Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

Being a half-breed orphan teaches you a lot of things. It teaches you that you’ll always be lower than the lowliest person in Ravka. It teaches you that you will always be mistrusted, used and discarded. It teaches you to expect cruelty from the people around you- from colleagues and strangers alike. But it also teaches you to be patient, to be adaptable and to embrace the loneliness that comes with it. It teaches you to be strong and fearless. It teaches you to walk away from the insults thrown at you. And most importantly, it teaches you to be better than your peers- to be smarter, faster and more resilient than the rest. I enlisted to the First Army three years ago when I turned fifteen. Since then, I have transformed from a half-breed orphan from Keramzin to a half-breed Assistant Cartographer in the Royal Corps of Surveyors. A shocking progress, considering my roots. But it is what it is and I chose to embrace it rather than feel sorry about myself.

I was pulled out of my musings by a gunshot from my left. I noticed a couple of First Army soldiers target practicing. After a moment of observing them, I continued to walk towards my destination. My unit has been stationed in Kribirsk for a week now. Kribirsk was just like any other First Army camps- busy soldiers practicing with their guns, shouts of commanding officers, carts and carriages moving back and forth, errand boys and assistants running between tents carrying missives and reports. If it weren’t for the looming, impossible and all consuming darkness in front of me, I would say that Kribirsk was the same as all other camps that I had been stationed at for the past three years. But the Shadow Fold, the Black Heretic's creations, a sea of darkness filled with flesh-eating monsters, stood before me, making this camp more deadlier than the rest of them combined together. My unit along with Mal’s were to go through the Fold. After months of being stationed at different places, Mal and I were assigned together only to walk into our deaths. As if reading my thoughts, loud shrieks echoed from inside the Fold. Suddenly, I was violently jerked back. I was so lost in my thoughts that I did not hear the Black General's carriage approaching from behind. If my saviour, Mal, had not pulled me back, I would have been crushed under the wheels of the Grisha General's carriage. But neither the carriage nor the people inside it felt the need to stop or slow down. As Mal and I watched, the carriage sped past us, not caring one bit that it was about to crush a girl to her death.

“Alina! Where’s your head at?” Mal asked me frantically once the carriage was out of our hearing distance.

“Sorry, Mal. I was thinking about our impending deaths tomorrow and didn't take notice of my surroundings.” I said.

“Alina, we are going to be fine. You’ll see." Mal said in a reassuring tone. But having grown with him, I knew all his tells. And right now, I know that he is trying to be brave for my sake and hiding his fear from me. 

Reading the worry in my eyes, Mal changes tactics. He pulled out a kruge with a flourish and dangled it in front of me. "I'm willing to bet on the five kruge that I won in today’s fight that we will cross the Fold and reach West Ravka safely.”

“Ah Mal! Ever the optimist, even when the statistics tell you otherwise." I played along. "But, I don’t want your five kruge if I win. Buy me a bag of sugar instead.”

“You and your sugar addiction." Mal shook his head fondly. "And how am I supposed to buy you a bag of sugar, Alina? You'd be dead.”

“I don’t know. You have to do it somehow. Find me in my afterlife.”

"Alina." Mal called me softly. I looked at him. His piercing blue eyes were staring back at me. "We are both going to survive this." He said firmly. It was moments like these that made me remember why I first fell in love with him. Although, the feelings were only ever on my end, I sometimes miss the stability that came with Mal. I nodded back more surely this time and Mal smiled.

“Forget tomorrow, I might be able to give you a few cubes tonight.” He said with a half smirk and a wink.

“Are you tumbling with Grisha now?" I asked quite shocked and just like that Mal reminded me why I had to let go of my love for him. I shook my head internally. It was all in the past and I was over my heartbreak. "You are worse than a dog in heat, Mal." I commented. "And what would she think of you, when she catches you stealing sugar, after she invited you to her bed?”

Mal shrugged. “Well, I'm facing the Fold tomorrow and I don't care what she thinks. I just want to sleep in silk sheets and pillows and enjoy some finery before I shoot some volcra. I’m quite stealthy and I could even sneak you some grapes." He straightened his collar and said, "Besides, it’s not my fault that I’m impossible to resist, even by Grisha.” 

I could only roll my eyes. “I should go, Alina. Walk safely to your tent and don’t fall under the wheels of another carriage. I won't be there to save you this time, Sticks!” He called out as he walked away.

I contemplated throwing a stone at his head for calling me by my most hated nickname but choosing non-violence, I started walking to my tent.

Mal is my oldest friend and my only family. We grew up together at the orphanage in Keramzin. He is half-Shu like me. But he got the better half and could pass-off as a Ravkan whereas, I got the worst half; the face of a Shu enemy. Racist remarks and bigotry were nothing new to me, I grew up with it. But, in these three years, I have managed to make a couple of true friends in the army and I’m an excelling in my craft as a cartographer; having an accurate memory helps with that. All things considered, I’m quite proud of what I have achieved and the life I have built for myself starting as an orphan. Another seven years, my tenure with the First Army would be over. Then, maybe I can travel to Kerch and enroll into the University of Ketterdam. I had heard that it has the biggest library in the continent. I would read every single book in it and would be amongst truly intellectual people. I would put this life behind me and spend my time discussing Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry with them everyday and become one of their best scholars, just like I had always wanted to.  I hope all the money that I have saved up from my First Army pay is enough to enter into the university. I would visit Mal on his farm during breaks or have him visit me. Maybe the Fold would be destroyed by then. I ended my happy day dreams as I entered my tent and decided to turn in early.

=============

The next day came too quickly. We were ready to board the sandskiff. I looked around; all my unit looked as petrified as I was. Raisa was muttering her prayers and Alexi was fidgeting next to me. I searched for Mal but couldn’t see him from my position. We boarded the skiff and the Inferni gave us the instructions for our travel through the Fold. I craned my neck and finally spotted Mal in the front of the skiff with his rifle ready at hand. Alexi, my only friend in my unit, was next to me. This close, the Fold was even more terrifying to look at. The Volcra were screeching and flying around inside the Fold as if anticipating our arrival. I braced myself and held onto the railing as the squallers pushed the skiff forward. My blue scarf was swept away in the resulting wind. I made a futile attempt to catch it to no avail. In the docks, I noticed a lonely dark figure observing the skiff as it sailed forward. My scarf flew right past him and then darkness engulfed me as we entered the Fold.

The Fold was everything that I had imagined- dark and terrifying. The sandskiff moved seamlessly without making a sound. The people on the skiff were silent but alert. Every now and then we heard the bone-chilling shrieks from the Volcra and I gripped my bag tightly. As we progressed further in, I felt something. I felt a strange tug in my chest pulling me forward. I almost took a step forward in an attempt to follow it. Soon, I could sense emotions that were not mine starting to bubble inside me. Before I could analyse or make sense of it, the skiff jerked like it hit something in the sand and I was almost thrown off the skiff. If it weren’t for Alexi’s reflexes I would have fallen into the sands of the Fold. He shifted me away from the railing and made me stand on the inside. But the violent jolt had caused the blue light to fall and extinguish and darkness engulfed us. It was impossible for us to see around and the darkness began to suffocate me. I heard a clicking sound coming from the front and to our collective horror, a soldier lit a lantern using his lighter. And then chaos and death descended upon us. 

The Volcra zeroed in on us, in a matter of seconds, six Volcras started attacking the skiff. The soldiers began to fire their guns and the Grisha were fighting them with their fire but it did nothing to the Volcra. In a matter of few blinks, the Volcra had finished off half the people on the skiff. The skiff was also on fire from the fallen lantern. To my shock I noticed that Raisa was dead, her lower half was missing and her entrails were hanging out. Not just her but my entire unit except for Alexi and I were dead. I could see Mal was firing his rifle left and right. He was injured and blood was oozing from his forehead. He must be hurt somewhere else too as his movements were becoming sluggish. Panic seized me and before I could approach him, Alexi gave a shriek. A Volcra had attacked him and as I screamed, it carried him into the Fold and tore him in half. I did not have time to process or let the distraught of Alexi's death set in as another volcra swooped in trying to make me his meal. I looked around to find something to defend myself. But, the volcra came in and tried to attack me, Mal must have seen it and he shot it before it could fly away with me. But to my horror, in the time he tried to save me, another Volcra attacked him from behind and was trying to fly away with him. I had already lost Alexi today, I was not ready to lose Mal. So I picked up the rifle in front of me and shot at the Volcra. It dropped Mal and I ran to check on him. One of his leg was injured and blood was pouring from his back; he was rapidly becoming non-responsive. With nothing to cover him, I tried to shield his body with mine. Before I could fully do so, I felt a searing pain in my back as a Volcra's claws tore into my flesh. I screamed in agony and felt myself being lifted up in the air. Mal with what little strength he had, held my hands tight, refusing to let go. I could feel the blood rushing out of my body. And just as I was losing my consciousness, a scorching burst of light, cut through the darkness, almost blinding me. And then everything became quiet. My last thought as I lost consciousness was the comfort of meeting Mal at our meadows in the afterlife.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

I was startled awake and found myself staring at a Grisha in a red coat, kneeling over me. I could not discern if I was dreaming or if I was truly awake and alive.

"Hold! Your collarbone is fractured." she said gently as I tried to squirm away from her. She began to put back my bone together as I gasped and groaned in pain. I thought I was dead after the volcra took me; I had no idea how I survived. At the thought of the volcra, memories began to flood me. 

"Mal! The tracker! Where is he?" I asked urgently in between my panting breaths. Mal was injured and bleeding too before I fainted. But he was not next to me. I tried to look around but could not find him anywhere. I could not help but think the worst. 

"First Army goes to medical." She replied, trying to soothe my worries. 

Her reply left me more confused in my disoriented state. If the First Army were to go to the Medical, why is she healing me? Before I could ask her further, another Grisha, a squaller, stepped in front of me.

"Bring her to the general's tent." she ordered.

"Who?" I tried to interject but they both ignored me.

"But I'm not done yet." The healer responded. 

"You can go with her." The squaller said with clear annoyance in her voice and walked away.

Although the pain had vanished, I was still light-headed and it was making it difficult to think. Question after question was popping up in my head. What happened to Mal? What could General Igor possibly want with me? Why was I being treated here instead of being sent to the medical? And why does my body feel different? I had always been sickly and frail, but now I feel slightly better, less sickly. What happened? Did the healer cure my sickness somehow? But why is she healing me anyway? Why am I not with the rest of the first army survivors? Every thought was making my head hurt.

 
The healer helped me up and got me off the skiff. She removed my coat and started to heal my back. 

“Why are you healing me?”

“You were injured, the volcra attacked you, don’t you remember? Did you hit your head?” She asked, not understanding my question.

“No. I’m fine.”

“Then you should hurry, the General is waiting for you.” 

"General Igor? Why" I asked.

"No. General Kirigan."

“What? Why?” I asked in panic but she had already hurried off to fetch the waiting oprichniki.

Two oprichniki appeared on my sides holding me tight and started to walk me. My healer trailed behind us with my coat folded in her arms. The Grisha and First Army soldiers were all staring at me as I walked past them, increasing my anxiety. I did not know what happened or why I was being taken to the Black General's tent.  I tried to recollect everything that had happened since I boarded the skiff but I could not think of a single, plausible reason as to why the Black General would want to question me. Before I could gather my thoughts, the oprichniki pushed open the tent’s flaps and pulled me inside.

The tent was every bit formidable as the man himself- menacing and powerful. The Black General was standing at the center with his back facing me.

"Bring her closer." He ordered the oprichniki, his voice ringing loud in the quiet tent.

I was pushed towards the center of the tent as a group of fifty Grisha stood gawking at me. I recognised a few from the skiff. But their faces gave nothing away. The General finally turned and faced me. He was a handsome man, power and authority were oozing out of him. I tried not to be intimidated by that and stood straighter, looking him in the eye.

"Closer." He commanded once again.

I felt a brief flash of annoyance at his theatrics. I have always had a problem with authority and I hated that I was being dragged into whatever mess this was, with no explanation. I know that he is the most powerful Grisha in Ravka and he could kill me without consequence. But I'm not going to cooperate until I'm offered some answers. So, I squared my shoulders and looked at him in his eyes and moved half an inch from my previous position. He could say whatever he wants to say from there or he can walk closer himself.

“Well?” he asked. 

“Well what?" I asked. "..sir”

“What are you?”

“Alina Starkov, Assistant Cartographer, Royal Corps of Surveyors.” I replied.

He didn't move, just kept staring at me and repeated “What are you?” This time he asked more slowly as if he was addressing a dull-witted child.

His tone irked me but I simply replied, “A mapmaker, sir”, not understanding the answer he expected out of me. The Grisha around us started laughing. 

I did not know if I had angered him by my response and fully expected him to retaliate but he did nothing. Keeping his eyes on me, he said ‘Quiet’, without raising his voice and the tent fell silent immediately.

He then turned towards the others, ”So who actually saw what happened? Zoya, you manned the main sail.”

The Squaller from earlier, described the fire, our attack and then how light burst through the Fold. Those were the exact chain of events I remembered too. If his Grisha already knew what happened, why was I being questioned here?

Before I could think of anything else, another Grisha, an Inferni this time, stepped in and said it was me.

I cannot help but shudder at the accusation.

Are they trying to pin the Lantern incident on me? Is that why they brought me here? I did not light the lantern. I was standing nowhere near it. Are they trying to use me as a scapegoat for the loss of the skiff? Blame the Shu when no one else is alive to take the fall? I will not be flogged for someone else's crimes and I prepared to defend myself.

“Is this true? Can you summon light?” The General asked.

My brain came to a screeching halt. Summon light? I thought I was being interrogated for starting a fire and getting people killed. A billion thoughts raced through my mind. Too incoherent to form a reply, I simply shook my head negatively.

“Where did you grow up?” he asked, impatience seeping into his voice.

“Keramzin.” I responded.

“And when were you tested?” I was not expecting that question and heart began to race. If this is going where I think it was going, I needed to be ready. I cannot let him know how I cheated on the test. So I decided to go with half-truths.

“When I was ten.”

“And?” he probed further.

“Nothing happened. I was tested and I was let go as the test was negative.” Another half truth.

I wanted to look away from his soul-piercing stare but if I did, I would give myself away. So I held it. “Hmm." He said after a beat. "Well then, let’s just make certain one more time, shall we?'' pulling out a ring that resembled a talon and placed it on his thumb.

Before I could even comprehend what was happening, he strode towards me and darkness began to fill the tent.

He crossed the distance in two strides and stood in front of me. His shadows has engulfed the tent, hiding everyone around us. "Lift up your sleeve." he ordered.

I moved my sleeves and showed him my wrists. He pushed my sleeve all the way up and as he touched my arm, I almost gasped in shock when I felt a call ring through me.  Even more shocking was that something inside me was rising up to answer it. As I was staring into his endless dark eyes, he made a sharp cut on my arm and a searing column of sunlight burst from it filling the tent and breaching its roof. I was beyond shocked. Am I a Grisha? Did the sunlight in the Fold come from me? I looked back at the General in muted shock but he was already looking at me. His eyes were filled with such awe and hope that it took my breath away. He let go of my hand after a minute and the sunlight extinguished completely as if it was never there. He ordered the others to leave except for a couple of heartrenders.

Once the tent was empty, he turned towards the heartrenders and said, "Take her to the Little Palace in my carriage. Travel through the alternate route and stop at nothing." 

As he explained the travel plan to his heartrenders, my heart began to think of Mal. I did not know what happened to him. He was taken away before I could even see him and the fear of not knowing killed me on the inside. Now that I was revealed to be the Sun Summoner, I know that I had no say in what happens to me. I belonged to the country. But after losing Alexi, I could not just leave yet without knowing the fate of Mal. I had to see him once, just once, before I’m separated from him indefinitely.

Once he was done with his instructions, the two heartrenders approached me and tried to pull me away. “General! One moment! Please.” I cried out. He turned to face me, with a carefully blank face.

“I have lost my whole unit today. My friend, Mal, who is my only family was badly injured in the attack. He was taken away before I woke up and I don’t know of his fate. Please give me ten minutes, that's all I ask. Just ten minutes. I need to see him once before I leave. I will come with you after that. Please.” Despite my best efforts tears pooled in my eyes. I hated begging like this but I will never be at peace if I don’t know what happened to Mal.

The General looked at me for a moment. I don't know what he saw but he relented. “Ten minutes. That’s all.”

“Thank you, General.” 

“Take her and take Vera with you.” he ordered to the heartrenders.

They bowed and we started walking outside. Vera, the healer who had healed me earlier on the skiff came with us. The First Army medical tent was bustling with activity but they stopped at once when they saw three corporalki soldiers enter. I paid no attention to them and began to search for Mal. I found him in a corner cot. He was alone and unconscious but alive. I breathed a sigh of relief and the healer immediately started working on him. 

“Nothing serious. He should wake up in a minute or two.” Vera assured me.

"Thank you." She nodded with a smile.

Mal started opening his eyes and I almost wept with joy.

“Mal. Mal? Are you able to hear me?”

“Alina? What happened?” He muttered and began to open his eyes.

His eyes widened when it moved from me and landed on the three Grisha standing behind me, blocking the view from the rest of the tent. As awareness seeped in, he bolted upright. "You were attacked. Are you alright? What are you doing with Grisha?”, he asked on a frenzy.

“Mal." I stopped not knowing how to tell him the truth. I know for a fact that Mal hated the Grisha and distrusted them greatly. It twisted my heart to know that he might not accept me.

"Alina? What is it?" his voice softened considerably.

"The light in the skiff came from me, Mal. I don’t know how.  But now they are saying that I'm a Grisha. The Black General is sending me to the Little Palace. I’m leaving now, Mal. I came to say goodbye.” I said, wiping my tears away.

Mal was gaping at me. “Alina, are you sure?”

“Your time is up, we should leave.” the stern-faced heartrender interrupted me before I could answer. 

“Yes." The light in Mal's eyes disappeared and my heart broke at that sight. Swallowing back my tears, I said with a smile, "I have to go now. I will write to you. I promise. I’m so glad that you are okay. Take care, Mal”.

When I got up to leave, Mal pulled me close and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back just the same.

“Bye Alina. Take care.”

With that I left Mal and walked into the waiting carriage. My heart ached with loss and separation. Eighteen years of my life was turned upside down in one day and now I’m being taken to a distant palace, out of reach of all things that were familiar to me. I pushed back my tears and trepidation and sat in the coach. The heartrenders climbed in after me. The stern-faced one gave me a red Grisha uniform and ordered me to wear it. Once I did, he knocked on the roof and the carriage sped, taking me away from the life I had built for myself and turning my dreams to dust. 

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

The coach was silent. The heartrenders were keeping to themselves and discussing something in hushed up tones. I had no interest in listening to them. I had a lot on my mind and a lot to process through- the Fold, the attack, Alexi’s death, Mal and my light. So I tuned them out and began to think.

I was on friendly terms with most of my unit, even Raisa. Despite our differences, the hardships of army life had bonded us. And I had lost them all, in a single day. Alexi, Luka, Katya, Raisa, Sergi, Sofia, Andrei, all of them were dead and gone. They will soon be forgotten like all other casualties, their deaths becoming a part of war statistics and nothing more. None of them deserved it. 

Alexi’s death was what affected me the most. He was my kindest friend and my greatest defender. He was always by my side with a smile and quip. Not even Chernast’s snows could deter his mood. He never cared that I was a half-Shu. He looked out for me and always had my back. He used to smuggle me food whenever a racist cook refused to serve me. With what little money he had, he would sometimes buy me books that he knew I would enjoy. We had a solid friendship and he did not deserve to die so horribly. He should have finished his time with the First Army and should have gone back to his mother and should have lived a full life. But now, his poor, old mother, has lost her only living family to the Fold. Had he not switched places with me, he would have still been alive. And to think that all this time, I had this damn power buried inside of me; I could have saved his life. I could saved everyone's life on that skiff had I known about my powers. But I didn't and now they're all dead because of me.

My head was swimming with all the what ifs and the guilt was overwhelming me. I struggled hard to not breakdown right then and there. I reminded myself of the first rule of Keramzin - 'Don't cry in public. Hide your emotional breakdown for when you're alone.' Mal and I came up with it years ago when we were children. And it has helped us through the many misfortunes we faced. As my thoughts turned to Mal, my heart twisted painfully and unleashed a whole new level of agony in me.  Mal was my only family in this world and the thought of him hating me constricted my heart. I don't know what he thought of me now. Did he also think of me as an abomination just like many others in the First Army? Does he call me a witch now? Does he think that I somehow manipulated him?

On and on my thoughts went, shifting between Alexi and Mal. My head hurt from all these regrets and guilt that I just wanted to go to sleep and ignore it all. Maybe if I fall asleep, I would wake up in my tent and this horrible nightmare would have ended. But, sleep evaded me. Every time I closed my eyes all I saw was Alexi’s terrified face as the Volcra tore him in half. It took all my strength to not to curl up into a ball and bawl my eyes out. To let out my sorrow, scream and tear everything down at the injustice of it all. But I couldn’t. Not now and certainly not in front of them. For now all I could do was to keep my emotions locked away in my box of misery and wallow on them when I was alone. I took a deep breath and stared determinedly out of the window of the carriage.

================ 

After controlling myself considerably and bottling away my grief, I started thinking about the other pressing matter at hand; my Grisha powers. I still cannot believe that actual sunlight poured out of me when the General cut my arm. How did I not realise that I had this power inside me until now? And where was it when I was almost killed in action at the Shu-Han border? I could distinctly remember the reverberating call I felt inside me when the General touched me. But why don’t I feel the rushing answering call anymore? How do I make it answer me? I tried calling it a couple of times but nothing happened. Maybe the teachers at the Little Palace can help me with that and train me to summon it at will. However, thinking about the Little Palace put me on high alert. I did not know what to expect when I go there. Will it be like the orphanage all over again? Or would they be more welcoming? Whom to trust and whom not to? There were also other things to consider now that I'm the Sun Summoner- the prophesied saviour of Ravka. Starting from the King, everyone would be wanting a piece of me. I would be the most powerful weapon in their hands. I would be amongst wolves. So it is imperative that I wear a carefully constructed mask till I know about the true intentions of the people around me. I need to be the picture of cooperation till I learn to play their game. And more importantly, I must be in absolute control of my power. I cannot shy away from it any longer if I'm to survive what is to come. I know that all of this should scare me, but all I felt was a strange determination. I do not just want to learn to summon, I want to master it and I will stop at nothing till the Fold is gone. I had always wanted to be a scholar, didn’t I? Only now, instead of the University of Ketterdam, I will train at the Little Palace. But one thing is for sure, I will either destroy the Fold or I will die trying. I will do it for my unit. I will do it for Alexi. I will honour his sacrifice and avenge his death.

================ 

We travelled in silence for another couple of hours. The red coat was almost drowning me and I kept adjusting it as I kept reshuffling my plans in my head with what little information I had. The stern-faced one broke the silence and introduced his partner to me.

“This is Fedyor.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Fedyor said with a smile.

“I’m Alina. Pleasure to meet you too.” I returned his smile. While the stern-faced one looked closed off and annoyed, Fedyor had a pleasant smile and an inviting face. They must be quite powerful and must have the complete trust of the General for him to entrust my safety with them.

“They call this kefta. It is the uniform of the Second Army. It’s bulletproof and form-fitting. This one is mine hence the ill fit. You'll get yours once you are settled in the Little Palace."  He explained, watching me readjust the cuffs once more.

“Kefta”, I repeated. “But why are they so brightly coloured? Are you not afraid that the enemies might spot you from a mile away?”

The stern-faced one replied this time. “Because for years, being a Grisha was a death sentence. Thanks to General Kirigan we’re now protected. Feared. And that’s how we survive. Not by being overlooked but by making them look, and knowing you’re powerful”. Although, I could understand his sentiment, I disagreed with his reasoning. But I have been a Grisha only for a few hours, so I simply nodded.

“What colour would I be wearing?” I asked Fedyor. I wanted to be prepared before I entered the Little Palace. Fedyor looked eager to help so I decided to pry as much information out of him as I can.

"You summon pure sunlight. Your kind of Etherealki has just been a theory, a picture in a storybook.”

That's interesting. So I have no precedence. And the closest thing I have to one is the Black General. “So, I get to choose my own colour then? Hmm. How about white?”

“White may not be a very suitable choice for you as the Sun Summoner.” He informed me gently. I wanted to question him more about it but I had other pressing questions to ask. So I filed it away for later.

“Hmm. In that case, I will stick with the standard colours.  Etherealki wear blue right? I will wear a blue kefta for now. At least till I become a proper summoner.” He smiled at my response.

I wanted to know more about my powers and Fedyor looked like a willing companion. So after a pause, I asked, “Fedyor, how come I never knew about this? I mean, I had been close to death a couple of times. But nothing happened and then today the light simply burst out of me. How come I never showed any symptoms of being a Grisha?”

“There were symptoms, Alina." Fedyor responded in a somber tone. "Small science feeds us. There is a reason the Grisha never fall ill and look at the peak of their health. The more we summon, the stronger and more powerful we become. But when you suppress it, like you had done, you become weak, sickly and frail. You lose your appetite. Food will taste like ash. You waste away to nothing. Grisha children who suppress their powers rarely reach adulthood. The wasting sickness kills them. And I have never seen anyone with your level of wasting sickness survive and reach adulthood. To sustain so long, your powers must be one of the strongest. With training, you will become healthy again.”

Fedyor's explanation made me pause. All my life, as long as I can remember, I had been nothing but sick. I could not walk for long or climb a flight of stairs without wheezing like a ninety year old man. After the age of eight, I lost the taste of food and since the age of ten, the pounding in my head had become my constant companion. When I cheated on the test, I thought I was taking a chance but I did not realise that I was gambling with my life. But even if I knew what I know now, I don't think I would have made a different choice. I would not have left Mal behind.

“Thanks, Fedyor.” He nodded with a smile.

I wanted to ask more questions. But the carriage came to an abrupt halt.

“The road is blocked! Beware!” a soldier cried from the front.

Suddenly I could hear someone shout in Fjerdan. Fedyor and his partner became alert immediately and were getting ready to leave the carriage.

“Stay here, and don’t leave.” the grumpy one ordered before exiting the carriage.

Fedyor smiled apologetically and said, “He means well.” and exited the carriage after him.

And I was left alone with a bullet proof kefta and nothing else to defend me. I hated sitting like a duck, doing nothing. It was quiet for a bit and then all hell broke loose. I could hear gunfires, shouts and thuds of dead soldiers. Only I didn’t know if it were ours or the enemies’.

'Damn you, grumpy! So much for being feared.' I muttered under my breath and started to frantically search around the carriage for a weapon. If only I could find something to defend myself with.

Gunshots started hitting the carriage. Great! I survived a volcra attack only to die at the hands of Fjerdans. I think death is playing catch-up with me today. I fumbled around, feeling the carriage, no hidden compartments in the body, nothing under the seat cushions or inside the paddings, no weapons anywhere. What kind of an Army General keeps velvet paddings and cushions in his carriage but no weapons! Guess, I will just fling the velvet on my attackers then and hope the softness smothers them. With great effort, I tore open one of the cushion seats to reach the iron framework. The bench was firmly attached. I could not separate it from the body of the carriage. Thankfully, the foot padding was detachable, but it did not have an iron body, just a wooden one. Better than nothing. I will make do with it. 

I crouched down on the carriage floor, ready to leap and use the padding if an attacker came at me. Just as I readied, smoke started filling the carriage. The door opened, revealing a burly man. Before he could grab me, I hit his face hard with the wooden foot pad. I heard his nose break. I then leapt out of the carriage and started running towards the forest as fast as I could. The sloppy forest edge was proving difficult for me to run. My lungs were burning, begging for me to stop. Suddenly, a Fjerdan came out of one of the thickets and started chasing me alongside the slope, and as I tried to run the other way, he pulled my leg and started dragging me down the slope. I tried kicking his face aiming for his nose but he twisted my leg and then struck my head with a nearby rock.

On its impact, I became very disoriented. The Fjerdan then proceeded to sit on top of me locking my hands and legs. I saw him raise his axe to deliver the fatal blow. This is it, I thought. I’m going to die. I have failed Alexi. I cannot fulfil my vow or honour his sacrifice. Just as he drew his weapon on me, blood splashed on my face. My attacker was hacked at twelve different places at once and his body fell apart like blocks of butter. That was one the most gruesome sights that I had ever seen. Now that, I was released, I tried to get back to safety. I scrambled back on my hands and knees and tried to run into the forest again. Someone tried to grab my legs again before I could run. I threw a kick at them with all my might, I heard a curse and the hands left my leg. I scrambled again to reach safety when I felt my hands and legs being bound and I was dragged down. I struggled and bucked against my restraints, but I could not break away from it. Someone was talking to me, but I was too rabid to listen to it. I was flipped on my back and the Black General's face appeared above me. I slowed down my movements a bit but not completely.

“Alina! Alina! Alina! It’s only me. You are safe now. It’s only me. You are safe now. It’s only me. Alina, do you hear me? You are safe now. You are safe now.” He kept repeating in soothing voice and I stopped struggling completely. 

“Alina? Are you with me?” The General asked.

I was not sure if he was real or a hallucination. I looked around him to see if the Fjerdan was really dead. But the General blocked my path.

“Don’t look at that. You are safe now. He is dead. I killed him.” I saw a blooming bruise on his jaw. Shit! I must have kicked at him then.

“Alina? Are you coherent now? Can I remove your binds?” I looked down to see his shadows binding my hands and legs. I nodded. He called back his shadows.

“Are you alright?”

“I tore the foot padding from your carriage.” I blurted out. What! That was not what I was meaning to say. 

The General looked worried at my response. “Don’t worry about it. Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

I struggled to sit upright. The attacker must have struck me really hard. “I'm going to lie down for a bit, General. The grass is soft here. I think I’m going to sleep now. No! wait. Shouldn’t sleep, concussion. Don't sleep. But the grass is so soft. No! Can't sleep, Alina. But...I’m going to.. going to rest on the soft grass.” I was began to lose my coherent thoughts and started muttering nonsense.

I felt fingers running through my hair and winced when it neared my injury. The fingers drew back and I felt myself being lifted gently. Suddenly I was cocooned by warmth and I nestled in close, as much as I could. “So soft. So warm. Nice grass. Soft grass.”

Then all went black.

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I stood by the docks and watched the launch of the new sandskiff -Ultralight into the Fold. David’s reports on the new skiff had been quite promising. And if all goes well, I can convince the Tsar to provide more funding towards the Second Army. As the skiff was about to enter the Fold, a blue scarf escaped and flew past me, I could see the owner try to reach for it from the skiff in a futile attempt to catch it. Suddenly, I felt a strong tug in my sternum but it vanished too quickly for me to decipher it. Maybe it was nothing, I said to myself, a rare, unusual anxiety spike. Before I could make out the features of the scarf’s owner, the girl and the skiff plunged into the Fold. I stood there for a minute till the skiff disappeared out of sight and walked back to my tent to go over my never ending pile of paperwork. 

The paperwork were the same; Grisha caught at the hands of Fjerdans or Shu-Han. Missive after missive talking about Grisha death or capture. I have been fighting this war for a very long time. Anybody else would have given up centuries ago. Yet here I am, alone and fighting a long war to keep my Grisha safe. All I want for them is to be safe, accepted and live fearlessly and yet after seven hundred years, I’m still unable to do so. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, it was never enough. I was lost in my paperwork, when Fedyor came running inside my tent.

“General, the Fold, it's lighting up!”

I left my desk immediately and hurried outside. The Fold was indeed lighting up. Pure sunlight was pouring inside it, fighting past the shadows. My heart thumped loudly in my chest. What does it mean? Was my Sun Summoner actually on the skiff? I knew all the Grisha who were onboard and none of them was a Sun Summoner. Were they one of the First Army soldiers? If yes, how did they manage to evade my testers? Excitement and questions were swarming inside me.

Next to me, Fedyor was wiping away his tears. But the light show ended abruptly and my heart stopped. Did something happen to my Sun Summoner? I thought in panic. The thought alone gripped my heart in fear. For nearly a millennia, I have waited for my Sun Summoner and I don't think I could bear it if they died before I could even see her face. I have never been one for religion, but I prayed to the saints to save my summoner. I cannot lose her now and certainly not like this. I prayed to any god that would listen to let my summoner return to me. I begged them to not show me hope and then snatch it away. But the Fold remained silent. With every passing minute, my inner turmoil increased tenfold. However, thanks to centuries of practice, none of my desperation was shown on my face. As the minutes ticked by, I was contemplating the idea of going into the Fold myself and bring back my Sun Summoner to safety. But as if answering my prayers, the skiff tore through the Fold and landed on the dock. I wanted to rush towards the dock. But wanting to maintain decorum, I sent Fedyor instead to check on the Grisha and get the initial report. 

As Fedyor rushed towards the docks, I moved inside my tent. Every instinct in my body was screaming at me to go check the skiff. But the rational part of my brain wanted me to wait. Wait for Fedyor to confirm that it was indeed a Sun Summoner and not a powerful Inferni. I thought back to the tug I felt in my heart when the skiff sailed into the Fold and wondered if it meant something. A few more minutes passed and my impatience grew. I was about to resort to pacing when Fedyor rushed in. 

“Moi Soverenyi." He greeted me with clear relief and happiness and I felt my own hope raising at that. "I spoke with Zoya, she says the light came from a First Army cartographer when the Volcra attacked. The summoner was injured in the attack, but alive. Vera is healing her as we speak. I asked Zoya to bring the summoner and others to your tent after that.” he finished. 

I nodded at him. Relief washed over me. My summoner is safe and I will meet her in a matter of minutes. What would she look like? I wondered. Throughout my long life, I have imagined several scenarios of how I would find my summoner, but I could never put a face on her. I felt that I would be doing injustice by imagining a face before meeting her. Now I would know what she would look like. Restlessness was gnawing at me again. Finally some of the healed Grisha started trickling inside my tent, followed by other curious Grisha. I didn’t want my Grisha reading any of my escaping emotions. So I turned around and faced the other way. Long buried feelings were trying to break past my control. My cold heart thumped loudly and wondered if my curse has really ended, if I was finally free of my never ending loneliness. All these centuries, my only hope was that I would find my Sun Summoner, somehow. But when year after year, the testers returned empty-handed, a part of me began to fear that she might be born outside of Ravka. I was thinking of ways to look for and rescue Grisha outside of Ravka, in hopes that I would finally meet her. However, in all my plans, I had always imagined the Sun Summoner as a child. I was prepared to raise them as a child in the Little Palace. I had hoped that once they were of age, I would tell them my plans and we would fight side by side and bring upon the Golden Age of Grisha. But what now? I don’t know what to do or how to approach her. To hide my nervousness, I began to clutch my table tightly. 

By the sudden shift in the atmosphere, I realised that my summoner had arrived. I needed another minute to put a lid on my emotions, so I ordered my oprichniki to bring her closer without turning to face her. With my Darkling mask firmly in place, I turned around to see her. She was not what I expected. A petite, half-Shu, with an advanced stage of wasting sickness. My heart winced at the sight of her. This might be the first time in history were a Grisha with such an advanced level of wasting sickness, survived into adulthood and had even managed to serve in the Army. Before things could get more awkward, I ordered her to come closer again. I could see a brief flash of annoyance in her face and the feisty little thing looked right into my eyes and took the littlest step forward as possible. I pushed back the smile that was threatening to break through. 

“Well?” I asked with all the indifference in the world.

“Well what?.. Sir” Hmm. Definitely a spirited fighter, I thought. 

“What are you?” I pressed.

“Alina Starkov, Assistant Cartographer, Royal Corps of Surveyors.” Alina. What a fitting name, I thought. Does she really not know who she is? Or is she maintaining a facade?

“What are you?” I repeated more slowly this time. I must have touched a nerve with my tone. “A mapmaker, sir”, she replied with a bite in her voice.

The Grisha in my tent started laughing. I realised that I was losing control of the situation quickly and on my command, the tent became quiet. I turned my questioning towards the other survivors. Zoya and another inferni, Andrei, confirmed that the light indeed came from Alina. And I turned to look at Alina. She seemed completely perplexed and looked rather angry at their statements. It made me want to get to the bottom of this. I wanted to know whether or not she hid the fact that she was the Sun Summoner.

“Where did you grow up?” I asked after a moment.

“Keramzin”. Hmm, an orphan. I could clearly picture the prejudice and hatred she would have faced growing up.

“And when were you tested?” 

“When I was ten.”

“And?”

“Nothing happened. I was tested and I was let go as the test result was negative.” Interesting. Although her responses seemed honest, I could sense that she was leaving some parts out. 

“Hmm. Well then, let’s just make certain one more time, shall we?'' I said as I strode towards her.

Wanting to see her light for myself, I covered the tent with my shadows. Other than a brief flicker of fear, her face remained neutral and she did not take her eyes off of me. Interesting, I thought. I have seen commanders and lieutenants cower a little when they see my shadows for the first time and yet here she stood, a low ranking First Army cartographer, with her wrists up staring straight into my eyes without fear. My heart soared at the thought of having her as my equal. When I touched her arms, her power sang to me and when I sent a call through her, her powers rushed to answer me. And as I made a cut in her arm, a searing column of pure sunlight burst out of her, lighting my tent and breaching past it. Finally! I rejoiced. My Sun Summoner has arrived. I wanted to hold her and bathe in her light forever. But sadly, we were not there yet and I had to let go. I need to send her to the safety of Little Palace as soon as possible. She was still in shock from seeing her powers and I let her have her space. I began to discuss with Ivan and Fedyor, my most trusted heartrenders on the plans to take Alina to the Little Palace.

“General! One moment! Please.” I stopped at her distressed cry. She must be a fearless one, to address me directly. Is she still in denial about her powers and trying to argue her way out of it? I will nip that in the bud. 

“I have lost my whole unit today. My friend, Mal, who is my only family was badly injured in the attack. He was taken away before I woke up and I don’t know of his fate. Please give me ten minutes, that's all I ask. Just ten minutes. I need to see him once before I leave. I will come with you after that. Please.” Her eyes were full by the time she finished and It stirred up some long dead emotion in me. I felt my resolve weakening at the sight of her tears and as much as I want to sever her ties with the First Army, I want her to like me. And this Mal seems to be important to her. Being benevolent to her would only make her see me in a more positive light. It is a win-win for me. So I conceded.

“Ten minutes. That’s all.”

“Thank you, General.” She gave me such a heartfelt smile that my heart almost skipped a beat.

I asked the heartrenders to take Vera with them. They bowed and left with Alina. I watched her leave and felt a strange emptiness wash over me. I crushed the urge of wanting to keep her by my side. With her safety at stake, every moment delayed would put her at more risk. So I stood there doing nothing, until the flaps of my tent closed. And all of a sudden, my tent felt more dark than before.

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I had at least a day’s work left to do in Kribirsk. My plan was to ride on Akim, my stallion, after wrapping up some things here and follow the convoy. I had asked Ivan to take the alternate route to Os Alta. The journey may be a bit longer, but it would attract less attention. Vera returned after healing Alina’s First Army friend and reported that all went well and Alina left without a fuss. 

Things were going according to plan and Alina was speeding safely towards Os Alta and yet, I was unable to settle down and focus on my pending tasks. I trust Ivan and Fedyor more than anything and I know that they would keep Alina safe. It’s just that I felt a sense of unease creep upon me ever since she left my tent, something akin to a sense of foreboding. Something in me was urging me to find Alina and to keep her by my side. Centuries of being alive taught me to listen to my instincts. So I sent for my horse to be readied and summoned Zoya. I asked her to wrap up some things in Kribirsk and once the tasks were done, I ordered her to take the alternate route to Os Alta and to bring Vera, Andrei and Misca with her. Trusting Zoya to follow my orders, I mounted my stallion and sped away.

================  

Although the convoy had a good head start, I covered a good distance on my horse, Akim. He is a Trakehner. He could cover long distances with little water and food. The knowledge that I would be by Alina’a side soon eased my worries a little bit. But as the hours grew , I felt my anxiety spike again, a sense of wrong was filling my gut. I could feel that my Sun Summoner was in danger and I rode Akim even harder. As I entered into the forests of Barsky, my fears were confirmed. I could hear the Druskelle attack before seeing it. Bullets and shouts were echoing throughout the forest. My eyes began to search for Alina and finally found my carriage. From my spot, I observed a Druskelle approaching it but I was too far to use the Cut without hurting my Grisha. Not wasting a moment, I rushed forward to save Alina. As the Druskelle opened the door to grab her, I saw her leap out of the carriage and hit her attacker on the face. She then rushed towards the forests. I was close enough now to deploy the Cut now and used it left and right without care and killed every single Druskelle I could spot. Trusting my Grisha to take care of the rest, I turned my horse to follow Alina. 

When I reached her, another Druskelle was just about to kill her with his axe. I did not even wait for Akim to stop completely, I jumped and gathered my shadows to send twelve different Cuts his way. They sliced through him like a hot knife on butter. Alina was clearly in panic mode and she started scrambling towards the forests as soon as she was released. I rushed forward to stop her but I was only able to grab hold of one of her legs. She must have mistaken me as another Druskelle for she immediately kicked me in my jaw with force that I had to let go of her leg. For such a small thing, she knew how to kick. I was certain that it would bruise. Before she could escape further, I bound her with my shadows and pulled her down the slope. Alina was practically rabid with terror. She was bucking and thrashing wildly. None of my placating words were reaching her. I used my shadows to put her on her back, so she could see my face.

“Alina! Alina! Alina! It’s only me. You are safe now. It’s only me. You are safe now. It’s only me. Alina, do you hear me? You are safe now. You are safe now.”

I kept repeating over and over. Her movements slowed a bit. Although recognition was dawning on her, the unbridled fear was still in her eyes. 

“Alina? Are you with me?” I asked again. Without answering me, she tried to look past me at the dead Druskelle. I immediately blocked her path. I did not want her to see that ghastly sight in her state.

“Don’t look at that. You are safe now. He is dead. I killed him.” She seemed more lucid now.

“Alina? Are you coherent now? Can I remove your binds?” She looked down and noticed my shadow binds for the first time and nodded. I pulled back my shadows. She was yet to answer any of my questions.

“Are you alright?” I asked her once more.

“I tore the foot padding from your carriage.” I certainly was not looking for that answer. The Druskelle must have really hit her head hard. I hope it’s nothing too serious. Without a healer at hand, it might cause issues and I cannot lose her again. 

“Don’t worry about it. Are you fine? Are you hurt?”

She was struggling to stay upright and form a proper response. She started muttering incoherently to herself. “I'm going to lie down for a bit, General. The grass is soft here. I think I’m going to sleep now. No! wait. Shouldn’t sleep, concussion. Don't sleep. But the grass is so soft. No! Can't sleep, Alina. But...I’m going to.. going to rest on the soft grass.”

She must be concussed and in shock. I knelt down beside her and ran my fingers gently through her hair to find the injury. She winced as I touched it. I withdrew my fingers and lifted her carefully, as if she was made of glass. She immediately snuggled close and muttered, “So soft. So warm. Nice grass. Soft grass.” and then passed out. 

I stood there for a moment holding her close and breathing her in. “She is safe. She is safe.” my heart kept repeating it over and over again. I had almost lost her again in a span of few hours and I thanked every Saint that she is safe now. I wanted nothing more than to wrap her in my cloak and hide her till I reached the Little Palace. I cannot lose her now when I have only just found her. She looked so frail in my arms that I hugged her close to me, wanting to protect her from all her enemies and keep her safe. After a few moments, my heart calmed down but I was reluctant to part with her. I pulled her impossibly close to me and began moving towards my Grisha to get her injuries checked.

Fedyor was the first to spot me and walked towards me. Ivan and the others followed. Fedyor could do basic healing and as soon as I laid Alina down, he set to work. 

“Nothing serious, General." He said after a few minutes of checking. "Looks like she has a concussion from where she was struck on the head and has passed out from shock. I have healed her injuries to the best of my abilities and she will come out of her shock in a few hours. She should be good to travel.” I nodded.

“What happened?” I asked Ivan.

“We were ambushed. They must have somehow known that we were taking the alternate path. The road was blocked with a tree and we were led straight into a trap. We lost two oprichniki and Igor. Three others are injured badly but will live”

“The other Druskelle must have fled now. They will not dare another attack. But, I cannot delay any longer. I will take Alina with me and start ahead. I have asked Zoya and a few Grisha to follow me after a few hours. They will be here soon. The party has a healer as well. Stay here till they come. Heal the injured and travel back to Os Alta.” I ordered.

“Yes, Moi Soverenyi.” Ivan bowed.

I mounted Akim and Fedyor placed Alina in front of me and bowed. With her face nestled in the crook of my neck, we started our five day ride to Os Alta.

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

An hour into the journey, once the terror of almost losing her receded completely, I began to think about my plans, now that I have finally found her. I had had planned so many things for when I discovered the Sun Summoner. The first and foremost being using her powers to weaponise the Fold and seizing the throne. After that, I can truly start rebuilding Ravka from the scratch and turn it into a true haven for all Grisha. Before actually laying my eyes on her, I had had no qualms about using the Sun Summoner to achieve my goals. But now, looking at her sleeping form, something in me was not ready to inflict that upon her, much to my annoyance. I wanted to give her a chance instead of simply manipulating her. The battle hardened General in me scoffed at this. But the lonely man in me wanted to let her grow into herself and journey together with her as we conquer Ravka. The two trains of conflicting thoughts were battling inside me and I did not know which path to take. On one hand, I wanted to act swiftly as the time was right. But on the other hand, she is a powerful Sun Summoner and once she unlocks her full potential, she would become my true equal and immortal companion. And if we were to spend an eternity together, I cannot start off with lies and manipulation. But telling her the truth is not an option either. The tale of the Black Heretic has been taught to every child in Ravka, Grisha or otherwise. And if I reveal myself to her, there is a very strong possibility that she would run away and fight me. That is not an acceptable outcome either. All my centuries worth of plans looked extremely tangled right now. Straightening them out would take time and while I do that, I will keep Alina by my side and play the role of her White Knight. 

Alina began to stir in front of me and I was pulled out of my musings. I gently removed my cloak from where it was covering her face. She was muttering something about warmth and rubbing her cheek on my chest trying to snuggle further. It was such an endearing sight that my black heart gave a tiny little flutter at it. I slowed down Akim a bit.

“Alina?” I ventured.

“Hmm?”

“Are you awake?”

“Hmm. I think so” she replied sleepily. I smiled at that.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like a baby chicken under it’s mama’s wings.” She muttered drowsily. I chuckled and that made her furrow her brows. “But, why am I being jostled?” Saints! She was adorable and the tiny flutter in me grew bigger.

“Because we are on a horse.” I replied.

“Why is the mama chicken on a horse?” She asked still not opening her eyes.

“You have to wake up and see that for yourself.” I said with a smile.

She slowly opened her eyes and took in her surroundings. I had stopped Akim completely by then and as awareness seeped in, her eyes widened and she sat up abruptly, almost knocking my teeth out. She apologised profusely, her cheeks were reddened with embarrassment and she moved away from me, sitting a bit straighter. And I could not help but feel a sudden and unexpected sense of loss at that. I wanted to pull her back into my arms and snuggle her closer and I had to grip my reins tightly to stop me from doing so. 

“The attack! I thought you were just a hallucination. But you are really here. What happened? Who were they? I think I need to throw up.” Alina spoke rapidly.

“One moment. Miss Starkov. Let me just find a spot.”

I found a place quite close to the forest but with clear lines of sight everywhere. I got down and helped Alina from Akim who almost looked green by then. She immediately ran towards the forest line, bent over and began to dry heave. I tied Akim to a fallen tree trunk and rubbed his flank. He seemed pleased with his respite. Alina was done but she was still kneeling and clutching her knees tightly.  

“Saints!” I could hear Alina mutter.

“Miss Starkov, are you alright? Are you in pain?” I asked with concern

“No General. I think it was just a residual reaction from the concussion. I’m fine now.”

“Good to know. Here.” I offered her my handkerchief.

“Thank you, General”. There were still some spots of blood on her face from the Druskelle attack. She wiped her mouth and face clean.

“So, what happened back there?” she enquired after a moment.

“Druskelle. Elite members of the Fjerdan military, trained to infiltrate deep behind our lines to kill or kidnap Grisha.”

“But why did they attack me? And how did they even know about me?” She asked. 

“Your little light show in the Fold was visible from miles away. Whatever their original mission was, they must have diverted to find you.”

She looked away and I saw a glimpse of frustration flash in her eyes. “Great! Is this my life now? Hunted wherever I go?” She asked with a weary sigh.

“You’ll get used to it.” I quipped and she snorted at my reply. 

“Don’t worry. That is why I’m travelling with you.” 

“They’re that scared of you?” she asked with a little trepidation in her voice.

“I think they’re more scared of you.”

“Me?" She exclaimed. "I don’t exactly know how to summon. Why would they think of me as a threat?”

“They are afraid of what your power means to us." I explained. "You may well be the first of your kind, but we’ve always had a name for you. For what we hope you can do. Enter the Fold. Destroy it from within. With proper training, some amplification, you could be the-”

“No!” I was taken aback by her vehement response.

“No?” 

“I mean, I don’t want to hear about it right now. It’s just that today had been an eventful one for me. I went into the Fold, saw my whole unit ripped apart by the volcra, I almost died in the attack, learnt that I was the Sun Summoner and was attacked and almost killed the second time. It had been a dreadful day for me and I'm overwhelmed. I know that I belong to the country from now on but if it's alright with you, I'd like to learn about what it entails a bit later. Maybe tomorrow. Just not right now. Sorry.” She gave me an apologetic smile.

“Apologies, Miss Starkov. I shouldn’t have pushed.” 

“It’s okay.” She whispered and looked away from me and stared into the distance, her throat bobbing up and down as she tried to compose herself. Not wanting to intrude on that, I let her have her moment.

Being alive for a very long time had numbed me to a lot things, especially death. But Alina was only eighteen and she had witnessed horrific things happen to the people she cared about. My heart winced in sympathy for her and I chided myself for treating her like my other hardened soldiers. To her credit, Alina was not acting the way like an ordinary eighteen year old. She was handling herself better than most. Although she was clearly traumatised, she was able to compartmentalise it better than I expected her to and was taking things in stride.

“We could talk about other things though.” She said gently once she had reined in her emotions. 

She must have felt bad for abruptly cutting me off. “Sure. Miss Starkov. What would you like to talk about?”

“That thing you did.. How you slice that man in half from a dozen paces?” 

The Cut. It was the most dangerous weapon a summoner could wield and one of the main reasons why my enemies feared me. I wanted to know what Alina thought about it, so instead of answering, I asked, “Would you have asked me this had I used a sword?”

She shook her head. “No, you misunderstood me. It was a gnarly sight, yes. But, it saved my life and I’m definitely glad to be alive. I just wanted to know what it was and how you did that.”

My heart warmed at her answer. “There is matter to everything. Even air. Or shadow. Too small to see. The Cut is something a Summoner can do, but it requires tremendous skill. And I would only use it as a last resort. Like that ambush.”

She nodded. “Thank you for telling me this and thank you for saving me.”

I nodded. “We should get going.”

I got on Akim and held my hand for her to climb. Once she was secure. I started Akim. He seemed to have recovered his strength too and we began to gallop again. I wanted to cover as much distance as I can before nightfall. So I set a steady pace. When I looked down on Alina after a few minutes, she looked lost in her thoughts.

I have to admit that Alina was reacting differently than I predicted. She looked accepting of her Grisha powers for someone who spent her whole like as an otkazat'sya. She was shaken by the attack but was able to laugh at the joke I made about it. And most importantly, she did not look afraid of my powers. For the first time in centuries, I find myself being surprised, not many people can do that to me. 

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

We rode hard for the rest of the day and stopped just before nightfall in an old, abandoned barn. It had walls and some stale hay. Although the roof was missing in several places, it could provide a decent shelter for the night. 

“We can rest here tonight. The nights get very cold around here, so I will have to collect some firewood for us. I’m leaving Akim with you. Will you be alright by yourself, Ms.Starkov? I shall return in a few minutes."

“Yes, General.” He nodded, walked a few paces and turned back again. Sensing his reluctance, I said, “I will be fine, General. I cannot summon yet but I can scream like a banshee if something happens.”

His lips twitched a bit, I think. It was difficult to tell in the faint twilight. 

“I will be back soon, Ms. Starkov.” With that the General left.  

“It’s just you and me boy.” I said to Akim and he gave a snort in response.

I started to pet him gently and my thoughts wandered towards the General. General Kirigan was infamous throughout Ravka and beyond, not just for being the descendent of the Black Heretic but also for his cruel nature. Having been around people who fostered hatred towards me for merely existing, taught me to identify cruelty in people from a very young age. But after spending time with the infamous General, cruelty was not the word I would associate with him. He is a hard man- proud and unrepentant, but not cruel.

The General returned in ten minutes with a bundle of dried sticks and wood. He refused my offer for help and built a fire himself. Supper was a simple affair of bread and cheese. It was a bit early to go to sleep, so we sat around the fire in silence.

The stillness of the night, threatened to open my box of misery. But I was not ready to face the ghosts of the people I had lost today and I was certainly not ready to look weak in front of the General. So instead, I began to think about my powers. I had so many questions about my light and considering how the General's powers were the closest to mine, I wanted to ask him about it. But I did not want to come across as impertinent. 

“General?” I called him, with a great hesitance.

“Yes, Ms.Starkov.” 

“The attack. How many.. How many did we lose? Fedyor and his friend are they alright?”

“Fedyor and Ivan are fine, Ms. Starkov. We had minimal losses on our side. We lost two oprichniki and a squaller.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for all of this to happen.”

“Ms. Starkov. It is not your fault. Never think like that. They died in the line of duty and sacrificed their lives to save the hope of Ravka. They died to protect their Sun Summoner. Their death is not on you. It is on the Fjerdans and no one else” His words were soft but were firm. The intense look in his dark, bottomless-eyes made me forget my response and I simply nodded, locking away my guilt and putting it alongside my box of misery. The silence resumed once again as we stared into the fire.

“General?” I called him again.

“Hmm?”

“How did you call my light? How did you know it was inside me when I couldn’t sense it? Why am I not able to call it out now?”

“I’m a live human amplifier, Ms.Starkov." He explained. "Whenever I touch a Grisha, I can call forth their powers to the surface. Your powers had been dormant for too long, Ms Starkov. That's why you are having difficulties in calling it. With proper training at the Little Palace, you will be able to call the sun in no time.” he said.

“General, if its not too much trouble, can you please call my light now? I want to trace through your call and see where it ends.” He gave me an intense look as if he was trying to read my soul. His lack of response made me fear that I had crossed a line or something. I was about to withdraw my request, when he extended his left hand, with his palms open in clear invitation. I placed my right hand on his large, calloused ones. He closed his fingers around me and held my hand in his. 

He spread his shadows just like he had done in his tent, then sent a long and deliberately slow amplification call for me to follow. I closed my eyes and tried to memorise all the sensations that occurred when his call went through me. It took me to a place that I had never seen before. I was standing in a forest, covered in snow but the skies were bright as a summer day. I could distinctly see the call’s path and the exact moment when my light rose forward to answer it. My light was contained inside a tall, thick glass dam, holding it in. I must have built it unconsciously by suppressing my powers for so long. Only the smallest trickle of my light was answering his call, however an ocean of light was still inside the dam, fighting to break through but unable to do so. Now I know what to do and how to find my light and call it.

Before I could even open my eyes, I could sense the bright dome of light surrounding us, blanketed by the General’s shadows. However, when I opened my eyes, I did not notice it at all as I was completely taken aback by the look of raw passion, reverence and hope on the General’s face. His eyes were almost glistening. He was clutching my hand so tightly as if he was reassuring himself that my light was real. I have never seen anyone look at me like that. Like I was a God, walking on Earth. And to have the most powerful man in Ravka look at me with tears in his eyes stirred something in my heart. But I pushed it down. I was not yet ready to think about the enormous task lying in front of me. So I tried to break our contact.

“General?” I called in a soft, enquiring tone. He immediately stopped the amplification call and withdrew his hands, the inside of the barn returned to its original state.

“Did you find what you needed, Ms.Starkov?”

“I did, yes. Thank you for helping me.”

“Well?” He seemed interested in knowing what I found, so I opened my palm to him and on it sat a small golden orb of light. I could see that the General was stunned. 

“Ms. Starkov. How did you do it?” He asked, his voice was firm as usual but I could feel the undertone of awe in it.

“I followed your call and found my light.” He gave me a genuine smile and said, “Not many people can surprise me, Ms. Starkov.”

I could not help but blush at his comment. “Thank you, General. But, please, call me Alina. It feels weird being addressed me as Ms.Starkov.”

“Very well Alina. That was quite a feat. But you must rest now. We have a long journey ahead of us.”

“Good night, General.”

“Good night, Alina.”

 ================  

The next few days passed in a similar fashion. We rode hard all day and stopped just after twilight, built a warm fire and had a simple supper. In the mornings, when we were riding, I practised a bit of summoning. Calling the light became more easier now and I could see the cracks in my dam. Slowly but surely it is breaking apart. I did not want to shatter it completely yet. Not before we reach the safety of the Little Palace. For now, I was content to make bigger and bigger cracks in it to ease my flow of light. The General never talked much but he answered my questions patiently. Otherwise he was simply happy to just watch my light.

We were on the last leg of our journey and by tomorrow evening, we would be in Os Alta and I couldn’t put it off any longer. The General had respected my wishes and did not bring up the topic of the Fold again. But the time has come for me to breach open it again. I wanted to know what awaited me in Os Alta. We had camped in a small clearing that night. Despite my offers to take watch, the General refused it profusely and insisted on me sleeping through the night. We did not light a fire as it was too conspicuous. But, I made a soft light orb that was providing us light without drawing attention. 

“General?” 

“Yes?”

“What happens now?” I asked not waiting any longer.

“Once we reach the Little Palace, we will start proper training for you. You are doing incredibly well by yourself, Alina. But you need finesse and control. Training will help you achieve that.”

“How long have I got, General?”, I asked and a look of confusion crossed his eyes. “I’m not sure, I follow you, Ms.Starkov.”

“How long will I be given to train before being sent to destroy the Fold?” He seemed a bit startled by my question.

“Ms. Sta.. Alina, Enthusiasm alone is not enough to destroy the Fold. It was a blight created centuries ago with merzost. You have only just started. As much as I’m awed by your progress, you are not ready for the Fold yet. So take as much as time you need to train. We will go in, only when you are ready.”

I wanted to take his word it and drop the topic. But the only thing I hated more than lies is being blindsided. I cannot find fault with the General for trying to spare my feelings. But the truth would benefit me more than spared emotions.

“General, unfortunately your words do not comfort me. You talk as if I have an infinite amount of time to train and learn. But isn’t it far from the truth? I'm not blind to that fact of what I am. I’m a weapon, a powerful one, but a weapon nonetheless and I have no delusions about it. Sugar-coating it or calling me as the 'Hope of Ravka' does not change it. Once you present me to the Tsar, he would wish to deploy me as soon as possible and end this saints forsaken war once and for all. As my General, you could shield me for a while, but not forever. So instead of being caught unaware with little preparation, you need to give me a realistic target and I will learn and train accordingly.” I finished. The General must not have expected my answer. He gave me a long intense look as if he was trying to read my thoughts. I felt myself getting flushed from his stare but didn’t want to look away now. I want to show the General that I meant business. So I met his stare head-on.

After a few moments of tense silence, he responded, “Alina, you are incredibly insightful for someone your age and it was not my wish to omit details from you. I simply did not wish to add pressure to your already heavy burden. Your assumptions are correct in some aspects. The Tsar would want to send you to the Fold as soon as possible. But I will not let you go into it before you are ready. I give you my word. And you are not a weapon. You are Grisha. You are under my protection. As long as I’m alive, I will never let anyone treat you or any other Grisha for that matter as a weapon.” I nodded at his reply. The General was trying to be assuring but I was not convinced and he still had not answered my questions. So I vowed to prepare myself for the inevitable.

 ================  

We arrived at Os Alta, the next day. The evening markets in the lower town were busy but filthy. But as we moved towards the inner city, near the palace, the scenes changed. We crossed, row after row of mansions with big, elaborate designs and carefully constructed gardens. The merchants and people in this part were clothed in silk and finery and were adorning several pieces of jewellery to show off their wealth. I kept turning left and right to see as many details as I can. After twenty minutes of riding we reached the Grand Palace. I couldn’t see many details of it in the evening light. But it looked big and extravagant. Then we rode further inside and arrived at the Little Palace. It was well lit and beautiful and I was quite awestruck by it. The General stopped at the steps of the Little Palace and got us down.

“Welcome home, Alina.” he said as he opened the palace doors.

I smiled and replied, “Thank you, General.”

A servant took his horse to the stables and he walked me inside the palace. It was beautiful and tastefully decorated. I felt grossly out of place with my unkempt hair and filthy appearance. The General on the other hand, looked fine as the day I met him. Despite tearing through the country for five days and sleeping roughly, his meticulously styled coiffure remained the same and neither the strain of the journey nor the lack of sleep showed in his face. I could not help but feel envious about it.

“I will order dinner and a bath for you. You have had a long journey. You should eat and rest. I will see you tomorrow.” I nodded and said my thanks. He then ordered two of his oprichniki to take me to the Vezda suite and bid me goodbye.

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

After bidding goodbye to Alina, I went towards my rooms. I had a lot to arrange before I could rest. I sent a servant to Alina with dinner and a bath as promised and ordered one for myself as well. After a good soak and a hot meal, I felt more human. I started with business right away. Ivan and the others should arrive before dawn. Pyotr never holds court before noon. So they would have plenty of time to rest and get ready for tomorrow’s presentation.  I left a note with my oprichniki, to deliver to Ivan when he arrives. He would get the other Grisha ready. With that done, I sat down to compose a note for the Tsar about the discovery of the Sun Summoner. I made sure to mention only the necessary details and nothing more. I want Pyotr and the Apparat to know as little as possible about Alina. Satisfied with my letter, I sealed and sent it to be delivered to the Grand Palace. I then retired to my bed and finally let out all my thoughts on Alina.

I have lived a very long life. I have had many names and have lived many lives. I have seen kingdoms rise and fall. I have seen wars, famines, genocides and plagues. I have led armies. I have followed kings. I have won some wars and I have lost some battles. When time is an infinite resource at your hands, you see a lot. You see the frailty of the people(Grisha or otherwise) around you. A lifetime for them is a blink of an eye for you. You see their lives, observe their patterns, you learn their strengths, exploit their flaws, you see their actions and emotions. Like chess pieces, people too, become predictable over time. But, for the first time in my very long lifetime, I’m facing unpredictability through Alina.  

All my life, I have always had a plan for when I meet my Sun Summoner. I was not just prepared for them, I was prepared for every possibility of them. I had even prepared for how I would interact with them, how I would slowly align them with my schemes, how I would make them submit to my cause and build a life for all the Grisha. Centuries of observing the predictability of people, taught me what to expect. So, I was prepared and I was ready. But, all those plans burned to ash the very moment I laid my eyes on Alina. Alina does not fit into a pattern. She is the exception. And now, my centuries worth of careful planning rests on her. She holds the future of Grisha in her tiny hands and she doesn’t even know it. Everytime, I think I have cracked her pattern, she takes me by surprise. 

She is full of contradictions. She looks brittle, like a strong wind would snap her in half. Yet she possesses the strength of reinforced Grisha steel and nothing could break her. I read her personnel file, a half-Shu orphan in the First Army. I could imagine the discrimination she would have faced. It should have turned her bitter and hateful. But it had only made her kind. She should have hated me for tearing her away from her life and the journey with Ivan should have increased her ire. But she was concerned about their well being after the attack. She is polite and soft-spoken yet I know she is not to be trifled with. She had just discovered her power and yet she wields it like a trained soldier.  She is only eighteen, but she possesses the wisdom of a thousand kings. She was born a peasant, but has the grace of a queen. I could read her every emotion from her face. But her thoughts are deeper than the ocean. And the questions she had asked me, Saints! There were instances where I had to physically control myself from blurting out my plans and I’m sure she saw through my answers. It doesn’t matter what life throws at her, she catches it and adds it as another plate to her armour and keeps marching towards her destination. How do I even begin to control such a person? I cannot be truthful with her, I cannot lie to her and yet she is our only hope. What should I do now? How should I handle her? Fate has a cruel sense of irony I suppose. A master manipulator like me is given a person whom he cannot manipulate. 

On and on my thoughts went. I had been lying in bed for three hours with no sight of sleep. I went over all my plans, but it was all circling back to Alina. I need to sleep. I need all the rest I can get if I were to face the king tomorrow. For now, I have to put my plans on hold. It is still in the early stages anyways. I will keep Alina under constant observation. Genya would be the right choice for this assignment. Genya could act as her friend and serve as my spy. Genya has the knack of bringing out people’s secrets. I will assign Genya to her. Alina might divulge her personal thoughts to Genya. Whatever information Genya feeds me I will use it against Alina. I made a mental note to send for Genya in the morning. With that I slipped into sleep slowly . My last thought was the feeling of Alina snuggling into me when we rode the horse.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

A private room with a bathtub, down beds fitted with silk sheets, pillows, a heavy comforter, a vanity, a wardrobe, a settee, a writing desk, a teapoy and a couple of chairs. Wow. I kept looking around my room. I knew the Grisha lived in a palace. But I did not expect this. I have never been surrounded by such luxury. But I have to wonder, is this how all Grisha lived or is it specially for me because of my status? The bath and the meal were wonderful. I felt more like myself now. I stripped down to my underthings and wrapped myself in the velvet robe that I found in the closet. Saints! I felt pampered. The bed was the fluffiest thing I had laid on. I felt like I was lying on a cloud. But all these luxuries somehow reminded me of a bird in a gilded cage. 

Once I settled in, my thoughts started to wander. It mostly went towards the General, the most feared man in all of Ravka. Only he didn’t seem fearsome to me. The past five days showed him in a different light. He is a careful man. Careful with his words and actions. He does not divulge his thoughts and I expected as much. He is ruthless with his enemies, but gentle with his own. He is a strict man. But, I could see the love and respect the other Grisha had for him.  He is smart and strategic. He was patient with me. But I had a feeling that somehow I had thrown a wrench in his plans. During our journey, he indulged me and answered my questions. But there were times when I observed him restraining himself from answering me. I must have veered into uncharted territories. Luckily, I could read a ‘Keep out’ sign when I see one, so I never pressed it further. But it didn’t escape my notice that all those signs pointed towards the Fold. Does the General have a different plan for the Fold? Does he not want it gone? I may not know the current political situation but I know maps. The Fold is a blight; it has caused immeasurable damage to the Ravka. But, if we set aside the sentiments associated with it, one has to accept that it has its benefits. It has provided a great defence against Fjerda and Shu-Han. Considering the gaining independence movement in West Ravka, tearing down the Fold completely will not just cause a Civil war but will also leave us vulnerable to Fjerdan and Shu-Han attacks. If those were his reasoning, I would gladly help him to take down the Fold in stages. But, I will wait for the General to broach this topic. In the meantime, I will keep my eyes and ears open. If I discover any nefarious truths, I will prepare and devise my own plans. With that decision, I found myself slipping into sleep. My last thought was the handsome face of the General smiling at me.

Suddenly, I found myself jerking wide awake. I looked around, I was back into the space where I first travelled to find my light. I must be dreaming. But, why am I here again? I paid more attention to my surroundings this time. I was in a forest. It was covered in snow. But the light from my powers made it light up like a summer day. I looked at the glass dam holding my powers. Tall as a mountain and imposing. It had cracks and holes through which my light was flooding out. A part of me wants to break down the glass walls completely. Let the light flood and fill every part of me. But I was hesitant. The amount of power the dam was containing was frightening me. No one should be given that much power. What if I was not careful with it and did something bad unwittingly? The smart thing to do would be to let out the light in measured intervals and only take what I need.

“Do you honestly think that the Making would give you something you cannot handle?” I whirred around, looking for the source of the voice. There was no one but me. Then near the treeline, bathed in pure white light, my stag appeared. I have always dreamed of him, since my childhood. But never here and he has never spoken to me before. He used to stare at me with his ancient eyes, shake his head and disappear. This was bizarre, even for a dream. I moved closer to him. I was two feet away from him when I stopped. 

“Hello? Did you speak to me? You have never done that before”

“You did not come into your power before. Did you?” He responded. 

“How are you projecting your thoughts into me?”

“We are connected, child. But you will learn about it sooner. For now, answer my question. Do you think the Making will give you something you cannot handle?”

“I don’t know what a Making is. But this much power… I cannot be careless with it.”

“That is precisely why the Making chose you. Child, there had never been a Sun Summoner since the creation of Grisha. Everytime the Making creates a Grisha, it sees their strength of heart and gives them a power they can handle. You are given this because the Making deems you worthy of it.” I didn’t respond for a while, I looked at the glass dam again.

“What should I do?” 

“Break it down, child. Break it all down. You are meant to shine like the Sun. You are meant to bring life like the first light of creation. You are meant for great things Alina. Stop doubting yourself. Stop hiding behind your fears and embrace your light.” With that my stag walked back into the forest. I stood there for a long while watching the dam. I’m scared. I’m actually terrified of what his words meant. I’m in an unknown territory. If I’m truly the first of my kind then I’m all alone in this journey. It is upto me to make the correct choices when needed. I cannot become like the Black Heretic. But the stag is right. If all of this were to be mine, I must learn to embrace it and control it. But, if I let these powers in me, will I still be Alina? Will I still be me? Unfortunately the only way out is in. I have to trust myself and do it. Break down the wall and let my light flow through my veins.

I concentrated on the cracks and slowly widened them. I did this until the wall was one stone away from crumbling down. I pushed down my fear and I gave it a final blow. Then the light flooded me. I was completely drowning in it. But, my fear was unwarranted. I had feared my power might feel like an alien entity. But it felt like another limb, a long lost part of me. I felt complete. Since the discovery of my light I thought of myself as two separate entities- Alina, the cartographer and Alina, the summoner. But I was wrong. I’m Alina Starkov and I’m the Sun Summoner.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

I woke with a start. It was just after dawn. The sunlight was streaming into my room. It took me a moment to realise that most of the light was coming from me. I climbed off my bed and ran to my vanity. I was glowing like the sun at dawn. I did not recognise the person in the mirror. I looked healthy. The dark circles were still there but I no longer looked like a raccoon. I was still pale and thin. But I did not have a deathly ill look. My hair looked better too. It felt softer and not straw-like. I remembered what the General told me during our journey here, ‘ Small Science feeds us. The more you summon, the healthier you become. ’ Looks like I’m recovering. I was excited by this. All my life I was too sick to do anything remotely exciting. Now I could do all that and more. Time to test my powers.

I started with something small, I created an orb. I tossed it around to see if I could call it back without disintegrating it. I smiled when I was able to successfully do that. Then I created another orb and repeated the same. The next time I tried splitting the orb. It was exhilarating. It was like I could see each individual light particle. I could feel them, bend them and make them do whatever I want. So on and on I went. Now my room was filled with tiny orbs of differing sizes, each spinning on its own axis. With a flick of my wrist all of them disintegrated. I could not keep the smile off my face. I sat down in one of the chairs. Will my training start today? The General did not say anything about it and no one had come looking for me. Come to think of it, the General must introduce me to the court right? He cannot keep the discovery of the Sun Summoner from the Tsar. Will I be meeting the Tsar today? He might expect a demonstration. I don’t want to do something elaborate. I don’t want the King to think I had been hiding from the Second Army and training in secret. Maybe I can try creating a dome of light that would make me look like a beginner and I can earn some more time to train before being sent to the Fold. I spent a good two hours practising it. I was able to create a dome, increase or decrease its intensity and size. I have been holding a dome the size of the General’s tent when the door burst open with a bang. I could not see who they were as they were shielding their faces from my light. I toned down the light to a barely there glow.

“I’m sorry. Are you alright? I didn’t mean to keep it so bright. I was not expecting anyone.” 

“It’s alright. I should have knocked. I thought you would be asleep.” Now that I saw her face, I was stunned. She was tall, with striking features and deep red hair. She looked like a goddess. I blurted out, “Wow! You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” She smiled. 

“And I have never seen a Sun Summoner. I’m Genya. Pleasure to meet you.”

“I’m Alina. Pleasure to meet you too.”

“Well, the General sent me to get you ready to meet the Tsar. Good that you had a wash last night.”

She then turned towards the servants, who were gawking at me and said, “Fetch my kit and leave us be.” The servants seemed to have snapped out of their reverie. A couple of them were making weird symbols at me? Wow. Once they left, I turned to Genya.

“If they are that afraid of Grisha witches, why come to the Little Palace?” 

“No Alina. They were praying to you.”

“Me?! Why? That’s just ridiculous.”

“You don’t understand what you mean to us. But more of that later. Now sit. We have to get you ready.”

“I can get dressed by myself.” She opened her kit. I peered into it out of curiosity. It had multiple vials filled with a variety of things; gold dust, coal, rose petals, some feathers and even bugs

“Sit. We can talk as I work on you.” I sat down. She erased my dark circles and the cuts and wounds I had sustained in my attack. She added some tint to my lips from the rose petals. I looked fresh with a rosy glow. 

“That is amazing! But, you are not a Healer or a Fabrikator. What are you?”

“I’m a Tailor. I operate between the two orders. I can fix, but I can also modify.”

“I’ve never met a Tailor before.”

“I’m almost as rare as you, though I’d hardly say saving the Queen from sagging tits makes me as important as you. Important to the Queen, of course, and she does not like to see cracks in her porcelain.” I snorted

“But honestly, I’m envious of your skills. You could be a master of disguise. Once the Fold is gone. I’m useless. But your skills will always be needed. Both in times of war and at peace. It might be a silly thing to ask but, I have to: can you make me look like a tree?

Genya arched her eyebrows, “Do you want to look like a tree?”

“No. That was the first thing I could think of. It would be awesome though wouldn’t it?”

“It would. Unfortunately, I cannot do that.” She kept working on me as we talked. Now my long hair looked shiny black with bouncy curls.

“Is that why you are wearing a special kefta? Because you are unique, like the General? Fedyor said that I am the first of my kind, so I might be given a different colour and I told him that I’m partial to white. But you have already chosen that. When the time comes would you mind sharing it with me?”

She stopped working and stared at me. Although her face stayed neutral, a million emotions were passing through her eyes. Oh! Yes. That’s right. Grisha are possessive of their order and colours. I immediately said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to share it with me. I’m practically a stranger to you and I have heard Grisha love to have their own colours. And you obviously are special to get your own. You should not have to share it with me. For now I will stick with blue. I will choose a different colour when the time comes.” Her eyes turned even sadder.

“Alina. It’s not that. It’s just. You cannot wear white.”

“I get it. Don’t worry. You don’t have to share. I will choose a different one.”

“No Alina. You don’t understand. I would be honoured to share my colour with you. But I don’t wear the Grisha colours. I wear the colours of the Royal household. I share colours with servants. You are the Sun Summoner. You should wear a respectable colour.”

“We all serve someone. That doesn’t make you any less respectable.” She visibly controlled herself and nodded. She continued to work on me. 

“You are not what I expected.”

“What did you expect? Blonde, blue-eyed, Ravkan?” I joked.

“I don’t care that you are part-Shu. I meant that I expected an uncooperative First Army girl.”

“Well, I thought about being uncooperative and painstakingly going through all five stages of grief defined by Professor Kubler-Ross. But looking at the facts before me, I saw no point in wasting time on the first four stages. So, I jumped straight into ‘Acceptance’.” She laughed. Once she was done with my hair and face, she produced a pristine First Army cartographer uniform and a golden veil.

“First army uniform and a golden veil?”

“Yes. Put it on.”

“But, no Army uniform includes a veil”

“It’s purely customary.”

I reluctantly put those on. It was made of richer fabric. The First Army uniform was neither thicker nor softer like this. 

“There done.”

“Good. Come on. We ought to be on our way.” She opened the door and started walking rapidly. I followed her blowing the annoying veil out of my face.

“Stop that! No one can see you until King Pyotr does.”

“That’s just silly. You have seen me. The General had seen me. Fedyor, Ivan, other Grisha and many of the First Army soldiers have seen my face already.” She walked up to me and pushed me into walking by grabbing my shoulders.

“We. Have. To. Go.”

“Alright. Alright. But I look ridiculous.”

“Sadly, this is how the King sees the First Army. He cares little for mud, blood or sacrifice.”

“Shouldn’t I be in a kefta?”

“Oh. no. The King expects to see a humble girl plucked from the ranks of his army. He’ll want to take credit for you. You’ll get a kefta after your demonstration. By all accounts it will be King Pyotr, The Queen, Tatiana, Crown Prince Vasily, the King’s spiritual advisor, the Apparat and a few nobles and noblewomen.”

“Right. No need to be nervous at all.”

“You’ll be fine. The General will be with you.”

We had reached the entrance hall and a group of Grisha of different orders and ages were assembled there. As we entered a hush fell over. I slowed down my movements and looked back at Genya. She nodded to me to move forwards. But I stayed closer to her. A tall Grisha in red kefta came forward and introduced himself, “I’m Sergei Beznikov. Come let me introduce you to the others. You’ll walk with us.” he said.

“She is a Summoner, Sergei. She will walk with us.” a girl in blue kefta stopped him. 

“Marie. She should enter with higher-order Grisha.”

“Excuse me? The General himself is a Summoner.” Marie responded hotly.

“So you’re ranking yourself with the Darkling now?”

I was amused to see them fight over me. I whispered to Genya, “It is funny to see them fight over me. It usually is the other way around in the First Army. People would fight to not have me in their team” She smiled.

“Can’t I walk with you?”

“No. You can’t. You-”

“She’ll walk with me.” came the General’s low, commanding voice.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

The entire room went silent. The General entered the hall followed by Ivan, Fedyor, a few other Grisha from the skiff and his oprichniki. Marie and Sergi stopped their bickering and went to join their Orders. The Grisha arranged themselves in the order of Corporalki to Materialki. I stood in my spot not knowing what to do. I turned to ask Genya, but she seemed to have disappeared. The General approached me.

“Did you have a good rest, Ms.Starkov?”

“Yes, General. I did. Did you rest well?”

“I did. Shall we?”

I nodded and he led me towards the start of the procession. I stood on his right. Then we started moving.

“We will be expected to give a demonstration.”

“I anticipated it, General. I practised for a while in the morning. I was able to create a dome of light the size of your tent. I was able to hold it for twenty-three minutes and seventeen seconds. I could have gone longer, but that’s when Genya arrived. Would that be fine for the presentation?” He didn’t respond. He simply looked at me with his bottomless dark eyes and stopped walking. Did he want something more elaborate? So I added, “I thought it would be better to show something simple. I didn’t want the King to think that I had deliberately kept my powers hidden or have him think I’m more trained than I actually am. But if you think otherwise, I will do as you instruct me.”

“A dome should be fine, Alina. I was merely surprised by your preparedness.”

“Oh. A good surprise or a bad one?”

“A good one.” His lips twitched into a hint of a smile. I smiled back. We resumed our march. 

“I have to say Alina, you are not what I expected. I had expected more resistance from you, considering how long you spent your life amongst otkazat’sya.”

“You are the second person to say that to me today.”

“Who was the first?”

“Genya. I told her that I'm skipping the first four steps defined by Professor Hubler-Ross and jumping straight into ‘Acceptance’.” I said, laughing at my own joke. He made that lip twitch again. 

We entered the Grand Palace grounds. In the daylight, it looked uglier than before. Too many buildings, too many statues and too many water fountains. Everything was too much.

“I think the Grand Palace is the ugliest building I have ever seen.” He said next to me.

“I think so too.” I whispered.

“Why are you whispering?”

“For plausible deniability purposes.” He made a bigger lip twitch. 

The inside of the Grand Palace was uglier too. Too many statues and ornaments made of gold, diamonds and other precious stones. How could the King live like this when the rest of the country is dying in poverty? The throne room was tall and imposing. It was filled with noblemen and women draped in silk. The double eagle crest was displayed throughout the room in rich tapestries. On a raised dais the King and Queen were seated on two golden thrones. The King looked over forty with watery eyes and weak chin and a big round belly. The Queen was thin with skin that looked too stretched. Behind the King, a man in a long brown robe stood. He must be the Apparat that Genya told me about. Next to him stood a young man, who resembled the King. He must be the Crown Prince. I felt a wave of contempt wash over me. Thank Saints for my veil. I composed myself and we came to a halt a few feet from the throne. The King made a small finger flick. I looked at the General and at his nod removed my veil. A servant took the veil from me. The court burst into whispered murmurings. 

“I thought she would be taller,” said the King.

“I thought she was Shu. Well, I guess she’s Shu enough.” said the Queen with derision. “Tell her.. Oh, I don’t know.. Good morning.” 

I was annoyed at this. So this is what the Royalty of Ravka does; sit on their thrones and disrespect everybody, including their supposed Saviour of Ravka. I felt like I was back at the orphanage surrounded by my bullies. Funny thing is, they need me and I don’t need them. The General was looking at me. Trying to caution me from retorting, I suppose. He need not have worried, I know how to win the battles against my bullies; by never letting them get a raise out of me. 

So I said in a pleasant tone, “I don’t actually speak Shu, Your Majesty.

“Then what are you?” she asked.

I stood straighter and looked at her in the eyes and said, “I’m Alina Starkov. I’m the Sun Summoner.”

“And she will change the future. Starting now.” the General said in a booming voice beside me. With a resounding clap, he summoned his shadows. The throne room was filled with dark shadows. I could see the uneasiness of the Royal family and the noble folks. I relished a bit at their fear. 

Then the General turned towards me and said, “Now call the sun.”

That was all I needed. I called my light. I created a dome around us. I started out with the smallest level of brightness. Instead of increasing it's intensity in stages, I simply let the light flow. I closed my eyes and relished at the feel of letting out my light fully. Wave after wave, it flowed through me. I closed my eyes. I felt like I was floating. It was so refreshing to let go. I don’t remember the passing of time and I didn’t want to stop. “Alina”, I heard the General call me in a soft voice, breaking my reverie. I opened my eyes. He was looking at me with pride. “You can stop now.”, he said. That was when I noticed that I was actually floating a good two feet from the floor. I slowly took back my light and landed on the floor, gently. Oh no. I have bleached the carpet and a few tapestries white. I panicked at that. Will I be punished? The crowd seemed to have huddled closer to the walls in an attempt to shield away from my light. I seemed to have gone overboard. There were people crying and kneeling. The King was jumping up and down and clapping. He then ran towards me. He took my hands and kissed them both. I wanted to gag. The Apparat too was looking at me weirdly. It was all too much for me. I wanted to go back to the Little Palace. It took all of my willpower to not hide behind the General.

“How long will she need?” The King asked the General.

“Destroying the Fold will be no easy feat. She alone may not be able to do it. She will remain with me at the Little Palace to train.. Undisturbed.” The King did not like the General’s response, but conceded anyways.

“Then train her quickly. Our wars have been a noble pursuit, but this chatter from the West about becoming a sovereign nation, that needs to stop. The sooner we are one country again, the better.”

“Agreed.. Moi tsar.”

With that the General bowed and I copied his actions. The General turned and took my hand. When I saw several nobles approaching me, I clutched his hand and moved a bit closer to him. He must have sensed my unease because he gave me a tight squeeze and didn’t let go of my hand. The nobles, seeing that they would have to cross the Darkling to talk to me, aborted their pursuit.

“You were perfect.” The General whispered to me.

“I didn’t mean to bleach the carpet and the tapestries.”

“Don’t worry about it. Come on. Let’s go.”

We reached the Grisha who had walked with us and started our walk back towards the Little Palace. He let go of my hand only after we left the throne room. Genya appeared out of nowhere and started walking next to me. 

“Her training starts tomorrow. Order her kefta to be ready. Genya, I want it in black.” The General commanded.

“General, can I please have mine in blue? I asked.

“Alina!” Genya whispered furiously. He paused his stride and turned towards me.

“May I ask why, Ms. Starkov?”

“General, I mean no disrespect. I would be honoured to wear your colours. It’s just that, you are the General of the Second Army. You have your own colours because you have led them, won battles and have done remarkable things. But I have not done anything yet to wear your colours. I want to earn the privilege. That is why I have to refuse them.”

I looked at him as I spoke. I don’t know if I have angered him. But I meant what I said. I want to earn the privilege.

“Very well. Genya, a blue kefta please.” he said to Genya, without taking his eyes off me. Then turned and started to walk swiftly. The other Grisha rushed to follow him.

“Did I anger him?” I asked Genya.

“That is not important. Have you gone mad, Alina? He is sharing his colours with you. A privilege no other Grisha has ever received and you are throwing that away?!” Genya whispered furiously. We had reached the Little Palace grounds. The other Grisha were walking ahead of us, following the General. Genya and I trailed behind.

“In the First Army, I had a commander, who was a first born son of some Lord. He became a commander purely because of his noble status. He never saw a battlefield or a training ground. But he ordered us about like he was our Lord and Master. He was a laughing stock among us. I have heard soldiers make fun of him behind his back. I don’t want to be like him, Genya. Right now, I’m being treated special because I'm some mythical Sun Summoner come to life. I’m not yet trained. I’m not even a remotely decent summoner yet. Whatever I’m being offered right now is not because of what I have done but merely because of who I am. I meant what I said, I want to earn it all Genya.” She looked at me and smiled.

“You and your self-righteousness. But, I like you anyway. So I might keep you around.”

“Thank you, Genya. I like you too. If you are working at the Grand Palace, How can I meet you? The Palace and its people makes me uneasy. Is there somewhere where we can meet and talk? It's just, I'm new here and I feel more comfortable around you.”

“Don’t you worry. The General has assigned me to you. So you’ll see a lot more of me. I will attend the Queen, of course. But I will be here with you as well.”

“Oh! That was nice of him to do.” 

“You said that you were not a decent summoner. But, you already are doing great things Alina. I have never seen someone do what you did only six days after they had discovered their powers. It is remarkable.”

“Thank you, Genya.” We had reached the Little Palace now.

“So you have the rest of the day to yourself. I will come with a seamstress later today to get your measurements for your kefta. I will give you your schedule and a tour of the Little Palace tomorrow. Be ready for your classes.”

“Genya? Will I be seated with Grisha children?”

“No. No, Alina. You will be in advanced classes. But you have a lot to catch up. You would probably have a lot of reading to do. Your schedule will have enough time for you to browse through the library and prepare yourself.”

“There’s a library in here! Can you show me please?” 

“Don’t you want to have a meal, Alina?” 

“No I’m not that hungry. Library, please.”

“Fine. Come on now.” The Library was on the first floor. It was two storeys tall. Filled with books from ceiling to floor. It had a huge glass dome instead of ceiling. I was in complete awe. The Duke’s Library at the orphanage did not hold a candle to it.

“Close your mouth, Alina. A fly might go in.”

“I love it. This is the best place in the whole of Little Palace. I’m going to read every single book in here, Genya”

“I have never seen someone so excited to be in a Library of all places. Here you can start with this: “Basics of Grisha Theory”. You can find paper and pencils over there.”

“It was my dream to become a scholar. I was too sick as a child to be outdoors. So, I used to spend a lot of time in the Duke’s Library at Keramzin. I have read every single book in the Duke’s Library. That’s when I discovered my love for academia. My plan was to enrol in the University of Ketterdam and learn Physics and Mathematics after I retired from the First Army. Looks like I could do it here itself.”

“I’m happy for you. But, I have to go now. Read to your heart’s content. I will see you tonight in your rooms.”

“Bye Genya.”

After that I dived into reading Grisha theory. Slowly, I lost myself in my research. In addition to reading about Grisha, I needed to know about the properties of light. So on and on my research went. 

===========

“Alina!” I was startled to hear Genya’s voice. Genya was walking rapidly towards me, followed by the General himself. The General seemed angry. Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?

“General. Genya. Is everything alright?”

“Question is, is everything fine with you, Ms.Starkov? Ms. Safin was worried. It seemed that you were missing from your rooms.”

“I’m fine, General. I didn’t mean to cause worry. I was just doing a bit of reading. Are there set hours to be in the Library? Did I break the curfew?”

“No Alina. But, I left you here eight hours ago. I came to your room with the seamstress, but I couldn't find you there and I was worried.”

I was confused. I looked around to see the huge volumes of texts on the desk and tiny orbs of light orbiting me and providing me light. I don’t even remember making them.

“I must have lost track of time. I didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

“It was no trouble, Ms.Starkov. Go with Ms.Safin and finish taking measurements for your kefta. Although I have to add. I believe in proper learning. There was no need for you to skim through a hundred and fifty books if you are not going to remember any of it. I don’t know how you were in the First Army but there is no need to be so desperate for approval here, Ms. Starkov.” he said with a slightly mocking tone. I was instantly hot. How dare he suggest that I’m doing all these to gain his favour? How dare he? Who does he think he is?

“Pick a book, General. Any book from the stacks here. Open any random page and ask me what’s in it." I said flatly without letting my ire show.

“There’s no need for that Ms. Starkov.”

“Why General? Are you afraid that I would prove you wrong?” I knew it was not right to challenge him but his words had stung me a lot. 

His nostrils flared. He picked the copy of ‘The Optics of Small Science’. 

“Page 286”

I didn’t hesitate. I started reciting the entire page word for word from memory, explained my understanding of the theory behind it and stated relevant references that can be found in seven other books from my piles. Once I was done, he stared at me and I stared right back at him. He broke his silence first.

“You should go with Ms. Safin, Ms.Starkov.”

“I will, General. But before I leave, I wish to clarify something. I only approached you with my questions and shared my progress with you because our powers are complementary to each other and I genuinely believed that you could help me. I thought of you as my mentor. But had I known you only saw that as my desperate attempt to gain your approval. I never would have made an effort. Thank you for letting me know how you feel. I will not bother you again, General.”  I said with a calm finality in my voice eventhough I was burning on the inside with anger.

With that I collected my notes, dissolved my orbs and started walking towards my rooms. I was used to such belittlement, but today it hurt a lot and had wounded my pride. I could hear Genya’s footsteps rushing after me. I controlled my emotions hastily. I did not want her to report back to him about my mental state after his comments today. She caught upto me and kept stealing glances at me. But I was fuming on the inside with hurt and anger to talk to her. The seamstress was waiting in my room. She took the measurements and left. I sat on my bed. Genya, sat next to me.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No Genya. I’m still too angry.”

“Here. I bought you some pastries from the Grand Palace. A bit of sugar can work wonders on your mood.”

I ate the pastry she gave me. It was good. 

“Thanks Genya. It tastes wonderful”

“Come. Get changed. Time for bed. You have a very busy day tomorrow. Sleep. Things will be better once you sleep it off.”

Genya pulled the covers once I had finished changing. She tucked me in.

“Genya?” Thank you for today. I would have been lost without you.”

“No worries, sunshine. I need to sleep at the Grand Palace. But I will come in the morning to fetch you for breakfast and to give you a tour of the Little Palace.”

“Good night, Genya.”

“Good night. Alina.”

She lowered the lights and closed my door. I lay awake for a while, thinking through the day’s events. I hated that it ended on a sour note. I did not want to think about the General’s words, so instead I started thinking about Genya. She was pleasant, friendly and not superficial. We had only met today, but it felt like I had known her ages. Why did the General have her working at the Grand Palace? Was it some sort of punishment? But that would mean he does not trust her. No. No, the General trusts her. Otherwise, he would not have assigned her to me.

A sudden epiphany struck me. Oh! That’s right. The General trusts her! That is why he sent her to the Grand Palace! To spy for him. And Genya’s position is perfect. The Grisha in the Little Palace think of her as an outsider due to her wearing servant garb and the Royal family think of her as a servant and not a proper Grisha, so they are likely to have loose lips around her.

Interesting. So Genya is a spy and the General has assigned her to me to spy on me and read through my correspondence I suppose. This stung even more than before. I thought he of all people would not care that I was half-Shu but looks like I was entirely wrong about him. Let him spy on me all he wants, I thought angrily. I have nothing to hide. I will let him underestimate me, keep him under the illusion that he has control over me.  I felt bad for Genya though, being put in a position like that. Having to spy on friends and being isolated from other Grisha. Slowly I drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

The next day, Genya woke me up bright and early with my new blue kefta. As she got me ready we spoke about how she came to the Little Palace. I was amazed to hear that she had started working on herself from three years old. She was then gifted to the Queen at eleven years old when the testers found her. It shocked me that the General had her working at the Grand Palace when she was only a child. I get that he needed an unassuming spy. But to send a child amongst those wolves did not sit right with me.

“Do you have family, Genya?”

“I lost my parents early. A distant aunt from my mother’s side raised me. She didn’t like me very much. So when the testers found me, she was happy to wash her hands off me. The Little Palace has been my home since then.” We were silent for a while as I buttoned my kefta; a deep blue coat with golden embroidery. I loved it.

“My story is similar to yours. I lost my parents when I was six years old. I have a remarkable memory, but for some reason, I only remember vague snippets of my life before Keramzin. I don't remember my parents’ faces. It is always a blur when I try to recall. Someone found me sitting by the edges of the Fold covered in blood and cuts, too shocked to speak. They took me to the orphanage. The orphanage matron later told me that I never spoke a word for seven months. They thought I was a mute. And then one day, I snapped out of it and I started to speak. Told them my name, and that my parents died in the Fold. But when they pressed for details it was blank. The church doctor said that I must have witnessed something truly traumatising, that my mind has created a block to prevent me from remembering it.” Genya looked pained hearing my story. Her eyes looked misted. “I’m truly sorry Alina.”

“Whatever for? I don’t remember it anyway.” She pulled me into an unexpected hug. After a while I hugged her back too. It was nice to have Genya. I miss Mal and Alexi terribly. But having Genya around is helping me cope in this new environment. She let go of me.

“Here. Your schedule. Keep it with you till you get used to it.”

“No need. I have memorised it already.”

“Right. I should have known. How did you do that yesterday? Recite the books that you had read or read so many books in such a short span of time.”

“Oh that.” I flushed a bit. I don’t know how Genya would react. But I said in a soft voice, “I can read very fast. Thirty-five thousand words in a minute to be exact. I timed it." I admitted sheepishly at her look of disbelief. "I also remember everything I read and have a perfect recall.” I confessed, waiting for her judgement. But none came. She looked surprised but gave me genuine smile and said, “You are something, Alina. A genius Sun Summoner. What will we do with you?” I flushed again.

“Come. Let me take you to the Dining Hall. You have a busy day ahead.” She held out her hand and I held on to it as we walked. 

“I’m famished. Will you have breakfast with me?”

“I can’t Alina. I do not serve in the Second Army. You, however, should sit at the Etherealki table along with the other summoners. Each Order eats with their own.”

“That’s just silly. It’s very early, the dining hall must be practically empty. I hardly know anyone. I’m sure the General won’t mind, if we sit together. If anyone says anything, I have just about perfected the cold hard stare of the General, I can stare them down and remind them of the fact that I’m the Sun Summoner.” I gave her a wink and made a perfect impression of the General. Genya laughed out loud.

“And here I thought you were a goody two shoes. You are a minx, Alina.” I giggled at that. 

We reached the dining hall. The dining hall had only ten people in it. Some were seated in the divans, some were near the samovars, some were eating at the three long tables set in the middle in a triangular fashion. A hush fell over, as they spotted us. I just ignored them and pulled Genya towards the tea tray. She was hesitant and uneasy. But, I pretended not to notice. Genya has become my friend in the two days I have known her. If the other Grisha wanted to be my friends, then they should learn to respect Genya as well.

We poured some tea and took two slices of bread each and moved towards the tables. I didn’t want Genya to feel more uncomfortable. So we sat at the end of the Etherealki table. I could sense the disapproval from the other Grisha. But I did not care. I acted casually and made small talk with Genya. Initially she kept looking around the room, but slowly she lost her uneasiness and we started conversing normally. Genya told me how the General gave us normal peasant food like Rye bread, pickled herring to keep us grounded. I thought that it was a pointless sentiment, considering how we are eating the said peasant fare from gold-trimmed porcelain dinnerware. But I'm new to these customs so I did not comment on it and nodded along. As we were starting our tea, a familiar red coat approached us.

“Alina. You gave an excellent demonstration yesterday.”

“Fedyor! How have you been? I didn’t get a chance to speak with you after the attack.”

“I’m fine Alina.”

“Come sit. Join us for breakfast.” He hesitated a bit. But sat next to me at the Etherealki table with his tea. 

“Did you sustain any injuries? The General didn’t give out much details.”

“No Alina. I was fine. I was shot but the kefta saved me.”

“What happened?” Genya asked. I told her about the Druskelle attack. Fedyor filled in on the details that I had not witnessed. Some of the other Grisha grouped around us as well. Forgetting their orders they sat  around me as the story went on. 

“You kicked the Darkling in his face?!” A Fabrikator asked in shock and awe.

“In my defence, I did not know it was the General, I thought it was a Druskelle trying to kill me.” Then the questioning started.

Where was I from? From an orphanage in Keramzin. 

