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The name Scaramouche, The Balladeer, Sixth of the Fatui Harbingers, would go down in the history of Teyvat as one hella villain who burnt cities, slaughtered thousands of people, and obliterated three civilizations, with his most notorious felony being the theft of the Electro Archon’s gnosis.
Betraying his allegiance to the Fatui, he set out on a private agenda of destruction, challenging the foundation of Teyvat itself.
Yet, he was halted at the final act, for a hero would emerge victorious against the villain, for he was the villain and the main character of this Teyvat arc was the traveler clad in white.
The almighty gnosis knocked from his possession, he was as helpless as a newborn deer at the tip of the traveler’s sword. There was neither resentment nor regret shrouding his eyes at the last moments, as he accepted this was his fate, the empty defective husk unable to fulfill his creator’s will, he would finally be put to eternal rest that his creator should have done long ago but did not.
Fate—what a word that evoked a lot of memory—a lot of scenes but only of one mortal.
“Lumine! Stop!”
From the glittery water emerged a familiar silhouette that— he did not know until he saw her —his hollow heart longed to see.
“Let me take over from here.”
Scaramouche’s lips lifted up weakly, eyes looking straight at the approaching figure. His tense shoulders loosened, palms propping his weight on the ground surrounded by a pool of blood—partly not his but mostly his.
Are you here to end my life?
He did not know whether he managed to sound the words from his mind.
・・・━━━☂★━━━・・・
A wanted runaway, an international war criminal, a threat to humanity—those are some of his fancy nicknames, the nicknames that blacklisted him from Inazuma, Snezhnaya, Natlan, Sumeru, Fontaine, Liyue, Mondstadt, every country in Teyvat. It was straight to the guillotine if he was found in Fontaine, or straight to the gallows if he was found in Natlan. Long story short, he had nowhere to go in Teyvat.
Yet, when he awoke from his deep sleep, his nose smelled the dandelions brought by the winds. He was lying on a fluffy bed that exuded a familiar scent mixed with the dandelions.
It was her bed, the bed in the humble Mondstadtian style house located near the gate of the City of Freedom, the bed where he once spilled the expensive bottle of perfume that he was about to give to her because she whacked it from his grip. Long story short, he was currently at the residence of Mondstadt’s local Astrologist.
As to how she managed to smuggle him inside, she circumvented the law by manipulating his multiple identities.
“This is Kunikuzushi, definitely not Scaramouche the Balladeer .”
Her uneven tone screamed nothing but suspicious, but the knights let her. If he were to make a wild guess, she must have struck a deal with the knights’ higher-ups for the current situation to happen, as he knew for sure that a certain red-haired dark knight would not smile and greet him warmly, or the secretive cavalry captain, or the looming threat in the form of blonde-haired chalk prince.
“What a great actress,” he had commented with an ample dose of sarcasm.
“Shut up, criminal,” she had replied, carefully helping him walk along the stony path, towards a destination he’s too familiar with.
“Hiding away a criminal makes you a criminal too, you know,” he had said back and was given a pout by her.
As to why she even did all these things that she detested the most for the person she detested the most, he had no idea, not even an inkling of idea.
The transcendent being was above the mortals, but that did not mean he was invincible. When the traveler brandished her sword and put him back to his place, he was on the verge of dying, waiting for the grim reaper to finally harvest his soul—if his artificial body hosted any. Blood gushed all over his body and pooled all around the ground when she arrived and bargained with his executioner.
The person who came to his rescue was the woman that he used to torture by the mere presence of him breathing. For several months following the curious meteor shower incident, he had persistently visited her when he had some free time. She would scream and yell her protest that he ignored with ease, bothering her by tailing whatever she was doing, asking intrusive questions, downplaying her silly job, paying for her meals, and following her to gaze at the gigantic hoax.
His consciousness was already fading, whatever trade was going on, he had zero clue. What he knew was the end result, that was her picking up his sorry ass and bringing him back with her to Mondstadt, going against her just principle for who knew why.
