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Carlos passes two coffees to Lindsey’s parents before closing the door to his squad car to keep them warm inside. He spent the last few minutes trying to reassure them that their daughter was in the best hands and that she would be okay, but no amount of calming words could wipe the fear and concern for the most important person in their lives from their faces.
“Are they okay?”
Carlos startles at the question and the achingly familiar voice asking it.
Turning around, he finds big green eyes full of concern darting back and forth from him to the back of his car.
“What are you doing here?” he starts to ask, confused to see TK so soon after leaving him and his crew back at the store. He clenches his right hand to curb the urge to bring it up to his chest and rub at the hurt he feels in his ex-boyfriend’s presence.
“Everyone from the shelter is okay, so we got called in for the teenager trapped in the church,” TK explains softly, his gaze going towards the collapsed structure with concern, no doubt categorizing all the potential dangers from a firefighter’s perspective.
“They’re her parents?” TK asks, looking back at the worried couple in his car.
Carlos nods softly. “Yeah, Lindsey’s,” he answers, his voice cracking at her name. She’d seem so sweet and shy when he brought in the Major and his friend.
Guilt spreads through him once more at not realizing sooner she was missing.
TK’s brow wrinkles at the center as he shakes his head at him. “It’s not your fault she’s in there,” he says just as softly, his mouth quirking upward when he looks at him with wide, surprised eyes at how easy TK can still read him. “It’s like you think I don’t know you inside and out,” he mutters mostly to himself, even as the words are carried over to Carlos’ ears on icy winds.
Carlos bites down on his bottom lip to keep from blurting out that knowing each other better than anyone didn’t stop them from splintering. He’s afraid if he gives voice to that particular thought, he’ll be busted open down to his core, and everything else inside him will spill out.
Like how he misses TK so damn much, he can barely catch his breath from the ache of it when he allows himself to think about it. Or how every night he reaches out in his sleep only to find TK’s side of the bed cold to the touch.
He bites his lip even harder to keep it all trapped behind his teeth.
The soft, sad look TK gives him back tells him it doesn’t matter he hasn’t uttered a word. TK can still hear all of it.
“Come on,” he says, nodding his head towards his rig. “I should check you out.”
Carlos starts to shake his head only to stop when TK lets out a frustrated sound.
“Don’t be a pain in the ass, Carlos.”
“I’m fine,” he answers, matching TK’s annoyed tone with his own.
“You had a building fall on your head,” TK scoffs back at him, rolling his eyes at himself before closing them when Carlos doesn’t move.
Carlos watches him as he takes in a deep breath and counts in his head the six beats he knows TK will hold the breath for before releasing it. Finally, he opens his eyes again. They’re somehow greener as he looks at him with concern.
“Please,” TK says quietly, his voice like a siren song Carlos is helpless but to follow. “Just let me make sure you’re okay.”
He swallows hard around the lump that has formed in his throat and nods, following TK over to his rig, sitting quietly as TK exams him with quick, professional hands, only hissing when his cold fingers touch his skin under his jacket.
“Sorry,” TK mutters softly, still working, his hands going warm the longer they’re on Carlos.
Carlos studies him. It’s been weeks since he’s had TK this close, and he can’t help but take in every detail of him even when it hurts.
“You’re not sleeping,” he comments as his gaze lands on the soft, bruised skin under TK’s eyes.
“My new bed is too big,” TK murmurs, his eyes finding his, their faces inches away from each other while his fingers touch the back of his head, feeling for any bumps. “I’m still getting used to having all that space again.”
“Yeah,” he breathes out, his mouth going dry as TK’s eyes trail down and then back up again. “I know the feeling.”
They stare at each other, lost in the space between them for a moment.
“TK – I miss – ” he starts and stops.
TK’s gaze holds to his, tentative and hopeful.
“Carlos – I’m – “
Whatever he or TK wants to say gets drowned out by the booming sound of snow, ice, and church falling a few yards away from them, snapping them out of their moment.
They look at each other and then back at the chaotic scene before them, each taking a step away from the other as they slip back into first responders and not exes with lingering feelings.
TK starts to make his way towards the collapse, ready to assist, but Carlos can’t help but reach out for him, snagging his hand as an uneasy feeling starts to creep in.
His ex looks up at him in surprise at the touch.
“Be careful out there today,” he says, not liking the pit forming in his stomach one bit. “For me.”
TK looks at him for a moment, love shining in his gaze so clear for Carlos to see it steals the breath from his lungs. He squeezes Carlos’ hand before letting go. “You be careful too.”
Carlos watches him go, two more words echoing in the cold air even though TK didn’t say them out loud.
For me.