Were you a cartographer? Yes. 

How many Volcra did you kill? Not sure. I was unconscious for that part. I summoned only after a volcra clawed my back trying to rip me apart. 

“I heard you killed hundreds of them!” a young Inferni cried. 

“I’m sorry to disappoint you. I was really unconscious. You’d have to ask the others who were on the skiff that day.”

Before another round of questioning began, Genya tapped me. 

“Sorry. I have classes today. I will speak with you all later. Bye Fedyor. I’m glad you are okay.” He smiled and said, “Alina, If you need anything don’t hesitate to come to me.”

“Sure. Bye!” With a small wave to Fedyor and the others we moved. The others waved back and smiled at me as we left. As we exited, I saw the Squaller girl from the skiff, sitting on the other end of the table, next to the General’s seat, scowling at me. Genya looked pensive as we walked towards the east wing of the Little Palace. 

“We can eat in my room from now on,  if today had been uncomfortable for you.”

“No Alina. It’s not that. I have never sat at that table before. It felt nice.” We started to chat normally after that. She showed me around the Little Palace and I fell in love with it. It was well thought out and built with care and attention to every last detail. Genya showed me the door to the Corporalki laboratories and then forcibly pulled me back by my collar when I tried to enter it. I was bummed to learn that only Corporalki are allowed inside. She then showed me the Fabrikators lab. We were allowed inside and it quickly became my second favourite part in the Little Palace. Hopefully they'll allow me put my understanding of science into practise in the lab. Next, she took me on a long walk on the Little Palace grounds. We were almost close to the forest line. She stopped in front of a single path leading to a hut. I was curious as to who lived there.

“I have to part ways here, Alina. You have a summoning class with Baghra. She is a whacky old woman and everybody hates her. But the Darkling keeps her around as she produces results. She will teach you more about summoning and the small science. Good Luck. I will see you later.”

I nodded and we parted ways. The Hut was more of a shack; barely standing upright. Why would anyone live all the way down here when there is a perfectly comfortable palace? I knocked and nobody answered. It was unlocked so I opened it slowly and peered inside. It was dark and sweltering hot. The only light was coming from a fireplace at one end. I called my light to create a bit more visibility.

“Hello?” I asked with uncertainity.

A bony figure came out of the shadows. “A Sun Summoner.” She said as she approached me closer. She looked surprisingly young up close but she was sickly thin and almost skeletal in appearance. I also observed that she was in a ratty old dress and not in a kefta. “A myth come alive and you could only produce this sorry excuse of a light?”

I was taken aback by her harsh tone. “No. I could produce more. I was trying to light my way not burn the hut down.” I assured her hurriedly.

“Show me, Girl.” She ordered instead with impatience

The hut was is no shape to withstand the full strength of my light. “I don’t think that’s wise.” I replied curtly.

“Oh. You think you know better than me?” she snarked.

“Show me, Girl.”  That was it. My last straw of patience vanished into thin air. If she goes blind that’s on her. I summoned the brightest possible dome of light. I saw her struggling to look at me. I felt a bit vindictive, so I kept increasing the intensity of it. She covered her eyes and finally bit out, “Alright, enough, girl.” The front of her dark, well worn dress was bleached to a pale shade of grey and I stifled my smile at the sight of it. Hopefully she will start taking me seriously from now on.

“Don’t act smug, girl. You think that light show was enough to get rid of the Fold.”

“I could go on, if you want.”

“Enough. Sit and do as I say.” I sat down in a rickety old chair.

“That was nothing. You need to summon more.”

“Sure. But I need help in understanding the science behind it as well. The theory books are fine, but it does not ans-” She whacked my shin with her cane and I yelped in pain and surprise.

“You do not get to ask questions here. I will speak and you will listen. You do exactly as I ask you do. Got it, girl?”

I rubbed my bruised shin and glared at her. So that’s how this is going to be, uh? Intimidation or threat of pain has never worked on me. So, I accepted the challenge. Let’s see who gives in first.

“Yes, Baghra. I will do exactly as you say.”

“Now get out.”

I exited the hut at once. I walked straight, not giving her staisfaction of seeing my pain. I had hoping to see Genya but instead two oprichniki were waiting for me outside. 

“I’m sorry. Are you here for me?” No response other than a nod. “Did you need something?” Again no response beside a shake of their head. Weird.

“Are you not allowed to speak to me?”

“What are your names?” Still no response. 

“Fine I will name you myself then.” 

“...”

“Last chance. If you don’t answer I will give you girls’ names.”  Not even a twitch. 

“Fine then. Nice to meet you Kira and Kristina.” I greeted them pleasantly. Their stone faces showed nothing. I started walking and they trailed behind me in silence. I hated having guards on me. But it was a necessary evil, I suppose. 

============

I had a hurried meal in the dining hall. I met Marie and Nadia, an Inferni and a Squaller pair. They took me to the training grounds with them. They talked the whole way without needing much input from me and I was happy to let them chatter away. Our combat trainer was Botkin Yul-Erdene. Master Botkin was a Shu, like me. He spoke with a heavy accent and had a thick scar running along his neck. He made me run around the palace grounds for endurance training. I tried following the breathing techniques that Mal had taught me which were useless after the first couple of rounds. But I was grateful for the opportunity to build my usually weak body. Followed by the endurance training he made me do combat training. Since I was a beginner, he did not pair me with anyone. Years of seeing Mal fight. I have memorised the moves, but implementing them was another thing. 

Master Botkin yelled, “Block!” for the third time. ‘Use your body to your advantage, Alina. You are not strong. But you are small. That means you can be quicker than your opponent. Be smarter. Be swifter. Read your opponent.’  I heard Mal’s voice, coaching me. I was able to block the fourth and fifth time. When the training ended, I was quite happy that I was able to do a decent job on my first attempt. I vowed to train everyday. I do not wish to be helpless in the face of another attack. I reached my room and had a good soak before dressing for dinner.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I knew I needed to speak with Alina after yesterday’s incident at the Library. But, I was furious. I have waited many centuries for my Sun Summoner. My greatest weapon to bring forth the Golden Age of Grisha. Here she is and I’m beyond frustrated. Frustrated that things are not going the way I want it to. Frustrated that she is not behaving like I expected her to. She came here two days ago, she should have been scared, scared of the new place, its people and me. She should be seeking comfort and reassurance. But, she did nothing like that. She is walking and talking as if she had been here for years. Not a single sign of discomfort. I thought back to the events of yesterday:

It had started out great. I got a surprisingly early response from the Grand Palace. Ivan, perfect as always, had prepared the Grisha, in spite of his lack of rest. Genya worked her magic on Alina and she looked radiant. I purposefully revealed the expectation of a demonstration from the Tsar only as we were walking towards the Grand Palace. She may be a quick learner, but performing before the King is a daunting task, especially for someone like Alina. I did it to throw her off her game. I wanted her to turn to me for support. I was smug at my clever little scheme. But nothing of that sort happened. She was not even remotely fazed by it. Apparently, she had anticipated and practised for it. Centuries of practise helped me keep my annoyance at bay. I waited for her bravado to drop in the throne room. Instead, she stood tall and declared to the whole court that she is the Sun Summoner and burned bright like the sun she is; till the carpets were bleached. I was proud of her, despite my annoyance. 

When she clutched my hand and moved a little closer to get away from the nobles, I was elated to find a small chink in her armour. Wanting to exploit it, I ordered Genya to dress her in a black kefta; as a sign of her status and my protection. But she refused it and gave some flimsy excuse about wanting to earn it. Not wanting to display my annoyance at her constant disobedience, I ordered Genya to give her a blue kefta and walked away. If she thinks she knows better than me, then she is in for a rude awakening. She will learn her lesson soon, I will make her come to me. While my anger was simmering in the back of my mind, I focused on the never ending paper work on my desk.

Just when I thought my anger had subsided, I encountered a worried Genya in the hallway who informed that Alina was not in her rooms. Genya had left her eight hours ago in the library and not a soul had seen her since. My anger rose through the roof. It has not even been a day and she has started creating problems. When we reached the library, I saw her surrounded by volumes of books and tiny orbs providing her light. She was not even reading, she was just rapidly flipping through the pages. That pretentious little attention seeker! Gone were the plans of playing her shining White Knight, keeping my face neutral and every word dripping with condescension, I called her out on her pathetic attention seeking behaviour. I must have struck a nerve as she then challenged me. When I picked a random book, I expected her to give a condensed version of the text as a show of her ‘intelligence’. But I did not expect her to recite the entire page word for word from memory and provide an accurate understanding of the theory along with seven other related references. I was too angry to be awed and as a parting shot, she vowed to never seek me out again. I wanted to scream and break something in my murderous rage. But I simply watched her go.

I came out of my reverie. I need to speak to her. I cannot let her resent me. I need her for my plans. I will act normal, pretend like nothing had happened and we will sweep the unpleasant incident under the rug and move on. I’m the General of the Second Army, surely she cannot expect me to apologise to her. Decision made, I called for Ivan.

“Ivan!” he came into my study.

“General.”

“Bring me Ms.Starkov.”

He returned a few minutes later with Alina in tow. I looked at her carefully. She looked pleasant as ever. No signs of anger or resentment. Looks like she wishes to bury the hatchet as well. Good. Once Ivan left the room, I turned to her.

“Alina.” I said in a pleasant tone.

“General.”

“How were your classes today?”

“Fine, General.” I waited for her to continue, but nothing happened. She looked back at me with her genial smile and said nothing more.

“I heard you did a decent job in today’s combat training.” I threw in a praise as a peace offering. She nodded and smiled, but did not comment further. Fine. If little Ms. Starkov thinks I’m going to apologise, she is sorely mistaken. Two can play the game. 

“That will be all, Ms.Starkov.” I said in a very dismissive tone. Without looking up from my report, I pointed to a door on my right and said, “This door would lead you to the hallway to your suite.” 

Neither my dismissal nor my aloofness put her off, she made a curt bow and left through the door. Her demeanour remained unchanged. She was unaffected by our interaction. I found Alina to be as equally frustrating as my mother. Once she left, I crushed the report I was writing and tossed it into the fireplace watching it burn with a grim satisfaction.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

My life at the Little Palace was busy. My mornings were filled with advanced Grisha classes, combat training, summoning practice at the Summoner’s pavilion and so on. My evenings were spent working alongside the Fabrikators in their labs and my nights were spent in the library reading through hundreds of books and I loved every single minute of it. I never had a chance at proper schooling at the orphanage. We were taught letters, numbers, Ravkan history and nothing more. My only source of higher learning had been the Duke’s library. I had always wanted more, but never had the means to get any. Here at the Little Palace, with its unlimited resources I’m devouring every bit of knowledge I could get. I kept challenging myself and pushing my limits, not just in academics but in summoning as well(Without any help from Baghra, of course. That grouchy woman and I are at an impasse). Everytime, I broke through a barrier, I felt exhilarated. I finally felt in my element and I was thriving. 

Genya and I have become fast friends. Both of us had busy schedules and any time we could spare, we spent it together. We ate at the dining hall together in the mornings and walked around the garden when time permitted. I never had a friendship with another woman before, not for the lack of trying on my part. It was mainly because many couldn’t see past the Shu part of me. But with Genya, it was different. Both of us knew what being an outcast feels like and we bonded in no time. 

When Genya was unavailable, I found company in Fedyor, much to the chagrin of Ivan. Fedyor was a kind soul and in a way he reminded me of Alexi. Being in his presence helped ease some of my own grief over Alexi’s death. I enjoyed being in his calm presence and he had soon become my steady friend. But whenever Ivan saw me with Fedyor, he either scowled at me or outright glared at me. It was one such time that I learnt that Ivan and Fedyor were married. We were having dinner one night. I was sitting at the Corporalki table with Fedyor, when Ivan walked in. The moment he saw us sitting together, he walked straight to me:

“Starkov. We sit with our own Orders. You have been here long enough to understand that.”

“We are all of the Second Army. Why does it matter, where we sit?”

“Those are the rules. It is not for you to question, it is for you to obey.”

“You should then read my personnel file in the First Army, I have broken plenty of rules.” I replied cheekily.

I could see Ivan’s veins ready to pop out in anger. I try to be as non-confrontational as possible. But for some reason, I enjoyed antagonising Ivan. It was like poking a bear with a stick. It is stupid and dangerous, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Before he could stop my heart in his anger, Fedyor stepped in:

“Vanya, stop it. Alina is my friend. I invited her to sit with me, since I was eating dinner alone.” Then he turned to me and said, “I have to apologise for my better half’s behaviour. He means well.”

“Wait. Better-half? You are married to each other?!” Fedyor’s smile dropped at that and Ivan looked murderous. Before they could misunderstand me further I added:

“I’m so shocked. How on earth did he manage to seduce you with his never-leaving scowl and grumpiness?” I asked with an over dramatic flair. The smile returned to Fedyor’s face and Ivan’s murderous rage reduced to a deep angry scowl. 

“Did he serenade you with love songs in secret? Did he read you poems when he courted you? You have to tell me.” I continued in the same dramatic shocked tone.

Fedyor giggled at my theatrics and said, “Ivan is very sweet when he chooses to be.” Ivan looked affronted at that and walked off muttering a string of curses. Fedyor and I laughed. 

The next day, I woke up before dawn and slid the drawing I made the previous night under Fedyor and Ivan’s door and ran back to my room. It was a drawing of a scene from Romeo and Juliet. Instead of Romeo, I drew Ivan holding a balalaika, singing to Fedyor who was smiling at him with love from a balcony. However I drew Ivan with his usual deep, angry and grumpy scowl. I had even added veins popping out on his forehead for extra effect. I was quite pleased with my work. But, self preservation made me take caution so as to not to run into Ivan that day. But, luck did not favour me and I ran into the both of them as I was returning from the Summoners’ pavilion. Fedyor was practically beaming at me while Ivan looked like he wanted to dunk me into the nearby pond. Fedyor thanked me for the drawing and said that he absolutely loved it. So, I counted that as a win.

Although my days were bright, busy and filled with endless distractions, my nights were restless with nightmares and horrors. I kept dreaming about Alexi’s torn image. His dead form with guts hanging out, kept asking me to walk with him and to remember what I had forgotten. His pale arms with broken protruding bones would wrap around my wrists and pull me towards the burning skiff surrounded by Volcras. Everytime, I broke his hold, trying to turn away, his cold, dead fingers would hold my face and kept telling me to remember. And then I would wake up in a cold sweat.  This became a recurring nightmare. Every night, I woke up with cold sweat and dread. Thanks to these night terrors, I was only getting three to four hours of sleep every night. It was a good thing that I can function on less sleep. So my daily routines were yet to be affected. Genya kept tutting at my deepening dark circles and lack of sleep. She assumed it was due to my late night readings at the library and I didn’t correct her. As much as I loved Genya, a tiny part of me feared that Genya might not understand or care for Alexi’s death. So I kept battling on alone.

As my sleepless nights grew, my urge to write to Mal increased. Every night, I saw Alexi’s dead face, I feared for Mal’s safety. I needed to know if Mal was alive and well. During our time in the First Army, we were not always stationed together. But, we wrote to each other every chance we got. It was not just a reassurance, but a promise to each other. Promise to come out of this war alive and live our lives the way we deserved to be. This has been the longest we went without writing to each other. I know that the General would keep a close watch on my correspondence and would probably not send my letters at all, stating safety concerns. And, considering how the General and I were at odds with each other now; I didn’t have much confidence that my letter would be sent. But, I decided to give it a try anyway. I drafted a letter and handed it to Genya. I had not mentioned anything about the Palace, the General or my training, hoping it would entice the General to send my letter. The Royal Palatial Post is the fastest postal service in Ravka. In ten days time I will know my answer whether the General had sent my letter or not. If he had not, then I need to figure out another way to send letters to Mal. Mal may not be important to him, but he is important to me.

================

A month had passed since I came to the Little Palace. I faced another issue in the form of the Apparat. Since my demonstration at the Grand Palace, I have noticed the Apparat’s interest in me. Time and again, I had seen him staring at me from afar, whenever I was outside in the Little Palace grounds. I found it extremely disturbing. Since he never neared me and my oprichniki guards were close by, I didn’t fear my safety. But I kept a look out for him whenever I was outdoors. 

However, as days passed, I started noticing that he had become bolder and had started stalking me everyday. He didn’t seem to care that I had spotted him. Due to my mounting uneasiness, I mentioned this to Genya. She was not very concerned about his behaviour. She asked me to ignore him as he is harmless. But he didn’t look harmless to me. He looked like a person on the brink of insanity. I could see the greed in his eyes everytime he looked at me and it sent chills down my spine.  

To escape my nightmares, during the past few days, I had taken up some late night reading in the library. I was so engrossed in one of my texts that I didn’t see the Apparat enter. When a shadow fell over my pages, I looked up only to recoil in shock. How long has he been standing and watching me? I did not know if the oprichniki were outside or not.  It took all my effort to not show any fear or surprise on my face. With a casual, disinterested air, I asked him:

“Yes? How may I help you?” He looked hungrily at my light orbs that I had created for reading.

“Alina Starkov. I believe we have never been properly introduced before. I’m the Apparat, the King’s spiritual advisor.” He moved closer with each sentence. The stench of mildew made me want to gag. But, I restrained myself from getting up and walking away. ‘Never let your opponent see your fear or weakness.’ I let Master Botkin’s voice wash over me. 

“An oversight, I suppose. But what could warrant such a visit at this late an hour? There are more sociable hours during the day to make an introduction.” I asked with more authority in my voice this time. He smiled creepily at that.

“It is true. But Sankta Alina is always busy, surrounded in the shadows of the Darkling. One cannot come past that, can we?” 

‘Sankta’ that explained his interest in me. If there’s one thing about the saints of Ravka, it's that they don’t need to be alive to be worshipped. I simply raised my eyebrows at that. He continued:

“Right now, there are altars being built for you in every corner of the country. Hundreds of people praying to you for hope. You are becoming dangerous, Sankta. With hope comes suffering. I believe you will suffer more, Alina. Because suffering makes a saint.”

He pulled out a red book from his robe, “Here, a small gift from my personal collection. I hope it enlightens your soul.” 

“Thank you.” It was a copy of ‘ istorii sankt’ya ’. I accepted it without a smile. 

“I hope we talk more in the future Alina, because I want us to be friends.” 

He stood for a minute and then walked away blending into the shadows and disappearing all together. That’s why I didn’t hear him come in! There must be secret pathways inside the library. I was struggling to calm my racing heart. My constant nightmares mixed with this insane man’s words created a sense of foreboding. I know I need to put an end to this and I need to do it now. I walked out of the library towards the General’s room with my notes and the Apparat’s gift. I know we were at odds with each other, but if there is one man who could keep the Apparat away from me, it is the General. His door was thankfully open. I peered inside, he was standing over the map table without his kefta, deep in thought. I hesitated a bit. He must have sensed my presence, so he turned around. He looked a bit surprised to see me.

“Alina.”

“Am I disturbing you?”

“No. Come in. Why are you still up?”

“I was in the library, doing a bit of light reading.”

I came in. He must have seen something in my face. He looked concerned.

“Here. Have this. You look a bit shaken.” He offered me a drink. I took a sip. It was bitter, so I placed it back on the table. 

I must have made a face, for he chuckled lightly and asked, ”Not a fan of kvas?”

“It is bitter and I don’t like bitter.”

“It is an acquired taste. What happened Alina?”, he asked gently.

“The Apparat, is he a friend or a foe?” I asked point-blank.

“Why do you ask? Did he come into the Library?” I nodded. “What did he want?” The General asked with more of an edge in his voice.

“He called me a saint. Told me that altars are being built throughout Ravka and people are  praying to me for hope. He said that I’m becoming more dangerous and that with hope comes suffering and I will suffer more because suffering makes a saint. He then gave me this book and disappeared into the shadows. He had been stalking me since I arrived here. But he kept his distance and I made sure never to be alone outdoors. I just didn’t expect him to come inside the Little Palace or to know where exactly I would be at this hour.”

As I finished, the General looked murderous. He didn’t say anything for a while. His shadows started to fill the room and grew more and more thick. I cast my light and dispelled them. That seemed to break him out of his reverie. 

“I will take care of him, Alina. Don’t worry. I will not let any harm come to you. You are safe here. Let me take care of it.”

“General, that doesn’t answer my question. Is he someone I should be afraid of? You said that I will have attempts on my life in the future. Is he one of them?”

“Alina. He is a necessary evil. But you need not worry about all these things.”

“General, when I come to you with a concern, I do not need a pat on the head. I need answers.” I said with exasperation.  As soon as I said those words whatever gentleness his eyes held, left.

“Ms. Starkov. When I tell you something, I need you to listen to me. Do you honestly think that I would leave anything to chance when it comes to your safety? Why must you feel the need to defy me everytime? Do you think you know better than me?”

“For Saints sake! if I didn’t trust you or if I had thought I knew better than you, would I be standing here in front of you? I’m not trying to antagonise you. You always think I’m making a personal attack on you and take offence to everything I have to say. ”

He looked thunderous. “I think you should leave Ms. Starkov. The Apparat issue will be sorted.” I wanted to yell and shake some sense into the man. But, I know I cannot lose my temper now. I need him to understand where I’m coming from. I took a deep breath and reigned in my frustration.

“Tell me General, do you not trust your shadows?” He looked confused at the question.

“I do. Why do you ask Ms. Starkov?” he asked coldly.

“Then why do you have three Grisha steel knives tucked in your boots? Or why do you make us do combat training without our powers? You want us to be prepared for any situation. Right? I’m trying to do the same. By not showing me who my enemies are you are leaving me exposed and defenceless. It doesn’t matter, if you put twenty guards to watch me day and night. Any defence can be broken with patience and time. If I’m caught in a tricky situation, I need to know whom to trust, till help arrives or till I find my way back to you. Only the paranoid survive, General. Trying to be cautious does not mean, I don’t trust you or your protection. It is simply me, preparing for a situation, where you cannot protect me.”

He stood staring at me without saying a word. I waited a beat or two and then sighed in defeat. It was like talking to a brick wall. Looks like I have to do this by myself. I decided to leave.

“Alina. The Apparat is not to be trusted. It is true that altars are being built for you and the Apparat is fanning the flames. I will tighten your security. But, if you notice him anywhere in the Little Palace, come to me and if I’m not there, go to Ivan or Fedyor. They’ll know what to do.”

I nodded. 

“And Alina, I apologise for how I behaved. You are always welcome to approach me with anything you want.”

“Thank you General. I will leave you to your work. Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight, Alina.”

With that I went to my room. That night I had a restful sleep.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

The Apparat did not bother me again. In fact, I didn’t see him again anywhere in or around the Little Palace, not even in the outskirts where Baghra’s hut stood. Although I was relieved, I kept my guard up anytime I stepped outside of my room. The General and I went back to our cordial relationship. His eyes no longer held that cold anger. We have brief conversations now and then, each lasting about ten or fifteen minutes. During our chats, I noticed that the General who is usually a very stoic and serious man, has a dry sense of humour that pops out in between our conversations. It was a different side of him and I found it interesting. It often left me with a smile. I tried to bring it out of him whenever I could.

My nightmares, however, had not receded. Everyday I grew more and more tired, restless and grouchy. My only outlet was my combat training with Master Botkin. After completing my Shu language training, I sought Master Botkin's help to speak Shu like a native. As we trained, we interacted in Shu. He taught me meditation techniques and how to focus my mind at a single point in combat. Sometimes after training, he made me his special blend of tea and talked some more about the Shu cities  he had visited, its monarchs and their traditions. Master Botkin has a serene aura about him that could calm even the most ragged of hearts and it soothed my tumultuous mind and helped me manage my nightmares.

==========

Sometimes, when one of my classes gets cancelled, Genya and I would sit on the lakeshore and talk. On a few occasions, Marie and Nadia joined us as well. They had warmed up to Genya quickly and spoke to her in a much nicer tone. On one such day, I had an unfortunate encounter with Zoya. 

Zoya had returned to the Little Palace from the front a couple of weeks ago and she would be staying here for a few weeks until her next assignment. I never had a chance to interact with Zoya as she had left for the front shortly after my demonstration. So I didn’t know much about her other than the fact that she is a squaller. Upon her arrival, Marie and Nadia filled me in on her. Apparently, Zoya is a powerful squaller, a star pupil, one of the Darkling’s favourite and the youngest commander in the Second Army. I would have been impressed by all these, if she didn’t act like a rotten bully. From the moment we were introduced by Nadia, she seemed to hate me and held me in contempt. Since then she had made several jibes at me, directly and indirectly. Whenever we ran into each other in hallways or in the dining hall, when no one was around, she called me names like; orphan trash, Keramzin stink. half-breed Shu and so on. I did not understand what I did to warrant such an animosity from her. Those insults were nothing new to me and I have heard those insults hundreds of times from a hundred different people before her. So, I never reacted and waited for her to tire herself out. But instead she grew bolder and bolder and started making off-handed remarks in front of the others. I know we would have a confrontation sooner or later where I would eventually tear her apart verbally, like I had done with all my past bullies. So, I let her have her glory till then. As I predicted, she approached me one day.

Genya, Marie, Nadia and I were having a peaceful morning on the lakeshore. We were enjoying our break and chatting about meaningless things when Zoya appeared with one of her crones. 

“Such a lovely day. Mind if we join you?” She asked in a sweet voice. I simply nodded my assent. She sat down beside me and Genya. It was silent for a while and then she started.

“Tell me Alina. How are you finding the Little Palace? It must be a drastic change from your previous.. uhm.. living situations.” She said with a fake polite tone.

“Yes. Sure.” I replied neutrally.

“Olga here was telling, how bad the peasant life is outside these palace walls. Especially in an orphanage. I heard that orphans had to root through the garbage to find proper food. I’m so glad you made it out of there. Now that you are draped in silks and have food three times a day, you must feel like being in heaven.” I felt Genya bristle next to me. No one was fooled by her faux-sympathy.

“I wouldn’t call it heaven per say. My heaven would never have pickled-herring in it.” I said with a grin. A brief flash of annoyance went over her face when I refused to take her bait.

“That is so brave of you Alina. To make a jest of your past misery. But, I’m curious to know more. Tell me what was it like, rooting through the trash for food and rags. Did you have to beg for alms as well?”

“Careful there, Nazyalensky. You are addressing the Sun Summoner.” Genya warned.

“I’m not talking to you Safin. Just because you sit at our tables now doesn’t mean you are one of us. You are not even a proper Grisha, You are just the Queen’s pet, her maid, wearing her servants’ colours. So know your place.” Zoya finished.

That did it for me. Insulting me is one thing but insulting Genya, that too in front of me, is a different business altogether. I’m going to eviscerate Zoya. Before Genya could speak, I asked, “Tell me Zoya. Marie here told me that you are the youngest commander in the Second Army. Is it true?” She preened a bit at that.

“Yes. I am. The Darkling gifted me an amplifier for that.” She said haughtily, dropping her faux- sympathetic tone.

“How lovely! But I do wonder how many of these accolades were meritorious? I mean, I heard rumours that you darken the doorsteps of a certain General at night. Do you think your titles are a reflection of such services perhaps? After all, a badge would be less conspicuous than a collar.” I said in a sweet, butter-won’t-melt-in-my-mouth voice. 

I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears. I was certain she would use her summoning on me. I saw Marie and Nadia get ready as well. But I maintained the pose of total disinterest and spoke to her as if we were merely discussing the weather.

“You listen to me, you piece of orphan Shu trash. The Darkling knows how hard I worked for all the titles. I have-”

I cut her off, “So, the rumours weren’t unwarranted after all. It’s always the insecure ones who feel the need to put someone else down to make themselves bigger to cover up their inadequacy. And you Zoya are always puffing up your chest and beating it around like a silverback gorilla.”

She sprang from her position and stood upright. Nadia, Marie and Genya stood up as well, ready to fight. I kept sitting and merely lifted my eyebrows at her. 

“You stray mutt! Just because you summoned a little light and came to live in a palace, you think you are a Grisha? an equal to me? You may be a Sun Summoner. But, I’m one of the most powerful squallers. You are nothing but an orphan Shu scum, you always will be.” 

“Ah, Zoya, Zoya Zoya.” I stood up from the ground, a picture of disinterest. “Tsk.. Tsk. When will you learn? You are a squaller. I’m the Sun Summoner. It means you are replaceable and I’m not. It means I’m not your equal, I’m your superior . There is no comparison between us. You are just another brat with a badge. Now shoo. Be on your way. Go pest someone else.” I said with a careless finger flick. Before she could cause actual physical harm, Olga pulled her away seeing the approach of my guards. Once she was out of hearing distance. I plopped back to the ground.

“Phew! What a way to ruin one’s morning. Anyways, like we were discussing before we were rudely interrupted. I’m looking for more ways to annoy Baghra and I’m open to suggestions.”

I received no response. All three stood above me with shock on their faces. It made me self-conscious. I let out an annoyed ‘What?’. 

“Oh Saints! Oh Saints! Oh Saints! That was glorious! Did it really happen? That was amazing! I cannot believe it happened.” Marie was gushing and was literally jumping up and down. 

“This is the best day ever. You fought the she-demon and won. You, my friend are a true hero. We need to celebrate this. Tonight, the four of us are going to the banya. No excuses. We are going to have lots of kvas and talk more about this.” Nadia happily announced.

“We need to share this excitement with the others. So bye. See you tonight.” Marie said pulling away Nadia. Both were chatting animatedly as they quickly walked towards the palace. Genya sat down beside me in silence.

“Do you want to turn Zoya’s hair into a burnt orange colour?” I asked.

“Probably puke green.” Genya replied. We started laughing. Once we calmed a bit, Genya said. “Alina, thank you.” 

“Don’t worry about it. So will you come with me to the banya? You cannot leave me alone with those two. They’ll talk my ears off till I go deaf.”

“Can’t. The Queen needs me for some party. But I will be free after that. I will bring some pastries and we can have dinner in your room.” she said.

“Okay then. Come on. Let’s go.” 

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I was having a bad day today. The Queen had arranged yet another cumbersome party and my attendance was required. So instead of tending to my paperwork, I spent my evening dealing with court politics. Sometimes, I wish I could use the Cut and raze them all to ground and get it over with. Ivan and Fedyor were trailing behind me. They must have sensed my dark mood so they didn’t attempt to start a conversation. I was almost at the outer grounds of the Little Palace, when I sensed a movement to my left, near one of the potted trees. Ivan and Fedyor noticed it as well. We moved cautiously and heard some mutterings. We stood swiftly in front of the intruder, Ivan and Fedyor ready to apprehend them. It was Alina, holding a bottle. She looked as startled as we were. 

“Alina? What are you doing here?” I asked. She was outside, alone at this hour without her guards. I was getting alarmed by her state. She looked unsteady and her kefta looked creased. Did something happen? Did someone attack her? Was it something worse? My worry was mounting.

“Gentlemen. So, you know who I am then. That’s great!” She exclaimed happily. “Do you happen to know where I live?  I seem to have trouble recollecting the details. Mind taking me there?”

That’s when I noticed her properly. She was a little unbalanced with wide blown pupils. She was intoxicated. Where are her guards? How long has she been standing here alone? What if someone had seen her and had abducted her? How can they be so careless?

“Alina? Are you drunk? Where are your guards?”

She giggled and said, “They think I’m still in the steam room and are waiting outside it.” What steam room? Was she in the banya?

“Come. I will deal with them later.” 

“Hold on a minute. You never told me where I live?” she asked.

“At the Little Palace.” Fedyor replied with clear amusement in his voice.

“I live in a palace?! That's why I have personal guards. I must be your Queen. That’s how you recognised me!” 

She immediately started to smooth her hair and kefta and stood a little straighter. “Pardon me, gentlemen. It must be a shock to see your sovereign in such a state of disarray. I apologise for my utter lack of decorum. But, it was a necessary one and it was all for science. So will you be kind and escort me to my palace?” She said in a very formal tone. Fedyor outright giggled and I was fighting to keep a smile off my face.

“Can I put her to sleep, moi soverenyi?” Ivan whispered. I shook my head negatively.

“That would be our absolute pleasure, your Majesty.” I offered my arm and played along. 

“Mind if I ask what matter of science needed such level intoxication?” We started moving towards the Little Palace at a much more sedate pace.

“Yes. I was concocting my version of sweet kvas. It took several tests and tries. Now I have my perfect kvas with no trace of bitterness.”

“A scientific marvel indeed, your majesty. However did you achieve that?”

“Well, I used my superior infiltration techniques and relieved the kitchens of a few bags of sugar and a few bottles of kvas. Then after several rounds of experimentation, I made the perfect sample.” She said with a flourish and proudly presented her bottle. I was smiling at her explanation.

Fedyor could not contain his bubbling laughter and said, “Did you steal from the kitchens? That’s not a very noble thing to do, your majesty”

“Outrageous! Are thou calling me a thief, sir? I will have you know that this is my palace. All of these belong to me.” she gestured wildly towards everything, almost tipping her bottle. "I will not accept this slight. Pick up your sword sir, we will battle for my honour."

“Apologises, your majesty. Pardon my ignorance.” Fedyor replied holding back his laugh.

In order to divert her attention, I asked, “It's an amazing discovery, your majesty. Will I be bestowed the gift of tasting your new kvas?”

“You may. Sometime in the future perhaps, when I make it larger samples. Unfortunately, I cannot part with this one. This is for my beautiful friend Genya. I’m to meet her for dinner.”

“She must be a very special friend to be bestowed with such a blessing.” I said.

“Indeed she is. My friend Genya is the most beautiful person in the whole of creation. She is like a .. like a mermaid, but of the land. A land mermaid.” Just as we were reaching towards the steps of the Little Palace, I saw Genya rush out of the palace doors, probably to search for Alina. She halted on seeing us. Her worried look shifted to surprise when she saw Alina with us. Alina let go of my hand and climbed the steps to reach Genya.

“Genya! My beautiful mermaid of the land. The oceans and stars do not compare to thy beauty and elegance.” I was filled with mirth at her antics, Fedyor’s shoulders were shaking with silent laughter and he was wiping away tears from his face. Even Ivan had a tilt on his lips. Genya looked very confused. Her eyes keep rapidly moving between our faces, looking for some kind of answers. 

Finally she took one of Alina’s hand and asked, “Alina, are you drunk?” 

“Inebriation is a small price to pay for making this sweet kvas. I made this for you, my lovely Genya. It is as sweet as thy smile.” with that she handed the kvas to Genya. Genya eyed it sceptically and took a sip. Her eyes blew wide open.

“Wow, it is sweet indeed. There is almost no kvas at all.”

“I know, only at a ninety-two to eight ratio the bitterness of the kvas left completely.” 

“Thanks for the gift, Alina. I will save the rest for later. Come. let me take you to your room.”

“Wait, Genya. One moment.” 

Genya stopped. Alina then turned towards us and said in a very serious voice, “Gentlemen, you have displayed loyalty towards the crown and your country today. And the crown recognises it. As a commendation, I offer you knighthoods. Come forward. From today onwards, you shall be appointed as the knights of my realm. Do you swear to honour thy oath to the crown and protect thy people with your last drop of blood?” 

Despite the silliness of the situation, Alina looked ethereal in the moonlight. I said, “I do.” without thinking. Fedyor, Ivan and Genya looked so shocked at my proclamation. Fedyor and Ivan followed by their ‘I do’s.

“By the power vested in me. I dub thee, Sir Happy, Sir Broody and Sir Grumpy as knights. Arise. Knights of Camelot.”

Genya was covering her laughter behind her hands. “Come on sirs. This way. Let me show you to your quarters.” The halls were almost empty, nobody paid much attention to us. As we walked, Alina pointed at all the little things she found interesting and talked about it. It was endearing to watch. She stopped at the library.

“This is my reading room. You are free to use it. Just don’t crack the spine or fold the pages. That would make me very cross.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, your majesty.” Fedyor replied with a giggle.

She stopped at Fedyor and Ivan’s rooms and offered it to them. Fedyor accepted it graciously while Ivan simply glared at Alina. Then she proceeded towards my rooms and peaked inside.

“Ugh. I apologise, for the state of this room, Sir Broody. Someone without an ounce of taste must have decorated it. I mean who in their right mind would use black for painting the walls and  the furniture. It looks absolutely gloomy and depressing. Will you be able to stay the night here? I will send someone in the morning to redecorate it.” Genya’s eyes almost popped out of her head at Alina's comments. 

“Thank you, your majesty. Let me walk you to your room.” I walked her towards the Vezda suite. 

“I bid you farewell, Sir Broody. I will see you at court tomorrow.” 

“Good night.” Just as Genya was shutting the door, I heard Alina’s complaint about her missing crown. She wanted her knights to search for it immediately. I smiled as I walked towards my room.

My heart felt several pounds lighter. It had been ages since I had such a good laugh. I did not feel the bone-tiring weariness for once. I felt more human. All because of Alina. We had gone back to our friendly terms. I never realised how much I missed those moments. Between our schedules I could only manage a brief ten or fifteen minute chats. But I treasured them. I enjoyed her company. It was not like the careful and cultivated ones that I maintained with the others. It was genuine and spontaneous. With Alina, I felt myself relax a bit. It was refreshing. Alina is refreshing.

Alina has several positive traits. She is witty, sarcastic, driven and loyal. She also has some glaring weaknesses like her soft heart and her very strong sense of morality. Weaknesses that could be used against her. I would hate to break her out of these qualities. But it has to be done. She needs to know how cruel the otkazat’sya could be towards Grisha. She needs to learn about her purpose, become a warrior. I would hate to see this version of Alina go. But war requires sacrifice. However, there is still time and I would let her have this.  Today was a good day. One I would cherish forever. I hope I could get a few more memories like these, before things change, memories that would stave off my loneliness in the years to come.  With that I dived into my paperwork.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

I was dreaming again. Dead-Alexi was standing beside me, holding my left hand tightly. However, this time I was unable to break away from his hold and run. Dead-Alexi was fully in control of my movements. Instead of ushering me towards the burning skiff like he had done during his past visits. He put us in the dry docks and I saw the past version of me get into the skiff with an undead-Alexi. He pulled me towards the skiff and made me stand behind them. 

With his lifeless grey eyes, he turned towards me and said, 

“I want you to see what you saw. I want you to feel what you felt and I want you to remember what you forgot.”

I nodded mutely. I was too weak to break free and dead-Alexi was in full control. I watched as the memories of that fateful day replayed again. The skiff entered into the Fold and darkness surrounded us. Nothing happened as we crossed the first marker. I felt the emotions that went through me that day. The overwhelming fear of death that I had felt that day washed over me. My head was swarming with questions on why my brain is forcing me to relive this day again and why it is forcing me to see the gruesome deaths of the people that I had grown to care for. That’s when I felt it, the tug. I turned towards dead-Alexi in shock. He looked back at me with an expression that looked like- ‘this was what I had been trying to tell you’. I then started to pay attention fully. 

Once I cleared away all my fear and followed the tug, I felt distress and an excruciating pain wash over me. I knew those emotions were not mine. They were coming from all around me, like the Fold itself was alive and writhing in pain. It was a startling realisation. For centuries, it was taught to us that the Fold was something born out of greed and hunger for power. But these emotions tell me otherwise. It almost felt like an open wound. Only instead of oozing blood or pus, it was oozing pain, loss and anger. I had always known there was more to the story of the Black Heretic than what we were taught to believe. Back at Keramzin, I had even constructed a theory of my own on what could have happened. But I never had enough facts to get the full picture. Now I have one more puzzle piece to fill my incomplete theory. Wave after wave of dismay and pain washed over me. Around me the Volcra attack was happening in full swing. But I didn’t pay attention to any of it. Questions were filling my head. Right when I thought the mystery couldn’t go any deeper. I felt the amplification call in my hand.

I looked up to see my surroundings. Mal was lying on the skiff’s floor, clutching my hands tightly as the Volcra were trying to pull me away. The call rang inside me. It was nowhere near as powerful as the General’s but the call was there, magnified by pain and distress and then light burst out of me. Immediately, I found myself standing on the empty dry docks with Alexi. He no longer looked dead. He looked alive and well. He was smiling at me. 

“What does this mean? The Fold and Mal ?” I asked him incredulously. 

“Don’t ask me. I’m just an image created by your memory. My job was only to help you recollect what you had suppressed.”

“And you thought, taking the mauled form of my dead friend was supposed to entice me into recollecting it?”

“It’s your brain. Not mine.” He said good humouredly. “So what are you going to do, Alina?”

“I don’t know. Research is out of the question. Even the Second Army would not take kindly if they found me looking for books about the Black Heretic. I’m sure the library does not hold the answers anyways. I need to find a way to figure it out. As for Mal, I’m going to keep it aside for now. It is not a pressing issue at the moment.” Memory-Alexi just nodded.

After a pause I said, “Alexi, I know you are just an imagination conjured up by my guilty conscience. But I want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you. I never knew I was Grisha. I’m really sorry that I was powerless to help you that day. When we served together, you were always worried about dying and leaving your mother alone and destitute.  I want you to know that I’m taking care of her. I’m sending her a portion of my army pay. I will make sure that she is cared for till the rest of her days. I want you to be able to rest in peace now knowing that she is being taken care of.”

“Thank you Alina. Goodbye.”

I woke with a start and sat up which was a huge mistake. The light was hurting my eyes. My head was pounding, my stomach was roiling and my mouth felt parched and cracked. I laid back down gingerly, unable to bear the weight of my head. Saints! What happened to me? Everything was hurting, even my gums. I buried inside my covers to escape the bright morning light.  I remember going to the banya and drinking kvas. Then I started running experiments on it to make it sweet. What happened after that? How did I even come here? I felt physical pain when I heard the door open with a bang. Genya is trying to kill me I think.

“Wake up Sunshine. Or should I say your Majesty.” 

What majesty? Genya was trying to pull back my covers. No way, I’m coming out of it. 

“Noooooooooo.” I held on to it tighter. “Go away Genya. Let me die in peace.”

“Sorry, your highness. Today is an important day to you. Botkin is finally going to allow you to combat train with the others. So, up you go. Get up.” she tried to pull my blankets again. I rolled over to the other side(which I regretted).

“No.”

“Alina.” 

“Genya.” She came over to the other side and started tugging my blankets again.

“Let. Go. Of. Your. Blanket.”

“Nooooo.” I held on to it for dear life and rolled over to the other side. “I’m not getting up. Master Botkin will understand why I didn’t show up today when he attends my funeral.” 

“That’s it.” Genya came over the other side but before I could roll over, she lifted me with blankets and all and dragged me out the bed and dropped me on the floor unceremoniously. I glared at her from my blanket bundle. 

She simply lifted her eyebrows and asked, “Are you ready to get up now?”

“When I die today, I will come as a ghost and haunt you for the rest of your life.”

“Sure. But before you die, go have a bath and let me fix you. That way you can look pretty when you haunt me.” I stuck out my tongue at her. 

I slowly got up from the floor wincing at my every movement. Took a quick bath and threw myself on the chair and sat before Genya. I saw her unscrew a vial. It looked like a potion.

“Here, drink this. It will cure your hangover.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up with this?.” I whined.

“Because, dragging you out of bed was more fun.” 

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t. Now, come on. Let me fix your hair. It looks like it hasn't seen a comb in a century.”

As Genya was working on me, I felt the medicine take effect. 

“So what happened yesterday? You were with Marie and Nadia then when I came in search of you I found you with the General and you called yourself the Queen of Camelot.” She asked

“I did what?!”

“You even knighted the General and offered his own rooms back to him.”

“Oh no. Genya, please tel-”

“Ah, our majesty is awake I see.” Fedyor came in with a bright smile. “Good Morning, your highness. Did you rest well?”

“Please not you too, Fedyor. Tell me what I did. Genya was telling me that I had knighted the General.”

“You did. You knighted me and Ivan too. It was such an honour, by the way.” He snickered.

I hid my face in my palms. “Please tell me everything.” And they did. I was horrified. I had made an absolute fool of myself. I wanted to bury myself in a shallow grave.

“Some friends you are. Why didn’t you hit me with a vase and knock me out? The General must think of me as a total buffoon. He is probably rethinking about keeping me in the Second Army” 

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Alina.” Fedyor patted my shoulders. “We are your friends. No one else saw and we don’t think any less of you. Besides, the General didn’t look mad. On the contrary, he looked happy. He even laughed.”

I was not convinced. “I’m going to have to apologise to him. I don’t think I can have breakfast today. My stomach can’t handle it. You two should go on without me. I will go see the General and apologise to him.”

“It’ll be fine Alina. I will see you tonight then for dinner.”

“Bye Genya. Bye Fedyor. See you later.” They closed the door as they left. I dropped back on my chair. I had a couple of hours before my first class. I gathered my notes and books and walked towards the General’s doors. I took the hallway connecting our doors. I did not want to face anyone else. Thankfully, his door was open and the guards did not stop me from entering. The war room was empty. I berated myself for not checking about his availability with Fedyor. Just when I decided to leave, I heard the General call out from his bedroom.

“Ivan! My Kefta!” Oh. He must have thought I was Ivan. I looked around for his kefta. It was draped on a chair next to the map table. I placed my notes on the table and took his kefta and walked towards his bedroom. It was just like the war room, painted black with black furniture and draped in black silk. He turned around and looked a bit taken aback. He must not have expected me.

“You’re not Ivan.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“Do I sense a little disdain for my heartrender? You know, once you get to know him, he’s actually quite funny.”

“I bet you find Volcra hilarious.” He smiled and I handed him his kefta.

“So to what do I owe this pleasure, your majesty?” He asked with a smirk as he wore his kefta. I groaned at that.

“I came to apologise for my behaviour last night. I swear. It started out as an experiment, then it went a little bit out of control.”

“No worries. It was quite funny. But the next time you feel the need to conduct experiments with alcohol, I would suggest you to do it within the walls of Little Palace to minimise security risk.”

“I’m never touching alcohol again. It is the worst! When I woke up today, everything hurt, even my gums.” He smiled. Before I could take my leave, he asked,

“So, does my taste in decor offend you Ms. Starkov?” He teased me. 

“No, It doesn’t” I said as innocently as I could.

“Really? The words you used to describe it yesterday were ‘gloomy and depressing’.”

“Nope. That wasn’t me. I would have described it as ‘tasteful and rich.’” 

“Hmm. Is that so?” He asked, arching his eyebrows. 

“Yes absolutely.” Before he could tease me further, I jumped in, “Oh! Look at the time. I have classes and I don’t want to keep you away from your duties.” and dashed out of his bedroom. I could hear his rich laughter as I fled his rooms with my things.

Once I left his doors, I went towards the Fabrikator labs to check on a couple of experiments that I had been running. As I was checking upon them my mind went back to the General. He looked relaxed this morning, happy even. I wish he could smile and laugh more. It suited him. 

===========

As afternoon rolled around, I felt much more like myself. I ate a light lunch and left for the combat grounds. Master Botkin felt that I’m now trained enough to fight in pairs. Hopefully, it turns out well. Marie and Nadia were already there.

“Are you nervous?” Marie asked.

“I am. But not much. How big of a possibility is it to get injured?” I asked.

“Very less. Even if you do get injured it won’t be a permanent one.” Nadia explained.

“Then I should be good.”

Master Botkin arrived. Just as he was assigning combat partners, Zoya arrived. I actually had to stifle my groan. Just my luck. And if my prediction is correct, Master Botkin will pair his star pupil with me to teach me the ropes and Zoya is going to use this opportunity to beat me up. After our confrontation yesterday, I knew she would try and get back at me in some way. Only I didn’t expect her to come to the training grounds. Let her come. If she thinks, I’m not going to lie down and take her beatings, she is sorely mistaken. I remember every technique Master Botkin had taught me and I will use every one of them and fight her back. As I prepared myself, just as I expected, Master Botkin paired us together. Zoya looked positively feral. Great! Just my day.

We took our fighting stances. I waited for Zoya to make the first move. She lost her patience and threw a punch which I dodged efficiently. I blocked the second punch which was aimed at my gut. I only kept defending, waiting for her to tire out. I noticed her slightly dropping her guard in her non-dominant hand. I threw a punch at her jaw before she could register. She was startled at first and then resumed full-fledged attack on me. I blocked most of them but a punch to my gut threw me off-guard. But I managed to dodge the next one. She started throwing punches left and right aiming for my skull and ribs, I kept blocking them all, but the brute force of it left me kneeling on one knee. I saw that her entirety of her focus was on my hands so I kicked her hard on her knees making her stumble, using that small lapse, I hit her again on the same side of the jaw, with all my might, making her go down hard. 

Master Botkin declared the fight as over and the other summoners applauded. I started walking towards Marie and Nadia, when I felt myself being lifted off the ground and tossed into the training ground’s brick wall. I felt my ribs crack. I rolled around just in time to see Zoya attack me for the second time. In a fraction of a second, I produced a solid shield of light. It threw back the strong wind that Zoya aimed at me, directly at her and tossed her to the ground. Master Botkin pulled Zoya off the ground and started to berate her. I clutched my ribs and sat down. It all happened so fast. I did not, for one second, think that Zoya would break Master Botkin’s golden rule of not using powers in the combat ground. 

I tried to get up but the pain was too much and I started seeing spots in my vision. So I slid back down on the ground. Marie and Nadia were rushing towards me and Master Botkin was yelling for a healer. As I slowly lost my consciousness, I found myself staring at the face of my stag. 

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

It had been a good day today. Not that I didn’t have meetings to attend or reports to write. But seeing Alina today made me feel lighter. Over the past few weeks, once I let go of my animosity, things have been better. I looked forward to our quick talks. I caught myself smiling once or twice in private and after yesterday’s incident even Ivan noticed my change in mood.

“Everything alright, sir?” Ivan asked.

“The report looks fine, Ivan. We will redirect the new supplies to Chernast that should sort this out.” He nodded and lingered a bit.

“What is it?”

“You were smiling when you were reading my report, sir.”

“Ah. Nothing to worry about.” He bowed and left. 

Although I wanted to chide myself for it, I couldn’t. Most of my memories are dark and filled with pain. It had been centuries since I had memories that could put a smile on my face and I wanted to enjoy it. Just as I was finishing my reports, Fedyor rushed in with clear signs of distress. 

“Fedyor, did something happen?”

“Moi Soverenyi, there was an incident at the combat grounds. Alina was injured. She had broken a couple of ribs that had punctured her left lungs. She is fine now. The healers have fixed her.” He hesitated a bit and then added, “It was Zoya who attacked Alina. She used her powers on Alina while training.”

I was filled with dread. Only this morning I had seen Alina hale and healthy and now in a matter of few hours she was injured. As much as I wanted to deal with Zoya, I wanted to see Alina first. 

“I will go and see Alina now. Get me a report from Botkin. I will deal with Zoya later.” Fedyor nodded and left. I walked towards the infirmary with mounting worry. Lev, our Head Healer must have anticipated my arrival. He was waiting at the infirmary entrance. He gave me a full report on her injuries. I was glad to know that Alina had no permanent damages. I walked towards her room expecting to see her asleep. But there she was resting on her bed and flipping through the pages of some book about poisons and hallucinogens. Honestly, by now I should have gotten used to being surprised by her. I simply shook my head and walked in.

“Planning to poison Zoya?”

She looked up from her book and said with a smile, “Too soon. I would be the primary suspect. I have motive and means to kill her off. I would wait a bit before I do the deed.” Her response elicited a smile from me.

“How are you, Alina?”

“I’m fine General. The Head Healer is refusing to let me go without your permission. Please tell him that I can go.”

“Alina, your lung was punctured. That is a serious injury. You need time to recover.”

“But that was two hours ago. I’m fine now. I even did a quick walk around the room when Healer Lev wasn’t looking to check my lungs. I felt no pain or shortness of breath or anything.” 

“Of course, you did.” I sighed and sat on the stool near her bed. “I will see what I can do. But Lev’s decision is final.” She beamed at me and I simply shook my head.

“What happened? I heard that Zoya attacked you?

“Yes. It was just a small skirmish.”

“Zoya will be punished for this. She will no longer have her titles. She will be just another soldier in the Second Army.” I announced.

“That seems a little excessive for a playground squabble.”

“Alina, you are the Sun Summoner. She had attacked you. She should have known better than that. Looks like I have put too much faith in my Grisha to treat you right. From now on you do not train with the others. You will have separate sessions with Botkin. This will not happen again.” I concluded angrily. The disappointment and anger I had felt on hearing that Zoya, of all people had hurt Alina made me lose my temper. Alina stayed quiet for a minute.

“General, I appreciate the gesture. But they are my peers. Someday I will have to fight alongside them. I need to bond with them and learn to fight with them. It was just one incident. I can manage it.” She said softly. Only it increased my ire.

“Of course! Why would Ms. Starkov need my help? Why do you do this Alina? Any time I try to do something for you, you always throw it at my face. Are you trying to prove that you don’t need my protection?” I was angry at her now. I hate it when we are at odds. But, I need her to trust me, atleast to an extent. I expected her to shout back at me. Instead she placed her soft hands on top of mine gently. I felt our connection flair.

“General, I appreciate every single thing you do for me. You have given me everything I have yearned for in my life; a proper education, a friendship in Genya and a companionship in Fedyor. I’m thriving here. But, like everybody else I face problems too. Some big, some small. Most of my problems, I can handle on my own. When I face an issue that is too big for me to handle, like the Apparat, I come to you. Because, I know you will fix it for me. The issue I had faced today was a minor one, a mere playground squabble. This is something I could handle on my own. It is not something I need you to fix for me. I know I’m the Sun Summoner and a lot depends on me. But if you catch me every time I fall, I will never learn how to walk. That is why I refuse your help sometimes. Because, I don’t just want to learn to walk, General, I want to fly and I cannot do that if you keep me tethered to the ground.” she finished softly. 

I felt the anger drain out of me. I pride myself at being stoic. But Alina always manages to make my emotions rise to the surface. She makes me feel unbalanced and exposed. After every interaction, I find my shields on the verge of crumbling down at her feet. I have always liked to be in control of any situation, the person who decides who does what. My past experiences had taught me never not to be in a position of power. But with Alina, I’m not able to do so. I want to indulge her. Not just because I need her for my plans or because she is my one true equal. But because, there will come a time in the near future where she will not like what I have planned and I will be forced to place a burden on her. Until that time I want her to be unburdened and carefree. I will let her have anything she wants. Maybe this way she will forgive me for what I want to do to her.  

I sighed, “Fine. But Zoya will not be let off without any consequences. She will be punished for breaking the rules.” She beamed at me. “In exchange, you will spend the night here and rest.”

“That’s not fair. I take it back. Please throw Zoya in the dungeons.” She protested.

“Rest Alina. I will see you tomorrow.” She scowled at me and muttered a goodbye. I knew that in a matter of minutes, she would find a loophole in my order and try to get back to her room. I shook my head fondly and walked towards my rooms.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

My stay at the infirmary, thankfully, did not extend beyond a day. I had a constant string of visitors that Lev was happy to kick me out of the infirmary the very next morning. An hour or so after the General’s visit, Genya came in with worry and concern etched on her face. Seeing me well, made her lose some of the tension she had been carrying but once she made sure that I was perfectly well, she became murderous. Apparently, after she had gotten the Queen ready for her evening tea, she came to the Little Palace in search of me, to ask how my combat training went. That’s when she ran into Fedyor who was hurrying back to the General to give him my incident report. Once she learned what had happened from Fedyor, she had practically run towards the infirmary to see me. Genya was so furious that she wanted to permanently rearrange Zoya’s face for what she did. I calmed her down and  told her what had happened.

“I’m glad you fought her back and made her lose her face.” Genya said.

“Yeah. Me too. I didn’t want to be defeated by her.” I paused a bit and said, “It’s just, I don’t understand what I did to her. We had never met each other before. It was like, she started hating me from the moment she laid her eyes on me. I kept wondering why she hates me. At first I thought she was a racist and she didn’t like me because of who I am. But then I saw her being perfectly fine around Master Botkin, Svetlana and Ai Xang. I don’t know what I did to antagonise her. ” I replied.

“She is jealous of you Alina.” Genya replied.

“She is jealous of me?” I was shocked. “If anything I should be jealous of her. She is so beautiful- second to you, of course. There is no one more beautiful than you Genya." Genya smiled at that. "What do I even have to be envied upon anyways? She is already a commander and I was a junior cartographer up until two months ago. She is from an affluent family in West Ravka and I’m an orphan from Keramzin.”, I finished.

“She is threatened by you, Alina. Before you came here, it was all about her. She had the General’s favour and I'm pretty sure she misunderstood their arrangement. She was a star pupil in combat training and people flocked towards her, not out of friendship, mind you, but to gain her support. Now, you have surpassed her. You are better than her and you have surpassed all her records in a couple of months. She has been here for almost two weeks and the rumour around is that the General has terminated their arrangement. She thinks he has replaced her with you.” Genya explained.

“Does she think I broke up their relationship by having an affair with the General? That’s preposterous! The General and I hardly interact outside of our respective roles.”

“No Alina. They were never in a relationship. From what I gathered, Zoya had thought it might develop into something more. The General is not the type of person to form relationships. It was a complete misunderstanding on her part. But she thinks you took his attention away. Not just his attention, but the attention of the whole of Little Palace. You did take the attention away, but not by undermining her. You are well-liked because you are a kind person. You care for others. Everybody feels at ease around you, including the General. You are genuine and she cannot compete against it because she is only pretty on paper.” Genya finished.

What a mess! I simply said, “Hmm. Atleast now she will leave me alone.”

“Oh, have no doubts about that. The General would have ripped her to shreds by now.” Genya said and rose. “I have to leave now, sunshine. Need to get the Queen ready for dinner. I will drop by after that. You rest well and get better. Bye.”

“Bye Genya. See you later.” 

I had a lot to think about after Genya left. It was funny to think that Zoya could feel jealous of me. Hopefully whatever punishment the General had doled out might make her reflect on her behaviour. 

Fedyor dropped by after that. He must have felt bad for me that he brought me some library books, papers and pencils to cheer me up. Fedyor was extremely disappointed with Zoya. Kind-hearted Fedyor did not know about Zoya’s bullying nature. He kept repeating how disappointed he was that Zoya of all people had behaved in such a way.

“It’s okay, Fedyor. I cannot expect everyone I interact with to like me. Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not about liking you, Alina. It’s what you represent. You are my friend, but above that you are our hope. Hope that someday Grisha will be accepted and not be feared. Whatever differences we may have, we should stand by your side. But she attacked you out of malice. It was extremely disappointing. Even Ivan frowned when he heard about the incident.”

He sounded so put out that I wanted to cheer him up. I said, “My goodness! Ivan had a frown? Our Ivan? Cheery-faced Ivan? I cannot even picture how the frown must have looked on his ever-smiling face. What Zoya did must have been truly rotten to bring out a frown from him.”

Fedyor laughed at that. After that Fedyor’s spirits seemed somewhat lifted. We talked for a bit and then he bid me goodbye. I might have closed my eyes for fifteen minutes or so when Marie and Nadia came in. They were angry too and kept berating Zoya. 

“I cannot believe she did that. She acted like a jilted lover. But we are glad that she was punished. We kind of lingered in the dinning hall to see what punishment the General rolled out. Glad we did. She came out of the room crying. Serves her right.” Nadia said.

“Yeah! I thought she would be demoted. But the Darkling has sent her to command the post in Chernast till the Winter Fete. That is a demotion in itself.” Marie snickered. 

As much as I wanted to feel sorry for Zoya, I couldn’t. I had lessened her punishment, which is as benevolent as I’m willing to go. Master Botkin dropped by later that evening. He did not talk much, just read a few poems from one of his books. It was soothing to listen to. Before he left, he said, “Get well, daughter.” I felt a rush of warmth at his comment. I know that Master Botkin and I shared a bond. But I did not think that he thought of me as a daughter. It felt nice.

Pavel and Polina, the Inferni siblings, dropped by to visit, followed by Sergei and then Paja. Genya visited me late at night again. It felt good to know that so many people cared about me outside of my status as the Sun Summoner. After that, I fell into a restless sleep. I did not feel safe out in the open here. So I kept waking up to even the slightest of noises. Finally, in the morning Lev cleared me to leave. I was happy to vacate the place and go to my own rooms. He had warned me against training for atleast a week and told me to come straight away to him, if I felt any changes in my breathing. I nodded, thanked him and went to my room to get proper rest.

============

With no combat training to go and no Genya or Marie and Nadia to talk to, I spent my afternoons wandering around the palace halls aimlessly. It was on one such day that I stumbled upon a way to communicate with Mal. One late afternoon, three days after my injury, I snuck to the kitchens to eat something sweet. That’s when I stumbled upon this room. Near the kitchen storage room, there was a tiny insignificant room that you would almost dismiss as another kitchen extension.This room had one of the inner walls lined with criss-cross wooden planks, forming little slots in between to hold the letters. The small slots were not assigned to specific people and there were letters placed in random order. 

That’s when it struck me, the Second Army uses the Royal Palatial Post as it has the swiftest horses and armed guards. It is the safest way to transport army correspondence. But the Little Palace had people other than the Grisha living in it - the maids, the cooks, the laundresses, groomsmen, groundskeeper and a hundred other normal people, working tirelessly day and night to make sure the Grisha maintained their bespoke appearances. They cannot use the Royal Post. They must use a different correspondence system. Just as I was about to leave, I heard two maids walking into the room. I immediately made myself invisible. Thank saints! that invisibility was one of the first skills I practised when I first came here. No one knew I could do it and it had helped me in the past when I needed to evade my guards. I held my breath and waited for them to place their letters and leave.

“Finally! With the amount of work Ana assigns me, I would have almost missed sending a letter to my mama.” the first maid said.

“Ana is the worst. Atleast we made it in time. In another two days the Post Master would have left and we would have missed sending our responses to our last letters. My Eskil would have freaked out, if I missed replying to any of his letters.” the second maid replied.

“There, placed on the top shelves. The half blind bat cannot miss it now. Now we wait another twenty days to send out our next letters. It isn’t fair that we have to use the normal postal system.” The first maid sighed.

“Don’t let Ana hear you say that. She would tan your hide for being disrespectful. Come, we cannot linger.” said the second. With that they chatted and left. I released the breath I was holding. So every twenty days the post master collects the letters to be sent and places the responses for the previous letters. Nice! This could work. This could work very well indeed.

============

Before Mal and I got sent to Poliznaya, I had come up with aliases and codes to help us send secret messages to each other, away from the prying eyes. One such alias was Isaak and Maria. We often used flowers and vegetation as our codes. If a letter has carnations mentioned in it, it means the letter was sent by the correct party. If there is a mention of lilies, it means, I’m struggling but I’m keeping my head above water and waiting for the said event to pass. Forget-me-nots means, I’m safe but cannot talk much and so on. During our time in the First Army, this code helped us convey our deeper emotions in secret till we met in person. 

With only two days until the arrival of the postmaster, I drafted my letter for Mal. Outwardly the letter looked like it had been written by a simple servant girl. But I had included all I could to get the message across to Mal that I’m safe and I wish to converse only in coded language till we meet in person. I snuck out at night and placed my letter in the pile. I had a strong feeling that this would work. Till his response arrives, I will keep up the normal one letter per week routine with Genya. That way the General would not become suspicious.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

This morning Ivan informed me that the Head teacher, Yulia, would like to speak with me. I was a bit confused by the request. The Grisha school usually operated as a separate entity. I only kept a weather-eye on it and left the rest in the capable hands of Yulia. I was happy to simply read the reports she sends now and then about gifted young Grisha who would be valuable additions to the Second Army. It was unusual of her to request a direct meeting with me. I asked Ivan to send her in.

“Moi Soverenyi.” Yulia bowed.

“Yes, Yulia. This is unexpected. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, General. I wish to speak to you about the Sun Summoner.”

“Ms. Starkov? Is there an issue? So far, all your reports were positive about her progress.”

“Yes, General. It is not an issue per say. But, I believe that Ms.Starkov no longer needs to be taught Advanced Studies. There is nothing left for us to teach her anymore. I believe we can mark her as a graduate.”

“Are you sure, Yulia? Because, I know Ms. Starkov is gifted but she has only been here for a little over two months.”

“Yes, General. She spends most of her classes bored out of her mind. She is not disruptive. But, I believe she finds that the classes are not challenging enough. It only took her three hours to learn basic Shu and now she could speak it like a native. Same with Fjerdan. In fact, she had finished the entire syllabus of four years in less than a week. She is not just academically gifted. She is brilliant beyond years. She could piece together things in a matter of seconds. In all my years, I have never seen a mind like hers. I think the Sun Summoner would benefit more, if she is directly under your tutelage. I know you are a busy person, General. But she needs someone exceptional to teach her beyond our understanding of Small Science.”   

“Thank you Yulia. I will see what I can do.” She bowed and left. 

I knew Alina was brilliant and Yulia’s statement made me feel proud of her. But Yulia is right. Alina needs someone with a deeper understanding of Small Science and that brought my thoughts to Baghra. Whenever I inquired about Alina, my mother was dismissive and said that she was not progressing. When pushed she just said that Alina is too stubborn and too proud to be taught to. I had my suspicions about my mother. Either she is hiding Alina’s progress from me or she is refusing to teach Alina. I need to get to the bottom of this. I knew Alina’s schedule and I knew that she has a class with my mother today. Time to pay mother dear a visit.

I went fifteen minutes before Alina arrived. My mother was surprised to see me. 

“What do you want, boy?” Her tone already started to grate on me.

“I came to find out why Alina is not making any progress with you.”

“I told you. She is a headstrong girl, who thinks she knows better than anyone.” She waved off in a dismissive tone. But I refused to back down and accept her useless explanations.

“Somehow, mother I find that hard to believe. You see Alina maybe headstrong. But she loves to learn. That leaves me with two conclusions: either you are not teaching her or you are hiding her progress from me.” 

“So you know all about her now? Kicked the squaller out of your bed then? Replaced her with your shiny new toy?'' I felt my temper flare at her comment. 

“That’s enough, mother! Alina is not a toy. She is our only hope. Hope for the future of Grisha and I will not have you sabotaging my work.” 

“Call her whatever you want boy. You are going to turn her into your slave when she doesn’t submit to your will. And just like the Fold, you will submerge all of Ravka in your shadows.” I simply sighed. I was tired of explaining myself to my mother. She never understood me and never will. She had a gift like me. She could have used it to save Grisha. But no, she was happy to hide away and did not care one bit about the plight of the others. She never understood my drive or my ambition. There is no point in being frustrated with her. 

“I will not waste my breath providing another futile explanation to you, mother. You can see it for yourself when I prove you wrong.” 

“Then leave, boy. Or do you want to stay and observe how I’m sabotaging your plans?” she asked sarcastically. 

“Why thank you for the offer, mother. I will stay right here shrouded in my shadows and see exactly what you teach Alina.” Much to her ire, I moved to one of the dark rooms with a clear line of sight and blended in with the shadows. Before she could say something, the door to the hut opened and Alina walked in.

“Get in, girl. My morning is ruined as it is. Ready to ruin it further?”

“I thought it was only fair, since you had already ruined mine.” She sat down on the chair opposite to my mother and continued, “When I woke up today, none of the birds outside my window were singing and I wondered why and then I remembered that I had a class with you.” I wanted to snicker at Alina’s comment. In all my life I have never met a person standing up to my mother. Alina gave back as good as she got and it made me relish in a childish vindication.

“Enough girl! Call your light.” Alina produced the tiniest orb of light and my mother swiftly hit her with her cane. I almost winced out loud. Alina didn’t even flinch.

“Brighter and bigger, girl.” she ordered again. Once again Alina complied, the orb on her hand became a smidge bigger and brighter. I could see my mother’s temper flare. Another thwack on Alina’s shin. This continued for a few minutes. Alina would comply with all of my mother’s instructions but in a mischievous way. I wondered what had happened to make Alina act this way. The hits grew stronger and more painful that I wanted to reach for the cane and snap into pieces. I knew Alina was putting up a facade of not showing her pain and I don’t know how much longer she can hold on. All this time I never interfered with my mother’s method of teaching as it had produced results. But looking at her hit Alina over and over again like an animal, filled me with rage. Once Alina leaves, I’m going to have a strong chat with her. And then my mother stopped.

She sighed like she was defeated. But I know my mother well, she would never give in so easily. She would never accept failure, especially in front of me. I knew she was planning something. I watched my mother put on the kettle and prepare tea. 

“I don’t know why you antagonise me so much girl. We are on the same side. I’m only trying to help you.” she said in a slightly subdued tone. It was unnerving to watch, as I had seen my mother do this plenty of times in the past. Let the opponent think they have won and then strike them when they least expect it. I know my mother won’t do anything to harm Alina in front of me. But I prepared my shadows to strike if needed. Alina noticed none of this and my worry was mounting.

“Really? I didn’t know.” she replied sarcastically. My mother poured the tea into two cups and sat in her chair.

“You carry a great burden on your shoulders and I want you to be prepared for what is to come. Here. Have some tea. We will start again.” She said in a false gentle tone and handed over a cup to Alina. For a moment I thought my mother might have poisoned the tea and I wanted to knock the cup out of Alina’s hands.

Alina did not drink it immediately. She stared into the cup for a couple seconds and took a quick whiff. 

“I have not poisoned it, girl. Are you always this mistrustful?”

“Can’t be too careful now, can I? With me being the Sun Summoner and all that.” Alina said with a smile. But instead of drinking she placed the cup on the arm of her chair and continued, “It is clearly not poisoned but it certainly is drugged. Jurda leaves mixed with black tea. The smell is masked but the slight orange tint gave it away. Trying to pry into my mind to get what you want?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. “It was good that I was mistrustful, after all.”

My mother looked livid. She had clearly underestimated Alina. I wanted to jump out of the shadows and pull Alina away. But after our conversation in the infirmary, I wanted to trust Alina and let her handle this. My mother’s hand shot out and clutched Alina’s hand and called her light. The room began to fill with light but Alina snatched her hand away. I could see a faint trace of shock on Alina’s face. She did not expect another live amplifier in Baghra.

In a harded tone, Alina said, “I don’t care who you are. But you will never again call out my light without my permission.”

“You insolent girl! I’m only trying to teach you.” my mother roared in anger.

“Really? All you have taught me so far was how I need to fear my powers. Told me how I was unworthy to have it. Tried teaching me what my limitations are.”

“I’m not your mother to coddle you.”

“And thank saints for that! You cannot mother a brick let alone me.”

“Such arrogance! Just because you spilled some light, you think you are important? Must be nice to finally have someone to pay attention to you. A handsome General swoops in and drapes you in silks and velvet and you start to think you are special? Ha! The only thing special about you is your powers, girl. Without it you are nothing. You would have faded away to insignificance without your light. All these people around, you think they are here for you? They only need your light, the rest of you are worthless to them.” My mother said in a derisive tone.

Alina neither looked angry or sad. She looked almost pityingly at my mother, “And you think you are special? Take away my light, I will still be one of the most brilliant minds in the country. Take away my brilliance and I would still be a skilled cartographer. Take away your powers and what are you? A bitter and miserable old hag. Despite what you think, I’m not naive to not know what my power represents. Right from the moment General Kirigan called forth my light in his tent, I knew things would be different. I knew I would be coveted. I knew that unless I master my skills, I would be nothing but a puppet in the hands of the powerful men of Ravka. I knew that day that I only had two options. I could either deny all that I’m and let others use me or embrace who I am and carve my own destiny and I chose the latter.” She paused and looked right at my mother and asked, “But you would have liked it if I had chosen the former wouldn’t you? It would have been easier for you had I been demure like a mouse, uncertain and unwilling to accept my gift. You could have bullied me with your taunts and made me think I’m worthless everyday till you beat me into a mould that you deemed fit.” She said. “Now I give you a choice. You can either accept my decision and help me master my skill or walk away. I’m an apt pupil and I need an exceptional teacher. Send word to me when you are ready to be one. Till then I will not waste my time here.” with that, Alina left. 

My mother masked her surprise well. But I could tell that she was a bit stunned. I came out of the shadows and sat on the chair that Alina had recently vacated.

“Finally met someone whom you cannot bully, mother?” I asked. “You must be in shock. I told you Alina is extraordinary. Why were you trying to make her afraid of her own powers?” 

She didn’t reply and she looked at me. I understood. She is seeing a bit of myself in Alina. 

“You think Alina is like me. She is driven, motivated and ready to fight for what she wants and that scares you.”

“I think one heretic is more than enough for Ravka. You have already become a monster. The last thing you need is a companion. Your greed and her arrogance are going to destroy this world.” she said.

“I’m what you raised me to be, mother. All my life, you told me how special I was and how there was no one like us. Yet when I chose this path to protect the other Grisha, you called me a monster. I’m no longer alone, madraya. I have found her. She’s all I need. She will understand me and she will fight with me. And, if you know what’s best for you, you will not lay your hands on her ever again” My mother gave a snort.

“Dream all you want, boy. How sure are you that she will stand by your side? You heard her. She does not like being a puppet. She said she writes her own destiny. She doesn’t seem to care for you or Ravka. So, where does her loyalties lie? It certainly doesn’t seem to be with you. Do you think she will forgive you when you collar her? Do you think she will still be by your side when she learns who you are?”

“That’s enough, mother! Alina will never be my slave. She is the answer to all my prayers. She will bring salvation to all Grisha. She will accept me. And if that hurts your sensitivities, then I will train her myself and make her the queen she deserves to be. Now keep your silence and play your part.” 

“Mark my words, boy. She will be your downfall. She will be your ruination.” 

I left quickly after that. My mother’s warning, ringing in my head. Soon I encountered Alina, sitting on one of the least used grass paths. She must be in pain. All that beating would have made it impossible for her to walk. I walked swiftly to her side to help her and almost laughed out loud. 

“Alina? What are you doing?” She was startled and quickly pulled back her skirt to cover her legs and stood up. 

“General, fancy seeing you here. Did you need something?” she asked.

“Nothing. I came for a stroll and saw you here. So are you going to tell me or should I takr a guess on why you are wearing plantain stems as pads on your legs?” I asked as we started walking towards the palace.

She turned a lovely shade of red and said, “Baghra likes to use her cane a lot and I needed a way to show her that her intimidation tactics don't work on me. So I stop by the hot houses before her class and collect the stems and pad my hands and legs. The little air pockets in the stem can take quite a lot of impact. Plus it is always a good idea to demonstrate to your opponent that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.” I smiled. I think my mother has met her match.

“Is Baghra giving you trouble?”

“Nothing I can’t handle, General. We will be fine.”

“Hmm. So how are you progressing with her?”

“Well, I’m an unstoppable force and she’s an immovable object. So we are at an impasse.” I laughed.

“I met with your Head Teacher, Yulia today. She said you have completed all your studies and you can be considered a graduate.” Her face lit up at that.

“What happens now?”

“Now, you will train with me. I’m a busy man but I can clear my schedule for an hour everyday and train you. I will send out your new schedules shortly.”

“I’d love that, General. Thank you.” We parted ways as we reached inside the Little Palace. I went to my room and Alina went to the Library. As I sat at my desk, I replayed all that happened in my mother’s hut. As much as I hate to admit it my mother was right. I do not know where Alina’s loyalties lie. Although she is thriving in the Little Palace and has made friends, I don’t think she understands what it is to be a Grisha. She is too otkazat’sya at heart. She does not understand how the otkazat’sya world would treat a Grisha. But I can teach her. Teach her why the otkazat’sya cannot be trusted. Make sure her loyalties lie with me. With that I dived into the paperwork.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

Amplifiers. I’m surrounded by Amplifiers. Human Amplifiers. Three. Human. Amplifiers. How is that even possible? Amplifiers in itself are rare and human amplifiers are practically unheard of. One is a chance, two is a coincidence. But three? What is the possibility of three human amplifiers to exist at the same point of time? After parting with the General, I found a quiet, secluded corner in the library and let my thoughts run freely. 

The General and Baghra are atleast one hundred years old. Baghra could possibly be even older than the General because there is a sense of familiarity when Baghra talks about him. Could it be possible that they are related? I mean, it makes sense for human amplifiers to exist if they are of the same bloodline, right? But then that leaves out Mal. Hmm. What if one of Mal’s ancestors was related to the General and Baghra? Because Mal’s ancestry is practically unknown and there was no way of tracing it. Mal and I were born in Dva Stolba. From what little pieces I remember, I knew that my family tried to move to West Ravka from Dva Stolba and died during the crossing and Mal’s family were killed less than a year later during one of the border wars. Both of us were too young to know about our extended family or how our parents came to settle in Dva Stolba. And we cannot just ask around because, for all we know, Dva Stolba might be just an empty settlement by now. 

But the thing is, unlike the General’s or Baghra’s amplification, Mal's call was weaker, a bit diluted and his amplification only reacted to me and I know that for a fact because I know Mal had slept with Grisha women in the past. If he had been a proper amplifier like the General or Baghra, the Grisha would have felt it and he would have been able to sense their power in return. So somehow his powers are linked to mine. It reacted to my distress and called out my light for the first time and now our fates are entwined forever. I think our fates had always been entwined. I mean, what are the odds of Mal and I being born in the same village,  then losing our parents within a year of each other and ending up in the same orphanage? 

A deep sigh escaped me. I have so many questions and so little answers. There was no point in thinking about these questions over and over again without any real answers. I need to wait until I find new evidence to support my theory.

After spending an eternity in the library, reading every book that had the word amplifier in it, I decided to call it a day. It was late at night and I was too tired for supper. Thankfully Genya could not come tonight, otherwise she would have waited for me needlessly. With a tired sigh I changed and slipped into my bed. I thought I was too tired for dreams, but apparently I was wrong. Soon I found myself facing my stag. But unlike our past meetings, we were not on a spiritual plane. He had taken me to what looked like some part of PermaFrost. The land was covered in snow for as far as the eye can see and I could actually feel the cold icy winds. I covered myself in the gentle warmth of my light that warded off the cold.

“Where are we? Did you take me to the PermaFrost in my sleep?” I asked the Stag.

“No, you are still in your bed. But now that you have become stronger in your summoning, you can feel what I feel.” my Stag thought back to me.

“So you are an actual living being? I thought you were just my guide to find my light. You disappeared after I found it. Why did you come now? How and why are we connected?” 

“I think you already know the answer, Alina.” my Stag thought back. I paused and rifled through my mind for the answer. One answer was on my forefront of my mind and considering all that happened today, I think, I might be right.

“You are an amplifier.” I whispered.

“I’m your amplifier. And as to why I made an appearance today, it's because you were practically yelling for me.” he said.

“My amplifier? I thought I was already connected with one. My best friend, Mal. How can I have more than one amplifier? Small Science forbids it.”

“The rules are there for a reason and they are for others to follow. But you, Alina, are the exception to every rule.”

“That seems a little reckless. Making an eighteen year old an exception. Shouldn’t you be connecting yourself with someone more experienced?”

“Child, the Making sees what you are. It knows what you will be. So it has given you gifts. Accept them, embrace them and use them, for your time is coming.” 

“It sounds so ominous.” 

“You need to come find me.”

“I cannot do that. Atleast, just yet. I don’t know anything about you or the powers you are offering. Power corrupts everyone. So why is it being offered so freely to me? Why am I the exception? How do I know what you are offering won’t corrupt me?”

“I need you to come alone and find me. We need to be present physically for me to give you all the answers you seek.”

“I can’t. The General won’t allow me and frankly, I’m scared. I don’t like wandering into dark waters without a light. I need to know more about you. Because all my research says amplifiers are rare, mythical animals and the amplifier and its Grisha connect only after killing the said amplifier and wearing its remains. But here you are, already connected to my mind.”

The stag looked annoyed. “Very well. If you insist on wasting time instead of accepting the gifts that were made for you, by all means do so. But know that your time is fast approaching. If you don’t make choices now then choices will be made for you and you may not like the outcome.” After projecting his warning inside my mind. He left.

======

I woke up from my sleep. It was just beginning to dawn. The sky was still dark but it had few streaks of purple. Spring was slowly turning into Summer. The birds were singing excitedly outside my windows but I found no joy in it. I felt adrift, tired and very very alone. 

The stag’s words were ringing in my ears and all I could think was how it wasn’t fair. I was thrust into this role without warning. I was ripped away from the life that I had painstakingly built for myself, piece by piece, while battling loss, hunger, long cold winters and a sickness that ate me from the inside. I never got to say goodbye. I was never even given a chance to mourn for my loss. Yet, I never complained. I accepted my role, embraced my powers and welcomed my purpose, whole-heartedly, without a single word of protest.

I was expected to learn and train till I became a stronger Grisha and I did. I trained everyday like my life depended on it. I trained and studied to compensate for all the years I had lost. Even though I bucked under the pressure now and then, I forged on. I taught myself the nuances of Small sciences, spent hours buried in dusty tomes, tested my limitations and strengths. Everyday, I did it, without one bit of complaint. But somehow that doesn’t seem to be enough. 

Everytime the stag appears, he shoves another responsibility onto me without giving me any time to adjust or balance the ones I already have. Just like the people around me, he expects me to do it without complaint.  Why does he keep offering me more and more power when I have barely mastered what I already have? He doesn’t seem to care about how embracing this new power will change me or will I be able to juggle all the responsibilities placed on me. He just wants me to do it because the Making said so. 

And on top of it, now he keeps telling me my time is coming. Time for what? What else am I expected to do? What is my true purpose? Because, no one seems to have an answer for that question. Everyone around me has their own version of my purpose. The Tsar wants me to reunite the country, the Apparat wants me to be a saint, the General wants me for some scheme of his and Baghra wants me to run away and hide in fear. No one seems to care for what I want. I love my light, I truly do. It is the most precious thing to me. But, if not handled carefully, it has the power to destroy as much as it has the power to defend. So is it too much to ask for a bit more time? Is it too much to ask for a respite?

I felt tears pooling in my eyes. I’m not used to feeling sorry for myself. I’m used to, locking my feelings away and badgering on no matter what life throws at me. Because that was the only way I knew and that was the only way I could survive. My sheer stubbornness made me survive the orphanage, the Army and a sickness that gnawed me from the inside. But right now, I don’t want to do that. Today, I don’t want to be the strong one. I don’t want to maintain a facade of happiness when I’m filled with doubts and fears. I want to rest. I want someone to take care of me. Someone to tell me the truth. Someone to tell me things will be alright. Someone to tell me I’m doing the right thing. I am so tired of fighting alone and by myself. 

All I need is more time, more time to learn and understand why I was given this power. But all I have is another hurdle to jump. Worst of all, all my progress so far is useless as I’m back where I started with zero answers and two amplifiers connected to me and no one to turn to for help. I cannot risk asking for help because one of the amplifiers is Mal. What if the Tsar hears about it and orders me to kill Mal in cold blood and wear his bones so that I can destroy the Fold? What if after wearing the Stag amplifier, I became a cold-hearted, power hungry heretic and killed Mal myself? 

I had no answers. I cried some more at my helplessness. But as the sky brightened, I washed my face and got ready. Genya would come in shortly and I don’t want her to know about all these. Not because I don’t trust her or anything. But this is my burden to bear and this battle, I need to fight alone. I washed my face and wiped away all evidence of my turmoil. I opened some random book I had borrowed from the Library and started reading it, as I braced myself for another day.

Genya threw open my door and walked in with a cheery smile, “Good Morning sunshine. Already up and reading? Here I thought you graduated yesterday.” 

I felt myself genuinely smiling back at Genya and said, “There are so many books in the Library, I want to read them all.”

“Alright genius. No wonder you and David get along. Both of you just bury yourself inside the books and forget about the outside world.” 

That is true. David and I got along well. We spent our time theorising new inventions and worked together on some new ideas. But outside of that he is not much of a conversationalist and I didn’t mind. Plus it was fun to watch David and Genya interact. Both glancing at each other when the other wasn’t looking. Getting flustered and blushing.  It was adorable. 

“I’m not as bad as David. I don’t forget the existence of the outside world.” I protested.

“Really? Remember the day of your demonstration?”

“Point taken. But I would still argue that I’m more spatially aware than David. Now, enough of that. You look happy today. Did the Queen give you a day off or something?”

“Yes! The Tsar has planned a private picnic for the Tsaritsa. I’m not expected to accompany her. So I got her ready and sent her off and now I’m free till nightfall.” Genya said excitedly.

“That’s so great. I’m sick of reading too. Shall we plan to do something?”

“I was hoping you would say that. But before we do that, I have a graduation present for you. Close your eyes and hold out your hands.” I did as she told. I was very excited to see what Genya has got for me. I felt a cloth on my hand, it was silk and it felt extremely light.

“Now open your eyes.” It was a shawl, a beautiful richly woven green silk. I loved it. I was touched. I have never received many gifts in my life. The only gift I ever had was a blue scarf that Mal gifted me two years ago which I lost in the crossing. To think that I have people around me now, who want to celebrate my milestones, made my heart weep. Just a few hours ago, I felt helpless and alone. But this small and thoughtful gesture from Genya eased my heavy heart a bit. It was nice to know that I have people who love me. Nice to know that I’m cared for. I hugged Genya tightly.

“Thank you. I love it. I will wear it everyday.” I said with a misty eye.

“I’m glad you liked it. So what shall we do today?”

We rode horses and had a picnic of our own. Genya shared the latest gossip with me and I teased her bit about David. On the whole it was a pleasant day. But when I retired for the day, my uncertainty and doubts returned. After tossing and turning for a while, I decided to go to the library. I had a lot to research anyway.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I have been noticing Alina for the past couple of weeks. Gone were her cheerfulness. She looked worried, stressed and jittery from the lack of sleep. We used to talk atleast for a few minutes everyday but now nothing. I only got to see glimpses of her now and then. Even that was enough to notice the drastic changes. She no longer spent time outside of reading or training. From what I gathered, she keeps spending hours on end in the library, tearing through book after book. If it weren’t for Genya or Fedyor forcing some food into her, she would have starved herself. I grew concerned about her drastic change.

Due to the sudden influx of border skirmishes, I had a number of strategy meetings, planning and paperwork to deal with. So I was unable to start our training as I had planned. As soon as I started noticing her change in behaviour, I wanted to bring her in and enquire about it. But, she had promised me that she would find me if she encountered something that she cannot handle. So I waited. Days passed but other than her growing absence nothing changed. Even Genya was not able to unearth the reason behind her sudden change. So I had sent an invite to have dinner with me and she had accepted it as well. But it has been over an hour and she has yet to make an appearance. I sighed and went to the library myself. It took a while to find her, she was seated on the floor in a secluded corner, with a green shawl draped over her kefta, flipping through three different volumes simultaneously and surrounded by what looked like a mountain of books. It was not even on a specific topic. There were all sorts of topics ranging from Ravkan history to Agricultural processes. 

Without startling her, I called out her name, “Alina.” She was pulled out of her thoughts. She looked surprised to see me.

“General, is something wrong?” She had genuinely not remembered our dinner.

“We were supposed to meet for dinner.”

“Isn’t it on Wednesday?” she asked with a confused furrow.

“Alina, today is Wednesday.” 

“Oh. I.. It's.. oh. Sorry I didn’t realise-” It was uncharacteristic of her to be completely unaware of her day. 

“Don’t worry about it. Will you come now for dinner?”

“Yes. Sure.” She got up and we walked together to my room. 

Dinner was a silent affair. Clearly, her mind was miles away. She spoke when spoken to, but other than that nothing. Our usual banter was completely gone. She was eating in a hurry, not really paying attention, clearly wanting to finish the dinner and get back to the library. Once we finished she thanked me and got up to leave. But I stopped her.

“Alina. Sit down for a minute please.” She looked confused by the request but sat down. I cleared the dinner away and joined her. She looked distressed. There were dark circles under her eyes and she has lost a couple of pounds as well. She looked like she was on the verge of shutdown and I desperately want to help her. 

“Alina, what is bothering you?” She looked a bit taken aback by my question. 

“Nothing, General. Why?”

“Alina, you have spent every waking moment for the past three weeks in the library. You have been skipping meals and sleep. Did something happen? Is something bothering you?”

“No, General. I’m fine. It’s nothing. I have a lot to catch up to and so I’m spending a few more extra hours in the library. That’s all.”

I looked at her. I know she is keeping something from me because her reasoning does not explain her sudden stress and worry. 

So I said, “There is no need to hurry, Alina. You are progressing at an extraordinary pace. There is no need to work yourself to the point of  exhaustion. You look stressed and worried. Has something happened? Was it the Apparat or the Tsar? Did someone say something to you?”

“No, General. No one did anything to me. I swear. It's just, sometimes, an idea gets into my head and I cannot let go of it, till I find answers. It sends me into a state where I pretty much forget about everything else. This is one such phase. Once I find a solution, I will be back to normal. I promise. And I apologise, I didn’t mean to worry you or anyone. It was how I have always been.” She reassured me with a smile. I was not convinced but I decided to let it go for now. 

Before I could subtly approach the topic again in another way. She asked, “Do you want to play a game of chess?” 

“Sure.” I set up the board. I took the black pieces and she took the white.

“Oh before we start, just because you are my general, I won’t go easy on you.” She said with a teasing smile. I saw a glimpse of the old Alina and I smiled back.

“I wasn’t planning on going easy on you either.” I replied with a grin. And so the game commenced. It was a brutal match. I’m a very skilled player and Alina was a brilliant one. We went neck on neck, each not sparing the other. She won in the end. She waved and bowed to her imaginary audience. I shook my head and smiled.

“Now that I have emerged victorious, you have to give me something of yours as a sign of defeat.” She said.

“Is that so, Ms. Starkov? I don’t recall that being a rule.”

“Yes, General Kirigan. It is a new rule. Recently added by the fearless, ruthless and the undefeated chess champion of the world, Alina the Great.” I laughed. 

“What do you want, O glorious conqueror?” I asked playfully.

“Hmm. Let me see. I need your secret candy stash.” she said with a wicked smile.

“Absolutely not. I mean, I have no idea what you are talking about Ms.Starkov. I don’t have a secret candy stash.” 

“Is that so, General? So if I were to walk to that table, over there and open the third drawer, I won’t find anything, right?” As she said she reached the table with my secret candy stash.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “I have to warn you Ms.Starkov, I’m a very dangerous man. I’m not to be trifled with.” 

She looked right in my eyes and with a mischievous grin and took my candy stash out of that drawer and put it in her pocket and said, “Thank you for the game and the candy, General.”

“I will get back at you for this, Alina.” I warned playfully.

“Looking forward to it, General. In our next match, I will relieve you of your other secret stash as well.” she said with a grin and walked away.

I wanted to be annoyed, but I could only laugh. Alina was too smart for her own good. As much as I enjoyed the levity and the banter, I knew what Alina did. She tried to distract me from probing her more about her recent cause of stress. I hate it when she thinks she has to do things by herself. I thought back to the past weeks, other than her stand-off with my mother nothing significant happened. Maybe Alina needs some help with her summoning. As brilliant as Alina is, she is very new to the world of Grisha. And I know that Alina is too proud to seek my mother again for help. I think I need to intervene on Alina’s behalf. I need my mother to step up and teach Alina, instead of treating her like an extension of me. It’s going to be a difficult conversation. But it needs to be done. I will not deny Alina anything, especially when it comes to her powers. I need my mother to do this for me, till I sort out this border issue atleast. With my decision made I went back to my work.

When I came out of my bedroom the next morning, I found half of the candy stash that Alina took last night, sitting on my map table, with a note. It read, ‘I took my rightful half. I will clean you out in our next match. - Alina the Great.’ I smiled at the note and shook my head. ‘What am I going to do with you, Alina?’

I folded the note and kept it safely in my personal drawer and went to talk to my mother.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

It was nice of the General to invite me for dinner and gently enquire about my sudden change of behaviour. I was glad that he is respecting my wishes and letting me handle things by myself instead of making decisions for me. Once he realised that I did not wish to speak about my troubles, he ceased his gentle enquiries and indulged my request and played a game of chess. I felt bad about worrying the people around me with my strange behaviour and I felt touched that they did not take offence to it and instead tried to show me their silent support. Genya and Fedyor even went as far as to shoving food into my mouth when I started to neglect my meals. I knew I needed to stop this behaviour but I was unable to do so as the words from my Stag still stirred something uncomfortable in me. 

The research I did so far had taken me nowhere. Other than a loose theory, I had nothing. I’m no closer to figuring out what the Stag meant now than when I started. At one point, I even tried to pry open our connection and call for the Stag myself, but I was unable to do so. I was desperately trying to find the missing link. A link that would connect all the evidence that I have collected so far and provide me with a working theory. With no progress at sight I decided to scale back a bit. Instead of spending all my time in the library, I decided to split my time between training and researching. The General has been very busy with some border issues hence he was unable to train me as he had planned earlier and Baghra was out of the question. So my training fell on me. I still have lots of skills to develop and if my time is coming I need to prepare. 

Genya was happy to see the change, although she tutted at my dark circles everytime I sat in front her. So the week passed in a relatively normal way. I spent my early mornings, before the palace rose, practising some of my ambitious skills that I did not want people to know about like levitation, summoning and bending light without using my hands and creating invisible shields around me. Then as soon as I saw the first sign of life, I slipped back into my room and waited for Genya to ‘wake’ me up and continued my normal routine. 

When I was on the verge of giving up, the universe decided to help me. I had received a letter from Mal. My plan had worked! He understood my coded message and responded in a similar fashion. He was alive, well and was extremely relieved to hear from me. Apparently he had written multiple letters just like me but had received no response. He had been worried sick about my well-being. I wept with joy on reading this. A tiny part of me feared that Mal had wanted nothing to do with me as I have become a Grisha. He never liked them in the past and other than a few tumbles here and there, he avoided them as much as he can.  I cried happy tears on learning that I was still his little friend from Keramzin. I never realised how much I missed Mal. I loved my life here but there were times when I wished I could take myself away from all this chaos. Mal would have understood and would have kept me sane.  Now that I have a way to contact him, I decided not to confront the General about his interference. I decided to let this battle go as I feared for Mal’s safety. With Mal being an amplifier I want to keep him far away from the capital, especially from the Tsar. 

After rereading the letter three times, I started looking for a place to hide Mal’s letter. Although my rooms were private, I had a string of maids who worked in my rooms to keep things in order. Other than a light dusting and rearranging they leave my papers and books alone but a letter would be very conspicuous and seeing it addressed to someone else might make them suspicious. I have to think of Genya as well. I don’t want her to choose between our friendship and her duty. So I started to search around my room. I was rifling through my cupboards when the red book of istorii sankt’ya fell out . I had pretty much tossed it and kept it out of my sight after the terrifying encounter with the Apparat. This could be a perfect hiding place. The book looks untouched and if I could create a secret compartment by cutting out the pages, I could keep the letters safe and no one would notice anything being out of order. I rifled through the pages gently to find the correct place to start carving out the papers when I stopped at the picture of my stag. 

My stag was depicted with Sankt Ilya of the chains. The text did not offer much. It just said how Ilya Morozova was one of the first recorded Grisha. He was an extremely powerful Durast who had dedicated his life to create amplifiers. He along with his daughter were drowned when he resurrected his daughter from death. But the illustration was what caught my eye. Under the feet of Sankt Ilya sat my Stag with his enormous antlers in the shape of sun. On Sankt Ilya’s left there was a picture of the Sea Whip and finally behind him on top of the hills flying over two pillars was a Firebird. All the three creatures were outlined with the golden rays of the sun. I snapped the book shut and began to pace my room. 

Does this mean, I have four amplifiers specifically created for me? The Stag, the Sea Whip, the Firebird and Mal. Why? Why am I being given so much power? How could have Sankt Ilya envisioned my existence thousands of years ago and could have made amplifiers for me? The picture only shows three amplifiers but what of Mal? His amplification works only on me and he is connected to me. So why was he not mentioned? Was my theory wrong? Was Mal’s powers more to do with his lineage than it has to do with me? I sat back down on my dresser stool and opened my drawer to retrieve the magnifying glass. Using it I carefully went over the picture inch by inch. The Stag, the Sea Whip and Sankt Ilya’s pictures were normal. But the Firebird was different. The bird itself did not have any markings but the two pillars below it drew my attention. Two pillars. Hmm. Why does it look so familiar? The hills look like a place on the southern border, the Sikurzoi range to be exact. I got up from my stool and resumed pacing. I recollected the maps we had on the Sikurzoi range and the places I had travelled there during my tenure in the First Army. Nothing came of it. I felt very frustrated. It’s like those instance where you know the answer and it is almost on the tip of your tongue but the answer eluded you for some reason. After a few more minutes of rifling through my mind, it clicked, two pillars- Dva Stolba, the place where I was born. I could not chalk it off a chance or coincidence. There is something at work here and I need to find out what it is.

I raked my fingers through my hair. What an absolute mess! I feel like an insect stuck on a spider’s web. Only the web was constructed more than a few millennia ago and a giant spider had been waiting patiently for me to get stuck in it. I don’t know who the spider is and I’m too afraid to draw its attention. I need to find a way to extract myself from this bog. I know that this issue is bigger than me and I cannot handle it on my own and I’m in desperate need of some guidance. But I do not want to take this to the General. He has been generous and kind to me and I’m every bit grateful for it. But he is a man who has been fighting this war for a very long time. With dwindling resources and shrinking army, he might be desperate for a solution. He will not see the bigger picture or take into account the hidden force that has been pulling the strings all along. He might be a good man but he is a desperate one and desperate men never see reason. 

