals, making a few heads turn in the clearing. Both toms fluster, making a Shh! sound immediately. Bluestar only laughs, “Okay, okay!”

“ّTook you guys long enough,” Whitestorm laughs. Fireheart and Graystripe share a glance, both confused as to what he means.

“Tell us how it happened! How’d you charm him, did you show your muscles?” The thunderclan leader wriggles her eyebrows with a sly smirk. 

“Bluestar!” Fireheart whines, face redder than the color of his fur.

Tigerclaws voice echos, “Great Starclan, you should have been there to see it.” Everybody turns to stare, Whitestorm and Bluestar with confusion and amusement, and the fake couple with horror. Especially Graystripe.

The gray tom groans, trying to cover his face.

“He told Fireheart, ‘your face isn't unbearable’. Even a kit could do better than that!”

“I would’ve slapped you so fast!” Bluestar gasps. Graystripe buries his face into the chest of whoevers closest to him as everybody else laughs.

Graystripe doesn’t realize until it's too late. He just buried his face in Firehearts chest. 

Starclan, he’ll never hear the end of it.

Fireheart barely acknowledges it, but he could literally feel his body heat up when they point it out and tease him. Graystripe would die of embarrassment if he detached himself, so he buried himself even further.

As embarrassing as that night was, Graystripe couldn't help but smile at everything. The motherly bickering Bluestar does with Fireheart, the occasional teases from Whitestorm. (And his loud laugh at Graystripe's shock. Apparently, Whitestorm had told his mom once he left. He swore his mother to secrecy after that.)

Much to Graystripe's surprise, Fireheart was smooth. Very smooth. He nonchalantly makes cute statements about Graystripe as if they were actually dating, sucking all the confidence out of him immediately, he didn’t even act like this with Silverstream.

After a while, Whitestorm smiles. “To be honest, I had thought you’d said no with the solemn look on your faces.”

“It was an awkward walk back to camp.” Fireheart laughs.

“Let's hope you're not that awkward on your first date.” Bluestar muses. “Speaking of which, I need to know what you're planning, Graystripe. Can't let this child wander off with you, who knows what kind of chaos you're going to create.”

“Huh? Oh… Uhm…” Graystripe stutters. He hadn’t thought of that! Graystripe had kind of thought they would just skip that whole relationship phase and just be boyfriends.  Luckily, Fireheart chimed in.

“We’re not doing dates.” He chuckles. Bluestar stared at him, unimpressed. Then at Graystripe, with an ‘I swear to Starclan’ type of look. Why she's looking at the gray tom like that is beyond him.

Despite the very obvious protests of Whitestorm and Bluestar and the tired looks from Tigerclaw, they had insisted that not having dates wouldn’t damage their relationship. As if there even was one. 

By the end of… whatever that was, Graystripe was practically drooling at the thought of being able to lay down and finally sleep. Before he started walking to the den, Bluestar had whispered to him. That he wanted to talk to him again later. Alone. And 1 on 1 talks with your leader can never be good. Not that Fireheart made that any better.

“We need to talk. Midnight. Better be awake.” He practically yawned as he settled down and cuddled closer. Graystripe blushed as if they had never done this before. It was just… different, now that they were fake dating. And also because he hadn’t slept in his nest in a while, really. He had expected Fireheart to just turn his back. 

Nonetheless, Graystripe gets comfortable next to his cold body and drifts off to sleep, sighing with mirth.

He’s not going to catch a break, is he?

Chapter Text

Graystripe wakes up to a paw prodding at his side. 

“...What..?” Graystripe yawns, trying to bat away whatever was bugging him. An annoyed huff is all he gets in response.

“Get up, Graystripe. We need to talk.” Firehearts extremely green eyes are all Graystripe needs to see— or does see —for him to remember with a groan.

This was going to be so awkward.

Fireheart doesn’t bother to wait for the gray tom, already sneaking out by the time Graystripe sits upright. Graystripe fumbles trying to catch up, accidentally stepping on some cat's paw. Graystripe didn't care enough to look at who it was. 

The gray tom had no idea where Fireheart was going, but he kept walking nonetheless. Nobody said a word. As always, the awkwardness is unbearable, but neither of them say anything as they just keep trekking on and on. 

By the time they got to wherever Fireheart was leading him, the camp was just barely out of sight and all he could hear was crickets. Fireheart finally turns around to face him, and Graystripe almost does a double take.

Firehearts face is contorted into a mix of anger, confusion, and outright irritation.

Boy, if looks could kill.

“You have 30 seconds to tell me what’s going on before I send you up to your mentor.”

The bluntness in his words leaves Graystripe stumbling, only just a bit, under his gaze. 

“Okay okay okay look!” He manages to stutter out, “You know Silverstream, right? Yeah! So, basically, Tigerclaw saw me with her and so that he wouldn’t find out about us, you know, because of Thunderclan and Riverclan and the Warrior Code- Yeah, anyway, I kind of made an excuse and I also kind of needed to pretend that I liked you for that excuse and now we’re here-.”

Graystripe takes a deep breath.

“What. Excuse.”

Graystripe lets out a breathy chuckle, “Well uh, I might’ve told him I was meeting up with her for..” Graystripe's voice turns into barely a whisper, “Dating advice?”

“Great Starclan, Graystripe!” Fireheart reacts not even a second after, “Whyyyyy?” He pleads, already feeling like slapping him.

“I'm sorry, alright? I couldn’t just give in like that, and I know he still doesn’t believe me.”

“...Does Silverstream know about this?”

“Well, yeah. She was there. It was kind of spur of the moment.” Graystripe sheepishly smiles. 

“Why me?”

“...Huh?”

Fireheart stares. “Why did you choose me.” 

Graystripe didn't know. How was he supposed to know? He wasn't even thinking straight! He just didn't want to get caught by Tigerclaw, and Firehearts name just happened to come up. Though he does have to commend his brain for that. Not that he wanted Fireheart! But Fireheart is a safe choice. He already knows about the situation, he knows his feelings aren't real, and most importantly, the shady motherfucker knows how to act.

“I just… I just blurted it out, you were just the first person I thought of.” Graystripe can’t help but cringe at himself.

Graystripe stares at Firehearts calculating face. He doesn't look any less irritated, but at least some of the confusion is gone?

“So… will you help me?”

Fireheart stares for a long, hard moment. Then he sighs. “I already am helping you, brickhead. But if you make a stupid decision again, don't expect me to bail you out.”

Graystripe can already feel a smile forming. Starclan really is on his side today!

Fireheart starts to walk off.

“And don’t expect me to accept your apology, either.”

The smile on his face immediately drops. Starclan really hates him, huh?

Graystripe immediately runs after him. He wasn’t about to let him say vague stuff like that and just walk away.

“Woah Woah Woah! What do you mean by that?!” Graystripe says, stunned. “You don't accept my apology?!”

Fireheart keeps walking, sarcasm dripping. “No, Graystripe, your apology was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes.” 

Graystripe rolled his eyes. Seriously, he couldn’t have brought that up while they were talking? The entire walk back was filled with rolling eyes, raspberry blows, and childish back and forths with each other. 

Hey, he started it.

They were too caught up in trying to one-up one another with each remark, they don't realize that they were walking straight into a trap. 

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!”

Both Graystripe and Fireheart turn around and, there he is, in the flesh. Graystripe’s older brother, Darkstripe.

They completely forgot they were supposed to be discreet and walked straight towards the gate. That was being guarded. 

Graystripe tries to step in. “Darkstripe, listen-” 

“There's no way you can bullshit out of this one. Why would you be out of camp at this time at night, with Fireheart? I can't understand.” Darkstripe starts to advance on them.

“Of course you can't understand,” Fireheart says, “you have a brain the size of a rock and that’s why you’ll never have a mate.” 

Both brothers stare at the ginger, stunned. Graystripe trembles, trying to keep his laughter in. Darkstripe obviously sees that.

“Yeah?! Well- Well you're a kittypet! You’re not a real warrior, Bluestar was just being nice!”

“Boorinnggg… All you have is the same 5 jokes,” Graystripe yawns.

Darkstripe practically fumes, not really knowing what to say. “What do mates have to do with this anyway?!” 

Graystripe is trying so hard not to laugh. Fireheart isn't even fazed.

“Well maybe if you had a mate, you’d know.” 

“You don’t have one either!” Fireheart only smiles. “...What?”

“Hey!” A loud shout comes from behind them. Bluestar is stalking straight towards them.

“Must you scream at the top of your lungs, you’ve probably woken everyone else up.” Bluestar scolded, “And you two, not even a day since you got together and you’re already sneaking out?”

Darkstripes eyes widened at the last part. 

So did Graystripes.

Darkstripe was the biggest babbler ever! Now that he knows, there's no doubt Fireheart and his fake relationship will spread like wildfire in the ever gossipy clan named Thunderclan. He had told his mother not to tell anyone but he guesses it's all out of the window now.

Fireheart nudges him, whispering, “Let him gossip, it’ll make it more believable anyway.” He had a point.

If he had kept it a secret the entire time, it all would've been for nothing. Might as well let them talk. Ugh, he can already feel the number of cats that’ll ask if it's true.

Bluestar seems to have noticed her mistake, continuing her face the same besides the slight twitch at Darkstripes reaction, “Alright, enough of this! Get back to bed!”

He didn’t get a blink of sleep that night.

Graystripe is not okay with this.

Chapter Text

What had Graystripe expected? 

He knew this would happen. He predicted this would happen. So he shouldn’t have jumped as hard as he did when the moment he opened his eyes, a warrior was shaking the soul out of him and into Starclan.

“Graystripe, is it true?!”

Graystripe rubs his eyes, trying to make sense of what was going on. Nobody is fully there when they first wake up, so whoever was breathing their hot breath into his face made him just a little bit unnerved. He looks to his side, it's only morning. He looks back up to see the perpetrator that woke him up to see a wide-eyed, ever-nosy, Mousefur. 

“Is what true?” He groans, not attempting to hide the hoarseness of his voice nor his yawns.

She starts to whisper, as if scandalous (though there was really no need as her whispering is still loud enough for anyone in the warriors den pretending to sleep to hear), “Are you and Fireheart really dating?”

Oh, right. How could he have forgotten everything that happened yesterday? The whole… interaction late at night with Darkstripe that he and Fireheart already knew would lead to Thunderclan drama. And the other, a hundred times more confusing interaction with Fireheart before that. 

Well, there was no use in trying to deny it. It would just erase all of his hard work (confessing) to keep this secret relationship… well, a secret.

“Yeah,” Graystripe says, pretending like he’s not sweating at the thought of being caught so quickly like this. He keeps his eyes closed as if not seeing her would help.

He hears Mousefur gasp from over top, and hears quick scurrying right after.

Graystripe tries to quickly get himself together, squinting at the extreme sunlight as he makes his way to the fresh-kill pile. He tries his best to ignore the eyes that dart towards him as he walks, and tries not to focus on the whispering. Really, these grown cats had nothing better to do?

This is just how Thunderclan functions. They hear one thing, and they eat it up. By the end of the day everybody knows every single detail of the situation, and is trying to put their own twist on it. It’s hard to not pay attention to the gossip of the day when everybodys talking about it. It always makes you feel out of the loop. But now that it’s him, he wished that somebody would tell them all to mind their own business. 

Graystripe wants nothing more but to see Silverstream right now.

Oh. He had almost forgotten the whole reason he’s doing this anyway. He’s doing this for Silverstream. He can’t just back out now. No, never. He would do anything to see her, and if it means being in a relationship with his best friend that he’s not on good terms with right now, then so be it. In the end, it’ll all lead back to her.

The sudden wave of loneliness that washes over him is unwanted, and starts to make him restless. He can’t see Silverstream right now. Having nothing to do for the day, no patrols, no nothing, he doesn’t feel the way his paws start to move without his knowledge. 

And it leads him to none other than Fireheart.

He watches the ginger as he walks out of the leader's den, that one look on his face when the gears in his mind are spinning nonstop. He quickly walks up to him, though the moment he steps towards his direction, he mentally slaps himself. This is just going to ignite the relationship rumors even more. 

He knows, technically, it's no longer rumors, as he's sure Mousefur has gone and told everybody in the clan about what he said at this point. And this is what's supposed to happen, right? Tigerclaw would be even more suspicious if they kept their relationship a secret.

“What were you in there for?” Graystripe asks as he bounces over to Firehearts side. He can tell by how Fireheart looks up at him, he probably looks distressed or at least hyper right now. 

“Just stuff,” He nonchalantly says, “The gathering is tonight. We’re both going.”

It was almost as if Starclan had come down from the sky and blessed the clans themselves. He was going to the gathering! And with the gathering, Silverstream will most likely be there! He’d get to see her face, smell her scent, hear her laugh. It’d felt like he’d been ripped apart from her for moons. Before his thoughts could spiral, Firehearts voice cuts in again.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. You can’t just run to Silverstream once we get there.”

“And tell me why not? I haven’t seen her in ages, Fireheart!” Graystripe shakes the ginger.

“Because Tigerclaw will get suspicious, and boom! You’ve been found out. If he sees you immediately running to her, he'll obviously come up to you.”

“I'll just lie, then.”

“Oh really? And since when have you ever been good at lying your way out of anything? When Bluestar caught you getting thirds from the freshkill pile as apprentices, you told her it's because you could feel the kits kicking.”

“Who was she to tell a pregnant cat he couldn’t have thirds?!” Fireheart sighed exasperatedly, but still managed to crack a smile. His smile was something Graystripe hasn’t seen towards him in a while. It was contagious, and he found himself smiling too.

“Oy, mousebrains!”

They turn their head to see Tigerclaw stalking over to them, just like how he did on that day at the riverclan border. 