Mona Megistus brought him all the way from Snezhnaya to Mondstadt, dodging any government officials coming for him—especially the Fatui, they posed the biggest threat to him—all the while he was recovering from the bad injury and hopelessness of losing his goal.
She nursed him back to health even when he was tethering between this realm and the realm of death. If she wanted compensation for her effort, he could not give any as he lost access to all his accumulated wealth and power the moment he was stripped from his position.
In a sense, she was right when she declared he was not Scaramouche the Balladeer, as he had left that position and Dottore might have recruited a replacement already. There ought to be a new Scaramouche the Balladeer filling in the vacant sixth seat in the harbinger ranks. Good luck to his successor for the bad reputation associated with that name thanks to him.
“Why?”
Why did you save me?
He omitted many words but she understood just fine.
“Rack your brain more, stupid scumbag. You claim you solve the mystery of Teyvat’s sky but you couldn’t even understand this simple question.”
His question was never answered by her. She kept dodging his question with thousands of tricks up her sleeve, as she was the one person in the whole Teyvat who knew the right button to press to rile him up almost instantly. She kept him at his wit’s ends with all her daily shenanigans and incomprehensible kindness.
In a way, staying with her was the best medicine for him.
・・・━━━☂★━━━・・・
Months had curiously passed while cohabitating with the hydromancer. He had thought he could discover the answer to his question within the time, but he was proven wrong as he was still at the starting point from reaching the truth. Frankly, at this point, he was starting to doubt whether there was an answer at all, or whether the whole thing was just one of the witch’s whims.
“Kunikuzushi, thanks for the business as usual. I’m glad that Mona has you to take care of her now. You know her bad spending habit that left her in a bad situation at the end of the month, right?” Blanche babbled while handing over his change.
It felt weird that he could call this his daily life now. Frolicking inside the city of Mondstadt, greeting the residents who knew him personally (not as Mona’s tag along), mulling and buying groceries for their meals. He didn’t know there would be a future where he could call this land of freedom as his home.
He accepted the money and swiftly stored it in his pocket. “She doesn’t change, though. She will try to purchase some expensive books from Sumeru behind my back.” He shrugged and huffed in resignation. As their livelihood was now in his charge, he had given her a strict allowance monthly. Thanks to his genius financial management, they were never in the red.
Blanche laughed with a hand covering her mouth and what she said afterward lingered on his mind.
・・・━━━☂★━━━・・・
With both hands preoccupied with the grocery bags, Kunikuzushi closed the door with his leg instead. Placing the bags on the countertop, he observed the quiet house that he had left since morning. Nothing’s changed, everything stayed at the same place, even the air that was circulating within the house.
His feet brought him to a door—not bothering to knock—he entered it like he owned the house. The one occupying the room was a woman with hair as dark as the midnight sky, currently sitting still on the only desk in the entire house.
“Mona,” he called her.
The evening sun penetrated the window and shone on her silhouette with a warm glow. The Astrologist was covered in piles of documents and books, her fountain pen was busy scribbling words on the parchment paper as she was consumed by her deep thoughts—probably with knitted brows.
“Mona,” he called her again.
“Shut it! You’re disturbing my concentration!” She threw a water ball towards his direction without looking back, as if she had eyes on the back of her seat.
He dodged it without breaking a sweat, as he knew this would happen.
Living with her for almost six months told a lot about her habits and routine. He was a keen observer and a quick learner so he picked these things pretty easily.
It’s that time of the month.
Her Steambird article submission was approaching. Taking into consideration the time for the letter to arrive in Fontaine, she had to submit it by tomorrow afternoon. She would always be extra cranky the days following the submission; not because the article was not written yet, not because the article was not good enough to be published; but because the article was only at perfection, and the great Astrologist Mona Megistus could not accept anything not beyond perfection.
Honestly, she could just call it a day and submit it days ago, but her perfectionist self would never let her.
This was a new side that he came to know after living together with her. Her side that told him how serious she was with her field of interest, how much care and effort she put to become the best.