So, I continued as normally as I could. I hid Mal’s letter in another secret location and continued pouring into the books again. ‘What is infinite?’ one book asked, ‘The universe and the greed of men.’ it stated. Every book I looked at warned about the greed of men for power and the resulting chaos. Another book talked about power and purpose, ‘Power without purpose and purpose without power cause the same amount of ruination. The former through inaction and the later through destruction.’ Reading more and more books made me question the statement, ‘Power corrupts’. Power in itself is a weapon. It only causes destruction if it was seized by the wrong hands. If seizing more power causes chaos, then so does inaction. Power runs the world, the resulting destruction or creation depends on the hands that wield it. I kind of understood what the Stag said about wasting my time. These amplifiers were offered to me as someone saw goodness in me, but if I continue to remain undecided then it will fall in the wrong hands. I need to make a decision quickly before others find out about them.

That night, I tried calling the Stag over and over through our connection. He answered it finally. We were in the spiritual plane this time. He looked at me and projected his thoughts, “Do I sense a change of heart from you, child?” 

“Yes. I finally understood what you meant.” I replied.

“Good. So you will come see me then?”

“I can’t.” He looked annoyed and turned to leave. “No please hear me out.” He stopped and turned back.

“I understand that if I don’t take these four amplifiers, then someone else will and the results could be catastrophic. I get that. But, I’m completely dependent on the General and the Tsar. I cannot disappear one day and come find you. If I approach the General for help, he in turn has to seek the permission of the Tsar. The Tsar being an idiot would think I need the amplifier to destroy the Fold and divert me from whatever true purpose the Making has for me. Right now no one else knows about your existence but me. If you could give me more time and give me as much information as I need, I can train better and devise a solid plan to come find you. I have no qualms about killing the Sea Whip or the Firebird but I simply cannot kill Mal or you in cold blood. I need to find a way to get your powers without killing you.” I finished.

He peered into me again and said, “There are only three amplifiers, Alina.”

“Three? But what of Mal? He is connected to me. He-” I paused, something clicked in place. “is the Firebird. Firebird is the symbol of resurrection and Ilya Morozova resurrected his daughter. He drowned in the river but the daughter survived.” I concluded.

“Yes. More of that later. I agree to your terms. Train harder and find me as soon as you can. But Alina, you must hurry. The tides are changing.” With that he left.

================

The next day I had an invite from Baghra. She wanted to resume our lessons. I was shocked to say the least but accepted her invite and went to her hut. She had a complete change of behaviour. She was still hateful but she did it with an air of indifference and I did the same.  Days passed and we made actual progress for once. I was glad to have it because, I can fulfil my promise to the Stag sooner. Beyond helping with my summoning, Baghra even gave me some books written in ancient Ravkan to read. It was in one such obscure textbook, written by a long forgotten philosopher that I found my missing link. The text when roughly translated stated as follows:

When you see a tree, you see a tree. When you see an ant, you see an ant. 

When you see a fish, you see a fish. When you see a mountain, you see a mountain.

But what do you not see? 

Step on an ant and the tree falls. Hurt a fish and a mountain crumbles.

The tree, the ant, the fish and the mountain are so different yet still the same. 

Made of the same and different things. Connected together by the balance of the universe. Destroy one, the other becomes dust.

After reading the book, I went to the library and poured over the previous books again. Finally, my theory began to make sense. Now I just need to figure out what is changing. I need to ask the Stag about it when we meet in person. Happy with the progress I made, I went to meet Baghra to see if I can get hold of any other ancient texts like this. I was supposed to meet her the day after next, but I was too excited and impatient to wait. So, I ran to her hut and opened the door as usual without knocking. I walked right in the middle of a very heated argument between Baghra and the General. The air was so charged that the shadows were trembling a bit around the both of them. We were all stuck in a sudden shocked silence.

“Alina” The General started. I have never seen him so disconcerted before. His hair looked dishevelled, like he had been raking his fingers in it over and over again. 

I shook out of my silence and said, “I apologise, General. I did not mean to walk in on your private conversation. Baghra doesn’t like it if I knock the door, so I just barged in as usual. I found this book very useful and not wanting to wait till our next class, I came to ask her for more books like it. I will leave you to your discussion. I apologise once again for the interruption.” I turned to leave.

“Stay, girl. This concerns you as well.” I turned back towards them. “The boy wants to get you an amplifier.” The General looked at Baghra with a thunderous expression. If I was shocked to hear Baghra address the General as a ‘Boy’ that felt nothing compared to the shock of hearing about the General wanting to give me an amplifier. My mind began to race. Do they know about my Stag or are they talking about some regular amplifiers? I cannot wear the regular ones, they are not meant for me. I need my Stag. But should I reveal about him now? Millions of scenarios were running through my mind when I heard the General sigh.

“Alina, listen. I want to give you an amplifier because I know you are ready for it. You have made progress in leaps and bounds, with an amplifier you could achieve more. If you wish to go anywhere near the Fold, you cannot do it without one and you need time to wield and control it. So it's best if we get you one as soon as possible.”, he explained gently.

Now, I really did not know what to do. Should I tell him? He will not let this go if I refuse. Do I have a choice to refuse? He is my General and we are at war. He cannot simply wait for me indefinitely when his soldiers are dying. His duty will not allow it. Oh, why didn’t I stay in my room? I decided to navigate this as carefully as I can.

“Did the King say something? Is he sending me to the Fold?” I asked hesitantly.

“No Alina. Nothing of that sort. You will not be sent to Fold before you are ready.” He said.

“Then why? Ivan and Zoya had been training for years before they got theirs. I have been only training for a few months. So why the urgency?”

“The girl is right. She is nowhere near trained enough for an amplifier.” Baghra chipped in. The General gave her a look like they were having a whole different conversation.

“Alina, you are strong and powerful. You have already surpassed what Ivan or Zoya had taken years to achieve. An amplifier will need practice and skill to wield it. Getting one now will simply buy you more time to learn and train.” he replied.

“If there is no urgency involved then I think the Stag can wait.” I replied. As soon as the words left my mouth, I realised my slip up. Both the General and Baghra were looking at me intensely and I saw the shadows tremble around them. Two distinctive shadows.

“The Stag?” both asked in unison. 

“What do you know about the stag, Alina?” The General asked in a very controlled tone. All the gentleness earlier had vanished completely. I actually felt a shiver run through me. It reminded me of an incident that happened when Mal and I were at the orphanage.

Years ago, Mal took me to a brook in the woods one day. When I was too tired to walk, he sat me down on a boulder and went to find me something to eat. Suddenly, I felt a stillness seep into the forest. All the noises had stopped and I looked around sensing danger, then I saw a panther, crouched on one of the branches with its eyes trained on me. I stopped breathing and stood frozen in fear. As it was getting ready to leap, it stopped and suddenly changed its track and leapt back into the forest. I was deep-rooted in my spot and could not move even after it left. A few minutes later, Mal found me, he held my hand and we ran till we reached the edge of the forest. Later he told me that, when he went in search of food, he tracked a panther heading my way. He distracted it and found me before it could hurt me.

Now, years later, I’m reliving the very same moment. Instead of one, I’m faced with two black panthers ready to leap at me from the shadows and I have no Mal to save me this time. I controlled my fears as much as I could and began to reply to the General.

“I have had dreams of a stag since I was a child. It was enormous, fully white and had antlers like the beams of the Sun. In my dreams, he often looked like he wanted me to come to him. But, as a child I’ve always refused out of fear. During the cold winters at the heights of my wasting sickness, he used to come to my dreams again and again, trying to convey something to me. But I never understood what he wanted and always thought he was a figment of my imagination. A few weeks after I started summoning, he found me in my dreams again. This time I moved closer and touched him and I felt the call of an amplifier. That’s when I knew why he came to me over and over again and why he wanted to find me. When you asked me about the amplifier he was the only one I could think of.” I explained, with enough truth and a mixture of lies. I desperately prayed that the General would buy it.

Nobody said anything for a while. The air around us was still charged but the hint of danger was gone. The General ran his hands in his hair again. Baghra looked like she was deep in thought. 

“Why didn’t you say anything, Alina?” He asked. 

“I was scared that you would be forced to send me into the Fold if I said about the Stag and I needed more time.”

“Alina, have I not promised you that you will never be sent into the Fold before you were prepared? You have all the time in the world. This will just be step one.” He assured me.

“Stop feeding nonsense to the girl. Amplifiers are unnatural. Atleast the girl has sense enough to understand that.” Baghra snapped. 

“Thank you for your inputs, Baghra. I’m her General. I know what I’m doing. This amplifier is for her own protection-”

“Protection? Protection from whom, boy?”

“I would be very, very careful with your next words, if I were you.”

“Enough with your threats! The last thing the girl needs is an amplifier. She is barely competent, placing an amplifier in the early stages will make her unstable and power-hungry.” She looked at me and said, “You would become a brand new heretic if you weren’t careful. You wouldn’t want that, would you girl? Don’t let the boy confuse you.”

“That's enough! Stop projecting your fears onto her. She is meant for great things. Stop holding her back. You have no right-”.

“Stop it! The both of you.” I pleaded. They stopped and looked at me. “The whole amplifiers business has already put me on an edge, the last thing I need is two people trying to think for me and making decisions for me. I’m going to wear the amplifier. I get to decide when I will wear it.”

“Baghra, I’m not going to let you scare me away from getting an amplifier. My Stag was made for me. He is an extension of me. I will wear his antlers one day. General, all I’m asking is for more time. Time to research and train for my purpose.” 

“Purpose? What purpose? To be prayed to as a Saint? To be celebrated as the Saviour of Ravka?” Baghra mocked me. “Have I taught you nothing? Didn’t the books I gave you teach you about the infiniteness of the greed of men? Did you not learn about men who went after power?” 

I was angered by her mockery. I have had enough of her. “They did. They talked all about the fall of men who sought after power. But, I’m no man. Their weaknesses do not apply to me.” I retorted. “And if you are not smart enough to see what’s at play here, you have no business teaching me.”

“Alina, what are you talking about? What’s at play here?” The General asked with an edge in his voice.

I began to pace. Today did not go as I planned. I want to smash something really really hard. The past month had been hard enough. Just when I thought I made a deal with the Stag to buy more time, the General and Baghra were pushing me with the amplifier issue. I wish I could run away from this mad house. 

“Alina.” The General came near me and placed his hand on my arm. I stopped pacing. “Sit.” He gently pushed me to sit on a chair. He placed a mug in hands and said, “Drink this. It’s water. We can talk again after you have calmed.” I drank. “Tell me what’s on your mind. You have been distressed for the past month. What is it? Tell me.” He sat in front of my chair and asked me with infinite gentleness.

I looked into his eyes and wanted to weep at the support and understanding shining in it. But I did not want to lose my composition, so I looked away and gathered myself. He waited patiently till I found my voice.

“It started with the Stag. After I found out he was an amplifier, I did not pay much attention to it. Then one day, I read a book on amplifiers in the Library. It said that the Grisha and the amplifier connect and become one and the same, after a Grisha kills the animal and wears its bones. But, that was not the case for me. I have known the Stag my whole life and he was not just a dumb animal. He is a sentient being. It got me thinking about why I was different. I realised it has to do with me being a Sun Summoner. I knew something different was expected of me which was why I was made an exception to the universal rule. So I began my research to find out my true purpose. I went through countless books trying to piece together a pattern as to why I was put here at this specific point of time. Then I came across the concept of ‘Balance’. How all things in the universe are balanced. Any disruption to the Natural Order results in chaos. 

It got me thinking, how can Grisha be a part of the Natural Order. If anything their powers and ability wield and manipulate matter itself goes against the order. Then my research led me to find out how Grisha are the enforcers of the Balance. Without Grisha and their ability to bend elements, mankind would have faced extinction. I started developing a timeline for the Grisha. The earlier days of creation were not sustainable for mankind to prosper. They needed Tidemakers, Healers, Fabrikators, Inferni and Squallers to survive the floods, fires, droughts and diseases. The Grisha saved humanity and pushed them forward. They were worshipped as gods in the Old Religion. But as time progressed, the otkazat’sya began to distrust Grisha. What was once viewed as a part of the Natural Order began to be associated with witchcraft and they were hunted. But if the Grisha were eliminated, then the world becomes unbalanced. So the Making gave them amplifiers to provide Grisha a chance to enhance their powers and ensure they were sustained. Once I finished the timeline, I realised that I was not a part of the Natural Order.” I stopped and looked at the General. He looked at me transfixed. Baghra looked lost in her own thoughts, like she was reliving some memories.  Not knowing how to continue, I drank some more water. 

The General placed his calloused hand on me and with the same gentle tone he used earlier asked me, “Alina, why would you think that? Your powers are unique, but that doesn’t make you any less of a Grisha. Is that why you were troubled? Did you think I would send you away because you are unique.”

“No General. That was never my worry. I was worried because I’m an anomaly, like you.” Seeing him flinch a little, I added, “I don’t mean it in an offensive way. I called us an anomaly because we don’t fall under the Natural Order. The other orders of Grisha control earth-bound elements unlike us. Our powers have no use outside of a fight or a war. When the amplifiers were not effective and the Grisha were still hunted, the first anomaly was born, a Shadow Summoner, to fight for and protect the Grisha. But he failed and his actions led to the creation of the Fold. But in a way, his actions paved the way for where we are today and you did that. You have successfully established a safe space for the Grisha. A feat never heard of before and you have done it already; all by yourself. But where do I come into all this? If destruction of the Fold was my one true purpose, any amplifier could have done the job. Why do I need a special one? Something is changing, General. Something beyond me, you and Ravka itself and I don’t know what it is. The waiting and the not knowing is leaving me unsettled and very very scared.” I finished.

No one spoke anything for a while. Baghra was looking into the fire and looked like she had forgotten our presence. The General on the other hand had his eyes misted over. He seemed to come back to himself and said, “Come. It’s getting late. Let’s go back to the palace.” I rose from the chair as he tugged my hand. Without letting go of it, he walked us towards the door. I turned to look at Baghra, she was still staring into the fire place. So I left without saying anything. The cool summer breeze was a welcome distraction. We slowly  made our way towards the palace, each lost in our own thoughts.

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

These past few weeks have been distressing to say the least. I had been juggling way too many issues. The Shu-Han have grown bolder and are attacking our borders with increased frequency, burning our corps and wrecking havoc. At this rate half the population of East Ravka would die of starvation before winter. In addition, they have been targeting Grisha and have been attempting to kidnap them. In the past, I would have gone there personally to handle it. But currently, I’m unable to do so because of Alina. Alina will be protected only as long as I remain in the Little Palace. Pyotr and Tatiana, both had been steadily dropping hints about inviting Alina to parties and introducing her to the high society. I know that they have their own schemes for her and I had been warding off these invites as much as I could. But I know that the moment I leave, they would pounce on her and trap her. They would not care about her or her safety and would parade her across towns as a Saint under their banner, exposing her to her many enemies. And if I were to think further, the Lantsovs might even push Alina into a matrimony with that brute Vasily to save their failing public image. Then there is the Apparat to think of, he might attempt something and steal Alina for his own nefarious purposes. As much as I want to crush the Shu-Han’s atrocities, I need to prioritise Alina. Alina may be brilliant beyond years but she is only eighteen and she is defenceless against these vultures. I need to keep her safe within the walls of the Little Palace. 

Another issue that was stressing me was Alina herself. Although after our dinner, Alina looked a bit well, she still spent her majority of the time in the Library, leaving only to attend Botkin’s training or eat her meals(when she remembers it). Something is stressing her out and she is adamant on dealing with it by herself. I used to pride myself in being a patient man but with Alina waiting seemed like a punishment. I want to fix her problems for her but she won’t let me help. So I waited impatiently for her to approach me herself.

Days grew into weeks but still nothing from Alina. Genya and Fedyor did not have any satisfactory answers either. So I went to speak to the one other person, who deals with Alina on a regular basis; my mother. It took me days to convince my mother to resume teaching Alina after their previous standoff. Finally she agreed to train Alina and she has been doing so for the past few weeks. I cleared my schedule for the evening and went to talk with my mother about Alina. My mother was tending to the fire as I entered.

“What do you want, boy?” she asked without turning. It doesn’t matter how many years have passed, my mother can get on my nerves without saying much.

Biting back my retort, I said, “Nothing Madraya. Came to check with you about Alina’s progress.”

“She is doing well.” she replied dismissively without turning to face me. A wave of anger washed over me. Why must my own mother hate me so much?

“I need more than that mother.” I said, controlling my anger.

Finally, she turned to face me and said, “She is learning. But she is headstrong as ever. Reads all the books I give her in minutes and asks for more.” I could hear my mother’s frustrations with Alina in her tone and I felt a slight vindication in knowing that there is someone out there who can push my mother’s buttons. 

“During her training, did she ask about any specific topics or did she have any particular queries?” I pressed.

“What are you getting at boy?” she asked sharply.

“Nothing, mother. It’s just that Alina has been stressed for the past couple of months. It looked like she was searching for some answers. So I just wondered if she had approached you with anything.”

“Why? Afraid your solntse found out the truth about you?” A part of me knows that was not the case and if she had found out about me then she would have run for the hills by now. But for some reason the thought of not being able to see her smile everyday squeezed my long dead heart. At the same time, my heart skipped a beat when my mother addressed her as my solntse. I noticed my mother’s intense stare and was afraid for a moment that she heard my uneven heartbeat. 

“No. That is not the case. Did she ask you about anything specific?” I asked her again with a controlled voice.

“No. She did as she was told and read the books I gave her. Nothing more.” I gave a good long look at my mother and knew she was telling the truth. Asking her was a long shot anyway. Enquiring about Alina was not the only agenda I had for this meeting. I wanted to ask my mother about Morozova's amplifiers. It was not an easy topic to broach but it needs to be done. I know that Alina is ready for the Stag. It would be better if she has the amplifier on her before I tell her about my plans. So that she has enough time to learn and understand my reasons and if she refuses, I can still use her to advance the Fold as much as it hurts me to do so. 

“Fine. That was not the only thing I wished to talk about. I want to find the Stag for her.” The shadows around my mother trembled as soon as she heard my words.

“Say that again boy.” she spoke with an edge.

“I know you heard me fine the first time, old woman. Alina is ready. She should get the Stag. It was made for her as mentioned in grandfather’s journals.”

“Enough of this madness boy! Your grandfather was a madman, dabbling in things he should not have and finally his madness took over and he was killed by the otkazat’sya. I did not waste eight hundred years of my life, raising you, training you and trailing behind you only to see you get killed!” my mother seethed.

“My plan is perfect this time, mother. Every Grisha will be protected when I take the throne. They will all recognise the power of Grisha, they will bow to me.”

“Stop it! There was once a time, when you actually believed in that cause. A cause where you wanted to protect all Grisha. Now all you care about is power. You don’t care about the Grisha anymore. You only use them as your cover to mask your bloodthirstiness. You will gladly lay them to waste, if it suits your need! Can’t you see the madness growing in you boy? It will not stop when you seize the Ravkan throne, you will keep seeking more and more power till the merzost you once used consumes you fully, just like it did my father!” she yelled.

“I’m not weak like your father. I used it once and walked away unscathed and built this palace for my Grisha. Your father failed, but I succeeded and I will succeed again when I use the Fold.” 

“You think you walked away unscathed? I’m your mother, boy. I know how you were before and how you have changed after the Fold. When was the last time you actually looked at one of your Grisha as a person and not as your pawn? You bring them here, raise them and give them hope and in turn, you think of them as yours to do with as you please. You gifted that eleven year old Tailor to the Queen! You know what the King is doing to her right? But you no longer care, do you? You only bring them here to fatten them up and then sic them on your enemies and let them get slaughtered to serve your own purpose. There is no future for Grisha. Not with the way you are going. This glitz and glitter is nothing but a golden sham! You need a wake-up call, boy. Can’t you feel the merzost removing bits of you and replacing you with this monster?” Her tone softened a bit at the end.

“That’s enough, mother! Everything I have done, everything I’m doing is for Grisha. I’m giving them safety, a home. Do you think they would be happy outside these walls? Happy to be caged, burned, dissected and prostituted? You always were scared of my ambitions mother, and always thought of me as a monster. Besides you were the one who made me this way mother. You taught me their lives meant nothing. But atleast this way their lives would help me build a future. A future where their families would live in a world that kneels to the power of Grisha. You will never understand any of this mother and I don’t expect you to. I have fought alone for a cause no one believed in and I will continue to do so till I get what I want. So don’t play this concerned mother act with me. You have never cared for me and you never will!” I yelled back.

Nobody said anything for a while. Anger and resentment filled the air as we stared at each other, as the bitter memories and hatred that we held for one another began to swell. The door to the hut suddenly opened and in walked Alina. For a minute I was stunned and feared the worst. But thankfully she barged in on our conversation by mistake and didn’t listen in on us. Then it went downhill from there. I should have known my mother would pull a stunt like this. She told Alina about the amplifier before I could tactfully broach the topic to her. I wanted to talk about the amplifier in a much more receptive situation. But my mother jump-started the conversation and was now feeding fear into Alina. She looked so afraid and lost that I wanted to throttle my mother for putting her through this. But for Alina’s sake, I controlled my anger and told her why I thought she was ready for the amplifier. In the end, Alina refused to get the amplifier as I expected. As I was planning out scenarios in my mind on how I could reopen the subject to her again, Alina mentioned the Stag. 

The moment the words left her mouth, the anger I had reined back in raised its ugly head again. For a minute, all I could see was another enemy trying to ruin my plans. But then she told me about the Stag, she described its exact details and told about her connection with it. This simplifies and complicates a lot of things at the same time. When the time comes, it will become easier to track the Stag through Alina’s connection to it. But now that Alina has an upper hand in this amplifier hunt and I cannot justify killing or wearing a part of the Stag on myself without revealing my plans.

My mother then riled up Alina again which made her finally snap. She mentioned about her ‘Purpose’. What purpose could Alina possibly mean? a part of me was worried. What if she has a purpose that doesn’t align with mine? The silence was killing me. As much as I wanted to push Alina to get my much needed answers, she looked so distressed and lost that I could not stand by and watch her pace agitatedly. I could see that she was trying to reign in her emotions and it stirred up some unnamed sentiments in me. In that small hut, bathed in the light of the roaring fire, Alina looked impossibly young, shoulders tensed with the heavy burden. My limbs moved automatically and sat her down on one of the chairs. She looked anguished. Saints! She was too young. Too young to bear all these. I did not know what was the source of her turmoil but whatever it was I wanted her to know that I would be by her side no matter what. I will not let her travel her destiny alone. She started her explanation after calming down a bit and I was transfixed. I knew she was smart but at that moment I was amazed and filled with awe by how smart my Alina was. In a matter of months, Alina had deciphered what took lifetimes for many Grisha to understand. Some of it was new to me as well. I had always wondered why I was the way I was. Why I was given this unique power which no one else had.  Why I was made to walk this earth for centuries without a sign of death. My smart smart solntse had figured it all out. My Alina has almost figured out her purpose. Now, she will understand me and once she lets go of her love for the otkazat’sya, we will stand side by side and protect all our Grisha. With that I took her out of my mother’s hut. My mother seemed lost in her memories. I will have to talk to her later, to warn her not to feed anything into Alina. Alina is at the correct stage to be moulded to suit my schemes. I will not have my mother ruin it in any way. It’s a good thing that Alina hates my mother. I can work with that. 

Alina  was silent as we walked. In the cool summer air, surrounded by the silvery moonlight, my heart ached at the thought of her calling herself an anomaly. That moment, I vowed to never make her feel that way. I will never let her go through what I went through. She will never be alone. She will always be cherished. She will always have me and we will rule this world together.

================

The palace halls were empty considering the lateness of the hour. My oprichniki stood vigilant as always in front of my chambers. They saluted as we entered. Alina was silent throughout our walk, she showed no awareness and was simply happy to follow my lead. I sat her down in one of the chairs. I walked over to my desk where my once hot dinner sat untouched. It was a simple bowl of oatmeal, some fruits and a sweet bun. I poured more than half of the oatmeal into another bowl and placed it in Alina’s hands. That seemed to have woken her up from her reverie. She started eating the food and I sat opposite to her doing the same. Once we finished the oatmeal and fruits I handed her the sweet bun. She looked questioningly at me when I sat without taking any.

“A lot happened to you Alina. A bit of sweetness will cheer you up.”- I said. Her eyes softened at my answer.

“We both had a rough day today. Let’s share it. That way both of us can end this day on a sweet note.” She split the bun in half and extended her hand towards me. 

Her warm gesture aroused a long forgotten memory. Suddenly, the walls of the Little Palace dissolved and I was surrounded by the damp, mouldy walls of the half-ruined building that Anastas gave me after I had won his war. I saw my Grisha happily eating the hard bread, damaged and discarded fruits that Anastas sent us as supplies. It was an insult and a disservice, but it was a start, so I was happy for it anyways. The supplies were short, so many days I chose to forgo supper so that my Grisha could eat. I just stood there observing them leaning on one of the broken pillars. All the Grisha there knew that they could have gotten better food, had they been hunting on their own. But none of their faces held the displeasure. They all looked happy, content and safe with the knowledge that they are at the cusp of a new beginning. 

“Aleksander.” A voice called me softly. I turned to face my beautiful Luda. 

“Luda. Here, I saved some bread for you.” She accepted it and then looked at me.

“Did you eat?”

“Yes. Go on have yours.” She gave me a long look.

“Liar. Here take half of mine.” She tore her bread in half and extended it to me with a soft smile on her face.

“No. Have it Luda. I will be fine.”

“Aleksander, we are both in this journey together. I cannot rest knowing that you are sleeping on an empty stomach. Let’s share, just like we share our happiness and miseries. Together.” I smiled as my eyes gathered tears.

“General?” A soft voice pulled me back to reality. The cold, mouldy walls disappeared and I was sitting in my war room with Alina. She had a questioning look on her face and then as if realising something she went to retreat her hands.

“Apologies, General. Sometimes I forget that you are a noble-born. I should have offered it to you first before tearing it with my hands.” ‘ Oh Solntse, how could you think like that? My heart cried. I would be blessed to eat the food touched by your hands.’ 

I took the bread from her hand and said, “Thank you Alina. I was just caught by surprise. It had been so long since I had someone share their food with me.” I said.

“Technically, I’m sharing your food with you.” We smiled and finished our dessert. We sat in silence for a few minutes. 

“General?” Alina called in a quiet voice. I looked at her. “Are you angry with me?”

“No Alina, a little disappointed. That’s all. You promised me that you would come to me when you are faced with bigger problems and I believed you. So, why didn’t you come to me Alina?” Alina looked sad when I questioned her. 

“It was not my intention to hide things from you, General. At first, I myself did not understand the enormity of the situation. Once I understood, I was terrified. Terrified that one day I have to kill my Stag. I know this makes me a coward but you have to understand, General. For years, the Stag was my only companion. Although I was afraid to follow him in my dreams. I knew that he would never harm me. During the long winters in Keramzin, at the heights of my wasting sickness, when my matron Ana Kuya was sure that she would wake up to find my cold dead corpse the next morning, the Stag was the only hold I had on life. Somehow, he gave me strength to pull through, see another day, then another night, then another month and then another year. The moment I learnt that I had to kill him, my heart could not take it. I just needed more time! More time to find a way around to get his powers without killing him.” 

Alina was visibly controlling her emotions but inspite of that few tears rolled down her cheeks which she rapidly wiped off. I wanted to reach over and wipe them off but I restrained myself. It pained my heart to see her distressed. I did not know how or why the Stag is connected to Alina. But I’m thankful that it did. Thankful to all the saints that the Stag gave her enough strength to pull through all these years, and kept her alive till I could find her. My heart constricted at the thought that I would have easily lost her and would not have even known. 

“I’m sorry General.” She continued. “I wanted to come to you, but I didn’t want you to choose between your duty and me. I know that I’m already burdening you a lot. I know that you are staying here instead of going to the borders because of me. You are already burying your soldiers and here I was fearing for the life of a mythical creature that could easily end this war. I was stuck too deep into the problem and didn’t know how to come out to you without looking like a coward and an ungrateful soldier.” More tears spilled from Alina. This time I couldn’t hold back. I knelt in front of her and wiped her tears. Alina looked shocked by my action. 

“Alina. I know these last few months have not been easy on you. I literally plucked you away from the life you had built and thrusted you into this and you never complained. You understood the importance of your role, went above and beyond to make up for the lost time. Spent hours pouring over books and taught yourself how to wield your light like a skilled soldier. You were never a burden Alina. Everytime I look at you my heart fills with pride. When I built this palace, I wanted my Grisha to thrive, to live and wield their powers like they were meant to be and seeing you do that truly brings me joy. Never forget that. Now that is out of the way, let me worry about the war, Alina. This war will go on one way or the other, it will have casualties. But their deaths are not on you. It’s not on me either. It’s on the otkazat’sya who think Grisha are evil. There will come a time, when you will need to face our enemies and that is nowhere in the near future. Until that time, it is my duty to keep you safe and to train you. Even if you don’t believe in anything, believe in me.” Alina didn’t say anything for a few seconds, then she gave me a blinding smile that filled the darkest corners of my soul with light. I got up and sat back on my chair.

“General?” “Hmm?”

“I apologise for my behaviour. I only wanted to help you. It’s just, ever since I came here, I have seen how hard you work for Ravka. I have seen you stay up at night, alone, until late hours, pouring through the maps, working through strategies. I just wanted to ease your burden a bit. I didn’t want to dump my problems on top of you.” Now my own eyes were threatening to mist. How many centuries had passed since someone even noticed my struggles, let alone wanted to take part in it. Not even my own mother understood me. 

“Thank you Alina. You don’t know how much you have already eased my burden just by being here.”

“General? Why do you think I’m here? What is changing? Is something bad going to happen?”

“Honestly, I don’t know Alina. But we will figure it out. Don’t worry.” Then I got up from the chair and moved towards one of the bookshelves. I dug around a bit and found one of the earliest journals of my grandfather. It did not have his name anywhere in it and it is one of his saner records on amplifiers. I brought it over to Alina.

“This is one of the oldest records on amplifiers, it was brought to me by one of the collectors. It is written in the most ancient form of Ravkan, a bit difficult to decipher but I believe it would help you. Considering the importance of the text, I cannot give it to you. You will have to read it here. Would that be alright? I will be awake for a few more hours, you can read it now or can come back tomorrow for it.” I could see her already brightening up.

“Thank you for giving this to me, General! I will not take it outside of this chamber. I will read it now.” She dived into it immediately and I started working on my paperwork. After a while I noticed Alina’s eyes on me. I could see that she wanted to ask me something, but was hesitant. 

“Is there something you wish to ask me, Alina?” she closed her book and sat straighter.

“General, I’m very smart, I have an extraordinary memory and I’m an excellent cartographer. You can check with my senior cartographer Vlad and Kaptain Viktor. Both can vouch for me. I know that for safety purposes, I cannot be sent to the frontlines yet. But I can help from the background. It doesn’t have to be any sensitive information. It doesn’t even have to be more than a couple of hours. You don’t have to give me any new titles or army ranks or increase my pay. I just want to be involved in some way. I feel guilty and useless sitting here securely when Ravkan soldiers are dying out there. When you assign me any tasks, I promise you that I will not slack on my training or my reading sessions. I just want to help.” she finished. 

I gave her a long and hard look. I understand Alina’s frustrations, but there are things that I don’t want her to know. However, this could be an opportunity for her to understand the atrocities and crimes committed against Grisha. This might help her. I can assign her to assist Ivan. He knows what information to keep away from her.

“Fine, Ms.Starkov. You have pleaded your case. You can start assisting Ivan starting from tomorrow. Be here at 9 o’ clock sharp.” Her face broke out into one of the biggest smiles.

“Thank you, General. I will not let you down.” with that she went back to her reading and I dived into my paperwork. Soon the only sounds in the rooms were turning of pages. An hour or so passed and I looked up from my report only to find Alina deep asleep in her chair hugging the book to her chest. She looked so young and innocent that it awoke every protective instinct I had. I soundlessly got up and went to her and gently pried the book out of her hand. I did not have the heart to wake her up, so I gently lifted her. She snuggled into my chest immediately. She felt so light in my arms, although she no longer looked emaciated she was still underweight. 

The oprichniki at her room opened the doors for me and I carried her inside and laid her on her bed, removed her boots and pulled the covers over her. I stood there for a minute watching her. Guilt washed over me and I looked away and studied her room instead. I had designed this room specifically for the Sun Summoner. I wanted them to have every possible comfort in the world. For decades, the room had remained locked and pristine but now, it looked lived-in. I could see Alina everywhere; in the carelessly discarded robe, in the papers and books spread over her table, in the wild flowers on her vase; everywhere. I was glad to know that Alina feels at home in the Little Palace. 

I looked back at Alina and a deep sigh escaped me. ‘What am I going to do with you Alina? I was not supposed to care for you this deeply. I was supposed to covet your light and use it for my own plans. But now, the thought of hurting you or using you constricts my heart. I want you to trust me. I want you to like me. I want you to fight by my side and protect our Grisha. But you are so young, Alya. The cruelty you faced at the hands of the otkazat’sya for being half-Shu were nothing compared to what our Grisha go through everyday in the hands of Fjerda and Shu-Han. You are too kind and gentle and still believe that the world is fair and just. You see the world in black and white. You have not lived long enough to understand that doing the right things will not always give you the results you seek. You will soon understand that the only language that the world understands is Power and Fear . You will learn all that in a couple of centuries. As much as I want you to grow and learn all of these from your own experiences, we do not have the time for that, my Alina. The noose is tightening and we need to save our people. I understand that you have lost family and friends to the Fold, but it is our only weapon to make the otkazat’sya fear us. They must see the power of Grisha and bow to us and I need you for that. I need your light. I have been waiting a long time for you Alina. I pray to all saints that you agree with my plans. If not, atleast let the saints give you strength to forgive my sins.’, I finished my ruminations. As if reading my thoughts Alina smiled in her sleep. ‘Oh my solntse!’  Unable to bear it any longer, I fled her room and went back to mine all the way praying for the saints to give me strength. 

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

I woke up to the gentle rays of dawn. For a minute I was disoriented, my last memory was sitting in the war room but I was now laying in my own bed. The General must have carried me to my rooms, he must have removed my boots and tucked me in as well. The thought of him carrying me made my heart skip a beat and I felt my cheeks burning up. I controlled my thoughts before it could wander further and instead thought about yesterday’s events. A part of me regrets not staying in my room which then led to a series of unexpected events. I had expected the General to be angry but instead he offered his support, which was a kind gesture. But another part of me feels like I have failed my Stag somehow. Although I did not mention about my conversations with the Stag or about Mal, I chidded myself for giving away what was supposed to be a secret. I think this was what the Stag meant when he warned me about changing tides. No matter what, I don’t regret yesterday. Now that the General knows about my Stag, instead of sneaking or finding a way to escape, I can directly approach the General and let him know when I’m ready. 

Another shocking revelation from yesterday was learning that Baghra was another Shadow Summoner. I don’t think either of them noticed the minute slip-up. Anyone else would have missed the two similar but not exact shadows or would have dismissed it as the General’s shadow altogether. But I know what I saw and have no doubts about it. It validates my theory that the General and Baghra are related and considering how she addressed the General as ‘Boy’, I bet that Baghra is the General’s mother. But the thing is, there has never been any reports of a female Shadow Summoner and I know this because I have read every book on Grisha History in the library. Why is Baghra’s powers being kept a secret? Why spread a story that the General’s powers were passed down from his father. Come to think of it, David mentioned that there has always been not more than one Shadow Summoner in the court and it was kept that way for security reasons. A very dangerous theory was sprouting in my mind but before I could jump to conclusions, I wanted to check the court genealogy records. I will not think about this issue before I check the evidence. The genealogies of the present and past noble families of Ravka are maintained at the Grand Palace. I need to use my invisibility skills and pay a visit there. Thanks to Genya, I have an approximate outline of the building and considering how libraries are usually the least guarded areas, I should be in and out without a hitch. 

With my decision made, I got ready for the day. Genya came in as usual and took me to the dining hall. I excitedly told her about my new role as assistant to Ivan over our breakfast. 

“Good Luck with that. As far as I’ve heard, Ivan is the worst superior to work with. So you are going to need all the luck in the world.”

“I know. But, I can handle him. I just have to make sure that he doesn’t stop my heart or dunk me into the pond or toss me through a window or push me down the stairs or -”

“Or kill you in any form.” Genya cut in.

“Exactly. Besides it is only for a couple of hours everyday. I can manage that.”

“Alright then. Be on your way, sunshine. I will catch you later.”

I went towards the General’s room. I had five minutes to spare, so I waited outside his rooms a bit and then knocked. Ivan opened the door. He was not pleased to see me. I stated my purpose, before he could shut the door in my face. He was not happy but let me in anyway. The General was not in the war room, so I moved forward to look at the map table. Ivan cleared his throat loudly and glowered at me. So I stopped my pursuit and instead started towards the bookshelves.

“Stand still, Starkov. These are army rel-” he started with a severe tone. But he stopped as the General came from his bedroom with a tea cup. 

“Ah, Alina. Right on time, I see. Did you rest well?’ he asked with a small smile and my heart beat a little faster. 

“Yes, General.” 

“Good. Ivan, Ms. Starkov volunteered to support the Second Army from behind the lines. So starting from today she will assist you everyday for three hours. You can assign tasks around Ms.Starkov’s schedule. Dismissed.”

“Moi Soverenyi” Ivan bowed and I followed him with a curt bow. He walked in a hurried pace without waiting for me. I jogged a bit to keep up with him. He stood in front of a small room and opened the door. It was filled with files and papers. It looked like missives and war reports from fifty years ago.

“Organise it.” He barked.

“Sure. How do you want it organised, by year or country or sender?” I asked. Ivan’s angry scowl deepened.

“Organise it.” He repeated and walked away, shutting the door behind him. 

I sighed and got to work. 

================

That night when the palace was asleep, I snuck out to the Grand Palace. Everything went smoothly and I reached the genealogy section. I found the Kirigan line and read through it. The Kirigans were once a strong noble house that supported the Ravkan throne. But it started weakening after King Ivan, the Second’s reign. Many of the male heirs from the direct line died on the front lines before they could sire a child. The only standing line was from a daughter Vasilisa, who married a wealthy tradesman from the Wandering Isle. Her grandson, Leonid, was the infamous Black Heretic whom King Anastas hired as an advisor. His line ended there. Up until the Black Heretic, none in the Kirigan line was presented as a Grisha. From there the line was picked up by a distant cousin of the Black Heretic who was a otkazat’sya. The second ever Shadow Summoner was his grandson and from there the line continued and is currently held by General Sergi Kirigan. There had been three other Shadow Summoners since the Fold and each one of them had just one son, who was another Shadow Summoner. I shut the book and sat down in a shock. I know what this meant but I don’t want to let that thought out here when I was still in the Grand Palace. So I went back to my room in a stupor, changed into my robes and dived into my bed and pulled the covers over my head. I let out a long breath. The General is the Black Heretic. The moment I let out that thought, chillness spread all over me. My heart thundered in fear. ‘Oh Saints! Oh Saints! The General is the Black Heretic. What do I do? What do I do?’ my mind kept repeating in a loop. I don’t know how much time passed that way. 

Slowly reason kicked in and I tried to clear away my fears. The Kirigans bloodline ended with the daughter Vasilisa. The General used that bloodline and served under Anastas and after the Fold he used the same noble name and came here a century or so later, disguised as a descendant of the Black Heretic. The question is why? Why did he come back here instead of escaping? What could be more important than his own life? Why would he come back and serve under the Lanstovs century after century, bow to these incompetant rulers instead of using his power to submit them to his will?

‘Grisha. All for his Grisha. How many times had the General talked to me about Grisha. Hell, he even built this whole palace for them.’ I removed my covers and sat up slowly . ‘That explains a lot and I saw the General in a whole new light. I remembered the pain, fear and anguish I felt when I entered the Fold. It made me wonder, what could have happened that day, all those years ago? But in spite of all that pain, he came back. He started again from the ground, served under prideful kings, fought their wars, bore their prejudice, faked a life and did it all over again till he created this place, a home for Grisha. The General, the Black Heretic, this impossible man, how could a person like him even exist? How could a man fight for a cause that no one believed in? How alone must he have been? Saints! How many people must he have buried? Friends, lovers, children and inspite of all this, he is still here, still fighting, still hoping to find a way to safeguard all the Grisha.’ Tears welled up in my eyes. 

‘I could almost feel the aching loneliness that I sometimes see in his eyes. He swallowed his pride, his ego, his self-esteem and slaved under these useless tyrants just so his Grisha could be safe. He gave them everything they were deprived of in the past: safety, comfort and hope. I never understood the bright coloured keftas, the down beds, silk sheets, the fruits or the gold-trimmed porcelain, but now I do. He swaddles them in luxuries to compensate for all the lives he couldn’t save, to compensate for the safety and love their own families failed to provide. He did not care that people thought of him as a villain, he did not worry about people calling him a monster. He hid his heart and pain and single-handedly battled time, fate and destiny, alone and unaided. Now he had created a safe pocket in Ravka for all Grisha.’ Tears were freely flowing now as my heart ached for him.

I understood what my purpose was- to stand by this man and fight by his side. Share his burden and keep the Grisha safe from what is to come. A sudden, uncontrollable urge came over me to rush to the General and cradle him in my arms and let him rest for a while. Be his shelter. To tell him how extraordinary he is. To let him know that I was here now and he is no longer alone. But I cannot do that. I cannot tell him that I know his secret. I will have to wait. Wait for him to trust me, wait for him to come to me and I will gladly wait till that day.

I have always admired the General. Of late, I knew that I had grown to care for him. But now I can no longer name what I feel for him. I’m not blind to his faults. I know that sometimes he had to make hard decisions like gifting Genya to the Queen. But I will accept him and work with him and save every Grisha on this planet. 

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

It had been a tiring week for me. I finally have a semblance of control over the border issue now. It had cost eleven Grisha lives and seventy-five First Army soldiers to do so. But I’m glad for the respite. I walked slowly through the Little Palace grounds and I noticed Alina from a distance. She was sitting on one of the garden benches and sketching the Little Palace, looking content and happy. It was the first time in months I had seen Alina relaxed and it alleviated some of my own stress to see her this way. I walked over to her, she looked up from her sketch and immediately her eyes softened and she gave me a dimpled smile. 

“That's a nice sketch, Alina.” I said as I sat down next to her. 

“Thanks General. I have been meaning to sketch this view for a while now.”

“You seem happy today.” I observed.

“Oh. It’s nothing special. It’s just one of those days you know.” I furrowed my eyebrows quizzically. “You wake up and you know today is going to be a happy day. I like to sketch on days like that.” she elaborated.

“Can’t say I have ever experienced days like those Alina.” I replied wistfully.

She didn’t say anything for a minute. She looked like she was collecting her thoughts.

“General. I know it’s not my place to say things like this as you are much older than me. It’s just, I’m so proud of what you have built here. I can only imagine the hardships you must have faced to build this. You took your pain and struggle and made something beautiful. Everytime I sit here and see this scene before me, I’m awestruck by the magnitute of what you have achieved here. What you have done here is extraordinary. It doesn’t matter to me what the world thinks of you, to me you are a wonderful man with a kind heart.”

Tears sprang from my eyes. It took all my effort to visibly control myself. For centuries now, my heart had ached and ached for someone to see me, see my struggle and acknowledge it. Even as a boy, I yearned for it. My mother kept me safe but did not provide me with comfort. After a while, I simply gave up and numbed my heart and blocked away the urge to seek solace. At this moment the deep ache came back so viciously that I wanted to fold myself into Alina’s arms and let her soothe me, take comfort in her embrace and bathe in the warmth of her affection. I clutched the seat of the bench to prevent me from doing so.

It took a good few minutes for me to realise that I was supposed to respond to Alina. For a moment I feared that Alina had seen it all and I did not want her to see me like this. I turned towards her to see if Alina had witnessed my breakdown and my heart wept with joy. She had gone back to applying finishing touches to her sketch. Somehow she had known that I needed that moment and let me have it, giving me the space to be vulnerable. We sat in a comfortable silence for a while I reigned in my heart as I took comfort in the tranquillity of the moment and let her presence soothe me. 

I was so lost in the warmth of the evening that I almost nodded off. A good while had gone and the sun was setting. Alina was done with her sketch and was packing up her things. The moment was ending and my old heart was squeezing at that thought. Once she gets up from this bench, things will go back to being the way it had been and I did not want that. 

“General?” Alina’s voice pulled me from my musings. She was extending her sketch to me. 

“I want you to have it. You said that you had never experienced a happy day, so I’m giving you mine. Now you can experience it any time you want.” She said with a smile.

I was dumb-founded at her kindness. ‘Oh Alya!’ my heart cried. I took the sketch from her and was too tongue-tied to give any response. She didn’t expect one and started walking towards the palace.

“Alina.” I called after her softly. She turned and looked questioningly at me.

Unfortunately, words would not come out and I simply said a heart-felt, ‘Thank you!’ and hoped that she understood why I couldn’t say more. She did, my solntse did and gave me a smile that blinded the sun and walked away.

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I had retired for the night, but sleep evaded me. My mind was restless. It kept replaying the evening that I had spent with Alina on the garden bench over and over again. And each time it did, I went through a cycle of shock, happiness, fear and hope. When I first built the Little Palace, I wanted it to be a home to all Grisha, a place of unconditional acceptance in a prejudiced world. I did not care one bit about who they were or what they were, if they were Grisha, they always had a place at the Little Palace without questions. It will be their forever home. Outside of these palace walls, people like Ivan, Fedyor and Nadia would not just be hunted for being a Grisha, they would have been stoned to death for choosing to love people of their own gender. But here at the Little Palace, I had watched them grow and thrive without the fear of judgement and to take pride in who they are. As much as it made me happy to see all this, I knew that I could never have the same unconditional acceptance extended to me. It does not matter how many centuries have passed, the Black Heretic would never be offered forgiveness even amongst his own kin. So, I had to keep my identity a secret from the world and the one person who knew the truth about me never failed to hide her disdain for me. Thus, I stood alone in the darkness as a silent protector and watched the Second Army grow. 

Other than my brief relationship with Luda, I struggled to recall a time when someone actually made an effort to connect with me. It is not uncommon for people to not be able to see past my darkness or their own fears for that matter and honestly, I wanted it that way. I needed those greedy otkazat’sya tsars and their nobles to fear my darkness. But every now and then the same darkness would threaten to overwhelm me, making me feel like a drowning man with nothing to hold on to. Having no one to turn to, I used to throw myself into my work, till there was no distinction between my work and me. But, that evening, on that garden bench, it changed. I felt accepted. Those words from Alina cracked through several thousand layers of me and touched the core of my being. And in those few minutes, I saw in Alina my equal, my partner, my sol koroleva, my eternal companion, my anchor and now my heart keeps selfishly craving for more. I have always been a man of discipline. I never would have accomplished all of this had I not been one. But for the first time, at the most crucial point of my long life, I’m facing a dilemma and it is wreaking havoc in my mind. 

I gave up on sleeping and got up to increase the brightness of the lamp and poured myself a glass of strong kvas. After taking a long sip, I opened my personal drawer and retrieved the items that I wanted and sat back down on my bed. I took the note that Alina left me after she beat me in chess and took away my candy stash. A smile automatically crept into my face. This gradual change of heart towards her was not without reason. Alina is different. She is strong, kind, fiercely loyal, shrewd and has so much love to give around in spite of not receiving any. I had read her personnel file and I simply cannot believe how she could turn out the way she is after all the things she had endured. There is a reason people hate the Shu more than the Fjerdans. The Fjerdans mainly target the Grisha camps and the border villages that have Grisha children. But other than that they stick to their end of the treaty. Their main goal is to annihilate the Grisha. But Shu-Han on the other hand, has waged war after war on Ravka, each bloodier than the previous one. They kidnap Grisha, yes, but their main goal is to destroy Ravka and leave it in a state of constant anarchy. A vast majority of the Ravkan population have lost their family or property to the Shu. So Alina being a half-Shu and an orphan at that could not have made her life easy. 

I took a gulp of the kvas and read her letters to Mal. She never stopped sending the letters. Like clockwork, once a week she gave a letter to Genya to be sent to Malyen Oretsev, a tracker with the 36th. To Alina’s credit, she never mentioned anything about her training or about the Little Palace. Just general enquiries, concerns about Mal’s well-being and repeated requests to respond to her letters or to come visit her in person. I could feel Genya’s guilt every time she handed me the letters but I could not care less about it because this is something that had to be done to ensure the future of Grisha. Although Alina is thriving here, I want her to be loyal and fully integrated with the Grisha cause and nothing else. I cannot have her sympathising with the otkazat’sya if I wanted to overthrow the Lantsovs. So it is imperative that I sever her connections to her old life. And this Mal seems to be a large part of her past life that I’m actively trying to erase. And ever since I grew closer to Alina, anytime I see a letter addressed to Mal , I get the urge to toss it into the fireplace and watch it burn. An irrational part of me hates that there exists a person, an otkazat’sya, who is much more close to Alina than me. The rational part of me knows that this Mal is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. But I hate him all the same, hate myself for feeling this way; about an otkazat’sya no less and I hate Alina a bit for making me feel this way. To satiate my own curiosity, I had read his file as well. Like Alina, he is a half-Shu orphan too who joined the army once he became of age. But unlike Alina, his efficiency as a tracker seemed to have granted him immunity from prejudice and gained him acceptance amongst his unit, a luxury that was denied to Alina.

I placed the letters on the bed and took the picture that Alina had given me. No matter how many times I had seen it, a rush of warmth never failed to fill my cold heart. It was a beautiful sketch- all neat lines and shades. Seeing it brought back my thoughts on Alina. My original plans were to use her and seize the throne first and foster a relationship with her later, as there was always a strong possibility that she might not help me with the Fold and she might come to loathe me for controlling her powers. Till my reign was fully established, I would just need her powers and nothing more. I had even nonchalantly convinced myself that her hate would not last forever. After all Time was on my side and her anger and hatred would eventually subside a couple of centuries or so later, after she had buried all her friends, once she realises that I would be the only constant in her eternal life, her only refuge. But now, I don’t know if I could do that. I realised with great shame that I have grown to care for Alina. Somehow she has broken my walls and wormed her way into my heart. I felt weak against her and men like me cannot afford to have weaknesses.  

A long sigh escaped me, I need to find a way to bury these pesky emotions and focus on the plan because Grisha will always come first to me. I need to quell this stupid desire and be the General that my Grisha expect to me to be. A tiny voice in my head asked, ‘Why can’t you have both?’ I silenced it forcefully as it is not a risk I’m willing to take. I emptied the kvas, put back the letters and sketch in my personal drawer and extinguished the light. Tomorrow I have a training session planned with Alina and I need to stay focused. So with great effort, I willed my mind to go to sleep.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

After I had unburdened my troubles to the General, I should have felt lighter and less troubled. But I didn’t feel so because a new problem took its place- one that I have been trying to squash before it could fully take root in my heart. Ever since that evening on the garden bench, my thoughts kept leaping back to him. My feelings towards the General had grown to something more intimate, a deeper affection, one that I didn’t want to name or acknowledge because if there is one thing my childhood taught me, it is to never long for things that you cannot have and he is someone who I could never have. The General has dedicated his whole life to protect the Grisha and he does not have time for such frivolities. So when the invite for training finally came, I literally groaned out loud. I think whoever wrote my fate must have enjoyed tormenting me. So I spent the whole evening locking my emotions away and prepared myself to face him.

The next morning, I reached the spot that he had picked for the training. It was a small clearing on the west end of the palace. It was a bit dark, the sun had not fully risen yet so I summoned an orb of light to see around and just as I did, the General stepped out the shadows, looking devastatingly handsome and regal. 

“Alina” He greeted me with a smile. “Ready for today?” I controlled my thundering heart and nodded.

“Good. Today we are going to test your endurance and limitations.” He came a bit closer to me and whispered, “Fight my shadows, Alina.” With that he plunged us in darkness, extinguishing my tiny light orb. It took me a while in the pitch black darkness to realise that my eyes were open. I could see nothing. Not even my own hands. It was like being inside an abyss, surrounded by endless darkness. My heart raced and I was losing my focus

“The light is within you and around you, Alina. Call for it.” The General instructed me. I could not place his location from the sound of his voice. But knowing that he was there made me feel better. I started to summon; shield after shield of light to push back the shadows a little bit. But his strong shadows kept extinguishing them. Helplessness started creeping into me.

“Alina. You are stronger than this. Common on. Fight my shadows.” The General instructed again.

The General is right. I’m strong. I’m the Sun Summoner. No darkness can extinguish me. Although it does not make a difference, I closed my eyes. I called for my light. I could feel the shadows trying to force my light out but I withstood it. I let my light flood through me and when I opened my eyes, I had created a bright shield of light around me that was fighting the shadows. Slowly and steadily I started pushing the shadows outwards. Then an idea struck me, the darkness was not infinite. Wherever this darkness ended, there is still light. So I closed my eyes once again and felt my way out of the shadows, trying to feel for light. I felt the beams of dawn and pulled its light. I started extinguishing the shadows from the inside and the outside. I started to feel the strain. But I ground my teeth and kept doing it until the pitch blackness started to slowly recede. I kept pushing it, Till it was trapped between my inner and outer shields. I began pushing it from both sides and started thinning it. Just when I thought I had a hold of the shadows a sudden unexpected brute force of the shadows attacked my inner shield making it crack. Before I could fix it, the intensity of the shadows increased and I had to let go of the outer shield to keep my inner shield in place. The shadows began to push my shields again and again till it began to shrink. I was losing ground and in a minute my shields shattered completely and shadows once again filled the space leaving me panting on the ground. Just as the shadows came in, they disappeared and the clearing became visible.

“Alina.” The General came from behind and offered me his hand. “You did good.” He said.

I scoffed. “That was not good. That was me being an absolute failure.” I stood, taking his hand.

“Alina, you really did good. You fought my shadows for seventeen minutes. It is not an easy feat.” 

“I’m sorry, General, I have to disagree. It was not good enough. If seventeen minutes was good then Ravka is doomed.”, I said, dusting my kefta. I know that I was being unreasonable. He is literally the Black Heretic and I’m a novice Sun Summoner. The thing is, I really had been looking forward to training with him. I wanted to show him how hard I had been practising and how good I had become. I had wanted to make him proud. But instead, I ended up on the ground like a sack of flour, panting like a dog in under seventeen  minutes. It made me feel inadequate.

“Alina.” He said very gently. I looked at him for the first time since my defeat. I had expected him to be angry or atleast annoyed at my outburst. But his eyes held neither of those emotions. He looked proud. 

“Alina. You did extremely good for our first session. You were creative with your technique. You attacked my shadows from the inside and outside. That was a good strategy.” He moved a bit closer to me. “Now, tell me why did your shields give out?”

At our close proximity, I couldn’t breathe. “Because I was weak.” I whispered.

“No Alina. You are limiting yourself. Unlike the other Grisha powers, our powers are not bound by the laws of earth. Just like my shadows, your light is infinite. It will exist as long the universe exists. You feel weakness and strain because you think you are a conduit for light, but you are not. You, Alina, are the light. Light does not feel exhaustion, your weakness is tied to your body. Remember that and let’s do this again.” He was right. All this time, I had thought of myself as a vessel for my powers. That explains the strain I often felt during my own secret training- why I couldn’t levitate effortlessly or why I could only conjure the tiniest of orbs when I tried to summon without using my hands. I realised that some of Baghra’s apprehensions must have invaded my mind and I had restricted myself unconsciously. I vowed to correct my ways.

“Ready?” he asked. “Always.” I replied with a smile. Time to unleash my powers.

This time I did better. I held off a lot longer and fought off his shadows a bit more effortlessly. We went on for a couple of hours and by the end of our session I felt pleasantly buzzed and rejuvenated. The General looked at me with pride. I felt my cheeks heating up a bit. 

“You are extraordinary, Alina. Never forget that.” He said as we walked back towards the Palace. “Thank you, General. For being patient with me.” He smiled and we parted ways. 

And so our training continued. Everyday, I could feel myself becoming stronger and stronger. I could feel the light flowing more easily inside me. I could feel every particle of it and if I listened keenly, I could almost hear it sing. The General was a patient teacher and I learnt so many more things in these past couple of weeks than I had learnt in the last four months. Beyond my own feelings, I looked forward to our sessions. 

================

I was excited for today’s training. After much persuasion(nagging), the General finally agreed to use his powers without holding back. I wanted to test how strong I have grown these past few weeks. We arrived together. I was both nervous and excited. 

After we took our positions, in a flash, his shadows engulfed me. Once again, I was standing inside the abyss. This time, I could feel the difference. I could feel the full strength of the General’s shadows. I focused and called forth my light, commencing the combat between us. The shadows and light clashed against each other. Each trying to extinguish the other and not willing to give an inch. Everytime I pushed, the General pushed back. I began to call more and more light and fought him back equally. I don’t know how long had passed. But, I was beginning to feel strain creeping into me and my shield wobbled a bit. The General, sensing it, immediately began attacking my shields ruthlessly, exploiting the weakness. I ground my teeth and pushed back but to no avail and I could feel the General was gaining in on me steadily. Refusing to fail this time, I tried to feel around his shadows using my light and sensed his location. I wanted to try something. I was not sure if it would work, but I had to try. 

A few weeks ago, Baghra gave me an old scroll to decipher and read. The main concept of the scroll was that every Grisha, irrespective of their Orders, was made of all things. This means that Grisha, in theory, can manipulate elements other than their own if they fall under the same Order and an extremely powerful Grisha can actually switch between the Orders. Although I’m a novice, I thought of giving it a try. Even a few sparks can help me fight off his shadows. So I tried. I tried to pull the light within the General. At first nothing happened and the General kept pushing. I could feel myself losing control. So, I closed my eyes and concentrated a bit more, and suddenly I found myself staring at my Stag. Looking at me straining, he came forward and touched my hand with his snout. Immediately I felt my powers being amplified. I opened my eyes and for a moment I could see and feel the very fabric of creation. It lasted only a moment and was gone before I could even register it. Only then I noticed the tiny specks of light coming from the General’s outstretched hands. Seeing that, I called for more. The General looked stunned for a moment. Using his momentary distraction, I used my light and the light from him and extinguished the shadows completely. With that, I lost my connection to the Stag as well. I looked up and grinned at the General. Only he didn’t seem pleased with what I had done.

He marched over to me, “Alina, your eyes. What have you done?” he demanded.

“What’s wrong with my eyes?”

“They are back to normal now. A moment ago, they were shining bright gold. Alina, what did you do? Who taught you to do that?” He demanded again, squeezing my arm.

I pulled my hand from his grip and rubbed it. “No one. I read in a book that we are made of all things. I couldn’t fight your shadows by myself, so I summoned the light within you to fight them for me. Was I wrong? Should I not have done that?” I asked with mounting worry.

He didn't answer me for a while. He kept looking at me and ran his fingers through his hair. “Alina, I.. How do you feel? Do you feel any different? Look within you and tell me.”

I was getting annoyed by his behaviour but looking at his almost feral eyes, I relented and closed my eyes. I went back to the forest where I released my light. It all looked the same. Nothing was out of order. “No General. I feel fine. Nothing has changed.”

“Alina, you were almost dabbling with merzost. Yes, we are made of all things. But, you need at least a few centuries to wield that kind of power. You are not ready for it Alina.” He placed both his hands on my shoulders, looked at me in the eyes and said in a warning tone, “Do not ever do that again.”

“We will cancel the rest of the sessions this week. You need to rest and recover.” With that he turned abruptly and began to walk towards the Palace, leaving me behind. I felt extremely hurt and confused by his dismissal. I thought he would be proud of me. Instead he accused me of using merzost and walked away without an explanation. Despite my best effort, a few erratic tears fell from my eyes. I cursed my heart for catching feelings for this wretched man. I wiped my tears and walked quickly to my rooms.

================

I lay awake in my bed not having the strength to face the day. The days following that disastrous training incident were hell for me. The General did not offer any explanations. He did not even attempt to have a conversation with me like he normally used to do. When I sought him out by myself his guards turned me away. Feeling humiliated, I had restricted myself to my rooms after that. Although only a hallway and door separated us, he seemed distant and unreachable. I hated his silent treatment. It was like he was punishing me for besting him. I did not know how but I knew that I had not used merzost that day. I was simply using my amplifier and now he is treating me like a new heretic and avoiding me. I scoffed in my mind. ‘ He is the Black Heretic, not me. ’ I thought darkly and took out my frustrations on my pillow before plopping my face into it.

My door banged open and I knew it was Genya. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head.

“Genya please don’t pull my covers. I’m not planning on getting up from this bed today.”

I felt the bed dip as she laid next to me. “Come on, Sunshine. The General has invited you to go horse riding with him and we can’t keep him waiting.”

I scoffed and rolled over and faced her. “Has he now? How very gallant of him to finally acknowledge my existence. I’m not going. I’m not his pet. Please tell him that I refused”, I said irritably. Honestly, the audacity of the man! He treated me like a pariah for a week and now he wants me to go on a ride with him!

She smiled and pushed my hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ears. “I know. But, don’t you want to leave the confines of the palace a bit? Get some fresh air, watch new sceneries? I think it would be fun. Maybe you could get some answers out of him for treating you so poorly.” she said softly. “Come on. Get up.” 

“It is tempting. But, must I?” I could not keep the whine out of my tone. “Right now, the General is not my favourite person in Ravka and I have half a mind to hurt him when I see him.” 

“It won’t be that bad. Come on. Let’s get you ready.” I relented and got up unwillingly only because I did not want Genya to get in trouble. “But, I have to warn you, Genya, if I throttle him and get executed for my crime, I blame you for it completely. And so, when I die, I will haunt you for the rest of your life in retaliation.” I said to her as she was braiding my hair. 

“Sure, Sunshine. If this is indeed the last time, I’m getting you ready, then it was nice knowing you, Alina. It was an honour and I look forward to you haunting me. Just make sure, I’m with the Queen when you do it. I would love to see her scared out of her mind.” she said deadpanned.

We looked at each other through the mirror and immediately burst out laughing.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

The last training session with Alina had shaken me to the core. I could not face Alina before I could find some answers. I knew that Alina was as shaken as me. More by my reaction than by her unusual display of power. I knew that she was upset but I was not ready for her yet. So I simply evaded her and kept myself busy. 

Once again my mind wandered back to that morning. Alina was a natural. She was confident in her powers and was innovative and was fighting me back efficiently. She doesn’t need centuries, a few more decades and she would be a sight to behold. As time trickled by, I could feel her strain. My instinct was to retreat my shadows but I forced it away as soon as it popped up. Because, at this moment, I’m her General. It is my job to prepare her. So I kept attacking her relentlessly. For a moment, I felt Alina go still, I could see her concentrating. Just as I was wondering what her new plan of attack was, I felt tiny specks of light coming from me, along with my shadows. Shock was not the word I would use to describe that moment. Using my distraction, Alina, extinguished the shadows completely. I looked up to see Alina, only to find her eyes glowing gold like the molten core of the Sun. Her eyes turned back to normal when she stopped summoning. Never before I had seen a phenomenon like that. In theory, an extremely powerful Grisha can summon other elements. But Alina was nowhere near that skilled and the way her eyes glowed made fear pool in my gut. For a minute, I dreaded that Alina had learned to use merzost. But Alina did not look any different. She looked the same, grinning at me in triumph. The memory of the time I first used merzost hit me with a force. I could almost feel the excruciating pain I felt that fateful day as my own shadows tore me apart atom by atom. For a brief second, I was back in the ruins of the Ivo Palace where it all started. Unbridled terror rose in me. Terror that somehow my mother tricked Alina into practising merzost to turn her against me. I was not proud of what happened next, I lashed out in fear and grabbed her arms violently and squeezed them. Alina was clearly not ready for this and looked very confused and hurt. But I wanted answers and I would not let her go till she gave me some. Although her answers were honest, I was too shaken from the incident to accept them. I was losing control of myself and so before I could cause any further damage, I cancelled our sessions for the rest of the week and  fled the place abruptly, leaving a very distressed Alina. I had spent the past few days going through my grandfather’s journals diligently to search for answers. But nothing came of it. Briefly, I considered approaching my mother, but I decided against it. The less she knew about Alina’s powers the better. 

I came out of my reminiscence. One thing is clear though. Alina is powerful. She is a brand of her own and this puts her and my plans at risk. With no other answers at sight, the only option left was to put off this issue for now. I will no longer push Alina to her limits during our training. All I need from her is to summon a shield strong enough to protect the skiff when I expand the Fold. In her current form she can do it without breaking a sweat. Once I take the throne, I will work on Alina and unlock her full potential. Doing that now will jeopardise the coup. Decision made, I composed a note and sent it to Genya.

Although I avoided meeting Alina. I kept tabs on her through Genya. As per Genya’s reports, other than being distressed by Tuesday’s events, Alina was fine. I knew I needed to fix this. Because, plans aside, I missed Alina so much that my selfish heart ached for her presence. I missed her smiles, her laughter, her witty remarks, her alarming intelligence, her warmth, her empathy and every little thing about her. But missing Alina was not without its consequences. Because, everytime my mind went towards Alina it invariably thought about the future as well, leaving me torn between duty and desire. Not wanting to ponder on these things, I decided to turn in for the night, hoping that Alina would accept my invitation.

================

The next day I stood outside the Palace doors waiting for Alina. Although my face did not show it, I was nervous. Not wanting the servants to see me pace, I busied myself and made an act of rechecking the buckles in the saddle. The door opened and Alina walked out and I couldn’t stop my smile. Alina looked splendid in her crisp kefta and neatly braided long hair. She returned a half-hearted smile. I knew we could not move past this unless I gave her some answers but this was not the time or place. So, we got up on our horses and galloped. I chose a particularly scenic route and as we travelled, I could see Alina’s mood lifting. For all its beauty, the Little Palace could be a bit stifling sometimes and I was glad to see that Alina was enjoying this ride. My plan was to take Alina to one of the nearby lakes and talk about what happened. But seeing the uninhibited smile on Alina’s face, I decided to take her into the forest instead- a slightly longer trip, to see my wishing fountain. 

The fountain was built by Anastas during the final years of his reign, before he succumbed to madness and subsequent death. Unable to deal with the sudden shock of losing half his country, Anastas turned to faith. He had ordered the priests from several churches to bring holy water and fill this fountain. He had even showered many holy men with money to perform prayers on it to make the waters powerful enough to grant him his wish- to see the destruction of the Fold. But neither happened, he was overthrown by his son, Anastas the Second, once his madness became uncontrollable. Overtime, this place was forgotten and was left to rot, until I stumbled upon it during the construction of the Little Palace. I cleaned it up and restored it a bit, a far cry from its former glory. The irony of it was not lost to me considering the history between Anastas and me. But this is the place I often visit when I need some time for myself. Nobody else besides me knew about its existence until now.

We unmounted and tied our horses. Alina was still taking in all the surroundings. She looked relaxed and lovely. I went ahead and began clearing up the fountain a bit. Removed the twigs and sticks from its surface.

“What is this place?” She asked.

“A wishing fountain. I come here sometimes, when I wish to have some solitude.”

“It’s nice.”

Not wanting to put this off any longer, I took a deep breath and said, “Alina, the main reason I took you out is to apologise to you for how I behaved. The past few days, I have treated you poorly and I have no excuse for that. That day at the training, I feared that you had used merzost unknowingly and It shook me. I lashed out in fear and behaved appallingly towards you. I hope you can forgive me for my horrifying conduct.”

She didn’t respond immediately and stared at me. “It was not merzost.”

“How do you know, Alina?” I asked her with a softness I didn’t know I possessed.

“I.. It was not alien to me. It was my light. I did not feel any different from how I normally use it.”

This is good news. “Good. Good. I trust your judgement Alina. If it's alright with you, we can recommence our training from tomorrow.” I said and she beamed at me in response.

“Thank you, General. We can start our training again.”

“But since I don’t have any answers to give you. I suggest we take it slowly and carefully.” 

“I agree.”

I smiled and offered her a coin and said, “Come, make a wish.” She took the coin and moved towards the fountain. This is a special place to me, so I keep it hidden from intruders. But being with Alina did not feel like an intrusion. She looked like she belonged here, with me, by my side. So I kissed my coin and wished for Alina to be by my side always and dropped it. Alina looked deep in thought for a moment then dropped her coin.

“General, can I ask you something? It is more of a request than an ask.”

“Tell me, Alina.” She started rubbing her crescent shaped scar in her hand. I have noticed her do that whenever she is distressed about something.

“It’s just, It.. I don’t know if you can understand, General. I have no idea where this path is taking me. I’m very new to this world of Grisha and I’m trying to do my best to keep my head above water and be a good enough Sun Summoner. But sometimes, I feel lost and I have very few anchors to hold on to. My only request is that, when something happens, something like that day in training, please don’t shut me out. You promised me that you would be by my side and help me figure out what the Making has planned for me. But that day you left me alone. I was scared out of my mind when you mentioned about merzost and I needed you badly. You abandoned me without any explanations when I had no idea what I did wrong. I thought we were in this together.” she finished in a whisper. 

' Oh zoloste! ’ My heart twisted in pain at the distress and hurt in Alina’s eyes. I finally understood the true extent of the damage my actions had caused. I walked away to protect myself from fear and the onslaught of sudden memories. But in doing so I had broken my promise to Alina. I felt so ashamed of my selfish actions. 

“Alina, I apologise again. It was never my intention to cause you such pain. Believe me. I just needed some time to think over what happened. As you know, merzost is a touchy subject for me. I walked away to save myself from the painful memories and at that moment, I did not stop to think about the impact of my actions on you. I acted selfishly. I swear on everything I have that I will never make you feel that way again.” Although her face still looked a bit clouded, she gave me a dimpled smile, making my heart beat a bit faster. “And I do understand how you feel Alina. To be scared and alone with nothing to hold on to. I would never let you experience that again. I promise.” 

“Thank you General.” We smiled and went and sat on the broken slab. We slipped into a comfortable silence and I felt contentment wash over just like that day in the garden.

“I like this place. It has a sense of serenity about it.”

“I like it too. When I was a boy, I used to run away and hide here. Once I realised that I was a descendant of the most hated Grisha in Ravka, I’d come here, throw a coin. Make a wish in the fountain. Same wish over and over again. That I could be anyone else.” I finished. 

The story was mostly true. I used to come here when I had to take extreme decisions or when I had faced devastating losses. I used to throw a coin and pray to the Making for liberation. I looked back at Alina and she looked deep in thought.

“This is his story isn’t it?” She asked after a bit. I smiled at Alina’s shrewdness, not many people can understand the significance of those carvings immediately. She got up and moved towards the fountain.

“You know it just from these old pictures?”

“Of course.” she said with a smile. I got up and joined her. Once again she was lost in her thoughts. 

After a couple of minutes, she asked hesitantly, “General, have you ever wondered what might have actually happened?” I looked at her sharply.

“What do you mean, Alina? Do you think something different happened?” I asked.

She kept rubbing her knuckles and looked very indecisive. She did not answer for a couple of beats. “Alina?” I prompted.

“Sorry, it’s just that the last time I asked this question it did not go well. The history tutor at the orphanage was livid at my treasonous words and hit my knuckles over and over again till my hands were a bloody mess.” She shook her head a bit, like she was shedding the worst memories from her mind. I felt rage boiling in me at the mistreatment that Alina suffered. I wanted to rip that bastard apart limb from limb for daring to touch Alina. I wished that I had found her earlier and shielded her from all these sufferings. But nothing could be done now, all I could do was offer her reassurances.

“Alina. You should know by now that I would never harm you.” She nodded. Collecting herself, she looked back at the picture. 

“The story never made any sense to me. King Anastas’s forty-three year rule was one of the most well-documented reigns in Ravkan history. Every year of his rule had detailed accounts with dates, names and places, even his final years of madness were captured. But this part remains as nothing but a story to this day. A cautionary tale to Ravkan citizens to never trust a Grisha. The story states that Anastas hired the first Shadow Summoner as his military advisor which I think is highly impossible, because Anastas was not a patron of Grisha; they were persecuted on sight during his reign. In fact, his reign had the highest number of Grisha persecutions even before the Fold. One could argue that being a noble-born might have granted the Shadow Summoner some immunity, but he would have definitely been kept under lock and key, away from the king, lest he incur the king’s wrath. And if the king had found out about his army of Grisha followers, it would have been treated as an act of war and treason of the highest order. Thus there was no way that Anastas would have appointed the Shadow Summoner as his military advisor. So I think something else happened. Something dire that made Anastas desperate enough to accept help from Grisha.” She paused and looked at me.

“Continue, Alina.” I whispered.

“I think.. I believe these events might have taken place around the Third Shu war, one of the bloodiest wars in Ravkan History. Ravka suffered heavy losses and the Shu army almost succeeded in overthrowing Anastas. Sensing the opportunity, the first Shadow Summoner and his band of Grisha followers, whom he had trained in warfare, must have approached the King to pledge their loyalty and to strike a quid pro quo deal. Probably, an offer of Grisha services in exchange for protection from the crown.” She paused and took a breath. “Considering the direness of the situation, Anastas must have accepted the Shadow Summoner’s offer as a desperate attempt to save his throne. But I think, once the war was won, Anastas did not keep up his end of the deal. Because, if the Shadow Summoner had truly wanted the throne, he had the perfect opportunity to overthrow Anastas. Instead he fought Anastas’s war and sacrificed his own followers, trusting Anastas’s words and the King repaid his debt by placing a bounty on the Shadow Summoner’s head. I think he may have used merzost as a final act of desperation to protect his people and the Fold could have been an unexpected consequence.” She walked over to the final carving and I followed her mutely. “I know that I have no evidence and these are all just theories that I had pieced together through my study. But if the king truly had nothing to hide, then why were the events not documented? Why did he have a sudden change of heart to hire Grisha services when he never repealed the law of persecution of Grisha? Why hide the truth? Why only a story remains about the single most crucial event in the history of Ravka? Why distort the truth and make it into a narrative against the Grisha? The story that had since been taught, has every element of a fictitious tale; a benevolent king, a dark sorcerer, a country in ruins but in reality there is not a shred of proof to back that up. The only witness was the Shadow Summoner who is now long gone without ever getting a chance to tell the truth. I truly believe he only wanted to keep the Grisha safe but instead he was forever branded as a heretic in the pages of history; a nameless, faceless monster that ruined Ravka. A person who never got to tell his side of the story.” She finished her musings with a soft sigh. 

The world had ceased to exist to me once Alina started to recount the events. I did not even realise how close I was standing to her. When Alina turned away from the last picture, she was startled to see me so close.

“General?”

“Aleksander. Please. Call me Aleksander.” I pleaded.

“Aleksander.” she repeated slowly, almost reverently. That moment all sane thoughts flew out of my mind and I pulled her close and captured her lips. A moment or two later, Alina responded, she parted her lips and kissed me back. Her small hands moved towards my neck. I did not know how much time had passed and when we parted for air, nobody said anything for a while, I was too stunned to think of anything.

“Aleksander? Why are you crying?” Alina whispered as she gently rubbed away my tears.

It took me a moment to realise that I had indeed been crying. Not knowing how to respond, I simply closed my eyes, pressed our foreheads together and breathed her in. And when she pulled me closer and embraced me, I was finally, finally whole. 

So many past memories that I had long buried were coursing through me, the pain and the betrayals followed next. I was holding onto Alina as my only anchor in this storm. I think without her I would have crumbled to the ground. I did not even know how much time had passed. When I finally came to, my head was nestled in the crook of Alina’s neck. One of her hands was holding my neck, soothing me, as if I was something precious and delicate. Her other arm was around me, holding me close to her. I wanted to stay this way. But I know that I cannot, my thoughts and emotions were all over the place and I needed to think. Very reluctantly, I pulled back.

“Are you okay?” she asked, placing her hand on my cheek. I leaned into it without a thought.

“We should head back.” was all I could to say. Immediately, she dropped her hands from my cheek. I have never felt a loss so keenly. Her eyes lost all their brightness that I rushed to reassure her.

“Alina. I do not regret anything that happened. I just.. I just need some time to think. Please.” Her eyes softened.

“Come.” I took her gently by her hands and we untied and mounted our horses. The ride back was silent, but there was an undercurrent of emotions from both our sides. We reached the Little Palace. I handed our horses to the stable boy, I turned to find Alina hesitating a bit at the door. 

“I will see you soon, Alina.” she nodded and went inside, taking my heart with her. 

================  

Once again I found myself sleepless and drinking kvas. What was supposed to be a relaxing ride, ended up in a turmoil of emotions. I had cancelled all my meetings for the rest of the day and had been holed up in my room since then.

‘ Aleksander.’ I could hear her voice whispering my name over and over again. It had been hours, but my mind was still muddled and I was struggling to form a coherent thought. With none of my usual barricades in place, I was standing defenceless against the onslaught of memories and emotions. When I finally came to, the room was completely dark. I had not realised that night had fallen. I slowly got up to light the lamp and sat back down with another bottle of kvas. I need to fix this.

My first clear emotion was anger. I felt so angry that I threw the glass of kvas against the wall and took a grim satisfaction on seeing it getting shattered to bits. It looked just like my future. Why?! Why did Alina have to be like this? Ever since the Fold, not a single soul in Ravka had stopped to think about the other side of the story. In their eyes, Grisha had always been evil. They did not care for the details. But today, an eighteen year old, slip of a girl stood in front of me -the Black Heretic and told my story as if she had been there with me when it occurred. Why does she have to be so smart? Why does she have to be so kind? Why can’t she think of me as the villain like everybody else does? Why does she have to complicate everything? It would have been so easy, so freaking easy to slap that collar on her and take her light like I had planned to had she been the way I had expected her to be. But, no, she had to be everything I yearned for in a partner and kill me with her kindness.  

The next emotion was the raw, unbridled yearning . Yearning to hold her, to be held by her, to see her dimpled smile, to kiss her, to breathe in her scent, to listen to her laugh, to play with her strands, to bathe in her sunlight, to simply be with her. I finally got a tiny glimpse of the life I could build with Alina and my heart is yearning for more. 

The minute I took her in my arms and kissed her, I felt even the oldest of my wounds healing and when she said my name and kissed me back, I felt complete. I was born again. I know that right now, there are two paths ahead of me - one leads me to my eternal happiness the other safeguards all Grisha. These two paths might converge after a century or so. But I might never have these advantageous circumstances again. I meant what I said to Alina, I do not regret kissing her. But can I truly put my happiness over my cause? With the past and future flashing through me, I was unable to form a decision.

It's all too soon.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

It seems I could get no respite from my aching heart. The moon had risen high in the sky but sleep would not come. The events of that day kept running through my mind. 

‘ Aleksander ’ I repeated his name over and over again. A name fit for a king and a name that fit so perfectly for this incredible man; a name that has now been etched into the crevices of my heart.

It was never my intention to discuss the story of the Black Heretic with him. But seeing those carvings on the fountain wall and hearing him talk about his wish to be someone else, pulled something in me and I wanted to show him that there is one other person in this world, who does not believe in the distorted story of the Black Heretic. I wanted to offer him my support at least in an indirect fashion. But I did not not expect such a visceral reaction from him.

The moment I called him by his name, his face showed such raw need and yearning that my heart cried. I did not expect him to kiss me, but when he did, my whole world was narrowed down to this one single moment with him. It was like I had waited for this moment my entire life, it was like coming home and I felt complete. I poured my heart into that kiss. I tried to show him every possible emotion that I could not express through words in that kiss. When we broke apart, I saw tears in his eyes and my heart broke all over again.

Time stood still as I held him in my arms as his tears wet my skin. At that moment, I wished. I wished for all his wounds to heal. I wished for him to have all the happiness in the world. I wished for him to be safe. I wished for his turmoil to end. I wished that I could share his burdens with him. 

He had promised me that he did not regret the kiss, I hadn’t either. Before I could retreat to my room, I stood by the palace doors and took one last look at him. His face reflected his troubled mind. I wanted to take him in my arms again and soothe his fears. Tell him all the truth and negate his worries but all I could was walk away, leaving my heart behind.

It's all too soon.

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I had dismissed Ivan for the night. There was no point in keeping him on duty when I knew for sure that I would not get any work done tonight. Three days had passed since that day at the fountain and I could not think of anything else but Alina and my impending decision. 

The easiest option would be to take a leap of faith and simply tell Alina the truth. After our last conversation I think there is a chance that she might accept my past and my true self. But the problem is that once I reveal my identity I cannot just stop there, I have to disclose my true plans to her as well and therein lies the issue. Because, never in a million years would Alina agree to expand the Fold. 

Alina is idealistic, hopeful and that is not without reason. Although, I’m thankful to every single saint for bringing Alina to me at a time when I could truly protect her, she was born at a time where life in Ravka has relatively been safer for Grisha. The Little Palace had been built and the formidable Second Army had already been established. And that is exactly why Alina is not in a place to understand my plans. She does not know what it is like to live in fear. Unlike me, she had never had to experience the brutality of the otkazat’sya. She never had to see Grisha hunted for sports, never had to hear the screams of the children being burnt alive, never had to live life as a fugitive, never had to face raiders razing Grisha camps to the ground and drenching the soil with their blood. Most of all, she never had to stand helplessly and watch the people who trusted her be slaughtered in front of her. She has not seen the true blackness residing within the otkazat’sya hearts and the unspeakable horrors they had inflicted upon Grisha.

The only reason there is a small place in Ravka that offers a safe haven to Grisha is because of the Fold, the fear it puts into the hearts of the people. The Fold made it possible for the Second Army to exist; it turned the tide of the battle. But the Second Army cannot live this way forever. It has to evolve. I can longer watch my Grisha get slaughtered to satisfy the whims of childish kings. True freedom will never come unless there is a Grisha on the throne. Only when the world sees the true power of Grisha, only when they see me drowning their cities in darkness in retaliation, only when I put the fear of God in them, only then the otkazat’sya will stop the persecution of Grisha. 

Unless I have Alina’s total allegiance, I cannot tell her the whole truth. But I need her closer to me. She is the key to the Fold expansion. My original plan had been to find the Stag, bind her powers to me and expand the Fold. Even if I meant breaking Alina’s trust, once the deed is done, I would have centuries to rebuild it. But now, having seen a tiny glimpse of what my life would be like with Alina, how powerful I felt in her arms, I do not have the strength to violate her. I need to earn her trust. I need her to help me expand the Fold on her own volition. Unfortunately, time is not on my side and unlike Alina, I have a lot more to lose if she chose to abandon me. 

Once again, my thoughts halted there, unable to proceed further. 

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

Three days have passed since our kiss at the fountain. Aleksa- no, the General did not leave me hanging like the last time. He sent me a note saying that he is cancelling our training sessions, so that both of us have time to think through the events. 

That morning had been emotional for both of us- him more than me. I never imagined him to react that way. To see a proud, battle worn man, weep in my arms, broke my heart into a thousand pieces. But now that I had a chance to clear away my emotions and think, I know that the final decision is not his alone to make, it is mine as well. 

Although my heart has grown fonder for him, I’m still not able to fully trust him. He is a man that has lived many lives. Lives that I’m not privy to. I’m honestly okay with it as I cannot expect a man like the General to fully unravel himself to someone he has known only for a few months. Things like that take time and I can wait. What I’m afraid of are not his secrets but his lies. I’m fine with us having secrets between us but not outright lies. I know for a fact that he is lying to me about the Fold and about the reason he is so keen on finding my Stag. Unless I get closer to him, I will not be able to get the truth out of him. But what of my heart in the process? What if I learn that he is only drawn to me because of my powers? Will I be able to bear such a betrayal? After all, knowing who he really is, I know that he has waited a very long time for my arrival. 

In addition, I have to think of the political implications as well. The General lives and breathes for the Grisha. Their future will always be the priority to him and I’m truly fine with that. One of the first things that endeared him to me was his unwavering devotion to his Grisha. Even if we were to take the next step and progress with our feelings, it would end up nowhere without the Tsar’s blessings. The General would never risk the Second Army just to be with me. If both our fates rest at the hands of the Tsar, is there even a future to us? 

Beyond getting the truth out of him, I need to safeguard my own heart as well. I will not be used only to be cast aside for his political machinations. I need the General to understand that this is not some whimsical nonsense for me; an orphan teenager enamoured with a mysterious General. I’m a serious person and my heart is not something to be toyed with. He has already seen my feelings for him, I want him to see my misgivings too. It will either be all or nothing. I will not be another Zoya.

Decision made, I walked to his room. 

“General?” I called out softly. He looked up from his map table and was surprised to see me.

“Alina. Come in.”

“Am I disturbing you? If this is not a good time I can come back later.”

“Not at all. What is it? Why are you not in bed?” I could hear the slight worry in his voice.

Not wanting to beat around, I said, “I wanted to talk about that day.” I paused and did not continue further.

“Alina..”, he stopped, not knowing how to proceed.

“No General. I get it.” I cut him off before he could continue. “I understand your hesitancy. I have my own apprehensions too. The main problem is that we are not ordinary individuals. We have the weight of a thousand people resting upon us. We are both bound by our duties, by our roles and this would complicate a lot of things. A lot rests on the both of us. You are the true guardian of the Grisha and I’m the hope for the people of this country. Even if we do pursue this when push comes to shove, we have to pick our duties over each other. And above all that we have to guard our hearts too. I know I’m young but I want you to know that this is not some teenage fantasy for me.”

I swallowed a bit and looked at him. He looked as troubled as me. Since he didn’t say anything I continued.

“Aleksander.” I whispered. A slightest shiver ran through him when I called him by his name. “The one thing I have lacked in my life is stability. One moment, I had my parents with me and the next I was an orphan. I picked myself up and built a life with what little I could get, just so that someday, I could have the life that I have always wanted; only to be uprooted the second time. But, even then, I never complained. I have picked myself up once again and have tried to fulfil my role the best I could.” I wanted to convey the next part to him without crying my eyes out. So I tried to compose myself a bit and continued. 

“The point is, my life has always been filled with chaos and upheaval and because of that I have always craved for a steady presence by my side. Someone I can trust. Someone to weather the storms with me. Someone who can love me as much as I love them. Someone who can fill that void in my heart. But, by being who we are, this is not something you can give me. I know that you are duty-bound to take a wife of your standing and my fate rests with the King and the church. What I feel for you is not something I want to carry out in secret and I’m not someone that can be tossed aside when your duty knocks on your door. If this is not something proper, I want none of it. I cannot, I will not be your mistress. I deserve better than that.” There was a fire in his eyes when I said those words. He took my hands into his and held them tightly.

“Alina. I would never treat you that way. I would never ask you to be my mistress. You have no idea how long I have waited to have you by my side. When I saw the light pour out of you that day in my tent I felt true hope for the first time in my life. Solnyshko, you mean so much to me and I would never demean you that way. You are the Sun Summoner. I will never treat you as anything less than a queen.” He said those words with such fierceness and conviction that I wanted to believe him.

“Aleksander, please don’t make promises that you cannot keep.” I removed my hands from his. “Because, another part of me fears that you only see my light and nothing else and that scares me even more. I know that me being a Sun Summoner changes a lot of things. At Least in the eyes of the people around me. But I feel no different from when I was a cartographer. I’m still the same girl you almost ran over in your carriage and never stopped to look back.” His eyes widened a bit at that. “Tell me this, if I wake up one day and have lost all my powers will you still be able to love me? Will you still stand by my side when I’m no longer useful to you?” I whispered. His eyes looked clouded.

“Alina, I will always-” I placed my fingers over his lips. As much as I want to hear his reassurances, I don’t want it to be just empty words. I want him to think it through thoroughly before he makes any promises to me.

“Aleksander. A lot is at stake here. A lot of people are depending on us. I have laid down all my cards in front of you. We can only proceed if we both see the same future.” I placed my hands on his cheeks and he leaned into it. His eyes were as misted as mine. “If this is something I cannot have then I can live with it. I will learn to live with it. But if you give this to me only to snatch it away, it would destroy me.” Despite myself tears spilled from my eyes. His eyes had misted as well. He gently wiped off mine. “Think it through please for both our sakes.”

With that I pulled my hands from his cheeks and walked away without turning back.                          

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

After Alina had left, I kept staring at the door she exited for a long time. Unlike in the past, my mind was not troubled. I felt strangely calm and clear for the first time. I had always known that Alina and I shared a destiny together. My hesitation to pursue it stemmed from the fact that I had often questioned the depth of Alina’s feelings for me. I feared to move forward because I had more to lose than Alina if I were to begin a relationship with her and I did not like the power imbalance it posed. But today, after seeing her devastation, I knew that I was not alone in my fears. 

I finally turned back and closed my eyes. An onslaught of emotions swept through me making my knees go weak. I clutched the map table till I was white-knuckled to stop my downward descent. A myriad of past, present and future paths flew through me. Some were with Alina, some were without her. I could see myself attaining my goal either way. But the future with Alina stood the brightest amongst all. Every other future I had planned crumbled before it till I was left with the one future that I dreamed to build with Alina. A new emotion surged through me- hope. Hope for a future where I am not alone.

Just knowing that Alina wants this to work as much as I do makes my knees go weak. She already understands my duty towards the Grisha. That means she will not run away when I propose my plans. We will have arguments for sure and I expect nothing less from her. It means there is room for discussion and compromise. She would not abandon me at the first sight of truth. We could make this work. Now that I have seen her heart, I cannot go back to the way we were before. There are still a few years left for my plans to come to fruition. In the meantime I can slowly change Alina’s mind. She is smart and she will understand. We will do this together. As much as I want to rush to her suite and kiss her, I know that we have to take this slow. I will show her that I can be everything she wants me to be.

Now calmed, I moved to my table and pulled out a fresh piece of paper and began to compose a letter for Alina. It was time I conveyed my true feelings for her. I have finally found my one true equal. My balance. And I’m not going to hold back on my affections and let her slip away from me.      

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

I woke up confused to a knock on my door. I don’t remember falling asleep or crawling into my bed. Emotions from yesterday slammed into me as I became more aware. Before I could think further, another impatient knock came. I slipped out of my covers and went to open it. It was Genya holding a bunch of flowers. I let her in and closed the door.

“Since when do you knock?” 

“Since when do you receive flowers from General Kirigan?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“He sent me flowers?”

“Yes and asked me to deliver this letter to you along with it.” she said and handed me a letter. It had my name written in his neat handwriting. 

“Go ahead and read it. I will put these flowers away and busy myself with something else.” 

I thanked her and moved to my bed to read the letter. With equal parts of trepidation and excitement, I opened the letter.

—--------------------------------------------------------

◙◙◙◙◙

Dearest Alina,

The past few days have not been easier for you and I would like to apologise to you for the torment I have caused you. If it were any consolation, the past few days have been an agony for me as well. Not just these past days, I have been in pain for the past few months now, Alina. Truth is, I have been falling for you for quite some time. I never acted on it because, I did not dare to hope that my feelings would be reciprocated. As you may have gathered by now, I’m old, Alina. Although, I bear the face of a young man, my heart is old, and battle worn. I have been fighting this war alone and for so long that I had nothing left but the dying embers of hope.

The very first time when I laid my eyes on you in Kribirsk, I could scarcely breathe. I fervently prayed that the reports would be true and that you would indeed turn out to be the Sun Summoner. And when I saw the light pour out of you, I felt like a blind man witnessing a miracle. The day I found you, you rekindled that hope in me. You gave a renewed will to traverse through this war. Since then, I have embarked on an unpredictable but profound journey with you, and I have not looked back.

You shared your misgivings with me last night. Solnyshko, I assure you that your fears are unwarranted. It may have been your light that drew me to you, Alina but it was not your light that made me fall for you. Your kindness, your wit, your brilliance, your beauty, your resilience, your radiance, every single thing about you pulled me towards you. The more I got to know you, the deeper I fell for you and before I realised, I was riveted. You had bewitched me mind, body, and soul that I could not bear the thought of being parted from you.

As the depth of my affections for you grew, I fought hard to hold myself back because I had already altered the course of your life drastically, and I did not wish to overwhelm you with my affections as well. When I saved you from the Druskelle attack, I had vowed to keep you safe from any harm that were to befall you and that includes me as well. It may sound very gallant of me. But, every day, I yearned for you. I earnestly hoped that you would see me in a different light, not just as your mentor or your General. Although it agonised me to hold back, I was happy to do it as it would spare you from the burden of my feelings. And instead I was content to take pleasure from the warmth of your company. 

That auspicious morning, when you kissed me back, when I saw my feelings being returned by you, I was ecstatic beyond words. Your affections melted the endless frost in my heart and brought forth the blossom of Spring. I wanted nothing more than to remain in your arms and bask in the glow of your love. Poets say that being in love is a powerful feeling. But I disagree, to be loved in return feels even more powerful.

As much as I wanted to relish in your embrace, my old fears took over me; for you are not only the arbitress of my happiness but also my misery. When I came to my senses, all I could see was how impossibly young you looked, moya dusha. You have so much to look forward to in life and if you decided to walk away from me at some point, I would be ruined. I’m ashamed to admit that I questioned the depth of your feelings for me. I feared it might just be a flight of fantasy for you. Instead of accepting the blessing of your love, I pushed it away. And for that I beg your forgiveness. It was never my intention to hurt you. But, when you spoke to me last night, I saw the same fear and devastation reflected in your eyes. And I knew that my affections were not just returned, they ran as deep as mine.

I have waited a very long time for you, milaya. Now that you are here, I do not plan to let you go. I vow to you that I will be all that you want me to be and more. It would be my honour to formally court you, Alina. I have already given you my heart and sooner than later, I wish to give you the protection of my body and name as well.  If you have it in your heart to forgive me for the pain I have caused you and accept my proposal, I would like to invite you for a picnic tomorrow afternoon.

Awaiting your reply.

Ardently Yours,

Aleksander.

◙◙◙◙◙

—--------------------------------------------------------

I reread the letter twice and folded it neatly. My eyes were filled with tears of joy. I looked at the flowers he sent me. It was a bouquet of forget-me-nots, snowdrops and heliotropes, each symbolising eternal love, hope and devotion respectively. Unable to contain my bubbling happiness any longer, I rushed to my desk and wrote my response. I took one of the forget-me-nots and placed it inside my note and sealed it.

“Everything alright?” I heard the Genya's voice behind me. 

I rose up and hugged her tightly. “Oh Genya! For the first time everything is perfect.”

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

I had just finished up my work in the Fabrikators lab and was hurrying to the Library when I saw Genya and Fedyor walk towards me. I was confused at first because we had made no plans to meet today. That’s when I saw the look on Fedyor’s face and stopped in my tracks. He looked like he was upto no good and even Genya’s eyes twinkled in mischief.

“Alina, we were just on our way to meet you.” Genya greeted me casually and Fedyor gave me a sweet smile .

“What are you two planning? And don’t even think about denying it. I can see that look on your faces and I know you are up to something.” I said.

“What look?” Fedyor said a little too innocently. “We happened to have the evening to ourselves and we thought of inviting you for a stroll in the gardens.” 

“Ah. Is that so? So, if I were to refuse, you would let me go on my merry way then?”

“Absolutely not,” said Genya.

“I knew it! This was an ambush!” 

“You wound us, Alina. We thought you were our friend and you liked spending time with us. It is a beautiful evening and we have all been busy lately. It’s almost like we don’t have time for each other anymore. So I thought we could catch up and talk about the latest gossip and all that”, said Fedyor with pitiful eyes. I did not believe one word out of his mouth. I simply folded my arms and gave him a pointed look. “Although if our talks veered into other topics such as men and relationships, I wouldn’t be too opposed to it.” He finished with a nonchalant shrug.

Of course! I should have known. Aleksander has been courting me for a few weeks. We have been taking things slow and had decided to keep it private for now. Naturally only Ivan, Fedyor and Genya knew about it. Nadia and Marie suspected something but I never confirmed or denied anything. Outside of that no one else knew and we have been maintaining it that way. By we, I meant me. Because, even if the information somehow leaked, no one would dare to talk about it to Aleksander’s face, I will be the one facing the brunt end of the gossip.

I thought I was saving myself from the tittle-tattle by keeping our relationship under wraps. What I did not count on was Fedyor. Ever since Fedyor heard about this new development, he has been absolutely giddy with excitement and he doesn’t even have the decency to act subtle about it. He has been especially worse when Aleksander sends his letters through him; acting like an excited school boy rather than a respected lieutenant. Genya on the other hand was more restrained with her curiosity. She does prod me with questions now and then. But otherwise leaves me alone. 

It was not my intention to keep things from them. They are my closest friends here and I have been dying to gush about Aleksander with them but I have been holding myself back because Aleksander is a very private man and at the end of the day their General. So I don’t think he would appreciate it if his subordinates were privy to information about him.  

I looked at them both and said, “No. We will do no such thing. We will all be going our own ways and not talk about it.”