“Sorry to interrupt your smiling, love birds, but in case you forgot because of your special little lessons,” Tigerclaw glares straight at him, “You have an apprentice to be mentoring.”

Uh oh. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he totally forgot that he ever had an apprentice in the first place. What had Brackenpaw been doing the entire time he and Silverstream were seeing each other? 

“Runningwind is out with Brackenpaw, hunting. How about you do what you’re supposed to be doing, for once?” Tigerclaw spits, “And you. Get Cinderpaw and get out of my face.”

He watches as Tigerclaw walks off, presumably to complain about somebody again, and he watches as Fireheart scurries to get Cinderpaw and starts walking to the gate. Graystripe quickly catches up with them.

“Mind if I tag along?”

Cinderpaw beams, “Nope! We’re finally gonna go hunting, yayyy!” She starts bolting for the forest.

“Cinderpaw, what did I tell you about running off?!” Fireheart yells as he runs after her. Graystripe couldn’t help but laugh as he ran after the both of them.

It seems in the midst of trying to catch the enthusiastic apprentice, he ends up going to a stop when Cinderpaw goes to… greet someone?

It's not until he gets closer, trying to catch his breath, that she finds the very two cats he was keeping an eye out for. Runningwind and Brackenpaw. He watches as Brackenpaw’s eyes widen at the very sight of his mentor. Graystripe tries to ignore the guilt seeping into his thoughts. He should’ve been there.

“Hey, Fireheart! Oh, Graystripe, what brings you here?” Runningwind exclaims as he sees the two winded toms.

“Heh, I'm here to take the little apprentice off your hands. No need to keep substituting for me anymore.” Graystripe smiles.

“Well I'll be!” Runningwinds eyes widened, “And here I was thinking you two were going for a date! I’ll see you guys around then. Make sure you come back with the apprentices, you hear?” He winks.

Graystripe can feel his whole body ignite at his words. Not in front of the apprentices, too! He raises a paw to cover his quickly reddening cheeks and turns to see a blush creeping its way onto Firehearts neck, too.

“Oh, yeah! I forgot to ask, but…” Cinderpaw starts to shuffle her paws, “Are you guys really in love?”

Both Fireheart and Graystripe almost fall dead from a heatstroke right there and then.

“It’s a little too early to call it love, don’t you think?” Fireheart waves his paws dismissively.

“Yeah,” Graystripe chuckles lightly, “We’re not there yet!”

Cinderpaw whips her head towards her brother, whispering loudly. “He said yet! He must be in love!” She and Brackenpaw both start to giggle vehemently, that look of mischief glinting in their eyes. 

Fireheart and Graystripe share a glance. This is sure to be a long day.

Graystripe had to practically drag his paws back to camp. Sure, he hadn’t really mentored Brackenpaw in a long time, but it had felt more as if he was trying to make sure Brackenpaw’s sister didn’t run off into other clan territory whenever someone turned their back on her.

That being said, though he’s tired and worn out, his thoughts did not make the day any better. Brackenpaw’s state… Well, it really just made him want to hug the kit until he felt all better. Brackenpaw is way behind, he mixes up the hunting positions, he’s too heavy on his feet one time and too light on the other. And it's all because of him. Because he forgot entirely about his existence until he was reminded earlier that day, because he was seeing Silverstream.

He would never say that he regrets meeting Silverstream, nor does he regret meeting her at the border for midnights on end, but he didn’t think that his disappearance from camp everyday would affect his apprentice. Well, he didn’t think it would affect Fireheart either, but he was gravely wrong. Now that he’s not even allowed to see Silverstream until Tigerclaw gets off his back, he would devote his time into mentoring Brackenpaw, and making him feel better. 

His mood was gloomy the entire time, and at one point he even asked Graystripe to promise not to disappear like that again. Graystripe felt his heart shatter in a million pieces just from seeing the way he looked up at him. He promised, of course. And he was fairly certain he would not break his promise. At least, not any time soon.

Once he had gotten back he face-planted into some moss and tried to take a nap. Obviously, because he can’t have anything good, he doesn’t.

And he doesn’t because somebody is prodding at him the minute he just wants peace and quiet. He looks up to see an equally tired Fireheart.

“Get up, Graystripe, there’s no time for sleeping. We have a gathering to get to.”

The very mention of the gathering made all of his drowsiness disappear into the night. The gathering! The very moment he had been waiting for since he found out that he was going. Finally, after nights of sleeping with no Silverstream by his side, he would finally get to see the one he actually loved at the gathering.

He can tell Fireheart notices his change of mood, seeing Firehearts expression change to one unreadable as he gets up to get to the rest of the group.

Graystripe gets up quickly, brushing his fur to make sure that he looked extra good. It’s been a while since he’d last seen her, after all! 

As soon as he’s done, he sprints to the rest of the group, hearing a bit of a conversation as he makes his way.

“-Got your loverboy to get up, huh?” Graystripe burns. He knows the loverboy is him. But no, they’ve got it all wrong! They’re calling him a loverboy to the wrong person! But he can’t say that. He doesn’t care to say that. 

He gets a few chuckles from the elders, though he doesn’t know why. It’s until Fireheart rests a paw on his shoulder does he snap back into reality. Fireheart steps close to his ear for only him to hear. “Calm yourself! Everyone’s been staring at you jumping in place since you got here.” Oh. So that's why they were staring. Graystripe feels himself blush for the third time that day. He got too carried away, he’ll admit. 

“One whisper from his boyfriend and he’s a blushing mess, seems Firehearts got you hooked!” An elder cackles from the side. The red burns even brighter as everybody else turns around to laugh and tease. 

Tigerclaw only stares.

Graystripe feels himself controlling his walking, making sure he doesn't seem overly-excited, lest he get carried away again, and get teased about him being so compliant to Fireheart. But he just couldn’t keep it in! He’s going to see Silverstream~!

As soon as they make it, he departs to look for Silverstream. Both Windclan and Riverclan are there already, they only need to wait on Shadowclan now.

Paying no attention to anything other than seeking out that familiar set of fur, he fails to realize someone trailing him.

And sure enough, he sees her.

Those beautiful shining eyes of hers, the fur that has been graced by Starclan themself, the laugh that could cure any sickness or heartache. He reaches out, but before he can do anything, he feels himself being yanked back.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?!” 

Graystripe turns around to see the familiar orange fur he’s come to be all too familiar with. Of course he’d been watching Graystripe since they got here.

“I'm going to go talk to Silverstream,” He tries to answer as coolly as possible.

“First of all, she’s already talking to someone, don't be rude. Second of all, don’t be stupid. At least wait until Tigerclaw’s not actively watching us.” They both turn to see Tigerclaw glaring daggers straight at them.

Graystripe sighed. He sighed that long, irritated sigh, right into his face. But he obliges. It would make things worse for Silverstream too if he was stupid enough to walk straight towards her with Tigerclaw still watching. 

He walks around mindlessly, with no clue what to do when he’s not allowed to go to the only person he wants to talk to here. So he just walked around, striked up some conversation with some random Windclan warriors that he recognizes from the journey he took when he had just become a warrior. 

Fireheart was talking to a Windclan cat, too. Not that there was a problem, but they kept talking and talking with no clue as to their surroundings. Fireheart was laughing and smiling. Sure, it irked him a bit that with his best friend since childhood, he can’t crack a smile, but with some random Windclan cat, suddenly he’s the funniest tom in the world. 

The bastard. Getting to talk to who he wants but he can't. 

Graystripe looks for Tigerclaw among the deputies again, and sure enough, he’s chatting away as if he hadn’t sent a million bad omens just from his eyes to him a few minutes ago. He turns to see Silverstream is alone. And staring directly at him. 

Perfect, both problems solved!

With the smile that he had lost when he was told he had to avoid Silverstream for a bit of the gathering, he tries not to run and tackle her to the ground from sheer excitement. 

“Silverstream,” He breathes.

“Graystripe,” She smiles at him, her gaze softening, filled with a mix of solace and want.

Great Starclan, what he would give to hold her delicate paws, take away any root of distress, never let anyone lay so much as a claw on her for as long as she’d have him. But he can’t. Especially not with the feeling of eyes on him in every corner of the clearing, never letting him find peace in just being with her. Because in love like these, it’s hard not to get paranoid, ripping his eyes off his beautiful love to make sure nobody’s watching.

“I missed you.” He tried to reach out for her paw.

“I missed you too, Graystripe,” She gently pulls it away, placing it on his cheek for a mere second, “But we need to talk.”

Chapter Text

The sudden change of mood caught Graystripe off guard.

“Okay… talk about what?”

“Just why did you choose Fireheart?” In that moment, he sees the emotions he had seen flicker in her eyes the same way it did that day when he first said Firehearts name. 

How was he supposed to answer this question? He didn't know why, he just did! He didn't have a particular answer, but if he had thought about it, he would've been smart for that. Fireheart is the only one in Thunderclan that knows about him and Silverstream’s forbidden relationship. His entire plan could have gone south if he was in a fake-relationship with a cat that didn’t know it was a fake relationship, let alone his actual lover. Graystripe will admit, Fireheart is smart. Of course he wouldn’t just take a confession and run with it. He was the best option, even if he had blindly said it.

“Well… why not? It's easier that it's him anyway ‘cause he’s my friend.”

“You’re friend that hates us being together? Why would I ever be okay with that? Graystripe, he tried to break us up!”

“Well, yeah… but he’s helping us now! It's not a big deal anymore.” He said, shuffling his paws. Something about this talk is making him nervous.

“Because he doesn’t have a choice! I love you Graystripe, but are you listening to yourself? Has he even said sorry?”

…No, he hasn't. 

But Silverstream only continues. “I can sit here and pretend we’ve never met each other before, but I can’t sit and watch you go around telling everyone how much you love Fireheart. From the minute I saw him I knew he was off. If you had given me time, I could've come up with something.”

Well what was he supposed to say to that?

“Im… sorry, Silverstream. I know you don't have the best impression of him, but I didn’t know it would make you upset, or I wouldn't have said that. But we didn't have time, and it was the best I could come up with. Im really sorry.” 

SIlverstream only sighs with a ghost of a smile. “We can’t change what happened now.”

Graystripe turns to the left to glance at Fireheart. He laughs until they make eye contact. His smile couldn’t have dropped faster.

We can’t change what happened now.

Suddenly, Fireheart is speeding towards the couple and quickly takes Graystripe’s side.

The couple both turn to face him, extremely confused. Until Graystripe catches movement in the corner of his eye.

Tigerclaw is walking over to them.

“Well hello again, miss!” Tigerclaw smiles fakely, “I see you were talking to Graystripe again. Alone. What could possibly be the reason for that when he’s seeing someone.”

Before the Thunderclan toms can respond, Silverstream’s already talking back.

“I was asking how the plan went, and it seems it went well. Congratulations again, Graystripe.” Silverstream turns to smile. “And I have a name.”

“I see. So sorry miss, what's your name then?” The tension between Tigerclaw and Silverstream is thick in the air, it'll probably poison whoever walks by them.

“Silverstream. I'm Crookedstar's daughter.”

“Ah, Crookedstar’s daughter! What do you think of this Silverstream molly and Graystripe affair, Fireheart?”

Fireheart’s eyes narrow, “They’re not having an affair.”

“Come on, you can't seriously believe that? Don't you see how they look at eachother. You’re the second choice, Fireheart.” Graystripe can feel Fireheart tense beside him, “I'm just looking out for you, Fireheart.”

Graystripe figures he should probably pitch in by now. “I appreciate your concern, Tigerclaw. But I can assure you that nothing is happening between me and her.”

Tigerclaw smiles. “If you say so.” He turns around to walk away before turning back one more time, “Fireheart, I'm always here to talk if something happens.” 

And with that, Tigerclaw leaves the three young warriors baffled and unnerved.

The rest of the gathering was a mess. Well, for Graystripe at least. He couldn't stop thinking. He was thinking about how he and Silverstream were cracking because of what he said. He was thinking about how he’s never the reason Fireheart smiles anymore, because of what he did. He was thinking about how happy Fireheart is when it's not him he's talking to. 

And it's his fault. It is all his fault.

He kept looking back, to see Fireheart trying to hide his giggles as the leaders talked. To see that infuriating look on the Windclan cat's face every time he manages to make Fireheart laugh, and make him feel better from what had happened with the encounter with Tigerclaw. 

It was supposed to be him. It used to be him. It could've been him.

He looked at SIlverstream, who was far away from him, as to not let Tigerclaw catch him again. He saw her smile to people that haven’t hurt her. He saw her happier than she was with him this entire gathering.

He looked around to nobody there.

He’d never felt so alone.

He snaps out of his thoughts once he makes it back to camp.

Ignoring everything around him, Graystripe beelines straight to the warrior's den and lays down.

Staring up at the ceiling of the den, he finds himself being the only one awake, with Firehearts back to him.

 Everybodies so far. 

Graystripe smiles. He’ll sleep the feeling away.

Waking up, Graystripe realizes he's the last to wake up. Why hadn’t anybody woken him?

Graystripe quickly stretches the rest of his fatigue and walks out of the den. He had nothing to do today. Just sit around and ghost around the camp all day. 

The gray tom looks for Fireheart as he sits down on his own. Well, unless you count the rat he’s about to eat. He see’s Bluestar and Whitestorm talking and he can’t help but interrupt their bonding time.

“Have you seen Fireheart?”

“Hello to you too, Graystripe.” Bluestar says, amused, “He’s out on patrol. He’ll be back soon.”

“Oh- Okay.” Suddenly Graystripe feels embarrassed and quickly retreats back to where he was sitting, ignoring the hot feeling he’s getting on his face. Ughhhh. 

Graystripe vows to cover his face until the patrol gets back.

Something taps his shoulder. Graystripe looks up to see Bluestar smirking at him.