He could not hate this side of her—he meant, how could he? She was fascinating from their first meeting and she kept showing more of her fascinating sides. But—
“Damn witch, I bet you didn’t move a muscle from that seat since morning but couldn’t get even a word penned. Just submit the goddamn article and be done with it,” he nagged at her.
“Archons, don’t tell me what to do. What are you? My father? You’re just a pitiful stray that I picked up. What rights do you have to tell me what to do? I do whatever I want to do, now scram,” she said, hands shooing him away.
Her statement was ruder than ever today.
Kunikuzushi folded his arms and leaned into the doorframe. He exhaled a deep sigh; he had fought with this Mona every month and it’s getting on his nerves. “It’s done, for god’s sake, Mona! You’re just wasting time doing a pointless thing!”
“I will decide what is pointless, and I say it’s you nagging me right now. If you don’t have anything better or nicer or helpful to say, go far away and drop dead somewhere, shoo,” she said.
He peeked over her shoulders, to find her article was sealed in the envelope ready to be shipped, to find she’s scribbling something on paper. He looked over to the side, to find the trashcan full of crumpled paper. Apparently, she was done with her article and was just wasting paper.
Kunikuzushi exhaled another deep sigh as he held his anger in place. “Bi—” Oops, he almost slipped. “Mona, just be honest and ask what you want politely.”
“Whatever the hell are you talking about?” She finally turned around to face him. Her cheeks reddened, not because of the setting sun.
He passed by her to reach the bed at the corner of the room and sat on it—the bed dipped in his weight and her eyes were watching like a hawk.
Living with her for almost six months told a lot about her habits and routine. He was a keen observer and a quick learner so he picked these things pretty easily.
It’s that time of the month.
The problematic phase of her natural monthly cycle when she became a whole lot crankier, a ton more irritable, a thousand-kilometer clingier, and 24/7 needing his full attention.
She was mad that he left her alone in the bed this morning.
“Come here,” he lightly tapped on his lap, inviting her to come and claim her place.
“I told you not to tell me what to do,” she complained but her feet joyfully skittered to the edge of the bed and she plopped on his lap with no hesitation.
His left hand went to the small of her back while his right hand went to the back of her head. He leveled his gaze to meet hers, doey green eyes staring back at him with a little pout on her cheeks.
She’s acting extra spoiled at this time of the month, and he actually liked it, seeing her pouting and asking for his attention.
His right hand rubbed her lustrous locks, messing with her perfect hairdo but she let him as she purred into his touch.
“You’re so annoying,” he whispered while his left hand pulled her closer to him. He gave her a light peck to silence her impending complaint. “and I’m sorry for leaving you alone in the morning.”
She nuzzled into the crook of his neck and lightly bit some kisses on his skin. “Uh huh, where did you go that early in the morning?”
He mimicked her, indulging himself with the whiff of her scent as he pressed kisses on her exposed nape. “I went to do the guild’s commission. Someone had to earn mora to afford your overpriced interests.”
She hummed disapprovingly and pushed him to look at his face. “I only spend within your stingy budget!”
“I’m not talking about what you spend,” he replies with a smirk on his face.
Her face brightened instantly as she cupped his cheeks and said with a big smile, “Are you getting something for me? What is it?” Her excitement was spreading to him too.
He deliberately averted his eyes. “It’s not a surprise if I tell you. Mortals love surprises, right?”
Anniversaries were not something he was privy to previously. He could never understand the reasoning of the celebration that had to occur every year when it would soon come again next year. On top of his long years, it became even more insignificant as it was just another day to pass.
Yet, he found himself looking forward to celebrating her birthday with her, going as far as preparing a surprise present for her. Kunikuzushi, who could not access Scaramouche’s bank vault, had to go an extra mile to purchase a snow globe depicting the starry sky on the day she was born. The little trinket was only made in Fontaine and he had to pay a hefty sum for both the item and the shipping fee. She better be crying tears of joy when she opened the present.