“That wasn’t a request, sunshine. Come on. Let us go to the gardens.” Genya said as she locked her hands with mine on one side and Fedyor did the same on my other side. Sensing that there was no way to escape this, I simply let them lead me. They led me towards the gardens. Instead of the usual spots we walked a little deeper into the gardens to avoid being eavesdropped.  

“So Alina. How has life been treating you lately?” Fedyor started.

“Oh straight to dissecting my life then? Whatever happened to filling me in on the latest gossip?” I muttered. 

“You are the latest gossip Alina.” Genya said and Fedyor agreed, smiling shamelessly. “So, how is it going then?

It was such a simple question but I honestly did not know how to respond to that without being over-effusive.  

“It has been well.” I started slowly. “So well that it is almost perfect.” 

They nodded in understanding. “I have been feeling so happy lately that it almost feels like a dream. Some days I actually fear that this might all be a dream and I would wake up staring at the tan walls of my tent. It's just that in the past I had never once thought I would find happiness, let alone find someone who would love me. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man - kind, generous, thoughtful and understanding. Each day I wake up and feel more love for him than I did the previous night. He is not a man of many words, but he shows his love and respect for me in his every action and I could not ask for more.” My eyes welled at this point and I was almost choked up when I finished.

“It’s a nice feeling isn’t it? Fedyor asked. “Being in love.”

“Yes.” I whispered. “It is. But it is terrifying too. I have never been more scared in my life.”

“That’s how love is. Being in love means opening your heart to someone; letting them see you without your walls. You stand defenceless in front of them and hope for acceptance. Nothing could be scarier than that. But you just need to remember that the other person is also doing the same. They are as scared as you are and are as defenceless as you. Just like you they too are hoping for a chance of acceptance, sometimes even a chance at redemption. You hold their heart just like they hold yours. Nothing could be more powerful or terrifying than that.” Fedyor said comfortingly.

And just like that Fedyor put my fears to rest. Somehow he knew the exact words to ease my heart. I surged forward and gave him a quick hug.

“Thank you, Fedyor.” 

We walked in silence for a few minutes. It was indeed a beautiful evening. The sun was setting and the garden looked ethereal in its golden light. 

“So.” Fedyor started. His eyes gleaming with mischief. “Now that the emotional stuff is out of the way. I, for one, have a very important question to ask you.” Fedyor said with a wicked smile.

“Alright. What do you want to know?”, I asked resignedly.

“The General, are the rumours about him true?” Fedyor asked.

“What rumours?” I was genuinely confused by the question.

“Alina, my sweet angel. Have you seen the man? There are loads of rumours about him. Especially about his prowess and I don’t mean on the battlefield. So, are those rumours true?” 

“Sankta Maradi! You guys are vultures! I’m not speaking about these things.” I could feel my face heating up. After our impromptu kiss at the fountain, we did not share a kiss again. He never pushed for anything. He has been a perfect gentleman so far. Other than holding hands we have not proceeded further on the physical side of the relationship. He never once asked beyond what I was willing to give. But I could not help but flush when I thought about that desperate and heated kiss.

“Oh Darling! You don’t have to say anything, that lovely shade of red on your cheeks tells it all.” Fedyor ribbed me good-naturedly while Genya snickered. “And going by the looks the General sends your way sooner or later someone is going to stumble upon you snogging each other senseless.” He laughed as my face heated up more. I’m sure, I should be red as a tomato by now.

“We don’t.. We haven’t.. I mean we just hold hands and talk. That’s all.” I stuttered with my explanation, making Fedyor and Genya laugh even more. Saints! they are insufferable. I tried to be cross at them for asking such questions but gave up and joined in on their laughter.

We calmed down a bit after a couple of minutes. “But, honestly Alina. That is somehow sad. There is not a single girl or guy who has not had a crush on the General. It is sort of a rite of passage at the Little Palace. And here he is, actually courting you and all you have done so far was to hold hands with him.” said Genya.

“Oh, you are one to talk. Atleast the man I love knows that I love him. All you and David do are dance around each other.”

“Wait a minute. David and you? How did I miss this?” Fedyor asked. “How long has this been going on?”

“Don’t listen to her, Fedyor. There is nothing going on. I may like him a little. But he does not return it. I don’t think he even notices me. He never even looks up from his work when I try to talk to him. It is just a futile crush on my part.” Genya said dejectedly. 

“Genya, how can you be so observant and yet not see the thing that is right in front of you. David not just notices you, he likes you too.” I said.

“Alina, please.” Genya tried to shrug her shoulders nonchalantly. But I could see the dejection in her eyes.

“No. You listen to me, Genya Safin. He likes you a lot, trust me. Have you not seen what he does when you come into the lab when he is working? Every time you walk in, he stops whatever it is he is working on and takes one of his favourite leisure projects.”

“And? How does that translate into him liking me?”

“Genya, the copper he works on is the exact shade as your hair. The dye he uses is the same blue as your eyes. He could have finished that project ages ago. But he only picks it up when you walk into the lab. He has been trying to show you his heart in his own way.” I said softly.

I could see so many emotions flitting across Genya’s face. Finally it settled on hope and her mouth parted into a beautiful smile as a new shyness found its way into her eyes. Suddenly I found myself with a handful of Genya as she hugged me tightly to her. She released me after a while and I could see a slight mist in her eyes.

“See. Aren’t you girls happy that you came for this stroll today?” Fedyor said and we giggled.

“But in all seriousness, I think I know the root of both your problems. Both of you are dealing with emotionally closed off men. Men like them give out signals that are not easy to interpret. Trust me, I have been married to one for ten years. So if you keep waiting for them to make a move or take the relationship to the next level you will be waiting forever. So, do as I did and you will be married to the love of your lives in no time.”

“And what might that be?” Genya asked.

“Pick a wedding date. That is step one. Then find your partner, make sure you are alone. Then pull them by their kefta and slam them against the nearest wall and proceed to snog the living daylights out of them. Once the shock recedes, tell them the wedding date and ask them not to be late. Then walk away. That’s all.”  

Both Genya and I looked at him in shock, our mouths hanging open. 

“Fedyor!” we cried.

“What? You have met my husband. Do you think Ivan would have admitted his feelings for me if I had not made the first move? Extracting the truth out of a Shu spy would have been easier. If I had waited for him to do something, I would have kept pining for him, a hundred years would have gone by and all my hair would have turned grey. It was a good thing I took matters into my own hands. You should do the same.” He said with a shrug.

Genya and I looked at each other and burst into peals of laughter. Fedyor joined in and soon we were clutching our sides and wiping away our tears.

================  

I knocked on his doors before opening it and poked my head inside. He was looking at some reports in his study. A smile appeared on his face as soon as he saw me. 

“Alina. Come on in.” He stood up and held his hand out for me. I took it and he led me towards the map table. 

When he saw that I did not release his hands, he looked at me questioningly. Instead of answering I pulled him in for a hug. I could feel his shock. But I simply breathed in his scent and relished in his warmth. He hesitated only for a moment and then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. He placed his chin on top of my head and we stood silently savouring the unexpected closeness. I pulled away slowly but still had him in a loose embrace. 

He pulled my chin up and asked, “Are you alright?” 

“Yes. It’s nothing. Today was a happy day so I wanted to share it with you.”  I took the neatly folded drawing from the pockets of my nightgown and gave it to him.  He let go of me to open the drawing. It was a drawing of the time I first met him in his tent, when he called for my light. I drew that moment exactly as I remembered. He recognised it immediately and smiled brightly. He then pulled me closer and hugged me again.      

“Thank you for this lovely gift, Alina.” 

“So what was it about today that made you happy?” he asked, holding me close.

“Nothing really. Just had a pleasant evening with Fedyor and Genya. Did you know how Fedyor made Ivan admit his feelings?”

“No.”

“They had been dancing around for a while. Apparently your favourite heartrender had not been very forthcoming with his feelings and Fedyor grew tired of waiting for him. So one day Fedyor snagged Ivan by his kefta, slammed him against the nearest wall and kissed Ivan within an inch of his life. Before leaving he told him the wedding date and asked Ivan not to be late.”

Aleksander let out a groan and I laughed at his misery, “Great Alina. Thank you for the imagery. Now I have to purge it out of my head. I have known them since they were children. This is not something I wanted to know.” he said. I laughed again.

“Since you are my partner, you are supposed to share my burden.” He simply shook his head, making me laugh again.

“Glad to know I amuse you, Alina.”

“Although, I have to ask, how did they get married in the first place? I’m sure the church is not going to bend their laws for Grisha.”

“They were not married by the church. About ten years ago, Fedyor and Ivan approached me. They were barely in their twenties and had just started as my personal heartrenders. They were scared out of their wits when they told me of their wish to be married, thinking I would react badly. I told them that they cannot be married by the Church, they can exchange vows in front of me and a couple of witnesses and I would declare them as married. Although the law does not recognise it, in the Second Army they are considered as married.”

“That was nice of you to do.”

“It was not nice, solnyshko . I was simply executing what the Making commanded.”

“How so?”

“It is said that the Making forges Grisha in pairs. Each balancing the other perfectly and grounding them. It does not matter who the vessel is, the bond was made by the Making so every Grisha must accept it. That is why our wedding vows say ‘ I have seen your face in the Making at the heart of the world.’ ”

I processed this fact for a minute and asked him hesitantly, “Are we..?”

“Yes, Alina. I have felt it since the day I met you. When you don’t meet your balance you just lead a half life. There will always be a constant ache and emptiness. When I said I have been waiting a very long time for you, I meant every word of it.” I threw my hands around his neck and pulled him in for another hug which he returned passionately. 

“Sasha, I’m so glad that the Making chose you for me.”

“Me too, milaya. More than anything.”

================

I had been paying only half attention to the task at hand. Organising and prioritising reports from the war front does not need all my attention. The other half of my mind was on the conversation I had with Aleksander last night. I felt a pang every time I thought about how long he had to wait for me to come into existence. No wonder it is hard for him to open up completely. Hope is difficult to believe in when it had not been an option for a very long time. 

At the beginning of the relationship, I feared he might be closed off and not share his inner thoughts with me or treat me as his equal partner. But he proved me wrong. He never once treated the picnics and walks we shared as an attempt to woo me, he wanted me to know about him just as much as he wanted to know about me. He has not yet told me the complete truth. But he often talks about the current war situation, his concerns about the future of the Second Army and his fear for the future of Ravka. 

I was brought out of my thoughts by a sharp rap on my desk. Going by the angry look on Ivan’s face he must have asked me something and I must have missed it in my distraction. 

He snapped at me. “I’m sorry. Are these reports boring you, Starkov? Everyday Grisha are dying in the front and you are looking bored.” 

I was annoyed by his implication. “Incase you have forgotten, I can read thirty-five thousand words a minute and can remember everything I read. So unlike you, I don’t need all my brain to focus on a singular task at hand.” I snarked back.

It must have struck a nerve or something and the next minute he looked livid. “Just today we received news from the Fjerdan front that thirteen Grisha were killed. Why are you here daydreaming? You should be training every waking moment to tear down the Fold, instead you are sitting here and looking bored.” He growled menacingly.

Now I was angry. I have put up with his attitude for so long just for Fedyor’s sake. How dare he question my commitment? What does he think I do everyday, sit around and roll in my silk sheets? I have been training every single day to be where I am today. Let’s see him master his skills in six months. Resisting the urge to punch him in the face, I said in a mock pleasant tone, “Ivan, I didn’t know you felt so strongly about my lack of participation in the war efforts. You can do something about it, actually. Take a left and follow the hallway and in about a hundred and twenty-three steps you will find a black door. Knock on it and you will find a man in black kefta. In case you didn’t know already, he is the General of the Second Army. You can tell him how to run his army and while you are at it you can tell him about my deployment as well. I’m sure he will appreciate your input.” 

“You are a good for nothing, spoiled entitled brat. If it weren’t for your light, you would be rotting in the dregs of the First Army.” he spat.

“Same goes for you. Where do you think you would be if you were not useful to the General? You’d be rotting in the very same dregs alongside me.” 

That must have snapped something in him that he strode forward and pulled me up from my chair. He was squeezing my wrists so tightly that I feared it might snap in half. I struggled and tried to pull my wrist away in vain. I started to summon; just the heat instead of the light. It piled up till it burnt his hand and he had to let go of my wrist in pain.

“Touch me again and I will not stop till I meld all your fingers together.” He had crossed a line and I was not about to let this go. “Know your place. It is not your job to like me. It is your job to respect me. This is your last warning. Don’t test me again.” We stared, burning in anger unwilling to concede when the door opened. It was Fedyor.

The colour drained out of his face when he saw us both. I could see his mind piecing together the events that had transpired.

“Ivan, what did you do?”

“Alina, saints. Show me your hand. Let me see the damage.” He tried to take my hand to get a look at it but I shook him off.

“I’m fine. Keep your husband in line.” With that I walked out of the room and slammed the door shut.

================

After my altercation with Ivan, I was too angry to have lunch at the dining hall. So I simply shut myself in my room and tried to calm down before Master Botkin’s class. I was sitting on the window settee and staring outside when a knock came on my door. I sighed before getting up to open the door. It was Fedyor. I let him in and closed the door. 

“I’m not going to report your husband to the General, if that’s what you are worried about.”

“Alina. You know I did not come here for that and I’m planning on reporting him myself. I just came to check on your wrist.”

I sighed. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I was angry and I said more than I meant.” 

“It’s alright. Show me your wrist.”

“Nothing is broken or cracked. It is just badly bruised.” he said after examining.

“Why does he hate me so much, Fedyor? What did I even do to him? He had been cruel to me since the day he met me. Like somehow everything wrong with this country is my fault. He simply hates me for even breathing in the same space as him. Is it because I’m half-Shu? Is it because I bear the face of the enemy that I don’t deserve to be the fabled Sun Summoner?” I ranted.

“I’m not here to justify his actions, Alina. What he did was unacceptable. But the problem with Ivan is that he sees the world in black and white. Just like so many others, he too believes that the discovery of the Sun Summoner must somehow miraculously fix this country. It is a frustrating thing about him. He does not understand that you have only just started writing the first chapter of your story. For whatever he expects to happen he needs to wait till the end of the book.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Fedyor, don’t report him to the General.”

“Alina, you know I can’t do that.”

“No. It does not matter what he thinks of me. He is extremely loyal to the General. In a battle, the General cannot fight his enemies if he keeps looking behind his back. So let this go. I’m sure he will never dare to repeat this again.”

Fedyor nodded. He pulled out a sandwich from his coat which had been carefully wrapped in a tissue. 

“Here, Alina. Eat this. I know you missed lunch. Don’t go to training on an empty stomach.”

“Thank you Fedyor.” I smiled at him.

“I will see you later, Alina.”

================

I was mostly back to normal by the time I finished my combat training; the unpleasantness from the altercation had faded into the background. So I was relatively calm when I went for my session with Baghra. Thanks to my training sessions with Aleksander, I have become skilled at combat summoning and defences, but he insisted on furthering my studies with Baghra. He had said that there is a lot more to being a Grisha than summoning and those can be taught better by Baghra. So, I continued visiting with her and our training is more of an advanced lesson in unlocking the true depth of Small Science. Unlike Aleksander, Baghra was an impatient teacher but she taught me well. 

Today however was different. I noticed right away that Baghra was in a bad mood. She was snapping more and threw far more insults than usual. And everytime she looked at me, there was murder in her eyes. Not wanting to get into another fight. I simply held my tongue and waited for the hour to end.

“Are you stupid girl?” Baghra snapped again when one of my binds was not tangible enough. I was at the end of my patience and I was ready to snap back when she said, “Of course, how can a girl bedding the Black General be smart?” 

So that was the reason for her fury. Great! This day seems to be getting better and better. “Is there something you wished to say to me, Baghra?” I asked.

“Why would I waste my breath on you, girl? I know you are too pig-headed and arrogant to listen to me. You think you know better than everybody.” 

“Good. Then stop your yammering and let me concentrate.” Her cane flew to my shin. I winced at the impact and glared at her.

“What were you thinking, you foolish girl! Getting yourself tangled with that boy. I thought you had a few brain cells in you. But no, you are just like all the naive girls he had taken to bed in the past- pathetic and needy. Are you that desperate for attention? You think a handsome General would fix your issues? Make you lovable? He will ruin your life just like he did all those before you.”

My nostrils flared in anger. Never before have I had such an urge to throttle someone. I fisted my hand not wanting to do anything I might regret later. “I could be wrong but I don’t think it is any of your business. You are not my mother. If being with the General means ruining my life then so be it. It is my choice and you have no say in it. Even if I did end up ‘ruining my life’ then I’m not going to come crying to you. So respectfully, stay out of my life and keep your opinions to yourself.” I said, controlling my anger. 

She looked absolutely livid at my comment. I waited for her to hurl more seething comments about my lack of intelligence. Instead she struck me hard on my shin making me yelp in pain.

“Get out of my hut, you insolent girl. I’m done training you for today. Come back when you have grown a brain.” With that she practically threw me out of her hut.

For a moment I stood outside seething in anger. Not wanting to act out in anger, I hurried past my security guards walking swiftly towards my rooms. They were jogging a bit to catch up to me. I rushed to my room and slammed the door shut.

Once again today I found myself resisting the urge to fling a flower vase into the wall, in rage. I paced and paced seething in anger and in pain. What was it with everyone today? It was like they wanted to pick a fight with me. Ivan hates me because he thinks I’m not doing enough and Baghra hates me for attempting to do more. And who do they think they are? Who gave them authority over me? It was just like in the orphanage and in the First Army. They think I don’t deserve what I have. They think that instead of fighting for my rights, I should act grateful for what little crumbs they throw my way while they take pleasure in treating me like a glorified slave who don’t deserve to exist or share the same space as them. I thought I was past all that. But I was clearly wrong. Hatred and cruelty always finds its way. I slammed my fist on my table and swept its contents in anger. If they think I’m going to shrink myself to suit their needs they thought wrong. I was born a crime, a half-Shu with odds stacked against me, I have fought tooth and nail at every turn of my life and I will not stop now. I deserve everything I have- my intelligence, my powers, my life and Aleksander himself. I deserve all that and more. Those who think otherwise can screw themselves.

================

I had forgone dinner and was lying on the bed trying not to think about Ivan or Baghra. The anger was long gone but it was replaced with hurt, a deep hurt. Unwitting tears had wet my pillow. I know that I should not react or let them get to me and I should long since have gotten used to this kind of hate and cruelty. But my heart could not be reasoned. I know it hurts so much because the Little Palace has become my home. Sometime in these past six months, this place has become my home and its people here have become family and friends. The hatred and mistreatment I experienced before came from strangers so it was easier to shrug it off but to experience the same thing at my own home hurts me at a deeper level. 

I heard a knock on my door. I prayed that it was not Aleksander and whoever it was on the other side would simply go away at the lack of response. But the door opened slowly and Genya walked in. I swiftly wiped away my tears and rose up. I was not expecting to see her.

“Genya.. what?”

“Hey sunshine.” her eyes softened once she looked at my face. “That bad uh?” She then sat on my bed and pulled me in a hug. That was all it took for the dam to break. I wept silently in her arms. She kept running her hands soothingly on my hair and back. The tears eventually stopped and I unfolded from her arms. She pulled a silk handkerchief from her coat and wiped my face.

“Thank you, Genya.” I said softly.

“Ivan?” 

“Ivan and Baghra.”

“Show me your wrists. Fedyor said they were badly bruised.” I pulled up the sleeve and showed her. She looked angry and tsked and she healed the bruising. “Now, show me what Baghra did.” I lifted my gown and showed her my ankles. It was bright red and throbbing. Genya winced at it and healed them as well.

“Thanks.” I said. 

“Don’t worry about it.” She tucked my hair at the back of my ear and said, “Ivan is a hot-headed idiot and Baghra, she is a miserable old shrew. Ignore them. You, Alina, are strong and powerful. But what makes you powerful is not just the light in your hands but the strength of heart as well. You were literally plucked away from your life and thrust into this one. No one had to lecture you or tell you about your duty. You took to it like fish to water. You never once skirted away from your responsibilities. You train day and night. Spend hours on end at the library trying to stuff the entire library into that big brain of yours.” A small laugh escaped at the comment. “Whatever they said about you, they are wrong and one day they will see it too.”

“Come here, let me fix your eyes and face. I cannot have my Sun Summoner looking anything less than perfect.” I giggled and leaned forward. 

“There. Perfect as always.”

“Thank you, Genya. I don't know what I would do without you.”

She was silent for a moment at my statement. She had this look of contemplation on her face, like she wanted to tell me something but was hesitant. 

“What is it, Genya?”

She ran her fingers over my face again. Taking a deep breath she said, “Nothing. You know I love you right? I love seeing you happy and excited. Sometimes.. Sometimes, I’m scared of your big heart. You are too forgiving and you open your heart to anyone. But the world around you is cruel and unforgiving, sunshine. It would put my mind to ease if you guarded your heart a bit. I just.. I just want you to be careful, Alina.”

“Oh what?” I asked, puzzled. 

“Powerful men who covet things.” she replied with a far away look.

‘Powerful men’. ‘Men’ not ‘man’. So it is not just about the General then. The only two powerful men that Genya interacts with are the General and the Tsar. I could understand her wariness about me with the General. This sudden development between us could be misinterpreted in so many ways. Genya does not know the whole story. So, her warning about Aleksander did not worry me. The warning about the Tsar however did. If the King had been plotting something, Genya would not be warning me, she would have reported it to Aleksander. This is something else. Genya’s comment about being careful of powerful men washed over me. Her voice did not just carry a warning, it also carried an echo of pain. The moment I made that connection it was like a veil was lifted from my eyes. Suddenly the unexplained things about Genya began to make sense. Like how some mornings she avoids being touched, how she would flinch faintly if I made any unexpected movements around her, how her eyes held a deep revulsion when she talked about the Tsar sometimes, how some days she redirects her eyes from seeing herself in the mirror. She hid them all well but not completely. ‘Powerful men covet things’. When I looked at her, all I could see was image after image of the King coveting her beauty. 

With horror and trepidation, I clutched her hand in mine and asked, “What is the King doing to you?”

She looked taken aback by my question. I could see that she did not expect me to make the connection. “What do you mean? That’s not what I was.. What I was trying to say… I was just asking you to be careful with your heart.”

“Genya,” I whispered. I took her by the chin and asked again, “How long has he been doing this to you?”

“How..?” I could see her struggling to put back her masks but once she realised that it was futile. She sighed resignedly. “Why do you have to be so smart, Alina?” She then started regaling her story with a far away look in her eyes. “I was eleven when I was gifted to the Queen. She was very fond of me at the beginning. Treating me like a daughter she never had, adorning me in silk gowns and jewels. This of course made me a pariah here. The Tsar never looked my way for a couple of years. But once I turned fourteen, his eyes began to wander towards me. When I flowered at sixteen, he.. he.” Genya swallowed back her tears at that point. I clutched her hands tighter. Tears were falling from my eyes as well. “Once the Queen found out, instead of being sympathetic she dressed me as a servant and turned me into her whipping girl. That was four years ago.” She finished. I pulled her into a tight embrace and we wept holding onto each other. 

“Does the General know?” I asked, once we calmed down.

“Yes.” She whispered. 

Anger surged in me. He knows and he did nothing. One of his Grisha, the very Grisha whom he vowed to protect is being raped and he did nothing to save her. He is letting it happen. That bastard!

“That’s it.” I announced. “I’m breaking off all this courtship. I will not be with a man who let this happen to my friend and did nothing about it.” 

This time it was Genya who held my hands. “Alina, please. I did not share these things with you in an intent to paint the General in a bad light. I want you to listen to this very carefully. The General is not to be blamed for this. When I first told him about what had happened, he wanted to remove me immediately from the palace. He told me that he would send me far away to some place safe. But it was I who chose to remain, Alina. I chose to stay.”

“Why Genya?”

“The Second Army is not like the First Army, Alina. This palace is not just an army quarters. This place is our home. Outside of these walls, we are unwanted, we do not have families to go to or people to mourn our deaths. Unlike the First Army, we are not just fighting a war for the crown, we are fighting for our future as well. A future where being a Grisha is not a crime. I’m staying because I'm fighting too. Fighting for a future that I believe in, a future we are all hoping to see some day. I have never once questioned your judgement, Alina. I want you to do the same for me. No one is making me do anything that I’m not willing to do. This is my fight, Alina. My duty.” She finished. I did not know what to say to that.

“That is why you are our hope. It was a Grisha that created the Fold and if a Grisha destroys it then maybe we wouldn’t need these high walls to protect us anymore.” Seeing my silence, she asked again. “Promise me you will let this go, Alina. Promise me.” 

The anger had long since drained out of me. I looked at my brave and beautiful friend. “I promise, Genya. But I need you to promise me something in return.” She looked questioningly, “Promise me you’ll come to me when it gets too much. I won’t ask and you don't have to tell me anything. Just let me be there for you. Promise me.”

She hugged me tightly. “I promise, Alina.” 

With a new conviction in my voice, I said, “Genya right now, I have nothing to give you other than my company. My title means nothing. But one day it will mean everything. When that day comes, I will avenge you. On that day, I will have the King kneeling in front of you, dressed in his full regalia, for all of Ravka to see and have him beheaded for his crimes. I will make the Queen a nobody. I will strip her of her titles and luxuries and send her far away and make her go insane with emptiness. I promise you.”

Genya gave me a sad smile like she did not believe me. But nodded anyway.

================

Once Genya left, I tried to sleep. But I could not. My heart was in turmoil. Genya’s words kept echoing in me. I felt so helpless and powerless. How can I be the person that the people want me to be when I have no authority to change anything. My thoughts went towards Aleksander. Is this how he felt? Is that what led him to create the Fold? I had a sudden urge to see him. So I got up and went to his room. His door was opened. He was bent over the map table looking at the troop placements, making a perfect picture of loneliness. I felt a pang of guilt that my immediate reaction was to blame Aleksander for Genya’s situation. 

He turned around and was surprised to see me. “Sorry. I couldn't sleep. I can see that you are busy. I will leave you to it.” 

“Milaya, nothing is more important than you. You can come in anytime you want.” I nodded and went to him. He must have seen something in my expression because he pulled me close immediately and embraced me. I melted into it. I closed my eyes and let his steady heartbeat wash away my troubles.

“Bad day?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”  

“Not really. Just hold me close.” And he did the same. Wrapped me tightly in his arms and let me lay on his chest. After a while, I pulled away from him, reluctantly. 

“Wait here a moment.” He shuffled through a drawer and came back with a small pouch. “Here.” He opened it and dropped a few candies in my palm. “Something sweet to wash away the bitterness of today.” 

“Thank you.”

He held me in a loose embrace as we chewed on the candy silently. He understood that I had something on my mind and I needed time to let it out. So he let me contemplate and waited patiently.  

“Sasha, Will this war ever end?” I asked. He didn’t say anything and waited for me to continue, “I was reading the reports from the Fjerdan front today and I’m feeling helpless and utterly useless. How can I be the hope of Ravka, when all I do is sit safely behind these walls. What’s the point of having this power when I cannot change anything.”

“Alina, I have been where you are before. If you let these thoughts take hold, you will feel nothing but anger and resentment. The most important key to winning a war is patience. Today’s losses were bad, yes. But if you let that cloud your judgement, then you will lose tomorrow’s battle as well. Anger and resentment will lead you nowhere, milaya. And you are not being useless. You are already changing so many things. Changes are not always monumental, solnyshko. Sometimes they are small but significant. Your presence has given the people something to hold onto. That hope alone can work miracles.” he said in a gentle tone.

“You are right. It’s just that I wish I could do more.” 

He seemed to think for a moment or two and then said, “Why don’t you help me? After supper, you can come in here and we can work on some things together. I could benefit from a fresh pair of eyes.” He said with a smile. My eyes widened at his offer. He does not know how much this means to me. He is finally trusting me enough to let me help him, opening himself and letting me share his burden. I remembered Fedyor’s words from yesterday and a wave of love washed over me. I stood on my tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheeks.

“Thank you, my love.” 

He simply said, “Anything for you, solnyshko. Anything.”

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I was barely twenty years of age when I first learnt that Grisha were forged in pairs. The memory of that day still remains fresh in my mind. I remember being beyond ecstatic and relieved that this long existence of mine won’t be spent alone. Warmed with that knowledge, I spent the initial years of my life waiting for my Destined; longing and dreaming of the future we would build together. My eyes used to rove over the face of every young maiden I came across, hoping that one day it would land on my beloved. When my mother found out, she was beside herself with rage. She mocked at my desperation and told me that people like us have no one, that we were cursed to roam this earth alone. Although her cruel words pierced my heart,  I refused to believe her and told her as much. I vowed to her that one day I would prove her wrong. 

After that, nothing could deter me. I kept the burning hope alive and awaited the arrival of my Destined. But time kept turning, months became years, years became decades and decades eventually turned into centuries but nothing happened. Alongside my hope, a deep-seated fear of ‘what-if’ began to grow. My mother’s judging eyes and cutting words did not help with it either. With each passing decade, the pit of emptiness grew bigger and bigger till it began to fester my heart. After the first couple of centuries, I had no other choice but to let go of my yearning in order to survive. The fight for the Grisha cause grew more tense, so I had to lock away my needs to make room for my cause. Looking back now, I think if I had not let go of my search and had not held onto the Grisha cause, my loneliness would have eventually driven me into insanity. For more than five hundred years, the thought of my Sun Summoner had taken a back seat in my mind. I had not spared more than a passing thought on it. Then one day, a regular, unremarkable, cold Wednesday morning, when I least expected it, I found her- my Balance, my destined, my Sun Summoner- my Alina.

At first, when I found Alina, I felt my hope roaring back to life. But underneath the hope, there was also a strong current of uncertainty. Centuries ago, I would not have had even an inkling of doubt about Alina. But I was no longer that simple man, yearning for love. I had become a hardened General, burdened with destiny. My goals have moved away from the fantasies of an uncouth youth to building an country for Grisha. So, Alina had become secondary to me and I tried to keep it that way.

But despite my misgivings and distance, things started to shift, I was drawn towards Alina. I found myself wanting to make her happy, to keep her safe and to be with her. It left me weak and vulnerable and in an unending turmoil. Even after we started our courtship, I found myself vacillating between misery and happiness.  On one hand I have my chance at happiness and on the other a chance of protection for all Grisha. The future is on a precipice and I’m too weak to make a decision. 

This constant tumult has been tiring me out a lot. Alina, if she noticed my weariness did not comment on it. She has this uncanny ability to know when I do not wish to share things and lets me be. When I questioned her about it, she cupped my cheeks and said, ‘Aleksander, transparency between two people takes time. I’m fine with us having secrets. As long as they are not outright lies, I’m fine with it. Just remember that you are not alone anymore. I’m willing to wait for you but you must start learning to let me in as well.’. She is a remarkable woman in every way and more than what I deserve. If only-

I was startled out of my thoughts when I felt a splash of water on my face. I looked to see Alina flicking the rain water my way. We had come out on a ride and had taken residence under a large tree when the downpour started.

“Are you awake now? I thought you might have fallen asleep in your old age.” Alina teased.

“Old age eh? I liked you better when you first came, you were a lot quieter then.” 

“I was never quiet. We were constantly fighting that I actively chose to avoid you lest I committed murder.” 

“I apologise, my dearest. I like this Alina better. One whom I can pull closer to me and kiss.” I pulled her to my chest and kissed her shoulders. 

“Who would have thought the Black General would be such a romantic?”

“I’m a man of many talents, Alina.”

“That you are, my love. That you are.” She leant into my chest and I pulled her even closer to me. We watched as the rain continued to pour around us.

“So is black really your favourite colour or did you just incorporate it into your wardrobe to give you a more menacing look?” she looked up from our embrace and asked.

“It’s kind of both. There was a period of time in my youth when I was really afraid of the dark and I hated the shadows that kept following me. But once I mastered it, I wanted to wear it with pride. The menacing look is an added bonus.” She hummed. “What about you? What’s your favourite colour?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I always find it difficult to choose one. Mostly it all depends on my mood. On wintery days, I like white, on rainy days I like green, in spring and summer, I like all shades of colours from pastels to bright oranges. I like grey when I’m sad and red when I’m cross.”

“And what of black?” 

“I don’t particularly like or dislike the colour black. But I love the night and its pitch black darkness.” 

“You were never afraid of the dark? Even as a child?”

“No. Darkness was a comfort. Darkness meant I no longer had to hide my tears or fears. It meant peace and respite for my weary heart after a tedious day.” She finished with a far away look.

Images of young Alina fighting her bullies and hiding her emotions flashed through my mind. Soon it changed to an image of another Alina, letting her tears wet her pillow, taking comfort in the stillness of the night. I pulled her impossibly closer to me hoping to soothe her old scars. She sighed and closed her eyes as silence resumed once again.

“Sasha?”

“Hmm?”

“Are there any things that you would like to change in the Little Palace?”

I was puzzled by this strange question. “No. It is already state of the art, completely secured with every possible caution. Although, it wouldn’t hurt to add a few new security measures. Why do you ask?”

“Spoken like a true General.” she said with a fond shake of her head.

“What would you like to change then?” I asked. Alina always thought ahead so I was curious to know her answer. 

“There are quite a few that I would like to change. Firstly, I would remove the rule of sitting only with their own Orders.” I smiled at that and placed a soft kiss on her head. I knew from Ivan’s frequent complaints that Alina sat wherever she pleased in the dining hall. Few daring Grisha have even followed her example. But most just stuck to their own tables. “I hate that there is division amongst us. Heartrenders are more valuable in the battle, yes. But it is Fabrikators’ designs that keeps them alive in the said battle. So both are equally valuable.” she finished.

“I agree. What next?”

“Secondly, I want the Little Palace walls to portray our history in paintings and murals. The church’s depictions are woefully inadequate and highly misleading. So I want the truth to be portrayed, at least within these walls. I think, beyond the truth, it gives a sense of belonging. Many here have escaped harsh fates. They should know that the Little Palace is not just a refuge. It is their heritage; a slice of history that was otherwise wiped out. I want rich murals showing our lost history- portrait of a Fabrikator saving Galich from falling, mural of a Healer stopping the Black Plague from entering Ravka or sketch of a Tidemaker stopping the waves from devouring Bhez Ju.” She paused. I did know when I had closed my eyes, but when Alina had started talking, I could picture the intricate drawings and murals adorning the now plain walls of the Little Palace throughout the hallways. “Thirdly, we should recover our traditions. Right now, only very few traditions are in place, like our wedding vows for instance but the rest are uniquely Ravkan. We should rediscover our values and traditions or atleast form new ones. The Little Palace should not be a place where Grisha dwelt because they have nowhere else to go. It should be a place that carries our shared ancestry; a place which has as much history as any country in the world.” She finished. 

It was such a beautiful dream. When I first built the Little Palace, I focused on its security and utility. But now, I could picture my Grisha enjoying the feast of Kolad, offering thanks to the Making and dancing Barynya. I could see young Grisha, straightening their kefta when walking down the halls, looking at their ancestors with awe and pride. Unbeknownst to me a few tears slid down my eyes and Alina’s soft hands wiped them off. I cannot thank the Making enough for giving her to me. I pulled her in for a kiss. Unlike the kiss near the fountain, this was not frantic or desperate. This was sweet, soft and full of love. When we came up for air she smiled so widely that I found myself stealing another kiss. 

“Spoken like a true Queen.” I said. She laughed at that.

“Now that is treason. Saint or not they would march me to the Executioner’s block for that.” she said.

“Milaya, I won’t let anyone hurt a single strand of hair in your head. I would cover the world in shadows before I could see you hurt. I-” I cut off when I was attacked by another splash of water.

“Sometimes, you are way too serious, General.” she said with a small smirk. I shook my head and leapt at her. Anticipating my move she jumped away from me and into the pouring rain. I paused. “Afraid of a little water, my dear General?”, she teased. Thus began our game of catch and release. We laughed and played in the rain till a very irate looking Ivan, followed by a giddy Fedyor came to retrieve us. We were soaked to the boots and shivering but the evening was worth it.

================

We were sitting in the war room reading. Ever since I asked Alina to help me out, we spent a few hours after dinner together. Working with Alina has been an experience. I have never seen the full extent of Alina’s brilliance until then. Not only does she remember everything she reads, she is an expert at identifying patterns. Combining that with her skill as a mapmaker, she was able to accurately predict the next Fjerdan attack on Nezkii. We were able to prepare and thwart it and saved the settlement with minimal damages. I had never been more proud of my Alina. 

Tonight was one such night. I was reading my reports and Alina was reading an ancient text from Baghra. The only sounds were the turning of pages and crackling of fire when there was an urgent knock on the door. 

“Come in.”  It was Ivan. He handed me a letter that was marked for my eyes only and bowed and left. It was from Colonel Valdimir with news from the West. Looks like General Zlatan has aligned himself with Fjerda in an attempt to form West Ravka as a sovereign nation. He has to be stopped. I cannot wait to expand the Fold and devour his entire city.

“Did General Zlatan align himself with Fjerda?” Alina’s voice from across the room pulled me out of my murderous rage.

“Yes. He- How did you know that, Alina?”

“I have eyes, I can see.” she said with a shrug.

“Not all the way from the room.”

“I meant I was observing you. I saw the postmark when Ivan handed the letter to you. It was from the West. If there had been news about Grisha being sold to Fjerda, you would be angry but not murderously angry. So, the only possible explanation could be that General Zlatan has finally made his move and made it official with Fjerda.” She explained. To be honest, as much as I was shocked by Alina’s brilliance, I was a bit scared of her observation skills. One question that sprang was, ‘What else does she know?’

“Are you mad that I know? I will never speak of it if you want.”

“No, not that. Come here, my dear.” She neatly placed her text and walked towards me. I pulled her into my lap.“You know how much I love your ability right? But sometimes, it is scary. It is like you could almost read my mind.” I said in a half-serious and half-playful tone.

She laughed at that. “My friend Alexi used to say the same. He said and I quote, ‘Alina, I’m really glad you have thirst for knowledge and not for blood. You would have the world on its knees had you chosen warpath.’ I chuckled at that.

“Excellent observation. Remind me to send him a special gift as a thank you.” Alina’s face darkened at that. I realised my mistake. He must have been killed on the skiff. I pulled her closer and held her tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Alina. I didn’t mean to bring up the past.”

“I know. It’s okay. I will tell you about him someday. You would have liked him.” She said with a small smile. 

“I look forward to it.” We passed the next few minutes in silence. I kept rubbing her neck as I read the other reports.

“What are you going to do about, Zlatan?” she asked.

“Nothing for now. We cannot declare war on him. We depend on them for supplies and adding one more front to the already existing wars will kill East Ravka.”

“It doesn’t have to be a war.”

“What are you suggesting, Alya?”

“You can use me.”

I sat straight at that suggestion. “Absolutely not! Don’t even think about it. I will not compromise with your security. This is not up for discussion.” I was appalled at Alina for even suggesting this.

“Hear me out, love.” She turned my face towards her. “The only thing that is common in both the Ravka is their religion. Both East and West Ravka celebrate their saints. Zlatan’s sudden eagerness to reach out for Fjerdan’s support could not be a coincidence. Like you said on our journey to Os Alta. People are afraid of what I represent. The only way we can thwart his plans is if I pay a visit to West Ravka and turn the people against him. I cannot take down the Fold yet. But I can keep the skiff safe from attacks. We just need to give the people a sign of hope till we find a permanent solution to the Fold. Zlatan’s dream of a sovereign nation would not be possible if the people refused the partition. You have been training me for three months now. I will be fine. ”

I sighed and thumped my head at the back of my chair. “Alina. It is a good solution. But you cannot ask me to compromise on your security. We do not know what Zlatan’s deal is with the Fjerdans. We do not know who else is planning your demise. From West Ravka, all the way up to Kerch, there are people waiting to assassinate you, Alina. One misstep is all it takes. You could be taken in any direction in this continent and I would be too late to save you. You have no idea how long I have waited for you. Moya Dusha , you cannot ask that of me.” I pleaded.

“Aleksander, you cannot keep me within these walls forever. One day we have to take the risk. Why can’t we do it now when the iron is hot?”

“The first issue is that you have not been formally introduced to the court and delegates yet. The Tsar would not allow this journey before that. He wants the entire continent to know of your power. So we need to wait at least after the Winter Fete. Next, I will not let you go into the Fold without the Stag amplifier. You are strong Alina. But dealing with Volcra and the power of Merzost is not easy. The first time you barely escaped. Lastly, when you take on the amplifier, I want a piece of it on me as well. We are already tethered by the Making. If I keep a piece of it embedded on me it will create a tangible form of connection between us and can open the tether to its full extent. That way I can always know your location and rescue you if something goes wrong. Unless all these conditions are met I’m not letting you step out of the Little Palace, Alina.” I finished. Alina’s eyes were wide with shock. Then she got a furrow on her eyebrow. I could see a million thoughts racing in her head and I let her do it. While Alina was thinking. I was torn. I had lied to Alina about needing a part of the amplifier on myself. While the beast in me rejoiced at my choice, the other part of me spat at me for breaking my promise to Alina and so blatantly manipulating her. I struggled to keep my agitation at bay and proceeded with my reports. 

Forty minutes had gone by. Alina was sitting on one of the chairs and staring deeply into the fire. She had not spoken a word since my declaration. I kept a lookout for her in between reports. I heard the scraping of the chair and looked up. Alina got up from her reverie and walked towards me.

“I accept your terms. But I need a few things altered. I will not kill my Stag on sight. He is a sentient being, I will try to communicate with him first and see if there is a way around to get the amplifiers without killing him. Since none of the books mentioned the mode of killing, I will work with Paja and design a poison to let him pass peacefully. I will not let him meet a bloody end. Next, you can have a part of the amplifier, but before I share it with you, I need more information on this concept of tether and how to manipulate it. I need books. Once I have educated myself, we can set on our journey to find the Stag.” she said. A part of me was proud of her negotiation skills.  

“There are not many books on tether Alina. Not even a handful of people have experienced it fully. I will see what I can do but I cannot promise you anything.” I lied again. 

Alina smiled and agreed. After bidding me goodnight she left. I was glad to see her go. Once again guilt consumed me. I had manipulated and outright lied to Alina twice in a span of a few hours. I hated myself. As much as I wanted to convince myself that this was for a greater good, I don’t think I can face Alina when she learns the truth. I wished I was a simple young man like I was once before. Before I took on this destiny. Now I’m condemning Alina as well. However, my transgressions for the night are not done. I need to do one more act of betrayal. I need to track the Stag. I need an upper hand in its search and I need to do it before Alina could find out the truth about me wanting to wear her amplifier. So I began to draft a letter to all the First Army Captains, asking for volunteer trackers to be sent in search of the Morozova Stag. With those orders I sealed my fate.

================

It had been a couple of weeks since that night. The Captain of the 36th confirmed that three of his trackers have volunteered to go on the expedition. I felt truly despicable when I read the affirmative response. I tried to convince myself that all this was just an insurance; a contingency in case things went sideways. But the guilt would not go away. Deep inside me I knew that I had set things in motion that cannot be reversed. All I could do now was hope that I never have to use the insurance when I finally reveal my plan to Alina. Unable to assuage my guilt, I spent even more time with her than I normally do and tried to shower her with all the love I was capable of. Alina loved every bit of it, but it only increased my guilt ten fold. 

We were on our stroll in one of the small woods on the far side of the palace. It was a cloudy evening. Right when we sat on one of the fallen logs, the golden beams of the evening sun broke free from the clouds and hit us. Alina looked ethereal in its golden hue like a sun goddess and I told her as much. Alina simply laughed, shaking her head. 

“I have something to give you, Alina.” I said. She looked at me curiously when I pulled out a golden locket attached to a gold chain.

“Sasha..” 

“May I?” She nodded and turned her back towards me. I gently placed the chain around her and clasped it. 

She turned back clutching the locket. “I will never take it off, Sasha. Thank you.”

In response, I put my arms around and pulled her closer to me and entwined my other hand with hers. We basked in the sun and in each other's company. 

“Have you ever journeyed in the True Sea, love?” Alina’s question broke the silence.

“Hmm, yes. Years ago. It has probably changed quite a lot since then.”

“Tell me what it looks like.”

“Hmm. The True sea has deep blue waters and clear skies.” I said.

She looked up from my chest and said, “No. Not like that. Tell me everything. Take me there with you.”

I smiled at her request and began my story. “Years ago, I wanted to journey to Shriftport in Novyi Zem. I took a schooner from Os Kervo on a summer day. The city of Os Kervo is as big as Os Alta but twice as busy. The main street leading to the harbour is the biggest road in Os Kervo. The city is always noisy and busy with merchants and traders. The main street has every possible merchandise you can ever imagine; from Shu silk to pies of Novyi Zem, you can find everything in the main street and its adjacent markets. It is a struggle to walk away without buying anything from the sweet-talking traders. There is an old saying in West Ravka that ‘No Tsar can run Os Kervo better than its merchants.’ When you stand at the port, you will realise how true that statement is. The docks are well maintained and busy. Docking and undocking takes place throughout the day. The port authorities run the port like a well-oiled machine with very little mishaps. The schooner I boarded was a medium sized one with high sails, scheduled to leave early in the morning, when the waters were still dark. I was one of the first passengers to board. I situated myself in a corner on the upper deck when the schooner set sail. All the crew were bustling; running and managing the sails to set the ship on the correct course. The captain, a red faced man with a crooked nose and a half-missing ear, kept yelling out the orders and soon we plunged into the sea. As the sun rose high, the waters turned into truly spectacular shades of colours. Slowly the land behind became smaller and smaller till it vanished completely from sight. Then it was only blue sea for as far the eye can see. The journey was a month long and I enjoyed standing on the deck and observing the sea. That’s when I noticed it first. Just before midday, when the light hits right, the waters shimmered with the brilliance of a million diamonds. It was a sight to behold, milaya. I remember being mesmerised by it. At that point, surrounded by the infiniteness of the water I felt mighty and humble at the same time.” I finished. I looked down to see Alina, she had her eyes closed but a beautiful smile played on her lips. I kissed the top of her head and we sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Sasha, will you take me there someday? When the war is over and Ravka is safe, can we get away for a bit?”

“War never ends, my dear. Peace is just a brief respite between two wars.”

“I never took you for a pessimist. Okay then. Hypothetically speaking, the war has ended, there is peace everywhere and things are back to normal, will you take me then? Will you stand next to me when the water shimmers with the brilliance of a million diamonds?”

“I will. Someday. I promise.” I kissed her hand. 

There has been something nagging in the back of my head ever since I found Alina. I had been putting off on asking her. But I thought this might be the right time to ask her.

“Is that why you cheated on your test with the Grisha examiners? To lead a normal life?”

She sighed and sat straight but did not release our hands.

“No. Not really. It was just a play of chance and I took it. At that time, it felt like the right thing to do and I do not regret it one bit. But the story is not a pleasant one. After you hear it, just don’t think of me differently, alright?” The last part was said quietly. 

“Alina. I would never. If this is not something that you wish to share I would not push you. But I would never think of you as anything less than a goddess.”

“Flatterer.” 

“You know I can remember everything right?” I nodded. “But I don’t remember my parents, not their faces or their names. If I concentrate enough, I can see silhouettes of them but nothing else. I only remember vague snippets of my life before Keramzin but nothing else. I was about six years old when someone found me on the edges of the Fold, covered in bruises and blood. Instead of abandoning me there, they were kind enough to drop me off at the orphanage. At that time, no one knew how I survived when my parents didn’t. When the orphanage took me, I was practically catatonic. All I could hear was the beating of the wings, ripping of flesh and the stench of blood. The next seven months were a blur, like my head was underwater. I never spoke a word, just sat in a stupor staring listlessly while the world moved around me. Then one day, I was snapped out of it by cries for help. Four burly boys were standing over scrawny one ready to kick the living daylights of him. I grabbed the nearest object - a letter opener and ran to his rescue. I threatened to slit their throats if they didn't leave the small boy alone. That’s how I met Mal. We had been inseparable since then.” she said with a small smile on her face.

The guilt in me grew bigger when I heard Alina's story. She has already lost so much at such a young age and I’m taking even more from her. “I’m so sorry, Alina. You were just a child. No one should go through that.”

“It’s okay. I don’t remember it anyway. Ever since then, I felt responsible for him. He was smaller than me back then and I just couldn’t leave him there alone and defenceless. I had already lost my parents and I was not ready to lose him too. Considering how it was a fifty-fifty chance either way, I took a gamble. I noticed the testers healing the scrapes of the boy before testing him. So I hid a piece of glass in my left hand and after they healed me, just before they could prick me, I pressed it into my palms.” I ran my fingers over her crescent shaped scar. “But, turns out, I didn’t miss much. I only needed six months to catch-up.” She gave a small laugh and I placed a kiss on the scar. 

I could not laugh with her. I’m her destined and I have already caused irreparable damage to her. Locking those thoughts away, I said “In a way, I’m glad that you don’t remember all that, Alina. I cannot bear the thought of you carrying those scars with you forever.”

Alina was silent for a while, rubbing her scar over and over. I knew she wanted to say more. But stopped herself and smiled. Although I wanted to know everything, I did not want to push her further. She left that part and continued.

“I have lost so much to the Fold. That damned blight has taken so many things from me- my parents, my childhood and years later my good friend Alexi. That’s why I dived head first into my training here without any resistance.” She paused. “I think.. I think my parents knew who I was, Sasha, that could be the only reason why they took that risky journey through the Fold. And Alexi, had he not switched places with me on the skiff, I would have been Volcra fodder. They all died protecting me. Till I met you in your tent, I truly believed that I was a helpless victim, powerless to change their fates. But the moment I learned that I could have prevented their deaths, I felt sick to my core. That day I vowed to myself that I would avenge their deaths and honour their sacrifice or die trying. I will not have another causality by the Fold. I will not stand by and let another family be torn apart like mine.” she finished.

I hugged her close to me and kissed her. “You will bring down the Fold, my love. You will.” I lied through my teeth again.

================

I was sitting in my room, lost in thought. I had given up on the pretense of going through paperwork. Today should have been an ordinary day. But instead, it has become a monumental one. Alina has taken her stance on the Fold. It shouldn’t have shocked me but it did. Nevertheless, the search for the Stag has begun and all my pieces are in place and Alina is oblivious to all this which gives me an upper hand. Now the question is what should I do next? When I started my courtship with Alina, I always knew that this was a possibility. However, I cannot be cut-throat about my next move with Alina. She does not deserve it and I love her way too much to do that to her. The only option left is to take a more direct approach. I will not collar Alina without giving her a chance. She is reasonable and cares about Grisha as much as I do. I love her and I will not give up on her. There is still time and so there is still hope.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

“I don’t understand why you are doing this.”, Genya said with clear disgust in her voice. “Go voluntarily into that butcher shop.”

“Because I hate being idle.” I said from the bathtub. “Besides, as a half Corporalki, you should be proud of me. I’m trying to understand your world, after all.”

“I prefer the Fabrikator half.” 

“Oh, I know you do.” I said with an impish grin. 

“Shut up.” 

I laughed at that. I got up from the tub and put on my robe. Having completed all my required studies, I was left with a lot of time on hand. I still met Baghra a few times a week for the advanced sessions and attended training everyday with Botkin and Aleksander. Even after filling my day with the reading sessions at the Library and experiments in the Fabrikators’ lab, I was left with plenty of idle time. So I asked Aleksander if I could attend the Corporalki courses and he looked predictably appalled at my request. The Corporalki labs are off limits for a reason. They not just study the human body theoretically, they cut open human corpses to understand them. It takes more than grit and determination to do that and that is why Corporalki are feared and revered. After much reasoning, Aleksander agreed to my request reluctantly. He warned me of the things I would see. But curiosity got the better of me and I went to the classes. 

Although I had interacted with people from the Corporalki Order, I was not sure if I would be welcomed into their labs. But my apprehension was unwarranted. They welcomed me with open arms and being with Fedyor helped ease the transition. When I stated my interest, Fedyor took it upon himself to help me get settled. He even accompanied me to some classes when he was free. The first few weeks, I could not stomach any food at all. But it slowly got better and I was able to focus on what they are doing without trying to throw up. Although I cannot alter the human body like a Corporalki, I compensated for it by reading as much as I can from their private library and it has been a riveting experience so far.

“So how is our resident expert Fabrikator faring?” I asked, picking up from where I left off.

“How is our fearsome General faring?” she countered. At my pointed look, she simply shrugged and said, “I will start sharing details when you do.”

“There is nothing much to share. You know that we are taking things slow. We just talk about the future of Grisha, about the wars, about Ravka and about ourselves as well.” When Genya arched her perfect eyebrows, “We may have passionately kissed a couple of times.”

“I knew you were holding back on me!”

“He is your General. You know I cannot share all the sordid details.” 

“So there are sordid details to share then.” She winked. “Hmm. ‘ Salacious encounters of a Saint and her General’ sounds like a promising title doesn’t it? ”

“Shut up.” I said petulantly. At Genya’s laughter, “You are a wicked woman, Genya Safin.” I added. 

“You look radiant when you blush, Alina.” she said playfully. “Teasing aside, you two are perfect for each other. Not just because he is your destined. I can see that you are the happiest when you are with him and the General looks lighter and happier around you. ”

At Genya’s comment, my self-doubt came creeping back up. “Genya, do you think the General is truly happy with me?” I asked.  The question had been running inside my mind for quite some time now. With each passing day, I kept falling more and more for Aleksander but there was a tiny voice in my head that kept telling me that he might not feel as deeply as I did for him and he was only humouring me because he no longer had to be alone. After all, he is centuries older than I am and has experienced much in life.

“He is Alina. Before you, he used to walk around with this gloom around him, you know. His eyes always showed the weariness of war and reflected the burden of his destiny. Don’t get me wrong, he was as fearsome then as he is now, but sometimes his eyes betrayed his loneliness within. Now, he seems lighter. And every time he looks at you, his eyes sparkle with hope and happiness. I think you are making him a better man, Alina.”

I hugged Genya tightly as my eyes misted over. “Thank you so much, Genya. You don’t know how much this eases my heart. I could not have asked for a better man to spend my life with.” 

“Trust me. He is the lucky one to have you.”

================

“What are you doing, rodnoy ?" he asked with a smile.

We were curled up in front of the fireplace in his room. The setting was even more intimate than before as we were both dressed in our night clothes. The night was young when we had finished our work for the day. So instead of turning in early, we decided to spend a few hours together and somehow we ended up huddled on the floor, wrapped in each other's arms. It was a quiet night. Neither of us needed words, the warmth of each other’s company was enough for tonight.  

His question broke the stillness. I had been absent-mindedly running my fingers all over his face and neck. I stopped my exploration at his inquiry and took a deep breath. His heady scent filled my nostrils. It reminded me of pine wood forests on crisp winter mornings.  

“Memorising you haptically, I suppose.”

He laughed and I felt the reverberations from my position on his chest. “By all means continue.” He said and I resumed my movements. 

“I never thought I could have this, Alya.” He said with a content sigh.

“Neither did I.” I said. 

He took hold of my hand and asked, “You are happy here, aren’t you Alina?”.

“I am. More than happy, I feel alive and full of life. Before this, even breathing was arduous. Stairs used to scare me, walking would leave me winded and wheezing, the taste of food was a distant memory and I was always cold. On top of that, I never had a good night’s sleep for eight years. The pounding in my head would not let me rest. I lived everyday with a foot already inside death’s door. On my darkest days, I had often thought about jumping into the Vy and speeding up the process. It’s not like I had people to weep over my demise anyway. But now, it’s like I’m experiencing things for the first time. Even the most mundane things bring me so much joy, Sasha. Just yesterday, I went for a swim with Nadia and Marie and I relished it. In the past, it would have killed me. But now, I feel rejuvenated. More than all of those things, I’m surrounded by people who love me and care for me. And now I have you, my most cherished gift of all. I never thought I would live to see past twenty, Sasha, let alone experience something like this. Each day, I wake up more happy than the day before. My life now almost feels like a dream. If death were to claim my soul today, I would die the happiest with no regrets.” I finished. 

“No one is taking you away from me. Your heart and soul belongs to me now, solntse . I would kill anything that dares to come near you.” He sounded choked up when he said that. 

 “I know, my love. I know.” I dropped a kiss on his cheeks.

After a pause, I asked, “But, why does happiness feel so scary, Sasha?”

He didn’t answer immediately. Instead he gathered me closer and dropped a kiss on my head. “Because happiness is always precarious. And we both have suffered enough to know that if we let the happiness to fully take hold we will not be prepared for what comes after that.” He rolled me down and balanced himself on top of me using his arm. With his other hand, he lifted my face to meet his and said, “But fret not, my love. The future maybe scary but we will always have each other to face any and all adversaries that come our way.” With that he bent down and kissed me fervently. It was a heated kiss and it made me want more.

I ran my fingers in his beard and said, “I should probably go back to my room.”

“Stay a bit longer. I’m not a hormonal teenager you know?”, he said with a grin.

“Hmm. You are not, but I am.” He laughed out loud at that and rolled off of me. “Fine, my heart. I will behave. Stay a bit longer.” He dropped a sweet kiss on my forehead and held me in a loose embrace. Once again silence resumed. 

“How are your Corporalki classes coming up, Alina?” 

I was grateful for the change of topic as I was finding it difficult to concentrate around him. “It is good. I can finally look at the pickled herring without throwing up.” He laughed. “Don’t get me wrong. I have always hated the herring. But for the first couple of weeks, the sight of it made me want to hurl.”

“What’s wrong with herring? I love it.”, he said in a serious tone.

“It’s a good thing I love you. Otherwise, we would have had to part ways due to our irreconcilable differences.” I joked. I felt him go still. I feared my words might have hurt him somehow. “Love, I was only joking. I’m not going to leave you.” I added hastily.

“You said, you love me.” he whispered. Oh. It is true that I have loved him even before we started our courtship. But I have never said it to him. However, his reaction stirred the old fear back. 

“Is it too soon?” I asked in a small voice. Instead of answering, he pulled me into a kiss. I could feel his deepest love, passion and aching loneliness in it. I kissed him back with equal fervour and tried to pour all my love into it.

When we broke for air, he lovingly placed his forehead on mine and whispered, “You are all I have ever needed in my life. I would travel an eternity to be with you. I love you, Alina, with every fibre of my being. ”

“I love you, Aleksander. In this life and in the next. There is no one but you for me. Always remember that.”

================

I had a few more minutes before the start of the Corporalki theory class. I had arrived early so that I can familiarise myself with the lesson. Unlike the lab classes, most of the theory classes are held for operatives in training who are yet to graduate. These classes are for gifted Grisha who will be deployed for specialised operations and missions. I particularly enjoyed these classes compared to the rest.

“Hi. Come, sit next to me.” I heard a voice to my left. It was from a red-headed girl who looked a couple of years younger than me. She was waving excitedly at me to join her in her bench. I moved to sit with her and she looked overjoyed at that.

“Hi. I’m Nina. Nina Zenik.” 

“I’m Alina St-”

“I know.” She cut me off excitedly. “I know all about you. You are the Sun Summoner. You are sort of famous around here.” I was a bit taken aback by her enthusiasm. 

“I don’t know what to say to that.” I responded honestly. It is a very new experience for me to have a younger person fawn over me.

“Is it true that you fought off the druskelle? Did you kill hundreds of Volcra? Did you finish your studies in two months? Can you really read a thousand books in one hour? Why are you taking Corporalki classes? Do you like waffles? Can you-”

“Nina, breathe. I’m not running off anywhere. Don’t need to rush with all your questions at once.” I said with a smile. She looked a bit bashful at that. “Yes. I fought off the druskelle. Just two of them. I was not conscious when my light burnt the Volcra. So as per the witness reports, an estimate of thirty Volcra were destroyed that day. Yes, I finished the Grisha studies in a couple of months. Depending on the volume, on an average, I can read about twenty-five books in one hour. I was interested in learning more about the Corporalki Order and I have never had waffles before.” I finished. 

“That is amazing. Alina. But you would be even more amazing once you have had waffles. They are simply delicious and I know how to sneak into the kitchens to get my hands on some waffles.”  I laughed at her enthusiasm and her strange love for waffles. “Even better, I can take you to the kitchens after this class. Will you come?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t want to disturb your training. Plus I have my guards on me all the time. I don’t want to expose your secret.” I said. 

Her enthusiasm dimmed a bit, “I suppose.” Then after a minute, she brightened again and said, “Maybe, I can get some for you tomorrow before class and we can eat it together! It is a crime not to know what waffles taste like.” Before we could talk further the instructor came in. 

The class was about internal and external scars and how the field operatives must identify and interpret them. “When you are in the field, on your missions, you might come across dead Grisha. The first order of business that needs to be conducted after checking the perimeter is to check their bodies for scars. The type of binding scars on their bodies tell them if their attackers were Shu or Fjerdans. Next, we check their body for injuries and try to determine the cause and time of death. See if you are able to identify the weapons from their wounds. Then collect clues from your surroundings and try to reconstruct the scene.” As the instructor continued, my mind was stuck on the work ‘scars’. I partially paid attention to the class while my mind went back to the missives and reports that I helped organise.

“What is it?” Nina whispered next to me. “You looked like you had found something.” I did not expect Nina to pay attention to me. So I was a bit startled by her sharp observation.

“Nothing. Something came up. I need to speak with Fedyor immediately.”

“Something I can help with? I’m fluent in six languages and I’m from the gifted class. I can help.”

“Sorry. I know you are gifted. But, this is confidential. Other than needing help to carry some piles of paper, I cannot involve you further.”

“I don’t mind doing that. I’m strong and much heavier than you. I can lug those things for you.” She said enthusiastically.

“Alright.” She was grinning ear to ear at my assent. 

When the class finished I rushed to the main wing with Nina hot on my heels. Aleksander was in a meeting at the Grand Palace. Ivan was with him. Whenever such events occur, he always left Fedyor behind so that I had someone with me at all times. I opened the door with a gush.

“Fedyor! I need something very urgently. Can you please open the archive room?”

“Alina, what is it? And what is Nina doing here?”

“She volunteered to help me carry stuff. I think Fjerda and Shu-Han are onto something and the key to it is in the archive room. Can you please unlock it?”

“Sure. Come on then.” He rushed and opened the rooms. “What are we looking for Alina?”

“War reports from both the borders, lists of dead and missing Grisha, reports from field operatives all starting from 1703 to the most recent ones. Fjerda is on the left, Shu-Han is on the right side and the middle ones hold reports from West Ravka.”

Fedyor and Nina got to work immediately. They started collecting the things I asked for and soon each of us amassed a huge pile of papers. Armed with that we marched towards my room.

“Do you need anything else, Alina?” Fedyor asked.

“Yes. The most recent maps of Fjerda, Shu-Han and Ravka, some parchment, compasses, a ruler and callipers please.”

“Sure, let me fetch them.”

“How can I help you, Alina?” Nina asked.

“You have done enough, Nina. Thank you. You can go back now. These are confidential and you do not have clearance to read them.”

“Can I just stay and watch? I will not disturb you at all. You can send me to fetch something when you are working. 

“Sorry Nina. The General might not like that.” She looked glum. “Don’t look dejected. You are only a year away from graduation. Once you move to the main wing, we can work together.”

She straightened a bit at my comment. “Thank you, Alina. I will do my best to be the top of my class. Pick me when the time comes. And if you need a way to steal anything from the kitchen, let me know. I know the best routes.”

I laughed at her reply. “Alright then. Take care, Nina.”

Once Nina left, I started rifling through the papers and pulled out the ones that I needed. Fedyor returned with the items I asked for and I got to work.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I removed my kefta and dropped it on the chair. I was beyond tired. The meeting had been tedious and pointless. The council wanted to introduce new taxes on the already starving people. Only the threat of people rioting against the government stopped the council from implementing them. It enrages me everyday to see these fools run Ravka to the ground. I cannot wait for the day to take the throne. I would execute each one of them publicly and seize their assets. A knock pulled me out of my thoughts. It was Ivan. He had fetched tea for me.

“Thank you, Ivan.” I said. “Any new news from the West?”

“No, moi soverenyi. All seems to be calm for now. The-” He was interrupted by a knock. It was Fedyor.

“Fedyor. Come in. Anything to report?”

“Yes, moi soverenyi. About midday, Alina came back from the Corporalki classes and asked me to open the archives room. She said that she had found out what the Shu-Han and Fjerdans are upto and wanted the reports. She also requested the latest maps and cartography tools. It has been quite a few hours since she started and it looks very serious, moi soverenyi.” Fedyor finished.

I was filled with trepidation at Fedyor’s report. “Come with me.” I walked towards Alina’s room with Ivan and Fedyor trailing behind me. I dismissed the oprichniki and knocked on her doors. I waited for a couple of beats but there was no response. So I pushed open the doors, almost knocking the doors into Genya. I saw past Genya and Alina’s room looked disastrous. The furniture had been pushed to the walls and the floor was strewn with papers. Alina herself was sitting on her desk and writing something furiously into a Shu-Han map. I looked at Genya for answers.

“I don’t know, moi soverenyi. I was free till the night and wanted to spend time with Alina so I came here. But she has been like this for hours. Other than asking my help to move the furniture. She had been engrossed in the reports.” Genya whispered, taking care not to disturb Alina.

“Alina?” I called her gently, not wanting to startle her. She was lost in her work and did not respond. I walked towards her, without disturbing the papers. 

“Alina? What is happening?” She was startled.

“General?” As she became fully aware of her surroundings, I asked again. “What is happening, Alina? What’s all this?”

“I found out what is happening in Shu-Han and Fjerda.” she replied enthusiastically as she stood up from the chair. “When I first organised the reports something had been nagging me. I felt like I had missed a very crucial detail when I read through them. And today in my class I finally remembered what I had missed. Here, come with me.” She took me to one end of her room. “These are some of the reports from Shu-Han sent by operatives from May 1703, July 1713, June 1723,  August 1733 and May 1743. The autopsy results in these reports are pretty much the same- ‘ captured Corporalki soldiers killed after encountering fatal injuries at the hands of the enemy.’ Now this here is a report from March 1749 - ‘ Lieutenant Pasha’s body was discovered in the wilderness of Sikursk. His body had minimal scarring but he seemed to have sustained an aneurysm which killed him.’. Now look at the reports from April 1750, May 1751 and June 1752 all of them tell the same- Grisha killed by aneurysm.” 

“I remember these, Alina. I sent a few field operatives to scout for details. They found that the Shu were trying to find a way to control their minds and the aneurysms were the result of their failed attempts to do so. One of the operatives was successful in finding their hidden laboratory and had completely burnt it to the ground. There had been no reports of such deaths after that.” I explained.

“I know. Initially, I thought the same too. But I think that Shu Han’s experiments were two-fold. Corporalki is the only order that can direct their powers internally and externally. In theory, they can simultaneously heal themselves of their own injuries while they attack their enemies. That means Corporalki soldiers could almost be made indestructible.  But in theory, to unlock this potential, they need a tremendous amount of power which might as well kill them. Every report before 1749, shows that the extent of the injuries were the same in both Corporalki and Etheralki soldiers. But after 1749, the Etherealki soldiers who were found dead had extensive scarring, from being bound and tortured. But the Corporalki had very minimal scarring. Their bodies were found after being held captive for days with their wrists still bound and yet they had very minimal scars. I think Sergeant Pyotr, who burnt the lab down figured it out. I found this in his possessions that he sent to you, after he took down the lab along with himself.”

Alina handed me a half-torn, withered paper. The ink had almost faded, leaving only partially legible words. It read- ‘ There is but one line between man and God.’ in old Shu. I read it out loud. 

“Close. I think the accurate translation is - ‘ There is but one barrier between mortal and immortal.’ Here this is the Ravkan version of the account of one Artyom Kozlova, a Corporalki who existed even before Ilya Morozova and attempted to conduct this experiment on himself. He believed that removing the barrier would help the Grisha become immune to otkazat’syas raids and slaughter. However the difference is that he used merzost to erase the barrier of mind. But instead he turned himself into a half-life who was stuck between mortality and immortality. In the end he had to be chopped into pieces and tossed into fire. Baghra gave this to me in one of our sessions when she was explaining the perils of merzost .” I winced internally at that. Leave it to my mother to teach about merzost of all things to Alina.

Alina was unaware of all this and she continued, “These are the reports from the last five years. This time there are no aneurysms, just bodies with no scars. So that means they have succeeded partially. They have chemically found a way to remove the barrier but the subjects are ending up dead. The Shu monarch has restarted this experiment again after forty-two years and is actively trying to build an immortal army to annihilate us once and for all.” 

This was an alarming development and I was beyond shocked. They are actively keeping us engaged in war so that we have no time to think of anything but defending our borders while they develop this new army. Saints! I hate the Shu. They are the most despicable, blood thirsty, war-mongering otkazat’sya and they call me evil.   

Alina tapped me gently on my shoulders. “I know you have a lot to think about, but I’m not done yet.” I motioned for her to continue.

“Now coming to Fjerda. Fjerda has fierce warriors and a strong navy. But other than that the country has little to nothing. The country does not have any natural resources. They rely on whaling and wars to keep their country running. These are some of the reports spanning between 1703 till 1787 . Over the past eighty-four years their attacks and weaponary have been pretty much consistent with the rest of the world. However in the last five years, there is a sudden spike in their weapon technology. There had been reports of attacks using power wagons and something called tanks. Their rifles have become more powerful and faster.”

“Are you saying that they are also experimenting on the captured Grisha, Alina?” I asked.

“I’m saying General Zlatan is an idiot for thinking he will get his sovereign nation.” 

Comprehension dawned on me. “Yes. He is an idiot indeed.”, I said gravely and Alina grimaced at that.

“I’m sorry. Alina, I don’t get it. What does this have to do with General Zlatan?” Fedyor’s voice interrupted my thoughts. I had almost forgotten that we had an audience.

“General Zlatan has allied himself with Fjerda thinking that it will guarantee his dream of a sovereign nation. But the true allies are Shu-Han and Fjerda. He has been capturing and supplying Grisha and writing his own death sentence in the process. Think about it, Fedyor. The last hundred years essentially must have crippled Ravka’s economy. But we are still standing thanks to the efforts of the Second Army and us being the sole exporter of Aluminium and Iron ore on this side of the continent. Once they find a way to fully control the minds of Grisha, they can decimate East and West Ravka in no time. Then Fjerda gets hold of the abundant iron mines of West Ravka while Shu-Han controls the Aluminium deposits in East Ravka. Going by the reports, in another ten to twelve years, there will be no Ravka.” Alina explained. A shock of understanding dawned on all their faces. 

“I think the main source behind this operation is the Shu.” Alina continued. She went to retrieve the map that she had been working on and spread it in front of me. “They have been covering up their scent very well this time. Scattering bodies of at random places to create a smoke and mirror effect. But I figured out the pattern. I think there are not one but two secret laboratories. The first one somewhere here, deep within the valleys of the rocky slopes of Sikurzoi. The Grisha who are strong enough to survive the first dose of the chemicals are taken to the second location where the main laboratory is situated. I believe it is in an undisclosed location somewhere in around Bhez Ju. Choosing a location closer to the port city also helps them to exchange Grisha with Fjerda inconspicuously under the guise of trading. Sorry, I could not narrow down the radius to below thirty-three miles. I don't have sufficient information.”

I read the map that Alina had drawn. She had done a remarkable job. I took her hand in mine and said, “No Alina. You have done extremely well. You have single-handedly saved Ravka from falling. I cannot thank you enough, Alina.” I tried to express my heartfelt gratitude as much as I could in front of an audience. I hope she could understand my underlying emotions. She did and squeezed my hand.

“It’s alright. What are you going to do?” She asked.

“I’m thinking of a plan. We can discuss it further after dinner. Let me help you gather these reports.”

“No. Let me. I know where each one goes. It would be faster if I did it. However, you can help me put my room back together again. Unlike my mind, my body lacks strength.” She said with a smile. 

With that we got to work.

================

The next couple of weeks were a frenzy. I chose not to share the intelligence that Alina had discovered with the imbeciles of the court. The information that Alina had found could potentially ruin Ravka even if a smidge of it was released outside. Although every Grisha is loyal to me and the staff have been extensively screened before their employment, there was always a chance of an infiltration. So I had to act normally as I can by the day and work on the nights to form a plan. Alina understood and she came in almost every night under the pretext of spending time together. Once the night settled we got to work. 

As much as I wanted to crush Zlatan, he was the least dangerous of the threats surrounding us. So I need more intelligence on the current situation from Shu-Han and Fjerda and atleast put dampers in place before dealing with Zlatan. It was a blessing that Alina discovered this before my plans for a coup. Otherwise, my coup would have been for nothing. I turned to look at Alina. She was bent over a map of Shu Han and refining her calculations. She was a blessing in every way. I could not have asked for a better partner. I cannot wait for the day to see her in a crown. She would make an excellent Queen. With her startling intelligence, she would bring forth the Golden Age of Grisha and Ravka. 

“What?” She asked without lifting her head.

“Nothing. Come here, lapushka .”

“I’m busy. Give me three minutes.” I smiled at her response. I waited for her to finish her work and walked over to her.

I ran my fingers over her cheek and said, “Thank you, Alina. I’m immensely grateful for you. You are a blessing that I don’t deserve, Alya.” 

Her eyes softened. She gently cupped my cheeks and said, “And you are mine, my blessing, dorogoj .” She embraced me and placed her head on my chest. I ran my hands through her soft waves as we breathed in each other.

I sighed and released her reluctantly. “I have to go to the southern borders, Alina. I cannot do much from here without raising eyebrows.”

“I know.” She sighed and said, “How are you going to explain your sudden absence to the court?”

“There is always something to do at the border, Alina. Additionally, the Shu always try to wreck as much damage as they can before the snow sets in. So I usually visit around this time.”

She nodded and took my hand in hers. “I just wish things could be different. I wish I could go with you. I know it is silly. You have been to the borders hundreds of times and have fought in many many battles. You have no need for a novice Sun Summoner to watch over you. But I just.. I just want to protect you as much as you protect me.”

“Alina.” How could she think I don’t need her? These few months have been the happiest I have been in eight hundred years. It literally pains me to be away from her. I have fallen for her in ways I never knew I could. I pulled her in for a kiss and tried to convey my emotions through it. “You are more precious than the air I breathe. My existence before meeting you was meaningless, moya dusha . I need you so much that it scares me to imagine a life without you. I fear everyday for your safety. I know I have been to several battles but I promise you that I will return safe. I did not survive all those years only to be parted from you now. I will come back soon and be in your arms in no time.” I promised.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

Aleksander was set to leave the next day. So, he invited me to have supper with him. We made small talk but if I were honest, my heart was not into it. Although I put on a brave front, I was an anxious mess inside. Aleksander seemed to understand and did not push. He kept the conversion on lighter topics and did not mention about his departure. The dinner ended sooner than I liked. I wanted to prolong the final hours and get my fill of him.

“I’m leaving Fedyor behind. He will deal with anything and everything from the Grand Palace. I have ensured that neither the Apparat nor the Tsar or Tsaritsa would disturb you. You will be safe here. I have increased the number of your guards. They will be with you day and night.” I nodded. “I was able to borrow Genya for a few more hours than usual. She will prepare you for the Winter Fete and teach you about the court etiquette and she will be designing your new kefta for the Fete. I would prefer if it were a different colour than blue so that it can make a statement. Just work with her on it and see what you like, okay?” I nodded again, too choked up to speak. My old fear of abandonment was rearing back its ugly head.

“Alina” Aleksander lifted my chin and saw my teared up eyes. “I will be back in no time, rodnoy”

“What if I’m cursed, Aleksander? The people I love and care for often end up dead - my parents, Alexi. What if something befalls you because of me?” 

He pulled me towards him and held me in a tight embrace. “You are not cursed, milaya . I’m not going into Shu-Han. I will be safe inside the barracks. I’m just planning and giving out orders to the scouts. It is going to be a reconnaissance mission and nothing more. I will be fine, Alina. I promise to come back safe.”

I did not want to put his heart in unease. So I swallowed back my tears and tried to muster a convincing smile. But he saw right through me. He got up to retrieve something from his drawers and placed it in my hands. It was his wax seal. I was shocked to say the least.

“Write to me, Alina. I know it will ease your heart.”

“No. No. I don’t want to distract you.” I refused.

“No, love. I’m not asking you to write just to ease your fears. I’m asking because I want to ease mine as well. I don’t think I can spend a couple of months away without a word from you. I want to know if you are happy and safe. Write to me, love, to soothe my weary heart.”

“Thank you, Aleksander. It means so much to me.”

“It means a lot to me too. Letters with my seal are for my eyes only. So don’t hold back.” I nodded and pulled him for a kiss. We broke up for air and placed our foreheads together.

He pulled back and looked into my eyes. “Alina, will you spend the night with me?” I was a bit startled by his request. Seeing me hesitate he said, “You can refuse, Alina. I won’t take it the wrong way.” he reassured.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, Sasha. I have never been with… I'm not experienced… I.. The point is, I want my first time to be with you. But I don’t want to do it now, before you depart. It seems like a goodbye. When we spend the night together, I want to wake up and still be in your arms.” He smiled at my response.

“It would be my honour, Alina.” He then hesitated a bit and asked, “Will you share my bed with me tonight? Just to sleep. I want to hold you in my arms, atleast for a few hours, before I leave.” I nodded. He walked me towards his bedchambers. I have only briefly been inside it when he mistook me for Ivan and asked me to bring him his kefta. He sat me on his bed and went to get changed. I took his gift from my pocket and hid it under the pillow on my side. He had changed back and we got into the bed. As I laid down and looked up at the ceiling I was awestruck. The ceiling was black as the rest of the room but it was covered in constellations drawn in golden paint. It shimmered in the reflected light.

“It is beautiful,” I whispered.

“Oh, I thought it was gloomy and depressing.” He said with a roguish grin.

“I was drunk. It does not count.”

“Whatever you say, my love.” With that he pulled me close to him and I started to slowly nod off listening to his heartbeat and surrounded by his warmth.

“Wake me up before you leave.” I managed to say to him before I succumbed to sleep completely.

================

I woke up to gentle hands roving through my hair. I opened my eyes blearily to see a fully dressed Aleksander sitting beside me. Suddenly I remembered that he was leaving and sat up fully awake.

“I woke you up before I left, Alina. It is still very early. Sleep a few more hours. I will be back before you know it.”

I hugged him tight and he pulled me onto his lap. “It will be alright, milaya . I will be back soon.” We sat that way for sometime, enjoying the last bit of our time together. He pulled back with great reluctance.

“I have to leave now, Alina.”

“I know. I have something to give you.” I retrieved the box from under the pillow and handed it to him. His eyes shined with curiosity as he opened the box. He ran his hand over it in reverence. 

“It is a rune for protection and well-being. I made it in the Fabrikator’s lab.” He didn’t say anything. So I took it from the box and pinned it inside his kefta and said “Be safe.”

He pulled me in for a deep kiss that was passionate and desperate. I kissed him back in equal fervour hoping to prolong this moment as much as I can.

“Thank you, Alina.” He breathed when we broke apart. “I promise you that I will come back soon. Promise me, you will stay safe too. Promise me, you will wait for me.”

“I promise.” We kissed one last time and then he turned to leave. I could see that he was struggling to not look back and I was holding myself back from calling him. Then the door closed with a soft thud. Suddenly everything felt too big and empty and the vacuum was stifling. I looked around for something to hold onto and found his nightshirt draped neatly on the chaise. I took it and held it close to me trying to hold back my tears. ‘He will come back’ I kept repeating over and over again. 

With his shirt clutched in my hand I walked to my room.

Chapter Text

~~~Zlatan~~~

Nine months ago - Novokribirsk, West Ravka

I was reviewing the latest reports from Os Kervo; it looks like the latest crates carrying the Grisha witches were successfully handed over to the Fjerdans. I was pleased to pay such a small price to pay for the freedom of Ravka. The old country has held us back and mooched off of us for four centuries and the Lanstovs are nothing but blood sucking leeches. The time has come to cut off the gangrenous limb to save the rest of Ravka. The only threat to my plan is the Darkling. But with my alliance with Fjerda, he and his abomination of an army will be eradicated in no time. Then Ravka will be mine. 

“Sir! Sir!” The panicked voice of Lieutenant Misha pulled me from my thoughts. “The Fold, sir. It is lighting up!”

“What nonsense!” I rushed out of my tent only to see the Fold lighting up with the brilliance of a thousand suns. It lasted for a few minutes before vanishing. Is it some new Grisha invention that came with the latest skiff model? If so then that puts a hitch in my plans. I decided to go back to my tent and wait for the skiff to arrive to investigate further. 

Two hours went by and yet there was no sign of the skiff. It had me wondering if the device had detonated prematurely and destroyed the skiff in the process? I needed answers. 

“Lieutenant! It appears that skiff may have been destroyed in the Crossing after all. Find out what you can and get back to me.” I ordered and walked back to my tents.

================  

A few hours had passed since I sent Lieutenant Misha to scout for information and my patience was running thin. I tried to focus on the reports when the tent opened and in walked the Lieutenant. 

“General. I was unable to procure anything concrete. The rumours are varying between a powerful Inferni and a Grisha invention. But-” He stopped hesitantly.

“But what?” I snapped at him impatiently.

“There are whispers, General. Whispers that the fabled Sun Saint has finally emerged to destroy the Fold. And these whispers are growing louder by the hour. I personally witnessed people lighting candles to the new Sun Saint.” He finished.

“Utter nonsense! There is no such thing as a Sun Summoner. It is a fabricated story propagated by the old country to keep feeding into the delusion of people and making them believe that one day the Fold will be destroyed. This must be a ploy. Maybe the Darkling had caught wind of my plans. What if this was an attempt to thwart the formation of an independent Ravka? I would not put it past him to do such a thing. After all, I’m selling his precious witches, aren’t I?” I said with a smirk. “Send our spies to the old country and see what you can find. I want these rumours to be squashed as soon as possible. I cannot have the people revolting when I split the country.”

“Yes, Sir!” He saluted and left the tent.

‘What are you upto, Darkling? Whatever you have planned, I will find out. I will split this country and you cannot stop me. ’ I thought, and got back to my work.

================  

I was in my study when the letter from one of my spies arrived. Three weeks had passed since the lighting up of the Fold and the rumours refused to die down. The people and the church have started conducting prayers everyday for the Sun Saint and it is beginning to put a damper on my plans as more and more people are voicing the idea of a united Ravka. I turned over at the letter with trepidation. I opened it and read through its contents. Looks like my worst fears have come true; the Sun Summoner has been found. Her name is Alina Starkov. She was hidden away in the First Army and her powers were discovered during the Crossing and she is currently residing in the Little Palace after being presented to the Tsar and the courtiers.

There was no other information on Miss.Starkov. Her whole unit had died during the Crossing and anyone that had even remotely come into contact with Miss Starkov in Kirbirsk has been moved elsewhere. My informant could not risk collecting further details without drawing the attention of the Darkling. The Black General had been meticulous in removing every trace of her. No one knows who she is and what she looks like. With such a common name it was impossible to trace her background. I slammed my fist into the table in anger. I was this close to forming a sovereign nation. But now it looks like my dreams were over before it started. As long as Alina Starkov is alive Ravka cannot be separated from the old country.

A knock pulled me from my thoughts. “Sir, Asbjorn Olsen is waiting to meet you in the underground tunnels.” 

“Guard the door and don’t let anyone in till I come back.”. Once he was gone, I sighed and opened my secret door to walk towards the tunnels. I reached our spot and Asbjorn came out of the shadows. He was a large man; over six and a half feet tall with shoulder length hair and a long beard.

“General.” he greeted with his thick Fjerdan accent.

“Asbjorn. What brings you here?”

“Sun Summoner.”

I bit back a sigh. “It is an unexpected development.”

“Yes. Unexpected indeed. Fjerda wants her gone. Fjerda wants to see the witch burn in the Ice court in front of Djel. But Djel will be happy to see her dead anywhere. Our alliance cannot last with her alive. The witch is powerful but untrained. Kill her before she grows.”

“I will. How did you know she was untrained?” I asked.

“A small group of druskelle tried to kill her before she went to Os Alta. She had no light to defend her. It was the Darkling that saved her.”

“As long as she is in the Little Palace, guarded by the Darkling, nothing can touch her, Asbjorn. But, fear not for I will find a way. Alina Starkov will be eliminated.”

“Wanden olstrum end kendesorum. Isen ne bejstrum, General. Fjerda has been kind to you. Do not fail. Djel does not like false promises.” he said and left. ‘The water hears and understands. The ice does not forgive.’ I scoffed at his threat. I hated that I had to put up with such people just so I could achieve my dream. I vowed to myself that when my time comes, I will put them all in their places.

I went back to my room to think of a plan to eliminate Alina Starkov.

================

Seven months ago - Os Kervo, West Ravka

I had chosen one of the old abandoned cabins that was littered across the western shores of Os Kervo to meet one of my operatives - Leoni. I had devised a plan to get rid of Alina Starkov. I need it to be carried out without sullying my name. If the people learned that I had ordered the death of their new sankta, there would be a riot and I can never split the country again. Hence the cover of secrecy. 

Alina has been locked inside the Little Palace and not even the Tsar had seen her again after her demonstration. The Darkling has been guarding her day and night. Rumour has it that he has chosen to work from Little Palace instead of doing his usual border visits. The Little Palace is impenetrable and as long as he remains within its walls nothing can get past him. I hated the Darkling even more. I cannot wait for the day to see his palace destroyed and his army burnt alive just like the old days. Ravka will never be free till that abomination’s head is cut off and propped up on a spike.

“Sir”, a quiet voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Leoni”

“Sorry for keeping you waiting, sir. I had to check the perimeter twice before coming in.”

“That's alright, Leoni. I have a mission for you. As you might have heard, a certain sankta is posing a threat to our objective. She needs to be eliminated. The people are quite enarmoured with her. So it is imperative that her death be not tied to me. Here are your fake identity details. I want you to go to Ketterdam and pose as a representative of a wealthy merchant from Wandering Isles. Those thugs from the Barrel don’t look into details as long as they get paid heavily. The price for her capture is two million kruge. Get the best and finish her off once and for all.” I explained.

“Yes, sir.”

“The ship leaves tomorrow at dawn. Make preparations.” I tossed a pouch of Zemini coins. 

“I will, sir.” he bowed and left.

Once he left, Misha approached me. “Two million kruge, sir? Do you think those delinquents can pull it off? The Little Palace is an impenetrable fort and the Darkling will kill anyone even if he had an iota of suspicion. Will they be able to capture Alina, sir?”

I smiled. “Patience, Misha. I’m not one to put all my eggs in one basket. We still have the Winter Fete to look forward to. After all, the only time the Little Palace is remotely vulnerable is during the Winter Fete. Who do you think should we send as our representative? Hmm?”

“I don’t know, sir."

“We have time, Misha. The Darkling will not know what strikes him. I will pry Alina out of his hands and kill her.”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Leoni(as Juris) ~~~

Six months ago - Upper estate, Ketterdam, Kerch   

I was shown into the private library. It was richly furnished and tastefully decorated. Several rare collections were showcased as a display of power and wealth. The door opened and in walked Dreesen, one of the wealthiest merchants in Ketterdam. He was a heavy set man with a thick moustache. He looked as proud and cunning as every rich man I had seen in Kerch.

“I heard you have a job.” He started, cutting the chase.

“I do.”

“Tell me about it. I will decide if it’s worth my time.”

“My name is Juris. I’m a representative for a reclusive collector from the Wandering Isles who do not wish to be named. My employer is looking for something rare. In fact, it is the first of its kind and he wants it for his collections. If you take the job he is willing to compensate you more than you had hoped for in your dreams.”

“If your employer is indeed a collector then why does he need a middleman?” he asked.

“The item is guarded by a hound. My employer needs an added layer of anonymity to protect himself from the said hound. You are protected by the Merchant Council and the Stadwatch. That will keep the threat away from you.” 

“How much?”

“Two million kruge.” he raised his eyebrows at that.

“What is the item?”

“Alina Starkov -the Sun Summoner.”

He seemed to think for a moment and agreed.

“You have three days.”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~Kaz~~~

Six months ago - The Barrels, Ketterdam, Kerch   

The skies were pouring down the streets of Ketterdam. But that doesn’t seem to stop the people from enjoying the bountiful night life that Kerch offered- women, alcohol, gambling and money. I observed the scene below me. The Crow club was teeming with loud gamblers too inebriated and dumb to realise that they were losing money. Everything below me is playing out just like I wanted. I tightened my black gloves and readjusted the grip on my cane in satisfaction.

I saw the beginnings of a commotion in one of the tables below and walked towards the scene.

“Hey, you take Zemeni coin, yes?” I heard the large man ask. There had been a recent bout of fake Zemeni coins finding their way into the casinos of the Barrel. I had had my suspicions about this man, so I had Jesper, a Zemeni sharpshooter, sit at this table today. I saw Jesper toss the coin and shoot it to check its genuinity. The man’s coin failed the test and fell down with a bullet hole; unlike the real one which can withstand a bullet. Looks like we found our counterfeiter. I signalled my men to drag him away. 

Just as Jesper was about to collect his winnings, I struck out my cane. “No loud noises at the table, Jesper.”, I warned. “You’ll scare off the pigeons.”

“Wouldn’t want that, boss.” He agreed.

“Go back to your spot at the door.”

“Yeah, right away, boss.” with that he left.

Just as I walked away I saw Rotty approach me. “Early for action, innit, Kaz?”

“What do you want, Rotty?” I kept walking as Rotty followed me.

“Someone stole a DeKappel from a merch’s private residence last night.”

“Is that so?”

“It’s a painting. A landscape of Ravka. The Fold. Oil on parchment.”

“I know who DeKappel is.”

“Well, he don’t do nudes, so I never heard of him.”

I was beginning to get annoyed. “Get to it, Rotty.” 

He pulled out a small postcard of the original painting and showed it. “Worth something like ten thousand kruge.”, he said. “The thief had to get past four roving guards, high fences, padlocked doors, and a security system designed by one of them Grisha witches.”, he continued. 

I paid only half attention to his ramblings while I ran my eyes over the tables in the club. “Fabrikator.” I corrected him.

“Whatever. The point is, either it was a group effort or a ghost.”

Finally, I looked back at him and asked, “Why does this concern me?”

“I got a buyer lined up. Legit money. So, uh.. If you hear a whisper..let me know.” He winked.

“Who can hear a whisper here?”, I said; deliberately being obtuse. I walked away from the noisy club to my private room on the top floor and locked it. I looked at the DeKappel I had hung on my wall from last night’s heist. I would sell it to the buyer for fifty-thousand kruge by the end of the week. As I walked into my bedroom, I noticed an open window. I knew who it was. But I turned my back and began removing my gloves to wash my hands. 

“Hello, Inej.” I said after a beat. “What information do you have for me tonight?”

“A lead on a job. A big one. Enough money to change lives.” a quiet voice responded back.

“It doesn’t take much to change someone’s life in the Barrel.”

“A million kruge?” 

This piqued my interest. That is indeed a life changing amount of money. “What’s the name?”

“Dreesen. A wealthy merchant from the Upper estate.” Inej informed.

“Dreesen.” I repeated as I wiped off my hands. “I’ve heard of him. He could afford it. The question is what’s worth a million kruge to him?” I asked.

“He’s looking for a crew willing to cross the Fold into East Ravka and bring back something.” 

I finally turned to look at her. “The Fold? Well, of course, certain death pays a million. He didn’t say what he wants nicked?” I asked.

“No. But he’s taking meetings tonight starting at midnight. Any crew that has a way to cross the Fold will get the job.” I wanted in on the job. I was not about to let a million kruge pass. But I only have about three hours to come up with a plan before meeting with Dreesan. 

“There is a slight problem though.” Inej continued. “We might have to compete with Pekka Rollins.” That raised my eyebrows. “Dreesan had contacted him first. But he had failed to provide a solution through the Fold. That's why the whispers reached us. If Pekka knows you are competing then he would not hesitate to take you out.” Inej cautioned.

“I will figure out a way. I’m not about to let a million kruge go.” I moved to my table to look into some of the maps I had of Ravka.

“We only have three hours. I can ask around. The girls at the Menagerie, some of them are really skilled; like me. They tell me things in case you’d buy them out, like you did with me.” Inej continued as she followed me.

“I didn’t, I’m paying off your indenture.” I replied.

“You know what I mean. This one girl, Kesh-”

“I only invest in the one of a kind. She isn’t like you. No one is.” I cut her off, sternly. I only invested in Inej because she was able to follow me successfully without alerting me. She can move like a wraith- unnoticed and undetected. And her skills with knives are unparalleled. There truly is no one of her calibre.

“So? What’s our move now?” She conceded.

I looked at the DeKappel. “You’re the one of us who believes in a higher power. If we’re going to survive a round trip through the Fold, we’ll need a miracle of two.

With only three hours left, I decided to prowl through some of the brothels outside of Pekka Rollin territory that bought Grisha from Os Alta. But none were promising. We either had to go around the Fold, through Fjerda or take our chances through the Fold. Inej noticed a couple of Pekka’s men tailing us. Jesper was also readying himself casually, without raising alarm, in case things go south. Not wanting to tip off Pekka. I signalled us to go back to Crow club.

================

Back at the Crow club, we sat by ourselves at a secluded corner. We had an hour and a half left. I knew there are Grisha that are being bought from East Ravka to Kerch. But with limited time and Pekka eliminating competition, I need to find the source soon and I have to be clever about it as well. Now that Pekka knows that I’m onto the job, he will figure out a way to block me or will try to get there before me. I kept twirling my cane as I ran my eyes around the club looking for a break through.

“Here’s what I don’t get.” I heard Jesper talking. “Why haven’t they tried going under it? Just dig a tunnel.”

“Tried that. More than a century ago. Something… heard them digging.” I replied.

“So it was made hundreds of years ago by that crazy Grisha..”

“The Black Heretic.” Inej corrected.

“Yeah, the one who controls shadow.” Jesper continued. “They’ve got one in their army now. Don’t they? General Kirigan? If one of his kind made it, can’t he unmake it?”

“Have you ever put out fire by adding more fire?” Inej countered.

“Then what’s the opposite?” Jesper asked in exasperation.

“A Sun Summoner.” 

I scoffed internally at Inej’s comment. After all she had been through, her faith in the Saints is astounding. “Doesn’t exist.” 

“Doesn’t exist, yet” Inej corrected.

Not wanting to waste anymore time on this pointless discussion, I moved on. “Dreesen comes to the Barrel, sends out for a crew to steal something but doesn’t specify what. Is it heavy, large, worth more than a million on the black market? What if he doesn’t know its value himself?” 

Why is Dreesen announcing only the prize but not the object? I had a feeling that this mysterious object must be worth more than a million kruge and there are even more traps and dangers hidden in this heist.

“We can let this one go, Kaz.” Inej said.

“Sounds like a trap, anyway.” 

“A trap would sound easy.” I said irritatedly. “This is something else.”

Silence reigned for a minute or two. Something peculiar caught my eye. I stood up to observe her. A middle aged woman was counting her winnings for the day. Her bare arms had no mark of indenture; an independent woman from East Ravka. Interesting. I could feel my eyes gleam with victory. 

“Either way. What’s the point of a million kruge if we are dead before we reach East Ravka? It is not worth endangering our club what with Pekka breathing down our necks.” Jesper said standing up next to me.

“Never make a decision out of fear, Jesper. Only out of spite.” I signalled one of my men to bring that woman into my room and began to climb up. Jesper and Inej delayed a beat and began to follow me. I stood behind my desk as Jesper and Inej came in and we waited for the woman.

She was dragged in by one of the bouncers after a minute or two and was forcefully sat on the chair in front of me. He then left to stand outside my door. I observed her keenly. She looked frightened. Good. Fear always works.

“I don’t understand. I wasn’t cheating.” she said fearfully. 

I pulled open my drawer and threw a wad of cash before her. “You’ve been here every night for a week. You don’t play Makker’s Wheel or Ratcatcher, only cards. Because you keep track of what’s played.”

“Well, that is not cheating.”

“No, but I’ll have to add an extra deck to your table to keep things more balanced.” I untied the wad and slammed it before her. “An incentive to keep playing. Count it for me.”

She looked more confused at my request. She slowly moved her hand to collect the cash while keeping her eyes on me. As I watched, she stacked the money and moved it to her right hand. She wet the left thumb and began to count by folding the cash vertically. I smirked in triumph. I placed the crow head of my cane on her hand signalling her to stop.

“Where are you from?”

“West Ravka. Os Kervo.” she replied with trepidation.

“West Ravkans count money from one hand to the other, but people out east who work the mines in Sikursk, they count like you do.” She immediately dropped the money on the table.

“I am from West Ravka.” she insisted.

“West Ravkans don’t mention the ‘west’ part. To them, there’s just Ravka and the old country. You’re lying about where you’re from because you’ve fled. You’re hiding.” I said, raising my voice.

She dropped her head in defeat. “My daughter is Grisha. Neither of us wanted her in the war. You can’t make us go back.” Her voice shook at the end.

“I’m not after you, but you need to tell me how you and your daughter got through the Fold unscathed and unnoticed. Now.” 

“He just went by a title- The Conductor. We paid him in advance and he took us across in some special transport. It was very noisy. He had us wear hoods, so we couldn’t share how he does it. I don’t know what else to tell you. Please, that's all I know. I swear.” she cried.

“Give me something. A name. An address. A contact, someone he worked with.”

“He left us with a stage performer who took us in for a few nights. Poppy.” 

I sighed. Poppy and I had a history. With one hour left, I had no other choice but to get answers out of her.

I looked at the woman and said, “Go.” She need not be told twice. She rushed out the room. 

“Where's Poppy working these days? I asked.

“At the Emerald Palace.” Jesper replied.

“Let’s go. Inej, find us a safe passage from Pekka’s men.” She nodded and climbed through the window. Jesper and I waited for her to return. She came after five minutes and led us through the back exit.

================

The Emerald Palace stood on Pekka’s turf. He had the answer all along right under his nose and yet he never looked. I stood in the cover of shadows and observed the place. I cannot go in there through the front door; the bouncers would instantly recognise me. 

“Jesper, create a distraction and help Inej and I get inside. Wait for twenty minutes and create another one.”

Jesper nodded and went off. A few moments later we heard a small explosion and the bouncers rushed to look into it. Inej and I crept inside without anyone noticing. I found Poppy in her room, getting ready for her performance. I left Inej on the door to guard and walked inside.

“Boris, would you…” Poppy turned around and narrowed her eyes in anger. She grabbed her pistol and pointed it at me.

“It’s been a while, Poppy.” She clicked her gun in response.

“I see you are still upset.”

“About you stealing my shares of the Crow Club?”

“It wasn’t stealing. It was just a raw deal. Most deals in the Barrel are.” 

She lowered her gun. “What do you want, Dirtyhands?”

“I need to find someone. Or at least learn how to find them. Tonight.” I said.

“Looking for a club act, are we?” Poppy asked with fake politeness.

“I’m looking for the Conductor.” she turned around in shock. “So you do know him.”

“This is about a job, isn’t it? The job I’m hearing whispers about. One that sends you all the way east, for a million kruge? You’ll never make enough to compete with Pekka, you know? He’s a king. You’re just the Bastard of the Barrel.” 

I looked around as she talked and found a note with the Menagerie symbol under one of Poppy’s jewels. “Tante Heleen wrote you?” 

“Just this evening, yes, you snoop. She was asking about the Conductor as well. Probably for Pekka for the same job. So I warned him to steer clear of her.”

“You warned him? With a note?” Poppy didn’t bother answering and kept powdering her face. “Didn’t it occur to you that she wanted you to do that so she could have the messenger followed.” That caught her attention.

“She wouldn’t hurt him, would she?”

“She would if it meant hurting me. Now, if you have any loyalty to him, tell me where he is. Right now.”

================  

Inej, Jesper and I hurried towards the lower echelons of the Upper Estate. The door to the Conductor’s house stood wide open. There were thrashes and sounds of someone being beaten. We rushed inside and fought off the four men that were attacking the Conductor. The fight ended and the men ran off; probably to bring in reinforcements.

“Come with us before they bring in more men. I will explain everything later.” He need not be told twice. He gathered his necessities and we hurried out. With our passage to East Ravka secured. We went to meet Dreesen.

================

“We are here to meet Dreesen.” I said to the guards. “We have business with him.”

“You are not Pekka’s crew.” The guard replied.

“No. We are not. Tell Dreesen that the Bastard of the Barrel has found a way through the Fold.” The guard looked sceptical but went inside. A few minutes later he came outside and let us in. Dreesen was seated in his study. 

“So, Mr.Brekkar, you are telling me you have a way through the Fold. Something that even Pekka was not able to do so.”

“Yes. We have the Conductor and we want an exclusive on this job.”

Dreesen stood up from his chair and walked towards me. He appraised me from head to toe for a full minute.

“No businessman worth his salt hires his first applicant.”

“No. No, I understand. Of course. I could always report you to the guild about the illegal slave trade that you a part of.” I said.

The atmosphere tensed immediately. Dreesen’s men stood ready, waiting for his command. “You wouldn't." 

“No businessman worth his salt bargains for what he can take.” I replied.

I could see him clenching and unclenching his jaw for a minute. “Alright. Come on.” 

We were walked towards Dreesen’s private library. Except for one man, the rest stopped by the door. 

“A few days ago, I heard an interesting rumour from the East. A skiff that was Crossing through the Fold was attacked by the volcra. But the skiff was saved; saved by a searing burst of light. A blinding light that shone with the power of a thousand suns. Immediately after this, the Sun Summoner named Alina Starkov was whisked away to the Little Palace and no one has seen a hide or hair of her since then. I want her. Bring her to me alive and unscathed; the million kruge is yours.”

“So do we have a deal? He asked.

“Yes.”

“The ship leaves at dawn. Here’s your advance.” He got up from his seat and opened the door. “I hope your services are as good as your threats, Mr.Brekker.” he said as he closed the door behind me.

================

We were back at the Crow Club. The Conductor had not spoken a word since our encounter. We sat in silence as the bartender poured us all a drink.

I turned to him and said, “Conductor. You heard what Dreesen had to say. You have a decision to make. You can either come with us, have a share in the profits or wait for Pekka to hog tie you and beat you up till you give answers. The choice is yours.”  

He thought for a while and asked “What do you what?”

“Find us a way into the Little Palace and help us steal the Sun Summoner.”

“Okay. I will help you. But once we reach West Ravka you have to do exactly as I say, no questions asked.”

“Sure.” He nodded.

“Jesper, show him to his rooms.”

The moment they walked away, Inej turned to me. “Do you think it is truly the Sun Summoner?” she asked.

“I don’t know. She could be a fake persona created to appease the starving population.”

“What about me?” She extended her arm that had the mark of indenture. “You still owe five instalments and Tante is already helping Pekka. What if she asks for the whole payment at once? Or decides not to send me altogether?”

“Inej, I will handle it. I have something she cannot refuse. Prepare for tomorrow and keep an eye on the Conductor. I will sort the rest out.” I said. She nodded and left. 

Once she was out of sight, I went to my room and retrieved the deed of the Crow Club. Tante Heleen knows that I need Inej and I cannot take Inej away without clearing the remaining payment. I knew that if I go to Helen now and ask for Inej’s buyout, she’ll set a price that I can’t pay. It is exactly what I would have done. So I want to give her something she cannot refuse. Decision made I walked towards the Menagerie.

Chapter Text

~~~Zlatan~~~

Five months ago - Novokribirsk, West Ravka

It was well after midnight when I poured myself a drink and settled in. I looked again at the poster that one of my men had found earlier today. The poster was one of the propaganda pieces that was issued by my office. It was a call for the people of Ravka to join hands with me in the formation of an independent Ravka; only someone had struck out my face and had written, ‘Sankta Alina for unity.’ instead. Misha had found the offender and had him apprehended. Thankfully, he was just a fanatic of the said sankta and nothing more. But this small incident of defiance unsettled me because a tiny spark like this could burn down my whole empire if I don’t put it out at ignition. A knock pulled me away from my thoughts.