“The patrols here, loverboy.”

…Why is having a ‘lover’ in Thunderclan so damn embarrassing?!

He looks over to see Fireheart talking to Whitestorm. Starclan please no. No, no, no.

Fireheart turns his head to him and Bluestars direction. Goddammit. 

And just like that the stupid ginger is walking over. He looks at Graystripe.

“Whitestorm said you were asking for me?” Graystripe glares at Whitestorm from the other side of the camp. Whitestorm only laughs.

Bluestar leaves them alone and suddenly Graystripe feels fidgety. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” Fireheart says, “About what?” 

“Not here. Let's walk.”

Graystripe leads the both of them into the forest, just watching the sky without saying a word to each other for a while.

Fireheart breaks the silence, “What did you want to talk about?”

“I don't know… I just wanted to talk. If that's okay with you.” Graystripe takes a deep breath, “I just wanted to talk about the gathering last night.”

“Oh, Okay. What about the gathering last night?” 

“How do you feel?”

“...What?” 

Graystripe feels Firehearts gaze on him.

“Just… are you feeling okay? Tigerclaw was being rude to you then, I just thought I’d ask.”

“Mm, I'm feeling better now. It's not the worst thing I've been told. I already let out my frustrations with a friend. I don't feel the need to talk about it again. I'm okay.”

“Oh.”

A silence stretches between them. Obviously that last bit hurt Graystripe just a bit. He still remembers the times where he was Firehearts only friend. He vowed to be his lion to protect him from all the clans, even their own.

Maybe it hurt a bit to hear he found a new lion that’s faster than him. But it's nothing. 

Firehearts allowed to have friends other than him, they’re not silly apprentices anymore. 

Maybe he wished they were.

Besides, Fireheart doesn’t need protection anymore. Thunderclans warmed up to him, and he's grown more capable than Graystripe to protect himself over the moons.

Like, the fact that Fireheart has other friends than him and Ravenpaw? Since when? Why had he only just heard of this punk?

…Despite that, Graystripe smiles at the thought.

A smooth voice interrupts his thoughts.

“How about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“How are you feeling after the gathering?”

“That talk with Tigerclaw? I'm gonna be honest, it hit me more than I thought it would.”

“Mm.”

“It made me feel like shit after. You and Silverstream felt unreachable after that. I just feel like, I messed everything up, and now i'm alone. If I hadn’t said something as stupid as dating advice that day, where would I be right now?”

I couldn't shut the thoughts out, I felt like I was drowning all over again.”

It's silent for a second. Graystripe lets all the words he just said process.

“I'm sorry, Graystripe. You're not alone. You'll always have me, no matter what happens.” 

Graystripe's looks towards Fireheart as he keeps going.

 “Graystripe, whatever you decide to do, I'll always be your friend.”

He felt like he could break down and cry right there, right then. He doesn’t think he's ever felt so much relief and gratitude. Most of the tension between them dissipated. They really needed this talk, huh? 

Without saying a word, they lay down next to each other, both looking up at the sun setting. 

Fireheart didn’t need a lion anymore.

…Okay, no. Scratch that, Graystripe will never stop being his lion.

That other tom is trying to steal his title, maybe he should pay a visit sometime soon…

But Fireheart wouldn't like that, would he? Ugh.

It feels stupid, but Graystripe thinks he’s just realized they aren't apprentices anymore. They've grown. Not out of each other, just grown.

Even then, he silently prays to the stars that they’ll always be the others number one forever.

Fur pressed together, Graystripe could happily call Fireheart his friend again.

…He's gonna need to ask for the punk's name later.

Chapter Text

If he’s honest, Graystripes probably never been more humbled in his life.

I mean, being caught by a patrol was one thing, but being caught by a patrol with Bluestar in it? That was a whole different thing.

And now he’s sitting in Bluestar's den, trying to disappear under her judging and cold glare. The feelings of comfort have washed away, with a new and cold feeling in its wake, rattling his bones.

See? He’s so scared that he’s waxing poetry in his head!

He didn’t even remember that Bluestar had told him she wanted to talk to him privately until she brought it up again. He was kinda hoping she would just forget, but that whole patrol thing must’ve refreshed her memories. 

“Graystripe.”

“Bluestar.” 

The atmosphere starts to feel suffocating, but then Bluestar smiles. “I’m good, ma’am. And, uh- And you?”

“I’m well. But let's cut to the chase, Graystripe. You know what this is about, don’t you?”

“Uhm, Fireheart?”

“Correct. Graystripe, tell me, are you the right one for him?”

What.

Starclan. Why must you do this to me?

“Uh, I mean, yeah, I think so?”

“You think so? So you think there’s a possibility of better out there for Fireheart than you?”

Graystripe was about to get defensive until he realized.

“Maybe.”

Fireheart and Graystripe can’t pretend to be lovers forever, one day they’re gonna have to stop acting, and the sooner they build up to it, the better.

Bluestars glare turns colder than it already was, “Really?”

“You never know. If there is a cat out there that makes Fireheart happier, then so be it.”

Smart move, Graystripe! Thank you, Graystripe. The gray tom applauds himself for the smartest idea he’s had yet, of course until he realizes he was smirking like an idiot in front of his leader.

“I see.” Bluestar only stares, “Graystripe, do you love him?”

…

Okay, he has no idea how to go about this one.

Its obvious Bluestar notices the hesitation.

“I-I dont think we’re there yet.”

“Are you sure? Because I think you are.” She continues as the gray tom only stares in response, “I don’t know about you, but I can tell Fireheart loves you.”

At this point, Graystripe must be a whole different person, because what in the stars is she talking about? She means as a friend, definitely.

“I don’t know… I don’t think he does.” Graystripe tries to diffuse her wild imagination but it doesn’t seem to work.

Bluestar only sighs, and grips his shoulders. “Graystripe, just answer me one question.”

Graystripe holds his breath as the atmosphere shifts, “Y-Yes?”

“Will you break his heart?”

Okay, calm down. Just answer the question how you would answer if Silverstreams dad asked this.

“No, because I hope to Starclan we never break up. Sil- Fireheart is amazing and I would never think of him as anything less. And even if we do, he will always be my best friend and there’ll always be a special place for him in my heart.”

Great Starclan, he can’t believe the rookie mistake he almost made! He sweats profusely as he tries to read Bluestar's face to see if she had caught it.

There’s no way she didn’t.

But instead of commenting on it, Bluestar says, “Aww~ That was so cute!” 

But just so you know, if you ever do break his heart,” Bluestar smiles and tightens her grip, “I will personally break all your bones.”

Graystripe walks out of her den trembling, sweating, and in fear of his life.

And the jumpscare of Whitestorm being right in front of his face when he walked out did not help his knees that were about to give up at any second.

“What were you doing in front of Bluestar’s den?!”

Graystripe interrogates Whitestorm as he tries to peacefully eat his vole and lie about not eavesdropping.

“It was merely a coincidence, Graystripe, I hadn’t known you were there!” Whitestorm smiles sheepishly.

“Don’t lie.” At this point, Graystripe is convinced everybody in this clan is out to get him. 

“I'm not!” Whitestorm insists for the 100th time, “So, what did you guys talk about?”

“I knew it!”

“Oh come on, son. I mean, to think my boy racked the courage to finally ask his crush, I need to know how things are going!”

What does he mean by finally?

“Things are going just fine, thanks for asking. Don’t you trust me?”

“Eeehhh…”

“Whitestorm!”

“Just kidding, of course! But I can’t help but be a bit worried. Bluestar’s just a bit protective of Fireheart,” just a bit was a huge understatement, “And your answers were.. Well, not the best.”

“So you were listening in on us!” Whitestorm only sighs exasperatedly, “Besides, what was I supposed to do?! Lie and say that I love him?”

Gasps and head turns can be heard throughout the forest.

Oh shit.

He may have said that too loudly, didn’t he?

The camp freezes, nobody dares to disrupt the silence that hit the moment it came out of his mouth.

“H-Hold on-” Graystripe breaks the silence in an attempt to clear up the confusion. 

Nobody wants to listen though, as they all break out into gossip as they pretend to go on with their daily life.

“How could he say that?”

“He’s horrible!”

“Imagine how Fireheart will feel when he finds out.”

Graystripe doesn’t know whether it's a good thing that Fireheart’s never in camp for moments like these. Tch, and he says I'm the one that's never around.

Not knowing what to do, Graystripe rushes into the medicine cat’s den in place of a hideout from all the eyes.

A raspy voice calls out as someone walks into the den. “Can I help you or are you just gonna sulk in the corner?”

It was Yellowfang. He hasn’t had many encounters with her (other than when he had a cold and was still going out every night to see Silverstream, let's just say she wasn’t looking at him kindly), but Fireheart and her are close. He notices him slip into the medicine cat's den at certain points in the day. He was worried that Fireheart had been injured at first, only to find him laughing it up with some old molly.

“I’m fine in the corner, thanks.”

“Suit yourself.”

The gray tom stays curled up in the corner of the den as Yellowfang goes on with her tasks.

Suddenly, he hears a huge sigh and eyes on him. He peeks his head.

“Either you talk about it or you face the wrath of your clanmates outside.”

Graystripe frowns. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I was there, Graystripe, don’t play dumb.” Yellowfang grunts as he sits beside him, waiting for him to speak.

“...Fine. But you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

“Who do I have to tell?”

“Promise me!”

“Alright, alright, I promise.”

Graystripe takes a breath. He doesn’t know why he’s about to spill everything to some random elder that can’t help him anyways, but here he is.

“Me and Fireheart aren’t actually dating.”

“I know.”

“Yes, I know what you’re thinking, ‘Wow, Graystripe why would you do that?!’” 

“I said I know.”

“And i’m sorry, but I can’t tell you, even-”

“GRAYSTRIPE.” Two paws grip his shoulders and suddenly he’s having flashbacks to this morning.

“Huh?”

“I said. I. Know.”

“...”

“...”

Then the words actually go through his ears.

“You know?!” Yellowfang lets out a hefty sigh and lets go of him. “How do you know?!”

“It's extremely obvious. Everyone else is choosing to ignore that since they predicted it.”

“Wha-”

“If you had really gotten together, Fireheart would have told me. Not let me find out from elderly gossip. And you’re also just… tense. Around each other. There's more chemistry when you were apprentices than how you’re acting now.”

Sheesh. Grandma hits hard. Graystripe can only sigh and hug himself again. It seems that whenever he takes a step forward, he takes as many steps back until there’s no more land to step on.

“Why must my life be like this?”

“It wouldn’t be like this if you didn’t scream that you didn’t love him.”

Graystripe's head shoots up to glare. This granny’s really trying it with me.

“How do you really feel about Fireheart, then?”

“I do love him, but only as a friend. I didn’t wanna go too far and lie about loving him like that. But, sometimes, and only sometimes, I can’t tell how he feels about me when we’re acting in front of the clan. It confuses me to no end, and it’s honestly messing with me at this point.”

It’s so hard, too, when everyone in the clan is always talking about us being together. All their comments, how Fireheart switches once no one's eyes are on us… I’m sure you heard about me and Fireheart being caught asleep outside?”

“Mhm?”

“We had just made up. We’ve actually been fighting for a while now, and I was starting to lose hope that we’d be friends again.”

Something in the den shifts and Graystripe feels like he can tell her everything.

She opens her mouth to say something when a scream from Frostfur pierces through the clan.

Graystripe rushes out of the medicine cat's den to see what happened.

Firehearts carrying his apprentice's limp body in his mouth.

Chapter Text

He watches as Fireheart runs as fast as possible with Cinderpaw, ignoring everything and everyone else in his surroundings.

That's when he finally sees it.

Fireheart lays Cinderpaw down gently and turns to the both of them with a gaze he’d never seen before.

“What happened to her?” Graystripe says in horror.

Before Fireheart could respond, Yellowfang jumps to action.

“Graystripe, get some bracken to make a nest now.” She sharply orders, causing him to scramble as fast as he can, trying to be as quick as possible to help the apprentice. He snatches a mouthful of bracken and runs back over to create the nest together with Fireheart, ignoring the whispering that came to a halt as soon as he got back.

Graystripe sits in nervousness as Yellowfang examines the young apprentice. Graystripe sneaks a glance to his right to see Fireheart wearing a face distorted in concern and stress as he pads over to him. He takes a deep breath and looks away once he sits down, pushing down the urge to ask him what happened again.

The toms straighten up immediately as soon as Yellowfang turns around. “She’s hurt very badly, but I think I might be able to save her.” He turns to see a glimmer of hope in Firehearts eyes.

“I can’t promise anything.” She continues, eyes dark. She whispers something to Fireheart, making him nod and leave the den. Graystripe sits there, debating on asking Yellowfang if she knew anything. Yellowfang doesn’t seem to catch that and shoos Graystripe away.

Graystripe searches the clearing for the ginger tom but to no avail. He peeks his head in the warriors den, not there. Just some judgemental glares from the cats that haven’t forgotten what he blurted out a bit loudly.

 Sighing, he moves out of the way and walks out to the river, in hopes of finding a cat and maybe some fulfillment too.

Sitting by the river like this, it gives Graystripe a feeling of nostalgia. He hasn’t been here in so long. He looks around, both in search of Silverstream, and Tigerclaw in case he’s hiding in the bushes again.

He gently skimmed the waters with his paw, watching as it created a ripple, bigger and bigger.

“Graystripe?”

The gray toms head snaps up as soon as he hears her.

“Silverstream!” He gets up and bounds over to her. Silverstream sends a soft smile his way, looking around before lightly intertwining tails.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was hoping to see you.”

“...I've been wanting to see you too.”

Graystripe sighs and lays down, only hearing the sounds of the river. He feels Silverstream cuddle up on his side. Her thoughts were filling up the silence, he could tell.