Mona giggled in response and that too spread to his chest towards every tip of his body. She dove in to catch his lips in hers and deepened the kiss as if she was about to devour his lips. He let her do as she pleased, as what pleased her also pleased him the same.
When she parted their lips, his hand on the back of her head held her back to him. He was on the offense now, licking and biting her swollen lips, devouring her melodious soft sighs. His other hand moved towards her knees to hold and deposit her gently onto their bed.
He cupped her cheek and claimed her lips before laying next to her on the bed, both of their eyes staring at the ceiling where she had plastered many glow in the dark stickers in the shape of stars and moon, cheaply mimicking her favorite night sky in their room.
He stretched his arm to grab hers and intertwined his fingers in hers. As they stayed basking in each other's presence, the sun had bid the day goodbye and darkness shrouded their room, only those cheap fluorescent stickers on the ceiling giving a faint glow.
Kunikuzushi had not found the appropriate words to describe their relationship, though there were some that she had mentioned.
The master and her pet.
The witch and her familiar.
The scholar and her servant.
The astrologist and the fool.
He had obviously rejected all of her suggestions. How dare she be snagging the cool title for herself?
Yet, out of all her outrageous choices, there was one that he quite liked.
The goddess ...
For all of his long wandering life, he had served two goddesses.
The Electro Archon, his creator, the ruler of eternity who wished to preserve her nation unwavering by the changes that were integral to mortals’ lives. The one who sought to create a puppet to serve the eternity, who failed on her first attempt and brought him into existence, who then decided he was too fragile because he shed tears in his dream and thus discarded as a defective being.
The Shogun could not give him the eternity she revered.
The Cryo Archon, his sovereign, the cold-hearted ruler hell-bent on burning away the old world. The pure and gentle soul who had to harden herself, who declared war on the world because she dreamed of peace. The one who established the Fatui where he served for quite some time, the very same Fatui that he betrayed to snatch the gnosis for his hollow heart.
The Tsaritsa had no love left to fill his husk of a heart.
The two goddesses failed him utterly so, hence why he sought more destruction so the world could feel what he felt.
That too failed, as he was never the protagonist of his own story. Even now, after his redemption arc, he was reduced to a supporting role for another goddess that emerged in his life.
She held no divine name, no divine history, no divine power. What she had was the obsession with the stars in the night sky and the persistence to seek the truth of the world. She unveiled his scheme on their first meeting, her powers revealed to her things normally unseen, and he was forever intrigued by her mere existence, even more so during the pleasant time they spent together.
The goddess and the devotee .
She was his goddess and he was her sole devotee.
He was surprisingly fine with his new role.
Mona Megistus gave him what the other two goddesses failed, easily without effort, flawlessly without detriments, abundantly without asking anything back.
Not the Goddess of eternity, also not the Goddess of love...
Love, what an obscure word. It held an inexplicable notion with it, one that he could not understand despite wandering all over the land for a considerable amount of time. He had observed many hearts, good ones, upright ones, strong ones, gentle ones. Yet, this was the first time he had seen a heart like what she possessed.
He remembered what Blanche said a little while ago.
“You two are so in love with each other.”
The obscure word carried no weight, until right at this moment. When he captured her eyes looking at him, reflected on her jade-green eyes was her heart that she laid bare for him to see.
A heart full of love for him.
That was the answer he had been looking for.
Mona Megistus was his Goddess of eternal love
He rolled to his side, his free hand cupping her cheeks, his full attention on her. Despite the dim lighting of the room, his eyes could trace the outlines of her pretty face from memory.
She hummed, melting into his touch, her fingers lightly rubbing his palm where they’re connected.
“I think I’m in love with you.”
A pleasant silence drifted between them. Then, with a bright smile that rivaled the starry sky glittering the expanses of the universe, she replied with the loveliest voice ever.
“Took you long enough, dumbass.”
・・・━━━☂★━━━・・・
“So, what are we, Mona?”
“Lovers? Wait, am I the only one who thinks so?”
“Right, that word exists.”
He's still bad at feelings