“Sir.” Misha saluted. “We scouted the whole city, no more than six posters were found. All of it was made by our prisoner and no one else. We caught it on time, sir.” He finished his report.

I should be happy at this but there was this nagging feeling in my gut that told me that this was not an isolated incident but a start of something more. The single act of subversion was a reflection of the changing sentiments of the people. I’m only a year or two away from achieving my goal and I cannot let the people be swayed at this crucial point of time. Luckily, the best thing about sentiments is that it can be enticed easily. I just need the people to remember what they are fighting for.

“Should we punish the culprit publicly, sir?” Misha asked.

I smiled and asked, “Have you ever started a revolution, Misha?”

“Sir?.. No, Sir.”

“A Revolution is never won by fear. Revolution needs anger. Anger fueled by loss. I think our little saint has temporarily made the people forget what they had lost. They just need a little reminder. Let the man go and bring me Viktor Khashnov tomorrow. I know of a way to make them remember their losses every single day.”

Misha looked confused but agreed.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Kaz ~~~

Four months ago - Novokribirsk, West Ravka

I’m a patient man. I have always been. If I wish to exact my revenge on Pekka, I need patience. But Arken Visser has been stretching my patience thin lately. It has been a few weeks since we reached West Ravka and settled in Novokribirsk but we are yet to find a way through the Fold. The past few weeks we have done nothing but wait for the Visser’s contact from East Ravka to come through the Fold. Visser himself had been pretty tight-lipped about his operations so far; sneaking in and out at night and going to mysterious locations. But that ends today cause we are getting answers out of him one way or the other. I could hear his movements in the room above us. He was preparing to leave. I signalled Inej and Jesper. They nodded and swiftly went upstairs. As I climbed up the stairs, I could hear the thuds followed by painful grunts from Visser. I opened the door to find Visser tied up to a chair with a bloodied lip and cheek.

“What is the meaning of this?” he yelled at me in outrage.

“You have not been holding on to your end of your bargain, Visser. And it is a policy of mine to not carry dead weight.”

“I told you! My contact has not come to West Ravka yet. You told me to find a way to the Little Palace and I’m trying to find a way!”

“Good. Care to share what you have attempted so far?”

“I cannot give you the full details.” Inej’s knife skinned his neck drawing a thin line of blood. “This is my business! You cannot expect me to reveal all my secrets to you. My business needs a cover of secrecy unlike yours!” He said with agitation.

I gave him a cold, hard stare and said nothing for a while. “We have no plans to take over your business, Visser. But this secrecy can no longer continue. You will tell us everything or I can pry them out of you as I kill you.” I threatened him coldly.

Visser let out a huge sigh and hung his head in defeat. “Fine,” he conceded. “Please remove my binds. I will explain.” 

I signalled Jesper to remove his binds. Once he was free Visser knelt down and picked up his kit from under the bed. He unknotted one of the leather folds and retrieved an old parchment paper. He brought it over and spread it out on the table. It was a map; a map of the Fold.

“More than a hundred and fifty years ago, the Second Army was led by the father of the present Darkling. Despite his best efforts the Second Army was barely established and the Little Palace was not built. When the then Black General proposed the idea of sandskiffs, he was turned down immediately. Instead the Tsar ordered the Second Army to draw up the map of the Fold and find areas of vulnerability through which they can lay out iron lanes to propel coal powered iron pods through it to create trade routes between East and West Ravka. The people and the court were more hostile towards the Grisha then than they are now. So the then Darkling had no choice but to obey. The Second Army Summoners along with the cartographers set out to map the areas of the Fold that had less volcra activity that can provide a moderately safe passage through the Fold while the Fabrikators began to construct the iron pods that can withstand the Volcra attack. However, the iron pod idea had to be dropped because the noise from the operation of the pod drew the attention of the Volcra and soon these safe spots became their prime hunting grounds. Hundreds of Grisha lost their lives and shortly after that the previous Darkling was assassinated in the Shu border.” He paused a bit and continued.

“He was succeeded by his son, who was barely of age then. Ravka was at war and he secured their win. At that time around, a great famine hit East Ravka and using this opportunity the Darkling finally got permission to deploy the sandskiffs which involved less deaths and had higher chances of survival. With that as the start, the Darkling then went on to build the Second Army, the Little Palace and such. But in order to ensure the future of Grisha, he issued an order to hunt down these maps of the Fold and destroy them permanently. Out of the forty-seven maps that were drawn only three remain today - one is with the Darkling; locked inside the Little Palace vaults, the other was lost never to be recovered and this here is the last surviving one.” 

Visser paused to catch his breath. Inej and Jesper were fully tuned to him.  I now know how his business operated. With a map like this, the scientific mind of Visser would have managed to find a way to haul people through the Fold without drawing anyone’s attention.

“Following this map, I was able to locate a semi functioning iron pod that was lost during one of the failed crossings. I fixed it and I have been using it to transport people. No one knows of its existence but me. These areas here.” he said, pointing to the long, thin lines drawn on the map. “In the past they were used by spies and secret messengers of the Armies to travel through the Fold undetected. My contact in the East finds desperate Grisha who wishes to escape the war and contacts me. We have a drop location where he leaves me his findings and I will then make arrangements to transport them. It has been four months since I had last heard from him. He is not just my contact, he also acts as my spy and warns me of the situation on the other side of the Fold. I only take the journey after his assessment. But so far no pip from him.” Visser concluded with a sigh.

“Do you think the Volcra ate him?” Jesper asked.

“No. None of the markers in his route were disturbed. He just never came to West Ravka after our last meeting.” He then turned to me and asked. “What if he had been found? What good would it do if we risked through the Fold only to be arrested and killed by the Second Army? My business relies on stealth. I did not survive twenty-eight journeys through the Fold to die in the hands of the Second Army now. We cannot go out there blindly with just our guns and knives. We need to wait. Wait for the clearance to come.” 

I sighed internally. Everybody in the room looked dejected. The job had been a risky one since the start. The immediate goal is to reach East Ravka. Once we kidnap the Sun Summoner, I can figure out the rest later. We can even go around the Fold through Fjerda if the need arises. But we can delay no longer here. We have wasted weeks already.

“This seems like a reasonable juncture to abandon this whole Sun Summoner plan.” Visser proposed.

“Abandon?” I could not keep the incredulity out of my voice. “We are in this now. And I know what a million kruge means to me. What does it mean to you?” I asked, looking at Inej.

“Freedom.” she responded.

“Fun. Like at least a few months.” Jesper continued.

After a beat Visser chimed in. “Retirement.”

“Right, so we press on.” I said firmly. “You get us across the Fold and I’ll figure out the rest on the other side but we can delay no more. If indeed your contact had been caught, then there is a chance that the Second Army might have given up on the search by now. With war on both borders they can no longer expend resources on a manhunt. There is a chance that we might be able to cross through the Fold unnoticed.”

“Fine.” Visser finally agreed. “To cross, I’ll need 20 pounds of alabaster coal , a pack of Majdaloun jurda, not the kind from Kerch. It’s too weak. We need to leave in the dead of night on a new moon.”

“Let us start the preparations. We leave in three weeks.”

================  

Three months ago - Novokribirsk, West Ravka

Today was the day of our departure. After I bought the alabaster coal I kept walking around the city to pass time and gather any information that could help me once we landed in East Ravka. The city was bustling with more activity than usual; especially at the Town square. I found a spot and mingled with the crowd to learn more.

General Zlatan had erected a war memorial commemorating the brave souls that were lost during the Crossing. He made a rousing speech and opened the marble block that had the names of all the people who had died during the Crossing carved in it. I could not help but smirk at his clever little trick.

Ever since we reached Novokribirsk, I noticed two sentiments among the people- the people who were wishing for the unification of the country and those who wanted to leave the old country. The emergence of the Sun Summoner seemed to have created an influx of people who wished to see the Fold destroyed and the country unified. General Zlatan must have picked up on this. Hence the war memorial. I could hear the heated discussions between people as I walked around. Looks like Zlatan’s plan is working.

When I pulled out of my thoughts, I noticed that I had come close to the edges of the Army barracks. Before anyone could spot me or question me, I decided to turn around. That’s when I noticed it- Visser was shaking hands with a man who had stood behind Zlatan during his speech today. They then ducked into one of the General's tents. I immediately understood what was happening- Visser was double-crossing me. Both Zlatan and Visser benefited off of the Fold. Alina is more good to them dead than alive. I realised that Visser is planning to kill Alina at the Little Palace. 

I turned around after a beat or two. I decided to keep this new development to myself. I need Visser to cross the Fold and to get into the Little Palace. After that I will leave his fate at the hand of the Black General. With that I started walking northeast towards the edge of the city.

================

I spotted the broken skiff that Visser had mentioned. The night was starless and dark. But even without an ounce of light, the Fold stood tall and impossible; a darkness like no other. It was like standing at the edges of an abyss. I could hear the faint shrieks of the Volcra from within the Fold but other than that it was silence all around me. 

“It’s one thing hearing about it, but this is–” I heard the quiet voice of Inej from behind me. “I hope the saints have mercy on us.” I saw her kiss the prayer necklace around her neck.

“Did you get the jurda?”

“Yes.”

We turned towards the heavy set of feet that was approaching us. It was Visser.

“Good. You are here already.  Let me just light a lantern. We need to put it out once we move inside.”

The sudden source of light made me squint my eyes a little. 

“We need to get going.” gesturing us to move ahead of him. But I stood my ground. “We will follow your path.” 

Visser, though startled at my sudden change in tone, did not say anything and just agreed. We walked closer to the Fold and stood at its edge. Visser placed the lantern on the edge  of the Fold and went inside it. I could hear him pulling something heavy towards us. I noticed that Jesper was yet to arrive. 

“Where the hell is Jesper?” I muttered angrily. Right on cue, I heard someone running towards us. 

“Sorry boss. I got lost.” 

“You lost track of time gambling, didn’t you?” 

Before Jesper could answer, Visser came out. “We are ready. Coal? Jurda?” Inej and I handed the things he asked.

“Now before we go in. The Volcra hunts by tracking smell and sound. The jurda smoke will mask our scents and repel the Volcra. But the Volcra will hear the sound of the iron pod. They will come and flock around us. You need to keep still in your seats and not move or make any noise that could give you away. If you have any questions, ask right away. Once we are in, we will cease any and all conversations.” Visser instructed us.

“We can start.” I said.

He extinguished the lantern and began to lead us into the Fold. We held onto each other to help us navigate in the pitch black darkness. Soon we found ourselves climbing inside a wagon made of iron. Visser got in last and shut the door behind him. Soon he started the engine and began to burn the coal. The wagon began to propel us forward. Visser sat near the coal burner and was looking at his timer. I discreetly took mine and began to time his actions. As we continued forwards, we heard the flaps and shrieks of the Volcra rapidly approaching us. Visser signalled us to be quiet. Inej closed her eyes and held on to her prayer necklace while Jesper was sweating bullets and struggling not to scream. Visser seemed unaffected. Soon we could hear the Volcra circling us. We could hear the claws as they landed on the top of the pod. They began to claw the roof. Visser added more Jurda to the coal and slowly the density of the Volcra began to decrease. We continued to propel forward as Visser kept adding the coal and Jurda in frequent intervals. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Visser looked up from his watch and signalled us of our arrival. As we emerged from the Fold, Visser informed us that we were in one of the empty settlements in Tula valley. We got our things and began our arduous journey towards Kribirsk.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~Zlatan~~

Two months ago - Novokribirsk, West Ravka

I was pleased with how these past few weeks had turned out. The erection of the war memorial had stirred the sentiments of the public and it has created confusion amongst them. That worked well for me because, where there is confusion there is an opportunity. Now all I have to do is conduct my public speeches in front of the memorial and people will immediately fall in line behind me.

Another thing I was pleased about was my plan to kill Alina. Not only has my main plan crossed the Fold, my contingency was going with him as well. Even if Arken fails, the others can succeed and between the two of them Alina will be assassinated in no time. To keep the Darkling from sniffing out my plans, I had officially declared my allegiance with Fjerda. That should absolutely send him into a frenzy. The Darkling maybe many things but he is not omnipresent and with his focus on me, I can kill Alina effortlessly. I just have one final operation left to do. Once it is fulfilled Ravka would be free of the old country once and for all.

There was a knock on the door and after a beat the door opened and in walked Igor.

“General.” Igor saluted. Igor was one of my most trusted spies. He has carried out several secret missions for me in the past and has tirelessly helped me in the formation of free Ravka.

“Igor! Welcome back. How was the mission in Fjerda?”

“It was a success, General. The old country and Fjerdans were volleying shots at each other’s camps when I left.” 

I was very pleased to hear that. “Good.”

“Igor, you have served me faithfully for years. You have helped me free Ravka from the clutches of the old country. I have one last mission for you. With that Ravka will be formed and nothing will stop us.”

“I’m awaiting your orders, General.”

“Kill the King.”

Even though his eyes widened he agreed to my request. “Yes, General.”

“I know that this is a difficult ask. But it needs to be carried out to secure our freedom once and for all.”

“What of the Darkling, General?”

“I have taken care of that too. He cannot protect the King as he would be too busy searching for his Sun Summoner.” Igor did not say anything and waited for me to elaborate. “As you already knew my plans were to separate the country only after a couple of years. But the emergence of the Sun Summoner has thrown a wrench in my plans. I had no other choice but to expedite them. Alina Starkov has become a bigger threat than the Darkling. So I have devised a plan to kill her. I have sent not one but two parties through the Fold to capture and kill her on the night of the Winter Fete. While they carry it out, I want you to poison the King. It must be a slow acting poison.  Just like your most recent mission, no suspicion can fall on us. With the Sun Summoner gone and the King dead the old country will descend into chaos. Even if the Darkling usurps and claims the throne, without the Sun Summoner, he would have nothing. East Ravka would slowly decimate and fall.” I finished. Igor nodded.

“What are my orders, sir?” He asked.

“Get on the skiff that comes to pick up the representatives for the Winter Fete. You will be the official representative from West Ravka.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Kaz ~~~

One month ago - Kribirsk, East Ravka

After our journey through the Fold, we had hit a dead end in Kribirsk. Visser had enquired discreetly and discovered that his contact had indeed been captured by the Second Army and his belongings were seized by them. Not wanting to draw attention to ourselves, we stayed in the merchants inn at the edge of the town where foreign traders and travellers often stopped by. Without Visser’s contact we were pretty much stranded in Kribirsk. During the day I disguised myself as a merchant and walked through the town to scout for information. During my walks, I could see the stark difference between the East and West Ravka. Everywhere I looked I saw the effects of war and the Fold. The poorest people of West Ravka looked more fed than the modest-living folks of East Ravka. If West Ravka indeed manages to separate from the old country then East Ravka would decay to nothing. 

I opened the door and walked into my room. Within a few minutes Inej entered.

“I have news for you.” Inej said. “I might have found us a way in.”

“Good. I have some good news too.  Gather the others.” Inej nodded and left. A few moments later she arrived with Visser and Jesper.

Once we settled, Inej began. “The Winter Fete, that could be our way in. The Fete takes place in the middle of December, two weeks before Yuletide. The invitations have already been sent out. Soon representatives from several countries will travel to the Little Palace. These past few days, I have seen a few entertainment troupes come in. They have set up camps in the east end of the city. If we join one of them, we can easily get into the Little Palace.” she finished.

I was pleased with Inej’s discovery. 

“But even if we manage to go inside the Little Palace, the place is huge. We cannot knock every door till we find the Sun Summoner. We need a solid plan before we join the troupes.” Visser pointed out.

“I might help with that. Today I discovered that one of the copies of the Little Palace blueprints are in the Kribirsk’s archives. But, they are kept under lock and key. Far from the prying eyes of the masses.” I said.

“Yes! A heist!” Jesper pumped.

“Visser, scout and pick a target troupe for us to join in. We cannot invite ourselves to their party that might raise suspicion. We need our target to extend an invitation to join them. So pick your target with care. Jesper and Inej during the day we hit the local bars near the troupes. Jesper, blend in with the locals and attract them with your card tricks. Inej, discreetly display your acrobatic skills. Soon we will capture the attraction of our target. Hide your accents and choose different names.” I finished. Everyone nodded their assent. “And two days from tonight,” I added. “We raid the archives.”

================

The next morning, I paid a visit to the Royal archives disguised as the famous sculpture Ivanovski. I stumbled upon the reclusive sculptor by accident a few days ago during one of my walks through the town. I stole his credential plaque from him in hopes of using it to gain entry to the Little Palace but now it has found its use even before that. The credential plaque worked like a charm and I was shown into the building. 

“Good day to you, sir.” I greeted the archives manager. He was a middle aged man with glasses and a perpetually unhappy face. “My name is Ivanovski. The sculptor, yes.” 

“All right.” He sighed and gave me an once over.

“I’m in desperate need of your assistance. I’m working on a real showstopper for the Winter Fete. I need the dimensions of the Little Palace entrances. The grand piece maybe too grand to fit through the door frame. The King will have my head if his statue must be parked in the courtyard.”

He looked even more unhappy at my request and muttered under his breath about the Fete. “Damned fete. I have to pull the blueprints everyday.” He left his desk and moved towards one of the doors. “Wait here” he said without looking and began to walk past me. I dropped the thin sticky pouch of phosphorus on the floor and as he walked, it attached itself to his shoe sole. 

About thirty minutes later, he came back and handed me the dimensions on the entrance.

“Ah! May the Sun Summoner bless you.” I smiled.

“Oh, I’m not a believer.” 

“No, truth be told, neither am I.” I replied in conspiracy.

================

The next night we walked towards the archives. Based on the key I saw in the manager’s hand last morning, I realised that the repository has a two-way locking mechanism. So the only option for Inej to get in and out is through the roof. I also noticed that the archives use the gas lighting system. So Jesper will follow the trail of phosphorus and dim the roof lights of the correct section briefly to signal Inej of her point of entry. I will be the guard man and assess the situation and look out for any potential mishaps. As we neared, we split. Inej climbed on the roof and Jesper went towards the repository valves.

After ten minutes, from my vantage point, I saw the lights near the glass dome dim a little and flicker back to its normal brightness. Now everything relies on Inej. We cannot steal the blueprint outright. So Inej has to copy the ink without disturbing the original map. 

Thirty-five minutes had passed and I noticed a small movement, a shadow coming out of the glass dome. Looks like the heist was successful. I stayed a few more minutes to ensure that no alerts popped up and quietly left the building to meet at our rendezvous point.

================

We colluded in our room with the map spread out before us. We have been looking at it for the past three hours but to no avail.

“What about..” Jesper pointed to a corridor.

“No, look.” Inej showed that it was a dead end.

“Oh.” Jesper replied.

“How about this hallway?” Inej asked.

“No go. See? Guard Tower.” 

“There’s no way in.” Inej sighed.

“Or out.” I added.

“Well, I thought this plan might not work.” Visser added unhelpfully.

“Got any plans up your sleeve?” Inej asked me. I didn’t give her an answer.

“I mean, Kribirsk isn’t the worst. We can open up a bar. Brew East Ravkan beer for the Westerners.” Jesper joked.

“Shut up, Jesper” 

We spent the next few hours putting together a semblance of a plan. A lot of it depends on timing and chance. With that we went to the local bar to put our next stage of plan to action.

================

After a few more days of scouting, we found our target. Marko, the leader of the travelling troupe known as the Pomdrakon Players. He was a gullible man who was still dazed about his first Winter Fete invite. Jesper had already impressed him with his card tricks and gun skills. The next part is to sneak Inej in. Visser created a stage ‘accident’ that made their main acrobat lose her balance and fall down. Once Inej displayed her skills he hired us on spot. 

“Now what?” Inej asked me quietly. “Now we wait. We have a month and half left for the Winter Fete. We arrange our own transport, play our parts and follow them as they prepare for the Winter Fete.”

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

Ever since Aleksander departed, the Little Palace felt empty and cold. There was a physical ache inside my heart that refused to go away making me lonely and miserable. Winter had started to set in and the days had begun to grow shorter and shorter forcing us to stay indoors more. This made me feel his absence even more keenly. I longed to be in his arms, surrounded by his warmth, breathing in his scent, talking about everything and nothing in front of his fireplace. I missed his voice- detached and cold to the others but always warm towards me, his smiles that were reserved only for me, his roguish grin that made him look like a young man rather than a hardened general, the feel of his calloused hands as he caressed me tenderly. I sighed heavily.

“Alina? Are you alright? You seem distracted. If this is too much for you Sergi and I can handle it. You don’t have to witness it.” Paja said quietly.

“Sorry, Paja. I didn’t mean to phase out. I’m fine. We can administer the dose once the Stable Master brings in the horse.” 

Paja was not the first person to notice my preoccupation. Genya and Fedyor bore witness to it everyday. And everytime I heaved a sigh, Marie and Nadia giggled while Sergi gave me a knowing wink. David, Paja and the others were too occupied to notice my distraction. They all understood me and tried to pull me out of my moods. The one person who was displeased with it was Baghra who was even more vicious with her taunts and jabs. 

I tried to push all these thoughts out of my head and tried to focus on the task at hand. Paja had successfully developed the poison that I would use on my Stag. It has been successful so far and today is our final trial.

“Alright.” The Stable Master said as he brought in an elderly horse. “This is Aida. She had served us in many battles and was honourably discharged about ten years ago. The General was gracious enough to let her spend the rest of her days at her home in peace. But, lately she has developed serious knee troubles and has been in a constant state of pain that we have no other choice but to put her down. I hope whatever you have concocted can help her pass in peace.” the Stable Master said as he fondly patted the horse. 

I could see why the horse had to be put down, she was past her prime and was clearly struggling to stand upright.

“Don’t worry. We have tried and tested it on smaller animals. It had worked successfully and the animals passed away without any complications. I know this is not the conventional way to put down a horse. But we promise you that Aida will not suffer as she passes.” I assured him.

The Stable Master nodded and settled the horse into a comfortable position. As I patted the horse, Paja readied the dose while Sergi tipped Aida’s head upwards. Aida drank the dose without any struggle and slowly she began to slip into a dreamless sleep. I continued to pat her while Sergi and Paja monitored and took notes. After about an hour or so, Sergi pronounced her dead. The Stable Master nodded somberly and thanked us for giving Aida a pain free death. 

We left the stables shortly and began to walk towards the Little Palace in silence. It was dark outside so I created an orb to guide us. Paja and Sergi looked at it mesmerised for a few minutes before Sergi broke the silence.

“The trial was a success. The poison worked effectively as designed. Aida was put into a state of trance first while the poison shut down each system in her body one by one.” 

I nodded. “Thank you both for helping me with this.” I said.

“Should I start with the antidote?” Paja asked. “It's just that our teacher at school always told us to never design a poison without a cure. Although it might never be administered, it would be useful to keep one at hand.”

“Sure. But considering the way the poison is designed, the antidote would be extremely painful when applied, don’t you think? The antidote has to reverse the process completely so the subject would be wide awake while the antidote reawakens their system. I think letting them die would be a kindness.” Sergi asked.

“I know. The antidote is going to be a lot trickier to develop than the poison itself.” Paja agreed.

Once again silence resumed. As we neared the Little Palace we noticed a large cart of wine being transported towards the kitchens.

“Looks like this year’s Winter Fete is going to be epic.” Sergi commented. “Too bad, I wouldn’t be here to enjoy it. The General has ordered me to Ryevost. I have to depart in three days.”

“Is everything alright?” I asked.

“Yeah. Just a routine thing. Nothing to worry about.” Sergi assured me. With that we reached the Little Palace and parted our ways.

================

It was well past midnight and I had long ago given up on reading the etiquette books that Genya had left me. I finally closed the book with an irritated sigh, placed it on my nightstand and put out the lights. As darkness filled my room, my heart ached for Aleksander. The darkness that once brought me comfort now reminded me of his absence. I put my hand under the pillow and pulled out his nightshirt and the letters he wrote me after his departure and held it to my chest. Although they offered very little comfort, I held on to them dearly. At times like this, I often wondered if I was suffering from a new kind of wasting sickness where I was wasting away simply by his absence. I wanted to share so many things with him and watch his eyes crinkle in laughter. But all I could do was pray for him to come home soon and alleviate me from my suffering.

Another reason that made me long for Aleksander’s steady presence was Mal’s last letter. I received a hastily drawn letter from Mal a few days ago. The letter had mentioned that he is travelling north past Tsibeya to the wilderness of permafrost on a separate mission from his unit. He had not given me any more details and had ended the letter saying that he would bring me blue irises. That increased my worry tenfold because blue irises is our code for meeting in person soon. His whole letter left me on an edge. I could not help but wonder if Mal took on this particularly dangerous mission for a chance to see me. It was just like him to do something so dangerous and reckless. And now it's too late for me to stop him from coming here. No one but me knows about his secret as the third Morozova amplifier, not even Mal. I cannot have Mal visit me when I still have not found a way to take the Stag’s powers without killing him. All it takes is a minor slip up and Mal would be discovered in no time. I need Mal to stay the hell away from here but I had no means to warn him and it left me agitated. I once again wished for Aleksander to be here. Between the two of us we would have found a way around the Stag issue. But here I am sitting wide awake in my darkened room sighing into the night.

A soft and a hesitant knock pulled me out of my thoughts. I waited a bit to see if more would follow but none did. So I quickly hid the letters and shirt under my pillow and rushed to answer the door only to see the retreating form of Genya.

“Genya?” she turned to my call.

“Alina. Sorry to disturb you. It’s nothing. Go back to bed.” Although her words were convincing, her eyes deceived her.

“I was not sleeping. Come in.” she came in hesitantly, much different from her usual confident self. I relit the lamp and settled her down in a chair and asked one of my oprichniki to fetch us a tea tray. Genya had curled herself into the chair and was staring listlessly at a wall. A few minutes later, the oprichniki knocked and handed me the tea. I thanked him and locked the door after him. I poured a cup of tea and walked over to Genya.

“Genya?” I called out, no more than a whisper. She looked at me and sat straighter. I handed her the cup and watched her drink. 

“I didn’t mean to bother you. It’s just.. It’s just, I could not stand being inside those walls anymore.” 

“What happened?” I asked her gently.

She didn’t say anything for a minute but her lips wobbled. “You promised you won’t ask me anything.”

“And I won’t, I promise. I won’t ask you anything that you are not willing to share.” She nodded. Silence resumed as she slowly sipped her tea.

“Come on. Let me get you ready for bed.” I said once she was done.

She nodded again. I began to get her ready. I gently removed the pins from her hair and loosely braided it. I worked on her boots next. Then, I pulled out a nightgown from my cupboard and handed it to her. I turned my back to give her some privacy. Once she was done I pulled back the covers and tucked her into the bed. I put out the lamps and crawled into the other side, leaving a good distance between us. Genya turned to face me.

“Thank you.” she whispered.

“Don’t ever thank me, Genya.”, I said fiercely.  “Not ever and certainly not for this.”

After a beat, “Can I hold your hand?” I asked in a hesitant tone. At her assent I held her hand and began to recite the  ‘The Journey of Innessa’. Slowly, Genya drifted off to sleep. I continued reciting the tale while tears flowed freely from my eyes. I kept going even after my voice turned hoarse. When I finished reciting, I once again vowed that I will punish the King for all the atrocities he committed against my beautiful friend. 

I kept vigil till it began to dawn and Genya started showing signs of waking. Knowing Genya, I knew that she would feel uncomfortable if she had to face me. So, I pretended to stay asleep as she got ready to go to the Grand Palace before someone could notice her absence. 

That morning when Genya came to prepare me for the day, she pretended to be her usual self. I too followed her lead and acted like the previous night never happened. We went on with our practised routine and banter and never spoke of that night again.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I looked at the band of Grisha assembled before me with pride. They were some of my best soldiers trained in surveillance and infiltration. They had completed the mission successfully. They had not just penetrated into the valleys and found the location of the base, they were able to gather vital information without alerting the Shu. 

“Ksenya, Boris, Nikita, Valentin, Kirill and Mikael. Good job on the mission. You have brought me invaluable information that has not just saved our Grisha but has saved the whole of Ravka as well. You have my gratitude. The next stage is more crucial than this one. Our mission’s success relies on Shu-Han’s unawareness. So I don’t want any of you to take any unnecessary risks. Continue with the surveillance, report back your findings and await my orders. Tread with caution.” I warned them.

“Yes. Moi Soverenyi.”

“Dismissed.” They bowed and left.

“Are the carriages ready, Ivan?”

“Yes, sir. We are ready to go.”

================

I watched the scenery flying past me as the carriage sped towards Os Alta. My mind was racing faster than the carriage, yearning to see Alina. The month and half I spent away from her had been pure torture. I longed to see her, hold her and kiss her. I got so used to having her around me that I kept looking in her direction and felt disappointed on seeing an empty space. Letters from her were a poor substitute but it offered me some comfort nonetheless. Every time, her letter arrived, my heart skipped a beat. I read and reread each one of them several times over till her words were etched into my heart. 

The love I shared with Luda many lifetimes ago always carried a tinge of melancholy in it. In my heart of hearts I knew that her time with me was limited and her presence was temporary. But the love I now share with Alina is eternal and all encompassing. I don’t have to worry about the future and hold back. She will travel with me till the end of time and that thought alone warmed me to my core. I uncrossed and recrossed my legs again, mentally urging the carriage to travel faster. If Ivan noticed my impatience he did not comment on it. As the snow covered landscapes flew past me, I longed to be in the arms of my beloved.

================

When I first built the Little Palace, I was happy to have a place that I could call home. But as the decades passed, a part of me longed for something more. I couldn’t find a name for that emotion then. It felt like the Little Palace was lacking something. But today, as I stepped into the Little Palace, I finally understood what it was; I had been longing for someone to come home to. That realisation left me breathless. I hurried to my rooms and took a hot bath to wash off the grime from travelling. Once I was done, I rushed to see Alina. I knew it was well after midnight but I could not wait a second longer.  I dismissed the guards and opened her doors. The moment I closed the doors behind me, my eyes were glued on to her sleeping form. One of the lamps was still burning giving the room a warm glow. I walked noiselessly and pulled open the curtains around her bed. Alina was fast asleep and curled inside her covers. I drank in the sight of her greedily. She mumbled something in her sleep and shifted a little. That’s when I noticed something black sticking out from under her pillow. I pulled it out without disturbing her and let out a tiny laugh on seeing my night shirt and letters. A wave of affection washed over me as I ran my fingers through her hair. It took a couple of minutes for Alina to come to and when she did, she launched at me with a cry.

‘Sasha!’

I pulled her into my lap and we held each other as tightly as we could. I felt like coming home. She peppered my face with kisses and I did the same. My heart was exploding with happiness on holding the small miracle in my arms. I did not know how much time had passed. Soon we found ourselves lying in her bed, entwined and running our hands over each other and relearning us.

“You are back. You are finally back.” Alina said with such awe and longing that my heart could not contain my feelings for her.

“Yes, moya dusha. I’m here now. Back in your arms, where I belong.”

“Good. You are not allowed to leave from them ever again.”

“I won’t, milaya. I won’t.” I whispered.

No words passed between us after that. We simply clung to each other, part in desperation and part in relief. I noticed Alina slowly drifting off to sleep and my exhaustion from the journey was catching upto me as well and I began to nod off, listening to Alina’s steady breaths. Before sleep could consume me fully, I moved to adjust the covers around us to ward off the cold and I felt Alina’s hands tightening in my shirt.

“Don’t go, Sasha. Don’t leave me.” Alina mumbled

“I’m not going anywhere, my love. Go back to sleep. I will be here when you wake up.” I promised.

Soon we both drifted off to sleep secure in each other's embrace.

================

I woke up with a warm weight on my chest. It was well after dawn and light was streaming into the room. Alina was fast asleep, cuddling me close. I ran my fingers through her hair, she let out a content sigh and continued to sleep. The door opened with a bang and in walked Genya.

“Wake up, sunshine! We-” She paused midway once she saw me.

“Moi soverenyi.” Genya bowed. “I apologise. I will wait outside.” 

Once Genya left, I gently shook Alina awake. As awareness seeped in, Alina sat up abruptly, her hair an adorable mess. “It wasn’t a dream. You are really back.” she said in awe and hugged me tight. 

“Yes, my love. I’m here.”, I said, pulling her close to me. “Unfortunately, I have to leave now. I have to attend court and give reports to the Tsar. Hold a meeting with the representatives that have arrived for the Fete. But, I will see you again tonight at dinner.” With that I dropped a quick kiss and pulled away reluctantly from her and went to my room.

 ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

Aleksander and I had a very pleasant dinner. He had ordered a more elaborate dinner than usual and gifted me a bouquet of roses. My heart soared in happiness to finally have him next to me. The pain and the ache I had felt during his absence almost vanished completely. Every time I looked at him a rush of love came over me and I could see the same emotions reflecting in his eyes.

As much as I longed to bask in his love, we still had crucial matters to discuss. So I forcibly controlled my longing and began to enquire about the mission.

“You were right, milaya . The Shu have reopened their laboratories. It is situated here, underground, hidden from plain sight, in a highly secure location.” He said as he pointed to its location on the map. “However, the second base’s whereabouts are still unknown. Our soldiers were able to uncover their transportation route. But it was too much of a risk to follow their trail without alerting the Shu. But, on the bright side, this confirms the existence of a second base. Without uncovering the second location, we have no way of knowing how far they have succeeded in their program.” He grimaced. “But considering how they have not yet made a move, we can safely assume that they are not fully ready to engage and that gives us some more time to prepare. I have left a few of my best Grisha on surveillance and have alerted all my spies within Shu-Han. We will start our counter measures as soon as we get more information from them.” 

“What off Fjerda?” 

“Those durskelle bastards! That turned out to be true as well. The number of Grisha that were captured did not match the number of public burnings. They pretend that they are doing Djel’s work by killing the taint. But all this time they have simply been using the Grisha powers to build their army. Shameless mongrels!” Aleksander spat.

This gave me a lot to think about. Shu-Han and Fjerda cannot continue this way. They have to be stopped one way or the other. “What if we start to create friction between Fjerda and Shu without resorting to war? Surely, a matriarchal country like Shu-Han must have some issues with a backwards country like Fjerda. If we can keep our hands invisible and create a threat of war between them, they will shift their focus from Ravka for a while and we can use that opportunity to prepare ourselves.” I said.

Aleksander sighed. “I don’t think it will do us any good, Alina. If indeed we manage to ignite a war between them, we are not in a position to contain whatever monsters they have created in their labs. The battle will not be held at sea alone, they would cross into Ravkan borders and we would become a collateral damage in their conflict.”

“It all looks so bleak.” I sighed dejectedly. “The biggest advantage they have over us is time and resources. While we are struggling to feed the population, they are strategically trying to limit our supplies by influencing West Ravka and attacking our borders at the same time. They have put us in a position where it is impossible for us to make a direct move on them. But, I think we still have one option left.” Aleksander looked at me with curiosity. “We can take them down from the inside.”

“A covert mission?”

“Yes.” I said with a smile. “At the orphanage, the volumes of the Great and Glorious Roman Empire were one of my favourites. Like the Romans, the Shu and the Fjerdans are foolishly believing that they are invincible. But they are glaringly oblivious to their weaknesses within. Fjerdans, for example, without their soldiers and ships, they have nothing. Whereas, Shu-Han has problems with succession. With Queen Keyen’s failing health it is only a matter of time before the power struggle between the sisters starts.”

Aleksander was quiet for a while. I could see his mind running scenarios on possible strategies. “It is possible, I agree.” He finally said. “But the window for this operation is very narrow. Although my Grisha operatives are well-trained, for this operation to succeed, we need someone exceptional. I’m afraid I don’t have such a Grisha with Shu ancestry to carry this out.”

I had a suggestion but I know that Aleksander would blow up if he hears it. “I could go.”

The moment Aleksander heard those words he clenched his jaw. “Alina, be reasonable. You are the Sun Summoner.”

“I’m being reasonable, love. What good is a Sun Summoner if there is no Ravka? At this point, the Fold is the least of our worries. If anything, it’s actually protecting Ravka from a full scale war. For once the circumstances are in our favour, if we lose this window, there is no hope for Ravka or Grisha. We need to stop them. You know that.” 

Aleksander refused to look at me or respond. He left the map table and began to pour himself a drink angrily.  “Love, think about it.” I said in a placating tone. “I’m the best candidate to carry out this operation. I look like Shu, I can speak like a native and I’m one of the best minds you have. If we carry this out, we could not just stop the war, we could buy us enough time to reunite Ravka and make us stronger as a single nation.”

Aleksander continued to ignore me and drank his kvas angrily. I sighed and went over to him. “Aleksander. I know it is dangerous-”

“Dangerous?” Aleksander seethed. “Do you have any idea what the Shu would do to you, if you get caught? They would happily fillet you inch by inch, put you back together and do it all over again.”

“I know, love. I-” 

“You are such a hypocrite, Alina.” He cut me off once again. “You were distraught when I had to go to the borders where I was safe and protected. But you want me to let you go into enemy territory, miles away from where I could protect you or aid you and be happy with it.”

I sighed. I understood where Aleksander was coming from and he has every reason to worry. The Shu are not known for their mercy. I have read reports on what they did to their prisoners of war. It is better to die on the frontlines than being captured by them. Not to mention if they ever discover who I actually am then my fate is sealed. 

I hugged him from behind and felt the anger slowly drain from him. He turned around to face me. “Alina, you don’t have any idea of how much I have already sacrificed for Grisha and Ravka. I can’t sacrifice you. I have only just found you. You can’t ask that of me. Please.”

“I know, love. I know.” I said and I pulled him for a kiss. “But what if this is why I’m here? What if this was the event that I was meant to stop? I know that I’m being a hypocrite here. But will we be able to live with ourselves if we let this pass and watch the destruction it unfolds, knowing that we could have stopped it?”

“I would. If it means you are safe.” Aleksander said with conviction.

“But I wouldn’t be, Aleksander. I cannot have that weighing on my conscience. The guilt would kill me. I’m not asking you to be fine with it, love. I’m asking you to trust me. Do you think if something happens, I would just lay down taking it? I would fight tooth and nail to come to you.” If anything, he looked even more anguished. “Look at me, love. You know me. You know how careful I am. I’m not asking you to ship me off tomorrow. We will plan everything meticulously, down to the very last detail and I will train religiously. We can do this. Trust me like I trust you.”

Although the anger and tension had left his body, his eyes were unreadable. “You have no idea what you are asking of me.” He whispered and then pulled me in for a soul-searing kiss. He kissed like a drowning man and I was his only anchor. I was lost in the kiss that I did not realise that he had been moving us till my back hit the map table. He paused briefly only to lift me up on top of the table and proceeded to kiss me once again. When we stopped to catch our breaths, he gently held my face and said in an anguished whisper, “You have no idea what you are asking of me.”

I had no words to console him so I simply pulled him in for another kiss and poured all my love for him into it. Slowly the air grew hot and heavy and our hands began to explore each other. My body began to tremble with his want and mine; our connection overflowing with power and desire. ‘Like calls to like.’ my mind supplied. I pulled him impossibly close to me that I could feel the hardlines of his body on mine.

He broke away from the kiss abruptly. “Alina, are you sure?”

I smiled at his thoughtfulness. “Yes.” I nodded. I thought we would resume kissing, instead he lifted me off the table with infinite care and carried me to his room. When he locked the door behind him, the world around us vanished. It narrowed down to the two of us - the girl who bled light and the man who waited for her.

================ 

I woke up just after dawn. The weak morning beams of winter were pouring into the room. It took me a moment to realise where I was and when I did, I blushed furiously. Aleksander was still fast asleep, one of his arms was on my torso clutching me close and the other arm was under my pillow. I turned around slowly without waking him. I studied his face in the grey morning light. He was in deep slumber, probably still fatigued from the journey. I brushed his soft locks away from his eyes. He stirred a bit but otherwise stayed asleep. A year ago, I would have laughed at the prospect of meeting this man, let alone loving him. Now, my heart feels like it is exploding with the weight of the love I have for him. 

Last night, when I looked at his naked body that was riddled with scars, I wanted to tell him the truth. Tell him that I knew his secret. Tell him that I understood his longing. Tell him that he is no longer alone in his pain. But I kept quiet because I know that he is not ready for it yet. He still keeps large parts of himself hidden away from me and I don’t want to burden him with the weight of my love. I ran my hand over the arrow scar that was close to his heart. Out of all the scars on his body, that one hit me the most; the knowledge that he had been so close to death. I sensed that my mind was taking a turn with all the ‘what-ifs’ so I decided to go to my room to get ready for the day. I slowly untangled myself from him and pulled the covers, tucking him in. With a sweet kiss on his forehead, I left his rooms and went to mine.

I stood in front of the mirror studying myself, looking for any changes in me after last night. I blushed at the memories of his hands and lips. Suddenly the door opened with a bang and in walked Genya. She took one look at me and locked the door firmly behind her. I was too shy and nervous to face her. I was worried that I might have disappointed her just like I had disappointed Ana kuya and had become one of those girls that she preached to us about. 

Genya approached me. I looked up at her shyly. “Was he kind to you?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Wait here, I will be back shortly.” With that she walked swiftly out of my room, closing it behind her. I was puzzled by her sudden departure but she returned a few minutes later carrying a large cup of tea.

“Here. Drink this. Every time, you spend the night with him, let me know and I will bring you this tea. You know how to count, right?” she asked and I nodded. “Good. If there are any delays let me know at once.” I nodded again.

“Thank you, Genya, for everything.”

“Don’t mention it.” I was touched by Genya’s thoughtfulness. As much as I loved Aleksander, I was not ready to be a mother yet and if I were to be honest, I don’t think I ever will be. I had never pictured myself as a mother. So I vowed to take this tea religiously.

“So how was it?” She asked with an impish wink and laughed when I coughed and sputtered around the tea. 

“Genya!” I cried as she laughed at me. 

“Look at you! All grown up now. They always grow up so fast.” she wiped away her non-existent tears as she teased me. I flicked the water from the basin at her in retaliation and she did the same. Soon we were laughing and giggling like a couple of children. I felt lighter and happier than I had ever been in my life.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

“So what do you want for Yule?” I looked up from the dossier at Alina’s question. After our first night together, we never spent a night apart. Some nights we spent hours making love to each other and on other nights, like today, we spent doing our own things while we basked in each other's company. 

I smiled at Alina. “Don’t ask for something very expensive though. I’m still a poor Second Army soldier.” She added.

“I haven’t really thought about it, milaya . Yule is atleast another three weeks away. Besides, it had always been just another day for me. Other than attending the special dinner, I stick to my normal duties.” I placed the dossier on my night stand and pulled her close. The Winter Fete was only a week away and I had lots of last minute preparations and security checks to do. But they can wait. I want to enjoy this uninterrupted time with Alina and shower her with all my attention. “People don’t normally exchange gifts with me, love.” I said.

“People don’t give me gifts either, Sasha. At the orphanage, this was the time when my wasting sickness would be at its peak and I used to be too cold and sick to enjoy the one special meal of the year. After I joined the army, it was usually just Alexi and me and we never had much money to buy each other gifts.” Everytime Alina spoke about her life before the Little Palace, my heart constricted. I want my Alina to have everything between the Earth and sky. 

“But this year is different.” She continued enthusiastically. “I have a lot to be thankful for. I’m finally healthy and strong. I have a home; a family and I have been blessed with a wonderful man to spend the rest of my life with. So I want to celebrate it properly.’ She finished.

“I have already received my gift, Solnyshko . I have found the one person whom I have longed for and now I get to spend the rest of my life with her. That’s all I have ever wanted and the Saints have finally granted me my wish.”

“Sap.” 

I laughed at that. “What about you? What do you want?” I asked.

“I have a list. I didn’t know which of the things were permitted. So I went ahead and made a list. Feel free to choose one from it.”

“Go ahead.” I said and settled us both comfortably into the covers. 

“A cat?”

I smiled at her request. Leave it to my Alina to like a pet that is as unpredictable as her. “Sure. When one of the stable cats has a litter, go ahead and pick one.”

“Really? I thought this would be the one thing from the list you would object to the most.” 

“Anything for you, my love. Anything. What’s next?”

“A horse ride. On Akim, just like we did almost a year ago.” 

My heart warmed at her request. “Done. Next?”

“A swing? And you must push me.”

“Done, my love. Once the snow melts, I will build one for you.” I promised. “Next?”

“Can I see the entertainers? I heard they have set up camp on the far side of the palace grounds? I will go with Genya and Fedyor and promise never to leave my guards.”

“No, Alina. They have been cleared by security. But it is still a risk.”

“Fine. How about a trip to the Os Alta markets in Spring? Marie was telling it was something to die for.”

I sighed. “It’s not safe, Alina. The whole of Ravka would know who you are by then and it is twice the risk.”

“You could come with me.”

“That would paint an even bigger target on your back. They would immediately recognise who you are, if you are with me.”

“I mean, you could always choose not to wear black. Have you considered wearing orange?” she asked playfully.

“Orange?” I asked in a mock indignation just to listen to Alina’s giggles and she did not disappoint. “You do realise who I am, right? I’m a very dangerous man and you dared to make such a suggestion to me. I will not let such insolence pass. You will be punished.” I said in a very serious tone and before she could move away from me, I began to tickle her sides mercilessly.  She shrieked and tried to get away. But I continued relentlessly till she was out of breath.

================

I kept running my hands through Alina’s hair as she slept. She smiled again in her sleep and it warmed my heart to see her so happy and content. No wonder she was blessed with the power of the Sun. She looked absolutely radiant and her happiness made her glow like the Summer Sun. Her mood was contagious and I found myself laughing and smiling these past few days more than I had in eight centuries. I want to marry her and spend the rest of eternity with her. But I cannot do that yet. I have to wait atleast till the coup. A public wedding to their beloved sankta will make people accept my reign more easily. Hopefully all goes as planned.

Alina sighed and mumbled something about not tickling. I smiled. “I won’t. Sleep well, lyubimaya .”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

It was the night before the Winter Fete and sleep evaded me. By tomorrow everything would have changed for me. People would know who I am and Aleksander can no longer shield me. That made me anxious and worried. I looked at Aleksander who was fast asleep beside me. He had been particularly busy these last few days going over final security checks and plans, making sure everything was safe and secure. Although he had not voiced it, he was anxious and worried too. For what, I do not know. But since the night before last he had been having constant nightmares. I had been able to pull him out of it most of the time and he went right back to sleep that he didn’t even have a memory of it the next day. But today it has been a particularly vicious cycle of nightmare. He just fell back asleep from one and now another one has started. I tried my usual routine of running my hands through his hair to ground him. But it seems to have increased his distress somehow. 

“Aleksander. Love, wakeup, it's not real. It's only a dream.” I said gently but firmly. But suddenly tiny veins of darkness spread all over him and disappeared to nothing. I did not know what to make of it and then he sat up abruptly, gasping for air.

“Love. It’s okay. Whatever it is. It’s not real. It’s fine.” I said as I ran my fingers on his back in what I hoped to be a soothing motion. 

“Go back to sleep, milaya. I’m sorry for waking you. I have some things to look into. I will join you after that.” He said in a detached tone when he recovered enough.

“Sasha, it is not good to be alone with your thoughts after a nightmare. Come here. Let me help you.”

His body was taut with tension and I could see that he was ready to snap at me but then just like that he sighed and all the tension drained from his body. I took the opportunity and  pulled him into me and he came willingly. I held him close with his head on my chest and began to sing a melody as I kept running my fingers through his hair. After a few minutes, I felt his arms tightening around me and I kept up my ministrations even after the song ended.

“I’m sorry. I was not mad at you. I was just being angry in general.” he whispered.

“I know. It’s okay.” I assured him.

“Do you not want to know what it was about?”

“Only if you want to talk about it.”

“I don’t.” He said after a beat.

“Then you don’t have to. I won’t ask.” 

Silence resumed as I continued to hold him tight and helped him relax. 

“Does it bother you?” he asked. “That I close myself off without sharing.”

I sighed. “Yes.” I continued before he could interrupt. “Not because I feel entitled to it only because I have become greedy.” 

“Greedy?” He lifted his head up from my chest and looked at me curiously.

“Yes. Sometime in these past few months, I have come to realise that you are mine. Mine to love, mine to care for. And that thought has made me incredibly greedy. So greedy that I selfishly want to keep every part of you to myself.” He was fully alert now and looking at me with an unreadable expression.

“I know it is impossible. I know that a lot of you was lost to war, parts of you were chipped away by time, some were removed from you and some parts were buried; never to be recovered.” I said as I ran my fingers over his face. “But what remains, what is left of you, is still so precious to me. And maybe if I wait patiently, I will get to see you become whole again. With new parts replacing the old ones, with new memories replacing the tormented ones and one day I get to see you even more complete than before.” I continued. “In the meantime, I promise to cherish and love every part of you, for as long as I am able to. So take all the time you need, my love.”  I finished. 

Aleksander didn’t say anything for a while. His eyes were full as he drew me close to him and kissed me with emotions that words couldn’t convey. That night he made slow and sweet love to me. As we basked in the afterglow, I promised to tell him the truth after the Winter Fete. Maybe my acceptance could be the first step in his healing process. Maybe that would help him face his demons. 

“Alina, promise me, you will stay by my side. Promise me, you will be with me.” He whispered. 

“I will, Aleksander. I will.” I promised him.

We drifted off to sleep and the day of the Winter Fete soon arrived.