He focuses on the sky, the river, the trees, her presence. The feeling of an arm hesitating to fully wrap around the other. The feeling of being with Silverstream again like this. The feeling of something. Just something.

“What’s wrong?” Silverstream whispers after the long-stretching silence.

Graystripe turns to his side, “Nothing. What's wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Graystripe only stares as her eyes look down, her mind somewhere else.

“Graystripe…”

“Hm?”

He waits in unease as she looks up at him. She starts to speak.

But not before a rustling nearby can be heard.

Both cats immediately shoot up, looking around for any sign of Tigerclaw. Graystripe gets up hastily.

“I can’t stick around any longer, Silverstream,” quickly nuzzling her, “I hope to talk to you another night.”

“Me too. Hurry back, dear.” Silverstream smiles.

And with that, Graystripe makes his way back.

Walking back into camp felt like walking into a completely new world. 

Before Graystripe could stare at everyone from the entrance, his stomach starts to grumble. Perfect timing since he had nothing to do anyway. He walks over to the freshkill pile to see his options. There isn’t much left, but he does catch sight of a tasty looking rat.

He goes to pick up the rat, but suddenly notices something weird going on in the corner of his eye. He turns to see what's going on.

It's Fireheart, and a random group of cats that he’s never seen the tom interact with. When has Goldenflower ever even looked Firehearts way?

He realizes a bit too late that he’s staring, since Goldenflowers head peeks up and stares straight at him. He feels like he’s just been caught for something from the look on her face. 

She suddenly turns Fireheart around to face him, pushing him towards me. Graystripe looks around. Is anybody else seeing this nonsense?

He watches Fireheart take a step. Then two. Then a couple steps further and he’s right in front of Graystripe.

Graystripe stares at him, and Fireheart stares back. Graystripe wants to ask him if he’s okay, what happened to her, why were you talking to them?

He looks up at the group he was just with, all staring at him. He notices everyone in the clearing are either full on staring or sparing glances. He turns back to Fireheart. He looks exhausted.

Fireheart starts to speak.

“H-How could you..?” He jabs a paw in my chest. He was trying to talk loud, as if to make a scene. And frankly, Graystripe was baffled.

“What are you talking about? What did I do?”

“After everything, y-you don't love me..?!” 

Oh.

Oh.

They had told him about what happened while he was gone. So what? What were they trying to do? Get him to confront me? As if Fireheart would be hurt by that!

Then he hears it.

A sob racking Firehearts body.

Firehearts head is down, and the paw still on his chest is shaking. His whole body is shaking. Before Graystripe could react, he pushes him out of the way, running towards the forest.

Graystripe is stuck there, frozen in shock.

The only thing that got him out of it was Sandpaw storming up to him, finishing what Fireheart left off.

Since when did Sandpaw and Fireheart become friends?!

Ignoring the absolute smackdown he’s getting from an apprentice, he runs out of camp to find Fireheart. Looking around rapidly, he follows his scent. He couldn’t have gotten that far.

Graystripe keeps running until he notices a figure near the Windclan border. Fireheart! He speeds up. “Fireheart, wait!” Graystripe runs even faster once he turns around.

Struggling to catch his breath, Graystripe rests his paw on Firehearts, ensuring he doesn’t run off. 

He tries to ignore the teardrop that falls off his face.

He looks up to see Fireheart, tears wiped and eyes that won’t meet his.

“I'm sorry, Fire.” Graystripe sighs, sitting down.

Kneading the dirt, Fireheart replies, “It's fine. I don’t care.”

Don’t care? Graystripe told the world he didn't love him, causing him to run out on him, and he doesn’t care? 

“It's okay to talk about it, I know-.”

“It’s about Cinderpaw.”

Oh. The one thing he’d been trying to get his mind off of.

“...What happened?”

“She got hit by a monster. Tigerclaw requested Bluestar near the thunderpath, to show that Shadowclan had been stealing prey, but she volunteered. I told her not to. I was too late when I realized.”

Graystripe doesn’t respond, in fear of shattering the already fragile Fireheart. He brings a paw up to his face, waiting for a tear to catch. Fireheart shakily whispers.

“I'm not going to cry.”

He hesitates, hovering his paw off Firehearts face, unsure where to put it. Fireheart catches his paw with his own, albeit shakier than his, carefully placing it to cradle his cheek. His paw clenches.

“I'm really not.”

Firehearts paws drop to the ground, endlessly pushing. Graystripe fears that if he makes one wrong step, he’ll break.

But maybe that's for the best. 

Graystripe carefully wraps along Fireheart’s side, waiting for him to bring his paws out. Once he does, he gently pushes him closer, despite the constant shakes.

Everything stopped as soon as Graystripe laid his head on his shoulder.

Fireheart shatters immediately. Covering his face fully in Graystripe's shoulder, his sobs muffled.

“It’s all my fault. If I had been a better mentor, she would have listened to me!”

“Everybody's telling me what you said. Everybody's telling me to confront you when I just want to cry.”

“Why’d you say that, Graystripe? Where were you when I needed you?!”

“I don’t even know if she’s going to make it!”

The forest was eerily quiet in the midst of everything spilling out of his mouth, only wind. During all of it, Graystripe clutches him hard and pretends that it's not killing him to see Fireheart like this. Pretending he doesn’t hear his heaves or words so it doesn’t get to him.

It gets to him eventually.

Eventually, Firehearts breathing slows and his cries turn to mere sniffles. 

“I'm sorry.” Fireheart says, voice hoarse from crying.

Graystripe gently rubs his back. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“I tried so hard. I promise I did.”

“I know.”

Fireheart pushes away from the embrace, wiping his face.

Graystripe pulls his paws away from his face, catching it in his own.

“It’s gonna be okay, Fireheart. I'm here.”

“Are you?”

Chapter Text

“But seriously. I swear you think of the worst things you could possibly say in a relationship and you scream it for everybody to hear.”

“What was I supposed to do? Lie?”

“Yes, you mousebrain!”

Graystripe huffs. Okay, he’ll admit what he said was stupid, but he was just being honest. He didn’t want to lie, even if this entire ‘relationship’ was built off of lies.

Still, he finds himself in yet another predicament that he managed to cause without even realizing. 

And of course, there are consequences.

Which is why, earlier that day, Bluestar had proposed an idea.

“A date!”

Graystripe and Fireheart share a look of disbelief. There was no way Bluestar was making them go on a date. 

Fireheart speaks up first. “Heh, Bluestar, we already said we weren’t doing dates.” 

“You can always change your minds!” Bluestar smiles. Somehow Graystripe has the feeling that they’re going on a date even if they don't. 

Fireheart speaks again with an urgent tone. “But Bluestar, I can't just leave Cinderpaw alone!”

Bluestar softens just a bit, and Graytsripe immediately feels like he’s intruding on something.

She coughs before turning to him. “Graystripe, give us a moment.” He does not need to be told twice.

Walking out, he lets out a big sigh before sitting down. Too many things are happening all at once, and he doesn’t know how to balance it, let alone ignore it and go on a date with a fake boyfriend. 

Something happened yesterday, and he doesn’t know what. It was like his body came to a realization, but his mind didn't. He couldn’t look at Fireheart without getting nervous. Probably because he didn't want to make his best friend feel bad about everything that happened yesterday. Yet… he is starting to feel like an apprentice all over again.

This feeling was not new to him, in fact, he’s had it for most of his apprentice moons. His best friend just made him giddy. He’d stare like a fool, and say the dumbest things. That was just what Firepaw’s presence had done to him. Despite being stuck to each other all day, sometimes the feeling would just kick in and he’s a mess.

He never knew what it meant, and he didn't ask. It had just disappeared. No, subsided, since a bit has come back now. He hadn’t felt this way for a while, especially since they were fighting not too long ago.

It couldn’t have come back at a worse time. 

With so much going on, the last thing he needed was sweaty paws and staggering steps.

Now that he thinks about it, these symptoms have some resemblance to how he is with Silverstream as well, yet it was still different.

Before he could give the thought any more fuel, Fireheart walks out of the leader's den.

He immediately straightens up, trying to read the look on Firehearts face.

“I'm just going to make sure Cinderpaw ate first.” He offers before padding away, towards the freshkill pile.

Graystripe waits in his place. He knew better than to advise him against it. If he were Fireheart, he wouldn’t let her out of his sight either. 

Guess they were going on a date.

Fireheart meets him at the entrance with determination. “Yellowfang needs more catnip.”

“Okay… Shall we, my dear?” He only scoffed lightheartedly and kept walking.

Graystripe looks the way that Fireheart had just walked. If one more thing happens to him, he swears he’ll drop dead.

A yell comes from the forest. 

“Graystripe!”

“Coming!”

And that was how they got here. Walking in the snow. To get catnip. While simultaneously being on a date.

“Ugh, it's freezing cold out here!” Graystripe whines for what had to be the 100th time. 

“Oh hush, we’ll be back to camp soon anyway.” Fireheart blocks the complaint as always, continuing to walk with determination. 

“I don't even see any catnip, like, anywhere!”

Fireheart pretends not to hear him. He’s sick for that one. 

Graystripe huffs and tears his eyes away from Fireheart. He tries to ignore the way his stomach… tickled? from seeing his concentrated expression. Way too serious for just catnip, if you ask him. 

He hears Fireheart sniffing like crazy right next to him until he points his paw to… somewhere near the Twolegplace. Graystripe wasn’t really paying attention. 

Graystripe follows after him as he quickly pads over to the catnip.

“Don’t eat any, they’re for Yellowfang.” Fireheart scolds before trying to stuff as much catnip as possible.

He couldn't help it, catnip just smelled so good for no reason. It had no business smelling that good. 

Nevertheless, Graystripe takes as much catnip as possible, which isn't much considering the weather. He can feel his mouth water and he forces himself not to gulp it down. 

Graystripe looks to Fireheart. He’s… confused?

Is he confused about the catnip?

Before he could process Firehearts smile, his eyes widened. His ears were perked up and he was sniffing the air wildly.

What was with the sudden change of emotion? What was he doing? Was he looking for something?

Graystripe sniffs the air too. He catches a scent mixed in with the catnip, but he can’t quite put his paw on it.

Fireheart turns to Graystripe. For a second he assesses him, as if searching his face for something. Well, all he would find is confusion. 

He bounds off immediately, leaving Graystripe scrambling after him. 

As soon as they make it to camp, Fireheart races to Yellowfang. Jeez, why is he running? The den isn’t gonna fly away.

Yellowfang snaps her head up to the two toms immediately, shushing them.

“Shh, they’ve just fallen asleep.”

Fireheart bows his head in apologies as they both look for somewhere to drop the catnip.

With that, Graystripe notices two other presences along with Cinderpaw that he hadn’t seen before. 

Seems that Fireheart noticed his curiosity, as he leans in to whisper. “Speckletails kit and Patchpelt have got whitecough.” 

His hot breath on his ear makes Graystripe shiver somehow. 

Oh, that's why they went to fetch catnip.

…Is this the end of their date?

If this were anyone other than Fireheart, this would be labeled the worst date ever. And also the fact that it's not a real date. 

Just as he was about to pull said ginger tom out of the den, he turned to him. 

“I have to go. You were a horrible date.” Fireheart teases. Graystripe takes that personally.

“Hey, you didn't give me anything to work with, you know! What was I supposed to do with getting catnip?”

“I know 500 other toms that could have worked with it.” Graystripe gasps. The audacity of this guy is unbelievable!

“Well, are those 500 other toms better than me?!” He’s about to add on the most baddie comeback ever before he gets his ear cuffed.

Yellowfang rolls her eyes from behind them. “Oy, if you’re gonna have a screaming match, do it somewhere else. Now get out, I have stuff to do.” 

“Sorry, Yellowfang.” They say in unison before exiting the den with their heads down, followed by laughter that had to be Patchpelts.

Until Fireheart snaps his head back up with an evil smile.

“Yes.”

And with that, he runs off out of camp.

…Ain't no way.

Why was that smile kind of cute? 

No! That damn ginger has nothing but the nerve!

Graystripe is too busy fighting with himself, clueless to everything Fireheart’s hiding from him.

Chapter Text

Thunderclan is sick. 

And not in the ‘they keep teasing me about my boyfriend’ type of way, but the ‘everybodies catching whitecough and greencough’ type of way.

But Graystripe doesn’t know that, because he's at the Riverclan border, frozen and wide-eyed.

“He said what to you?” Silverstream sits in front of him, searching for something, anything, on his face.

How had he not realized this before? The last time that he had seen her, she’d been acting off. She was quiet, in her own world. Had this been what she was thinking about? What she had wanted to say to him?

Graystripe snaps out of it and looks at her. He feels his heart crack. She's nervous, he can tell. She looks away, shuffling her paws. 

She breaks the silence. “Are you… mad?” Her voice is quieter than he’s ever heard.

How could he ever be mad? It wasn’t her, it was Fireheart. 

“When did he talk to you?”

“It was a bit ago. I wanted to tell you earlier, but there was just so much going on.”

As much as his heart cracks for Silverstream, his heart shatters at Fireheart. 

To think, without even knowing, that he would tell her to break up with Graystripe. He clenches onto the snow, digging further and further. 

He nuzzles into Silverstream. She’s cold and wet, he feels a shiver crawl up his spine. He doesn't know if it's her or him. “Im sorry. I'll talk to him.”

He pulls away and starts walking, desperate to get away. 

“Graystripe, wait! Don’t do anything rash!”

“I won't!” He calls out without looking back. It sounds rougher than intended.

He crawls back into camp from the hole behind the nursery. He spots Fireheart almost immediately.

For a second, he just stands there. He feels himself burn up, his heartbeat is chiming in his ears. What does he do now? 

Graystripe hesitates while looking at him. Sitting alone, looking outright miserable right outside of the leader's den. His body aches with uncertainty.

He stays frozen to his spot for what seems like forever, before ignoring his conflicting feelings and walking towards him.

“Fireheart!” 

He marches through all the snow as Fireheart snaps his head to look at him. 

Graystripe looks up to face him and all of his tenacity dissolves.

He looks so hurt that it's unbearable. His face is drooped and his eyes aren’t as alive as he remembers them to be. 

What had happened?

Despite the hurting look on his face, he takes a shaky breath. He shuts his eyes tight, preparing himself for Firehearts face, determined not to crumble.

He opens his eyes once more. 

“You tried to warn Silverstream off.” it comes out less forceful than he wants it to. 

“What?” Fireheart scrunches his face in confusion. He only watches as Fireheart realizes what he's talking about.

“Why would you do that? I thought we were good.” Although Graystripe swore to himself he wouldn't cower at Firehearts face, but despite that, he feels his voice soften, his face twitch, and his heart ache.

He tries to ignore the hurt when Fireheart snorts, seeming unamused.

“Just… Stay out of it.”

“I have been staying out of it. I'm sorry, alright? I talked to her a while ago, before all of… this happened.”

“...When?”

“Huh? Oh… I'm not sure. Before we started this whole lie.” They make eye contact, and Fireheart smiles, a soft, horribly hurting smile, “I've given you my blessing, Graystripe.”

Without thinking, Graystripe grabs onto Firehearts paw, unwilling to let him go. “Are you okay?”

Firehearts eyes slightly widen and he sighs. “Bluestar lost a life.”

“What ? How’d she lose a life?” Graystripe tightens his grip inadvertently. 

“Greencough.” He takes a breath, “I need to tell Yellowfang.”

“I'll go with you.” Graystripe spits out immediately, stretching from his spot and getting up. 

Fireheart only nods in acknowledgement, making his way towards the medicine cat's den. 

Fireheart calls from the outside. “Yellowfang.”   

He’s immediately granted a stern hush. “Cinderpaw had a rough night, and she’s finally slept. She still hasn’t recovered from the shock.”

“...But she's going to live, right?” He asks quietly.

“I can't be for sure for a few days. She’s hurt inside, and one of her hind legs is badly broken.”

“But it’ll mend, won't it?” Fireheart pleads, getting more and more desperate by the second. All Graystripe can do is press onto his side for support.

Yellowfang gives him a look of sympathy. “Fireheart, whatever happens, Cinderpaw will never be a warrior now.”

Graystripe's heart drops for Fireheart. He presses closer as Fireheart starts to sway. His first apprentice, will never become a warrior. She had been so excited to learn. And now, she’ll never reach the warrior ceremony with her brother.

Fireheart speaks again, defeated. “Does Frostfur know?”

“Yes, she was here till dawn. She's back in the nursery now; there are other kids to tend to. I'll ask one of the elders to sit with Cinderpaw. She needs to be kept warm. 

“I can do that.” Fireheart replies immediately, moving away from Graystripe's touch to sit by Cinderpaw’s nest. She was heaving, with blood still smeared on her sides. Graystripe decides against touching Fireheart, in worry of meeting his hollow eyes. 

Instead, Yellowfang does it for him. She gently nudges him with her nose, “You need to get some sleep, Fireheart. Leave Cinderpaw to me.”

“Bluestar lost another life.” The words burst out of him, as if he couldn’t control it. He looks up at Yellowfang with a furrow in his eyes, and only then does Graystripe notice how tired his eyes look. “You know, don't you?” he murmurs.

Yellowfang's mourning eyes darken in awareness for only a second. She walks over to Graystripe and leans towards him in a whisper. “You can go get some rest, Graystripe. I'll make sure he gets to his nest soon enough.”

“Oh, alright.” Graystripe spares Fireheart one last glance. He’s watching Cinderpaw sleep. Graystripe pads away quickly, not willing to ache for Fireheart any second longer. 

He makes himself comfortable in his nest, but he just can't close his eyes. I can just stay awake until Fireheart gets here. He reasons with himself.

Fireheart comes back to the warriors den quicker than he thought. Looking at Firehearts face, he needs this sleep. 

He circles around his nest before laying down. Graystripe debates on reaching out to him.

“Fireheart?” Graystripe whispers into the night. A tired voice responds.

“Yeah?”

“...Sleep well.”

Chapter Text

Graystripe wakes up with a newly found determination. 

Looking at the nest next to him, he softens. 

Fireheart is curled up on himself, face peaceful, his soft breaths rocking his stature. For once, his sleep seems to be dreamless. 

He is abruptly interrupted when he gets a shove to his side. 

“Why are you just standing there? Move.” A tired voice speaks from behind him. It’s Longtail. He pushes through and takes a good look at Graystripe.

Then down at Fireheart.

Then back up at him.

His eyes wake up and stare straight at him.

“Oh.” 

And without another word, he walks out.

Great Starclan, he must still be sleep deprived. 

Overwhelmed with embarrassment, he quickly leaves the warriors den only to be greeted with deep, deep snow. Graystripe sinks down with a gasp. He wasn’t expecting the snow to have gotten so thick already.

Nevertheless, he powers through to the freshkill pile. His fur saves him some trouble anyway. Graystripe looks for the fattest rat in the pile. Well, as fat as leafbare prey can get. 

As much as Graystripe would love to gobble it down, he has stuff to do today. He notices a new cat as he makes his way to the medicine cat's den. Getting closer, he realizes who it is. 

It’s Frostfur, Cinderpaws mother. 

She’s holding Cinderpaw’s paw in both of hers gently, watching her sleep. 

Frostfur turns to the new company with mourning eyes.

Graystripe flinches. Both cats look bad. Cinderpaw with her being sickly, and the grief that’s taken a toll on Frostfur.

He gives a slight nod and turns away, looking for somewhere to put the prey down… and to get out of the tension of the den. 

Just in time, Yellowfang walks in. 

“You again?”

Graystripe decides to ignore that. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s pulling through. She’s sleeping right now, though, so there’s no need for the prey.”

“For you, then.” Graystripe smiles as charmingly as possible.

She scoffs in amusement.

Looking at Yellowfang, Graystripe can’t help the curiosity that's hitting him yet again. He still feels as though he’s not being told the full story of how Cinderpaw ended up like this. And… what do they know that he doesn’t? That night, when he was here with Fireheart, he looked up at her. And he muttered something.

“You know, don’t you?”

He had looked up at her with dark eyes, a furrowed face. He didn’t process it then, but he processed it now.

Just what did she know?

“How about you?”

Graystripe’s vision focuses again. “What?”

“Your cold. You seem to have gotten better with time.”

His eyes widened. It seemed like forever ago that he’d caught a cold. To be honest, he’d completely forgotten he had it. He brings his paw under his nose, feeling the crust from the runny nose he’d had. 

“I forgot I was even sick.” He laughs. 

He gets no type of warning before Yellowfang is at his face and checking for any more symptoms. 

“You’re fine.”

Graystripe tries to stare right through her eyes, hoping for anything to quench his confusion.

“I don’t want any more disturbances for Cinderpaw. Since you’re not sick anymore, get out.”

Yellowfang stares straight at him sternly. Does she know what he’s thinking about?

Before he lets himself ask any questions, he bids Yellowfang and Frostfur a whispered goodbye, and he walks back into the clearing. With that, he plows his way over the snow to a familiar set of fur at the end of the clearing.

“Hey,” Graystripe lays across from Fireheart, who seems to have just woken up. “I’ve just seen Cinderpaw.”

Fireheart looks up at him with wary eyes. “How is she?”

“Yellowfang says she’s pulling through.” Fireheart smiles softly and closes his eyes.

Without thinking, Graystripe reaches out to put his paws on Firehearts face.

It earns him a full body jerk and an offended ginger.

“Keep your cold paws to yourself!” He squeaks at him, making distance.

“What do you mean, I'm not even that cold?!” He tries to get closer, but Fireheart completely rolls away.

Graystripe bursts out in laughter. 

“Well obviously you're not cold with that fur..” Fireheart complains.

“There’s always space for you.” Graystripe winks. He might mean it. Just a bit.

 Fireheart mock throws up in disgust before laughing. But he’s blushing. Starclan, he’s blushing. “You’re disgusting.”

“Come on, don’t act like you’re not blushing!” 

“You’re seeing things, it's just from the cold.” 

Out of the corner of Graystripe’s eye, he notices two figures looking straight at them.

It's Willowpelt and Halftail.

Willowpelt.

His mother.

His mother… that just watched him flirt with Fireheart.

Fake flirt, obviously. But they didn't know that.

His face distorts to a mix of shock and embarrassment, which only intensifies when he sees her giggle and turn to whisper to Halftail.

He stands up quickly, an urge to run away surging through his body.

“Well, I have to go. I have an apprentice to mentor.” … “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.”

“Okay. Bye.” Graystripe all but hacks through the snow to get to the apprentices den.

Starclan, why?

***

“I know it's hard because of leafbare, but try to find as many birds to train as you can.”

Graystripe is met with silence.

“...Brackenpaw?” He looks down to find Brackenpaw staring at his paws.

Soon enough, Graystripe hears a whisper. “Graystripe? Is… Is my sister okay?”

Graystripe’s heart drops yet again.

In all of the chaos that’s been going on, Graystripe completely forgot about how Brackenpaw would feel. It’s his sister, the one bubbly apprentice that was mentored with her brother almost every lesson. The one cat that is always by his side. But now she’s not. 

Graystripe lays a paw on his shoulder and smiles. Brackenpaw looks up with big anxious eyes. “She’s pushing through, don’t worry.”

“...Really?”

“Yeah. Say, Cinderpaw’s asleep right now, but she’ll probably be awake when we get back. If you catch a bird for the first time, you can take it to her.”

“Okay.” Brackenpaw smiles softly. Graystripe ruffles his fur one more time before Brackenpaw sets off to hunt.

Graystripe smiles sadly. He must protect that kid. 

Getting shaken out of his frozen state, he smells something familiar pass by him in a flurry. He smells around quickly to catch it.

Is that… Fireheart? 

He sniffs around once more, about to follow the scent.

“Graystripe!” He turns his head back to the training hollow.

“Coming!”

Guess it was nothing.

Walking back into camp is more chaotic than he thought. 

The first thing he saw was Tigerclaw and Fireheart talking, and that’s never a good sign.

He makes eye contact with Whitestorm. Just what is going on?

“Brackenpaw, take your catch to the medicine cat's den.”

“Alright!” With that, the apprentice bounds off, and Graystripe is left. He takes a deep breath.

He notices the attention shift as soon as he walks up.

“Speaking of Graystripe,” Tigerclaw growls under his breath, “You. You’re confined to fallen oak.” 

Graystripe is immediately hit with shock. What? Fallen oak… the place that used to be Yellowfang's den when she was held prisoner? For what reason? 

“Why?” His bewilderment is evident in his voice. 

“Cats with whitecough are confined there until they are well again.” 

“But I don’t have whitecough?” 

Fireheart chimes in, “It's just a cold!”

Oh. Oh. 

“Hold on, I've already been cleared. This morning.”

Tigerclaw shoots him an incredulous look. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” Graystripe responds, getting agitated. “You can ask her.”

Tigerclaw scoffs. He turns to Fireheart.

“And keep away from Bluestar.” 

“But the greencough has left her,” Fireheart objects.

“I am aware of that, but her den still reeks of sickness. I can’t afford to have any of my warriors falling ill. Whitestorm tells me that Riverclan warriors have been scented even closer to the camp.”

Fireheart nods, “Can I go see Cinderpaw now?” With the look Tigerclaw gives him, he adds, “I doubt if Yellowfang has put her anywhere near the cats with greencough. I won’t get infected.”

Graystripe could tell he was getting annoyed. 

“Very well.” With that, Fireheart pads off. Graystripe follows after him, trying to process what just happened.

“What’s going on? Riverclan scented near camp? Cats with greencough?”

“Exactly that. Greencoughs spreading all around Thunderclan, 2 of Brindleface’s kits caught it. And all of this with Shadowclan, too..”

“Hold on, what ? What’s going on? When did any of this start?”

He gets no answer when they reach the medicine cat's den. It reeks of sickness, everywhere.

Graystripe takes no time to spot the kits Fireheart was talking about, coughing and noses running. 

Yellowfang speaks as soon as she catches Fireheart, “Thanks for the catnip; we’re going to need it. Patchpelt has caught greencough now, too.” 

“How’s Cinderpaw?” Yellowfang sighs immediately. That’s never a good sign. Graystripe clings to Fireheart just in case.

“She was awake earlier, but not for long. She has an infection in her leg. I’ve tried everything, but she must fight this one herself.”

Graystripe stands and watches. They both look exhausted. Yellowfang's head hangs low, Fireheart shudders, and Cinderpaw twitches in her nest.

When did it get like this?

“Do you think Spottedleaf would have been able to save these cats?”

It comes out of Yellowfang’s mouth unexpectedly, in a moment of struggle that he’d never seen on the grumpy medicine cat. He’s not sure he likes this change.

He watches Fireheart shiver at the mention of her name. The way his face twists, before settling. 

“I'm sure there's nothing Spottedleaf would have done differently.”

A kit starts to cry and Yellowfang springs back into action immediately. 

He pretends not to see Fireheart stroke her side gently as she passes. It’s a moment just between the two of them.

Just as he thought they were about to leave, a face he had seen here today before comes in. Frostfur. He feels Fireheart freeze up from beside him.

Confused, Graystripe turns to face him. His head hangs. 

Then, he feels Fireheart’s weight stop pressing into his side. He’s walking towards her. 

He lifts his head.

“Frostfur?”