Chapter Text

~~~ Author’s ~~~

The day of the Winter Fete finally arrived. It was just after dawn but you could already taste the anticipation in the air. Everybody involved had something they wanted out of this day. The kitchen maids hoped for no complaints from the guests, while the stable boys were determined not to lose or swap any of the visiting noblemen's horses. The groundsmen fought to keep the snow off of the paths to save their hides from the wrath of the arriving guests while the entertainers prayed for their performances to become a hit to secure an invite the next year. The guards and their captains wanted this day to end without someone getting kidnapped or killed. Though little and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, these people just wanted this day to be as smooth and as uneventful as possible.

However, within these palaces there were others who did not share the same sentiment. For unlike the maids and the guards, they were not mere ordinary people. These people had enough power between them to change the course of history and they wanted this day to make a statement. A King at the end of his failing reign wanted this day to restore his authority. A general from the West with a desire for sovereignty wanted to plunge the old country into darkness. A brilliant criminal with a thirst for revenge had plans that would make or break him. A bitter old woman that has lived way too long wanted to save her son. And then there was a man born with shadows in his veins; he wanted the world to see and fear the powers at his disposal. 

But amidst this chaos and danger, one soul who bore the fate of the country and the Grisha wanted something else out of this day. She wanted to bring hope. She wanted her light to shine bright like the illuminance of the love she carried for her misunderstood lover. She wanted the world to know that she would stand by his side. Unbeknownst to all the dangers and betrayals surrounding her, she wanted this day to bring safety and security to her family.

As the sun rose higher, the players got ready. Little did they know only one would emerge victorious. Is it going to be power, politics, revenge or hope? Only time would tell.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

The door to my room opened with a bang and in walked Genya with a bigger kit than her usual one. 

‘Tada’ Marie and Nadia presented their handiwork to Genya. Although Genya's face betrayed very little I could read the horror in her eyes as she saw the fancy updo that Marie and Nadia made or tried to make with my hair. I held back my laughter at Genya’s reaction.

“That’s.. nice” Genya finished not wanting to offend them. “Marie, I believe you are late for the final fitting. Two hours after Alina’s presentation, I will find you and tailor you so Alina can catch a break. And no drinks before that.” she added.

“Yes, Genya. I have memorised everything and I’m ready.” Marie assured.

“Thank you, Marie, for doing this. The General said that he has taken every possible security measure so you should be safe. But it would ease my mind, if you were always with a guard.” I said.

“Oh Alina, please don’t fret. You don’t know how happy I was when the General asked me to do this. I’m going to have the time of my life. I will be safe, don't worry. Come Nadia. Let’s go. Bye Alina, see you at the Fete.” With that Nadia and Marie left the room.

“It’s not that bad.” I commented, looking back at the mirror.

“Thank all saints, I got here on time. This is a disaster.” I laughed at Genya’s horror. 

“Today I want you to shine.” she said as she gently held my chin. “I’m going to keep it simple. Nothing elaborate. I don’t want her bossiness, Tatiana, on my back, accusing me of trying to upstage her.” She joked. “Simple yet powerful. Every eye in the ballroom would stop and look at you with reverence.” Genya finished.

“Genya.” She must have sensed the change in my tone.

“What is it, sunshine?”

“What if I'm not the one that people had hoped for? Fedyor told me that one of the entertainers has casted a blonde, blue-eyed girl to play the Sun Summoner role. What if that is what the people want? Will they be able to accept a Sun Summoner like me? Will they be fine with a saint who has the face of the enemy?” I asked.

“Alina.” She called me gently. “People often respond to two things - Power and Kindness. Today, people will witness the power you carry. And when they do, what you look like will become irrelevant. But over time they will see the kindness within you too and then they will come to love you even more than they would do today.”

“Thank you, Genya.”

“Ah! Ah! None of that. My Sun Summoner cannot have red-rimmed eyes today. So rein in your tears and cry all over me tomorrow.” I giggled at Genya’s tone.

“Now. Our beloved General asked me to give you something.” She went to her kit and opened a small velvet pouch.

 “The ‘Tears of Vasilisa’!” I gasped, remembering it from one of the books I read as a child. 

It was a simple and intricate gold necklace set, studded with black diamonds. I could not take my eyes off of it. The story behind it had always stuck with me through years. Even as a child, I was fascinated by it and I recollected it with great fondness.

‘One day, a very very long time ago, the beautiful Queen Vasilisa was snatched away from her palace when her husband, King Ivan, was away at war by one of her husband’s cousin’s, who coveted her beauty. She was kept in a lone dark tower in the middle of the Thornwood forest. When the King’s father learned of the cousin’s treachery, he locked him up and tortured him for days to get him to spill the location of Queen Vasilisa. The cousin, however, refused. He vowed that if he cannot have Vasilisa then no one will. The King’s father knew that his son loved his wife very dearly and if he hears of her disappearance then his son would die of a broken heart. So he sent in the best trackers and hunters of the land to find Queen Vasilisa. But they all returned empty handed. Weeks flew by and  King Ivan returned. He heard of his beloved wife’s disappearance and was heartbroken and beyond console. That night when he looked out of the windows he saw a shimmering trail. When he showed the trail to his father and courtiers, none were able to see it. The King’s father thought that his son had gone insane with grief. So he locked up King Ivan in his rooms. Night after night the trail kept shining, beckoning the King to follow. The King knew in his heart of hearts that it was his beloved’s call. So he escaped his guards and  ran towards the trail. The shimmering light was coming from hundreds of tiny black diamonds. Collecting every diamond he found on the trail, the King reached the lone tower in the heart of the Thornwood forest. There he found his beloved wife surrounded by a pool of black diamonds; her sorrow so great that her tears were dropping onto the floor as black diamonds.  Soon, Vasilisa and Ivan were reunited. King Ivan collected all the diamonds that his wife had spilled and ordered the diamonds to be crafted into jewels and weaved into her dresses as a reminder to King Ivan that he would never lose sight of his beloved wife, even in the darkest of times. ’

“I never knew it was real.” I whispered, reverently touching the delicate item, moved by Aleksander’s precious and meaningful gift. 

“Neither did I.” Genya said. “Now, come on. I have a Saint to prepare.” she said with a smile.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Kaz ~~~

“Any eyes on us?” I asked Inej.

“No. We are safe.” Inej affirmed.

“Good. This will be our last meeting. I will be going over our plans one last time. Listen well. Once Inej plays her entertainment bit, she and I will blend in with the crowd dressed as the palace guards till the Sun Summoner’s performance. Jesper, you are to procure us a carriage belonging to any second level officer but pair it with the fastest horses you can steal. That should help us sneak out without arousing any immediate alarms. Keep the carriage ready and wait for us at the coutyard outside the stables. There is a gap between the performance and the dinner. Alina will be placed in one of the secure, doorless rooms , away from the crowd; above the ballroom till she is called for dinner. The Grisha or her guards will not draw attention to this room to maintain its secrecy. Hence this would be the best place to grab her. Visser, I will procure you a palace guard’s uniform while Inej is performing. This should buy you enough time to sneak into the secure room using your loadstone key. Once you grab her, follow the path I walked you through earlier. It would lead you straight to Jesper. Inej and I will meet you both there. Everyone clear? Remember, no surprises, no detours and stay clear from heartrenders.” I finished. Everyone nodded and we quickly dispersed.

I started walking towards the Grand Palace dry room to steal a palace guard uniform. I sensed Inej’s presence; she was following me. I understood her motive. Not just Inej, even Jesper had his doubts about allowing the new guy to grab the package. But unlike me, neither Jesper nor Inej witnessed what had transpired back in Novokribirsk. They did not understand why it is imperative for us to cut Visser loose. I found a quiet spot and stopped.

“Hello, Inej. Is there something you wish to say?” I asked without turning my back.

Inej emerged from her hiding and approached me. “Yes. It is unlike you to trust anyone, let alone the new guy. You are leaving him in charge of grabbing the million kruge prize while we clear the path for him. Is there something we don’t know, Kaz?” Inej asked.

I sighed out loud. For the plan to succeed, I had no other choice but to explain to Inej my reasoning. Because, unlike Jesper, Inej does not work for greed. She carries out my orders because she trusts me. So instead of simply walking away, I turned to her. “While we were waiting to cross the Fold, I found Visser sneaking into the army camp with one of Zlatan’s men. Zlatan and Visser are the only two people who are benefitting from the Fold. I think Visser is planning to betray us. He must have struck a different deal with Zlatan.”

“Then why are you sending him to grab Alina?” 

“When I scouted the Little Palace disguised as a hired hand, I managed to catch a glimpse into the secure room. There were not one but two identical keftas and a girl wearing an Inferni uniform was being fitted for one. I think Kirigan is planning to deploy a decoy sometime after Alina’s performance. The real Alina will then be swapped and will come out only for dinner. So our goal is to follow her and snatch her before Visser gets to the decoy.” I finished.

“Is that why you asked Jesper to hide a different carriage near Balakirev?”

“Yes. We will ditch this carriage as soon as possible and travel to Kribirsk. We need to be on the ship to Ketterdam, with the package before the Darkling finds us. He cannot enter into the Fold without his Sun Summoner. So that will buy us sometime. Our plan depends on timings. We need to work as precisely as possible.” Inej nodded. We parted ways once again, each determined to play our parts correctly.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

Politics, to many, is an elusive art. But, politics, to me, is like a well ingrained dance routine. Something that I had practised over and over again till my tongue remembered the words without needing input from my brain. With a smile here and a nod there, I navigated through the crowd that had gathered at my palace. When I looked at these so-called powerful people, I felt a wave of apathy wash over me.  They were all just mayflies. Their life, so fleeting that it got snuffed before they could actually live it. And yet here they stood proud, swathed in silk and glittering diamonds, talking and drinking like they had all the time in the world; carrying themselves with an air of self-importance and attempting to put me in my place while enjoying the food I provided.  I scoffed internally at their power plays. 

I noticed Fedyor approaching me. I had appointed Fedyor on the task of getting the feel of the crowd. A lot of people fell for Fedyor’s easy demeanour that they often forgot about his heartrender status and talked around him. So I always deployed Fedyor for such tasks.  “Anything interesting?” I asked in a low voice as I casted my eyes through the room.

“There are many sceptics. A certain West Ravkan representative is fanning the flames of scepticism.  However, the general crowd is curious and eager. Novyi Zem and Wandering Isle are contemplating on becoming our allies and Alina’s show will be the deciding factor.” I nodded. “I think General Zlatan’s man has other orders too. I could hear his blood rush a tad bit faster everytime he looked at the Tsar.” Fedyor added more quietly.

This was a surprise. I did not expect Zlatan to send his man. I had hoped he would avoid entering this far behind enemy lines. But, when I saw that Zlatan’s man was in attendance, I figured he must have planned something for Alina; hence I had planted the decoy. But Fedyor’s information added a new twist- was Zlatan’s man here for the Tsar or for Alina? 

“We will wait and watch. I have asked Genya to keep an eye out and one of the maids we have employed at the Grand Palace will gather us more information.” I said in a quiet voice and sent Fedyor away before anyone else noticed our little interaction.

After he left, I walked towards the Tsar and Tsartisa. The pompous bastard sat on his decorated seat with an air of nonchalance while his useless drunkard of a son stood behind him watching some of the Grisha women with a gleam in his eyes. The apple does not fall far from the tree, I thought internally. 

I stood before them and bowed with a practised ease. “Moi Tsar. Moya Tsartisa. I do hope you’re both enjoying the festivities.” I enquired in a pleasant tone.

“I must confess, I’m not bored.” Pyotr gave a backhanded compliment.

“I quite like it.” Tatiana replied flirtatiously while twirling her hair. “There’s always been a certain.. quaintness about the Little Palace.”

“You are too kind.” I responded genially.

With that we made some pointless small talk as we waited for the Grisha performances to begin. I had not seen Alina since the morning and I was itching to see her. She promised a surprise for me and I was eagerly awaiting to see what it would be. Suddenly the room fell completely silent and I turned around only to see Alina walking towards me as if answering my prayers. My heart began to thud loudly at the sight of her. She was wearing a black kefta, hugging her frame, with a burst of rich golden embroideries reaching out like the beams of the sun. Her hair was in a half braid on top and the rest of her hair was dropping below her waist in a cascade of curls. The gift I had sent her stood proudly on her delicate neck. Her look was simple yet breathtaking. As she walked in, the crowd parted around her. She looked more like a goddess than a saint and I simply could not take my eyes off of her. Seeing her wear my colours made me want to curl my shadows around her possessively and keep her only for myself; lock her away in a world where only the two of us existed. Before I could do something impulsive, common sense kicked in and I noticed her approaching alone instead of being accompanied by the palace guards.

“You were supposed to enter accompanied by palace guards.” I marched towards her and said in a low murmur. “You look lovely, by the way.” I added with a small smile.

“You looked like you needed saving.” she murmured back. “I take it you love my outfit then?” she asked with a small smirk. Of course she had noticed my reaction. There was no point in hiding it anyway. 

I bent down and whispered in her ear, “Tonight, you are not leaving my bed.” I said with a low growl and enjoyed watching her cheeks turn red. “Shall we?” I said, offering her my arm.

I walked her towards the dias and signalled for the Grisha performance to begin. It started with Inferni. Soon the tidemakers and Squallers joined in. It was a spectacular performance. As much as I hated Grisha being treated as common entertainers, their display of powers made me stand tall and proud. I noticed the keen interest on the gathered guests’ faces as they watched the show unravel. Finally it was time for Alina. “Come. Let’s give them all a good look.”

I helped her to the centre and said, “You know who you are. Now it's time to show the world.”

I stepped down to address the crowd. “Her name is Alina Starkov. And she will bring liberation to us all.” With that I covered the room in darkness. 

I watched as Alina stepped forward with her hands outstretched. I had not seen what she had prepared for the performance but knowing Alina, I knew that it would be magnificent. She began to summon. A tiny orb of light appeared in her hand and slowly it grew and grew till it was the size of a cannonball. Then with a flick of her wrist the ball burst into hundreds of tiny orbs- small and big rapidly spinning in their own orbits and circling the room. She then began raising them higher and higher till they began to form stars and constellations. It took me a minute to recognise what it was. Alina had perfectly replicated the constellations drawn in my bedroom ceiling. I looked at her in understanding and she sent me a small secret smile. Words cannot describe what I felt seeing what my Alina had performed just now. I wanted to rush towards her and kiss her senseless and ask her to be my wife. But with great effort, I controlled my urge and turned back to her performance. Now the hundreds of tiny orbs were being pulled back to the giant orb again and with a deft flick of her fingers, the orb became the emblem of Ravka - the double headed eagle drawn with great precision and filled with golden light. She then let the light explode and extinguished my shadows completely. I looked back at her with reverence and love. She was covered in a warm glow and looked every bit as powerful as me, if not more. My heart filled with pride on seeing My Alina; my equal, my destined.

The room stood silent, rendered speechless by Alina’s performance. Then slowly it began. One by one, the people gathered, began to drop on their knees uttering the words ‘ Sankta Alina’ in reverence, till the entire room, save for the royal family, Grisha and me, were on the floor, paying their respects to their new sankta. Alina looked overwhelmed by their sudden deference but she kept her composure. 

“Respected delegates and allies of Ravka!” The Tsar suddenly rose from his seat and began to address the crowd. This was not planned and my concern grew at his unexpected speech. “Today, you have witnessed a miracle. Ravka has finally been blessed with Sun Saint to liberate us from the blight that had been ravaging our country for centuries. With the power of her light, she will reunite our country and defeat our enemies.” The crowd clapped and chanted Alina’s name in reverence. “Sankta Alina has a great fate ahead of her. But she will not face it alone. She will have my son, Vasily, the future Tsar of Ravka, to travel with her. I take this occasion to announce the engagement of Sankta Alina to my son Vasily. They will be married by the end of summer.” Pyotr announced and the crowd erupted in cheers. I watched in muted horror as Vasily approached Alina and placed a kiss on her hands. It took all of my control to not rip that bastard to shreds. I looked at Alina for any signs of protest. But her face showed no emotion other than a pleasant surprise. She smiled and walked with the Prince towards the royal family. Although my brain was supplying me reason after reason for Alina’s actions, my heart kept seeing it as an act of betrayal. Not trusting my own emotions, I averted my eyes from the royals and turned my gaze towards the crowds and watched them congratulate the engaged couple grimly.   

As I was contemplating my escape from the room to catch a break, Ivan approached me with an urgent message; the Stag has been found. Using that excuse, I offered my fake congratulations and swiftly exited the room, all the while ignoring Alina’s attempt to catch my eyes.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

I was finally able to escape from the Royal family and the foreign delegates. It was bad enough that they bowed to me in deference, but they also kept approaching me in the disguise of offering me congratulations; to touch me and ask me for blessings. More than anything, I was seething in anger. First at the Tsar for treating me like an object under his possession; offering to marry me to his son without my consent and second at Aleksander for turning his back on me when I needed him. I finally exited the ballroom with my guards trailing behind me. I had no idea where Aleksander went but I did not care. I was going to find him and grab him by the collar in front of his all Grisha if it would make him listen to me. Just as I reached the end of the stairs, the Apparat materialised out of nowhere and stopped me.

“You have earned the pride you now wear.” he said ominously as he looked at me from head to toe with a sick gleam in his eyes.

“Thank you.” I said and tried to move away from him.

“I must say, Sol Koroleva, you have become even more dangerous than before.” He continued as if he didn’t hear me. “You have no idea how much larger a role you have to play, do you. Sankta Alina?” he asked in his raspy, wheezing tone. I offered him no reply and he didn’t expect one. “There is something far greater than enemies, something strong enough to topple kings and generals, to crumble nations and birth empires.” He said, looking at me with his insane eyes. “Faith, Alina.” he finished. 

In the dimly lit staircase, his words sounded more like a warning, less of a rambling. As I was plotting my escape, I heard Genya’s voice behind me.

“There you are. Excuse us, but General Kirigan needs Alina ready for the dinner.” Genya continued pleasantly and pulled me down the stairs. As I attempted to follow her, I felt the Apparat’s hand clutch my other arm. It took every bit of my willpower to not summon. 

“Faith, Alina Starkov. Remember that.” he repeated once again and disappeared into the shadows he came from. I felt my heart hammering in my chest. Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse, the Apparat decided to add to my quota of misery. Every single thing about the Apparat, from his greasy hair to sickly pallor, made my skin crawl. And tonight, after everything that had happened, his greedy eyes made my stomach twist with worry.

“Come, Alina.” Genya pulled me away. She walked me towards one of the rooms that they had cleared for security and locked it behind us. Without a word, she poured me a glass of champagne and handed it to me. I gulped it all in one go. A couple of drinks later, I felt the residual fear from the Apparat’s words leave me and I just slumped into a chair near the door. 

“How-” Before Genya could continue, a knock interrupted her. She opened the door and let Fedyor in. 

“Alina, are you alright? You wandered off on your own. Don’t leave my sight, no matter what happens.” Fedyor said and I nodded in response. “Where were you leaving in such a hurry anyway?” Fedyor’s question made my fury come back with a force.

“Me? Oh, I was just looking for your General.” I seethed.

“Alina. I know you are angry. But the General will find a way out of it. Don’t worry.” Fedyor tried to console me.

“How could he do this to me, Fedyor? He just- he just left me. Like all of it was my fault somehow. Well, what was I supposed to do in that situation? Refuse the king?”

“We will sort it, Alina. Don’t worry.” Fedyor said, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“Alina, I’m so sorry to say this. But you have been gone for long. You should get back. Hold it out a bit longer. I will tailor Marie and send her in ahead of schedule. We will handle the dinner while you go ahead and speak with the General, okay?” Genya offered.

“Thank you, Genya.” I hugged her, gratefully. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

 ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Inej ~~~

“Well?” 

“Well what, Inej?” Kaz responded.

“Now do you believe?” I pushed.

“How does that change anything? She is still worth a million kruge if not more.” he stopped. “Why? Are you having plans on abandoning the ship now that you have seen her?” he asked. I know that Kaz often acts very unfeeling but sometimes he can be downright cruel.

“That’s not why I asked and you know it. Kaz, she is a real saint and engaged to the Crown Prince of Ravka. What do you think will happen when Visser gets caught and spills our names? What good is a million kruge if we are going to end up dead one way or the other?” I tried to reason with him.

A mulish look passed over his face. There is no reasoning with him when he gets like that. “Alina is back. Let us stick to the plan.” He said as he moved past me.

“Are you sure it’s even her? What if she is the decoy?” I asked in a last futile effort to stop him.

“The Inferni that is supposed to be her double, just left.” Kaz answered. “Keep your eyes on the target. There is a heartrender on her tail as well. We need to snatch her right after the swap.” he said and left. 

I let out an angry sigh. This heist is going to be the death of us. But I trusted Kaz more than anyone, so I vowed to go down fighting with him till the very end.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I opened the door to my chamber and found two boys with dirty and unkept First Army uniforms waiting.

“These are the two that claim that they have found the Stag?” I asked Ivan.

“No, sir. He did.” The slightly older one replied.

“And you are?”

“Malyen Oretsev. Tracker with the 36th, sir.” Mal. Alina’s Mal. Finally a face to associate with the name I have grown to hate.

“Mal. What a surprise.” I said in a pleasant tone. He was taken aback by my familiarity. “Leave us.” I ordered the others in the room to clear. Ivan marched the other boy out, leaving me and Mal alone. The boy looked uncomfortable. Good. That’s when I noticed his bandaged arms.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“So.. there are a lot of deer in the wild. How do you know you found the right stag?”

He placed one of the sketches of Alina that I had sent to the tracking party after receiving confirmation from the 36th’s captain. “It was this one.”

“You’re certain?”

“I am. Twice as big as any other. All white. Bathed in white light. It was a dark night when I found it. But it glowed. Like somehow the light was coming from it.” The boy answered. 

That was the Morozova Stag indeed. “Was it alone? With a herd?” I enquired further.

“It had travelled with a small herd, but when I encountered it, it was alone. Grazing”

I immediately moved to the map table and pulled out the most recent map of the Northern borders. “Show me where.” I ordered.

“North of Chernast.”

“No, precisely. Mark it for me.” I handed him a pencil. He didn’t move to take it. Instead he straightened himself.

“Not until I see Alina.” My temper flared at his demand.

“I beg your pardon.”

“I know her. We’re friends, we grew up together at the orphanage.” he explained further. “You let me see her, I’ll tell you where the Stag is.” the boy bargained. He was brave. I will give him that. Not many will dare to ask such a thing of me. Certainly not someone who was at the bottom of the barrel like him.

“Do you know how many claim to know the Sun Summoner? Try to get a meeting with her just to be in her presence?” I mocked him.

“Ask her about me.” He answered immediately. The sheer audacity of the boy. ‘ Ask her about me’. Like he is someone worth remembering. Alina is meant for great things. In a few decades, this boy will be nothing but a distant memory. And yet he has the arrogance to demand her presence. I wanted to eviscerate him. Alina is finally with the people she belongs. People she should have been to begin with but she stayed behind for this boy who never saw her worth. And now that he thinks he has lost her, he wants to get her back. 

“Tell me something only a few about her would know.” I asked to give him a false sense of hope. “Something.. personal.”

“Like what?”

 “Like.. What's her favourite flower? Or what kind of book-”

“Irises. Blue ones, not the white.” He said. “She especially loved the ones that one of the farmers, Isaak, sold at the market in Keramzin. She always mentioned how they somehow smelled sweeter than any other blue irises.” He finished with a small smile and a far away look. Clearly reminiscing. My hatred for him grew even more. For keeping my Alina from me, for depriving of the life she should have had and now for trying to crawl back into her life  instead of knowing his place and quietly disappearing. I have never hated anyone more than I did Mal at the moment.

“All right. I’ll have you shown to a room here. And, assuming that she proves you right, I’ll bring her to you tomorrow. Fair?” I asked.

“Yes, sir. Thank you.” The fool looked pleased with himself. I called for one of the guards and asked her to take him to the soldiers' quarters. 

I watched as Malyen Oretsev exited my chambers. He was clearly injured but had managed to travel all the way from the North just to see Alina. I scoffed at his audacity for thinking that I would let him meet my Alina in exchange for the location of the Stag. I will make sure he never gets to see her again in this lifetime. Not because I don’t trust Alina but because I cannot have Alina learning the truth about their letters. It would ruin our relationship. Besides, their friendship has run its course anyway. Maybe, I will send in Marie again, tailored as Alina and sever their connection once and for all after getting the Stag’s location. 

Once he left, I stood in silence and contemplated my next move. I had wanted to stage a coup only by the next Winter Fete after Alina received the amplifier. But Pyotr has forced my hand by announcing a surprise engagement between Alina and Vasily, that I have no other choice but to overthrow him before the wedding. The well-timed discovery of the Stag must not be a coincidence; if anything it is a sign. Sign that Ravka is ready for its next sovereign. 

A long sigh escaped me as I thought about Alina. I had lied so much to her that I did not know where to begin unravelling things. After last night, I wanted to be honest with Alina. Tell her every single thing about me and wait for her judgement and that terrified me. But as much as it scared me, I know I must do it. Alina deserves that and it is the only way our love would survive the trials that are to come. I sighed once more and asked one of the guards outside my chambers to fetch me a bunch of blue irises from the hot house. I felt silly for using the bit of information that Mal gave me but I owed Alina a huge apology for how I acted a few hours ago. Hopefully she is not too mad at me. With that I left my chambers to find her.

================

I found her talking animatedly to the Zemini Ambassador. My heart soared at the sight of her. The way black stood in stark contrast to her porcelain skin; it brought out her delicate feature. With her long hair and golden jewels she looked like a goddess sent to earth to redeem humanity. I knew I was staring at her impolitely but I could not keep my eyes off of her beauty and grace. Her eyes accidently met mine and I saw a flash of the storm brewing behind them. Not wanting to delay any further, I walked towards her.

“Representative Kerko, I hope the festivities are to your liking. I’m sorry to interrupt you but I’m afraid I have to borrow Ms.Starkov for a few minutes.”

“Sure, General Kirigan. See you at the dinner, Ms. Starkov.” With that he walked away to speak to one of the delegates from the Merchant Council.

“Shall we, Ms.Starkov?” I leant my hand to her. She did not take it immediately. Instead looked around and signalled Fedyor. Only then she took my arms. “Genya should be done with Marie by now.” she offered an explanation. I nodded and we began to walk towards my chambers in the other wing. I took a different route to keep her away from the prying eyes of the gathered guests and the royal family.

Alina had worked up quite the anger by the time we reached my rooms. The moment I opened the doors, she walked in without waiting for me and went straight to the decanters. 

“Alina.” I started gently.

“If the next words out your mouth are sorry, then save it. I don’t want to hear it.” she said.

“Milaya, I know you are angry but -”

“Angry?” she scoffed. “Anger doesn’t even begin to touch on what I’m feeling right now.”

“Alina, please-”

“You just walked out like what happened was my fault. What was I supposed to do other than acting pleased and being receptive? Refuse him? Defy him? Make a scene? Declare my profound love for you in front of all the guests? Would that have made you happy?” She slammed the glass on the table.

I know that Alina’s anger was born from a place of hurt. So I wanted to profusely apologise to her. “I know, Alina. I regretted it the moment I walked out of that room. I’m sorry.”

“Worst thing is you had the luxury to walk out of that unpleasant situation whereas I had to stay for more than two hours acting like I had been given the greatest gift on earth; the privilege to be married to that drunken, horse-breeding, son of a fool!” Alina seethed in anger. “You act as if I betrayed you when you, the General of the Second Army, the second most powerful man in all of Ravka, could not say a word against the King. And yet to have the gall to act offended.”

“Do you not trust me? Do you think so little of me that you immediately believed that I would drop you at the sight of a bigger prospect? Is that your opinion of me?”

“No!” my suppressed anger from the Tsar’s announcement rose. “You know, I don’t.”

“Then why?” she cried in desperation. “Why did you just leave me to deal with it all by myself? And don’t even try to deny it, Aleksander. I saw your reaction back there.”

“Because you are mine!” I shouted. “You are mine. No one, not even you, know how long I have waited for you. When I thought you had finally come to me, to end my suffering, the old fool pulled that stunt in front of all the delegates. My brain knew why you did what you had to do. But my heart! To see the woman I love more than life, act all pleased and happy to be in the hands of another man, tore something in me. I couldn’t stand the sight of it. I had never wanted to inflict so much harm than I did at that moment.” I finished and banged my fist on the map table. “Alina, I’m sorry. Please believe me. I have never regretted a decision more.”

Alina looked resigned. 

“Aleksander. I want nothing more than to believe you but how can I when you have always proved me otherwise? You know, the only time we actually work well together is when we strategise? A threat of war or a new enemy on the horizon, we have no qualms getting along and figuring out a solution in no time. But when it comes to us, the moment we hit a conflict, especially if the difficulties are at my end, you always stand against me instead of with me. You don’t hesitate to draw strength from me when you need it and I love providing it for you. But when the roles reverse and a need arises for me to rely on you, you leave me hanging. Every single time. What’s the point in waiting for me if you are not going to be there for me? Or did you simply fantasise a relationship with a beautiful Sun Summoner who had nothing but smiles and love to give you? If you did then you are sorely mistaken. I’m an orphan, who is barely into adulthood, filled with flaws and insecurities just like you. And just like you, I grew up in a world of hatred and mistreatment. Do you think it is easy for me to open up? To ask for help? Until recently, I always resisted seeking out help because deep down I feared that I would be laughed at or turned down or worse, be considered a burden. Despite my misgivings and fears, even when it takes all my strength to do it, I push myself to ask for your help because that is how we can grow together as a couple. That’s the only way we can let go of the sufferings of the past. By learning to trust each other. By learning to rely on each other. But so far you have only made me feel like a burden for doing so.” 

She turned to me with tearful eyes. “I love you with all my heart. So much so that it hurts to be away from you. But being with you is exhausting. You make me feel so alone even when you are with me. You often act like you can either be a General or be my partner but never both. And when a situation like today arises your instinct is to be the battle worn General who trusts no one and it scares me the most.” Alina’s tears began to fall rapidly down her cheek. I stretched my hand to wipe them away. But she simply moved away from my reach. She swiftly wiped them away and looked back at me. “For once, be honest with me, Aleksander. Look me in the eye and tell me. Did you pursue me because you love me and actually wanted a future with me or did you do it because you thought it was a good strategy?” 

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces at Alina’s question. The realisation that I, of all the people that Alina had encountered in her life made her feel unwanted and unloved, left me speechless. The pain in her eyes pierced my heart. My legs moved involuntarily and I pulled Alina into me. She resisted for a few moments and then simply fell into my arms. I held her close and rubbed her back as she wept. I did not realise how selfish I had become with Alina. Centuries of longing made me just want to get my fill of her that I did not stop to think my solntse had similar experiences with life and that she too needed reassurance from me. I had been blind to her suffering and it made me incredibly ashamed of myself. I vowed to be a better man for Alina and our future. I vowed to make her nothing but happy.

“Let it all out, milaya. Let it all out.” I said and as I gently patted her back. She composed herself after a while and left my arms and began straightening herself without meeting my eyes. ‘Saints! Genya is going to kill me.’ she muttered. I took her chin between my fingers and tipped it upwards. 

“Alina. You are not a strategy. I have loved you even before I knew your face. When you walked into my life, I wanted nothing more than to embrace you and be with you. I’m so sorry for acting selfishly with my affections, Alina. I had been blind to your needs. I promise that I will do better. Be the man you want me to be.” I kissed her softly. She responded and pulled me closer after a  minute. 

“Alina, I love you beyond reason. I will find a way out of this marriage. I will not give up on us. I promise.” We hugged each other close and stood in silence. 

“I had planned to give you something as an apology.” I said after a few minutes. I gave her the blue irises that my guards left on the table. “I heard they are your favourite.”

“Who told you that?”

“It’s a secret-” An urgent and loud knock interrupted us. I went to answer it. It was Ivan. He looked angry and impatient, “Marie and Genya were attacked in the fitting room after dinner. Alina was the target. The attacker had slit Marie’s throat and shot Genya. Genya’s kefta saved her. But Marie is dead. We have the suspect in custody.” 

Cold dread washed over me at this news. I instinctively looked behind me to reassure myself. Alina was standing there, oblivious, with a small smile on her lips, as she smelled the irises. I could have lost her today. That thought alone made my heart hammer in my chest. I wanted nothing more than to cover her in my shadows and keep her safe forever. But I could not. I need to leave her here to investigate the situation and get answers. But the thought of leaving her alone, after what had just happened to Marie, made me sick to core with worry. But I need to do this. It's the only way I can protect Alina.

“Wait here. I will be back.” I shut the door and walked back as calmly as I could towards Alina. 

“Is everything alright?” Alina asked with a slight worry. I knew she was close with Marie and she would be devastated to hear the news of Marie’s death and blame herself. But tonight, till I had the situation under control, I did not want her to leave the security of my rooms. So I chose to hide the news of the attack from her.

“Nothing important. Alina, stay in my room and get some sleep. I will come back in no time.” 

“Sure. I will wait for you. Wake me up if I had fallen asleep.” Then after a beat she asked hesitantly, “We are good, aren’t we? 

Once again my heart broke for her. I knew the time had come. Time for me to tell her the whole truth. She is my equal and it is about time, I started treating her as one. I wanted to give her some sort of reassurance before I left but Ivan knocked again. 

“Alina. I have a lot to say to you and I promise you that I will reveal everything to you. I have to leave now. I have something to take care of. Love, even if you don’t believe in anything else, believe that I love you with all my heart. And I give you my word that I will explain everything. Starting tomorrow, there won't be any more secrets between us.” She smiled brightly at that. I kissed her one last time. Thankful for the fact that she is alive, well and breathing. With that, I left my room, ordering my guards outside to stay alert.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

I slumped on the map table as soon as the door closed. Today had been a disaster. I did not plan on picking a fight with Aleksander. But I meant every word I said. Be it after my encounter with Apparat, or the incident at my training or the kiss at the fountain; his first instinct is to hide. He doesn’t seem to understand that those were vulnerable moments for me too. Moments that were way too much for an eighteen year old to handle. And today, today I was deeply hurt when he left me stranded in the hands of another man. Left me to deal with a family who saw me as nothing more than a pawn in their political games. I was wounded by his callousness. But the truth is, I’m tired. Tired of always having to be the strong one even on a day like today. I needed him to protect me or at the very least offer me his support but I was gutted to see that once again, he turned his back on me. How can I be with someone who has proved time and time again that he will not be there for me in my moments of vulnerability? My heart refused to settle even after Aleksander’s assurances. Because deep down, I feared that he too saw me as a means to an end.

I heard a sound of something opening and I instinctively readied my light. I was surprised to see Baghra emerge from a secret passage behind the map wall.

“Baghra!” 

“Come with me.” She ordered.

“What are you-”

“Stupid girl! No time to dawdle.” She walked in and tried to pull me by my hands. Immediately I resisted and moved away from her.

“No! I’m not coming anywhere with you. Not until you tell me what is happening.”

“You need to leave this place. Now, before it’s too late.”

“Too late for what? And I’m not leaving anywhere. This is my home.”

“No time to explain in detail. This was never your home. I’m trying to save you from living the rest of your life as a slave. Now hurry. We need to leave before he comes back.”

“Baghra, if you know me at all. You know that I am not someone who will follow you blindly. Give me a clear reason. Why do you think I will live my life as a slave? Did something happen? Is Alek- General Kirigan fine?” Baghra looked irritated. But she knew that I wouldn't budge until she provided me with an explanation. So she sighed and began to rapidly explain the situation.

“Child, I’m trying to save you from Aleksander.” she said in exasperation. “You do not know a thing about him. He has you distracted by the dreams of your future with him that you cannot see anything beyond that. Child, he is the Black Heretic .” She paused before continuing. “He has served many kings, faked countless deaths, waiting for you. He intends to expand the Fold and use it as a weapon. That’s what he created it for in the first place. With you at his command, he’ll be able to enter the Fold and weaponize it as he always planned. He held no love for you. He just needs your light. It’s not your fault for not knowing. He’s had centuries to master lying to naive girls. The glimpse of the lonely, wounded boy that he showed you, it’s all an act. He is incapable of such emotions. He is eternal and you never stood a chance. Now that you know who he is. Your best chance to escape him is to come with me.”

I sighed and leaned back on the map table. If anything it agitated Baghra even more. “Child! Now is not the time to grieve. Don’t you get it? I’m trying to save you from the Black Heretic. You need to leave. Now!”

“Baghra.” I said in a calm voice. “I know.” 

She looked speechless at my revelation. “You knew?”

“Yes. I also know that you are his mother. I figured it out months ago. Even before, I got involved with him.”

“You knew?” she repeated “and you stayed? Knowing he created the Fold, knowing he let hundreds of men, women and children to turn into volcra. Are you that desperate for someone in your life that you are ready to roll in bed with a man whose hunger for power made him create a blight using merzost? You despise me.” she spat.

My temper flared. “And do you know what I despise about you and your son? Your inability to be honest with anybody, not even to yourselves. Your first instinct is to lie and manipulate. All you had to do was ask. Ask for my help to resolve the issues that you had created. But all you both do is lie.”

“What did you want me to do? To spill out the whole truth to a girl who hid her powers? Who denied her identity?” she mocked.

“No. I did not expect you to. But even at a time like this, you refuse to give me the full truth. You are giving a version of the truth that you believe would make me react the most and respond in a way you want. Like how you mentioned that he created the Fold out of hunger for power. Anybody else would have simply accepted the truth. But not me, Baghra. Not because I love your son but because I'm connected to the Fold like I’m connected to the Stag. Do you know what I felt when I first entered into it? I did not feel his hunger or greed for power as you mentioned. All I felt was unbearable loss, pain and desperation. Pain that cannot be described in words. And that’s why I didn’t run away when I first found out the truth about him.”

Baghra did not say anything for a while. So I continued. “Do you remember the time I barged into your hut when you were arguing with Aleksander? I mentioned that I was put here to prevent something- I did not discover that bit from my research. My Stag told me that. He has been warning me over and over that the tides are changing. I have been trying since then to prevent whatever it is by trying to work with Aleksander, understanding the war front and looking out for something ominous. But truth be told, deep within me, whatever my Stag is warning me about is connected to Aleksander somehow and I have been trying to unearth it for quite some time. I know that he hides a large part of himself from me and I know that there were moments when he had been nothing but dishonest with me. But I love him dearly despite all that.” I paused and looked at her. “You don’t care about Ravka or me. You are only trying to drive me away to protect him because you believe something bad is going to happen to him when he enters the Fold again, isn’t it? Baghra, please, I’m begging you. Trust me this once and tell me the truth. Tell me, so I can stop it. Keeping me in the dark is not going to benefit you or him. Please.”

“He is eternal. Do you really believe you can stop him?” she asked condescendingly.

“I don’t plan on fighting him. He trusts me. Just before you arrived. He had promised me to reveal the truth about himself. Isn’t that progress? Please work with me. Help me avert whatever is about to come. We are on the same side; fighting to protect the man we care for. Help me.” I implored.

“When is a monster not a monster?” she asked with clear disappointment in her voice.

“When it’s loved.” I responded honestly.

“Then you are every bit naive and foolish as I thought you were.” She sighed. “That day Anastas’s men had him surrounded. He had just lost the woman he had loved dearly but did not have time to mourn her death or even bury her body. The King’s men wanted him to surrender or they threatened to kill every Grisha in the building. I begged him to leave. Leave everything behind to come back after a century or so when the king is dead. But he refused. Refused to leave his fellow Grisha soldiers. He told me that he would stop them even if he had to use merzost. I warned him not to. Merzost always demands a prize. But he didn’t listen. He thought he could turn the gathered soldiers into his own army. He did not stop to think what merzost would do those otkazat’syas. Merzost demanded a price from them too, turning them into monsters that now attack people. He thought he could control its powers but he couldn’t and it created the Fold. Every Grisha who created something using merzost, had to pay a price to settle the imbalance they have created. The Making feeds the creation with the price that the creator has paid. Aleksander being immortal is keeping his creation alive and in turn he is paying the price for it. Everyday he is losing more and more of himself to merzost and becoming this unstoppable power hungry monster. But unfortunately, he does not see it. To this day, he firmly believes that he had walked away free and that he had already paid the price for using merzost.” Baghra finished. 

She then turned to me. “How do you plan to stop this? How do you plan to destroy the Fold without destroying him?”

“I don’t know.” I replied honestly.

“I thought so too. You being here will only accelerate the events. You need to leave if you want to save him. You think he loves you but he has been incapable of such emotions for the past four centuries. And once he takes the throne and enters the Fold with you, there is no stopping him. He would drown countries in darkness if it suits him. You cannot save him and neither can I. No one can sever his connection to the Fold. Only the Making can undo it. So leave while you can.” Baghra finished.

I couldn’t say anything for a while. “I could ask the Stag.” I proposed tentatively.

“How much more foolish can you be! The morozova’s amplifiers were born out of merzost.”

“Yes. But amplifiers share a connection with the Making, don’t they? And lucky for you, mine can talk.”

Baghra looked thoughtful for a while. “Maybe it would work, maybe it won’t. But, child, you are playing a dangerous game. Tread with caution. Make sure he never gets hold of these amplifiers. He almost succeeded today. I took care of the tracker for you.” She paused. “I still think, you leaving would be the best option for all of us. But if you end up changing your mind, after today, come find me. I have a few Grisha that are loyal to me and they can help you escape. The rest is upto you.” Baghra finished.

“I know you don’t have any trust in me. But thank you for sharing this. I will figure out a way.” I promised. Baghra didn’t say anything. Simply sighed and left the way she came.

================ 

I kept rerunning Baghra’s words in my mind over and over again. So Aleksander is on the verge of tipping the balance of the universe and if Baghra is right then I’m the trigger. No matter how many times I think about it, I cannot bring myself to believe that Aleksander is incapable of love. I had seen his moments of vulnerability and had witnessed his joy in being with me. So not all of Aleksander is lost to merzost yet. I can work with that. I don’t plan on tricking him or manipulating him. Instead, I’m going to appeal to his honesty. I think our relationship is strong enough for that. But all of this depends on one thing. It depends on the truth that Aleksander had promised to reveal to me today.  But if tonight, Aleksander once again lies, then Baghra was right. As much as it crushes me to accept it, our love has been nothing but an elaborate lie.

I began to pace the room as I waited for Aleksander to come back. But everywhere I looked, I saw the memories we shared together and along with it rose a fear that it could have all been a lie. That thought twisted my heart and a few sobs escaped from me. His chambers were suffocating me, making me gasp for air in between my sobs. So I got up and fixed myself before opening the door. The guards immediately stood alert. When I attempted to leave one of them stopped me.

“Ma’am, please. You are to remain in the General’s chambers.”

“I’m only going to my room. You can stand guard there.” with that I walked away. The guards began to follow me after a beat.

I locked the door behind me and dropped to the floor with a long sigh. I gulped the air greedily, finally being able to breathe again. I tried to stop myself from spiralling again and instead tried to focus on something else. So I got up and ran my hands over my face in an attempt to fix it, the fragrance of the blue irises hit me and with it a sudden onslaught of memories came in:

Aleksander handing me the blue irises and telling “I heard they are your favourite.”

Baghra’s words, “I took care of the tracker for you.”

Mal.

I don’t have a favourite flower. Why did Aleksander specifically mention blue irises as my favourite? Did Mal meet Aleksander regarding the Stag? Did he send out this message for me? 

“I took care of the tracker for you.” Has Baghra killed Mal? Saints! Please don’t let it be Mal. I repeated over and over again.

I ran to the dressing table stool and removed the seat cushion with force, the letters from Mal spilled out of it. I scrambled to find the last letter.

 —--------------------------------------------------------

– ♦♦♦♦ –

‘ Maria,

This might be my last letter to you for a while. I’m going to see the snow in the north, somewhere far. If Saints bless me then I might return without having to see any unblemished Ash trees. But something tells me, I have to cross them on my journey alone. But don’t worry. With you guiding me, I will be able to return in no time. After all, you are my True North and no matter where I go, I will always find my way back to you. 

P.S - I will bring you blue irises.

-Isaak.’

– ♦♦♦♦ –

—--------------------------------------------------------

Saints! Mal had been here and Baghra had killed him or had him disposed of. Mal is not dead, I can feel it. He is not dead. He cannot be. I will save him. I hurriedly put back all the letters under the seat cushion and began to undress. I dressed myself in one of my simple gowns and wrapped a dark woollen coat around me to escape detection. Just as I got ready to climb out of my window, I doubled down, clutching my head in pain. My vision began to blur. My Stag stood tall and proud in front of me, covered in snow. This was the first time he had appeared when I was awake. 

“What’s happening?” I managed to bite out.

“It is time. You must find me. You cannot delay any further. You must come now.” My Stag projected.

And just like that my connection was severed and I fell on the ground clutching my head. The Stag wants me to come meet him.

Baghra’s warning rang clear in my head- to not let Aleksander near any of the Morozova’s amplifiers. What am I supposed to do now? Should I just leave now without informing Aleksander? Saints! I opened my cupboard and took the poison vial along with the special protective case and secured it inside my pocket. I don’t want Aleksander to misunderstand my departure. So I hastily began to draw a note -

—--------------------------------------------------------

֍֍֍

Love,

There are things that I had kept from you. I hid it to protect someone I care a lot about. I know you feel betrayed, but please understand that it was the only way I could keep him safe-

֍֍֍

—--------------------------------------------------------

I crushed the letter and dropped it into the bin. I realised that I’m making a hasty decision to leave when there is no reason for me to wait a few more hours until tonight. Aleksander and I are finally going to reveal all our secrets. If I leave now when we are on the cusp of a new beginning, our relationship would never recover from it. I need to visit Baghra now anyway- first to check on Mal and next to tell her my decision and discuss the next steps. So I opened my window and took my normal escape route. Just as I began to walk towards Baghra’s hut, I realised that I had only changed out my clothes and had not removed any of my jewellery. So I quickly removed all them including the golden pins in my hair and placed them securely in my inner coat pocket. I was halfway towards Baghra’s hut and I turned a corner. I felt a sudden implosion at the back of my head. I lost my balance and fell on the grass and looked up to see three unfamiliar faces peering down at me in the dim moonlight. They kept talking but I was too disoriented to understand a thing. I tried to get up to escape but the man with the cane struck me again and everything became dark.

 ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Author's ~~~

As the day drew to a close, each player believed they had emerged victorious. The failing King thought he had restored the throne's glory, while the General from the West believed he had eliminated his threat. The brilliant criminal thought he had accomplished the impossible,  and the man with the shadows was happy to have found hope. However, the game was far from over. If anything, it has only just begun. The dice is still rolling and the victor is yet to emerge.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

There are hands on me. That was the first thought that popped into my head as the blackness began to recede. But the touch felt different though; new and unfamiliar. Not like the sweet caresses of Aleksander or the sure movements of Genya. I tried to move my head to see who it was but a searing pain at the back of my head made me abandon the effort.

“It’s okay, sankta. It’s okay. I’m just tending to your wounds.” A soft voice spoke from somewhere above my head. I opened my eyes only to see a blob. Slowly the blob came into focus and I found myself staring into the face of an unfamiliar Suli woman.

“Kaz, she is waking up.” Another voice sounded from somewhere else. I moved my eyes towards it and saw a half Zemini man, cleaning his guns. Alarm bells started ringing in me as I became more lucid. I roved my eyes around and saw that I was in a carriage with my head resting on the Suli woman’s lap.

The door to the carriage opened and yet another man popped his head in. “Well, don’t let her wake up.” 

It took me another minute to realise that they were all conversing in Kerch. Then my last memory hit me like a ton of bricks. I was walking towards Baghra’s hut to look for Mal, only I never reached her hut. There was a sudden implosion of pain in the back of my head and then everything went black.

“Do you want me to hit her again?” I began to panic at the Zemini man’s nonchalant question. Ignoring my pain, I tried to raise and bring my hands to summon only to realise that my hands were pinned to my sides and tightly bound.

“Sankta, no.” The Suli woman pushed me back. “I’m not done with your wounds yet.” I began to struggle more. But my efforts were in vain. The head injury I had sustained was making me see black spots in my vision and it was impossible to call my power with the way my hands were bound.

“It won’t work.” The man at the door remarked casually. He spoke in Ravkan but had a Kerch accent. “I think it would be in your best interest if you cooperate with us.” He said, twirling his cane.

“Inej, are you done?” he asked the woman who was tending to my wounds.

“Almost, Kaz.” Then she addressed me, “Santka, please. Lie down. Let me take care of your wounds.”  I tried to scream only to realise that I was gagged. I tried to wiggle and get up once more but the man with the gun pointed it at me. 

“We are expected to deliver you alive to receive our payment. But there was no clause about you being undamaged. So..” he twirled his other gun and pointed it at me as well. 

I quickly began to realise the direness of the situation. I was being kidnapped with no means to escape. With my limbs bound and mouth gagged, I could not fight or scream. I had no other choice but to comply. I nodded to them and the Suli woman -Inej, resumed tending to my wound again. 

Once she was done, the gunslinger exited the coach and the man with the crow-head cane got in. 

“This would all go smoothly if you simply do as I say.” he said coldly and knocked on the carriage roof. The carriage began to drive-off, taking me further away from Aleksander. I did not know where I was or how much time had passed. And dread began to pool in my stomach as the carriage began to speed-up.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

It had been two days since Alina went missing and I was ready to rip everything apart. She was taken by the three thieves who had come along with the Conductor. They had taken her away from her room and were speeding to cross the Fold. I don’t know how she is or where she is, only that she is somewhere waiting for me to come and rescue her; trusting me to save her. This is not something that was supposed to happen to her. This was her home. She should have been safe here. Instead, four criminals managed to sneak past my security; killed Marie and kidnapped Alina. How could have this happened? We were supposed to begin anew, a new chapter, free of lies. Instead she was ripped away from my hands. 

‘We are good, aren’t we?’ Those were her last words to me. Words filled with pain and doubt. Words that kept rattling inside my head over and over again. I was plagued with nightmares of arriving too late and finding her gutted in a ditch somewhere. Saints! It took everything in me to not become the Black Heretic once more and tear this country apart in an attempt to find her. I had already lost Luda. I was not ready to lose Alina. 

‘I will find her.’ I kept repeating to myself over and over again. I will find Alina and make everyone responsible pay for it.

“Sir?” A knock pulled me out of my thoughts. It was Fedyor.

“Sir, she was taken on her way to Baghra’s hut. We found signs of struggle there. And-” he hesitated. 

“And what?”

“They found traces of blood. The splatter looks like it was from a blow to the head.” Fedyor finished. 

I could feel my heart rate increasing with that information. My Alina is injured and helpless in the hands of thieves. I had to find her as soon as possible. Then something struck me. Baghra’s hut? Why would she go to Baghra’s hut? I quickly went to the War room and looked at the table. The blue irises that I gave her remained on the edge of the table and amidst the maps and strewn papers, there was the sketch of Alina’s stag that I had taken without her knowledge. 

“Bring me the trackers who came on the night of the Fete.” I ordered Fedyor. He nodded and left.

Did Alina find out the truth? Did she figure out that Mal was here? That still didn’t explain why she went to Baghra; they both hated each other. Or was it all an act? Were they in on this together? Trying to betray me? 

No, I forced my mind to stop. This was the very thing Alina and I last fought about. I’m not going to doubt her and fail her yet again. She needs my help, now more than ever. I’m going to trust her and I will save her. 

“Sir?” Fedyor arrived. He looked a bit pale. “Sir, they never arrived at their quarters. They didn’t even enter the wing. Witnesses say that they saw Oprichnik Mila take them towards Baghra’s hut.”

Anger began to rise in me. Once again, my own mother had betrayed me and now I have lost Alina because of that.

“Find Ivan.” I ordered Fedyor and began to plan on how to punish my mother.

================ 

I opened my mother’s hut and went in without preamble. She was sitting in front of the fireplace and drinking tea. She didn’t look startled by my sudden appearance. If anything, she looked like she was expecting it.

“Where is the tracker?”

“Disposed of. I know of your little mission. I’m not letting you get your hands on the Stag.” she responded calmly.

The Stag was not a priority now. I needed to know what happened to Alina. “That’s not why I’m here. Why was Alina coming to meet you?”

That seemed to pique her interest. “I don’t know. What happened to the girl?”

“She was kidnapped when she was halfway to your hut. So, what could have been so important that she had to come find you, leaving her guards behind?”

“I don’t know. You know the bull-headed girl better than I do.” she responded. 

I studied her face for signs of lies but found none. “Fine. Just remember that she is all that matters now, not me and certainly not you. And if you have put her in harm’s way, think about what I might do.” I warned her. 

With that I exited her hut followed by Ivan.

“How much of it is true?” I asked Ivan.

“All of it. She did not have anything to do with Alina’s kidnapping.” he replied. 

I thought so as much. My mother actually looked a bit concerned for Alina and that is a new development.

I began to think back on all the evidence that I have gathered so far. 

Alina left my room shortly after I left to investigate the Conductor. She went to her room and never came out. She had discarded her kefta and had managed to escape her room without alerting her guards to see my mother - for what? I do not know. Was it because of her tracker? Or was it something else? Coming to the kidnappers, Visser mentioned that a merchant named Dreesen from Ketterdam had offered a million kruge to kidnap Alina. The thieves who go by - Kaz Brekkar, Inej Ghafa and Jesper Fahey took Visser’s help to cross into East Ravka and joined the band of entertainers to sneak into the Little Palace. It seems that the thieves were aware of Visser’s deal with Zlatan and my intent to plant a decoy. So, they cleverly led him to Marie while they stayed on Alina and let Visser take the fall. They then saw Alina without her guards walking towards my mother’s hut and kidnapped her. I don’t think a merchant of Kerch would be interested in a Saint unless he plans to sell her to another buyer. Now who might that buyer be? Fjerdans? Or Shu? Or Zlatan? Whoever it might be, I need to find Alina before she crosses the Fold. If not then all is lost.

I was lost in my thoughts that I almost missed the messenger from the Grand Palace waiting at my door. 

“Sir?” He called.

“Summons from the King, moi soverenyi. He wishes to speak with you immediately.”

I clenched my jaw in anger. “Yes. I will be there shortly.” The messenger bowed and left.

I knew what he wanted. He wants to parade Alina with Vasily among his guests. To show off his new found saint and her powers. If so many things were not on line I simply would have killed the glutton Pyotr and his entire family. But with Alina’s life at stake, I forced myself to not lash out on the Lantsovs.

With renewed resolve, I went to meet the king.

================ 

“Moi Tsar. Moi Tsarevich” I bowed. 

“What is the meaning of this, Kirigan? You have turned down the invites I had sent for Alina. Have you forgotten that she is now betrothed to the Crown Prince?”

I thanked every star that he had invited me to his private parlour and had not confronted me in front of his courtiers in an attempt to show off his authority. 

“Moi Tsar. I have no intention of keeping Alina from you. I had been declining your invites because something grievous has happened. Alina had been taken on the night of the Winter Fete.”

“What? Explain everything.” He ordered me.

“Moi Tsar. Fearing Alina’s safety, I had planted a decoy and swapped Alina with her double periodically after her performance. But after dinner, I found out that her double, Marie, had been murdered. Someone had slit her throat and when I went to investigate it, the real Alina was kidnapped. I have been trying to recover Alina since then with utmost discretion. The captives have not yet crossed East Ravka and I will find her before they do.” I finished.

“Why was I not informed of this earlier? Whom do you suspect is behind this?”

“Apologies, Moi Tsar. I did not want to create an alarm this early into the search efforts. And I have found proof that General Zlatan was one of the suspects behind this.”

“There are more?”

“Yes. Four criminals were hired. One of them was Zlatan’s man. He mistook the decoy for the real Alina and killed her. He is currently in the dungeons of the Little Palace. The other three could have been hired by Fjerda or Shu or Zlatan again. We found blood and signs of struggle. They could not have crossed our borders yet. I have deployed my best resources for this task and I will do everything in my power to recover her unarmed.”

“That bastard Zlatan! He sent a delegate to keep us off of his scent and hired a criminal to do his dirty deed. I shall order the delegate Igor to be placed under lock and key. In fact, I will keep all the delegates confined to their rooms till Alina is found.”

“Moi Tsar, please, let us not act in haste. The key to recovering Alina alive is to keep this news between the three of us. We do not know who else is targeting her. With the current situation in the war fronts, we cannot afford to make enemies. Leave this matter to me. I will find Alina and make them pay for their sins.” I said with conviction.

“Very well. Take whatever resource you need. Alina is to be recovered at all costs and this matter will not leave the room.” Pyotr ordered and Vasily nodded. 

“Moi Tsar. Moi Tsarevich. I advise you to be cautious. We do not know the extent of our enemies’ intent. So it is imperative that the royal family stay safe.”

He flicked his hands carelessly. I bowed and exited the parlour. I was beyond exhausted and sleep deprived. I hoped and prayed to everything holy to keep Alina safe till I find her.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

The thieves whose names I gathered were Kaz, Inej and Jesper left me bound and gagged as we travelled. They were clearly in a hurry to cross the Fold but they also tried to stick to the alternate routes as much as possible to avoid detection. Another little thing I noted was that they were journeying to Kirbrisk via Ryevost instead of taking the direct route from Os Alta. 

Once my mind was cleared of the concussion, I noticed that my kidnappers were young. They were my age, if not a few years older. I observed them very keenly for any signs of weakness or flaw that I can exploit. But I found none. They were a tight knit group, needing very little words to communicate and were loyal to one another. Even the Suli woman- Inej, who appeared to be enamoured with me still held her loyalty for the man with the cane more than her faith. 

I spent the next few days of my captivity studying my captors. The man with the crow cane, Kaz, seemed to be the brains of the operation. He is extremely intelligent and calculative. He is not just self-aware but also vigilant about his surroundings. Very little escapes his notice. The Suli woman, Inej, is silent as the shadows. She seemed to be the retrieval expert and eyes of the group. When we stopped for breaks, Kaz often sent her to gather information from the towns nearby. She was also an ardent worshipper of the Saints. She treated my injury regularly and made sure I was warm and comfortable in my binds. The gunslinger, on the other hand, acted like a happy-go-lucky person most of the time. But his reflexes were impeccable. On the whole, they were a mixture of clashing and contrasting personalities but they somehow managed to operate as a single unit.

While we travelled the expanse of East Ravka, I began to plot my escape. I noticed that when they conversed amongst themselves they spoke in Kerch. They either didn’t know or care that I knew Kerch. I managed to gather more snippets of information from it. Kaz owns a club called the Crow club in the barrels of Ketterdam. They are involved in a turf war with someone named Pekka Rollins and this job would be the one to give them an upper hand. 

In the quiet moments when they were silent, I tried summoning without using my hand. The difficulty was that I have not yet mastered the art of summoning invisible light without using my hands. So, the tiny orb that I managed to summon kept dissolving in a matter of seconds. But still, I kept practising every waking minute without alerting them. By my calculations, Ryevost is only three days away and Sergi is stationed there. All I need to do is summon enough to break free and find a way to reach the Second Army camps. I have to act swiftly though because if I miss this tiny window, all would be lost. It would become impossible to reach Aleksander once they take me across the Fold.

Although I kept my hope alight through the day, at night, when they stopped to rest and recover, my mind kept leaping to Aleksander. I wondered how he was doing and if he was okay. I could picture him running ragged, without sleep or food, trying to find me. I cannot believe how my life was turned upside down in a matter of a few hours. I wished I had a way to talk to him. We were at the cusp of a new beginning- a beginning free of lies and secrets. But it was all cruelly taken away from me. As the cold air swept inside, I curled into myself further, thinking of Aleksander and his warm embrace. I wish I could turn back time. Reset everything to the night before Winter Fete, confess all our secrets and strengthen our love. Instead, I was stuck here, bound and helpless, plagued by repeated summons from my Stag and fighting to find a way out of this mess unharmed and alive.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

They had found the kidnappers’ discarded coach in Balakirev. Scouts have dispatched in every possible route from there till Chernast to keep lookout for them. And now it’s the waiting game. As much as I wanted to jump on a horse and look for Alina myself, I knew that it would not help her. So instead, I walked to my bedroom to get some much needed rest. I have been avoiding my bedroom for the past few days to escape the memories of Alina. 

Ever since she started spending the night, she began to leave a few of her things behind. I remember the quick thump of my heart when I first noticed it. But now all of it was a painful reminder and nothing more. I picked up the green silk shawl that she always wore. She was quite attached to it - it was apparently a gift from Genya. I buried my face in her shawl and tried to rein in my tears. I was first hit by the lingering scent of her rose perfume and then the unique scent of my Alina filled my lungs. It always reminded me of green meadows on warm summer days. 

“Alina!” I cried in desperation, clutching the shawl to my chest. “Alina!” I wept into it. 

I did not know how much time had passed but judging by the candlemark atleast a few hours had gone by. Unable to stand the emptiness of the room any longer, I stood up. My legs carried me to Alina’s room almost mechanically. I closed the door behind me and casted my eyes into the room. Alina had breathed life into the room that had remained cold and empty  for more than a century and now the ghost presence is in every nook of it. I laid down on her bed and closed my eyes, once again trying to lose myself in the memories of Alina but the deep, yearning chasm in my heart refused to let me rest. I tossed and turned, unable to find peace. 

I found myself staring at a mirage of Alina brushing her long hair in front of the mirror and smiling at me through it.

‘Sasha! What are you doing here?’ she asked with a laugh and then she just vanished leaving me staring at her empty dressing table. I kept staring at it in hopes of seeing her again.

I did not register it at first but something was sticking out of the cushion. I sat up more alert and noticed that it was looking like a piece of paper. I walked over and ripped the cushion with a force. I found letters; more than a dozen of them. All from someone named Isaak and it was addressed to Maria. 

I quickly began to read them. Outwardly the letter looked normal- it could be something chalked off as a correspondence between two friends or people courting each other. But I have been a General long enough to know that the letters were coded. Code only known to two people. Why was Alina having these letters? More importantly, who was she corresponding with? What secrets did these letters carry?

The answer to these questions came when I opened the last letter from Isaak. I immediately understood who Isaak was. Mal . The damned tracker friend of Alina. I already hated that boy with a passion and now; now the anger in me would not be satisfied even if I rip his innards out. 

‘Blue irises, ’ he had said. ‘Isaak’s blue irises. ’ So the blue irises were never her favourite flower then, it was just a code. Code to let Alina know that her orphan lover from Keramzin had come to take her away. And all this time, I thought I was building a life with Alina, imagining my future with her, rearranging centuries worth of plans to accommodate her. And Alina had made a joke out of me. Had made a joke out of my love. Oh how I fell for her lies! She had played me like a fiddle, feeding into my need for her and exploiting my love. Everything had been a lie. Every kiss, every touch, every word had been a lie. 

I laughed out loud. Betrayal is not something new to me. I had been betrayed before, several times in fact, by the people closest to me, by the people I cared for. Even my own mother had betrayed me time and time again. But this. This! This is the worst of it all. Betrayal from the one  person for whom I have waited centuries, for whom I had dedicated my life to build a safer world for her to come into, for whom I had killed, lied and sold my soul. She has betrayed me. My Destined has betrayed me! 

My Little Saint had been so clever, clever with her words and actions, offered so little resistance and pretended to care for Grisha. Worse, pretended to care for me.  All the while waiting for her tracker to come. Come to rescue his ‘true North’ from the hands of the treacherous monster. How romantic! 

My eyes caught something else too. A crushed piece of paper tossed by Alina. I opened it only to find Alina’s farewell note.

—--------------------------------------------------------

֍֍֍

Love,

There are things that I had kept from you. I hid it to protect someone I care a lot about. I know you feel betrayed, but please understand that it was the only way I could keep him safe-

֍֍֍

—--------------------------------------------------------

‘Love’ - after all she has done, she dares to call me ‘love’. I read it twice just to satisfy my warring heart. But nothing changed, the letter, Alina’s own words confirming her treachery, established her betrayal. An animalistic growl ripped from my throat as I crushed the piece of paper in rage. I will find her and I will make her pay. She had made a plaything out of my heart and this is not something I will let go. I will show her why I’m the most feared man in all of Ravka. 

When I stood up, I felt the darkness in me spreading and extinguishing the tiny warm spot that Alina had created. I looked in the mirror to see black veins spreading all over me, making me look like the monster that the people claimed I am. I tried playing the hero, to do the right thing but my little saint has made me a villain again; has turned me into a monster again. And this monster will find her and will not stop till it has stripped away everything she knows, everything she loves till she has no shelter but me. And when I’m done with her she will truly understand why the world called me the Black Heretic.

With a new resolve, I walked to my room to find Alina and her kidnappers.

================ 

Finally a breakthrough! The kidnappers are taking the long route via Ryevost. I had ordered Zoya to put together a team consisting of Ivan, Fedyor, the Inferni twins and David. At sundown, we will begin the manhunt. Oh the things I have planned for them and her! An almost feral anticipation filled my heart.

“Sir?” Genya entered. 

“Genya, I have been meaning to ask you something very important.” I stood up and approached her. I could read the fear in Genya’s eyes at my cold tone. She swallowed a bit before answering. 

“Yes..Sir” she stammered.

“But it can wait. What news do you have for me?” 

“Zlatan’s man, sir, he is here to poison the Tsar. Ivanka managed to uncover the truth. He is planning on poisoning the King. His poison has similar long term effects like mine except that his poison is more traceable and slow acting.”

“Zlatan. He has been a thorn on feet for how long now. First the Sun Summoner then the King. He certainly has been busy.” I smirked. Genya looked slightly alarmed at the sight of wisps of shadows emitting from me.

“Now that Zlatan has sent us a beautiful scapegoat, neatly wrapped, all the way from the West, it is only polite that we accept his gift.” I said. “Wrap it up here, Genya. Make sure all the fingers point towards Zlatan and meet me in Kribirsk.”

“Moi Soverenyi” Genya bowed and turned to leave, eager to escape my shadows.

“Oh and Genya?” She turned around, her eyes round in fear. “Do you happen to know anything about these? I found them in Alina’s room. Love exchanges between Alina and her tracker.” I handed the letters to her and watched her read them. “Did these escape your notice or did you happen to keep Alina’s secret safe for her?” I asked and watched in grim satisfaction as Genya trembled when I moved closer to her. 

“No sir. I do not know of these." She handed me back the letters. “I swear.” I didn’t say anything

“Good to know that your loyalty towards me has not wavered, Miss Safin. You know how I hate being betrayed.” she shivered in fear.  I took a step back and let my shadows disappear. “You have always been my faithful soldier. Prove it to me again Genya. Don’t let me regret trusting you.”

She bowed again and fled my room.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

We had almost reached the outskirts of Ryevost. Jesper found us an old barn to settle for the night and Inej moved me closer to the fire to keep me warm and comfortable. Kaz gave me an once over to make sure my binds were intact and they began to discuss their next travel plans. I had utmost trust in Aleksander and I know that he will stop at nothing till he finds me. But I need to find a way to retain them here before they cross the Fold. I had been trying to burn my ropes subtly but so far I had very little success. Kaz had made sure, my binds offered me no mobility. 

I had a quick thought. I was not sure if it would work. I closed my eyes and pulled my connection with the Stag. After a minute or two he answered my call. He seemed to understand my predicament so he approached me without any hesitation.

“Amplify me.” He approached closer and touched my forehead with his snout. I snapped my eyes open and I could feel the amplification call ring through me. I could feel my light building and brewing within me. I knew that I had one shot at this and so I waited with bated breath as my binds began to unfurl one by one.

Jesper was the first to notice me. “Kaz, I’m pretty sure, her eyes weren’t supposed to do that.”  

That was the opening I needed. Without waiting a second, I broke free and unleashed rope after rope of light to bind them just like Aleksander had taught me. One of Jesper’s guns went off and I narrowly managed to dodge it. Inej had already put her hands up in surrender- while Kaz was trying to take control of the situation. Jesper tried shooting again when I dodged one of Kaz’s kicks, aiming at my legs. I managed to deflect it with a shield and the bullet lodged in a nearby pen. I noticed that Kaz was trying to take something out of his bag and that snapped my final thread of patience. 

“Enough!” I roared and unleashed the Cut. Kaz and Jesper leapt away from its path while the Cut sliced through any erect structure standing in its way in half. For the first time, I saw genuine fear in my assailants and I used their momentary distraction to bind them with my light and left them hanging from the beams of the barn. 

With that the amplification stopped and I sat on the ground to catch my breath. Saints! I had finally managed to use the Cut. Aleksander and I have been practising it for weeks. I think the amplification made it easy. Now that I was free, I decided to get answers out of them.

My captors were dangling from the ceiling, they finally understood that the more they struggled, the faster my light burned into their skin. 

“Ready to talk?” I asked. Kaz nodded. 

“Who sent you here?” 

“A merchant named Dreesen. He hired us to bring you to Kerch and the offer price was a million kruge.”

That did not make sense. The emergence of the Sun Summoner made zero difference to the Merchant Council. I was certain that my kidnapping was a political ploy and Kerch had no fingers in this pie. They do not care for anything but money. So, why would a merchant risk so much to kidnap me unless there was more reward in it for him. 

“And who hired Dreesen?” I asked after a bit of pondering.

“Who knows?” Jesper replied. “We don’t ask questions when a million kruge is involved,” he joked.

“Who hired Dreesen?” I repeated my question. This time, I directed it at Kaz. I know that he knows more than he lets on. 

“A reclusive merchant from Wandering Isle needed you for his collections. He sent his representative Juris to hire Dreesen for this job.” Kaz replied. 

“I think it is smoke and mirrors.” He added after a beat. “My best bet is on Zlatan or Fjerda.”

“I agree. Any idea what this mysterious representative looked like?”

“No.”

“Tell me everything from the beginning and spare no details.” I ordered them and Kaz began to recount the story. Once he was done, I sat down to think about everything he said. This scheme was too elaborate and conniving to be of Fjerda. Had it been Fjerda they would not have outsourced my capture to some thieves from Kerch. They would have wanted that glory all for themselves. This has to be the work of Zlatan. Zlatan is clever and he would have to maintain his untarnished reputation if he wants his sovereignty. West Ravka will not secede if Zlatan is labelled as the murderer of a saint. Maybe that’s why he took this anonymous route. 

“Kaz” Inej called out softly. Her voice pulled me out of my thoughts as well. “Let’s just leave this job. She is really a saint and if what you said is true then we are sending her to her death. We still have the Crow club. We will figure it out.” she pleaded. 

Kaz gave her a quelling look.

“She is right, Kaz. We are stuck and it is only a matter of time till the Black General finds us. It’s okay. We can sort out Pekka and the rest once we reach Ketterdam.” This time it was Jesper.

“It would not have come to this, if someone had not fallen on their knees instead of fighting.” Kaz seethed.

“You know it’s actually insulting.” I cut in. “that you never factored me in any of your plans. It hurts my feelings.” I said feigning hurt. “You thought I was a fake, didn’t you? A glaring mistake from a brilliant criminal.” He looked at me with venom in his eyes. “Now your crew will also be punished for your oversight. The Black General is not known for mercy.” I finished in an icy cold tone.

“Sankta. We will leave. We do not hold any ill will towards you.” Inej said to me. “Kaz, please. We came here for a fake and a million kruge but we found a real saint. You cannot expect me to betray my faith.”

“Pious as that may be, we cannot work effectively as a crew if you are making decisions based on religious zeal.” Kaz spit out in anger.

“Is that a threat to return me to Heleen?” Inej asked, anger colouring her voice. 

“Either we get the target or Heleen gets the Crow Club and Pekka gets whatever’s left.”

“Wait. Why would Heleen get the Crow Club?” Jesper cut in.

“Kaz, what did you do?” Inej asked in shock.

“How do you think you came here inspite of your indenture, Inej? Even if I was only five payments away from freeing you, do you think Heleen is someone who would have just handed you to me? Especially knowing Pekka wanted this job?”

The trio fell into an uncomfortable silence. From what I observed and piece together from their conversations they took this job only for money and revenge. They had no political affiliations. Aleksander is days away and I had to find the Stag before him. Baghra’s cautionary words were still fresh in my mind. I need an escape and a diversion. So if I play everything right this might actually work in my favour.

“I don’t think you will get the million kruge even if you took me with you. I have reasons to believe that this invisible buyer is actually General Zlatan. I don’t think neither you nor me will be getting out of that ship alive.”

I saw understanding flicker in Kaz’s eyes. “So right now, I see two options in front of me. I could keep you here till General Kirigan arrives and have him behead you for your crimes or I can let you go in exchange for a few things from you. Think through and tell me.” 

They looked at each other for a few moments, communicating silently. “And what would you be needing from us?” Kaz asked, finally coming to a decision.

“Work for me.” I offered. “Help me get back at Zlatan.”

“You want us to kill a war General? We are thieves, not assassins.”

“Kill him and make him a martyr?” I scoffed. “Absolutely not. I want to take away something more precious to him. I want to take away his dream of sovereignty.”

================

I readjusted the pack that I had Inej buy me. I needed supplies if I were to travel through the wilderness of permafrost. So I had released her while I kept the other two captive. She bought me all that I needed and some more. 

“So, this is where we part.” I said. Kaz looked put out. His mouth was drawn into a thin line, showing his displeasure with the situation. 

“Crows are remarkable creatures, aren’t they?” I asked him. “Greatly misunderstood. Crows remember a lot of things. They not just hold grudges but they remember acts of kindness too.” He didn’t look at me but I knew that he was listening. “Today was an act of kindness. Hope you can remember it, Kaz.”

He didn’t say anything for a beat or two. “If only kindness pays.” He finally turned around to look at me with a raised eyebrow. “I have agreed to do a job for you. Our expertise comes with a price tag. I hope you have something worthwhile to pay us with, sankta. ” 

“I did spare your lives. Is that not payment enough?”

“And we are letting you go in return.” He raised his eyebrow again. 

I knew that he was right. As much as it pained me to do so, I knew that I had no other choice. So I reached inside my coat and pulled out the ‘Tears of Vasilisa’ from my secure inner pocket. My heart was flooded with guilt at the thought of handing over Aleksander’s precious gift to these thieves. “This is worth atleast six million kruge and if you find the right buyer, it might fetch more. It should cover this job and a future one. Plus you owe me three favours.” 

I could see Kaz’s eyes gleaming. “Two jobs and one favour.”

“Deal.” he struck out his hand. I hesitated a bit, then looked at Inej and said “This was a gift from someone dear and I will retrieve it one day. Keep track of it for me.” 

She nodded. “I promise, sankta.” With that I placed the necklace in Kaz’s waiting hand.

“Remember, you are not safe in West Ravka either. If I had actually died at the hands of this Conductor then the news of demise would have travelled to him by now. But since it is all silent, he is waiting for you, his contingency, to succeed. Zlatan would be anticipating your arrival. Tread with caution.” I warned him.

“We will.” 

With that we got into the carriage. They dropped me off at the inner city circle of Ryevost and then sped away.

================ 

Although described as one of the largest river cities of East Ravka, Ryevost is nowhere near the size of a city. It could be called a large town at best. I had never been posted in Ryevost in the three years of my service. Cartographers rarely have jobs inside the borders. The city of Ryevost was constructed similar to many of the major cities in East Ravka - a city square at the centre, surrounded by markets and shops. I walked around slowly looking for the Second Army camp. I did not matter how non-threatening I looked, I could feel the weight of people’s stare on me. After a year of being inside the Little Palace, I had almost forgotten how much people used to hate me. The suspicious stares and whispers, people suddenly exercising caution around me, it almost felt like the last year never happened and I was back to the start once again where I was Alina Starkov, the half-Shu, junior cartographer. I subtly summoned wisps of light to remind myself that I’m the Sun Summoner and I no longer have to be afraid of their judgement.

Fearing more attention, I kept walking around in hopes of seeing some Grisha coats. It was getting late and people were closing their businesses to go home but I was too afraid to approach any of them. Then I heard a loud ruckus to my right. It seemed to be coming from a bar situated at the end of the street. I thanked my stars when I noticed a few First Army uniforms walking into it. It means the Second Army camp is close by. I walked towards the direction the soldiers came from when a man slammed into me, almost knocking me over. He was a Corporal from the First Army and was clearly intoxicated. Not wanting to cause a scene, I quickly steadied myself and began to walk away. 

“Hey Marv, look. It’s a Shu bint.” I increased my pace as I heard their call behind me.

“Aww. Don’t walk away.” 

“Are you lost, girl?” 

“We can help you find your way.” 

“For a price of course. I heard Shu bints are great at spreading their legs.” 

The two men following me laughed at their own joke. I kicked myself mentally for becoming complacent. I had been too busy living a dream that I had forgotten how I was treated before. Situations like this had been a regular occurrence for me in the First Army. Alexi often stuck to my side after nightfall to keep me safe from grubby hands. I began to scamper to lose them. But the men were not as drunk as I had hoped. They quickend their pace and one of them grabbed my arms and pulled me roughly.

“Can’t you hear us, girl?”

“Let go of me.” I warned.

“Lev, it can talk.” The taller one said and laughed loudly. I pulled my hand away with force, making him stumble a bit. That was all it took, the two of them began to pile on me, trying to subdue me. One covered my mouth as the other twisted my hands, all the while trying to move to the nearby dark alley. 

Master Botkin’s training kicked in. I jerked my head back with enough force to hit the man grabbing me from behind. I heard a wet crunch and he let go of me. Next I aimed a kick in the crotch for the taller man who was grabbing my arm. He let go of me too. When I tried to flee, the one with the broken nose grabbed me by my braid and threw me to the ground. My previous head injury, already aggravated by the head jerk, now created spots in my vision as I fell on the ground. The man then climbed on top of me. Realising his intent, I began to summon and launched at the guy. He screamed in agony as the smell of burning flesh permeated the air. The taller one now came to his friend’s rescue and tried to attack me. I did the same to him as well; burnt the flesh out of his hands. I watched in grim satisfaction as the both fell to the ground writhing in pain.

“Hey!” I heard a voice behind me. I noticed another soldier running towards me. Not wanting to face another fight, I began to run. 

“Catch her!” someone ordered and soon several footsteps began to chase me. I ran like hell for a few minutes and almost fell down in relief at the sight of the familiar white tents of Grisha encampment. I quickly turned myself invisible and walked inside. 

I could hear the Second Army soldiers stopping the First Army from entering behind me. I did not look back to see the fallout. My injuries were making my head spin and I needed to find Sergi. I began to search around the camp frantically for Sergi and slammed into someone in my disoriented state.

“What? Who goes there? I can hear your heartbeat. Show yourself.” A familiar voice ordered and I almost cried on hearing it.

“Sergi. It’s me. Alina.”

“Alina? I.. What? I can’t see you.”

“I can’t reveal myself here. Take me somewhere safe, away from the eyes of others. Please.”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment but then stood straight. “Alright. Follow me.”

He walked me around the camp, careful not to tip the other heartrenders, to the records tent. 

“No one should disturb us here.”

I revealed myself after that. “Saints! Alina. What the hell happened to you?” 

I opened my mouth to tell him but blackness began to cloud my vision and I started to fall. The last thing I heard was Sergi’s alarmed voice. “Alina!”.

================ 

When I woke up, I first noticed how warm and comfortable I was and the next thing I noticed was Sergi’s worried face hovering above me.

“Alina? How are you feeling?” He asked and helped me sit up.

“Sergi. Thank all saints I found you. I have been looking for you all evening.”

“What happened Alina? You were injured and bleeding. How are you in Ryevost?

“I was kidnapped at the Winter Fete. I managed to escape my captors before they could take me across the Fold. They hit me in the head quite badly. After escaping them, I was trying to reach the Second Army encampment to find you when I ran into two drunk first army soldiers. They tried to.. tried to.."  I stopped, unable to say the word. “I fought them off by burning them and now the First Army soldiers are looking for me.” 

Sergi looked murderous. “I will have them arrested. And once the General arrives, they will regret the day they were born.” he swore. 

“But I can’t stay here, Sergi. I have to go.” He looked puzzled but instead of questioning me further, he handed me a bowl of hot soup. “Drink this first Alina. You are clearly distressed. I have healed your injuries but I can see that you have been through a lot. So drink this and then we'll talk.”

I took the bowl and drank. Once my stomach was full and I had calmed down considerably, I began recounting the events starting from the night of the Winter Fete. Sergi listened patiently without interrupting me till I was done.

“As much as I want to wait for the General to come, there is something I need to take care of first. It is a critical task and crucial for Ravka’s future.” I handed him the letter I had written for the General. “Sergi, please find the General and deliver this letter to him personally. I have explained everything in detail. Once he reads it he will know what to do and where to find me.”

“I will Alina.”

“Sergi..” I hesitated a bit then said, “I’m sure you already know what we are to each other. He would have worked himself to death by now; staying awake and spending sleepless nights trying to find me, sick with worry. When you find him, tell him that I was safe and uninjured. It would ease his mind a lot. Tell him everything. Tell him that I promise to do everything in my power to come back to him. Tell him that I love him.” My eyes teared up as I finished.

“I will Alina. I will. I promise.” He vowed. “Take rest tonight, Alina. I will watch over you. I will sneak you out before dawn and accompany you till you are safely out of Ryevost.”

“Thank you, Sergi. Thank you for everything.”

“No need to thank me. We are Grisha. We always help each other. Get some rest. You have a long journey ahead of you.”

I smiled and drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

I have been traversing the snow covered landscape for a few days now. The frigid air hit my face steadily as I progressed up north. Sergi had been a saint-send. He understood the seriousness of my request and made sure I had everything that I would need for my journey. He had not just piled me with several Second Army supplies, he had been kind enough to provide me with a recent map of the north and had circled the spots of suspected Fjerdan activities. Between that and my summoning, I did not feel the cold and was able to make good progress. As I travelled further and further, my mind began to wander; maybe it was the journey alone or maybe it was the nostalgia associated with Yule, I do not know but memories and emotions from past and present alike washed over me. 

For a very long time in my life, I truly believed that I was destined to be alone. I was not just physically different, I was years beyond my peers intellectually too and that made people to either bully me or steer clear away from me. It was a lonely existence; especially after I left the orphanage and enlisted. The world was harsh, unkind and relentless. It was difficult to dream of a future or find purpose when you had very little to hold onto.

When we were children, Mal and I used to say that it would be the two of us against the rest of the world. Being ignored by adults and children alike, I revelled in his attention. I loved how he wanted to be friends with no one but me. Every little thing he said or did, I committed it to memory. And when I first understood the meaning of marriage, I pictured him and I getting married one day. Building a home of our own and living the rest of our lives together. But things started to change as I grew sicker and Mal grew stronger; he began to slowly pull away. In my world, Mal was a singular fixture but in his world, I was one of many. There were days when I used to lay sick on my bed trying not to choke on my own lung, waiting for Mal to come stay by my side. But that happened very rarely. He used to drop in now and then but was otherwise happy to carry on with his own things. It crushed my little heart to know that Mal did not care for me as much as I did for him. Nevertheless, I held onto a foolish hope that Mal would see me as more than just a friend someday and would come back to me. And then, a year before his enlistment, that illusion shattered too when I found him passionately kissing Ivana behind the old barns. The next few weeks, my heart ached and wept at the tattered remains of my first love. I could not face Mal and I actively avoided seeking him out by spending my days in the Duke’s Library; it stung to know that he was not bothered by my absence at all. 

Those few weeks helped me finally understand the nature of the relationship that Mal and I shared. To Mal, I was like the support stake that gardeners provide for weak saplings until it  grows stronger and learns to stand by itself. He might have needed me when we were younger but he had long since grown past that. He no longer needed me to hold his hand and fight his bullies, he could do it all by himself now. And It was cheap and selfish of me to expect him to love me the way I loved him. After all, it was I who cut my hand to escape the testers and not him. The right thing to do would be not force my feelings on him and let him find his own path. This startling self-realisation saved whatever friendship we had and stopped me from delving into a cycle of bitterness and resentment. And when Mal left for the army, I was able to amicably let him go and our friendship continued with little hindrance. 

Once I made peace with the whole Mal debacle, the pining and the stinging eventually faded away but it left me with no future to look forward to. The world seemed too big and too small at once. After much consideration, I decided to go through with the motions and enlisted in the army a year later; much to the chagrin of our matron, Ana Kuya. But it turned out to be one of the best decisions I made. There was bullying, hatred, wounds and tears, of course,  but that decision led me to one Alexi Stepanov, a dearest friend of mine; a friend who taught me to dream.

Alexi was the first person to appreciate the uniqueness of the gift I possessed. I had never once thought of my mind as something special; the kids at Keramzin made sure of that. But Alexi was beyond fascinated and took it upon himself to strengthen it. He used to find me book after book from the local library in Poliznaya and helped me hone my skill. It was him who taught me to dream for a life beyond what Ravka offered. The three years we spent together were some of the best years of my life. His love was selfless, unconditional and rare; through struggles and pain it remained constant and unwavering. And in the end, that selfless love ended up getting him killed when he switched places with me on the skiff. I stopped walking for a bit and let my tears flow. I mourned Alexi’s death everyday. He would have been thrilled about me being the Sun Summoner and would have bragged about it to every soul he would have met. He had such a pure heart and deserved so much better than a gruesome death. I hope that wherever he is, he is at peace.

Thinking about Alexi brought my thoughts to Aleksander. Alexi taught me to dream but Aleksander helped me find my purpose. I chuckled at the memory of our first meeting; him being all dramatic in his tent when he asked me to come closer. I remember being so annoyed at his theatrics. He came into my life like a whirlwind of shadows and swept me off of my feet.  With him came heartaches and pain but also came love, friends, family, a place to call home, a sense of belonging and something worth fighting for. Before meeting him, I thought I knew what love was but I had never been more wrong. I had never experienced a love so deep or as passionate as his and never in a million years I imagined myself returning it in such fervour. And everyday I’m thankful for the fact that our journey has only just begun.

I sighed despondent. Had I not been kidnapped, we would have celebrated our first Yule and would have welcomed the coming year with a new beginning.  But fate had other plans and if I wish to welcome many more new years with him, I have to take this journey to find a cure for his sickness. For centuries he had fought alone with no one but himself to rely on. But now, he has me and I will do everything in my power to get him out of the disaster that is to come. I can only hope that the Stag has some answers because if Baghra was right, we are running out of time. 

I decided to find cover as the sun began to set. Soon I found a small cave to shelter me for the night and securely placed my pack there. I decided to fetch water before it got dark and went to the nearby brooke; the water was frozen so I melted the ice and filled my canteen. I thawed the ice some more and cleaned myself up a bit. I sighed at my reflection. If only Genya could see me now, she would faint at the sight of me. I laughed at that thought and walked back to my shelter. As I turned around the corner, I noticed someone looming over my hide-out. I quickly hid behind the bushes and observed him. The light was dim to make out his features but whoever it was had a rifle and a First Army issued pack. He was rummaging through my packs then placed his pack near mine and turned -

“Mal!” I almost screamed.

“Alina” I ran and hugged him tight. 

I knew deep inside of me that he was alive and had escaped Baghra’s attack. I do not know how; maybe it was because he was my amplifier or maybe it was because of the connection we shared. But seeing him in one-piece flooded my heart with relief.

“You have no idea how much of a relief it is to see you alive, Mal.”

“Me too, Alina. Me too.”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

We arrived at the outskirts of Ryevost at twilight. The ride was intense and filled with terse silence. Throughout the journey Fedyor kept throwing glances at me. He must have sensed the change in my demeanour and was confused by the presence of David with us. However he dared not to make a comment and left it alone. 

I had received two reports from Ryevost. One was about bizarre activities in a derelict barn and the second was of two severely burned soldiers. I ordered to stop at the barn first. The barn had bullet holes and singe marks everywhere. It was then I noticed the Cut. My little saint was finally able to deliver the Cut. Despite my current feelings, I was proud of her. But I also noticed that there were no blood stains anywhere. My Alina, I thought derisively, showing mercy towards thieves and yet had no qualms about cruelly ripping my heart apart.

“Moi Soverenyi” Ivan called. “I think Alina had escaped the thieves.”

“Yes, Ivan. Ms. Starkov has been quite resourceful, I would say.” 

“Shall I get on a horseback and go after the thieves, sir?.”

“No, it’s a waste of time. She’s not with them. She’s on her own and our priority now is to locate her as quickly as possible. Let us investigate the next incident.” he nodded and left to order the carriage around. I touched the beam cut in half one last time and left to follow them.

================ 

Ryevost is not a post that I often visit. Situated at a safe distance from both the borders, the town suffered little less compared to the other towns. So I only visit it every couple of years or so. But Ryevost is still an important town because the river district and the surrounding towns have been solely feeding more than half of the East Ravkan population making it an enticing target for our enemies. It was in one of my previous lives that I decided to make Ryevost a stronghold and set up a Grisha encampment there filled with trained tidemakers and squallers.

The carriage pulled in front of the First Army camps and within seconds the news of my arrival spread like wildfire; setting off a flurry of activities. Commander Dimitri rushed to receive me.

“General Kirigan. Please come in sir. I have the two corporals ready for your questioning as you had ordered.”

“Lead the way.” I followed him to his tent.

“Corporals Marv Petrova and Lev Ivanov”. He introduced. The two soldiers stood with great difficulty and saluted. I motioned them to sit and began my inquiry. 

“So Corporals, I received reports that you were attacked by a Shu spy. Care to elaborate?”

Corporal Lev answered, “We were on our way back to the camp from the tavern, sir. We noticed a suspicious looking Shu girl loitering. We don’t often get those kind around here, sir. So we approached to question her and she tried to run away. We followed her and she attacked us with some kind of phosphorus fire, sir.” 

I looked at Ivan. ‘Lies.’ The corporals looked at each other in alarm.

“I won’t ask again. What happened?” 

This time it was Marv who answered. “We were drunk, sir. Lev slammed into her by mistake. She tried to get away but we wanted to have some fun and teased the girl, sir. She ignored us so we wanted to teach her a lesson, sir.” He visibly swallowed at my heightening shadows and hastily added, “It was only because we were drunk and we thought she was just a Shu bint. We didn’t know she was important, sir.”

“And?” I bit out.

“We tried to take her to the nearby alley but she attacked and burned us, sir”

I looked at Ivan. He nodded. Rage filled my mind. These mongrels dared to touch my Alina and rape her! I will tear them apart limb from limb and choke their lungs with my shadows. 

“Sir!” Commander Dimitri's frantic voice pulled me out of my dark thoughts. He looked alarmed and was trying not to flee. That’s when I noticed the swirls of shadows pouring out of me. The two corporals were quaking in fear. 

“We are sorry, sir.” The corporals pleaded. 

“You dared to touch someone under my protection. Someone who was not ordinary like you. She showed you mercy by letting you live but unlucky for you that leaves your punishment in my hands.”

“Sir.. sir.” I drowned their pleas and poured my shadows into their mouths and watched in grim satisfaction as it choked them from the inside; crushing their lungs and heart. Slowly they stopped convulsing and died. Their faces were stuck in silent scream when I retrieved my shadows and their skin was covered in dark veins. But I was not satisfied with their punishment. They had an easy death. If I had had the time or the power, I would have revived them over and over again and repeated this all a hundred more times. Otkazat’sya scum! 

“Hang their bodies in the gallows. Let it be a lesson to the others.” I ordered Dimitri. He bowed and called in some guards to remove the bodies. He then bowed and left. 

Alina is in danger. This was just the tip of the iceberg and wherever she is headed, she will only have more troubles coming her way. I need to find her quickly. She is not with the thieves or Mal. She had every intent to leave the Little Palace to rejoin her lover before her kidnapping. Considering how Mal’s body was nowhere to be found, one can only assume that he is alive. So where would they consider safe enough to reconvene? One of Alina’s greatest weapons is her intelligence. She is conniving and resourceful; she never leaves anything to chance. Perhaps her last letter to ‘Isaak’ contains a code for the second location in case they missed the first rendezvous, I pondered. 

“Sir.” Zoya’s voice interrupted me.

“I went to the Second Army camp as you had ordered, sir. Several Second Army supplies were signed out by Sergi six days ago and he then left his post without providing a proper explanation to his commander, sir.” 

This was a new development. I knew that Sergi and Alina were friends; he helped her in preparing the poison for the Stag as well. What a perfect little cover! Oh Alina! How I’ve underestimated you! I thought you had beguiled only me but it seems you have lured quite a few of my Grisha into your trap. You had even seduced poor Sergi to desert the Second Army and betray me. I opened the doors of my palace to you and you have repaid me with treachery. I wanted to make you my queen, my equal but now I think you would rather make an excellent prisoner. And prisoner you shall remain till the day you learn your lesson.

“Sir, I think she is heading North.”

I looked at her and she began to explain further.

“The supplies are the ones that we provide for the Second Army stationed in the Northern Borders.”

I smiled at the sudden realisation. Alina, ever so careful. She had not just planned her escape, she is going after the Stag to fight me in case I find her. Sweet Alina! I have lived a thousand lives, you will soon realise that there is no escape from me.

“She is after the Stag. Let's head north.” I ordered. David, who had followed Zoya, raised his hand.

“Yes, David?”

“Genya gave her a ring. Made of pure Iridium, not native to Ravka. So when we get within one mile of her, I can direct us.” he offered.

“Well done, David. Proving again the many uses of a Durast.” 

I turned to Ivan. “Get the carriages ready. We are heading North and we will stop at nothing till we find her.”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

Mal and I settled in the cave for the night. Just like every other night of my journey, I created a small orb of light to provide me heat. Mal looked at it with an unreadable expression.

“Are you still afraid of Grisha?” I asked in a small voice.

“Only the ones that keep secrets from me.” He replied after a beat. “How long have you known?”

“About as long as you. Did you actually think that I was hiding this from you? Why would I do that, Mal?”

“You cheated on the test when we were children. You cut your own hand.”

“Not because I knew I was Grisha. Because I knew what would happen if I somehow passed their test. They would have taken me away.” 

“To a palace, Alina.”

“They would have split us up, you big oaf! Did you ever stop to think that I cheated on the test because I didn’t want to leave you.” I put my hands up in frustration. Even after all these years Mal still doesn’t know me.

He exhaled sharply. “I’m sorry, Alina.” He said remorsefully.

“You should be.”

We stayed silent for a while. “Your light, it's beautiful.” Mal said, looking at it with fascination and raised his hands to touch it. “It is hot enough to melt your flesh, Mal.” I warned and he hastily withdrew his hands.

“The point is. I’m not afraid of you or your powers, Alina. Grisha or not, I know you and nothing can change that.”

I sighed. The anger drained out of me. “Let me tend to your injuries first. I have supplies and lucky for you, I learned how to cauterise a wound with my light.”

He smiled and began to undress. I winced at the sight of his injuries. There was a bullet wound on his right shoulder with a clean exit and a deep knife cut on the left side of his torso. 

“Saints, Mal! You should have sought medical help.” I exclaimed in worry. Thankfully, Sergi had provided a medical kit along with other supplies. I cleared the pus from the bullet wound and slowly cauterised it just like I was taught in the corporalki classes.

“I thought you were the Sun Summoner.” Mal joked.

“I only needed two months to finish my Etherealki training. I was bored so I took some corporalki classes.”

He laughed out loud. “You haven’t changed a bit, Alina. Did you also finish reading all the books there?”

“I’m only quarter way there. The Library there is humungous, Mal.” He laughed some more.

I was done with his shoulder wounds and moved to attend to his other wound. “Why did you go after the Stag, Mal? I asked you not to come meet me.” 

“Kirigan’s order to track it came with your drawings.” He answered with confusion. “I thought you were showing me the way to you.” 

So this was Aleksander’s work then. He went behind my back after we agreed not to pursue it. Baghra’s words washed over me. ‘He held no love for you. He just needs your light. ’ I shook off her words. Aleksander loves me . I repeated firmly. He is just in a bad place right now because of merzost. I convinced myself. I will deal with this later after I find the stag. 

“Are you unhappy that I came to meet you?” Mal’s words pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Of course not, Mal. It’s just not safe for you to visit me.”

“Because of the Darkling?”

“What? No! Contrary to what people believe, he is actually a very kind man. Trust me.”

“The Darkling? A kind man? Are we talking about the same Darkling?”

“Shut up and yes. I cannot tell you now why I asked you not to come. You have to trust me. You would be in grave danger if you were discovered. Please don’t ask me any further than that.”

He looked at me for a bit and then nodded. I smiled and got up. “Alright. You are done.”

“Thanks, Alina.”

“Get some rest, I will take the first watch. We have a long journey ahead of us.”

================

The next couple of days passed in similar fashion. We got up very early and trekked most of the day till sunset. Inspite of me sharing a bond with the Stag, Mal was the one who was more attuned to it. My working theory was that they are connected by blood and bone whereas my connection was just a mental link. Another thing I noticed was how quiet Mal had become since I last saw him a year ago. I did most of the talking; filling him in on all that had happened since I arrived at the Little Palace. At first I chalked it up to him being paranoid about the surroundings. But this was different. He would often stare afar and look forlornly. I could not take his silence any longer. We were only a few hours from Fjerda and had settled in for the night. Mal had volunteered to take the first watch. 

“Mal” He turned to face me. “Are you regretting helping me? You seem a lot quieter and you often look sad like you have lost something.”

He sighed out loud and a look of contemplation crossed his face. Then as if he decided on something he began. “Alina, this past year has been very difficult for me. I kept dreaming about your face on the skiff; frozen in terror as the volcra tried to pull you away. I could not forget it and I don’t think I ever will. Before your letters came, I tried to bribe a squaller to get word to you and he laughed at me. He asked ‘ what is she to you, anyways?’ I had no answer for him. Not because I don’t know what you mean to me; it’s because I finally understood what you are to me. After I lost my parents, I walked past three orphanages till I reached Keramzin because none of them felt like home. That’s what you are to me Alina, my home. Too bad I realised this only after I lost you. I know it's selfish of me to say it now but I love you, Alina. You are my true north and I will always find my way to you.”

I did not know how to respond to it. A few years ago this would have made me absolutely happy. But now things have changed. I'm no longer the girl he once knew. I took a couple of minutes before answering him. “It is indeed very selfish of you to say it now, Mal. I had been longing for years to hear these words from you. But, like you said, it's too late now.”

“Is it because you are the Sun Summoner? We will leave Ravka and go far away, even as far as Novyi Zem. Let's build our life there. Away from these wars and bloodbath. Let's be at peace. We deserve that, Alina.”

“Stop, please. I can’t do that, Mal. Only I can save these people and end the wars. Ravka and Grisha will have nothing if I leave. These are my people and this is my fight. I will not abandon them. Besides-” I paused not knowing how to continue. “Besides, my heart no longer belongs to me, Mal.” Mal looked stunned at my revelation. “General Kirigan and I are together. We could not reveal it yet or move forward as the King suddenly announced my engagement to Prince Vasily.” I finished.

Mal looked speechless. “Say something, Mal.”

“What do you want me to say, Alina?” He seemed angry now. “Do you want me to congratulate you? Or probably bow to you as the future Queen of Ravka? They are all using you, Alina. I thought you were smart but all the gold and glitz seems to have gotten into your head. Have you forgotten how people treated you before? How your loving General never stopped to look back when he almost ran you over? Nothing has changed between now and then except for your powers. They don’t care for you, Alina. If Ruby had been discovered instead of you, these proposals would have gone to her. You are just a vessel to them to satisfy their power needs. They have no use for you other than that.” he finished. 

My eyes welled up with tears. Mal had hit me where it would hurt me the most; touched every single insecurity of mine. Although our relationship has been turbulent, I know Aleksander and know all of it has not been a lie. I recalled his last words to me, ‘ Love, even if you don’t believe in anything else, believe that I love you with all my heart. And I give you my word that I will explain everything. Starting tomorrow, there won't be any more secrets between us .’ Mal is wrong. Aleksander loves me and he will find me and we will put this all behind us.  

I faced Mal with conviction. “Whatever you said is true about Vasily. He does not love or care for me. And I’m not deluded enough to think I’m being anything but a political pawn. But General Kirigan is different, Mal. He truly loves me. He is a good man who loves his people and has been fighting for Ravka his whole life.” 

“Alina, how many stories have we heard about the Darkling? He is not a good man. Him and this country will only hurt you more. You will realise this one day. Let's just leave this all behind when we can. Let's just go.” Mal pleaded.

I looked him straight in the eye and said, “You are wrong.” 

I turned my back to him and laid down. Mal, Baghra, they are all wrong; Aleksander is different. Aleksander loves me. I remembered all the good times we shared and slowly, I drifted to a fitful sleep.

================ 

“Love.” Aleksander’s voice called me. I turned to greet him. We were in his tent where I first met him. “Sasha!” I ran into his arms happy to finally see him. 

“Oh, how I missed you!” I kissed him. But he didn’t kiss me back. I pulled back in confusion. His usually warm and welcoming face was devoid of any emotions.

“Sasha? What happened?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired.” He said caressing my face.

“Tired?” I questioned.

“Yes. Tired of pretending.” He stopped caressing to pull my hand and lifted my sleeves like he did before. 

“What are you doing?”

“Taking what I actually need from you.” With that he made a cut in my arm and began to rip out my light from me. Next to him stood David collecting it in an apparatus. I screamed and screamed in agony but Aleksander did not stop till he wringed out every last drop of light from me. Only then he let go of my hand and I fell to the ground, clutching my hand in pain. 

“You have served your purpose. Take her away.” Aleksander ordered.

I watched in silent horror as Ivan dragged me away and tossed me in filth. I was confused and in pain; did not understand what was happening. I saw Genya and Fedyor walking hand in hand, laughing at something Fedyor said.

“Genya! Fedyor!” I ran upto them. “Help me. I don’t know what’s happening.”

Their faces immediately contorted in disgust. “You are still here? I thought General Kirigan had gotten rid of you.” Genya said. 

“Genya! I think I know what’s happening.” Fedyor said with barely contained laughter. “She came to us thinking our friendship was real.” Genya and Fedyor began to laugh, clutching their sides. “You are too naive, Alina.” Genya wheezed out in between her laughs.

“Please stop.” I begged with tears in my eyes.

“Too naive and clingy . Isn’t that why Mal ran away from you? All one has to do is show you a speck of attention and then you wag your tail and roll over for them. How much more pathetic can you be?” Genya taunted as I sobbed. 

“Go back to wherever you came from. You are not a Grisha; you never will be.” Fedyor said and walked away with Genya.

I cried and cried not knowing what I did wrong. “Anyone, please, help me.” I pleaded. 

Someone then slammed me from behind and I fell to the ground again. It was Zoya. “What did you say to me that day? That you are irreplaceable?” Zoya laughed maniacally. “Shu scum!” she spat and left.

Not knowing what else to do, I cried some more. The person who I thought was my future and people who I thought of as my family no longer wanted me. They only pretended to like me. It was all a lie. I wept again in pain. Then I realised Mal was right. Maybe we should have left. So I walked around searching for him. Suddenly I felt something being dropped from above so I moved away on instinct and looked up. It was Mal. He was hanging from a gallow with a sign ‘Deserter’ placed around his neck. I screamed and screamed till my voice turned hoarse. I have lost everything and everyone. 

Baghra manifested from the shadows. She looked at me with pity. “You should have run when you had the chance, girl.” she tutted and left.

‘Alina’ 

‘Alina..’

‘ Alina!’ I woke up with a start. Mal was looking at me with worry. “You were having a nightmare. Here, drink some water.” He handed me his canteen. My hands shook as I took it from him. I drank the water greedily to calm myself.

“Slow down, Alina. It’s okay. It was just a dream.” I took a big gulp and handed the canteen back. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked. I shook my head. “Alright. It’s still my watch. Go back to sleep. I will wake you up when it's your turn.”

“I don’t think I can sleep. You should lie down. I will start my watch.”

Mal stared at me for a bit and I struggled not to show how shaken I was by the dream. “Why don’t you sit with me for a bit. The skies are clear; the Big Dipper and Swan are visible today.”

I nodded and came to sit next to him. The dream had shaken me to the core. So we sat in silence and watched the skies. It had been a long time since I stopped to admire the beauty of the night sky. Slowly the tension and fear drained out of me.

“Alina.” Mal called me softly.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry before. I was worried about you and I was scared.” I look at him puzzled. “We had been apart only about a year and I can see so many changes in you. You are healthy. You sound more confident. And when you talk about the Little Palace and the people in there, I can see you glowing with happiness. I was scared because it has only been a year and I can already see that you are already unreachable to me; it is not your fault whatsoever. You are finally with the people who can understand you, cherish you and give you a life that I can only dream of. I’m sorry, I was so harsh to you earlier and I’m sorry that I realised my feelings too late. It was stupid of me to expect you to wait for me forever. You are smarter than the entire continent put together. So, if you say Kirigan is a good man, I will trust your judgement. After everything you have been through, all I want is for you to be happy and safe. If he can provide that to you then I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you, Mal. You don’t know how much this means to me.” He smiled and bumped his shoulder with mine.

“You better invite me to the wedding. Moya Tsaritsa.” He winked and bowed.

I punched him in his arm in retaliation. We laughed. The terror from the nightmare and hurt from Mal’s words finally left me. Silence resumed once again and we watched the starlight northern skies.

Suddenly, I felt a gentle tug and I saw Mal stiffening next to me. “The Stag?” He nodded. “Let’s go.” We quickly packed our things and walked towards the direction of the tug. 

Mal handed me a knife. “In case the poison doesn't work.” I nodded and took the knife from him. 

I followed the tug and kept walking. We had just crossed the Fjerdan borders and Mal was next to me with his gun loaded and ready. The tug was almost painful as I turned around the corner. There stood my Stag in all its glory, bathed in white light. I nodded at Mal and went towards it. 

“We meet at last.” The Stag projected.

================ 

I knelt before the Stag and he gently touched my forehead with his snout. Our connection flared and soon I found myself in the familiar forests where I first discovered my powers.

“Our physical bodies are still where we left them. There is so much to show and share and this is the safest space to do so.” My Stag said. “You have had a difficult life, child. I wish I could tell you that your life would be less difficult from now on- but that would be a lie. You have the hardest trials coming your way and you would have impossible choices to make. I can only hope, the strength you have carried so far, carries you through them too.” He finished ominously.

I felt a sharp spike of fear through me at his words. 

“Fear not, child. Help will always be around the corner when you need it and it’s upto you to recognise your allies from your foes. I’m sure by now you’d have gathered why Grisha were put on Earth.” I nodded. We walked as he kept talking. “Grisha persecutions has been happening for thousands of years now. Everytime the balance begins to tip, the Making corrects the course to make sure the Grisha survive one way or the other. First it made some Grisha very powerful. Powerful enough to guide the rest for a few centuries. But when that didn’t work, the Making picked one of the greatest fabrikators ever lived to create amplifiers. Amplifiers acted as links to the Making that enhanced the wearer’s powers a hundred fold. Your story starts there too. It starts with the Bonesmith.” 

I noticed that he was taking me through a path I had never seen before. “Ilya Morozova, was a brilliant fabrikator. Like you, he too had a destiny to fulfil and he did. For decades, he travelled the world and created powerful amplifiers for Grisha. But seeing how none of that actually stopped Grisha persecutions, he began to dabble in merzost. It was then he met and married an otkazat’sya woman. Everybody knows the story of Sankt Ilya and his daughter. What they don’t know is Ilya had a firstborn child, a daughter. He wanted the child to have a power that was never seen before. A power to summon an element not tied to the Earth. He wanted her to summon light. He wanted her to be a weapon that would finally defeat the otkazat’sya. But when she was born he was disappointed for she did not carry the light like he hoped, instead she summoned shadows as dark as the night.” 

I inhaled sharply. ‘Baghra.’

“Yes. At one point he thought he might train her as a weapon. But he soon realised that Baghra had no desire to fight or save the Grisha. So, he kept her hidden away from the world, as a symbol of his failure. That’s what merzost does. It will always demand a price that you cannot pay. As the years passed, he became more obsessed with creating the ultimate weapon that he finally discovered a way to unlock the Making’s power. But the Making’s power is not meant for taking.” 

He stopped and nodded his head. I turned my head to see what he was pointing and I fell on my knees at the sight of it. I was staring at the core of creation. The entity that feeds life into this very Earth - The Making. Words cannot describe the vision before me. It had no shape or form. It was neither solid nor liquid. It was pulsating mass of raw, unbridled energy, emitting light brighter than a million suns put together. It was a miracle I had not turned blind at the sight of it.

I turned to the Stag, “How?”

“In his quest for making the ultimate weapon, he sought out the rarest creatures on Earth that can withstand the power of the Making. But soon discovered that I alone, cannot do the job. Through me he was able to create a channel to draw the power of the Making, but he could not sustain it. So we made the Sea whip amplifier next. The Sea whip gives the vessel of the wearer strength to contain the power of the Making without which the wearer would slowly deteriorate. It was then he discovered that his wife was carrying his next child, an otkazat’sya. His body was plagued with merzost and yet he did not stop. He wanted to convert the otkazat’sya child into the ultimate weapon. So he began his search for the Firebird. The Firebird amplifier will unlock the fabric of life. When all these three were put together, one has the power to destroy or create civilizations with a flick of their fingers. But when Baghra struck down her sister with the Cut, Ilya had no other choice but to revive her and make her the Firebird. When he was done, his blood and body were completely taken over merzost. So when the villagers drowned him, he only had strength to save his child while he perished.” He stopped talking.

I nodded in understanding. So that's why Mal was able to track anything and everything. He carries the Making's connection to all life forms. But where do I come into all of this? Is this a warning that I should not be wearing the three amplifiers? I wondered.

“Quite the contrary actually.” The Stag said, reading my thoughts. “Irrespective of Ilya’s actions, we exist and everyday we are at risk of falling into the hands of greedy men. The world is once again hanging in a balance, this time because of Ilya's grandson. He too had followed the steps of his grandfather; taking more than what was given and creating something that was not meant to be.” The Stag pointed at the rip near the Making. Something dark was slowly trickling towards it and wherever it touched, the golden wisps of the Making were being extinguished and neutralised.

“What is that?”

“It’s the Void. Just like everything in creation, the Making also has a balance. But when Aleksander used merzost, his shadows ripped the veil between the two and the Void has been trickling into the living world since then. You being here is not a coincidence, Alina. You were not just put here to counter-balance him. You have to stop him from jump starting the destruction of the world.”

The enormity of my purpose was finally setting in me. This is huge. How can I alone accomplish something like this? Will Aleksander even listen to what I’m saying? With the Stag incident alone, he has proved that he has no qualms about going behind my back. Did he even care for me? I thought bitterly. Suddenly something else from that conversation came to me. He wanted a piece of the Stag for himself and I was foolish enough to fall for his excuse of keeping me safe. He is Ilya Morozova’s grandson, he knew what the Stag’s power meant. He wanted the piece not because he wanted to keep me safe but to channel the Making’s power through me. That had been his plan all along. The realisation knocked the wind out of my lungs. I felt tears prickling from my eyes.

I swallowed deeply and controlled my tears. Everything between me and him had been a lie. I let that thought settle in my mind. Despite all the evidences before me, I foolishly believed that he loved me. After all, we were tied by the Making. But if my other half could so callously betray me then what hope did I have? I think it is my fate. I will always be unwanted; even to the very person that the Making chose for me. I struggled not to breakdown but a few sobs escaped me. I almost want to laugh in hysterics, it was just like a year ago. Once again, I was tossed into something bigger and I don’t have time to stop or grieve. 

With great struggle I put away the hurt and pain and focused on what to do next. Irrespective of Aleksander’s plans for me, his ideals were not wrong. All he ever wanted was to save the Grisha. But now polluted with merzost he is going to do some irreversible damage if I don’t stop him. If I expose him or oppose him, the Grisha persecution will start again and the rest of Ravka will be destroyed in the crossfire. The Grisha are innocent and if thousands of Grisha have something to call a home it was because of him. I cannot taint his legacy that way.

“And this is precisely why the Making chose you to give its powers.” The Stag said; almost sounding proud. I forgot that he could read my thoughts.

“You already have me and the Firebird. You just need to find the Rusalye. You-” He stopped and looked behind us and I felt the forests around us shaking.

“You have run out of time. Alina, know that we all are your amplifiers. Nothing can ever change that.” With that he flicked his head and I found myself being thrown backwards. The connection severed and I was lying on my back several feet from my Stag. As I recovered from the impact, the scene before me started to make sense. Mal was on his knees with two arrows sticking out of his chest and my Stag was sliced clean in four different places; his blood darkening the snow beneath him. 

“The Stag was never yours.” I heard Zoya’s voice to my left. Anger like never before rose in me. I stuck Zoya with my light and watched in satisfaction as she was slammed into the nearby tree, snapping it into two.

I ran towards Mal when I felt a sudden pain around my heart. Ivan was heartrendering me into submission. That made me even more angry. I wanted to hurt him. I could see him straining to control me, soon another heartrender joined him in an attempt to put me down. I coughed up blood but began to form the Cut. Then Fedyor joined the two to stop me. I could feel the pressure mounting inside me. Blood was trickling from my nose and mouth. But I will be damned if I let them take me. 

“Enough!” I roared and tossed them all to the ground with tremendous force that they landed several feet away. 

“Enough indeed.” came a cool voice behind me. “It was quite impressive to see you fight off three of my best heartrenders, Alina.” Aleksander came into focus, his shadows dragging Mal behind him. “But while you are doing that, your tracker is bleeding to a certain death. You may have the power of light but you don't have the power to heal. It is all over now anyway, afterall, I have already killed your Stag.” He stopped in front of me. His eyes, cold as steel; devoid of all the warmth that I had grown to associate with him. 

“If you come with me quietly, I will save your tracker. He seems quite important to you. If not, you can have the pleasure of watching him die. It’s your choice now. Take all the time you need but your tracker doesn't have very long.” I looked at Mal. He was sputtering and coughing blood. 

“Alina.” He wheezed. “It’s okay. I’m okay.” He coughed and more blood poured out of him. I lowered my hands and stopped summoning; the fight left me. 

“Good choice.” Aleksander mocked.

“Take the antlers and burn the rest of the carcass. Put her to sleep and heal her tracker. He might come in handy for what’s to come next.” He ordered and began to walk away. 

This time when I felt the constriction, I did not resist it. I fell to the ground and manacles were placed on my wrists, holding them apart. The last thing I saw before darkness took over was Fedyor’s tear stained face asking me to forgive him.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

Time, I decided, made no sense nor did the surroundings. Everytime I blinked they kept changing. Sometimes, I was staring at the starlit night skies and sometimes I felt the rays of the winter sun hitting my face. Sometimes the air was biting cold and sometimes, it was warm and cosy. 

Other things kept changing too. At first someone was carrying me. I tried to see who it was and it all became black once again. The next few times, I woke up on a horse. My body recognised the movements and the smell of horse confirmed it. Someone was holding me and keeping me from falling over but I was too tired to see who it was. And after that, I kept waking up in a carriage - Aleksander’s carriage, my mind supplied looking at the black, opulent interiors. Everything kept changing as the journey carried on and I lost track of the days. Has it been weeks or months? I did not know.

The people around me kept changing too. Sometimes it was Fedyor and Ivan, sometimes it was Fedyor and Zoya and sometimes even Ivan and Aleksander. But Fedyor was present mostly. I remember him feeding me thin soup and covering me with a blanket. Or was it a dream? I was not really sure anymore. And sometimes, I thought I felt Aleksander’s eyes on me but when I tried to follow I always fell asleep. One time, I dreamt of holding the edge of his cloak and begging him to let me speak. But once again, I slipped into darkness. 

And sometimes, I heard voices too. Snippets of conversations, shouts of orders;  spoken from somewhere above me. But I was too disoriented to make sense of it.

‘ Why is she awake, Fedyor? Are you incapable of putting someone less than half your weight to sleep?’

‘I think it's the amplifier, General. Ever since Alina touched it, there’s a resonance inside her. It is difficult to push past it.’

‘If you are not strong enough. I will let Ivan handle her.’

‘No, General. I will do it.’

Blackness.

‘Alina. It’s okay. It will be okay. Drink this. It’s soup.’

‘I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’

Blackness.

‘It’s nothing, Alina. I’m just adjusting you, so don’t fall from the horse.’

‘Go to sleep, Alina. It will all be okay soon. I’m so sorry.’

Blackness.

‘Walk. It is bad enough that I have to sit with my legs cramped to accommodate you. They have to make me watch you relieve yourself as well. Finish it soon.’

‘Zoya! She is the Sun Summoner.’

‘If you care that much, you can take over for me, Fedyor. Plus, she is a deserter; she does not deserve a decent treatment.’

‘She was kidnapped. You were there when the General questioned the Conductor or did you forget that?’

‘Then what was she doing near the Fjerdan border with her otkazat’sya from Keramzin?’

‘I’m sure, Alina had her reasons.’ 

‘Look, Zoya. Things are not looking good as it is with the General. The last thing I need you is to fan the flames and call her a deserter.’ 

‘Why are you trusting her? She never grew up in the palace with us. She was never one of us. For all we know she led the kidnappers to her.’

‘That’s enough, Zoya! I’m the heartrender here. I know her heartbeat like my own and never once has she faked anything. So keep your jealous hatred to yourself.’

“I didn’t run away. It’s my home. I was only trying to save the Gen-”

‘Zoya! Fedyor! It’s time.’

Blackness.

“Stop. I can’t, please. My head. It all feels wrong. Let me talk to the General, please. He’ll understand.”

‘Fedyor!’

Blackness.

‘Report.’

‘A letter from Genya arrived this morning, sir. Looks like all went well. The King is sick, the palace is in an uproar and the guards have locked up Igor. We are in the clear. The news of Zlatan’s assassination attempt on the King is spreading fast. The Apparat has taken over the ruling for now and the remaining delegates are speeding towards Kribirsk in a hurry to leave to their countries. And the Queen has relieved Genya temporarily from her duties as per your request to aid Alina. She will join us soon.’

‘Good.’

‘Any further instructions, sir?’

‘Fedyor and Zoya cannot know the true plan till we are on the skiff. It is about time General Zlatan received some retribution for all his crimes against Grisha.’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Before we reach Kribirsk, camp at Kolomna. Make sure David is ready.’

“You are making a big mistake. Please just listen to me. I-”

Blackness.

================ 

This time when I woke up, I was finally coherent. The lights from the candle were bright and jarring but my mind was clear. I noticed that I was lying on the floor of a well-lit black tent. The manacles on my wrists were still in place but now, my legs were shackled too, limiting my mobility. Ignoring my roiling stomach, I sat straight with the support of the tent pole. The reality of everything finally sank in and a bitter laugh escaped as the result; Baghra was right. She had been right the whole time; I was indeed a naive little girl. Oh, how I defended him to his mother and Mal! Insisted over and over again that he was a good man who loved me. What a fool, I was!  All it took was a few declarations of love, a glimpse into his broken soul and a promise of the future; I was ready to crave out my heart and hand it over on a plate to him. I tried to laugh at my foolishness but only a sob came out instead; with that I lost it completely and began to sob uncontrollably. In a matter of a few months I had forgotten who I was and how people treated me before. Why did I ever think that things would be any different here? Or that he would be different? When did I start to believe that a beautiful man would actually want me for me and not have any cruel intentions behind it? A year ago, I would have seen it for what it was. But what clouded my judgement? Was it just my starving need for touch and affection? Or perhaps my desire of finding a home? 

Whatever it was, it has now put me back to where I once started- a powerless being with nothing but her wit and a broken heart. I roughly wiped away my tears and tried to swallow them down like I always used to do. But it wouldn’t stop and kept pouring. He did not care for me; never did. If he had, he would not have done this to me after reading my letter. Like the lovesick fool I was, not only did I pour my heart into the letter, I also told him where he could come find me. And he did. He came for me; not to my rescue but to kill my Stag and use its power through me. 

‘Milaya, I won’t let anyone hurt a single strand of hair in your head. I would cover the world in shadows before I could see you hurt.’ A broken laugh escaped me as I recalled his words. How many such fancy promises he made me!

‘I’m not interested in you. Leave me alone.’ I remember yelling at a corporal who insisted on inviting me into his sack that night. I remember him halting for a moment, just a moment at my outburst; then a vicious smile spread on his face.

‘You think ya too good for me? Hah? Or do ya fancy a wedding with a veil and a ring on yer finger before someone takes ya?’ He jeered. ‘Yer just a Shu bint. No proper man would want to make ya his wife. Yer not even worth a good poundin'.’ He spat. ‘Ya should be begging me. Even a Ravkan leper wouldn’t wanna touch ya with a ten-foot pole.’

The memory from two years ago came to me. I remember violently swallowing back my tears at the soldier's cruel words. I remember clenching my fists and walking away, vowing to myself that I’d prove him wrong. That I’d prove them all wrong. And for a while, after settling in the Little Palace, I thought I did. However, in the end they were all right; Shu bints don’t get love or a home. They get used. They will always be unwanted wherever they go.  

I thought, I knew what cruelty was. But this- this is a whole new brand of cruelty that I was unprepared for. Cruelty hidden deep inside professions of love. The shame and heartbreak refused to go away and I wept helplessly in silence.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Fedyor ~~~

I knew Ivan was hiding something important from me. I could see it in his eyes, the way he avoided me and stuck around General Kirigan more than usual. He busied himself whenever I tried to approach him. After ten years of being married, I thought I knew my husband inside out. But this new side of him increased my dread tenfold. 

The whole mission made little sense. Ever since we left the Little Palace, the change in General Kirigan’s behaviour, planted seeds of doubt and worry in me. The frantic, harried and tortured man was gone. He was replaced with the dark and stone cold man who looked more sinister than fearsome. I was also shocked to see that our rescue party included David. No offence to the Fabrikator but he was not someone you’d bring on a rescue mission. I bit my tongue and kept my thoughts to myself as I noticed that no one else looked even remotely affected by these new changes. But the greatest shock of all came when the General ordered us to chase and apprehend Alina like a common criminal. Four powerful Grisha were ganging on her and trying to make her submit. Considering the only way to keep Alina safe was to follow his orders, I tried to apprehend her too, praying that she would forgive me one day. And when I placed those manacles on her wrists, something broke inside me.

The days that followed her capture were a blur. The General ordered us to Kribirsk instead of taking Alina to the Little Palace like I had hoped. With no other options left, I began to guard her at all times- carried her, healed her wounds, fed her and kept her warm. It shattered my heart to see Alina this way and every time she begged to stop, I cried for her. I know that the only way I can truly help Alina is by assessing the situation and gathering information about the General’s plans. So I kept my eyes and ears open throughout our journey. 

The General’s inner circle knew about his plans to overthrow the Lantsovs for quite some time. So, when the news of the King’s sudden illness reached me, I was not very surprised. As someone who believed that the discovery of the Sun Summoner was a sign from above, I had hoped that the General and Alina would ascend the throne together. But now, given the way that Alina is being mistreated, I was no longer sure. 

We were camped at Kolomna which is unusual as it is and the General was nowhere to be seen. With Ivan guarding Alina, I decided to use this opportunity to confront David and gather more information.

I quickly went over to his tent and found David scribbling furiously into his notebook. “David.”

He blinked as he looked at me. “Did General Kirigan tell you why you are coming with us on this mission?”

“Yes, he did.” David answered the question posed as usual and did not elaborate further.

“Well, what is it?” I asked.

He blinked at me some more. He opened his mouth a couple of times but closed it quickly. “I’m not supposed to share it, Fedyor.”

“I know. But David-” I moved closer to him. “Alina is in danger. Did you not see how she is being shackled and kept under control? You know her. You’ve worked with her. Is this something you want for her?”

“I-I-I.. I’m only doing what I’m ordered to do.”

“Yes, But-”

“Which something that you should also be doing, Fedyor.” Ivan’s voice interrupted me. “Kostyk, take your stuff and go to the next tent. The General wants you to be ready in half hour.” he ordered and I helplessly watched as David scrambled with his stuff and fled the tent.

Once David left us, Ivan came closer, “Fedya, what are you doing? Are you trying to betray the General?”

Anger flared in me. “I’m betraying? The only one who is betraying here is General Kirigan.”

“He is doing what should be done. He is doing what’s right for Grisha.”

I looked at him incredulously. “By shackling and tormenting one of our own? The very person who is our salvation?”

His nostrils flared in anger. “She betrayed us first. She deserted her position and ran away to be with her otkazat’sya boy.” 

“You’re joking, right? You think Alina betrayed us? The Alina, who although lived as an otkazat’sya for most of her life, understood our cause and trained for it everyday. Who never took a break, never rested, never sought a special treatment for it. Is that the same Alina you’re talking about? Alina, who was tormented by the everyday loss of the Second Army soldiers that she volunteered to help with the war even when it was not required of her to do so. Did you forget who helped us stop the attack on Nezkii? Or who figured out Shu-Han and Fjerda’s nefarious plan to annihilate us? You are the most powerful heartrender, Ivan. I know you have been listening to her heartbeat every single day. Tell me when she lied?”

Ivan looked impassive at my reasoning. “She only did what was expected of her. If she had cared about us, she would not have hid her powers. If she had not hated being a Grisha, she would not have fooled her testers.”

“Ivan, she was a child! You talk as if she was the first child to do so. Every year we receive loads of children from all over the country who hide their powers. You are simply projecting your loss and grief on her.” I finished.

Ivan’s face was clouded with anger at my last comment.  I knew it was a low blow to bring up his dead family but considering his change in heartbeat, I knew that I had hit the nail on the head. Everyone in the Little Palace has suffered through grief and loss. Instead of dealing with it properly, Ivan wore his like an armour. He hoped to see the end of the war and that’s the reason he serves the General so faithfully. I never questioned it and let him heal in his own way. But ever since Alina emerged, he has been pinning all his loss and grief on her like she had any control over it. He held her to an impossibly high standard, refused to believe in her and faulted her for every single thing.

“Vanya, she does not deserve your hatred. She had no part to play in your loss. You cannot place the blame on her for your loss or the loss of any Grisha for that matter. She is just a young girl and she is only just starting. You need to let her grow into her own person and let her evolve into the leader you expect her to be. Right now what you are doing will only lead to a disaster. Listen to me, Vanya. Please. Help me.” I pleaded as I held his hand.

He let go of my hand abruptly. “I trust the General more than I trust her. The General knows what he is doing and I’m following him because that is the only way I know how to keep you, my only family, safe. I don’t care that she is shackled, I don’t care that she is suffering because it would mean that one day I’d get to see you live a peaceful life in a cottage, the way you’d always dreamed of. Whatever happens to the girl, is on me. So let it go and do as he says, Fedya.” He pressed a kiss on my forehead and left.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

After I had run out of tears, I began to think on what to do next. I was emotionally drained and cold. Atleast he had the notion to allow me some dignity and left me in my old clothes, I thought bitterly and tried pull my coat tightly around me. As much as I want to wallow in my self-pity and self-hatred, I did not have the luxury of time. I need to stop Alek- the General from accessing the Making’s powers through me. To stop that, first, I need to escape him, take back my amplifier, then rescue Mal and find the Rusalye. Once I get all three amplifiers, I need to close the rip and break out the General from merzost’s hold. And I need to do all this while on the run from the Second Army, Zlatan, the First army, and Fjerdan assassins. I would be hunted down relentlessly on all sides. And with no money or protection, I don’t know how long I’ll last. I maybe a powerful Grisha but, unlike the General, I have no allies or army to help me or keep me safe. I sighed. Everything looked hopeless. 

I was so lost in my thoughts that I did not notice the tent flaps opening. 

“You look awful.” A familiar voice broke me out of my thoughts. 

“Genya!” I launched at her; part in relief and part in hope, forgetting my shackles. I fell to the ground with a loud thump and Genya rushed to my rescue.

“You okay?” she asked, helping me upright and checked me over. “The Little Palace hasn’t been the same without you.” she said. And that’s when I noticed her kefta. It was not white. It was red with fabrikator swirls.  

“Genya, what did you do?” I asked in despair.

“What do you mean? I’ve only come to help you prepare, Alina. The Queen was even gracious enough to relieve me temporarily when she heard of your plight” She explained casually.

“That doesn’t explain the kefta. If this was indeed temporary as you say, you’d still be in white. The General would not have given this to you unless he knew for sure that you wouldn’t be needing white anymore. What aren’t you telling me?” I demanded.

She swallowed a bit but her mask remained firmly in place. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. The country is already in an uproar as it is with the assassination attempt on the King by Zlatan’s man. All the delegates are speeding to Kribirsk to get on a skiff to rush to their countries. They say the King’s affliction is quite serious, so the Apparat is ruling in his stead. It’s all very chaotic in Os Alta, right now. It was a miracle that the General managed to curry favour to get me out of there to help you. The kefta is a gift from General Kirigan for my service. It clashes with my hair doesn’t it?” she laughed a bit.

I was filled with horror at each of Genya’s revelations. The General has started a coup and is intending to take the throne. He cannot fit me with an amplifier in Kribirsk. That’s why he has stopped here. Knowing the General he would want the delegates to witness my power. No. That’s not right. If he only wanted the delegates to witness my powers, he would not go into all the trouble of binding us both with the amplifier; threatening Mal would have done the job. Then it struck me- he does not want the world to witness my power, he wants the world to witness his . He would want the delegates to witness and fear his new authority. And I would be his ultimate weapon; just like Ilya Morozova had intended. Isn’t that what the Stag said? With me at his disposal he could destroy countries with a flick of his finger. 

“I did try to warn you; be careful of powerful men.” Genya added softly, adjusting her kefta’s collar

“This isn’t you, Genya.”

For some reason that angered her. “You know nothing about me.” She bit out.

“Genya, did you seriously think I did not know?” She looked at me without saying anything. “I’ve always known more than I let on, Genya. I knew you were his spy at the Grand Palace the very first night I met you. I knew he sent you, not just to help me, but to gather information about me and unearth my secrets. I knew that you reported to him everyday and you continued to do so even after he started courting me. I knew you never sent any of my letters to Mal. It all went straight to General Kirigan. But even after all that, why do you think I continued being your friend? Why do you think I overlooked all your betrayals?”

Genya looked shocked and finally her mask shattered. Her eyes were filled with regret as she turned away. “Why?”

I gently turned her by her shoulders to face me. “Because, I knew you were surviving.” A small sob escaped Genya. “At first, I only thought you were isolated, so I tried to include you with the others. Not because I pitied you but because I knew you’re a remarkable woman and I wanted the others to see it too. And when I learnt the truth-” I stopped my own voice breaking at this point. “Everyday since then, I have been trying to find a way to pull you from there.”

“Then you must know. I had-” a sob escaped her. “I had no choice.” 

I nodded. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I know. It’s okay.”

“I-” Before I could continue, Fedyor rushed inside. “You need to run. I finally managed to get the key ring from Ivan. There’s not much time.”

“Fedyor-” 

“We’ll talk later, Alina.” 

Just as he found the right key, Ivan entered and heartrendered Fedyor. Both Genya and I screamed in horror as Fedyor collapsed. Ivan rushed forward and took away the keys from him and dragged the now unconscious Fedyor inside the tent and hid him from view. Once all was done. He stood behind me and looked at the tent’s entrance as if awaiting someone’s arrival and then in walked the General, followed by David, Zoya and another heartrender.

================

It was the first time I laid my eyes on him since our confrontation at the Fjerdan border. His face looked devoid of any emotion. Eyes that once reflected warmth and love were cold and hard like a carved stone. So this is the real him. I mused. He walked slowly and leaned against a table and nodded at Ivan. Immediately, Ivan pushed me down on my knees and held my arms tight.

David opened the box he had carried with him and took out the antlers from it. They were shaped like a collar but only designed to display on the front.

“So this is it?” I looked at him and asked as David approached me. “I’m not even worth providing an answer now?”

He motioned for David to stop. “And why would I do that, Alina? So you can betray me more?”

“I never once betrayed you! It was you who lied to me all this time!” I yelled; my anger and heartbreak erupting out of me. “You are surrounded by all the powerful heartrenders of the land, ask them when I lied! Ask them when I betrayed you! But could you say the same about you? I sent you a letter, amidst all the chaos, in hopes that you’d find me and you used that to make me your prisoner instead. If there’s a liar between the two of us. It’s you!” A few angry tears rolled out of my eyes.

“Oh, I found your letters alright. ‘Blue irises’  was it, Alina? Or should I say Maria?” He tossed the letters in front of me. They were all letters from Mal, the ones I hid in my room. None of it was the letter I sent with Sergi.

“These are my letters to Mal.” As soon as I uttered his name, Aleksander’s face became even more contorted with cold anger. “I was not talking about these.” I tried to elaborate but his face hardened once more.

“It’s hardly of importance now, Miss Starkov.” He said in a cold tone. “It is time to fulfil your duties as the Sun Summoner.”

“I will, General. But not like this. Those powers are mine. I will not let you access them through me.” I said with conviction.

A slow smile spread across his face. “My little saint, always so smart.” He said. “And yet you know so little. You’ll learn.” He walked over and crouched in front of me. “Power is the only language the world understands. Do you know the only thing more powerful than you or me? The two of us. Together. Together we can end all wars. We can protect our own. Is that not what you’d always wanted?”

“Yes, I do. But power and fear do not mix well. Not always; especially not in the current situation. If anything you’d make them more desperate. Give them more incentive to destroy what you’ve built.”

He smiled. “Ideals and philosophies are nice until you’re forced to live through a nightmare, until you carry the burden of being a Grisha. And you’ll see in time that I was right.” He motioned for David and got up.

“No!” I tried to buck away but Ivan held me tight. David placed the antlers around my neck. “If you do this, I’ll never forgive you. Even if a thousand years pass by, I will never forget what you did to me.” 

He stretched out his right hand on which David placed a small piece of the antler in the shape of a disc. “You and I are an inevitability, Alina. Right now, your light is all I need, not your forgiveness.” There was a melancholy in his tone. Was it for me? Or was it for him? He turned his eyes away like he couldn’t bear to see what he was about to do.

“Look at me.” I said in a wet tone. “You don’t get to look away. You wrote my sentence, the least you could do is watch its execution.” He let out a shaky breath and turned to face me. “Know that I loved you; all of you and know that it was you who destroyed us.” I whispered.

For a moment, Aleksander looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time; a look of painful longing and hope passed through his eyes. But then just like that, it vanished. He nodded at David and this time he didn’t look away and neither did I. David began to fuse the bones into me. It was painful as the bone tore through my skin and went deeper and deeper inside my body. A strange feeling of something being wrapped around the throat from the inside crept over. I tried not to choke on it but the intensity of it made me want to claw them out. But soon the feeling passed and the antlers began to meld with my collar bones. When it did, I could feel two different powers flowing through me. One was my light, amplified a thousand fold and the other was the raw, unbridled power of the Making. Both fighting to be unleashed and set free. 

“That should..uh” David said as he removed his hands.

“Bridge the gap?” Aleksander supplied.

“Yes. You should now have full access to all of her light. In theory.” He explained and walked back.

Aleksander came closer to me, inspecting his new amplifier. I tried not to flinch or cower when he placed his hands on my newly fitted amplifier. He began to pull out my light. I tried to resist and stop his pull but it was futile. The light that was once mine alone rose to answer his call. I no longer had any control over them. Tears from my eyes fell on his hands but he didn’t care to stop. I was a prisoner in my own body and could do nothing about it.

I did not know how long it lasted. But suddenly everything vanished and my Stag stood in front of me, tall and proud. Hope blossomed in me at the sight. My Stag’s words began to make sense. ‘The Making’s power is not meant for taking .’ The Making’s power is given. Aleksander is able to sense and access only my light. But the other one is all mine. Not even merzost can take it. The Stag nodded like he understood my thoughts and disappeared. The tent came back into focus. Aleksander was still drunk on my power, hands stretched out, relishing in the warmth of my light with a sick satisfaction. And I let him have his triumph.

He finally stopped summoning my light and turned to me and said, “I’m afraid you’ll have to remain in my shadows a little bit longer, my sun.”

I could see his triumphant look slowly turning to confusion at the smile on my face. I clutched his hand before he could remove it. “My turn.” 

I began to summon the power of the Making. The protruding ends of the amplifier began to sink and meld completely with my bones completely. I could see the air around me shifting. The tents began to shake like they were caught in a tempest.  Ivan, the other heartrender and Zoya rushed to stop me but I cut off their access to the Making temporarily. I relished at the look of utter panic in their faces when they could not find their powers. Once they realised that their attempts were futile, they tried to attack me.

“Sleep.” I sent a quiet command and they dropped to the ground unceremoniously. Genya and David had retreated to the corners of the tent not wanting any part in the fight.

For his part, Aleksander kept trying to call my light. To make me stop, to take control, but none would come. Realising the direness of the situation, he began to call his shadows. His face showed several stages of shock when they refused to appear either.

“Searching for this?” I asked as I summoned his shadows on my other hand. Finally realisation began to dawn on him that he was totally powerless in this situation. “Alina, how?” he choked out. 

“I did try to stop you from all this. But you simply refused to listen.” 

I put out his shadows and focused on the hand I was holding. “Now, I believe you have something of mine.” I started to draw out the disc from his hand as he fell on his knees in pain. The piece of bone, answered my call and began to seperate itself from his hand. Dark blood, tinged with blackness, poured out of it. Once it was completely removed, I burnt the little piece to dust. With that I dropped his hand.

“Alina.” He said, clutching his bloodied hand close to him.

I looked at the man whom I had loved with all my heart; the heart that now carried the stinging wound of his betrayal. “I’m the Sun Summoner. It gets dark when I say it does.” 

The manacles and shackles dropped from my limbs with a loud ‘ clang’ . Once freed, I brought my hands forward and clapped. Anything and everything that stood in the proximity fell and all of Aleksander’s people, including him, lost their consciousness. Finally, it was blissfully silent everywhere. 

I walked out of the now destroyed tent and searched for Mal. The once muted connection was now roaring with life; guiding me to him. I could sense him easily and I went to one of the carriages and broke the door off its hinges. 

“Alina!” he exclaimed in surprise; clearly not expecting me. “What the hell happened? Your eyes, why are they gold?”

“No time to explain, Mal. Come out.” I freed him from his restraints with a snap of my fingers and healed him off his remaining injuries. I could see the shock in Mal’s eyes at my actions.

“Alina. Please stop. Tell me what’s happening.” 

I sighed. If anyone deserved answers it's him. “I will. But not here. They’ll be awake soon.” I held out my hand and Mal took it without hesitation. I pulled us forward.

“Where the hell are we?” Mal asked in shock looking at the now changed surroundings.

“A couple of  miles outside of Kribirsk.”

“How?”

I sighed, touching my now hidden amplifier. I could feel the weight of it on me. Before I could further devolve into anger or despair, I removed my hand from it. “The Stag is special. They all knew only one part of it. So I took them by surprise.”

“He fitted you with the amplifier, uh?” Mal asked in a neutral tone.

“If this is the part where you say I told you so, you can save it, Mal. I was just betrayed by the man I loved dearly and the people I cared for. I don’t need your attitude on top of it.” I almost hissed in anger.

“Alina, I was not trying to do that. I swear.” He said in a placating tone. “So now that we are free, where to next? Novyi Zem?”

I shook my head. “No. Not for me. I still have work to do.”

“Alina, you can’t be serious! Why are you helping them or this country even after all the things they put you through? They don’t deserve it, Alina. None of them do!”

I cannot explain to Mal the reason I have to stay without revealing who Aleksander actually is. And Mal is not the type of person who’ll understand the precarious position Grisha and Ravka are in. The topmost priority before anything is to repair the tear and remove Aleksander from Merzost's hold. I do not know if it will put him back or make him see reason. Atleast it will stop him from expanding the Void and exacerbating the problem. 

“It is not about who deserves what, Mal.” I said quietly. I could feel the exhaustion from the burden placed on me. I swallowed down all the pain and sorrow and said, “I was given a power like no other not to simply hide away. It is to defend those who can’t do it by themselves. Within these borders, there are people praying to me everyday to save them from their situation. There are little Grisha children who are depending on me to succeed so they can live to see a world where they are no longer feared or killed for who they are. This power is not for me, Mal; it’s for them. It doesn’t matter how I feel; this is my burden to bear. It’s a prison of my own making, Mal, there’s no escape for me.” I finished, swallowing my grief.

He gave me a long look and sighed. “You never change, uh? You see a boy getting beaten by bullies, you charge at them with a letter opener and threaten to slit their throats. You’re a protector. You’ve always been; even when they take you for granted. I wish the world had been kinder to you, Alina. I wish I had been kinder to you.” Mal said with a sad smile. A few tears spilled from my eyes at his words.

“You don’t let them beat you. The Alina I know is unbreakable. I have seen you come out on the top even when the odds were impossible. You, give them hell. ” I smiled and nodded. 

“Thank you, Mal. I will.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“This isn’t your fight, Mal and you’re my biggest liability right now. I cannot have him using you to control me. So I need you far away from here. Stay hidden from Kirigan and the First Army. Travel to Ketterdam. Find the Crow club and ask for Kaz Brekker. Tell him that I’m collecting my favour and ask him to keep you safe till I find you. He is a dangerous criminal. So always be on your guard. And when you see Inej there, introduce yourself as my friend. She will make sure Kaz doesn’t do something reckless to you.” 

Mal looked offended. “I get that you want me to keep me safe from Kirigan. But are you seriously asking me to be with the criminals who kidnapped you? I can take care of myself, you know.” 

“It’s the only bit of safety I can provide for now, Mal. Mal, I-I-” I didn’t know how to break it to him without hurting him. I thought I could carry his secret a little longer. But I do not know what’ll happen to me next. The least I could do is prepare him for his fate.“Three amplifiers were made for me; the Stag, the Seawhip and the Firebird. All thought to be mythological creatures resurrected by Ilya Morozova. But one of them is not a creature; it’s a bloodline. A bloodline from Sankt Ilya himself.” I paused, holding his gaze. “It’s you, Mal. You’re the Firebird.”

Mal looked at me in disbelief. “You have to be joking, Alina. I’m not a Grisha.”

“I never said you were. Remember the story of Sankt Ilya and how he perished in chains with his daughter? The daughter was not a Grisha and she never died with him. She carried the power of the Firebird and passed it on to her descendants. And now you are carrying its power.”

“Alina, please, stop. I’m begging you.” 

“Mal, I know this is hard but I need you to listen.” I pleaded.

“During the crossing, the first time I summoned my light was because you called it, Mal. It was you who pulled it out of me. At first, I did not understand. But once I did, I tried my best to keep you safe. That’s why I kept repeating over and over in the letters to not attempt to meet me. Only I know this truth, Mal. Amplifiers are tricky and until I figure out a way to take the power without hurting you, I need you to be safe. Not because I need your power but because you’re my family and I’d hate to see you get hurt or worse killed because of me.”

Mal didn’t say anything for a while. He looked utterly heartbroken. “So, my life, all this, was it all a lie? Was our friendship even real, Alina?”

“Of course, it’s real.”

“How’d you know, Alina?”

“Mal, neither of us chose to be born this way. But that doesn’t mean we’re mere puppets in the hands of Fate. What we forged is ours, Mal. Nothing can take that away.” 

He didn’t say anything for a while. In the end he nodded. I realised that the time has come for us to part. 

“I need to go, Mal.”

“I know. Promise me one thing, Alina. Promise me you’ll be safe.”

“I will, Mal.”

We hugged each other one last time and Mal started to walk away. I watched him till he was out of sight and looked up. The sky was turning purple; It was beginning to dawn. I called out my powers one more time to take me to the centre of the Fold and when I opened my eyes, the terrifying darkness welcomed me.

Chapter Text

~~~ Alina ~~~

The Unsea looked exactly as I remembered a year ago; a wasteland of death and darkness. I could hear the flapping wings of the volcra echoing throughout it. And whenever a lightning flashed, I could see the broken remains of several skiffs littered throughout the grey expanse and the silhouettes of the monstrous beasts circling through the Fold whose screeching wails echoed the horror and desolation of the place. I dared not to summon my light. The last thing I need is a swarm of volcra attacking me when I attempt to fight off the Void. Instead, I just summoned the Making’s power to help me see through the darkness.