She freezes and looks up at him. Her eyes are so despairing that Graystripe has to look away for a second.

“I… I'm sorry.” His voice starts to shake. 

“What for?”

“I should have been able to stop Cinderpaw from going to the Thunderpath.”

It's as if time stops, even for a split second, for both of them.

And then, a murmur comes out. “I don’t blame you, Fireheart.”

With nothing more, she lowers her head and makes her way to her daughter. 

Fireheart stays in his spot, frozen. His head lowers yet again.

He has many questions left unasked and answers left unsaid.

Despite that, Graystripe will wait for him.

So he sits behind and watches Firehearts stature, unmoving.

And he waits.

Chapter Text

The following days don’t get any easier. 

Throughout the days, Fireheart seems to be more and more conflicted. Graystripe has not found a time to be able to ask him about anything that was going on, especially not when he looks over and sees him fighting an internal battle with himself at every moment. Frankly, it’s starting to worry Graystripe. 

But today. Today collapsed farther than he ever thought it would. 

Sharing tongues with Runningwind, Graystripe see’s Fireheart come back from hunting out of the corner of his eye. He contemplates going up to him for only a second. Seems that Firehearts got popular, because there always seems to be something going on with him. As if Starclan wanted to prove his point, he watches Whitestorm bound over almost immediately. 

He pretends not to care, hoping Runningwind doesn’t notice his ears angling to hear something, anything. 

He doesn’t.

But from the looks of it, he’s getting anxious. His ears are twitching, and he’s turned his eyes away from the warrior. Graystripe clamps down the idea of going up there. 

It seems Runningwind takes notice of this, as he stops abruptly to look at him.

“Are you alright? You got stiff for a second there.”

Despite the genuinity in Runningwinds eyes. Graystripe takes note of and appreciates, he just can't tell him why.

Because it's embarrassing, of course.

Graystripe forces his eyes not to dart back at the scene before answering. “Yeah, I’m fine. Must be the cold finally getting to me.” he looks back to see if they’ve finished talking.

That’s where he slips up.

A realization sparks in his eyes before giving Graystripe a knowing smirk. “Oh really?” Drawing it out to make it that much more unbearable for the gray tom. 

Graystripe flushes before scrunching his face in sheepishness and turning his head, which just so happens to be where Fireheart is. A hearty laugh comes from his side.

His face relaxes when he sees Whitestorm walk off to Starclan knows where. Expecting Fireheart to look for him, he quickly grows a smile.

It immediately drops when he doesn’t spare so much of a glance at him, and walks straight over to Dustpaw and Sandpaw.

His jaw drops and his face scrunches once more. The mere audacity of this ginger is astounding. 

Sandpaw and Dustpaw.

Over him.

He rolls his eyes. Oh, okay then. 

Once he actually focuses on what’s going on, he notices a look of surprise on both Fireheart and Dustpaws face. He zeros in on them in concentration, ignoring the tom dying of laughter right next to him, practically punching his side while flailing around. 

Then, Fireheart looks straight up at them. They must’ve looked insane from the utter perplexed face that he shoots them.

Graystripe cuffs Runningwinds ear. “Straighten up, he’s coming!” He shout-whispers. 

“The boyfriends on his way!” he says in fake horror, straightening up immediately. 

Graystripe shoots him a fake glare. He hopes he doesn’t see the way his breath staggered for a second. 

“Hey guys.” Fireheart smiles. He looks at him expectantly. 

“Hey, Fireheart!” Runningwind smiles back. He’s quite obviously still amused. 

Fireheart looks at him, “You won’t believe it.”

With that, Graystripe’s curiosity peaked. “What?”

“Sandpaw was actually being nice to me. Well, she wasn’t being hostile like she was before. I have to go on dawn patrol with her alone and I was kind of nervous to tell her, but it went well!”

Graystripe feels his stomach drop.

He looks over to Runningwind, who’s messing up Fireheart’s fur, genuinely happy for him. He wanted to share the feeling with them, but he couldn’t.

Still, when Fireheart looked up to him expectantly, he smiled and ruffled his fur too. “Good for you.”

He smiles back. “Thanks.”

In all truth, he does not like this new amendment, not at all. Suddenly Sandpaw has no problem with Fireheart after everything in their apprentice moons? And they’re going on a patrol together, alone? He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t feel something uneasy when he heard it. But he’d be the biggest liar in the forest if he said he’s scared of how this’ll grow.

What if they grow to be better friends than him and Graystripe? What if… they become more? 

The mere thought of it caused him to freeze up. He had never thought that Fireheart would find somebody. Not in a bad way, but he's just never thought of Fireheart being with a cat more than him. Just thinking about Fireheart smiling and cuddling with a molly left him unnerved. 

When he finally catches sense of his surroundings, he’s realized that Runningwind and Fireheart have both gone back to their nests.

Ah, the skies have gone a bit darker. 

He walks back to his nest, whispering a quiet goodnight to fireheart when he squinted at the new presence in the warriors den.

He tries not to let it get to him that Fireheart will be awake soon, alone with Sandpaw. 

Graystripe’s morning is uneventful, yet not any less stressful. He spends the entire time awake thinking about Fireheart and Sandpaw in the forest teasing each other and getting close. The very same forest that he’s in right now. He could bump into them at any moment right now.

The clarity hits him as he realizes what he’s meant to be doing. 

Which is training Brackenpaw. 

Brackenpaw had darted off his own way, leaving Graystripe in his lonesome to sulk. What if they come his way and don’t even spare a singular glance. He shudders. He doesn’t know if it's the image or the cold. 

Leafbare is slowly waning, with more freshkill for the clans. And Brackenpaws growth contributed as well. Soon, he won’t be able to blame the cold for the shivers he gets when it comes to his fiery-furred best friend.

Hold on.

Where is Brackenpaw? 

They were supposed to be practicing battle moves, how had he not blinked an eye when his apprentice just disappeared?

Looking around frantically, he doesn't hear the fast paws coming up behind him. Before he knows it, he’s being toppled down.

Graystripe blinks before looking at the victorious face of the apprentice smiling up at him. How in great Starclan did he knock over Graystripe like that?

“Augh, I've been badly wounded. Your mighty claws have killed me. My last secret weapon… must come to play.” He smirks up at the now confused apprentice, tickling at his belly that he fully exposed. Rule number one, always keep your belly protected. Brackenpaw squeals at the touch, falling off balance. To add fuel to the fire, he ruffles the apprentice's hair, laughing at the way his winning smirk turns to a gawk. 

Graystripe gets up and stretches with a sigh. “I think that’s enough for today. Let’s go back to camp, yeah?”

“Alright!” Brackenpaw smiles brightly. Damn this kid for tugging at his heartstrings. 

The walk back is filled with a peaceful silence, mostly because both of them are tired out from the training.

The peace in the air tenses around Graystripe as he smells two familiar scents. 

Not even a moment later, Fireheart and Sandpaw racing together back to camp. He stiffens at the sight.

Sandpaw is obviously full of energy, leaping back towards the clan, while Fireheart jogs after her.

He can’t see much as they leave his sight as soon as they enter it, but it leaves him shocked nonetheless. How could they just be fine after all of their history, with nothing weighing in the air?

Graystripe sours. 

Without realizing, he picks up his pace. When he realizes, he silently thanks Brackenpaw for not pointing it out. 

He doesn’t realize just how much he’d picked up the pace until he was right behind them as they were about to enter camp. 

Fireheart turns around for a brief second and they make eye contact. Tch. Surprise. 

A sound comes from the Highrock as they step in. 

“Fireheart, Sandpaw, how was your patrol?” It was Bluestar.

Graystripe blinks. Partially because this is the first time he’s actually seen Bluestar well after her losing a life, but also because of the question. Was there a need to ask? Was something going on? 

Sandpaw responds with “The river is frozen! We could easily cross over it right now!”

Claws spear straight through him. Graystripe almost stumbles back. Cross over the river? Why? There was just no need! There’s just no way that they’ll go through with that. They won't… they won't get anywhere near Silverstream.

He looks across to Fireheart, hoping for some sort of explanation. The only thing he sees is Fireheart leaning into Sandpaw, whispering. 

He feels sick to his stomach. 

He feels a spike as he realizes that this is gonna happen . He watches as Bluestar talks to her senior warriors. They can’t seriously contemplate it. He looks at their faces. Faces of agreeance.

He regrets it. 

“This has been such a great day!”

Sandpaws voice vibrates through his head. The sickly feeling twists and churns in his stomach as he watches Fireheart nod from the corner of his eye. He turns to him as he does it.

He turns away just as quickly. 

Is this a sick joke? Is he mocking him? 

He knows. He knows.

Bluestar calls from the Highrock, and he knows. 

He thinks he might just double over. 

“Sandpaw and Fireheart have brought good news. The river is frozen over.” Bluestar announces to the clan that came out to the clearing at their leader's call. “We will take this opportunity to make a raid on Riverclans hunting grounds,

To send the message that they must stop stealing our prey.”

It knocks the breath out of Graystripe's lungs. 

“Our warriors will track down one of their patrols, and give them a warning they’ll remember!”

Yowls and yells fill the clearing from the newly found power from their leader.

Graystripe dissolves in his place. 

Graystripe frowns in worry. He knows SIlverstream can see it. 

He pulls away from her embrace, to get a good look at her. She’s skinnier than the last time they met up, he can faintly see the outlines of her bones. Her fur is patchy, and she’s shivering. She never shivers that hard from the water. 

He knows she knows. 

She turns away from him, fidgeting uncomfortably against his observant gaze.

He softens. “Silverstream, look at me. Please.”

She flexes her claws into the dirt. How could she deny him? But she never wanted this; never wanted to make him worry.

She looks at him. His eyes are as soft as ever. He cups her face with his paws. She leans into the warmth.

“Silverstream, are you okay? Have you been eating?”

“Im fine, prey has been scarce lately is all.”

He frowns at her. He knows she’s lying.

“Silverstream.” He says firmly. “Please just tell me. You’re worrying me.”

She sighs. There’s no use in lying.

“The fish has made us sickly. They’ve been poisoned by Twolegs. Riverclan’s struggling.”

Graystripe's eyes widened. “Silver…”

“It's fine, Graystripe. Really.”

Graystripe doesn’t like that. “No, it’s not.” He pulls Silverstream into yet another embrace. He whispers. “Anything I can do for you… I'll do it. Just say the word.”

Silverstream sighs and melts into the embrace. “...Okay.”

“...Then we shall leave at sunset!” Yells of ecstatic cats fill his ears once more.

He can’t let them go through with this. If Silverstream was caught in the crossfire at her lowest… 

He feels himself spiral further into panic in his head. He breathes heavily in the crowd of cats, trying to compose himself. His tail twitches in nervousness. Breathe in, Graystripe. 

As soon as the commotion dies down, he looks up at the Highrock and calls out. “It feels warmer today. A thaw would make the ice too dangerous to cross.”

Everyone turns his head to face him. He feels his breath catch at all the sudden curious eyes. There’s no way he’ll convince them. He needs to. He needs to. He cant let them see him slip. He tries to focus as best he can, but he crumbles as Tigerclaws eyes glare holes into him.

“You’re not usually reluctant to fight.” He meows suspiciously.

Another voice pipes up. His damned brother. “Yeah. Graystripe, you’re not scared of those fleabags, are you?” He mocks.

“Looks like he’s scared!” A loud whisper comes. He doesn’t bother to check. He keeps his eyes down, trying his hardest. They’re getting suspicious. 

They’re getting suspicious.

“Yes, of getting his paws wet!” Firehearts voice calls out in the midst of the eyes. “Graystripe’s fallen through the ice once, I don’t think he wants to do it again.”

…What?

Graystripe's ears flatten as the eyes tear away from him with laughter. Graystripe shakes. 

Is this all but a joke to him? Is he a joke to him? His stomach churns once more as he grinds his teeth. 

“I must discuss the raid with my senior warriors.” They’ll vouch for him. They have to vouch for him. Somebody, anybody. Whitestorm. Willowpelt. Please .

He grows angered. He’s been made as a joke. He looks at Fireheart. He doesn’t recognize him in the rage that fills his eyes. He couldn’t believe it. After everything, it takes almost nothing for him to discard it all. Was he just disposable this whole time? So easily replaceable?

Is this what it felt like? 

“I suppose you want me to thank you for embarrassing me!” He hisses angrily to the ginger tom. His anger overpowers the vile poison he wanted to throw up when he’d realized they’ve switched places.

Stop looking at me. His breath hitches. The clan is starting to suffocate him.

“No, but you could at least be grateful I'm still covering up for you!” He snarls back, angrily leaving to the edge of the clearing. 

He needs a wall to support him before he collapses. 

He wants to snap Bluestar out of it he wants to be told the raid is off he wants Silverstream to be okay he wants to feel okay he wants to dissolve under the clans eyes, 

He wants to mourn his best friend.

He wants his best friend to hug him.

He wants his best friend to get away.

He wants to be told it’s going to be okay.

He wants to breathe.

Breathe.

Before he knows it, he’s closer and closer to the nursery. If he can just slip away for a second, maybe he could warn Silverstream.

He needs to try.

He feels eyes on him. He see’s Fireheart staring back at him. He sees Sandpaw right next to him.

He reads him immediately.

It's evident when he bursts into action, immediately pads over to him. Before anything could be said, Bluestar is back on the Highrock.

“Willowpelt agrees with Graystripe, a thaw is on the way.” Graystripe wants to buckle and sob in relief. He gives Fireheart a defiant look, chin raised. 

But Bluestar doesn’t end there. 

“So we will attack at once!” His face drops immediately, horrified. He sees Fireheart sees it. 

“Tigerclaw will lead the raiding party. Darkstripe, Willowpelt, and Longtail will go. We need one more warrior to join them.” 