I felt the familiar tug from a year ago; a call, pulling me towards the centre of the catastrophe. A catastrophe that was born out of one man's pain and vengeance. A vengeance so strong that it has now consumed the man himself. Before I could follow the call, I needed to make sure that no one would disturb me. So I raised my hand and drew my power to barricade the Fold. Once done, I turned around to follow the pull, but an unexpected vertigo hit me, making me weak and breathless. It was so sudden and intense that I lost my footing and dropped my connection to the Making. Kneeling on the grey sands, I tried to stifle my pain by taking deep breaths till it passed when I felt something wet trickling down my nose; it was blood. I wiped it off quickly before the Volcra could scent it. After a few minutes, once I was certain that I had recovered enough, I stood up again to follow the call. I swallowed back the bile that threatened to rise and allowed my feet to carry me deeper into the barren wasteland of the once fertile Tula Valley.

After what felt like hours, I stopped in front of the dilapidated remains of a palace. The call ended as soon as I reached the stone carved steps of the palace. The stone steps were half buried in the sand with a gargoyle on each side, guarding it. The gargoyles looked as monstrous as the volcra themselves and instilled a sharp spike of terror in me. Ignoring my fear and apprehension, I began to ascend the steps. 

Once on top, I surveyed the scene before me. I tried to picture the day in my mind. Aleksander, leaving the barely cold body of the woman he loved with all his heart and walking down to confront the king’s men with no one to aid him or back him up. Making one last ditch effort to save the Grisha who had followed him by bravely standing up to the king who betrayed him. Inspite of the torment he put me through, my heart still cried for the man who stood here that day, all those centuries ago; a man so strong and unbreakable. A man who selflessly tore his own soul apart to create a haven for Grisha. My eyes misted over involuntarily thinking about his sacrifice. Although he held no love for me, I will always admire his tenacity and strength. And for that alone, I will save him even if he doesn’t deserve my kindness. I will not let him destroy his legacy. With a final resolution, I closed my eyes once more and took the path to the Making.

================ 

I found myself standing in the familiar forests once again. This time, I followed the path, the Stag took me and found the Making. It looked the same- an all powerful entity that pulsated raw energy and life. However, unlike the last time, the sight did not fill me with reverence and awe. Instead, I could only stare at it with a muted rage and bitterness. 

We, humans, are often led to believe that we are the masters of our own destiny; that if we keep trying everyday, one day we will rise above our situation. But looking at the Making now, I can see that it is nothing but an elaborate lie propagated to keep us from facing the harsh reality of life. Without a hope for a better tomorrow, without a dream for an escape, we would otherwise be crippled by our circumstances. I too, had been a victim of such a fallacy. Hope is nothing but a falsity created to give people an illusion of control. It blinds you to the reality of things. Because if I hadn’t fallen for the falsity of hope, then I wouldn't be here, would I?

Seeing the Making made me wonder how much of my life had been truly mine. How much of my loss and grief were because I strayed from the path that was assigned to me? After all, my existence was nothing but a solution to fix someone else’s mistake. Did I lose my parents because they dared to take me away from my destiny or was it my destiny to be orphaned? Is my suffering the path destiny chose for me? Or is it the price I need to pay for choosing to save Aleksander instead of killing him? And why must I kill him? Because he tried to save the people who otherwise would have been slaughtered? How much more should he suffer? How much more should I suffer?

“When will it be enough for you?” I whispered out loud after a stretch of silence, the weight of my question hanging heavy in the air. But, as soon as I uttered those words, a floodgate opened within me, unleashing all my pent-up anger and resentment in a flurry of words.

“Do you even care about the Grisha? Do you care about what we go through? You just sit there and use people as a conduit for your wishes. You use them to correct the sins of others. How are you better than the rest of them? And why should people worship you when you have done nothing to help them? You created Grisha to help mankind flourish and when they turned on us after reaping all the benefits, you stood by and watched. Instead of punishing the people who drove them to their limits, you punished the Grisha who attempted to fight back. You did nothing at the atrocities that were committed on your children. Where was your fairness and justice then? Why are you demanding the Grisha to fix the imbalance when we never created it in the first place?” I was almost screaming the last part at the Making. 

“It is bad enough that we are being punished in the real world for existing but you too hold us in contempt. And if one Grisha dared to put a toe out of their designated line, you punish them. Why are you not doing the same to the otkazat’sya? Saints forbid, a Grisha grew tired of the persecutions and attempted to use merzost! You drive them to insanity till you are satisfied. But what of men like the Tsar? men like Zlatan or men of religion, who take pleasure in Grisha’s suffering? When will you exact justice from them? Or are their crimes too negligible in your eyes? And now, just like my predecessors, you have assigned me an impossible destiny to achieve. It doesn’t matter to you that I suffer, as long as your whims are satisfied then all is well, right?” I scoffed. “I don’t know what you thought when you gave me your powers, but, unlike you, I will not turn a blind eye.  I don’t care if it disrupts the balance. I will punish all those that deserve to be punished. So take me out while you can, because once I start, I will not rest till I exact justice out of every single one of them.” I vowed with a vengeance.  

Silence resumed after my last declaration. The Making was not affected by my outburst, it stood unmoving as it always had been since the dawn of time. I was distinctly aware of the passing of time, but I was seething in rage at the unfairness of the Making to proceed further. I jerked violently when I felt a presence next to me. For a minute, I thought it was the Making but it was just my Stag. A wave of sadness and relief replaced some of the anger in me and I raised my hand to touch him only for it to fall right through him. He was no longer corporeal, my mind supplied. His eyes turned sad at it and nodded. Then it struck me.

“You’re just an echo aren’t you?” His eyes turned even sadder. All my anger drained out of me and my heart grew heavy for him. ‘He is just like me.’ my heart cried. ‘Another victim at the hands of the Making.’

“I’m sorry you died because of me. I’m sorry I was not strong enough to save you.” He shook his head. 

“You’d always been there for me. Kept me alive throughout my childhood from a sickness that would have otherwise killed me. Pushed me to be better and prepared me for my destiny. And I- I couldn’t even give you a peaceful death. Please forgive me.” I pleaded and he shook his head again. 

We spent a few more moments staring at each other with sadness. “Do you know what I should do next? How I can seal this Tear or cure Aleksander?” I asked eventually.

He tried to say something but with each effort he became more and more translucent. I know that this is the fate of every amplifier after they’re killed. But I’d hoped it would be different with mine, considering how I was exempted from many rules. But seeing his now see-through form, I knew that this is something I couldn't escape. I nodded in understanding and decided to let him go. 

“Thank you, my friend. Thank you for being there for me. May the Saints receive you on a brighter shore.” I prayed one last time for my dear companion. 

He looked at the Making and at me one last time before slowly vanishing into beautiful starlight. I observed silence for a minute or so, to honour the memory of the beautiful creature that had guided me my entire life and then walked up to face the Tear.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

Step.. Step.. Step.. Turn..Repeat

Step.. Step.. Step.. Turn..Repeat

Step.. Step.. Step.. Turn..Repeat

I had been doing this for an hour or so to keep myself grounded and to not descend into a mad frenzy. 

I was the last to wake up from whatever coma Alina had put us into. None of my Grisha uttered a word when I woke up but their eyes showed how shaken they were. Grigori and Zoya kept twitching their fingers as if they were trying to reassure themselves.

“It came back when we woke up.” Ivan said, noticing my stare. I nodded. 

“What other damages?”

“Mal was broken out. The carriage door was ripped off its hinges. It looks like everybody in the camp were put to sleep. All have risen and no complications were observed other than some slight disorientation.” Ivan reported.

I knew he wanted to ask more but didn’t and tried to be as stoic as the situation allowed. Zoya and Grigori on the other hand were becoming more and more antsy. Knowing Zoya, before she could burst into anger and start something, I sent them all away to scout the forests. Fedyor’s face was impassive but he nodded and left.  Once they left, I ordered David to work on what went wrong and report back to me. David left and Genya followed him wordlessly. 

When the last of them left, I waited a moment or two to summon my shadows. It came easily just like it always had and I let out the air that I had been unknowingly holding in, in relief. 

I thought back to the events that transpired a few hours ago. It had all been going according to the plan. The amplifier was fitted seamlessly and I could feel the bridge connecting Alina and I together. And when I pulled out her light, it came rushing to me without resistance, like a horse answering its master’s call. I could still feel the residual warmth of Alina’s power tingling my fingers. A power so different from mine but equally destructive. I felt invincible and unstoppable and relished in its intensity. But then Alina’s eyes turned gold and in a second everything changed. 

One moment I was in control and in a blink of an eye Alina took over. The power she wielded was different. It was nothing like her light, it was not merzost either. It was something else entirely; an ancient power never seen before. A force beyond Small Science that can strip a Grisha off their power. I rubbed the newly scarred hand absently. How did Alina get hold of such a power? Did the amplifier give it to her or did it reawaken something that was dormant inside her?

The training session from months ago came to my mind; how Alina stood before me, casually, with her molten gold eyes after managing to call light out of me. Or how she fought off three of the most powerful heartrenders in the clearing with little resistance. Or how she managed to reach adulthood with her severe wasting sickness that should have killed her as a child. All these pieces about Alina did not make sense before. And now it’s invoking more questions than providing answers. Alina is unique and powerful and it is not going to be easy to fight her directly and capture her the next time.

There was one another thing that stood out during the encounter. Alina had us all at her mercy; had me at her mercy. She could have killed me without straining a hair in her head. But she chose to let me live, even when I gave her no reason to. Could that mean something?

‘Know that I loved you; all of you and know that it was you who destroyed us.’ Her words echoed inside me. 

When she uttered those words, I did not believe her. After all, she had no idea who I really was or what I've been through for Grisha. But now, doubt was crawling through my mind. A small part of me pondered if everything had been a misunderstanding and if Alina had been nothing but truthful to me. 

‘What if I had truly destroyed everything because of my lapse in judgement.’ I wondered. The letters from Isaak mocked me from its position on the table and I turned away from it. 

‘I should have atleast given her a chance to speak’, I thought with a pang of regret. The memory of her tear-stained eyes, clutching my cloak, begging me to let her speak came to me. 

I shuddered at it but quickly shut it all down. Whatever happened, had to happen; there was no other way around it. And now that I’m well into my plan, I cannot waste time on regret. I cannot waver now because it would mean that I had undoubtedly ruined our relationship for nothing. 

‘No. Not for nothing.’ I convinced myself. ‘I did it for Grisha.’ 

Alina would not have understood why I needed her power or why General Zlatan needed to be neutralised. She would have wanted me to try a less radical route and would have wanted to appeal to the morality of the enemies. And I would have been forced to make the same choice once again. I would have broken her heart one way or the other. So there’s no point in wasting time thinking about it. Like I said to her, we are an inevitability, Alina will realise it too, one day. 

Now the main problem at hand is finding her. She could be anywhere by now. I do not have the time to expend on searching for her when the coup is already in place. I have less than a day to find her and put her on the skiff without letting her overpower us. 

The tent’s flaps opened and Ivan entered. “Sir, they are nowhere to be found. Her tracks stop at the carriage and then nothing. There are no other heartbeats as well.” Ivan hesitated a bit and then added. “It’s almost like they vanished.” 

A few hours ago, such a comment would have irritated me to no end. I would have questioned his efficiency and would have ordered him to do a more thorough search. But now, I know that his comment is true. I know it in my heart that Alina has indeed disappeared; where to, I do not know. 

I’d always been a strategist and a planner. I had planned this coup for decades, wrote and rewrote them over and over again till I had eliminated all flaws. However, I was not prepared for this situation and I do not know how to proceed next. Either I have to abort the coup attempt and continue losing Grisha to the wars or attack Zlatan with the small troop of  Second Army in Kribirsk and proceed with the coup that is sure to fail.

Just as I was weighing the two options before me, I felt a sharp pain that almost knocked the breath out of me. Had I not been leaning on the table, I would have fallen to the ground from its intensity. It felt like someone was attacking my very soul. More precisely, someone was fighting the merzost in the Fold. It was excruciating and relentless. Alina, I realised, was inside the Fold and is attempting to take it down.

Noticing my affliction, Ivan rushed to my side and to check over me, as I clutched my sides in barely concealed agony. 

“I’m fine.” I tried to wave him off. “We need to go to Kribirsk. Alina is inside the Fold.” I bit out in between the laboured breaths. 

Ivan did not ask how I knew it. He simply nodded and went to prepare the horses. I breathed through the pain and tried to fight it off as much as I could and stood straighter. 

‘I have no time for pain.’ I told myself. ‘I need to stop Alina at all costs before she could ruin my life’s work.’

I did not wait for the carriage to be prepared. I got on my horse and sped towards Kribirsk. Ivan and the others followed me closely behind. We reached Kribirsk well after dawn only to find the usually organised camp in throes of madness and chaos. Ignoring my pain, I rushed to meet the First Army Colonel who was in charge.

“Colonel Vladimir!” I got off the horse to meet the man. He looked relieved to see me. “What’s happening? Report.” I ordered.

“Sir, I was just about to send you an urgent missive to intercept you on your way here. It’s the Fold, sir, It’s barricaded.”

“What do you mean barricaded?”

“If you would come with me, sir. I can show it to you. It is difficult to explain.” I nodded and  we hurried towards the Fold. 

The Fold looked the same as it had always been but the only difference was that there was a thick layer of fog covering it. I moved closer to touch it; it was just air. But when I attempted to push past it, it would not let me pass. Zoya took charge of the squallers immediately and tried to dissolve it but it refused to budge even after a combined brunt force attack of twenty-three strong squallers. 

Alina has made the entirety of the Fold impenetrable. She has successfully contained a force born of merzost that had stood tall for four hundred years, like it was nothing. In all my long life, I never knew such a thing was possible. My earlier assumptions about Alina were right. She is not just the Sun Summoner, she is something more.   

Suddenly, I grimaced in pain. ‘Damn it, Alina’ I thought angrily, forcing myself to not lose composure.

“What do we do, sir?” The Colonel asked with worry. “The delegates from Winter Fete arrived here two days ago and they are not very happy with this new development, sir. They’re accusing us of holding them hostage. They’re threatening to retaliate on Ravka for this and they have been demanding an audience with you, sir.”

I once again cursed Alina for her foolish decision. For an all-powerful being, she does not seem to grasp that without the Fold there would be no use for the Second Army. Once again the otkazat’sya would turn on us. They will cage us and hunt us for sports. She is behaving like a naive child without forethought. Taking down the Fold is only going to doom Ravka and Grisha. Not knowing how to thwart her attempt I decided to prepare for the fallout.

“We need to prepare for a full scale attack, Colonel. Get your soldiers armed and ready. Send the delegates to the Town Archives building with a small troop of soldiers. I want them out of the way in case of a battle. ” I ordered.

“Yes, sir.” He saluted and left.

I climbed back on my horse and went to my tent. I ordered Ivan to prepare the Second Army for battle too. Looks like we are going to war with Zlatan.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

The Tear was about forty feet tall and about five feet wide in the middle from which and tendril after tendril of dark shadows were oozing out of it. I took care not to touch any of it and began to think of a plan of attack. I did not have the faintest idea on how to fix it so I decided to treat it like a wound and knit it back together like I had seen in the Corporalki classes. I noticed that the darkness from the Void much resembled the shadows of Aleksander.  If that was indeed the case, then if I utilise my powers correctly, I can heal the Tear in theory.

‘The strength of your power is in your will.’  

Aleksander often said this to me during our training sessions. So instead of the Void, I pictured myself standing opposite to Aleksander- called the power of Making on one hand and my light on the other and then began my attack.

I kept pouring my powers with all my might into the Tear but to my dismay, nothing happened. The Tear refused to close even an inch, no matter how long and hard I tried. I struggled not to be disheartened by it. 

‘This is a four-hundred year old rip in the fabric of reality’, I told myself. ‘It will take time and patience to heal it.’ 

So the next time I readied myself, I devised a different strategy. Instead of attacking the core, I started with the thinnest parts of the Tear and began to knit it. Much to my elation, the frays closed and did not reopen again when I stopped. I smiled and with a renewed spirit, began to repeat the same process. 

I did not know how much time had passed but I had successfully repaired most of the tear except for the centre. The centre was the widest part of the tear and the most damaged. If it were a wound, I would call it festering. It looked ugly and scarred and was proving to be the most difficult. I floated a little closer and started focusing on the tiniest of frays and slowly repaired them. I was so focused on closing it that it was almost too late when I noticed the figure behind me.

It was a ten feet tall creature made of shadows. Before I could protect myself, it grabbed me by my neck and pulled me down. It began to choke me as I flailed miserably. The creature’s hold was too strong to break-free and black spots were seeping into my vision. In one final attempt, I formed the Cut and sliced off the shadow creature’s arm holding my neck. The shadow monster’s hold released and I scrambled to stand up. Almost immediately, the shadow arms re-grew from where I had chopped it off and the monster came at me again. However, this time, I was prepared. 

The shadow monster was brutal and relentless. I did not know what it was or how it came to be. I did not know if it slipped from the Tear or had been here the whole time. I began to wonder if there might be more than one such creature. It took all my effort to stay focused. Time held no meaning as we fought on and on. 

A persistent thought was niggling at the back of my head trying to break my concentration. However, I pushed it away and focused on the fight as I dodged the attack with an almost practised ease. However, I could feel the tiredness seeping into me. 

‘The tiredness is in your mind, Alina, not in your body.’ Aleksander’s words echoed in my head and my mind came to a screeching halt. The shocking realisation made me stop fighting altogether. As soon as I stopped, the shadow monster swooped in and tried to grab me by my neck again, this time to finish me once and for all.

“Aleksander, stop!” I yelled. The shadow monster stopped mid-attack, almost looking stunned. 

That’s what my brain had been trying to tell me- the fight, the movements, the steps, the familiarity. I had been practising them hundreds of times with Aleksander for months that my body and mind have been ingrained with it.

“Aleksander. Stop.” I said once again, more firmly. “I’m not trying to attack you. I’m not your enemy.”

Slowly the shadows began to recede, revealing Aleksander’s sallow face. It was only then I noticed how I was no longer standing near the Tear, I was back at the ruins. However, this time, it was not the barren sands that greeted me but the lush, green forests of the long dead Tula Valley. 

Not just the surroundings, Aleksander looked different too. He looked a lot younger, without his signature beard and his hair was longer too; almost touching his shoulders. He was in black but it was not his crisp kefta. It was a thick, black coat that almost looked like a military uniform. But it was dirty and torn in many places. His face was pale and fatigued . He looked unhealthy, almost death warmed over and nothing like the powerful man, who held me down a few hours ago. This man, before me, was tired and distressed but it was his eyes that struck me the most. They looked so young and unburdened, devoid of masks and calculations, filled with nothing but wild determination. 

‘So, this is the real Aleksander’, I thought with bitterness. ‘The one I never got to meet and probably never will.’

He did not say anything and kept looking at me. “How do you know my name?” He asked almost menacingly but I could read the fear in his eyes. Following my gut, I decided to tell him the truth.

“You gave it to me.” I replied. 

“That’s not something I give out freely. I won’t ask again. Tell me who you are.” He ordered. The steel in his voice reminded me of Kirigan. ‘Lift up your sleeve.’ That voice is to be obeyed without question.

“It’s the truth. You gave it to me. You gave it to me because I’m the Sun Summoner.” I said and created a small orb of light to prove my point.

If I thought the first time he looked at my light was heart-touching, that was nothing compared to what I was seeing in his eyes now. There was hope yes but there was a deep yearning and fervour in them too. My heart throbbed in my chest. ‘ This man is dead .’ I repeated to myself. ‘ The man you know now did not love you, he only used you. Don’t let your heart carry hope. ’ I told myself firmly.

He reached out to me and I took a step back instinctively. A look of hurt passed over his eyes and he didn’t even hide it. 

“I’m not trying to hurt you.” He said gently.

“I know. It’s just-” I stopped not knowing how to finish. Although the person standing in front of me was not at fault for my knee-jerk reaction, it had been only a few hours since another version of him shackled me and tore my light out of me and it took all my willpower to not pin the sins of his future-self on the man before me.

“How did you find me? The King’s men had this place surrounded.” He asked after observing me in silence. “I-I don’t know what happened after that. Did you fight them? In that case, we don’t have long. We need to run.” He said as he frantically looked at his surroundings with caution and confusion.

Although I had decided to tell him the truth, explaining to him about the Fold is not going to be an easy task. I was afraid that he’d react poorly out of fear. This Aleksander is still holding onto merzost and if he lashes out, he might widen the Tear and cause more damage than before. But lying to him is not an option either as I needed his cooperation to close the Tear. In the end, having no other choice, I decided to break the truth to him as gently as I could.

“Aleksander.” I called him. “What I’m going to say might sound impossible to believe but it’s the truth. All I ask of you is to keep an open mind and listen to what I have to say. I have not come here bearing ill will. I have only come here seeking help. I will answer any and all questions you have. But promise me that you’ll listen patiently to what I have to say.” 

Aleksander looked perplexed by my request- a hint of suspicion could be seen in his eye. I could see his mind working- thinking of all the possibilities carefully. But after a moment or two, by the stubborn set of his jaw, I know that he is ready to hear the truth. “I cannot promise you anything. But, I will listen to you.” 

“Thank you. That’s all I ask.” I replied gratefully. “You asked me if I’d come to your aid. The answer is no. I did not come here to aid you. I played no part in any of the events that occurred here because it all happened nearly four hundred years ago in my time.” I explained as gently as I could.

“Impossible!” Aleksander scoffed. “I was just standing here. The soldiers had killed Luda and they were threatening to kill my mother. I was trying to stop them. It all just happened.” He shook his head and refused to believe me. “I’m only trying to hold them off till my people can escape.” he grew more agitated and began to pace.

I stood silently not knowing what to do or how else to convince him. Not wanting to agitate him further, I let him pace and get it out of his system. Aleksander is sharp. Once the initial shock wears off, I was confident that he'd come around. True enough, after a few minutes, he sat on the step with a tired sigh.

“Did I die?” he asked finally.

I almost laughed out loud. “Then who’d have given me your name?”

His eyes lit up at that but suddenly doubt began to creep in his eyes. “If I’m alive in your time then why are you here?”

This time I sighed. I went and sat beside him leaving a good deal of space between us. “The strength of your power is-” 

“In your will.”

“Yes. In your will. You taught me that when you trained me. On this day, when you stood facing the king’s men, the strength of your will created something. Something massive that it consumed the whole of Tula valley and tore the country in half. You tried to make something with merzost that day but ended up creating a Shadow Fold that turned all the men, women and children who were living in this very valley into flesh eating beasts called the volcra.” I said.

He remained silent, processing all the information I gave him. “So you’re here to kill me then? To stop me from creating the Fold.” he asked after a stretch of silence.

I shook my head. “The Fold was a mistake. You were alone, powerless and desperate. I’d never hold it against you. Besides, the Fold is not without its benefits. It keeps Fjerda and Shu-Han from waging a full scale war. It also created a problem that only Grisha could solve. So this time the King couldn’t refuse your offer or turn on you. The Fold led you to establish the Second Army- an elite army of Grisha soldiers, after years of hardwork and pain. You’ve literally built a palace for them to live in. You have saved thousands of Grisha from their deaths and have provided them a home. You took your pain and have made something beautiful out of it, Aleksander. And I’ll always be incredibly proud of what you have achieved.” I finished softly. 

He looked at me with wonder as if he cannot believe something like that could actually exist.  “Thank you.” He said. “But it all seems so far away. Almost impossible even.” He said wistfully. “For centuries, I have tried so hard to show the otkazat’sya that Grisha are useful. I thought if I proved it to them then they would let us live in peace. But it was all futile. They fear us and think of us as abominations. They do everything in their power to show that they are better than us.” He paused and turned to me. “In your time, has it changed?”

“No. Not fully. We are no longer killed on sight; in Ravka atleast. But we are still not recognised as citizens under the crown. We cannot own land or build a house. We are not allowed to marry without the Tsar’s approval. We still face prejudice and scorn. People still hate us and look down upon us.” His face clouded at my comments. 

“But all is not lost. Instead of drowning or abandoning Grisha children, the parents now drop them off at the palace in exchange for a reward. We no longer have to hide in caves and forests. We have a palace all to ourselves with every luxury imaginable and high walls to keep off the threats. We have keftas that protect us from bullets and arrows. We can practise our powers in the open without being hunted. Being in the Second Army might look like serfdom but there is safety and security in it. We lead a life free of judgement and hatred- atleast within the walls.” I placed my hand on his arm, reassuringly. “And it was all because of you, Aleksander.”

He looked deeply moved, his eyes full with tears. My heart yearned to take him in my arms and comfort him. Tell him how proud I was of him. But he is not my Aleksander. He never was and never will be. It would only tear open my still fresh wounds. So instead, I patted his arms gently.

He seemed to have recovered after a few minutes. “Thank you for telling me this. You have no idea how much this means to me.” I smiled at him and he smiled back. 

“Forgive me for my rudeness. It seems I’m at a disadvantage here. You seem to know everything about me. But I don’t even know your name.”

“Alina. Alina Starkov” I held my hand out. Instead of shaking it, he took it in both his hands and held it with reverence. Our connection flared to life and Aleksander closed his eyes as if he was savouring my touch.

“Such a fitting name.” He said after a beat. His eyes now open, were filled with awe and devotion. “It seems that I have more than just the Second Army to look forward to in the future,” he said hopefully.

It took all my effort to not flinch at his comment. Not wanting to think of the events that took place earlier, I simply nodded.

Ever the keen observer, Aleksander was able to read the trouble in my eyes. “Alina? Did something happen?” I swallowed and shook my head not trusting my voice. The last thing I need is for him to comfort me. It doesn’t matter how much my heart longs for him. This version of Aleksander is dead. The one in my time, tried to emulate this person to deceive me. My wounded heart cannot take this man’s kindness or comfort.

“Nothing. Everything is fine.” I said, trying to sound confident.

“Alina.” He called me gently. “Did- Did I do something to you? Is that why you are here?” He asked with great trepidation. “Please. Tell me. Was I not a good man to you?” His voice filled with concern and pain. 

That was all it took for tears to pool in my eyes. I turned away from him to stare at the wilderness, trying to choke back my tears. After a few beats, I felt him shifting closer to me. He then put his arms around me and pulled me into his embrace. After that, I couldn’t hold back anymore and began to sob. His betrayal, his venomous words, his lies, his mistreatment and every damn emotion that I locked away since I was taken from the Little Palace, flooded through me and I wept and wept in his arms. I wept for the love I lost. I wept for my home that was taken away. I wept for the hopes that were shattered. I wept till I had no more tears left. 

Aleksander did not utter a word. He simply held me and let me cry. After a few minutes, I moved out of his embrace and was shocked to see his red-rimmed eyes. He looked heart broken. Both of us stared at each other helplessly as the words failed us. 

“Alina” he whispered. “Will you tell me what happened?” I shook my head. The wounds are too fresh for me to talk about it and those were not his burden to bear. 

“Those are not your sins, Aleksander. Atleast not yet, anyways.”

“Alina-”

“No, please. I did not come here to seek comfort. I came here to repair the Tear and save you from destroying your legacy. I should get to it.” I replied and got up, wiping my tears away in haste. I could feel Aleksander’s eyes boring a hole into me but eventually he stood up. 

“Show me.” He said. I took his hand and cleared the illusion that he was stuck in for four centuries. I knew I had succeeded when I heard his audible gasp. 

“The day you were surrounded, your merzost created the Shadow Fold. The Fold not just tore the country in half, it ripped open a tear in the fabric of reality.” He looked at me for more explanation. 

“The Making has a balance too, it’s called the Void. It’s the opposite of the Making. The Making brings life while the Void is a barren empty space of death and darkness. When you used merzost, your pain and grief made you lose control and ripped a tear in the veil separating the Void and the Making. The Void then began to pour into the Fold and destroyed all life in the Tula Valley, turning it into a barren wasteland. In the real world, you were planning on using me to expand the Fold. But if you enter into the Fold again or expand it, you will be widening the rip further and letting in more of the Void into the Making till it destroys the whole world. That’s what I’m trying to stop you from doing.” 

He was once again silent but there was a look of contemplation on his face but otherwise his face was devoid of emotion. With each passing minute, I began to fear that this Aleksander is also seeing the Void as an opportunity to destroy Ravka’s enemies instead of a world-ending event.

“Aleksander, please. I know you are thinking about taking revenge on all the people who have wronged Grisha. But using the Void is not your answer. I-”

“Alina.” He interrupted me softly. There was a small smile on his lips. “I was not planning on using it. I was merely assessing the damage. I’m on your side. I fully plan on helping you.”

“You were?” I asked, not hiding the shock from my voice. He seemed saddened by it. 

He moved closer to me and said, “If I have reached a point where I have turned into someone capable of hurting you, my sun summoner, my destined, then I have truly fallen beyond redemption. It does not matter how many palaces I build, how many Grisha I save. No cause should have been worth your tears.” 

My eyes welled up at his declaration and I tried to look away. He gently pulled my face by my chin and turned to face him. 

“I’m sorry, Alina, for failing you. Tell me what you need and I will do it.”

I took a deep breath and swallowed back my tears. “Thank you.”  I turned back to the Tear. Some of my earlier fixes had come undone. But the centre of the Tear was the most worrying part. Even more darker shadow tendrils were pouring out of it.

“I found a way to repair the Tear but I was not able to fully close it. I think it was because you were preventing it. Or rather your will is keeping it open. So maybe if you stop resisting my attempts to close it and let go of your hold on merzost I should be able to fully seal it.” 

Aleksander nodded. I readied myself and restarted the process once again. I began to re-knit the previously torn areas and worked my way towards the centre. Other than slight twitches Aleksander remained unaffected mostly and he encouraged me to keep going. But when I started to work on the centre of the Tear, Aleksander began to convulse and fell on his knees. I stopped at once and rushed to his side.

“Aleksander.” I tried to check on him but he held me off.

“No Alina. Don’t stop. I’m fine. Keep going. This is expected. It’s the price I have to pay. Use your full strength, Alina. Seal it.” He bit out in between his laboured breaths.  

“I’m sorry, Aleksander.” 

“Don’t be. Do it, Alina. I believe in you.” He said with an encouraging smile.  

I closed my eyes and drew every reserve of power I had and began to seal it. I could hear Aleksander’s pained cries in the background but I kept going as he instructed. Slowly, the centre of the Tear began to knit back together. The shadow tendrils were cut off and were receding back into the Void. Aleksander was screaming in agony. Having never stretched my powers to this extent, I could feel exhaustion taking over me. I could see black spots in my vision. But I refused to give up now. With one last, final thrust of my power, I sealed shut the last bit of the Tear. The veil snapped back into place once I stopped. It looked fully healed without a trace of the Tear. 

‘I did it.’ I thought in awe and wonder. Then a surge of blackness took over me and I began to fall to the ground.

Someone screamed my name. But I was too tired to respond.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

Kirbrisk was in full on battle mode. Both First Army and Second Army quickly cleared the tents and started forming units that were ready to march and engage. The pain had stopped sometime back and I did not know what to make of it. Every few minutes, I kept checking the Fold to see if it would light up. But nothing happened. It remained barricaded as before.

For a minute, I wondered if Alina had given up and decided to escape. But that didn’t make sense either. I had no idea what Alina was planning to do and it was driving me crazy. I was in the middle of explaining the final battle plans to the First and Second commanders when I felt it again. The pain returned but it was ten times worse than before. Something was tearing every single atom in my body by half and pulling it in the opposite direction. I dismissed all the commanders abruptly before they could see me writhe in agony. 

Ivan immediately stopped the meeting and ushered them out. I did not hear nor care what reasons he gave them. Finally when the last of them left I collapsed on the chair clutching my sides, trying not to convulse. Ivan returned and began to examine me. I could read the confusion in his face. But I already know for a fact that he could not find a rhyme or reason for my pain.

I waved him off. “This is something I have to endure, Ivan. There’s nothing you can do.”

“Moi Soverenyi, Let me take you to your bed then. I could atleast try to make you feel comfortable.” 

I nodded and stood up. We were halfway to my bed when my knees gave away and I began to collapse in pain. The last thing I could hear was Ivan’s panicked- ‘General!’ . Then everything went black.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

I felt gentle fingers running over my face. I was lying on something warm and scratchy. With great difficulty I opened my eyes. Aleksander’s relieved face greeted me.

“There you are. You gave me such a fright, Alina.” He said with such relief and adoration that I smiled. 

“How are you?” I asked him. 

“Never better.” He replied with a cheeky smile. It was then I noticed that I was resting my head on his lap. I tried to get up and Aleksander immediately helped me up

Once I sat upright, his arms left me but they hovered around in case I collapsed again. “Alright?” he asked.

“Yes. What happened?”

“You tell me. You sealed the Tear shut and the next minute you collapsed to the ground.”

I turned back to see the Tear, there was no trace of it. The veil was fully healed and the Void was put back in its place. Looks like I have succeeded. 

“We did it.” I said with unbridled joy.

“You did it.” Aleksander replied with a proud smile.

“What happens now?” 

“Now, I go back to the Making.” he replied softly. Looking at my confusion he continued. “I don’t exist in the real world Alina. I’m just an echo now. I was not supposed to remain here. The only reason I was able to do so was because of merzost. Now that I’m free, I will disappear into the Making.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. “Sasha. You-”  I stopped not knowing how to continue.

He moved closer to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you. I’m sorry, I hurt you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t meet you under better circumstances. I’m sorry that I couldn’t cherish you the way you deserved to be. I’m sorry that this is all I’m able to give you.”

“Sasha. Don’t go.” I begged and hugged him closer.

“Thank you for not giving up on me, solnishko .” He said and placed a gentle kiss on my head. “You should go back. Ravka needs her Sun Summoner.”

I lifted my head from his shoulder and pulled him for a kiss. I poured all my love and longing for him into it and he kissed me back with the same passion. We both knew that this goodbye and tried to prolong it as much as we could. But just like my Stag he too started to become translucent. 

He held my face between his hands. “If this is goodbye then I want you to know that I have seen your face in the Making at the heart of the world and there is no one more beloved, Alina Starkov, brave and unbreakable.” Tears poured out of our eyes at his words.

“I love you, Aleksander.” He looked equal parts sad and happy and then with a smile he slowly vanished into the Making.

I sobbed, staring at the now empty space. My heart shattered once more. I have lost Aleksander all over again.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I woke up to hushed up voices around me. One was Ivan, I was able to recognise it immediately. It took me a minute to place the second voice. It was David.

‘What do you mean, you don’t know? Did you not place the bone in him?’ Ivan’s voice was filled with anger.

‘Yes. But the bridge had no precedent and it worked. He was able to access her light. I don’t know what happened next. It was supposed to be just an amplifier.’ David stuttered as he tried explaining to Ivan that the fault was not on his side.

Sensing the brewing of a storm, I opened my eyes to put an end to it. I was on my bed. I slowly rose to sit upright. Ivan was the first to see it and he rushed to my side.

“Moi Soverenyi” 

“How long?”

“Not long. About thirty minutes.”

“Iva-” It was then I noticed the change in me. My mind was clear. I was amazed by the lucidity of my thoughts. It was like a fog had been lifted off and I was finally able to see things with startling clarity. I could no longer feel the constant overwhelming darkness in me that had been present since the creation of the Fold. I felt intact and the scars of merzost were fast healing. I called my shadows, it rushed to answer me. They felt different too-  unpolluted and clean. It was impossible to believe that I had spent more than four-hundred years in such a state; leading a half-life, everyday losing myself more and more to merzost. I thought I was fine after the Fold but now, I could feel the stark difference. I was beginning to understand what my mother was telling me about. I didn’t feel the difference then. But now, I was finally whole. 

However, the realisation was short lived. Along with the clarity came an onslaught of memories, Alina being the focus of them all. 

The horror of what I did was finally sinking in me. I actually tortured my Alina with my own hands. The things I did to her! I had truly become a monster that everyone thought of me as. I violated her, I brutalised her. The words of venom I spewed her way knowing they would hurt her the most. I made her believe that I wanted nothing from her but her light. Her tear-stained eyes, begging me to listen to her came to mind. How cruelly I shut her down! 

“General? Your heart is racing. Should I call for a healer?”

“Alina”

“General?”

“Alina!” I jumped out of bed and rushed outside in time to see the Fold lighting up.

“Alina!” I screamed, not bothering with the decorum. I began to run towards the Fold.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

I was back at the ruins. But this time when I came to, I was lying face down on the steps in a small pool of my blood. My body was throbbing in agony. My heart was constricting and I was finding it difficult to breathe. I tried to stand up but the effort proved to be too much and I fell back down on the steps like a puppet cut-off from its strings. 

I did not understand what was happening and tried to call the Making’s power but the moment I did, I screamed in pain. A violent cough ripped out of my throat as I curled in on myself wheezing in pain. When I released my hand from my mouth, I noticed that it was covered in blood. Soon, I began to cough up more blood. I could hear the flapping wings of volcra fast approaching me. They must have smelled my blood. With great difficulty I summoned my light and created a shield around me. The volcra began to circle the shield, trying and failing to enter it. 

Safe with the knowledge that the volcra cannot enter into it. I tried to call the Making’s power once more. This time, my body reacted even more violently than before. I threw up more blood. I was struggling to understand the sudden change in my body. Was it because I tried to seal the Tear? Did the Void poison me somehow? But I was very careful to not touch the shadows. Or is the Making punishing me somehow for breaking some obscure rule?

I was scrambling to find any possible explanation for my condition but came up with none. The pain kept increasing steadily as I coughed up more and more blood. I frantically began to think back to the events that might have caused this. After rifling through my mind for a few minutes in a haze of pain, I finally remembered My Stag’s warning. 

I understood what was happening. I had used the Making’s power extensively to repair the Tear without wearing the Sea Whip amplifier to shield my body from its raw power. As a result, my physical body is deteriorating now. The more I attempt to use it, the faster my body deteriorates. I wanted to be angry at myself for forgetting such a crucial detail but I couldn’t. I did not have the luxury of time to plan and execute things properly. I had measly minutes to escape and decide on the next course of action to stop Aleksander. Maybe this is my destiny. I had healed the Tear and there is no need for a Sun Summoner anymore.  Maybe, I have fulfilled my purpose. My story is ending right where it started I thought- a bitter laugh escaped me at the irony. 

But surely this can’t be my only purpose. If I remember correctly, my Stag wanted to say more before we were interrupted. Maybe there is something more for me. I cannot wither away in the Fold like this. I need to find the Sea whip if I wish to survive. So I tried to stand up again to move towards Novokribirsk. But my legs gave away and I began to throw up blood. 

I was fastly losing my hold on the shield. More and more volcra have joined and are relentlessly trying to break through it. I need to think of a solution fast. Ignoring my pain, I thought of all the options left before me. I cannot travel to Os Kervo in this state. Zlatan will kill me if I set foot in West Ravka and I’m too weak to fight him off. Without Mal, there is no chance of me finding the Sea Whip. The next option is to go back to Kribirsk. But I have no allies there either and I don’t know or care if Aleksander is cured. Right now he is one of my biggest threats. Even if Fedyor manages to find me, I’d only be a liability. I don’t know how long my body can withstand this before succumbing to my ultimate death, so he’d be risking his life for nothing. In my condition, Aleksander can capture me in a matter of minutes. Not to mention, if he gets hold of me in this state, he can easily use me to expand the Fold. Although the Tear is repaired, the Fold is still filled with his shadows, he can expand it anyway he can. It may not turn people to Volcra but it will still submerge the towns in darkness. He'd hold me as his prisoner forever in my state- shackled at his feet and at his mercy. He’ll dare not get me the Sea Whip as it won’t benefit him. He’ll heal me enough to keep me barely alive and powerless till he takes over Ravka and other countries. With no viable options left I realised that I have nothing. 

More cough followed. I was weakening by the minute. I realised with a sudden clarity that there was nothing I could do. Every breath was agonising and I was losing more and more blood by thr minute.

‘I’m dying.’ I finally whispered out loud. 

I’m dying in a barren wasteland, surrounded by Volcra like the orphan that I’m. Tears sprang from my eyes. I finally realised that my job here is done. I was put here to correct Aleksander’s mistake and I have done it. My purpose is satisfied and my destiny is fulfilled. I should accept my death. Maybe after my death, another Sun Summoner might emerge to act as his true balance. That’s what the Making is all about, isn’t it? Maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to discard me. We were never meant to be together.

‘ Maybe this time it would be a person he actually loves ’, I thought bitterly.

Around me the Volcra attacks were happening at full capacity. My shield was barely holding them off. I realised that my death was a surety. It is either by the Volcra or by the Making. It is upto me to choose which one. After a few minutes of further contemplation, I realised that I still have one other option left- writing my destiny my own way. It may seem like a cowardly move. But considering how I was already dying, I can make one last attempt to save countless others from their deaths.

I patted my coat pockets and found the vial that I had safely secured in one of the woollen pockets. I took it out. It shimmered under my shield’s golden light. I clutched the vial and wept.

‘ I don’t want to go.’

‘I don’t want to go.’

I kept repeating over and over again, as I coughed up somemore blood. Sensing that I'm running out of time and have no other choice left, I ripped open the vial and downed its contents in one go. 

I stood up with great difficulty and called my light one last time. It came rushing to me, adhering to my final call. Now amplified by my Stag, I began to connect the two countries. Without merzost to stop me, my light easily pushed past the shadows. The volcra screeched around me and rushed to avoid the light. I kept expanding it and pushing it, till a seven-skiff wide path was created, reconnecting the two countries after four hundred years.

And just like that I fell back on the grey sands, my head hitting the cold, hard steps on impact. But, I was too numb to feel anything. Cloudless, winter blue skies greeted me as I looked above. 

“Blue skies.” I muttered with a smile. Not a bad day to die. It was all peace and quiet as I began to slip further and further into trance as the poison took hold. 

“Alina!!!” someone was screaming my name and then I heard guns being fired. I was too tired to care. I have saved the world and fulfilled my purpose. There is nothing left for me here.

I looked at the blue skies one last time before giving in to the pull of sleep.

‘Not a bad day to die, indeed.’

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

West Ravka fell.

The smoke from the fires was blackening the evening skies, the winds carried the ashes and spread them through the Fold. The air was still charged with the stench of blood and gunpowder. The grey sands of what had once been the Fold was now littered with the bodies of dead soldiers. The First Army soldiers were rapidly clearing the bodies of their fallen compatriots while the Second Army soldiers had already been picked up from the field. The surrendered West Ravkan soldiers were being processed and will be imprisoned till they are court-martialed while their fellow dead soldiers will be buried together in a pit. Despite the deaths around, the atmosphere was not a sombre one. The First Army soldiers were passing kvas around and celebrating the victory. They kept looking back at the Fold with relief and disbelief on their young faces; offering prayers to Sankta Alina. 

A few hours after the battle ended the people had started coming to the streets too. There were shouts of ‘ Yunejhost! ’ from the West Ravkans who were rejoiced by the unification of the country. The church bells had been ringing for an hour in celebration. The path that now reunited the country has been named as ‘the Ravine of Sankta Alina’ and the soldiers were having a hard time controlling the people who wanted to travel through it. 

I stood silently on the edge of the dry docks and observed everything before me. The smoke and the ashes were stinging my eyes but I ignored it and refused to move from my position. Every now and then my eyes moved towards the direction of the Ivo Palace. A place that had been erased from the minds of the people much like the entirety of Tula Valley. Nobody here knows the significance of those dilapidated steps. To them it was just another building that was consumed by the Fold. The true significance of the place now remains with just two people, one of whom is fighting for her life.  

I looked down at my hands; it was caked in dried blood- blood of my Alina. I tried rubbing it off after the battle but it wouldn’t go. And I don’t think I could ever truly get it out of my hands. My heart constricted at the thought. I never meant for any of this to happen. I had never intended to hurt Alina. The centuries had worn me down and I grew tired of fighting. All I wanted was to end all the wars and stop the atrocities committed against Grisha and I had believed that using Alina was an acceptable sacrifice. But now that merzost has stopped clouding my judgement, I could finally see how far I had truly fallen. Since when did I start to believe that controlling a Grisha’s power, let alone my beloved’s, was acceptable? Since when did my Alina’s hurt and pain become secondary to my cause? How could I have called her an inevitability when she’s my destiny? How many centuries have I longed for her? How many nights have I prayed for her? And yet when she finally came to me, instead of embracing her, I only planned on using her. I never once stopped to think how much my actions would break her. I had simply dismissed it as a necessary evil- another sacrifice from my part for the Grisha. Even when she loved me and stood by me, I denied her my trust and loyalty. My warring heart refused to believe her fully. I kept doubting her motives when she gave me no reason to and never let her in on my confidence. All of my actions finally led me to misconstruct perfectly innocent letters and question her faithfulness when up until the last moment Alina was only trying to save me.

My eyes stung again- this time it was not because of the ashes or the smoke. When I had run to find Alina, I was on a mad pursuit to stop her, to beg her from leaving Ravka all together. I had expected to find her livid and filled with hate, ready to leave my sorry excuse of an existence behind and walk away. Instead I found her crumpled on the steps, covered in blood and barely breathing. None of my desperate pleas reached her ears. Bullets flew around us but she continued to remain unresponsive and lifeless in my arms. Only when a stray bullet hit my kefta, I gave in to Fedyor’s demands and let him carry Alina to safety. I was in a daze after that. I neither remembered getting on my horse nor deploying the Cut, my mind was fixated on the image of Fedyor riding away with Alina’s motionless form and the battle was won in a blur. Once again I looked at the ravine; praying to any deity that would listen, to save my Alina. I would gladly lay down my life at their altar if it means Alina can survive.

“General.” Ivan’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “Zlatan and a few of his men have escaped. There is an underground tunnel from his rooms and he seemed to have escaped through it. However, we were able to apprehend Lieutenant Misha. He is refusing to speak at the moment but Grigori is with him, he will break down soon. Rest of Zlatan’s men have been arrested.”

I nodded and schooled my face before turning to face Ivan. “Any updates on what happened here before we arrived?”

“There had been reports of a series of clashes between two factions of people- one was for unification and the other was against it. No one knows how it started or who started it. It began small and seemed to have escalated over the days, till riots and vandalism broke out throughout Novokribirsk. The rumours of Zlatan’s assassination attempt on the King had already spread throughout the city. And when the clashes broke out, a new rumour that Zlatan had tried to kidnap the sankta and had planned to sell her to Fjerda also began to spread. This seemed to have fueled the people to revolt more. Zlatan had been trying to put it out but soon his own soldiers began to fight, causing chaos within ranks. Finally, when the Fold started to light up, many of Zlatan’s soldiers refused to join the battle. With very little options left, Zlatan abandoned the battle front very early on and escaped.” Ivan finished.

I nodded again. Considering everything, I was glad for this turn of events as I was not in the right state of mind for a full-fledged battle when Alina was fighting for her life on the other side of the ravine. 

“Gather all the First and Second Army Commanders. We need to find Zlatan before he escapes to Fjerda. Until his arrest, West Ravka will remain under martial law.” I ordered. Ivan bowed and went to gather the commanders. 

One last time I looked across the ravine wishing more than anything to be by her side. But the burden on my shoulders would not let me. With one final prayer to the Making, I walked back towards the barracks.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Genya ~~~

‘Saints! What happened? Is that the Sankta?’ At Romanov’s panicked voice I ran outside the General’s tent and I was shocked at the sight of Alina.

‘No time to explain, Romanov. Bring Eva and the healers under her command immediately. Genya, come with me.’ Fedyor’s command pulled me out of my shock. He was carrying the bloodied, crumpled form of Alina. I searched for her heartbeat. It was thready and she was barely breathing. 

Fedyor carried Alina inside and carefully laid her on the General’s cot. She looked so pale and frail; nothing like the Alina I knew. I brushed her hair off her face but she didn’t react.

“Fedyor, what happened?” I asked feebly.

He didn’t answer immediately. He whispered after a beat or two, and I could hear the fear in his voice. “I don’t know. We found her like this.” 

Before I could respond or even process all of it, Fedyor transformed into Lieutenant Kaminsky. “Genya, I need to secure the premises. Battle has broken out between Zlatan’s forces and us. Stay with Alina and clean her up before the healers come in.”

“I will.” He nodded and left. I could hear his barks of command from the outside. I too got to work burying my fear and worry. It was not the time to flounder. I have already failed Alina way too many times. I rushed to the General’s bathroom to fetch a basin of water and clean towels. As I began to undress Alina, something fell on the floor and rolled next to my foot with a ‘clink’. I bent down to pick it up, only for me to drop on my knees. I knew that vial, I knew what it had contained- Alina had shown it to me before and now it was completely empty.

“Alina.” I clutched her hands in mine. “Please tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you didn’t. Please Alina. Please tell me I’m wrong.” I begged as my tears poured into her hands. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I wept. But before I could break down further, I felt her pulse drop and panic shot up through me. I stood up immediately to prepare her for the healers. The tears from my eyes mixed with the wetness of the towel as I cleaned the blood off of her while I prayed to every saint to save my dearest friend. I was barely done when Eva and her team rushed in with their supplies. They began to work and I moved to give them space. I dropped on a nearby chair and watched them work. Every now and then when they moved I could see Alina’s bloodless face and I forced down the sob that tried to escape at that sight. 

How much I loved working on her face! How many memories I shared with her over her vanity table- laughing, teasing, bantering and comforting each other. We were in our own world- unburdened and carefree. And all the while she knew what I was doing and never once judged me. She made me laugh, comforted me when I needed it and made sure I was treated with respect by all. And when she stood in front of me- shackled, helpless and alone, with hope in her eyes, I turned her away. I refused to help her and spat on her kindness. In the end with no one to stand by her, Alina was forced to take her own life. Eva threw a sharp look at me when an involuntary sob escaped me. I averted my eyes as she went back to work. I never had been the type to dwell on the past. I seldom ponder on pointless ‘what-ifs’ and always forge ahead. But as I clutched the vial close to me, for once in my life, I wished things had been different- that I had done things differently. I tried to curl myself on the chair as tears poured down my eyes, unable to bear the onslaught of memories and guilt.

================ 

“What!” 

I was startled out my thoughts by a sudden exclamation from Eva. They had been working on Alina for a few hours but she showed no signs of improvement. A healer, whose name I did not know, had said something to Eva in a low voice that made her exclaim in shock. I could feel Eva’s heart rate picking up as her hands stilled for a moment.

“Are you sure? Move. Let me check.” She examined Alina more closely and whatever she discovered made the experienced healer's eyes widen.

I rose up from my position to question her but before I could, Fedyor walked in at that moment looking tired but hopeful.

“Eva, how’s Alina?”

Eva took a moment to gather her thoughts. “I cannot say she is better but she is not worse either. Truth is, I’m not completely sure what’s wrong with her, Fedyor. She is suffering from insufficiency and I found poison in her bloodstream. But surprisingly neither the internal haemorrhage nor the insufficiency of the organs was due to the poison. If anything the poison has helped slow it down. But, I’m unable to determine the cause that led to the insufficiency in the first place. So, without determining the cause if we administer an antidote, it will only expedite her insufficiency. Right now her condition is as stable as it can be. But we cannot proceed further than that without knowing more.” she explained gravely.

Fedyor appeared to be thinking for a minute. “Alina was fitted with an amplifier recently. Could that have caused the insufficiency?”

“Might be. But it is difficult to tell, Fedyor. Amplifiers do not exactly fall under Small Science. Nevertheless, I’ll work on that angle too.”

“Sure. Take David’s help. He can help you with the amplifier part.” Eva nodded. 

“There is one other thing, Fedyor.” Eva said with great hesitation. “The Sun Summoner is with child. About nine to ten weeks.”

My heart thumped loudly and Fedyor paled on hearing the news as well. But he recovered quickly. “It’s the General’s.'' He cleared it hastily before any assumptions could be made. “The General has been courting Alina and had intended to marry her after the Fete. But then the Little Palace was attacked and a lot happened after that.” He tapered off with a far away look in his eyes. “Eva, neither the news of Alina’s condition nor her pregnancy can leave this tent. The situations are volatile outside with the unification. So it is imperative that all of this remain under wraps. If any leaks were found they would be punished with death.” he warned them all strictly.

“We promise, Fedyor, nothing will leave this tent. The reason I mentioned is that both the foetus and the mother cannot be saved. We need to induce a miscarriage. The General has to make a decision very soon.”

Fedyor nodded somberly. “Keep monitoring her heartbeat, Fedyor and call me if something changes. I’ll be working with David to find out more.” Eva said and left with her team.

Soon it was just Alina, Fedyor and I. Fedyor knelt by her side and gently took her hand in his and traced her bruised wrists. “She kept begging me to stop putting her to sleep. I wanted to. So many times I wanted to but I couldn’t. I thought I was keeping her safe by following orders. But-”  Tears rolled down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Alina. I’m really, really sorry.”

I knelt down on the other side of Alina and took her hand in mine. It was limp and barely warm. I wanted to tell Fedyor to stop blaming himself. Out of all the people who benefited from Alina, Fedyor was the only one who tried to help her. But words would not come. We were each stuck in our own sorrows and hoped that our tears could wash away some of our sins.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I finally returned to Kribirsk in the wee hours. The climate was still tense in the West but I was able to bring the situation under control. Novokribirsk was placed under martial law with the First and Second Army strictly patrolling the streets. Messengers were dispatched to all other commanders with orders to find Zlatan and implement martial law in West Ravka until further notice. Leaving Ivan, Zoya along with Vladimir in charge, I leapt on my horse and galloped through the ravine to rush to Alina. Fedyor had promised to send a missive if things took a turn with her recovery but none had come throughout the day- I wanted to take it as a positive sign but my heart will not rest till I could confirm it with my own eyes. So I rode my horse dangerously and stopped only when I reached my tent.

I rushed inside at once but I was unprepared for the sight that greeted me. After the battle, I had carried a faint hope that healers might have improved Alina’s condition by then. But she looked even more pale and sallow- a stark contrast to the dark sheets on my cot. Her face was deathly white and almost bloodless. Fedyor and Genya were on either side of the cot, holding her hands and talking softly to her. They stood up when they saw me.

“What did the healer say?” I asked with trepidation. Both of them refused to meet my eyes. “Tell me, now.” I ordered.

That seemed to trigger something in Genya. She immediately straightened her shoulders and said, “The healers said that Alina is stable for now, sir. She is suffering from internal haemorrhage and organ insufficiency. They were unable to determine the cause of it though. One theory is that the amplifier you had fused into her body could have induced it.” Her tone was polite but her eyes were blazing with anger and accusation. She then pulled out a vial and placed it on the bedside table.

“They found poison in her bloodstream, sir. Alina had shown me this vial previously. It contained a very potent poison that Paja had developed to kill the Stag mercifully. Considering how Alina was fine during the journey and after the amplifier fitting. The poison seems to have been administered later and by her own self. Probably, she took it inside the Fold, in an attempt to thwart your plans further, sir.” My blood ran cold hearing Genya's words. The thought of Alina trying to kill herself to get away from me made me want to hurl. But Genya did not give me a chance to, and continued her verbal attack. 

“Luckily, the poison seems to have slowed down the insufficiency enough for the healers to find a solution. Eva is working with David at the moment to understand more about Alina’s condition before administering the antidote which, in this case, would essentially speed-up Alina’s death.”  

I moved to Alina’s side and sat down beside her. I took her hand gently into mine. Other than the dark bruises in her wrists, she was drained of colour. I traced my fingers over her bruised wrists; a symbol of my torment. How many times had I promised to take care of her! And yet it was my own hands that inflicted so much pain that Alina chose to end her own life. During our last argument before her abduction, I promised to stand with her instead of against her and yet at the very first sign of trouble, I treated her as my enemy and planned to keep her as my prisoner. Tears escaped my eyes as the weight of my sins crushed me from the inside. I had so much to say to her; so much to apologise to her. But it looked like I might never get a chance to do so. I cannot let her die this way- I won’t let her die this way. She’s far too young to die such a horrible death. She has so much to see and so much to live for. I want her to live a long, long life, filled with nothing but happiness. I want her to see all the sights she had wanted to see, learn all the things she had wanted to learn and have every one of her wishes fulfilled. I want her to know that I love her with all my heart and what happened was the biggest mistake of my life, one that I would be paying for my whole life. I want so many things for her and I want my Alina to live to see through all of it.

“Sir.” Genya’s accusatory tone interrupted my thoughts. “Eva is awaiting your permission.”

“For what?” I croaked out hoarsely, not taking my eyes off of Alina.

“For inducing a miscarriage.” Genya said cruelly. Continuing to plunge the knife deeper and deeper into my heart. I stared at her in disbelief, unable to process her words.

“What?” I repeated numbly.

“Alina is with child; about nine to ten weeks. Considering the length of the pregnancy, it seems to be yours, sir. But even if you think otherwise, you might still have to make a decision on behalf of the father as we are running out of time. Due to Alina’s current condition both cannot be saved. So Eva is waiting for your call to induce a miscarriage.” Genya lashed out viciously. “What shall I tell her, sir? Shall I ask her to proceed with it or do you need sometime to think over new plans, sir, now that the Sun Summoner is out of commission?” she taunted.

“Genya, enough.” It was Fedyor’s voice this time. That seemed to snap her out of her tirade. She looked back at Alina and me one last time before running out of the tent, angrily wiping her tears. Fedyor nodded and left too, leaving me alone with Alina. The tears I had been holding in finally fell free as I sobbed into Alina’s cold hands.

“I’m so sorry, Alina.”

================ 

The deed was done. Eva was not happy that I wanted to stay with Alina but she was not in a position to refuse me. So I sat behind Alina and held her on my chest while Eva induced the miscarriage. Eva kept monitoring her heartbeat as Genya and a couple of other healers worked silently on clearing the discharge. Tears escaped my eyes as rag after rag, drenched in blood, was removed. If the others noticed it they did not mention it.  After what felt like an eternity, it was finally over. The entire tent reeked of blood and sweat. The only comforting thought throughout the whole ordeal was that Alina was not awake to feel any of it. She had gone through so much already because of me and I was glad that I was able to spare her from the pain of seeing the loss of her child.

Once Alina was cleaned and healed, Eva and the others left to prepare some potions to help recover Alina’s blood and strength without jeopardising the poison that was holding her life together. Genya was the last to leave, carrying the bucket filled with bloodied rags. 

“Genya.” She paused, turning her red rimmed eyes towards me.

“When you burn the rags can you preserve the ashes?” She looked at me questioningly. “Maybe it can give her some closure.” I explained hoarsely.

Genya nodded and left.

================ 

My body was begging me to rest but the night was far from over for me. I thought my heartache was unbearable when I had Alina’s blood on my hands; now, I have my child’s too. I had scrubbed my hands clean before leaving the tent but when I look at it now, all I can see is blood dripping from it. I don’t think I can rest my eyes knowing what I did; knowing how I was responsible for Alina’s attempt on her own life and my own child’s death. I swallowed back the guilt and grief and tried to focus on the task at hand.

David was still up in his tent and was focused on the notes that I had given him from my grandfather’s journals. If anyone could decode it, it would be David. I can only hope that he has some answers.

“David.” I called him. He looked up from the notes and stood up. “Were you able to find something to save Alina?”

“It is difficult to tell with certainty, General. The archaic terms used might mean several different things in present Small Science principles. Considering how most of it was based off of merzost theories, there’s… there’s no precedent to any of his works..” I sighed in defeat as David tapered off. 

“However, I do think that we may have misconstructed what the amplifier was actually meant for.” David added.

“How so?”

“In the previous notes you gave me, Sankt Ilya talks a lot about the powers of the Sun Summoner and in the notes about the Stag amplifier he talks about unlocking the greatest power on Earth.” I nodded and motioned for David to continue. “We assumed that the Stag was meant for the Sun Summoner and the powers he was talking about were the power of light. But what if he was talking about two entirely different things? I mean, in the tent- the powers that Alina displayed- it is not something that can be done, even by merzost. And.. and Fedyor told me how he had to fight the resonance inside Alina everytime he attempted to put her to sleep during our journey. I’m not entirely sure but Alina’s ailment could be because she attempted to use a power that is beyond this world and her body could be deteriorating because of its intensity.” He finished.

I dropped on a nearby chair and stared into the fireplace. What David unravelled made sense. My mother never fully explained about the amplifiers or about her father’s pursuits. She called me a delusional fool and forbade me from ever talking about it. After Alina was discovered, she went berserk whenever I mentioned the Stag and attempted to spoil my plans for Alina. Could it be possible that my mother knew the whole truth but never fully explained it to me because of the merzost in me? Was I so focused on my plans that I missed seeing the inconsistencies and wrote Alina’s death sentence when I fused those antlers into her neck? Anger and Grief raged inside me. I took a deep breath and controlled them. I have failed Alina ever since she first met me; I cannot fail her now. I need to make this right.

“Say you are right, David. Let’s say the amplifier is indeed draining Alina. Can she be saved if the amplifier is removed?”

David thought for a while. “I.. I don’t think it is possible, General. In his saner works on amplifiers, Sankt Ilya mentions how the amplifier chooses the recipient just like the recipient chooses the amplifier. He says that both- the amplifier and the recipient need to be in unison, in harmony, to blend in and unlock the full extent of an amplifier’s power. Unfortunately, due to continued Grisha persecutions, such a match is often extremely rare. But in Alina’s case, it was a rare match. The Stag chose Alina and Alina chose the Stag. That’s.. That’s why although you killed the Stag, the bridge to access her power could not fully settle in.” I flinched at his last statement. But David did not notice it and continued. “Undoing it would cause more damage than letting it reside, General.” He finished.

“I agree.” I said after a few moments. “But Alina can’t stay this way forever. We cannot administer the antidote without knowing for sure that the amplifier would expedite Alina’s condition.”

“The amplifier and the poison seem to be counteracting each other's effects . Eva said that as the hours passed, working on Alina became easier and the amplifier’s powers stopped working against them. The poison is stopping the insufficiency and the amplifier is stopping the poison from fully taking effect.”

“What do you suggest then David?”

“I think as long as Alina doesn't summon the amplifier’s powers, her recovery is possible. Fedyor has already sent the fastest horse to fetch Paja. We could administer the antidote in measured quantities and slowly revive Alina. It will be a long road to recovery and there will be several lasting damages to Alina’s body. But we might be able to save her life.”

For the first time since the whole ordeal, I felt hope blossom in me. Alina could be saved. That thought alone made me want to cry in relief. There’s nothing more I could wish for. If all went well, Alina would live. Even if she could only feel hatred towards me for the rest of our lives, atleast she would be alive to do so. I cannot ask for a bigger gift than that. I patted David on the shoulder and raised to leave the tent and go check on Alina.

“General.” David called me. He looked unusually nervous and scared. “The antidote-. When Paja developed it, she said that the kindest thing anyone could ever do is to never administer it. The antidote is beyond excruciating and the receiver would be wide awake as their organs are revived. Alina.. Alina, she doesn’t deserve it.” David almost whispered the last part.

This information made me pause. The thought of putting my Alina through another round of torture ripped my heart to shreds, but I cannot let Alina to die. Not like this. She deserved to live life to her fullest and I will do everything in my power to make it happen even if she would hate me more for it. I'm ready to catch anything she throws at me if it means she can be alive.  

“Alina is a fighter. She’s a survivor. She will beat this. I have faith in her.” I tried to reassure David and myself and left to my tent, praying to the Making to give Alina the strength to survive what’s to come.

================ 

The next few days passed in a blur. I was travelling back and forth between the two cities in an attempt to control the tension in West Ravka while trying to be there for Alina too. The latest report seemed to indicate that Zlatan had escaped to Fjerda so I was busy throughout the day rounding-up and squashing the remaining members of Zlatan’s party, including several wealthy merchants and noble families who funded the independence movement. And during the night, I sat beside Alina, holding her, apologising to her and begging her to come back to me. As the week continued, the situation in West Ravka improved but Alina remained the same. The potions that Eva prepared had very little effect on Alina. My only hope remained with Paja. And everyday, I lit a candle and made an offering to the Making to save my Alina.  

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Sergi ~~~

I was a day’s ride away from Kribirsk when I stopped for the night in a small town. After being on the road for days on end, I was looking forward to sleeping on a bed tonight and eagerly approached the inn. The small tavern below the inn was far too crowded than normal, filled with excited people, talking animatedly and celebrating something. It was too early for Saint Xenia’s day. So I approached the innkeeper curiously.

“A room for the night, please.” 

“All the rooms we keep for the Second Army are taken by the pilgrims. We’ve only got a tiny chamber right at the far end of the hallway.”

“That would be fine.” He nodded and sent a maid to clean up the room. He placed a bowl of warm oat porridge and rye bread for me to eat while I waited for the room.

“It seems to be a busy night. A little early for Saint Xenia isn’t it?”

The innkeeper gave me a queer look. "Seems like you've been wanderin' for some time. Didn't ya know the country has come together again?"

“The Fold is destroyed?” I asked in shock.

"Nay, not completely. Sankta Alina done made a ravine 'bout ten skiffs wide. The soldiers passin' by said the Sankta didn't entirely destroy the Fold to keep Fjerda and Shu away from Ravka. Soon, they'll have no other choice but to cease their bloody wars 'fore facin' the fury of our sankta," he said, a grin spreading across his face.

I nodded in shock and bewilderment. The letter that Alina gave was burning in my pocket. Seems like a lot of things had happened before I could find the General.

“The Black General and the Sankta, have they left for the capitol?”

"Nay, nobody's laid eyes on the sankta since the ravine. Folk chatter nonsense these days. Some claim Zlatan done snatched our sankta, others say she took ill after bringin' the country together. Faithless fools, the lot of 'em! Nothin' can harm our sankta. She'll emerge even mightier, mark my words, and teach them rice-eaters from Shu-Han and them ruffians from Fjerda a lesson they soon won't forget."

I nodded at him. The maid walked back in after preparing my room. I gulped down the rest of the porridge and went to my room. It was a tiny, windowless room, a little larger than a supply closet with a cot and a lumpy mattress. Using the basin of water the maid had placed, I cleaned myself and retired for the night. 

My thoughts turned back to Alina. Looks like the General had found Alina before I could deliver her letter. I felt guilty for failing at my task. I had tried my best to find the General but somehow I always reached the place after he had left it already. By the time I reached Balakirev, after sending off Alina, I found out that the General had already left for Ryevost. I rushed once more to Ryevost only to learn that the General had left for Chernast. Not letting my disappointment show, I travelled to Chernast but was stuck in a snowstorm. Without squallers and tidemakers to clear the path, I arrived at Chernast a few days after the General had left with Alina. This time, I took help from one of the Tidemakers from the Chernast post to clear the path and rode all the way to Kribirsk without stopping. Considering what the innkeeper said, It seems like I have only wasted my efforts in chasing after the General. Nevertheless, I made a promise to Alina and I intend to keep it. 

The news about Alina’s disappearance worried me. But I calmed my mind. If the General is with Alina then she is safe. And tomorrow I will get all the answers I need so there is no need to fret. I can only hope that Alina can forgive me for failing to keep my promise. With that I put out the candle and fell asleep.

================ 

It was late evening when I reached the encampment and I could feel the tension in the air. It was a strange sort of tension- a mixture of happiness but for some reason, they are not allowed to be happy about it. What the innkeeper said turned out to be true. There was a huge ravine in the Fold about eight skiffs wide. My heart thumped loudly at the sight- a strange mixture of happiness and trepidation flowed through my veins. I dropped off my horse at the stable and walked towards the General’s tent- the guards at the entrance stopped me.

“This is Sergeant Sergi Beznikov, I wish to speak to the General immediately.” I informed them.

“The General is not in at the moment. If this is an urgent matter, I suggest you find Lieutenant Kaminsky. He is in the fabrikators’ tent.” 

I nodded and left to find Fedyor. A clash of emotions reflected on Fedyor’s face when he saw me- anger, regret, guilt and hope.

“Sir.”

“You have arrived too late, Sergi. Too late.” were the first words out of Fedyor’s mouth. I had anticipated a myriad of responses from Fedyor but not his anger and regret filled tone telling me that I had arrived too late. I looked at him in confusion as he motioned for me to sit. He broke the news of Alina's illness after the Fold. I was crushed to learn that she was fighting for her life.

It wasn't until I settled down for the night I began to question Fedyor's strange reaction on seeing me. His words made no sense either. How could my arrival have prevented any of it? Something more had to have happened than anyone was letting on. I know it's not my place to ask questions instead I settled for a prayer to keep Alina safe. With that I nodded off waiting for the General's arrival.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

Once again I returned to Kribrisk in the wee hours. Ivan was also with me looking even more pensive than usual. Even in my distracted state, I knew that it was due to Fedyor. The happy couple had been avoiding each other for days. My actions seemed to have driven a wedge between them; the list of my mistakes seemed to be growing by the day. Some nights, I wished I had the power to turn back the clock. Go back to the night before Winter Fete and hold onto Alina tightly and never let her go. But I can’t and the reality raged in front of me. 

When I reached my tent, Fedyor was waiting for me, which was unusual. After Alina, he normally avoided any interaction with me and spoke only when spoken to. Unlike Genya, he didn’t lash out in anger, he kept it all in and raged in silence.

“General, Sergi is here to meet you. He has a letter from Alina.” 

My heart clenched at that. After everything that had happened, I had almost forgotten about the letter. I do not know what it says but I do know that it holds the proof of Alina’s innocence and some harsh truths that I’m not ready for.

“Bring him in.” Fedyor nodded and left, all the while ignoring Ivan’s attempt to catch his eyes. He came back after a few minutes with Sergi in tow.

“General.” Sergi bowed. “I had been travelling for days carrying this letter from Alina.” I took the offered letter from his hands. “I apologise for the delay General. I had been trying to catch up to you and I almost did in Chernast but I was stuck in an unexpected snowstorm and was able to reach Chernast only days after you left with Alina.”

“How did you find Alina?”

“I didn’t. She found me in Ryevost, General. She was battered and bruised from the kidnapping and the attack from the two First Army soldiers left her weak. She had a slight crack in her skull from repeated head injuries and after asking me to take her to safety, she fainted from it. I healed her and took care of her. Once she woke up, she insisted that she had to travel North. She said that it was critical for Ravka’s future and asked me to hand-deliver the letter to you and said that you’d know what to do once you read it. She was worried about you, General, that you would have been running haggard by then trying to retrieve Alina to safety. However due to unfortunate circumstances, I couldn’t deliver it on time. I’m sure Alina would have already conveyed everything, sir. But along with the letter, she asked me to assure you that she was safe and uninjured and that she would do everything in her power to come back to you.” Sergi stopped and then he added the last part after some hesitation. “She also wanted me to tell you that she loved you.”

Every part of Sergi’s report was a stab to my heart. My throat was constricting from lack of air. I managed to nod at Sergi. “Thank you, Sergi. You may leave.” He bowed and left. 

I held the letter in my hand and did not have the courage to open it. I could feel the eyes of everyone in the room save Alina- Fedyor, Genya and even Ivan.

With a slight tremor in my hands, I finally opened and read it, and then reread it two more times. Soon I could no longer push air into my lungs. My chest was burning with the lack of air and I dropped the letter on the table and walked out of my tent in a daze. The Grisha around me, the tents, the noise, everything drowned out and I became unfocused. The only thing that I kept hearing over and over again was my mother’s voice calling me a ‘monster’. This time I did not disagree with her. I’m indeed a monster- the worst kind of monster ever known to man and I should get far away from Alina before I could hurt her further. She never should have shown kindness to an abomination like me. I never should have touched her with my tainted hands. I need to get away. I was still struggling to breathe but managed to get on my horse and galloped, not caring where I was going. Maybe the horse could carry me to a place where I’m no longer the monster who killed his own destined and his child with his own hands. 

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Fedyor ~~~

After Segi left, I tried not to be curious about the letter. I tried to give the General space to read the letter but I had not expected to see such a visceral reaction from a battle-hardened man. A part of me that was still loyal to him, immediately wanted to push more air into his lungs and calm his racing heart but I couldn’t; not after seeing what his actions had done to my dear friend. Besides, he has Ivan to do all that for him anyway. So I fisted my hands and waited for the General to say something. Instead he dropped the letter on his table and all but ran out of the tent. I refused to follow him and to my surprise neither did Ivan. 

Genya was the first to move. This letter was of personal nature and not an army one, we do not have the permission to open it, let alone read it. But Genya did not care and began to read. By the time she finished the letter her eyes were filled with tears and her sobs echoed throughout the tent.

“What is it, Genya?”

She wordlessly handed the letter to me and left. Pushing away my qualms about decorum, I opened the letter and read it twice. The first emotion that rose through me was grief followed by an inexplainable anger. 

“Fedya, what is it?” Ivan’s quiet voice pulled me out of my thoughts. The anger and resentment I had locked away till now broke out of me.

“Read it. Read it, you utter bastard!” I yelled.

Ivan hastily took the letter from my hands and read it. I could hear his heart beating faster. 

“I hope that cottage was freaking worth it! Because I don’t know with whom you’d be retiring there but it certainly won’t be me!”

“Fedya, please. I did it all for us. For you.” Ivan tried to explain but it enraged me even more.

“You have known me for fifteen years and yet somehow you assumed that I would be happy to live in a cottage built on top of the grave of my friend; one whom I have grown to love like a sister. You and me, we are done. I don’t want to see you anymore. Everything about you revolts me. Leave.”

“Fedya, please.”

“Get out!” I screamed. “Get out, now!”

Ivan nodded and left. I moved to Alina’s cot.

“Wake up, Alina. You have to. You can’t let them win. You are a fighter. I want you to fight this. I promise you, Alina, you won’t be fighting alone anymore. When you wake up, whichever path you choose to go, I will follow you; no matter what. And this time I will keep you safe.” I vowed.

“Wake up, Alina.”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Author’s ~~~

Alina’s letter laid half opened and unassuming on top of the table. For a single piece of paper it was heavy with the guilt of four people. It did make me wonder what would have happened if the letter arrived on time? Would the people around have made better choices? Could Aleksander have believed Alina? Could Genya have had more sympathy towards Alina? Would Ivan have listened to Fedyor? Could Fedyor have proved Alina’s innocence? Maybe in another world and in another time, I would have said yes. But often Fate and the hearts of people operate in mysterious ways. The eventful night in Kolomna was not a single, unfortunate mistake, it was the culmination of a series of interconnected events that was set into motion long before Alina. So maybe without the right circumstances, the letter could not have had the power to change the path of destiny. Maybe it could have caused more damage than good. But, either way, the letter has served its purpose. It has now inexplicably intertwined the lives of five people over an event that none of them could have avoided. Like the planets circling around the Sun, parts of them will always be circling around the fateful night in Kolomna. 

֍֍֍

Love,

When this letter finds you, I will be quite far away from you; probably treading through the snows of Permafrost. Although the distance that separates us is immense, I want you to know that I’m constantly thinking of you. Each passing day feels like an eternity and my heart aches from your absence. I find myself yearning for the warmth of your touch, the gentleness of your voice, and the joy that your presence brings to my life.  My only solace is at night when the darkness envelops me; I imagine them to be your shadows and take comfort in them and in the many memories that we shared together. I hope that this letter can offer you such solace and ease the aching of your heart till we meet again.

I understand that my unexpected actions have likely raised numerous questions and doubts within you. However, my love, I want to assure you that my journey’s purpose is solely to seek answers. It’s the only way I can ensure the future we are building together can come to pass. While I may not be able to address all of your questions in this letter, I can alleviate a few of your concerns by providing some explanations here. The remaining questions are best reserved for when we can reunite in person. For now, I implore you to place your trust in me and understand that I must undertake this journey alone, not only for the sake of Ravka's future but for our own as well.

I have so much to share with you, yet I find myself uncertain of where to begin. The night of the Winter Fete was meant to mark our fresh start- a chance for us to begin again without lies and deception. Like you, I too had planned on revealing the truths that I had kept from you. However, fate had its own designs for us, wrenching me away from you before I could make an attempt. I understand your hesitation, love, but please know that my secrets were not born of malice. They were a consequence of the lies you fed me and keeping my own secrets was the only way I could maintain the delicate balance we had forged while feigning ignorance. But now that our own future is at jeopardy, I will explain everything I can and the rest, I will explain when we meet again. All I ask of you is to keep an open mind and trust me.

You are probably wondering how I ended up leaving my room and fell into my abductors’ trap. Would you believe me if I said it was all due to the bunch of blue irises you gave me? The first secret I kept from you is that I have been secretly conversing with Mal this whole time. I have known since my first week at the Little Palace that you were withholding my letters to Mal and his letters to me. I also knew that you sent Genya to me with the intention of spying on me and reporting to you. I had hoped that as the days passed you’d learn to trust me more but you continued with it even after we began our courtship. It still breaks my heart to know that it is easier for you to resort to these underhanded methods instead of just talking to me.   At first, I felt insulted that you too thought of me as a Shu spy, instead of a Ravkan citizen. But later, I understood your reasoning. You were worried about my safety and how if any of our enemies learn of this correspondence, they could jeopardise the security of the Little Palace. But love, Mal is the closest thing I have to a blood family and his well-being is important to me. I cannot cut ties with him just because I have become the Sun Summoner. He is special to me like Genya and Fedyor. So I found a way to communicate with him in code as ‘ Maria and Isaak ’. This way all of us get to have their peace of mind. But, the very last letter from Mal had me worried; he had mentioned that he’d bring me blue irises. However, blue irises were never my favourite flowers; it is a code between Mal and I. It means that I will see you in person soon.

On the night of the Fete, a few minutes after you left, Baghra came into the War room through a secret passage. She wanted me to run away from the Little Palace and disappear from your life. She wanted me to believe that your love for me was not real and you were just using me as a means to an end. That you had planned to hunt my Stag and collar me with it, turning me into your slave. But I refused to follow her and she eventually left. After that I could no longer feel safe inside your room. So I went to mine and decided to turn in for the night. That’s when something from my conversation with Baghra hit me. She mentioned that she had taken care of the tracker for me and I can save myself if I run away. Mal’s last letter, the fact that you gave me blue irises all of a sudden and Baghra’s words sent me into a frenzy. I did not have the time to wait for you, reveal everything and then check on Mal. Mal could very well be dead by then. So I decided to pay Baghra a visit and prepared to leave through my window. But before I could leave, a vision from my Stag hit me. 

The second secret I kept from you is that the Stag and I are connected. He talks to me through my dreams. He had been warning me for months that the tides were changing and kept asking me to find him. And since then, I have been trying to find answers to prevent what is to come. But I have not been successful so far. However, this particular vision was different, he came to warn me that I had run out of time and that I needed to come alone to find him if I wished to thwart a catastrophe. This further escalated my panic to the point where I nearly wrote you a note and prepared to venture off in search of the Stag alone. But reason kicked in and I decided to check on Mal first. After that I planned on confessing everything to you and then seek out the Stag together with your help. But I never reached Baghra’s hut, three people from Ketterdam took me away and deprived me of my chance. 

The first few days of the abduction were a blur. I was gagged and bound with no mobility and my head injury made it difficult to concentrate but after a couple of days, I was able to gather my bearings and follow the path they were taking me. I figured out that I had one chance to escape at Ryevost and seek asylum with the Second Army, so I bid my time and waited. And when the opportunity presented itself, I fought them off and overpowered them. Through them I learnt that my abduction was orchestrated by Zlatan. He had posed as an anonymous buyer from Wandering Isle and hired the thieves from Ketterdam through a merchant named Dreesen.  At first, I wanted to bind them and drag them to the Second Army camp with me and wait for you. But, the Stag had been sending insistent visions, urging me to find him. So I had to make a call- to wait for your arrival or to find my Stag. Considering the urgency of the situation, I decided to do the latter. However, I could not leave Zlatan unpunished. 

During my capture, I had gathered enough information about my abductors to know that they had no political affiliations and operated only for profit. I decided to use it for our benefit and offered them the ‘Tears of Vasilisa’( I promise you that I will find a way to return it to you) in exchange for a job. 

Before my abduction, even after all the atrocities committed by Zlatan towards Grisha, I still wanted to give him a chance. I wanted to stop the separation in a peaceful manner by playing the role of a Saint and influencing the soldiers and people of West Ravka. But the moment I learned that Zlatan had hired thieves to break into our home and violate it, I realised that he needed to be stopped at once. So, I devised a plan to take down Zlatan.

At first, I toyed with the idea of asking them to assassinate him but that would have only made him a martyr. Instead, I decided to snatch away his dream right from his hands. So, I hired them to unleash chaos in West Ravka and destroy its peace. I asked them to spread the rumours about Zlatan’s plan to abduct and sell me to Fjerda. This would definitely cause friction between the already divided people. It would, at worst, stall his plans for independent Ravka and at best, ruin his dream altogether. With Zlatan busy putting down the fires, it would buy me enough time to find the Stag and meet you. If all goes as planned you and I will meet at Chernast, after I have found the Stag. 

I do not know what plans you have for the Fold. But considering the instability in both East and the West it would be in our best interest to unify the country rather than attacking Zlatan. I’m not asking to destroy the Fold entirely- it would only make us defenceless against Shu-Han and Fjerda and we would lose our only leverage at the time of negotiations. Instead let me create a ravine. A six or seven skiff-wide path to reunite the country; permanently destroying Zlatan’s dreams. I think this could benefit us two-fold. You could bring West Ravka under your control and cull the independence movement entirely. This would also give people something to hold onto, temporarily stopping the threat of riots that has been waiting to break out in the East because of the King.

I think this solution could benefit us the most, love. However, unlike you, I have never led an army or prepared battle strategies. In the little time I had this was the only solution I could come up with that had minimal bloodshed and a more positive outcome. In any case, you are the expert at this and I will leave it to you. We can discuss further strategies when we meet. See you at Chernast soon, my love and take care.

P.S. In the event that this letter reaches you during Yule, I wanted to let you know that I've entrusted all your presents (yours, Genya's, Fedyor's, and even grumpy Ivan's) to David. I've put together a special gift for each of you, and I hope they bring you joy. Please convey my love and longing to them, assuring them of my safety. If all goes well, we can welcome the New Year together, albeit a week later, once we are reunited.

I think I'm with child. It’s too early to tell. I don’t know if I want it. I- . I’m so scared, Sasha.

Yours always,

Alina.

֍֍֍

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I was walking through a snow-covered forest. Winter was slowly setting in and snow was piling up steadily. In a couple of months, the ground would become impossible to travel. I let my eyes wander around the snowy expanse with caution and studied it. The forests seemed familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, like something from a long forgotten memory or a dream perhaps. Not knowing how I ended up here I decided to investigate further and kept walking. I realised that I was somewhere near the old Fjerdan border. But it did not make sense because a part of this forest had long since been cleared to build a checkpost. Suddenly, I heard a scream of agony echoing throughout the forests and I rushed towards it. Unknown fear and trepidation filled me as I ran. The screams led me to an unkempt trail and when I reached the end of it, I stood frozen in fear and shock. A small hunter’s hut stared back at me. 

I know that hut and I know who laid inside it. I stood rooted in my spot and kept staring at it, unable to move my limbs. I was no longer the fearsome Black General or the Heretic, I became a boy of ten, paralysed with fear, terrified of the screams coming from inside. I was transported to a memory that I had long since buried.

================ 

I had always known my mother had multiple children before me and she had several children after me too. But I was the only one whom she kept with her. The rest, I never knew what happened to them. Other than Ulla, my sister, I had never even met any of my siblings.

When I was about ten, my mother was with child again. Usually, madraya always had a plan before her labour approached. She would hide me in a settlement or a town and return after she had birthed. Sometimes, I get to see the child but more often than not, I never knew of its fate. My mother rarely spoke about it after. However, unlike the previous times, this labour had come in much early and quite unexpectedly, before she could make an arrangement and we were forced to take shelter in a tiny hunter’s hut near the Fjerdan border.

“Fetch me some water and remain outside. This will take a while.” she ordered me. “Get going, boy.” she repeated more firmly when I hesitated at the sight of my mother’s pain-filled face.

I filled the buckets with water as she asked and when I returned, my mother had already settled in on a makeshift bed- a blanket spread on some dried rushes. She was covered in sweat and her face was screwed shut in agony. When she noticed me, she wordlessly handed me a bear hide. 

“Take this and sleep on the porch, boy. There’s food in the saddle for you. Don’t light a fire and stay put till I’m done.”

“Yes, Madraya.” I did as she told, not wanting to worry her more. 

The sun had set a while ago and I was huddled in the tiny porch, trying my best to curl up and sleep. Other than the increasing pain filled grunts from my mother, everything was quiet. I was deep in slumber when my mother’s screams woke me up. I had never heard my mother scream before and for a moment, I feared that someone was attacking us. It was a pitch black night without the moon but I frantically searched in every direction looking for a threat. Finding none, I left my place on the porch to check on my mother.

“Madraya.” I whispered in fear as I pushed open the door.

“Stay outside, boy. It's nothing.” my mother yelled. 

I closed the door and sat back down on the porch wordlessly. As the night progressed, my mother’s screams increased. I did not know what was happening and I feared that my mother was dying. That whole night, I waited outside, clutching my knees and crying silently, shaking in fear and cold. I was helpless and alone and the only thing I could do was to keep praying to the Making to let my mother live.

I did not know when I nodded off, but the winter sun was hitting my face when I woke up. Silence greeted me from inside the hut and my heart froze in fear.

“Madraya.” I called out weakly. No response.

“Madraya.” I tried a little bit louder. Still nothing from the inside. I slowly pushed open the hut’s door, and the stench of blood greeted me. My mother was lying still on a blood soaked blanket with a tiny baby near her leg. My mother looked pale with streaks of blood covering her legs and the baby was covered in it too. The frightening sight and the reek of blood nauseated me so much that I ran outside and threw up on the snow and cried till I had no more tears.

‘ Madraya is dead. ’ My mind kept repeating over and over again and I curled up on the snow, unable to stop the gut wrenching sobs. After what felt like an eternity, I decided to go back inside. Madraya always taught me to be brave, I cannot let her down now. So, I pushed open the door once more and found her still and lifeless as before.

“Madraya.” I called and gently shook her. But she didn’t move. I checked for signs of life like she taught me to and I cried in relief when I found out she was still alive. Next, I checked the baby, it was alive too. With unfamiliar hands, I tried to clean up and pulled out the blood soaked sheet from under her and covered her and the baby with bear skins.

“Madraya.” I nudged her gently and poured some water down her throat and helped her swallow. 

Not knowing what else to do, I waited for my mother to wake up. I continued to feed her water regularly and the hours passed on. My mother was the strongest person I know. She had once shaved off a chunk of a forest with ‘the Cut’. I had seen her fight before and she had always protected me. But seeing her lying prone and almost lifeless made me sob. I curled up next to her and cried, begging her to wake up. But my mother remained unconscious. 

A sudden wail from the baby, broke me out of my stupor. While I hesitated, it began to wail incessantly. I moved from my mother’s side and went to the baby. I removed the beak skin to see its face more clearly. It was all scrunched up and angry red from the crying. I patted it gently like I had seen mothers do. But the cries did not recede. Having never handled a baby before, I tried to pick it up as gently as I could and tried to feed it some water like I did for my mother. But it kept spitting it back up and would not stop crying. 

“Please stop.” I begged, holding it close to me. “I don’t know what you want. Please don’t cry.” The cries of the baby were almost deafening now. I tried not to cry myself and be strong. But helplessness clawed through me.

“Give me the child, Aleksander.” my mother’s feeble voice pulled me out of my misery. She sat up slowly as I watched in shock.

“Madraya!” I put the baby down and hugged her tightly, crying in relief.

“It’s okay, Aleksander. It’s fine. You did good.” she patted me.

“I thought you were dying, Madraya.” I whispered into her shoulders.

“It’s not so easy to kill us, boy.” She released me. “Now, go fetch me some more water. The buckets are almost empty.” 

I nodded and left, but the fear in me would not go away and I hurried to return to my mother’s side. When I arrived with fresh water, the baby had stopped crying and my mother was fully awake. She had cleaned herself up with the remaining water and was no longer covered in blood. She did not look at me when I entered and was lost in thought; staring off into the distance.

“All this trouble for an otkazat’sya.” she muttered bitterly after a while. 

We stayed in the hut for about two weeks as my mother recovered. Every time I tried approaching the baby, my mother forbade me. Once my mother had healed enough to mount on our horse, we rode to the nearest settlement.

She stopped at an inn and left with the baby as I waited for her. It was well after dusk when she returned and she was empty-handed. Tears collected in my eyes. It was the longest I had been with any of my siblings.

“Why Madraya?” I asked helplessly. “Why can’t we raise just one? I liked this one and I would have been a good brother to her.”

My mother looked at me sharply, “That was not your sister, boy. That was dust . She’s dust compared to you and me. She’ll be gone in a blink of an eye and you’ll outlive her by a hundred years, maybe a thousand, maybe more. There’s only you and me, Aleksander. Always remember that.”

================ 

I kept staring at the hut as the memory from my boyhood rushed through my mind. I was startled out of it when an intense cry came out of the hut, followed by the wails of a newborn child. With shaking hands, I pushed open the door. But it was not my mother’s lifeless form that greeted me. It was Alina’s. She was holding a tiny bundle in her arms and blood was running down her legs, soaking her nightgown and the white silk beddings under her. Her tired and deathly white face looked up at me when I entered.

“Come meet your child, Aleksander.” She said, holding out her hand.

I walked up to her, slowly and took her offered hand. She kept rocking the baby and was gently singing to it. Although fear was gnawing my insides, I knelt down beside her and smiled at the sight. 

“Here, hold the baby. She’d like to meet her father.” Alina said, handing me the child. I took the baby from her hands with infinite care. She was so small with a pink face and tuft of ink black hair like me. Her eyes and nose were like Alina. Only when Alina’s hands wiped the tears off of my face, I realised that I was crying.

“Thank you, Alina, for giving me this.” I said as I leaned into her touch. She said nothing and smiled at me. I placed a gentle kiss on the baby’s forehead. The next moment, dark veins began to cover the child and she turned to dust in an instant. I dropped her in shock and the ashes scattered everywhere. I grew franctic and tried to collect it all to put her back together but the wind carried her away.

“What happened, Aleksander? Don’t you like her anymore?” Alina asked. “Is that why you killed her?”

“No!” I cried and took her hand in mine. “That is not true. I love you both so much. Alina, you have to believe me. Please.”

She didn’t say anything and simply held my hand. “I’d love to but-” she took my hand and placed it at the hollow of her neck. The moment my hands touched her skin, the Stag’s antlers began to protrude out of her collarbone and dark veins appeared around it. I watched in horror as blood began to coat my hands. Alina’s eyes turned grey, her lips became blue and skin ashened till it resembled a corpse. “-but you made me into this.” she finished.

I hastily withdrew my hands from her, leaving a bloody handprint on her neck and fell on my haunches.

“What happened, Aleksander? Don’t you like me anymore?” she asked with a small laugh.

================ 

I awoke with a start, my heart was racing in fear and horror. I immediately turned to check on Alina to reassure myself that it was all a dream and sighed in relief. Alina looked tired and was sleeping fitfully, but she was alive. I must have nodded off while watching over her. I tried to control my breathing and regain my bearings. But all I could do was stare at my hands. Although they were clean now, the image of the bloody handprint would not leave my mind. So I walked over to the basin and began to scrub my hands clean. 

I sighed at my reflection. The nightmare had shaken me to my core. It is funny how dreams always reflect your worst suppressed memories. And considering how Alina’s anguished cries have been echoing throughout the camp for the past three days, it was no wonder that the memory resurfaced. 

When Paja arrived with the antidote, I was filled with hope and relief. But my relief was only short lived. I thought I was prepared to see Alina in pain once more but I had never been more wrong. Alina woke up shortly after the first dose but soon began to scream in absolute agony. As the days progressed, her voice turned hoarse from the constant screaming but the pain in her voice never died down. Every dose of the antidote unleashed a new wave of torment in her and all she could do was wail in misery. The Healers tried their best to alleviate her pain but nothing helped. She kept writhing and thrashing in pain after each dose. For all the power and wealth I had amassed, there was not a thing I could do to take away her suffering. And when her pain-filled eyes met mine, I dug my nails deeper into my palms, unable to bear the weight of her stare. 

Overwhelmed with memories and guilt, I wetted a towel and left the bathroom. Alina had one final dose left. Eva wanted her to recover her strength a little bit before administering it. So she gave her a light sleeping draught to help ease her. 

I sat next to her and began to gently wipe the sweat away. She looked like a wraith, with a leg already inside death’s door and I could not help but shudder at the thought. Fear has always been my constant companion since my infancy. There was not a time I remember not being in fear- fear of being discovered, fear of being captured, fear of the dark, fear of my people being killed. But all those fears paled in comparison to the fear of losing Alina. I don’t think my long life has prepared me to face her death but looking at her prone form, that deep-seated fear threatened to suffocate me.

“Live, Alina. Please.”

================ 

I returned from the bathroom after cleaning up Alina. Her eyes were open and were staring at me. I did not expect to see her awake and rushed to her side. 

“Alina. Are you in pain? Do you need anything? I asked.

Her tired eyes met mine.

“What did I ever do to you?” she croaked out; her face contorting in pain. 

Despite my control, a few tears escaped my eyes me. “Nothing, my love. Nothing. You did nothing wrong. Everything is my fault and my fault alone.” I said as I clasped her hand gently in mine.

She looked at me with intense eyes. “I curse the day I met you.” she whispered.

I nodded and wiped away her tears. She closed her eyes after a couple of minutes and fell back into her restless sleep.  

“You should.” I whispered back.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Genya ~~~

I brought in Alina’s breakfast. She was lying on the cot, staring listlessly at something and paid no attention to the book that Fedyor was reading to her. I walked inside and placed the tray on the bedside table. She neither reacted to nor recognised my presence and continued staring into space. I tried not to cry at that sight and Fedyor nodded his head in understanding.

It had been three days since the final dose was administered. Alina was saved but the poison and the amplifier had left several lasting effects in her body. The insufficiency had damaged her lungs and heart and had weakened her limbs so much that it was difficult for her to walk or hold things without assistance. More than the effects on her body, the wounds in her heart had caused her to withdraw into herself. She spoke when spoken to; otherwise, simply laid on the cot and kept staring at nothing. 

“Alina.” she turned her eyes towards Fedyor. “I’ll be away for a bit, till you're cleaned up and ready. We can continue with Polotsky after that.” She nodded at him and turned back to stare at the tent walls.

“Let me fetch some hot water and prepare you.” I said and closed the screen door to give us some privacy. When I returned with the water, Alina had managed to sit up and was waiting for me. Unlike the previous times her eyes were fixed on me. She kept watching me as I moved to place the basin and bring her clean clothes and towels. I tried not to fidget at that. 

“Alright.” I said as I sat next to her. And when I went to dip the washcloth into the water, Alina’s hands stopped mine. 

“Alina?”

“You don’t have to do this anymore.” She spoke softly, looking pointedly at my red kefta. “Tell him I kicked you out.”

Tears pooled into my eyes. “I’m not doing this because he ordered me to.” I choked out. “I’m doing this because you are my best friend and I want to take care of you.”

Alina didn’t say anything for a while and kept looking at me. Finally, she released my hand and nodded. I began to clean her up. Her body had been through so much that she looked worse than she was when she arrived at the Little Palace. I could count all of her ribs and vertebrae, her stomach had sunken into her body and she sat hunched over, as if the weight of her head was pressing her down. It was a challenge not to cry and keep a brave face on whenever I cleaned her up. I know that she had a very long road to recovery and vowed to be in every step of it.

After I put on some clean clothes on her, I began to comb and braid her hair. “I could have haunted you, you know.” She said out of the blue. 

“What?” I asked, not understanding what she was trying to say.

“If you were going to miss me so much that you had to drag me all the way from death’s door, you needn’t have troubled yourself. I was planning on haunting you anyway.”

An unexpected laugh escaped out of me, followed by a sob as I hugged her from behind and cried. After all the hurt and betrayal I have caused her, she was extending her friendship again. 

“I’m sorry, Alina. I’m so sorry.” I wept into her shoulders as she patted my arms.

================ 

Alina’s lungs and heart grew stronger by the day. Her limbs however were still giving her trouble. I could see her frustration and shame but said nothing. I know how independent Alina is and she hated having to ask for help to do basic things. Fedyor and I learnt when to help and when to stay out of the way. 

One day, a week after Alina’s final dose was administered, she asked me the question that I had been dreading since she woke up. 

“Genya.” Fedyor stopped his reading and waited for her to continue. “I-I was with child. It’s gone, isn’t it?” She whispered the last part.

Both Fedyor and I looked at each other not knowing how to explain it to her.

“Yes.” I said quietly.

“Alina, it was a difficult decision. Eva, the healer, said that both cannot be saved. We had to-” 

“It’s fine.” She cut off Fedyor before he could finish and said with a small smile, “I didn’t want it anyway.”

A heavy silence filled the room.

“Does he know?” This was the first time she asked about the General. The General had been keeping his distance since she asked him to leave after she woke up. He only visits her when she has fallen asleep but otherwise stops at the threshold and peaks at her whenever she is not looking with a forlorn expression and leaves. 

“Yes.”

She nodded and asked Fedyor to continue with the reading. I discreetly wiped my tears when she turned.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

“Colonel Vladimir! We cannot permit pilgrims to pass. This is a military base and we were engaged in battle less than three weeks ago. This is still a warzone, and you know how much of a hassle it was to send the delegates back without any issues.” I said, annoyed at his lack of understanding.

The aged Colonel tried not to run his hands through his balding head and clasped his hands instead. 

“I know, General. But with the martial law in place in West Ravka, the First and Second Army soldiers are already spread thin. We don’t have enough soldiers to stop the flocking pilgrims. But if we don’t regulate it now to keep them happy, sooner than later they are going to break through our barricades and come in.” 

I sighed. Vladimir is one of the few loyal First Army colonels with a good head on his shoulders and I was not trying to be obtuse. But Alina is still recovering and with the new Ravine, the direct roads to Os Alta are packed with pilgrims and not secure for travel. The alternate routes are not safe either. It is a risk and I’m not willing to put Alina in anymore danger.

“General.” He called out. “I know you are worried about the Sankta’s safety but her being here is not going to ensure it.” I looked at him questioningly. 

“The rumours are spreading fast and uncontrollable, sir. Anyone who had crossed the Second Army encampment and heard her screams had a new story to tell. If we want to prevent a repeat of the riots that happened in Novokribirsk, it’s best to take the Sankta to Os Alta, sir.” he finished.

I sighed again and nodded after a beat. “I will make arrangements tonight for the departure. The Ravine will be opened only twice a day- once after dawn and once before dusk. East and West Ravkans can visit it on alternate days. Permit only twenty people per day. Make sure there are no security breaches.”

“Yes, sir.” With that Vladimir stood up and left the tent. 

I started to prepare for the journey. I need this journey to be as comfortable and safe as it can for Alina. So I retrieved the maps and began to plan. 

================ 

We stopped at a barn on the third day of our journey. We picked a less travelled but considerably safer route to Os Alta. The journey had been uneventful so far but every single one of the soldiers were on high alert and constantly surveyed the surroundings for Fjerdans. The barn was similar to the one that Alina and I took shelter in almost a year ago. If only I had had the power of foresight, I thought with remorse, I could have prevented all of this. I sighed and got off my horse. The oprichniki hurried to set camp and make the barn habitable for the night.

Genya opened the carriage door and carefully helped Alina out. She left Alina near a tree and went back to the carriage to collect Alina’s coats and blankets. And in that small fraction of a second it all happened and we were all too slow to react. 

Fedyor was helping Genya collect the things when Alina’s legs began to give out. Ivan was the only one who was closest to her and tried to prevent her fall by holding her shoulders from behind. 

“NO!!!” Alina screamed. Her hands were out, ready in an instant with the Cut and her eyes were blazing gold.

“Alina, no!” I rushed to her side. 

“He was only trying to help.” Ivan held his arms in surrender. “You were going to fall. He tried to steady you. He was not trying to attack you. Please, Alina. Let go of it. Stop summoning.” I tried to calm her down.

“Please, love. Stop summoning. We will all back away if you want. Just, please, stop summoning.” I raised my hands in surrender and backed up a few steps. The rest did the same. She slowly let go of the Cut and slid down to sit on one of the tree roots, panting hard. 

She turned to look at Ivan with clear anger in her eyes. “You will never touch me again.” She spat out and finally relaxed when Ivan nodded and backed away further.

But to all our alarm, blood began to trickle down her nose. 

“Eva!”

================ 

The moon was high in the sky, its silvery light was leaking through the cracks on the roof. I looked back at Alina. She was huddled against one of the walls and a small beam of moonlight was falling on her shoulders, illuminating her features. It would have been a beautiful sight had it not been for the slight tremors raking her body and her laboured breaths. Thankfully, the summoning had not caused any major damages. If something had happened out here, it would have been impossible to save her. I thanked every star and every saint for that.

As the night dragged on, sleep evaded me and my thoughts invariably turned to Alina. When I first brought her to the Little Palace, I used to spend long nights finding ways to keep her safe- safe from the King, from Zlatan, from the Apparat, safe from all her enemies. I made sure to foresee every possible threat and strived to keep it at bay. But in the end, it was not the Tsar or Apparat who destroyed her. It was me who did it. She trusted me, loved me and I mercilessly drove a dagger through her heart. I could still hear her cries, begging me to listen to her, pleading with me to let her explain. Instead of giving her a chance, I simply pushed her down on her knees and tore her light from her as she cried. Memory after memory assaulted me and with no one watching me, I let my tears flow, unashamedly.

I heard a slight shuffling coming from where Alina was sleeping. I turned and saw her struggling to sit up. I quickly wiped off my tears and soundlessly went to help her.

“Alina? What is it?” I asked softly, without disturbing the others, kneeling down in front of her.

“I’m fine. Sitting up makes breathing a bit easier.” she replied. 

The moonlight was now falling on her face and I could see the clear aftereffects of the Stag and the poison. Her face was gaunt and pale while the rest of her body looked frail and brittle; like a strong wind could turn her to dust. Fear clutched my heart at the reminiscence of my dreams and I immediately dropped a prayer to the Making to give her the strength to come out of this alive. 

“Alina.” I whispered. “I know that you are stronger than anyone I know and I need you to hold on just a bit longer. Once we reach Little Palace, you’ll be better in no time. I promise.”

She didn't say anything for a while and gave me a quiet look of contemplation. 

“Why?” 

“Why what, Alina?" I asked her tenderly. 

“Why are you being nice to me? The last time you spoke to me, you accused me of being a bed-hopping whore. Now you are back to being nice to me. Do me a favour and tell me what you want. I’m way too tired to play your games.” She said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Tears fell from my eyes at her words, I wiped them off and continued. “Alina. I.. I know that I have lost all your love and trust and I have caused you immeasurable pain. You have no reason to believe me. But the truth is I want nothing from you. Neither your forgiveness nor your love. All I want is for you to heal, to recover from this ordeal and become the person you are meant to be.” I gently pushed the hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ears. “And you, my Alina, are meant for great things. I cannot and I will not let you die for my sins.” 

She stared at me for a moment or two and finally said, “I know that you don’t have a high opinion of me but using the same trick twice-” She said with a sardonic smile. “-you must know I’m smarter than that.”

“Alina-”

“I’m not planning on revealing anything that happened. The coup, about Novokribirsk or the whole amplifier ordeal. So there is no need for any of this.” she gestured to my tear-stained face. “I will pin it all on Zlatan. Happy?”

With each sentence I wanted to stab myself over and over again. 

“Alina.” my voice cracked. “I’m not pretending to be nice to you. I’m not trying to get you on my side. I don’t care if you walk to the Tsar and confess everything. I don’t care what happens to me anymore. My only worry is about your recovery. Everyday, I keep wishing that I could turn back time and prevent this all from happening. But I can’t and the only thing I can do is find a way to heal you. I just want you to live Alina. Nothing more.” I took one of her hands into mine and pleaded.

She didn’t respond and turned her face the other way. I kept running comforting circles in her hand with my thumb, not caring I was crying out in the open for all of my soldiers to see. Thankfully everyone were fast asleep.

“I see you’ve received my letter.” she whispered bitterly. When she turned to face me again, her eyes were filled with tears. She took a deep breath and visibly controlled herself. “My name is cleared then?”

“Alina-”

“That letter might have changed things for you, but to me, it changes nothing. It neither fixes your lies nor it fixes how you faked your love for me. The marriage you proposed to me was fake too. It was all for the sake of the throne.” her voice cracked at the end, and she hastily withdrew her hand from mine to wipe off her tears. “I was merely a shiny accessory for your ambition.”

Unable to form any words, I moved a little closer and took her hands in mine again and wept into it. I pulled her hands to my cheek and whispered, “None of it was fake Alina. I truly love you. I acted foolishly in haste when I saw those letters and lost my damn mind. I should have listened to you, should have believed you. I was a fool and made a colossal mistake.”  

“Let’s say for argument’s sake that it was all true. It still doesn’t fix anything. You had known me for a year, you know that I’m a person of integrity and yet you did not hesitate to think of me as a whore who was planning on running away with another man. I was kidnapped to be delivered to Zlatan, you had all the evidence before you, and yet, the moment you saw those letters, you no longer cared that I was in danger. Your love for me vapourized to nothing. You wanted to find me to punish me, to show me my place. If there had been any ‘love’ as you now claim, you would have trusted me, you would have feared for my well-being and you would have been relieved to see me alive and safe in the clearing. But no, you thought I deceived you because you were the one deceiving me the whole time. You were the dishonest one in our relationship and you made me pay for your lack of trust.” She whispered angrily and took a breath. “You wanted me to trust you implicitly although you revealed so little about yourself, and yet I wasn’t even granted the benefit of doubt. That’s how real your love for me was.” She said with tears falling down her eyes.

Alina’s words were tearing my guts out and I desperately wanted to tell her who I was. Come clean about the merzost and about the insanity in me. That’s the only way I can prove myself to her. But I couldn’t do it here. Once I take her to the Little Palace and heal her, I will reveal everything to her. If she wants to turn myself in, I will gladly do it, even if it means being publicly executed, I would do it for her. I just need to hold on to these secrets a little bit longer, till she recovers. 

So instead I said, “Alina, I have so much to tell you about me. You deserve to know the truth but I cannot reveal them here.” I said, holding her hand tightly in mine. “All I ask of you is to understand that everything I have done is for Grisha. I never wanted anything for myself. Milaya, moya dusha, if not anything, please believe this.” I begged her, not caring about the tears streaming from my eyes.

“Tell me, General Kirigan.” she said with an unreadable expression in her eyes. “Am I not one?” I was rendered speechless by her question

She paused and looked away for a bit as tears fell down her eyes. I could not bear to see her heartbreak. I gently took her face in my hands and wiped away her tears. Before I could say anything, she continued in a dejected tone. “That’s the problem with people like me isn’t it? Too Shu to be Ravkan. Too otkazat'sya to be Grisha. Never quite belonging anywhere, always mistrusted, always used and always discarded.” 

Both of us were crying now. I pulled her to my chest and we wept silently thinking of the bygones.

“Alya.” I said, once we had calmed down. “You are Grisha. Not even I can take that away from you. I have done despicable things in my past, Alina. But nothing compares to what I did to you. Before you, I merely existed, but it was you who made me alive. I love you with every beat of my heart and my love for you is infinite. Right now, you have no reason to believe me. But I promise you that I will dedicate my life to prove myself to you, not because I want your forgiveness. I know that I do not deserve it. I want you to know that what I feel for you is real. I will do anything to prove it to you. You have my word.”

She looked at me sharply and let out a bitter laugh, “Must be nice having such a fickle memory.”

“What-”

“January 3rd of last year- ‘ The Tsar would want you to the Fold as soon as possible. But I will not let you go into the Fold before you are ready. I give you my word. And you are not a weapon. You are Grisha. You are under my protection. As long as I’m alive, I will never let anyone treat you or any other Grisha for that matter as a weapon. ’ Your very first promise to me.

May 10th - ‘ This war will go on one way or the other, it will have casualties. But their deaths are not on you. It’s not on me either. It’s on the otkazat’sya who think Grisha are evil. There will come a time, when you will need to face our enemies and that is nowhere in the near future. Until that time, it is my duty to keep you safe and to train you. Even if you don’t believe in anything, believe in me. ’

May 27th - ‘ Alina, I apologise again. It was never my intention to cause you such pain. Believe me. I just needed some time to think over what happened. As you know, merzost is a touchy subject for me. I walked away to save myself from the painful memories and at that moment, I did not stop to think about the impact of my actions on you. I acted selfishly. I swear on everything I have that I will never make you feel that way again. And I do understand how you feel Alina. To be scared and alone with nothing to hold on to. I would never let you experience that again. I promise. ’

May 31st - ‘ Alina, I would never treat you that way. I would never ask you to be my mistress. You have no idea how long I have waited to have you by my side. When I saw the light pour out of you that day in my tent I felt true hope for the first time in my life. Solnyshko, you mean so much to me and I would never demean you that way. You are the Sun Summoner. I will never treat you as anything less than a queen. ’

September 13th - ‘ Milaya, I won’t let anyone hurt a single strand of hair in your head. I would cover the world in shadows before I could see you hurt .’

On the night of the Winter Fete, you made me two promises - ‘ Alina. You are not a strategy. I have loved you even before I knew your face. When you walked into my life, I wanted nothing more than to embrace you and be with you. I’m so sorry for acting selfishly with my affections, Alina. I had been blind to your needs. I promise that I will do better. Be the man you want me to be. ’

And your very last promise - ‘ Love, even if you don’t believe in anything else, believe that I love you with all my heart. And I give you my word that I will explain everything. Starting tomorrow, there won't be any more secrets between us. ’”

I had nothing to say as Alina mechanically repeated word for word of every promise I made to her. Shame filled me and I could not meet her eyes. 

“It’s daunting isn’t it, how much I remember?” I nodded mutely, tears pouring from my eyes. “It has only been a year, General and you have already forgotten the promises you made to me. And one day, whatever you did to me will begin to fade from your memory too. But I will remember. I will always remember. Every minute of what you did to me, every second of the agony you put me through is forever etched in my memory.  And everytime, I see your face, I will remember it.”

I nodded in understanding and slumped in defeat. “I have lived through your trail of broken promises and have suffered enough for it. Your words and promises mean nothing to me!”

Biting back the sobs that were threatening to spill from me, I simply gave a sad smile to Alina. “You should rest, love. It is getting late. We have four more days of travel left.” I helped her settle comfortably and left the barn once she fell asleep. I stopped once I was out of eyeshot and let out my pain.

It was just before dawn when I returned. Ivan was on watch and if he saw my bloodied knuckles, he didn’t say a word.

================ 

We reached the Little Palace in the middle of the night on the sixth day of our journey. Alina was wary of people seeing her in her current state. So the halls were cleared and Fedyor offered to carry her to her room, climbing the two flights of stairs. After our little discussion at the barn, a sort of numbness settled over me. I carried out all duties as the General but I felt nothing. Her words and all the things I did to her, kept haunting me day and night. 

Once Eva checked her over and Alina was settled, I went back to my room, finished writing my official report and sent it to the Tsar. I went to my bedroom to get changed and when I was almost done, I saw her green silk shawl peeking from under my pillow. I pulled it out and simply crashed to the floor; the weight of all my sins crushed me, as I cried for her forgiveness.

“Alina, I’m sorry.” 

Chapter Text

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I did not care who saw me in this state. I just need to get away. I need to do something- anything to save Alina. I need to find a way. I can’t sit and watch her die. I strode in to the stables, startling the stable boy in the process. He hastily bowed and rushed out. I reached Akim’s stall, ignoring Alina’s mare- Daria’s attempt to nose me. Akim was pleased to see me as usual but began to whinny a bit, sensing my turmoil. I quickly saddled him and galloped, scaring the guards on the way out. The winds wiped my tears away as I flew past the meadows and reached the forests. I did not care where I was going. All I needed was to be away from the Little Palace. I did not have the strength to stand by her bedside and watch her draw her last breath. I rode my horse faster and faster till the winds were screaming her name along with me- ‘Alina!’  

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

Three weeks ago

Everything felt strange and unfamiliar around me, especially my room. The book I was reading the day before the Winter Fete was still on the bedside table. The chaise I had moved near to the window for better light had not been returned to its original place. And the pillows that I had rearranged on the sofa were not reordered to suit the original decor. Not a thing had changed since the day I left. And yet the room did not feel like mine. I closed my eyes and tried to get back the familiarity and comfort that room had once offered but I felt nothing. I felt like an intruder in someone else’s space- someone who was loved and felt at home here. 

The people around me felt different too. I remember their faces, I remember their laughs, I remember the stories we once shared but I could no longer feel the connection towards them like I did before. My own face looked foreign to me- the person who stared back at me when I looked into the mirror was not the person I remember being. I hated this dissonance but there was little I could do about it. The unfamiliarity made my skin itch. So I did what I do best; I pretended. I spoke when I needed to, smiled when I had to. But the urge to claw the skin of the person I was wearing grew steadily. 

Of all the people I felt disconnected from, Aleksander was the one who seemed the farthest removed. Whenever he came to check on me, a sort of numbness washed over me. I know that I should be angry at him, and hate him for all he did to me but all I could feel was a passive disregard for him. Sometimes during his visits, when he is lost in his thoughts, I try to study his face closely; to feel what I had once felt for him but only a yawning emptiness greeted me in return.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Genya came in with an angry scowl on her face.

“What is it?”

She sighed and sat down next to me.

“The Royal family and the Apparat wish to pay you a visit.”

“What? No. I’m in no condition to entertain them, Genya.”

“I know. General Kirigan had been trying so hard to avoid this. But they had got it into their heads that the General is keeping you a hostage here and trying to take advantage of the delicate situation of the country.” 

Upon hearing this news, my mind immediately began to formulate a plan and explore all possible outcomes of this visit.

“Don’t worry though.” Genya continued when I did not respond. “I will handle it all. I can tailor you to appear too sick. The royals can’t stand sickness and they’ll cut their visit short.” She assured me.

“No.” I refused immediately. “It will only work in favour of the Apparat. It has been his dream to witness a Saint’s suffering, Genya and he won’t let the opportunity pass by. He has the King’s ear and for all we know, this visit could be one of his schemes to have me moved to the Grand Palace and under his thumb. If I'm not looking healthy and on the mend, he is crafty enough to spread rumours about the coup and the General holding me captive. I think it’s best to show things as they are, if not better.”

Genya nodded in understanding and began to prepare me. When she was almost done, there was a knock on the door and Fedyor came in after a minute. He looked annoyed and angry as he entered but schooled his features when he saw me.

“Alina, good that you’re ready. General Kirigan sent me ahead to warn you. He really tried to put this off as much as he could. But the King refused to listen and is sending the Queen, Vasily and a few other courtiers to pay you a visit. Apparently Prince Vasily is very much concerned about his betrothed’s health and has been dying to see you.” Fedyor bit out angrily.

“It’s okay, Fedyor. I’m ready.” 

“Don’t worry, Alina. The General has added a couple of his supporters to the party as well. They can vouch for you in the future and a repeat of this won’t happen again.”

I nodded. Suddenly I remembered something. “Genya, you can’t be here.”

“I’ll manage Alina.” She swallowed a bit and added. “Nobody suspects a thing.”

“Alina is right, Genya. It is not safe for you to be here. Let us not tempt fate today.” Fedyor added.

“General Kirigan wrote to the Queen and borrowed me to help Alina. It would be more suspicious if I’m not with her.” Genya said.

I thought for a moment and said. “Alright, but remove your kefta and wear a gown. When they come, make yourself scarce. Come near me only when the tea is served and not a moment before that. Leave the rest to me.”

Genya nodded and rushed out to get ready.

================ 

I was staged on my bed, to receive the Royal family. I was made to lean on carefully arranged pillows, my upper body was slightly reclined but comfortable to sit, my hands were placed on the neatly folded comforter that was covering my legs. The chaise was moved and placed near the bed for the Queen to sit. The chairs in my room were also moved and positioned for the guests to sit. The maids quickly straightened everything out and once I was comfortable, Genya moved to stand near the wall next to the door. I too got ready to play my part as the saviour of Ravka.

A few moments passed and the door was pulled open, the Queen stood proudly in the centre, Prince Vasily and the Apparat stood behind her. Behind them stood General Kirigan and ten other richly dressed men and women. Aleksander’s face was set in stone and showed nothing. Only the tightness of his jaws revealed his controlled anger and displeasure. 

The Queen walked in, her head held high with an air of authority and sat on the chaise with poise and grace. Prince Vasily stood behind his mother. The others followed in after her and made themselves comfortable. The Apparat stood behind them both and in direct line of sight. The gleam in his eyes made me extremely uncomfortable.

“Your Majesty. Your Highness.” I greeted the Queen and Vasily with a practised bow. With the Queen being so close to me, I could clearly see every flaw in her skin. Without Genya to hide them, her face looked artificial and caked in powder.

“Alina.” She greeted me. “The King and I are pleased that you have finally reunited Ravka after four-hundred years. For a Shu, your patriotism towards Ravka is remarkable.”

“You are too kind, your Majesty. I was merely doing my duty.” I said with a pleasant smile.

“It was such a shame that General Zlatan managed to get to the Tsar and wreck so much havoc in such a short time.” The Queen tutted and the other courtiers murmured in agreement. 

“If only General Kirigan had done his duty correctly, all of this could have been avoided.” Once again the courtiers reproached, expressing their disapproval.

“But all this suffering was not without gain, Moya Tsaritsa.” Cut in the Apparat’s slimy voice. “The Sankta wears her suffering with pride. She has truly become the symbol of hope.” he declared. Aleksander’s eyes turned murderous for a second at the Apparat’s words and some of the courtiers touched their foreheads with their fingers and bowed to me. I met the Apparat’s eyes briefly and smiled at the rest of the room.

The Queen looked displeased with it. She truly hated not being the centre of attention. 

“How are you recovering, Alina? General Kirigan said the poison took a toll on your body.”

“Yes, your Majesty. When General Kirigan found me, Zlatan’s men had ingested a slow acting poison in me. The healers could not detect it and by the time the poison was discovered, I was fighting death. General Kirigan deployed every experienced healer that he could spare to revive me.” I answered.

“Marvellous.” She commented with no excitement in her voice.

“It is a miracle indeed! The strength of a True Saint. Ravka is blessed.” The Apparat remarked. I could see Aleksander fist his hands more tightly. Not paying any attention to the room he continued.

“Moya Tsaritsa, as you mentioned, the Little Palace is not as safe as it seemed to be. In the best interest of the sankta, I think she must be moved to the Grand Palace immediately. She must remain under the care and the protection of the King.” He said with a greedy look on his face and I shivered instinctively.

“Miss Starkov’s recovery depends on continuous care from experienced healers. It is imperative that she remains here until she is fully recovered. Security has been tightened significantly and Miss Starkov will be guarded day and night.” The General replied in a calm voice.

“Yes. Yes. I do not doubt your protection, General Kirigan. But the King has more soldiers and can increase the Sankta’s security significantly more than what you can provide.” the Apparat countered.

“Apparat” I interrupted in a calm tone. “Thank you for your suggestion. But I prefer to remain here.”

“Sankta, you must not concern yourself with these things. We are trying to do what’s best for you. We cannot let another such incident happen again.”

“As the saint who reunited the country on my dying breath, I think I have a say in where I choose to recover. What happened was an act of treachery, where one of our own General chose to forgo their loyalty to the crown. He pretended to be friend and sent his agent to kill the Tsar. Thanks to General Kirigan, the independence movement has now been completely eradicated. We are safer now than we were before. It would be best for me to heal and recover in the familiarity of my room.” I said in a polite but firm tone. 

And before the Apparat could interrupt, I said. “I’m sure my betrothed would agree with me too.” Then I turned to Vasily with a small smile. “Moy Tsarevich, is there any more need to tread with caution? The traitor and his supporters are defeated. He is on the run with no one to aid him while we have the combined strength of the First and the Second Army. This amount of fear for a single man would only make us look weak in front of our enemies.”

Vasily straightened himself, suddenly feeling important. “My betrothed makes a valid point. The threat has been eliminated and Ravka has emerged as a stronger nation. There is no need for fear mongering, Apparat.” He said looking sharply at the Apparat. “Alina should recover in the comfort of her rooms.” 

Then he turned to General Kirigan and ordered, “But as a precaution, increase the patrol on the palace grounds.” 

"Yes, your Majesty.” Aleksander replied.

The Apparat looked displeased but agreed. “As you wish, Moy Tsarevich.”

Before another round of discussion could start, there was a knock on the door and tea was brought in. Genya approached me and helped me have my tea. The Queen’s eyes twitched the moment she saw Genya but pretended to ignore her and drank her tea.

When we were halfway through, I turned to the Queen and said, “I cannot thank you enough for your generosity, your Highness. Your kind heart was understanding of my situation and selflessly gifted Genya to me. Your benevolence has helped my recovery greatly and I would forever be grateful for your thoughtful gift. I already feel welcomed and blessed to be a part of your family.” I said with utmost sincerity.

The Queen looked sharply at me for a moment. But my face showed nothing but sincerity. I could see that she was displeased but to save her face, she smiled and replied. “It was nothing. Her skills were not what it used to be and I was happy to spare her.” 

I was done with my tea and Genya took the cup away from me. The Queen followed her with her eyes and said, “Word of the wise, leave her here after the wedding. Some people are corrupted by the court life. It is best to discard them quickly.” she said loud enough for Genya to hear. I simply smiled and said, “As you wish, your Majesty.” 

Finally after what felt like an eternity, the party left and I slumped on the pillows. Only Genya and Fedyor remained in the room. 

“It was clever of you to involve Vasily, Alina.” Fedyor commented and I smiled. 

Genya approached me and hugged me tight.

“I’m sorry I spoke that way.” I apologised

Genya turned with wet eyes and smiled brightly and said. “Thank you.” Then she hugged me close again.

================ 

I was a spectre. I was floating around the room, out of my body and I could see my sleeping form on the bed. Fedyor was sitting on a chair keeping watch while Genya was sleeping next to me. As I was trying to figure out this new experience, the wall behind Fedyor began to open noiselessly and before he could react an arrow pierced his neck and he slumped forward as I screamed. But neither Genya nor my sleeping form seemed to react to my screams. A dark, cloaked figure walked towards the bed and slit Genya’s throat. As she struggled to scream or warn me, the figure pressed a cloth over my nose and subdued me till I lost my consciousness completely. The figure then placed a set of manacles on my limp hands and lifted me from my bed. I screamed for the guards, but no one seemed to hear me.  I rushed to stop him but my hands fell through him. Before he left through the secret door, his hood fell back and I saw the Apparat’s face gleaming sinisterly in the moonlight.

I woke up with a start, Fedyor was already on my side, slowing my heart. “It’s okay, Alina. It was only a dream.”

“Call General Kirigan, now.” I said without wasting a moment. 

Fedyor looked worried at my alarmed state and Genya who was awake by now said, “I will fetch him now, Alina. Please calm down. It is not good for your heart.” 

I nodded and Genya left. I tried to control my racing heart and waited for them to arrive.

In a few moments the General arrived and I asked to speak with him in private. Fedyor and Genya left. Aleksander pulled a chair and sat next to me.

“What is it, Alina? Is something the matter?” He asked with worry and fear.

“Are there any secret passages in this room?”

He seemed taken aback by my unexpected question but answered. “Yes. There is one behind the tapestry. Next to the changing screen.”

I looked at it fearfully. It was almost near the place in my dreams.

“Alina.” He called me gently and held my hands. “What is it? What is bothering you? The passage from the door leads you to the Summoners’ Pavilion. There are guards always on duty there. No one can come through it.” He tried to assure me.

“The Apparat, he seems to know where the secret passageways and tunnels in the Little Palace are.” I said.

“He knows some of them, yes. But this one can only be opened with my shadows. The Apparat can’t come through it.”

I could not feel calm about his explanation. To everybody else the Apparat seemed like a harmless, greasy rat that can easily be dismissed or controlled. But never once did he look harmless to me. Every time he looked at me, I could see the cogs turning in his mind. I knew deep inside me that he had planned something bigger and darker for me. He is just waiting for the right opportunity to snatch me away and make it happen.

“Remember the first time I came to you about the Apparat?” He nodded. “He knew everything about me from my schedule to where I would be at the library in the middle of the night. I know you both have some sort of an arrangement and he has not breathed a word about the coup. But for how long? He has been watching, learning and following everything from the shadows like the rat that he is. How sure are you that he is not plotting for his own attempt at the throne?”

Aleksander listened to me patiently and answered. “Alina, I know what he is and I have not been neglecting him. I have plans for him too. But right now he is not as big of a threat as you perceive him to be. If it will ease your mind, I will put someone on him.”

“No. You’re not understanding!” I cried in frustration. “He is dangerous and he is the enemy you are not seeing. He has something nefarious planned for me. I had seen it in his eyes back then and I saw it in his eyes today. Those are not the eyes of a man to be taken lightly. He is planning something big. And while you are building your empire on the land, he is digging deep beneath you; watching and waiting for his chance. Listen to me for once in your life. That man is dangerous and he will be your downfall if you don’t take him seriously.”

Aleksander studied me for a while. “I will get rid of him soon, Alina.” He promised. “And I will send someone to seal that door immediately.” 

David arrived a while later and sealed the door shut. He hurried out, refusing to meet my eyes.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Genya ~~~

“Genya!” 

I stopped and turned towards the voice. It was Nadia. I had not seen Nadia since Marie’s funeral. She looked subdued and her grief was still palpable. I could not help but feel guilty about Marie’s death. Marie and Nadia had not been very kind to me when we were growing up. They too had treated me like a deserter and had talked ill about me behind my back. But since Alina came they seemed to have had a turn of heart and I too formed a reluctant friendship with them for Alina’s sake. 

“Nadia.” I greeted her. “How have you been holding up?”

“Some days are better and some days are worse. Her stuff is still in our room. I couldn’t bring myself to pack it up yet. Once we finished our training we were planning on getting deployed together. The request forms are still on our table, but-” she paused and swallowed after that. I felt a pang in my heart on seeing the always cheerful girl turn into this. 

We resumed our walk in silence with Nadia trailing behind me, trying her best to control her emotions.

I had once asked Fedyor how he managed to keep his sanity after seeing death and loss in the field; how he felt returning home with less people than he travelled with. 

‘Soldiers cannot choose their death.’ he had said. ‘But they can choose whether or not to carry the dead.’

Nadia’s grief, however, was different. She was prepared to lose her friend in the frontlines but instead her friend was murdered in her home. A home that was meant to provide her with safety.

“I’m sorry. I tried to-” 

“I’m not blaming you, Genya.” she cut me off before I could continue with my apology. “I did not stop you to discuss about Marie. Marie is gone. I know that. I need to learn to live with that. I will learn to live with that.” she said with a sad smile. “I stopped you because I want to ask about Alina. No one would say anything about her and I’m scared. I don’t think I’m ready for another-” She stopped herself, wiping her eyes and looked at her feet.

“Alina is fine. She is growing stronger by the day. She will be back to her self in no time.” I tried to reassure her.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Zlatan tried to kidnap and poison Alina.” I fed the lie that Alina had asked me to tell when anyone enquired.

A look of contemplation passed on her face. “Can I see her?”

“No. Alina doesn't know about Marie’s death and I think it’s best to keep that from her till she fully recovers.” 

I stopped as we had reached Alina's floor by then. The General had banned anyone who was not needed from entering the floor. So I stopped her there and informed her. She was grief-ridden once more on hearing that.

“I understand. Give her my regards. Tell her both Marie and I want her to be strong and fight this.”

“I will Nadia. I will.” I promised.

Just as she turned to leave, the General’s doors opened and he walked out with Ivan closely following him. Nadia and I bowed.

“Genya.” He greeted me. “Nadia, what are you doing here?”

“I was asking Genya if I could see Alina.”

General Kirigan seemed to consider it for a while. “A new face might do her some good but do not breathe a word about Marie. And what you see must not leave the room.” he warned.

“Yes, moi soverenyi.” Nadia bowed.

“Genya, check with Alina first and then let Nadia pay a visit if Alina wishes to.” He ordered and left.

Nadia seemed to perk up a bit on this. I left Nadia outside Alina’s door and went inside to ask Alina. I carried a tiny hope that Alina might refuse Nadia’s request. But instead she seemed excited about it, so I reluctantly let Nadia in.

Nadia took a sharp breath when she saw Alina. Anyone who looked at Alina now would feel the same way. But Nadia quickly schooled her features and greeted Alina happily.

“Look who's back from an adventure.” She said with a smile.

Alina smiled. “Yes. It was quite a journey. Would not recommend it though.” she quipped.

Nadia smiled too. “I’m glad you are okay, Alina. I’m really glad.”

“Thanks.”

Then the conversation turned towards other things. Nadia was filling in on pointless gossip that Alina had missed and Alina seemed to be enjoying the talk too. When Nadia wanted to visit, I was not sure if she would be able to keep Marie’s death away. But Nadia was doing an excellent job and I breathed a sigh of relief. I let them chat and pitched in when needed. It was nice to see that not all of Alina is gone. It gave me hope that Alina would recover from this whole ordeal.

Alina gave a small laugh at something Nadia said and asked. “By the way, I’m surprised to see you alone. Where is your other half- Marie?” 

I tensed a bit but Nadia continued without missing a beat, “She is in the garden with Sergi. I ran into Genya on my way from practice and begged her to take me to meet you.” 

Alina’s face changed in an instant. “You’re lying.”

“What? Why would I lie, Alina?”

“Genya was tense from the moment you came in and she did not want to have you here. She did not join in with your chat immediately. She was watching you keenly as if you might slip up something. It took her some time to relax. And you, it is not like you to talk about all the pointless gossip rather than the ones that happened right after my kidnapping. You were avoiding talking about it and clearly Genya wants you to keep it that way. What’s happening? I deserve to know the truth. I’m sick and tired of people keeping things from me!”

Nadia looked at Alina with wide eyes and turned to me. I did not expect Alina to observe all this in her current condition and now both of us were caught in a lie. Fedyor saved us and walked in carrying Alina’s soup. I could see that he froze a second on seeing Nadia but schooled his features in an instant. But that was all Alina needed.

“You too are hiding something from me.” She said looking at Fedyor.

All of us kept quiet not wanting to tell more lies and not knowing how to tell the truth either.

“Fine. More lies. What else did I expect?” She turned to face the other way. “I wish to be alone.” she said.

“Alina-” Fedyor started. Then after a beat continued. “You are just recovering. This news would not do you any good. We just want to keep it from you till you recover your strength.”

“Oh, so now you are watching out for me.” She asked in anger and hurt. “I don’t need to be coddled. What I would like to know for once is the truth!” 

“Marie was killed.” I said just above a whisper. Alina’s entire body stilled for a moment. I could tell that this was not something she expected. “I arrived too late.”

“It’s not your fault, Genya.” Nadia said.

I nodded at her. Alina kept looking at me, pleading with her eyes to continue. And so I did. I told her every single thing that happened after she left with General Kirigan. When I reached the part about the intruder slitting her throat, Alina let out a sob. Nadia was trying not to cry as well. 

When I finished recounting the details, Alina began to silently weep and Nadia pulled her into a hug.

“I’m sorry.” she began to cry into Nadia’s shoulders.

“No.” Nadia said firmly, wiping away Alina’s tears. “You are not taking the blame for this. What happened to Marie was unfortunate but her death is not on you. We are soldiers, Alina. Death is a part of who we are. And we would gladly lay down our lives to protect you. Not even Marie would blame you for it. So please, don’t carry this burden.”

Alina didn’t say anything and then gave a weak nod. Nadia hugged her tightly once more. Fedyor and I watched it all in silence not knowing how this will affect Alina.

“You are looking tired, Alina. You should rest. I will visit you again when you feel better.” Nadia said, helping Alina lay down. Alina didn’t respond and quietly rested, closing her eyes.

Nadia left after a while. However, I felt uneasy. I know Alina enough to know that no matter what Nadia said she would blame herself for Marie’s death. I feared this news might setback Alina’s fragile state of mind. I stared at her helplessly not knowing how to reach her. Fedyor too, I noticed, was sharing the same predicament. I tried not to hover and let Alina process this news. Fedyor too followed my direction. 

Silence reigned as time ticked on. 

“I wish to be alone.” Alina finally spoke out, not taking her eyes off of the wall she was staring at. 

I was scared to leave Alina and let her be alone with her dark thoughts. So I tried to refuse. 

“Please.” she pleaded.

Unable to refuse her, Fedyor and I left Alina and waited outside her room with our ears glued to the door for any sound.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

I was drifting. Memories were rushing past me; some faces I remembered, some I tried to forget. Some looked at me with love, some looked at me with hate, and some looked at me with nothing but disgust. Then all stopped. I found myself standing in a field of daisies. The spring sun was warming up the air nicely and bees and birds were flying around me. It was a beautiful place and filled me with tranquillity. A sparrow chirped on my right and I turned towards it. I noticed someone standing at the edge of the field with her dark brown hair swaying in the wind. I walked towards her and she turned to greet me. It was Marie. She smiled when she saw me but then, a thin red line appeared on her neck and soon it widened. Blood began to pour, drenching her blue kefta. I screamed in terror and tried to run towards her but my legs would not move and soon the field of daisies began to catch on fire. I screamed and screamed but no sound would escape me and I watched helplessly as she died with the flames dancing around us. 

I woke up with a choked gasp, trying to expel the smoke and ash. It took me a few minutes to realise that I was no longer in the burning field but was resting on my bed. With that realisation, the events of the afternoon came to me. I could not help but blame myself for Marie’s death. I settled back on the pillows and began to think back the last time I saw her. She did a silly hairdo on me that nearly gave Genya a panic attack and hurried out of the room for her final fitting. She was very excited for the Winter Fete. We were all so happy then- whole and unbroken. I hugged my pillow closer and cried into it. Thankfully Fedyor and Genya were not there to witness my breakdown. I was grateful for their help but I don’t think I can take their hovering when I feel so raw. 

I woke up a few hours later. The sun had set and soft lights were lit on my room. I must have fallen asleep again. The reason I woke up began to remind itself painfully. My bladder was full and I wanted to relieve myself. But I was alone in my room. I decided to wait knowing Genya or Fedyor would come in soon to check on me.

Fifteen minutes passed and there was no sign of them and I really wanted to go. So I decided to yell for help.

“Genya! Fedyor! Are you there?” 

But nobody came, not even my Oprichniki who always stood at my entrance. 

“Is anybody there?” I called out again. But no one responded and considering how my bladder was killing me, decided to slowly move towards the lavatory by myself. 

My legs had been the most affected in the entire ordeal and it was still difficult for me to walk without my legs giving away. I pulled myself from the bed and managed to reach the bathroom entrance with the support of the wall. But the walk inside has to be done without any support. It was just fifteen feet, I tried to convince myself. Ignoring the growing weakness I began to walk towards my destination with trembling legs. I was half way through when my feet hit the rug and I fell down harshly. My jaw hit the marbled floor rattling my entire skull on impact. I felt blood pooling in my mouth and spit it out. When I tried to push myself back up, I cried out in pain. The pain in my hands was excruciating and I wept, unable to bear it. The fall must have caused my weak bones to break. But I was startled out of my pain-filled tears when wetness began to spread on my shift and robe. I futilely tried to hold it in but the wetness grew till it soaked my clothes and the rug. Humiliation and shame washed over me as I burst into tears which steadily grew into heart broken sobs.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

“How is Alina?” I asked Fedyor and Genya. 

“Sound asleep. She did not even stir when I went to light the lamps.” Genya said.

“And how did she take to Marie’s death?”

This time it was Fedyor. “It is difficult to tell, moi soverenyi. But knowing Alina she would blame herself for Marie’s death.”

I sighed. This is precisely why I wanted to keep the information from her. I know that the guilt would eat her away. I only agreed to send Nadia in because I wanted Alina to spend time with someone who did not treat her like a patient. But it seemed to have backfired. I thought seeing Nadia might do her some good, but off late all I seem to do is make bad decisions about Alina. Shaking my thoughts away, I said, “Watch over her carefully. Make sure either one of you is always within her reach.”

“Yes, General.”

There was a knock on the door and Ivan, David and the head of oprichniki- Anders entered. 

“As you are all aware, Miss.Starkov is recovering from an attempt on her life. While Zlatan has been defeated there are others who want to harm Miss. Starkov. I have reasons to believe that the Apparat is one of them and he happens to have access to our siege tunnels. As a precaution I want the tunnels to be reformed.”

I placed the map of the tunnels on the map table. “These tunnels-” I said, pointing to the tunnels that I had built connecting to some of the weak points of the Grand Palace. I wanted to use these tunnels at the time of the coup to stage an incursion but the Apparat has been misusing it to gain entrance to the Little Palace. The rest of the siege tunnels are from the Little Palace to several safe locations that lead us away from Os Alta. “I want secret doors placed in them that can only be opened by me and the Grisha Commanders.  All the other tunnels that begin from the Little Palace must be secured too.”

I turned to David. “David, the new door designs are good. Are you sure the locking mechanisms are safe and cannot be opened by a loadstone?”

“Yes, moi soverenyi. They are unbreakable. Only a durast with the code can unlock them.”

“And the locks in Miss. Starkov’s door?”

“Already changed, moi soverenyi. No one without the correct combinations can enter it.” David said.

I nodded.

“Should we start with the vezda suite then, moi soverenyi?” Anders asked, pointing to the secret passage in Alina’s room. 

“The doors were sealed shut last week. Let it be. We will keep it for the last.” I handed the map to Ivan. “Ivan, Anders, form a team of your most trusted men. I don’t have to warn you about the delicateness of the task. No one, especially the Apparat or the Royal family, must know about this.” I finished with a warning.

They all nodded and bowed. Ivan, David and Anders left.

“It is almost dinner time. Let me fetch Alina’s food. She has not eaten since the afternoon.” Fedyor said and left the room.

Genya and I walked towards Alina’s room. I hoped that Alina was still asleep. Those are the only precious moments that I get to see her and I wanted to sneak in as much of it as I can. Although Eva reassures me everyday that Alina is on the mend, the new frailness in her scares me. I once accidentally walked in Genya cleaning her and my heart almost stopped at that sight. I could see every bone in her body and only a thin layer of stretched skin was wrapped around it. She was unable to sit upright without slumping over. That image had kept me awake for days, haunting me day and night.

I turned the knob with the special combinations and opened the door silently. My eyes immediately went to the bed to see the sleeping form of Alina. But to my alarm it was empty. Terror gripped me as I rushed inside. Seeing that there were no signs of struggle, I immediately went to the bathroom only to see Alina lying in a pool of urine, clutching her hand with blood coating her lips and a rapidly forming bruise on her chin. I hurried inside and knelt down next to her and lifted her into my arms not caring about the mess. I held her to my chest and repeated ‘sorry’ over and over again. 

Alina did not react or respond. Other than the tears falling from her eyes she did nothing. Genya appeared next to me with a wet towel and carefully wiped away her blood.

“It’s okay, Alina. I’m sorry. I had just stepped away. I won’t leave you alone again. I will get you cleaned up in no time.” Genya kept conversing as she cleaned up Alina’s face. 

I carried her gently without disturbing her broken hand and placed her on a stool beside the tub. Except for the tears she showed no awareness. 

“Alina. It’s okay. It’s going to be fine, love.”

As Genya began to prepare her bath, I started cleaning up the mess on the floor. I didn’t want the servants to do it as I knew it would break Alina’s psyche further. Genya rushed to fetch hot water as I placed the rug and the towels in the laundry basket. I will ask Genya to burn it all and make sure Alina never sees them again. Leaving Alina on the stool, I retrieved fresh clothes for her.

Alina had still not moved when I returned, placing her clothes on the counter, I knelt in front of her.

“Alina.” I said, gently tilting her face towards me. “It’s fine. It’s all fine, love.” That seems to break something in her and she began to sob, leaning her face on my shoulders. Tears escaped my eyes too. 

“Please.” Alina whispered on my shoulders. “Please kill me. I can’t.. I can’t take it anymore. I cannot live like this. Please kill me. Kill me. Kill me.” and then dissolved into sobs. 

I could not stop my own tears on hearing that. But I have to be strong for Alina. So I stroked her hair gently and said, “Solnishka, don’t talk like that. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I never should have left you alone. You were sound asleep and I needed Fedyor and Genya for an urgent matter. It’s okay. I’m here now. I will take care of you. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” I kept talking as I tried to soothe her. 

Genya came in after a few minutes and I left Alina in Genya’s care. I sent word for Eva and  left to change my clothes. Once I locked the door behind me in my room, I let the tears fall. Eva and Paja had been working tirelessly on reversing the effects of the poison but nothing had worked so far. And seeing Alina breakdown like this was heart-wrenching. I wiped my tears and slipped out of my ruined clothes. As I got ready, I prepared myself mentally. I have failed Alina in every possible way; the least I could do is provide her strength. I vowed to carry her burden till she could stand on her own. With that final promise, I cleaned up and went back to Alina’s room.

Genya had bathed her and was drying her hair. Alina was still subdued and kept her head bent down. Now that the blood is cleared her injury looked less worrisome but the swelling in her hand had not gone down. 

“Eva should be here any minute now.” I said and right on mark, there was a knock on the door. I opened it and let Eva in. Eva did not ask any questions and began to heal Alina. Once she was done. She firmly warned us not to let Alina do anything strenuous and left.

“Why don’t you get changed Genya and have dinner? I will stay with Alina till you return.” 

I could see that Genya was reluctant to leave Alina alone with me. As much as it hurts, I know that I deserve every bit of her mistrust.

“Is that alright with you, Alina?” she asked and only left after Alina nodded. 

Once Genya had left, I lifted Alina with extreme care and settled her into the bed. I rearranged the pillows so she is able to sit comfortably. When I was done, Fedyor walked in carrying a bowl of soup. Genya must have informed him because he left the soup on the bedside table and told Alina that he would come back in an hour. 

 I took the bowl of soup and began to feed Alina.

“Many decades ago-” I started. “I fell in love with a woman.” Alina lifted her head for the first time since the incident and began to watch me intently. “Her name was Luda. She was a Healer. The curse of the Shadow Summoners is that even amongst Grisha, we are always treated with wariness. But Luda was different. She saw me for who I was and not for what I was. She was stubborn, brave, and kind. And it did not take much for me to fall in love with her. I knew that she wouldn’t live as long as me and being together with her would only end in a heartbreak. But I was defenceless before her lovely smile and kind heart.” 

I paused for a bit and cleared my throat, trying to form the correct words. 

“As much as I loved her, I was extremely nervous to approach her. Although she had treated me with kindness, a part of me worried that she would not have it in her heart to love me. So I never said anything and I was happy to just remain in her presence. Then one day, I was severely injured in a battle. She found me and took me back to safety. She took care of me till I recovered- feeding me, bathing me, helping me relieve myself, cleaning my piss soaked clothes and what not. Once I recovered enough, I could not face her though.”

The soup was finished and I placed it back on the bedside table. Alina was silent the whole time but now her face was unreadable. Wanting to put her mind at ease, I continued. 

“Shame was all I could feel after having the woman I loved clean up my body and mess. I stopped seeking her out once we reached the camp and began to outright avoid her. I thought I was successful but one day Luda cornered me and asked ‘ Why are you running away from me? Is it because of what happened? ’ I stood still unable to meet her eyes or form a response and only nodded my head and said, ‘I feared you’d only be able to look at me with disgust. ’ She gently lifted my head and said, ‘ I love you and I know you feel the same way about me. There is no room for shame, or disgust in love. Those moments that you hated were the most precious to me. Because in those precious moments, I was able to protect you and love you more.’”  

When I finished, Alina’s head was bent and she was clutching her blankets tightly. I gently took Alina’s hands from her lap and held it in me. I want to give her strength and show her that my love for her is stronger than anything in the world. And although she hates me for everything I did, I want her to know that no matter what happens the love I carry for her will never diminish. 

“Today, I love you more, Alina. We are in a difficult time. But this will soon pass. You will be back to yourself in no time. Don’t lose hope, my love.” I gently lifted her chin to meet her eyes and was immediately alarmed by what I saw. There was nothing but pure, unadulterated, heartbreak in it.

“Alina-” I said in panic, not understanding what was happening.

She gave a bitter laugh while tears rolled down her eyes. “You know, I kept wondering all this time. I kept asking myself how you could abuse me so easily, how it didn’t trouble your heart to witness my pain. It baffled me how effortlessly you used me, when I- I, after all you did, could not bring myself to hurt you in return. I could have killed you or taken your powers away. I could have hurt you in a hundred different ways and repaid your cruelty a thousand fold. But I couldn’t. My heart would not let me. But today, I finally have my answer. Thank you for telling me how little I meant to you.” 

“Alina. No. That was not what I was trying to say. Alina, let me explain-” I held her hand tightly, afraid to let it go.

“No need. I have all the answers I wanted.” She angrily wiped her tears away. “You know what the worst thing is? All my life, people never saw me for who I was. I was nothing but a half-Shu orphan to them, someone to be looked down upon, someone who was not worth the effort of getting to know. With you, I felt different. I felt seen. I was my best self when I was with you. And when I thought finally I had found a home, you showed me that it was all a lie. That it was just an elaborate ruse to get my light. Saints, you-” a sob escaped her.

“Alina. Please. I love you, all of you.” I tried to explain frantically.

“Love? What love?” She let out another broken laugh. “True Love is cherished. It is built on trust. We never had any of that. There was no trust in your love. You made me prove myself to you over and over again; to be worthy of your trust. And even after I jumped through all those hoops for you, you still couldn’t find it in yourself to trust me. If you had truly cherished me you wouldn’t have so horrendously mutilated me. You did not care who was behind the light, I truly meant nothing to you. I could have been a cripple or I could have been a Fjerdan, hell, I could have been the monster who built those labs in Shu-Han but you’d still be here professing your love to me.” I tried to interrupt, shaking my head furiously. But Alina would not listen. “Everything significant about me, everything that made me who I am is inconsequential to you. I’m just- I’m just an inevitability.”

“Alina”, I implored, tears streaming down my face. “That is not true. Please give me a chance to explain. I’m not like the others, Alina, I truly do not have the luxury to fall in love and open my heart to anyone. Luda was the only exception. I swear. I had shut my heart and waited for you for years. Your light may have drawn me in but that is not what made me fall for you. Alina-” Alina shook her head and furiously wiped away her tears.

“You kissed me, slept with me, promised to love me all the while carrying deceit in your heart. You took everything that was sacred to me and stomped on it. You have humiliated me in every way possible. Did it feel nice? To laugh at me behind my back? Did you feel the thrill of vindication when you tricked me?”

I tried to pull her to me in an attempt to hold on to her. I could feel her slipping away from me and I wanted to keep her in my arms, afraid that if I let her go, I would lose her forever. But she stopped me with her hand on my chest.

“Alina-”

“You should savour your victory, General Kirigan. After all, you have me exactly where you want. I’m a cripple now. I can’t summon and I’m too weak to defend myself from you.” She said with a sardonic smile which was gutting me alive. “What’s next? Kill the Lantsovs? Hold a public wedding? Have me play your devoted wife and the perfect living Saint? How should I prepare myself next?”

Her every word tore my heart to shreds. Alina was walking away in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

“Alina, I have no plans. I swear. I threw it all away the moment I found you bloodied in the Fold. I don’t care about anything now. All I want is for you to get better. I will never force you again. Please believe me. I beg of you.” I clutched her hand and wept into it. “Tell me, Alina. Tell me how I could prove myself to you. Tell me how I can prove my love for you.”

“There’s nothing you could do.”

“Alina-”

“I’m tired. If I’m to prepare myself for your next plans, I should rest.” She repositioned and lied down, facing the other way. 

“Alina, please. I swear. Please let me prove myself to you. Please let me. Give me one chance, Alina. Please.” I begged. But Alina did not turn around. The split I created between the two of us was now a gaping chasm. I have truly lost my Alina.

Complete and utter devastation, that was all I could feel. I want to stay here and keep begging to her, but I know that I have irreparably damaged our relationship. More tears fell from my eyes. But I could not stand here any longer, so I stood up to leave, throwing one last look at her, hoping to prolong this moment as much as I can

I stared at her with complete heartbreak and walked away.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

Moonlight was streaming through my windows. Genya was fast asleep and Fedyor was nodding off on the sofa. But sleep evaded me. I could not think of anything but the soul-crushing revelation that I had today. For the first time since my abduction, my mind was crystal clear and I began to see things for what they truly are. 

Throughout our relationship all I had ever thought about was him. I wanted to take care of him, love him, cherish him and wanted to spend our eternity together. I thought my love was equally reciprocated but it seems that he and I had different takes on eternity. As much as it devastates me, I’m finally glad to know where I stood with him. I’m relieved to know that no matter how hard I tried, it never would have worked out between us as I never would have been enough for him. Now I can be at peace knowing that it was not I who lacked.  

After Aleksander left, I took apart the last year of my life. I needed to know how much of it was real? Unfortunately it left me with more questions than answers. It was hard for me to discern if the people stuck around me for being the Sun Summoner or for being Alina? I turned and let my eyes rove over Genya and Fedyor and wondered what kept them here with me. Was it their guilt or their sense of duty? Was their friendship genuine or something born out of obligation? But I could not find the answers I needed. 

I turned back to the ceiling and continued my pondering. I had one biggest unanswered question left- what should I do next? Stay here and live as a cripple and continue to be a burden to everyone around me? Or do something about it? 

Unfortunately for me, I don’t have a lot of alternatives. However, I don’t think I could continue living as an invalid, completely at his mercy. But what other options did I have? Perhaps I could use my powers to transport myself to Ketterdam. Find Mal and get the Sea Whip with Kaz’s help? Afterall, Kaz still owes me a job. As the idea developed in my mind, I realised that there were two major flaws in my plan. One, my sudden disappearance would have severe consequences in Ravka. Aleksander would be blamed and the Grisha would be punished. And two, I had no idea if my body would survive it. It was a risk without gain. 

Instead I could strike a bargain with Aleksander and tell him the truth about the Sea Whip in exchange for marriage? But I no longer trusted Aleksander’s words and for all I know I could directly be playing into one of his agenda. 

I rubbed my collars absently, feeling the new bumps under my skin. The connection flared on my touch, reminding me of the power I had in my hands. And then it struck me- I could become an echo. I could let the power consume me and go back to the Making. Even if I die here, my connection to the Making would still remain. I could instil myself with the Making and manipulate things to keep the Grisha safe. I could remain as a guardian for as long as I could and make the world fair and just. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I could fulfil my destiny and have my freedom back. I began to refine my idea and smooth out all the kinks.

Once I was set, peace and tranquillity washed over me. I basked in the moonlight one last time and enjoyed the serenity it offered. I felt calm, almost happy. 

“Alina.” Genya’s whisper broke me out of my thoughts.

“Why are you awake? Are you in pain? Do you need something to help you sleep?” Her voice was filled with concern. 

“No. I’m good. Just lost in my thoughts.” I said with a smile.

She let out a fond sigh and laid back down on the pillow. “What are you thinking about? Do you want to talk about it?”

I smiled at her. “I was thinking about the rose garden.”

“The rose garden?”

“Yeah. It’s a shame that it’s still winter, I would have loved to see it bloom.”

Something in my voice must have caught her attention and a strange look appeared over Genya’s eyes. “Spring is only a month away, Alina. You can enjoy it all you want.” She said with a smile and took one of my hands into hers and held it tightly. 

I said nothing and nodded at her. “It’s getting late, Genya. We should rest.”

I could feel Genya’s eyes on me as I pretended to fall back asleep. She did not let go of my hand and fell asleep clutching it. I looked at her and Fedyor one last time. Said a silent apology and my goodbyes to them. I closed my eyes one last time, it flared gold and I entered the Making.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

I was startled out of my sleep just before dawn by loud knocks. I pushed the bottles of kvas away from me and got up. I straightened my clothes before opening the door. It was Genya in her night clothes. And immediately, I went on high alert. 

“What is it?” I asked with my heart in my throat.

“Alina. She’s not waking up and her eyes are gold.” She said fearfully. 

I immediately rushed to Alina’s room. Fedyor was monitoring her heartbeat and checking on her.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know, General. I woke up to a sudden drop in Alina’s heart rate. But when I checked I could no longer find her presence in her body.”

No. No. No. My mind began to panic. This cannot be happening. 

“Did she say anything last night? Was she acting differently?” I asked, remembering the heartbroken expression on Alina’s face.

“No General. She was extremely quiet. As it had been an eventful day for her we left her to it.” Fedyor said.

“I woke up in the middle of the night and found Alina wide awake.” Genya said suddenly. “At first I thought she was in pain or unable to sleep; I asked her if she needed something to help with it. But she was eerily calm, almost serene, General. Alina’s face often betrays her heart but in that moment, I could read nothing in her face. When I asked her what she was thinking about she said how she’d have loved to see the rose garden bloom. I was quite scared by her behaviour, so I clutched her hand in mine as we slept but Fedyor noticed the drop in her heart rate and woke me up.” Genya finished.

“Call David.” I ordered. I’m going to do whatever it takes to bring Alina home. 

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ David ~~~

One week ago

I was rescued from a slaver and brought to the Little Palace when I was seven years old. Although I was happy to not be sold into slavery, I felt out of place here, even amongst my peers. I did not understand them and didn’t know how to connect with them. It was a difficult period of my life. One day, when I was about ten, I was invited for tea with the General. I had only seen the man in passing, so I was a bit scared about the unexpected invite.

“David.” He greeted me pleasantly when I entered. “Sit. Let me pour you some tea.” I watched with fascination as his deft fingers poured tea to my exact liking and handed it to me.

“Thank you, General.” I mumbled.

We drank our tea in silence. When we were done, the General looked at me with piercing eyes and I looked at my feet unable to meet his eyes.

‘David, I had heard nothing but good things about you from your teachers.” He said. I knew it was a lie because my teachers were always unhappy with me.

“No. You did not.” I muttered. He simply smiled.

“Not everybody enjoys normal teaching methods, David.” I nodded. “How would you like to have your own schedule and training?”

I looked at him in disbelief. “That would be most welcome, General.”

“It’s set then.” He called for someone and an older Durast whom I have never met before walked in. “This is Mikhail. He is our resident expert fabrikator. You’ll train under him.” I stood up and bowed to him.

“Mikhail, I have found you, your protégé.” 

That meeting had been the turning point of my life. The General knew exactly what I needed and provided me with it. Mikhail understood what I needed and trained me in a quiet environment without loud noises and disturbances. Slowly and steadily I found my place in the Second Army. The General visited me whenever he could spare a moment and took a keen interest in my inventions. He praised me when it worked but did not berate me when something failed. He offered me my first glass of kvas when I invented the blue light. The General had been like a father I never had and I always respected and loved him.

When Alina first arrived at the Little Palace, I did not take much interest in her. Despite being an Etherealki she spent a considerable amount of time in the Fabrikators lab. At first I dismissed it, but slowly I grew to like her. She was brilliant and quick. If I had not seen her produce light, I would have accepted her as a durast. And in the last year, I grew to like her as a friend. 

When the General asked me to fix the amplifiers on Alina, I was torn between my love for the General and my friend. In the end, my loyalty towards the General won and I was forced to betray Alina and did an unspeakable thing to her. Her screams still echoed in my ears and for the first time, I felt ashamed of my power. Instead of using it to build remarkable things, I used my knowledge to hurt a friend. Now she is dying and there was not a thing I could do about it. 

I stared at the gift that Alina had given me for Yule. It was a set of precision markers that I had been planning on requesting. I felt a slap on the face every time I looked at it. I closed the box and put it away. I had an important thing to do.

================ 

I knocked on the General’s door. Ivan opened it. I was surprised to see Genya and Fedyor there too. 

“Were you able to find anything, David?” The General asked. Although his face remained stoic, I could read the desperation in his eyes.

“I- No, General.” I placed the things I was carrying with me on his table. “Alina had made a Yule gift for you and left it with me. It’s- I think we are running out of time, General.” I said and handed his gift to him.

Alina had asked me to vacuum seal a glass jar after placing one orb of light and one orb of shadow in it. Soon the light and shadow began to swirl till the orb of light was surrounded by a layer of shadow and the orb of shadow was surrounded by a layer of light. It looked beautiful when I sealed it. But now the light’s brightness has dimmed and it is no longer in perfect balance with the shadow orb; it has started to fray and disperse. 

“The light was bright when she first placed it and was perfectly in balance with the shadows. Now it is all falling apart.”

I handed Genya and Fedyor their gifts. A sombre silence fell into the room as each one of them saw their gifts. It became unbearable to be in the room as their emotions shifted. It all became too much and I began to feel overwhelmed. 

“I- I’ll leave you to it, General. I’ll- I’ll continue with my-” I bowed and fled the room unable to stand there any longer. 

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

Present Day

I stood in front of the fountain with nothing left. Alina is dying and I have failed. I tried every possible thing I know but nothing worked. My grandfather’s journals held no answers, my mother had abandoned the Little Palace, David, Paja, Eva none of them were able to fix Alina. I was alone once again and utterly defeated. 

I stared at the stone carvings of the fountain. I could not help but think if this was the same desperation that Anastas felt when I split his country in two; when I took everything from him. Is this my punishment for causing the countless deaths? Is death such a merciful retribution for me that it keeps avoiding me and instead taking the woman I love? A sob escaped me. I don’t think I can survive if Alina dies. I cannot live in a world where she no longer exists. 

The last carving on the fountain drew my attention. I knew it was the only way- my life for Alina’s. So I muttered the words to call the merzost . For a moment nothing happened, then shadow tendrils began to escape from me slowly as my life force escaped me. But the next moment, it all stopped, my life was shoved back into me and I was knocked down by the force of it; a faint spark of sunlight was all that was left. I was shocked and furious- I will fight the Making if I have to. I will not let Alina die.

I tried again and again but nothing happened. Merzost would not come to me. I screamed in frustration and kept hitting the stone carving over and over again till I bled.

“Please” I spoke to no one. “Take me. Give her back. Please. Give her back.” 

Like a mad man, I stood up and dumped the bag of coins I carried with me into the fountain. 

“Please, give her back.” 

Chapter Text

~~~ Baghra ~~~

My father was the greatest Fabrikator to ever live. Today thousands of people worship him as a saint. But no one knows what a cruel man he was. I was seven years old when I first realised that my father did not see me as his child but as his failed experiment. My mother feared me and always reminded me that I was one of my father’s abominations. My father hid me while my mother ignored me. I never knew what love was but I was able to see it when my sister was born ten years later. She had everything I never did, my father's attention and my mother’s love. I felt neither guilt nor remorse as I sliced her in half and when I was banished for it, I gladly left them all behind and ran away, I finally felt free. 

I lived as a nomad for years- moving from camp to camp, learning what I can and moving on. And in all those years, I never felt the need to have a family of my own as I feared that I would pass on the darkness that I carried within. But centuries passed and death refused to visit me. Slowly, I began to feel the burden of eternity. I grew desperate and  tried to have children of my own, breaking my vow. Some of my children were otkazat’sya, some were Grisha, but none of my them were like me. I tried raising the first two of my Grisha children but one was killed by the raiders and the other died of old age. After that I stopped having children for a while. 

The decades rolled on and I could not take the loneliness anymore. So, I kept having more children, hoping that one of them would turn out like me. And finally, I gave birth to Aleksander after nearly five centuries. I wept with joy when I called for his powers and saw tiny wisps of shadows come out of his pudgy little hands. I held him close, forgetting all the pains of my labour, and sang to him, a long forgotten song. 

As Aleksander grew, my fear about his safety grew with it. He was a compassionate child and yearned for affection and he longed to be with children his own age. But I could not risk our discovery and always kept him close to me. And when he turned to me for love and connection, I had to turn him away. My hardened heart could not be the mother that he needed me to be and I feared that if I taught him about love and family he might go seek for it, only to end up with a heartbreak years later. I deprived him of love to prepare him for the eternity that is to come.

Years passed and Aleksander became a very capable young man. I was proud of him and we continued with the life we knew. I had always hoped that it would just be the two of us till the end of time. But he wanted more. He wanted to use his powers to protect the Grisha. When he first uttered those words, for a moment all I saw was my father and his cause staring back and laughing at me. This was the life I ran away from and this was the exact path my father travelled. And I know very well how it ends. I tried to stop him in every way I can but it only made Aleksander fight harder and finally he set out on his own. He travelled from camp to camp trying to recruit Grisha, teaching them how to fight and survive. But he was only able to partially succeed till Anastas. 

After the Fold we drifted apart even further. He became obsessed just like my father and approached king after king to help create a safe space for Grisha in exchange for his undying service. Finally he formed the Second Army and succeeded in building the Little Palace. Amidst all his triumph what he refused to see was the price he paid for using merzost and the madness that was slowly setting in him as the result. I tried so many different ways to help him see reason but he did not listen to me. Unable to fix him, I decided to wait for him. I knew that one day this would all fall apart and he will come to realise that it would always be just the two of us.

But before all that could happen, he found the Sun Summoner and my heart soured further. I knew for how long he had been waiting for his equal and I had always dismissed that notion. There will never be anyone like us. But the Making gave her to him even after all he did. From the moment I saw the girl, I knew that she would be leading him to his destruction. So I tried to interfere but Alina was an immovable object, already loyal and worse, was in love with him. Nothing I tried worked and I hated seeing them get closer each day.

On the night of the Winter Fete, I decided to use my ultimate weapon and told her the truth about him. I had hoped for the girl to run for the hills but to my absolute shock, she seemed to already know about it. I wanted to kill her then and there to save my son. I knew that if he uses merzost one more time, there will be no chance of saving him. But instead, I decided to walk away and watch it all play out. Alina thought she knew my son better than I did and so I let her find out what he was truly capable of. In the days that I followed, I keenly observed my son as he went after the girl. I knew how his journey would end and waited for him. And when the news about the Fold and Alina's mysterious sickness arrived, I left my hut. They refused to listen and decided to play with fire, now its up to them to face its consequences.

I vowed to leave and never return. However, now, seeing my son's gut wrenching sobs in front of the fountain, stirred something in me. He no longer reeked of merzost and looked every bit the boy that once slept on my knees. Looking at his utter devastation, I realised that if I don’t save the girl, I will truly lose my son once and for all. With my decision made, I went to the hut to collect a few things.

================ 

“Open this door, boy.” I ordered loudly. The oprichniki refused. “Now!”

The door opened from inside and Fedyor stepped out. “Baghra, what?”

“Save your questions for later. Now where is the girl?”  I pushed past him and entered the room. The girl was hanging by a thread. I quickly pulled open the vial containing the Sildroher’s tears and poured down the iridescent liquid into Alina’s throat. After a painful few minutes, Alina’s body began to knit itself back together as the Sildroher's magic worked its way into Alina's system.

“How?” The Tailor girl asked. I did not respond and continued to watch. From the heartrender and healer’s bewildered expression, I knew that Alina was rapidly recovering.

“It’s impossible. There are no signs of any malady in Alina. Her heart is strong, her lungs are fine, even her limbs have been restored.” The healer girl said in awe. "It's a miracle."

“Now, wake her up.” I ordered. The healer girl tried, followed by the heartrender. But nothing happened. I took her hand and tried to call her light, once again nothing. I pried open her eyes and saw them blazing gold.

“Stupid, girl.” 

“Everybody leave the room. This is done better without an audience.” They were hesitant and tried to refuse. “If you want your Sun Summoner to live, leave.” 

They all left with much reluctance.

I pulled out a knife and slashed her collar till the tip of the antlers became visible. I then cut my finger and let my blood touch the bone. I was immediately taken to a place that was too bright for me to see. I could barely make out the outline of the girl who was sitting there and staring at the bright light unblinking. Before she could sense me and throw me out, I grabbed her from behind and pulled her. The effort almost knocked me out of my breath and I stood up gasping for air.

Beside me I heard a very confused voice calling me, “Baghra?”

“What? Where am I?” she asked, turning around and looking at the new surroundings.

“Where do you think? Every Grisha has different ways of envisioning their powers. This is mine.” I said, looking at my father’s workshop.

“But how did you find me?”

“You still have not learned how connections between amplifiers work. Especially when they are made from the blood and bone of the same creator. You need to start learning to erect defences. Otherwise, anyone can have access to you.”

“A family trait, I suppose.” She said bitterly.

“Why am I here? Are you here for your son? I kept my end of the promise, he is free of merzost.”

“Yeah, I saw that. The question is why are you here, trying to be an echo?”

“I felt it was a better life than a cripple.” She answered calmly.

“If that is all keeping you here then your body is fixed. You can go back.”

She huffed out and walked away from me. “So why are you truly here?” I persisted.

“You exactly know why.” She said and turned back. “If you want to gloat, gloat. If you want to say ‘I told you so’ go ahead and do it. I no longer care anymore.”

“I never took you for a coward, Alina.”

“Oh, please. You never took me as anything other than a stone in your boot. Thank you for your concern, please leave me be.”

“If that’s what you want, then there’s nothing I can say to convince you otherwise. But while you stay here, everything you cared for is crumbling around.”

She swallowed. “Your son is still there to protect the Grisha. And I can manipulate things from here and make the world a safer place.”

“And how are you planning on doing that? Brute force never always works, girl.” 

“I will figure it out.” She said stubbornly.

“Suffering is cheap as clay and twice as common, girl. What matters is what you make of it. If this is how you choose to deal with your suffering then I will leave you here. But if you choose to make something out of it then tie this ribbon at a point where your power no longer hurts you and come back.” I said; handed her the ribbon and severed our connection.

I was back in Alina’s room and removed my hand from her bone. The Sildroher magic immediately mended her wound. Now it’s a matter of waiting game. Fifteen minutes passed and just as I predicted, the girl came to, coughing and sputtering. I patted her back as she gasped.

“I- I”

“Easy, girl.”

She steadied herself some more and turned to face me. “Why did you ask me to tie a ribbon?”

“I gave you Sildroher’s tears to revive you. It is, however, not a permanent fix. You need the Sea Whip, girl. You cannot have one without the other. The ribbon acts as a mark to let you know when to stop. If you go beyond that without the Sea Whip, a repeat of the last few weeks will happen again.”

She nodded and thanked me. I opened the door and the heartrender and tailor immediately rushed in. They went to hug Alina and I left not waiting to see their reunion.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Alina ~~~

It has been a couple of days since I was revived. It felt surreal to be back again. I had grown so used to the pain-haze that it felt strange being without it. Inspite of being back, the unfamiliarity that I felt before would not leave me. I felt the same itch every time I looked in the mirror. For all intents and purposes, I appeared to have been put back together. But I felt fractured, like a teacup dropped on the floor and left to shatter. In the smaller shattered fragments I saw my past self who wanted nothing more in the world than acceptance and in the bigger unshattered piece, I saw a being filled with unimaginable power, that crawled its way back to the land of the living, ready to unleash its fury on the world. The two can no longer coexist and that was my source of dissonance. 

But if I were to face what is to come, I need the monster more than I need Alina. I need to let her go. Time cannot be reversed, the teacup cannot come back together and there will never be a place for Alina in this world. Alina has to go. I need to burn her and be reborn from her ashes. This would be my Awakening.

I looked at myself in the mirror one last time, then raised my hand and shattered it to a thousand pieces. Genya came rushing from the bathroom and was shocked to see me surrounded by shards of mirror.

“Alina? What? Your eyes- why did you shatter the mirror?” She asked.

I calmly turned to her and said. “Terribly sorry about that. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Genya’s eyes showed a myriad of emotions before settling on worry.

“Shattering a mirror only brings bad luck, Alina.” She said with trepidation.

“There’s no more luck, Genya. There’s only me.”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

~~~ Aleksander ~~~

“Did you come here to stare at the fire in silence, boy?” My mother’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

“No, Madraya.”

“The girl is alright?”

“Yes, Madraya.”

“If you are going to be this way then be gone, I have no time for boys wallowing in self-pity.”

I turned to face her. “I have caused irreparable damage to Alina and I don’t know how to face her.”

“Are you here seeking my advice? You haven’t done that in a long time, boy.”

“Advice? No. I learned at a very young age to never turn to you for advice or comfort.” I said, looking at her eyes.

“I could have comforted you or kept you safe. Forgive me for choosing the latter.” My mother remarked sharply. “For all my fallacies as your mother, here you are, same as you were as a boy, still seeking me out.”

I didn’t respond to it. “Why are you here, Aleksander?” She asked once again, impatience colouring her tone.

I looked back at her and said, “I’m going to tell Alina the truth. Truth about me, you and the Fold.”, I revealed. I expected to see shock or even betrayal in my mother’s face. What I did not expect was to see pity. 

“What are you not telling me, mother?” I asked, anger coating my voice.

“She already knows.” My mother stated plainly.

“You told her!” I asked in disbelief. “She said that you came to meet her in secret on the night of the Winter Fete. She said-”

“That was my plan, yes.” She cut me off. “To tell the girl the truth about you. My one last attempt to stir you away from this path of madness. But it seemed I had only wasted my breath. The girl already knew about you, about me and about the Fold. She apparently figured it out the night after she barged in on our conversation.”

I felt my whole world crashing around on my mother’s revelation. Alina knew who I was and she still stayed and still loved me. She continued to love me even after knowing about the letters and Genya. My knees trembled and I dropped into the nearby chair, unable to stand any longer. Tears spilled from my eyes and I held my head in my hands. She knew. She knew what a monster I was and still loved me. And I- and I- Saints! What have I done? What have I done? 

‘Know that I loved you; all of you and know that it was you who destroyed us.’ I finally understood the true meaning of her words. Not just these words, throughout our entire courtship, she tried to show me her acceptance and love in several little ways. And I never once tried to understand her fully. I tossed away something fragile and pure to satisfy my want. I tried not to pull my hair in anguish. If only I had paid heed to it, I would not have crossed the point of no return, I would have stopped. And now I have lost everything- my destined, my child, our life together. All of it were gone with the wind. I have committed an unforgivable sin and there is no redemption for me. I let out an agonised sob unable to hold my despair in.

“Merzost always demands a price that you cannot pay. There was a moment when you might have earned her love, instead of claiming her power. But you never did listen to me, did you?” My mother’s voice droned. “Merzost, the Stag and now this.” 

As soon as the words came out her mouth, an inexplainable anger rose in me. “Merzost did not do this mother, you did.”

She turned to me angrily, “Don’t you go blaming this on me, boy. It was all your doing.”

“I played my part, yes. But what other choice did I have? You wanted me to abandon my Grisha when the King’s soldiers came. You knew about the Stag, you knew exactly what it would do and yet you did nothing. For years, you let me believe it to be nothing but an amplifier!” 

“I was trying to protect you, you ungrateful boy!” she yelled.

“By never being there for me!” And I yelled back. The anger and resentment was turning the air acrid around us.

“You know,” I said after a moment. “Alina called the Apparat as the enemy I was not seeing. But you are the true enemy I never saw, mother. For years, I tried to please you. Tried to be the son that you could love. I sought your validation, sought your love and year after year, I came short. Nothing I could have done would have pleased you or would have made you love me. Because the only time you were ever truly happy with me was when you could drag me around by my hand.”

“Don’t blame your shortcomings on me, boy. I tried to protect you the only way I could.” she seethed.

“You protected me out of necessity not out of love. Because, if I’m gone, there would be no one beside you in the darkness, mother. I remember the time when you first stopped summoning. I wanted to travel from camp to camp to recruit Grisha and train them but you did not. So you let yourself age and wither till I could no longer rely on your strength. You saw me blunder, fall and rise again and yet you never offered me your support. You hated my successes but relished in my failures. You were the only other powerful being the day I created the Fold and you turned me away.” My voice cracked at the end. “And now, I finally found someone, my equal, who was glad to share my burden and you stepped in and destroyed it too. I never would have risked Alina’s life, I never would have placed the Stag on her, had I known what it truly was. You have had every chance to tell me the truth or at the very minimum tell me the fact that Alina knew the truth about me, but you didn’t. You did what you always do, mother, you watched me fail and destroy something beautiful just so you can stand above me and mock.” I finished.

My mother didn’t say anything and stared at the fire. 

“I saved her life, boy. Is this the thanks I get for my trouble?”

I let out a bitter laugh. “You expect to thank me for a situation that you had a hand in creating?" I asked, bitterness coating my voice. "I agree, you could have kept quiet and let her die. But you knew then it would be the end of me too. And if I’m gone, who’d you have to share your eternity with?”

My mother stayed quiet.

“I was happy, madraya. For once in my miserable long life, I was happy and you took that away from me.”

“Sure, blame it all on me if it makes you feel better about yourself, boy.” 

“My name is Aleksander.” I said with finality. “And this will be the last time I ever lay my eyes on you in this lifetime. If I’m going to spend the rest of eternity in the hatred of someone then let it be the women I loved and wronged. I no longer care about what you do. You can go to the king and tell on me or leave this place and never return. I don’t care. I’m no longer your son. When you become lonely in the darkness again, you can always start over, mother, for I will never be in there with you.”

With that, I walked out of the hut, not turning back when she called my name.

================ 

I walked as fast as my legs would carry me to see Alina. The calm I’d felt after leaving my mother’s hut vanished the moment the palace came into view. 

She knew.

That revelation shattered something inside me. Alina knew the truth—the monster behind the mask—and still, she chose to love me unconditionally. And I destroyed her. I didn’t know what I would say when I saw her. I only knew I needed to be near her. 

At the doors to her chambers, I dismissed the guards but I could not bring myself to open it. Guilt, shame, fear were coursing through my veins and I held on the door knob till my knuckles turned white. I could no longer delay the confrontation and gave the door a firm push.

I didn’t see her right away. Instead my eyes were drawn to the changes in the room. Her room that once looked cared for and lived in, has been returned to its original state. It looked untouched and cold. Except for the vanity, which was missing the mirror, the room looked pristine and devoid of any personal touches. 

My eyes searched for Alina and found her crouched down before the fireplace. I closed the door behind me and walked toward her with trepidation. The weight of my loss was pressing on my chest until I could barely breathe. 

Alina did not turn or acknowledge my presence. She was holding a stack of all her sketches and was feeding them to the fire. I watched in muted grief as she burnt away her happy memories one by one. Everything had been so perfect until I ripped it all apart. Next to her sat a small wooden box with a small river pebble on top of it.

“Alina.” I called, kneeling down beside her. I could not stand the sight of it anymore.

She turned to me and her eyes immediately roved over me. “I take it you spoke with your mother. She finally decided to spill the beans?” 

Words seemed to freeze inside my mouth and I could not elicit a response to her. 

“I’m afraid you have arrived a little too late, General. The one whom you wish to make amends to is no longer here.” Her voice was cold. Detached. It knocked the air from my lungs.

My Alina was never cold towards anyone. She was always filled with warmth and kindness. But now? There was nothing. No softness. No sign of the woman I loved. A sense of wrongness filled me and I knew deep down I’ve lost everything that mattered to me.

“Are you not Alina then?” I asked, forcing my throat to work.

“I’m Alina too, just a different version.” Alina said.

“I don’t understand.” I said in denial.

“Don’t you? Have you not reinvented yourself over and over again? Creating different versions of yourself to suit the life you’ve created? I’m doing the same.” She said without facing me. “My past self naively believed in simple emotions like love and friendship but I have come to realise that such emotions have no place here. There’s a war being waged and I’m just another weapon in it. 

“Alina, please.” I said. My voice cracked with emotions. “Give me one last chance and I won’t fail you again. I swear.”

“She’s gone, General.” Alina said, gently feeding another sketch to the flames. “I burned her just like I burned down the memories of my parents. There’s no reason to hold on to her anymore.” 

A tear slid down my cheek.

After centuries of yearning, the Making gave me a Destined who saw me, who understood me and I destroyed it all in my haste.

“Alina.” I tried again, my voice raw. The chasm between us felt vast and unbridgeable but I had to try. 

“I never meant for any of this to happen. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please believe me. I didn’t expect the merzost to consume me the way it did. I was just… tired, Alina. Tired of the wars, the pain, the loss. 

All I wanted was to build a safe life for Grisha. A life where they could be free. And when I first met you, I thought that if I had to sacrifice you to make that future real, it would be worth it. I convinced myself that you’d understand someday. That eternity would grind you down like it did me and you’d see it my way. But I fell in love with you instead, Alina. The night of the Winter Fete, my promise to you was true. I had planned to confess it all to you.

But when I realized that you ran away to your tracker, I felt betrayed. I now know that it was not true that you have never once betrayed me but at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to punish you. I did not lie when I said it was easier to believe in your betrayal than your love , milaya . 

I swear on everything I have that I did not know about the Stag, Alina. I never knew it could kill you. Had I known, I would have never tried to use it on you. I would have forsaken the cause sooner than risk your life. 

When I found you half dead in the Fold, all my anger, my vengeance, even the cause I fought so hard for, it all vanished. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than for you to be alive and get better. 

Even now, I wish the same, moya sol . I know things can never go back to the way it was before but I want you to know that I truly never meant for any of it to happen. I still love you with every fibre of my being and I hope one day you can see it too, my Alina.” I beseeched her, holding back my sob. I needed her to know that I did not deceive her in anyway.

She didn’t say anything for a while and kept staring at the crackling fire. 

“Do you know why I never turned on you? Why I never thought of you as bad or evil?”

I shook my head, clinging to the rope Alina was throwing my way.

“When I discovered the truth about you, I saw a story that was untold. I saw a man in pain who did not let it consume him and instead turned it into something beautiful. I thought if there could exist a man, who could rebirth himself over and over again just so the people he was protecting could live to see another day, that man might have a place for me too.” I sobbed in shame, my heart alight in agony. “ I was just waiting for you to see me.”

“Alina, please.” I begged, unashamedly. “Don’t let this be the end of us. Please.”

Alina didn’t respond. Instead, she picked up the pebble from the top of the box and turned it slowly between her fingers.

“This pebble is quite special to me.” She said, rubbing it gently. “It taught me my very first lesson.” 

“It was barely a year after I came to Keramzin. The other children were buzzing about a peddler who was coming the next day. The older kids whispered that he always knew what you needed . All you had to do was close your eyes, open your hands to him.” 

She smiled faintly, without warmth. “Their excitement was contagious. I couldn’t help but be swept up in it too.”

The next day, brought the peddler with a crate full of broken trinkets-things he could not sell to the others. He gathered us all around and displayed his wares. Like a magician performing a trick, he asked us all to think of an item. I too joined the others and made a selection-a blue butterfly hairpin in the corner caught my eye.” 

She finally looked up, and there was no mistaking the pain in her eyes. She quickly shoved it down and her face returned to the casual indifference once again.

“One of its wings was broken and it was missing a few stones but I loved it all the same. One by one, the children stepped forward. Each time, the peddler placed something in their palms-a broken whistle, a wooden soldier with one arm. They squealed with delight everytime no matter what they received. Then it was my turn. I stepped forward-eyes closed and hands open. Eager to receive my gift.” Her fingers closed tightly around the pebble, now clenched in her fist. 

“But when I opened my eyes, all I got was this pebble. Everyone clapped and laughed like it was the funniest joke on Earth. 

‘ Shu girls don’t get nice things. Now be gone.’ The peddler said as he joined the others in their laughter.” She mimicked the voice with icy precision.

She turned to look at me. “That was the first time I realised I was different, that I don’t belong. I held onto that pebble for a very long time; as a reminder, as a promise.”

She looked at the pebble one last time before placing it inside her pockets. 

“The pebble was something that I always had on my person. Except one day I decided not to carry it anymore. It was a beautiful evening. I was sitting on one of the garden benches sketching the Little Palace- the day I thought I had found my home.” 

I remembered that evening too. It was the first time I felt solace.

She turned to me once again, her eyes boring into me. “You dropped a teacup on the floor to shatter on purpose. You don’t get to be upset when it doesn’t gather itself back again. Time cannot be reversed and some damages can never be undone.”

I had nothing to say to that. She pushed the box towards me. “These belong to you.”

I opened it and found every gift I had ever given Alina. Tears rolled from my eyes, as I touched each item gently.

Alina placed the last of the sketches and watched the fires lick them. She stood up and I stood along with her.

“Can you ever forgive me, Alina?” I pleaded one last time. 

“The dead don’t rise, General.”

================ 

The days passed on and the snow was beginning to thaw and I saw very little of Alina. Last I heard, she was spending her time reading and training in secret with Botkin. As much as I wanted to approach her, I did have the courage to do it. So instead, I hid her recovery from the Grand Palace and gave her space to heal in her own way. Which was why I was surprised to see her in the war room, waiting for me.

“Alina.” I greeted her in disbelief. She was in one of her gowns with her long hair neatly braided. Genya told me that she had stopped wearing her keftas. She stood with her back straight like a soldier but she looked regal as a queen. 

“General. Forgive me for dropping by without prior appointment. I heard that you had the afternoon free and I had some things I needed to discuss with you uninterrupted.” 

Alina’s voice carried no remnants of the intimacy we once shared together. She spoke as if we were strangers, as if I had never held her or kissed her in this very room.

“Is there anything you need, Alina?” I asked, softly.

“Yes. I wish to discuss with you on the next steps now that West Ravka is sorted.”

“Next steps?”

“Yes. I share your vision on a lot of things. I agree that with the Lanstovs in the throne neither Ravka nor Grisha can prosper. I also want Fjerda and Shu-Han to stop what they are doing to Grisha. Although I have the power to achieve these things, I lack experience and don’t have the correct connections to achieve what I envision. So I wish to strike a partnership with you.”

I looked at her in disbelief. “Alina, you were fighting for your life eight days ago. We still need to figure out about the Stag, whatever my mother did is not permanent. I don’t think now is a good time to talk about a coup. I don’t want you to use your powers, Alina.”

“I appreciate the concern, General but the only reason I was fighting for my life was, I was trying to seal the rip in the fabric of reality that you created when you made the Fold. I had to use the full strength of my power to seal the barrier. Now I know my limits and I don’t think we would need to use that much power to achieve what we need. So we can proceed with our plans.”

A rip in the fabric of reality? I was stunned to hear what the Fold actually was. “Alina. It’s-”

“I approached you because working with you was the best option, but it’s not the only one. If you are unwilling to help me, I can do it in my own way. But please be prepared to explain my sudden disappearance to the Grand Palace and face the subsequent consequences.” 

Although her voice carried no infliction, I know that she meant every single word of it. This new Alina was not something I was prepared for. I sighed. I know that if I want to ensure her safety, the only way to do it is by keeping her with me.

“What do you propose, Alina?”

“I have one stipulation before we proceed.” I looked at her sharply. “I don’t want you on the throne."

“And who do you propose instead?”

“Me.” She looked back at me with purpose and determination. “I have more power than you and I don’t agree with some of your decisions. If you become the King then it leaves me in a disadvantageous position. But if I become the Queen, you can still protect the Grisha like you always wanted and help me rebuild Ravka.” She finished.

I smiled proudly at my Little Saint. I would gladly let her take the throne and help her become the Queen she already is.

“Okay.” I agreed. But a shadow of doubt flicked across her eyes when I gave in without a fight. It stung me to know how broken the things are between us.

“When and how are you planning to start your take over?” I asked.

“Not for another year. I need the Lanstovs on the throne while I deal with Shu-Han and Fjerda.”

“What do you mean, Alina? That was not what you proposed.”

“Taking the throne was only the final step, General. Without silencing Fjerda and Shu-Han we would only be wasting our efforts.”

“Alina. What you are proposing is extremely dangerous. If you go inside their borders there is very little I could do from here. Please. We will find another way to handle them. I will scour the best of every Grisha I have and you can oversee their training personally. Please let this go.” I tried to reason with her.

“This is not up for debate, General. We don’t have that kind of time and if we don’t take away all the Grisha from their labs and seal our borders, we will never be able to rebuild Ravka again. Need I remind you that we can either do this together or I can go off on my own.”

“You cannot threaten me with this every time, Alina.”

“I can if you are refusing to see reason. Whether you like it or not, I have a destiny to fulfill. If I wait for the coup and the rest of things to fall in place, I would never succeed. I want to hit them when they least expect it and hit them in a way that they struggle to recover. Question is, are you with me in this or not?” 

From Alina’s stubborn tone, I know that there was no persuading her otherwise. A part of me that was worried about her safety wanted me to disagree. However, a bigger part of me wanted to follow Alina. I had turned away so many times from her in the past. This time, I will stand next to her and help her achieve her dreams. I will guide her when she needs me to, hold her when wants me to and be with her in every step of the way to achieve her destiny. 

“I will listen to your plan, Alina. But if I think any aspect of it is too dangerous or reckless then you need to listen to the alternatives I propose. Partnership works both ways.”

“Agreed. I need to leave for Shu-Han in a month’s time.”

================ 

End of Part I

Chapter Text

The privateer was shocked when he received a request from the infamous Black General of Ravka. The request was simple, to have a clean ship with clean paper to fly under a neutral flag, trading wine between Os Kervo, Ketterdam and Bhez Ju. However, four months from now, the ship is to dock at Bhez Ju port for two weeks under the guise of repairs and then sail back to Ravka. Sturmhond may be a handsome privateer but he was by no means a foolish man. He knew that there was something else transpiring underneath the cover of wine trade. So he was on full alert.

He carefully observed the people aboard his ship. To give them credit they acted like casual tourists and nothing more. They did not crowd together and talk in low voices or pass secret glances when they walked past one other. Hell, they never interacted much, beyond talking about the weather or the beauty of the True Sea. Their interactions with his crew did not raise any flags either. And to Sturmhond’s dismay they behaved frustratingly normal. But sometimes Sturmhond could sense the anticipation in them. Like they were preparing for a big fight. The reason Sturmhond was so determined to uncover their plans was that he himself carried a huge secret with him. But, in order for his secret to succeed, he must know what these people had planned.

The only guy among them was a tall Ravkan man with neatly combed hair and an inviting face. He was watchful of the women that were travelling with him but not in an overbearing way. Tolya suspected that he might be a heartrender. He was interested in learning about boats and sails but gave very little information other than his work as an office assistant in Os Alta. He was a dead end.

Next, Sturmhond tried to charm the girl with striking red hair and features that looked like it was sculpted from a marble. She was quiet and cautious. Her words were always carefully selected, and she gave away nothing. She was skillfully able to dodge tricky questions, something only a person raised at court would do. Tamar was unsuccessful in her attempts as well.

The other red head was quite chatty and loud. She enjoyed playing cards with the crew and quite a few of them have lost to her. She was the youngest of them all but the most rambunctious. She was a bigger flirt than Sturmhond and could charm the pants off of any man. Just when Sturmhond thought he might have uncovered something, she mixed it with enough lies till it was impossible to separate the lies from the truth.

Finally, the half-Shu woman, she was easily the most beautiful woman Sturmhond has ever seen. The very first time he laid his eyes on her, she was standing near the stern, her eyes closed, bathing in the morning sunlight. Her skin was shimmering in the golden glow of the sun. The breeze was swaying her silky long hair gently. She looked ethereal and she took his breath away.

Sturmhond was very much a ladies man but his charms failed before her. It was easy to get lost in her eyes and intelligence. She was the most interesting person to talk to and he found himself slipping out of his carefully constructed persona and having honest talks with her. Although her beauty was magnetic, her eyes looked ancient. They were carrying a pain that Sturmhond had often seen on weathered soldiers. He tried to make her laugh but all he got for his troubles was a soft smile on her lips and nothing more. She was an enigma and it was not in Sturmhond’s nature to stay away from one. Everything about her drew him in and that was quite dangerous for him and his agenda. But when has the heart ever listened to the voice of reason? 

When the ship landed in Ketterdam and she got on the long boat, he stood on the bow of his ship and watched her. His traitorous heart wanted to see if she would turn around and glance at him one last time. But she never did. She got off the boat and disappeared into the city. And Sturmhond stood rooted in his spot, watching the road, long after she disappeared.