“Can I go?” Fireheart bursts out.

Bluestar was obviously pleased with her former apprentice. He’s going to throw up. 

“Yes, you may. There’s no time to lose, go now!”

He watches them speed out of the camp with terror. 

He leans onto the nursery for some type of support. 

He’s failed.

Chapter Text

Fireheart rushes out of the camp, catching up with the raiding party that has already run out to try and beat the thawing river. 

As he runs, he tries not to remember the obvious distress Graystripe had been going through. The almost hysterical look on his face as his eyes shake. 

He couldn’t let him bear the burden of having to fight against his lover’s clan, even if he was not the fondest of Silverstream. 

Even still, as he catches up to the rest of the group, he cannot swallow the inkling of dread that takes over his entire body, drip by drip. As they get closer to the river, Fireheart prays that it’s thawed already. 

Their racing paws thud against the snow, each cat in front of him determined, with no clue of the thoughts brewing behind them. 

As they near the river, they hear something.

Running water. 

They quicken their pace as if their ears are playing tricks on them. 

But they weren’t.

As the party takes a stop at the sight of the running water, Fireheart cannot help the immediate relief that washes over him. He quickly tries to school his face before his disappointed clanmates notice anything.

To say that Graystripe was panicking would be an understatement.

He sits hiding behind the nursery, slashing the snow under him with his claws. Nervously looking out once in a while to everyone else, as if he’s a danger to everyone else.

The raiding party still isn't back yet, which just proves to Graystripe that Starclan is not listening to his pleas. They’re probably fighting right now. Silverstream and Fireheart… they’re both out there right now. They could even be fighting each other. And he can't do anything about it.

Everything about it just makes him sick, but he just sits there with a blank face, in a puddle of his humiliation. 

But it's not even the laughter pointed toward him.

It’s Fireheart.

The fact that he felt the need to do that, oh, it gets him seething. 

Did he not trust him that much? He could fight Riverclan if he wanted to. Was it that he just had no faith in him? Had he no confidence that he would fight for his clan, the clan that raised him his entire life? The whole reconciliation, what was it for if he still wasn’t genuinely trusted by Fireheart?

The cat that he considered his best friend, the cat he would defend and die for, did not trust that he would not succumb to his feelings in battle. It just feels worse every time he rewords it in his head.

The emotions merge and bubble up the longer he’s left alone with his thoughts, and he could not get his mind on anything else. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting there, staring at nothing as he feels himself getting hotter despite the weather, but it felt like an eternity. In reality, the raiding party comes back just as quickly as they left. 

As they walk in, Graystripe immediately jumps up at the sight of Fireheart already walking to the nursery. “Fireheart!”

The sight of him brings him back to the clearing, the thought that Fireheart couldn't trust Graystripe enough to fight for his clan, to the point that he humiliates him in front of everybody.

It brings the anger back in him, and before he can rethink, his eyes glaze over and all he sees is red.

He was born to fight. He was raised to fight, and he was taught to fight. 

He takes one more forceful jab at the snow, something to take even a bit of anger vibrating through him before he jumps.

It sends the both of them tumbling to the ground before he can even look over. He acknowledges nothing but the rage that's been boiling, burning his paws, making them itch for a fight.

“You didn't trust me! You thought I would betray Thunderclan!” Now that he’s said it out loud, it just feels that much more real to him. And great Starclan, does it get him riled up.

“What–” Fireheart struggled, trying to push Graystripe off, “Are you talking about?”

Graystripe persisted, unsheathing his claws, “I thought we were friends again! You never believed in me!” 

He takes a strike, but this time Fireheart dodges, no longer in his state of bewilderment. 

“I was just trying,” Firehearts voice shakes with gritted teeth, as he sinks his claws into Graystripe's pelt, “To protect you!” 

Graystripe growls as the claws fuel more adrenaline. He flips both of them aggressively, sending them rolling out from the safety of the nursery.

Every cat in the clearing jumps out of the way of the tumbling warriors. The stares, confusion, and judgment, all weighing on the two cats that were said to be in a ‘loving relationship’. Questions and rumors soon to be brewing from such a brawl.

“I just didn’t want you to have to make a choice!” Fireheart spat in the heat of the moment, both uncaring of the holes burning into their backs. 

“I make my own choices.” Graystripe snarls before biting his foreleg. Fireheart rakes above his eye in rage. Graystripe stops, he feels a pang of regret, a weird sensation that floods through him as he stops to look down at Fireheart. He doesn’t want to hurt him. His veil of anger slips off for a second. But he’s too far in now. He must prove himself. He can stand up for himself. He lunges, mouth open as if he was going to battle cry, and sinks his teeth into Fireheart’s hind legs.

What felt like a battle to the death, a matter of betrayal and dishonesty, their first-ever fight, was but a mere speckle of the day. A brawl between clanmates that everyone else will forget about come a week or two. 

And suddenly, a call yowls out and cuts through the rage between them, “Stop this at once!” Bluestar sits tall, a stern look in her eye and a snarl on her face. 

They both freeze. Graystripe feels a grip slowly release as Fireheart shuffles away sideways, awkwardly, and with a grimace on his face. The veil of anger completely drops. Graystripe's face is no longer scrunched in anger, but poorly hidden concern. He doesn’t have the right to feel concerned. He did this. He hurt him. Because he was angry. Because Fireheart humiliated him. 

In the corner, Tigerclaw smiles wide, eyes glinting and teeth on display.

“Fireheart, in my den now! Graystripe, go to your nest and stay there!” And with the fiery gaze of Bluestars, everyone else shrinks into their own corners, as if nothing had happened at all. 

Graystripe slinks off to the warrior’s den, shoulders hunched and unapproachable. 

He curls himself into a tight ball, squeezing his eyes shut and pretending no one else is there. It’s just him. His thoughts and him. He doesn’t want to think about it, he doesn’t want to think about anything at all. 

Yet he can’t just stop. He can’t stop thinking about being the butt of the joke, of the fight, of the way he felt when he looked down at Fireheart, the strong urge to hug him and protect him. Protect him from what? It was him that attacked. 

He grinds his teeth. How did the fight even go? The patrol had come back so quickly, and none with injuries. Was it possible that nothing had happened at all? That all of this happened… for nothing? 

Why was it that he let his emotions take over him so quickly? Why couldn’t he just think before destroying everything and sending it into ashes? Why was he like this? 

He keeps thinking and thinking, but what Fireheart did couldn’t sit right with him. He just wants to be trusted. He might not be deserving of it, but he had thought Fireheart, the cat he’d stuck to since his apprentice days, the kittypet Bluestar had asked him to keep an eye on, his best friend, would trust him. 

It seems not even the ones closest to him think he deserves it. 

Not a single thought settles with him that night, so he focuses on blocking it out. He curls tighter.

He pretends not to hear the soft paws maneuvering through the rest of the sleeping cats. And he pretends not to feel the fleeting touch of a tail as Fireheart settles next to him. 

This is going to be a long night.

Graystripe is called to Bluestar's den the following morning. 

“I pulled you out of the hunting party for this, you know.” She says, her back facing him, a humorless statement that he doesn’t speak on.

“I expected more from the both of you,” She scolds. He keeps his head down and shuffles his paws. “No fight should go this far, especially not for couples.” 

Couples. Right. This just makes the incident all the worse as it wasn’t just friends fighting, they were lovers. Lovers don't attack each other. If anything, he should be grateful this did not blow their cover.

“I'm sorry.” is all he can mumble. How is it possible that he feels worse than he did yesterday?

Bluestar lets out a sigh, “Are you hurt?”

“No.”

Blue paws inch towards him, and he finally looks up to see Bluestar, a conflicted look in her eyes. Is it pity? Concern?

“I won’t ask what it was about, Fireheart already told me it's personal,” She said, in a softer voice than before, “I know emotions are high in the camp right now, but I can’t say I ever expected this between the two of you.”

The shame heats Graystripe's face. Nobody expected it. Not even Fireheart. 

Bluestar keeps going, “The clan is going through a difficult time right now, what with the failed attack on Riverclan, but I won’t tolerate bad blood. I expect the two of you to sort it out.”

Graystripe's eyes widened, “Failed? What do you mean failed?”

She spares a perplexed glance. “What do you mean? The river thawed before they got there, so they had to retreat.”

Utter shock overtakes the rest of his emotions. That’s why they had come back with no scratches. The entire time that he was panicking, thinking that his best friend and his lover were battling it out when there was never a fight. He feels his paws twitching, the urge to curl in on himself, the emotions pouring out of his fur.

A paw settles on his.

“Graystripe, look at me.”

He gulps and looks back to see a determined Bluestar. 

“Remember when the two of you first got together, you told me you wouldn’t break his heart. I know you love each other, I can see it in your eyes even if you won’t admit it. But it hurts to see both of you in pain like this. Talk to each other, please. Be true to yourself now, Graystripe, for I have to protect Fireheart,” Bluestar sighs, before her gaze settles on him, “Do you love him?”

…

Do I love him?

Bluestar does not wait for an answer as commotion strikes the outside of the den. She brushes past Graystripe as she heads to the clearing, him following behind.

Leaving the den, the hunting parties have returned. But they’re staring at something. They’re all staring at something. The clan has made a circle around the supposed ruckus, hurling insults as all the cat's faces are morphed in shock or disgust.

Bluestar pushes past to the very front, cats graciously getting out of her way. Graystripe sticks farther behind, straining his neck to see what's in the circle.

And with that, he sees it.

Her demanding voice cuts through the air, “Fireheart, what is this?”

Fireheart, sitting in the middle of the clearing, with a kit dangling from his mouth.

Chapter Text

Graystripe stays glued to the ground, shocked. A kit? His kit?

It seemed that everyone else shared the same sentiment, staring at the nervous tom in the middle. A perfect way to prey on the kittypet… a chance that Tigerclaw has already taken as he bares his teeth, circling Fireheart before walking to Bluestars side.

“What is this?” Bluestar demands.

Fireheart just barely shakes before he straightens up and responds, obviously feeling the stares, “He’s my sister's firstborn.”

The clan tenses again. Yet somehow, Graystripe relaxes. Graystripe can already tell the thoughts going through their head.

“Your sister!” Tigerclaw glares, making sure the rest of the clan understands. Graystripe grits his teeth, stretching his neck to get all the heads out of his sight. 

Longtail butts in, following behind Tigerclaw, “Your sisters a kittypet too? I can smell that disgusting stench!”

“A kittypet brings in another kittypet!” Darkstripe sneers. Tigerclaw and his goons seem to be steering this conversation and no one else is questioning it. Muffled gasps and murmuring makes its way around, the queens looking concerned while the warriors are furious. Tigerclaw has them right where they want him, and it makes his blood boil. Has he always been like this? 

“Enough!” Bluestar orders silence to the entire circle. They stop talking, but their stares continue to laser holes into Fireheart. 

Fireheart. 

He needs to get to Fireheart. He tries to push through yet again but all that does is send annoyed glares his way. 

“Fireheart, is this true?”

“Yes Bluestar, she gave me the kit to bring to the clan,” Fireheart replies, standing taller despite the hostility in the air.

Bluestar takes another step. “Why would she do that? What have you been telling her?”

“I've been talking to her about Clan life…” Bluestars' gaze grows more and more dubious.

“...How long have you been talking to her, Fireheart?” 

“Since leaf-bare began. But I swear, it's only because she's my sister. My blood. My loyalty still lies in Thunderclan.”

An uproar starts. 

“Loyalty, but you bring another kittypet?!” His rotten, rotten brother shouts.

“Having one kittypet in the clan is enough!” a croak from an elder comes.

Graystripe looks through the crowd, tries to find at least one friendly face. As friendly as it could be in this situation. And there, he finds it.

“Trust a kittypet to bring along another!” Dustpaw, nudging Sandpaw. Sandpaw, the only empathetic face. She gazes at the young warrior in the middle before looking down. There's nothing she can do. 

A step hushes the voices once more. Tigerclaw. “Why have you brought that thing here?”

An important question. A discussion that shouldn't be had in front of everybody. Heat rushing through the air as everyone points their ears.

“The clan needs more warriors…” A bad response. Graystripe knows it. Fireheart knows it, as the rest of his confidence dies on his lips. Keeping his head down as the yowls grow once more.

Insults are thrown, and there's nothing to stop it. As they die down, cats pipe up to provide logic.

“The clan has enough to worry about already without this,” Runningwind stresses.

“It'll be nothing but a burden,” Mousefur agrees, Graystripe hates the way it enrages him. It? “And it's only a kit, it'll be at least five moons before it can be an apprentice.”

“You shouldn't have brought this kittypet here, Fireheart,” Whitestorm agrees, stepping up. His own father. But he keeps going, “It’ll be too soft for Clan life.” 

It's the wrong thing to say. He knows it with the way Firehearts fur bristles, looking up with anger. “Too soft for Clan life? I was born a kittypet, do you think I'm soft too?”

Graystripe pushes through the last cat in the crowd. “If the kit has Firehearts blood, I'm sure they’ll grow to be a strong warrior.”

He knows this one sentence alone is not enough to mend the bridge between them, but he doesn't care about that. He just wants to protect his friend, no matter how they feel about each other now. The way they ganged up on him, it made him angry. Why did it make him so angry?

The crowd turns to jump on him next. He stares at them back, steady and calm.

“Funny to hear you sticking up for your friend, you were just trying to shred him last night!” Longtail laughs. He glares hard. It's true, but he can't help but feel pissed anyway. 

Of course, Darkstripe, brother of all brothers, has to lay in on him too, “Yeah, Graystripe. How do you know Fireheart has blood worthy of a warrior? Did you taste it last night while biting a chunk out of his leg?”

He snarls, ready to retaliate when Bluestar steps up, brows furrowed in worry.

“I know you meant no disloyalty in speaking to your sister, Fireheart, but why would you bring her kit here? You cannot make decisions like these on your own. What you have just done affects the whole Clan.”

Fireheart looks around, nobody meets his eyes. Nobody will speak up in his favor, except one. Once Graystripe's locks eyes with his hopeful eyes, he knows he can't just back down now. It's the least he could do.

“Yes, it might've been a bad decision, but can you blame him? If your own sister asked you to take her firstborn, take him into a new life, would you really have denied her that?” He challenges. Eyes swerve towards him, disbelieving. 

Tigerclaw eyes shoot towards him. He stalks up to him, gazing down on him. “Any reasonable cat would have denied. You know why? Because it's leafbare, Graystripe. We’re already struggling to take care of ourselves, why should we take care of another kittyper mouth? It needs to be gotten rid of, at once.”

“Well that's because you have no hea-” Graystripe starts, eyes narrowing.

Tigerclaw helps regain confidence in the others, as they pitch in their opinions, cutting off Graystripe. 

“It looks too small to survive newleaf…” Goldenflower suggests. 

Mousefur adds, “It'll have greencough by sunrise!”

“Or it'll eat our fresh-kill until the next snowfall then die of cold!” Runningwind spits.

“Do none of you have compassion? By this logic, queens should never have kits again!” Graystripe feels himself grow more and more defensive, as if being backed into a corner.

“Enough!” Bluestar shouts. She dips her head, “I must think about this.” She backs away into her den, leaving the rest of the crowd to disperse, muttering to each other.

Fireheart quickly picks up the shivering kit and drags it into the warriors den. He takes a deep breath before pushing himself into the den, following after him. He stays in place for a second, watching Fireheart curling his body to protect the small kit, closing his eyes. He quietly sits beside his nest, but Fireheart feels his presence immediately. They lock eyes once more, before both turn to the crying kit.

“Thanks for sticking up for me,” Fireheart mumbles after a moment of listening to the kit mewl. 

The eye Fireheart raked at that night throbs. “Sorry,” He mumbles back, “I get it now. I let my anger take over me.”

“You've been doing that a lot lately,” Fireheart stares.

His response dies on his lips when the kit lets out another loud cry, louder than the rain that starts pouring outside. He sees his mother glance towards them, before turning away. 

“Shut that thing up!” Darkstripe complains, burying himself deeper in his nest. 

Fireheart desperately licks at the kit, trying to get it to calm down. 

Another rustle comes from the entrance of the den. Frostfur. Neither tom pays attention to her until she pads towards Firehearts nest, lowering to sniff at the kit before standing straight again. “He’d be better off in the nursery,” she comments.

Firehearts surprise is evident in his face as he glances up at her. 

Her eyes soften, “I haven't forgotten that you rescued my kits from Shadowclan.”

He bites back a laugh, because of course Fireheart did that. The saint he is. 

He watches as Fireheart follows behind Frostfur with the hungry kit in his jaw. He just hopes they don't get sick from the heavy rainfall outside. 

He curls in on himself, waiting in his nest. Just until he sees Fireheart get back. Just until then. He feels that feeling. That feeling you get when you know there's a gaze on you. He doesn't bother to look. 

An eternity passes, yet it's only evening. The cats of the evening patrol leave the den. It makes Graystripe nervous. Reawakens him. He thinks of getting up when he hears it.

“Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather below the Highrock.” 

All the warriors seeking shelter from the rain walk out, soaking themselves immediately. He pushes past everyone else, sitting right behind Fireheart, as if to be at his aid in case anything happens.

Bluestar stands high at the top of the Highrock, Tigerclaws grim face beside her.

“Cats of Thunderclan, no cat can deny that we need warriors,” Bluestar starts, “One has been lost to greencough, and an apprentice gravely injured, never to be a warrior. As Graystripe pointed out…”

A loud whisper comes from behind him somewhere. “Graystripes turning more and more into a kittypet these days!” Dustpaws voice seems louder than it is. Before he can react, Fireheart sharply turns to the voice, eyes narrowed. A loud ‘Shhh! ’ comes from an elder, turning back to Bluestar.

Bluestars gaze hardens before repeating, “As Graystripe pointed out, this kit has Firehearts blood. I have no doubt this kit will be a great warrior.”

Heads turn to face Fireheart, muttering to themselves in disbelief. Not even he believed it. In a way, it felt like justice. 

“This kit will stay in Thunderclan,” Her voice declares. Silence envelops the clan.

“Brindleface has kindly decided to nurse this kit, so Fireheart will take on the duty of caring for her,” He can only watch as Bluestar stares down at Fireheart, a message only known between them. She continues, “Lastly, this kit must be named. From now on, this kit will be known as Cloudkit.”

A voice pipes up, “Will there be a naming ceremony?”

Everyone sees as Bluestars' eyes turn cold. 

“No.”

The next few moons have been slowly passing by. It's a rinse and repeat, dragging each dawn. Patrols, training Brackenpaw (who is very behind, much to his guilt), whispers of drama, and keeping up the act.

It feels as if the last gathering was ages ago. The last gathering didn't happen, due to rain clouds covering the moon. A warning of some sort. 

But finally. Tonight. 

And with the Gathering slowly inching closer, he realizes he is very behind on what's going on in Thunderclan.

“I smelt that damn Shadowclan scent by the Owl Tree!” A whisper comes from behind him. He pricks his ear, pretending to choose which fresh-kill he wants.

“Again?! Those foxhearts are getting brave. How come we're not doing anything about this?” the companion comments. 

Again?

The first cat replies, “What are we supposed to do? Hideout and wait for them to show their face? We need to play nice and wait for the gathering.”

“First bit seems fine to me!” the second voice laughs.

He walks off, forgetting what he had gone there for. Again? There’s been Shadowclan scents by the Owl Tree? Multiple times? Why is it that he has no clue what's going on?

He walks by another pair, hearing only one sentence, “Every patrol has been saying that there is a scent of Riverclan warriors by Sunningrocks.”

He keeps walking, pretending to be unfazed. But he’s seriously confused. How could it be that not being at camp a few times could throw him off Thunderclan's collective wavelength by this degree?

Shaking the thought from his head, he is determined to be the ultimate Thunderclan warrior. They’ve had eyes on him– Tigerclaw and his goons– ever since that rainy morning. His lie is starting to crack under the heat, and he cannot allow that.

Which is why, these past few moons, he’s been the perfect warrior.

Loyal to his clan.

Charming to the other clans.

Respectful to his elders.

A role model to the apprentices.

Good with the kits.

A lover not afraid to admit faults.

So that's what he’s been. 

He’s with Fireheart all the time. 

He visits Cloudkit with him. Fireheart takes care of Brindleface, never complaining. His gratitude is evident in every visit to the nursery. Brindleface relaxes more and more with him. Cloudkit gets bigger and bigger everyday, just as Firehearts smile does everytime he sees his nephew. Cloudkit has quickly become Firehearts world, and it makes Graystripe happy to see. The insults haven’t died down, which has worried him. Graystripe reassures him every time it'll get better, that Cloudkit won’t remember.

He hangs out with Cinderpaw with him. She’ll never be a warrior, but that news has not been broken to her yet. She gets cheekier everyday, no doubt a symptom of hanging around Yellowfang too long. Fireheart looks at the both of them with affection. One sleepy night, he tells them that they were his favorite cats in the clan. He never specified who was first, which has left him in silent competition with a rotting medicine cat and a crippled baby. He’s certain he's on top.

To some, Graystripe had an awakening of some sort, a regain of his passion, a newfound love for his Clan. And to others, well… let's just say they didn't have much trust.

Knowing that Fireheart spends a lot of time in the medicine cat's den, he pushes his way through.

Surely enough, there he is, poking at his former apprentice's stomach with a laugh, as she scrambles to get away. She's saying something, but he can’t focus.

He hasn't heard Fireheart laugh in that way for a while. That soft laugh that always makes the cats around him smile from the utter charm. Even as apprentices, the rest of them would joke at Firepaws dreamy laugh. 

Even then, as young as he was, it enchanted him too. He could never help but smile when he laughed, how his eyes crinkled and the way he curled into himself just slightly. It made him laugh too, as if it tickled him. It made him warm. 

Now, with how long he hasn't heard that laugh, it spreads through his body rapidly, heating his face.

“Graystripe?” Fireheart and Cinderpaw are staring at him now, Starclan, this is so embarrassing.

“Oh- Hey,” Graystripe chuckles, intertwining his tail with Firehearts, “What are you guys up to?”

Cinderpaw looks at the two of them mischievously, earning a confused look from Graystripe.

“I was just leaving,” Fireheart says, “To ask Bluestar if I'm going to the Gathering.”

“I'll come with you,” Graystripe replies almost immediately.

“Alright,” they turn in sync to leave the den before Fireheart takes one final look behind him, “Bye Cinderpaw.”

“Bye!” she squeaks as they make their way out. Still in hearing range, Cinderpaw lets out a high-pitched ‘oooo’ behind their backs. 

Graystripe's jaw drops but continues walking, turning to look at Fireheart. What was that disrespect he heard just now?!

Fireheart only laughs, “Her tongue just keeps getting smarter,” he comments as they continue on in search of Bluestar.

They see her, just across the clearing, talking with his mother. They haven’t really talked since that night. He knows that she’s on their side, but he couldn't help but feel hurt that she never spoke up. 

She leaves just as they walk up, nodding at them before walking away. He keeps his gaze on Bluestar. 

They don't have to say anything before Bluestar speaks up, “You guys want to go to the Gathering,” Graystripe looks at her sheepishly, but she continues, “Everyone wants to go tonight, I can't take every cat.”

Fireheart’s obviously disappointed, with the way his brows furrow just slightly. “I want to see Windclan again. To see how they’re doing after Graystripe and I brought them back,” he explains.

Something flashes in Bluestars eyes before disappearing again. “I don’t need to be reminded of what you’ve done,” he sees Fireheart flinch just a little. Graystripe lays his tail on his back. “But you’re right to be concerned. You both may come to the Gathering tonight.”

“Thank you,” Fireheart sighs. Bluestar looks off to the entrance.

“Riverclan and Shadowclan have a lot to explain… This shall be interesting.”

Graystripe stares blankly, guessing it's about the rumors he’s heard. If he’s being honest, he still doesn’t understand what's just gossip and what actually happened. Well, he’ll find out tonight.

They thank her again, before heading to the freshkill pile.

Fireheart orders him to take a vole, to give to Brindleface before eating themselves. When they push into the nursery, Cloudkit is being fed. The other kits have grown old enough to eat freshkill, soon enough it’ll be his turn. Brindleface looks up at them with concern.

“I've just sent for Yellowfang.”

“Is everything okay?” Firehearts response immediately comes, alarmed.

“He’s a little feverish,” she sighs, “I just… I don't want to take any chances.”

Graystripe flinches, remembering that she had lost one of her kits recently.

“We’ll visit after the gathering,” Fireheart promises, “I’m sure he’ll be okay.”

Brindleface gives them a soft smile, unsure. 

As soon as they walk out of the nursery, Fireheart turns to him. “Are you hungry? My appetite’s been ruined from the bad news, but we should probably eat anyway.” 

His stomach immediately grumbles. He didn't eat anything today, as he basically ran away when he heard gossip. He holds it with a paw, as if the sound will stop. Fireheart laughs, and his stomach does yet another flip. Dang, he really is hungry. 

Graystripe grimaces as he sees who's already there. Longtail and Dustpaw. They wait right behind them. But, Starclan, he should've known. He should've pushed past them, got prey for Fireheart and took him far, far away from here.

Unfortunately, that's not how this played out. 

Obviously noticing them, the subject of their conversation switches as they pretend not to see them. “Haven’t seen Cloudchick today,” Longtail mews.

“Good, finally he realizes how silly he looks!” Dustpaw laughs.

“I need to be there for his first hunting session. Just imagine seeing that lump of white fur, no prey will ever fall for that!”

“That puffball will never get a catch,” Dustpaw finally glances at them, making sure they’ve heard. Firehearts ears flatten as he looks to the ground. Graystripe scowls.

“Not too much, Dustpaw,” Longtail says, “Graystripe will attack you next!”

Before he can speak up, something out of the corner of his eye catches all of their attention. Its Yellowfang, hurrying into the nursery with a bunch of leaves in her mouth.

Longtail opens his rotten mouth yet again, “Uh oh, the kittypet is sick. Goldenflower was right, he’s not making it out of leafbare!” He looks straight at Fireheart, determined to get a reaction.

Fireheart does not grant them any such thing, instead opting to walk past and choose prey for himself. Though they do get a reaction out of Graystripe, as he purposely pushes past them, a low growl in his throat.

He doesn't say much more as they eat comfortably, away from them. Fireheart looks positively drained, yet he’s still… radiating?

Sandpaw walks up to them, much to Dustpaws dismay from afar. It's laughable really, his face. He looks dumbfounded, and jealous? 

Graystripe opts to listen in on their conversation, not adding much. Sandpaw has been getting closer and closer to Fireheart lately, and he doesn’t know how it's happened. Really, it feels like it's all been conspiring under his nose. 

They talk about nothing of interest, really. Sandpaw not being a warrior yet, and Firehearts concern for Cloudkit. A pang filled his heart in hearing him genuinely think he wouldn't survive the snow. Sandpaw positively lifted him up again, assuring him Cloudkit would be fine. He smiles at Fireheart hoping that Cloudkit will be his apprentice.

A call comes from the entrance, finally. They get up to join the rest of the group.

Nobody says anything as they traverse through the path to Fourtrees. Clouds of breath as they make their way with no breaks. 

This time, Bluestar dives, not waiting by the edge.